#doesn't follow canon
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I'm writing a supernatural fix it fic in my notes app and when i get done would anyone be interested in me posting it on here?
#supernatural#dean winchester#castiel winchester#sam winchester#jack winchester#claire novak#jody mills#donna hanscum#alex turner#adam milligan#michael supernatural#supernatural gabriel#charlie bradbury#destiel#sabriel#midam spn#dreamwalker#jody x donna#Charlie Bradbury x ofc#fluff#a little angst#implied smut#doesn't follow canon#fuck canon#supernatural fix if fic#shitty writing#ooc characters
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Act 3 (But why did they look so...?)
We finally got to the comic that actually made me think about this AU in the first place. After I was mulling around the idea of Loop looking like Siffrin the whole time, I realised that the conversation of "who or what do you think I am?" doesn't apply anymore. But you know what would?
The question of why Loop is even here in the first place. Because while it's nice to have another you around to help you out of the loops, isn't it weird that they're even here? Who sent them?
... and what was with their response?
#In Stars and Time#ISAT#ISAT Spoilers#ISAT Siffrin#ISAT Loop#ISAT AU#two coins same side au#comic#illustration#digital art#artists on tumblr#fan art#the creativity process#TCSS AU#id in alt#cw eye contact#tw eye contact#if it was actually in-game i'd imagine siffrin gets the One chance to answer and thats it#but i wanted to show some of the few options siffrin could potentially say without showing ALL of them#basically the choices still follow beat for beat as the who/ what am i convo (except for the ghost answer which wouldn't be there)#though loop's answers are different (please ask me about em its too long to put in the tags)#but yeah. loop would Not take the correct answer well because. yknow#they did Technically make that wish huh. and i guess in that sense they Did want to help siffrin#but that doesn't take the hurt of thousands of loops away now does it?#especially when you're helping a copy of yourself escape. loop canonically does not take it well after all.#EDIT: accidentally bungled the pronouns for the change god!! it's been fixed now!!
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something i did when i saw a post of joku talking about this topic: it's an interesting concept but practically impossible because nothing stops artists from continuing to create (this is convenient for ink), based on this i tried to adjust the words of the creator of dreamtale herself to her characters under an objective truth— there is no limit to the multiverse
here's the post and the translation
#i believe joku said this 'cause of the truce comic#error mentions that multiverse thingy just at the start of the comic#and talks about it again when creators destroyed their own creations#honestly i didn't notice this until now but#all that is replaced by another statement said in the uvs prologue#error goes from “those universe were erased because the multiverse reached its limit”#to “those universes were erased because their creators understood it's a waste of time”#that is surely more in character#so yeah. it's a fact error doesn't even care about the capacity of the multiverse#joku knows very well underverse doesn't fully follow every canon#she said nightmare acted quite ooc in 0.6#undertale#undertale au#utmv#dreamtale#dream sans#nightmare sans#error sans#ink sans#fluffy rambles
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Be honest, what are your thoughts on appledash? Do you hate it or its more of not a big deal
Not a big deal to me. I like it, I see all the appeals, I just personally like Rarijack more.
#ask me#anon#if you wanna know why i like rarijack more i just think they're a healthier depiction of a domestic and longterm relationship#appledash gives me the vibes of gfs that'll eventually break up#because from s1 to s8 their relationship and communication with each other on serious things never really matures or grows#they were competitive and petty in s1 and they were competitive and petty in s8#arguably worse cuz in that s8 episode their dynamic becomes so toxic they almost cause a student under their care to drown#both of them have a superiority complex that's constantly conflicting with each other and it never really gets resolved#but with rarijack there's a very clear arc of development you can follow in their character#and multiple episodes show how they'll argue and eventually come back together and apologize and communicate and work to better things#you can watch them grow to like and understand each other. in s1 aj scoffs and makes fun of rarity's work in fashion#but in a later season (after some conflict) aj says that she doesn't understand fashion but she knows it means a lot to rarity so it means#a lot to her too. and that's what love is to me. “it didn't mean anything to me until it meant something to you”#it's genuinely really sweet and i'd argue rarijack /feels/ the most romantic out of all the main 6 ships. through arguing they grow closer#which is how it's supposed to be in relationships that last! you argue to work out your interpersonal problems and understand each other#(which is why it's genuinely kinda baffling to me that appledash ended up being canonically married because they never gave me those vibes)#but it really doesn't matter. they're cartoon horses! have fun with them
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tfone au where OP is created as the last of the primes but way after them, a sparkling born at what were thought to be the last days of the war against the quintessons, the beginning of a new generation of peace after eons of war. a child meant to be loved and raised knowing nothing of war nor sacrifice.
he's kept mostly out of the spotlight by his siblings, who don't wish to expose him to everyone's optics so young, and want to wait until the war is done and over to properly introduce him to their people.
except of course the primes are betrayed and murdered by sentinel, the war is lost and everyone who knows and cared for the truth is either banished or outright killed in order to suppress it.
