#disordered eating will do that to you
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finding out kafka had ocd & anorexia is wild. he’s just like me fr
#‘his work had repeated motifs of imprisonment’ well man i cant begin to wonder why#disordered eating will do that to you#also how he never felt Pure. he always felt Dirty. like girl me too
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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Lt. Ronald Hollenbeck states: Cleven buzzed the tower with my airplane with all four engines feathered. That’s the kind of guy Cleven was. I had just gotten a couple engine replacements, and he didn't get to fly too much being squadron CO, so he comes over and says; "Hollenbeck, let me fly your airplane for you, I'll put some slow time on it" and the next thing I knew, is this God d--n B-17 was coming across just about 25 feet off the runway and I looked up and all 4 engines were feathered. He (Cleven) said "I wanted to do that all my life." (x)
GALE CLEVEN + GAMBLING [part 1/?]
#motaedit#masters of the air#mota#gale cleven#buck cleven#edit#he is my beautiful princess with every disorder#this was originally gonna be a bucky set because i think we all like to kick it with freud in the schoolyard about these two#but! i actually really enjoy that this is a consistent trait of gale's/smth that is seemingly at odds with who he presents on the surface#bucky: i'd bet on us#gale: you're just like my dad#also gale: btw i also believed that. this whole time. like that was some real shit that you said i just had to be tsundere about it#i don't have a plan / well maybe you should come up with one with better odds#yeah and when i do are you coming with me / my plan is to make it back to marge in one piece#vs: john. i'm in.#in the words of a beloved oomf I'M (ALSO) GONNA BET ON USSSS#eats glass swallows drywall starts speaking in tongues. you know
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Kinktober 2024, Day 12: Consequence (Erotica)
You were caught by Noel, and now you have to suffer the consequences of your escape attempt. Sequel to Day 5: Sneak.
Word count: 2441 words
Genre: Erotica, horror
Reader’s gender and sex: gender neutral, but “boy/girl” used. Reader does not wear a bra.
Content warnings: Yandere and all that that entails, including sadism/torture, rape/dubcon, manipulation. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT.
Notes: Noel is an OC of @devotion-disorder. The art in the banner is also by them!
Read below or on AO3.
“Go on. Walk. You know the way to the punishment room.” Noel gives you a push in the back, making you stumble forward, forcing you further up the stairs. “The more you dawdle, the worse it will be. Time’s ticking, honey.” The way he uses that term is nowhere near cute. It is possessive. He uses it specifically to remind you to who you belong. Anyone else who’d call you ‘honey’ would soon eat their words… or become unable to speak any word at all.
You obediently make your way upstairs. Your body already hurts. The blood drips from your nose into your mouth and down your chin. The way he has kicked you in the back and slammed his body into yours once you were on the ground makes you feel sore all over. But you know it’s going to get worse. I’d better obey him, you think. There’s no way out.
“See? You can obey me. If only you had done that earlier, we would not be in this sticky situation. But noooo, you just had to try to break out.” He smacks your ass hard, but your trousers take some of the impact. For now. “Now I have to punish you.”
You reach the top of the stairs and go right without a word. To the punishment room, right next to the bedroom. The activities done in one room may easily lead to the adjoining one.
“Stand there.” He points some distance away from the door. He fishes a key out of his pocket and opens the door. “After you.” He holds the door open for you. For just a second, you hesitate, but you know you have no choice. Any survival instincts kicking in must be repressed. You have to embrace the pain to survive, counter-intuitive though it is.
The room is filled with all kinds of devices to inflict pain. There’s different whips, pads, cuffs, and things you don’t even know the use of. ‘Punishment room’ is a euphemism; ‘torture chamber’ is more apt. In the middle, a wooden table stands.
“On it. On your back. I want to see your face.”
You do as he says. Noel roughly grabs your wrists and clicks them into the cuffs attached to the table. They’re above shoulder height, so they don’t twist your arms too badly. But that’s not the point of the cuffs, anyway. The point is not even to stop you from escaping—Noel is strong and fast enough to do that with his body. The point is simply to make you feel helpless. To be unable to reflexively lift your arms in self-defense, to be unable to have that basic biological function do its work, adds to the utter despair that he can arouse in you. That he will arouse in you.
He takes your ankles and cuffs them to the table, as well. Your legs are a little ways apart.
