#disclaimer anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 7th

Social Cues Anon, 14 anon, avoidant anon (new), disclaimer anon (new), therapist anon, yourself anon, tired anon (new)

Social Cues Anon

Heyyy- it's social cues anon!

And first I want to say I am sorryyyy I didn't mean to offend or anything by the 'passing', thing, it was a description and Its mostly my English sucking and I couldn't find a better wording than that, and also I am dumb and couldn't think it would offend- I obviously would never say anyone anything about their appearance if they didn't ask, it's not my business after all, I am sorry again I want you to know I didn't have any bad thoughts about it and I understand I should be more considerate.

Anyway, I apologized! Like, really I managed! He was so cute and accepting- (it actually took me a lot time to be forgiven and I understand it but I suffered lol😭/jk) anyway, after I apologized and explained I used it as a gender neutral term and never once viewed him as a woman etc- he was sad because people usually questions him about his gender and he isn't mad at me bc I didn't mean it like that and all those (because why would I, he said he was a man and I don't understand how he can be something else? I never questioned it, I am surprised others did.) anyway, we are good I guess? (Btw I will call him sev bc I don't remember if I gave him a name or not here)

I saw him at a cafe and I apologized him there, and sadly I had to pay for his coffee too, here goes my last 5€- tbh best money I spent. I was all so nervous and excited and so worried I don't know how I survived.

if I manage to actually talk I want to ask him if he wants to go to an art exhibit he talked about before- but I don't know if it would be weird, like yes, he forgave me but I don't know if I should invite him. I obviously would pay for it and all, but what if he doesn't want to come but feels obligated to because we are recently on good terms? I am so nervous😭😭 I don't have any other people I know who wants to go to the art exhibit.

And off topic but my other friend (let's call her Sara) she acts weird? Like we were studying in the library as a group and she insisted on not sitting near sev, and made me sit near him. I don't understand, she was getting along with him a week ago? She started to do those often, like we were talking with Sara and Sev came and Sara suddenly left? And she talks to him just fine on the phone or when I am not around, I saw from videos (silly videos for memories).

So did I do something why she does that I don't understand- I feel sad because Sara and her girlfriend are my close friends and I really like sev like he is so cute and so full of life he is great, he loves a lot of cool things, easy to talk, and naturally I want to hang out with him and my friends too since they are friends with him but Sara just don't? I hope I didn't do anything.. but it's probably not my business.. but I am worried.

I am sorry if I did/said anything wrong I didn't mean to

Hi! Please don't apologize, I don't want you to feel bad I just wanted to make sure you know. I'm glad you and Sev are doing better! Honestly I think you should ask him! It sounds like a really fun date and he sounds like a really cool guy!.

As far as Sara...whatever she's up to, it's not about you. I honestly can't decide if she doesn't like Sev or if she can tell you like Sev and is trying to help. But either way, you didn't do anything wrong <3

_________________________

14 anon

Hi <3 I'm so sorry I didn't get to this sooner. Please let me know how you are! I hope your mom didn;t get mad? Also please remember that if you're truly scared of your mom, that's something to consider telling another adult. You shouldn't be afraid of your mom <3

______________________

Avoidant Anon

Hey Cas! I hope you're well <3

I haven't really been on much, I opened this app like 30 minutes ago and saw your post and wanted to ask your thought or advice or anything at all because I'm gonna crash out soon if I don't get this out my chest.

So basically I don't know what to feel or do rn because my boyfriend's best friend seems like he has a crush on my bf and my bf sounds like he's having mixed feelings about him as well, when he told me he's been overthinking about his best friend and asked if he's giving "mixed signals" and said he wanna make sure he wasn't cheating on me and not hurting his best friend's feelings and also told me he doesn't know what he's feeling anymore which is sus to me but idk if I'm overthinking it and I'm confused as hell. He's also been distance and I'm giving him some space so he can deal with his feelings.

We've only been dating for a month and he's the first guy I've dated in like, 3 or 4 years because I stopped dating due to my avoidant attachment issues but I'm really healing for him and now this is all happening I have no idea what to feel or do and I don't wnana lose him to this because it's the first time I actually feel in love (if that make sense) and it's the first time I didn't run or feel uncomfortable when someone say they love/like me romantically. I am so confused and lost and I don't dare tell my friends about it because they'd definitely give the poor dude a hard time. I didn't expect my rant to be this long, I hope you don't mind😭

And Im so sorry if I confused you with my rant, I'm very confused as well🥹

Ty for reading this and I wish you the best <3

Hi <3 I completely understand why you're upset, I would be too! I think you're doing the best thing you can do- give him some space to figure his shit out. But also know that if this is too much for you, you have a right to tell him that and to break up with him. While I don't think he's doing anything wrong, it's still and upsetting and confusing situation, and you're allowed to not want to be in it.

