#sisterssafespace

[sisterssafespace]

Assalam ‘alaykum sister…

First of all I want to thank you for this safe space you’ve created, I was looking for someone to advice me in real life but I couldn’t find anyone, alhamdulillah I remembered this blog.

In these past two months I’ve been getting to know a guy with marriage in mind.

It’s the first time he hadapproached a girl so he’s a bit clumsy but I feel like he tries his best.

Lately we were discussing about mixed friendship, mind you, we both live in Italy but I was born and rised here while he was rised in Egypt.

I lived my whole life in contact with the opposite gender so I kind of created my boundaries (religiously speaking) and found my balance.

During these discussions I brought how in the future InshAllah, if Allah grants me a family and a house I want it to be always full of friends (by friends I meant man and women) or how I like to play cards during breaks in uni with my male colleagues (I’m a stem major). He was quite bothered by this, he said that he knows himself and knows that these things will be a problem for him in the future.

He went on bringing up how in Islam it’s not permissible to have these kind of close interactions to the opposite gender, I know it shouldn’t have but it kind of irked me. We decided to genuinely look up these things and understand if we can arrive to an agreement

I have a really bubbly personality… I fear that if I was to compromise on this I’ll lose a part of me. But I don’t want to end things with him because I got attached (I know I shouldn’t…)

I’m 23 and I don’t know if I’m making the right choices, I fear I’m hurrying myself to get to know another person while I’m lost between uni and trying to form my own views about the world while trying my best to preserve my deen.

In your opinion, what’s the approach I should take? Which things should I keep in mind while getting to know another person?

May Allah grant you all that your heart desires and may He nourish your life. Allahumma amin

Assalamualaikum habibty, First of all, thank you for the sweet words at the beginning of your ask, may Allah swt use us for the benefit of our ummah and the women of our ummah ameen. I also want to express how impressed and proud I am of the way you speak, which can only reflect the growth, sophistication, and politeness you have; I really loved how you speak and voice your thoughts! May Allah swt bless you! If we were to know each other irl we would have absolutely been friends because you sound mature, calm, confident, warm, and especially elegant in the way you speak to others and very respectful, Allahuma berik laki I am totally inn love with your manners! And that is why I will allow myself to speak to you as your older sister if you accept that.

So, I have a couple of points I want to tackle. Firstly, and most importantly I need you to be completely honest with yourself and with Allah swt. How so? Now in your ask you kept mentioning that you want to preserve your deen the best that you can, you struggled a bit and then you found your balance etc etc, and then you said that you don't want to lose a bit of your personality or a part of yourself by giving up these friendships for this guy. Let me tell you sweetie, you shouldn't! You shouldn't give up ANY part of you for any guy, but you HAVE TO give up whatever it takes FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SWT. What I mean is if you were to stop the free mixing (because playing cards with guys is free mixing, let's call a spade a spade and name things for what they really are) because a guy asked you to, it will not sit well with you if you are not convinced deep down that it is impermissible and plain wrong for Muslims to do so, and you will end up resenting the guy whether it is this potential suitor or the next guy or just your future husband, in general. The thing is, you remind so so so much of my old self, tbh the community I was raised in doesn't differ much from the Italian community and basically my whole life I was friends with guys and it came very naturally to me because that was the norm in my environment so I do know and I do understand very well your position right now; however, it is simply not permissible my dear, now that you have access to this piece of information you can't just overlook it - you can ask any Sheikh or Imam, in Islam we do interact with the opposite gender but with rules and restrictions, Allah swt instilled these conditions or boundaries to protect us, not to ruin our lives or make us less of who we really are. And let me tell you something that I have also experienced firsthand, whenever you give up something or a certain relationship in your life FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SWT, Allah WILL replace it with another relationship a billion times better; for me for example, when I decided to give up my mixed friendships, Allah swt made me meet the most amazing sisters who completely changed my life and continue to do so and to be there for me, to teach me and inspire me everyday! But I know it is not easy to give up your lifestyle and what you were used to, and basically, that's all you've known since forever, but honey, you have to always remember that Allah swt puts us to test, to check the level of honesty and sincerity when we say that we do believe. This is your test and you have to prove to Allah swt that you are sincere in your faith and obedience to your Creator. I just need to highlight that if you choose to do this and cut off your 'extracurricular' interactions with the opposite gender, you need to have the intention that you are doing so for the sake of Allah swt and not for the sake of this guy; which brings me to my second point:

YOU ARE STILL YOUNG! There is so much you need to learn and discover about your own self, your faith, and work to be the best version of yourself you can be. Personally, I don't approve of getting attached to a guy so soon and biding your life to his choices or decisions, especially that there is nothing serious between you two. You did say he approached you with the intention of marriage, well he might as well approach your family and make it halal, that's one - and two I honestly do not believe that a guy in Italy hasn't approached a girl for a serious talk before but idk, Allah knows best. So to wrap up, as an older sister, I advise you to take a step back and evaluate your life, and ask yourself " is it worth it?" these friendships and this 'fun' is it worth the moment where you're gonna stand up in front of Allah swt on judgment day and be asked about it? talking to this guy right now, is it worth it? Always consider the moment you're going to be asked about whatever you're doing in front of Allah swt and decide if it's worth carrying on.. P.s. About you always dreaming of having a house full of friends and hosting parties and having fun, I just want to say there is fun on the halal side of things, in shaa Allah one day when you have your own home and your own family, you can host your friends still and make a separate gathering, all the girls together all the guys together, you will meet a wonderful community and you will befriend a lot of amazing women and you can all be friends and it will be your social circle and you'll visit each other and your husbands will be friends and your kids will be like cousins and everything will be better than you could have ever imagined, only because it is a situation and a scene that pleases Allah swt so He swt will bless it :')

Work on yourself, on educating yourself religiously, on getting closer to Allah swt, on becoming a better version of yourself and you will see your life transforming to a level you wouldn't have ever dreamt of my dear! May Allah swt bless you immensely and help you see rightfulness and make the right decisions in life!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Fi Aman Allah,

A. Z.

[b-lessings]

I need to unpack 2 suitcases today, do my dishes, swipe the floor, reply to days-old messages, answer the ask on sisterssafespace and start writing up the upcoming episode of the podcast, umm right after I take this tempting nap.. brb.