“Oh, it seems like you still have your clothes on. Totally forgot about that!” Noel says, clearly acting. You can’t see him from your position. “Guess we’ll have to rid you of them unconventionally.” And suddenly, he hangs over you, showing you a knife. It looks sharp as hell. Your breathing grows shallow. You hope he isn’t going to do what you think he will.
He moves to the side of the table and positions the knife at the neck of your shirt. Then he presses down. You feel it pressing into your skin. He takes your shirt and starts cutting. He doesn’t press the knife into your body every time. But every once in a while, you feel the sharp blade moving over your torso, opening it up, no doubt making you bleed.
“Noel, I’m afraid,” you mutter. You didn’t even think about the words; they just came out automatically. Strangely, sometimes you find that you want him to comfort you. He’s always there for you, after all. The only one who’s there. And sometimes, in your despair, you cry out for him.
“You’re afraid? As you should be.” He finishes cutting and tears the remainders of your shirt from your body. You feel the cloth covering your back slide out from under you. Your entire torso is now displayed to him. “Bad [boy/girl]s won’t get any comfort from me. You fucked around. Now it’s time to find out.”
He clenches his fist and smashes it into your stomach. Pain sears through you. You feel the bile rising in your throat, but swallow it down. Then you sputter and cough, and scream.
“See? No pity from me. It’s all your fault, you know? I can be nice. You know I can be nice. I love you, and I want nothing but the best for you. You know this.” He caresses your face with the knife, leaving a shallow cut on your left cheek. “That’s why I’m hurting you. It would be terrible for you and me both if you were to continue misbehaving. So I need to beat it out of you.”
“P-please,” you stammer in fear. You know it won’t do anything, but the words just spill from your mouth.
Noel ignores you. He moves to the back of the table, outside of your field of vision. “Time to get started on your trousers.” He sets the knife at the bottom, making a cut in the cloth near your right ankle. “Fuck it, I don’t have time for this.” You hear the sound of tearing cloth and feel cold air running up all over your leg. He does the same for your left leg: a small cut at the bottom, and rest is just one big tear. For the last part, near your waist, he takes out his knife again. He doesn’t hold back this time. He sets the knife in the cloth forcefully and cuts the last bit of cloth efficiently, without regard for your skin. You whimper and cry as the knife leaves a deep cut. You hear Noel chuckle.
He quickly removes the tatters of your trousers from your body. You’re only wearing your underwear now, though there’s not much left of it. But there’s still enough to conceal your most private parts.
“I’ll leave that on for now.”
You sigh in relief. A last shred of dignity can be retained. It is a tiny shred, but you have to take what you can get.
“Just kidding!” And he tears your underwear apart, exposing your genital area.
“Noel!” you cry out.
“What is it, baby?” He sounds cruel.
“Noel… please… I’m s-sorry. I’m so so sorry. I won’t do it again, I swear!” You’ve completely lost control of your mouth, rattling off apologies without even thinking about it.
He moves so that you can see him again. “No can do. I told you: if you are naughty, you will be punished. It’s not like I want to hurt you, but it’s necessary. You should never ever forget what happens when you break the rules. The consequences of that should be as dependable as gravity.” He says that, but you know better. He fucking loves to hurt you. Part of him is happy you broke the rules, so that he has a good excuse for fucking demolishing you. Knowing that only intensifies the fear.
“I’m sorry,” you sob, but to no avail.
Meanwhile, Noel moves back and rummages around. “Ah, got it!” He steps towards you to show you his find. A whip. But not just any whip: this one has spiky studs. “This will be a night to remember, y/n.”
“Please, for the love of God, Noel, stop!” Tears are streaming down your face; the terror he inspires in you is out of this world. “I beg of you!”
“Hmmm… should I stop?”
“Please, Noel! I’ll do anything for you! Please, just… don’t hurt me.” Something inside of you breaks, and you start sobbing even louder, making you unable to speak another word.
Noel just laughs. Suddenly, you feel a searing pain on your thighs, and you scream at the top of your lungs. As soon as you finish the scream, you gulp for air, but then the whip strikes again. Another scream escapes you; your entire world is pain. Somewhere in the back of your consciousness, you hear Noel complain giddily about how you make too much noise, but it doesn’t register. All you can do is sob and scream.