I'm here for you and I'm sending you love. Keep me updated <3

_____________________

Disclaimer Anon

okay so disclaimer, i've identified as sapphic for a few years now so i'm not completely ignorant about the community and none of these questions are meant to be offensive i'm genuinely curious

i believe in the whole "sexuality and gender are fluid" and also "sexuality and gender aren't a choice, it's something we're born with" but they're actually a bit contradictory. like if it's something inherent, how can it change? i mean, you could say that you discovered a new part of yourself but like that explains identifying as pansexual after you've been going by bisexual because you're just expanding under the label of multisexuality and identifying as gay or lesbian after going by bisexual. but what about going from identifying as lesbian or gay or pansexual to identifying as bisexual? what about going from identifying as agender to trigender or another label under polygender?

I think for this, the idea is that even if things change, you can;t control how they change. Sexuality and gender are not a choice, you know? So even if your sexuality or gender changes over time, you don't decide that.

ik people can have like different romantic and sexual orientations but how? i don't mean it in the being aro but not ace (ace-spec is different from ace) and vice versa but being bisexual but homoromantic or being pansexual and biromantic like i kinda am confused about that

This is because people can be attracted to people in different ways than they want an emotional connection to people. Physical connection and emotional connection are different. For example, I'm finding that I can be attracted to any gender, but I really only can make emotional connections with non-men.

what's the whole concept of neopronouns and being a furry? i personally don't understand it but i'll respect it anyway but i want to try to understand it

Honestly, I'm not well-versed in either concept, either. I know neopronouns are just other pronouns besides she/he/they. People use them if those three do not feel right. But I don't know much more, nor do I know a lot about furries. But to me...if it's not hurting me or others, I respect it!

what's the whole he/him lesbian thing? disclaimer once again, i'm not hating but while i'm not completely ignorant about my own sexuality and it's definitions i'm also a bit unaware of certain things. like, by definition, lesbian means non men who like non men and i know he/him pronouns doesn't necessarily mean you identify as male but i'm still a bit confused about that? again, this is probably a bit ignorant of me but genderfluid people who like non men do fall under the category of lesbians right? but they also identify as men at times but again not always so i'm a bit confused

Honestly, I don't completely understand this one either. But again...it's not hurting anyone so I don't mind. I think labels and identities are so specific from person to person that as long as they're being genuinely used (not as a joke), that's totally within their right and I respect it.

i don't mean to offend or hate on anyone or question their right to identify as a certain label i'm just a bit confused and unaware of certain things

I don't think you're being offensive! It's okay to ask these questions! For the ones I don't know...honestly, if you can find someone with that identity willing to answer your questions, that might be your best bet.

If you have any more questions, feel free to send them! I'll do my best to answer!

___________________

Therapist Anon

Hi cassssss

Therapist anon here, am I allowed to be happy?

Stupid question but anywaysss

Recently I did a 30 marker for sociology (which I was forced to take cos the school sucks) and it was my first one ever and I spent way too fucking long on it BUT!!!!! I got 25/30 AND on another question I got 6/6!!!!!!

Please accept my apologies if I seem to be gloating I'm just really happy cos I didn't gwt the best grade in the winter exam so....I'm juts happy with my progress :)

Okay have a great day you're the best MWAH

OF COURSE you can be happy! That's amazing, and you should be so proud! I'm proud of you!

___________________

Yourself anon

Hi <3

Okay I want to make it clear: You are allowed to be very mad at your dad and still feel bad about what you did. Those two things don't have to rely on each other, they're separate situations. And it sounds like you have every right to be very mad at your dad. And I'm proud of you for telling him so.

But as far as what YOU did...I understand why you feel bad but it also sounds like it's not that simple. I'm nervous to say more because of the situation, but I really think you need to talk to someone about this. Do you have any trusted adult in your life you could share this with? I just know that all seems like it could be really confusing, but I think you're holding way too much guilt.

___________________

Tired anon

Here's the beginning of your post!

Hello, I am so tired. I know I am being emotionally ridiculous but I really need to rant. First things first: I know I need therapy, it is expensive, I feel too bad for spending so much money on something that just generally doesn’t seem like it works for me. Two: I am using fake names so dw about privacy stuff, and at last three, I do curse a bunch in here, sorry, I usually try not to, but I am feeling very strongly rn and sometimes it just slips.

Hi <3

It sounds like you're going through a LOT right now and you're feeling overwhelmed. I think talking to your mom kind of depends on how things with her have been in the past. Is she usually receptive? If so, then yes, try it. If not, do you have another adult you can talk to?

Either way though, I really want to try to convince you to try therapy. I know it seems like a waste but I promise it's not. Not only that, but a lot of colleges offer it for free!

