#idk idk just thoughts to vent out I don’t need a reply so please don’t feel obligated or anything

[corrodedcoughin]

You!!! Make this community a better place!!! Thank you for grazing in the Steddie nation!!

[chanluster]

10/10 | {m} ; {c} ; {f}

oneshot | friends with benefits! au | 18.7k words

“Because what you feel for your best friend cannot be described in words, but in numbers.”

s u m m a r y > > you and bang chan had no secrets between one other. each detail of your life would be discussed with your best friend of forever, no matter how insignificant it may be, through a little system you both had concocted — through a small rating. a number out of ten. a simple concept, used from being a child and rating your cookie a solid eight out of ten to your later years in high school, giving your first kiss a measly five. however, when you confess an average rating of your sex life in one hazy evening, chan decides this dilemma cannot be solved with buying you consolation cookies. he must simply raise that rating, all by himself.

w a r n i n g s > > friends to lovers! au, college! au, music! major chan, music! major reader, you both are literally soulmates, came out the womb holding hands, so much teasing, sexual! tension! chan has a massive fucking cock (i mean isn’t it obvious already), shit loads of making out, aggression, fingering, oral (f. and m. receiving), unprotected sex (stay safe homies!!!), kinda hate sex, orgasming left and right, ex! hyunjin, who’s also really bad at sex lmfaoaoao sorry king, chan is hella soft dom at the start but goes !!! hella hard later!!!! (i mean idk but) shit ton of fluff, friend! jisung which chan gets soooo jealous of, reader is so fucking annoyin, teensy weensy bit of angst, and yeh basically me venting out my love for chan once again

p l a y l i s t > > here!

a u t h o r ’ s n o t e > > this is dedicated to my dear friend chloe, boo i love u so much and thank you for that insane prompt :( also help this feels so rushed to me at the end but i hope y’all do enjoy <3

t a g l i s t > > @hanflix @thatonepieceofpineapple @kimkailover @decembermoonskz @smilesohwas @missskzbiased @illicit-roses @embroideredstarz @freckledquokka @moonluvbunny @aliceu @coupscarat @maedesculpaeusoubi @baby-wolf @multi-fandom-kpop-stan​ @minaamhh @leescrt

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“I’M SORRY, BUT I DON’T THINK I CAN DO THIS ANYMORE.”

Hyunjin’s face faltered completely at your words. It was expected, really. The poor boy was not anticipating this news.

“Wh-what?” he asked, a little too loudly, catching the stares of a few others in the coffee shop. You immediately glared at him, and he retracted back into his seat, but still had a befuddled expression on his face. 

You sighed a little. “Look,” you started, swirling your latte with a thin, wooden stirrer. “I’m going to be completely honest with you. I just think we’re much better off as friends.”

“Friends?” the boy flinched at the term, and even you had to hide your self-distaste. God, ____, at least try to be a little nicer! “Damn it, we’ve been dating for nearly three months, and you think we’d automatically become friends?!” he leaned in, knitting his eyebrows in growing desperation. “What the hell happened?”

You fought hard to not scratch the back of your neck. And possibly run away from the shop. Taking a long sip, you tried to feign the most sympathetic expression you could muster. “Hyunjin, please…”

“B-but, babe—” he started, and his eyes widened, trying to grab onto your hands which cupped the latte. “I don’t understand, we were so happy!” He huffed a smile, trying to convince you of your oh-so heavenly times spent with him. “Why are you thinking like this?”

You tried not to retract your hand from his — not only because it was hard to console him, but because they were embarrassingly sweaty. “Don’t think I have just done this on a whim. I have thought long about this decision.”

Finally, something out of your mouth which wasn’t a blatant lie. You had been thinking of breaking up with this goon — had the notion in your mind for half the time you dated him.

“____,” he said, and the melancholy you heard in his voice had you silencing your tongue. “What’s happened?” He began to caress your hand with his fingers. “Have I...have I done something wrong?”

Oh no. There it was. The reaction you dreaded.

Well, kind of. But still. Not the reaction you imagined in the perfect situation. 

Reluctantly, you put a hand over his fingers, hoping that your face was a painting of sympathy. 

“Hyunjin.”

Don’t say it, girl! Don’t you dare!

“It’s...it’s not you.”

You put your hand on your heart. 

“It’s me.”

Oh, Jesus.

Your eyes raised to his own, wide and glistening. 

Now, you knew Hwang Hyunjin was not the brightest kid on campus. The boy, who once asked you what the purpose of a spork was, may not have possessed the most intelligence, but you were scared that he may be smart enough to figure out that what you just said was complete, utter bullshit. 

Face it, ____. You’re done for.

A few tears spilled from his eyes, and a pang of guilt shot through you. “I-I see.” 

He did not let go of your hands. “We can still be...friends, right?” he sniffled, blinking at you rather irritatingly. “Like, we can still hang out together?”

You raised a brow, but reigned in a sarcastic reply. The boy would probably not even understand. “Of course,” you replied, a saccharine smile on your face. “But I think it’s best if we had some space from each other, okay?”

That was not the answer he seemed to be looking for, but he nodded, a little sadly. “Okay.” He still refused to take his hand away. “Does that mean I can’t rock up at yours midnight anymore if the junior needs a little taking care of?” 

Your brows could not help furrow in absolute exasperation. “Yes, Hyunjin,” you monotoned, unable to believe that you put up with this man for three months. “Now can you let go of my hand?” 

Realising his clammy hold on you, he flushed, looking away from your directory gaze. “I...should go, then.”

“No, no,” you insisted, getting up from your seat as you grabbed onto your drink. “I shall leave. I’m the one who dumped this news on you.” 

You debated leaving without paying for the latte — you knew the boy was still infatuated enough to cover your expenses. Sadly, shame coursed through your veins, and you cursed yourself for feeling a little sympathy for your now ex. “Here,” you offered, fishing out a little cash from your jacket. “For the drink.”

When you nearly stepped past him, you stopped, looking down at him as he tilted his head upwards. Your hand itched to put upon his shoulder, but you knew better. Hyunjin would only take that as a hopeful sign.

“I’m sorry,” was the last thing you said before you left the coffee shop.

Upon falling into a leisurely step onto the street, you let out a harsh breath, an endless amount of relief washing over you.

You were almost delighted to let Hwang Hyunjin go.

Now, it was not like he was a monster who had caged you into his two-feet-squared, dingy flat. In fact, the boy was, in almost every way, a decent boyfriend, whose stupid personality earned him a few laughs. 

Although extremely corny, the problem was not truly all him.

It was partly you as well.

Hearing your phone vibrate, you brought it out from your jeans pocket, already having an inkling on who the sender was, spamming you with messages.

CHRIS THE PISS :

bitch have you done it?

CHRIS THE PISS :

helloooooo??

CHRIS THE PISS :

hoe answer the phone i’m dying!! 

CHRIS THE PISS :

or prolly hyunjin at this moment lmaooo

You could not help the eyeroll which escaped from his words, and you decided to ignore him until you arrived at your destination. 

Which, evident from the persistent vibrations still, you figured you could not do.

CHRIS THE PISS :

i KNOW ur reading my messages DAMN just tell me!!

CHRIS THE PISS :

unless this is hyunjin and u killed her FUCK

CHRIS THE PISS :

haha dude whats poppin!! best man for ____ by far don't know why she was breaking up w u 

YOU :

chan i will kill u :)

CHRIS THE PISS :

hyunjin i promise i didn't mean it when i said u looked like a cheese string w ur new hair

CHRIS THE PISS :

that was ur girl putting words in my mouth 

YOU:

omfg chan STFUUU i’m coming

CHRIS THE PISS :

PLS HYUNJIN I SWEAR UR SEXC

Letting the man panic, you turned a left into student residence, buildings lined down the street, providing accommodation for hundreds of people like you in need of a place to sleep, eat, party, and contemplate the inevitability of death under.

Smiling at a few acquaintances, you entered the designated building, finding yourself with dozens of doors of the same, dead colour. Walking along the hallway, you stopped right at the very last one, bringing out your keys.

With a single twist you unlocked the door, but before you wrapped your hand around the knob the door swung open, catching you completely off guard.

“Funny, Hyunjin, how did you manage to transform into a little bitch so quickly?”

You cursed at the man who welcomed you.

“Damn it, Chan,” you said, hand on your chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Sad it didn’t kill you off, then.”

You heard him splutter into laughter at your sad attempts to pinch his shoulder, glaring daggers into his crescent eyes. The bumbling idiot was Bang Chan, the one man you managed to keep for your entire life. That too is purely because none of you could manage a stable, healthy relationship — which was a shame, of course, when your best friend, with his fluffy, raven curls, black-oversized hoodie and sweatpants, was admired by so many. You often wondered how you had not fallen at his feet when he smiled at you, but then he’d open his mouth and all would be understood, as your anger would flare up, and rush to hit him as hard as possible. 

He gave you such a smile then, fingers gripping the doorframe. “How is Rapunzel, then? Sent him back to the tower?”

Wrenching his hand off the frame, which nearly had him falling onto the floor, you side-stepped past his stumbling figure, peeling off your jacket. “Rapunzel is never stepping in our lands again.”

After regaining his step, he muttered a cursed endearment your way and sat himself down on the couch, instantly settling his laptop upon his legs. “Oh, God. How badly did you break his heart, ____?”

Smiling, you dumped the jacket on the side table as you entered the living room, settling on the other end of his sofa. Propping your legs upon his, you pondered over the answer, and said, “At least a good seven.”

Chan let out a little whistle. “Oh, he’s definitely causing a shitshow on the groupchat tonight.” A huffed laugh was his answer. “Want Chinese or Indian tonight?”

“Surprise me,” you said as he brought out his phone. He dialled a number, and then you added, “Actually, can we please get Chinese?”

“No, we’re getting Indian.”

You raised a brow. “Didn’t you cry the last time you had their special curry?” 

The man stared at you for a minute before sighing, putting the phone to his ear. “I’d like your least spiciest dish please.”

He groaned as you pushed his legs off the couch, laughing at his pathetic tolerance towards spice. As he carried on with his order, you grabbed the TV remote, surfing through the channels. 

Even after all these years, you still found it endearing how Chan understood the depth of the numbers you tell him. The system between you two had been created during kindergarten, when, on the last day, you both had received such delicious cookies that words could not express the joy you felt when having the first bite. It was a mere joke at first, rating random classmates despicably low in middle school to even more serious situations, when you moaned to your best friend of your mundane kiss, expecting fireworks and butterflies yet were only met with an over-enthusiastic tongue. 

Chan himself used this system  — it was the reason you knew of his distaste towards spicy food, and certain girls he had dated in the past. Even now, when the two of you had started college together, working on the same projects and going to the same parties, this concoction had not been shelved in your memories. Although this may be something which others might deem insignificant, the concept had become a pillar of your friendship with this absolute loser.

The food arrived within the hour, and you both continued your box set as the plastic containers were cracked open, the pungent smell of curries and biryanis filling the room. Chan provided the plates and cutlery while you poured him the sufficient amount, and you rebuked his whining as you added the spicier dishes onto his plate.

“I refuse to let you eat only korma, Crispy,” you scolded. “Prick, careful! Don’t spill it on your laptop!”

“Bitch!” he yelped as a bit of the residue nearly stained his sweats, but was saved by his hands. “Just ruin everything I wear, why don’t you? Now I got curry on my fingers!”

You propped your legs over his again, eyes upon the screen once more, and the action occurring. “Just lick it off?”

“How about you do it for me?” the boy then simpered out, and you nearly tossed your entire dish on his head. 

“Let’s just focus on Tommy and his cocaine problem,” you dismissed him, but returned his impish smile as you elbowed him, nearly causing his food to stain his hoodie.

The two of you seemed to settle down after a bit and watched the show, commenting on the terrible choices the characters were making, and then boasted of how you and him could easily be the better leader from the protagonist. Soon, you had finished your takeout, and after Chan followed, he got up, hurrying into the kitchen situated behind the doorway in the lounge. He then came back, you delighted to find his hands occupied with two tubs of Ben & Jerrys’.

“Gimme, gimme, gimme!” you sang, snatching one of the tubs from him and pulling open the cover, digging straight in. “I didn’t know you brought ice cream!”

“Thought it’d help with the breakup,” he confessed, settling back into the sofa, shuffling closer to you. “But it doesn’t look like you need it.”

“Oh, I can’t believe Hyunjin broke my heart like this!”

Chan shook his head at your melodrama. “You may fool the looney princess, but you’re not fooling me.”

“You know me too well,” you said, which he agreed to with an absent-minded hum, eating his dessert.

There was a short pause, a comfortable silence reigning upon you both for a little before your best friend broke it, gulping down his ice cream.

“____?” 

“No, you’re not having any of mine.”

Chan prodded you lightly with his foot. “No, I don’t mean that. I was just wondering something.”

“Shoot.”

“You’re not...upset, right?” He took a bite of his ice cream. “Like, I know you always complained about him, but breakups can be difficult.”

You looked at him, and saw genuine concern painted on his face — along with a little vanilla stain on the corner of his lips. “You don’t have to pretend to be happy if you’re not, okay?” he continued. “Especially with me.”

Your heart melted slightly. “Of course, Chan, don’t worry. I wouldn’t ever lie to you.” 

Turning to the TV screen, you sighed as you thought of your recent relationship. “There were good moments for sure. He was still a sweet guy, you know?” You then stabbed the creamy plains inside the tub. “It was just so...dull.”

The man beside you took in another bite, if a bit slow. “What do you mean?”

Following him, you relished the chocolate goodness, swallowing. “Dates were kind of boring. I carried most of the conversations because he’s too thick to talk about anything.”

Chan let out a soft snort. “I remember you telling me about it. I can certainly believe it.”

“Well, you won’t believe what I’m about to tell you next.” You focused on your ice cream, a sarcastic smile plastered upon your face. “Hyunjin. Hwang Hyunjin was terrible at sex.”

You did not need to see your best friend to sense his shock. “What?”

A small chuckle escaped you. “First time he fucked me, I think I cried. Not because it was so good, no, but because it was so bad.”

“No way,” Chan said, brows furrowed. “Didn’t you say he had a big dick or something?”

“That’s the downside, bud,” you countered, halfway through your tub. “Because he had a massive cock he thought that was enough for me to enjoy. But it’s not. He just did not know what to do with it!” 

The man had been silenced. He took another bite of his ice cream, in disbelief. “So you were...deprived of pleasure?”

“Deprived?” You scoffed. “Chan, I thirsted for a crumb of pleasure. God, can you believe I’ve faked nearly all my orgasms with him?”

This time, your friend glanced at you in horror. Carrying on, you said, “The only real orgasm I had was not even because of him. God, I was thinking about Lee Donghyuck singing between my legs.”

A soft growl entered your ears. “Oh Christ.”

“Bastard was so proud when I came all over him,” you crowed, trying to sweeten your bitterness with the dessert. “If only I told him I undid myself for an idol I’m never going to meet.”

Your friend did not say anything. The episode finished, and when you noticed his further silence, you used it to your advantage, starting a romantic comedy before he could even complain.

Even with the movie on for about twenty minutes, and the romance you thoroughly enjoyed, the man stayed quiet, idly stirring his melted ice cream in the tub. You ignored his rather odd behaviour, assuming he was either thinking of his assignment or had gotten a brain freeze. Either way, it let you watch your movie in peace, swooning outwardly at the man’s teasing to the girl.

One hour in, and you asked if Chan was okay. “Yeah...yeah, I’m good,” was his answer, sending you a second-long smile before going back to his brain freeze. You raised a confused brow, but went back to the chick flick, gasping when the boy went back for his love.

This was it. The fireworks, the passion which exuded from the mere actions of lips enveloping lips, hands holding onto waists or necks or locks and refusing to let go. You craved for your heart to drop down in lust as you let yourself fall, be wrapped up in another as you undid yourself. Where was this? Where was this for you?

Did you not deserve your desires to be fulfilled? Did you not deserve to have your entire world turned upside down in pure exhilaration?

Before you knew it, the credits rolled, and you let out a long, laboured sigh, leaning into the cushions. “Maybe it’s time I find myself a millionaire who’d pay me to have sex with me.”

The man was still looking at the now black screen. “Do you mean a prostitute?”

“Well, yes, but—” you groaned. “You know what? Maybe I’m meant to stay forever displeased.”

It was after a long time your best friend spoke. “Or…” he cleared his throat. “You find yourself someone who would pleasure you.”

You turned to him. “Wowie, thank you for a perfect solution! I really wouldn’t know what I’d do without you.”

Then, you saw his eyes darken. “____.” He propped the tub upon the coffee table. “Why search for other alternatives when you have options right here?”

Confusion marred your mind, not just from his words, but his entire change of character. “Chan, what are you on about?”

“____,” he said, and his hand inched closer to yours. “ I’m saying you should have a friends with benefits.”

The silence was suddenly heard. You did not realise the sheer weight of this man’s gaze till his very stare gravitated you to him. The lights were dimmed, and all you could see from the laptop’s light was his face — his beautiful face. 

What was all this? Why was your best friend looking at you like that? Why were you being affected by his gaze?

“I…” You could barely get the words out. “I never thought about that before.”

Chan had no such problem. “Well, maybe you should. There are many who would gladly be that person for you.”

You gave him a look. “And who would they be?”

A slight cock of his head. “____, who is your best friend, in the same class as you, share the same interests and would help you out in any way whatsoever?”

The question rather befuddled you. Why couldn’t the man just say the answer already? You thought of the few viable options, tossing, turning the names. 

Then it occurred to you. Your friend’s face sparked a little in what could only have been hope.

“I know!” you exclaimed, holding onto his arm. “I should ask Jisung!”

The little sliver of hope in his eyes morphed into annoyance. “What the fuck?”

Raising your brow, you asked, “Is that not the right answer?” You listed out the evidence. “He’s basically my best friend, is in music with us, we like similar things and would be willing to help me in any situation. I think.”

When you were done, you found yourself more confused when Chan closed his eyes, shaking his head. “What?” you demanded.

“Oh my God.”

His fingers caressed yours, and you gasped to find your skin prickling at the touch. You raised your eyes to his, and found yourself lost for words.

“You dumb bitch, I should be your friends-with-benefits.”

Your mouth dropped.

Perhaps you would have said something, but then his thumb began stroking your skin, and you figured it was better to relish that instead. Thus, you looked at him, gobsmacked, not entirely sure what to say to his declaration. 

It seemed Chan was a little nervous too. “Look, I can tell you’re surprised…” he paused, a little lost for words as well. “Fuck, I guess I shouldn’t have suggested so early into the breakup, but you just…”

He pinned you with his gaze. “I couldn’t have my best friend miss out on the pleasure she deserves. And if that means giving you the pleasure myself, then I will do it.”

Bang Chan. Not just the best friend you’ve ever had, but the man who proposed benefits to this certain friendship.

“Well,” you got out, after what seemed like eternity. “Well damn.”

“We don’t have to do anything right now. Or even anytime soon.” He let go off your hands, and you did not know why the touch was missed so greatly. “Just...think about it for me, will you?”

You didn’t really have it in you to refuse. “Of course,” you said, feeling the need to touch something. Your eyes fell upon the remote, and figured you should distract yourself by watching the next episode of the series you previously watched. 

You needed a clear distraction, or else Chan would not need to wait long for his answer.

The episode began, and you watched, clamping your lips together as you felt the man shuffle closer to you, one hand sprawled on the top of the couch with his other hand idly surfing on his laptop. You rooted your eyes to the screen, finding yourself engulfed in 1920s England, trying to forget that your best friend left no space between you two.

Managing to somehow distract yourself from the lack of distance, you even began to relax, swooning softly of the gangster’s mannerisms towards his love interests, their intimate dancing in her bedroom. It was touching, and you even let yourself lean into your friend, who, too, glanced every now and then, a little smile upon his face.

Everything was fine and dandy until the characters started to kiss.

Now, there was nothing wrong with kissing. You were a hopeless romantic, and adored to see the actions of love on screen, the final breaking of barriers between two characters.

The problem was, the kissing did not seem to end there. The bigger problem was that this lust on screen made you all the more aware of your best friend beside you.

You froze, watching with no small amount of confused shock as the characters increased their desires, unbuttoning their clothes, discarding them as their lips moved against each other’s. Your eyes widened at the nudity, once never a bother but suddenly extremely embarrassing, as they collided, bare chest to bare chest.