and the high guard, the ones the primes trusted the most, the ones that were supposed to protect them, the ones who failed in their most important duty, have to make a choice. to take the last prime, their last hope, with them to the surface, a hostile environment where there's little to no supplies and where they'll be hunted down by both sentinel and the quintessons as the biggest threat to their regimen.
or hide him in plain sight. place him where sentinel won't think to look for him. one more sparkling among many. and hope it will be enough to keep him alive. pray to primus that he'll protect his last child long enough for them to come back for him when it's safer (even if most of them have already lost their faith on him when he allowed the rest of his children to be massacred like that)
they almost lose their resolve when they realize they will have to take the little one's cog away in order to make him blend in with the rest of the newborns (and oh do they burn with murderous intent when they see what sentinel has done to their people but it's not the time yet-) but in the end they decide an impaired little prime is better than a dead one.
and so in the chaos of thirteen dead primes and a sudden energon crisis, a little sparkling who very few mechs really knew about and even fewer had seen completely vanishes. and in the depths of iacon a mech in charge of a new batch of newborns scratches their helm in confusion as they realize they must have miscounted the first time.
optimus prime is quietly erased from any official records by sentinel, written off as dead when they find a sparkling's frame mangled beyond recognition after an attack on the base of those rebels that insist on being a thorn on his side. killing the sparkling hadn't been precisely in his plans, he probably could've found some use for it after all, but he's not particularly upset about it either.
and orion pax grows up with an ache on his spark that tells him he's missing something far more important than a t-cog and dreams of gentle and loving hands, cradling him against the frames of mechs he cannot recall the faces of.
#i talk a lot <3#transformers#transformers one#tfone#optimus prime#orion pax#baby prime orion au#this is mostly an excuse for me to draw the primes and baby OP later on. just to be clear.#i WILL be drawing this at some point lmao#tbh i'm a little uncertain how i want things to progress#because on one hand it would be very tasty and tense if sentinel recognized optimus during the race#but that means a lot of changes very early on in the plot and i would have to do a lot of Thinking on how to justify getting the gang#to still pick up bee and elita. cause i love them <3#i do think it'd be very funny if the high guard's plan worked like a charm except for the very tiny fact that they didn't count#on orion being an absolute hellion. like. this kid is Not Going Unnoticed and it's completely his own fault lmao#in this version maybe a member of the high guard stayed behind to keep an eye on orion and is able to get them out before they're killed#but instead of taking them to where the primes fell they take them directly to the high guard#which is very awkward because it's a very moving and emotional moment for the high guard who are finally reunited with their little prime#all grown up and healthy and blessedly *alive*. except orion doesn't fucking remember any of them and is very confused as to why#the legendary warriors of cybertron are getting all weepy over him. they finally explain the truth to him which is a Fucking Bomb#to drop on anyone but especially a group of kids who almost got killed by the person they all thought the world of just hours ago#they also return orion's t-cog to him which would create some tension between him and the rest of the gang because this time#he's the only one getting his cog back. add to it that they were just told he's the equivalent of a demi-god and... well.#there's a gap between him and them that wasn't there before#on the other version of events that follows canon more closely everything goes the same up until the gang finds the primes in the cave#and wake up alpha trion who now not only has to deal with the fact the rest of his siblings are dead but that he missed fifty cycles#of his baby brother's life. that the only sibling he has left does not remember him or his true identity at all.#he has to choose between telling him the truth which has the risk of unbalancing him in a critical moment where he cannot afford to#be distracted because they're being hunted down. or let him remain unaware. let him forget their family and the love they had for him#but letting him remain free of the knowledge of what he lost and the heartbreak it would bring.
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I saw someone complain that Steve has no lore and that he's in stranger things mostly as comic relief despite having so much trauma that never gets addressed and I immediately took offense to these because heyyy!!! what about his nightmares?? the migraines??? he can't swim in his pool because of Barb!!! and no lore??? he's our bisexual himbo abandoned by his parents, terrible dad, who's trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life while working on his personal issues! he has so many layers!!!
... then I realized we all collectively did that, nothing I thought about was canon 🧍♂️
#I swear sometimes I just forget what is canon and what is not#like I think about bisexual representation in media and I always list him with other characters#then I remember he's not canonically bi#I know I will watch season 5 and think everything is wrong just cause it doesn't follow fan lore#I just know it#steve harrington#stranger things#bi steve harrington
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Fishing Interlude
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan sizhui#lan jingyi#ONE HUNDERED (+6 bonus) COMICS BABY!!!! WE MADE IT!#There's still at least 200 more to go at the rate I'm going but still! Triple digits for a comic project feels worth celebrating.#I'm no stranger to setting myself on projects but this is certainly the most adventurous and long-term one I've undertaken.#The aim was to be done by the end of September (whoops (I also took a few breaks to post other stuff)) But I'm still having fun!#Thank you all so much for joining me on this journey! I have a celebration announcement tomorrow!#Sorry this one doesn't really feel like a 'comic 100'. It's sandwiched between two comics that were supposed to be 'comic 100'...#I love how excited Jingyi is to be in the garden. And I will never miss an opportunity to have them fish.#Slowly...I am setting up my punchline with all this. I promise it's leading somewhere.#Lan Sizhui didn't fit into the frame for panel 3 so I like to think he dove in after a fish#Afterall that's were lan zhan is in this comic. Under the water. Hunting. LSZ is just following what his mentor taught him.#Sorry I broke Jingyi's characterization for this punchline. He's one of the biggest wangxian shippers in canon. But fishing comes first.
