#sisterssafespace

[sisterssafespace]

Assalam ‘alaykum sister…

First of all I want to thank you for this safe space you’ve created, I was looking for someone to advice me in real life but I couldn’t find anyone, alhamdulillah I remembered this blog.

In these past two months I’ve been getting to know a guy with marriage in mind.

It’s the first time he hadapproached a girl so he’s a bit clumsy but I feel like he tries his best.

Lately we were discussing about mixed friendship, mind you, we both live in Italy but I was born and rised here while he was rised in Egypt.

I lived my whole life in contact with the opposite gender so I kind of created my boundaries (religiously speaking) and found my balance.

During these discussions I brought how in the future InshAllah, if Allah grants me a family and a house I want it to be always full of friends (by friends I meant man and women) or how I like to play cards during breaks in uni with my male colleagues (I’m a stem major). He was quite bothered by this, he said that he knows himself and knows that these things will be a problem for him in the future.

He went on bringing up how in Islam it’s not permissible to have these kind of close interactions to the opposite gender, I know it shouldn’t have but it kind of irked me. We decided to genuinely look up these things and understand if we can arrive to an agreement

I have a really bubbly personality… I fear that if I was to compromise on this I’ll lose a part of me. But I don’t want to end things with him because I got attached (I know I shouldn’t…)

I’m 23 and I don’t know if I’m making the right choices, I fear I’m hurrying myself to get to know another person while I’m lost between uni and trying to form my own views about the world while trying my best to preserve my deen.

In your opinion, what’s the approach I should take? Which things should I keep in mind while getting to know another person?

May Allah grant you all that your heart desires and may He nourish your life. Allahumma amin

Assalamualaikum habibty, First of all, thank you for the sweet words at the beginning of your ask, may Allah swt use us for the benefit of our ummah and the women of our ummah ameen. I also want to express how impressed and proud I am of the way you speak, which can only reflect the growth, sophistication, and politeness you have; I really loved how you speak and voice your thoughts! May Allah swt bless you! If we were to know each other irl we would have absolutely been friends because you sound mature, calm, confident, warm, and especially elegant in the way you speak to others and very respectful, Allahuma berik laki I am totally inn love with your manners! And that is why I will allow myself to speak to you as your older sister if you accept that.

So, I have a couple of points I want to tackle. Firstly, and most importantly I need you to be completely honest with yourself and with Allah swt. How so? Now in your ask you kept mentioning that you want to preserve your deen the best that you can, you struggled a bit and then you found your balance etc etc, and then you said that you don't want to lose a bit of your personality or a part of yourself by giving up these friendships for this guy. Let me tell you sweetie, you shouldn't! You shouldn't give up ANY part of you for any guy, but you HAVE TO give up whatever it takes FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SWT. What I mean is if you were to stop the free mixing (because playing cards with guys is free mixing, let's call a spade a spade and name things for what they really are) because a guy asked you to, it will not sit well with you if you are not convinced deep down that it is impermissible and plain wrong for Muslims to do so, and you will end up resenting the guy whether it is this potential suitor or the next guy or just your future husband, in general. The thing is, you remind so so so much of my old self, tbh the community I was raised in doesn't differ much from the Italian community and basically my whole life I was friends with guys and it came very naturally to me because that was the norm in my environment so I do know and I do understand very well your position right now; however, it is simply not permissible my dear, now that you have access to this piece of information you can't just overlook it - you can ask any Sheikh or Imam, in Islam we do interact with the opposite gender but with rules and restrictions, Allah swt instilled these conditions or boundaries to protect us, not to ruin our lives or make us less of who we really are. And let me tell you something that I have also experienced firsthand, whenever you give up something or a certain relationship in your life FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SWT, Allah WILL replace it with another relationship a billion times better; for me for example, when I decided to give up my mixed friendships, Allah swt made me meet the most amazing sisters who completely changed my life and continue to do so and to be there for me, to teach me and inspire me everyday! But I know it is not easy to give up your lifestyle and what you were used to, and basically, that's all you've known since forever, but honey, you have to always remember that Allah swt puts us to test, to check the level of honesty and sincerity when we say that we do believe. This is your test and you have to prove to Allah swt that you are sincere in your faith and obedience to your Creator. I just need to highlight that if you choose to do this and cut off your 'extracurricular' interactions with the opposite gender, you need to have the intention that you are doing so for the sake of Allah swt and not for the sake of this guy; which brings me to my second point:

YOU ARE STILL YOUNG! There is so much you need to learn and discover about your own self, your faith, and work to be the best version of yourself you can be. Personally, I don't approve of getting attached to a guy so soon and biding your life to his choices or decisions, especially that there is nothing serious between you two. You did say he approached you with the intention of marriage, well he might as well approach your family and make it halal, that's one - and two I honestly do not believe that a guy in Italy hasn't approached a girl for a serious talk before but idk, Allah knows best. So to wrap up, as an older sister, I advise you to take a step back and evaluate your life, and ask yourself " is it worth it?" these friendships and this 'fun' is it worth the moment where you're gonna stand up in front of Allah swt on judgment day and be asked about it? talking to this guy right now, is it worth it? Always consider the moment you're going to be asked about whatever you're doing in front of Allah swt and decide if it's worth carrying on.. P.s. About you always dreaming of having a house full of friends and hosting parties and having fun, I just want to say there is fun on the halal side of things, in shaa Allah one day when you have your own home and your own family, you can host your friends still and make a separate gathering, all the girls together all the guys together, you will meet a wonderful community and you will befriend a lot of amazing women and you can all be friends and it will be your social circle and you'll visit each other and your husbands will be friends and your kids will be like cousins and everything will be better than you could have ever imagined, only because it is a situation and a scene that pleases Allah swt so He swt will bless it :')

