#fun fact about me i am always grieving idk if you can tell

[snobgoblin]

thinking about the ring thing and the hat thing and the grief and the things people we love leave behind as reminders of the absence of their presence etc etc. sigh

[kkeidawrites]

AHHH idk rlly know if you still do requests but if u still do could u do Adrian tepes x black reader

Where after the battle in season 2 reader initially went with sypha and trevor to help them with whatever they were gonna do but y/n ends missing adrian (and was tired of those to goofing all the time) so in the dead of night y/n takes some supplies and runs back to the castle. And when she sees the castle in sight she throws open the doors and starts looking for alucard

(Fluff)

Ur account is like my safe place I don't find many black readers/ writers so I absolutely love your posts ❤❤

Thank you so much for saying that I do try when I write and I want people to be inspired to write more black reader stories or actually more black leads in stories’ I’m not sure if you wanted the reader to be male/female or gender neutral, so you can decide as you read along! And yes, I am still open to requests!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$

It was like a breath of fresh air when Y/n saw the looming infamous castle of Walachia. Y/N had made the decision to leave with Trevor and Sypha, thinking it was the best decision. But was it? As the covered wagon rolled down the dirt path leading away from the castle, Y/N felt her heart break.

Y/N could tell as the three of them departed the widowed dhampir, that he did not want them to leave. As Y/N thought about it, after being away for two weeks, that when Dracula’s reign had ended, Trevor and Sypha felt that they needed to leave right after. Y/N thought their abrupt departure was selfish both on their part and on Y/N’s as well.

Y/N still didn’t know what the original plan was in the first place when getting on that wagon with Sypha and Trevor. Y/N felt it was the right thing to do. Was it the right thing to do? The question constantly whispered in Y/N’s head.

The wagon stopped one evening and Trevor suggested that they rest here and continue on to Argeis come morn. Sypha noticed Y/N’s quiet nature that evening, usually when she and Trevor were arguing or playful banter, Y/N would chime in but it seemed that entire week, her playful quips wasn’t heard as much as Sypha thought.

It concerned the Speaker and she questioned if there was anything wrong. Y/N gave off a wavered yes of being alright and told the Speaker that only the thoughts rattling in the mind was all that was wrong.

Sypha didn’t question Y/N anymore and rolled over in the wagon to get some much needed and deserved sleep. Y/N opted to sleep outside to ponder the thoughts plaguing them. Twisting and turning in the sleeping bag, didn’t help at all and Y/N sat up with a huff.

Y/N felt anxious. This wasn’t the life planned out, not like this, not alone. Well, other than Trevor and Sypha’s presence, Y/N felt alone in the Wallachian world.

Where Y/N forlorn, the color of your skin was dark and your hair was kinky and coiled. The heat of the country seemed like second nature and the many animals that roamed and only seen in that country was its own majesty.

Someone completely different than what you saw in Walachia. Y/N was born to a single mother, their father had been killed by those accursed night monsters and since then Y/N had made it their mission to become a strong dual swordsman, studying under the elders of the people under the sun and learning the medicines that would keep them alive in this world.

Y/N and Alucard’s meet was an interesting one. Their initial meeting was when the trio were on their way to Dracula’s castle and night creatures had made their appearance in Gresit where Y/N was vacating after evacuating Lupu.

Y/N was fighting off the monsters in Gresit and saved a couple of children when the trio arrived and made light work of the rest. Y/N didn’t want anyone to know that they existed and made haste to leave in the shadows to avoid the people most importantly the church.

In the past, Y/N’s mother was subjected by the church in Lupu for her darker skin. Believing that such dark skin was the skin of a demon raised from Hell to walk along humans. Y/N’s mother, a spitfire set the priest straight and told him if Devil wanted to have her raise death and destruction on Earth then he would have asked for it already.

It also didn’t help the fact that the priest’s goons would come after Y/N and Y/N’s mother, harassing them all the time and trying to run them out of town. Y/N’s mother always stood strong and fought those goons off whenever they tried to get physical; sending them back to their puppet master with their strings twisted.

So, it was no surprise when Y/N had met the trio by accidentally running into the dhampir while attempting to escape through an alley. His solid figure made Y/N’s hood fall off their head and the coils of their hair is what brought the attention of the trio.

Alucard made a comment, curious about the coils, it was almost childlike when he asked. Y/N was thrown off guard by the question and made haste to leave the area quietly but the speaker stopped Y/N asking if they were familiar with the area and where they could get a covered wagon.

Y/N didn’t answer her question and moved to leave once more only to be stopped once more, by the dhampir again. His calm demeanor and honeyed words brought Y/N’s attention to the man. At first, Y/N mind was not on talking to anyone but, once their eyes found Alucard’s gold ones Y/N was intrigued.

As a help them help you situation, Y/N was persuaded by Sypha to help them end Dracula’s murderous reign and Y/N agreed. Y/N didn’t care if Alucard was the son of Dracula, it was the fact that Y/N’s mother lived in Argeis and the thought of her killed by the creatures of the night didn’t sit right.

In the little time the four were together, it seemed that Alucard and Y/N were the first to interact with one another more than Sypha and Trevor. They could relate with one another in a way, both their mothers strong, smart and knowing that helping people no matter the ideas they had or if they didn’t want it, was deserved to anyone.

When his father had died, Y/N was there by his side to shield him from the swirling ashes of hell demons as a way to let him know that it was alright to grieve his father.

Y/N had made her decision. Staying with Trevor and Sypha was fun but, this wasn’t the life Y/N sought for.

Going to the wagon, Y/N swiped a small bag of food, just some cheeses and bread and left behind a quick note to Sypha and a little joke to Trevor’s smell then left to return to the castle.

Presently, Y/N walked up the stone steps to the large double doors of the castle and didn’t care to knock. Pushing open the doors, Y/N marveled the recently cleaned up entrance hall, the furnished red rugs were either burnt or ripped and the statues were all destroyed.

“Alucard?” Y/N calls and makes haste to the twin stairwell.

Now that they were here, Y/N needed to find the dhampir and tell him how sorry they were for leaving him behind. For leaving him alone.

“Alucard!” Y/N made their way up the two flights of stairs, searching for the dhampir.

Where could he have gone? Y/N’s mind scrambled for any explanation or idea as to where he could have gone.

“The Hold!” Y/N exclaimed and rushed down the two flights, hoping that he would not leave in time for Y/N to find him.

However, as soon as Y/N reached the entrance hall, the man of the hour was walking up the right side of the two stairwells and paused on the third step up, his eyes wide from realization of Y/N’s sudden appearance. His right hand gripped the small yellow basket and Y/N’s eyes widened then lowered in relief.

“Alucard…there you are.” Y/N sighed, grateful that he was alright and made their way down the same stairwell to see him closer.

“I was worried something happened to you, you know this castle is big as hell-”

“Y/N.” Alucard’s quiet gasp of their name made Y/N grin as they grew closer to him.

“I think being with Sypha and Trevor for too long has made you forget me, Alucard. That’s not nice. I thought we were friends? You don’t forget your friends-”

Arms wrapped around Y/N’s waist and a warm body hugged their front as Alucard sighed into Y/N’s coily hair, inhaling their scent to make himself sure that they were real and here in his arms.

“I could never forget you, Y/N…never ever.” He told Y/N. Y/N arms wrapped around him just as snug and rubbed their cheek into his bird chest, a smile gracing their lips.

“Will you stay?” His question makes Y/N look up at him and their smile grows wider as they nodded.

“Yes. I will stay.”

[purplesurveys]

1482

What did you do last night? Managed and led a major event that I have worked and lost sleep for in the last week alone. God am I so fucking glad that everything’s over – I lost Kimi in the midst of it all and I will forever resent the fact that this stupid thing delayed my grieving process. 

In any case, this is the first big, on-ground event I ever led and I’m glad it went well, and even more fulfilling to see your work and your vision come to life despite only having a one-week leadtime to pull off such a grand event.

What was the first thing you thought about in the morning? I took one look at my phone and told Bea and Liara, who were in the hotel room with me, “Guys...it’s really 9 AM?” Hahaha. Your girl was knocked the fuck out after that event. I also immediately felt how sore my throat felt - pretty sure that was because I chugged ice-cold water the night before, after not eating and drinking the whole day.

What are you wearing right now? I have a black tank top and black sweatpants. 

When was the last time you got drunk? It may have been two or three Fridays ago, I think. Partying or watching a movie? Uh, depends on my mood. I think I’d almost always pick partying though.

What pisses you off the most? Incredibly unruly drivers. In all my years of driving it’s usually the trucks, taxis, and pickup trucks that act like the biggest assholes of all assholes on the road.

Last thing you questioned yourself on? If my event was really a success, and if I did well managing it, and if the guests had fun. Then again it’s inevitable to have those thoughts when you hold the biggest responsibility over a certain task, so I try not to dwell too much on these thoughts anymore. The event has already ended, and it was what it was.

Bars or clubs? Bars. The food is better and the atmosphere is also nicer and more suitable for catching up with friends.

Where do you want to be at a year from now? Oh dear...a whole year. Maybe in a new job? I’m pretty sure I said this a year ago too and look where I still am now, so I highly doubt anything would change. But on another side of things, maybe it’d be nice to have saved a little bit more? and maybe travel someplace farther. How many kids would you like to have? Two at most would be nice, but I don’t know if I’d still have any.

What is your favorite trait about yourself? I like that I’m loyal.

Anything bothering you right now? My literal entire body is aching after rushing around and carrying my laptop in my arms all afternoon and evening yesterday. I’ve applied a lifetime’s worth of ointment all over my arms and legs once I got home earlier but I think what I’ll really be needing a massage, haha.

Do you like pickles? God no. Take them out of all my meals, please. It’s not a very common addition where I’m from, so my palate never got used to the taste.

When was the last time you got a phone call? Earlier this afternoon when I was driving. So for context, I had bought an all-new extension cord yesterday to bring to our event in case of emergency...then I ended up forgetting about it...anyway, I reached out to the hotel this morning to ask if they could look for it. The phone call I got was them telling me their search turned out negative. :(

Bea suggested I can have the purchase reimbursed anyway by the company, but I told her I wanted this to serve as a lesson for myself, and I’ll just have to deal with the P800 I lost in a day, lol. Where do you work? At home. We do have a physical office, but we haven’t gone back in full since the company grew during the pandemic and the current space isn’t going to fit everybody. We have the choice to work there though, on a sign-up basis.

Who is your favorite football team? I don’t follow football.

Have you ever bobbed for apples? Idk what that means.

Have you ever thought you could do a better job at being president? Nah. I’m terrible at negotiation, which is a crucial side in jobs like that. I’d be pissing off people and whole-ass countries from day one, lmao.

If you could only drink one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? If health effects wouldn’t be a concern, iced coffee.

What’s one food you could eat everyday for the rest of your life? Sushi. Literally any kind of it. Katsu is also quickly becoming my favorite.

You’re in line at Taco Bell, what’s your order? I dunno the names of their items because we have only like two branches here that I know of and I get Taco Bell once a year a most...but I’ll get one of their burritos, whatever they call it.

How many months are there until your birthday? 10 months.

Have you gotten gum stuck in your hair? Once as a kid but the experience had been surprisingly manageable.

Where is your sister right now? I think I just heard her bedroom door open and close so she must’ve already turned in.

Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal? It gets pointed out a lot that it’s rather tiny.

Are you currently listening to a song? No but I’ve had For Youth playing in my head on reeeepeeeeeat for a while now.

If yes, what song is it? Man I’m always one step ahead...

Do you have a digital camera? Nah. I never owned a digicam.

Do you own any kind of yellow clothing? Sure. I literally had on a yellow skirt yesterday for my event.

What time is it? 12:23 AM. What color are your eyes? Dark brown.

How long does it take you to shower? 5-10 minutes. I take longer whenever I have to have my shaving routine, but for the most part I like to be quick and snappy in the bathroom.

What jewelry do you wear all the time? Oh I never wear jewelry. I usually only would for family functions, but nothing beyond that.

Any siblings? A sister and a brother, yes.

What are you doing tomorrow? I imagine we’re gonna go to mass but I also just want to rest for the whole day tomorrow. I haven’t had a decent rest in like, 9 days...so I do just want to have one day dedicated to absolutely nothing.

What color are your socks? I’m not wearing any at the moment but the last pair I wore was a dark green. When’s the last time you went to the zoo? It’s been like half a decade, I’m sure. I don’t like going to zoos.

What color do you wish your eyes were? I’m fine with the color of my eyes. It’s not like Filipinos can choose anyway unless they were born half-something.

How long is your hair? It’s longer than I would want it to be at this point. It’s nearly waist-level now.

Can others make you cry easily? Not people. But thinking of certain things can send me crying...the most recent trigger these days would be Kimi. I could cry within seconds thinking of him.

Whose house did you last go to? My grandmother’s, last weekend as is our Sunday tradition. We’ll probably head there again tomorrow but I might have to pass. I’m too tired.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? I don’t have anything but a nightgown on. This is from my mom, idk where she got it. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? Not yet but definitely nothing too suffocating. I’ve had a rough week and all I wanna do is show up for that one-hour church service in something comfy and head the fuck right back home.

How has the past week been? It sucked. I lost my dog and my best friend and didn’t have the time to properly grieve him because I had to work extreme overtime hours to prep for this event that we were given just one week to pull off. It’s something I’ll always feel resentful towards and I’ll never forget the fact that I had no choice but to break down and cry during my shift hours just to let myself process my feelings.

What year were you born in? 1998.

What size shoe do you wear? 6.5 hahahahaha I have tiny feet!

When did you first get your period? I was 10.

Do you like thunderstorms? Yes, I love them.

Do you have a bad attitude? It can sometimes come out but I don’t think I’m overall a negative person. Are you the first born? Yes, you are exactly right. Are you a vegetarian? Nope.

Are you eating? Yeah, I have a cake slice beside me.

[supercorp-hosie]

My thoughts for legacies 3x13: I’ll try to put the point chronologically

1. When Kaleb blew the candle, I’m so confused because the first thing that comes to my head is: he’s blowing that because is daytime, but why put it so far from Cleo? Why use a candle when you have electricity? And apparently I’m a fool, because that’s how the confinement spell works duh! I only recalled that when Alaric blew it in the end. I’m so dumb lol.

2. I love that Kaleb is the first to seek Cleo out, wanted answers and ready to accept them. When he tries to comfort Cleo in her memories, that’s me too! But apparently being the badass she is, she immediately come up with the idea of replacing her grandma to go with Malivore.

3. Poor Cleo! My heart sores when it started with a little girl, just like with Finch. She’s a hero! She’s so brave! She’s a queen! And weirdly she likes frogs(or toads?) very much. I wonder why. And although she tried to kill Hope last episode, I never see her as a villain. Never for a second. Instead I’m impressed. Tbh I didn’t understand why she is always playing with clay/mud since the beginning of this episode. But after her backstory, I just feel sad and proud at the same time. Sad because it’s shaped from her painful time of enslavement. Proud because she’s using the thing she learned from it against Malivore as her weapon despite the painfulness. I remember she talked about her sister dying, but nothing about that occurs in the memories. Did she lie before or it’s just another thing that the writers forgot?

4. ‘Jonch’ is horrible! I prefer Finsie as the ship name. Why is their moment always so cringy? I get this second embarrassment from them a lot, mostly from Josie tho. I always felt there’s something lacking in Finsie, just like what I felt when Handon started it’s kind of sudden. Maybe because of my perception, I really didn’t know why Josie think Finch is hot. I have to learn how to appreciate her beauty. But goof news, I actually appreciated Finsie first kiss, because I see why they haven’t kiss before, and why they finally kiss. It’s cute and the sparkling, haha. Tbh I start to appreciate Finch’s beauty from the kissing scene angle. But this episode, again, I still feel cringy in most of the Finsie scenes. I have to put my palm on my head. Anyway, I enjoy the “girlfriend” scene tho, like Finsie starting to grow on me(again, the first time is their first kiss, hopefully no more cringy afterwards). It’s really good to see Josie happy. Btw, since Finch decided to enrol, will she be the new alpha now that she defeated Jed? That’s good for her, she finally has a pack and no longer lonely.

