#i knew both of the people interviewing me which was nice and knew a lot about the school

[srldesigns6277]

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[leahwllmsn]

broke your heart, I’ll put it back together

alexia putellas x reader

In which Alexia is an excellent footballer yet a terrible, terrible girlfriend. You still love her nonetheless.

Alexia never had much experience with the love that she saw in movies: all the hugs and the “I love you”s and the heart-to-heart conversations. Alexia thought they were too cliché anyway. Especially the “I love you”s. Some people give proclamations of love too easily and not mean a single thing. 

Her sister loved to laugh every time people misjudged Alexia to be someone emotionless and cold, when in reality she was just “an awkward introvert who’s terrible at anything related to love and romance and all that jazz,” (Alba’s words). 

Although Alexia would say that that was false. Just because she turned awkward whenever someone showed a bit of affection didn’t mean that Alexia sucked at romance. Alexia had watched enough Nicholas Sparks movies to understand what she had to do when the time came. Flowers. Chocolates. Kissing in the rain. Simple.

(“Simple. Yup, definitely. That’s obviously why you’re still single at the age of thirty.”

“Excuse me! Puta.”

“Should I set you up with someone? Yeah. I’m gonna set you up with someone.”

“Alba, fuck off.”)

So maybe Alexia was thirty and still single. So what? Alexia just never thought of relationships to be that big of a deal. And it definitely wasn’t because of how she was as a person “distant and reserved”—or so how Alba described her to be. Her job was already taking too much of her time as it is.

Alexia was the best footballer in the world, and aside from trainings and matches to play, it also required back-to-back meetings and her full attention and wow, Alexia really was going to die alone as a cat lady which was so much worse because she was allergic to cats.

“Your turn, Ale.”

Alexia turned her gaze towards Mapi. It was media day at the Estadi Johan Cruyff. Alexia always had loathed doing interviews but it was part of the job. “How was it?”

“Fine as usual,” Mapi shrugged, flopping on the empty bench next to Alexia. “Have a feeling you will enjoy this one though.”

Alexia raised her eyebrows, moving to stand up. “Why?”

Mapi had a cheeky look on her face. “The interviewer is definitely your type.”

Alexia threw her jacket at Mapi’s face, causing the latter to laugh. “I will gladly say I told you so later! Just you wait!”

Alexia entered one of the rooms that was designated for her interview. It was going to be a fun and lighthearted video. Alexia couldn’t really remember the name of the media that she was assigned to, she had a lot on her mind lately. 

Especially since her family was throwing a get-together over the weekend and now both her mother and Alba were pestering her over bringing someone. Alba putting ideas into Eli’s head that Alexia should be seeing someone at this age and Eli quickly agreeing that she was spending too much time on football—

“Miss Putellas? Hi, nice to meet you.”

Alexia’s mouth went agape.

“I’m y/n and this is my team, Robert and Camila. Thank you for having us.”

On second thought, maybe Alba was right. Maybe Alexia really was destined to be the typical career woman who focused too much on work and never had time for love, especially since she was cold and distant and was really, really downright terrible at romance, because there was no way that her heart was doing somersaults when she should be working. This was awful timing. She was so unprofessional.

Her heart was definitely not skipping a beat because of an interviewer who looked to be in her twenties—oh god, Alexia was definitely not crushing on someone who looked like she was still in university.

But the moment you smiled, Alexia knew she was screwed

—

“Fuck you, Alba.”

“Well, Alexia Putellas, just so you know I do have hundreds of girls lining up wanting to fuck me.”

Alexia groaned into her phone. “First of all, ew! Not funny. I hate you.”

Alba laughed. “What did I do this time?”

“You planted these stupid, stupid thoughts into my head! I was thinking about being single so much that you made me have a crush on someone who’s supposed to interview me—”

“I’m gonna stop you right there. How is this my fault?”

“I don’t know!” Alexia exclaimed. “I went into the room and she was there with her stupid cute vest and little notebook in hand and her hair was brown and wavy but not too wavy, it was just perfect the way it falls perfectly down her shoulders and her stupid smile. She was smiling at me, Alba. At me. Smiling.”

“Oookay,” Alba dragged out. “When I said you should find someone I didn’t mean a sugar baby.”

“Alba!”