[veruesse]

Thankyou Fatima.⚘, but i don't like to be known شكراً جزيلا

فقط ادعو لي😔

Hi ❤️ Before you said you needed to talk to someone. Is there a way we can be in contact, maybe where I would not know who you are? A private account? I would like to contact you if you’re ok with that? I think it’s very important to at least talk to someone. I’m here to listen to you. It might sound cliche but it really helps to talk to someone. I used to feel bad, feeling like everything was going bad for me. Alhamdoulillah I’ve made a lot of progress and I’m happy. Looking back, it would have been a lot easier for me if I had someone to talk to, which is why I hope we can.

I will make dua for you and repeat it over and over again.

May Allah swt ease all your affairs and grant you the strength and patience to make it through these calamities, and make you stronger after. Ameen. Don’t forget, with hardship comes ease. It will be better in sha Allah. Hold on to your faith, hold on to your prayers, hold on to your Lord, for the only way to survive this is His way.

If you're a sister and you need a safe space to talk, and don't feel that with me, please check out @sisterssafespace. They are very open and helpful. You can also contact @julaibib (if you’re a man or you just prefer to talk to him).

If you might consider getting 'professional help' (therapy) I can help you also. I can give you tips or help searching for a therapist. I have been going to therapy before and also: I would have always appreciated if I had someone to ‘guide me through it’. There is so much I can help you with, give you tips, be there for you.

So again, I’m here for you if you need it. If you just have a moment where you feel like talking about something, I am here to listen to you. I promise you I will keep everything between us. You can also still send me anons. And don’t forget that you’re not alone in this.

اللّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي.

Also: Here you can find two posts that I find strong and gave me hope.

May Allah ease your worries, fears and anxiety and grant you calmness, peace and healing. Ameen.

[sisterssafespace]

Assalmualaikum sister. My mother is suffering from Liver cirrhosis early stage where it has started to damage her liver. Please this is a dua request ask where a helpless daughter is looking for an immediate relief for her mother. I am extremely stressed and heartbroken. She is very precious to me. May Allah swt cure my mother and the people who are suffering from the same thing. Ameen. Im crying...please keep my mother in your duas.

May Allah swt heal your mother and grant her complete shifae, a full and fast recovery, ameen.

May Allah swt grant you the strength and patience to go through this trial, and reward you for your patience my dear sister 🤍

[sisterssafespace]

Anon:

"[ .. ] I really do not want to relapse. I am at peace now and i never want to return back to the state i was in. I always pray that no sister ever has to go through what i did. Even though im getting better i still do think about the past version of myself and how lost i was. I was so depressed and so out of touch with everything in my life. I was never fully present because i couldn't be.

Please keep me in your duas & also do you have any advice. "

Answer:

My dear sister, I didn't want to share your ask and answer publicly because you sent it not on anonymous, and even though it can be a fake account, I opted not to -

Anyways, I have answered similar asks a couple of times before on this blog, maybe if you have enough time you can go down a bit and find them. P.s. I usually answer them on separate posts when it is about this topic in particular.

With that being said, let me say first of all that I am proud of you, Allahuma barik, you are a strong girl, you took a huge step and in shaa Allah you will continue walking on this path of healing! You basically did all the right things, as for the movies/ tv shows, I would basically recommend similar steps, if you have any subscription ( Netflix and whatnot) just cancel it already, uninstall the apps if you have them on your devices, delete your browser's history or the list of favorite websites or just reset your software all together to start fresh. If you use YouTube, make a new account or mess up your YT algorithm: unsubscribe to all the channels that would suggest movies or series, dislike any suggestion related to that even on shorts, and instead like and subscribe to informative channels with Islamic content, like quran tafseer and lectures, stories about the Prophets or stories from the Quran, whatever field you are passionate about whether sciences, health, etc.. switch to podcasts! They're really great and you can find a billion interesting ones! Put down your device and pick up a book! And also, my key advice: fill up your time, don't let yourself be alone and empty, that's a toxic combination.

I hope these tips come in handy!

May Allah swt keep you firm on this road of recovery, I honestly feel so proud of you, it is not an easy thing to do! Alhamdullillah that Allah swt single- handedly chose YOU to save and show the right way! Allahuma barik 🥹🤍

May Allah swt forgive all you, me, our parents and all the believers ameen!

Wishing you all the best!

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Assalam u alaikum

I don't know why all of my excitement for Ramadan suddenly faded. Alhamdulillah I am grateful that Allah has allowed me to witness this beautiful month but I'm feeling so unenergetic and unenthusiastic

I'm worried about whether I've done something wrong, and that's why I'm just not getting that starry eyed feel..

I don't want Ramadan to pass and then feel like I wasted all my time

Any advice?

Jazak Allah khair!!

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته 🤍

Tbh such a genuine precious question, I appreciate you for keeping it real.

I just wanna start off by saying that what you feel is completely normal, it's only human and it does not make you a bad Muslim my dear.

There is so much " peer-pressure " around Ramadan SubhanAllah sometimes people turn it into a competition, especially on social media, but we tend to forget that Ramadan is between the Slave and her or his Lord. Fasting is for Allah swt only, praying, duaas, qiyam, reading the Quran, sadaqat, etc.. everything should be private and personal, just between you and Allah swt. And Allah swt KNOWS That we are not all the same, He swt the All-knowing does know that to each their circumstances, to each their endurance or level of strength, and Allah swt does not burden a soul beyond what it can handle. So, He will not judge us or compare us to anyone else. Alhamdulillah for such a merciful Creator and such an accomodating religion.

With that being said, you didn't necessarily do anything, it could be your hormones for example, it could be your circumstances, school or work or family issues la qaddar Allah, stress, anxiety, anything can interfere with our mood or make us not feel " it ". But just to make sure, you can start with a werd of istighfar daily where you say AstaghfiruAllah x 100 and in shaa Allah this gloomy cloud over your mood will slowly be lifted.