5. Along with Finsie scenes, does anyone realise there’s actually other students there? And there are actually other witches at the school?? I remembered that there’s like only four witches? Because Josie was the only witch at the school when Berbelang!Hope happened? Annnndddd! To that! Does anyone remember there’s this girl Gaby/Gabby? She’s also a witch, and she loves dnd like Wade? They can’t tease us with Penelope using her then just let her disappear?

6. Oh great there’s actually other wolves at the school. I’m starting to think Jed is the only wolf left (of course there’s Hope, but she’s tribrid). As much as I enjoy Finch being badass that she can stand beside Josie, I felt so sorry for Jed and his actor. He’s been there for 3 seasons and yet Finch get a backstory before him. He has none! The actor is great, look at the siren episode! He hardly gets any decent lines and scenes now. Instead, they make him looked useless, hard to be respectable. Like anyone can just harm his alpha reputation. Justice for Jed please. Oh and the fact that Finch got a backstory before Kaleb too? It’s unacceptable. They deserve more. Jed doesn’t even have a last name, my god! Anyway that doesn’t change the fact that I want to hug baby Finch so much bc she’s adorable!

7. With MG gone, Kaleb looks like the only vampire left in the school. I miss MG. What about Ethan?

8. Josie and Cleo finally met! I’m glad that she’s learned something from her too. I think it’s true that other kids never felt as easy as Josie at the school. They finally addressed it.

9. I’m frustrated that Hope never wanted answers from Cleo. The only friend that helped her grieve. But hey maybe she’s too hurt to be able to bear Cleo in her sight. But then again there’s the Landon problem, so she’s off with Landon again. Only taking to Landon the whole episode, being the only one that only talk to one person in the whole episode. Feel bad for her about this. Poor Hope.

10. I really feel bad for Landon, because there’s a lot of hardships to make him like that. Someone please give him hugs and a therapist. The show is doing a full cycle by stating what he’d done is just like what Hope did when she returned from Malivore. I understand why he kept himself away, but weirdly, the way the let those words out, it feels like he wants to get back at Hope when I think he wanted Hope’s understanding. Maybe he wanted both?

12. Someone told me that every 13th episode is the episode where Landon’s power are explored. I kind of agree with it now. Because he’s finally having the fighting skills that he’s longing now. Finally he can achieve his desires to physically fight alongside Hope. For what though, I don’t know, because in the case of supercorp, Lena never needed it physically to be Supergirl’s partner in saving the world, or of course to protect Kara. Glad for him, anyway, bc that’s what’s he wants. And the blow to the head? It’s awesome.

11. I can’t believe Landon is blaming Hope for not coming to save him sooner?! What the hell? What happened to “I’m going to be the one that always fight to find Hope”, idk whether I quoted it precisely, but the meaning is there. I am furious. Is this some sick drama that the show wants Landon to think that Hope was not coming to him because she had a perfect version of him?? That aside, when I see that Handon is going to fight together physically, I actually think the scene is good and they will overcome the blaming thing, and going to be a power couple. Just when I have that thought, Landon have to fucking throw the artifact towards Malivore(whether it is Malivore I’ll discuss afterwards, it’s contradictory)!! That’s such a stupid move! Where’s your brain? And it’s broken, oh god. And the show have to show Hope being so weak during the fight. I mean why? She’s a badass, why do they have to make her weak to glorify Landon?? They made her look useless. These things just really kill the budding Handon spirit in me. The show really knows how to make people resent Handon and Landon. Just please change the show name.

12. Anyway to be fair, Landon do care for Hope and do love her. Before, though I don’t think they are endgame quality, I think that if they do improve, Handon endgame is tolerable, acceptable. But now, I’m not so sure of that anymore. Other than the above mentioned points, Landon did leave Hope for a solid third time. Why the show have to establish that for Handon when their fans desperately defended Landon that he wasn’t always leaving. I mean I’ve seen Handon shippers fought really hard against the “Landon is always leaving Hope” argument. What a way to make a couple being endgame. In Chinese proverbs, there’s a thing for a third time. Like the three strikes law, I think? It says not to do anything or tolerate anything undesirable that has happened more than three times. So please do not make Handon together ever again. It’s an insult to Hope too.

13. To see it differently, poor Hope will finally have time out of Landon to think of herself and her future. We need to see her having her own storyline. So maybe we can see Hosie eventually? Sorry Finsie for anticipating your break up in the future. But please enjoy yourselves when Hope grows on her own, because Josie deserves a decent relationship on screen too. Hosie didn’t interact this episode, I’m sad.

14. I just can’t help but wonder why Alaric oversee the artifact being destroyed so easily. And when Josie introduces Finch, she deserves a decent conversation with the headmaster, really. Oh he’s an adult, be a responsible and respectable one, especially you’re Josie dad. Help her with her impression with her crush. Alaric really need help, we need another adult figure. It’s okay that’s not Caroline.

15. I kind of thinking that Landon and Cleo are shippable too when I know that they are leaving at the same time. Cleo being the sole reason to Landon existence is one of the reasons to ship them. She’s the one that tell Malivore he can make vessels and create legacy, that leads to Landon existing. Not to mention she did literally made Golem Landon by hand (we all know the thing that Hope made doesn’t have a body, so Cleo must have made his torso and limps right). Or maybe we prefer wandon endgame? Wade is precious too, he’s the one that point out Landon is not himself.

16. I’m so confused by this episode Malivore. I thought Cleo trapped him inside that monster Handon defeated this episode. But if it was trapped this long? How did the pit, Clarke and Landon even exist? Did Malivore escape from it?? It must have escaped.

17. In the promo for the next episode, we’re seeing Lizzie and Hosie interaction! I’m excited! I think maybe Josie will be the one that bring Hope out of the cult’s enchantment. What will happen? Maybe they will realise something or develop something towards each other? Anything hosie that MAKE SENSE please. Oh and Hizzie friendship/banters, and Lizzie suddenly being and “angel” will be so fun to watch. Finally, the trio!

18. I know it’s irrelevant but since I mentioned Clarke, I miss Holarke. I have some shippable thoughts about Finch and Penelope too. P is the she-devil in good girl attire; F looks like a bad girl but she’s good hearted. They are both fiery, imagine what they’ll be like when they’re together, erupting volcanoes?

19. Applause to Aria’s acting skill, this is like the eleventh role he’s played in legacies? Original Landon, Hope’s (subconscious) Landon, Landon’s (subconscious) Landon, Josie’s SimuLandon, Hope’s therapy Landon, Malivore Landon, golem Landon, ptsd Landon, oni-possessed Landon, golem Landon micmicking Necromancer, Clarke-Landon. Keep up the good work!

[sneezy-cheeseloaf]

recounting the entire avengers: endgame movie, which i only saw once when it came out, from memory

because i just took the SAT and i want to do anything except think about that so get ready for a fun ride full of holes and my reenactments of scenes and quotes that i remember from however many years it’s been now since endgame came out. buckle the fuckle up

movie opens, clint’s whole ass family fucking dies. cue killing spree fueled by grief and anger. HashTag Relatable

tony is floating through space with nebula and teaching her how to play paper football

holy shit is this how tony dies

“pep” ouc h

oh hey he’s home, dope

The Gang (tm) learns where thanos’s farm is somehow i can’t really remember

“perhaps i judged you too harshly”

“???? thor????” “what? i went for the head”

“five” five what?? days?? weeks??? months???? oh boy i can’t wait to find ou- “years later” HUH???????

steve looks the exact same, so i guess he kept up that workout schedule even through the snap. i mean good for him honestly

and is also running a talk therapy group like sam did

a single smidgen of gay representation but it’s a good start ig

i don’t really remember what everyone else was doing, i just know that tony and pep have morgan now but idk if that gets revealed now or later

the only reason we had a movie is because of a rat. everyone say thank you to Rat for releasing scott lang, please. round of applause

scott’s daughter is all grown up and catch me sobbing over the fact that he wasn’t there to see it

somewhere in here nat is crying and eating a sandwich and honestly girl same

“hey!!! it’s me!!!! scott lang!!! ant man???? also what the hell happened???? lemme IN”

cue scott lang having a single brain cell and bringing up time travel. i think it was him that proposed the idea. maybe not. but imma give him credit

oh yeah bruce and hulk are besties now and bruce is just permanently Like That

and cue everyone being shook at the idea of time travel

time to go see Science Man at his house on the lake

“i wish you had come for anything else.” ouch

gang leaves dejectedly

peter. that’s it. and suddenly tony is all hands on deck

cue science mumbo jumbo in the middle of the night while he eats something out of a bag that i can’t remember

“shit!!” “sHiT!!!” “NO”

“i love you 3000″

Science Man reveals that he has, indeed cracked the code to literal time travel

cue nat, the only person with an umbrella, going to find clint who is busy with murder, as he does

“don’t do that. don’t give me home” stfu budapest man and get in the car.

thor has. enlargened. and is now playing fortnight with korg as a means to cope with what happened plus losing loki, as i think we all would

The Gang is back together and working (surprisingly) coordinately and throwing ideas around and it’s actually very cute. and it makes my heart very happy. and i want to cry every time i think about it because we all know what comes next

scott’s taco gets blown away. bruce gives him another. all is well in the world

and in this exhibit we see the only brain cell in the whole group, which is being used by rhodey at all times

“why don’t we just,,,, (choking motion)” “to a BABY???”

during the time tests someone gets reverted to a baby but i don’t remember who and it’s highkey disturbing

“i consider this an absolute win!!”

cue slo mo walk with the cool white time suits that everyone looks so good in

“see you in a minute” that smile. she looks so happy. sobbing

i think it’s in here that all the color go through steve’s eyes, so let’s just take a minute to acknowledge how pretty he is

“just for the record, that suit did nothing for your ass.” “i don’t remember asking you to look”

“that’s america’s ass.” yes it is scott you’re absolutely right

“i cOuLd dO tHiS aLL dAy” “yeah i knoOoOW”

time for tony to give tony a heart attack and then just stare in what i can only assume is amusement. i’m pretty sure that comes after america’s ass but maybe not

somewhere in here steve is just staring at peggy through blinds and it’s sad when you see it but when you think about it afterwards, it’s so funny for no reason

time to get whacked by a very angry hulk who was not allowed to use the elevator

“NO STAIRS”

tony goes flying. so does the tesseract. loki, in handcuffs, is like “oh bet this is mine now” and. Leaves.

i’m pretty sure it’s bruce who goes and gets schooled by The Ancient One on the multiverse, and i say it’s bruce because i think he’s the only one out of The Gang who could ever actually wrap his head around it

i don’t remember exactly how they get the tesseract but they do

thor and rocket are in asgard and thor has a panic attack, as I think we all would if we had to talk to our dead mother and pretend like we don't know what's going to happen

and remember kids, slapping someone is not the way to handle a panic attack. anyways

a mother always knows

"i'm still worthy!!!!" you always were, thor. you never stopped being worthy

and we have our hammer back

cue sobbing on vormir

“clint. it’s ok. it’s ok.” that smile.

nat’s fucking dead and i’m fucking dead inside let’s keep this party goin

other stones are recovered and i don’t really remember how but hey we got all six

“where’s nat?” cue more sobbing from me and from clint as you can see each and every team member’s heart drop to the fucking floor. especially steve

yeah maybe we’re doing this for half the universe and all the people we lost, but mostly for nat now

tony’s makeshift infinity gauntlet has entered the chat

Green Man is the only one who can physically take the power of the stones, so the fate of literally everything they have ever done up to this point is on him

snap rest in peace bruce’s arm

cue every single person in the theater holding their breath

“guys. it worked.”

cue explosion as their facility gets bombed and i am terrified that it has killed the entire gang

but it obviously has not and i am once again a Class A Idiot

i can't remember if it’s steve or tony who wakes up first but one shakes the other awake and is like “get the fuck up bitch idk what just happened but we got a problem”

everyone is mostly fine. but they’re all alive and that’s what matters

and now we have the setting for the entire rest of the movie basically

oh hey thanos. that’s uh. that’s a big army you got there

i don’t really remember everything that happened with The Past thanos, gamora, and nebula but i remember that gamora once again sees what a twat her adoptive father is and is like “oh hell na”

cue the gang fighting for their lives against Past thanos. literally

oh shit thor’s about to be killed????

OH MY GOD HE HAS THE HAMMER

cue the theater screaming as they should

hell yeah. bonk that giant space grape with the god of thunder’s hammer. you go steve. and look like a badass doing it as you should

shit’s still fucked and they eventually get their asses handed to them one by one

somewhere in here the shield breaks just like we saw in age of ultron. and like damn bro i liked that thing

steve stands up by himself because bitch. you cant kill him unless he says so. he dies on his own terms. he didn’t live for over a fucking century to die like this

our mans is standing up against a whole ass army knowing full well that he can’t win but damn if he aint ready to try

“ok listen strange. you have to open the portal to his left. his LEFT. you hear me???”

“steve. STEVE. on your left.”

cue the most goosebump-inducing scene that i have ever seen and probably will ever see. i would do anything to see that scene for the first time again. that feeling was like nothing i’ve ever experienced

the amazing symphonics are NOT helping my already-about-to-explode-from-excitement heart

now the gang’s ALL here. and we all cry because all of our peeps are back from the dead and we all missed them and highkey grieved for them after infinity war

i can’t remember if steve actually sees bucky yet but i think he does and i wanted to cry on the spot because not only did i miss bucky but man did i just want them to see each other again

cue sick pan of the whole ass marvel roster like smash ultimate, including howard duck somewhere in there

PETER OUR BOY SWINGIN ON IN

“AVENGERS. assemble.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

but we all know damn well that not a single person could hear him whisper that shit. like steve bro speak up a little

and the battle for the ages commences

we get to see all our favorite boys are girls fuck shit up and it’s absolutely incredible. wow it really feels like someone’s missing who could that be.

this is now a very elaborate game of keepaway

“catch” “Catch” “CATCH “CATCH”

“hey queens” he remembered. catch me cryin

“hey peter. got somethin for me?” god i love her. flew through a whole ass spaceship. no stoppin her

t'challa remembers clint's name. he did care

oh yeah scott is fucking humongous again, but third time’s the charm ig. maybe he won't pass the fuck out this time

somewhere in here, strange starts holding like. an entire ocean back and i dont really remember where it came from

we get a whole segment of marvel women kicking ass and taking names and i think i just need to take a minute. WE collectively need to take a minute

carol flies straight through a spaceship and everyone is like ???? hello????? where have you been?????????

carol gets literally headbutted by thanos and doesnt move a fucking inch. and that look of murder in her eyes. she could tell me to walk into a pit of lava and i would not question it. the power

“launch the missiles!!!” “but sir, our army-” “DO IT”

damn thanos our expectations for you were low but holy fuck

somewhere in here i think petter quill sees Past gamora and is like gamora???? and she like kicks him in the balls or somethin and is like “this is the ones i picked?????”

the fight continues and honestly a lot of it’s a blur but damn was it not the coolest thing i’ve ever seen. 

cue strange knowing exactly how this was gonna go down, and holding up a single finger

i dont think ive ever seen that look on tony's face before

oh shit thanos has the gauntlet and all the stones. fuck.

wait holdup that gauntlet looks a little funky

WAIT HOLDUP

“i am inevitable”

“and i. am iron man.”

the theater, once again holds its breath

all is lowkey calm and everyone is shook

thanos’s entire army slowly fades away. including one of those big worm things that almost eats (i think it was) rocket but like. dusts right as it hits the ground and is a really cool shot

and thanos sits down on a rock. and finally is gone. and it's so cathartic

oh joyous day!! they’ve won!! they’ve done it!!! wait holdup where’s tony. i remember what happened to bruce where the fuck is tony

wait

wait hold on

wait hold on a minute

“we did it. we won, mr stark. we won. please, mr stark”

“pep.”