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KakaIru + Those Four Guys From Naruto
I'll assume you've seen the original versions with the canon couples. (I'd link it but have no idea what the OG really is). Now it's the gae version.
#kakairu#koteizu#Genrai#Naruto#Those two guys from Naruto#those two guys from naruto but it's not those two guys#genma shiranui#namiashi raidou#hagane kotetsu#izumo kamizuki#the funniest bit of this is that izumo's screencap isn't edited. Demon Possessed Izumo canon#Also funny that literally 2 seconds after that he's already putting his anger behind because he had a DUO battle tactic idea#Izumo: *is ready to falcon punch Kotetsu into another dimension after embarrassing him in front of 2 ANBU jonin*#Also Izumo: *includes his buddy his friend his sun and stars into his tactic ideas regardless because Friendship Means Friend*#Izumo is the embodiment of 'Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean I stopped caring'#Also Izumo is currently on duty in that scene + dealing with Ko's lazy ass + just embarrassed himself in front of 2 respected jonin ->#and STILL had an idea for a killer top tier tactic right there. Brilliant baby. Smart boi. Intelligent cutie. Creative little muffin. I lov#Also this is in no way a diss to iruka. Iruka bby. Iruka my boy. Iruka my heart & soul since naruto 1st aired. i love u bby.#Kotetsu in canon: Wants to fight Izumo. Kotetsu as soon as Izumo wants to fight: NOPE *runs*#also gonna post the not gay version for the non shipper side of fandom. Not like I have more than 4 followers but in case it makes it out#It's just. I've seen The 4 Guys being shipped in PLENTY KakaIru fics. So I assumed someone might enjoy this lmao#also because i ship these 3. Everything gay I ship. I love me some non toxic masculine intimate friendship but I also love my gay sorry
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might be worth noting that tubbo got lore today because he made it canon he warped back from the boat.
i think this was confusing bc he wasn't sure initially how to play it (he is not a lore guy by trade we all know this), and waffled back and forth with it (with fun bits like "it's tuesday" or "it's a time rift"), but he definitely did make it canon.
he has the story: the boat didn't leave, he had his warpstone. he knew they would just steal him back, like they did the first time.
he has the reason: he desperately needed to see sunny before he left; couldn't sit idly by
and he made it clear that's what he wants to have happened. he told his chat to stop "-rp point"-ing him about it multiple times bc he's trying to make it canon (and told fit the same when he came back post-ghost bit).
he also asked sunny's admin whether she wanted their interactions to be filler or canon and she chose canon
plus he had a canon interaction with forever explaining it and asking him to watch over his daughter
and he and sunny built things and interacted with each other based specifically off the info he was kidnapped, that he will have to go, and that they both knew it was coming
so while you may have to ignore or recontextualize some of the goofier interactions when he initially came back (phil/etoiles/fit stuff esp), tubbo did come back, the code attack did happen, it's already been fit into the lore, and i don't doubt sunny is going to tell fit about it this week!!
#qsmp#qsmp tubbo#i think he is largely laying low out of fear of being taken back early also bc sunny doesn't want him far from home#uhh restless djing while she sleeps aside#it's obviously a little awkward but i think it's easy enough to imagine why pac (guy who responds so well to being kidnapped historically)#might be too stuck in his own head to even think of leaving the boat#etoiles i can speak to less but like a lot of things have to be explained away#bc it's a minecraft server and people aren't always on tubbo is one of the only people who'd even be on today usually anyway#but regardless tubbo made it clear what he wants his canon to be and the admins followed suit#i for one am excited for fit resistance lore with the codes acting up and not code-tamer etoiles to help#also what will he do with sunny he can't just leave her to do his tasks#and she typically stays on way longer than ramon usually does esp since he came bacl#but this is another post entirely i just want to see the man of secrets be kindergarten cop'd#that and vibrating about purg 2
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We all know that the reason why Bruce Wayne isn't religiously Jewish is because dc are cowards, but also because many of the community itself is cowards. I personally believe it comes from a lack of knowledge about what it even means to be religious because most of the community is Christian or culturally Christian. So as someone that would probably be considered not religious by Christians, but Religious by most other Jewish people, I think that Bruce Wayne fits in this section of being Jewish.
