#the dissonance is fucking amazing

[ace-and-ranty]

Re-reading a book I first read as a teen, following a protag who's anorexic, and there's this moment of cognitive dissonance I always liked:

The protag's stepmother is weighting her because she's in recovery from anorexia. The protag asks to take her little sister out for ice cream. Stepmom says no, not today, and protag tells us is because she thinks the little sister is fat, only she won't say it out loud.

And in-story, it's a great moment. It's a very good way of showing how insidious diet culture is, that the stepmom is staring at its worst consequences right in the face, worried her stepdaughter doesn't weight enough and is starving herself, and in the same breath, she's worried her nine-year-old daughter weights too much and should eat less.

Except.

Except.

The dissonance exists in a meta level as well. Because protag goes out of her way to point out Emma, the little sister, is not fat. She is chubby. She's healthy. She's not actually fat, it's just her mom who thinks she's fat.

And it's. It's fucking amazing, isn't it?. In a book talking about anorexia, in a scene pointing out how diet culture says it's worried about health, when really it's only worried about looks, while the characters are playing out the ridiculous contradictions intrinsic to fatphobia........ the author is being fatphobic herself. The author is falling in the same trap she's set up for her characters.

So what if Emma had been fat?. If she had been fat, would this have been any less ridiculous?. If she had been fat, suddenly it gets ssssoooo much harder to argue it's not healthy to try to shrink your body?. Emma doesn't need to engage in diet culture... but only because Emma is not fat.

[hype-queer-fixated]

immersed in ongoing brainrot, i have watched so many interviews and q&a where patti is very frank about not being a fan of herself. she loves her work and is proud of her craft AND KNOWS HER WORTH, but she has no favorite tracks on her own albums and only softly self-deprecating answers to "how does it feel to be patti fucking lupone?". which is all to say 3 things:

1) never has anyone been so wrong and so relatable at the same time;

2) this is why she doesn't identify as a diva (their entitlement is driven by self-aggrandizing—deserved or not—which doesn't figure into patti's professional existence); and

3) if you wonderfully useless lesbians and sapphics with artistic talent want to truly thrill her at the stage door, consider instead of art of herself (much as we know she loves anything her fans create) giving her art of things she effusively loves (without being weird about her family)—West Side Story, Sondheim's note that she kept on her mirror for the entire run of Company, Mandy Patinkin, landmarks from Italy and other amazing places she's traveled, tarot and witches, etc.

[demonio-fleurs]

i do love how they made the destruction of lulusia wayyy more fucked up in the anime vs the manga, bc wow it really drives home how absolutely horrific the celestial dragons/imu are, but also

poor sabo. the poor little meow meow. if he wasn't traumatized enough from what happened at the end of the reverie, he certainly is now. that boy went from one traumatizing incident to the next, with barely any breathing room.

someone me should write him breaking down

[monzterzack]

fascinated at the reality that some people live in….

come on joey, tell me what fetishes you created inside your brain when watching the crying and singing show and how rebecca sugar didnt created one of the most successful shows cartoon network had during the 2010’s while not looking incredibly tone deaf and biased

[queen-mabs-revenge]

To reiterate one of the students' signs: Join CATU - Community Action Tenants Union

Like industrial unions, tenants unions are the way that we can collectively wield our power against the ruling class; we organise to take strong collective action as tenants against landlords and private property owners. Our rent is what makes their profits - if we organize together, we can exercise that leverage and protect each other not only to save our own homes against evictions and malicious neglect, but to force the expansion of student accomodation, public housing, and end the selling of public land to private developers - to guarantee homes for all of us.

CATU has successfully protected the homes of people all over the country -- in Limerick, when multi-millionare shithead Pat McDonagh attempted to mass evict residents of the Shannon Arms, CATU helped residents organise and now two years later, all residents who joined CATU are still in their homes.

CATU is explicitly anti-racist, anti-fascist and believes that fighting for our right to homes means fighting for all of our rights to homes. As the song says, no force on earth is weaker than the feeble strength of one, but the union makes us strong!

Since I’ve been making posts about American/ British entitlement towards Ireland, I thought I’d talk about this video here.

I am a student at this college. It’s a big tourist attraction for many reasons, but the main one being that the book of Kells is kept here. I am also from Kells itself, but Dublin having the book and not Kells is a whole other issue.

So this protest that’s been happening over the the past few weeks is in response to the college once again raising rents for student accommodation to astronomical rates. That being when rent in Dublin (and Ireland as a whole) is already unliveable. You’d find cheaper rent off student accommodation, but it’s hardly easy to find places like this. As well as this, the majority of the student accommodation isn’t even on campus to begin with. Most are about a 45 minute luas journey away. So what the fuck are you paying for?

This protest is necessary. It’s been a long time coming. Time and time again they prioritise tourists over us. Buildings are old and falling apart, equipment isn’t functional, accessibility is god awful. I know this because I am disabled and use a rollator, but I can’t even use it on campus most days because there’s simply no ramps/ elevators in some buildings.

In one of my lectures last week we were in one of the old buildings. We had a lot of content to cover, but of course the projector wasn’t working. The professor spent fourty minutes trying to get the computer/ projector to work, but to no avail. So we have a whole lecture to catch up on! All of this while I was looking out the window at this atrocity:

A new building for tourists! Yay!

They’ve been building new school buildings for years, but of course instead of finishing them, they’ll spend their time and money on the tourists. I’m not even having an exam in one of my modules because they told the professor that there simply isn’t enough room to host our class for the exam. And it would be “too expensive” to book a venue… it’s only a class of about thirty. He had written a whole exam and we were under the impression we’d have one, but now it’s just continuous assessment I guess!

So you have to understand why we’re not exactly jumping for joy for the tourists. There are hundreds on campus everyday, just generally being annoying and entitled. And yes DISCLAIMER; not all tourists, not all Americans/ British people, blah, blah. But from my experience, you do encounter some obnoxious people everyday.

So that’s why they blocked entrance to the book of Kells. That’s why it’s disgusting for the tourists to be arguing with them and demanding entrance. For once we just want our college to prioritise us! So yeah we will revoke your entitlement, because we are the ones who study here, we are the ones who have to LIVE here.

[starfiyah]

wonder woman movies were ruined by g*l g*dot but “is she with you?” my beloved ost…..

[holybibly]

Bunnies, I wondered if you missed me as much as I missed you?

Today's unholy hours. You're riding on Wooyoung's pretty face.

Wooyoung moaned hoarsely, pressing your pretty pussy so close to his face as if his life depended on it, his finger pads digging into the soft skin of your thick thighs hard enough to leave a purple haze that would remind you for weeks of that euphoric moment between you two. 

You'd always loved how possessive and rough Wooyoung was with you, especially when he fucked you, turning your body into his own artwork with hundreds of bites, scratches, and bruises. Maybe it wasn't exactly normal, or maybe you were a little biased towards that type of guy. Who knows? His behavior in the bedroom created a perfect dissonance with his usually playful and chaotic nature, each time overwhelming you with contrasting how different he could be. One moment Wooyoung would be kissing the palms of your hands and gently stroking your cheek, and the next you would be sitting on his face, riding him like a thoroughbred stallion, while his firm grip held you in place. 

Just like now, as Wooyoung's long tongue caresses your moist, silky folds and his nose rubs against your swollen, sensitive clit, and further stimulating it with a little kitten lick and hot kiss that he gives your pussy as your hips roll over his handsome face. 

Your fingers tangled in the disarray of his raven silk strands, tugging lightly at the soft curls, occasionally scratching his scalp with your fingernails, causing him to make deep, hoarse moans of pleasure, drowned out by the loud, obscene noise of his greedily eating your cunt. 

Your eyes, half closed with bliss, lowered to his face, or rather the part of his face that wasn't hidden by your thighs, which encircled his head with a seductive but suffocating grip. A shiver of pleasure ran down your curved spine as your eyes met the lustful, pleasure-glazed gaze of his dark fox eyes that penetrated you. The intensity of that gaze was so powerful that you wanted to cover your face with your hands in embarrassment. Your head was thrown back, your kiss-swollen lips fell open in a loud, melodious moan of his name, and your eyes rolled back into the back of your head as Wooyoung's hot, plump lips closed around your clit, drawing it in his mouth and sucking sweetly on that little lump of nerve. The sensation was so strong, it was like bare electrical wires touching your naked skin. It made your hips jerk slightly, and more of the viscous, sweet fluid spurted from your quivering hole and flowed directly into Wooyoung's mouth. 

Open-mouthed kisses streamed over your swollen labia, the tip of his nose sliding over the moist, glistening skin of your pussy, following the trail of his tongue until his long, hot appendage slid into your silky folds, swirling back and forth. The soft rustle of the creamy satin sheets tingled Wooyoung's ears as soft white noise mixed with melodious moans escaped your lips as his nose pressed especially hard against your throbbing clit and the tip of his tongue entered the narrow, oozing hole, licking the silky walls of you from the inside.

