#dissociation me?

[ablog]

I just came across an idea for a birthday gift to a friend and I was like oh yeah that would be a good gift, it's great because her birthday is in a month! and then I look in the calendar and it was 3 months ago. and I brought her a gift 3 months ago too.

My perception of time is amazing what are you talking about

[stuckinapril]

[keets-writing-corner]

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

[thecmaly]

can't even cat nap in peace 😾

-

more windbreaker comics

[69constellationsinatrenchcoat]

Reminder

DID isn't just having fun people in your head

Along with shifts in personality, it's often times:

amnesia: 'waking up' with no memory of what's going on

travelling and having no idea where you are or how you got there

dizziness

confusion

spacing out

headaches

feeling broken & worthless

fear

not knowing why or how you're wearing what you're wearing

nausea

pain

anxiety

finding things amongst your belongings you don't remember acquiring

time loss

depression

suicidal ideation & action

spikes in inexplicable emotion, especially anger, fear, and shame

body and voice dysphoria

depersonalization & derealisation

loss of control

hearing voices

finding injuries you don't remember getting

self harm

not recognising friends/family/colleagues

forgetting important events (birthdays, parties, graduations etc)

mood shifts with seemingly no trigger

finding notes in similar handwriting but something about it is slightly off

flashbacks: somatic flashbacks, nightmares, split second flashbacks to 'little things' but not getting more detail

bed wetting

age regression

inadvertently lying, or being questioned if you have

feeling like your body isn't yours

knowing something is wrong, but not what

wondering why your body doesn't align with your perceived sex (for alters whose gender/sex don't align with the body)

watching your body do things and having no control over it (feeling like a puppet or like playing a video-game in 3rd person)

mass fluctuations in libido: fluctuations from hypersexual to zero sexual desire

not being sure if things really happened, or whether you imagined/thought about them

identity confusion

+ many more

I have two book recommendations DID experiences: "All Of Me" by Kim Noble, and "The Girl in The Green Dress" by Jeni Haynes. Please check trigger warnings.

[thatkoiboi]

//WARNING: meltdown, dissociation, spiraling//

I'm proud of you and all your accomplishments! Everything will be okay <3

[starstruckodysseys]

never stop blowing up is so fun bc 99% of the time it’s near incomprehensible and high octane action and then every so often out of nowhere someone will make a character choice that sucker punches you in the gut. and then it’s back to the antics so fast you get whiplash

[saccharind]

from Prokaryote Season by Leo Fox

[lefluoritesys]

"What's your favorite type of music?"

*sweats in DID* "U-uhm... I- I listen to everything, depending on my mood :D"

The moods sitting in the back of my head watching me: "No, no, they've got a point"

[saucefunk]

CONTROL YOURSELF

[ladycatashtrophe]

"Wow, you're so self-aware! It takes most people years of therapy and dedication to get to that point." Thanks, I constantly feel completely disconnected from my physical being and the material sensation of my body, brain, and spirit/soul is so overwhelming that I often have to see myself as an objective third-party instead of an integrated entity. Father son holy spirit and all that.

[dreamcircuitsys]

Shoutout to in-system relationships that aren’t romantic in nature. To your headmates who are your parents, your children, your siblings, your best friends. To your headmates that love you so dearly, as a friend or as family or any other label. <3

[frameacloud]

Some fact checks about plurality

The "Bible of psychiatry" is the DSM. In 1994, the DSM changed the name of Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). This was in response to a moral panic where critics claimed that the condition was fake.

The original and current diagnostic criteria do not require trauma for DID (or MPD) (DSM-III, p. 259; DSM-III-R, p. 272; DSM-5-TR, p. 331).

The international counterpart of the DSM is the ICD-11. Its essential features for DID do not require trauma, either.

Both books say that not all cases of multiple personalities are a disorder or a severe impairment. Psychiatry recognizes that medicalizing them is not always appropriate.

Plurality (or multiplicity) is a community umbrella term for many ways of being more than one person in a body. Psychiatrists who know enough about DID are aware of it. Plurality includes but is not the same as DID.

The community has always included plurals who formed for reasons other than trauma. Dividing the community by excluding non-traumagenic plurals and calling them fake is new. That only started in August 2014 on Tumblr, unheard of elsewhere.

When that started, a trauma-caused DID system created the word "endogenic." This means plurals who formed naturally rather than from trauma. The Lunastus Collective coined it in solidarity with them.

(Similarly, the coiner of another umbrella term, "alterhuman," is a member of a traumagenic OSDD system who supports endogenic plurals. The purpose of that word is for plural systems to unite with other sorts who differ from usual definitions of human individual, valuing what we do and do not have in common, instead of in-fighting about who is more legitimate.)

Community historian LB Lee gives several good reasons why-- as trauma-surviving plurals-- they choose not to call themselves "traumagenic" or divide the community by origins. If I may briefly paraphrase a couple of these: If you see suffering as your whole foundation of who you are, then you have a more difficult time envisioning a better situation. If you want others to respect you, a losing strategy is to put down people who are seen as similar to you.

Neither psychiatry nor the greater community of plurals see trauma history as an important distinction in determining whether someone is plural.

[runby2]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN D.I.D MAKES YOUR ART STYLES DIFFERENT BETWEEN ALTERS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS WAS DRAWN BY THE SAME SYSTEM????????????

[flawlessflesh]

everyone always said you'd grow up to look like your father— and his father— and his father—

[valtsv]

i go through some i am the fire and i am the forest and i am the witness watching it shit every single day of my life