Work on yourself, on educating yourself religiously, on getting closer to Allah swt, on becoming a better version of yourself and you will see your life transforming to a level you wouldn't have ever dreamt of my dear! May Allah swt bless you immensely and help you see rightfulness and make the right decisions in life!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Fi Aman Allah,

A. Z.

[b-lessings]

I need to unpack 2 suitcases today, do my dishes, swipe the floor, reply to days-old messages, answer the ask on sisterssafespace and start writing up the upcoming episode of the podcast, umm right after I take this tempting nap.. brb.

[saffronbaklava]

Is it haram for girls to grow long nails? Not so long a little.. and also is it haram to shape eyebrows too??

salam:) i’m still learning about these things myself so i don’t want to advise you incorrectly, but @sisterssafespace is a blog to support muslim sisters so maybe they can answer this question or if not maybe they can suggest someone else who can!

[veruesse]

Thankyou Fatima.⚘, but i don't like to be known شكراً جزيلا

فقط ادعو لي😔

Hi ❤️ Before you said you needed to talk to someone. Is there a way we can be in contact, maybe where I would not know who you are? A private account? I would like to contact you if you’re ok with that? I think it’s very important to at least talk to someone. I’m here to listen to you. It might sound cliche but it really helps to talk to someone. I used to feel bad, feeling like everything was going bad for me. Alhamdoulillah I’ve made a lot of progress and I’m happy. Looking back, it would have been a lot easier for me if I had someone to talk to, which is why I hope we can.

I will make dua for you and repeat it over and over again.

May Allah swt ease all your affairs and grant you the strength and patience to make it through these calamities, and make you stronger after. Ameen. Don’t forget, with hardship comes ease. It will be better in sha Allah. Hold on to your faith, hold on to your prayers, hold on to your Lord, for the only way to survive this is His way.

If you're a sister and you need a safe space to talk, and don't feel that with me, please check out @sisterssafespace. They are very open and helpful. You can also contact @julaibib (if you’re a man or you just prefer to talk to him).

If you might consider getting 'professional help' (therapy) I can help you also. I can give you tips or help searching for a therapist. I have been going to therapy before and also: I would have always appreciated if I had someone to ‘guide me through it’. There is so much I can help you with, give you tips, be there for you.

So again, I’m here for you if you need it. If you just have a moment where you feel like talking about something, I am here to listen to you. I promise you I will keep everything between us. You can also still send me anons. And don’t forget that you’re not alone in this.

اللّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُ��َ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي.

Also: Here you can find two posts that I find strong and gave me hope.

May Allah ease your worries, fears and anxiety and grant you calmness, peace and healing. Ameen.

[sisterssafespace]

Assalmualaikum sister. My mother is suffering from Liver cirrhosis early stage where it has started to damage her liver. Please this is a dua request ask where a helpless daughter is looking for an immediate relief for her mother. I am extremely stressed and heartbroken. She is very precious to me. May Allah swt cure my mother and the people who are suffering from the same thing. Ameen. Im crying...please keep my mother in your duas.

May Allah swt heal your mother and grant her complete shifae, a full and fast recovery, ameen.

May Allah swt grant you the strength and patience to go through this trial, and reward you for your patience my dear sister 🤍

[sisterssafespace]

Anon:

"[ .. ] I really do not want to relapse. I am at peace now and i never want to return back to the state i was in. I always pray that no sister ever has to go through what i did. Even though im getting better i still do think about the past version of myself and how lost i was. I was so depressed and so out of touch with everything in my life. I was never fully present because i couldn't be.

Please keep me in your duas & also do you have any advice. "

Answer:

My dear sister, I didn't want to share your ask and answer publicly because you sent it not on anonymous, and even though it can be a fake account, I opted not to -

Anyways, I have answered similar asks a couple of times before on this blog, maybe if you have enough time you can go down a bit and find them. P.s. I usually answer them on separate posts when it is about this topic in particular.

With that being said, let me say first of all that I am proud of you, Allahuma barik, you are a strong girl, you took a huge step and in shaa Allah you will continue walking on this path of healing! You basically did all the right things, as for the movies/ tv shows, I would basically recommend similar steps, if you have any subscription ( Netflix and whatnot) just cancel it already, uninstall the apps if you have them on your devices, delete your browser's history or the list of favorite websites or just reset your software all together to start fresh. If you use YouTube, make a new account or mess up your YT algorithm: unsubscribe to all the channels that would suggest movies or series, dislike any suggestion related to that even on shorts, and instead like and subscribe to informative channels with Islamic content, like quran tafseer and lectures, stories about the Prophets or stories from the Quran, whatever field you are passionate about whether sciences, health, etc.. switch to podcasts! They're really great and you can find a billion interesting ones! Put down your device and pick up a book! And also, my key advice: fill up your time, don't let yourself be alone and empty, that's a toxic combination.