Also I want you to know that I know things feel crazy right now but I believe in you and I know you can do this. You are NOT a failure, and you're doing great.

Sending love <3

[deep-space-lines]

okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.

yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything

((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))

and then they fucked nasty the end

[l3viat8an]

*points at ur pussy* are u gonna finish that? *tummy growls really loud*

[northstarscowboyhat]

Late night Magma doodles

(Also because I feel like this needs to be clarified; the joke is that Clover got the step dad shirt from Starlo ((hence why its oversized on them)). Clover still uses they/them pronouns in this AU.)

[ef-1]

yeah F1 is cool but imagine a driver gets shunted and he bodily rips off his rear wing (Which fucking says "Race Against CRIME") as he's being swarmed by officials

And he just yeets it at the guy who shunted him

[frownyalfred]

I feel like Selina leaving bruce at the altar was very heartbreaking. I can definitely see him getting super depressed after that

How do you think the batkids helped? And clark, who has feelings for bruce?

Dick: went to Bruce's side immediately, helping talk him down from whatever he's about to do (or not do).

Jason: making somewhat worrying threats about hunting Selina down (?) and then not elaborating about what he'd do once he caught her.

Tim: charmed the mayor into turning the reception into an impromptu rally/benefit to take the focus off Bruce. using his phone to lock down assets/accounts/informants Selina has access to in between conversations.

Damian: joining in on Jason's threats, considering calling Talia to see what she'd think about all this (spoiler alert: she would not approve).

Cass: in the corner with Barbara and Steph trying to figure out which family member they're going to have to take out if they try to hunt after Selina (probably Jason).

Barbara: helping Tim lock down accounts/etc on her tablet, keeping an eye on Jason with Cass to make sure "I'll make her pay for this" doesn't become (another) murder charge.

Steph: with Cass and Barbara, secretly feeling really bad for Bruce. someone handed her champagne and she just started drinking it. is it Bruce's? who cares, not like he needs it now.

Clark: awkwardly standing with Dick, trying to talk Bruce down. keeps interjecting with midwestern-isms that aren't helping but nobody cares enough to tell him to shut up. deep down, very very interested in helping Bruce work through this.

Alfred: the one who actually went after Selina to give her a piece of his mind

[ahappydnp]

No because it’s so wild to watch them react to marriage/engagement stuff in such a chill way because those were things we didn’t use to bring up to them in the past but now they’re like “lol yeah we dressed like we were getting married in Vegas ON PURPOSE”

like sorry dnp but SOME OF US remember how bringing up 2022 was damn near illegal and if you insinuated they were moderately close on any level they'd stone you in the town square

[ofswordsandpens]

circular discourse, criticism being met with death threats... pjo fandom we're so back baby

[powersandplanetaries]

I know that news stories about Indigenous people leading ecological stewardship movements are very charismatic and heartwarming, and if your heritage or culture inspires you to work towards better care for the environment that is incredible and extremely admirable, but we're clear on the fact that Indigenous rights and Land Back movements shouldn't depend on First Nations people being mystical Noble Savage, Closer To Nature poster children, yes?

Indigenous self-determination applies to the person who becomes a teacher because she wants to help fill a need in underserved northern reservations. It applies to the person who studies engineering because the job market is good and he likes cool cars. It applies to the woman who works a government job because it's a stable job with a decent salary on which to raise her kids, and the woman who works a government job because she wants to represent and be a voice for her people. It applies to the person who is a lawyer trying to correct the over-incarceration of First Nations people, and her son who wants to be a professional baseball player because he loves sports. It applies to the grad student who wants to bring traditional knowledge into field work, and the goth hairdresser who spends every weekend going to punk shows and anime conventions in the city. It applies to the person who considers themself Two Spirit, and the person who uses non-binary instead because they dont feel that umbrella term fits them. None of these examples are hypotheticals- these are all people I personally know, either friends or family friends or even members of my family. All of these people are equally Indigenous, whether or not they fit your image of what a marginalized people's priorities "should" be. They are not gone, and they are not "stuck in the past". Happy National Indigenous People Day. Do better.

[the-official-news]

@sacabambaspis-offish tries to create a tsunami

the ocean must stop them

Breaking News!!!

Tsunami Warning!!!!

This is just in! Today at 3:30 pm, we received a shocking anonymous report warning that some kind of fish is attempting to create a tsunami!!

What does this mean for your safety? It remains to be seen!

In the event of a tsunami, please make your way in land and to a high place, stay away from buildings and the coast to avoid putting yourself in danger.