More lashings follow—you don’t even know how many, nor how long it lasts. Just that, at some point, the burning pain stops renewing itself. Suddenly, Noel’s face is right above yours; too close. “Now that’s what I like to see. You’ve learned your lesson now, right?”
You nod shakily, unable to do anything else. He could be asking you to sell your soul and you’d still nod; all you want is for the pain to end.
“Good, good.” He undoes the cuffs around your wrists and ankles. You feel his arms slide under you and, with a grunt, he lifts you up and walks out of the room. You both know you wouldn’t be able to walk by yourself. Still sobbing, you snuggle against him. God, how you missed him. This softer Noel. The one that would hold you in his arms.
He chuckles. “You’re such a good [boy/girl] now.”
A few moments later, he throws you on the bed. It doesn’t come as a surprise that he carried you to the bedroom. Noel is undressing hurriedly, unable to wait another moment.
“On your stomach. And place a pillow under yourself, so that your ass sticks out.”
You’re not sure if this is part of the punishment, or just ‘business as usual’. Things blend into each other. But at least, when he fucks you, he’s not as cruel as he is in that other room. So, for all intents and purposes, this is not punishment; this is a treat. Even though he’ll fuck on his own terms, as hard as he wants.
You obey him and, within seconds, you feel him take his place behind you. Two lubed up fingers massage the rim of your asshole. “You always make me so horny, you know? I love to see you happy, but God, your crying face just makes me want to fuck you so hard.” He slips in a finger and thrusts it in and out at a high pace. “I just can’t wait to fuck all those sweet moans out of you. It was so hard for me too, you know? To not thrust my cock inside you then and there.” Already, he adds a second finger. “You’re still tight, but I’ve waited so long, I can’t just…” He doesn’t finish his sentence.
You want to speak, but you’re still unable to, your body completely broken and shaking all over. Noel continues his preparation of your ass. After a little more than a minute, he thinks he has prepared you enough. You’re not quite so sure, but you don’t struggle. If he thinks it’s enough, it must be enough. What Noel says goes.
“Ready for my cock, love?” He is holding your waist as you feel the head of his penis stimulating the rim of your anus. He presses inside; his impatience in the preparation makes it a little tight still, but he enters. There’s pain, but compared to the pain elsewhere in your body, it’s negligible. He sighs deeply, contentedly. “So damn good.”
He changes his position to lay on top of you, covering your body with his. With one hand, he pins your right hand to the mattress; the other wraps under your left armpit and grabs you at the throat roughly. Your breathing becomes more labored as he constricts the air flow.
“You like that, huh? Being all mine. You don’t get to breathe unless I allow it, got that?” He starts moving his cock, thrusting in and out slowly. His member is rather thick, and it always takes a while for your hole to get used to it.
When you don’t reply, he shortly squeezes your throat hard before loosening his grip, leaving you gasping for air. “I said, did you get that?”
“Y-y-yes, Noel.” Your voice comes out as a wheeze.
“Good,” he coos. “That’s how I know my sweetheart.” He lets go of your throat and pins your other hand to the mattress, too. “I think you’re loosened up enough by now.”
It’s true; his cock is going in and out more easily than it was before.
“Let me paint your insides white.” With those words, he starts fucking you in earnest. Hard and deep; with each thrust you scream it out. “That’s it, y/n!” he moans in your ear. “Let it out. Let me hear how good you feel.”
And, despite everything, he was right: you did feel good. He had abused you, even tortured you. But that was the punishment, which was over now. So, surely, now you could enjoy yourself… right? It was hard to think straight around him. He didn’t allow you the space in your mind.
“How does it feel, baby?” Not having gotten his answer in words, his tone became more demanding. He accompanied it with a particularly hard thrust. The pain surged through you, but there was pleasure, too.
“Feels so good!” you mewled. “Noel… Noel…” You moan his name over and over, and he, with his mouth so close to your ear, whispers yours. You can feel his breath and hear every tiny sound he makes.
“See? If you behave, I’ll fuck you nicely. Isn’t it pleasant like this?”
“Yes, Noel.” You’re not even sure anymore if you mean what you say, or what the causal chain of events is. Did you agree with him because it is pleasant, or is it pleasant because you agreed with him?