The matters did not help at all when you sensed the increased beating of Chan’s heart, almost as loud as the instruments harmonising in the background. His searching on his laptop had ceased, as frozen as you were as his eyes refused to look away to the man and woman making love.  

It was too much. You had seen much worse scenes in your life before, but never had one made you so hot and bothered. Of course you knew why, though. Of course you knew, when the man you laid your head upon was breathing harder than you do when you walk up a flight of stairs. 

You did not waste a minute longer as you pointed the remote to the TV, and switched the screen off. Completely black, void of further lust radiating through the glass. 

A shuddered breath escaped Chan. “Well...double damn.”

You did not answer back. Only distanced yourself on the sofa, his fingers on the couch brushing against the back of your head. His touch may have been the last thing you needed then.

But that was not true. Seeing that sex scene, all glorified and affectionate, had you craving his touch. Your eyes could not bear to meet him, but his presence was suffocating enough. God, if you did not leave that couch now, you would dare to do something quite unimaginable.

Chan did not seem to move either. Your presence, too, had him nearly choking out a pained sob. Anymore time spent, and he would have another problem erecting soon.

At last, when a few minutes seemed like hours, you felt your friend stir. You were surprised to be devastated at the prospect of him leaving.

You were further shocked when, as Chan mustered all the strength in himself to get off the couch, he was stopped by your hand encircling his wrist. 

Whirling his head at your direction, his eyes widened. He was met with your own aghast ones, as your hand tugged him back to the couch.

You did not let go of his wrist as you whispered the words you never thought would have left your mouth that night.

“Let’s do it, Chan.”

His hand went limp in your hold.

For a second you thought he died under your grasp, but the way he parted his mouth went against your judgement. Perhaps you had sent his living soul flying out of his body, but you could not blame him — you did not feel at all like yourself just then.

“I wanna do it,” you murmured, refusing to let go. 

Chan’s eyes darted to the tight hold upon his wrist, and then to you once more. He opened his mouth, closing it straight after as he glanced away.

With a heavy sigh, he looked to you once more, an abundance of emotions swirling in his usually mischievous, soft eyes.

“Are you sure, ____?” He leaned a little closer, causing your heart to malfunction for a second. “You don’t have to think about it now—”

“Well, it’s all I can think about,” you cut him off, eyes never leaving him, despite the reddening of your cheeks. “And I want to do it.

“Like I said, Chan.” You shuffled a little closer, and your knees brushed against his. “I am deprived of pleasure.”

The man blinked once, twice, taking your declaration all in. He had to tell himself that this was not a dream, but a very much a fortunate reality, and that you were asking him of something he had been wanting to give you for a very long time.

There it was. Something he wasn’t quite ready to admit. You wanting your desires met by him was so much more than enough.

Dreaming still, he slithered one hand around your waist, almost like second nature as the other found refuge upon your face. His fingers were tender, softly caressing your cheeks as his eyes beheld you in a way he had never before..

This change of sight had you unable to look away from him.

“If you feel uncomfortable with all this…” he swept away a stray curl. “I will stop. That’ll be the end of it.”

You nodded, finding solace within his eyes. “I know.”

But there was no discomfort. Rather an impatient welcome, a growing urge for your needs met. Promises fulfilled. 

When you sensed him lean closer, so shy and yet so determined, hands still holding you, those vows were sure to be carried out.

You found out in the best way possible — the second when Chan brushed his lips against yours. 

His touch had you flying out your skin; well, not really, but it sure felt as such, when his mouth moulded with yours, a confirmation that he was strangely perfect for your own two lips, that he was meant to embed himself upon your mouth. 

You closed your eyes, heart climbing up your chest as your hands skimmed around his neck. Chan began his movements, and you were so unaccustomed to the actions that you could not help but be led by his kiss. The man had a way of making you listen to his every order, vocalised or not. 

The kiss was so...unreal. It was all that rang in your mind, over and over as the man took his time; he carried out a sensual rhythm upon your lips, not only to avoid overwhelming you, but to fully take in his situation — that he was kissing you, and no other girl who he had never dreamed of. 

He had all the time in the world for this.

The hand upon your waist gripped onto you a little harder, nails skirting around the hem of your shirt. His tongue teased you now, running along for entrance, to delve inside and drink in your every essence. Your mouth practically begged the man to prowl inside, opening up to him completely, a signal of full trust. 

You wanted this as much as he did. 

His elated rush was expressed through his tongue, when it slithered inside your mouth. Butterflies erupted in your body at the way he swirled it along with yours, almost playing with your tongue as if you both did. Of course, this is slightly different, because your gimmicks with Chan never had you salivating at the mouth. Nor feeling like you’re about to leak into your clothes from his touches.

Which really was the situation you ended up in; Chan, his hand now skimming under your shirt, revelling the skin of your abdomen, warming beneath his touch. The hand, once upon your face, had latched upon your locks, while you ran your fingers through his own velvety hair, nearly undoing yourself over the soft feel. 

Just when you thought he was going in for more, he broke away, hands still upon you — your breathing was ragged, the man in front of you panting slightly as well. His eyes, with no small amount of surprise, seemed a little feverish, whether that be from a random cold he contracted during the minutes he kissed you, or…

Or, as you found yourself biting your lip, he took an intoxicated toll over you, and how exquisite it was to drive his tongue in your mouth.

“Better than Rapunzel?” He whispered, so close his breath fanned your lips, spit-slick thanks to him. 

You made sure he was aware of your fingers threading in his locks, eliciting a low murmur. “Rapunzel better not leave the tower again.”

Chuckling, he wasted no time before he was upon you again, an invisible leash on him threatening to snap. He drove the shirt higher, skirting up your sides until he broke away from you for a mere second before peeling the shirt off of you and tossing it beside him.

Heaving, the sight of you in a bra was making the leash all the more tight, hands never leaving your sides as he latched onto your neck. Leaving open-mouthed kisses, down and down until his lips trailed past your collarbone, you let the moans leave your mouth, heightened and quick and unexpected. Suddenly he descended on you, kneeeling on the floor with hands following suit. 

Pleasure. You were oozing with pleasure as you hurried for the hems of his black hoodie, needing to have it off and run your hands on the expanse of his chest. Chan, a little preoccupied, did not realise your demands until you whined out your request.

“Chan—!” you gasped out as his lips left your belly, fingers upon the buttons of your trousers. “Hoodie, I need it off!”

The man only continued with his task, taking the zip down. “Up,” he rushed out, gesturing with his hand.

Dazed, you replied with a confused murmur, only understanding the need to take his stupid hoodie off.

He looked up from his endeavours, and the sight of him hovering between your legs nearly undid you. “I mean your hips, baby, put them up.” He grabbed onto the sides of your jeans. “I wanna take this off.”

Gulping, you raised your hips, giving Chan ease to pull your jeans, all the way down until your legs were bare, save for the soiled underwear which he instantly landed his eyes on. 

His mouth slipped out an uneasy fuck, which was just the right way to have you leaking even further. “Chan, come on,” you hurried, seething at the throbbing. 

His hands pushed you back on the couch, travelling down until they caressed the back of your knees. Pulling you closer from there, he leaned in until he was a few inches away from your moistened cunt, hurting more the longer he made you wait.

It wasn’t his fault, really. He still felt as if he’s living a dream he did not deserve. 

Fingers drumming against the back of your knees, the man blew a little upon your folds, and you let out a strained hiss at the soft breeze. This hypersensitivity was going to be your undoing, but even the smallest of actions brought you such thrill.

“I’m about to spoil you good, ____,” he whispered, and before you could reply, he descended.

The first kitty lick along the surface had you in shock.

Tendrils of pleasure gushed inside you, lurking all over your body as Chan swiped his tongue along the outside of your cunt, teasing, shying away, awaiting your reaction. You answered him with an indecipherable noise, a sound which had never escaped you before.

Maybe because no one had ever played with your cunt like this.

You truly had wasted your time with Hyunjin — this man, tasting your arousal, let out a satisfied hum, and when he dug deeper with his tongue, spreading your legs further, the moans you let escape were, for the first time, absolutely real. No acting, no bullshit.

Just like your best friend promised.

“Chan—!” You stuttered out, when he began circling your clit. “God, just like that!” You encouraged further, hips shaking at the way he made a mess of you. 

In response his hands left your legs, pressing them upon your hips. To your horror he paused his actions, peering up from your legs. 

The slick shining upon his lips could well have made you cum on his face right then and there. “I need you to stay still, baby,” he said, his hands on your hips keeping you in place, as his eyes did the same. “So I can do this properly.

“I don’t want you getting half-assed pleasure, okay?”

His soft demands, his calm explanations brought you in a further state of frenzy. You could not nod faster, chuckling emitting from him as his hands travelled down once more. 

“Good girl.”

And his mouth was upon your cunt again, this time the leash finally snapping as his tongue hardened against the seams. Your moans could have been heard in the hallways, but you didn’t particularly care when Chan, in the midst of his ravenous lapping, introduced the prospect of his fingers, caressing your dripping folds, swiping them over around the edges.

You didn’t know what to do — your hands scrambled to fist the fabric of the couch, laying back against the pillows. The hold grew tighter when your best friend slid his middle finger inside of you.

The journey may have been slow, but that was what made it all the more delightful. Feeling it go deeper and deeper had a particularly loud groan flying out of you, but the rhythm he adopted, pulling it out, but then diving it back again without leaving your cunt, had you delirious. 

A once foreign, unimaginable feeling you never thought you’d experience, was back inside — the heavy sensation deep within your gut, like a dull ache which grew more known the harder Chan worked between your legs. The feeling you had only ever experienced when you imagined Donghyuck instead of your ex-boyfriend in this similar situation. 

Fuck, there it is, you thought. The feeling of your incoming orgasm.

And it was not going to go if this man worked harder than the devil tonight.

“Chan—fuck—” you got cut off when he increased the speed of his finger inside of you. “I-I’m close.”

Never ceasing his finger, he looked up at you, hooded eyes welcoming you despite the tenderness on his face. “You’re doing so good, ____. So fucking good for me,” he cooed, melting your heart despite the situation. 

This time, he accompanied his fingering with a second digit, stretching out your walls and working harmoniously together in making you submit to him. Already you felt as if he’d filled you up, and the actions of his digits practically scissoring inside of you had every muscle in your body readying for release.

He dove back in, merciless to your clit, and all this work, everything at once, was so much that when you cried out, your release had to follow through. You couldn’t control yourself as you let your cum escape, staining the couch and the floor — most importantly, how most of it landed in Chan’s mouth. 

Breathing unevenly, and louder than you ever thought possible, you closed your eyes, slumping further into the couch. You sensed an emptiness inside you, and figured Chan had taken out his fingers. Opening your eyes, you saw him close your legs together, propping his head upon your lap, hands supporting his chin. He looked up at you, licking his lips free of your residue.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

The man smiled at you. “Satisfied?” he asked, fingers caressing your skin. 

Oh, of course you were. Damn it, you were more than satisfied — you were positively elated. If he had managed to make you cum with his fingers and tongue alone, imagine what he could have done with his dick.

You blinked. 

Imagine what he could have done with his dick.

“____?”

Perking up, you looked to the man kneeling before you still, anticipation brimming in his stature. “Please tell me you didn’t fake it.”

Embarrassment engulfed your body at the idea. “Chan, if you really think I faked all of that then I deserve an Oscar.”

Pride washed over his features. “Good.”

You then watched him slowly get up, climbing over you, hands skirting up your figure till he captured your face in his hands and pressed his lips against yours. You had enough strength to kiss him back, but failed to exceed him when he began nibbling upon the swell of your lip, making you revert to stage one of your growing need all over again.

Breaking away, you glanced up at him, holding onto his hoodie. “I want...more.”

The man stilled his actions, hands going limp upon your skin. You had about three seconds of panicking as you tugged on his clothes, whispering, “Wait, Chan, it’s okay if—”

But suddenly, his hands left your face, and the panic increased with you being lifted into the air, his hold under your knees and back as he brought you close to his chest. 

His eyes upon you were a hazard to your well-being. “God, ____, you could really ruin me.”

Your flustered nature was interrupted by Chan rushing to his bedroom, kicking the door open with his feet and pressing quick kisses upon your mouth, your cheeks, all over your face as you giggled out in reaction, arms locked around him.

His room was the same as his attire, black on black on even more black, save for a few gold corners and grey instruments settled in the far end of the space. His bed, however, was vast and comfortable, a place you have slept in many a time when late night recording sessions turned into sleepovers.

Gently, he laid you down on his bed, feeling the cool sting of the night air on your cunt, making you shiver. Your bra was useless in keeping you warm, but when Chan began to take off his hoodie, shirt dragging out along with it, you suddenly began to feel a lot hotter.

Discarding the clothes, you were rewarded with the image of shirtless Chan, slightly disheveled due to his endeavours between your legs. His smile revealed a hint of arrogance as he acknowledged your blatant staring, slowly taking off his sweatpants. 

“Careful, baby, or you’ll cum right there,” he mused, noticing the way your legs shivered in ecstasy. He dumped his clothes along with the others, catching sight of his Calvins barely containing his erection.

You felt the mattress press down as he prowled to you upon the bed, the more chaos erupting in your gut the further he came closer. You could barely contain yourself when he hovered over you, lips mere inches from yours. A powerful force within you halted your very breath — you knew, though, that at this particular moment, your entire soul rested in the hands of this man, looking at you through long lashes. 

He enveloped your lips, grinding his clothed erection against your cunt, drinking in your whines, your silent pleas of replacing it with the real deal. He smirked against your mouth, opening the seams as his one hand grabbed onto yours, leading it to the waistband of your boxers. 

Your fingers fumbled to take peel down the fabric, Chan parting from your lips to take it off entirely. His cock sprang free, and you let out a god-awful, shrill-like noise at the way it stood, red and angry and so very fucking big. 

“Fuck me,” you slipped out in a breath, earning a chuckle from him. 

“I very much plan to,” he had the nerve to reply, you wanting very much to slap his shit-eating grin off of him. Or perhaps kiss it till your breath was lost. 

Embarrassed, you tried to look away, but his fingers gripped your chin, leading your eyes to his. Other hand holding onto your hip, he gently positioned himself between your legs, precum already staining your folds. Breathing stunted, your stare reflected subservience, a request to bury his dick inside you already.

He read your every plea. 

Pressing his forehead against yours, he let out a shuddered breath before beginning the final descent.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Chan slid his cock inside — your mouth parted from the transition, at the tightening sensation as he kept going, burying those inches until your eyes were as wide as saucers, unable to look away from him. You dared not move, fear of snapping more a reality in your head than some far-fetched delusion.

Dragging his stare from your slit to your face, he caressed your cheek, offering you a small smile.

“Don’t be quiet, okay?” he asked, hand on your hip like iron. 

Nodding, it was all the signal he needed.

Just as gradually, he began to slide out, and, with his words in mind, you let yourself be shameless. The rhythm of his hips, the pain-stakingly tempered movement, made you whine profusely, and when the man slithered inside once more, moaning lewdly was your only reaction. It was all your brain could think of, when his cock was the sole deity which mattered in this moment.

His pace began to fasten, though, grunting erratically as his grip on you tightened. Your cunt was taking a toll, your second orgasm of the night a great possibility as you felt it inside you, as tangible as the dick being pushed and pulled out into you. 

“F-faster!” you wailed out, and God bless Chan, for he obliged you completely, increasing his rhythm, practically abusing your slit with the way he fucked into you. Tears pricked the corner of your eyes, and you let them fall, for there was no hiding your emotions with this man.

Your best friend could see right through you anyway. 

Chan’s strength seemed unhuman as he thrusted his cock into you faster and faster, and you knew if he did not stop then you would cum all over for the second time. The very image had you on the edge of your sanity.

When his cock hit your g-spot you really believed yourself hitting seventh heaven of delight. White spots blurred your vision, tears now your beloved companion as they trailed down your cheeks. “I’m c-close, fuck—” you tried to voice, but were cut off when slid out once more, tip never leaving your folds. 

His hair stuck to his forehead, beads of sweat peppered on his face as he crushed you with his lips, relishing your whines. His tongue befriended yours, and the swirling of your muscles with each other had brought a new form of high bubbling within you. 

You moaned his name onto his lips, hands sliding around his neck, pulling you as close as physically possible. This was it. You could not wait any longer. You wanted your undoing, and you wanted it now, in these sheets, within his arms, within his hypnotic presence. 

It was incredibly fortunate that Bang Chan could read you like the back of his hand.  

Parting from your mouth, he kissed a sloppy trail all the way to your ear, lips grazing against the lobe. 

“Go on, then,” he purred, leaving a small kiss to your skin. “Cum for me.”

His words were all you needed before you let yourself go, crying out as release poured from the tight spaces your cunt offered, and onto the sheets below. You wheezed in a few breaths, tired gasps gripping your body.

Chan, within the second, pulled out, just in time for him to let out a pained growl as he came onto his bedsheets. Some of the fluids sullied your legs, but seemed the perfect time as he collapsed right beside you, breathing as heavily as you were. 

You and Chan were the only noise in the room — however, if one could translate emotions into sound, that would be an entirely different matter. 

At least for you. You could barely contain your elation.

An emptiness may be present inside of you, but it was now replaced with a full heart. Fuck, you could not believe you had finally been given pleasure, such unadulterated satisfaction that you wondered whether it truly occurred, or was just another fantasy — this time with Chan’s face plastered rather than your infatuation of the month.

Sensing the said-man move, you turned to your side, smiling to see his stare fixated on you. Shifting closer, he curled a stray lock from your face behind your ear. “How’re you feeling?” he asked gently, hand on your face still.

You laid your head against your arm. “I am so pissed I didn’t break up with Hyunjin sooner.”

Laughing, his fingers trailed downward, sketching onto your collarbone. “You…” he paused, biting his lip with what you saw, surprisingly, as apprehension. “You really liked it?” 

Your eyes darted to the surroundings, smirk spreading across your lips. “I mean, I am an insanely good actress...”

His shock horror had you spluttering into laughter. When he tried to turn his back to you and sulk, you held onto his arm, keeping him in place. “Oh, stop! You know I’m joking, you big oaf.”

Pouting, he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close. “You better be,” he muttered, earning further giggles from his truly. The laughter was replaced with your yawning, which Chan instantly picked up on. “Hey, ____, you should sleep.” He began stroking your hair. “You’re really tired.”

You tried to object, but your intended groans become more deep yawns, proving his point. He passed his fingers over your eyelids, fluttering them close. “I’m not hearing anything else!”

Stinging out your tongue in what you hoped was at his direction, you grudgingly obliged. “Fine.”

You felt him sigh upon your face. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Goodnight, Hyuck.” 

“Nevermind, I hope you have a terrible sleep.”

With your last round of exhausted laughter, you let yourself fall into oblivion, safe in your best friend’s arms. 

YOU WOKE UP WITH CHAN ALREADY GONE.

It was not such a huge disappointment. The man had warned you before that he had to leave early to meet up with his supervisor. In all honesty, maybe it was good he was not there, next to you in his sheets. 

Your hands gripped those very sheets, raising them right under your chin as you looked up to the ceiling, watching the dried swirls of black paint overlapping each other.

“Oh my God.”

Indeed. Here you were, in your best friend’s bed, basking in his scent, in his world. Of course, you always seemed to smell of him, considering you both never seemed to let go of each other, but last night was different.

Obviously, because Bang Chan had never rocked your shit before. 

Your legs began to tingle at the thought. Even the mere memory had you feeling a mysterious sensation all over your body, reminders of the places Chan had looked, touched, tasted. God, you did not think, did not let yourself think further or you’d be calling that man this second.

You knew you had to get up at some point — you had some recording to do today, and more assignments to hand in. You had tasks, obligations to take care of. Unfortunately, the warmth of your best friend’s bed was much too enticing for you to submit to the requests of reality, and so you let yourself lay there for moments longer, in hope you can recreate the scene in your head once more.

There was no lie about this. Bang Chan knew how to fuck you into another dimension. 

Just when you were about to dream into last night, your phone vibrated harshly against the bedside table. Curious, you stretched out your hand, grabbing the object and checking who so rudely disturbed your shameless manifesting.

CHRIS THE PISS: 

just stopped by the medical room,,, want me to get a wheelchair?