[lemonhemlock]

honestly it’s a bit annoying how people are bending themselves into a pretzel to justify this writing but are claiming that they’re somehow smarter for getting it like dude you can’t flipflop like if you think Alicent should be allowed to resent her child and get him beheaded cuz he was the result of marital rapr but somehow when it’s brought up of Alicent not the narrative acknowledges viserys being somebody that did that then it’s that oh Alicent is a character of that time so obviously she has buried that resentment deep inside but it’s the resentment conveniently reaches the surface when it’s time to press forward the rhaenicent ship.

I’m trying to be understanding but honestly what I’ve personally observed is that the only people that seem to love this are rhaenicent shippers and that’s it cuz how come oh all of this war was pointless and that’s the point all along but it’s like dude come on a character not acknowledging their grandchild was beheaded in their sleep is not an example of how well it shows the war is pointless cuz how is the mother of that beheaded child helping the man that got him murdered. How come the narrative doesn’t acknowledge that daemon did that and rhaenyra is still allowing that man back into her team like yeah let her do that but let the narrative acknowledge that she’s selfish for it and that she doesn’t truly care about what happened and what happened to helaena either.

I was willing to think people just have different interpretations and leave it at that before but the writing has become so blatantly biased that when people don’t even acknowledge that I genuinely feel like I’m being gaslit here like excuse me what

no, i totally get it and it is SO frustrating. bending themselves into a pretzel is such a good way of saying it. people love the IP and the asoiaf universe so much that they are willing to gaslit themselves that it's not bad.

but what's the point? it's bad execution after bad execution, a whole continuous string of them. you can't fundamentally change characters like that without making huge adjustments to the plot and to their fate as well - they won't naturally hit the same story beats! a character with show!alicent's personality would never do the things book!alicent did! a character with show!rhaenyra's personality is never going to do the things book!rhaenyra did!

they want to reconstruct these characters from the ground up, shove their dumbass life philosophies and first wave understanding of feminism in there, then NOT do any of the work that might allow them to depict an organic character arc. they still have to hit the same plot points, so ofc it's going to be circus-level flip-floping bc the motivations will not make sense if you change their core self so much.

this is especially evident with how the show REFUSES to admit viserys was a rapist. but at the same time implying so badly that alicent didn't want these children and is shackled by them. if she didn't want them, how did she manage to produce 4?? of them? who put those children into her body? if she didn't want them, then it was done against her will, no? can we examine that before we get to the point of gleefully handing them over to be executed bc you want to "be free"? no, ofc not, bc that would make viserys look bad 🙄 so how can you accept that supposed motivation of alicent's if it so half-baked? i hate it so much. and i hate it that people are going "fans are triggered by bad mother characters, but that's not feminist, women should be allowed to be villains and unpalatable on screen REEEEEE"

and another thing i find frustrating is this (mistaken IMO) attempt at a distinction between wanting explicit media vs media where things are left open to interpretation, and how hotd is supposedly the latter and we just don't understand that some people prefer having to fill in the gaps themselves. i don't want media with neon signs pointing if something is """"bad""""" or """""""good"""""". i am not asking for the booktokification of asoiaf!

no one in Succession is looking at the camera and saying "i am doing X thing bc of Y" and there are enough points where the show supports multiple interpretations, but the character work and attention to detail is stellar with similar amounts of screen time. i wish i could word this better but hotd does this annoying ass thing where it skips the fallout of important moments and then never addresses them, then pretends that's subtle character work instead of what it actually is: a lazy hack job.

i mean, honestly, i can't believe we ever complained about season 8 in the first place if these are the new standards. genuinely, i would encourage everyone to go back and re-watch those last episodes and make a bullet-point list about what's actually bad about them while trying to defend hotd s2 with the same arguments. because at least dany has a very clear, if rushed, progression there: she has a clear goal, an obstacle, suffers some losses she considers harrowing (an escalation), she is shown to be depressed and getting paranoid, there's a trigger point, she gives into violence and finishes off fanatical about her own self. where is the problem?

[l3viat8an]

Levi getting you a mother's day gift cause he's Mommy's good boy

Teehee:3

-🕸

Usgjaga Levi with a mommy kink sounds so hot right now!!!-

Levi using Mother’s Day as his big chance to spoil you!!! You take such good care of him all the time and he never feels like he does enough to show you how much he appreciates you yk :(

So Levi gets you the biggest mother’s day gift basket he can find, plus a few special little gifts he knows you’ll love. If he’s feeling extra brave he’ll even buy a few ‘toys’ you two can use together. (or more likely; you can use on him >_<)

Ooooor Levi is your gift <3

I’ve said it before ‘n I’ll say it again Levi could and would eat you out for hours!!! Especially if he’s making his mommy feel good~

Just relax and let him take care of you <3

[dykedvonte]

omg hi if it wouldn't be a bother i'd love if you could expand on your perspective on curly's character representing how patriarchy, rape culture, etc, negatively effect men?

I think Curly is there to represent the idealic person for the scenerior but in a lot of wrong place wrong time and a sort of deconstruction.