Your muscles burned with tension, but you ignored it as the glass-sharp pleasure coursed through your body, eclipsing any other pain but sexual pain. You gripped the headboard of the bed with your free hand, trying to balance your weight over Wooyoung as you could no longer trust your legs, his name tumbling from your lips like the sweetest prayer, making his fingers dig harder into your thighs, the crescents of his nails digging into your skin until it bled. The quiet, husky moans of his name were a spell that enchanted him, making him serve and worship you like a goddess. All Wooyoung could think about at that moment was how he could give you the most amazing orgasm possible.

Your moans grew louder, as did the speed of his tongue. The wet slurping sounds echoed in Wuyong's ears as he relentlessly fucked your tight hole with his tongue, slurping the sweet nectar of your cunt like a hungry man. He fucked you mercilessly with his tongue, while his nose ran firmly over your clit, doubly stimulating you. His foxy eyes watched as you slowly collapsed under the movements of his tongue as droplets of sweat rolled down your body, sliding down your seductively succulent curves as the heat of pleasure spilled over your body in a hot flush. Your soft, voluptuous thighs were pressed against the sides of his head as you rode his face, rubbing your wet cunt over his mouth, nose, and chin, smearing your juices over his cheeks and high cheekbones, and making his hard cock twitch painfully. He was as close to orgasm as you were. 

"Oh God, Wooyoung!" You cried out loudly as your orgasm ripped through you in a blinding explosion of sensation; your nails dug into the skin of his scalp, delivering Wooyoung a mixture of pain and pleasure that rippled through his entire body down to his cock. Your entire body shook in slight convulsions as the shockwaves of pleasure continued to roll over you one after another. Wooyoung's strong arms guided you through your orgasm, supporting your weight and finally laying you on your back, your hair scattered across the satin of the soft pillow like a silk fan.

A pair of familiar, mesmerizing fox eyes gazed lovingly at you while the rough pads of his fingers soothingly stroked up and down your thigh. Your hand found his face, cupping his smooth cheek and gently running the pad of your finger over the beautiful mole under his eye. Wooyoung wrinkled his nose playfully, turning his face so that he could kiss you on the palm of your hand, and his hot hand squeezed your thigh. 

"Next time, I'll eat you until you pass out from pleasure, baby. I'll never be able to get enough of you." Wooyoung leaned down to your face and kissed your lips sweetly. As his tongue entered your mouth, you could taste your own juices, and the heat of excitement washed over you again. 

"Hmm, why don't you do it now, Woo? Make me faint with pleasure, my pretty boy." 

[twinkling-moonlillie]

Hello! I saw your post saying that you accept requests and mostly for Hawks rn. As u can tell from my username I LOVE this man, so I was thinking if you can write something about the reader using the Safeword during the act with him? Maybe he hurt her without meaning to? And it turns all fluffy with aftercare! You can ignore this if you want and I honestly don't even know if Im writing this in the right place or not it's my first time sorryyy 😭

Aftercare - Hawks x reader drabble

Author's note: Sorry this took so long haha, been busy with life. But!! I loved this idea! I love writing fluffy and doting Keigo. ALSO, here is my link if you want to support me financially <3 It's totally not necessary but money is super tight right now and I desperately need to get out of my household :|

Warnings: Mentions of sex (PIV), slight cursing, mdni. Reader is afab. Not thoroughly proofread

Sex with Keigo was always amazing, extraordinary even. You were lucky that you landed a partner as dutifully devoted to you and your pleasure as Keigo. Instead of giving yourself to some selfish prick whose love was dependent on how well you sucked their dick and how readily you were to spread your legs, you freely let Keigo’s soft touch, warm smiles, and protectiveness melt your heart. 

He often spent nights in between your thighs without so much as taking off his work pants, without expecting anything in return. His lips and fingers worked orgasm after orgasm from you. Your hands gently intertwine with his as he drags his thick cock against your sensitive walls, whispering murmurs of praise, light teasing, and - most importantly - consent checks. Keigo mentioned more than once that your enthusiastic consent made his dick dripping wet with precum. 

All of these facts did not aid the cognitive dissonance in your mind though  as he mercilessly pounded into you, his breath hitching every time he bottomed out; it was so rough it hurt, body haphazardly molded into whatever shape he pleased. The breeding season always heightened his sex drive. He needed this. What kind of partner would you be if you put your own needs in front of his own? 

So you did your best to take the ruthless pounding. Tears dripped down your cheeks. The taste of blood filling your senses as you bite your lip. 

“F-fuck, such a good slut for me, hm?” He rasps. “Gonna fuck you ‘til you’re pregnant.”

Deep breath. 

You could do this

Another deep breath.

You could do this.

And…

You…really can’t do this. 

“K-kei s-stop, ‘s too much …” your voice was too weak and breathy for your liking. “H-hawks”

Keigo’s hips jutted to a stop, half of himself inside you, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Earlier in your relationship, both of you decided on his hero name as a safe word. There was a strict detachment between Keigo’s hero work and normal life, so much so that he detested being called Hawks in your shared home. 

It took another moment for him to understand what happened, the lust fogging his mind pattering away. “Shit, baby…” he slowly pulled the rest of himself out of your spent hole, your body flinching. “Songbird, are you okay?”

As much as you tried to speak, your tongue was like lead, throat filled with cotton. Your sobs sounded more akin to choked babbles. The tears dripping down your face was more than enough though to clue Keigo in. 

“M’sorry” You managed. “S-so sorry, I-i know ‘s your rut but-“

Keigo cut you off with a gentle kiss, his feathers swiftly taking over all your senses as he rolled you into his warm arms. “You did so good for me, love. You don’t need to be sorry. Doesn’t matter if I’m in rut or not,” he pressed another light kiss on the crown of your forehead, “your safety and happiness is top priority.” 

“I wanted to do good for you” you mumbled. “You always take care of me…just wanted to do the same…”

“And you did, songbird.” He titled your chin so he can gaze into you directly. His eyes were always sharp like daggers, but when you stared at him all you saw was his adoration. “I promise it’s not even a big deal. I don’t want you thinking that just because it’s breeding season that I can do whatever I want to you.” 

Keigo’s thumb worked to wipe away the remnants of your tears, cooing praise until the saturation made you giggle. Gentle kisses were frequently exchanged. He failed to mention how this time of the year made him extra doteful. 

“Here, let’s run you a bath, yeah? I’ll start it and fetch you some water, okay baby? You just stay there and be pretty for me, let me take care of you.”

[darklordofthesimp]

Dissonance (Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Reader)

Part of the "Anything" verse but can be read as a standalone.

Summary: When a mission-gone-wrong leads to a confrontation, Ghost confesses the way that he feels. 

A/N: Get a load of the fucking ART OH MY G O D 

Category: Angst || Hurt/Comfort || Mutual Pining || Tension 

Warnings: Graphic Language 

Disclaimer: Sunshine is Gender Neutral as always, however I am looking to start showcasing fan art as the cover pieces on fics and it will always be up to the artists discretion to decide what they want their Sunshine/Saint/Birdy to look like.

Like the characters? Birdy Masterlist || Saint Masterlist

Such amazing Ghost x Sunshine fan art by @hiskonigin honestly leaves me breathless every single time I swear to God.

___

The mission had gone terribly wrong. 

You felt like they always were, these days. Any task or deployment that started off well, started off controlled, they’d fall to pieces the second pressure was applied. It wasn’t all of them, though. Just enough that it had become noticeable to Price and the team. For the life of you, you couldn’t figure out the issue. 

But, as you stood nose to nose with the Lieutenant in the shared kitchen, you were beginning to see the common denominator. 

“I’m not doing this with you again, Riley,” you snapped. “I’m fucking sick of this conversation.” 

Simon’s fists clenched by his side, “I say when this conversation is done, not you.” 

Your eyes narrowed, grinding your teeth in an attempt to keep your mouth shut. You’d been warned by Price about your insubordination but the urge to risk it all was at an all-time high. Simon Riley was insufferable. 

“Yes,” you ground out miserably, “Sir.” 

The officer took a step toward you, unrest buzzing beneath his skin. You could feel the discourse running in his blood, you could sense the unreasonable rage that burned in his chest. You knew it because you knew him on a plane that nobody else would understand. You’d related to him. You’d experienced it all, too. 

“You’re a fucking pain in my ass,” he snapped.

Yet… every time. Every time. 

Rejection pinched your heart but the feeling was almost hollow. You’d been hurt by Simon so many times that you could almost say that you were numb to it. It’s not as though you were chasing his approval, it was that you were never going to earn it. You couldn’t get civility, you couldn’t get anything from him. 

You were tired. 

Things had changed, everything had changed since the incident. You’d been kidnapped, held ransom, beaten and battered, and then left to die in favour of your teammate. It was ironic that Simon had been the one to save you; it felt like he regretted it some days. 

The fire that burned beneath the skin had dimmed and you felt out of place. There was only so much you could take and you could feel that breaking point creeping up on you. It was foul that you were treated with the same hostility as König, your only crime was being brought onto the team. 