CHRIS THE PISS:

cause im sure asf u can’t walk rn 

You rolled your eyes until it hurt. Stupid prick.

YOU:

i haven’t gotten out of bed actually 

CHRIS THE PISS:

oh damn

CHRIS THE PISS:

i PARALYSED u??

CHRIS THE PISS:

why am i so powerful 

“This asshole,” you muttered. 

YOU:

STFUU COCKY MF

CHRIS THE PISS: 

It’s ok you’ll cute in a wheelchair

YOU:

?!?!?!?!!?!

CHRIS THE PISS:

but tell me 

CHRIS THE PISS:

how good was it

This had you pausing. 

CHRIS THE PISS:

outta ten

Now here was a rating you couldn’t bring yourself to confess.

All you wanted to do was give him a solid ten — the man finally offered you a better view of sex and how it can be appreciated, and the way he guided you through it was more than just adequate.

But the thing was, you and Chan hadn’t ever given each other 10/10s.

A perfect score was a rarity in your dynamic; possibly a rating never revealed before because you and Chan had promised each other never to exaggerate on this system. The only time you had ever used the solid ten was when he made you his first ever song at the tender age of nine. At the time, it was a terrible tune, with beats all over the damn place with no form of rhythm, but because he made it especially for you, you voiced your true opinion and rated him the perfect score.

Again, the situation here was different.

So, instead of the truth, you resorted to irritation. 

YOU:

2/10 :)

You waited for his text.

However, you did not receive it.

Only the shrill ringtone of your phone, snapping you further into consciousness. 

Groaning, you swiped right onto the screen, pressing the speaker button.

“Now I know you’re lying!”

Laughing, you propped the phone beside you on the bed, upon the place where Chan would have been. “You got a big ego there, hun.”

“That may be true, but my cock is bigger, so I still win.”

You were glad he was not here — the man would have sensed your embarrassment in an instant. 

It was worse because he was not lying. “Now tell me, Pinocchio,” he continued, voice interrupting as the noise of the students around him came through the receiver. “Out of ten.”

“I already messaged it to you, buddy,” you said impassively, or at least you tried. “A solid two would suffice.”

God, you could almost feel your nose growing.

Perhaps he felt it too, for he answered, with no small amount of pride, “I’m gonna pretend I fucked you so good you forgot how to think properly.”

You could not help gulping, raising the sheets over you. It wasn’t exactly hard on boning, but even so...you really thought for a second you’d lose all feeling in your legs last night.

“Shut up, Chan.”

“Shut up, Chan,” he parroted, which had you threatening to hang up. “Don’t think I’ve let you go on this subject.”

“Try me, buddy,” you jeered.

“And for Christ’s sake, stop calling me ‘buddy’,” he demanded. “Or else I’m pulling a Hyunjin.”

“A Hyunjin?”

“Yeah, a Hyunjin.” You heard the sound of horns blaring at the end of his call. “Ruining your sex life.”

That nearly made you freak. “Damn, I won’t say it again, Christopher Bang, musical name Bang Chan, nicknamed Chris the Piss—”

You heard his chuckling through the phone. “All that for my dick. I must have changed your life, ____.”

Heating up from his stupid comments, you grabbed the phone from the table. “I’ll see you in the studios, asshole.”

His smugness ran rich in his voice. “Buh-bye, baby.”

The minute the call ended, you sighed heavily, clutching the phone to your chest.

He did change your life.

Not necessarily your entire life, but certainly a huge aspect of it. A small part of you was horrified at how easily he shifted your daily balance, making you ponder over him more often, with much more intensity than before. Were you a sex maniac? Were you so deprived of being touched that one night of fun had you begging like a woman starved?

“Whatever,” you groaned, swinging your legs to the side of the bed, and upon the carpet. “Fuck Chan.”

Hopefully tonight.

FUCKING AROUND WITH CHAN MIGHT HONESTLY BE THE BEST DECISION YOU HAVE EVER MADE IN A LONG, LONG TIME.

And you weren’t the one to make good decisions. You get up an hour before the afternoons, drink Pepsi Max to compensate for your lack of water drinkage, and worst of all, you would gladly sell your body for Colin Firth, especially if he dressed himself up as Mr. Darcy at his age. Whatever setbacks you possessed, you knew that this, at least, was a step in the right direction.

Bang Chan may have been as big a loser as you were, but the man made you feel like a powerful entity. Hell, in all the state, with the way he made you act.

Never before had you become so daring — libraries, which were once your place of study, became a rendezvous for his slender fingers inside your cunt. The living room had become a breeding ground, and even your shower was stained of your promiscuity. There was no place left where you and Chan hadn’t done something scandalous, and you wondered, with no small amount of excitement, on how this new side of your friendship with him would progress. 

These thoughts accompanied you as you walked to your destination. It was not far off as you entered campus, and smiled at the few students who passed by.

Soon, you found yourself in the music department, and walked through the familiar halls, littered with posters of different artists and singers in their peak careers. A few trophies were boasted of behind a glass screen, but the surroundings all became irrelevant when you approached your designated music rooms.

Expecting Chan to be inside, headphones adorned, you did not bother knocking, strolling straight into the room. However, you stopped completely when a giant, hoodie-clothed back did not greet you.

Instead, it was a tinier hoodie-clothed back, faded yellow over the trademark black. Although not your best friend, you instantly recognised the alternative, and smiled.

“Jisung!”

The boy did not seem to hear, for he kept bobbing his head, no doubt trying out beats. 

You tiptoed slpwly until you stood right behind him. Then, in a flash, you snapped your hands upon his shoulders.

“Boo!”

A shrill, terrified yell erupted, chair being swivelled suddenly as the back hit against the controls. You took a step back out of shock too, a choked giggle escaping when you beheld the face of Han Probably-shit-his-pants-Jisung. 

“Oh my fucking God,” he rasped out, hand on his chest. He then locked eyes with you, and suddenly his quivering mouth melted into a smile of relief. “Ah, ____!”

“The one and only.” You sat down on the neighbouring chair. “Sorry if I made you shit your pants. It was fully attended.”

“Stop,” he insisted, taking off his headphones and scooting a little closer to you. “These are new jeans as well.”

“Not my fault if you’re a pussy,” you chanted, picking up the headphones, settling them upon your ears. “Can I listen?”

“Of course!” Jisung pressed a few keys on his laptop, and the music began. 

Your eyes widened in surprise to hear pleasant, almost lo-fi background before his voice flooded in, comforting you with his soft lilt and meaningful lyrics. On instinct your head bobbed along to the rhythm of the beat, smiling at the wordplay and the rising vocals.

“Jisung, this is really good!” you exclaimed. The boy waved off the compliment, but you instantly saw his face reddening. “Oh, stop it, you know that you’re one of the best out here.”

If you thought he couldn’t get more flustered, he proved you incredibly wrong. “Don’t say that,” he shrilled, propping his feet up on the chair and hugging his legs tightly. When he saw the look on your face, though, he smiled, teeth and all. “Thank you, ____. It means a lot coming from you.”

“Oh, I’m no musical genius,” you said, pressing the play button to hear his music. “Just a motherfucker who can appreciate a song of the year when she hears one.”

Jisung nearly passed out from your compliment, but you did not take it much into account as you focused all your attention on the piece. It was an undoubted fact that Han Jisung was an extremely talented dude. You already knew you could never compete with him, but he was certainly up to Chan’s level of musical expertise. With all this talent brimming around you, you made a mental note never to make more gifted friends in the future. 

Once the song ended, you took off the headphones, propping them gently upon the table. “I think you’ve inspired me to do some actual work.” 

The boy was still smiling as he reached his hand out, planting it upon your own on the table. “Well, I’m honoured to be your inspiration.” His eyes reached yours, and you were engulfed with his warmth. “The feeling is more than mutual.”

You offered him a grin, and were about to say something when the door opened.

Turning, you were welcomed by Chan’s dark figure at the studio entrance, holding two cups of coffee. Despite his black attire, you found yourself admiring a little too brazenly the bare face he never exposed in public, the beanie hiding his curls, and the tick in his jaw, which heightened further when he took in the scene.

The actions were quick — the darting of his eyes as they started on you, then travelled to your hand, engulfed with another’s. He raised them to the man guilty of the touch, and found himself staring at Jisung, beaming not only from you anymore, but at the arrival of his friend.

The joy was not returned. 

“Chan!” Jisung greeted, letting go of your hand innocently as he ushered your best friend over. 

He nodded in return, gaze back to you as he walked, a little too slowly, to the two of you. He put the two beverages upon the table next to the keyboards. “I didn’t know you were in as well,” he said. After a pause, he added, “I would have gotten another coffee.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” he assured him, even though it did not look like he needed any reassurances. 

Catching onto Chan’s attitude, you slid your coffee to the boy beside you. “I don’t want any right now. You take it.”

You took note of the pursed lips, and ignored it as Jisung widened his eyes. “No, no, it’s okay—”

“Ji, I insist,” you pestered him, driving the cup within his grasp. “You look so tired.”

He offered you a lovely smile before taking the beverage. “Thank you.”

Chan, watching this little conversation, had him clamping his lips together, possibly to not say something stupid. It was a little habit of his, thankfully in action. He slid the other cup to you. “You can have mine.”

You looked up at him. “I’m good, buddy.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Share.”

You rolled your own, taking a sip of the coffee, and thanked yourself for not being petty enough to refuse him. “Fine.” 

Jisung swivelled his chair so he faced Chan, fingers upon his laptop. “Do you wanna listen to the demo?” He grabbed the headphones, holding it out to him. “I’m nearly done with it.”

“You can send it to me later,” was his curt answer, as he took the cup from you and drank. 

You looked at him in exasperation, but the boy nodded in satisfaction, picking his bag off the floor. “That’s chill!” he said, heaving off the chair. “I got all the time, so don’t worry too much about it.”

He then turned to the two of you as he strolled to the door. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you both something.��

“Spit it out, then,” Chan jeered, which had you glaring at him. What the fuck was his problem?

Jisung did not catch on, continuing. “So, later this week, Changbin and I are throwing a party, and I was hoping you both would like to come.”

You perked up at that piece of information. “That’s something I like to hear!” Snatching the coffee cup from your friend, you purposefully took a huge gulp. “Any specific date?”

“I was hoping Friday night.” A small sip of his drink. “We just wanted to have some fun after a difficult week, dissertations and all.” His gaze never faltered from yours. “You in?”

Chan, noticing, settled in the space previously taken, and raised a hand in objection. “Sorry, Ji. ____ and I always do something Friday night. Gotta uphold the tradition.” 

You turned to face him, a brow raised. He wasn’t wrong, in all honesty. But why did he mention it now?

Jisung, too, was a little curious. “Oh?” He fixed the strap of his bag. “I won’t get in the way, then.”

He turned, and you made to open your mouth only to have Chan press a finger to your lips. His brows were furrowed, which you matched until he left the finger as the boy looked back once more. 

“I’ll see you around, guys!” he exclaimed, eyes sliding to you before opening the door, and leaving the studio.

After a few seconds of silence, you faced your friend, who had the audacity to sigh in relief. “What the fuck was that?”

The man shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes you do!” you finished the last of the coffee, throwing the empty cup in the bin nearby. “Why were you being such a dick to Jisung?”

“No I wasn’t,” he only said. “I was being the perfect gentleman.”

“Stop it, man!” You couldn’t believe his stupidity in the situation. “He was being so lovely, asking for your opinion on his music, inviting us to his party and shit. Why were you being so mean?” 

Chan only shook his head, turning away from you as he made to put his headphones on. You, on the other hand, were not going to be satisfied with silence, and grabbed his arm, wrenching him toward you. “Chan?!”

He turned to look at you, and you hitched in a breath — you had never really pondered over your friend’s angered face, nor really drank in his heightened features before. However, in this moment in time, with his eyes darkened, bare face twisted, frizzy morning curls all over the place, you had to stop yourself from the butterflies fluttering downwards. You’re supposed to be mad, not horny.

Your hand upon his arm — his tensed bicep, specifically — seemed almost feeble now. Still, you were glad it was on there, if only to feel his muscle bulge.

Chan studied you and your dazing, and made you jump when he guttered. “What?”

Instantly getting back to the situation, you cursed yourself silently for letting your desires try to take the reins. “I said,” you continued, trying your hardest not to be fazed by his eyes, “Why are you being such a massive prick to Ji?”

He cocked his head slightly, and if he leaned any further his lips would brush against yours. “I’m being a massive prick, ____, because he really fucking likes you.”

You felt hands upon your waist, tugging you off your seat. With a yelp you found yourself upon the man’s lap, hands encircling you fully.

Even though you looked down at him, his stare had you shaking. “And that really fucking pisses me off.”

You couldn’t suppress a shudder, an action which had not gone unnoticed. A smile ghosting his face, he craned his neck upwards, catching your lips and rendering you completely at his mercy. Your fingers went straight in his morning curls, carding through the locks as he captured your bottom lip in his, sucking on it to the point a whine escaped you, helpless and shameful. 

He left a trail of heated kisses down your throat, fingers skirting underneath your cardigan, your shirt, and savouring the skin. His mouth landed on a particular part, grazing his teeth against it as he softly nipped at the skin. Your breath quivered at each flushed kiss he branded upon you, but when his free hand began undoing the top buttons of your shirt, you finally called out his name.

“Chan!” you gasped out, shivering at the lovebites stinging your throat. It did not seem like the man would stop, unbuttoning your shirt just so he could glimpse the sliver of your lacy bra, humming with satisfaction. “Chan, w-wait!”

He paused his actions, tilting his head upwards in irritation. “Do you mind?” he asked, pouting too cutely for his words.

“Yes, I do,” you answered, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Why are you so mad, buddy?”

A harsh scoff was your reply. “Well, first of all, because you never stop calling me that.” 

You pinched the back of his neck, but when he pursed his lips, you leaned in, pressing your forehead against his. “Chan, you’re overreacting. He’s just a motherfucker trying to gain your approval.”

“I think it’s more your approval,” he countered, nuzzling his head against your shoulder. “With the way the asshole can’t keep his name out of your mouth. God! And the way he held your hand? Like you were his one and only?!”

“Jealousy isn’t a cute look on you, hun,” you mused, but in reality, you were lying through your teeth. His jealousy was like fuel to your turned on fire.

“Permission to punch him in the face?” 

“You might have to put a hold to that.” 

“Fuck.”

Raising his head, his agitation grew in his eyes as you beheld him. “He just...goddammit, he just makes me so angry at times.”

You played with his curls. “How angry?”

He held onto you tighter. “9/10.”

That certainly made you do a double take. 

9/10. A rare rating, you noticed with quite some surprise. It did reflect the fury which Jisung unintentionally ignited, but you did not realise how much it truly affected him. The two had always been friends, as far as you were concerned, but you had to admit that Chan never really felt as easy with him as he did with you.

Of course, because you were his closest friend.

“I know,” he said then, snapping you out of your thoughts. “It’s...unreasonable...but I don’t care. I really don’t give a shit.”

Clamping your lips together, you watched him look away, swaying you back and forth upon his lap. Well, you couldn’t have a dear friend sulking away when you knew Jisung meant nothing and less to you.

Suddenly, a very pleasing idea came to mind. 

“Chan,” you murmured, fingernails grazing against his neck.

 Sensing goosebumps form there, you were met with his undecipherable gaze. “Yeah?”

You brushed a chaste kiss to his forehead. “How about,” you began, trailing down to his nose, “I help…” you carried on, another kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Soothe your irritation?”

Although completely compliant to your touches, he grumbled, “The only way you can do that if you consent to me giving Jisung a broken nose.”

“Hmmm…well...” you peppered another kiss, and felt his hands wander lazily once again. “This is a very close second.”

Catching the implications dwelling in your gaze, you could have sworn the man’s breathing halted. His tongue swept along his teeth, and you had a dire wish to replicate that action with your own tongue.

“Come here, then,” he guttered.

The lower octave had you nearly squealing as you pressed your lips fully onto his, giggling when he responded with twice more ardency, the desperation lurking beneath his physique. He pried your mouth open with his tongue, swirling it along with yours as he pressed your body completely against his, refusing to let you go. 

On instinct you grinded against him, sensing the outline of his boner beneath you with no small amount of excitement. He groaned into your mouth at the friction, digging his fingers into your skin.

It was a dire shame you had to break away from the kiss, catching his disappointment. “Tease,” you heard him mumble, which had you pecking his lips quickly before sliding your own down his neck, leaving his skin altogether.

Slumping downward, you kneeled before Chan as he spread his legs before you, struggling down his black trousers till he revealed the angry outline of his erection underneath his dark boxers. You noticed, with pride, how the top of the fabric was stained with arousal. 

“I think your dick is angrier than you around Jisung right now,” you said, failing to contain your amusement. 

Chan’s eyes promised murder. “I’m so glad my cock will shut your stupid mouth up,” he jeered. 

Thank God you were kneeling, cause that comment alone would have made you fall.

Shuffling closer, you raised your hand to his boxers, feeling his clothed length between your fingers. The touch had your friend growling much too loud, a reaction you enjoyed thoroughly. 

“How about a little less teasing,” he seethed, gripping onto the arms of his chair, “And a little more sucking, baby?” 

Baby. You didn’t know why now, of all times, it struck a deep chord within you. His command had you reaching for the waistband, pulling his boxers down until his cock sprang free. 

The image had you remembering your Lord and Saviour. 

You don’t know why you kept forgetting how insanely big Chan’s cock really was. Its length was inside of you on almost a daily basis, so maybe all this foolery had finally gotten to your head. Observing it now, hard and veiny as it curved against his stomach, the only reaction you could offer was your mouth breaking its seams. 

“Staring at it won’t be enough, ____.”

Gulping, you planted one hand upon his leg, the other wrapping around the shaft. Even the slightest contact had the man hissing, making you smirk at his helplessness. Slightly gurgling, you spat on the head, lubing his member with your fingers, and then you began.

A string of groans escaped him as you commenced, a slow rhythm of pumping his cock as your hand moved up and down. The repetition was constant, neverending as Chan’s grip on his chair threatened to snap the plastic, but you dared not slow down. You knew this was not how he gained his satisfaction — he needed a perfect graduality, a refined art-like stroke or else he’d lose his high. Fortunate for him, though, you never let him down.

You increased your pumping, sensing him containing his moans. You could feel him holding back, but that didn’t stop you at all. In fact, that only had you progressing to the next step, an action that would have him screaming your name.

Shifting even closer, you spread his legs further, Chan’s eyes rooted to you as you directed the tip to your mouth. Letting your tongue free, you swept it along the shaft, and sure enough, an obscenely loud moan emitted from his truly. Chuckling, you carried on, trailing all the way up to the head and ending your journey with an ironically chaste kiss. Staring up at him, you smugly observed his lust-struck face, mouth releasing irregular breaths already. You couldn’t wait to have him curse at you.

Eyes back on the task at hand, you grabbed the base of his cock, opening your mouth. Slowly, aggravatingly slow, you sunk down, taking in inch by inch — Chan pushed his hips forward, and you nearly gagged at the impact of his head hitting the back of your throat. 

“Shi-shit baby,” he sputtered, watching you in awe at your work. “You better tell me if you don’t want your throat fucked.”

You answered him with your progression, slowly releasing his cock from your lips, tongue licking his slit before descending back on him again. You tried to be slow — you didn’t want to go straight to deepthroating, but the way Chan choked out his curses was sweet encouragement. Holding his dick still, you began bobbing your head and down, shallow at first, testing the waters.

When the man instinctively began bucking his hips, pushing his cock into your mouth further, you opened your jaw wider, taking in the remaining inches. The gag reflex kicked in like a bitch, but you refused to cease your labour as you increased your pace. Chan leaned in a little, caressing your cheeks as he rutted against your mouth.

“God, you’re fucking perfect, baby,” he cooed breathlessly. “So good for taking my cock like that.”

Unable to smile, you answered him with your hands, now playing with his balls, slapping them slightly to make him groan out in pleasure, head laid back against the chair. “I’m close, ____,” he warned, never stopping his own thrusts. You hoped he never would, when his end was so near.

Taking all of him in, you pressed your hands on his legs, urging you to look at him. With one final home run, you hollowed in your cheeks, surrounding his entire cock in your mouth as you imprisoned him with your hooded gaze.

The image of you, a beautiful ruination, was his undoing. 