“it’s ok. you can rest. you can rest.”

i have officially passed away and am a sobbing mess. you can’t do this to me. he’s gonna come back. there’s no way. tony stark doesn’t die. no.

this is a fucking funeral. i am going to combust into tears

“proof that tony stark has a heart”

i just wanted him to be able to see morgan grow up.

but him and nat are eating shawarma together in the sky now.

“i’m recording this in case something goes wrong, which it won’t.”

“i love you 3000.”

oh we’re still rolling. oh we don’t even get a minute to process

steve is leaving??? wait holdup we cant lose both. no

“are you sure about this?” “i have to”

“i’m with you til the end of the line” so that was a fucking lie

but steve deserves to do what makes him happy. so i can’t be too mad. actually, nah i aint even mad i’m just sad

bucky looks so dejected. so sad. someone please give him a hug. he desperately needs it

oh hey steve. but you’re old now. hey then, grandpa. how did you. get there

buck and sam go talk to him as they should

“you wanna talk about her?” “no, i don’t think i will”

“how does it feel?” “like it belongs to someone else”

sam has officially inhered the shield, and by extension, his very own bucky barnes. it’s a packaged deal

clint’s got his family back. and they can finally finish their picnic or whatever they were doing at the beginning of the movies

and steve finally got that dance. finally. and he looks so happy. so content.

and that’s about all i remember

i have not watched endgame since i saw it in theaters when it came out because i absolutely do not have the emotional stability to do it again. but damn the disney plus shows have been bangin

i hope you enjoyed the ride, thank you for joining me in my. whatever the fuck this is

[mallowstep]

Just saying on the whole: I decided on Brackenpelt and Mintfur's personalities, this blogs anon's (and a bit you, no offense) literally decided to kick canon Reedwhisker to the curb, he now looks like Oakheart, and he's a sweetheart and a bit of an idiot who tries his best to protectand tell on Hawkfrost? (I've not read past TNP, so idk if he's actually like this so if he is forgive me.)

oh my god i. i can't.

okay so i have this thing that. is kind of long and convoluted to explain and also i neither want nor have to but i have this thing about repeating work. i can't do it. like i physically cannot make myself do it. if something interrupts what i am doing, and i lose what i wrote for an ask, i cannot make myself rewrite it. the thought alone is enough to make me want to cry.

so. i was. god. i can't even -- even summarizing what i wrote is very difficult for me. so i'm just going to jump in to where i was writing, maybe back up a little, because i was having fun talking about character arcs, and -- y'all can just deal.

(n.b. when i bring this up, people tend to suggest things like drafting responses to asks in software with autosave, or just saving responses to asks as drafts periodically. the answer is always, "i know that's an option, and it doesn't work for me for any number of reasons." while i appreciate the care, i'd rather save us all the time.)

(but to respond as quickly as i can to your actual ask -- i change background characters all the time, and no one has ever commented on it. secondly, while i often enjoy what anons offer me from different ideas, i'd prefer if we don't -- treat them as mine, perhaps? hm. not sure how to phrase that well and i want to move on now.)

anyway, basically, i'm rambling about decisions anons make and why i wouldn't personally make them. because i was in the middle of a thought, i'm going to have to back up a little, but -- i'm going to try to save myself some time and pain and just make one starting statement and then move on.

while i'm about to explain why i wouldn't make the following choices, that does not make them bad choices. in fact, i often enjoy responding to your asks with snippets utilizing these choices. they're just not choices i would independently make, but that doesn't make them bad. i just like to ramble about character arcs, and this gives me an excuse

reedpaw interfering with hawkpaw's dreams of the dark forest

the arc i have planned for hawkfrost revolves around no one knowing about the dark forest. it is essential to tigerstar's manipulation of him that no one knows. it is fundamental to his character arc.

so -- i can't just throw in reedpaw interfering. it would change every character's arc. and i like my arc for hawkfrost. i do not think it is benefitted by reedpaw interacting with it.

(this is kind of what i mean -- i've greatly enjoyed writing the drama that comes of reedpaw interfering, but i would never choose to have him interfere in independent content.)

reedkit being born not long after hawkkit, mothkit, and frogkit

this is the piece i'm most angry to have lost. i had -- guys i had a very good explanation of this one. it's. i will do my best because -- i don't know.

i am very -- the misty au matters to me. unlike the other aus, the misty au is mine. it is not some web of ideas, it is my au, and while i adore seeing everyone play with it, it often feels like -- handing someone a rubiks cube, watching them fiddle with it, and then, when they give it back to you, you solve it in a few moments. (i did speed cubing personal best was 27s, although i doubt i could get anywhere close to that now.)

like, you hand me this idea. mistyfoot has another kit about six moons after hawkkit, mothkit, and frogkit. i nod as you explain, am excited to see you so excited about it, but i cannot simply leave the cube unsolved. it is a compulsion of a sort. you hand me an unsolved cube, and i will solve it. i don't mean to, sometimes. it is simply that i know the patterns so well, and the process of observing and solving a cube is so instinctual, that i look for the best cross without realizing what i am doing, start to solve without meaning to.

and -- in this case, this is me solving the cube, this explanation. i have inserted this metaphor in part to explain why i feel i must try to explain this once again, why i am -- now that the chance, the idea of covering this topic has been raised, i cannot set it down.

so. although it is difficult, i want to tell you why i wouldn't choose to do this. again. there will be less couching this time, as there always is, so review my -- i don't think you're wrong, i just wouldn't make these choices -- above. i mean it.

reedkit being born changes every character's arc inherently. i've mentioned this in passing, but it fundamentally changes every single character's arc. for the main seven, it is a direct and tangible change, and for others, it is a ripple effect, and no stone is left unturned.

but i will use mistyfoot's arc as a catch-all, to explain my reason for not making this choice.

mistyfoot -- okay, if reedkit is born, mistyfoot's primary focus is no longer feathertail. i'm not one for "one child is loved more" stories. i don't like writing them. so. mistyfoot's focus is split between reedkit and feathertail.

and that is a problem. because -- feathertail is the most important thing in the world to mistyfoot. in an unhealthy way at first, but in a healthy way, later on. it is Unhealthy for mistyfoot to base her every action around how it affects feathertail; it is healthy for mistyfoot's top priority to be feathertail. codependency vs being a parent.

so. why is that a problem? well -- because it changes a lot of things, but most importantly, or at least, most close to the main time period the misty au covers, it changes how mistyfoot builds a relationship with hawk, moth, and frog.

because -- well, let's back up for a moment.

mistyfoot does not go in the nursery once. despite the fact that it is feathertail, that before and after this, they are nearly inseparable (unhealthily before, heathily after), she does not visit feathertail in the nursery a single time.

[insert a tangent about mistyfoot being in the nursery with reedkit i cannot bring myself to rewrite]

her interactions with the kits, once they are weaned, are either highly structured, or incidental moments she avoids and escapes from as fast as she can.

but -- feathertail is always there as a buffer. feathertail brings them out to mistyfoot as her kits, as a form of -- presentation, almost. or, mistyfoot and feathertail are talking, and one of the kits approaches momentarily.

because she can't do it anyway.

[insert tangent about mistyfoot being a good mother and how in this instance, that means not being around them]

and as the kits grow up, it is through feathertail that mistyfoot manages to build a relationship with them. the fact that they are feathertail's kits is how she does it. in part because -- it is a degree of separation that she is afforded. if things are too much -- she is not their mother. she can back off. but also because -- they are important to feathertail, and that makes it easier for mistyfoot to want to know them.

this is -- core to all five arcs at hand, here.

she sees hawkpaw seek out feathertail after a nightmare, and she sees a kit, who loves, who feathertail loves. she sees -- it makes it easier to forget his father, if he can simply be a child, sleeping with his mother to ward of nightmares.

hawkfrost is -- will always be the one she has the hardest time connecting to. this has little to do with his appearance (while he looks similar to tigerstar, he is not a clone -- he has more contrasting markings, a white chest, blue eyes, a narrower build, sleeker, glossier fur, and so on), and everything to do with the grief he causes feathertail as an apprentice. she worries over him, and mistyfoot doesn't know what to do.

frogheart is easier, or at least more straightforward. he bonds with mistyfoot when he's carrying feathertail down the mountain. there's -- two levels. first, he's doing a great service to the most important person to mistyfoot. second, this is a very hard time for feathertail, and mistyfoot wants to be with her for it. so -- they walk down together.

mothwing is -- she starts to be more and more responsible for feathertail's healthcare. and -- mistyfoot is. pretty much always with feathertail for that. even something as simple as marigold on a scratch, or getting a thorn pulled out -- mistyfoot is there.

it is an Anxiety Inducing Time. feathertail associates being treated with very bad things, and avoids going to the medicine den, so like -- mistyfoot has to be there to actually get her to go.

so while mothwing is learning to deal with -- a bit of a role reversal, in that she has to take care of feathertail. as a doctor, yes, but feathertail -- requires a lot of patience, cajoling, and creativity. and you know, that's hard. it is hard to see the cat who raised you like that. that's a big theme for mothwing.

but it means she starts to build a relationship with mistyfoot.

so -- why does it matter?

well, putting aside a long list of reasons that mistyfoot having reedkit then is so angst inducing (she's grieving for her first litter, she's not in a place to voluntary have another child, she's still coping with the trauma of a forced pregnancy, etc), if her focus is split between reedkit and feathertail, the weight of all of this is decreased.

not -- by half, or anything. love is not some finite resource. but mistyfoot no longer avoids the nursery, and she has many more early interactions with the kits. when feathertail leaves, she has another kit that means she can't fall apart in the same way. and -- that means that frogpaw, hawkpaw, and mothpaw's initial impression of her never changes.

when feathertail vanishes, they start to gain a deeper understanding of mistyfoot, which enables them to be able to start connecting to her.

other stuff

i'm doing this thing where i try to go to bed before 3am, so unfortunately, not right now.

oh wait i lied real quick

tawnypelt

i think this is because you haven't seen her pov yet, but a lot of asks about her tend to misunderstand her internal thought process. or at least -- they don't characterize her the way i intend to.

[ghostsofmemories]

hi from other august!! i'm obsessed with the antonyms for homesick title! how do you go about coming up with your titles? also you should tell us more about the antonyms characters :D i am so hyped i hope you say more abt this project if you are comfortable <33 -- august @seatraiin

this is so nice!! thank you so much!!! 

titles:

Insect Poison (last novel wip): I knew the title had to be something toxic because pretty much all of it is about toxic relationships, and insect poison sounds cooler than rodenticide or something

Writing My Obituary (last poetry wip): it went through a ton of titles when I first started compiling it, all named after poems or lines from poems in the book, and I liked this one the best, plus most of the other poems ended up getting cut

Where Edges Meet Soft Things (current poetry wip): it came from a line in this poem. I wrote that it was my favorite thing I’ve ever written (it might be, still), and it also set a theme for my book, which is, you know, edges and soft things and where they meet. have I ever mentioned this project is the love of my life?

Antonyms for Homesick (current novel wip): I originally wanted to title the book as an antonym or opposite for the word homesick, but none of them really fit the way I wanted? this was originally (by originally I mean a couple hours ago) supposed to be a placeholder title, but I had the idea to name each chapter after an antonym of homesick that sums up what the characters are feeling in that chapter, rather than trying to find one that sums up the whole book, which is impossible.

characters: 

I already talked a bit about characters in this post, and that’s still pretty much all I know about them, so instead I’ll just post an excerpt from each of them? and explain a little? idk what I’m doing.

Laurel: 

After the funeral, we walk into our house together for the first time in years. I don’t want to know how many. The door whines the way it always did—long, gentle—and none of us know who should be the one to step inside, who would be the best to confront the emptiness waiting for us. Better put: I don’t know. My siblings, of course, are waiting for me to take the initiative and do the thing no one wants to, because that’s my job. Perhaps we’re all adults now, but on this front porch, we’re children again. And as far as children go, I’m the oldest; appointed leader by chronology.

she’s tired and sad but would rather die than tell you, probably. this isn’t clear in this excerpt but right after this, she goes on to describe each of her siblings and it’s clear she’s very invested in the lives of those around her (and she’s also so a social worker so it works), and finds herself extremely uninteresting.

Clove:

Through the walls, I try to recognize animosity in Maevis’ shuffling, in the opening and closing of dresser drawers and unzipping of suitcases. I can’t draw anything of it. When I ripple through the halls, searching Laurel and Evangeline for something similar, I find nothing. It must be wrong, assuming already that they’ve learned and hate everything about me, but it’s doesn’t feel so unfair to gauge my safety here, to make sure each room has two exits.

listen I would try to reserve tension or whatever but to be honest I don’t care that much! if you read this far into an ask game answer, you deserve to know. basically, he’s very gay and his parents found out. he cut off contact with them years before they died and avoided his sisters that whole time, and he has no idea if they know or not. fun times.

Maevis:

I’ve been here barely three hours and I already feel like a child again, and not in a good way. I make sure my old phone still works (it does) and wonder if you can still hear what’s said on it through other phones in the house (you can). I unpack my bags while I listen, hopeful and hopeful again, that Sebastian will call. That he’ll change his mind and beg me to come home, or come here, or at least ask for his ring back so I have an excuse to see him one more time.

our girl Maevis is straight and has a shitty ex-boyfriend (fiance). can we get an f in the chat. okay but in all seriousness, i have a feeling her arc is mostly going to be learning to be on her own.

Evangeline:

My room barely has a coat of dust on it and my closet is filled with clothes that still fit me. Nothing has aged and nothing has changed besides the fact that my parents are gone. I don’t know if I should be grieving or how to do it—if I stare at the ceiling long enough, it’s last year, again, and I’ve only just left this place. It’s my room but not my house. Today is the last day anyone can lock me in it. If I don’t want to, I never have to come back here again.

Still, I know I will the second they ask me to.

someone please help her, she hasn’t had nearly as much time as her siblings to process the trauma they went through. she’s going through it folks. 

if you (or anyone) are interested in hearing more, I also actually have name origins for some of the characters in this book! am I only 3000 words into it? yes. am I thouroughly obsessed and have no way of going back? also yes.

[tiffgeorgina]

what did you think of the new episode???

OH LORD i had a lotttt of thoughts on this episode, understandably. CONTENT WARNING FOR DISCUSSIONS OF SUICIDE AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THIS POST (it’s a long paragraph). also obviously spoiler warning for 2x08.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

please reach out to somebody if you’re feeling distressed after this episode, or if you or a loved one is considering self harm or suicide. im always here if you need somebody to vent or talk to. i love you all and i would be devastated if anything happened to any of you. 

anyways, episode discussion below:

-first of all, the corgina scene at the very beginning was PRICELESS. tiff and corkie had it DOWN until tiff lost her cool. i was DYING. casey wilson invented the word “fuck.”

-marcus/dawn and connie/mo double date. this whole scene had me CACKLING. marcus being such a comrade was not at all what i expected. the three-on-one connie smackdown i could not BREATHE. also includes classic moments such as “we’re doing black shit right now keith” and regina stealing every scene she’s in. also WOMEN xosha roquemore (connie) in dark lipstick is the best part of s2 prove me wrong

-also kind of out of order but dawn calling mo her best friend did not sit right... like in my soul. it’s like inherently wrong. so STRANGE to hear her say that.