Also, you do sound like you need a companion, a sister in Islam who will help you, motivate you, pick you up when you feel down, share stories with you, boost your energy, etc. Having a supportive system is very important in our religion sübhanallah, but if you don't already have one, you can find sisters here on tumblr, this blog is also open for you 🤍

I would also recommend that you don't push yourself too hard, but most importantly, be kind to yourself, do not let shaytan convince you that you are not good enough and guilt-trip you. Whenever you get these ideas, do istighfar, say aāudhu billahi mina shaytan rageem and get up, do wudhu and perform one act of worship, no matter how small, even if you just send prayers upon Propher Muhammad ﷺ or read one page of the Qur'an. Last but not least, if you are the type of people who like schedules and visual tables or visual boards, you can fix a schedule of the acts of worship you can perform throughout the day/night of Ramadan, and maybe reward yourself whenever you accomplish something? That could really help.

I pray that Allah swt will grant you the sweetness of His worship and fill your heart with joy and excitement again, ameen 🤍

My sisters and I are making duaas for you.

- A.Z. 🍃

[sisterssafespace]

السلام عليكم و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته 🍃

To the ADHD anon who mentioned a particular sin that has been really bothering her and requested I do not publish her ask,

First of all, * sending warm hugs *

Secondly, I am going to start by answering the simplest question in your dense ask: No, it has been agreed and advised that when one gets married or about to get married they do not reveal that much about their past to their partner because if Allah swt has bestowed his protection and shelter upon you, you do not go and break that cover. I know as girls we romantically rationalize that we want to be fully honest with our husbands or future husbands and whatnot, but to everyone's benefit and well-being, if someone ( and we all did) had sinned in secret, of something happened and Allah swt protected you and kept it hidden, you should not out yourself to anyone. Just the other day I was watching Sh. Dr. Omar Abdulkafi, he was asked the same question and that was his answer. He further followed that you owe your partner honestly from the moment he or she enters your life. What's before that is yours to keep.

I would humbly add, that whenever the thought pops up in your head, make istiğfar and seek refuge in Allah swt from the Shaytan..

As for the main topic you are concerned about, I did answer previous questions about it on the blog in more details, but here is the most important idea, yes it stems from loneliness but also from having so much free time on your hands with nothing to do, so one very helpful tip is to make yourself busy. Schedule your dayin a way that you do not find so much free time where you used to do that particular thing, maybe pray a couple more rakaats of nafilah, read your daily werd of Qur'an ( like one page at least .. ), take up a handy artsy hobby, read a book .. and to be more practical, there are apps or extensions you can use whether on your phone or laptop to block certain sites, I advise you that you be brave one day, preferably in the morning and block all the sites that might take you there.. unfollow or block all the blogs that could be tempting, use the safety search on tumblr as well, block certain tags, if you can not be alone , if you can co sleep with your sister for example if you have sisters at least for the very first days...

But most importantly, you have to make an honest tawbah ( repentance) to Allah swt and promise Him that you are no longer going to engage in that, and ask Him for His help. Ask Allah swt to protect you and save you from falling into the Shaytan trip again..

Also, if you can have a constant werd of for example a 100x times saying " la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah" and 100x times " AstaghfiruLLAH" or " AstaghfiruLLAH al adheem wa atubu ilayh " plus sending prayers upon Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, that would be really really really helpful in shaa Allah my dear, and trust that Allah swt will help you get over this if you really are honest in your tawbah in shaa Allah.

I pray that Allah swt accept from you and strengthen you against your Shaytan and help you stay on His path, ameen 🤍

P.s. jazaki Allahu kulla khayr for the duaas at the beginning of the ask, allahuma ameen wa iyakiii 🤍

- A.Z. 🍃🤍

[sisterssafespace]

السلام عليكم و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته،

To the anon with the dysfunctional family 🥺💔

My heart aches for you and for your situation my dear. I opted not to publish the ask because it has too many personal details. So I am replying here.

Sübhanallah, your situation is similar to thousands if not millions of families around the world, you are not alone in this I promise you!

What really upsets me though is how certain Muslim men be priding themselves on being so religious and following the Quran and sunnah, requiring the salah to be on time like the example you gave me but then being so abusive, verbally and physically! No good Muslim man would ever hit his wife or children, or even yell or break things around the house! Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ says the best of you is the best to their family, and I am the best to my family! Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has never hit a woman in his whole life, He ﷺ was ever so gentle and so kind, He ﷺ did things around the house and played with His wives like racing,etc.. so where is the following the sunnah in your father's behavior... ? 💔💔

I am so deeply sorry you grew up and still living in such an environment my dear 😔

However, I can't really answer your question on divorce.. I am not the right person to ask. But for what I know, it is very very extremely important for a woman to have secured an income before she asks for divorce or else how are you and your mom going to live? Now, I don't know about your country and the law in it, but in Tunisia for example, we have a great pro-women divorce law, especially in case of damage (physical or emotional), if a woman can prove abuse, the court will divorce her from the abusive husband and make him pay for her a lot of money for the damage and then pay for her rent, or leave the house for her, and pay for the kids' expenses.. and even if he refuses to divorce, she will still get divorced by the law against his will, having proven the abuse. But I do know that it's not the case for many other Muslim countries..

Besides, I know sometimes when an incident happens, people do mention divorce but then when the storm passes they calm down and make up, so, are you sure this is not a similar situation? Sigh.

Honestly, I can't say anything except for Allahu al mustaān. I do think it is not fair on your older sister's part to push your mother toward the divorce without giving her solutions and alternatives. Like okay divorce and then what? How are you going to eat? Where are both of you going to stay? I think that maybe your mother should find someone with authority to talk to. For example, if there is an Imam or an older figure in the family that your father respects, someone trustworthy not to spill your family secrets outside.. maybe they can talk to your father and advise him on being calmer and containing himself and his anger around the house.

Whatever she decides to do, I believe this decision should not be taken on a whim, you should take your time and discuss it carefully, contemplating all your options. I highly recommend praying istikharah and making lots of duaa for guidance and faraj..

May Allah swt ease this situation for you, fill your hearts with beautiful patience and protect you from all evil my dear!