Your only crime was that you weren’t Birdy. 

“Okay,” you rasped, nodding your head. “Noted. Am I dismissed?” 

Simon took in a deep breath, eyes steady on yours. He didn’t waver and you knew that he had more to say. There was always more venom with Simon, quiet with others but angry with you. Always so angry. 

“Dismissed.” Ghost confirmed. When you turned on your heel, the man spoke up from behind you. “First parade tomorrow is 0700 at the gym with Birdy and König for training.” 

You whirled around as fast as you’d gone to leave. “Sorry?” 

Simon barely blinked. “You heard me.” 

“I have the day off tomorrow,” you snapped, “we all have the day off tomorrow.” 

The officer only shook his head. “Learn to follow orders and you’ll earn a day off.” 

Your chest burned, blood rushed to your head and you wanted nothing more than to just scream. You wanted to grip Simon by his stupid shoulders and shake him until that fucking mask fell from his face. You wanted to beat on his dumb fucking chest until you knocked some sense into him. 

“I’m sick of this, Riley.” Your voice shook as you raised a finger. “I’m fucking sick of this.” 

“Imagine how I feel, Sunshine,” the LT drawled, turning to leave like he hadn’t just ruined your night- like he ruins every night. 

You couldn’t breathe. The sensation of being alone, of being rejected over and over by the people that are meant to be the closest to you. You’d never stopped experiencing that particular pain. From your parents to your first few units, and now, to this. 

To the 141. 

To Simon Riley. 

“I won’t be there,” you rasped. The words escaped from between your lips before you could catch them. “I’m not going.” 

Your Lieutenant shifted his body to face you again, eyes square on yours. You couldn’t care less about the murder in his eyes, you couldn’t care less about the chill drifting along your spine. You didn’t care about anything anymore. 

If they wanted to treat you like some erroneous outsider, then you would act like one.

“What?” It was low, almost whispered, but you heard him loud and clear. 

You glared up at him, moving forward until you were only inches from him. You could taste his unrest, the shift in his body language, you could almost hear him grit his teeth. You didn’t care. His upset meant nothing to you, he meant nothing to you. 

“You heard me.” You dared him to do something. Anything. “I’m not doing shit for you people anymore. Especially you. I’m never doing anything for you again.” 

“That’s what you’ve been asked,” he snapped, “your job and nothing else.” 

“I’m trying!” You all but shrieked. You felt the tether to your calm demeanour beginning to slip from your fingers. “I’ve been doing nothing but trying and it’s never enough for you.”

Your lips trembled as you gasped for air. Adrenaline was rushing through your system and you prayed that he wouldn’t push you over the edge you teetered along. You felt the unfamiliar tingle along your nose and cheeks, the tell-tale signs of angry tears. 

Don’t say anything, you begged internally. 

But, if there was one thing Simon was good at it was disappointing you. 

“If you have to try that hard then maybe you’re in the wrong place, Sunshine.” 

Something inside you snapped.

Tension slingshotted from where it had been building in your chest and landed straight onto your tongue, tasting of venom and fury. Rage washed over you, tears spilling from your lashes as you pushed a finger into his chest. 

“Maybe I am.” You finally admitted to your own fears but you wouldn’t be conceding peacefully. There was too much you had to say, too much spite poisoning your lungs to leave it there. 

“Maybe this is the wrong fucking place,” you nodded, “because it’s just a fucking high school in here. Everyone’s fucking someone, everyone’s in love with someone and everyone hates someone.” 

The LT said nothing as you pushed him hard, stepping back from the force beneath your palms. 

“I can’t do anything right because I’m not Birdy,” your voice was warbled as you shouted, thick with tears and anger alike. “König can’t do anything right because of a mistake from the brass, Birdy can’t recover because they’re being babied, and you can’t be unbiased because you want to fuck Birdy!” 

“What?” Simon hissed, but the word was lost on you. You hadn’t even heard him as you pushed him again and again. He let you shove him, let you gain ground on him until his back was pressed against the wall. 

“And you!” Your voice cracked beneath the volume. “I’ve done everything for you, risked everything for you!” 

“I never asked you-” 

“You didn’t have to!” It was a sob. It was a confession. 

Simon’s jaw fell slack from beneath his mask. 

“I’d do anything for you,” you finally fell to a whisper. “We both know that.” 

The man took in a shuddered breath from beneath your palms. He was pressed hard into the wall with your hands splayed across his chest as though readying yourself for another attack. 

But then they fell slack. 

Then they left his body completely. 

He shivered at the loss. 

“I hate you,” you took a step back, body shaking from emotional overload. You had so much more to say, so much hatred built up over the months. There was just no energy to deliver them anymore.

And, the more you thought about it, maybe it wasn’t hatred. Maybe it was just hurt. 

The realization that you would never be loved, never be accepted- the understanding that you would never be the first choice. Always an afterthought, always a hindrance. 

A self-sabotaging menace that no one could tolerate. 

“You’re right. I don’t belong here.” You affirmed, sorrow forming a pit in your stomach as you finally came to understand. “But, I want you to know that you made this every inch as miserable as it’s been, you selfish cunt.” 

The insult fell like a gavel between you. 

You half expected Simon to yell. You almost wanted him to. A reaction would be better than the silence filling the small space between you both.

The air grew heavy with tension the longer the quiet continued. Your fingers twitched at your side, the understanding that this was the end of it all. The end of the farce that he’d put on in the hospital, the short pretence of caring. 

You supposed people did crazy things when lives are at stake. 

Maybe he only pitied you when he’d spoken those words, the sentence you’d been hanging onto for weeks. 

“I would follow you anywhere. We both know it.” 

The only thing that Simon followed you with was dissonance.

“Nothing?” Your voice cracked and wavered. “Got nothing to say?” 

Simon didn’t move, didn’t say a word, he didn’t even blink. You supposed you’d been expecting too much. The man never gave you anything when you needed it, when you were desperate for a sign. His silence was infuriating. 

“Yeah,” you said, wobbly and broken. “Of course, you don’t, you fucking coward. Never do when it matters.” 

You took another step away from him, forcing yourself to detach from the situation. The longer you stayed the longer you craved a response, you felt like he owed it to you. But no one is entitled to anything and you sure as fuck weren’t about to let yourself fall into that mentality. 

The man before you brought out the worst in you. 

As you were readying yourself to turn around, Simon Riley finally spoke. 

“Are you finished?” 

Your jaw fell slack. “Excuse me?” 

Ghost pushed himself off the wall, inches from you in what felt like a second. You could barely catch your breath at the sudden proximity, the overwhelming sense of being in his presence. The feeling of being on the back foot beneath him, rather than the one in control, was intoxicating. 

“I said,” he repeated, stormy eyes bearing into yours, “Are you finished?” 

Each word was enunciated, a pause in between that felt like a beat on your chest every time. You were, in all honesty, flabbergasted. There was no better way to put it. 

You couldn’t even string together a sentence to come back at him with, really. The audacity that it took to reply to everything you had said with such an arrogant question made your blood simmer beneath your skin. 

Simon took your silence as a confirmation that you were, in fact, finished. 

“Can I talk now, Sunshine?” He growled, stepping closer into your space as if there were any more room for him to fit. You receded, feeling as though you were gasping for air that wasn’t tainted by the taste of him. “You gonna let me talk?” 

You said nothing as he walked you backward, desperately wanting to dig your heels into the ground. When your back hit the wall you looked up at Simon with wide eyes, hands hovering over his chest. 

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna talk now,” the LT deliberated mockingly, nodding his head as though he’d given you the choice. The sarcasm dropped from his tone when he spoke next. “You have no fucking clue, Sunshine. You’re a fuckin’ clueless idiot, is what you fuckin’ are.” 

Tears burned in your eyes, collecting on your lash line against your will. Had he really trapped you against a wall just to shatter you further? Did he really hate you that much? 

His gloved hands came to grip your own and you flinched away, the back of your head thudding against the drywall. Simon’s eyes narrowed, pressing your trembling fingers against the thin shirt covering his chest. 

You could feel his heartbeat. To your shock, it wasn’t steady. 

His heart was racing. 

You met his gaze once more, watching as his eyes trailed the lone tear on your cheek. 

“You’re an idiot.” He repeated but, this time, his voice was a whisper. “You have no fucking clue.” 

You wanted to say something, anything. You wanted to believe what he implied, you wanted to hold onto it with the hope that you’d had so many times before. 

Unfortunately, vague confessions and sweet nothings weren’t enough anymore. 

Simon knew it, too. 

“I can sit here correcting half the shit you’ve said,” he shook his head. “But I’m not gonna bother ‘cos I agree with you.” 

Your heart dropped.  

“Don’t look at me like that, let me finish.” Simon rasped, his fingers tightening against yours. “You’re right about it all, ‘bout it being a fuckin’ high school. König wants Birdy, Price wants Saint, Soap wants Gaz, and everyone’s a fucking bitchy cunt to someone on the team.”  

You blinked at the last couple that he’d mentioned. 