“What? An interviewer? Journalist? I doubt she’s making a lot per year—”

Alexia groaned even more. “Please don’t go around saying shit like this to anyone else.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Whatever, you’re no help,” Alexia stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, making sure that she looked fine. Not that she wanted to impress you—she just wanted to look fine to someone who was going to interview her. Yeah, that was it. “I'll talk to you later.”

“Going back to your new lover?”

“Shut up,” Alexia unlocked the door and stepped out of the bathroom. “I ran to the bathroom because I freaked out.”

Alba’s laugh was so loud that people in the hallways glanced at Alexia as she passed by. “Real smooth. You're totally good at romance. An expert. The real life Romeo—”

Alexia hung up and plopped her phone in the pocket of her tracksuit. She could get through this. She had played in front of thousands, she went through people criticizing her every move as if they were better than her. She wasn’t nervous then, why should she be nervous now?

“Sorry, where were we?” Alexia said as soon as she reentered the room. She took her seat, you on the other side of the camera, still with that damn smile on your face.

“I was just about to tell you that I have always wanted to interview you,” you replied.

“Me?” Alexia squeaked, immediately clearing her throat nervously. 

—No, not nervously. Alexia didn’t get nervous. Fuck.

“Yes. You’re a very interesting person,” you fidgeted with the notepad and pen in your hands, your shoes tapping on the floor slightly. Alexia realized that you were nervous, and somehow the thought placed a smile on her face.

“How long have you been working for …Dazn? You could pass as someone who hasn’t graduated university—not that I’m saying you’re not qualified to do your job or anything, you just look really young- not that it’s a bad thing! Lo siento. I’ll just stop talking.”

Real smooth, Alexia. Real smooth.

“Well,” you chuckled. “To answer your question, one: just for a little while and two: you’re kind of right.” You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and smiled bashfully. “I’m twenty-five years old, still in university, but for my masters.”

“I see,” Realization dawned on Alexia’s face and she had to look to the side to hide away her smile. A five year age gap. Not bad at all. 

…Not that it was important, though. Definitely not important. “What are you majoring in?”

You scrunched up your nose. “Isn’t this supposed to be me interviewing you?”

Alexia laughed. “I suppose so.”

“Should we jump into it then?”

“Fire away.”

—

As soon as you left, Alexia couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the day. She didn’t know whether it was because of how stupidly charming you were or because of your addictive smile—okay, no. It was probably not because of you at all. You, who she barely knew. You, with the stars in your eyes, staring at Alexia as if you adored her to bits and wanted to know every single detail about her, including Alexia’s favourite food.

“She asked the question out of nowhere, Albs. We were talking about the upcoming season the second before.” Alexia recalled.

“That does seem pretty random.” Alba replied in between bites of her food.

“Right?! It was like she was done with all her questions, but she wanted to get to know me further—”

Alexia’s sentence was cut off by Alba’s laughter. “Don’t get too cocky now, Ale. Just because you have a crush on her doesn’t mean she’s into you too.”

Alexia rolled her eyes. “I don’t have a crush on her. I can admit she’s attractive. And funny. And smart. Does not mean I have a crush on her.”

“Seems like you do,” Alba said, a smirk forming on her lips. “Which is great! Haven’t I been telling you to find someone? This is super great.”

“I’m not gonna date someone years younger than me, Alba,” Alexia cut into her steak and took a bite. Yup. She wasn’t going to date someone who was five years younger than her.

“She’s twenty-five, that’s nothing.”

Alexia narrowed her eyes at the brunette in front of her. “…How do you know her age? I never told you her age.”

“Google exists,” Alba said simply. “And remember the girl I’m sort-of-seeing-but-not-really?”

“Marta,” Alexia nodded.

“Maria,” Alba corrected. “She’s your girl’s best friend.”

Alexia paused her fork mid-air. “What?”

Alba hummed. “They're on the way here as we speak.”

“What?!” Alexia repeated, a clang echoing throughout her dining room as her fork fell to her plate.

“I invited them over for drinks.”

Alexia palmed her face and groaned. “I think I missed the part where you invited them over to my place without my acknowledgement.”

“Oh whatever, hermana,” Alba waved her off. “Stop acting as if I don’t live here.”

“You don’t,” Alexia reminded.

“Your place is my place and all that,” Alba teased.