- A.Z. 🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatahu sister. I must say I am very proud of you and your team to keep growing in this particular platform. I used to be your very old follower and I have also sent you a few anon asks. I appreciate for your patience and sorry for my rantings. I appreciate for your replies to my every ask. 🤍 It fills me with joy to recieve a big-sissy-kind-of advice from you. My mumma is too an admirer of your beautiful knowledge despite your age. I previously deleted my Tumblr account because I was in my low point of life. And again created a new one just to thank you, I realised I was ungrateful for such a blessing. Subhanallah! I am an adult and in my college. I often spend my time alone because sadly my Muslim University doesn't have much practicing friends from my department. I am no one to judge but I know things won't go right if I join them. I always fantasy to marry a man of my dreams and probably a best friend would be a bonus. So I make dua in tahajjud everyday and ask Allah a number of things. I ask him from A to Z and I don't compromise in asking cause I know he is the Giver and the Provider. Buuuuuuuuttttttt as I make these duas I get constant bad thoughts in my mind and start to doubt Allah's power to fullfill my duas. I start to doubt to a point where I get demotivated to even make one dua. I rush my prayers, I rush my dhikr, I rush in everything and I get impatient to get my dua accepted. I have seen a lot of YouTube videos where muslimah just posts how their tahajjud duas got accepted few days ago, some said next hour. It baffles me and I ask myself, "how come my dua doesn't get accepted?", "How come they get everything they want whereas I don't?", "Did I commit too many sins to even get any dua acceptance?" And so I tried saying Astagfirullah 200 times after each 5 prayers. Sometimes I miss them due to classes. I have also recently unfollowed a muslimah social media influencer who never attended any University and is of my age. She has got beauty, health, weath and support. She vlogged her whole life for 3 years and showed how she got engaged and married and even gave birth few weeks ago. I was like, "woah! must be a true believer" and I almost start to cry over my life problems and sufferings and all. And I know this too that usually social media doesn't show the reality but sometimes it hurts so much that I tend to see what's really in front of me and not take a deeper look into it. Please help me how should I overcome such negative thoughts and feelings. And what else do I need to get my specific duas accepted in tahajjud? I'm not ungrateful, I am just impatient. How do I master patience? P.s: some of my duas got accepted and I am grateful for it. But negative thoughts just kicks in you know. 💔😢 The devil doesn't take a break.

Assalamualaikum habibty 🥹🥹🥹💗

MashaaaaaAllah such a long multidimensional ask :') where do I start?

First of all, I would like to apologize for the delayed answer, as you may know, the genocide happening right now in Gaza is taking a toll on all of us and our mental health, I am trying my best to deal with my survivor's guilt and find strength to function as normally as possible. Allahu al mustaān.

With that being said, thank you thank you thank you for the kind words, may Allah swt bless you and your momma, and grant her good health and happiness ameeeeeen !! I appreciate your words habibty, Jazaki Allahu kulla khayr 🤍 Sometimes I forget that we have been doing this for a while, and that our posts and answers have helped sisters through different periods of their lives, it helps to be reminded, alhamdullillah 🤍

O Allah swt make me better than what they think of me and forgive me what they don't know about me :')

Now let's talk about your negative thoughts. Those are basically shaytan trying to pull you far from Allah swt and distract you habibty. As we know, shaytan's biggest promise/challenge is to distract the slave of Allah from their worship. So whatever you are focusing on, shaytan will come and try to pull you as far as possible from that. And the harder you stick to that act of worship (in your case duaa and Tahajjud) the harder shaytan will try and fight you. But you have to put in mind one thing: Allahuma barik laki, you are already winning by waking up and praying Tahajjud, you are already winning the Love of Allah swt. Tahajjud is not for everyone, it is only for the brave hearts and the pure hearts, they say that Allah swt invites his beloved slaves for Tahajjud, it is like a superpower, so you should know, waking up for Tahajjud is already unlocking doors for you and taking you up many levels in Jannah in shaa Allah, regardless of whether the duaas are accepted or not. And that is one thing you should be comforted by I hope.

As for duaas being accepted, there are a lot of lectures online by expert shuyookhs and imams who talk about this matter. What they have almost all agreed upon is that making duaas is in itself a beloved act of worship to Allah swt and you'll be rewarded just for that. Then Allah swt has three ways or responses to your duaas: 1) yes, now. 2) yes but not now, later. 3) no that's not good for you but I have something better for you.

And we don't interfere with Allah's timing my dear. All you have to do is ask and leave things in His hands. It is a matter of faith. It is sufficient that you truly believe that Allah swt knows what's best for you and when is the right time to give it to you my dear. You just have to believe that and be at peace with not knowing, and be at peace with waiting. You did mention Sabr, patience, which is crucial in waiting for our duaa response. Prophet Yaqub (as) waiting his whole life for Yusuf (as) to come back to him, he knew in his heart that Allah swt will reunite him with his son, and he never despaired. It took years and years but he never lost hope, or felt frustrated. And that's just one example.

But anyways, if you need to strengthen your chances of your duaas being accepted, you need to start and finish your duaas with sending salaams and prayers upon Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, and you need to ask Allah swt with His specific names, so for example, if you are asking Allah for forgiveness you need to use His names that carry the meaning of forgiveness ( Al Ghaffar, Al Ghafour, Al Ghafir..) and if you are asking for rizq in marriage, ask Him swt by His names Ar-razzaq (the provider/ sustainer), Al-Wadud ( the loving one) .. Al Fatih (the opener).. Al Aleem (The knower of all..) etc.

+ about the topic of rushing after prayer, I do struggle with the same issue sübhanallah, and here is a personal hack that helps me with it. I am a visual person I need visual reminders, so what I would do is make notes on papers, I would write the after-salah adhkar, some duaas, tasbeeh.. and stick them on the wall in my salah corner so when I finish my salah it is right there in front of me I can't skip it. But if you're rushing to go to class then stick to the bare minimum: Ayatul kusee after every fard (obligatory salah) and on your way to class say Sübhanallah x10 Alhamdullillah x10 Allahu akbar x10, and you're all set in shaa Allah 😚 See, Islam is beautifully easy and simple if you want to simplify it. Sübhanallah, our deen is that of ease 🤍

To conclude, I don't want to make this any longer for you, for the negative thoughts keep in mind that it is from shaytan and he is only trying to distract you, whenever you feel like you're slipping into that hole pull back by saying I seek refuge in Allah swt from Shaytan, say la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah x100 a day if you can as well.

I will leave you with this simple but powerful duaa:

Allahuma aenee alaa thikrika wa shukrika wa husni ibadatika : O Allah, help me with remembering you, thanking you, and well-worshipping you.

I, from the bottom of my heart, pray Allah swt grants you ease, relief and comfort habibty. May Allah swt grant your heart its biggest wishes and reward you with an immense joy that makes you burst into tears, soon ya rab ..