Curly’s enabling is never just the “He wouldn’t do that, he’s my friend, I know him.” type. Yes, he is not nearly as concerned as he should be with Jimmy’s behavior but he’s not completely blind to how he can be and is aware that Jimmy is just a guy who had it rough. He clearly is very keen on keeping Jimmy calm for the trip, very accommodating to all of them in a way that he honestly should be but can be used to explain away favoritism. If everyone can get away with a little something than it can then be extended to Jimmy. A big problem of Curly’s is he extends to much curtesy to everyone which a lot of people ignore to just focus on Jimmy and his relationship.

In specifics of rape culture, he’s the sad truth of people don’t immediately cut off the abuser. There is a lot of this in irl cases that can range from the inability to open the selfish not wanting to but here it’s because his relationship with the abuser is also not healthy/abusive, falling into the former with how confined they are despite how it can be seen as bros protecting bros due to how underplayed emotionally unhealthy relationships between men can be. His relationship with Jimmy is not just one of wanting to protect him from himself but keeping him docile, safe to bring around others. There is a tension in almost all of their private scenes where Curly is trying hard to make sure his words are understood and don’t set him off. It’s subtle but real and an aspect of RC that gets overlooked when it’s comes to men coming forward themselves or on behalf of others. The way they can’t directly oppose each other because their safety may be the least of their concerns. They know men and in this case he knows this man won’t target him but the others, especially Anya, case point: not wanting her to tell Jimmy alone.

There is an inherent intimidation that can also happen in male spaces we see Jimmy use due to the specific social condemnation effect he has with Curly. Even if he is a bad friend to Curly, he is a dear friend and a lot of apprehension with men on the side of Curly in RC comes from that social anxiety, that fear and the very real idea you or the person you were trying to help will be further retaliated against/isolated just like we see happen to an extreme in canon. We don’t know how much Curly and Jimmy interacted between the party and the crash. We can assume they didn’t at all or perhaps went on as normal, but we know something changed after the conversation with Anya both at night and in the cockpit.

I think the card being in the locker shows he was gonna make the complaint, taking her ID to get her numbers for the report as it isn’t there before hand. With the recent reblog of how complaints have to be filed, he was likely storing it, possibly it was close to a time he could send something if it was even possible. Though everything was inevitably too late.

Curly is the ideal man on paper in terms of a patriarchal system. In shape, handsome, the top of the pecking order, competent or otherwise on top of his perineal duties. The issue is he is deeply unhappy just as someone like Jimmy who reflects all the negatives. This should be what he wants but he’s realized it’s unfulfilling, boring and he’s given up too much of himself to get up a ladder he doesn’t even remember why he climbed in the first place. He is not keen on keeping that status, I am a contrarian in thinking he honestly didn’t care if the report when on his record, more so he was in shock it happened at all. Didn’t want to believe his friend actually did it and he of all people would have to be the one to turn him in for it. It’s selfish and it’s a personal thought but it’s real. It’s denial because even if you know it’s for justices sake, you grieve the friendship you had and the perceptions that were shattered. It’s not supposed to sound good or noble or kind because it isn’t, it’s human.

All together I think Curly represents a big way these systems negatively affect the men that everyone assume benefits. He’s unhappy with the power he has because it ties him to responsibilities that bring him no fulfillment, he also gets retaliated against by Jimmy because he was never immune and in a way was aware of it. He’s unequipped and nervous to handle such a delicate situation because it isn’t protocol, there’s no protocol. He followed the rules of all the concepts mentioned, trying to do the right and normal thing and it either left him with nothing to show for it or damned him and others in the end.

This is a shorter post than I would write but I just feel like I’ve tackled these aspects so much individually or in lumped together posts that unless it’s something specific I will just create run on tangents.

[freckliedan]

please please please share details about your thoughts abt the week in november. i get emotional thinking abt their early years and your answer to that ask made my heart so warm i need to know more

(prev posts: one, two)

i don't have a ton more to say at the moment i'm sorry anon!! it's been awhile since @freckliephil & i talked about it. and she's 100% the source of my thoughts on this & i'll never be able to encapsulate it in words as well as she does :')

that said i'll still give it a shot!

do you ever think about how as much as dnp were absolutely uhauling it from day one they also took their time? people joke about dan's first trip being a sex marathon and there's definitely good fic about that but like. dan's uma thurman week tweets were clearly abt something new and special?

