#do you not enjoy creating anything else
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If I see one more white twink human sans I am going to die
#i cannot explain to you in words that matter how upsetting this phenomenon has become to me#it upsets me so much#i hate it#not even because its lame and gross that white twink is the way so many people see this fat little skeleton#but also because its so uncreative and bland#like come on#do you guys not enjoy anything else#do you not enjoy creating anything else#ugh#roo rant#dying over here
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Wait wait wait, I saw in your tags that's Time and Time Again is ending soon? But I've only just found it! (through the animation you did, it and your comic are so well done)
Ah, yeah.
So by "soon" I really mean "sooner than I think I would like" and it feels much sooner to me as the writer than I think it will to you all as the readers.
But, Time and Time Again is pretty much exactly 2/3 of the way through right now. Webtoon gave me the end date before I even finished my first season, and I've been trying to fit in all the things I wanted to get into the story before it ends...
It's why my hiatus has been taking so long, I'm trying to write to get as many moments and as much development as I possibly can, with really limited time! And... also admittedly to prolong how much longer it's sort of "around" in my life.
Because I know once it is over, I'll move on to the next comic! and 3 years just doesn't feel long enough to have Adam and Steve in my life haha
But, yeah. it's getting "close" in a way that it's starting to make me sad. like this time next year it'll probably be over.
It's okay of course, it's the nature of stories that they will end. I'm working really hard to make it satisfying despite Everything, and I'm really proud of everything I've done so far.
And my next comic will be even better for what I've learned here!
So, sorry to everyone, but I promise I'm gonna make it worth it.
#also my next comic I think I'm not going to do with webtoon#it is a massive massive risk#and I will seriously need people's like. actual monetary support to do it#which feels bad because I like making comics for free#ITS GONNA BE FREE TO READ#I just mean like having pressure on my audience to pay me to keep my comics going#but it's sorta just the unfortunate reality of things that like#I'm working for webtoon because they pay me#they don't do anything else for me really#if anything they sorta bring me down HAHAHAH#not. that's a whole other rant but. it's fine it's a work relationship. with a corporation.#BUT YEAH#I've really enjoyed getting to make a comic and put it out there for free and not need to beg people to support me to create it#that's been an absolute dream#but to continue that dream to deliver stories to people on THEIR terms#where the comic doesnt get ended too early#and I dont have to put my foot down to include trans characters#and all that shit#I think if it works. it will be worth it#but FUCK it is a huge risk HAHAHAHAHAHAH#pre-emptively asking you guys to be prepared for that future hahahahahahaha#asks#key-the-kitty
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favorite type of villanous characters are the ones whose motivations boil down to
like they dont even have to have any stakes in the broader situation. they just have take pleasure in destruction
#sometimes this can be done in a very funee cartoon villain kind of way a la spike from buffy#and sometimes it can be done in a positively chilling way where this character knows for a fact that some of the effects of their chaos#will also make their life worse. but they just enjoy fucking with other people more than any privation they could personally experience#you can't sway this person with common sense because their own personal logic dictates that it doesn't apply to them#you can't sway them with emotion; your sadness/fear/anger/ineffectuality is part of the entertainment factor#can't sway 'em with threats because dodging threats is ALSO part of the whole point#this second version is the least pathetic type of character mostly because they simply do not give a shit about anything ever#any personal fears are buried or stomped out and figuring out why they do what they do won't stop them from doing it#and yet: in order to keep the relentless making-it-worse guy from being uninterestingly evil there does have to be SOME desire or need#bodily harm or lack of available victims could get you a moment of genuine terror or loneliness that sparks the audience sympathy#which you do need! just long enough for the sympathy to then be misplaced. which you also need bc this is an antagonist#the first version does very well at redemption arcs and is sort of built for them . they're almost too easy for the first cartoon version#the second version should be kept separate from redemption arcs at all costs#or you no longer have that character anymore now he's someone else#writing tag#q#god. one thing is that i know how to spot character types in writing and detail what's good about them and talk about it#but when it comes to then executing the concept? my perception of what's cool and works and my execution are MILES apart#frustrating as hell that i can identify this guy but not create him
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me: *is a writer*
also me: *can only ever seem to think of one way to say 'thank you' to the people who are kind enough to comment on my fics 🥲*
#it's always just 'tysm i'm so glad you enjoyed'#bc i can never think of anything else to say for some reason#it's like my brain short circuits and just creates one of those automated email responses la;lkdls;fkfg lmao#ik it probably doesn't matter but i feel like i'm so inarticulate sometimes when i respond to people lol#anyway#this is me saying sorry for that lol#fr i do appreciate your all's comments#which is why i always try to respond#i'll do my best to be more creative in the future but sadly i can make no promises lol#ignore me
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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people who don't follow you, but tag you and then delete your tag after you reblog their post...