Bruce can't go to the Synagogue often because of the whole being Batman stuff, but he still goes on the high holidays when he can. He celebrates with the Kane family as well! And Kate would obviously understand if he couldn't come because she's Batwoman! Give me a Bruce Wayne says Yiddish curses. Give me a Batman that has a bunch of Chanukkiot that are just so pretty because they are rich and definitely have a ton. Give me Batfamily shabbat dinners when they are able to. Rest days on Saturday for the Jewish members when they are more members in the Batfam to make it work (and it being a mitzvah when he does have to be Batman on Shabbat because its a mitzvah to save a life). Give me Mezuzot on every entryway. Give me a Bruce Wayne who inherited his mother's seder plates and actually uses them. Give me a Bruce Wayne that says stuff like kein ayin hara before giving good news! Give me a confused Dick Grayson when Bruce insults him (its actually a compliment, but to ward against the evil eye you will say the opposite of what you mean) and then Bruce having to explain after he realizes that Dick has no idea why he just insulted him. Give me a Batman that follows Jewish values (more than he canonically does)
Just because someone ins't actively involved within a wider community of that Religion doesn't mean they aren't Religious! Or at least don't give me a culturally Jewish Bruce Wayne that doesn't do any of this. Thats just you stripping away all the Jewish parts of him.
Bruce Wayne is Jewish and you can't just ignore that
#The kane family is there from when he is a kid to when hes an adult#meaning they definitely had a hand in raising him#I think its very odd that alfred the bodyguard turned butler of the waynes to have been the one to canonically raise him#while his entire maternal side of the family is still alive and kicking#like guys please come on#and also I think it would be very weird that alfred didn't bring Bruce to his maternal family#that would just be out of character imo#but yeah I think its very small minded to think of being religious as a belief in god and going to church#because that is a very very small portion about what it means to be religious to me#also! I based off the Kane's name origin it would be very likely for the Kanes to be Irish Jews#oh and one more thing#Just because I consider him to be just Jewish doesn't mean that its impossible for him to be dual faith#We have no idea what religion Thomas was#we could say christian#but I like to say thats from Alfred and any christian stuff that the Batfam celebrate is not because of Bruce#but is actually from Alfred and any of the kids that are Christian/culturally Christian#nevermind have another thought on top of this mess#why would Richard Grayson ever be considered christian#press x to doubt#while I know nothing about Romani religious practices and I know that is on purpose from their community which I respect#the community does know that Dick is Romani#meaning he would follow their religious practices#which I think he would follow extra hard after the death of his parents#and there is also the argument that he could be jewish if he was raised in a household that is Jewish and holds Jewish values#but yeah the Wayne manor has only one confirmed christian in it and its Alfred#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#kane family#kate kane
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My understanding of Jason Todd's age;
Jason dies when he's 15, 4 months before his 16th birthday. He is dead for any number of time; it doesn't count towards his age.
He's resurrected; he is in a coma for 1 year, then catatonic for another. He is then put into a Lazarus Pit. (These 2 years are practically useless, as he doesn't remember them and they contribute very little to the story. They could be condensed to 2 months and it would change basically nothing.)
He trains for about a year. You can then give him 1-12 months of prep and planning time before his debut as the Red Hood, and the story of UT(R)H, at which point he would be mentally 16-17, physically 18-19, and it would be (--) years after his birth.
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#red hood#i havent read lost days so idk abt the timeline between lazarus pit and debut as red hood#and this isnt strictly about following canon as close as possible. just how i view it in my head#which makes the fandom treatment of the tim vs jason titans tower fight so funny to me. theyre like the same age bro#btw i refuse to take anything about jason somehow growing up/maturing while dead or catatonic/in a fucking coma#like i'm sorry but i refuse to count when he was a literal decomposing corpse ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i also just find Teenaged Crime Lord funny. your boss tells you not to deal to kids (he's 16) (don't worry about it)#<- to be very clear that is not in an infantilizing way. i am 17 and i can very confidently say i am old enough to be held#responsible for my own actions#it's tragic he is so young but it doesn't absolve him of his bad decisions. such as the Murders#i like jason's age cus it's actually really easy to make him comically young#make him die at 14. very short period between resurrection&lazarus pit. 1 year of training. your 15 year old son takes over the criminal#underground. wyd?#<- anyway these are just some scattered thoughts. ponderings and wonderings and musings. if you disagree w my timeline i'd love to hear it!
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hello :]
that's a big bulk of pictures but I had so many ideas to draw that I literally had to stop myself from drawing too much lol
had so much fun stylizing them (if that's okay ^^') and thinking of their different dynamics ur ink is especially fun to draw they're so cool...
drawing ur designs also made me notice a bunch of different little details like nightmare having his little gang's souls on his chest, of the lines on dream's and nightmare's faces, or ink's flowy scarf and a bunch of other stuff. and these little details make me appreciate them even more :}}}
DUDE OMG OMG I AM FREAKING OUT SO BAD /VPOS
THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD IN YOUR STYLE!!!!!
AND THEY WAY THEY ACT!!!! AUGH........it's so real.........you did so well with their characters...I.....guh.......I am diesing........