Chan let out a vicious string of curses as he released, ropes of cum spilling inside your mouth. He slumped into the chair, breathing in the entire county’s worth of oxygen as all energy left him. This time, to add to his lust-driven shock, you swallowed his release, thanking your lucky stars that your friend finally listened and ate some fruit. His cum, at last, tasted more than bearable. 

After a few silent moments, the man finally raised himself from the dead, sighing as he beheld you kneeling still. “I think I can’t live without you.”

Chuckling, you heaved yourself up, legs unsteady. “That’s just your inner horny speaking,” you said, nearly falling over on your own feet. Quickly, Chan brought you back onto his lap again, creating an iron grip around you.

“Think what you like,” he began, peppering small kisses on your neck. “But your head game is stronger than my will to punch Jisung, that’s for sure.”

You hummed as he plunged his teeth upon a certain spot, pressing your legs together. “It better be.”

Finding your lips, he lazily kissed you, hands skirting higher as you move your mouth against his, never tired from his touches. 

“Have we christened the studio yet?” The man asked in between kisses, pushing his chair forward till your back hit the table. 

You shook your head no, already sensing his unbearable grin. You could not help returning his enthusiasm.

And as you both continued in your shameless arrangements, there was one thought that lingered in your head. 

There was absolutely no way you were going to that party. 

OF COURSE YOU WERE GOING TO THAT PARTY.

You looked to the building, the whole ground floor alight with different, ever-changing lights, and a dim pandemonium welcoming your ears. Your phone pinged with messages, but you dutifully ignored them, taking a deep breath as you took a step inside.

Greeted with a half-full hallway, it was not hard to find the party house, greeting awkwardly to a few drunk acquaintances before entering Jisung’s dorm. You were instantly hit by the smell of sweat and alcohol as the noise of popular music made your ears ring in discomfort. An abundance of students were cramped as they danced along to the tunes, screaming and laughing and simply enjoying themselves. 

While observing the scene, a small part of you wished your best friend was with you, an arm slung around you as he makes a comment on the specific people dancing rather terribly in the centre. You could already imagine him in his Friday attire, midnight-kissed with gold chains dangling off his belt, rings adorning his fingers and a little makeup to elevate his already exquisite features. Maybe, if you had insisted, he would have let you paint his nails, something which you adored on him. 

Fuck, you thought, searching through the crowd for a place to get a drink. Maybe you shouldn’t have come. 

You shook your head, though, beginning to squeeze through the partygoers. No. You can’t let Chan win in this.

And so you found your way to the kitchen, cans of beer, vodka and tequila stacked in broken pyramids to drink away. Just as you made to grab the Smirnoff your hand brushed against another’s. You turned to the direction, and beamed to see Jisung holding out the can for you.

“____!” he exclaimed, barely heard from the commotion yet could feel his joy radiating from him. “Don’t you have a thing with Chan on Fridays?”

“Well, that can happen every Friday, Ji, but your party was only today,” you answered him, and he was more than satisfied. 

He grabbed the same drink as yours, cracking it open as he looked at you, stare lingering upon your black dress. “I’m really glad you came, love.”

You blinked at the sudden endearment, but before you could say anything Changbin had interrupted the both of you, threatening to bring the roof down with his whining.

“Pleeease Ji, get me away from her!” he begged, holding onto Jisung’s arm and rocking it back and forth. “She keeps tryna drag me into the bedrooms and I can’t do it with her, bro!”

The boy adorned hints of irritancy, but he let himself be led by his friend, glazing at you. “Wait for me,” he requested.

His answer was a little wave, which he returned dutifully as he began to berate his friend for tearing him away from you. Raising your eyebrow, you turned back to the alcohol, finding some soda water and pouring it into the empty cups along with the Smirnoff. You would have drank the vodka straight from the bottle but you decided against drinking your tits off tonight. You didn’t really have a great desire for intoxication. 

You cursed at a few passersby as they bumped against you, nearly knocking the drink off your hands. Fixing your dress, you took the first sip, relishing the strong taste. The songs kept changing, the dancing getting wilder, and at this rate you knew someone was going to get handsy soon. 

Drinking away, you snapped the cup on the table beside you, waiting for Jisung to come back. 

Why did you even come here? 

You instantly soured at the thought.

Still, you could not help pondering further.

You should have stayed home. With him.

You groaned out loud.

It was ridiculous how you were unable to have any idea which didn’t centre around that prick. If he did not want to join you that was on him. 

Then were you feeling miserable?

Great. You poured yourself some more diluted vodka. Now you’re a full-time simp.

That helped you down the drink some more. At least this time, in fortunate circumstances, you were not a lightweight, and so were still completely aware of your surroundings. 

Aware enough to see a more tousled Jisung stagger toward you, giggling like a little child. 

You watched him lunge towards the tequila cans and crack one open, downing half the thing in one go. “Careful, Ji, or you’ll fall to your death!” you warned him, laughing as he exhaled with great exaggeration. 

He staggered to where you were standing, slumping against the wall and taking another can. “I’m so sorry!” he simpered, much too loudly for your sober ears. 

You raised a brow, about to ask him for what but he was already answering your question. “I made you wait so looong!” he dragged, drinking some more. “Look at you! Leaving you all alone.”

“Gee, thanks,” you said dryly, crossing your arms, drink still in hand. “Just say I have zero friends.” 

“Hey, don’t say that!” You were taken aback by Jisung grabbing onto your arm, pulling him to you. He looked you dead in the eyes, wide and alive. “You do not have zero friends!” he declared, louder than before. “I’m your friend.”

Your poor ears hurt like a bitch, but you smiled at his words. “Yes, indeed you are,” you said in earnest. “Thank you, Jisung.”

It was then he blinked slowly, parting his lips as his fingers upon your arm began to wander. “But I wish you didn’t think like that.”

His touch did not go unnoticed at all. You looked at him, raising a brow, but that action went unnoticed. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, you’re a smart girl,” he slurred, voice still soft and innocent as his hand travelled to your shoulder. “You know exactly what I mean.” 

Freezing up, you felt the pads of his fingers caress your face. When he tilted his head, you finally saw what he had been trying to show you since the start of the year, the emotions he was too drunk to hide any longer. 

Lust. Pure lust swirling in his eyes. 

It was like a lightbulb had finally switched on in your grape-sized brain.

“Oh my God!”

Instantly, you pressed your hands to Jisung’s chest, pushing him completely off. He nearly fell flat on his ass, but grabbed the table just in time to stagger back to balance. He glanced upwards, and you saw his eyes widen.

“____?” he got out, but you raised a finger, which he was still intelligent enough to figure out to shut up.

“Ji, what the fuck?” You slapped your drink down on the table, making him jump. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, taking another can. “But it’s the truth, damn it, and I’m tired of having to pretend all the time about it!”

Fuck, you suddenly thought, realising that you needed to get out of this crammed residence. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Jisung, look—” you started, but he groaned out loud, waving off your answer.

“No, no, I know what you’re gonna say.” He then did a terrible impression of you, simpering, “Oh, Ji, I can’t go out with you because I’m soooo in love with my best friend in the whole wide world!”

You snapped your head to his direction. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me clearly!” He finished off his nth can. “Okay, maybe it isn’t a Romeo and Juliet shit going on, but I know something is going on between you two!”

A laugh huffed out of you, but the boy was not convinced. “We’re just friends. Good friends, that’s all.”

Your answer was a hysterical bout of laughter, confusing you even further. “Come on, ____. I’m stupid, but not completely braindead.”

He took a step closer to you, careful of your hands still. “I know Chan practically adores you.”

This little statement made your shit freeze. “Stop it,” you murmured.

“Why?” he demanded. “Because I’m saying something the both of you refuse to listen to?” 

“It’s none of your business,” you snapped. “Don’t get mad because I don’t wanna go out with you.”

“I’m not mad because of that.” With one last tequila can, he grabbed it, turning on his heel. “I’m mad because the both of you keep lying to yourselves.” 

Before you could counter back, the boy stumbled away from you, hollering to the crowd to leave some space on the dance floor for him. You wondered for a second how he’d handle dancing when he could barely walk properly, but then your thoughts drifted back to the more dire subject at hand.

“Fuck,” you cursed out loud this time. 

There it was. The question you should have addressed ever since you started this arrangement with Chan.

Were you really just friends? 

You knew the question to that yourself. Both you and him had transcended past that point now, and in a horrifying realisation, you didn’t mind it that much. After experiencing his touch, his whispers, you doubt that you could ever see him as a friend again. 

But...to be more?

Fuck indeed. You had a lot to think about tonight.

“But first,” you muttered, “To be out of this stupid party.” 

Quickly, after taking two Smirnoff cans, you squeezed past the million drunkards, making your way to the exit. When you were out of the residence, you breathed in the cool night air, a rarity in these sweaty dorm rooms. 

You had a small hope, as you walked down the lanes, that Chan would be there, right at the entrance as you left, but he was not there. He had a little habit of going wherever you were supposed to be if you were not home at the expected time, worried sick if you had drank or done something more stupid than usual. 

But he was not here today. Maybe going to Jisung’s party made him extremely pissed.

There was a reason he rated it 9/10.

Soon, you were at your building, entering inside and finding your door at the very end of the hallway. Fishing out the keys, you slid them into the lock, careful of the cans, hearing the click! of the unlocking.

Your hand rested upon the doorknob. Eyes staring at the lifeless colour of the door, you closed your eyes, letting out a deep breath.

Stop worrying. Chan is your best friend.

You turned the knob.

Your best friend.

Pushed the door open. Stepped inside.

Right?

“Back so soon?” 

Your body shivered at the words. Quickly walking inside the living room, you found the back of the sofa greeting you as per usual, with Chan’s head peering on top as he watched the TV. Walking further, you noticed yours and his favourite show playing on the screen.

“Yeah, it was quite boring, but the real question is,” you began, irritation marring your features, “Why are you watching this without me?” 

He didn’t even glance back at you, nor pause the TV. “Oh, I don’t know, ____, maybe because it’s Friday night, and it’s our thing to do this every time? Do tell me if I’m wrong!”

“Shut up, Chan,” you seethed, dumping the Smirnoff on the coffee tables in front of him. “This is the one time I missed this, so stop being such a baby.”

“Oh, so you tell me to shut up,” he jeered, snapping the remote on the table, making you jump slightly. “Fine, I’ll shut up. You won’t hear a word from me again.”

You took a glimpse of his face, and caught this cold fury simmering beneath his skin. Oh no. Had you going to Jisung’s party made him this angry? It was beyond nonsensical now. Bang Chan was the most reasonable man you ever befriended.

Taking in the emotions inhabiting on his face, however, proved otherwise.

I know Chan practically adores you.

The memory brought chills all over you again. 

Making your way into the kitchen, you figured to make yourself a midnight snack, hearing the crack! of a can opening behind you. Asshole, you refused to voice out loud, but opened the fridge, taking out leftovers and heating it up in the microwave.

“Anything interesting happened, then?” you heard the dry question travel to you. 

Scoffing, you turned, taking out your food. “Oh, I thought I wasn’t hearing a word from you again.”

Your best friend’s smile was anything but sweet. “Well, I figured if you weren’t going to tell me things, I had to ask you myself.”

That snatched any faux amusement you might have harboured. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“You know what the fuck that means!” he snapped, getting up from the couch, pausing the screen. “I can’t believe you’re not telling me.”

“How about a little less attitude and a little more truth, you prick,” you rebuked, putting the cartons on the kitchen counter. 

“Fine, I’ll tell you the truth that you’re too much of a pussy to say yourself!” He thundered into the kitchen, Smirnoff still in hand. 

You backed up against the counter when he caged you with his glare. “Since when did you start going out with Jisung?”

Instantly your brows furrowed. “Who the fuck told you that?” 

“Shit, I knew that bastard wanted to get in your pants,” he roared. “And you let him use you!”

“Woah, woah, buddy, slow down there!” You raised your hands in objection. “I’m not dating Jisung!”

“What?” He took a gulp of the vodka, confusion mixing with his fury. “You’re not?”

“Of course not, the fuck?! Who told you this?”

“He—” but then the cogs turned in Chan’s head, and suddenly it made sense to him. “Oh, for Christ’s sake!”

“What happened?” you asked, but he was drinking some more, cursing himself for even believing such nonsense. “Chan?”

“That son of a bitch called me before you came,” he started, swirling his drink in the can. “And I don’t know why he did, but he kept telling me to back off from you.”

You let out a low curse, but your friend was not finished. “I told him to get some sleep, cause clearly he wasn’t right in the head, but then...he said some words which literally shut me up.”

Then, you saw him hitch in an uncertain breath. “____, he bragged that he asked you out and...and you said yes.” 

His reaction had you widening your eyes, mouth parting just a little. “And, damn it, I thought that this is why she’s so nice to this little fucker, giving him my coffee, or missing Friday night for his stupid party. Hell, even suggesting him first to be her friends-with-benefits.

“Because maybe she liked Jisung all along.”

You watched in horror as he finished his drink, crumbling the can and throwing it in the bin beside you. A shuddered breath escaped you at the explanation, but you sucked it in once more when you blinked back the sheer intensity of this man’s stare. 

“So...yeah.” He ruffled his hair, breaking the stare as he looked away, face flushing with colour. “That’s why I just...yeah.”

A small part of you melted at his words, and his now embarrassment after expressing his desperate worry for you and your potential relationship.

Still, you had some problems that needed solving. “Chan, then why were you so angry at me?!”

You crossed your arms. “You didn’t even wait to hear what I had to say on the matter.”

“I don’t know, okay?!” he exclaimed, propping his hands to his sides. “I heard Jisung saying all that bullshit, and at the time I was so pissed that…”

“I can’t believe you’d think I’d go out with him, you dumbass!”

“Well, I don’t know, he’s just such a nice guy like you keep saying, and all that flowery poetry for him just went straight into my head!” 

The situation almost seemed comical now. “Oh my God, did you really think I liked him?!

“Of course” he cried out, slapping his hands on the counter top next to you, unable to let you escape. As if you even wanted to. “Of course I thought that or else I wouldn’t be shitting my pants all night!”

“Then you’re the dumbest fucking prick I’ve ever met!” you screamed, as you grabbed hold of his hoodie, pulling him closer to you. “Because I don’t like him!

“I like you!”

“Well, I like you too, you stupid bitch!” 

The confession had you both stopping, preventing the two of you going deaf from your shouting. The whole fight was completely ridiculous, but when you looked at each other, drinking in the words that just left your lips, the realisation finally dawned on you. 

I like you too.

Well, shit. There it was.

The one thing you’d been hiding ever since you decided to fool around with him. 

Maybe this was the last way you wanted to tell him, shouting out your declaration to prove his suspicions wrong. It was almost like something out of an unfunny American sitcom — this weird, comic deflation, but at least it was out in the open now.

You had finally told him of your feelings. 

A pinch of that anger brewing within his features settled a little, hands still fisted on your sides. His eyes darted on every point of your face, as if he’s trying to memorise every inch, every detail etched upon your skin. 

Although his blatant awe made you flustered, the aching inside spoke for you. “Are you going to keep staring all night or just kiss me already?” 

God, you were such a bitch.

Chan seemed to think so too. “Nevermind, I fucking hate you,” he snarled, capturing your lips with his in an instant. You smiled against his mouth as you kissed him back with the same intensity, the same need which spread like wildfire in your body.

Kissing him should have become a routine with the amount of times you did it, but every locking of your lips with his sent you in a frenzy, lust-driven emotions spiralling out of control. You welcomed his tongue inside your mouth, the strong taste of tequila and desperation enlivening your inner workings, heightening your need for him, him, and only him.

His hands had no restrictions — the pads of his fingers had their very own needs, their own desire to feel every crevice of your body, your every curve and corner till you have no secret stored in your figure which they did not know of. You welcomed their ravaging, embraced their interrogation as they tried to uncover everything you held dear. 

Once these hands found a weakness in the form of your dress altogether, they cleverly found an opening, reaching for the end of your dress lined at your thighs. His fingers hitched the hem upwards, skirting it higher until it bunched at your waist, revealing a red, silken thong, embroidered with black thread. You relished in Chan practically salivating all over the image, but his lust slapped him out of his dazing, and hurried to get it off, hands slipping it down your legs until it was discarded on the kitchen floor. 

In an instant the man thrust two fingers inside of you, stretching your walls and creating a hypnotic rhythm of removing and inserting them back again. Your moans could bring down the whole residence, but none of you cared when Chan was scissoring you with his digits on the kitchen counter, desire radiating off his stature, and a determination to completely ruin you stark on his face. 

“M-more!” You begged, knowing you could take it, and you were rewarded with a third finger, filling you up as you cried out in pleasure. His mouth quietened you, sucking on your lower lip and then taking all of you, had you delirious, but this insanity only progressed as the thrust of his fingers hit lighting speed. 

The three digits had quickened your potential release, right on the tip of your cunt if he did not stop. “I’m g-gonna—fuck—!” 

You were interrupted as Chan’s lips left yours, trailing down to your neck, collarbone, brushing his teeth between your chest as he fell to his knees. Pulling you forward, on the edge of the countertop, he spread your legs apart, cock twitching at the drenched cunt which awaited him, like a feast displayed for a starved, wild animal. 

Looking up at you, he growled, “Cum when I say so, understand?”

Your hurried nods was all he needed as he dove right in, tongue sliding up your slit, lapping up your arousal as if it was an eternal cure. He fastened his stroke as he welcomed in his sight your clit, swiping his tongue along the bud. 

You moaned out his name like a cry for help, and he answered at first ring when his fingers still laboured, faster and faster, along with his heavenly tongue licking your clit like ice cream on a summer's day. 

“Chan, please—!” You choked out, one hand carding through the man’s hair, driving his face deeper into your cunt. “Please, I need to cum!”

Completely ignoring you, he carried on his ravishing, making you shake your legs to a point your body was beyond your control — you were at his mercy when his head was between your legs, when he prodded at your core as if it was no one else’s but his. 

When Chan brushed against your g-spot, it took every muscle in your body not to cum on his face then and there. He was being cruel; this was punishment for going to that party, justice for choosing Jisung’s company over his.

You did not know punishment felt so pain-stakingly amazing. 

Calling out his name for the last time, you knew that if the man carried on, you would go against his wishes and free yourself of the burden pushing down on your gut. Gripping onto his hair hard enough to rip right off, Chan spared a single glance at you from above, licking his lips off your mess.

“Cum for me, baby.”

That was the first time you came that night. Shaking as you freed your juices unto him, he gladly accepting the release. It was like you possessed a vessel of your release, the way you kept it inside for so long. He could never refuse though, when he knew he was responsible for driving you down that road of vulnerability. 

However, even with all of that, you still wanted more. 

And as Chan ascended on his feet, yanking his fingers out of you, he saw it in your eyes. The uncontainable passion. The unadulterated desire. 

All for him. All. For him.

Your best friend’s smile was positively wicked.

“I will completely ruin you, ____.”

He was upon you like a beast, no mercy upon your lips as he bruised them with his teeth, your pleas drowned out by his mouth as he lifted you in his arms. His kisses never ceased as he led you in his bedroom, nearly ripping the hinges at the sheer intensity of slamming his door shut. 

Throwing you on the bed, your breath whooshed out of you at the free fall, heart running miles as you witnessed Chan take his shirt off, his entire chest glistening with sweat, no doubt from the work he put in mere minutes ago. 

Upon you in seconds, his mouth robbed you of any more oxygen, prying it open as he attempted to unzip your dress from the back. Then, pressing open-mouthed kisses down your throat, he tried to loosen the zipping, but the damned thing got stuck in it’s trail, unable to satisfy. 

Letting out an angry growl, he damned the dress when, using his hands at the front, he ripped the fabric in half, completely down to the hem. 

“My dress!” You gasped out, watching him discard the torn fabric as if it were a minor inconvenience in his path.

You were cut off by his mouth, scorching you down to the bone. “I’ll buy you ten more, baby,” he muttered, skimming his hands down your bare sides.

You had the audacity to roll your eyes at his words. “Why do you keep forgetting you’re a college student?”

It seemed Chan did not take kindly to your comment. “Shut your fucking mouth,” he snapped, resulting in you leaking right onto his sheets. 

That kept you wilfully obedient, and rightfully so, when he unclipped your bra, tossing it to the side, and settled upon your breasts. Grinding his clothed cock upon your bare slit, he licked your right nipple, making you whimper out at him. His reply was swirling his finger on your left nipple, toying with your body as if it was his plaything. You would have had a right mind to shout at him if he didn’t bring such euphoria along with it. 