-but connie sucks at being subtle lmfao dawn was not having any of that 

-“i can’t vote. im a felon” just out of nowhere GOD. and the fact that that’s the first time dawn’s learning that mo went to prison is fucked up. i’ve never seen a woman want a man to shut up so badly, and i’ve never been so glad that said man did not shut up lmfao

-tiff and blair’s apartment looks so good yes god!! also this season keeps referencing blair’s parents and it’s kind of putting me on edge. especially since next episode is “blair [being] forced to revisit his past.” on another note, andrew’s voice in this scene is SO FUNNY. you can tell he’s a voice actor i think

-also like we knew blair was into older men but now we like know lmfao. the richard gere jokes had LAYERS these writers outsold

-ok blair&tiff’s relationship... yikes. i cannot tell what the writers want their relationship to be. are they unhealthy and toxic and bad to each other? or are they platonic soulmates and life partners? make up your MIND, showtime.

-DON’T INFANTILIZE THE CUP BYE KJDFHGDFKJ

-first blarris scene was TENSE. acting good

-the confirmation that roger has kids... i mean i suspected it from the moment tuc’s character was announced in september but it makes the ending so much more painful. i KNOW that’s the only reason why they pushed the fact that the harrises are parents in this episode, bc it was never confirmed earlier.

-i hate how funny michael hitchcock is. im trying to hate newell but im laughing. why are his lines so funny who wrote this. 

-the sound design in this episode was a lot to take in. the music was intense asf and it stays intense throughout the whole ep

-keith cracking onto blair and trying to reconcile with him bc he’s feeling empathetic but blair shutting him down... can’t say keith doesn’t deserve it but i would’ve loved to have seen keith and blair just talk about being closeted and having affairs and shit.

-THE TRUMP CHILDREN LMFAOOOO they all look so smug the casting was great this ep

-mo shit talking connie TO HER FACE bc he knows connie can’t give up the act... fucking priceless i love to see it acab

-dawnroe physical contact hhhhh can you tell im rewatching this ep as i type this

-the wording on the “you’re with the FBI?” line is so perfect. bc it makes it totally sound like dawn’s onto mo and connie when really she’s just like “you’re siding with the FBI bitch?” highkey genius line

-posted this too early by accident oops. im still editing im not done yet lmfao

-MARCUS MO AND DAWN SAID ACAB FUCK YES

-ROGER GRABBING BLAIR’S HAND I AM ASCENDING. i knew about the hand holding scene there but i didn’t think roger would initiate it <3

-roger nearly kissing blair :’/

-LORD the trump children are little shits god

-daddy says it makes me look hot. you mean cute? ...no.

-oh GOD not this blarris scene. i like to believe that a gay person generally wouldn’t threaten to out another gay person on principle, but blair has shown how shitty of a person he's become all season. i hate it and it’s still ooc but i’ve seen worse on this show tbh.

-roger’s got a point, if he supports his campaign fund manager right off the bat, he’ll look like a total fraud and his career will be over. the fact that blair barely gives a shit really speaks to what his character has become. “fuck them” what a classic line

-ANDREW’S ACTING!!! his voice when he says “you use me” ugh i felt that in my chest. plus roger looking away after he says that... i mean god this cast is so talented

-blair snapping god. he’s got a point, he and roger have been dysfunctional asf all season. doesn’t justify threatening to out somebody AT ALL but finally hearing some emotion out of blair, a little bit of anger and frustration, it’s refreshing.

-does “who are you, blair?” count as a parallel to “who are you, pfaff?” from 1x01?

-blair outing roger to newell... yikes. again ooc and bad. blair’s a shitty guy but we’ve seen him have empathy before, even in s2. why would they make him do this i don’t get it.

-keith finding out about lenny is good. maybe something will finally come of this arc?

-parallel to 2x02 with blair mentioning his mom’s phrase, cool. probably gearing us up for more references to his parents next ep, culminating in a flashback to his childhood in 2x10.

-this scene where the trump kids are destroying everything is classic. you can genuinely tell that everybody there was having so much fun shooting that. idk, it’s nice.

-trump reveal HA what a great end to that scene

-keith coming by and fucking everything up... i mean i guess everybody KNOWS now. dawn/marcus is over (good) and dawn is probably right pissed at mo rn. but hey, fuck em all resurgence!!! ive been waiting for it and now it’s here!

-im scared, what’s connie gonna do? fuck cops

-“that’s a long way to go just to get a dig in” “it was a stretch but-” see what happens when you’re a narc? you lose your wit :/ sad! nice exit line from connie tho

-CW SUICIDE MENTION. ok time to talk about what definitely needs to be talked about. god this has had my chest hurting all day yesterday. i knew blarris would be outed eventually bc sho likes to milk every plot point for every bit of drama they can get out of it, but i did not expect roger to take his life. and blair finding him is just devastating. i said this on twt, but the fact that somebody could be so overwhelmed with internalized homophobia that being outed could cause them to commit suicide is so incredibly and deeply sad to me. i’ve been crying for a while over that fact. 

im just. im really sad. i’ve connected so much with these characters over the past two-ish years and this is such a devastating turn of events. i have no words. it isn’t bad writing or ooc by any means, it’s just so extremely and incredibly sad. there are probably thousands of people who have been in roger’s exact position before, and the realism really hits me hard. i can’t put into words how overwhelming sad this makes me. 

also pretty upset that this came as a COMPLETE shock to me and all my friends. we all watched on the sho streaming service, which did not have the “viewer discretion advised” card before the ep. the premier did, but the episode on the app did not. i really REALLY wish they had added that before i had seen the episode so i could prepare myself, even if just slightly. also wish they had added a suicide hotline number at the end. 

seeing blair grieve his loss is going to hurt but it’s probably going to give us closure too. i think about this show all the time, and now thinking about it makes me so overwhelmingly sad. i sound dramatic but this show has been with me for so long. not being able to see much of blair’s reaction beside the initial shock has been haunting me. im so scared for what the future episodes are going to bring.

thank you for reading, i love you all <3

[wikiangela]

my thoughts as I was watching the episode (didn't feel like doing multiple posts, felt easier to do just one lol):

awww Dean has a dog 😍

Dean trying to make his bed cracked me up ngl

actually it's funny seeing them do such ordinary things lol

this dog is so cute I can't 😩😍😍

"Pie Fest" 😂 "this is my destiny" okay 🤣 so dramatic over pie, but that doesn't surprise me 😂

Sam THANK YOU for mentioning Cas (and Jack) 😭

Idk but I'm kinda loving that Dean's trying to live his life? "If we don't keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing" I mean that's true 🤔 (even though I'd love to see Cas back but not getting my hopes up)

pie in the face lol and Sam's laugh is so great haven't heard that in too long

(this post is gonna be long af 😂 it's been just 5 minutes hah)

"Singer and Kripke" aw cute

vamp-mimes cracks me up every time, even though I saw the sneak peak before 😂 and he's so serious when he says it hahaha

I cannot stress enough how I missed that about Dean

okaaay so vampires. cool.

is that the trenchcoat in the trunk? is it? it looks like it? IS IT? or am I just imagining things??!! I paused and I've been looking at it for like five minutes trying to figure out if it's the trenchcoat wtf (I mean would it even make sense? Cas was taken in that trenchcoat? unless he had a few? And, I mean, he had, right? it's all so blurry in my mind now, I need answers)

Sam, let Dean have fun for once, geez 🙄😂😂😂

I don't remember that girl (Jenny, was it?) (okay, I googled it, and I still don't remember her and what happened with her haha all I know is it was in season 1 so 💁‍♀️)

oh nevermind, she dead now (dead dead) so whatever

as soon as I saw the metal thingy (I'm an English major but somehow I can't remember what it's called in English or in my native language??) I knew what was gonna happen but...

NO DEAN BABY WHYYYYY 😭😭😭 he can't die like that noooooo

he's like, accepting that he's gonna die? omg I'm crying 😭😭😢

I'm literally sobbing right now and how is he dying its only been 20 minutes of the episodes what the fucking fuck how am I supposed to get through 20 more minutes

"don't leave me" omg Sammy 😭😭💔💔💔

"I can't do this alone"

"yes you can't"

"well, I don't want to"

where have I heard that before? 🤔😭😭💔

"I love you so much my baby brother" is that the first time Dean said that to Sam in the show? I'm pretty sure I don't remember him saying that before - and I am crying so hard I can barely see what I'm writing thank God for autocorrect 😅

nooo Dean 💔💔😭 my favorite character since the moment I saw him and now he's dead and I wasn't emotionally prepared for that and how am I supposed to just go about my day later this is the worst why are they doing this I hate how attached I got to this show and the characters FUCK

And my mom called me just as Sam was about to burn Dean's body and I had to pretend like I'm okay. I WANT TO GO BACK TO THIS MORNING BEFORE I DECIDED TO WATCH THE EPISODE FUCK

so Sam's alone now, with the dog

but my question is: What the hell happened to Eileen? weren't they, like, in love? didn't she come back? (I feel like we actually don't know so I'm seriously asking) why isn't she there? wtf if I don't see Cas or Destiel, at least let me see my girl Eileen at the end 😭 and Sam being happy with her

baby's grieving and I cannot stand to see him so sad SOMEONE GIVE HIM A HUG (or me, I could use a hug too 😔)

I physically cannot stand seeing Jared cry - I feel like I'm literally falling apart

WHY IS THIS SO SAD wasn't it enough that we have to say goodbye to the show? couldn't those be happy tears about a happy end? THEY DON'T DESERVE THIS

okay, "agent Bon Jovi" made me chuckle through tears, I LOVE DEAN SO MUCH

lights out in the bunker made me cry even more

DEAN'S IN HEAVEN

BOBBY

OG BOBBY

ARE YOU KIDDING

idjit 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I missed him much more than I expected omg

"that kid of yours" I. am. not. okay.

Jack setting things right, I love it ❤️ thank you for Bobby 😭😭😭

"everyone happy, everyone together" is it everyone though?🙃

"the Heaven you deserve" DAMN RIGHT HE DOES

"CAS HELPED" I CANNOT HANDLE THIS

right now I would just like to take a second to appreciate how fucking hot and handsome and beautiful Jensen is because I needed to pause and calm down a little and focus on something else

and Jensen is fucking gorgeous and Iove his fucking smile and his fucking lips - you know, when I started watching it, for about the first season I had to rewind every time Dean was talking because I couldn't focus on anything but his lips hahaha good times, wish I could forget about this show and watch it all over again and get supper annoyed at everything all over again but I still love this show more than any other even though I've been watching it only for the past 2 years haha

I think I'm good, back to watching:

I don't think I can express how I missed the og Bobby ❤️

AND BABY'S THERE OH YEAH

that smile, Dean/Jensen ugh you're killing me

"Hey Baby" ❤️❤️

CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOON THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE

AND I JUST STOPPED CRYING AND NOW IT STRTED AGAIN AAGGHCHFJHSH

"love this song" me too, Dean, me too 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

(wow, too much emojis, bitch, chill)

baby Dean that's too much

and Sam seems so happy 😭😭

but who's the wife, please tell me it's Eileen, I miss her where is she that's not fair

Sam as a dad is just so precious and cute and so fucking great I can't 😭😭❤️❤️ love that for him ❤️

but why aren't there any pics of Cas and Jack? C'mon, Sam 🙄 (I mean, there surely were some pics of them, we know for a fact there was at least that one Cas picture in a cowboy hat so there should me more ugh)

"it's okay, you can go now" why are doing this to me again

I mean, I'm happy that Sam got to live his life to the end and died of natural causes or old age or whatever

brothers togheter again 😭😭

I'm a mess

also, let me just ask, WHERE'S THE ANGEL

WHERE THE FUCK IS CAS

just a cameo at the very end would be great

"and cut" this made me cry again fuck

so that's the end, huh? brothers together again, in Heaven?

well, I choose to believe that at some point they reunited with Cas, too and that's that

overall, it was not what I expected, and I didn't have much hope for destiel but I hoped for some acknowledgment of his confession by Dean or at least a cameo

I mean, he's been one of the main characters for so long and they didn't even have him in the finale? and he was mentioned literally twice?????!?? FUCK YOU WRITERS

so, I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it that much, is was meh, It wasn't a good conclusion to the show and I'll be bitter about Cas till the day I die and I didn't like how Dean died, I mean, he was literally impaled, in my opinion it wasn't "going out in the blaze of glory" like he always wanted

this is a long post, I'm not even gonna reread before posting, but those were my genuine reactions haha

if you read it, wow, I'm so sorry haha

now I need to lie down and cry before I can function again and do my homework so that's fun

I'll see y'all in your notes as I reblog every fucking thing about 15x20 😊👌

just one more thing at the end:

THIS SHOW RUINED ME AND I STILL LOVE IT WHY AM I LIKE THIS

anyway, I'm gonna go cry now hahahaha I'm not okay

I'm gonna live in denial about Cas not being there haha

I hope the rest of the spn family is holding up somehow because I'm losing it and I need some fix it destiel fics asap

okay not gonna make this longer haha

bye, have a good day 🙂👍❤️ (don't mind me, I'm losing my mind)

[vaguely-concerned]

Some Alec Ryder Meta

So since I couldn’t find the screenshots of Alec Ryder’s dying ‘thoughts’, I went and got them myself!* And I am uh way closer to crying than I thought I would be, Alec sort of surprised me here. Let’s go! 

I was NOT prepared for his literal first thought to be of his children. And notice -- this is not his children being impressive or special or idk ordered/obedient. It’s them being happy and safe and playing and chaotic. I uh did not expect this, frankly.

I’m guessing this is where they used to live when the kids were small! (Would this be before or during their time on the Citadel? The timeline there is so hazy to me haha, I can never quite remember how that works)

Baby Scott on the swing ;______; I wonder if Alec is ‘there’ off screen in this scene, pushing him, since we start off with a shot looking over Scott’s shoulder like that 

Can I just say how quietly charmed I am by the fact that in Alec’s memories Ellen isn’t captured when she was ~*young and beautiful*~ or whatever nonsense -- she’s a mature woman, the same age as himself. It feels like there is something sweet and telling in that, like they were partners/equals in his mind. (This also makes me very uncomfortable to think he didn’t ask her/didn’t get her consent at the last moment on her death bed to put her in stasis, after the twins left the room at least; he seems to have respected her so much, if he went against her wishes that’s... such a breach of everything she seems to have meant to him and really should have been addressed more because it would essentially be his big sin as a character. So I choose to believe for now that when the kids left he did one last ‘give it this one last shot and I promise that if I find nothing within a certain time I’ll let you go and grieve like a normal fucking person’ sales pitch, possibly with prepared Science to back him up because they were both kind of weird like that and I think that if anything could have worked that would. ‘But think of the scientific implications tho babe wouldn’t you want to be able to find out how worked?’ ‘...You’ve got me there’)

More confirmation that Ellen had probably come to terms with her death and Alec Really Hadn’t lol. (Ellen might have just been grateful she lost neither of her children to the eezo exposure, actually -- she would have understood intimately how phenomenally lucky they were that both the twins survived and were healthy to boot) If I were to hazard a guess I’d say that Alec probably was in pretty bad need of space therapy even before his wife got ill, she was just his emotional support and he was intelligent and driven enough to hide most of it until that stability came under threat

:( this is upsetting. It doesn’t come across as well without the movement but he’s bowing his head and putting his face in his hands. Either Ellen when she’s really sick or when she uh ‘died’ 

I’m fairly sure that’s Ellen’s eyes -- and crucially they’re opening again. 