ALSO YOU NOTICED NIGHTMARE'S NECKLACES!!!! AHHHH!!!! I'M SO GLAD YOU DID!!!! I WILL EXPLAIN THAT IN THE TAGS
THIS WAS SO FUN!!
I wouldn't ever mind doing something like this again in the future, your art and ideas are so cool and I absolutely adore them!
Thank you so much for doing this with me! This was genuinely such a pick-me-up for my mood <3
#asks#soaked-ghost#joonebugg rambles#okay so the necklaces that Nightmare had DO have Killer and Dust's soul on it! he does it mostly to have control over those two#Nightmare also has Horror's eye bc that is what's keeping him alive (which is how he survives not eating for 7 years in canon)#nightmare also has cross' locket#cross is not officially part of the gang#he is a spy sent by dream#i have this hc that since the golden locket was a chara thing once cross “joined” the gang killer wouldn't listen to Nightmare#only cross#nightmare noticed this and stole it so he'd have power iver killer again#also that jacket is actually horror's#(it was a part of the dress code that only he follows)#nightmare stole it from horror bc he acta out a lot and defies him#se he decided to take it#it doesn't really matter to horror but it kinda bothers him that Nightmare rubs it in his face all the time#anyways rant over!#this was so fun!!!!#undertale au#utmv#sans au#dream sans#nightmare sans#ink sans#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#nabstablook#oc's#others ocs
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I'll see people delivering so-called unpopular opinions, so let me give you a truly controversial one to chew upon.
I'm kinda tired of people portraying Johnny's mental health and personality in an extremely subdued and sanitized way. This is coming from someone with genuine stigmatized mental illness. He's very blatantly got ASPD and a psychotic mood disorder, yet people will constantly leave that out of fanon, and never portray him acting out of that in an unpalatable way.
I'll see people romanticizing every other aspect of his dysfunction, yet that always gets conveniently left out. It's almost as if people will see the severely mentally ill as an object of fascination in fiction, but completely ignore their experiences outside of that. I know he's the villain of his story, but his disorders aren't inherently a part of that. If you're all giddy about Johnny, I want you to keep that same energy for people with personality disorders, and psychosis, and violent thoughts in real life.
#jthm#becoming the friend that's too woke#i have no problems with people who portray nny as a silly guy sometimes#it just feels like this huge canonical part of his character just got mib memory wipe'd out of everyone's minds#everyone's a hashtag freak and loves the crazy maniac guy until he doesn't play into their watered down idea of mental illness#i'd lose half my following tommorow if i went mask-off and started genuinely schizoposting and npd-posting
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anyway to end the series on ganondorf tp's writing, my take (which isn't canon but arguable as a valid "death of the author" read imo) is that he is at his most iredeemable AND that's because he has zero things left to lose and no community left and his goal doesn't even make sense anymore he is parasitic and a ghost and pathologically obsessed by his own godlike legitimacy because that is the only thing he still has and it has prolonged his life in a horrible diminished state in a nightmare dimension so SURELY it must mean something right right RIGHT
#thoughts#twilight princess#tp#tp ganondorf#ganondorf#sorry I am quite frustrated by the Discourse#there is a middle ground between evil bad evil bad and uwu baby!!!!!!! and it's the most interesting reading!!!! aaaaaa#even him not mentioning the gerudos being immediately taken as him not caring about them is veeeery frustrating to me#like#imo the three arguable arguments about what happened to the gerudos are#1) they left hyrule because fuck that shit (real and valid) and he would have felt betrayed#2) they collaborated with hyrule to subdue him (??? that seems weird to me but sure why not) and he would have felt BETRAYED#3) they were genocided because they stood by him#and of course we could assume he doesn't care (even if he drapes his execution sword in gerudo patternings which)#(not gonna lie is probably artists not really paying attention to motives but it's still interesting and noticeable)#but wouldn't that be like. deeply traumatic either way.#would you talk about your people to the enemies you hate. would you remind them of what they took from you#in ww they are children and he is old and had time to reflect#in tp he suffered nonstop and then rejected all connection and all community and is feverishly obsessed by what almost was#and they are not children there is no generational thing happening they are all royalties (and link!!! hi link!!) the beef is genuine#and EVEN IF he doesn't care that would at least be a massive wound to his ego#he had an ego collapse followed by a massive ego surge that's literally his canon character arc#so of course he would be weird about the gerudos!! how could he not be weird about the gerudos!!#again we are always assuming lack of interiority by default for ganondorf and that annoys meeeeeee#especially when there could be unbelievably interesting and tragic interpretations from what we get
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Sam’s wall breaks, and he won’t stop screaming.
it's his birthday so you KNOW i had to whump my boy
It’s been two days and fifteen hours and Sam won’t stop screaming.
Blood droplets fly out of his mouth with wracking coughs as he chokes on hurried inhales, mucosal spit gumming up his trachea.
It’s been two days and sixteen hours and Sam won’t stop screaming.
