#do you feel held by him

[angelf00d]

[shadowed-dancer]

Characters that are younger than Xiao and it feels wrong

Over half the archons (Nahida, Focalors, Furina, probably the pyro archon and the Tsaritsa assuming they were born after the cataclysm. Idk I feel like we assume gods should be the oldest and they just... aren't)

Yae Miko

Dainsleif

NEUVILLETTE

Characters that are older than Xiao and it feels wrong

Ganyu

[fairsweetlonging]

have been in a qijiu/qiyuan mood lately, and i was thinking about an au where shen yuan, upon transmigrating, actually loses his memories. he wakes up and has no idea who he is, where he is, who the man at his bedside is. not a clue. the only thing he has is his muscle memory, his sharp recognition senses (he's experiencing a lot of déjà-vu), and blurry fractions of memories that he can't quite make out.

thing is, the memories of both shen yuan and shen jiu aren't actually gone, they start to intermingle, to mix up, a little sister in princess pajamas beside an older brother wearing dirty rags, a bright screen that displays mountain peaks and glittering caves. he's kind and generous the way someone who has never had to worry about food or money is, but he gets vicious and defensive when someone gets too close. sometimes he says cruel things and doesn't even understand why himself.

neither identity fits anymore, both names right and wrong at the same time. it's just... shen qingqiu.

and while everyone else might adjust to this just fine, yue qingyuan does not. because that is shen jiu, but it isn't, but it has to be, but not always. he gets flashes of his childhood friend when shen qingqiu gets viciously defensive over nothing, when he scowls and scoffs and rolls his eyes when he thinks people can't see, but then he smiles, and laughs, and tilts his head in a way that is completely foreign. he likes beasts. shen jiu never liked beasts. but he loves tanghulu, like shen jiu. sweet sugary things. the first time xiao jiu cuddles up into his hug, he cries.

the way he sometimes clings to yue qingyuan when he has a bad day can't be him, but then he says "qi-ge" exactly like shen jiu would and damn near snarls at anyone who gets too close, and he's aggressively possessive the way he was when they were kids. but then he pulls away and apologizes, like shen jiu would never do.

and he never demands anything, scrubbed clean from roughness and filth and selfish want, will act perfect and smiling and pleasant, never burdensome. like he's completely forgotten where he came from, what he was. like the pampered nobleman's son who could afford to be kind. the only time his old self comes fully back up is when he feels threatened or scared or angry, like a trauma response that kicks in to protect himself. and then yue qingyuan starts to wonder if maybe it is. maybe the shen jiu he knows was only ever fear and self-preservation, and the one he is now is a shen jiu without the chains and shackles and scars.

yue qingyuan doesn't know if he's happy for him, if it's for better or for worse. he does know that he feels protective and responsible for this new version xiao jiu has become.

meanwhile shen qingqiu, even when he regains enough of his memories to realize he was once a different person, doesn't know who he is anymore. both, maybe. or neither. he feels bad for taking away yue qingyuan's friend, but in his heart he can't help but think qi-ge is his brother, and no one else's. when he manages the peak he feels like he's taking credit for another's accomplishments, but he remembers suffering for it, he remembers what it took to get there.

[ef-1]

If I think about the double standard and the disparity with which the media handled Daniel in comparison to everyone else I may lose my mind.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I really don’t like the idea of Killer willingly doing drugs. People always say “coping mechanism!!!” but like, Killer already has several coping mechanisms. Dissociation is a big one, for example. Both natural and induced by others.

I just don’t see why he’d willingly and knowingly do any under Nightmare, especially not if he has an example in Murder of how addictions make you easy to take advantage of and manipulate.

[artifour]

[k9punkout]

till's drawing is of Earth. these trees aren't circular, they have twisting, extending trunks and branches, they're flawed and natural and alive.

till was most fascinated by ivan when he was dirtied and raw, no mask to put up, no facade of perfection to maintain.

he fell for mizi's smile, always so bright and honest.

till's always loved genuine things. it makes sense, because he was born surrounded by genuine love.

(there is something so gut-wrenching to be said about how this unfeigned and natural boy had his body destroyed by chemicals and needles, trapped in a lab devoid of nature and freedom)

taking into account how young he looks, till might not remember his mother beyond a blur, a half-faded warm face that looks like his.

it's possible that io isn't anything more than a feeling, a memory of gentle love that lingers despite the harsh cruelty of the world till's in.

she lingers, she stays, she becomes a nameless, faceless part of him. he meets a girl with a mother's kindness and clings to her like a lifeline.

in his final moments, she holds him like he used to be held, makes him feel loved like he is.

that wave of familiarity hits him.

dying feels like coming home.