#text#yeah okay supporting each other is great cos I will reblog things I am tagged in and that I enjoy#my blog literally runs on queue#i have 500+ posts in queue right now#I love reblogging things I like#I am happy when the person tags me and I know those who usually tag me do this cos they know I love the show#the character the ship whatever and they know I will enjoy it#they don't do it thinking I have lots of followers and my reblog gets them more reblogs#but then random person who does not follow me tags me I am a little confused#cos they either saw my tag on someone else's post and have no idea who I am just think I am someone big akjshdjkahd lol#or they found my post in the tag and opened my blog to see if I track a tag so they tag me#the word tag is overused here/// move on#and that's fine tag me if you want if I like it I reblog it#but when you untag me after? like...#this is super weird#I know it's hard to get notes lately#but this...#I find it kinda irritating#we are not gonna be friends if you create posts just to get notes and that's the only thing you care about#I blocked people for less tbh and that's why I will never become tumblr popular with my 7 followers lmaaaooo#like I might sometimes tag a specific group blog that I don't follow just because I don't watch anything but that specific thing I posted#I don't even tag people I don't follow at all#anyway... thanks for coming to my ted talk
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speaking of bsol through speaking of xmas xtrav that like i'm so augh god hand over heart falling over (just like the bloodsong b/c it's the like conclusion of being Overwhelmed By Artistic Effect that then in the ideal version you may as well die) at the thought of the finale where you have the main plot conclude as that Story w/those Themes like ah but even then, the influence, the other the musicians now, that this whole time like yeah you have to do it even if you just keep building or die or were thwarted even prior to that b/c you didn't know you wouldn't be....but that then just like in the opening song Outlaw or sort of distillation of the theme abt being someone making art Last On Land or that at other points other characters have emerged as not really their characters not really a greek chorus but elements of the story helping to Tell It, here's Everyone again for the friendship song altogether & each with an instrument & like not even able to see it but pics & imagining & the enthusiasm & the Thematic Resonance like this is when you are pursuing these pursuits together like _o__ (splayed out facedown emoji) aaauuughhh ;;mm;; bsol finale with everyone showing up playing & singing & dancing the song celebratory finale it's all the Theme when the full cast of Characters had only ever all been together for the one standoff scene at the end & yet obviously We've known them all & everyone is outlaws which is a song like i'm already going sicko mode & this is just the intro, so yknow, The Conclusion, good lord find an iconis musical finale without that place for the celebratory outpouring of enthusiasm right amidst other feelings & situations but Good Lord Here's This in a story that'll always have been all about people's depths & heights & widths & breadths & variations & tumult & all the dimensions, people will have Brought It all over the place & it's like yes leap around together playing & singing this song together which isn't The Story but is such an extension of it b/c bsol has its show within the show quality still infused all in it & if this flurry of Actors Celebrating Outpouring We Put On This Show but still within the show you are seeing as an audience in this venue wouldn't have been part of the original plan with a whole [outside the show within the show] plotline like. embraces bsol holding it so hard my becherished
#bsol#& in true xmas nature yknow like yeah i think of the whole show like wwaaughh think of the baby please come home like Aauuuughhh#think of specific moments within & none of those make me weep but they do make me go omg & woww yayy & clap & cheer & caper & gambol#but what everything has been: all about its central theme & bsol/xmas playing w/& sending up Genre Conventions we all know & thus can be#enough on the same page about so as to then be on the same page abt what's Unexpectedly done w/them but it's not just about#like oh we do this to be Above it b/c it's also done abt genre convention stuff that's enjoyed & interesting to its creator here so#that also as ever the Heart of w/e the genre stuff being messed with is Earnestly Kept & that's what all this is used to express things#with in addition to being able to have fun & explore things that plausibly a completely straightforward recreation type homage couldn't#or couldn't do as well without sacrificing one or the other vs if you're already doing an open like remix playing with exploration; then...