(& i'm not going to get into talking abt how penetrative sex isn't the only type of sex or the ultimate end goal but you can pretend i do that here).

anyways. uma thurman week was nearly 2 months after they met irl, yknow? and they'd spent as much time together in person as possible thru that stretch. but even the cherry tweets & then uma thurman tweets were several days into the visit in question. so like. it wasn't immediate! they weren't rushing into escalating physical intimacy!

they took their time and went at a pace that felt safe for dan which like. i cannot even begin to get into how huge it is that dan felt safe with phil both in his queerness and with physical touch. it's so overwhelming for me to think about.

like, i was abused at work for ~10 months as an adult; the person never laid a hand on me and i still have a complicated relationship with touch now. dan spent his entire childhood experiencing the abuse of intense bullying which INCLUDED a physical aspect.

i know not everyone responds to trauma in the same way but i don't think it's a stretch to say that dan almost certainly has had a much more complicated relationship with touch than i have or could even imagine as a result of his experiences. like we ALL knew he was triggered by having his neck touched before ever having the context of why.

back to the subject at hand i just like. it's just. dan felt safe with phil. to be himself and to touch and be touched. & it was more than just safe, it was good & felt good. they could laugh together. they took their time discovering what was pleasurable.

of course it was lifechanging. of course the feeling was too big to just hold in his body alone no wonder he tweeted like that.

of course it's still putting stars in their eyes fifteen years later.

[marc--chilton]

screaming going insane im begging you to talk more about house developing a pavlovian response to wilsons nagging. like you’re right.

like house is already not subtle about wilson (you can only joke about wanting to fuck a guy so much before people start thinking you actually wanna fuck the guy) (i am not convinced he was ever joking)

and house has sooo many issues, the most prevalent being ones that stem from his leg and resulting disability after a life of activity, BUT we also must consider also those that stem from his childhood..... when a parent treats you terribly even the most logic-minded and rational people will think they deserve it. and when that is normal for you, it's almost a comfort. especially if that's the only attention you're getting from them

now let's set that aside for a second. house has always thought of wilson positively from day one (finding him "interesting" which is like the normal person equivalent of saying love at first sight, in this case) and i am not alone in thinking that house is pining in some form. and he fucks. the wires get crossed. something in his brain goes from "no one can make him mad like i can :) " to "he's hot when he's negging me" to house beating it in the hospital showers

95% (why did the numbers get HUGE just then. like i'm making a point sure but goddamn 70 point font pop off) of the time house will walk away from an interaction with wilson feeling great, even if he just got lectured within an inch of his life. just look at how often he gets the Diagnosis Revelation just from bothering wilson for five minutes (and that being all of wilson's screentime in the ep)

they're sick. they're basically having sex every episode. there are cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see

[lxvi-gloria]

Drabble Prompt: Post-canon Levi, struggling with chronic pain and mourning his dead loved ones, being visited by his still alive loved ones

Anon, you knew how to talk pretty to me <3

hihi requests are still open btw

I feel like I gotta put a disclaimer or something lmao. So, the length of my drabble requests is usually something between 100-400 words. This request is just an incredibly unexpected exception. it just happened to fit into this idea I already had been thinking of, which was how the remaining 104th would ask Levi to be part of important events in their lives because well, they like the dude lmao, so expect that sort of one-shot soon. Additionally, since I kept reminding myself that this was supposed to be a drabble, I might have glossed over the chronic pain and mourning bits so I'm sorry about that ;;

that being said, 2.4k words of Levi and Gabi be upon ye <3

Now on Ao3!

The angry hissing of the kettle makes him flinch. It brings a loud ringing to his right ear. Instinctively, he places his right hand over it, and gives his ear a couple of gentle taps; it's more of a grounding gesture, a distraction from the buzzing. He usually keeps watch over the kettle, so that he can lower the heat just right before it gets a chance to scream at him. 

He realises then that he must have spaced out while waiting. It’s alright, he thinks. It’s been like that a lot, recently. He’s been like that. Lost in thought-- lost in time, if he allowed himself to be precise. The last days, weeks even, as the temperatures started to drop, blended into each other. There’s a little calendar on his bedside table, it had been a birthday gift from Armin – or had that been Mikasa’s? He isn’t sure, he had received an absurd number of presents from the kids last year, it had been hard to keep track of who gave him what and now the fact escaped him. Turning the pages of the little calendar, with its delicate botanical illustrations on each day, quickly became part of his morning routine, and so he was sure that time was passing at all. The stillness of the routine, he guesses, made him like this.

His vision blurs momentarily while he scoops the tea leaves into the teapot. He squints, trying to will his good eye to focus, but all he gets in return is a throb in his right eye. After putting the tea canister away, he presses the inner sides of his wrists to both eyes, placing just enough pressure to relieve the discomfort. When he opens his eyes again, he is pleased to find he can read the small print on the canister an arm’s length away. 

There’s a loud slam coming from the front of the house, followed by footsteps coming further into the house.

He quickly recognizes the heavy stomping as Gabi’s gait. She’s always been so loud.

Gabi crosses the arch into the small kitchen and dining area. 