“But,” he shook his head, gaze heavy on your skin. “I’m not targeting you because I don’t think you belong. And I don't. Want. Birdy.” 

You made a small noise, embarrassment burning flush along your neck. You cast your eyes to the side and took in a shuddering breath. 

“I don’t give a fuck who you want-” You began, the lie falling shakily from your lips. 

“Yes, you do.” Simon interrupted sharply. You looked up at him quickly, ready to defend yourself. “Because I give a fuck about who you want, too.” 

“Why?” You blurted, heart thrashing in your chest when he shoots you a pointed glare. 

“Come on, Sunshine, don’t play dumb.” 

“Then don’t be a coward, Simon.” 

The LT raised a brow, gripping your hands tightly at your words. The beating beneath your palms picked up in speed, reminiscent of a racehorse sprinting towards the finish line. You’d never have picked his anxiety if you were just watching him, those dead eyes unwavering. 

Maybe, that was why he let you feel it… feel him. 

He wanted you to know, he wanted to show you in the only way that he could- in the only way you would trust.

Simon Riley was laying himself bare. 

“I give a fuck because,” he paused, loosing a shaky breath. He blinked, finally. Those blonde lashes fluttered as his eyes scoured the features of your face, building the courage to spill his honesty to you. “I give a fuck because I want you, Sunshine.” 

There it was. 

There it was. 

You were frozen, suspended in time with your hands on his chest and your face inches from his. The taste of his words lingered on your tongue as you took him in with every trembling breath. 

“I give you a hard time,” Simon nodded, “I do. You put yourself in these fuckin’ situations to save me and I can’t do anything to protect you.”

And, as if someone had turned on the lights, everything suddenly became clear. 

The time he’d been so furious that he barged into your room after a mission to berate you. “I could have lost you,” he’d said, “You would have died and it would have been on me.” 

That shattering incident where you’d fought in the kitchen, “I don’t need you to save me!” Ghost had snapped, smacking your cup from the table. “I don’t need anything from you.”

And, of course, this mission. This whole debacle had started because you’d recovered him from an ambush. 

“This whole time…” You rasped, “I thought you hated me.” 

Simon scoffed, the sound bitter on his tongue. “No. I just hated the way I felt. The way I feel.” 

You opened your mouth to speak, your fingers pressing into the skin of his chest. These months had you doubting yourself, had you wondering what you could have done so wrong to deserve this treatment. The embarrassment of wanting someone that couldn’t stand you was crippling. 

But now… now as his eyes bore into yours, begging you to say something wordlessly. The way his body was on edge, waiting for your response, fearing your rejection. How could you be asked to articulate anything? How were you meant to formulate a sentence? 

You wanted to tell him how you felt, you wanted to tell him everything. 

You wanted him. 

But the craving to put your hands on his skin, to taste his confession on his lips, to show him what he meant to you, it was overwhelming. You wanted him to understand how you felt in a way that he’d never doubt, in a way that would explain why you were constantly risking yourself for him. 

You knew he understood when his hands moved to grip your waist.

“Oh, my God.” 

You leapt away, your body thumping into the wall as the spell broke between yourself and the Lieutenant. 

“Oh, my God!” Birdy said again, hands coming up to their eyes hesitantly as they stumbled back and forth in the doorway. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” 

You groaned, dropping your chin to your chest as you pinched the bridge of your nose. 

“Relax,” Simon coughed, his fingers trailing along your skin until they fell by his sides again, slow and hesitant. “Just- We were debriefing.” 

You could hear footsteps approaching from down the hall and the urge to throw yourself out the window grew exponentially. Out of all the times for these two idiots to make an appearance, they had to pick the most paramount moment. It was as though they were the main characters and you were simply a side-plot, cursed to never be able to develop further than the main story-line.

You glanced up at Ghost who offered you a similar expression, unimpressed. 

König cast a shadow over the intruder as he rounded the corner to the kitchen, undoubtedly investigating the commotion. His eyes fell on Birdy first, watching as their hands came up and down from their face, unsure whether they were allowed to look. Then, jade eyes moved to observe Ghost who hadn’t moved from his position posted next to your flushed body. 

“Oh…” König murmured, realization slowly dawning as he returned his gaze to Birdy. “Oh.” 

Gigantic hands reached to gently but firmly tug on the back of the stumbling sniper’s shirt. He offered an apologetic wave as he began to drag Birdy from the room, the latter still sputtering embarrassed atonements. 

“It’s okay,” you slipped out from your space between Simon and the wall. “I was just leaving anyway.” 

You quickly moved towards the door, wiping away any remaining tears from your face roughly. Just as you reached the exit, you realized that you’d left the man hanging. What if he thought that you were rejecting him? What if he went back to hating you? 

What if you missed your chance? 

You paused, turning to look over your shoulder. 

Simon was already watching you, eyes soft and his arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. 

“Don’t worry,” he offered. “I’ll catch up, Sunshine.” 

You hid your smile as you turned back around and continued. 

You left the room embarrassed, sure. But, you also left with newfound hope and a promise. 

You left with the promise of Simon Riley. 

[followerofmercy]

I think Freminet has some of the most interesting dissonance in his self perception of any Genshin character.

Like, of the Hearthlings we know, he's one of the most emotionally mature and intelligent. Lynette might still have him beat, but after playing her hangout... I dunno. I think they're tied. Lyney is Crumbling, Alrecchino is. Well. Arlecchino. Everyone else is a deeply traumatized child or adult and Freminet seems to pretty regularly be people's emotional support. His character stories talk about getting his vision by saving a bunch of other kids on a dive that went bad. The Selkie event literally had him being a therapist for a grownass woman, citing his past experiences with all the other Hearthlings that have died or killed themselves. And he handled that situation WELL. Yeah, he seems to live in a fantasy, but goddamn he's alive and a lot of people in his position aren't so clearly something is working.

Either his or Lyney's character story talks about the time Freminet had reached out to Lyney to try to ease his burdens, which resulted in Lyney blowing up at him. That probably contributed to Freminet thinking he's not good at it, but I think the reason Lyney reacted so badly was BECAUSE Freminet is actually a good support. He can't allow himself that from the little brother he's supposed to protect.

Freminet seems to both cry and dissociate often, but like... Kiddo you are in fact the only person in this family actually processing your emotions. Lynette dissociates 24/7. Arlecchino. Lyney lies and tells everyone he's fine and would literally rather die than admit otherwise. In comparison, Freminet is doing FANTASTIC

Freminet also gets a lot out of helping people! Like anyone, he needs to feel useful and needed. He seems to be an excellent mentor to the younger Hearthlings and perfectly competent on his own, but when you put him in a room with Lyney and Lynette who baby him and insist that THEY take care of HIM, he withdraws into himself.

Like, Freminet by himself feels like a young man and Freminet with the magician twins feels like a teenager. I have no idea how old he actually is. Logically, he would be OLDER than them! He's been with the House much, much longer and his experience shows. I think it's fascinating that they love him SO MUCH and yet, they just Cannot let him help them. Which is hurting him.

(Lynette is much better about not babying him and that is probably why their relationship is so much better than Freminet and Lyney's. Also why she keeps having to mediate between them. Because Lyney charges off trying to Fix Everything and that just makes Freminet feel useless and he doesn't want to get in the way and- you get the point)

Idk. It's hard to tell what things the previous director said to him vs what Arlecchino has said to him. I'm inclined to think our Arlecchino was the one that said he cries too much, but in a "crying in front of your enemies will get you killed" way and she herself is too fucked up to realize how "you cry too much" could be damaging.

Also I try not to consider gameplay stuff when it comes to story, but Freminet also has some of the most BRUTAL animations. He SMASHES HIS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT METAL PENGUIN INTO HIS ENEMY'S FACE. He doesn't think he's the most amazing fighter, and by Fatui standards he probably isn't, but he is winning fights against most grown men.

Tldr Freminet thinks he cries too much and is a burden and isn't good at helping people when he's actually the most mentally stable Hearthling send tweet

[keepmycandleburning]

My favorite HP fanfics of all time:

#1: Beautiful Sleepyhead by Phantomato. Thoros Nott/Voldemort, 24k words, E. I also highly recommend reading Interlude in First and Oily Water from this series. This is the only fic I couldn't even guess how many times I've read it. It's so unspeakably beautiful, beyond words to me, the relationship these two characters have, the characterization of Voldemort and his professional and domestic lives, the strikingly beautifully written and raw erotica, the intense humanity of all of it. I recommend reading everything with Thoros/Voldemort. I'll read them anywhere and doing anything. In general I consider Phantomato the best writer I've ever read in my entire life, in any context and in any genre. The way they use words is not the way other people use words. Reading their writing changes the way I think. You make me need to write @phantomato I LOVE YOU

#2: Immortal Misconceptions by PinsandKneazles. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 3.4k, M. Bellatrix and Voldemort try to conceive Delphini. This is so so so so fucking funny. Genuinely one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I can't even look at this right now without scream laughing. Every line of this is laugh out loud worthy and it doesn't ever get any less funny even if you read it 20 times.