Mom and the twins :’) I think it’s pretty clear Alec did that thing some people (especially men) do where they sort of organize all their feelings through their partner -- “Your mother would have been proud of you, of both of you” JESUS CHRIST ALEC JUST TELL YOUR CHILDREN YOU’RE PROUD OF THEM LIKE YOU ACTUALLY MEANT TO SAY, THEY ALREADY KNOW THEIR MOM LOVED THEM FOR GOD’S SAKE YOU ARE THE UNCERTAIN ELEMENT HERE

ETA: actually this might also have something to do with how convinced he seems to be that the kids don’t need him -- that his love and attention and regard doesn’t matter or count, or would even be seen as an imposition (he consistently refers to himself pretty self-deprecatingly in connection to them, their ‘old man’ coming in and messing up their lives, like he considers his absence to probably be the best he can do for them? He certainly devalues his own impact massively, positive or negative). Meanwhile Ellen’s place in all their lives is a clear and uncontested positive so maybe that’s why he goes for her pride and her love like that. Again: who the fuck raised this weird dysfunctional man to be like this and how did he get away with it for so long haha

Alec and adult/at least teenaged twins! a) I suspect going to another galaxy with them to explore might honestly have been his idea of how bonding works, which... well and b) Sara is right behind him, leaning in like she’s listening and interested in what he’s saying and maybe even speaking too, and Scott looks to me like he’s sort of stranded on the side, looking in but not quite able to connect the same way. (This might be coloured by what I know about their respective relationships from the rest of the game, granted)

The same memory as before BUT interestingly --

the camera is turning around, like Alec is trying to get a look at his children’s faces and can’t :) this is fine and not at all illustrative of his entire deal *everything in my heart is on fire*

sOME observations: 

- These flashes give you more emotional insight in him than all the unlockable memories put together, and you’ll literally never see most of them unless you’re a freak like me, painstakingly frame by framing your way through it. That... seems like a waste?? 

- Despite his numerous flaws and shortcomings as a parent and as a person, literally every single thought he has at the end is about his family -- and not only his wife, all of them. There’s no place for his work here at all. That doesn’t absolve him of anything, of course, but it makes me sad that he never found a better way to show it, or to emotionally connect with his children, which he seems to have a real wish to. (”Maybe six hundred years can change a man”) Bioware... Bioware sequel pls don’t leave it like this ;_________;

- He himself does not figure prominently in his memories, and when he does he is faceless and vague -- except for when he is completely alone with his grief and Ellen is gone. I think there is something to be said about the fact that he makes all these huge inspiring speeches about the unknown and exploration... and yet his actual motivation is so firmly rooted in this immense fear of the unknown and of himself, of not knowing who to be without his wife, of not knowing how to go on living, of being alone. I wonder to what degree he knows this himself. (From what I’ve read so far of Mass Effect Initiation he certainly isn’t as idealistic about the whole thing as even the game portrays him, where he’s show to be pretty clear-eyed about the Initiative already -- or maybe he sort of is an idealist, under the fear and the jaded exhaustion. Either he genuinely believes Andromeda will hold answers and that science can achieve the impossible or he’s just too scared to consider any other outcome. Oh Boy tm)

- Ellen’s illness is such a cataclysmic event for him that I really have to assume he was never that stable to begin with. And as we’ve seen: When a Ryder goes off the rails they do so in STYLE and drag thousands of people with them to an uncertain fate haha

- My personal headcanon is that Alec used to be a better dad before Ellen got ill and when the kids were still very young; when all they really needed was to be held and loved and made to feel safe, and then became more and more distant as his work with SAM progressed and the children’s emotional needs grew more complex and demanding. Sara remembers this part of their father better (or clings to it more desperately, depending on your point of view) and is also more like him in general, being driven, competitive and intensely intellectually engaged (no matter how you play her in-game, Sara is always presented as vastly more A Nerd than Scott is -- its own can of worms of course but it’s there in the text). Meanwhile Scott has reached a resigned sort of ‘It’s perfectly plausible my dad would not be able to pick me out from a crowd’ place about it and given up on expecting anything more a long time ago in self defense. I think they’ve both hit on different parts of the truth there lol

(Also Sara and Alec seem to have bonded over making fun of Scott a little bit and considering him the underachiever of the two and like Not Cool guys!!! :( ) 

- Anyway Alec Ryder is a very interesting and immensely flawed character and killing him off and never meaningfully engaging with him again seems like throwing away a golden opportunity. Sequel where ‘Ghost Riders’ takes on a new meaning when??? I just want the twins to be able to either yell at him or connect to him better, as appropriate to the feelings of the individual player (I totally get why people would want to give their Ryders a chance to straight up hate him)

I think where it really hurts for me is that he clearly has these feelings, the capacity for it. There’s a wealth of affection and... tenderness? reverence, nearly? in these memories. None of his outward hardass needs-everything-to-be-under-control persona. And yet he could find no way to express this or even really meaningfully stay with his own feelings and his children suffered for it. It’s just all so fucking sad

*Courtesy of DanaDuchy’s youtube channel, which is truly one of the marvels of the internet; please check it out if you have any interest at all in Bioware games or indeed RPGs/games in general, there’s SO much content and it’s all neatly organized! If like me you want to listen to all the banter of every game... this channel’s got you covered

[i-can-get-extra-with-my-ships]

Only Us

Ok, so more writing for the not bread shrine. (That’s the one-shot tag. The Not Bread Shrine.) The prompt for this one came from anon. I told them that I was writing both, and I am. It’s just that my Prinxietea fiend came out and wanted to write this one first. Also, to that anon, I switched it to songs from various musicals because yeah? (And I’ve only listened to musical theater songs for the past like 3 months. (When I have the choice and my taste in pop music is like earlier 2000s because that was good music that I remember from when I was like 3.) My life aside, serious talk time.

Songs Used: Meant To Be Yours (Heathers) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD7x_7tUFNI

Only Us (Dear Evan Hansen) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPvO1sZkOx0

(Crap tons of others are mentioned. The words of these two songs are used though)

Parings: Prinxietea (Prinxiety)

Tw: Cursing and the murderous kind of fluff

Word Count: 1985

----

“Hey Ro, how much longer till we get there?” Virgil asked not looking up from his phone.

They’d only been in the car for 2 of the 16 hours it takes to get from Florida to New York. 2 hours. This is going to be a long drive. Roman thought before answering his boyfriend’s question.

“14 more hours, love.”

Virgil set his phone down. “UGH!! THAT LONG!!!” 

Roman laughed a little bit. “May I remind you that we’re driving from Florida to New York?”

“Well, whoever decided to drive is an idiot.”

Roman laughed again. “You decided to drive stormcloud.” Roman would’ve loved to see Virgil’s expression at that, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the road or Virgil would freak out.

Virgil tried to move on from the fact that he’d just called himself an idiot. “Well, if we’re stuck in this car for another 14 hours can we put on something other than this crap?” He gestured to the radio. Virgil was never one for pop music. Roman would much rather listen to musical theater soundtracks, and that’s what he put on.

It was a long playlist that Roman had put on shuffle. The first song that came up was Meant To Be Yours. 

Virgil’s face lit up. Heathers had always been his favorite musical.  Virgil didn’t sing, Roman, however, being the extra bitch he was started singing at the top of his lungs. “You chucked me out like I was trash for that you should be dead. But! But! But! Then it hit me like a flash what if high school went away instead!” Virgil stared in awe at his boyfriend. Questioning how he was such a good singer.

Then came a mix of theater songs. However, the order that the shuffle put the songs in was so random. Virgil, being the conspiracy theorist that he was, kept trying to figure out “WHAT THE HELL IT WANTS FROM US!!” Every time another song would start playing Virgil would add on to the story that he’d come up with. 

Roman was amused with every addition that each new song brought. After  three hous the story went as follows:

(Cautionary Tale (Mean Girls) and Kindergarten Boyfriend (Heathers)) Be careful with love.

(You Will Be Found (DEH)) Even if you're not careful with love, and you get hurt, someone will see you and you'll be found.

(Be More Chill (Part 1.) (BMC)) Once found, be careful what you do and what friends you choose.

(Fight For Me (Heathers)) Also, you will meet someone who's beating the shit out of the people you hate. 

(The Pants Song (BMC)) Also, in that moment please be wearing pants. 

(Revenge Party (Mean Girls)) You then will invoke revenge on the people that were getting the shit beat out of them.

(I Love Play Rehearsal (BMC)) You will find this person to be incredibly adorable.

(Our Love Is God (Heathers)) You’ll then fall in love with this person and go commit murder with them.

(All You Wanna Do (Six)) This person will be sexually attracted to you.

(World Burn (Mean Girls)) This person wants to watch the world burn.

(Two-Player Game (BMC)) This person will become one of your best friends.

(The Squip Enters (BMC)) You will meet another person who will be similar to the Squip.

(Someone Gets Hurt (Mean Girls)) The Squip person will hurt you.

(Heart Of Stone (Six)) The other person will break your heart.

(Someone Gets Hurt (Reprise) (Mean Girls)) You will tell these two people off.

(Lifeboat (Heathers)) Then you will fall into a deep depression.

(Be More Chill (Part 2) (BMC)) Your self-deprecation will get bad and the voices in your head will be very persuasive.

(Sexy (Mean Girls)) Karen Smith will bring you joy during this dark time.

(So Big/So Small (DEH)) You will start to lose more people close to you.

(I’d Rather Be Me (Mean Girls)) But then you will realize you’d rather be yourself then be with those people. 

(To Break In A Glove (DEH)) You will learn that the hard and right way is the way that you should use.

(Do You Wanna Hang? (BMC)) You will be put in an uncomfortable situation and not be able to do anything.

(Ex-Wives (Six)) You will get a chance to start again and rewrite your history.

(Fearless (Mean Girls)) You will become fearless. You will no longer fear death.

(Requiem (DEH)) One of the first 2 people mentioned will die. You will refuse to grieve.

(Me Inside Of Me (Heathers)) You will have killed them. You then need to cover up your mistakes.

(Stop (Mean Girls)) Your conscious will tell you to stop doing murders.

(The Squip Song (BMC)) You will be offered a Squip and be in denial because it’s BMC IRL. (Or you know, just like drugs.)

(Freeze Your Brain (Heathers)) You refuse the drugs and/or Squip and obtain a Slurpee addiction to combat your depression.

(Don’t Lose Ur Head (Six)) You will begin to be “Sorry not sorry for what I said”.

(Apex Predator (Mean Girls)) You will judge the most popular girl in school.

(Voices In My Head (BMC)) You will begin to accept the voices in your head and know that they are normal.

(Where Do You Belong (Mean Girls)) You will find a new home where you are accepted.

(No Way (Six)) You will refuse to be accepted by these people.

(Sincerely Me (DEH)) You will write emails to yourself and an imaginary pen pal.

(Get Down (Six)) You will  be the “Queen” of your “Castle”

(What’s Wrong With Me (Reprise) (Mean Girls)) You will question what’s wrong with you.

Then it was time for a rest stop. A total of 3 hours had passed by that time. Both Roman and Virgil’s sides aked from laughing as much as they did. Once they got out of the car Roman intertwined their fingers and swung their arms as they walked into the rest stop.

There was a McDonalds inside. They ordered and stood by the counter so then they could grab their food and leave. 

While they were waiting, Virgil asked Roman “Hey Ro, how much money do you have?” Roman wasn’t aware of where Virgil was going and said “I dunno. Like 10 bucks? Why?” Virgil was slightly offended by Roman not saying the line. I mean, you should only have to hear “Road work ahead? Uhh yeah. I sure hope it does.” like 10 times to know that this person is going to keep making Vine references.

Anyways, Virgil ignored Roman missing the reference and said “Oh! You know what that means!” Roman sighed before putting on a very dramatic face and said: “I don’t have enough money for chicken nugget.” 

Virgil smiled and intertwined their fingers again. (I like the phrase “intertwined their fingers” idk why. I just do) “I knew you would get it at some point.” Roman smiled fondly at Virgil. “Why are you like this?” 

Virgil leaned on Roman and told him “Oh come on!! You know you love me.” Virgil didn’t intend for it to be a Disney reference, but Roman took it that way.”Do I know that? Yes. Yes, I do.” They both laughed a little bit before they were interrupted by their order being called. They grabbed their food and went back to the car.

After they ate and threw out their trash, they began driving again. Virgil had forgotten the story that he’d come up with so he just moved on. 

The song that came on first after they started driving again was More Than Survive from Be More Chill. Roman sang again (he sang just about every song that came on). Virgil smiled. He had always enjoyed Roman’s singing. This whole time he had wanted to sing, but he didn’t. He knew Roman wouldn’t mind. He’d enjoy having an extra person to sing with. 

Especially for duets.

Virgil smiled even brighter at the thought of the two of them singing something sassy like Apex Predator or just fun like Two-Player Game. But he didn’t. He wasn’t planning on singing either.

Well, I guess the best way to put it is keyword: planning.

The first piano notes that were the opening to Only Us from Dear Evan Hansen began to play. There had been an hour or two’s worth of songs that came on between More Than Survive and Only Us. Roman had been wrapped up in his own world of miscellaneous theater songs. Virgil guessed that he was going to take both Zoe (That’s how it is spelled on the Wiki so that’s how I’m spelling it) and Evan’s parts, but he didn’t care. Once Laura Dreyfuss began singing he did as well. 

However, Virgil was very quiet, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t need you to sell me on reasons to want you.” 

The next line he sang a little louder. But not loud enough for Roman to hear him. “I don’t need you to search for the proof that I should.” 

The next few lines were just barely audible. “You don’t have to convince me. You don’t have to be scared your not enough. ‘Cause what we got going, is good.”

The next set of lines were only slightly more audible. “I don’t need more reminders of all that’s been broken. I don’t need you to fix what I’d rather forget. Clear the slate and start over. Try to quiet the noises in your head. We can’t compete with all that.”

Virgil had a nice crescendo going and he didn’t even realize until he was singing the chorus very loudly. “So what if it’s us? What if it’s us, and only us? And what came before won’t count anymore or matter. Can we try that? What if it’s you? And what if it’s me? And what if that’s all that we need it to be? And the rest of the world falls away. What do you say?” Roman had stopped singing Zoe’s part once he heard Virgil.

He did come in with Evan’s part though.

“I never thought there’d be someone like you, who would want me.” Virgil smiled. “Well.” Roman looked at Virgil using his peripheral vision as to not get lectured for not keeping his eyes on the road and how they could’ve died. “So I give you ten-thousand reasons to not let me go. But if you really see me if you like me for me and nothing else, well that’s all that I’ve wanted for longer than you could possibly know.”

Roman braced himself. He knew what was coming next. He was scared that once he started singing with Virgil that he’d crash the car.

“So it can be us. It can be us, and only us. And what came before won’t count anymore or matter. We can try that.”

Virgil smiled at Roman before coming back in and having the two of them sing together.

“It’s not so impossible.” Roman was starting to get convinced that he was going to crash the car. Virgil’s voice was incredible. “Nobody else but the two of us here.”

Virgil noticed Roman tensing up and intertwined their fingers. “‘Cause you’re saying it’s possible.”

“We can just watch the whole world disappear.”

“Till you’re the only one I still know how to see.”

“It’s just you and me.” 

“It’ll be us. It’ll be us and only us. And what came before won’t count anymore!”

“We can try that! You and me! That’s all that we need it to be! And the rest of the world falls away! And the rest of the world falls away. The world falls away. The world falls away.”

“And it’s only us.”

God. What Roman would’ve given to kiss Virgil in that moment.

However, he’d made up his mind.

Next rest stop…

He’d kiss the fuck out of his Emo Nightmare.

----

Taglist: @winterswishing @thetomorrowshow @an-existing-leah @iixclementine @elatedgiff

@rain-bound I was that anon who asked if you’d like to be tagged like 2 days ago.

@just-some-gt-trash I figured you’d love this.

@stop-it-anxiety I value your opinion greatly and I’d like to know what you think.