Fi Aman Allah my precious one 💗

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Assalamualaikum beautiful sisters 🤍

A couple of days ago I received a " heavy " long ask as she called it, and it was on my mind the whole time, I just felt so helpless..

Today, after some reflecting, and the help of a wonderful sister, I feel able to write some things up. So here we go, bismillah:

@ to the anon with the "uneasy" brother, and wbo asked me for advice, I am going to try and keep this short and straight to the point my dear because it will do you no good to go around the issue. I have three major points to stretch:

1) the reason why I felt so helpless and couldn't really come up with a piece of advice is because Allahuma barik laki you are already doing what I can only advise you of doing: finding refuge in Allah swt, in prayer and duaa, you are already doing that, and in shaa Allah relief will soon come because whomever fears Allah swt, Allah swt will create a way and will make a way for them out of their calamity. That is why I would say to just keep doing what you are already doing, keep turning to Allah swt and asking for His help because there is no other way, you may want to make a habit of tasbeeh or sending prayers upon Prophet Muhammad ﷺ at least x100 times a day, it has been known and narrated that people who make that their habit and send a lot of prayers upon him ﷺ in their day find miraculous results in a short time in shaa Allah. - Another thought crossed my mind within the same theme is the following: you did mention that you have found your way to Allah swt later in life, and that when you were younger you had your share of " rebellion" yourself, but now Alhamdullillah, you are upon the truth and you are making sure to be a good pious Muslim girl, and whenever I come across such stories it reminds me of this verse from surat al-ankabut: Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test? [Qur'an 2:29] - Now what if this is your test ? Sübhanallah, we are all being tested, all the time, and to each their own specific test, I think if you look at the situation you have at home as your current " test " then maybe your reaction to it and your attitude will change, maybe you will be more patient, less reactive, less emotional about even the subtle acts that now cause you frustration. Does that make sense? Because if we change our perspective on the situation, we systematically change the level of control we have over it and our attitude toward it as well. So we can eventually move from a " my brother is doing this or that to me and I can't deal with it anymore it is a very painful situation for me " mindset to a " Allah swt is testing me with my family, and as any test this too shall come to an end, I have to be patient and I have to be smart about it and try and find out the lesson behind it " you turn the narrative about you not about them, you put the power and the control in your hands and that's how you raise above the situation! Which brings me to my second point:

2) You don't have to react to everything even literally everything they do frustrates you or annoys you in a way. Look sweetie, the villain in your story is also a victim of generations of favoring and spoiling male children in the household, a victim of a patriarchal misogynistic society. They did not wake up and decide to be rude/mean/insensitive toward you. I am not defending anyone because at one point we are all responsible for our actions, Allah swt has given us a mind and a conscious for a reason, but what I am trying to say is this is a more complex situation that in looks like, rooted in lack of parental knowledge and education on how to bring up healthy responsible human beings.. Once you see the bigger picture, you are going to take things less personally, you are going to be able to distance yourself and put your walls up to actually protect yourself and your psyche.. And you see, you tried everything, to protest, to yell, to tell on them etc etc, nothing is working in your favor, on the contrary, things always end up bad for you. Now, how about you actually try to ignore the whole situation, and not give them a reaction at every instance. If they're being mean or disrespectful, just retreat yourself, do not engage in the conflict, say astaghfirullah or la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah and move on. I want to actually make a challenge with you: how well can you ignore this person on a daily basis? Like if they're in the kitchen stay in your room until they exit the kitchen and the coast is clear or just go there, say salam and then pretend they don't exist, pretend they're invisible. I dunno I am just giving an example 😅 The point is: sometimes when we can't change a situation, when it is beyond our control, we just let it go.

Besides, I don't know how good you are at setting boundaries, I really don't wanna bombard you with lots of ideas, so imma let you digest the ones I have already explained. Nevertheless, don't hesitate to set boundaries even with your parents if you deem the situation fitting for that. P.s. a side tip: maybe engage in other activities outside the household? You have mentioned that you work now full-time I guess Allahuma barik laki, and that you are studying? Okay brilliant! But apparently that still gives you a few hours in the daytime in the house. Maybe also holidays and weekends. So how about you find a sort of volunteering activity that would help you give back to the community, and keep you busy and away from the house for a few more hours? Actually that would be beneficial for you in several ways, you would feel that you are doing something good with your time, helping people is one of the greatest ways to sense our worth. ( And that's also a way to meet great people ... Or interesting potential in laws 🙈) which brings me to my last point:

3) You did talk about your concern about how in the Future it would be intense for your future partner to meet your family. Well I have two things to say about this: a) I am sure everyone has their share of toxicity/ dysfunction in their families, no family is perfect, and if your future partner in shaa Allah will be a good man then he will understand - However, the way to go about it is honestly and openness, you shouldn't lie about it or try to paint a different picture from reality, and in return you should be met with support and understanding in shaa Allah. So do not worry much about this point exactly because if he is the one he will want you for yourself and he will not judge your family or your circumstances. b) from the bottom of my heart I hope that you do not use marriage as your " escape root " from your family's house. A lot of girls, unfortunately, do that. They want to escape so badly they actually jump at the first opportunity that presents itself without much thinking or seeing if the guy is actually a good one, and then they realize that they made a mistake. So, even though I pray Allah swt grant you a pious gentle understanding husband one day, I hope you don't think of marriage as your way to freedom and whatnot. I hope you don't make a decision based on the wrong motives. Does that make sense sweetie?

Well, I did say I won't make it long but look at me 😶‍🌫️🫣.

I hope I touched on all the points you mentioned in your ask or at least most of them. I ask every sister who sees this post to make duaa for you.

This was a collaborative work and we pray that Allah swt fills your heart with so much sakinah, calmness and patience to make it through this trial, and reward you immensely for your patience sweetie. May Allah swt soften your parents' heart and guide your brother. May Allah swt mend your heart and place such a joyful event in your life soon that makes up for all this pain. Ameen.

