#did get a new job so hopefully
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do you make enough money from selling prints in etsy to sustain your life? how are you able to afford this beautiful house and time to crochet and go on walks and all of that? i’m not asking for nosiness but because i’m trying to figure out what i would need to do in order to make my life financially sustainable… is art an option… etc
short answer i mooch off my bf <333333333333333
#long answer part 1: i make enough off my etsy to afford my stuff (and i really don't buy much) and help out w th food bills where i can etc#i hvnt been able to do much of that OR save anything for the past couple months bc i hvnt been selling much BUT . things are beginning#to pick up again and i hve new stock to add when i get back from holidays :3#i have a smallish job lined up from my agent which is exciting! but hopefully i will make enough w her doing picture books etc to be able#to pay my keep / save more etc! i hve been anxious abt money this past months but thats just more so money for me to spend on small stuff :#i also dont drive so . i dont rlly hve many outwards expenses . im very lucky to have him hes very kind and lovely !!#if i wasnt w him and he didnt hve a house i would still b living w my mama which i did since i left uni!#long answer part 2: i always make time for goofing off during my work day. always!!!#part of the joys of being a freelancer! i can do what i want!!#i can share my routine in more detail if u guys want but i dont start work until abt 2pm-ish most days bc i dont rlly work well in the#mornings. when i hve more work that might change!! i have enough on to keep me busy but im not rlly hvin 2 manage my time u kno#im very very lucky to be in such a comfortable position :3 i hope one day u can be as comfy !!#oh also. i think once the agency work kicks in i will b fine financially ! and also u can absolutely make a living off etsy when its good#its very good for me ! i was very comfy financially around xmas last year i made a lot#u can do it u can do it !! art will always sell !!
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🌟 COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!! more information can be found here! i’ve been very on and off this blog unfortunately, finishing up uni and finally graduating. i’m currently looking for a job and i need money inbetween work to be able to help out my family and apply for visas, so if you can comm me, tip me on ko-fi, or just rb this post, that would be amazing! you can find more examples of my art under the tag my art ! :’)
#why did i get an art degree. no money no job no bitches!!!!!!#ANYWAYS . IN ACTUAL SERIOUSNESS. visa and other costs are ramping up this year and i'd like to be able to take some pressure off my family#please help if you can !! i have been meaning to keep up with so much new content ........#i mean. as soon as i get this stuff sorted LOL eg. helping my family move to a new country and more...#YES. THANK U . HOPEFULLY I GET A JOB SO I CAN STOP BEGGING FOR COMMS!!!!#art commissions#commission post#commission sheet#artists on tumblr#commissions#commissions open#oc commission#edit sorry lads i hit post and realised one thing was off. i just adjusted background prices to be more spenny this year. sorry
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i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:
Restore Ford Cruller's memory
Find Maligula
???
Profit
but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.
[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]
like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.
...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:
[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]
and that's kind of interesting, right?
to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:
"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"
my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.
so what is going on here?
in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:
"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."
other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.
the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.
[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]
i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!
we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.
like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.
i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.