#the conclusion of the xmas show isn't yeah i love xmas isn't that cringefail of me. yeah these xmas special media we're working off of#isn't that all so silly & no matter how much i love it it's important to end up Above It. like nobody's here to be above shit good god#soooo much more you can do if you don't have to prioritize That central theme. [you & me; We're superior] undermines Anything Else#while never holding yourself as Apart & Better lets anything else grow & flourish & have the Capacity & Flexibility to be & do whatever#the villain as an emotional reflection of part of the hero / representing a Possible Version of them; not Who They Could Never Be#as Only a force to be overcome with your greater force; though naturally yes the villain creates conflicts & stakes & obstacles#& in these so very genrey xmas bsol situations i'm clapping cheering go also very fun & funny little villain who kills you Gooo#100% this bitch Oh No Not Miserthorpe Krampington Thornwassail Cocodrilo that's right you fucks ahahahaaa >:) die btw#thinking about specific parts of bsol like oh wow oh yay oh this fun turn into this bit oh what a scene what a song wahooo#then overall like lying back reaching up Bloodsong....#thinking of the finale friendship song actors as actors ish characters ish ft. instruments 😭😭😭😭😭😭 (one each)#this mf (gesturing to myself who'll inevitably fire up Outlaw.mp3 at any moment & go Augh the harmonica the harmonies the chorus The This)#also that obviously i get to have a delightful time going well so of course lo cocodrilo is gay; perhaps & trans; &....
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Ai art thing really has opened my eyes to people who love art because it was created by someone else with their time and effort and love and people who love art because pretty picture cool
#Nothing wrong with the latter btw i just took liking art for granted bc as an artist i tend to enjoy the passion and effort behind it#Moreso than i enjoy the subject matter which can be anything from a hyper realistic oil painting to a clay sculpture to an mspaint drawing#I love that human beings have an inherent drive to create and want to show a piece of how they view the world with everyone else...#But so many peoples attitude to ai is just Well it creates good pictures so why should i care#Not really giving a shit about the fact that all the machine is doing is taking decades of someones skills and throwing it back up#You arent looking at a machines skill youre looking at a cobbled together frankenstein monster of hundreds of different artists' skill#Which is why so much ai art is boring as hell. It's empty beyond Wowie pretty!!!#Genuinely moral arguments aside its made me realize how many people fucking hate artists for their skill#emf
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You!!! Make this community a better place!!! Thank you for grazing in the Steddie nation!!
#you ever watch a documentary on autism in ‘women and girls’ and SO MUCH of it hits home and makes sense but not all of it 100% so doubt#yourself even though over 75% fits when you’ve been thinking this might be The Right Fit but don’t have a formal diagnosis and probably#will never get one#BUT THEN get really upset because it’s in ‘women and girls’ and you don’t want to be either of those and it hurts in a way you can’t explan#and then worry you are over analysing everything and making things out to be more than they are#idk idk just thoughts to vent out I don’t need a reply so please don’t feel obligated or anything#I mean talking abt it is always interesting but I’m not expecting anything#as all of my posts are!! never an obligation! ever!!!#idk man just thinking out loud and tag talking is my way becaude a full text post is too Much#I just hope everyone is doing okay???? AND!!! I hope you are enjoying yourselves???#in some way!!#because I’ve come back and seeing the creativity and joy and community here js so lovely#I wish I had the time to reblog everybody’s work and exclaim the details and feeling of it all#because regardless of fic shit post art edit gifs it’s all INCREDIBLE. it brings so much emotion to so many and you deserve the recognition#and credit for it because yes you do it for yourself but the feedback is always nice. always.#I just want people to be encouraged to create idk you are all so wonderful and I need you to know that#OKAY I’m done back to Normal reblogs and ask answering and whatever else I can provide#sorry!!!