The only times he’s been silent in the last two days and seventeen hours is when he’s unconscious. The first bout - four hours and twenty-three minutes of silence - Dean’d just clocked him in the jaw when it was clear Sam was going to scream himself into involuntary suffocation - diaphragm and abdominal muscles locking up from the abuse. Dean knocked him unconscious for those four hours and twenty-three minutes, after six hours of his weeping and gnashing of teeth.
By the time he had woken up, Dean had shots of sedative and they were two hours into a twenty-eight-hour drive to Bobby’s - if nothing else, Dean’s efficient. Sam didn’t take notice.
And if the sounds he won’t stop making can be described as screaming, then the sounds he makes when Dean has to touch him while he’s awake can only be described as a death wail. Wailing and scrambling to get away from Dean with a fervor that earns them both violent shades of bruises.
It’s been two days and twenty hours and Sam won’t stop screaming.
During the drive, whenever Sam’s anguish would escalate back into hair-tearing, along with beating his fists against his arms and thighs and threatening to bash his head into the windows of the Impala, Dean would pull over to force another dose of sedative into him.
The sounds he makes while Dean tries to subdue him… Well, even in the most remote location on their route, Dean was afraid the farmer whose house they could just barely see in the distance would be able to hear. It had to have been at least three miles away, with how flat the land was, and Dean was still worried that someone would hear.
Sam won’t stop screaming, and his screams are deafening- except when he’s unconscious, from the shots Dean gives him, the screaming is just in Dean’s mind. A haunting kind of tinnitus that rings in Dean’s ears, just as nauseating as the real deal, but a touch less heartbreaking.
He only allows himself to sleep for the first few hours of Sam being down for the count, despite the catatonic state that seemed to have taken over him. Dean wasn’t about to risk Sam waking up without him. They sleep together in the car, in the weeds and the bramble off of back roads, hidden from view. Baby’s paint has never been so scratched up.
It’s been two days and twenty-three hours and Sam won’t stop screaming.
They’ve been at Bobby’s for the last twenty-four of those, trying to hold back on the sedative, because god knows they can’t keep it up forever or Sam’s heart is liable to just straight up quit, so they’ve been rationing it. Walking the nerve-wracking line between acceptable amounts of incomprehensible human suffering and causing an overdose that could just kill Sam, for good this time.
On the 72nd hour - that’s two days and twenty-four hours, or three days and zero hours, or 4,230 minutes and zero seconds, or 259,200 seconds and -
It’s been three days and zero hours, and Sam is awake, but he stops screaming.
And on the third day he will be raised…
Dean rushes over to check on him, but Sam is still breathing, heart still beating, body still holding itself upright, and he’s stopped screaming.
Now, though, two lines of salty tears trail down his face. For all his hysteric shrieking over the last three days, through all the rocking and swaying and the occasional distinct syllable of “no” over and over again, he hadn’t actually shed a tear, until now.
It’s been three days and zero hours and Sam’s tears are silent.
He’s staring far off into the distance - into the wall that’s four feet in front of him - and he is silent. Even his gasps are inaudible. No sniffling, not a single huff or quiver of breath. Just tears.
It’s been three days and zero hours and two minutes and both Dean and Bobby are in the room now, staring at Sam with undisguised fear-horror-confusion.
They stare at him and he begins to shake. Lightly, at first, but it grows. It always grows. Sam is silent, and he’s shaking, and his eyes stream tears with the consistency of a downpour, and Dean moves back in front of him. He’d stepped away to yell for Bobby out the door when it looked like Sam would live after his abrupt descent into silence. Dean steps back in front of him and reaches out to touch Sammy, and now Sam’s not silent. A three-minute silence and now it’s broken by Sam scrambling backward with a gasp that’s really more of an inhaled moan of fear, hastening back so far that he pushes off of the bed he’d been sitting on.
He crashes to the floor, out of Dean’s reach even as the man leaps forward with a cry of, “Sam!”
But Sam’s flight had been too fast, so he crashed to the ground and has now fallen silent again, but Dean can’t tell if there are still tears because Sam has wedged himself into a ball in the crease between the floor and the wall, form-fitting his back and ass over the baseboards hard enough to bruise. He’s hiding his face in his knees, still trembling, but still silent, so Dean can’t tell if the tears have stopped. He isn’t sure if that would be better or worse.
Because now it’s been three days and five minutes, and Sam’s curled up in sublimation.
He’s crammed against the wall, his knees are up in front of him, spread only far enough to shove his head between them - but down quite far, uncomfortably so, contorted - but his hands aren’t curled up like the rest of him. Instead, his hands are held out around his legs, stretched around them and then upward, palms out like he’s receiving something sacred. Or like he’s giving it away.
It’s been three days and six minutes and Sam is trembling in sublimation.
The room is silent, Dean and Bobby don’t know what to do, but he isn’t hurting himself and he isn’t screaming so they wait him out.
It’s been three days and thirty minutes, by the time anything happens.