“Chan,” you whispered, gripping onto the sheets as he continued sucking your breasts. “Chan, I...I need you to fuck me already.”

He paused his assault on your bud, raising a groomed brow. “What do you say to that?” He asked, too calmly in a crazy situation like this. 

Of course, he wanted to make you beg. Considering you did not care the least for your self respect, or lack thereof, you completely obliged him, rutting your bare cunt upon his trousers. 

“Please, Chan. Please.”

Hearing the little pleases had him kissing you insane as he urged you to take his pants off. You willingly obeyed, tossing the clothing along with his Calvins, and when his cock sprung me you felt the inside of your mouth water at the sight. 

The man hovered just above you as he positioned his dick right at the entrance, poking between the folds. “Say the magic word, now, baby,” he commanded quietly, and just for the last time, you had to be the most annoying person in the world. 

“Donghyuck!”

The second that damned name slipped out of your mouth, you completely regretted it as instead of making sweet, slow love to you, Bang Chan thrusted his cock so hard into you your whole body flinched with the impact. You couldn’t suppress the whimper that escaped, tears settling in your eyes, but alas, your best friend had little sympathy for you. 

“Bitch,” he seethed, pulling out, widening your eyes only to have him slam his cock back into you, sending you into another universe entirely. 

You envied his strength — you could barely hold onto his arms while his grip on you could probably compete with the Earth’s gravity, stable and safe and inescapable. He imprisoned you in his hold as he pulled out slowly, and then drove back inside, but you wanted to be in this cage, to never leave his midnight eyes that offered something other than rage and lust and humour. You dared not wonder what it might be, but when you closed your eyes, your mind began to ponder, float amongst the stars of ideas and questions which defined your relationship.

As Chan began to fasten his pace, thrusts more erratic, you held onto his dark curls, mouth never refraining every moan and whine which he fucked out of you. There he was, the man who deemed you worthy of being pleasured, despite risking your decade old friendship to see you have the same advantages as any old person who was sexually frustrated.

But this man did not just give you any old advantages — he offered the whole world in his hands to you, knelt before you, fulfilled your every waking desire, held onto you before you could ever slip away into the chaos of your mind. Even now, with you getting lost into the galaxies of his eyes, it was solely his hands which were the anchor to reality, a reality he made better by his offer. 

Bang Chan, your very best friend. 

When he caught the tenderness radiating on your face, he could not help stealing a little for himself, moulding his lips upon yours as he pistoned you in the bed. It was perhaps this small warmth, along with his perfect rhythm of his cock that had you crying out, barely able to contain your second release.

You broke away from the kiss, and uttered his name like a prayer. “Chan,” you whimpered, not needing to say anything for him to realise that you were so very near.

He pressed his forehead against yours, unable to keep away from you. “Fine then,” he grumbled. “I’ll go easy on you.

“Cum for me, ____.”

The words weren’t fully out when you stained Chan’s bed with your release, pushing through the tiny spaces in your walls. He, too, let out an aggravated cry as he spilled into you, most mingling along with your cum upon the sheets. 

A heavy silence fell upon the both of you, both of your breathing harmonising with each other in the cold midnight. Chan toppled on the side of the bed next to you, closing his eyes as he breathed from his mouth, chest rising unevenly.

For minutes none of you said anything to each other, simply basking in each other’s peace. You felt the eyes of your best friend, and locked them with yours.

You decided to break the silence first. 

“I’m sorry for saying his name.”

Brilliant. Why would you mention that stupid idol once again? 

Chan, surprisingly, burst into laughter. You were caught completely off guard, but seeing his smile lighten up his face had you reflecting his happiness. 

“You are,” he rasped out, holding onto his stomach, “The most annoying bitch I’ve ever met.”

“Hey!” You exclaimed, smacking him on his arm, which he responded with threats of pushing you off the bed. “You wouldn’t dare!”

His hands were upon you in seconds, steering you at the edge of the mattress. He cackled at your shocked yelping, and you glared at him as he pushed you away from the edge, and into his arms. “Asshole,” you murmured, burying your face in his chest, which he gladly welcomed as he stroked your hair softly with his fingers. 

You both found solace in each other’s embrace for a little while before Chan let go of you. “Hey, I completely forgot, but...I got you something while you were out.”

Your eyes perked up at the idea of a gift, which the man tutted when he noticed. “Greedy whore,” he crowed, getting out of the bed as he strolled to his desk, grabbing a brown paper bag. His marble-cut ass was out for you to see, and you took full advantage, watching it with no small amount of admiration. 

“Enjoyed the view?” He asked innocently as he slithered right back into bed again, offering you the paper bag. Sticking your tongue out at him, you took the offer, opening it up to see what was so special inside.

Catching sight of the gift had you bursting into a smile.

“Chan!”

You whipped the goods out of the bag, hand on your mouth.

The man bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling too wide. “You like it?”

“You like it?” You parroted, already digging in. “Where did you even find these?”

“Oh, I visited my mom earlier in the day, and she got the cookies from the old shop,” he explained, taking one of the sweets for himself. “I instantly thought of you as she gave them to me, so I saved them for you.”

You widened your eyes in affection. These sweets may have been normal, bakery cookies, but they held a significance for the both of you: these cookies were what started the whole trend of you and Chan rating certain objects or situations for each other, and whenever you were on an academic break, you made sure to drag your friend back to our hometown, where you could always grab a dozen of your favourite snack.

“Thank you for these, bud,” you said, eating away the first cookie. “I think they’ve become better than an eight now.”

Chan hummed in agreement, finishing off his one too. Licking the crumbs off his fingers, he then turned to you, a question riddled all over his face. “Hey, ____?”

“Yeah?”

When he didn’t say anything, you focused your attention on him, propping your head on your elbow. You saw with slight surprise that his cheeks were reddening by the second.

“Chan?”

“It’s just…” he raised his hand, holding your own. “I’ve been thinking about…all of this.”

You raised your brows, refusing to reveal the dread rising in your gut. “Us?”

“Yeah, us,” he confirmed, stroking his thumb across your fingers. “Now, remember that you’ll always be my best friend, okay, like I don’t want you thinking that this would be the end of us or something—”

“Get to the point, buddy,” you hurried along, earning a glare from him.

Then, he licked his lips in anxiety, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Hand never leaving yours, he pinned you with a stare, making you even more nervous.

He parted his mouth. 

“____, would you like to go on a date with me?”

You blinked. 

Your delayed reaction had Chan groaning. “Fuck, nevermind, just forget I said anything!” He swiped his hand away from yours, holding his head in shame. “I should have kept my big mouth shut, your bad habits are really growing on me—”

“Yes.”

Your best friend paused. 

Turned, ever so slowly, towards you. 

“What?”

You could not contain your smile as you took his hand once more. “I’ll go on a date with you, you big oaf.”

For a second you truly believed you had killed off Chan with that declaration. Then, his face exploded into pure joy, and he tackled you in a massive hug, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“Oh my fucking God!” he cursed, “Don’t do that to me again!”

You laughed heartily as you put him at arms’ length. “You were the one doing mental gymnastics!” 

Refusing still to let go of you, he played with your hair as he clamped on his lips. “One more thing.”

“Shoot.”

“How good was I?” He looked at you, a vulnerable expression etched onto his beautiful features. “You know...with all of this.”

You stared at him, drinking in his face, his every detail, as if you had all the time in the world. Firstly, you had a right mind to pull his leg one more time, but you feared that if you made fun of him again, he might die of a heart attack.

And you still had many more years of tormenting your best friend.

So you brought him towards you, pressing your lips onto his. He seemed very much obliged to go deeper, but you pulled away just as quickly, offering him a ghost of a smile.

“I think you were a 10/10,” you whispered. “From start till finish.”

Hearing the score, and sensing your sincerity along with it, had him in near tears. He enveloped your mouth with his, backing you against the divan as he expressed his affection within the rhythm of his lips. 

When he pulled away, still mere inches from you, he said the words he’d been meaning to say since the day he first laid eyes on you — since the day you two contacted this system, since the day he knew your rating as if he knew his own name.

“Well, baby, you’ve always been a 10/10 for me.”

[bastillewolf]

Hello idk if the requests are still going but if not then its okay ignore this and if they are please don't over work yourself and you don't need to do my request if you don't want to just stay healthy and eat well and drink lots of water we all live your work (and are simps for corpse-)

The ask : could I ask for a corpse husband x reader where they used to get shipped together before they even meet each other and when they meet each other corpse goes soft for reader and they play two rounds In among us together where they are imposters together and corpse is an imposter alone in the other round

Reader info : reader has a very soft voice and is a softie and the pronounce is she/her or they/them ( as you wish)

Again you don't gotta do it if you don't want to

Thanks so much for the ask, An. I was feeling like shit and this was a lot of fun to write. I’m sorry though, I completely read over the part where the reader was supposed to have a soft voice. I’ll see if I can make another one with this specification sometime. Also, I wrote this rather quickly because I’m watching Twilight for the first time and now my feelings are hurt.

#CorpseBride - Oneshot

Pairings: Corpse / Reader

Twitter wasn’t really your forte, but you knew how to get around. It’s just that you never really had the time to check it, let alone to see what’s on the trending page every single day. At the very least, you were capable of replying to your friends’ stuff and letting your viewers know when you were streaming or when a new video would be up. Again, you weren’t a pro, but you got by.

Until you didn’t.

“Hey, everyone,” you greeted, and immediately went to change your Among Us figure to its usual colour and outfit before someone else took it.

Everyone welcomed you, while it seemed Toast was still busy trying to get a last person to join.

“Whaddup, baby,” Corpse’s shot out from the rest of them. It was pure teasing, something he’d grown quite comfortable with ever since people had blatantly started simping for his voice. “Nothing much, honey. How’ve you been?” You cheekily replied. “Pretty good. Streaming still makes me nervous, though.” “You greeted me with ‘Whaddup, baby’ and then proceed to tell me you’re nervous? Don’t get upset when I say that I don’t believe you.” He chuckled at that.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Impostor

“Ha!” you called out, “I doubt this will soothe your nerves, Corpse. You’re teamed up with me now.” You sneaked in a glance at chat. “We are not an old married couple! If anything, he can be my bitch for this round. I’m just not gonna murder anyone.”

And that’s basically how it went. He managed to kill three people and still wasn’t being sussed. “Alright, I think I’ve tortured him enough,” you laughed, “I’ll even spare Sykkuno for the man.”

You managed to corner Toast and killed him in a corner where the water wheels were, before heading out into admin. You vented until you found Corpse in Labs and jumped out. It was right when Sykkuno walked in.

“Oh, god no. Please, Sykkuno.”

Your kill count still wasn’t down yet and he was obviously planning to run straight out the door to hit the emergency button, but he was stopped. Corpse had murdered him in an instant.

Your mouth was hanging open. “Did… Did he just kill Sykkuno for me?” Chat was going absolutely wild. “What the fuck just happened?” You decided to report the body anyway.

“I can’t fucking believe it,” Corpse growled, “Not my best friend, Sykkuno.”

You had to mute yourself to keep the laughter at bay. Corpse evidently vouched for you, saying you’d walked in on the body together. Felix was sussed and voted out.

“Corpse, you killed me!” Sykkuno cried out.

“I’m so sorry, Sykkuno! I wanted to spare you but you walked in at the wrong time!” You pleaded.

“Sacrifices had to be made,” Corpse merely responded.

“Wait, what happened?” Sean asked.

“I walked in on one of them venting and then Corpse killed me!”

“Collateral damage. You watched me get killed one time, too.”

“Blame me, Sykkuno. It was my fault,” but you were laughing as you said it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard such regret coming from an imposter,” Sean laughed along, “Also, why the fuck were you two being so slow? Three meetings in and you’d only killed three people.”

“Corpse was simping for me,” you replied.

“I was not.”

“Yes, you were. Otherwise you would’ve asked me what the hell I’d been doing that entire time.”

“Fuck off,” he laughed.

“Corpse is an UWU-boy!”

“Oh my god, you guys are already trending.”

“Wait, what?”

Your phone was being blasted off to space, getting tons of messages with the hashtag #CorpseBride. It was number 1 trending on Twitter.

“So… whaddup, baby?”

“Oh no, you better buy me a drink first.”

“Sure.”

 You hadn’t thought he’d been serious in that moment, until he’d asked you to meet up after the game had ended. You hesitantly agreed, but reminded him that he absolutely did not have to participate in this just for the meme. “I’m not doing this for the meme,” he’d said, “I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while, I just never knew how. It seemed like the perfect timing.”

You met him at his apartment, knowing how he was about going out in public, and feeling extremely nervous. You’d brought takeout, and because you hadn’t been sure what he wanted you’d ordered way too much. Upon opening the door, he looked at you, down at the bag, and said, “Shit, you got food?” Not really knowing what else to say, you simply replied, “Uh, yeah.”

“Well, I guess we’ll have lots of leftovers, then.”

He smiled, gave you a hug that ended way too fast and left you paralyzed for a minute, and then invited you in. It turned out he’d already ordered food, too. “Plenty to choose from,” he laughed awkwardly. “Uh… You got any neighbours who might want some?” you asked.

“I-I don’t really talk to anyone outside of my friend group.”

“Oh, of course. I could go around, if you’d like.”

“You’d do that for me?”

You furrowed your brows. “Of course I would. Why not?”

“Alright, but let me at least come with you. You just do the talking.”

Three knocks at three different doors later, and someone accepted the offer and took over some of the food. “Hang on a minute,” the elderly man said, clad in only his pyjamas and a bathrobe, managing to make the situation even more uncomfortable, “Aren’t you my neighbour? You always scurry off before I get the chance to talk to you!”

You looked at Corpse, and he back at you, and you turned back to the elderly man. “He, uh… He’s very people shy. He has anxiety. I’m trying to help him cope. Also, his vocal chords are damaged.” Nothing you’d said so far had been a lie, technically, but the man still remained sceptical. “Then why didn’t you just leave a note or something?”

“Uh…” you jumped at the small voice appearing from behind you. It’s just that his ‘small voice’ is still nothing close to small. “I know, I’m terribly sorry, sir. I also just wanted to let you know that if you ever need anything, I’m just a few doors away.”

This seemed to please the man enough.

“I can’t believe you made me do that.”

“I made you?!” You gasped, “I didn’t make you do anything, you filthy liar! You’re just as bad in real life as in Among Us, when you’re the impostor and I’m the innocent crewmate.”

“No comment.”

“I didn’t even ask you a question.”

“No comment.”

“Deadass?”

“Deadass.”

You both laughed. Corpse hesitated for just a moment, but decided to ask anyway, “Were you nervous when I opened the door?”

You chuckled awkwardly, admitting, “Yeah, I was. I always get anxious meeting people. Well, we’d met before, of course. But just, you know, in real life.”

“I get it.”

You stood there in silence for a moment, until you noticed the rest of the takeout in your hands was getting cold. “Come on, wife,” he joked, linking his pinkie finger with yours, “Let me get you that drink.”

If he hadn’t dragged you along then and there, you could’ve sworn your knees would’ve given out.

TAG LIST CLOSED

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[kirishimaswife2819]

Them Comforting Their S/o During a Panic Attack || Midoriya, Bakugou, and Todoroki

Masterlist

Pairings: Izuku Midoriya x Reader, Katsuki Bakugou x Reader, and Shoto Todoroki x Reader

Requested by Anonymous: hi :) brief warning for: mentions of depression, social anxiety, panic attacks and tics in a few days i start school irl again, and i have severe depression and social anxiety which makes it a living hell for me because i get 0 support from anyone🙂 my friends tell me to get over myself, but they really dont understand how hard it is since i found out we were going back ive been having panic attacks and more aggressive tics, if it isn’t too troublesome may i please have bakugo, todoroki and deku (you can cut deku if its too much) comforting their s/o after a bad panic attack? if you aren’t comfortable writing this, i understand, have a nice day and be good to yourself❤️ thank you in advance

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: Panic attacks

A/n: Okay, so I generally upload requests in the order that receive them in, but I felt like you’d probably want this done before you actually went back to school. I did a bit of research on panic attacks, because I don’t have much experience with them, so I hope I represented it accurately. And as I am now rereading this request I realized that you requested them comforting you afterwards (I wrote it as during instead of afterwards) but I wrote the whole thing before realizing that, so I hope that’s fine (if it isn’t then just send in another request and I’ll get it done asap, I’m just a dumbass who clearly can’t read right). Also, get new friends, your current ones sound kind of sucky. Another thing, if you ever need to vent or anything like that, you can message me, I don’t mind, I’m not the best at giving advice (maybe I am idk), but I’m a good listener. Other than that, thanks for requesting! I hope you enjoy these! -Danielle <3

Izuku Midoriya:

Throughout your relationship, Izuku has done a ton of research on panic attacks and how to help (he has a few notebook pages on it), and he really worries if he finds out that you had one and he wasn’t around to help, so he stays by your side as often as possible, unless you tell him that you want him to do otherwise

You have previously told him a few things that lead to a panic attack for you and he tries his best to help you avoid any setting that may trigger a panic attack, but even he’s not perfect, and he can’t stop a certain trigger

Izuku was trying to calm himself down, as he watched you begin to panic, he knew this wasn’t about him, and he mentally scolded himself for starting to panic, because he thought that he had no right to panic when you’re the one having a full on panic attack

After he sees the first tear fall from your eyes, he’s immediately snapped back into reality and he’s speaking to you

“May I hold you, Y/n?” He asked, and when you nodded, he pulled you into his arms

His face grew red at the action, but he had no time to spare being embarrassed or flustered, not when you were in this state

“I want to help you, Y/n. Will you let me help you?”

After he heard a small but loud enough to hear, “Yes” he spoke again

“Okay, just breathe, alright? It’s going to be okay, you’ll be fine. Here, breathe will me. I’m right here.”

It took a bit of effort, and a lot of comforting, but eventually Izuku had managed to calm you down and your breathing slowly returned to normal

After a few minutes of letting you get used to breathing normally and not being in a panic attack, Izuku kissed your cheek and spoke again, “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m alright, Izuku. Thank you.”

Katsuki Bakugou:

Okay, so if it would have been anybody else, he would have told them to fuck off and get over it themselves, but he just couldn’t stand seeing you so upset and panicking

He’s not really sure what he’s supposed to do, since he’s not the best at comforting, but he couldn’t just stand there when you started having a panic attack during class

He was freaking out and he was doing a very poor job at hiding it, he had no idea what to do

He probably would have continued panicking if Izuku didn’t yell at him, “Kacchan, help them! They wouldn’t want anybody else to.”

Katsuki just sort of approached you as you were panicking in your seat, while some students were trying to comfort you verbally, but it wasn’t helping much, and he helped you stand, before leading you out of the room

Once you were out in the hallway, Katsuki had you sit down, and he held your hands, trying to think of what he should

He remembered you telling him about panic attacks and you had almost told him what to do if you ever had one, but somebody interrupted and the two of you forgot about it

“Hey, it’s okay,” he finally said, “I’m right here. You’re safe. Do you want me to hold you?”

After a nod of approval through your sobs, he pulled you into his arms and held you there for a while

He rested his head on top of yours and whispered things along the lines of “It’ll all be okay” or “Just breathe with me” to you

He ignored everybody that happened to be walking by, that stared at the two of you

“Are you alright now?” Katsuki questioned, moving his head to the side so he could see your expression

Your breathing had calmed down and you weren’t sobbing anymore, just trying to calm down and catch your breath

“I think so,” you replied

“Okay, let’s just stay here for a minute, okay?” 

“Okay.”

Shoto Todoroki:

After you told him that you had panic attacks, he did his research on them, so that he could help you if he needed to

He works really hard to figure out what triggers a panic attack for you, and he works hard to avoid you having a panic attack, but things still happen

You had just been hanging out with Midoriya, Uraraka, and Tsuyu, when you suddenly starting having trouble breathing

“Y/n, are you okay?” Uraraka asked, being the closest to you, and the first person to notice your breathing, gaining the attention of Tsuyu and Midoriya

Midoriya’s eyes went wide when he heard your breathing, and saw tears starting to stream down your cheeks, “I think they’re having a panic attack.”