- A. Z. & @3ayyn 🤍🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Salaam my beautiful sister, I wanted to ask this of you please remember me and my beloved in your Duaa’s, we are both planning to speak to our parents and get our nikkah done in sha Allah I would be so grateful if you could make Duaa that Allah allows us to do this and makes it easier for our families to accept this with happiness. I would be so grateful if you could remember us in your Duaa’s that doors open for both of us to get our nikkah done and enter this new chapter together with the blessings of Allah 🤍

I replied to this on @b-lessings but I will reply here too to amplify the duaas in shaa Allah

In shaa Allah this will go the way your heart desires even better than you've ever dreamt of!

May Allah swt ease your affairs and bring you together in a way that pleases Him swt, may Allah swt facilitate your union and put so much barakah in it! May Allah swt, bless your marriage and let it be a means for you to become closer to Allah in love and devotion. Ameen!!

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Salam!!! Hope you're doing well :))

I wanted to ask that my parents are strict about children having privacy like. . . They're literally against it! And as a grown teenager I NEED privacy. When I say I need a private room They're like noo u can't have your own room u gotta share your room with ya sista . And I need privacy cuz I'm Introvert!!! I need privacy cuz I can do workout silently , I can pray tahajjud peacefully , I can do my ibadah on time with full attention, I can make pretty paintings and hang em on wall , also I don't like sharing my stuffs with anyone and many other things i guess they think im gonna be like other kids doing weird stuffs but noooo not all are same right? :( i don't know what they think . And I guess it's a must to hav privacy in today's generation.

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته dear 🍃

The way you describe your need for privacy and what for is so beautiful, soft, romantic, gentle, it reflects a lot about your personality, allahuma barik 🤍

However, I think teeangers and young adults don't understand their parents enough, or maybe they can't understand them because they see the world from two completely different perspectives.. so what I am going to try and do is put myself in your parents shoes and try to explain to you why they can't give you the privacy you need. Have you considered finances? Obviously I don't know or have much details about your family's situation but do you think they have the means to afford a house with rooms enough for each kid? If yes, and if there are enough rooms in your house for you to have a room on your own then I suggest you openly talk to them ( or to the one you think you are closer to) and you can reassure them that your goal is not to do anything fishy in secret but to have the peace of mind and the comfort to be yourself and do your ibadat properly.

I pray that Allah swt bestows peace and comfort upon you soon my dear, ameen.

- A. Z. 🍃🤍

[sisterssafespace]

Does all the romantic young people with a lovable heart have the parents who hate each other , Talk sh*t about each other's behind their back?? I really wished my parents loved each other TRULY forever... but that's okay because Allah tests souls by the things they love the most. *sobbing rn*

Assalamualaikum my dear,

Listen, I am sure your parents don't " hate " each other, it is just that adult relationships are really complicated, especially if people have been in a lifelong marriage. Sübhanallah, in the sirah of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ we have multiple examples of successful happy marriages but today unfortunately the majority of Muslim families are suffering a broken marriage and parents that are very resentful toward each other. The worst part in all of this is that the sweet romantic kind-hearted children like yourself get traumatized and it does affect their life choices.

I pray that Allah swt grant you and the Muslim girls the loving pious gentle kind-hearted husband like you, when the time is right, who fears Allah, takes good care of you, treasures your heart and treats you lovingly my dear, ameen.

P.s. check the tag #on marriage to see other asks that have talked about similar situations..

- A. Z. 🍃🤍

[sisterssafespace]

Assalamu alaykum

[I don’t know if you post or reply anymore but I’m just gonna do it]

Lately I haven’t been on deen. I haven’t been praying properly or reading my Quran like it should be read. So I started feeling paranoid. Allah put this fear in me and I felt like someone was watching me all the time. I spoke to my mum about this last night and she told me she felt the same almost 20 years ago and that she also wasn’t praying or reading the Quran. So before I went to bed last night, I read surah al fatihah, ayat ul kursi, and the last three surahs three times. I made a dua asking for forgiveness and mercy for me and my family.

Subhanallah something amazing happened. I felt like a saw a fraction of Allah’s power and greatness. It suddenly brought me to tears. I realised I was less than nothing compared to Allah and I hated that it took me 15 years to realise that.

My problem is that I have tried to be a good Muslim before and I have. For two days. Then I went back to my old ways. Last night felt like what I saw was genuine and real rather than what I’ve been doing the past few years. So how can I keep myself from tempting myself to do things that are against the deen? I genuinely want to change and become a better Muslim. But how can I do that with all of the distractions in this world? Any tips or advice?

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته 🍃

First of all, please accept my apology for the delay, I was traveling and didn't have a stable network..

Secondly, let us appreciate this ask and your story for a moment, Allahuma barik, I love these inspiring stories that can always prove to anyone in need that Allah swt is always there, only one prayer away, one duaa away, no matter how far or astray we think of ourselves to be, Allah swt is always near! You see, when you felt that there is something wrong or scary around you, you knew exactly what to do, you immediately turned to Allah swt because that's our fitrah, that's how we are built and programmed, He swt designed us that way, Alhamdullillah. And immediately He swt answered and provided for you safety, security, protection, and calmness. Allah swt doesn't need much from us, He is always waiting for us to call upon Him, so please do not forget that, even if one happens to sometimes forget that strong bond we have with Allah swt, it never disappears or stops existing.

Now here is the thing, one of the devil's favorite things to do is to try and distract the believers the moment they find their way back to Allah swt -He said, “For leaving me to stray I will lie in ambush for them on Your Straight Path. [7:16] - Shaytan has promised Allah swt that he will try and make sure to distract the believers when they're walking on Allah's straight path, when they are finding their way back or making their steps toward Allah swt. It has been also known that the stronger your faith or your desire to walk toward Allah swt, the harder Shaytan will try and distract you. And that will not make the believer weak or ' a bad Muslim ' , that's just how things are, that's the system, that's the test. All we have to do is try to stay firm and try to fight off the distractions, try to keep our eyes on the goal, that is getting closer to Allah swt and pleasing Him swt.

And remember, we are human beings, we are supposed to slip, we are supposed to make mistakes, we are supposed to sin, but the challenge is not to dispair, not to lose hope in Allah's mercy and to keep going back and keep asking for forgiveness every single time. Remember that Allah swt said that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said "By the One in Whose Hand my soul is! If you do not commit sins, Allah would replace you with a people who would commit sins and seek forgiveness from Allah; and Allah will certainly forgive them."

And He ﷺ also said “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent.”