“That’s a good [boy/girl].” His breathing grows more labored as he keeps penetrating you deeply. “I’m going to cum soon,” he whispers in your ear. “I’m gonna cum inside, and fill you up really good. You did so good bearing the punishment. You deserve it, you deserve my thick cock shooting it all inside you.” His voice grows more frenetic as he gets closer to ejaculation. He moans and groans and you feel his cock throbbing inside of you. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum. Fuuuuck.” With a final thrust, he shoots his load inside of you. He can’t help but twitch inside of you as he ejaculates. “God damn, you feel so good.”
You feel a warm feeling welling up inside you. It’s happiness. You feel happy you can please him.
You’ve truly become his bitch.
#yandere male#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere male x reader#yandere oc#yandere x you#male yandere x reader#male yandere#yandere x darling#Kinktober#Kinktober 2024#nsft#devotion-disorder#noel#oc x reader#male oc x reader#dead dove do not eat#noel x reader
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perfectly good and perfectly fine and perfect like meeee like me
#my art#sketching#grian#how do i tag this actually LOL#cw unsanitary#DONT eat mold. its still bad even if you cut it off. (unless its hard cheese... even then its an inch off...) THROW BREAD !!#cw mold#this was inspired by evoau grian having eating issues in s6 from the watchers so...#cw disordered eating#PERHAPS !!!!!!! caption is also random idk her
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do you consider your self made?
#my art#self portrait of sorts#been musing a lot on disability recently and how being relatively freshly unable to do Most Things has changed my perspective on things#for a long time growing up i was fixated on the idea of being An Impact On The World yknow? mainly the next Big Writer#(and that it would be sooo impressive that everyone would make my books bestsellers when i was only 12 because it was That Good)#and i mean. obviously that didnt work out as originally planned because i was 12 and learning. but I've felt a lot like#I've kind of built my sense of self on those big achievements. even if they were only big to me. and a lot of them#are now out of reach or very difficult to reach. and it's been a lot to. recontextualize#to take what ive been told my whole life and ignore it in favor of just being being enough.#things will happen as they happen. i havent earned anything by suffering but it hasnt ended the world either#im here doing what i Can do for as long as I'm able to do it. and thats all i need to be for now#just making sure that i Do do the things i can do rather than assume i can do them later#anyways. love you#cw:#top nudity#artistic nudity#the dreaded ambiguously presenting nipple#if you put any pro weight loss eating disorder shit on here ill kill you btw#my body is sexy because im in it and im still alive. not because its struggling to stay that way#lindwormposting
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Omgggggggg
Looks like someone is wasting their time on tumblr needs a glass of ✨water✨
#water reminder#drink water#you should drink water#water#watercore#welcome to night vale#very random tags for reach#do not question me#but please do reblog#i am done but still have an ed#it had so much potential#ed but not sheeran#tw ed diet#ed bllog#tw ana diary#ana trigger#4n0rex1a#disordered eating in tags#disordered eating mention#th1n$po#th1nsp1r4t10n#fitlife#fitfam#fitmotivation#fitspo#fit girls#low cal meal#low cal diet#low cal vegan#low calorie
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there are two types of neurodivergent kids in school:
1. sees class has already started, mortified by the thought of walking in front of people, fails at psyching themself up, goes outside, sits next to a dumpster for six hours, goes home, changes colleges, never goes back again
or
2. sees that no one is sitting on table, immediately sits on table, becomes friends with a guy called swaz who appreciates their table power move, embraces status as the Weird Kid
#tag yourself#i’m number 1 to a t#i ate#my lunch in the bathroom ones because i was two mortified to walk into a room full of people who had already started eating lunch#i was like “if they look at me i will actually factually die”#dnp#so do you have adanhd or auphism 👀#dan and phil#adhd#autism#neurodivergent#neurodivergence#yeet my deet#phan#yeet my dnp#gamingmas 2023#ocd#tourettes#sensory processing disorder#auditory processing disorder#dyslexia#yeet my deenp#bog#pp42??#hbdnell#tmogar
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new gemini update was so good as always but I can't stop thinking:
big mama: there's nothing wrong with my sons
splinter: you fucked up two perfectly good kids is what you did. look at blue. he's got an eating disorder
wwhhhattttt? nooo, don't be silly. leo doesn't have an eating disorder.