At first, Bobby thinks it’s the creaks of his house. At first, Dean thinks it’s the creaks of his soul. They’re both wrong, they realize, as the sound is actually coming from Sam, but it reverberates in such a way that it’s equally loud from every corner of the room. Dean wonders, faintly and somewhat hysterically, when Sam learned ventriloquy.
It’s a low but resounding utterance, indistinguishable at first, but becoming more distinct with every syllable, losing its eerie ambience and beginning to actually come from Sam as its focal point. Whatever Sam is saying, deep into his chest in a tone that aches, becomes clearer, but neither of the other two men can understand it.
Sam’s palms are still held up in front of his shins. His head is still shoved between his knees, and he’s still trembling. He finishes his recitation but doesn’t fall silent. Instead, he switches to a language that Dean realizes with a jolt that he can understand the words, seconds before Bobby realizes it, too.
“Pater noster, qui es in שְׁאוֹל, sanctificetur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnum tuum. Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in שְׁאוֹל et in terra.”
A sickening aura falls over the room as both lucid men hear the exceptions to the otherwise familiar prayer. “On earth, as it is in שְׁאוֹל,” Sam had said. Sheol, the subterranean final resting place. The pit. “The place of no return, the land of utter darkness and deep shadow.”
Hell.
Our Father who art in the pit of utter death and darkness…
It’s been three days and one hour by the time Sam finishes his contritions.
By then, he’d recited that first chant in the same unknown language twice more, alternating it with the Latin rendition of the Lord’s prayer.
Hallowed be thy name…
Dean has a gnawing, sinking feeling in his gut that he knows exactly what that other language is.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in שְׁאוֹל, the deep shadow.
The cadence, the tone; they’re the same. Distorted by the foreign, guttural tones of the other language, but they cut through Dean with the same taste. Sam is repeating the same thing over and over again, just in alternating tongues. The familiar Latin combined with the unfamiliar, grating timbre of the other.
The repugnant language of the wretched Divine.
Those accursed, winged beasts, just like the one his brother, his Sammy has been locked up with for an earth-year. And who knows what that timeline looked like, in the depths? Nothing sears in your mind quite like the crushing realization that virtually no real time has passed when you return from it, Dean remembers. The rock constantly lodged in the base of Dean's chest, taking up space where his lungs are supposed to go, which screams out, your pain was never real.
Did time distort further the further down you went in hell? Was Dean’s 40-year stint a mere blink in the face of the time Sam had been locked up with that thing that did this to him?
The only reason Dean’s stomach isn’t on the floor in front of him is because his stomach is empty, the pervasive ache of the last few days locking it up tight. Sam has been screaming and Dean hasn't been eating, but he's never been less hungry in his life.
It’s been three days and one hour and Dean’s been crying for every single second of them.
The wailing and screaming had gouged at him, in that way little baby's cries gouge at unsuspecting figures passing by, striking that deep, maternal cord within them. The same way little toddler-Sam’s cries had always gouged at Dean. The same way, too, that not-so-little teenaged Sam’s sniffles into his pillow that he thought were muffled had always gouged at Dean.
If the screams had been gouging at him, this reverent recitation was gutting him. Viscerally, like a fish being pulled sharply off of a too-big hook that it had somehow managed to swallow down too far. Catch and release turned into a pitiful horror.
But it’s been three days and one hour, now, and Sam’s finished his latest round of the Lord’s prayer - Latin this time - and he’s fallen silent again.
His hands are still held out, despite how bad it must make his shoulders and wrists ache with the tension of his stillness. Before Dean can think to do anything, though, Sam continues, but he breaks the pattern. Instead, his voice is much shakier now, and he starts to plead, the only term applicable to the tone of voice Sam has taken on: wretched, and full of supplication. Pleading, in Latin still,
“Elohim, Messiah - Please take this temptation from me. Please, as you have so graciously promised, benevolent Savior, tempt me not with this Sin of the Flesh. I am too weak, Father. This temptation is too great and I cannot bear it.
Temptation? Father?
The formal tone rankles. The self-deprecation vexes. The use of Father to refer to the most foul being to ever walk above and below the earth seethes and horrifies. Dean is rankled. Dean is vexed. Dean seethes, and he is horrified.
“Take Him from my sight, יהוה, keep me away from His fraternal presence, please, Lord. Balm though He is to my soul, grateful though I am for this offering, I am too weak to refrain from Sin.”
Fraternal? Sin?
“I would naught but bastardize this precious gift, and thine hand wilt be forced against me, as thou shalt flay me apart; dissect me to make penance for my transgressions. I do not wish this, Father, so please: Take Him from me, do not allow my wretched Sin to pervade in thine realm.”
Just because Dean’s stomach is empty doesn’t mean it isn’t trying valiantly to make an appearance. At the word “fraternal,” Bobby had started pushing him out the door. Stunned, Dean hadn’t fought back. There’s bile on Bobby’s hardwood floor outside the bedroom Sam and Bobby were still in.
