vivia-twilight

[vivia-twilight]

I was thinking...of Santa without his hair pushed back

Art ©️ @cherohn

[vivia-twilight]

🎅

[vivia-twilight]

Old man yaoi

[vivia-twilight]

Things from Before the OSDDID Realization that now make heaps of sense:

Taking personality tests multiple times because even when I answered them completely honest they’d always come out different

Orientation impossible to pin down (simultaneously aroace/pansexual/lesbian/gay trans guy/queer fucking mess)

Same with gender

Conflicting opinions that somehow exist at once (I love weed/I fucking HATE all drugs and don’t want to be anywhere near them)

Frantic desire to run home and change into something totally different out of nowhere because the clothes I loved this morning are suddenly Awful

Keeps changing name every few months

If I do not journal/scrapbook/take photos of EVERY DAILY EXPERIENCE I WILL FORGET and my whole life will be a blank empty space!!!

“That’s not what you said last time I asked …”

Idk sometimes it’s my Favorite Thing and sometimes I couldn’t care less 🤷

I actually handle trauma really well because right after it happens I don’t even remember! 😇

Hate hypothetical questions because I have no clue how I’d react to any given thing until it happens and any answer feels like a lie

There’s def more but y’all should add your own 💖

[vivia-twilight]

Shout out to systems who cant get diagnosed. Shout out to systems who split easily. Shout out to systems with high introject counts. Shout out to complex systems. Shout out to systems with mostly littles. Shout out to systems with small alter counts. Shout out to systems who dont want to get diagnosed cause they dont want it on their record. Shout out to systems with nonhuman alters. Shout out to systems

[vivia-twilight]

can we call introjects that have the same source "source twins" instead of calling them "doubles"

idk i feel like saying "omg we're source twinning!" is so much more respectful to someones individuality than saying "omg youre a double!"

it helps steer away from the idea that introjects are "copies" of each other, and it helps give introjects their own sense of self that isnt 100% tied to their source

id love to hear other peoples thoughts on this term concept ^^

~Selever <3

[vivia-twilight]

Sometimes blurry means there's too many near front to figure out who is in control

Somtimes blurry means we don't feel like anyone at all

Sometimes blurry means we're someone, but they're new or unknown so we can't tell

Sometimes blurry means there's a mix of a few of us and it's easier to just say we're blurry

Sometimes blurry means we're so dissociated we can't process who we are at all

[vivia-twilight]

just found this. This is how DID feels most of the time

-host

[vivia-twilight]

Iykyk

[vivia-twilight]

When things get a little too stressful, and you start to hear a new voice in the headspace

[vivia-twilight]

I know that being a system means you're rather different from other parts inside, but that doesn't mean you can't share the same traits or habits:

Some systems don't have distinctive handwritings that can be distinguished from one to another

Some systems don't have a jarring difference when it comes to using clothes or style of fashion

Some systems don't have a separate accent from one another, they all speak the same, and use similar words

Some systems don't have varying amounts of skills or proficiency, they all have it evenly the same throughout, not lesser nor better than others

Some systems don't have their specific disorder affecting just one alter, it affects everyone collectively too

Some systems don't have opposing opinions or ideas from each other, they all share similar life views and perception

Systems being different is true to an extent, but since multiple alters share one brain, it's common to find overlapping qualities among them as well.

What other kinds of traits do you all similarly have, or could be indistinguishable among systems? Join in and share them here!

- j

[vivia-twilight]

please do not let online system spaces convince you that you need to label and have every single thing in your system figured out. that’s an extremely unrealistic goal and you’re not any sort of faker for not knowing every single thing.

just be.

[vivia-twilight]

[vivia-twilight]

Amnesia in DID/OSDD can be:

Missing chunks of your childhood memories

Suddenly finding yourself in a place you don't remember going

Blinking, and suddenly, hours/days/weeks+ have passed

But it can also be:

Skipping or doubling medications because you don't know if they've been taken already

Retelling the same story to someone sometimes only minutes or hours apart

Being called a liar because you don't remember something you did/said

Your credit card declining because you don't remember spending money

Panicking when you realize you forgot a conversation and what if you said things you shouldn't have

Missing appointments or showing up on the wrong day

Finding things in the trash that you tried to hide from yourself

Obsessively checking the clock and calendar to remember what time/day it is

Yes, many of these are things most people experience. Forgetfulness is not anything abnormal. The thing to differentiate is the distress it causes along with the "not-me" sense that comes with these DDs, the feeling of passive influence or vaguely shared internal memories or mentally staring into a void searching for a crumb of memory and finding nothing but void.

[vivia-twilight]

I hate when DID is horrible and awful but also funny but you cant talk about it being awful because then you're attention seeking and you cant talk about the good times because then you're romanticizing a disorder and if you talk about it at all you're faking and AHHHHHHHHH

ARE WE ALLOWED TO JUST BE A PERSON ON THE INTERNET COPING FOR FUCKS SAKE

[vivia-twilight]

Reminder that DID, like every mental illness, is on a very wide spectrum. There's such a strange emphasis in the community on stuff being a "DID thing" vs an "OSDD thing" or it's "P-DID actually". People get wrapped up trying to catagorize themselves when it really actually has no tangible benefit to you. Therapists make the distinction to formulate their therapy approach, but to you, the system, it makes no difference. Going "oh but I just have OSDD not DID" does nothing to help you cope, recover, or process your symptoms. Your symptoms are your symptoms regardless of if they're following these arbitrary lines in the sand. You and your system should be focused on healing, not on what checkbox in a book you fit best.

[vivia-twilight]

If you have DID/OSDD then simply plural is a Pokédex of your brain.