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

Y'all if it were one boy and one girl calling each other "my love" no one would call it platonic, but the moment it's three girls it's just "gal pals" and "very good friends" 😤

[betweensaintsandmonsters]

okay okay vampire obi-wan and anemic human anakin who goes to be his meal at like a fancy vampire bistro that pays willing humans to "donate" blood (get bitten) and tastes like shit whomst obi-wan then tries to take care of (in all the ways he can from sunset to sunrise) first so his food tastes good (bc anakin keeps coming back) and then because he cares

sends cookbooks to his apartment, tries to get him to go to the doctor, sends him other little gifts when he sees thinks that make him think of anakin, obi-wan just like wants to take care of his boy because he's clearly not taking care of himself (he signed up to be vampire food so that much should have been obvious) and obi-wan just wants him well is that too much to ask?

they fight about this often. (first: "how did you get my address?" "It's on the form you filled out to be here" "invasion of privacy much?" then: "you could always just... choose someone else?" "and let another vampire suffer from your lack of self care? absolutely not."") ("i don't know why you're putting so much into this? "i must have nothing else to do.") ("if this bothers you so much... just let someone else feed off me." "no.")

anakin stops showing up to be dinner for a few weeks and obi-wan gets worried. but he's not sure how far he's allowed to go in his worry, they're technically just... predator and prey (though obi-wan wouldn't describe them like that) it's just that no one tastes like anakin (that's definitely it) and nobody sasses him like anakin, and nobody is anakin and anakin is missing and clearly if he's been gone this long he can't possibly be okay

(and obi-wan is right, anakin isn't okay. he's in the hospital with an arm that might need to be amputated (but it was obi-wan's favorite place to drink from since he won't touch anakin's neck for reasons he WON'T explain)

(if you asked obi-wan why he didn't bite anakin's neck to begin with, he'd heavily imply there's no reason, but when pressed, it would be that anakin let's out this breathy moan when he's bitten, and it's music to obi-wan's ears, a symphony to his soul, he doesn't think he'd survive it if that was right in his ear, he'd have to kiss the boy then and there, have to keep him, and he can't do that, so his neck is off limits. it is IMPERATIVE anakin does not know this)

and he's lost a lot of blood and he's suffering and not alone because ahsoka and padme keep visiting, but he doesn't know how much he misses obi-wan until he isn't seeing him)

so one night obi-wan goes to anakin's apartment to see he isn't there and hasn't been there in weeks based on sent, and panics because what if he drove his beautiful boy away, or what if someone went after him, and obi-wan can't go in bc vampire rules say he needs permission and also it's good manners.

eventually anakin comes back to him, sans one arm, apologetic because "i know that's where you liked to bite" as if that could possibly be the reason that obi-wan is as upset as he is when he comes in. "i'd understand if you need a different meal," he says, as if that's all he is when obi-wan refuses to bite him because for the first time, he looks fragile and that's heartbreaking

so anakin leaves and obi-wan is gobsmacked, flabberghasted, realized anakin waited to have this conversation as close to sunrise as possible so obi-wan couldn't follow him out of the bar, but he doesn't realize that his vampire would absolutely run into the sun for him (except quin and satine 1000% don't let him "that's not how you get your man, he doesn't want a pile of dust, where's that going to get you, man, think for just a fraction of a second")

so obi-wan send anakin more little gifts, things he can puzzle out one handed as he gets used to being an amputee, trinkets he might enjoy, notes that are meant to make him smile, or that say he'll find somewhere else to feed on the boy if that's going to get him to come back when nothing else has worked. all he wants is to let anakin know that he's he's appreciated, make him feel wanted and loved.

eventually anakin sends him a note back with his phone number and then texts him to come over. he makes obi-wan stand on his stoop for an excruciating amount of time and he gets a lecture about personal space, and respecting people's wishes and "it doesn't matter that you're 300 years old, some people just don't want anything to do with you!" and anakin tries to say all of this with a straight face, before he cracks because he misses obi-wan and it is an act, and he's been in love with this vampire since he decided it was his job to take care of one human that wasn't taking care of himself.

then anakin kisses him and gives him a goofy grin and asks "what are you doing just standing there?"

"are you inviting me in?"

"i guess i am. you're stuck with me though, i'm your problem now."

"darling, you've been my problem for a long time, and i wouldn't have it any other way."

and eventually they fuck, and obi-wan bites anakin's neck, and here's his symphony played out in the most desirable circumstances. and they live happily ever after

(until anakin pesters him about making him a vampire "so i can be your problem, permanently" and they argue about it, but agree that anakin gets a life first "you've gotta be at least 40 before i turn you, i'm not going around looking like i forever robbed the cradle!" "you're not even 40! 25." "nope." "fine, 30 then, final offer." "and if I say no?" obi-wan's grin is feral, like he knows he's lost but he's still willing to play the game. "i know you won't" so does obi-wan)

[canisalbus]

Seeing Vasco treat Machete like that is just romantic to me, yearning for someone to hold and look at me the way he looks at Machete.