[five-wow]

i watched 10.20! thoughts under the cut, as always.

steve running away from his memories in slow motion is how we start out and i should have expected that because i’ve seen this as a preview but still, oh gosh. (i also just have... so many things to say about all of the parental figures we’re shown steve is thinking of and all of their many, many failings, but that would turn into far too long a meta analysis of steve’s life to even start in on it now. (it makes me so mad though. urgh. you ruined a perfectly good human! look, it’s got, well, about a million issues, really. slow mo beach running means things are either romantic or very bad in fiction world, and i regret to say it’s not the former for steve.))

tani rolls over in bed and it’s empty but it’s empty because junior has been up making her a HUGE BREAKFAST. HE IS WEARING AN APRON. I AM IN FAVOR OF THIS.

i already know tani has some issues with self worth relationships and that they work it out at the end of the episode (i’ve seen the gifs of junior offering to be less sweet and tani telling him VERY RIGHTFULLY that he wouldn’t know how) so i’m not extremely worried, but ahhh, it’s still so sad to see junior put in all this adorable effort that tani fully deserves and tani just doesn’t know how to accept it. heartbreaking from both angles, nooo.

ALSO, tani says she usually just grabs a coffee on her way to work and junior says “yeah, and you’re usually late because of it” and i literally today wrote a paragraph for a fic where i claim that tani is usually first at the office these days (because danny forces steve and junior to sit down for breakfast with him), so way to debunk my writing, canon that i clearly should have just watched a week ago so i could have avoided this situation. :p

“i shouldn’t have asked you to stay over.” ack. no. junior’s face is breaking my heart now, too.

and then he STARTS CLEANING UP. jfc, boy, we already know you’re a saint, you don’t have to keep proving it when you’re looking like a kicked puppy.

ahhh i just realized that if danny is not in this episode because he’s... idk, visiting family again? and junior is staying over at tani’s place, then steve is home alone. that’s bad timing, guys.

ah, RIGHT. he’s not home alone, because gerard hirsch broke in and started drinking his coffee. i’m having flashbacks to sang min, ha.

fdjkfdjkfd okay, this is a good scene, though. eddie! steve’s faces! steve LEAVING THE THE DOORS UNLOCKED becuase he doesn’t like running with his keys! also what, he came in through the back door and he apparently leaves the front door open too, like... just in case? STEVE NO.

aha, danny’s on spring break with the kids! okay, danny, you know what, you forgot someone. home alone: fully grown navy seal edition.

hirsch: “so, i’m guessing reyrei is now official.” fjdkfd i never quite know how to feel when shows include shipnames in their canon because it’s usually very weird, but i appreciate the effort, i think!

i’ve genuinely enjoyed hirsch’s reappearance so far, but as soon as he took tani to meet his uncle (who is now a suspect in a murder cold case) i knew there was going to be an uncomfortable comment about tani being pretty and yes, yes, there was. i mean. i guess i got to enjoy being right?

hirsch: “i know from personal experience she does not respond to talk like that.” okay!!! you know what, i can actually work with that. hirsch is learning, developing, maybe ditching his grosser habits. as long as they’re not going back on that in this same episode, that’s good!

very convenient to have the guy you’re questioning already hooked up to a machine that tattles on his heartrate, haha.

tani: “he made me breakfast.” hirsch: “that monster!” i am. i am actually starting to like hirsch in this episode and it is very strange but very nice.

fjdkfdjk junior says that he knows for a fact that danny got everybody “one of those” (an alexa) for christmas, and i LOVE THAT because it’s wonderful continuity with 10.16, when steve calls on alexa to prove he’s going on a date and they make a whole point of mentioning that danny bought him the thing. also, though, danny, bud - i don’t know how great it is to give all of your friends the temptation to let amazon spy on their lives even more than it already does. maybe go for socks next year.

junior unloads on lou and then they have a tiny dance party in the car and that’s so unexpectedly cute, omg.

very random, but i just really appreciate duke. he’s been there from the very beginning and he’s still giving the team these valuable little bits of needed exposition on the regular. he’s very loyal and drama free and it’s always nice to see his face. shout out to duke.

the old roommate of hirsch’s uncle tells a story that sounds very accidentally incriminating for hirsch’s uncle, which probably means the roommate is the actual murderer. i’m calling it now.

the roommate actually SAYS the uncle was the murderer! ooooh. he’s definitely guilty now.

tani agrees with me!!! only she has some actual evidence to back this claim up apart from knowing how crime show plots work, because she is a Good Detective.

steve talks the grieving widow who was part of a diamond thieving couple down from the brink of killing her husband’s killer by telling her he knows what it’s like to lose “the most important person in your life” and it’s very obvious the writers are making a point here but it’s also very good!

though i did keep getting a little distracted by how perfect this woman’s hair was after running through the woods, lying on the floor half dead, spending most of the day in hospital and then going on a violent quest for revenge. damn. diamonds buy amazing hair products and a personal styling team on call for when you’re in the middle of a crime spree/emergency, i guess.

some eddie/hirsch hints here that i’m going to ignore because oh dear god no.

i??? from the gifs i saw i assumed that the episode would end with some kind of party in the mcgarrett backyard, but that’s not what is currently happening as such, so those string lights are just... always there? oh my gosh. i have no idea if we’ve seen them before and i’m only just now paying attention to it, but more importantly, i don’t know if i want steve to have put those up himself, or danny to have bought them and forced them on steve’s garden like he forced alexa on steve, except with less moral issues connected to a tech giant harvesting your personal data.

tani opens up and she’s crying and junior tells her he’s not going anywhere (duh) and I’M crying!

junior, mid-hug: “i could totally start being meaner, if that’s what you want.” I STILL LOVE THAT. that’s so stupid and so sweet and so stupidly sweet.

oh boyyy, while everyone is having their social moments somewhere in the house, steve is hiding out in his garage and listening to his father telling him not to be a cop on tape. AWESOME. I’M SURE THAT’S FUN AND OKAY AND NOT SETTING UP ANYTHING. this is also why this steve needs a danny in his life, because it’s definitely high time for some agressively caring emotional support to be forced upon this man.

annnnd he gets a call from a british guy who wants to hand deliver him a package from doris.

steve just. hangs up on the guy. omg. perfect. please keep doing that and maybe just, wait for danny and the kids to come home and hug them and take like, a little mental health break? instead of, you know, breaking your mental health, over stuff your mother did, again? gosh.

i will admit i really enjoyed hirsch in this episode! i did not see that coming (and it probably won’t make me like him more in previous episodes) but it was a delightful surprise. and TANI AND JUNIOR, ahhh, i am proud of them and their communication and i love them and junior is the best and tani is perfect. did i mention that i love them? i do. i love them.

(re: the steve angst, i refuse to get myself more worked up about that than i low key already am constantly, so i’m electing to mostly ignore it for now. i’ll see what happens next friday. whatever it is, it’s going to happen whether i want it to or not, so best to make it as painless for myself as possible.)

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

what does this have to do with clownfish?

i know this was a mostly sad episode that ended on a rather disquieting note, but i was grinning from ear to ear by the end, you guys. I LOVE THIS SILLY SHOW SO MUCH, and i want to tell you why, so let’s talk about titans 2.04:

SPOILERS ahead

1. i get why we’re getting a flashback episode now--the titans’ ~sordid past~ with deathstroke has gotten a fair bit of build-up, and now that slade has jason, we need the history between him and the og team to contextualise the upcoming confrontation. still, i was really looking forward to having kory reunite with the team, goddamit! 

1.5. i like the convivial, almost collegiate vibe that the original titans have about them--the idea of them getting together both desperate to prove that they are more than what their origins and youth might suggest, and to dick around (pun not intended) and just... be, in a way that their individual circumstances wouldn’t allow them. costumes on, in mission-mode, they are trained and hyper-competent, but in their downtime they apparently like adorably warbling off-key at each other and re-enacting 90s/00s cheesy rom-coms. it’s great! i would’ve loved to see these kinds of flashbacks drip-fed to us right from the beginning of the season--putting it all in one episode, from aqualad’s introduction to demise all in forty minutes, not only screws up the pacing, but also robs us of more of garth’s genuinely warm chemistry with the rest of the team. 

1.67. besides, the immediate contrast between this and the way dick conducts the titans now would’ve been funny and quite impactful.

2. for all that dick seemed standoffish and genuinely frightened of himself in s1, the slightly less filtered look we get into his mind in this flashback--well before his existential crisis--is somehow even more disquieting?? the way he talks about batman and his relationship with dawn and even his friendship with donna smacks of an alarming emotional disconnect; a space where his sense of self has fallen and been replaced by a role that he has been trained to play. he smiles more in this episode than probably all eleven of s1 combined, but he’s far more reserved, afraid of vulnerability, and completely unwilling to express any emotion that would come in the way of him being who he Needs To Be.

2.45. this episode puts into sharp relief just how far dick has come to make peace with bruce in 2.01. here batman is a glowing symbol against the night sky; a shadowy figure promising justice is vengeance and not the other way around; a hulking figure that he can hate and love without reserve, that orders him to be better no matter how exhausted he is, even while standing between him and incomprehensible evil like a bulwark. at the heart of the titans tower--a skyscraper on the opposite side of the country from gotham--is another batcave, a sign that how no matter how far he goes, dick’s perception of himself and his relationships is still inextricably tied to batman and his ways. 

it’s the missing link between the angry, grieving boy we saw in flashbacks last season, and the man rapidly spiralling into crisis at the beginning of season 1. he’s internalised batman’s mission before he can decide for himself what he wants to be, and he’s been like this well into his adult years (unlike the comics). no wonder when the moment he goes Too Far finally comes, when he’s so burrowed into himself that vengeance becomes an end rather than a tool, it’s such a violent upheaval, and one that he hasn’t quite been able to put to rest in over a season.

2.65. honestly the matter of fact way he talks about being dawn’s rebound relationship after her breakup is haunting me?? dick grayson--robin, batman’s partner, the First Sidekick, leader of the titans, friend, brother, lover, a valuable asset with trackers in his arm and neck--is so utterly subsumed that his feelings, his self, automatically comes second to the role he’s playing. i wonder if he had found that he’d had a tracker installed in his body without his knowledge at this point, he’d have accepted the cold logic of it (of course batman needs to keep track of him), instead of the visceral reaction he has five years later, when he immediately picks up a knife and cuts it out of his skin.

2.95. (retrospectively it lends so much more meaning to the opening scene of 1.08??? where dick says he needs to go off on his own to get his bearings right instead of staying on to be the Leader after their traumatic time at the asylum and kory and the others are quietly accepting of it?? where’s that ‘that’s growth’ gif when you need it)

3. donna! it’s interesting that her role as a titan was always meant to be a pitstop before she moved on to Greater Things, and her struggle to reconcile that with her growing attachment to the team came across really well. jillian’s never really pressuring her to leave immediately--six months! two weeks! idk, forever! really, it’s your pick!--but donna tells dick she needs to leave that very night, either because she’s hoping that he’ll protest and ask her to stay, or that she’ll fall for garth and lose her wavering conviction to leave if she stayed any longer, or both. 

3.5. donna and garth’s relationship followed so many wonderfully cheesy conventions, with all of their attendant adorableness and Problems. the scions of two different royal families of two different races falling in Forbidden Love! garth clumsily flirting with donna even as she keeps turning him down! (not cool, garth!) bonding over reminiscing about quirky childhood memories! consulting a put-upon mutual best friend! the last minute reconciliation and confession of love at the airport! garth dying right after celebrating his birthday! (that cop was just a day away from retirement!) PERFECT

like. i have NO IDEA why people still insist on calling this show ‘dark’ and ‘edgy’. don’t let the weird lighting and occasional blood spatter distract you from the goofy, well-intentioned heart right at its centre, you guys!

(but man, dick and donna’s quiet heartbreak at the prospect of separation was harder to watch. for a moment, dick really let himself feel the burden, sinking onto his haunches, his head in his hand like he was about to cry. just a moment.)

4. the others’ reaction to garth’s death is very telling. donna is devastated; hank and dawn are upset, but in a distant way that suggests that they didn’t really know him very well or for very long; and dick... well dick is hard at work in his batcave, because that is how he knows to react to disaster. 

4.5. i know that i spend quite a bit of my reviews harping on and on about dick, but he is more than just the team leader, or the one with the most well-defined arc so far, or the connective tissue between the old and new teams: the titans is HIS, in ways both subtle and insubtle. batman is funding the whole thing; their resources, their tech? all wayne enterprises. by extension, this shindig is dick’s idea, dick’s operation, something he shaped after himself--serene, beautiful, somewhat impersonal on the surface and batman-the-symbol, batman-the-phantom, right at the centre. 

4.65. so when the burden of morality-bending vengeance falls squarely on dick’s shoulders, it seems natural. it also seems entirely natural that when dick does follow through on what the team wants from him, the fallout is also put square on him: he’s the one that’s gone completely off the rails, the one that would sacrifice anything for a mission (like hank implies in the previous episode), the one haunted by his own darkness. this, of course, is patently false, as trigon demonstrated earlier this season.

5. the opening scene of slade wilson doing the Thing He Does Best was so fun to watch. i love that this show is always trying to do interesting things with the camera. (tho i wonder, who hired him to take out donna troy in san fran? was that even his original objective? was it dr light? i am Confusion)

5.5. ... even tho the villain-confrontation scenes seemed hampered by low effects budgets and a lack of... kineticism. i can’t figure out how dr light works even after two episodes of seeing him do his thing. he can apparently implant light bombs in people but never seems to use this awesome ability again, when it can actually help him against the titans? 

6. the moment i saw joey wilson’s profile through the window of his home, i knew he was going to be my favourite character on this show. i love him and his enthusiasm and his cute shoes and his love for vintage records SO MUCH! i know it’s been hinted that he died, but i can’t bear the prospect for even a second. HE’S ALIVE AND WELL SOMEWHERE HAVING TEA AND LISTENING TO GREAT MUSIC WITH AMY ROHRBACH, I JUST KNOW IT

6.5. dick (and the others) wouldn’t be so horrified with themselves and think about shuttering the titans for good if they hadn’t felt some kind of attachment to jericho. dick especially i think is going to fall into an actual honest friendship with joey and is going to extremely disgusted with himself when it all ends in tragedy anyway. 

6.75. we’re probably not going to find out what actually happened to joey for a while, but here’s hoping the Unforgivable won’t happen.

7. on the brightside tho, KORY’S BACK NEXT EP! can’t wait. 

[honeybee-babe]

How can you excuse all of the abusive things Luther has done to his siblings (especially Klaus) throughout the series? And don't pull the "he was drunk" card. And without implying that Luther locking up Vanya isn't intentionally cruel or intended to hurt her? He has the ability to think logically, unlike Vanya he isn't experiencing a literal psychotic break down.... Please, explain this to me logically. Thanks.

~ wowowowowowow i clenched my jaw all night thinking about this ask~~

Yikes. You’re not asking me why I “excuse his actions” (I don’t), you’re asking why I see him as a human being with flaws and trauma which need to be addressed rather than the literal devil. And why I don’t think he is irredeemable based on a few terrible choices (when he has also made some great ones and showed affection for his siblings in the past). I honestly think people hate Luther because it’s easier to have clearly good characters and clearly bad characters, even in a show that actively and artfully avoids that dichotomy.

Why do you care that I like Luther? I’m not bashing your faves or causing any harm to you? I am not trying to tell you to like him or convince you he is a great character. I know he has flaws. 

But if you really want to know how I “excuse all his actions” (which…. I don’t?), I’ll humor you, but I’m answering the question you’re really asking:

Why Do You Not Despise Luther?:

This response is really longwinded but THIS QUESTION IS REALLY OVER-SIMPLIFYING(!!!) so I feel it’s warranted.

First, I’m gonna address the “abusive things Luther has done to his siblings throughout the series:”

I am not excusing any of the things Luther “does to his siblings,” I’m just saying we should extend the same amount of courtesy to him in sympathizing with him and understanding the motive behind his actions (just like we all do with Vanya). And also consider the fact that he is deeply traumatized and has literally been gaslit his entire life into thinking he has to follow a specific model that was set out for him as “leader.” Literally he has been taught that he is nothing without the UA and being a leader, and I don’t think people release how damaging that is to a person?

But also hot take: I don’t think Luther is abusive towards his siblings at all? Not until the last two episodes for sure. I think he is insensitive towards others’ emotions at times, but he is never cruel just for the sake of being cruel. I honestly think Luther is incapable of picking up on emotional cues to some extent.