“What do you need, Y/n?” Uraraka asked, turning to you

“Shoto,” you replied, barely processing the question, but you did, “I need S-Shoto.”

“Tsu, can you go get Todoroki?” Uraraka asked, as she comfortingly ran her hand up and down your arm

Tsuyu got up and left, after confirming that she would do it, before going to find Shoto

She found him training with some of the other boys, and told him what was going on, and he immediately started towards your room, where Uraraka and Midoriya were attempting to calm you down

Immediately after entering, Shoto approached you and Uraraka and Midoriya backed up to give you two some space

“I’m here now, love,” Shoto said, “Can you hear me?”

Once you nodded, he turned to the other people in the room and gestured for them to leave

They were hesitant to leave, but they did, leaving you and Shoto alone

You were sitting on the bed, and Shoto was kneeling on the floor in front of you, holding your hands

“It’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe, can you try to breathe with me?”

You nodded and tried to match his breathing, and he comforted you as you started to calm down, and come back from the panic attack

Once your breathing had calmed, you spoke, “I’m okay now.”

After hearing those words, Shoto immediately engulfed you in a huge hug, which he would have done previously, but he didn’t want to overwhelm you

“Thank you,” you mumbled in his chest, as you hugged him back

“You’re welcome, let me know if this happens again, alright?” Shoto asked, and he felt you nod back into his chest

[sisterssafespace]

salam sister🫶🏼

i recently found out one of my closest friends is telling other people some really private things about my life, and this got back to me after being passed through multiple people already, and as people talked about it the story twisted so now people think something of me that isn’t even true.

i’m so sad that my best friend would tell people about something i trusted her with, and i don’t know if i should talk to her about it and express that it made me upset or if i should just distance myself without really saying anything. if you have any advice please feel free to tell me, i really don’t know what to do

i also don’t know what to do about the fact that people in our community are talking about me, i wish i could go to every person and tell them the truth but i can’t and it just makes me feel so sad, i’m just trying to ask Allah to heal this situation because while i feel helpless His power is limitless :,)

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته dear sister

I am sorry this happened to you, betrayal is a very serious situation that affects us deeply especially when it comes from people that are close to us. I am sorry you are hurting..

However, I have so many different thoughts on the situation I am not sure which one you are ready to take in. I am taking my time with replying to this because I have oppositional opinions on this topic 😅 but eventually I decided that I am going to start writing and see where my thoughts take me.

The easiest way to go is to cut her off, your best friend. I could tell you that a person who speaks about you behind your back is not your friend let alone your " best friend " and that Allah swt has made sure you find out about this because you reached a point in your life where you need to clear out your circle and reevaluate your relationships and friendships, do a little sorting and reorganizing for the upcoming stage of your life. - but I can't say that. I am not perfect myself to pass judgments about this girl. For one reason or the other I did talk about my best friend(s) at some point of my life even if I never meant to hurt them, probably I was more hurt by them and I needed to vent. We are human beings. We make mistakes. Maybe this girl does love you deeply, but she made a mistake. Can you tell me that you have never made a mistake toward another person in your circle? Idk. I just want you to take into consideration that human beings are by nature 'sinners' and that Allah swt is the most forgiving. And if He swt forgives worse than this, you can totally forgive this incident and not kick this person out of your life - IF you are capable of forgiveness and moving on.

P.s. I am not saying you should act as if nothing happened and I am not dismissing your feelings of hurt and betrayal. You should be angry. I am absolutely validating your feelings. You have the right to feel this way and you should not force yourself to act normal, but at the same time you should not make any decisions when you are blinded by unpleasant feelings (anger, hurt..). So I highly recommend you do not rush, you do not let your feelings control you, you give yourself sometime until you ve calmed down, you can take some space from her, as much as you need, and then you do what your heart feels is right. You can ask Allah swt to guide you, to clarify your heart to know whether she is a good person who just made a mistake or a bad person who has bad intentions for you.

P.s. I did not mention the option of confronting her and asking her why she did that because I am not sure if you can handle confrontation. I personally can not for the life of me. But if you are able of doing that, and if you think confronting her would be beneficial for you and would bring you peace then go for it - but always remain calm and do not hurt her with your words, you have to act in a respectful way that Allah swt would be pleased with. In fact, a good Muslim who follows and tries to copy the prophet ﷺ traits and character should always be respectful even toward the people who did them wrong. The life of our Prophet ﷺ is full of examples of him being kind to people who wronged him, which might sometimes even lead these people to accept Islam. Sübhanallah.

Anyways, let me summarize my thoughts:

a) Did she hurt you on purpose? You have yo check If she didn't do it intentionally to hurt you and she is a good friend.

b) if she did it on purpose and she turned out to be a bad friend then you can keep your space or cut her out of your life or keep her in your life but set boundaries, but whatever you do make sure you do it in a respectful way. You should not react to the wrong doing with another wrong doing yourself. I am sure, from what we know about the character of Our Prophet ﷺ, that if you were to ask his opinion ﷺ , he would have told you to still be kind to her - but to not be close to her again not to get hurt. As he ﷺ said ‘The believer should not be stung from the same hole twice.’

But in any case, you should take your time and make sure you have calmed down before making any decisions.

Now, about the community and the people who kept twisting the story. First of all: THANK YOU FOR THE HASSANAT. As whenever someone is talking bad about you or badmouthing you or gossiping, you are taking from their good deeds.. but what's most important is I want you to remember that You are not responsible for what they say about you. That's only a reflection of them, and their hearts. If one good person with a pure heart and pure intentions was amongst them, he or she would have told them off and broke the cycle of gossip. Also, you should not even care what they say about you. You should only care about how Allah swt sees you, and Allah swt sees and knows your heart. So do not be ashamed, do not be scared, whatever they said should not decrease your confidence or your self-esteem. You have to be sure of who you are and of your own version of the story because that is the truth and that is what Allah swt has witnessed. And you should keep holding your head high, as long as you know you are not in the wrong. And even if you are, it is Allah swt that you should ask forgiveness from. The people do not matter I promise you. They will not share with you your sins nor will they stand in front of Allah swt on judgement day with you. To each themselves and to the believer, Allah.

Before I make this way too long I am gonna stop myself here. I hope that my words helped clear your mind a litte. Kheir in shaa Allah.

May Allah swt save you from everyone who has bad intentions for you my dear. Ameen.

Salaaam.

- A. Z. 🍃

[9tzuyu]

when you build your house, then call me home.

notes: hiiii. this is the first time im writing something that isn’t a rewrite of my own work in literal months. im sure there are many (and plenty) of ways to rewrite this, so please be nice, my writing is very rusty </3. + this is just a comfort/vent fic so take this with a grain of salt. also YES brunette wanda. i believe in brunette wanda supremacy.

++ i wrote this super sleepy any mistakes are mine as always.

summary: wanda can always tell when something isn’t right.

warnings: insecurity, slight angst idk :P.

🏷 : @peggycarter-steverogers

wanda woke up to the sound of you getting out of bed. she could tell you tried your best not to make any noise, but despite your best efforts to keep quiet, her drowsy eyes cracked open enough to watch you walk away. she was a light sleeper and her senses only heightened when she slept with someone she loved.

thinking you might’ve gone to use the bathroom, the brunette didn’t dwell too hard on your lack of presence.

it wasn’t until the clock had passed a full ten minutes before wanda’s worry began to set in. she didn’t hear any noises coming from room across the bed, only noticing the shadow of your body as you stood in one place.

wanda already knew what was happening, so she didn’t hesitate to get out of bed. she knew you had days where your insecurities would eat you alive, she’d coaxed you through them each and every time. right wouldn’t be any different from before.

she knocked twice and listened carefully from the other side. wanda had hoped to hear you shuffle your movements and open the door, but when no sounds or mumbles came from your side, she twisted the knob, careful to make sure she wouldn’t bump you with the door.

(and thank god it wasn’t locked. she assumed you’d forgotten about that step when you were lost in your own thoughts.)

“what are you doing?”

your eyes snapped towards wanda before returning to your reflection. her voice was soft, accent heavy and laced with concern. wanda never received a verbal reply, instead she noticed how you were biting the insides of your cheek, clearly trying to suppress your emotions.

wanda frowned as she made her way behind you. her chin rest atop your shoulder, arms wrapped securely around your waist. looking at your reflection from her point of view, a smile graced her lips.

“you’re the most beautiful person i have ever seen.”

she could tell you didn’t believe her by the way your gaze drifted from your face down to your stomach. wanda tightened her grip just enough to remind you that she was there, and that she wasn’t leaving you.

“you’re perfect to me, i love you the way you are,” she spoke between the small, light kisses she placed on your neck. your lip quivered as tears began to fall down your face. you weren’t sure how much longer you could look at yourself before anger would replace sadness.

“don’t say that wanda.” you managed to choke out.

in one swift move wanda turned your body around, your back now pressed against the sink as she cupped your face. “i wouldn’t say it if i didn’t mean it, sweetheart,” she murmured.

you could feel her green eyes analyzing your every movement, but you couldn’t bring yourself to fight her on the matter. vulnerability was not your strongest suit, wanda knew that, and it didn’t bother her in the slightest. she knew all too well about the difficulties of opening up to someone.

you bit your lip trying to contain yourself once again, but your girlfriend wouldn’t let you continue internalizing what needed to be released.

“hey now, you’re alright, you’re okay,” wanda assured, her tone of voice soft as ever.

you wanted to scream, yell at her, yourself even. because how could anyone possibly love you when you couldn’t bear to look at yourself for more than a quick five seconds? it seemed unreasonable, unrealistic, something that was completely made up in the lives of perfect people.

wanda clasped your hand in hers and guided you back to bed. she gently pushed down on your body getting you to lay flat, then pulling the covers on top of you so you would keep warm. a kiss was placed on your forehead, cheek and lips after doing so.

on her way to lay in her spot she heard you turn over on your side. you were too embarrassed to face her and she knew that.

but this was wanda, a woman who had dealt with insecurity and doubt her entire life. there was no need to feel embarrassed about your own insecurities. she’d already felt everything you could imagine.

nevertheless, she slid her body behind yours, pulling you into her embrace. her breath tickled the back of your neck as she hummed a sokovian song, occasionally whispering words you wouldn’t understand.

after a few minutes you seemed to have loosened up a bit, but it didn’t surprise wanda that she could still feel your body radiating emotion.

her hand found its way under your shirt and she began tracing patterns of love across your stomach. you flinched at first, something wanda noted on, but you couldn’t deny the fact that it was having a soothing effect on your state of mind.

“you are my love, and i will always, always be here to make sure you know how much you mean to me.” she reminded. her words seemed to resonate with you this time, wanda could tell by the way you willingly snuggled closer into her.

[eggie-o]

HIHIHIHI!

(some of this info might be out of date or not yet in date)

i’m blue or alex, either works so does egg/eggie/eggieo

i’m trans! the best way i’ve found do define my gender is dyke/butch lesbian! my sexuality is complicated and really not important to me to define beyond lesbian but i can assure you i will date whatever strikes my fancy! i am poly and ace!

i use he/him pronouns rn! idk if that will stay! nothing is forever everything is slowly changing!

i mostly rb things, i think i tag people in stuff a lot sorry not sorry ask me to stop if you hate it (tagging you not tagging other people if you don’t like me tagging other people fuk off u prep)

i’m a minor! i’m disabled! both physically and mentally! i post a lot about The Symptoms!

I have a horrible memory! i probably repeat myself a lot! i reallt don’t care, no need to tell me!

i cannot see shit! anything like that sparkly text i can’t read, i have a really hard time reading screenshots from the “gothic rave” or whatever the purple on black theme is! also get reallt bad migraines, flashing lights are not my freind!

most of my original posts are vent posts or musings or stories or whatever floats across my mind-space! unless tagged otherwise, feel free to rb anything!

i make a lot of typos! i reallt don’t care! if you need clarification on something just ask!

i’ve recently decided i reallt like explanation points!

orginizational tags:

he speaks- original posts

pls don’t rb- don’t reblog please <3 if you have something to say feel free to add it in the replys tho!

sailing shit- stuff related to sailing!

techie times- stuff related to thearter tech/runcrew/stagehandness

vent- vent posts, feel free to blacklist or whatever i’m just screaming into the void!

The Curses- Symptoms posting.

many thoughts- just thikin. idk. i’ll figure it out!

there’s s a few other ones just for me too.

i try to tag for unreality, i might miss some things tho! i do tag anything that i would find upsetting when The Curse takes full affect so. that’s that ig.

i don’t tag for image descriptions! i need to ive been meaning too but i’m very low on spoons i am trying o get into the habit of it!

if your upset by words like queer, faggot, tranny, dyke, i’d recommend not following! they are some of my favorite things!

i ramble a lot, i’m sure you’ve noticed, but thank you for checking out my blog!

[cielcius]

hey hey :) could you please do some hcs with shoyo hinata where the reader had a bad day or sum and he decided to cheer them up?? also eijirou kirishima and denki kaminari pls ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ tysm if you do this <3 have a wonderful day :)

S/O HAD A BAD DAY | HEADCANONS

includes: hinata s. (hq), kaminari d. (bnha), & kirishima e. (bnha)

from the writer: hello mack, when u see this. i hope this cheers u up a bit and that ur doing well. i miss u, love u, and hope that u have a good day. thank u for requesting and i hope u enjoy hun.

notes & warnings: reader had a bad day, pet name use of ‘sunshine’ (hinata)

Hinata:

the moment he sees you stop smiling, he stops smiling too :(

“what’s wrong sunshine?” yes, he calls you sunshine

when you tell him about the stuff that’s been weighing you down that day, he’s listening more than he does in class

if you’re comfortable talking, he’ll sit you down in an empty area so that you can vent about whatever before walking you home

yes, he does have practice, but no, volleyball isn’t any more important than you are to him

you won’t notice unless you’re looking at him hard enough, but there's a slight crease in between his eyebrows because he’s lowkey a little mad at the things that made you feel like that even if its an inanimate thing

he’ll insist on walking you home but before that, he’ll treat you to meat buns and whatever other snacks you like from Ukai’s store

“Hinata, shouldn’t you be at practice?”

“shouldn’t you be, too? you’re the coach.”

that conversation ended very quickly, to say the least

before deciding to drop you off home, he intended to go to his volleyball practice after

but seeing you walk up to your front door alone before turning to give him a tired smile, he knew he couldn’t leave you alone

cuddles and eating snacks with you is just as enjoyable as his volleyball practice anyways

Kaminari:

he will immediately notice that you’re not smiling, even if you’re trying to hide that fact from everybody else

he’s always trying to pay attention to you or catch your eye throughout the day and admittedly gets a little sad every time you don’t

if he hasn’t caught you already, he’ll definitely catch you after school when you’re walking to the dorms

he’ll talk quietly through whispers and ask what’s wrong so others don’t hear

when you tell him what’s wrong, he’ll try to think of a solution to your problem

but then he realizes that maybe he should ask you what you need from him first idk I think people who do this are really sweet and considerate

if you need silent comfort, he’s your guy

he’ll bring you up to your room and wipe any tears that fall before hugging you closely

if you need to talk it out, guess what? he’s also your guy I mean he's your guy period lol

his forte is listening though

he’ll pay attention to every little thing you say and will take any of your opinions and thoughts into consideration

if you need insight on something, he’ll have a genuine conversation with you and include all of his honest thoughts

he likes to joke around most of the time, but when it’s serious, he won’t focus on doing anything else besides making you happy

Kirishima:

he notices the moment you walk through the door

call it his boyfriend intuition but he can feel how there's something off in the air and just the way you slump into your seat

he sits quite a bit away from you so just before everyone has gotten settled down, he takes a scrap of paper, writes his message, and delivers it through a horribly made paper airplane that had enormous luck to have even landed at the edge of your desk

‘everything okay??’

I can’t do it digitally but I can describe the little flower drawing he put at the end of the question that could convey confusion, could convey anger it’s hard to tell he doesn't have the best drawing skills either

when you reply negatively with a drawing of your own little sad flower, kirishima tries to think of every single thing that made you happy

he’ll wait until the end of the day to act when you guys are alone

you want to talk or just need a comforting presence? he’ll cuddle you in bed and listen to every little thing you have to say

hell, he’ll even sneak out with you late at night if you need to take a walk for fresh air or just wanna have a small adventure to cheer you up (those are honestly his favorite memories with you)

he’ll let you sleep in his room for the night if you’re comfortable with it

will either wrap you up in a bundle of blankets like a burrito or build a blanket fort with you, but he might end up just doing both for the fun of it

he’ll put on a movie or read you whatever book you want until you fall asleep

he’ll secretly just watch you sleep (not creepily) before pressing a small kiss to your forehead and going to sleep too

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hey! so first i wanted to mention that this isn't about any mods on here! this was actually an interaction that took place off tumblr completely, so please don't worry about this being directed to anyone. this is kind of a vent, as well as seeking validation and maybe future advice for dealing with this type of thing since atm i'm very upset. anyway. i get frustrated when people act like they want to help, but don't provide people with any examples, resources, or steps they can take, (1/4)

and just give vague answers. this influencer finished her degree in psychology and was taking answers from people seeking help with things like trauma and certain disorders. her replies are always things like "welcome abundance" and "help yourself flourish" and other things that frankly sound like nonsense to me because i don't even fully understand what she means in the first place? she never recommends any actual self-help activities or coping strategies. i finally mentioned it, (2/4)

i thought she might just ignore it but basically i just said that the way she replies to survivors is confusing without providing people with examples on what kinds of things they can do. and then she said that that's supposedly infringing on her privacy? she is recovered, so maybe she thought i was saying she needs examples from her personal recovery struggles, but no, i meant just giving people suggestions for steps they can take instead of speaking in riddles and cute little buzzwords. (3/4)

anyway now she feels her privacy was 'attacked' and the interaction just left me feeling bad. i don't wanna dwell on it much but i feel like i just don't 'get' how to recover and that maybe there is something wrong with my mindset but i can't figure it out 'cause i'm not 'spiritually enlightened' enough or whatever. i also don't have money to spend on all the trips and selfcare stuff she buys herself or the support of a bunch of fans/friends either so idk why i even try. (4/4) - from, Cherry 🍒

i just sent in a few asks and signed off with the nickname Cherry/cherry emoji since i wasn't sure which nicknames are already taken, please tag me as one of those in your reply if that makes things easier, thanks for your time and patience! and sorry if i sounded negative in the asks but like i mentioned i'm feeling upset over the situation right now (venting my feelings did inspire me to finally unfollow the girl though) thanks, you all are awesome

---

Hi Cherry,

I don’t blame you at all for getting frustrated at that influencer, I think I would be too. They sound seriously unhelpful. It seems kind of like toxic positivity except more... vague?

Recovery is definitely possible, but it doesn’t sound like that influencer can be much help there. I don’t think your mindset or “spiritual enlightenment” level is a problem here so much as this person just... not giving real advice by the sound of it.

I don’t get how her “privacy” was attacked, it feels more like a way for her to turn your comment around and make you the villain, and get sympathy. I’m happy to hear you unfollowed her, because it doesn’t sound like she was good for you.

I guess her advice must be helpful to some people, but I don’t get it either. If someone’s advice is “you need to spend more money” - I’d take it with a grain of salt.

And thank you for the compliment to us!

[bwemph]

Secrets

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Request: @cherrykarts Could I get a Peter Parker x shy reader where Pete breaks things off bc he doesn’t want to see her hurt, but when he goes to the avengers tower it turns out she’s an avenger and she’s crying and stuff with Wanda and fluffy happy end? Idk

Word count: 2,400

Summary: After breaking up with Peter, you go to Wanda for comfort. When Peter shows up at the Compound unexpectedly, it turns out you both have secrets to share.

Warnings: Mild angst, light swearing, Peter being an absolute dork :)

A/N: This is a fic from my old blog Purpleocity. All future fics will be posted here at bwemph :)

“I just…I don’t think this is going to work.”

Your heart dropped, tears already threatening to spill over. Your brows furrowed. Why was Peter being like this? You two had been together for six months now. What changed? Everything was fine until just recently. He got that “Stark Internship” and he started acting all strange, now he’s breaking up with you out of nowhere? It just didn’t make sense.

“Peter, what do you mean ‘this isn’t going to work’?” Your voice shook a little as your crossed your arms. You leaned back against his wall, sinking a little further into his mattress. Your thoughts raced back through everything you could have done wrong, but it was all little stuff. Things that shouldn’t have mattered. You thought everything was going fine between the two of you.