“Don’t slam my doors,” he says as a greeting, slowly turning his head to his left side, trying to catch a glimpse of her in his periphery.

“Aye, aye,” the kid waves her hand, shoots him a teasing grin, “someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Levi hums in response but doesn’t say anything else. He busies himself with placing everything they need for their morning tea and coffee on a metal tray on the counter, which Gabi takes from him as soon as it’s ready and sets it on the table.

He grabs his cane from where he had hooked it on one of the kitchen drawers. He has been leaning against the counter, his right leg supporting most of his weight all this time. He braces himself for the sharp pain that will surely surge from his bad knee, through his left hip and up his spine. Cold mornings like this one and being still in one place for long will do that to him. It’s not so bad. It could be worse.

It takes 4 steps to get from the stove to his chair, which Gabi has already pulled out for him. It sits at an angle that allows him to easily slide down on it and rest his right elbow on top of the table, leaning back and against his good side.

“I have something that will cheer you up,” she holds a couple of envelopes in her hand and waves them at him, “You’ve got mail!”

He nods at her in acknowledgement but does not take his attention away from preparing his first batch of tea of the day. There’s a ritual to it, it almost feels like, and he doesn’t want to mess it up. Not when the ringing in his ear is still there, the building pressure in the upper back part of his eyeballs, and the cold air seeping into his bones through his thick jumper. Oh, how he needs a good cup of tea right now.

While Levi waits for it to steep, he grabs the papers that she had shoved in his face, squints his eyes at the first envelope and finds that he is unable to make out much of the handwriting. He brings it closer to his face, squints harder, steals a quick glance across the table and hopes Gabi isn’t paying him any mind, too preoccupied with choosing from the bag of pastries she brought with her. It is with an impassive expression that he hands the stack of envelopes back. 

“Read it for me.” A beat and then he adds, a little reluctant: “Please.”

He knows Gabi prefers coffee in the mornings, and black tea in the evenings, so he makes sure to have a fresh brew of the former whenever he knows she’s coming over; so, with shaky hands, Levi gets to prepare her cup of coffee. While he enjoys the aroma of it, he remains faithful to tea; at first, he thought he didn’t like it because he had butchered his first attempts at brewing it. But even after Onyankopon had taught him how to do it properly and he had enjoyed his cup, it didn’t bring the same comfort as tea. It just never hit the spot.

She shoots him a mischievous grin, “Oh, you sure? What if I read something personal, hm?” 

Levi just shakes his head, scoffing at the idea of Gabi finding his junk mail fascinating.

“Is this how I find out you have a secret lover you’re exchanging raunchy love letters with?” Gabi teases, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

He lets out a tired sigh and rolls his eyes, “just wanna be done with it, ” he stirs the milk into Gabi’s coffee, which now has turned into a cup of milk with coffee. “We have a lot to prepare for tonight.”

She clicks her tongue at him, but still rips the first envelope open, “Mr. Levi, your reading won’t improve if you keep doing that,” she jokingly scolds him.

Although Levi mentally recognises handing her and Falco stuff he couldn’t be bothered reading before, that’s not the case this time. He’ll let her think that for now, though, because he doesn’t want to mention the pressure building in the back of his bad eye, it’s not important and she, a kid, doesn’t need to know his newly found ailment of the week. He can see just fine around him right now. He can see Gabi’s big eyes and playful smile at the other side of the table, and that’s good enough; smaller details, he doesn’t feel he can do them, not without making himself go dizzy with a migraine.

Levi slides the cup of coffee to her and is pleased with himself when she approves of the colour of her drink.

“It’s from Armin,” she announces as she scans the letter. 

From this angle, the soft morning light illuminating her face and thanks to his faulty vision, Gabi’s image stirs his memory. His heart faintly constricts as he is reminded of the many times Hange read their research reports to him during breakfast in the mess hall before presenting them to Erwin. Levi always wondered how they could read so fast, sometimes he even doubted they were actually reading at all, their words barely being able to catch up with her eyes; he never asked about it, maybe reading came easy to them as numbers did to him.

A high-pitched squeal from Gabi startles him, bringing him back to the here and now.

“Oh… ohh, Mr. Levi,” she starts, her smile widening by the second “This is good news!”

Gabi makes a show of clearing her throat and then starts reading “Dear Captain, I hope this letter finds you well and in good health.” 

Levi can’t help but let a sardonic huff at the irony of the greetings but doesn’t let himself be bothered by it. He has written only a handful of personal letters throughout his life, and by now he knows it’s just something you’re supposed to say because jumping straight to the point isn’t acceptable, or so that’s what he had been told. 