I’m re-watching right now, I just finished episode 7 and I have yet to see any signs of him being abusive towards the others, and not Klaus specifically? The choking scene was vile and physically violent but I don’t think it’s abusive because it was a one time thing and abuse is a cycle. Luther isn’t particularly awful to Klaus, he is just dismissive? The only person he ever is really verbally mean to is Diego when they get into fights and Diego is just as bad if not worse, and also intentionally tries to get an emotional rise out of Luther (which is…. just as awful and cruel?).

But yeah I finished episode 7 and no abuse so far… maybe my dumb ass who was abused for my whole life just doesn’t understand what abuse looks like? Okay that’s kind of a joke but I’m actually being serious, my abuse is pretty similar to Luther’s and my body dysmorphia/eating issues are similar to his too which is a lot of why I resonate with him, so I could be missing signs because I’ve probably acted the same way. So please point out to me where specifically he committed an act of abuse, and not a one time act of violence or simply being dismissive of/not picking up on someone’s emotional needs.

Also I honestly think Luther is just in denial of others’ emotional needs because he is in denial of his own emotional needs. He has been taught to push everything down, including the needs of others, with the only goal being completing the mission, and protecting everyone/leading everyone to safety. Also I mean, he hasn’t been around human beings for 4 years (so of course he struggles to relate to them/communicate healthily), and he was always taught not to engage with his siblings but just to lead them because that was his role.

Also Klaus and Diego (especially Diego) are just as dismissive of Luther’s trauma? And like yeah Luther covers it up but it’s pretty freaking obvious…pointing out how big he is specifically.

Diego literally sees Luther shirtless after the chandelier falls on him, sees how self-conscious he clearly is, and then never asks about it or checks on him (yet continues to joke about it – also Klaus makes fun of his muscles when he first sees him which is just insensitive). And in the first episode the way Klaus jokes around during the family meeting about cucumber sandwiches when Luther is trying to plan a memorial service; it’s obvious that Luther is grieving and paranoid (and also that he has been manipulated enough to love Reginald!!!) and Klaus is just making jokes and not addressing this? And then they both just ignore his obvious paranoia over Reginald’s death and just call him crazy and walk away? And don’t use the “he was high” excuse for Klaus being a prick (just like I can’t use the ‘he was drunk’ excuse for Luther, which I never did once btw, y’all just want more justification 2 hate on him).

Also: Yes, Luther tells Diego to stop talking shit about Reginald at the memorial service but like, from his perspective, that is someone bashing the person he was closest to AT HIS FUNERAL!!! He starts the fight with Diego but only after Diego provoked him, clearly intentionally, and Diego continues to fight him and throws a fucking knife at his arm (but physical violence is only not okay when Luther uses it right?).

Also HUGE THING Y'ALL ARE IGNORING: Klaus finds out Luther had nonconsensual sex while drugged out of his mind and congratulates him………. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk about you but I think Klaus has been around the block when it comes to drugs and sex (and consent) and should realize that someone on drugs for the first time losing their virginity is nonconsensual, or even if considered consensual still pretty icky? Like Luther is clearly ashamed and upset and doesn’t want to talk about it and Klaus just laughs abt it. That is so not cool.

And another thing:

Luther is very, very protective of Five which is so so sweet, yet people just completely overlook it because they only want to see the bad things he’s done. When he and Allison run into him in the hallway at the end of Run Boy Run and see him looking distressed Luther asks him in a soft voice, “Are you okay? Can we help?” and reaches out to touch Five’s face. Five grabs his hand to stop him but this was very sweet? Like it’s clear Luther has a soft spot for him because he’s small.

But Diego? After he finds out about Patch he bursts into his apartment and goes to attack Five; Luther has to pick him up to restrain him from beating up their brother who has the body of a 13 year old. All because he blames him for the death of the love of his life (just like Luther is afraid of Vanya after she killed Allison). But in Diego’s case, Patch is already dead; Diego only wants to hurt Five out of vengeance, not because he’s trying to protect Patch. And he doesn’t apologize or anything after????? It’s just never brought up again!

SO IN TERMS OF LUTHER BEING AWFUL TO KLAUS THE WHOLE SEASON: is he? is he really? is he really abusive? and is he really that much worse than his other siblings?

And now I’ll address this nonsense:

“And without implying that Luther locking up Vanya isn’t intentionally cruel or intended to hurt her? He has the ability to think logically, unlike Vanya he isn’t experiencing a literal psychotic break down…. Please, explain this to me logically. Thanks.“

…….sigh.

Luther is absolutely not being intentionally cruel or doing this to “punish” Vanya, he’s doing this because he’s freaking the fuck out and doesn’t have any idea what she might do. Yes it’s a bad idea but we need to keep in mind that he’s not thinking logically, he is emotionally distressed. Yes he could talk to her but Allison had just tried to do that…. and look where the fuck that got her?

Do you seriously believe Luther was mentally stable and thinking logically in this moment? Do you not realize he was literally going through a breakdown and identity crisis of his own?

He just found out maybe two days ago that his entire life was a lie and the person whose approval he sought the most didn’t give a shit about him, found out he was isolated from humanity for no reason (which….. as if being isolated in itself wasn’t traumatic enough), after he was mutilated against his will, and now he has just witnessed the person he loves most almost die and he couldn’t do anything about it. Luther is experiencing a breakdown and I think a big part of it is control: he realizes he’s had no agency his whole life/has never had control, he just lost control/agency over his body on drugs even more and had nonconsensual sex while intoxicated, and then after this he sees Allison dying and he can’t do anything to help her (he can’t even give his blood)!!!! His superstrength and locking up Vanya is the only thing he has control over, he feels it’s all he can do to prevent the apocalypse/protect everyone. 

Not only that but the idea of control as contol over powers: Luther has super strength, he has to be super careful and controlled all the time so he doesn’t accidentally hurt the people he loves… the thought of someone’s powers being out of control is probably the scariest thing in the world to him. And yes, he gets in fights with Diego but he doesnt use his full strength (just like Diego doesn’t either) because if they did then they would actually hurt each other, they have a lot of control over their powers. But Diego can control his powers by just… not throwing things and having temper tantrums. Luther doesn’t need to be angry to fuck up with his powers, we see that in the very first episode when he punches the model airplane. Luther can never escape his powers and has to constantly control them, and the idea of uncontrolled powers is his worst fucking nightmare.

So Vanya tells him, “we got in an argument and things got out of control” … like just imagine what must be racing through Luther’s mind when he hears that!

Yes what he does in this scene is awful but you can’t convince me he is doing it with the intention of hurting her. Literally you can see in his eyes as he is choking her how pained he is by this. And he apologizes to her: why would he apologize to her if he was trying to hurt her? And if that was intention… why wouldn’t he just fucking kill her?

I absolutely don’t agree with his decision here but like…. he absolutely is going through a mental breakdown and it doesn’t just stop during The Day that Was/Wasn’t and to act like he is completely stable and in his right mind when he locks Vanya up is just grossly oversimplifying everything! 

Y’all demonizes him over this but completely overlook some of the awful things his siblings have done (Diego going to beat up Five because he blames him for Patch’s death, Vanya killing a ton of random people because she was locked up)…. Like yes: Luther is insensitive, dismissive, and cruel in this scene but it is not his intention to be cruel, it’s obviously his intention to control Vanya’s out-of-control powers, protect his siblings (esp. Allison), and prevent her from causing the apocalypse. It is awful and yes it is cruel but to act like he just doesn’t give a shit about Vanya and/or is doing it just to hurt her is just….. so beyond what the show is portraying.

And I get that you guys really despise him for this, and if you’re going to hate him, fine: but you completely overlook the terrible things all the other siblings do throughout the whole series and write Luther off as evil, which is not cool. Seriously, y’all portray Luther as the literal devil just so that your faves seem like infallible angels and your headcanons and fanfictions seem nicer and more simple………. and honestly I just can’t reason with you. I think some people just hate on Luther and love everyone else because his abuse situation is more complex and they’re just… literally too lazy to do the mental math, so they stick with stanning everyone else whose trauma is more obvious? Even though Luther covering up his trauma (literally) and refusing to talk about/deal with it is a huge plot point in the show, y’all perceive this as him just not having any trauma, or just overook how his trauma affects his actions.

This show isn’t supposed to be “everyone in the family are wonderful, perfect victims and deals with their trauma like angels EXCEPT LUTHER HE IS STOOPID AND EVIL AND ALSO HIS TRAUMA ISN’T DEEP ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!”…… and if you think this then I think you need to do some soul searching? Or actually do some research into abuse and learn that it comes in many different forms and has many different effects?

Again: I don’t dislike any of the siblings. I used them as examples but I love Diego, Klaus and Vanya!!! I respect and understand them all and view them all as troubled souls who are trying.

This show is complex and it’s designed to be uncomfy, and if you simply write it off as having clear victims and villains (except Reginald, he a dick) then you are not respecting the writing or giving the show justice. 

Gerard Way says he wrote Luther based on his own experience of body dysmorphia, isolation….. the show designers say he has self-harmed before, and Tom Hopper has said Luther has been suicidal in the past…. but you know what, go on portraying his trauma as “having it easy” and using violence/cruelty just for fun, even though the show clearly portrays him as a broken man.

~

[ekkorn]

hi there, just saw in the tags that you didn‘t like endgame. would you like to expand on that? i am curious to know other people‘s perspective. personally, i liked it. it has flaws, yes, but to me it was enjoyable. if you don‘t feel like answering, that is fine :) have a great day!

oh wow. you really wanna know? okay, but on your own head be it. :o

i’m just joking, i’ll go easy, or at least give you the digest (a vicious lie) version. if you want to see the full extent of my derision and vitriol, you can go to @lowkeysebastianstan, which is the blog where i’ve tried to limit this too. but to give you the not at all short and not so sweet of it, here goes. (endgame spoilers obviously).

the first thing that really set me off was the ending, more precisely, what steve did. it made absolutely no sense whatsoever, and hit me closer to home than most of my followers here since bucky and steve are my fave characters, and the only ship i really have. now, i never thought stucky would become canon, not even a little, i didn’t even hope for it. sure, the representation would’ve been awesome, but there’s no way marvel could’ve done it justice, so it was just as well it was never gonna happen. what i hadn’t prepared for was to what extreme extent they were terrified of the ship and the effect it would have if they were to let it be even a hint that could be interpreted as some emotional connection between them, for 3 films they’re built bucky up as the most important character in steve’s life, he’s risked his own life to save him, he basically eradicated hydra during wwii fueled by grief for him, he was prepared to die for him in tws, he fought his friends and gave up everything for him in cacw, and then he just? leaves? to be with a woman who died of old age and natural causes after a long fulfilling life with another man and family of her own. who specifically told him to fucking move on in tws? yeah, sure. and do not get me wrong, i adore sam wilson, after bucky, and the real steve rogers, he is by far my fave in the cap verse (saving a few spots for my bp and cm peeps in the mcu, but we’ll get to them), and he is the superior choice to pick up the mantle, no doubt about it. (okay, a little doubt, they teased sebastian with that shield for 8 years, they based bucky on the brubaker storyline where he becomes cap, and so i do feel a little torn bc no matter how happy he must be for his friend, and him and mackie are good friends, he must be a little disappointed? but who knows, maybe they’ll do something with that in the series, which would be stupid af bc that would negate the positive leap in representation, and mackie deserves it too, so who the fuck knows, i’ll probably not be around to keep track anyways, and can you tell im rambling), but for steve’s last words to be to sam? while bucky stands and watch in the background? like??? i could go on in (more excruciating) detail, but that was why i linked the blog, there might be a point or two about this on there.

but that was just the start. all through the movie i felt disconnected and uneasy, they made some really weird choices, but i don’t think it was until nat took the plunge that i knew i had an absolute dud on my hands. 

the mcu has done a lot of things right, but their treatment of women is NOT one of them. and oh boy did they go out with a bang. first is the obvious implication, he got to live bc he had “more to live for”, and she didn’t have a family, and ye gods we know she can’t have kids, so why should she live? 

(see, if the bw movie wasn’t in the books, i’d completely get it, if it was to give scarjo her life back, and she wanted nat to be good and dead, sure. actually, when i first watched it, that’s what i thought tbh, that the bw movie was cancelled, so. but it’s not, so she will return. and since that the case it’s just fucked up that they yeeted her off the roster. and sure, some of the bw movie was always gonna be set in the past, but tbh? i don’t see much point in prequels for dead characters, you know that whatever happens won’t affect the outcome for the character at all, and i usually find them completely void of meaning. that might just be me though). and of course the fact that she died the same way gamora went didn’t help. (gamora’s death was maybe the single worst thing in aiw, she was fridged, not for the advancement of one man, but for two (thanos and quill) and it.just.shouldn’t.have.worked.thanos.cannot.love! again, mcu and women? not a good match.) 

then of course, it comes back to steve and how much he doesn’t give a crap about the people close to him in the present, we never see him care or grieve for anyone but peggy, and he could barely spare two tears for nat before it was all business again. and the rest of the team? i think clint cared a little, and banner threw a chair, but that was it. no memorial, not burial, no nothing, it was like she never existed, and she died saving the world just as much as tony, he couldn’t have done jack shit without the soul stone. 

and speaking of women, shuri and okoye? before the trailer dropped i was sure shuri was in this, that we’d get to see her lead in her brother’s stead. i actually did a short lament on this already, here.

carol was terribly underused, after all the oompf about her being there she was barely a blip. but the haircut was fantastic, and the best part of the movie was when she returned at the end.

then there’s nebula and gamora (again). at first i was actually quite pleased that they sort of found a loophole to bring gamora back, but then i thought about it (yes, sometimes i get seduced by the flashy colours too) and yeah. sure. a gamora is there, but she’s void of all the things that makes her interesting and all her development is just gone, everything “our” gamora achieved and experienced is gone, three films worth of arc is worthless. so what then is the point of getting “her” back? i don’t care about this person, i don’t know her. are we gonna see quill just harass her the next film, bc you know, she’s been with him, so why shouldn’t he expect her to just do that now? tbh i wouldn’t be surprised, but now that gunn is back maybe he can save it? not that i’ll be around to keep track though.

then nebula. nvm that time paradox, that’s a whole other fuckfest i’ll get back to, but we had to get to see her get killed too, didn’t we. by her sister, the only person in the world she loves. fucking fantastic, i cannot control my enthusiasm. 

and no, cool as it was, the a-force surrounding parker is not enough to bring this home. it was a cool sight though. (see? i can see the good.)

then of course it’s peggy. a woman he knew for a few months back during the war. (sure they knew each other longer, but i’d say, even if you’re very generous, they can’t have spent more than a couple of months in each other’s company, and they kissed once). who they stripped of all character development and autonomy so that steve could go back and get his “damce”. everything she achieved, every good thing that happened to her, her husband, her family, her advancement in shield, all gone. bc steve must have his happy ending, no matter that she told him to move the fuck on in tws, who cares. 

and then there’s sharon. yeah, they forgot about her, didn’t they. i mean, i was never really on board with that, the whole aunt/niece thing was a bit too weird for me, and this was way before i shipped stucky, but that doesn’t matter. bc they did that, they had them kiss within days after peggy’s death (oooh, look how he cared for peggy), making it clear that this was the beginning of something. (also marvel and several of the actors treated emily like crap, oh yeah, i remember, doesn’t help either.) 