I hope these tips come in handy!

May Allah swt keep you firm on this road of recovery, I honestly feel so proud of you, it is not an easy thing to do! Alhamdullillah that Allah swt single- handedly chose YOU to save and show the right way! Allahuma barik 🥹🤍

May Allah swt forgive all you, me, our parents and all the believers ameen!

Wishing you all the best!

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Assalam u alaikum

I don't know why all of my excitement for Ramadan suddenly faded. Alhamdulillah I am grateful that Allah has allowed me to witness this beautiful month but I'm feeling so unenergetic and unenthusiastic

I'm worried about whether I've done something wrong, and that's why I'm just not getting that starry eyed feel..

I don't want Ramadan to pass and then feel like I wasted all my time

Any advice?

Jazak Allah khair!!

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته 🤍

Tbh such a genuine precious question, I appreciate you for keeping it real.

I just wanna start off by saying that what you feel is completely normal, it's only human and it does not make you a bad Muslim my dear.

There is so much " peer-pressure " around Ramadan SubhanAllah sometimes people turn it into a competition, especially on social media, but we tend to forget that Ramadan is between the Slave and her or his Lord. Fasting is for Allah swt only, praying, duaas, qiyam, reading the Quran, sadaqat, etc.. everything should be private and personal, just between you and Allah swt. And Allah swt KNOWS That we are not all the same, He swt the All-knowing does know that to each their circumstances, to each their endurance or level of strength, and Allah swt does not burden a soul beyond what it can handle. So, He will not judge us or compare us to anyone else. Alhamdulillah for such a merciful Creator and such an accomodating religion.

With that being said, you didn't necessarily do anything, it could be your hormones for example, it could be your circumstances, school or work or family issues la qaddar Allah, stress, anxiety, anything can interfere with our mood or make us not feel " it ". But just to make sure, you can start with a werd of istighfar daily where you say AstaghfiruAllah x 100 and in shaa Allah this gloomy cloud over your mood will slowly be lifted.

Also, you do sound like you need a companion, a sister in Islam who will help you, motivate you, pick you up when you feel down, share stories with you, boost your energy, etc. Having a supportive system is very important in our religion sübhanallah, but if you don't already have one, you can find sisters here on tumblr, this blog is also open for you 🤍

I would also recommend that you don't push yourself too hard, but most importantly, be kind to yourself, do not let shaytan convince you that you are not good enough and guilt-trip you. Whenever you get these ideas, do istighfar, say aāudhu billahi mina shaytan rageem and get up, do wudhu and perform one act of worship, no matter how small, even if you just send prayers upon Propher Muhammad ﷺ or read one page of the Qur'an. Last but not least, if you are the type of people who like schedules and visual tables or visual boards, you can fix a schedule of the acts of worship you can perform throughout the day/night of Ramadan, and maybe reward yourself whenever you accomplish something? That could really help.

I pray that Allah swt will grant you the sweetness of His worship and fill your heart with joy and excitement again, ameen 🤍

My sisters and I are making duaas for you.

- A.Z. 🍃

[sisterssafespace]

السلام عليكم و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته 🍃

To the ADHD anon who mentioned a particular sin that has been really bothering her and requested I do not publish her ask,

First of all, * sending warm hugs *

Secondly, I am going to start by answering the simplest question in your dense ask: No, it has been agreed and advised that when one gets married or about to get married they do not reveal that much about their past to their partner because if Allah swt has bestowed his protection and shelter upon you, you do not go and break that cover. I know as girls we romantically rationalize that we want to be fully honest with our husbands or future husbands and whatnot, but to everyone's benefit and well-being, if someone ( and we all did) had sinned in secret, of something happened and Allah swt protected you and kept it hidden, you should not out yourself to anyone. Just the other day I was watching Sh. Dr. Omar Abdulkafi, he was asked the same question and that was his answer. He further followed that you owe your partner honestly from the moment he or she enters your life. What's before that is yours to keep.

I would humbly add, that whenever the thought pops up in your head, make istiğfar and seek refuge in Allah swt from the Shaytan..

As for the main topic you are concerned about, I did answer previous questions about it on the blog in more details, but here is the most important idea, yes it stems from loneliness but also from having so much free time on your hands with nothing to do, so one very helpful tip is to make yourself busy. Schedule your dayin a way that you do not find so much free time where you used to do that particular thing, maybe pray a couple more rakaats of nafilah, read your daily werd of Qur'an ( like one page at least .. ), take up a handy artsy hobby, read a book .. and to be more practical, there are apps or extensions you can use whether on your phone or laptop to block certain sites, I advise you that you be brave one day, preferably in the morning and block all the sites that might take you there.. unfollow or block all the blogs that could be tempting, use the safety search on tumblr as well, block certain tags, if you can not be alone , if you can co sleep with your sister for example if you have sisters at least for the very first days...

