#disability jokes

[samuel-m-walker]

My fellow disableds,

I purpose a cane that looks like one of those swords we would make out of markers as children

(not my image) One of these things but as a functional walking cane

[disagigglebilities]

Sometimes my cane falls over and smacks my friend's walker and that's "cripple on cripple violence"

[bonsoirbunny]

I wish I could make jokes about my disability (clear cut jokes, they literally cannot be interpreted any other way!) with my able-bodied family members without them looking so uncomfortable.

Prime example: I told my ex, “it would be really funny if whenever I fell, my bones would make the sound of bowling pins being knocked down and a cosmic UI screen of Wii Bowling would show the “Strike” graphic. Gif below for reference. He…did not find it funny.

[mandana-the-service-pup]

That funny feeling when your trying to monitor your vitals and it just gives you an error message…like…is it a real error or are my vitals just that bad 🤨

[thefundisorderdiary]

Got a bad case of dry mouth from the dihydrocodienes.

I guess you could say I’m…

DIHYDRATED

[queercremation]

I was too powerful so God decided to nerf me, God is a pussy.

[jokerjokinghahaha]

Call now to recieve help with the inability to make phone calls!

Fill out this forum to receive assistance with your difficulty filling out forms

Come on down to our center thats two hours away so we can give assistance with your inability to walk or drive

There's help out there! You're just not trying hard enough!

[beaft]

it is legit bizarre to me how hard video game creators and film directors and showrunners try to pretend that fat people don't exist. can you think of the last time you saw a fat person in a lead role? god forbid a fat woman? i can walk down the street or go into a shop or restaurant and see fat people everywhere but then i switch on the tv and suddenly it's like a glimpse into an alternate universe where no one has a bmi over 24. insidious and weird

[fallenstarcat]

this is even funnier now im diagnosed with asthma

im autistic and have albinism / am albino ❌

assigned AA battery at birth ✔️

[samuel-m-walker]

Ableism is so funny to me??? Like babe you’re not abled, you’re just pre-disabled. I just came with the disabled DLC pre-installed. You’re gonna have to update eventually or quit playing the game. You either die abled to live long enough to see yourself become disabled.

[badolmen]

They don’t even attempt to assassinate US politicians anymore. You notice that? Not since the anthrax scare back for… who was it, Barack? And even that… pathetic. This new generation has no respect for an honest hitman. I’m not sure this new generation has any honest hitman - you see that shit with Boeing? Sloppy, fucking disgraceful - you kill the whistleblowers before they get halfway to a lawsuit. What kind of fucking amateur is doing faked suicides the night before testimony? Goddamn greenhorns. Back in my day someone tried to shoot Ronald Reagan in broad daylight. There used to be bomb threats to Congress. I took out a few union leaders in the utilities sector myself. Today’s generation? Won’t even threaten to throw a punch - not even over on that - what’s it now, ‘X’? They got no guts. None! And they don’t even have poor impulse control to boot! Too much of that - that panopticon anxiety bullshit. “Oh what if I get a called out post???” People used to send the president letters full of bioweapons. In the mail! Today’s generation? Not a chance. All because of woke.

[eluminium]

Obsessed with whatever the fuck this interaction was from yesterday's stream:

Scar: *makes a wheelchair joke* Skizz, while giggling: We can't join you on those jokes Scar! Scar: You could Skizz. Come to the dark side with me. Skizz: Okay, I'll do that but you have to make MS jokes to me! Scar: I don't know any MS jokes! ...You MS! Augh, I can't think of anything! Skizz, giggling again: "You MS!"? That's just terrible! Scar: I don't know, that just seems so worse! What am I gonna- YOU and your MYELIN! No! That makes no sense! Skizz: Yeah yeah! You and your...STUPID nerves and WEAK myelin! You and your DEFENSE SYSTEM attacking you NEUROLOGICALLY Scar: What? You on your 20 000 dollar drug a month over there? *Both giggle* Scar: I can't think of anything! That feels so wrong! Skizz: Use your hands while you can, Skizz! Scar: OHHH NOOOOO THIS GOT SO DARK! Skizz: You should be drumming now man! Your beats are numbered! Scar: NO! :(( I feel bad Grian! Grian:

[majaurukalo]

Everytime I hear about a school shooting my mind goes to the disabled students, teachers, and personnel who can’t hide as smoothly as others, whose disability doesn’t allow them to be quiet and still, who can’t run…

I mean, obviously it’s a situation no one should be in but I hope there is something in place to help disabled people during a school shooting.

[sopranoentravesti]

My body is a temple…unfortunately, it’s the Beit HaMikdash and it’s the 70 CE Siege of Jerusalem…