#psychonauts#psychonauts 2#bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me#the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun)#so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this#and also it's my blog and i like to talk :)#related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change#it deletes like half the post you just typed out#(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother)#what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump#but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags#there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs#i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time#but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids#omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez#i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them#and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate#oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point#i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share#i'm super excited about it :)#i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main#idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process#and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources#so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see#our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored#alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well
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Man, today has been ROUGH
#Me and my mother having a ridiculous 50 minute convo#Where she admitted to what I've suspected#Which is she doesn't want me to be gay and doesn't condone it#She did a poor job hiding it so not a surprise#But hearing her say it was wild#And finding out details about something she once said about my dad and how that info effects my memories of him#Oh and I had to give up my therapist#The one I had a crush on at least#I have a new one and hopefully I end up liking her (not too much lmao)#But God this is a whole lot for one day#I might need to watch Carol or cmbyn to unwind#Both are fairly sad movies but the vibes of them are exquisite#Pray for me to get the strength to shower and then get myself food cause I am TIRED after work today bro
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#life update#so i had a first round interview for a teaching job#it was with the school i worked for last year as a long term sub/building sub#i knew both of the people interviewing me which was nice and knew a lot about the school#i want to be hopeful because the school has a good track record of employing people who do what i did#im just nervous#its a new principal#so he could want things a lot different than they were#also because the last principal loved me for stepping up into the job i took#fingers crossed#hopefully i get a call on monday or tuesday but ill probably be an anxious wreck till then#love yall#thanks for reading
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reapplied to a separate position at a dream job manifesting good things
#shummy screaming into the void#finally updated my crusty old resume lol#its nearly a year old and ive actually become way more knowledgeable on how to cater my experiences to this one#i actually did manage to have an interview with them a few months ago BUT didnt get the job#which is fair tbh. we did have a really fun conversation though because im actually somewhat comfortable in that working enviroment#and they pay...really well??? like 17-25 an hour for PT positions. they're opening up a new location this year and actually told me to appl#again to more positions because we hit it off.#at my current job hopefully ill be able to go in soon. even though i am extremely reluctant tbh.#lowkey wont stay there for more than 3 months cause. retail is not for me. but i need MONEY SO#sorry for rambling oops#but this new jobs barely interviewed before hiring so thats....a sign of something
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kind of ironic how the actual investigations are the worst part of p4-
#rambearling#persona 4#p4#i like rise's investigation where you can't finish it on the day it starts#cuz an npc you need to talk to spawns on a different day of the week#and izanami's investigation where she inexplicably doesn't show up at all until you talk to dojima and nanako at the river#which the game doesn't hint towards at all. granted i think knowing about her being the gas attendant ahead of time#made that more confusing for me cuz i assumed she'd just be in the shopping district by the gas station-#why did she decide to work at a gas station of all places anyways#local goddess gets a probably minimum wage job at a gas station in a town with like two cars more news at 7#i want to replay p4 so badly tbh i haven't even beaten it yet........ will probably play p4au before replaying it though#hopefully pq and pq2 also if i get a laptop that can like actually run lime3ds at a playable frame rate-
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satyr/demon eris sketch for a silly little au 🖤
#character design#artists on tumblr#demon#satyr#original character#realized i forgot to post this when i made it in november. hi. happy new year#i made a cool logo/signature right before this and i dont plan on using it again LOL i dont like it as much in retrospect#i did this in like. 2-3 hrs i think? was fun :)#btw the au is a monster hunting au kira and velvel are there kira is a monster hunter hiding a secret (werebat)#velvel is a not-so-werewolf that a village hired kira to hunt down and kill because she keeps kidnapping maidens#(the twist is she isnt kidnapping them; they are disappearing into the night with her for sex cuz their husbands suck at fuckin)#its a monster romance <3#anyway. my jobs changing and hopefully ill have more energy to draw in the coming months#im getting paid more and HOPEFULLY its not as exhausting. and i get out earlier#hopefully. hopefully. i can hope.#OC#oc: eris#au#digital
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UWAHHH good morning friends & happy sunday !!ヾ(>∀<*) i’m wishing all of you the bestest day EVA & please remember to stay hydrated in this hot weather !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍓
#i’ve got lots to yap about for todays sunday taggie yap session teehee !! ^_^#yesterday i got a bunch of new figs for a real good price YIPEEE !! ^_^#i got two of my dream figures which was soso exciting !! >//<#one was shoto & the other was katsuki !!#the katsuki one has to be one of my most detailed figures & it was only 30$ !! :0 it’s 60$ online !! so that was supa exciting !!#i organized all of my fig shelves finally so its much less cramped !! >.< my manga now all sits on a different shelf teehee :>#i took some photos of all my figs with my old camera & i might edit them in a cute video to post !! ^.^#anywhosies !! today m’ heading out of town with my brother & his wife to do some shopping !!#hopefully i can find some cool stuffs !! :>#plannin’ on answering all askies today !! T^T i feel so incredibly bad about the wait SOB !! please forgive me !!#i’ve been goin’ through some stuff so i haven’t been entirely motivated </3#also :< m’ serious when i say katsuki’s death dub seriously affected me SNIFF !!#havin’ to see your f/o go through that is no fun :< his va did an incredible job though !! </3#plannin’ on writing much more for mha !! hq will have to wait for the spotlight again teehee >//<#i hafta go back to work this week which is no fun ( *-* ) sigh… need the money though </3#also waiting on 4 commis right now YIPEEEE !!!!! ^_^#& i’m gonna commission kou’s birthday commi soon too !! SOSO EXCITED !!#i also finished my personal birthday art for him teehee >//<#been in a drawin’ mood lately !! ^_^#will hopefully get better with time so i can be more proud of my pieces !! <3#oki i think i’ll wrap this yap up !! :>#I WUV YOU ALL SHOOO MUCH !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍓#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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planted all my plants for spring ☺️
#i have had a hydrangea in a pot waiting to go in the ground for ages and some little tiny native trees#i have one thing i forgot to plant and a few things in the mail tho#but mostly everything out of the way before starting my new job so that's good#i did order a whole bunch of roses and tbh im not totally sure where i'm going to put all of them#and then i have 500 christmas trees lol#but that is a problem for tomorrow me 😌#also i cleared up an bunch of branches from the winter storms and such#so everything looks nice now :)#anyway#startung to get a bit anxious abt monday but not as much as i was for the other job#hopefully this one will be easier <3#i still have a lot of cleaning and organizing to do at home tho my space is a mess#and i will have no energy once im employed fr lol#also my plan for tonight was to be in bed by 8 to magically fix my sleep schedule which is...not realistic lol#maybe 9 tho idk
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Trying to fix my resume ☝️🤓 Small problem: I sound like a loser no matter what
#not really lol. I have a lot of experience in this field#for someone my age anyway#but like. idk 😭 I wanna get out of journalism I HATE journalism#I’m applying for publishing internships and idk I just wish I had more publishing experience….#a lot of my extracurriculars are music related and idk if I should include them or not#just to fill space ig#bc I have only ever had one singular job#and one other piece of experience as editor in chief#idk maybe I just feel this way bc I’m using Harvard resume templates#and so I’m seeing everything that’s on a Harvard student’s resume 😭 like damn. I hope they’re not applying for this internship..#it’s based in NYC so I doubt I’ll get it? but like? idk how many applicants they get??? hm#there are also lots of different internships with the same company all listed rn so idk#I have until the end of the month to fix this shit hehahah#hopefully my cover letter will better demonstrate my relevance to this position#bc all of my journalism experience feels kinda irrelevant on paper. editing news is VERY different from editing communications research lol#ellyposting#🤓posting#<- kinda. it’s about work not school but I did start doing this (researching internships) for a class#and now I’m kinda invested bc I need an internship in the next year anyway… I could get it over with over the summer#idk. if I get a job this summer I will make a job tag like. jobposting. workposting. perhaps hellposting if it sucks really bad (again 🥲)#that’s why I’m scared of another internship. even though the last one was paid and so is this one… people are straight up abusive to interns#😅😅😅😅😅 AUGH. SCREAMS PUNCHES WALL etc#okay goodnight :3c
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i did do the things i was avoiding yesterday, for those keeping track
#toy txt post#scheduled a dr appt and a mechanic appt#hopefully both me and my car get fixed uwu#tbh itll prolly Just be my car. but. yea#idk. had the panic of realizing i have like 3 weeks of FMLA leave left and my wrists are not. going back to where they were before this#maybe that wouldve happened had i taken such a break like. right when it started 😔#but alas i didnt realize how much of it was my job. and i had to go insane first. i really need to find a new job hhhhh#i was like oh ill take like a month off thatll fix me. it did not fix me. oh noooooooo#idk maybe if i switch to recieving ill be like 10% less insane? im filled with dread tho. whenever i go back theyll have the fucking robots#and ill have to miss my big renn faire bc i needed time off to rest and ill go back to being so exhausted#and ill probably freak out and quit on the spot and piss off my parents and get more depressed......anyway#i should. get out of bed. eat breakfast get dressed pot tiny plants clean the bathroom drop off tiny plants etc
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yayy its almost the end of 2023!! this year was huge for my art growth and its so awesome to look back on everything.. this was super fun 2 make and not only serves as a memory for this year's art and my interests but to my closest irl and online friends who were with me the whole way ^_^
happy new year!! heres to more growth and fun :-)
#happy new year#art gallery#digital artist#artists on tumblr#jammy sona#self portrait#look at my kitty her name is olive#this year was super hard for me between moving and not being able to start college or have a job#so i did a lot of physical work for my parents#and it left me exhausted and with very very little time to draw#and i was like 1000 miles from all my friends suddenly#so i was also super depressed this year#but being able to look back at it and see the small pockets of happiness i found was great#next year ill be starting college and hopefully finding a job so ill be busy then too#but maybe ill feel better about it :-) idk#art will always be a part of me i dont think any circumstances could keep me from creating art#this is getting deep i gotta go#phew happy new years everybody
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I had Spider-Man 2 mailed to my house when I pre-ordered it and it hasn't arrived yet so I've just been spending my entire day dodging spoilery Youtube thumbnails like Tobey Maguire dodging Green Goblin's razor bats in slo-mo in that one scene.