Gabi continues reading Armin’s words to him. For the most part, it’s a standard letter coming from him: he asks Levi how he’s dealing with the changing of the seasons, how Gabi and Falco are faring, if business at the tea shop has been good, if there’s anything Levi needs that he can’t get in town so that Armin or the others can get it for him. He tells him a little about the country he’s writing from, he even includes a photograph. Then, after the expected pleasantries, Gabi can barely hold her excitement and starts reading faster, trying so hard not to trip over her words.

“If I’m being sincere, we would prefer to ask you in person,” Gabi stops for a second to look up at him from the paper, gauging for a reaction and finding nothing, she continues. 

Armin apologises for not being able to visit him before the holidays, Annie included, and so it is implied that he won’t be attending tonight’s reunion. 

Sometime during the last five years, the Alliance brats had decided to make showing up at Levi’s doorstep together once a year a sort of custom; the first time it happened was during an early winter, a blizzard had stopped them from leaving Levi’s until the next morning. It had been a really nice evening despite the awful weather, Levi remembers, after everyone pitched in one way or another, they all shared a simple but hearty meal together. It was Connie who jokingly said they should do it every year. The following year, Onyankopon, Gabi and Falco joined them. 

This year would be their fourth, and the first someone wouldn’t make it. That fact sits heavily in Levi’s chest, stealing the spotlight from his throbbing eye.

“...Annie and I have decided to get married. The both of us would like you to officiate our ceremony!” unable to contain her excitement, she tears her eyes away from the paper and looks at Levi. “Huh?! This is good news! What’s with the constipated face?!”

That doesn’t sound right. It figures that Annie and Armin would be the first to marry; in a way, he is happy for them, they clearly care for each other. No, that part is easy to understand. Their union is logical to anyone who knows the couple. What Levi can’t figure out is why they are asking him such a thing.

He clears his throat, assumes it’s been 3 minutes and his tea is ready to be poured and so he distracts himself with that.

When he doesn’t answer Gabi, she picks up where she left off. 

He isn’t… well, he isn’t that close to either of them. He’s sure Annie must have other relatives that could step in his stead. Maybe a brother, a cousin. Even Jean or Reiner would be better options than Levi. He isn’t good with words or people like they are, he couldn’t possibly give them a speech about something foreign to him as it is that kind of love, that’s what people expect, right? His title of Captain is obsolete in this new world, so it can’t be that either. Hell, he has never been to a fucking wedding. 

Just… why him?

As expected, Armin doesn’t really go into the details of their choice but does let Levi know they do not expect a fast answer and that they do not want him to feel pressured to accept it, despite how much it would mean to them if he did. Armin asks if there’s anything in particular that he would like for his birthday, as it is a month away, and closes the letter by saying he looks forward to seeing him and everyone then.

When the letter is closed and put back into its envelope, silence falls around them. For a moment the only sound that can be heard is the clinking of tableware as Levi places the teacup back on its saucer.

It bothers him, that he knows he will be letting Armin down by refusing something that any other well-adapted person would consider an honour. But the thought of embarrassing him and himself, because he gave an awkward, most likely insensitive, speech, mortifies him. No, he can’t put them and their guests through that. He will find a way to make it up to the couple, maybe he can… he doesn’t know yet, but he will come up with something.

As he finishes his first cup, Levi realises that at some point while he was lost in thought, the ringing in his ear has subsided and now it’s back to that muffled, cotton-in-ear sensation he’s used to and he doesn’t feel his eyeball pulsating anymore. Glancing at Gabi, he notices she is trying really hard not to say something, her brow furrowed as she takes a sip of her own drink, followed by a big bite of her pastry. Flakes stick to the corner of her mouth and for once it doesn’t disgust him. Instead, it makes his lips twitch as if going into a smile.

“I can help you... if you want,” she says eventually, sounding uncharacteristically careful and small of her.

Levi quirks an eyebrow “Help? with what?” 

She shrugs, “How to… tell them you don’t want to,” she avoids looking at him for the first time, finding the flakes on her plate more interesting. She shrugs again and tilts her head to the side, a thin line of a smile appearing on her face. “...or prepare for the ceremony.”

Not unlike many times before, Gabi’s words render him speechless, if only for a moment. He spares his tea a glance and he thinks: it’s bold of her to be so upfront about offering her help to him, and had it been any other morning, one where he couldn’t think past the constant ache in his body, he would’ve chewed her head off for simply trying to help him because he himself doesn’t know how to accept that kindness.

This kid is trying her best and he can’t help but feel somewhat proud of that.

“You have shit on your face. Here,” he points to where the flakes would sit on his own face and picks his refilled teacup back up.

Gabi quickly wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, getting most of the flakes off. Levi gives her a thumbs-up with his free hand.

“I’ll think about it,” he finally concedes and tries to ignore the little happy dance she does in her seat.

This time, when the amber liquid touches his lips, it’s remarkably sweeter than before.