leo and donnie have eating disorders--
#this is a Joke but also No It's Not#it's just different flavors lmao#but both of them have absolutely fucked relationships with food#my poor babies... :(... who did this to you...?#(it was me i did)#leo spends a lot of time worrying about whAT hes eating and how mUCH hes eating and if hes eating the rIGHT thing#largely due to his mom and also just being a celebrity/child celebrity in general#but also in part due to:#donnie has a lot of food sensitivities which have really never been accommodated for at all and as a result he just#has a very negative association with food and eating. he doesnt LIKE eating and he avoids it a majority of the time.#its stressful and unpleasant and he doesnt like it#which ofc only gave leo another reason to hyperfixate on food and calories and nutritional value etc etc etc#which leads to#ironically#leo (who def has an undiagnosed ed and restricts/denies himself food regularly): worrying abt making sure donnie eats enough#donnie will do the same thing back sometimes but not with the same obsessiveness that leo does#esp because the ideals surrounding eating and dieting set up around them really kind of just#lead them both to believe (at least to an extent) that leo is fine and eats a totally healthy and ok amount of food (esp in comparison to d#(no he doesnt)(and even when he does thats not the point)#tw eating disorders#cw eating disorders#eating disorders#tw disorders eating#cw disordered eating#disordered eating#gemini au asks#asks#anon
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It actually does bother me that eating is treated like spending money - that you have an allotted allowance in the form of calories that you are supposed to budget.
"How are you spending your calories?" I'm spending them on experiences. I'm spending them on time with my community, my people, those who matter to me. I'm spending them on satiating a human need. I'm spending them on the feeling of being alive and not just living.
If there is one experience that I don't want to "pay" for, it's the basic human right of comfort, security, community, and care.
#anti diet culture#fatphobia#fatphobia tw#disordered eating tw#ed tw#(just in case)#ask to tag#if i had to choose between miserable counting and recounting and reallocating calories and... eating then i'm choosing the latter#there are absolutely health conditions which warrent the *need* to count and stay in a range#but that is entirely different than the societal pressure to be within the idea of a 'right' calorie/nutrient count#if you have a health condition which is affected by food/drink then do what you must to balance your wellness and health and happiness#there is absolutely nothing wrong with that#again that is very different than society coming in and telling you what it thinks you 'should' do about yourself#i know this sounds corny but like#does it not drive you insane to obsess over numbers if you don't have to?#does it drive you insane that you're often treated like you can't or shouldn't be permitted to just live? to ENJOY living?
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Okay I’m having ideas I need someone to stop me-
Anyways, so we all know that Chilchuck probably doesn’t have the healthiest relationship with food? Right?
I don’t think he has an eating disorder but more so disordered eating- that hellish middle space, right? I mean “maintaining his body weight at an acceptable level” really sticks out to me
So picture this- my man retires, he doesn’t need to control his weight anymore, no worry about setting off or anything, but he realizes that the unhealthy habits he’s developed over he past ten years are harder to break than he thought
#hi I’m your friendly neighborhood ‘writer with mental issues they like to project onto characters’#anyways now I’ve got to ask myself#do I really want my very first contribution to this fandom to be a Chilchuck disordered eating recovery(?) fic#dungeon meshi spoilers#tagging is my least favorite part of every post#but alas I enjoy the dopamine of little notification#this idea obviously isn’t thought through#and j might not end up writing it#but you never know#I might be striking gold#watch this be the fic that gets me out of my slump-#chilchuck#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#just in case#it’s kinda spoilers#but also mostly inconsequential knowledge that most people already know#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi fanfic#chilchuck (dm)#chilchuck tims#chuckleduck gets put in situations#chilfuck and the recovery arc#I’ll probably have his family or friends or smth express concern over him#I can expand on bits and pieces if anyone wants#but I do have ideas#maybe I can force mithrun in there as a ‘we forget to take care of ourselves’ club
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Re-reading a book I first read as a teen, following a protag who's anorexic, and there's this moment of cognitive dissonance I always liked:
The protag's stepmother is weighting her because she's in recovery from anorexia. The protag asks to take her little sister out for ice cream. Stepmom says no, not today, and protag tells us is because she thinks the little sister is fat, only she won't say it out loud.
And in-story, it's a great moment. It's a very good way of showing how insidious diet culture is, that the stepmom is staring at its worst consequences right in the face, worried her stepdaughter doesn't weight enough and is starving herself, and in the same breath, she's worried her nine-year-old daughter weights too much and should eat less.
Except.
Except.
The dissonance exists in a meta level as well. Because protag goes out of her way to point out Emma, the little sister, is not fat. She is chubby. She's healthy. She's not actually fat, it's just her mom who thinks she's fat.