#3: The Warrior and the Snake by Lady_Escapist. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 150k, M. My favorite Bellamort fic (ignore the above...), and goes through the whole story of both wars which I adore. Lady_Escapist writes the best characterized Voldemort I've ever read, who speaks and acts and thinks like he does in canon, and he has an intensely complex relationship with Bellatrix that feels so incredibly believable, and so compelling. The chemistry between them is palpable. The type of story that impacts your view of the series when you read it.

#4: Dissonance by Metalomagnetic. Abraxas Malfoy/Tom Riddle, 17k, E, underage warning. Beautiful use of words, such evocative language, really feels like it's written in the real HP universe, and some of the most well-written sex I've ever read. It's really impressive to me how complex and individual and human these characters are in so few words. Metalomagnetic is another person who knows how to use words in a way most writers can't do. @metalomagnetic I LOVE YOU

#5: Scylla and Charybdis by Asenora. Snape/Voldemort, 44k, E. Transcendent experience of Snape and his relationship with Voldemort, woven together like a web interconnected through time. Delicious little Bellamort bits. Another brilliant writer who has a way with words I can barely fathom. Have never forgotten the description of Rodolphus's face as aquiline. @saintsenara I LOVE YOU

#6: Self-Worship by Phantomato. Diary Tom Riddle/real Tom Riddle, 21k, E. The diary horcrux gets a body, and there's only one bed... As brilliantly written as anything of theirs. So real, so visceral.

and:

Stop all the clocks by Metalomagnetic. Rodolphus/Voldemort, 9k, M. Rodolphus's POV of his intense adoration and devotion to Voldemort. Amazing writing of a Death Eater's love for the Dark Lord.

Penitence. Lucius/Voldemort, 810 words, E, non-con warning. Lucius has to suck Voldemort's dick in front of a ton of Death Eaters. So good.

Holiday by Phantomato. Thoros Nott/Voldemort, 23k, E. Fake engagement, you know what happens.

Other Women and of Purer Blood by Asenora. Narcissa/Snape, 7.7k, E. Super well-written, beautiful descriptions and narrative, so many compelling ideas, and an insane sex scene.

The Black Family Shield in Malfoy Manor by FelixPhial. Draco/Narcissa, 8.2k, E, non-con warning and maybe underage. Draco and Narcissa have to have passionate sex in front of all the Death Eaters and Voldemort.

Child, Witch, and Lord by missmarianne. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 7.6k, teen & up. Delphini's intentional conception process and Voldemort's thoughts on it. The best recreation of Voldemort internal monologue I've ever read.

Lord of the Manor by jadiss. Lucius/Snape, 3.2k, E. Little snippets on their relationship, from Hogwarts to death.

The Chronicles by yletylyf. 11k, M. Snape's experience as a double agent. Valuable ideas on canon plot and Snape's relationship with Voldemort. And a delicious little Bellamort moment. @yletylyf

A phantom pain by RiddleRedCoats. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 4.2k, general. Voldemort returns, finds out Bellatrix died in Azkaban, looks for her everywhere.

Real by deslea. Bellatrix & Rodolphus, 2.6k, M. The last scene of this has stuck with me among the most of any scene from any fic I've read.

Innocence by hervissa. 717 words, teen & up. Lucius finds out about Bellatrix & Voldemort. Really well-written and so funny, will never forget Lucius's reaction to the aftershave line.

a learning experience by Laeveteinn. Tom Riddle/Hepzibah Smith, 9k, teen & up. 'Hepzibah Smith is an acquired taste. Slowly but surely, Tom finds himself acquiring it.'

Adtitulo by jazminesays. Draco/Voldemort, Abraxas Malfoy/Voldemort, 144k, E, underage warning and probably non-con warning. Voldemort had a love affair with Abraxas in his youth and has Draco pretend to be Abraxas. I've read only the first half of this, not the Drarry. I love the relationships between the Slytherins, particularly Draco and Pansy, and their little traditions and human qualities and calling the alcove Candyland.

surrogate by 8623S44. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 179k, E. I need to reread this. One of the first fics I saved on AO3 and one I've always thought of as one of my favorites. What I remember most is the Voldemort POV rewrites of the scenes from Deathly Hallows. Full story of the first and second wars I think, but non-chronological.

Beauty and the Beast by Metalomagnetic. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 21k, M. One of the first fics I saved, and I have this labeled as a favorite, need to reread.

[hiyashortking]

Your Good Boy, Lucifer

Summary: You have some soft dommy thoughts and perform some very fleeting soft dommy behaviors with your precious angel Luci between your legs. You're AFAB and implied to be pangender. The scene begins in the middle of sex.

Note: This fic ends with my favorite sentence I've ever written and ever will write. I cackled like a demon for several minutes and had to take a walk around my home to come down from that line. I hope it fucks you up similarly.

Disclaimers and credit: read this post before reading any of my content, please.

Your cunt was dripping wet and aching from arousal and when he finally slid his long and thick cock into you, you wrapped your legs around him and held him tightly so he couldn’t move.

“Lucifer, I’m coming. Please don’t move, I’m coming. Fuck.”

Coming? From barely one stroke? Lucifer watched you orgasm. Your eyes were shut, your brows were raised, your mouth was open and groaning out the most beautiful sounds. He could feel you coming on his dick, contracting and pulsating around him, your pussy squeezing him first tightly, then gentler and gentler, until your muscles finally relaxed.

Had he ever made someone orgasm in one thrust before? Surely, Lilith, since they’d been more intimate than not. But anyone else? He couldn’t recall.

He also couldn’t entirely take credit for this. You were so wonderful at telling him what you wanted; at instructing him; at ordering him.

He started to slide his cock out of you, when your relaxed state immediately shifted and you seemed wanton, your cunt beginning to contract around him again.

“Sweetheart, please,” he begged, worried you would tighten your hold around him again to enjoy another orgasm, as tended to be your pattern. “May I please move now?”

You bit your lip, squirming against the feel of him inside you. He was so big, he filled you up so completely, and sometimes the way he hit your cervix hurt even when it felt amazing. You’d teased him about his size, telling him he could fuck you if he could make his dick smaller or if he could keep himself only partially erect. But even when he secretly tried to do this for you, his cock would swell against his wishes and he’d open you in ways your body loved but your mind hated. You may have been a top in your mind and soul, but your body was a bottom.

“Darling, love of my eternal undead life, my queen, my king, the light of my morning star,” he couldn’t even hear himself over his own begging. He moved his hips and you would stop him each time, pushing him back in where you wanted him and keeping him there with the strength of your thighs alone.

There was a dissonance in you between wanting to nurture and adore this man, wanting to give him everything and fulfill his every caprice, and the reason you were in hell. That reason was your impulse toward sadism, especially bullying. Sometimes you would even swear you couldn’t control yourself, your want to hear him beg overcoming your want to hear him satisfied. Fuck, you loved being able to control him. You loved knowing you owned him and his body and that his sickeningly sweet little heart would never, ever, let him do anything against your wishes.

How is it that the first time you ever felt safe was in hell?

And again, there was the disconnect. If you continued to warm his cock this way, you would connect with your control. You had the power. But if you allowed him to move again, the way he felt and his eons of skills would overpower you, and you hated it. Even though you gave it away with your squeaks and gasps, and with each of the orgasms, you did everything you could to not let him know that he turned you into a pillow prince/ess, in love with getting penetrated by him.

You didn’t even let him call it fucking you; and he was such a good boy he always remembered to call it getting fucked by you. Even though you made him do all the work. Even though he wanted to do it all to serve you.

Starting to lose what was left of his composure, he let himself lie down on you and pleaded into your chest, rubbing his face between your breasts and using both hands to press them into him, the way you only once told him you liked. You loved that he remembered.

You ran both hands through his hair and leaned down to kiss his head. “You are such a good boy,” you told him.

He groaned.

You loosened the grip your legs had around him. He lifted his head to look at you with those big, pleading eyes, and his flushed face. He was so fucking cute.

“Go ahead, my darling,” you permitted.

Immediately, he was back up on his knees, sliding out of you as he fixed his position, and slamming his cock back into you so quickly that you let out a surprised yelp.

“My sweet man,” you praised him. “You’re doing so good for me. You’re so good at helping me fuck you. That’s it, yes, pace yourself, my angel. You’re- oh fuck, aah, I wish you could fuck all of my holes at once-”

“I can!”

“Ssshh, mommy’s speaking.”

You could feel his cock throbbing when you made him laugh.

He had lifted your ass off the bed and held you by your hips to move you into him as he thrusted and told you exactly how he felt.

He loved your cunt so much. He loved making you wet and feeling how tight your pussy was. He knew he was big, but you made him feel like the majesty he was. He felt so lucky to be allowed to give you himself like this, to fill and feed you. He wanted to serve you so well that you’d never want anyone else but him. Oh, fuck, he wanted to tend to you and be praised by you. He wanted to be your good boy. Your pet. Your fuck toy. If he had a soul he would sacrifice it and fall into a deeper hell in exchange for every day revolving around pleasuring you. He would do anything for the gift, the fucking privilege of being inside you, of making you pant and moan and yelp like this, of making you come, of making you want him, need him, fucking love him.