#honestly i need to stop having games mailed to my house when i pre-order them cause it just makes it stressful to wait for them#like it just makes me nervous that they're just not gonna show up#even though that hasn't happened yet like i did the same thing with jedi survivor and mortal kombat 1 and they both arrived on the day#so like this one shouldn't be any different. ideally.#yet i get nervous about it anyway#i think part of it is these last few weeks in general have been incredibly stressful#two of the jobs i applied for got back to me at around the same time#and i gotta pick which one i wanna go forward with but i don't wanna burn bridges with either of them#so i'm basically just stringing them both along until i can pick one#and i'm still doing the online graphic design course but all the job shit is making it hard to stay caught up with that#AND i got a transaction notification for something i didn't purchase so i had to deactivate my credit card and get a new one#idk who got my credit card information or how or if i can get that money back but hopefully it doesn't happen again#basically i just need this damn game to get here on time so i'll have one less thing stressing me out#also another reason i need to stop having these games mailed to me is they always arrive in the afternoon#abd modern games take fucking forever to download onto the console#so even when you get them on the release day you gotta wait a billion hours to start playing#so when they arrive in the afternoon it basically means they won't finish downloading until well past midnight#so basically you judt gotta let it download overnight while you sleep and start it the next day#so yeah after this i should probably just go back to picking uo pre-orders at the store#especially when i get an apartment i wouldn't want the mail person just setting a $70 game on the floor outside my apartment while i'm gone#shut up tristan
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why did i decide to take a job at an extremely active and sport-focused camp this summer.
#well on the bright side i got my legal name changed to phoenix on the staff portal#but training starts tomorrow#and im gonna be the bitch that's slower and less fit than everyone else#like i genuinely do not see a scenario where that doesn't happen#i'm either gonna have to push my body beyond what its capable of doing comfortably#or ask for breaks#i hate the society we live in#where i internalized that asking for breaks is weak and embarassing#but to answer my own question. it's because the pay is so much better than the other camp jobs i was applying to lmaooo#i mean i'm sure i'll get more fit as the summer goes on#but being behind everyone else in the beginning is gonna be so stressful#i tried so hard to exercise more this month. but i don't think i did it more than 3 times a week#which i don't think was enough#but hopefully it will be something#i also hate the sun and bugs.#WHY AM I DOING THIS KASJHDAKSHD#i don't even know if i like working with kids :''')#i hate new situations where i have no idea what to expect#i did as much research as i could but the autism can't handle the things i can't know or prepare for#idk what i need rn. everyone's who's told me that its gonna be fun or a good time or whatever has not helped#and anyone who's validated me and said that it sounds stressful hasn't helped either#so i will take your likes on this post as a little kiss on the cheek <3#that's all i need#phoenix talks
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Starting to understand why so many people don't give their two weeks notice. People being sad and stressed about me leaving, my direct boss is frankly rude about it and constantly makes snippy remarks about me leaving and how hard her life will be to guilt me, and everyone asking where I'm going and if they're hiring.
Most people there I wouldn't care if they got a job and followed me there - some I'd even love - but if that bitch boss of mine ever did I'd be miserable. I'm hoping it never happens. If it did, I'd probably have to talk to a boss about transferring.
Ugh, but that's all hypothetical. Frankly, I can't imagine her ever applying there because she'd take such a pay dip. And she couldnt just hide in her office and micromanage people.
Frankly, I just don't like the bitch at this point and hope I never have to deal with her again after the next four days. Let us pray.
#hopefully my new job and boss grow to love me so much#that if anyone from my past did get a job and made me uncomfortable#theyd try to transfer them instead lol
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