“It’s just…It’s really complicated.” He reached out to you in order to take your hand, but you pulled it away, your vision blurring with tears. You bit your lip to keep back the sob that hitched your breath.

You shook your head. “’It’s complicated’? What’s gotten into you?” You asked as you stood up. He stood to meet you. “You’ve been acting so weird lately. You’re always disappearing. And you’ve been at least ten minutes late to almost every single one of our dates in the last month!” He opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off. “Just the other day I came over after school like you asked me to and you weren’t even here. Aunt May said she didn’t know where you were either. What, is there someone else? Are you…” You faltered a little, your heart dropping even further. You didn’t even want to say it for fear of the answer being yes, “…are you cheating on me?”

“Y/n, please just let me explain.” He took your hand again. You shirked away as he tried to hug you. You turned away, watching his reflection in the mirror with stone cold eyes. Your phone buzzed, and you glanced down.

Tony Stark: We’ve got a situation. Get here as soon as you can.

You cursed under your breath, looking back up at Peter. “I have to go.” You pushed past him.

“Wha- Y/n, please,” he practically begged, reluctantly letting go of your hand as you crossed the room to open his door. “Don’t go.”

“I gotta. I’ll–I’ll see you at school.”

You closed his door behind yourself a little harder than you’d intended, lowering your head as you made for the apartment door.

“You’re not staying for dinner?” May asked as she looked up from a mixing bowl. “I’m making your favorite cookies for desert.” She nodded toward the cookies in the oven. They almost tempted you.

You sniffed, quickly drying a few rebellious tears before turning to her. “I, uh, I have to be somewhere. Thanks, though. Maybe another time.” You mustered a smile and picked up your backpack, slipping your shoes on.

“Is everything okay?”

You sighed. “Probably not, but don’t worry about it. It’ll be alright. See ya, May.” With a wave, you left before she could further question you. You made for the Compound as quick as you could, though you had some down time in the back of the car before you got there. You allowed a few silent tears to fall, holding back the real deal for later as not to make things awkward for the chauffeur. You scrolled through your pictures on your phone, still unable to wrap your head around the situation. You half hoped this was maybe just a bad dream. You dried with your hoodie sleeve another tear that dropped onto your phone screen.

When you arrived, Tony was already standing outside to meet you. He walked you inside. “Well, I needed you in the moment,” he explained, “but we got it handled before you showed up.”

You shrugged one shoulder, putting a hand in your pocket. “Sorry. I got here as quick as I could.”

He clapped you on the back for reassurance. “Don’t worry about it, kid.” He paused, removing his glasses and moving to stand in front of you. “You okay?” His hand remained on your shoulder.

You forgot you’d worn mascara that day, which was probably smeared and streaking your face at this point. You sighed, shrugging. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just boy trouble.”

Tony gave a sympathetic look. “Boys are literally the scum of the earth.” He took a moment to snarl at the thought of whoever had hurt you. “Whoever he is, he’s a douchebag. Let me know if I have to hit him.”

You laughed softly. “Thanks, Mr. Stark.” He winked in response. You sniffled again. “Is Wanda here?”

Tony nodded. “Up in her room.”

You wasted no time as you hurried up to her room.You weren’t sure how much longer any more tears could remain unshed.

You hovered in her doorway, making sure she was alone. She sat on her bed, plucking her guitar. She hummed a soft melody and took notes on whatever little riff she just made up. Her eyes lit up when she looked up and saw you. She set the guitar back in its stand and ran to hug you.

“Y/n! What are you doing here?” She pulled away and her smile vanished in an instant. “What’s wrong?” She touched your arm in an attempt to comfort whatever was bothering you.

“Do you have any makeup remover?” you asked, breathing a laugh as you assumed you were a mess. You glanced down at your phone when it vibrated, but you ignored it.

“Yeah, yeah, come here.” She led you to the bathroom and handed you a container of makeup wipes. You looked in the mirror, somewhat amused despite your broken heart. You started with your eyes. “What happened?” Wanda asked, hovering close to your side.

You removed the makeup from your other eye before answering. “Peter broke up with me.” You choked up, biting your lips. You didn’t want to cry again. He’s just a stupid boy. Why did it matter?

He wasn’t just a stupid boy, that’s why it mattered; this was Peter.

Wanda gasped, pulling you into a hug as your tears started flowing again. “Why? What happened?”

You hid your face, your voice muffled by her red sweater, which was now gaining dark splotched from yourr tears. “I think he was cheating on me.”

She gave a hum of disapproval, leading you to sit down on her bed. You proceeded to explain everything that pointed toward his disloyalty: his weird absences, being late or sometimes not showing up at all to dates or when you were supposed to hang out, and how weird he’d act when you asked where he was. You shouldn’t have let it go so easily. You knew something was up and shouldn’t have ignored it. She listened to you vent for the next while, comforting you where she saw fit.

- - -

“Peter, dinner is ready,” May called softly as she poked her head into Peter’s room. He looked up from his phone, sending you numerous text messages. You didn’t reply to any of them. “Is everything okay? Y/n looked upset when she left.”

Peter dropped his head again, letting his phone fall onto his bed. “Uh, no, not really.”

“Why don’t you come talk about it over dinner, then?” May offered, gesturing for him to follow her. They sat at the table together. Peter explained what was up, poking at his spaghetti absentmindedly, but eating very little.

He wanted to protect you. Now that he was Spiderman, everyone he knew and loved would be in danger. He wanted to keep you safe most of all. He cared about you so much, and he regretted every time he had to take a raincheck or be late to see you. He always wanted to be around you, but saving the world would make that hard. Villains kidnapping or killing you would make that even harder, so he decided to break things off in order to keep you safe.

“I understand why you did that, but there’s plenty of other things you could do to protect her. You didn’t have to break up with her,” May said, reaching across the table to touch his hand. “Are you going to eat?

He sighed and shook his, the corners of his mouth being tugged down. “I screwed it up now. I don’t think I can get her back.”

Before May could say anything, Peter heard his special ringtone he had set for Happy. His eyes widened and he stood and scrambled to his room.

“Hello? Hi, yeah. It’s Peter.”

“You’re late for your training session, Peter. I’ve been out here for twenty minutes!” Happy snapped over the line.

A hand went to his forehead and he rushed to grab his things. “Shit! I’m so sorry, Happy. I’ll be out in a minute.” He rushed to throw the rest of his things he needed into his backpack and swiped a handful of cookies from the jar as he rushed out the door. “Sorry, Aunt May,” he mumbled around his mouthful of cookie. “I had to be at the Compound like a half hour ago! Bye, love you!”

He rushed out to the car where Happy stood, his arms crossed and a glare set deep in his features. Peter got in and said nothing on the way to the compound. Happy didn’t ask. In fact, he reveled in the fact that Peter shut up for once.

- - -

Sweaty and exhausted, Peter left the training room. The personal trainer worked him harder than usual today, probably because he was late. He stumbled out of the training room and into the common area, chugging a glass of water.

“Peter?” you said, eyes wide. He startled, fumbling with the glass. “What the hell are you doing here?” You dropped the apple slice you were holding into the bowl of caramel as you stood. Wanda eyed both of you, looking very confused.

“Wait a minute, that’s Peter?” she said with her brow furrowed.

“You two know each other?” Peter asked, pointing between the two of you.

You put your hands on your hips. “I asked my question first.” Your voice was a little too calm to be okay with the current situation. He crossed to meet you, rubbing his hands together nervously.

“Well, uh…” He glanced between the two of you. “I’m kinda an Avenger?”

You furrowed your brow. “Why didn’t you tell me?” You threw your hands in the air with exasperation.

He stuttered as he gestured between you and Wanda. “Well why didn’t you tell me?” he asked you, equally as irritated. “It’s what I was going to tell you! I’m freaking Spiderman!”

You were taken aback, and you hugged yourself, unsure what to think. A thousand thoughts raced through your mind. Peter was the Spiderman? Since when? You thought he’d just been working out, not suddenly training as a superhero! You looked to Wanda, who seemed about as confused as you were. “Well then I guess we have to work on our communication skills…” you said eventually, your tension easing.

Peter laughed a little. “Yeah…” he sighed and reached out to take your hand. “Look, I know I probably screwed up any chance I had with you, but am I allowed to take back what I said before? I didn’t really mean it when I said things weren’t working out…I lied. Sorry.”

Your shoulders relaxed further. You felt a little embarrassed. “Well I haven’t exactly been honest with you either.”

Peter laughed a little, stroking your knuckles with his thumb. “It’s okay. Since we’re telling each other our darkest secrets right now, can I tell you something else?”

“Hit me.”

He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “Things were actually going better than great…yknow, with us. They’re amazing. And like, you’re amazing. And I’m so sorry I’m always late and disappearing and I’m sorry I’m such an idiot.” He looked at his feet for a bit, shame curving his features into a bit of a pout. He glanced back up at you, his puppy dog eyes begging for forgiveness already. “But like, I really love spending time with you and Aunt May loves you and I…” he faltered again, “I love you, yknow?”

You smiled, taking his other hand. “I’m an idiot too, so it’s okay. And,” you stood closer to him, “I love you too.” You leaned in to kiss him, but Wanda cleared her throat, reminding you of her presence. You pursed your lips, your face warming a little with embarrassment.

She picked up the tray of caramel and apples. “I’ll just put these away,” she said, hurrying to put them away and leaving you two alone.

“I’m all sweaty and gross. Sorry.” Peter said before you silenced him with a kiss. It didn’t stop you from pulling him close.

When you broke away, you murmured, “It doesn’t bother me.” You ran a hand down his arm, entwining your fingers again, but remaining close. “Stop apologizing. It’s really okay,” you giggled.

“Sorry–Er, I mean…” He laughed, pecking another kiss to your lips. He smiled brightly, startling a little as Tony entered the room. It seemed that everyone needed to know now.

He froze, his glasses coming off again. “Wait, this is the douchebag?” he asked, unsure he was actually seeing the two of you together like this. “And why are you smooching him? I thought he was giving you trouble?” He pointed at you. “Were you giving her trouble, Parker?”

“No, Mr. Stark,” Peter assured. “It was a misunderstanding. I think we’re good now.” He looked back at you, and you nodded in agreement. You tried to contain your smile.

He squinted, turning with a shrug and going the other way, dropping whatever his previous task was.

“Wanna go get ice cream?” you asked.

Peter smiled. “I like the sound of that. But can I take a shower first?”

You nodded. “You do that, Spidey.”

He dropped his head with a laugh. “That’s cute.”

“What? Spidey?”

“Heh, yeah.”

[onlyjellyillputinmybelly]

It is 4am and a school night. I am not smart.

BUT I’m feeling vry soft so I just wanted to say that I love you all more than words can describe. Fam, you guys are some of the sweetest, kindest, most incredible and accepting people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and you all mean the world to me. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you, and I’d honestly do anything for you (to certain extents obv but you get the idea). You all deserve literally everything that is good in the world. You people brighten my day every morning, and you give me optimism and hope for the next day each night. Now, this may not make any sense and it may just be incoherent babbling (idk iits 4am and I cant rly formulate thoughts) but the bottom line is: You fam have honestly changed my life. Even if it’s in the tinyest ways, like making me laugh with a funny post or helping me out when I’m being an idiot lol, you have frickin changed my life. And even if it is just these small things that you’ve done, isn’t that what makes life worth living? The little things, the inside jokes and memes, the burst of joy that you get when a piece of art, writing, or music that one of your mutuals made shows up on your dash. The love and excitement that you feel when one of them tags you in a post, or replies to one of your posts. The feeling when one of your mutuals messages you, whether it be the very first “hi!!” or when you’re been talking for weeks or months about anything and everything lol. The attachment that you feel when one of them needs to vent and you pull out the ol “want me to kill it for you?” When you’re just vibing and you see someone in your notes. When you scroll through their blog for so long that you forget it isnt your dash and have to hastily apologize for absolutely exploding their notifs. 

Or maybe its just me idk. And even if you guys don’t feel that, I want you to know that I do. That every single encounter that I have with you all makes my day just that much better. Each interaction is like adding a little speck of light in the night sky, until it’s literally bursting with constellations and nebulae and galaxies and stuff. (idiot 4am brain tryna be poetic) But yeah. You all deserve everything and more. You are loved, and I love you more than you could ever know. Please stay healthy and safe and take care of urself. Eat some food, drink some water, take ur meds, and get some sleep (hypocrite me)!!! 

I’ll see you guys tomorrow, and I can’t wait to talk to you guys again. <3

TLDR: YOU DESERVE THE WORLD!!! YES, YOU!! EVERY PERSON WHO IS READING THIS (unless ur a terf or something then boooo) YOU ARE BREATHTAKING AND I LOVE YOU!!! HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!

[noocturnart]

This is very out of pocket but I just wanted to get it out of my chest

My gf has misgendered me and used the wrong pronouns like 2 or 3 times this week over text (currently is Wednesday) I don't understand why.

In Spanish I can't do anything because there are no neutral pronouns, but she knows I'm non binary and go exclusively by they/them in english.

The first time I didn't said anything because I thought it was just a slip. But the second time I told her to please not use "she". She didn't acknowledged what I said and skipped over it. I thought it was because she was embarrassed as in, "it won't happen again", kinda way.

But then today she sent me one of those ship dynamic things and it was literally two girls, like, that was the dynamic. Which I love, but she sent it to me and captioned it "us"

Honestly my stomach turns just by remembering it because it just feels so deliberate

I replied with "uh" "uh okay" clearly uncomfortable. But I just wasn't strong enough to call her out again. I sent her a tik tok I wanted to show her to kinda make it less awkward. And again she didn't acknowledged my reply at all, and just replied laughing at the video.

I just don't understand because she's never misgenderered me, or used the wrong pronouns, since I told her I'm nb (which was even before we were dating)

She also made a comment about me being "thicc" a couple of days ago. And after I replied, clearly uncomfortable too, she kept pushing it and calling me thicc some more. It just felt forced, I'm so confused.

Idk I just wanted to vent about this, I'm uncomfortable enough coming out as nb, because of the lack of neutral pronouns in Spanish, and I'm 5', with long hair and a high pitched voice. I get misgenderered constantly, my mother insults my binder and doesn't even think that being nb is a real thing (neither being asexual but that's for another day), she cares so little she forgets about it, I've had to come out twice, and probably won't be the last. Anyways

I came out to my gf because I feel like I can be myself when I'm with her, like she won't do as my mother and just brush it off. Because she's bisexual and knows lgbt stuff, I feel safe with her, like, she won't tell me my gender identity is not real and stuff like that.

But seeing her do this is painful, and I don't know if I'm overreacting too

Anyways if anyone read this, thank you for listening. I'm a very private person and don't like talking about myself online, but I just needed to put this out somewhere,

I'll start posting soon too, I have fanart I finished on the weekend and stuff

[fullmetalscullyy]

royai angst + “why aren’t you with her?”

aaaah anon this is a great one thank you so much!!! i’ll be real with u tho i’ve not been having a Great Time recently and it’s been a struggle to write and focus so i do apologise if this isn’t up to much. i did try tho bc i do love writing and i can lose myself in it but sorry if this sounds a bit off/isn’t great. i might go back and edit it at a later date bc idk if i’m even happy with it but staring at it for hours won’t fix it, so enjoy for now 

A ringing phone disturbed Roy from his sleep. His head jerked up, disorientated. His feet kicked in the sheets, completely tangled up, but after a moment he got his bearings and realised he was in his bedroom. Blinking, Roy looked around the room as he still tried to waken up. The phone hurried along his process, continuing to ring with no mercy.

As he stumbled tiredly to the phone, his heart sank. Getting a phone call in the middle of the night was never going to be good news. What was awaiting him on the other side of the phone?

“Hello?” he croaked. His voice was thick with sleep.

“Roy Boy,” Madame Christmas greeted.

“Madame? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, kid,” she reassured him. “I just have a customer here who’s asking for you.”

Roy glanced at the clock, wondering why a customer would still be at the bar, and noticed it wasn’t the middle of the night. It was just passed midnight. He hadn’t been sleeping for as long as he thought, just two hours.

“Who?” he asked suspiciously.

“I ran into Elizabeth,” she stated smoothly. Roy’s spine straightened. Now he was awake. “She’s been asking for you.”

“Is that so?”

The Madame made an agreeable sound. “I think you should come down and see her. She’s looking for a dance.”

Hawkeye would never ask him for a dance, so she must be drunk, and the Madame called him to come pick her up and bring her home.

Things must be… bad? Hawkeye never got drunk. Well, never got drunk enough that Roy had to go and pick her up to take her home.

“Okay.” He drew it out. Of course, he’d go and help her, but this was still an unprecedented situation. He’d just have to take it as it came and help Hawkeye as best he could. The Madame must not have enough room for any guests, otherwise she’d absolutely let Riza stay with her. “I’ll be along shortly.”

“Thank you, Roy Boy.” The line went dead.

Pulling up to the bar, Roy parked the car and stared at the door. He had no idea what was waiting for him on the other side of that door. Steeling himself, Roy took a deep breath and entered.

Hawkeye was sitting at the bar, swaying every now and then in her bar stool. The Madame had been chatting to her, staying close by, while still serving other customers. As Roy approached, he heard himself being mentioned.

“Elizabeth, Roy’s here to take you home,” she stated.

Hawkeye spun in her chair with more grace and control than Roy thought she would possess. Her eyes were half lidded and she looked drunk. Her hair was tousled, the longer strands of her fringe falling loose from the clip and framing her face beautifully.

As soon as she saw Roy, she stiffened and turned in her stool, but not before Roy noticed the stricken look on her face.

“Let’s get you home, dear.” Hawkeye had muttered something to Christmas, and that was her reply.

“Hey,” he greeted with a smile to Hawkeye’s back. “Did someone order a taxi?”

Hawkeye didn’t answer, and Christmas just watched the Lieutenant’s reaction. Abruptly, she stood from the stool and walked over where her jacket was hanging on the wall.

“You need to speak to her,” the Madame prompted quietly with a pointed look, before rounding the bar. She grasped Hawkeye’s elbow gently and ushered her and Roy to the front door. Roy had no idea what he needed to discuss with Hawkeye, and Christmas wasn’t exactly forthcoming with the details.

Before Roy could reply, Riza stumbled and he reached out to catch her. Instead of steadying his Lieutenant, she jerked away from him and stumbled again, but regained her footing. She stalked away without a word, not looking back. Roy’s hands remained outstretched to catch her, dread settling in his stomach. What just happened?

“Talk to her,” Christmas stated again, then turned on her heel and re-entered her bar, leaving Roy with a drunk and a standoffish Hawkeye.

“Did you have a good night, Lieutenant?” he asked casually as he pulled away from the bar. He glanced over at her, noticing her ramrod straight spine and how she was staring straight ahead. Roy thought she was trying not to vomit, but when she finally spoke to him, her voice was cold. It gave the impression something else was wrong. Roy worried he’d done something to anger her, but he didn’t know what.

“Yes.”

That was is. Nothing more was said than that.

There was an uncomfortable silence all the way back to her apartment. This wasn’t like them, and Roy began to worry. What was wrong? Had he done something? How could he make it right?

“Thank you for the ride, sir,” she muttered as she exited the vehicle. She held herself well despite how drunk she was and begun to walk towards her apartment building. Of course, Roy couldn’t just leave it with a goodbye as cold as that, so he hurriedly jumped out the car after her.

“Hawkeye, wait,” he called. She didn’t. If anything, she walked quicker. Roy caught up with her as she waited for the lift in her building. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she replied sharply.

“Something is,” he pressed. “Did I do something wrong?”

She glared at him but dropped it quickly. Roy was too stunned to make it into the lift before she forced the doors to close early. Her face disappeared behind steel doors, but Roy managed to catch her face falling when she thought she was out of sight. Her hands lifted to grasp her elbows, hugging her arms close to her body.

Roy took the stairs two at a time to try and catch her before she locked her apartment door. Once that door was closed on him, there was nothing he’d be able to do. There was the possibility of leaving her to cool off, but this was so unlike Riza. Roy was worried, and she was also drunk. He wanted to take care of her. She’d done it many times for him, and it was about time he returned the favour.