But most importantly, you have to make an honest tawbah ( repentance) to Allah swt and promise Him that you are no longer going to engage in that, and ask Him for His help. Ask Allah swt to protect you and save you from falling into the Shaytan trip again..

Also, if you can have a constant werd of for example a 100x times saying " la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah" and 100x times " AstaghfiruLLAH" or " AstaghfiruLLAH al adheem wa atubu ilayh " plus sending prayers upon Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, that would be really really really helpful in shaa Allah my dear, and trust that Allah swt will help you get over this if you really are honest in your tawbah in shaa Allah.

I pray that Allah swt accept from you and strengthen you against your Shaytan and help you stay on His path, ameen 🤍

P.s. jazaki Allahu kulla khayr for the duaas at the beginning of the ask, allahuma ameen wa iyakiii 🤍

- A.Z. 🍃🤍

[sisterssafespace]

السلام عليكم و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته،

To the anon with the dysfunctional family 🥺💔

My heart aches for you and for your situation my dear. I opted not to publish the ask because it has too many personal details. So I am replying here.

Sübhanallah, your situation is similar to thousands if not millions of families around the world, you are not alone in this I promise you!

What really upsets me though is how certain Muslim men be priding themselves on being so religious and following the Quran and sunnah, requiring the salah to be on time like the example you gave me but then being so abusive, verbally and physically! No good Muslim man would ever hit his wife or children, or even yell or break things around the house! Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ says the best of you is the best to their family, and I am the best to my family! Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has never hit a woman in his whole life, He ﷺ was ever so gentle and so kind, He ﷺ did things around the house and played with His wives like racing,etc.. so where is the following the sunnah in your father's behavior... ? 💔💔

I am so deeply sorry you grew up and still living in such an environment my dear 😔

However, I can't really answer your question on divorce.. I am not the right person to ask. But for what I know, it is very very extremely important for a woman to have secured an income before she asks for divorce or else how are you and your mom going to live? Now, I don't know about your country and the law in it, but in Tunisia for example, we have a great pro-women divorce law, especially in case of damage (physical or emotional), if a woman can prove abuse, the court will divorce her from the abusive husband and make him pay for her a lot of money for the damage and then pay for her rent, or leave the house for her, and pay for the kids' expenses.. and even if he refuses to divorce, she will still get divorced by the law against his will, having proven the abuse. But I do know that it's not the case for many other Muslim countries..

Besides, I know sometimes when an incident happens, people do mention divorce but then when the storm passes they calm down and make up, so, are you sure this is not a similar situation? Sigh.

Honestly, I can't say anything except for Allahu al mustaān. I do think it is not fair on your older sister's part to push your mother toward the divorce without giving her solutions and alternatives. Like okay divorce and then what? How are you going to eat? Where are both of you going to stay? I think that maybe your mother should find someone with authority to talk to. For example, if there is an Imam or an older figure in the family that your father respects, someone trustworthy not to spill your family secrets outside.. maybe they can talk to your father and advise him on being calmer and containing himself and his anger around the house.

Whatever she decides to do, I believe this decision should not be taken on a whim, you should take your time and discuss it carefully, contemplating all your options. I highly recommend praying istikharah and making lots of duaa for guidance and faraj..

May Allah swt ease this situation for you, fill your hearts with beautiful patience and protect you from all evil my dear!

- A.Z. 🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Assalam alaikum sister,

I wanted to share a concern that I have for all those beautiful and innocent sisters that I see online... I wish I could tell them that their blog (unless it's on private) and the internet cannot be their safe place.

They (we) do not know who is reading, watching and drawing conclusions. In public places, we can usually see who is watching us... but the internet is a public place where we can be seen without knowing who is watching and how.

As muslim women we try hard to protect ourselves from the male gaze... So we have so much we wish to share and social media seems to be the perfect outlet.

We think we are safe because we are mostly anonymous (like here on tumblr) so we share our deepest feelings and thoughts, pics (even blurred) or private moments. But our hearts are soft and in spite of a semi anonymity we create ties with others... some are males. But it feels safe because it's "only the internet" and yet... it's still reality. Am I right to think this is dangerous?

When I see guys (even muslim) lurking on posts by muslimah bloggers : I worry for my sisters. I know it's not my business so I stay quiet... But my conscience is bothering me, that's why I'm writing to you.

May Allah keep all our sisters' heart safe.

(This is a reminder for me too. May Allah forgive me.)

Assalamualaikum beautiful soul 🤍

This ask really touched me because I share the same feelings regarding this topic. Sübhanallah. You are right, the illusion of anonymity that tumblr provides is tricky. I am not going to say much further because your ask is already straight to the point. I pray that Allah swt protects the hearts and the conscious of Muslims everywhere, and help us learn how to respect Allah's boundaries and never cross them, ameen.

The only thing I felt like I wouldn't agree with much is about " sharing our feelings ".. as I am a firm believer in the power of sharing, and healing thru sharing, usually, if I am writing a tumblr post about something personal that happened to me it is basically because I think maybe another sister could learn something from it, or if someone is going through the same thing she wouldn't feel alone in her struggles.. (anyways that's not the point now)

Now, back to our topic, I hope one day we reach a level of consciousness and awareness where my sisters in Islam and sisters in Humanity would see their worth and not give worthless people or random people access to their lives. I hope we reach a stage where a girl's heart is only and primarily attached to her Lord. May Allah swt protect His female slaves from the Shayateen of ins and jinn. Ameen.