You let out a sound that mixed a scream and moan together, coming on his dick for the third time tonight.

“Make yourself come for me, darling. Cover my mouth so I can’t stop you anymore.”

“A-are you sure?” he hesitated, shifting one hand from your hip to your ass, and moving you that way, while the other gently covered your beautiful open mouth. You kissed and licked at his hand instinctively, and nodded.

He let himself speed up, loving and hating the way your eyebrows raised and eyes welled with tears. He hoped this wouldn’t be too painful, told himself he would take such good care of you afterwards, that you were rewarding him by letting him move faster and harder. You were so good to him, giving him permission to come. He felt like he mattered, and fuck, that brought him closer to the edge. His pleasure mattered to you. He mattered to you. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

You whimpered when he came, sobbing and groaning, feeling him throbbing and filling you with what hopefully wasn’t going to become a sibling for Charlie.

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 53 Fear Posting

Hello, kind internet void. What a chapter, huh? Not much to say other than I need someone to heal Chihiro's pain pronto.

That's a lie, of course- there's always a yapfest from me. Thanks for tolerating my nonsense as usual.

Hiruhiko Gets Fucked

Ch. 49

Ch. 53

How it started vs. how it's going for our playful psychopath foil

I loved this moment. Instead of shaking the protagonist and making him question himself, Hiruhiko's trolling just shows us that Chihiro is already well aware of how people see him.

Hiruhiko tried to call a bluff with the ol' reliable "I'm just like you" to make the MC question everything he's done, but it backfired in a huge way. He should have been paying attention since the start:

Chs. 1 & 6

Chihiro wasn't just being edgy in these moments early on, Mr. Discount Mahito.

I enjoy when the author has the protagonist confront that they really aren't so different from their sworn enemies. When done well, it helps the character clarify their moral stance and adds depth as they incorporate some of their enemy's ideals into their own worldview. But Sojo already forced Chihiro to do this. So what value would Hiruhiko doing the same have? Is it different just because they're close in age and Hiruhiko said he already understood Chihiro?

Nope. The meaning comes from Hiruhiko posing a different question.

Sojo asked: who gets to have the final say over Kunishige's intent? The answer Chihiro came to is: the one who's willing to go the farthest to fight for their vision.

Hiruhiko asked: are you aware of how evil you appear to be by going so far? Chihiro answers that he is, and always has been.

I'm really pleased with this turn of events! The flippant piece of shit doesn't get to waltz in and completely upend the protagonist's worldview by pointing out that he's killing people for once. Instead, we get an amazing inversion of the scenario that makes me want to cry for Chihiro. I trusted Hokazono-sensei to do a crisis of conscience arc well but this is a much better outcome IMO. It's never too late to try and exploit a character's cognitive dissonance between their beliefs and actions, so good try Hiruhiko. You just tried to fuck with the wrong traumatized MC. Enjoy being two arms lighter for the next few chapters.

Seriously though, fuck Hiruhiko. I appreciate his role in the narrative and I'm looking forward to what he does next, but he's kind of on the same level as Soya for me. I will cheer his death and not mourn one bit when we move on from him for good.

But we shouldn't be glad when people are killed, should we?

On Death and Killing Intent

This chapter had many jaw-dropping action moments but they're all so sad.

In my Chapter 51 post, I went on a bit of a tangent about how the adult cast all seem to have a heavy burden that they're using to try and steer the younger generation. Samura, Shiba, Kunishige, and Uruha all reject the idea of being "heroes" and the first three are shown to be reluctant to take lives if they can help it. Because killing is a wrongful act that leads one to hell. Doesn't matter what one's intentions are- taking a life is an act of evil. The adults didn't want the younger generation to revere them or try to follow in their footsteps.

But Chihiro chose to do so anyway, and he's taken their mindset to heart to help himself commit to the bit.

Doesn't matter that Chihiro tanked all of Hiruhiko's attacks to let the audience escape. Doesn't matter that he held back to avoid accidental casualties. Doesn't matter that he's ridding the world of the Hishaku's evil. He's a killer - a monster- that's going to hell. And he's resigned to it. He doesn't even have the excuse of saving lives or fighting a war to hide behind- he's steeping himself in sin for selfish reasons.

I was wrong about Samura having to teach Chihiro how to buckle down despite knowing he's walking the path to hell- Chihiro can already do it. So Hiruhiko was right. They're both drenched in blood with no chance for redemption. But that wasn't what Chihiro was pissed about last chapter. It was Hiruhiko assuming their reasoning for killing as being the same that got to him.

Chihiro doesn't find pleasure in killing someone, obviously. Not even Sojo, who was an objectively evil child torturer that wanted to use Kunishige's works to massacre innocents. But when Chihiro's alone against true evil, like his fights against Sojo and Hiruhiko, he goes full-on villain mode to meet them where they are. He's walking straight to hell and doesn't care about how it makes him look when the people he cares about aren't there to see him at his worst.

I posted a little bit about how loved Chihiro is even if he won't let himself realize or accept it, and it's true more than ever now. Chihiro's not a good guy. We shouldn't be thinking he's a purely wholesome person. But he's a damn sympathetic protagonist who is in a truly unbearable amount of pain, and I want him to just... let himself cry or something.

We don't mind that he's a murderer since we see him focus on doing what good he can, like taking detours for abused orphans and risking his life to save helpless captives. He's not the same as the vile scum he kills. Chihiro, though... "All scum go to hell!" is one of the earliest taglines of the series. Pretty sure he would apply this to himself, too. He's in a self-destructive spiral and we're just now seeing how far gone his mental state is.

What's that saying... the road to hell is paved with good intentions?

Chihiro and Samura

Seems like Kunishige was (or could have been) quite the warrior himself based on Shiba's comment... putting a pin in that.

Samura's got a ton of death flags, sorry to say. He's just scooping them up and dumping them all over himself. Not gonna stake my life on this or anything but Tobimune is probably going to be usable by the Hishaku somewhat soon... I hope Chihiro gets to reunite with him one last time before that happens though. Surely next chapter is where the gang gets back together...? Hakuri will probably teleport Chihiro to the temple once he's recovered, so it'll just be a matter of Chihiro getting Hiruhiko to talk enough before that happens.

Not that the type of food has deep symbolic meaning, but Chihiro and Samura are sharing traditional tea snacks; probably higashi (干菓子) of the rakugan variety. They're extremely dry and sweet, so I doubt Chihiro enjoyed them- is that why they're untouched? Maybe Chihiro wasn't actually willing to stop looking at Samura as a hero despite what he said? I don't want to make guesses about the meaning of the food being uneaten. I've been too fried by IRL stress to have much time to think about fun stuff lately. Just know that this is another food=connection/understanding moment that's a bit strained instead of comfortable. (Hakuri's still the only person we've seen Chihiro willingly accept an offer of food from and actually eat... hm.)

No wonder Chihiro considers himself a monster if a "hero" like Samura talks about himself like one. Noble beliefs (hi, Hiyuki!) don't shield you from the horror that lurks in your conscience. It's really respectable of Samura to be so blunt about the reality of what he did and try to steer away Chihiro from admiring him, but the consequences we see now are...

None of them could have known that Chihiro would end up like this a little over three years later (hopefully). He took the lesson of "killing=monstrous" to heart a little too well, sadly... so who can help him break that mindset? Assuming the author wants to say that Chihiro's not the villain he thinks he is, at least. Which is reasonable. He might not be a hero, but he's not truly a monster either.

It depends on who else knows about how he's faring and if Chihiro will let anyone in to help. Keep close tabs on how he interacts with Hakuri and Hiyuki, IMO. One or both of them will probably be the key to him at least stabilizing his metaphorical descent into darkness. Even if they can't pull him out, they can walk through hell at his side.

Hakuri's more than willing to do this already- I wouldn't be at all surprised if he considers staying with Chihiro to be the best part of his life so far, despite all the hardships that he will face. He was already in hell when they met and Chihiro helped pull him out of it. Hiyuki's the bigger question since we hardly know anything about her right now. Her faith in Chihiro as someone who only kills bad guys is important, though. As of this chapter, I can see her helping him out if she believes it's the morally right thing to do.

Spaghetti Queen Thoughts

I'm a little surprised we've left Hiyuki behind for most of the arc to this point, so I do wonder where she'll factor in and how much.

She's set up to be just as important as Hakuri was during the Rakuzaichi arc thanks to her strong ties to the Kamunabi. And there are issues with her that are completely unexplored; namely, her convictions clashing with how the Kamunabi operates. Maybe we'll see her again with the other two bearers? Or when things shift back to Kamunabi HQ for the blood test reveal and such?