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Remy: Trigger (Michael Jackson Thriller Parody)
youtube
#youtube#music video#remy#remy music#trigger#reason magazine#michael jackson#vincent price#thriller#cat in the hat#sumo wrestler#indian#dracula#hippie#i dedicate this to all you weakassed easily offended woke snowflakes that gotta complain about everything & ruin other people's fun#& let's not leave out the political ideologies that allow these wimps to limit other people's creative freedoms and right to free speech#i doubt they have the talent or courage to create or perform or do anything creative or entertaining#i also believe they are so unhappy & miserable in their lives that if they can't enjoy anything no one else should be able to either#they probably grew up as tattle tales & sore losers & judgmental narrow minded simpletons protected from the real world by mommy & daddy#the world is cruel & unforgiving that's reality it's how you cope with it that makes you stronger as an individual#shutting down someone else doesn't make you stronger it makes you a coward#funny#reason tv
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yeahwhat it all really comes down to is that i hate myself isnt it.
#negative#im not especially remarkable in anything. im can't create what i want how i want it#i have issues and i see the world nobody else can but who am i to say that? everybody probably already thinks like me#they're already better than me so it wouldnt even be far off#yeah i dont have anything#thatll help how inferior i am#theyre all so lucky to have something they can enjoy and be without any rejection or any comparisons#maybe im harsh for assuming that#but this whole thought process is shallow#hahahstag eddgy#its like youre useless if you dont have anything to you im useless#am i always going to switch and adjust and do nothing#am i always going to take toxicity and fictional media as something to make me feel better#will i ever love somebody and not want to do horrible things to them#see that can be part of my personality but if i have no reward doing that#then im worth enough as a lollipop 🍝🍝
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Periodic rent-lowering-gunshots:
Fiction is not reality.
You can enjoy things in fiction that would be awful in the real world. Like playing a murderhobo in a game! In the real world, being or supporting a murderer-thief would be pretty damn awful, while in the game it's just good fun. Same with anything else you choose to do with the pixels on the screen, like kinks that don't affect anyone real, so they're okay in fiction, but would be pretty damn bad in real life.
No one else is responsible for your online experience. They are required not to harass you, but they are not and never will be obligated to not post about ships, kinks, or tropes you dislike just to avoid you seeing them. It's up to you to blacklist words or phrases, block tags, or even block users as needed to avoid seeing content that upsets you.
No one can force you to read anything against your consent. Any content you don't like seeing can be instantly avoided by closing out of the offending post/fic.
You are not owed an online experience free of discomfort.
Nothing that happens in your imagination can ever make you a bad person. Words you write or read about fictional characters will never make you a bad person.
The claim that media consumption influences real-life behavior is intellectually dishonest and serves only to excuse the behavior of real offenders.
Fiction is a safe way to explore horrifying or confusing concepts. Therapists agree that fiction, even (or especially) about taboo topics is a good coping mechanism, especially, but not exclusively, for trauma survivors. Fiction is to adults what play therapy is to children. This doesn't stop being true if the work in question is of a sexual nature.
Sex isn't an inherently worse or better motivation than anything else. A work written to create feelings of arousal isn't dirty, shameful, or in any way less pure than works written to entertain, provoke moral questions, or for other reasons. And worth noting is that multiple purposes can exist in the same story, especially fanfiction.
You aren't entitled to an explanation for why someone reads, writes, or otherwise enjoys certain works, kinks, tropes, ships, etc.
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okie dokie the vampire fic is in the reclist, the modern au depression one is in the reclist, OG is in the reclist, the heartstring one is in the reclist but wasn't in my notion backup list which is odd...but I think I'm all caught up. NCSNVE will go in the reclist as soon as I finish it but I think I have to be in a certain mood and I have to go to work soon. also I need to decide whether it'll be in the 'healing and recovery' section or the 'jiang cheng' section. first chapter was such classic healing/recovery but I feel like it'll overall be more about the boys
#o complexity! you make my categorization so hard#actually some of the stuff I've been scrolling past I'm like. why are you HERE?#but thinking it over...there's no good place for it to go#like the devastating one where wwx finds his PATERNAL grandparents#where is that supposed to go? it's in section 1 bc it's got something to do w healing#but it's not postcanon wx. lwj isn't there. there's no get-together tho there's romantic thoughts#it's not flashback-era or an AU or explicit. and it's just wwx and ocs#it's certainly not comedy. it's got nothing so terrible to relegate it to the shame corner. the author is unobjectionable#there's nowhere else it can go and yet it doesn't quite fit. alas#I worked so hard to create those categories....I do think anything I enjoy can fit into one of them with some argument tho#when I was making it I did have a 'misc' category I was playing around with. ultimately discarded it. can't stand to have so many#random things together#ficblogging
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I'm slowly realizing that browser pet games just aren't for me-
#galaxy rambles#i WANT them to be#but DANG do they make it as HARD AS POSSIBLE to understand or do much of anything#“oh we're sorry we only have the pound open 4-8 times a week and only for a few hours at a time good luck!”#“we only change the free pets once a month; otherwise you have to spend real money on the website currency to get much of anything else”#“we have a bunch of controversies”#“we make it incredibly hard to start over if you had an account you didn't touch at all since you created it several years ago.”#“we haven't brought back all the games we need to because flash died. oh well you eont get any information on our existing content for a#while. but enjoy our 300 updates making the site look “modern” :D“#ect#yeah i get why i dont stat attached to these for very long-#the only good ones ive found (imo) are Marapets and Pixel Petz#Pixel Petz being the one i play more regularly because its not hard to navigate or get pets that look nice color pallet wise#browser pet games#pet games#digital pets#virtual pet
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There's a lot going on with tea in Harrow the Ninth.