Jazaki Allahu kulla Khayr for bringing this up! I hope it reaches so many girls, at least here in the muslim community on Tumblr! May Allah swt keep you steadfast on His path and fill your heart with taqwa my dear. Ameen.

- A. Z. 🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatahu sister. I must say I am very proud of you and your team to keep growing in this particular platform. I used to be your very old follower and I have also sent you a few anon asks. I appreciate for your patience and sorry for my rantings. I appreciate for your replies to my every ask. 🤍 It fills me with joy to recieve a big-sissy-kind-of advice from you. My mumma is too an admirer of your beautiful knowledge despite your age. I previously deleted my Tumblr account because I was in my low point of life. And again created a new one just to thank you, I realised I was ungrateful for such a blessing. Subhanallah! I am an adult and in my college. I often spend my time alone because sadly my Muslim University doesn't have much practicing friends from my department. I am no one to judge but I know things won't go right if I join them. I always fantasy to marry a man of my dreams and probably a best friend would be a bonus. So I make dua in tahajjud everyday and ask Allah a number of things. I ask him from A to Z and I don't compromise in asking cause I know he is the Giver and the Provider. Buuuuuuuuttttttt as I make these duas I get constant bad thoughts in my mind and start to doubt Allah's power to fullfill my duas. I start to doubt to a point where I get demotivated to even make one dua. I rush my prayers, I rush my dhikr, I rush in everything and I get impatient to get my dua accepted. I have seen a lot of YouTube videos where muslimah just posts how their tahajjud duas got accepted few days ago, some said next hour. It baffles me and I ask myself, "how come my dua doesn't get accepted?", "How come they get everything they want whereas I don't?", "Did I commit too many sins to even get any dua acceptance?" And so I tried saying Astagfirullah 200 times after each 5 prayers. Sometimes I miss them due to classes. I have also recently unfollowed a muslimah social media influencer who never attended any University and is of my age. She has got beauty, health, weath and support. She vlogged her whole life for 3 years and showed how she got engaged and married and even gave birth few weeks ago. I was like, "woah! must be a true believer" and I almost start to cry over my life problems and sufferings and all. And I know this too that usually social media doesn't show the reality but sometimes it hurts so much that I tend to see what's really in front of me and not take a deeper look into it. Please help me how should I overcome such negative thoughts and feelings. And what else do I need to get my specific duas accepted in tahajjud? I'm not ungrateful, I am just impatient. How do I master patience? P.s: some of my duas got accepted and I am grateful for it. But negative thoughts just kicks in you know. 💔😢 The devil doesn't take a break.

Assalamualaikum habibty 🥹🥹🥹💗

MashaaaaaAllah such a long multidimensional ask :') where do I start?

First of all, I would like to apologize for the delayed answer, as you may know, the genocide happening right now in Gaza is taking a toll on all of us and our mental health, I am trying my best to deal with my survivor's guilt and find strength to function as normally as possible. Allahu al mustaān.

With that being said, thank you thank you thank you for the kind words, may Allah swt bless you and your momma, and grant her good health and happiness ameeeeeen !! I appreciate your words habibty, Jazaki Allahu kulla khayr 🤍 Sometimes I forget that we have been doing this for a while, and that our posts and answers have helped sisters through different periods of their lives, it helps to be reminded, alhamdullillah 🤍

O Allah swt make me better than what they think of me and forgive me what they don't know about me :')

Now let's talk about your negative thoughts. Those are basically shaytan trying to pull you far from Allah swt and distract you habibty. As we know, shaytan's biggest promise/challenge is to distract the slave of Allah from their worship. So whatever you are focusing on, shaytan will come and try to pull you as far as possible from that. And the harder you stick to that act of worship (in your case duaa and Tahajjud) the harder shaytan will try and fight you. But you have to put in mind one thing: Allahuma barik laki, you are already winning by waking up and praying Tahajjud, you are already winning the Love of Allah swt. Tahajjud is not for everyone, it is only for the brave hearts and the pure hearts, they say that Allah swt invites his beloved slaves for Tahajjud, it is like a superpower, so you should know, waking up for Tahajjud is already unlocking doors for you and taking you up many levels in Jannah in shaa Allah, regardless of whether the duaas are accepted or not. And that is one thing you should be comforted by I hope.

As for duaas being accepted, there are a lot of lectures online by expert shuyookhs and imams who talk about this matter. What they have almost all agreed upon is that making duaas is in itself a beloved act of worship to Allah swt and you'll be rewarded just for that. Then Allah swt has three ways or responses to your duaas: 1) yes, now. 2) yes but not now, later. 3) no that's not good for you but I have something better for you.

And we don't interfere with Allah's timing my dear. All you have to do is ask and leave things in His hands. It is a matter of faith. It is sufficient that you truly believe that Allah swt knows what's best for you and when is the right time to give it to you my dear. You just have to believe that and be at peace with not knowing, and be at peace with waiting. You did mention Sabr, patience, which is crucial in waiting for our duaa response. Prophet Yaqub (as) waiting his whole life for Yusuf (as) to come back to him, he knew in his heart that Allah swt will reunite him with his son, and he never despaired. It took years and years but he never lost hope, or felt frustrated. And that's just one example.