Sam spoke as if Dean’s presence was the temptation, one too great to bear. And he spoke as if to God, but Dean knew better, he knew where Sam had been. Where Dean let him go. No gods to be seen, not there. What Sin had Lucifer contrived between them, to make Sam pay penance for? What occurred between them for Sam to be… Flayed alive. Dissected.
Dean’s not stupid enough to believe that's anything but literal.
Bobby swings the door mostly-closed just in time for Sam to finish his pleas and lower his arms.
It’s been three days and one hour and ten minutes, and Sam raises his head.
Dean watches through the crack in the door, concealed in the darkness of the hallway. He’s holding his breath and he’s not sure he’ll ever forgive himself for not rushing right back to Sam's side. But something is holding him back, and he doesn’t want to name it.
(Fraternal… Sin?)
Sam raises his head but keeps his eyes scrunched shut - tears and snot are dripping down his face, which is a blotchy red but somehow still pallid with fear. He’s shaking worse than before as he straightened his back out, sitting up and letting his legs fold down so he’s cross-legged. Not relaxed, but no longer contorted. Finally, he releases a shaky breath and opens his eyes, pointing down at the floor.
Bobby shifts his weight purposefully and Sam’s eyes fly to him with a wild flinch of fear. It hangs in the air uncomfortably long before he recognizes the man in the room with him, and he lets out a sob of what Dean hopes is relief.
He quickly bows his head and shifts up onto his knees in a simple prayer position, hands pressed together in a booklet of gratitude as he sobs out, “Thank you, Messiah, Morningstar. Thank you.”
Then, with a big sigh, he allows himself to look back at Bobby, but his gaze is clinical, observing. He whispers, through his hitching, wet breaths, “He did it. I can't believe he did it. He’s gone. I don’t have to do it again, not yet.”
Sam’s face crumples as he’s hysterical with relief, and Dean’s clawing his own arms raw and bloody outside the door, desperate to get to the crying baby and soothe it, desperate to kiss toddler-Sam’s scraped knees, desperate to tell teenage-Sam that nothing will ever change the way Dean feels about him, despite whatever darkness he seems to think is inside of him. But still, he’s held back by that unspeakable Sin between them. Lucifer didn’t contrive it, Dean knows that. He holds himself back.
Bobby speaks up then, gruff and wary, “Don’t have to do what, yet?”
Sam startles before finally, really looking at Bobby like he’s a human on the same plane of existence as him, not like he’s a mildly interesting fixture on a non-existent wall.
“Nothing, don’t worry about it, Bobby. It’s good to see you,” Sam cracks a smile, and it encapsulates one thousand shades of grief.
Sam continues quieter, once again to himself, “I wish it wasn’t like this. I’m sorry. So, so sorry. But you’re not Him, so it’s fine, it’s fine…”
Bobby squints at him long and hard, eyeing his more relaxed posture and at least somewhat lucid speech - odd though it may be - before he glances at the crack in the door and gives a tiny eyebrow raise that says, get your ass in here.
Dean slowly cracks the door open and calls out to his baby brother, just as he comes into view, “Sammy?”
His reaction is violent. If Sam was pallid before, he’s now a putrid shade of green, face twisting up in horror as he shakes his head, wringing his hands and mumbling out at first, devolving quickly into yells into the aether, into the corners of the room, “No! No, no- please, you promised, no-”
He collapses into himself on the floor, half hidden behind the bed, putting it between him and Dean. The trembling returns with moans and cries incessantly pouring out of Sam’s mouth as he buries his head in his hands, gripping at his face and whatever hair is in reach with too much force, wailing out a constant stream of no, no, no!
Dean takes an involuntary step forward into the room, drawn in by that maternal wretchedness. Desperate, always desperate, to comfort his baby brother.
When his boot sounds on the carpet - muted but oh-so-loud to Sam’s ears - the cries lose their shape, hiccupping wails of no quickly becoming unintelligible and increasingly frantic, building and building until it can only be described as a howling scream.
It’s been three days and one hour and fifteen minutes, and Sam won’t stop screaming.
#2.5k+ words#lucifer wants to be jesus#religious imagery#aftermath of torture#mentally anyway#this doesn't rlly follow canon LOL whoops#(#spn#wincest#< implied/referenced#sam winchester#sam whump#happy sam winchester's birthday#to those who celebrate#ro writing tag#)
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At this point, Wilson definitely packs a second lunch that he writes his name on and "hides" from House because it's the only way House will actually eat lunch. He definitely goes out of his way to make sure he brings things he knows House will enjoy, too, instead of just bringing stuff that he likes.
#This is basically canon because theres that one episode where he packs salad or whatever to fuck with him#People talk about this all the time and I love it#Honestly though this is so close to the edge of what would be considered canon that it's barely a headcanon#house md#house#greg house#james wilson#gregory house#hilson#hate crimes md#hatecrimes md#wilson#housemd#We also know that House has a tendency to just casually starve himself because he doesn't care enough to eat#or he doesn't follow his bodies hunger cues (autistic king)
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