So do not let the human tendency we have toward sinning discourage you or make you lose hope, and do not let Shaytan get into your head and let you believe that you are a bad Muslim or that you don't deserve Allah swt's mercy and forgiveness.

I know the world is very distracting and very destructive, especially if you live in the western world, may Allah swt help our brothers and sisters living in non-Muslim countries and strengthen their faith, and keep their hearts firm on the deen ya rab! But you are going to go with babysteps because the most beloved deeds to Allah swt are the smallest but the most permanent, the ones we don't quit them.. I say build a routine where you prioritize your daily five prayers, and if you can insert a few sunnah prayers like the sunnah of Fajr or Dhuha prayer that would be amazing! Make sure you stick to morning and evening adhkar because they are your way to remember Allah swt abundantly in your day, and through them He swt will protect you from all evil, all distractions, and help you stay focused. To remind yourself to do you can use apps, there are great Islam related apps that you can have on your phone either for deen in general or for duaas and adhkar, some apps offer to set a reminder on your phone and alarm you at the right time to read your adhkar, to pray, to read your daily Quran, etc..

Also, whatever it is that is causing you distraction ( for e.g. social media, series, movies, music) you can limit your consumption of that, you can uninstall certain apps or lock them, only use them a limited time in your day, I have recently replied to an ask about that you can also check in and In shaa Allah it will be beneficial for you.

The most important thing is that you don't despair, you don't guilt-trap yourself and you keep your hope in Allah swt's mercy because He swt said " قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

Say, `O My servants who have committed excesses against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allâh. Surely, Allâh forgives all sins. Verily, He is the Great Protector, the Ever Merciful.'

Allahu al mustaān 🤍

- A. Z. 🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Asalamualaykum i hope you're well❤️. Once again i did something stupid. So im a very impulsive person tooo impulsive and it is really affect me deen wise. So last year i was attending concerts and other impermissible gatherings where music and alcohol and other drugs is and in those gatherings i would remove my niqab and hijab and wear things i shouldn't all because of my fmo and wanting to fit in with my non Muslim friends. I really cant help it especially when i feel pressured to attend. This year i told myself that i would not attend there was event that just passed it was supposed to be happening on Sunday and i told myself that i wouldn't get the tickets for it and i didn't. But there was event on Saturday and i went the whole of Saturday dodging my impulses to buy the tickets to go but then 2am Sunday morning i got tickets and went to the event (it ended at 5am) i compromised my deen again. My non Muslim friends were at both events and i mostly wanted to go to be with them both events. I am already someone who struggles with low emaan all the time. I dont pray ever because of procrastination and i do have the urge to i really do. The only time i prayed consistently ever was this year Ramadan and 2 months after. I had never felt so close to Allah and my deen than when i was praying consistently. I just feel so lost and that im destined for jahanam and i if carry on likes this there is no hope for me at all. I literally cannot to talk to anyone about this because im afraid of being judged by others and those close to me.

Wa alaykum assalamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu dear,

Sübhanallah you sounded very aware of the situation in your ask. Your words reflected someone who's mature enough and smart enough to know right from wrong. You are also fully aware of the consequences of your actions and that you are - in your own words - compromising your deen. The good thing is that the feeling of guilt or regret that you feel afterwards, the unpleasant feeling that settles in your gut, that actually shows that you have a pure heart, you have a good nature, a good fitrah, you just get carried away and you let shaytan manipulate you sometimes. See if you weren't a good girl and if you didn't love Allah swt, if you had completely gone astray then you wouldn't be feeling this way.

Now, what are you going to do about the situation? I feel like there are 3 major points, all of them have been discussed and mentioned before on this page in previous asks:

1) Do not despair of Allah's mercy. As long as we are still breathing, as long as there is still rooh in us, Allah's door is always open and we can always come back.

2) Recognize the shaytan's traps and stay away from them - close the door that will lead you to relapsing/ sinning

3) Strengthen your Eman with your daily remembrance ( adhkar ) and duaas: you need to shield yourself and protect yourself with reciting your morning and evening adhkar, as you will be asking Allah swt to protect you from all evil, from shaytan, to forgive you, to guide you. Adhkar are a believer's best friend. Once you commit to them you will definitely feel the change in your life even in the smallest details. There are apps that provide these adhkar with translation and the app would even notify you to remind you to recite them.

Listen my dear, you are a smart girl Allahuma barik, all you have to do is not act upon your impulses. And as an impulsive person myself, I know from the experience that the way to control that is to be one step ahead + Taqwa (awareness and consciousness of Allah swt). How? As for being one step ahead or let's call it prevention, you need to clean out your environment just like someone detoxing their body for them not to get sick or someone who's gonna start a diet so they clear out their kitchen and fridge from anything that's unhealthy and might be tempting. Like as a simple example, I would delete that app for the concerts/events.. which is related to point 2. And if the weekend is coming and you can anticipate that your friends will go out and invite you, prepare yourself to say no, practice saying no, or just straight up tell them that you can no longer associate with such environments! Because sweetie at the end of the day, the friends that are going to make you sin and are going to take you away from Allah swt are not your friends. But to be completely honest, I don't blame your friends, at the end of the day they're non-muslims, from their perspective there is nothing wrong with going to these events for them. It is your responsibility to stand up for what you believe and what you represent. I bet it is also very confusing for your friends to see as this Muslim girl who just removes her niqab and hijab ( and her beliefs) for a couple of hours to have fun?? I am so sorry to tell you that it reflects such a bad image of Islam, which is not what we are supposed to represent! I am trying to look for the softest way possible to tell you this but please never do that again! I know you might be wearing the hijab and the niqab for a different reason, maybe it's a cultural thing, maybe it's not your fault you don't understand their value, their meaning and their sacredness, maybe you didn't choose to wear them in the first place but please respect your hijab, and your niqab, please do not violate their sanctity by associating with alcohol and concerts. It is really painful to know you are going through this. I feel like we need to have a long conversation about the meaning of hijab and the reason why Muslim women choose to wear the niqab, about their meaning, about the mothers of the believers, about the sahabiyat who gave their lives for us to be walking around today in our hijabs, and why Islam in one word means to submit to Allah swt and obey His orders.