But anyways, if you need to strengthen your chances of your duaas being accepted, you need to start and finish your duaas with sending salaams and prayers upon Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, and you need to ask Allah swt with His specific names, so for example, if you are asking Allah for forgiveness you need to use His names that carry the meaning of forgiveness ( Al Ghaffar, Al Ghafour, Al Ghafir..) and if you are asking for rizq in marriage, ask Him swt by His names Ar-razzaq (the provider/ sustainer), Al-Wadud ( the loving one) .. Al Fatih (the opener).. Al Aleem (The knower of all..) etc.

+ about the topic of rushing after prayer, I do struggle with the same issue sübhanallah, and here is a personal hack that helps me with it. I am a visual person I need visual reminders, so what I would do is make notes on papers, I would write the after-salah adhkar, some duaas, tasbeeh.. and stick them on the wall in my salah corner so when I finish my salah it is right there in front of me I can't skip it. But if you're rushing to go to class then stick to the bare minimum: Ayatul kusee after every fard (obligatory salah) and on your way to class say Sübhanallah x10 Alhamdullillah x10 Allahu akbar x10, and you're all set in shaa Allah 😚 See, Islam is beautifully easy and simple if you want to simplify it. Sübhanallah, our deen is that of ease 🤍

To conclude, I don't want to make this any longer for you, for the negative thoughts keep in mind that it is from shaytan and he is only trying to distract you, whenever you feel like you're slipping into that hole pull back by saying I seek refuge in Allah swt from Shaytan, say la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah x100 a day if you can as well.

I will leave you with this simple but powerful duaa:

Allahuma aenee alaa thikrika wa shukrika wa husni ibadatika : O Allah, help me with remembering you, thanking you, and well-worshipping you.

I, from the bottom of my heart, pray Allah swt grants you ease, relief and comfort habibty. May Allah swt grant your heart its biggest wishes and reward you with an immense joy that makes you burst into tears, soon ya rab ..

Fi Aman Allah my precious one 💗

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Assalamualaikum beautiful sisters 🤍

A couple of days ago I received a " heavy " long ask as she called it, and it was on my mind the whole time, I just felt so helpless..

Today, after some reflecting, and the help of a wonderful sister, I feel able to write some things up. So here we go, bismillah:

@ to the anon with the "uneasy" brother, and wbo asked me for advice, I am going to try and keep this short and straight to the point my dear because it will do you no good to go around the issue. I have three major points to stretch:

1) the reason why I felt so helpless and couldn't really come up with a piece of advice is because Allahuma barik laki you are already doing what I can only advise you of doing: finding refuge in Allah swt, in prayer and duaa, you are already doing that, and in shaa Allah relief will soon come because whomever fears Allah swt, Allah swt will create a way and will make a way for them out of their calamity. That is why I would say to just keep doing what you are already doing, keep turning to Allah swt and asking for His help because there is no other way, you may want to make a habit of tasbeeh or sending prayers upon Prophet Muhammad ﷺ at least x100 times a day, it has been known and narrated that people who make that their habit and send a lot of prayers upon him ﷺ in their day find miraculous results in a short time in shaa Allah. - Another thought crossed my mind within the same theme is the following: you did mention that you have found your way to Allah swt later in life, and that when you were younger you had your share of " rebellion" yourself, but now Alhamdullillah, you are upon the truth and you are making sure to be a good pious Muslim girl, and whenever I come across such stories it reminds me of this verse from surat al-ankabut: Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test? [Qur'an 2:29] - Now what if this is your test ? Sübhanallah, we are all being tested, all the time, and to each their own specific test, I think if you look at the situation you have at home as your current " test " then maybe your reaction to it and your attitude will change, maybe you will be more patient, less reactive, less emotional about even the subtle acts that now cause you frustration. Does that make sense? Because if we change our perspective on the situation, we systematically change the level of control we have over it and our attitude toward it as well. So we can eventually move from a " my brother is doing this or that to me and I can't deal with it anymore it is a very painful situation for me " mindset to a " Allah swt is testing me with my family, and as any test this too shall come to an end, I have to be patient and I have to be smart about it and try and find out the lesson behind it " you turn the narrative about you not about them, you put the power and the control in your hands and that's how you raise above the situation! Which brings me to my second point:

2) You don't have to react to everything even literally everything they do frustrates you or annoys you in a way. Look sweetie, the villain in your story is also a victim of generations of favoring and spoiling male children in the household, a victim of a patriarchal misogynistic society. They did not wake up and decide to be rude/mean/insensitive toward you. I am not defending anyone because at one point we are all responsible for our actions, Allah swt has given us a mind and a conscious for a reason, but what I am trying to say is this is a more complex situation that in looks like, rooted in lack of parental knowledge and education on how to bring up healthy responsible human beings.. Once you see the bigger picture, you are going to take things less personally, you are going to be able to distance yourself and put your walls up to actually protect yourself and your psyche.. And you see, you tried everything, to protest, to yell, to tell on them etc etc, nothing is working in your favor, on the contrary, things always end up bad for you. Now, how about you actually try to ignore the whole situation, and not give them a reaction at every instance. If they're being mean or disrespectful, just retreat yourself, do not engage in the conflict, say astaghfirullah or la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah and move on. I want to actually make a challenge with you: how well can you ignore this person on a daily basis? Like if they're in the kitchen stay in your room until they exit the kitchen and the coast is clear or just go there, say salam and then pretend they don't exist, pretend they're invisible. I dunno I am just giving an example 😅 The point is: sometimes when we can't change a situation, when it is beyond our control, we just let it go.