That's such a sweet thing to say, thank you!

[pencap]

every once in a while someone who only knows me & my poetry via tumblr osmosis and/or my more recent works instead of the 2014 stucky days discovers that it is not actually an accident that many of my poems from that era are so stucky coded

and it always brings me a lot of delight

[kwillow]

I have to ask of Ambroys. Is there a standard he has of people, no matter how low, that has to be respected that when broken would result in him stepping in?

Ambroys' sense of morality and good taste are both exceedingly simplistic and malleable. He knows what sorts of things to parrot and he might even be able to convince himself he actually believes things like "stealing is wrong, be kind to your neighbor," but he doesn't really think about or care what other people do unless it impacts him in some way or is so egregious that it's a no-brainer to hate it.

He likes the status quo. He likes when the world is clean, simple and predictable. He also believes in the privileges afforded to those with status and power -- and conveniently, he thinks of himself as being near the top of that pyramid, and those that he's fond of get to be, oh, a few rungs below him. So, he might step in to stop someone who is mocking his brother for being a bastard... but he's fully within his rights to do the same thing to the poor guy. Charly is Ambroys' brother which makes him more important than the average person (to Ambroys), so normal people have no right to bully him, but also Charly is below Ambroys in status, so Ambroys is fully in his rights to bully Charly. But if that person was mocking bastards in general, rather than the specific bastard he's related to, it wouldn't bother him, because bastards are low status, and they're all strangers anyway, so what does he care? Status quo, doesn't affect him. (Unless, of course, he was trying to befriend someone who did care about the rights of bastards, in which case he would speak up so he looks good to that person.)

But even his thoughts on the rights afforded by status are malleable. If he was drinking with a group of commoners and they were complaining about the nobility, he'd laugh along with them. It would make him uncomfortable if they were getting a little too revolution-y about it, but they're just peasants, what could they even really do? It doesn't affect him right now. You know what does? If he says something too controversial and they don't want to party with him anymore. That's what's important here.

I think the only way he'd bother to act "altruistically" and in accordance with any interpretation of real moral standards would be in punishing those whom society has deemed unambiguously okay to punish. If he came across someone who he knew was a dangerous murderer with a price on his head, he'd have no qualms firing an arrow through the man's head. Ostensibly this would be about justice, but emotionally he would feel the same way about it as someone might feel squishing a cockroach in their basement. "That's disgusting and I don't want it in my house. Die."

(Older Ambroys cares a bit more about laws and has more stringent standards for politeness and morality and is very willing to step in and enforce them, but since they're the laws and standards HE MADE and he loses absolutely nothing by squashing people like bugs if they don't dance to his tune, I don't think that counts as "moral fiber.")

[flying-cat]

People don't want character redemption they want a revenge plot from a story that was never supposed to be about revenge

[yinyuedijun]

✧ NEW YEAR'S NIGHTS WITH ARIZAYNE ✧

✧ it's the spring festival! you and zayne normally like to celebrate by going to the usual festivals and also by getting a nice dinner somewhere. this year is a little special because his hospital is holding a fundraising gala!

✧ the event is quite formal and themed for the new year (traditional aesthetics), and the two of you are serving cunt that evening - in a matching outfits, as is the way with cn couples lol. zayne's fit is top left, and yours is top right!

✧ beyond the formal dinner, zayne is also taking you out to explore all the little street festivals and night markets, which are super decorated for the new year. you get all the typical festival foods (tanghulu, sugar sculptures, etc.) as well as all the night market foods (tons of skewers, and if you are brave enough... stinky tofu. I do not think zayne is brave enough for it).

✧ YOU ALSO LIKE TO COOK THOUGH and I think for new year's eve proper, the two of you stay in to eat a family dinner as per tradition. you make everything from scratch, and zayne is super impressed when you make dumpling skins and hand pulled (long life) noodles yourself. he's a very good dumpling wrapper and helps out - I think he came over every so often when you were younger and would join your family in making dumplings together. cooking and eating with him feels very nostalgic in that respect, so it really does feel like a warm, family celebration even though the two of you are celebrating as a couple!

thank you for participating @prettyboykatsuki <3 bonus femme outfit for you:

black hanfu are quite rare but as soon as I saw this one I thought immediately of you! I think this would be perfect if you visited an ancient town together and decided to dress up for the occasion!

[snobgoblin]

thinking about the ring thing and the hat thing and the grief and the things people we love leave behind as reminders of the absence of their presence etc etc. sigh