It's "overwhelming" and "too much" for Harrow, yet John regularly summons her to sit alone with him and drink it.
You did not understand why anyone ate these biscuits or drank this tea.
In the scene where John gets Harrow to admit what her parents did to create her - nobody has to know! - the entire exchange is framed around descriptions of how much John is enjoying drinking his tea and eating his biscuits, and descriptions of how much Harrow does not want to consume them at all and yet feels unable to do anything else. She understands herself as "required to drink it."
When John tells Harrow about the Tomb and the Body, we again get multiple descriptions of his enjoyment of drinking tea. Harrow is having a much less enjoyable experience: "you had not known you were shaking until God himself reached out to still your wrist, so that you mightn’t spill your tea over your knees." He asks her if she likes poetry or biscuits, and she makes it clear she isn't interested in either. He insists she eats two biscuits, and begins to recite the Poe poem associated with Humbert Humbert's first victim to her by way of reminiscing about who he buried in the Tomb.
In moments where Harrow tries to assert her own agency, tea is there too. When she tells John about the Saint of Duty and Cytherea's body, her tea is "stubbornly undrunk" and John's biscuit crumbles into his tea. John is drinking tea when Gideon finds him interrogating Wake, and when the game is up and Mercymorn and Augustine turn on him, they both smoke and tap the ash from the cigarette out into John's empty mug.
Conversely, we see John drinking coffee by himself in the Mithraeum kitchen when he's not interacting with anyone. Harrow is also offered coffee by Abigail Pent, and "accepted a cup, mainly to warm her hands." Despite Abigail being another powerful figure of whom Harrow feels wary, there's no sense of compulsion or discomfort in this offered drink (despite it otherwise being a situation of gentle compulsion). Harrow feels able to accept it on her own terms. Which brings it roughly in line with how Harrow feels about physical touch from both John and Abigail as well.
But Katakaluptastrophy, you might be saying, sometimes the tea is just tea! Yes, but sometimes the author was a secondary school teacher in the UK, where this is a popular video for explaining the concept of consent to teenagers:
youtube
#the locked tomb#tlt meta#harrowhark nonagesimus#john gauis#abigail pent#the history of and contemporary popularity of tea is of course famously not entangled with violent imperialism at all
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how to make friends when you aren't in fandom anymore for trauma reasons tutorial top ten tricks anything please please please I'm dying
#cricket chirping#i appreciate the mutuals i do have to be clear but all but quite literally one who i dont talk to (love you though you know who you are)#are just . my partners mutuals who i have over time migrated over to for funny posts reasons#which is fine and i enjoy talking to people but i wish i had people who independently found me and thought i was cool or whatever#and also to not be exclusively surrounded by white transmascs (i do love you guys though)#yes in order to do this i need to make posts and have an identity beyond politics and funny posts but unfortunately: i dont</3#/lh#i just feel. stagnant and isolated and empty#and i dont want Media to fill the hole because fandom is so vile but idk how else to do that#because i dont really create anymore either#omg hashtag flashcards hashtag dollar tree grocery haul hashtag 20 min walk#just blegh. dont feel like im made of anything but bitterness and fear anymore#vent
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