I wonder how she'll be motivating Chihiro. They squabble like siblings already; she's the only one who genuinely gets under his skin (which is very cute if you ask me). Both of them are headstrong and idealistic, but Hiyuki doesn't seem to be down on herself and what she does nearly as much as Chihiro is. So maybe that'll be the angle... hard to say when there are so many unknowns, so obviously she needs to come back ASAP to give us more insight!

Thanks for letting me ramble, kind void... see you next week if I make it there.

[cinnaleaf]

For the Racists Hiding in Anon: Log Off or Step the Fuck Up

Let’s have a chat!!! Because some of you seem to need a very CLEAR and LOUD wake up call about the way you conduct yourselves in fandoms.

Quite frankly, the racism running rampant in fandom spaces is disgusting and embarrassing. We shouldn’t have to keep circling back on this topic just because people insist on showing how truly uneducated and bigoted they are.

To the racists hiding behind anonymous accounts to send racist messages to others..I find you to be absolutely simpleton and pathetic. You’re not clever, funny, or even giving the read you think you are – so I’ll do you one better 😇 I think you’re a parroting bird that loves to hear yourselves chirp. You would never do this in public because you know the consequences it has. So why are y’all so suddenly bold online?? Your anonymity on the internet will not save you from being a pea brained buzzard hiding behind a screen. It only proves you lack the educational substance to inform yourselves of biases and at the very least correct it – it’s really the least you could do, seeing as black people live rent free in your mind.

Secondly, Trent is a black man. He’s not some token for you to project your racist fantasies onto. Regardless of his antics, this man has black ancestors, family members, and friends who are black. Thinking you can simultaneously froth and feen over him, read my fics, and send microaggressions and blatant racist hatred to other black women in this space is pure cognitive dissonance. Trent doesn’t want you. He never will. Even if you do feel that you fit his publicly conceived ‘preferences’. He’d take one look at your vitriol and be just as disgusted as we are. Sit with that and ponder.

I started writing fics because I wanted to create stories that are fun, reflect my experiences, and to connect with like minded people in the football space. My blog will ALWAYS be a safe space for black people, queer people, disabled people, women, and anyone else who understands what it means to be marginalized. If you cannot handle that, if my existence (and others) somehow offends you – this space is not for you. I don’t want you reading my fics. I don’t want you lurking on my blog. I don’t want you interacting with other black bloggers and people of color. And I definitely don’t want you bringing your racism into a fandom space that’s meant to be a fun refuge for people like me.

Your microaggressions don’t move me. Your overt racism doesn’t scare me. All it does is prove that your ignorance is a vast wasteland – you should honestly be embarrassed by that. And to be real, I refuse to make this space a comfortable place for you. If you want a space to spew your nonsense, find it elsewhere (where you’ll probably be banned) because it won’t be here. You’re not welcome here and I’ll brick the wall you try to crash into every time you attempt to make this an unsafe space for others. Maybe then you’ll understand what your hostility feels like when you dish it to others. 

And to anyone who’s been on the receiving end of this bullshit – your frustrations and exhaustions are 100% valid. This corner of the internet belongs to you just as much as anyone else, and you should feel free to make it safe for yourself in whatever you deem fitting. I don’t want anyone holding their breath before scrolling because of these people. Do not allow them to poison your safe space with utter nonsense, it’s YOURS.

I have only been active here for a few months after lurking for years, but in that short time I’ve connected with some really amazing people over these blood pressure inducing games, silly men, and just life in general. That’s what this space was meant for and I refuse to let anyone take that away from us. If you feel like this space has become more stress than it’s worth, I totally understand and would suggest taking a break if you need to, but your presence and perspectives will always be welcome to me and many other like minded individuals who aren’t smooth brained.

Anyway, I say all this to say I will not let someone else’s hatred exist here and I’m actively working on making sure these people are weeded out entirely. Make them uncomfortable, they deserve it.

If this bothers you racists in anyway, step the fuck up without anon being on so I can really give you the read you so desperately deserve.

x

[physalian]

Guys I have had an epiphany about ACOTAR’s Popularity

The whole thing is about how amazing and fun romantacy books like ACOTAR specifcally and... lord, do we see the romances portrayed by SJM differently.

"We want dragons, rose gardens, and strong characters who are absolutely getting laid but whose relationships with men don't define them."

"She also does the smutty bits with precision and flaire. And most significantly, in a way that women can get behind."

"The ACOTAR series goes to great lengths to demonstrate that the heroine is safe and comfortable, even spelling out how she isn't being financially coerced."

I'm not even mad. The divide between how this person and me, as both "the girls" that I'm apparently included in, is just so astronomically wide that getting mad won't fix anything.

But. This is what you call 'safe' and 'comfortable'? This is what you call smut with precision and flair? Outing myself here but I have read so much more smutty fanfic of higher quality than anything by SJM. But, it's still "fanfic" and thus cringey and uncool.

But I have had an epiphany.

Originally this post was a lot different. I was sitting here in reaction to the above article writing a treatise imploring the desperate defenders of this author and her books to be able to admit that what they like is not well-written and not objectively romantic, and to not flinch from its imperfections. I was trying to explain the distortion books this popular cause, as happened when the popularity Hunger Games launched a whole sub-genre of teen dystopia that was absolutely everywhere for a few years.

However, this lady’s opinion piece about ACOTAR has done more to explain how the fuck these books are so popular more than any nasty rant I’ve received anonymously in my inbox. Either way y’all need to chill with the harassment, but I understand, now.

ACOTAR’s popularity runs along conservative-liberal lines. It’s only romantic escapist fantasy if you’ve grown up being told that aggressive, controlling, disrespectful men are being romantic. I can’t implore these fans to stop romanticizing the red flags if they don’t see the red flags in the first place.

And in that way, as sick as I am of this book constantly being shoved in my face, as badly as I want a new, better author to boot SJM off the podium, as nasty as y’all can be desperately defending these books… I’m not mad at you, I feel bad for you.

—

I get the desire to turn your brain off and read the shitty fairy smut. I burned through every book in TOG in about six days—not because I liked it, mind you, morbid curiosity had me determined to know how it would end and if she’d fulfil her threat of killing a major character to satisfy a prophecy.

I understand now that much of the audience for this series has been trapped in a conservative closet shaming women for their libidos and ACOTAR is a book that is loudly and proudly and very popularly, very smutty and a safe space for these women to express themselves and that yes they do like smut and romance without shame and that they are sexual beings that don’t merely exist as an accessory to men (which is horribly ironic given the treatment of women by men in these books but I digress).

Because you have to grow up and be surrounded by glorified men like Rhysand, in a culture that tells you over and over again that he is romantic, to see what he does and think that it’s the height of romance. That’s probably why the cognitive dissonance is so strong and why the defenders of this series dig their heels in so deeply and lash out so aggressively. To admit that Rhysand is abusive is to turn the spotlight on all the real men who must also be abusive. This is supposed to be escapist fantasy, after all, and we don’t want to think about that.

The idea of a strange, supernatural force of hot man meat to whisk you away from your boring, grey reality, who takes control and is vibrantly passionate and knows what he’s doing in bed is absolutely escapist fantasy… if you’re trapped in the role of the demure, docile, disrespected housewife with a deadbeat husband who maybe lasts five seconds. Or at least, that’s the vibe I got from the writer of this article, who decided herself to speak for all “the girls”.

This is a series that appeals to all the women who were little girls told by adults “he’s hitting you on the playground because he likes you” and “you should just give him a chance” but never woke up to how insidious that is.

The article is absolutely an opinion piece and it was the article’s author first who said that these books are “more fun than therapy" and it is so, so tempting to drag that elephant into the room because what aren’t you going to therapy for but instead treating with this book, ma’am? but that line alone is telling enough of this author's enduring popularity. I've been harassed enough by people on here screaming about how romantic SA is and if I was a survivor, I'd think so too.

So many of these Booktok fans are like rebelling tweens who think it’s edgy to wear black lipstick with their Abercrombie shirts and Converse. It would be funny seeing the bar they set for quality fiction and romance if I wasn't already absolutely exhausted by this series and how absolutely nasty its defenders can be. It wouldn't even be funny, it would be a little endearing, actually, seeing a whole contingent of women with no idea how far smut can go thinking ACOTAR is the pinnacle of fiction, but gosh darn it, it just had to be rapey as hell.

Ironically, you’re not fighting “the man” as much as you think you are when you look at Rhys and then go looking for real men just like him. You’re doing all the men like Rhys who will happily stalk you, manipulate you, hurt you, and disrespect you, a favor by praising them all over Booktok.

What I’d like ACOTAR fans to understand is that there exists a vast realm of possibility where you can have quality writing, sexy smut, and an edgy bad boy who respects his love interest. One need not be sacrificed for the others.

ACOTAR and its popularity are the product of a generation who grew up on Twilight and completely lost the meaning of what a Bad Boy is supposed to be. ACOTAR and TOG are Twilight, except that this version of Bella is slightly more competent. The love interests are just Edward and Jacob reskinned, over and over and over again. And it actually makes me miss Twilight.