“Riza.” He tried a different tact as she approached her doorway. Her pace picked up, trying to escape from him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” she exclaimed, turning on him. He was taken aback by the fire in her eyes, but he saw tears collecting in the sides. “Nothing you would understand anyway,” she muttered, turning away from him.

“Try me,” he challenged instantly.

“No.”

“Riza –”

“Stop it! Just leave!”

Her apartment door opened, and she tried to slam it shut, but Roy jammed his foot in the gap. His hissed in pain, his foot smarting incredibly painfully.

“Roy –”

“I’m not going until I fix whatever it is that I’ve done.”

“If you don’t know, then you can’t fix it, can you?” she sneered. She tried to close the door again, but his stance remained steady, no matter how much it hurt.

“Talk to me, please,” he pleaded. “Riza, I just want to help –”

“You can’t,” she spat. Roy had never seen her this angry before with someone. Certainly not with him. The worry burned in his stomach, clawing at his insides and feeling worse than the pain in his foot.

“I want to try.”

“Roy, leave.”

“No.”

“Get out!”

“No!”

They stopped their shouting match, Riza glaring at him while Roy challenged her with his gaze.

Eventually, Riza backed down, which was also unlike her.

“Whatever,” she muttered, walking away from the door. It swung open slowly on the groaning hinge, revealing her apartment to him. He watched her stalk down the dark hallway and slam her bedroom door closed.

Roy entered the apartment and closed the door. Hayate approached for welcome scratches, that Roy readily provided.

“What’s going on, boy?” he murmured, feeling at a loss of what to do.

Hayate cocked his head in reply. He licked Roy’s and pressed his back into Roy’s ready hands.

“What are you still doing here?” Riza glowered at him as she walked to her kitchen. She’d sobered up slightly, but she was still under the influence. Whatever was wrong was amplified by that fact, because she’d never acted like this before. She must be really pissed with him.

“I’m not going until I know you’re all right.”

Riza scoffed. “Why wouldn’t I be? Because I’m alone?”

Roy cocked his head in confusion. “No, why would that be the case?”

Riza didn’t answer him. She just continued to rifle through her kitchen cupboards.

“Riza, if I can help, I will –”

“You can’t, I can assure you,” she interrupted him. The cupboard door slammed shut, her anger manifesting once more.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because you are the problem,” she finally revealed, irate. Her words slurred, and it caused Roy to remember that she was drunk. Whatever she was saying now would be the truth, but it would come out in a way that Riza may not have initially intended it to. However, if he was a problem, he still wanted to help her.

“Why?”

“Because you don’t care!”

A silence descended over the small apartment. Even Hayate went quiet and looked between them, whining quietly as it dragged on.

“What are you talking about –?”

“Nothing,” she interrupted hurriedly. From the wide eyes, Roy guessed this was not something she planned on revealing.

“Riza, I care about you more than anyone else –”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” she bit back. However, there was less of a bite to her words. Her tone was sullen, like a teenager.

“Why?”

“Just…” She sighed heavily and slammed another cupboard door closed, venting her frustration. Whatever she’d been looking for, she didn’t find it. Then, Roy watched as Riza brought a hand up to her face and covered her eyes. Her shoulders rounded in on themselves and Roy saw them shake.

“… Riza?” His call to her was quiet. It appeared the fight had left her, and now she was trying not to cry. Roy was almost at his wit’s end with worry. He didn’t know what was happening and just wanted to help.

There was no answer to his call. The only response was her shoulders to bunch up by her ears.

“Just go,” she whispered.

“No,” he replied with confidence. “If I’m the problem, and it’s making you this upset, I’m not going until I make it right.”

“Roy, leave.” The bite was back, and he knew now, it would be back with a vengeance. Still, he persevered.

“No.”

“Leave!” Her hand flew from her face with the force of her shout. She was still upset but it was overcome with anger. “Go back to your apartment and whoever you’re sleeping with tonight!” He was stunned into silence. “I don’t even know why you’re here for me anyway,” Riza continued, forcefully, like she truly believed he wouldn’t stay and help her. “I’m nothing and I’m sure you have a much better offer somewhere else.”

“What…?” He was still too shocked to form words.

“I know it’s true.” She was so sure of herself, so sure that was the truth, but it was complete nonsense. “Who was it tonight, I wonder? Vanessa? Why aren’t you with her? Was it Rose? Beatrice? Instead, you’re here with sad little mess Riza, who can’t even keep a lid on things for one night –”

She cut herself off with the force of her sobs. Her knees shook and she brought a hand to cover her face again, pressing into her eyes hard with her fingertips. The other hand braced herself against the kitchen counter. The sound she was making though kicked Roy’s mind back into gear. He lunged for her, wrapping Riza up in his arms. She fought it, and hard. Even while upset and drunk, she almost managed to escape his hold. Then, she grew tired. Weary was probably the better word. By the end of her fight, she was gripping his upper arms tightly, holding onto him like he was a life raft in the sea of her worries and insecurities, keeping her afloat and safe.

“There’s no one like that, Riza,” he murmured as he ran a hand through her hair. The hair trapped in her clip had become a mess, so Roy let it free. The blonde tresses tumbled down her back like a golden curtain.

“Yes, there is,” she sniffed. “Don’t lie.” She slurred with her petulant tone.

“I’m not, I assure you.” The grip he had on her tightened. “They’re informants, you know that.”

Riza sniffed again. “It still doesn’t explain why you bother with me,” she muttered.

Roy pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. She looked scared. Her eyes were wide in fear and her mouth parted with an intake of breath.

“Because I love you,” he answered simply. It wasn’t the first time he’d told her, but Roy had tried to wrack his brain for the last time he’d told her that. He couldn’t remember. “Why would I be out with other women like that if I loved you?”

“Because I’m nothing –”

“You’re everything.” She had no answer for him, so Roy bent his head to kiss her tenderly, his lips lingering on hers. “There is no me without you,” he murmured against her lips. A sob left her, and Roy bundled Riza back up in his arms.

He knew she could be insecure with herself sometimes. Professionally, she would never be. However, personally was a different story. She had her isolated upbringing with her impossible father to blame for that. Roy had looked up to the man, but as he’d grown older and realised just how badly he’d treated Riza, Roy had resented him for it.

“There’s no one like that, I promise,” he repeated. “There’s only been, and only ever will be you.”

“But what if I’m not worth it?” she whispered.

“Impossible. I’ve been with you for long enough to know if that was the case. It never will be. You’re my whole life, Riza. I don’t want to lose you from my side.”

She appeared to misunderstand him, because her hands dropped limp to her sides.

“Okay.” Her tone was even, but emotionless.

“Both professionally and personally,” Roy quickly added. “I can’t afford to lose you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers gently. “If I did… I don’t even want to consider the possibility.”

Riza’s eyes lifted to his, her gaze swapping between both his eyes as tears fell quietly and steadily down her cheeks. She was studying him, trying to discern if he was telling the truth, but Roy had nothing to hide. That was the truth. The complete and whole truth. Nothing would change his feelings.

“I want to spend every minute of every day with you, Riza,” he continued. “And it kills me that I can’t. Not in the way I want to. However, this was the path we both chose, and must bear its fruit.” He lifted his hands to grip her biceps gently but firmly, meeting her gaze square on. “If I could, I’d hold you in my arms every day and not let you go. I’d kiss you every minute of every day.” He punctuated his statement with a kiss. “And every night,” he added, dropping his voice low as he lowered his face for another kiss, but paused just above her lips. There was a quiet intake of breath from Riza. “I would make love to you. It’s what you deserve, and I would be more than happy to oblige.” He offered her a small smile. His hand lifted to cup her cheek. “I love you, Riza, and there’s only ever been you. No one else.”

She grasped the back of his neck and drew his lips down, crushing them against hers. Their kiss was passionate as hands grasped and tugged at clothing, trying to ride themselves of the barrier between them as quickly as possible. Breaking apart for air, Riza slowed to a stop, panting. Her hands were on his bare chest, her fingers splayed across his muscular frame. His were on the soft skin of her waist, his thumbs caressing the skin above the waistband of her trousers. Her shirt was untucked from the waist, hanging loose by her sides with her white bra exposed, and Roy thought it was the sexiest look he’d ever seen on her.

“I – I’m sorry,” she stuttered. Her tears had stopped, but Roy sensed they’d be making a comeback once more.

He pecked her lips. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “Let’s get some rest and discuss this later, okay?”

Her eyes jumped up to meet his. “Rest?” Roy nodded. “I… I don’t need rest. I need you.”

Nodding in understanding, Roy lowered his lips to hers once more. This kiss was more loving as he bent his knees, lifting one of her legs from behind the knee to hook onto his waist. Getting the hint, Riza raised onto her tiptoes while Roy did the same with her other leg.

“Okay,” he readily agreed. “Let me show you how much I love you,” he whispered against the skin of her neck, making Riza throw her head back and moan. “You’re my queen,” he proclaimed, kissing the pulse at her neck. Her body jerked in his arms. “Let me love you like one.”

The fingertips raking against his scalp was his answer as he kicked her bedroom door closed with his foot.

[ambersky0319]

Note for this post: Poorly just stating my feelings about this, feel free to disagree but I'm not here to argue about anything in this post. Just really needed to get my thoughts out :/ I'll try to be open to discussion but this is really more of a vent post so it's not guaranteed that I'll reply, running really low on energy lately

---

Is it just me? Who doesn't care all that much that Thomas is gonna focus on the next sides episode?

Don't get me wrong, I'm probably gonna be happy when it comes out. But I'm sorta worried that, , , it's not gonna be... Great? Like, obviously it's gonna be visually great bc of how much time it's taken to produce, how much effort is being put into it, etc. But that's just the thing that's getting me worried.

It's taken this long, and what if things aren't gonna be as good as anyone hoped? Like, what if it's not really story-driven, and the only thing that's taken so long is the fact they wanted to include so much animation and/or special effects? Or just.... Fjnhdgftwygjfjgj

Idk

Really difficult for me to get my thoughts together rn and I've no idea why but... Yeah

I guess my fear is that they got lost in all the added affects of the episode or something.

Done right, the video could be absolutely fantastic and it won't suffer one bit. Everything will seem really, really well done.

Done wrong, and the episode could end up feeling like overkill and just be kinda boring to watch

Then again, this is also coming from someone who mainly watches GrayStillPlays, Buzzfeed Unsolved, and The Try Guys so what would I know, right? Plus, Thomas and Co. can't please everybody, and maybe this will just be one of those episodes that I've gotta skip(I literally could not watch Embarrassing Phases)

But yeah, sorry I'm awful at explaining my feelings/opinions- don't really do this often, do I?

Am I alone in not feeling excited? Like, just feel kinda meh about this?

Probably not but I honestly doubt anyone else will actually say they're excited or not bc of the way the fandom's been lately

WHICH REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING ELSE ID LOVE TO VENT ABOUT-

Listen

I love this fandom. It's great, for the most part. Relatively kind individuals, and awesome creators who make just fantastic things

But like, why is it so hard to share an opinion? Or like stuff that's not in the majority's favor?

I've met a multitude of people who are scared to share their unpopular opinions simply because they're unpopular opinions. And it's like, they have to try so much harder to defend their opinion or like, idk, sometimes when people in this fandom don't share the same opinion, the unpopular one always feels like it's being mildly tolerated

Or like, the majority claims they're willing to listen but it feels like they're just brushing it off instead of anyone having a genuine discussion? Maybe? Idk- again difficult for me to get my thoughts organized and actually typed

Good example is how people have been frustrated about the almost 1 year wait for this upcoming episode. Not gonna dive into that bc that's a whole other can of worms that I'm pretty tired of talking about, but it's a good example of people trying to share their opinion on something and then needing to like, fiercely defend their opinion

Anywho

If you read this far

Wow

Can't believe you have the patience to read through my bullshit and unorganized/poorly explained thoughts

Hope your day/night is going well and that you see like, a cute animal pic or something soon

[jising-jisang-jisung]

The First Date - PJS

Genre: floof

Requested by anon!! tysm <3

Word Count: 1.2k ish

A/N: i think this is cute and i hope you guys do too :)) also my requests are ALWAYS open and i love writing for them since i can never think of good stuff lol

You had been classmates with Jisung since as long as you could remember; not quite classified as friends, but you were friendly enough towards each other. You would exchange smiles or waves in passing. Or send each other memes. And always wish each other luck whenever a big exam came up in your mutual classes. But other than that, you two were part of different groups, different worlds. Due to this, it came as surprise when Jisung stood in front of your locker, a single flower in hand.

"Y/n? Would-" he paused, stuttering, "would y-you like t-to go on- nevermind..." he trailed off. You watched as his face fell and shoulders sank in defeat.

"To what?" you smiled, brightly, hoping to encourage him.

"To go on a date? You don't have to of course!" He interjected to quick for you to respond.

"I would love to, Jisung," you spoke softly, taking the flower from his hands. "When and where?"

A deep blush spread across the boy's nose and cheeks. "Honestly, I didn't think I'd get this far. Umm, where is your favorite place to eat?"

"There's a nice bakery downtown. They have good donuts!" you suggested.

"Sounds great! How does tomorrow, after school sound?"

"Perfect. I can't wait."

~

That night, you lied in bed, unable to sleep. You had always been nice to Jisung, but did he like you? Like, like you? I mean, he was cute and sweet and adorable, but, oh goodness- do you like him?

To help put your mind at ease, you texted your friend, Donghyuck.

Y/n: hyuckie (ʘᴗʘ✿) jisung asked me out and now I'm all confused

Ducky: finally! everyone has been waiting for you two to get together

Y/n: hey! I'm freaking out here, a little help?!

Ducky: do you not like him?

Y/n: idk.. ugh

Ducky: hmm? I thought you did. so did mark, hes reading over my shoulder

Y/n: tell mark to mind his business. ugh you're no help

You decided to just turn your phone off and stare at the ceiling until you finally drifted into slumber. Unfortunately, or fortunately (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ you dreamt of Jisung. During your dream he was like a handsome prince, but still as timid as always. He dared enough to hold your hand, but it was you who leaned in to kiss him. Just as your lips were about to touch, the loud scream of your alarm deprived you of such imagines. This new feeling towards Jisung only fueled your uneasiness.

~

"Hi!" Jisung greeted you, during one of your shared classes.

"Oh, uh, hey," you replied, obviously nervous.

"Are you okay?" He asked as you avoided eye contact, choosing to fiddle with the hem of your shirt.

You let out an unconvincing, "yeah."

"If you really don't want to go today, you don't have to," the boy said, placing a hand on yours to put you at ease.

Your eyes widened at the sudden contact and Jisung retracted his hand. "No!" You abruptly called out, "It's not that. I still want to go, I'm just a little nervous is all," you clarified, finally looking him in the eyes. Jisung looked at you with a hopeful glint, nodding at your words.

"Y/n! Jisung! Do I need to move you two?" Your teacher called out.

"No, ma'am."

"Then do your work."

The rest of your interaction would have to wait until after school.

~

Jisung met you by your locker almost as soon as you got there. "Hey," he chimed, his face adorned with a mousy grin.

"Hi," you beamed back. "The bakery is just right down the road. We could walk if you want."

"Yeah, sounds good," the boy replied, seemingly more nervous than you were previously.

You led the way down the path as Jisung walked juxtaposed to you. Your hand accidentally brushed past his and you both pulled back, and immediately stop walking.

"Sorry," you breathe out, as it truly was just an accident.

"I don't mind," Jisung announced, with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Oh. Then," you grabbed his hand, "is this okay?"

He intertwined your fingers, looking back at you, "of course."

The brief walk was over much too soon for your liking as you arrived outside the nice shop. You ordered first, making sure Jisung knew the specialties and what was good, before he ordered.

You sat opposite him in a booth towards the emptier, back of the bakery. You both sat in silence, enjoying the sweets. After they were gone, it was uncomforting. The white noise of the vents was driving you insane.

"Jisu-" "y/n-" you both began at the same time.

"You go," he encouraged.

"I like you, Jisung," you admitted. Though you weren't sure if you were telling him or yourself.

"You do?" His eyebrows raised and cheeks tinted crimson. "I like you, y/n."

After that, the silence returned. This time, there was no tension, no awkwardness. You were simply enjoying each other's company and occasionally caught each other staring.

"Do you want a hot cocoa? I'm gonna go get one," he offered.

"You don't have to buy me one," you tried to convince him, but he insisted. Moments later, he returned with two cups filled with the warm beverage. The thank you was barely audible, but Jisung uttered a brief "you're very welcome" so you know he heard you.

You took a sip, letting the heat radiate onto your face. "Y/n, you have a little-" he gestured to your lips. You quickly wiped the liquid off, slightly embarrassed at your childishness. "Wait, no. Drink it again," Jisung ordered.

You followed directions and repeated your actions, but when you lifted your eyes, Jisung was much closer. "Don't worry, I'll get it," he whispered as he cupped your face with his large hands. Contrary to your dream, he's the one who leaned in and kissed you. Your eyes stayed open in shock as his lips lightly dusted over yours.

You reacted too late and didn't kiss him back before he pulled away. "Wait, no. Comeback." You tugged on his shoulders, pulling him back in to kiss him properly. When you both were done, and leaned away, the smiled plastered onto your faces seemed permanent. "Okay now you can go back to what you were doing," you told him.

As you both packed up, ready to head out, Jisung offered to walk you home. "Only if it means you'll hold my hand again," you teased.

"What do you mean? You're the one who kept brushing against my hand."

"Hey! That was an accident," you defended. Jisung just scoffed and looked away.

"Hmm. Then I won't hold your hand."

"Please, Jisungie," you said cutely. As much as he tried to look away and hide it, you could easily see the rosy color fester across the back of his neck. "Oooh. You're blushing."

"Am not," he retorted before grabbing your hand and stomping off.

~

"Hey, y/n?" He started when you got to your house.

"Yes, Jisungie," you couldn't escape the smile that kept its way onto your mouth when you used that name

"Be my girlfriend?" He asked, slightly wincing at his discomfiture.

"How could I say no?" You raised up on your tip toes and placed an audible peck on your boyfriend's cheek. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, boyfriend," you emphasized.

Before you headed inside, Jisung snatched your wrist. As he turned you around, you were met once again with his lips cozily placed on yours. Everything felt exactly the way it should.

[selfdistancing]

hey y’all,  the funny thing about indie is that i feel like when people disappear for a few days or ‘slack’ on their replies/interactions they always feel obligated to say sorry. every time people come back and make a post, they have awesome mutuals who say things like “omg! it’s fine! you need to focus on yourself”, but i still feel obligated to say it. so ... sorry! but ... i am really struggling right now. i thought that each day would get easier and i would get better, but that is not the case. instead, i seem to be regressing and falling back into patterns that are not good for my mental or physical health. i am really lucky to have people in the rpc who have been building me up and letting me vaguely vent and cry (like literally letting me cry until i fall asleep? can you believe that? there are actual saints here. can you believe that i am literally a sad sack of emotions? no one is shocked.)  with that being said, i have no idea when i am going to be willing to log on and do the stack of replies that have piled up in my drafts. i have no motivation to do them. i have no desire to be on here. i really don’t have the energy to do much of anything anymore. i say this because i don’t want anyone to feel like i’ve been ignoring them or blowing off the plots and ships that we were so excited to write. i feel like a total jerk for not being able to follow through right now. i’m so sorry. if anyone wants to stay connected, i have discord on my phone and am always willing to talk about life or fun things (like dogs)? or even play silly games to pass the time? especially during this quarantine. please IM me so i can give you my discord tag if you want it. i’m always open to making new friends! i also welcome any and all advice that you might have when it comes to dealing with loss, grief, and/or heartbreak. i have no idea what i am doing, as i have never been through something like this before, and i am willing to listen to any suggestions that anyone has to make. i really hope you all understand. lastly, and this is for a very ... niche ... group. but if anyone lives near sydney, australia and has like? a younger sibling? or family member? or child? (idk) and doesn’t have anything to do on tuesday, july 7th 2020 ... and wants to go see frozen live (I SAID IT WAS A VERY SPECIFIC GROUP), then please reach out. i have 3 tickets that ticketmaster refuses to let me return because i didn’t buy the fucking ticket insurance and it has yet to get cancelled (due to covid-19). i will take ANY amount of money for them at this point. i just don’t really want them to go to waste if they still end up letting people go to it! i can’t say thank you enough to everyone who has been keeping my head above water. you’re all my little floaties. sydney