(gods i said this would be short, didn’t i? imagine if i could’ve spent all the words i’ve spent ranting about endgame on my latest chapter? good grief.)

then there’s their so called lgbt representation. 30 seconds of a character that had a total of 60 sconds of screentime in tws lamenting his dead lover? well. i. they wanted credit for that. i just.

then there’s thor. they negated every ounce of development he had in ragnarok, this also goes for aiw, wasn’t happy about that, and made him completely ooc, he just spends his time drinking ab\nd playing fortnite of all things? bold of them to assume that will still be a thing in 5 years, but also? thor? THOR? neglecting his people? his friends? the world? thor? then they of course made him fat, haha, so they could add fat-shaming to the list while they make light and fun of his drinking problems, his grief and his ptsd. awesome. the funniest. 

then there’s clint. that they just randomly made a killer? just, like a straight up murderer? okay then. and still nat deserved to die. excellent.

then there’s banner. okay, i don’t think they fucked him up as bad as the others, but it’s still strange he would risk his intelligence to become hulk full time, but you do you.  

rocket and rhodey were the best things about this damn disaster, just putting it out there.

then there’s tony. i mean, we knew he was the main protagonist, and im not objecting that, (even if i think it’s really strange he’d be born in 1970) but idk. that was strange’s plan? all that for that? and pepper just went, eh what the hell, just die, i can raise this kid you wanted. (i know, i know, she’s her mom, she cares), but it was just so flat. and idk. i mean, rdj wanted his life back, just as evans, but i’d want to see that switched, that tony get to retire and steve sacrifice himself to save the world. tony could still be the deciding factor in strange’s plan even if steve delivered the coup de grace. at least he cared enough to show an emotion™when peter came back, which was more than steve bothered with. jfc they fucked up steve.

then there’s the time travel. okay, a few things about the 2012 thing. they put him in the elevator, and then, instead of having him just kick the crap out of the agents, they reference hydra!cap? the biggest shitstorm in the comics in the last two decades? like what the actual fuck? then of course there’s the americas ass thing, which, again, that’s steve, cares about his ass but not his friends! (but at least 2012 steve cares about bucky, maybe he’ll save him a couple of years early, back to the future steve will just live out his life knowing bucky is getting tortured somewhere in siberia, good times.) oh! and i guess they have their loophole to get loki back too, great, they’ll probably just forget that he’s not in the main timeline, bc who cares. 

and the fun just keeps coming with the time travel. oh they tried with some crap explanation that no one can make sense of, but here’s the kicker. they can’t either, they don’t even want to try, they don’t even agree with each other. 

+ +

how did they know to meet up in wakanda or wherever, the dustees? did strange send a memo? not just the ppl in the soul realm or wherever they were, but all the others too, like valkyrie and hope. time and place just magically popped into their heads? and what happened when they all came back? or some came back, bc obviously a shit ton of ppl died at the dusting, like the pilot of a 747 gone? plane goes down and such, ppl really dead. and where do they reappear? where they disappeared? aka those passengers that got dusted comes back mid flight? fun! and what about the ones that moved on in their absence? what happens to the ones that come back when their wives and husbands are remarried, when there’s no place for them in their old lives. did all of peter’s classmates get dusted, or did the rest of the class graduate without him, i must assume that all of those in s:ffh did, otherwise some would be in college by now, yeah?

and that’s another reason their watertight time travel is leaky af, there’s no way to get the logistics to work. the only option as such would have been to go back to 2018 and fix it, to reset time, bc otherwise there are just too many holes, it’s just not possible. but they can’t do that bc then they’ll undo all the things that happen in the future that the characters don’t want to lose, like tony’s kid. 

oh, i know, it’s a superhero movie, but im strange like that, i expect a modicum of internal logic in all my movies, the bitch that i am. 

okay, im gonna leave it there, ive run out of steam, and i want to gif a set. there’s a few things more, but i think you’ve gotten the gist, that i’m not a fan of this movie and a short (lol, so sorry, nothing is ever digest with me, i should’ve warned you) list of reasons why. honestly this is the first time i’ve really don’t a more general account, ive pretty much stuck to steve and that crapshute, there’s a lot of other blogs that concentrate on the other characters, i’d list a few, but i don’t have it in me rn, pop me a msg if you’re interested, also if you’re interested in some real meta, this rambling rant isn’t something that people should be exposed to honestly. 

avengers: endgame was a shit movie and no amount of “he’s worthy” and “avengers assemble” is going to fix that, BUT if you enjoyed it, i don’t think less of you, obviously everyone is different, and i envy the hell out of you, i sorely wish i could’ve liked it too. the russos directed what is by far the best movie in the mcu imo, tws, and they had us all fooled, even if we probably should’ve seen it coming after iron man 4: civil war.

hope you’re having a spectacular day, sorry you had to read this if you did, and and thank you for making mine better, i really had a rant in me needing out. (you’d think i’d run out of hate for this by now, but nah.)

thank you for the ask :) 

[thegeminisage]

i’m gonna liveblog my rewatch of 2.08 because i can

it’s stupid long so here’s the cut

just to give you an idea of how fast this switch flipped for me at the start of this episode when uther is like “u will find no one who embodies nobleness better than my son arthur” i went “PFFFFFT” & had a good chortle

i have a lot to say about this duel challenge sequence. 1. why are strangers always coming in and tossing their glove on the floor. everyone in that room is armed. just take them out! 2. arthur picks up the glove first this time, unlike 1.03. guess he can learn after all 3. he does it BEFORE SEEING HER FACE god classic he’s so fucking stupid

everyone getting their panties in a twist over having to fight a WOMAN when in reality she goes on to kick his ass is like...both tiresome & hilarious

i used to really be on the fence about the Vibe between merlin & arthur because while they seemed quite happy to die for one another from the get-go most of the time arthur is just being MEAN and merlin isn’t as mean back and it’s like :/ ok i don’t get what everyone else is so heart-eyes over. but in 2.08 they do a lot of confiding in one another and just general talking about plot-stuff where arthur’s insults are...not absent, but kept to a minimum, and idk it’s nice! it’s nice. less like arthur is a massive bully and more like they’re Companions. i’m not hopeful about it lasting bc this show doesn’t know the meaning of the words “consist continuity” but it was reeeeeaally good here

arthur’s face when he lost to a G I R L and uther just walked out with no comment. even back when i still hated him i was like “ouch”

that being said it was a welcome change of pace to see merlin giving ARTHUR shit for once. finally

upon morgause and morgana’s first meeting when morgause says “i hope you will remember me fondly” i went “WOW THAT’S GAY” because i didn’t KNOW and cathy told me later she had to put her head in her hands for five whole minutes. don’t shoot me i’m just the messenger they’re the ones who wrote it that way

my favorite thing about morgause is that i couldn’t immediately figure her out. i’m in the habit of throwing out guesses about future plot points for fun, because i’m a writer and that’s how i deconstruct things, and since this show was kind of meant to be kid-friendly i’m usually right. but as far as morgause went...i didn’t have a clue. i had NO IDEA this whole ep would be like this

i’ve said this before (not on this blog tho) but arthur is like...really eager to die. i keep joking that he has a death wish but upon further reflection i don’t think he’s actively seeking to end his life as much as he would be relieved to die for something noble like honor or whatever because then he would have...done it right, if that makes any sense, and wouldn’t have to worry about screwing it up anymore. he doesn’t want to die but he craves a good death. to prove to his dad and himself that he’s made of the right stuff?? i’m not being very clear. this concept requires more thought

it’s REALLY a lot for me that uther would rather throw arthur in his own chambers than have him find out about ygraine. yyyyikes

merlin sneaking in that rope was so cute. he finally got the group’s communal braincell for a few minutes

on the other hand after the troll episodes i am SO tired of dung being played for laughs. i really suffered

also man i’m so glad morgana finally got some sleep it’s what she deserves

this Dead Parent talk really mcmurdered me. both merlin and arthur lost a parent when they were very young & they now cannot remember said parent and we HAVE THAT IN COMMON so every single word they said was like an arrow straight to my heart!!!!!!! like as good as the ending to this episode was (and OH it was good OHHHHH it was GOOD) i think this right here is what truly softened me up towards arthur. this is relatability, this is emotional vulnerability, this is a genuine human connection made between EQUALS and frankly it’s exactly what i’ve been wanting from these guys for a season and a half. their willingness to die for each other is good stuff to be sure but it’s EMPTY without some meat to back it up & we’re finally getting what we deserve

“i’d do anything for even the vaguest memory” like they didn’t have to go that hard & read me for filth like that but they did. they did. arthur. babe. my guy.

almost every time someone comes in to speak with uther he’s eating and he has like an entire mini-banquet in front of him even though he’s all by himself. like, an entire plate of grapes, a whole-ass chicken, an intact loaf of bread, a bowl FILLED with whole uncut apples...wtf??

“what would YOU know about magic, merlin?” “nothing ;)” i did have a good chortle truly

i’ve already made my points about arthur and a good death but MAN he was hasty to put his head on that chopping block for no good fucking reason at all. holy shit. him casually doing that swing-thing he does with his sword to the axe ahead of time really adds a lot to this entire thing and also aged me ten years

when arthur was like “what if my father’s attitude towards magic is wrong” and “surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil” i gasped so fucking loud. so fucking loud

and the worst part is you can practically feel merlin’s heartbeat pick up. just LOOK at his “wtf am i hearing is this for real could my dreams actually come true” face. but at the same time, he’s got to be the one with a healthy suspicion here because arthur is in over his head. so he STILL can’t trust it. and then naturally it goes to hell so quickly that the chance for merlin to confide in arthur is lost. i can’t believe this took 4 irl years and five seasons. watching this live must have been like TORTURE. i’m practically bingeing it and i’m still suffering deeply

it’s very odd to me that arthur specifically said his mother died before he opened his eyes but the first thing ygraine says to him is that she remembers him staring up at her. to me that’s an obvious clue that she’s a fake, and the cutaway during that line to merlin’s face tells me he had the same suspicion (and that he’s kind of horrified by it)

ARTHUR FEELS SO GUILTY FOR HER DYING AND I’M ALSO DYING AND SLDFKMGHLSKDFJH

i know for a fact that ygraine’s telling of these events is slightly altered from the truth too...there’s no way that uther would have been so overcome with grief that he went on to commit genocide if he knew beforehand that his wife would die and was willing to sacrifice her

on the other hand, there’s also a cutaway to morgause’s face during this speech in which she looks surprised or confused at what ygraine says, which doesn’t add up if she was pulling these strings, so...What Is The Truth

not to be like this but merlin bearing witness to this whole series of events is like...there’s some things that once you go through them with somebody things between you change and there’s a new intimacy there...i don’t expect much from a show that likes to return to the status quo but in my heart it’s how i feel

OH BOY HERE WE GO. arthur arrives in camelot and pulls his sword out as soon as he leaves his horse leaving a visibly spooked merlin behind him this is the STUFF

“arthur was born of magic” is really a hell of a line because even though i already knew this backstory i hadn’t stopped to consider it like that...no, magic is not a crucial part of arthur’s identity and how he views himself the way it is for merlin and morgana, but it’s still a part of his history and what made him who he is, that made him alive and different from other people. his hatred and fear of it becomes so much more tragic in that light. i think also there was such a clear line drown before between people who are magic and people who are not and for me, mentally, arthur kind of...swapped sides, or is at least straddling the border

merlin’s absolute FURY at uther’s hypocrisy is like...........fucking. another thing i wanted to see for a season and a half. imo there’s not nearly enough meat to the fact that merlin is magic and ultimately serves uther who is trying to decimate him and his kind - has actually SAVED UTHER'S LIFE on MULTIPLE occasions. this is the first time this show actually went “hey uther is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people and that’s really not at all ok” and i am SO into it. like, no, he’s not misguided. he’s not “just grieving.” he’s a murderer. he’s responsible for genocide.

the final 9 minutes of this episode feature arthur pendragon being absolutely FURIOUS. he’s LIVID. he’s PISSED. and i love it more than anything else this show has done so far

i genuinely, truly believed he didn’t have this in him. never in my WILDEST DREAMS could i have imagined arthur doing this. i had written it off as the stuff of fanfics. but holy shit my man snapped

HE👏DID👏THAT👏

reasons i did not see this coming at all even a little: 1. i figured there was no way arthur would get over his anti-magic thing until near the end (i know it must come back later, but STILL) 2. i did not believe for one second he could ever seriously stand up to his father for more than a few minutes at a time 3. most of what’s making arthur so goddamn pissed is that he thinks his dad killed his mom on purpose but he’s also showing a fair amount of horror at the fact that uther hunted down and killed everyone even remotely associated with sorcery like animals. do you know what that is? does anybody else understand the enormity of this? HE IS SHOWING EMPATHY. i DID NOT believe he was capable of it.

i do feel a way about how uther started this scene from a place of cool confidence - he was handing out orders, “leave us and no one comes in,” manipulating the situation, “she was lying to you, magic users are trying to destroy us,” and finally trying to close the door on the topic and reassert control, “i am your kind and your father and you will SHOW ME SOME RESPECT” - and arthur was not only having none of it (the way his eyes narrowed as uther’s casual “she was lying”...oh boy) he TURNED THE TABLES and had uther ON THE DEFENSIVE. the number of times we’ve seen uther shut other people down and get his way because he’s king and everyone is afraid of him and this time uther was the one who afraid LITERALLY for his life. HOW’S THAT TASTE BITCH god it was SO satisfying. like, there’s one shot where arthur is walking slowly towards him after all his verbal tactics have failed to de-escalate the situation and he’s in the backround with his eyes so fucking wide and he looks TERRIFIED. i LOVE IT

“you are my son. you would not strike an unarmed man.” “i no longer consider myself your son” AND HE STRIKES HIM

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

when i say that i LITERALLY screamed i am not at all exaggerating or using hyperbole. cathy asked twice if i needed to pause & collect myself. i could not have paused if my life depended on it

i’m really on the fence about merlin stopping arthur. on the one hand, arthur has suffered enough and doesn’t need to suffer more by having to carry the guilt or dadmurder. under the other, uther is a monster and needs to die, and the entire world would be better off without him

like...arthur’s face when he says “you have caused so much suffering and pain”...he really finally got it. for one beautiful brilliant moment he understood

i am NOT on the fence about merlin lying to arthur. that was the wrong way to do it. arthur 6000% deserves to know the truth and that’s only gonna come back and bite them later i’m sure (unless it never comes back at all in which case i’ll be pissed)

i’m not sure that arthur would have backed off if they had told the truth and said “uther didn’t realize your mom was gonna die so really that part wasn’t his fault”...he was really mad! but he might’ve. lying was not the way to go. i’m so angry at literally everyone in that scene for allowing arthur to walk away believing he was wrong. he was so full of conviction and he was about to do a really good thing - not good for him personally, but good for the world - and everyone he trusts lied to his face in order to maintain the status quo and not have to deal with anything ugly. i HATE it. i’m team arthur now. i’m in the arthur defense squad. all those dumb liars aren’t good enough to be his friends!!!!!!

like, even his dad’s words were sooo carefully chosen to avoid lying but also avoid telling the whole truth. even in that moment when arthur was laying it all bare and they could have made some sort of progress as character and as people. we had to go BACK TO THE STATUS QUO

Once Again Arthurs Heart Is Hardened To Magic i hate it thanks

honestly look uther telling arthur that he’s a trusted ally in the fight against magic should make him feel a lot more distressed than what we got. i mean i’m sure he’s glad his cover is safe but he should realize that if uther approves he’s doing something wrong

furthermore, uther hasn’t changed a bit. he says he came to thank merlin and that merlin is a loyal servant and trusted ally, but then threatens his life before he leaves. honestly we should have just let arthur stab him

i do appreciate them making a point of mentioning that merlin was tempted to let uther die and that it would have been better for him if uther HAD died and he only did what he did to protect arthur but like...there were ways to do that that didn’t involve lying i think. this is an optimistic show most of the time. it wouldn’t have messed with my suspension of disbelief if arthur had dropped the sword knowing the real whole truth! but no, The Status Quo

i don’t know if i will still love arthur so much in the coming episodes.................we’ll see. i’m kind of nervous because i don’t know how they’re ever going to top this. i think we peaked right here and it’ll never be this good for me again