Besides, I don't know how good you are at setting boundaries, I really don't wanna bombard you with lots of ideas, so imma let you digest the ones I have already explained. Nevertheless, don't hesitate to set boundaries even with your parents if you deem the situation fitting for that. P.s. a side tip: maybe engage in other activities outside the household? You have mentioned that you work now full-time I guess Allahuma barik laki, and that you are studying? Okay brilliant! But apparently that still gives you a few hours in the daytime in the house. Maybe also holidays and weekends. So how about you find a sort of volunteering activity that would help you give back to the community, and keep you busy and away from the house for a few more hours? Actually that would be beneficial for you in several ways, you would feel that you are doing something good with your time, helping people is one of the greatest ways to sense our worth. ( And that's also a way to meet great people ... Or interesting potential in laws 🙈) which brings me to my last point:

3) You did talk about your concern about how in the Future it would be intense for your future partner to meet your family. Well I have two things to say about this: a) I am sure everyone has their share of toxicity/ dysfunction in their families, no family is perfect, and if your future partner in shaa Allah will be a good man then he will understand - However, the way to go about it is honestly and openness, you shouldn't lie about it or try to paint a different picture from reality, and in return you should be met with support and understanding in shaa Allah. So do not worry much about this point exactly because if he is the one he will want you for yourself and he will not judge your family or your circumstances. b) from the bottom of my heart I hope that you do not use marriage as your " escape root " from your family's house. A lot of girls, unfortunately, do that. They want to escape so badly they actually jump at the first opportunity that presents itself without much thinking or seeing if the guy is actually a good one, and then they realize that they made a mistake. So, even though I pray Allah swt grant you a pious gentle understanding husband one day, I hope you don't think of marriage as your way to freedom and whatnot. I hope you don't make a decision based on the wrong motives. Does that make sense sweetie?

Well, I did say I won't make it long but look at me 😶‍🌫️🫣.

I hope I touched on all the points you mentioned in your ask or at least most of them. I ask every sister who sees this post to make duaa for you.

This was a collaborative work and we pray that Allah swt fills your heart with so much sakinah, calmness and patience to make it through this trial, and reward you immensely for your patience sweetie. May Allah swt soften your parents' heart and guide your brother. May Allah swt mend your heart and place such a joyful event in your life soon that makes up for all this pain. Ameen.

- A. Z. & @3ayyn 🤍���

[sisterssafespace]

Salaam my beautiful sister, I wanted to ask this of you please remember me and my beloved in your Duaa’s, we are both planning to speak to our parents and get our nikkah done in sha Allah I would be so grateful if you could make Duaa that Allah allows us to do this and makes it easier for our families to accept this with happiness. I would be so grateful if you could remember us in your Duaa’s that doors open for both of us to get our nikkah done and enter this new chapter together with the blessings of Allah 🤍

I replied to this on @b-lessings but I will reply here too to amplify the duaas in shaa Allah

In shaa Allah this will go the way your heart desires even better than you've ever dreamt of!

May Allah swt ease your affairs and bring you together in a way that pleases Him swt, may Allah swt facilitate your union and put so much barakah in it! May Allah swt, bless your marriage and let it be a means for you to become closer to Allah in love and devotion. Ameen!!

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

[sisterssafespace]

@ the eating disorder anon,

Trigger warning: eating disorder, mental health if you don't feel comfortable reading this please skip.

Assalamualaikum beautiful soul 🤍

Can I first start by sending you a soft comforting hug? I want to let you know that I see you and I feel your pain, because I have been/ still am there and going through it, it is a journey of uphills and lows. That is why I can assure you the following: eating disorders are never about just the food. The issue is deeper than that. It's not about the way we eat or don't, it's not about the fact that we obsess over our weight, it is about the reason why we do so.

Here is what Orlando Recovery Center says about it on their website:

"Our society has become one that prides itself on body image and being thin. Everyday we are bombarded with ads for fad diets, fat burners and “get fit quick” methods, along with models and celebrities to compare ourselves with.

Almost everyone is conscientious of their weight to a degree. However, there are sadly some that take food and weight concerns to the extreme, easily developing eating disorders centered around unhealthy habits.

The most common eating disorders include anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder. All three of which occur when a person develops a distorted image of themselves, as well as a dangerous relationship with food. Unfortunately, eating disorders are about more than food and can have major psychological impacts.

The National Institute of Mental Health states that, “Researchers are finding that eating disorders are caused by a complex interaction of genetic, biological, psychological, and social factors.”