I don't want to make this too long for you, I just want you to know that I am not judging you, no human being is perfect, no muslim is pious enough or religious enough not to sin and not to make mistakes, we are all sinners in different ways, it is just Allah's mercy and setr that is covering us. But please sweetie, you sound like a mature young lady who can be responsible and can make good choices. So please make the right ones. In Islam Halal is clear and Haram is clear. There are no blurred lines. And if you are old enough to concerts alone and pay for them alone, then you are old enough to make the right decisions.

One last word: whatever you do, do not quit praying, it is the prayer that holds that string between you and Allah swt, it is the prayer that washes away the sins. May Allah swt accept from you.

I am sorry if anything I said came off as harsh. I hesitated for days before I could write this answer because I didn't want to be overly dramatic or come off as brutal 💔 May Allah swt guide us all. I pray that Allah swt forgive me the shortage of my answer. I wrote from the heart, in shaa Allah I managed to write what Allah swt had inspired me to convey. I pray from the bottom of my heart that Allah swt shows you right from wrong and guides your heart, ameen. Please stick to your adhkar, make istighfar as much as you can and send prayers upon Prophet Muhammad ﷺ as well.

Here are a couple of duaas you can recite in your sujud:

رَبَّنَا لَا تُزِغۡ قُلُوبَنَا بَعۡ��َ إِذۡ هَدَيۡتَنَا وَهَبۡ لَنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلۡوَهَّابُ

Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestow.

يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلبي على دينك

Oh turner of the hearts, keep my heart steadfast upon your deen.

La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah 🥺.

- A. Z. 🍃🤍

[sisterssafespace]

Salam Sister I'm a teenager and someday I'll become an adult and then I'll get married... *sigh* . I mean like I'm really a romantic person and I feel like I'll really love my partner the best way possible and we'll have a happy and peaceful life .

But sometimes it's sooo hard to think like broooo I'll get MARRIED!??? It makes me feel so scared😭 because you know what .. each and every married couples I see here makes me feel like I shouldn't everrrr get married I mean they're so unhappy and regretfull :(

And one hope I have is that love marriages are more healthy and happy but....sadly my parents had a love marriage and they're not happy :(( they always fight and say that they were so unlucky that they married each other.. so here again I get scared 😭 there are soo many unhealthy relationships here it feel like they just married each other for passing over the generation and nothing else... what about understanding each other?? , actually feeling happy and loved by each other? , making life romantic?? , writing letters for each other?? , cooking together? , going on vacations? , buying flowers? , softly and kindly talking to each other???? Where are theseee....

And arrange marriages here are super toxic ... and veryyyyyy sadlyyyy I feel like my parents will get Me arranged marriage. 😭 even tho my mom said to me and my siblings that tell me if you love someone..

But nah bro I can't... it's so shameful to say that as being a girl ;(

What do you think Are arrange marriages better or love ones?

Yet .... I STILL have 🤏 this much hope for love marriage

But zero hopes for arrange marriages .

Wa alaykum assalamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu beautiful!!

Can I just say you're so cute ? 🙈🙈🙈

Listen sweetie, your concerns are very valid, you're not the only one havine these thoughts and worrying about a love marriage turning catastrophic later. A lot of sisters have shared similar asks before and we did talk about this on here a lot. And yes you are right, the image that we have for marriage today is not a happy one, especially for girls who experience it first hand being raised in an unhappy marriage where the parents are constantly fighting, hurting each other and their kids.

Sübhanallah, marriage one of - if not - the core institutions in Islam. And Allah swt details in the Quran the rules and the principles of a happy healthy successful marriage, as does the sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. But the farther people stray from deen, the more this materialistic world gets between the couple, the worse the outcome. If people just went back to basics and understood what it really means to ve married in Islam, what are the rights and the duties of a husband and a wife in Islam, things would have been way better. However, this could also be due to lack of knowledge. I don't know about other cultures, but in mine for example, we don't get courses pre-marriage. I wish there was a type of training or a course at the masjid or with the local Imam, someone who knows fiqh and shaiaa and who is an expert in this field to teach us all about marriage in Islam, and how to have a healthy husband-wife relationship filled with affection and mercy, which will please Allah swt. Indeed, Islam places a paramount importance on marriage and family life to the point that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said " the best of you is the best to his family(/wife) ". He didn't say the best of you is the one who prays more or fasts more or goes to Hajj every year or something.. If you really look into Islam you will find that it has awarded romance, kindness and gentleness between a husband and a wife in a very special way! One of the simplest examples that comes to mind is that if a man feeds his wife with his hand that counts as an act of charity! Now that is a real happy healthy marriage that our religion promoted, and not what we see today, unfortunately.

So, my point is, everyone's marriage experience is different. And I know your parents' experience will have to affect you, but once you get older, more mature, more self-conscious, you need to take responsibility for your own vision and perspective on life and you need to distance yourself from the environment you grew up in, and build up your own hopes, plans, expectations.. I am not saying you as in you, but as in everyone.

And tbh, marriage is a lot of work, it is not luck, it is not love, it is not random, it is a job. You have to wake up everyday and do the work, it is that one lifelong job that offers you no breaks, no vacations, no sick leaves, and no retirements. But when you're working along side someone you love, when you feel appreciated, rewarded, validated and seen, then it would be the best job of your life! You'd wanna do it everyday, forever.

Now, as for your question, love marriage or arranged marriage, I would honestly say it really doesn't matter. There is no science that would say " love marriages are more successful" or " arranged marriages are doomed to failure". In fact, it is not the nature of the marriage that matters, it is the person you're marrying. And as long as the process of getting to know that person is kept halal, then in shaa Allah, Allah swt will put barakah in that union. Islam does acknowledge love marriage as Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said " I have not seen anything better for lovers than nikah ", and meanwhile, even in arranged marriages liking the other person " al qaboul " as in seeing them and accepting them, feeling okay and comfortable with them, is a must. If there is no qabool, if you didn't feel comfortable around that person then you shouldn't go through with it. So it is not about how you're getting married, it's about whom you're marrying.

BUT !!!!!! For now, I'd like you to not worry about these things, I think you have more important things to put your energy in, like studying hard and doing your best being a good Muslimah and a good daughter. Put your trust in Allah swt habibty and be sure that Allah swt has nothing but khayr stored for you 🥰🤍

I pray Allah swt keep you steadfast on His path and shower you and your loved ones with blessings.

Fi Aman Allah,

- A. Z. 🤍🍃