And it's. It's fucking amazing, isn't it?. In a book talking about anorexia, in a scene pointing out how diet culture says it's worried about health, when really it's only worried about looks, while the characters are playing out the ridiculous contradictions intrinsic to fatphobia........ the author is being fatphobic herself. The author is falling in the same trap she's set up for her characters.
So what if Emma had been fat?. If she had been fat, would this have been any less ridiculous?. If she had been fat, suddenly it gets ssssoooo much harder to argue it's not healthy to try to shrink your body?. Emma doesn't need to engage in diet culture... but only because Emma is not fat.
#the dissonance is fucking amazing#the book really tell us 'Do disordered eating just not too much'.'#WHILE trying to satirize that same position!#you're doing the thing you're criticizing!!!#it's this middling sort of attitude like 'Ooohh you shouldn't starve yourself... but also don't be fat.'#very 'Ooohhh she doesn't wear make up but her skin is flawless' vibes.
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"Anyway, I think every abuser must surely be a mentally disordered freak like you but also you flap your hands and miss social cues so I see you more like a vulnerable cute little puppy wagging its tail than an actual person but also don't you dare do anything I dislike or shake the assumptions I have of you in any way or else I'll see you as just as bad as all the other disgusting monsters with all the icky Evil Mental Disorders™ and– wait whERE ARE YOU GOING–"
#neurodivergent#neurodivergency#autism#personality disorders#ableism#sanism#it's wild that ppl like that think I'd trust them in any way#''I don't mean you!'' 1) You do 2) You still mean my ppl fuck off#and nd ppl doing this are even worse like something something ''leopards eating your face''#npd#aspd#dissociative identity disorder#schizophrenia
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doing something while knowing it's bad for you and expecting no consequences even though it has a history of giving you consequences for doing it because it's bad for you is like. yeah i know this sucks for me yeah i know it has constantly caused consequences but maybe this time it won't. and then you get the exact same consequences as you have every time before
#words on the wind#and then you do it again within the next 7 days#this post is about my eating disorder do not derail or something idk#idfc if its in the thousands of notes then i cant give a shit but currently this is my 10 note post man
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maybe a hot take but please don’t have or stop having children if you have an active eating disorder/body dysmorphia (including binge eating, not just restrictive disorders). seriously
thinking you’ll be the exception (because you’re So self-aware, unlike those Other disordered women) and won’t give your dysmorphia/eating disorder to your child is pride before a very slow and terrible fall
it never ever works. you’re never ever immune. i mean, such a huge reason of why there are so many of us now is bc our moms thought the same thing lmfao. didn’t matter how well-intentioned they were. no matter how much they tried to separate Their Problems from Ours. here we fucking are
i know it’s not women’s fault to begin with, but the reality is that those of us affected do incubate, nurture, and pass on the virus in the Current Way of Things
the buck needs to stop here. this isn’t a game. think of all the things your mother probably thought she was expertly hiding from you that you still picked up on and were profoundly affected by in a terrible and formative way. it will happen to you, too. don’t think it won’t.
if you know that you’re not solidly and confidently recovered, you have a responsibility to stop that buck and not actively attempt to create a child who will observe, mimic, internalize, adopt, and inherit your lifelong life-ruining behavior. the selfishness is breathtaking honestly
#eating disorders are one of the most treatment-resistant behavioral issues out there#once they take firm root#this is not quite the same as ‘don’t have children if you’re even a little bit mentally ill’ btw before anyone thinks it is#this is a very specific problem#and it is LEARNED#you cant always protect your child from the outside world influence but you can do something about what your child starts with at home#i am recovered now but i could’ve saved my whole life if my mom hadn’t been dieting when i was 7#so i started dieting too#bc she was my mom and i did what she did#cuz i was fucking 7#she never told me what a diet was. i just observed her.#and when she binged EYE binged#i blame her always for my food addiction
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violently launching through my computer to hug and support the FUCK out of you
#nobutforrealthough#art#danganronpa#bus au#tw eating disorders#teruteru hanamura#ultimate imposter#i'm not experienced in this topic#but what i do know is that 90% of these characters#definitely have issues with eating and sleeping#and we will be taking care of each and every one of them#and thanks for sending this sweetheart<3#i'm glad it meant something to you
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