Typically, most think that an eating disorder is largely attributable to food and weight obsession. Conversely, those suffering from disorders around food usually begin on that path as a means to control or cope with devastating emotions and events that activate high stress levels. By controlling eating patterns, this can help an individual to feel more in control of his or her life in the short term. In the long term, these patterns can develop into destructive habits that wreak havoc on all areas of well-being.

While most are predisposed to personality traits and psychological dynamics that can contribute to the development of eating disorders, many people with these disorders suffer from low self esteem, feelings of inadequacy or helplessness, depression, anger, anxiety and body image issues."

Now, in your ask you did mention therapy and the fact that you have other issues, let me assure you that they are interrelated. If you were mentally and emotionally okay, there would have been no need for you to skip meals or weigh yourself so often.. Unfortunately though, I can not tell you how to overcome or fix this, because this is bigger than me, and bigger than you. To each one of us their own experience and their own relationship with food. Part of it, can even be genetic. We do carry more than our issues in our DNA. All I can do for you is tell you that I understand and that you are not alone in this. Please make it a priority to seek professional help. If there is a doctor or any medical figure at your school or uni you can talk to, please don't hesitate. If there's a green line you can call, I know a lot of countries have that like hotline available for mental health, please don't hesitate to make the call.

And please try to forgive yourself for whatever it is that's been eating you up, because you didn't know any better then.

Lastly, I would like to stress the point that Allah swt gave us this body as an amanah, something He swt entrusted us with and that we are supposed to take care of until we return it to Him. And He will ask us how good of a care we took. In Islam, we believe that a healthy diet and a healthy lifestyle is a must. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in his sunnah did promote a lot of healthy ways to consume food. He said, "Nothing is worse than a person who fills his stomach. It should be enough for the son of Adam to have a few bites to satisfy his hunger. If he wishes more, it should be: One-third for his food, one-third for his liquids and one-third for his breath." And I know you're on the opposite end of that, in fact, you are not letting yourself eat but what about you try to apply this rule? Whenever your mind tries to convince you to skip a meal try to remember this Hadith and compromise. Tell your mind that you'll just eat one third of the food instead.

Another inspiration from the Quran that I want you to consider is how when sayyida Maryam (as) was in distress, she was having what she thought was the worst thing ever (when she was giving birth to Issa (as) and wished she would have died, Allah swt asked her to eat! In her worst state ever! He ordered her to eat! He swt said in Surat Maryam "So eat and drink, and put your heart at ease " [19:26]. I genuinely hope you take this verse to heart my dear.

May Allah swt ease your pain, ameen.

- A. Z. 🍃

[sisterssafespace]

Salam!!! Hope you're doing well :))

I wanted to ask that my parents are strict about children having privacy like. . . They're literally against it! And as a grown teenager I NEED privacy. When I say I need a private room They're like noo u can't have your own room u gotta share your room with ya sista . And I need privacy cuz I'm Introvert!!! I need privacy cuz I can do workout silently , I can pray tahajjud peacefully , I can do my ibadah on time with full attention, I can make pretty paintings and hang em on wall , also I don't like sharing my stuffs with anyone and many other things i guess they think im gonna be like other kids doing weird stuffs but noooo not all are same right? :( i don't know what they think . And I guess it's a must to hav privacy in today's generation.

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته dear 🍃

The way you describe your need for privacy and what for is so beautiful, soft, romantic, gentle, it reflects a lot about your personality, allahuma barik 🤍

However, I think teeangers and young adults don't understand their parents enough, or maybe they can't understand them because they see the world from two completely different perspectives.. so what I am going to try and do is put myself in your parents shoes and try to explain to you why they can't give you the privacy you need. Have you considered finances? Obviously I don't know or have much details about your family's situation but do you think they have the means to afford a house with rooms enough for each kid? If yes, and if there are enough rooms in your house for you to have a room on your own then I suggest you openly talk to them ( or to the one you think you are closer to) and you can reassure them that your goal is not to do anything fishy in secret but to have the peace of mind and the comfort to be yourself and do your ibadat properly.

I pray that Allah swt bestows peace and comfort upon you soon my dear, ameen.

- A. Z. 🍃🤍

[sisterssafespace]

Does all the romantic young people with a lovable heart have the parents who hate each other , Talk sh*t about each other's behind their back?? I really wished my parents loved each other TRULY forever... but that's okay because Allah tests souls by the things they love the most. *sobbing rn*

Assalamualaikum my dear,

Listen, I am sure your parents don't " hate " each other, it is just that adult relationships are really complicated, especially if people have been in a lifelong marriage. Sübhanallah, in the sirah of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ we have multiple examples of successful happy marriages but today unfortunately the majority of Muslim families are suffering a broken marriage and parents that are very resentful toward each other. The worst part in all of this is that the sweet romantic kind-hearted children like yourself get traumatized and it does affect their life choices.

I pray that Allah swt grant you and the Muslim girls the loving pious gentle kind-hearted husband like you, when the time is right, who fears Allah, takes good care of you, treasures your heart and treats you lovingly my dear, ameen.

P.s. check the tag #on marriage to see other asks that have talked about similar situations..

- A. Z. 🍃🤍