And what I’d also like you to understand is that the people like me who hate these books and everything they represent don’t hate you for reading them. I can’t stop anyone from reading this, in my opinion, terrible series. But there’s a whole world out there of fictional men who actually respect their love interests. So if you’re going to rebel and loudly embrace your femininity, don’t stop with ACOTAR. Go find books with actual strong female protagonists. Fuck, go watch Wicked and come back and tell me if Elphaba would ever put up with any man from an SJM book.

So, please, the next time someone tells you that Rhysand is an abusive asshole, and it makes you uncomfortable, maybe stop and think about why.

And if the writer of that article doesn’t speak for you as one of “the girls” forgive me if I came across as condescending. I was also told “he’s mean to you because he likes you” and I woke up.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

The Most Toxic Situationship I have ever Seen...And I Loved Every Second

As far as sequels go, I cannot deny that this one rocked. It can be so, so hard to follow up a first book without it feeling like retreading old ground or that there is arbitrary or artificial conflict that doesn't feel natural. Xiran Jay Zhao did not have those problems. This book felt immediate, vibrant, and deeply fucked up in the best possible way. I loved how messy it was, and how it refused to make deeply morally, ethically, and organizationally messy things simple, instead giving us the chance to watch the mess unfold and force characters to make choices in situations where there is not right answer. Let's talk Heavenly Tyrant.

This is you SPOILER WARNING. If you go below the cut, I'm SPOILING THE END of the book in like the first two sentences. You've been warned.

Sooooooo...she fully stabbed Qin Zheng in the heart, which somehow radicalized him into a full-on misogynist and patriarchal asshole (although let's be fair, that wouldn't have happened if he wasn't already well on his way to this point), and Shimin is a mechanical bird now. That's a LOT to deal with, and we're going to get there, then this whole book was a LOT. You don't just casually wake up a historical hero, crown him emperor, end up in a toxic situationship with him where you both plan to take down the gods and then murder the hell out of him without a lot of other elements.

Oh also, there was a reign of terror in there that got a little out of hand before they reined it in.

Now, as a heads up for those of you who like all the sci fi stuff in these books: I'm not so much a sci fi girl, so I'm not really going to talk much about those elements of the book. They were well executed and fine, but I was here for other things, so if you want a deep dive into the more sci fi elements, this is not the review for you. My focus is really going to be character dynamics and the politics.

Zetian and Qin Zheng

Sooooooooooooooo. So so so so. These two. The absolute fuckery that is the power dynamic between Zetian and Zheng is unquestionably my favorite part of this whole book. She is out here without the education and experience he has, but the conviction that women are people, the end. He's over here being this weird combination of toxic Mr. Darcy who has the education and principles but SO MUCH PRIDE and patriarchal baggage that it fucks up his implementation and Phantom of the Opera who thinks women are property.

This is what we in the business call an irreconcileable difference. So naturally they have to rule Huaxia and defeat the gods together, which requires finding some way to WORK together. And they do, technically. They get into all these weird power and dominance struggles behind the scenes, but there are also some AMAZING saves because the truth is, they need each other for now. I'm thinking particularly of when Zetian saves Zheng's ass at her coronation and pulls off a "it was a tech glitch" cover for him low-key almost dropping dead mid-ceremony. That was an A-level situation save.

And then she goes around licking things in front of him to assert dominance, which...is a choice. That I kind of loved, not gonna lie.

That said, Zheng did that absolutely bonkers thing where he had to interact with Zetian every day, heard her advocate for women, and somehow STILL managed to think she'd be chill with being his personal fantasy of a tradwife? Like...my dude. She crushed a building of people who wanted that for her, and you think you're going to be the singular dude who changes her mind? And then he had the SHEER NERVE to be surprised when she stabbed him.

Qin Zheng. Sir. Zetian fought you tooth and nail this entire book and was in the single most mutually toxic situationship I have ever seen and you genuinely thought she LIKED YOU??? The cognitive dissonance and self-delusion there is astounding. And somehow also completely unsurprising. Although the fact that he went full paternalistic patriarch in the epilogue had me just DREADING what was coming for Zetian in the next book. And "After all, his son cannot grow up without a mother" is a HELL of a line from this man.

Now Zetian...Zetian learns SO MUCH in this book. She learns about building her own power base separate from Qin Zheng, but also she kept getting hit in the face with patriarchy. She kept getting "be a wife and mother" and "get pregnant" and "don't hurt the (extremely fake) baby" and "use your sexuality to get what you want." All of which are SO IRRITATING even as she learns to weaponize them. Literally patriarchy hurts everyone, and watching her having to use the tools of the patriarchy and hating it but having no recourse was painful and infuriating in the best way. And Qin Zheng somehow didn't see it coming because he didn't see Zetian as her own person.

I seriously want to shake this man.

Zetian and Yizhi

Yizhi just kept making me go, "Sir. SIR. Explain your damn self" through this entire book. Taking down his family made sense, but then he kept doing cloak-and-dagger secrets and betrayals and double and triple agenting, and SIR WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR ENDGAME HERE??? It seemed to be some combination of protecting Zetian as much as he could with what he was given, having a weirdly personal beef with Qin Zheng, and taking down capitalism, but I want this man's perspective and inner monologue because WHAT EVEN.

I did ADORE that he was over here quadruple agenting and conspiring to trick Zheng into thinking he would die horribly if not in isolation and mucking around with IVF procedures. Although the "Dammit Zetian, I'm a political and criminal mastermind, not a doctor" line when he said the baby PROBABLY isn't Zetian's was just...*chef's kiss*

That said...he did still definitely violate Zetian's bodily autonomy, even if it was to stop Sima Yi and Zheng from forcing her into having a biological child. It's...one of those situations that is so fucked up there just isn't a RIGHT answer, there's only the answer that you and the woman you love can (probably, we all hope) live with. I love how MESSY this whole thing was. Yizhi is a messy drama queen in the very best way possible.

And the vibes I got from how Yizhi said "entertainment establishments" on the giant-ass space station made my heart hurt for him. I was really impressed that Yizhi could be as hard and soft as he was simultaneously.

Zetian and Her Various Girl Squads

Zetian is absolutely correct that women need more autonomy. Does she go about this perfectly, or even in the most effective way possible? Big Sister showing up in a dream to ask what she's doing for the 97% of women who can't be pilots would suggest no, but we aren't going to be the people who stop trying because the solution we have in the moment isn't perfect. And one of the strengths Zetian has is that she pulls lots of different kinds of women around herself and she listens to them.

She reforms the Iron Widows and she takes as much of a personal interest as she can in these girls, helping them follow in her footsteps. Then she also brings Wan'er and Taiping into her circle and she takes the different perspectives in, synthesizes them, and does her best to advocate for them with Qin Zheng before they collectively figure out how to scaffold other structures and organizations to do that work independently. It's not perfect, and it's probably not going to be enough now that Zheng has decided he understands why binding women's feet is a GOOD idea, but Zetian made real, concrete strides forward to support and protect women.

I also love her relationships with Wan'er, Quielo, and Taiping, because again, this whole book is about fucked up situations and relationships, but Zetian does manage to make these real, valuable, and lovely connections that bring meaning to her life, both personally and publicly. I love a good girl squad, and Zetian manages to find hers, even after being surrounded by men and betrayed by a female mentor figure in the last book. That kind of resilience and willingness to see messy nuance and keep moving? Impressive as all hell.

The Shimin Thing and the State of the Polycule

Shimin is a metal bird now. Shimin is the Vermillion Bird. This honestly left me with more questions than anything else, because it's not entirely clear what Shimin is, where his head is at, or how he is. And it's not clear how Yizhi and Zetian are about getting him back in this form, in this way, especially after accepting that he was gone.

Not to mention that the Yizhi-Zetian size of the iron triangle is...a little rusted, to say the least, and Zetian had whatever the hell she had with Zheng too. Yes, she stabbed him. But that was complicated by the relief mixed in with the frustration when she didn't succeed in killing him. So uh...the triangle is doing something weird and we're going to need to address that more in the next book. None of them are ok, and they're ALL going to need to deal with the aftermath of the past year-ish.

The Politics

OK SO. The sheer amount of cognitive dissonance in Qin Zheng's whole "the products of labor should belong to the laborers" and the whole productivity fetish and the "don't be a money-grubbing capitalist" thing coexisting with "women aren't really people" thing is insane. Also, the whole, "your value in society is contingent upon the labor you provide" tends to rub me the wrong way because it does not take into account things like severe disabilities or illnesses and implies a devaluation of anyone who does not provide labor that society considers valuable. Which Zetian DOES address from a gender perspective, because Qin Zheng clearly misses the amount of labor women do that simply isn't acknowledged as such. And Zetian tried to ameliorate this. But I also wish just a little that the existence of a human life was valued more than anything else.

Zetian also learns how to perform politics in this book, which is a really interesting journey to watch, and having her go from randomly screaming slogans Wan'er feeds her to actually plotting photo ops and events is intriguing.

Overall, this was a FABULOUS book, and I cannot wait to see where these characters go and what Zhao will do next.