“Alba,” Alexia felt like strangling Alba. Or anything to wipe that grin off her face—

The doorbell interrupted them.

Alba squeaked and jumped out of her chair. “That’s them!”

Alexia opened her mouth to say something but Alba was already out of the room before she could utter a word. Damn it.

Alexia forced herself to stay cool, following after Alba and sighing when she neared the front door and saw a girl she’d seen in Alba’s pictures and you.

“Hello,” Alexia greeted. 

“Amor, this is my grumpy and very single sister, Alexia,” Alba pointed at Alexia and Alexia slapped Alba’s hand away.

“I’m Alexia,” Alexia put her hand out, her smile widening when she caught your eyes. Okay, so maybe she didn’t hate Alba that much.

“I know, wow, it’s an honor,” your best friend shook Alexia’s hands. “You’re a legend.”

Alexia laughs, her cheeks turning red. “Thank you.” She turned to you and gave a little wave. “I don’t think introductions are necessary, is it?”

“Hi, Miss Putellas,” you said. Alexia hated how addicted she was to your voice despite having just met you today.

“Oh no. Alexia is fine, please.”

“Okay then,” you grinned and Alexia swore she could die on the spot. “Alexia it is.”

—

“So, Alexia,” you started. You were seated on one couch, Alba and Maria occupying the smaller seater to your left. No one seemed to be paying attention to the movie anymore. Alexia couldn’t even remember what the damn plot of the movie was. You, as it turned out, smelled really good and it was very addicting—and Alexia was insane. Insane for developing a tiny crush on you when you two had just met today. 

You looked like you didn’t know what to say, settling with, “Nice place.”

Alexia gave a soft laugh. “Thank you? There’s more that I haven’t shown you actually.”

“Yeah?” you sounded like you wanted to have Alexia show you around.

Alexia darted her eyes towards her sister and her ‘not-so-date’ to see that they had both fallen asleep. Alexia contemplated whether being alone with you would be something she should be doing or not, and after a moment she decided that there wasn’t any reason for her to not want to be alone with you. 

So Alexia stood up and offered a hand out for you to take. “Come on, I’ll show you around.”

—

Five minutes into being alone with you and walking around Alexia’s house—or mansion, as you called it—Alexia discovered five things about you.

You had two dogs, Salt and Pepper, and Alexia could tell how much you loved them with the way you excitedly told the story about how you got them.

You were an only child and your parents spoiled you to bits and they supported you in everything you did, all the way from the United States.

You were American.

You were taking your masters in sports science and Alexia made a mental note to talk to the physios at Barça on whether they have a vacant spot for you. Not because Alexia wanted to see you everyday, but because she was sure you were a certified genius.

You were hilarious and made Alexia laugh a lot. Alexia wanted more of you.

You were in the middle of retelling how your day went and Alexia somehow really wanted to kiss you, which was dumb and stupid, considering how she barely knew you. 

You got excited over the littlest things, you talked animatedly about how you saw a dog on your way to Alexia’s place that looked a lot like your own and you gushed about how the dog barked excitedly at you. Alexia found it adorable, despite being confused on how a dog can bark ‘excitedly’.

“I’m sorry I talk a lot,” you said, tucking your hair behind your ears. 

“Don’t be,” Alexia bumped your shoulders lightly as you two continued your walk around her house. “It’s cute.”

You playfully rolled your eyes. Alexia could see the red on the tips of your ears. Adorable. “Can we go outside?” you asked, changing the subject.

“Sure,” Alexia led you towards the nearest door that leads to her backyard. “The pool is on the other side, this is my flower garden.”

“You have a flower garden,” you stated. 

Alexia hummed in reply. “I love looking at flowers. They are pretty.”

Once you stepped outside, Alexia felt her teeth chatter, cursing herself for not wearing anything more appropriate for the cold night air. When she was about to ask you if you wanted to head back inside, a jacket was draped around her shoulders and Alexia was surrounded with the scent of your vanilla perfume.

“y/n, you don’t have to—”

“Take it,” you insisted. “You’re freezing.”

“You’re gonna freeze.” 

Alexia shook off the black jacket and was about to place it around your shoulders but you walked ahead. “I won’t,” you walked backwards, smiling reassuringly. “I’m still wearing long-sleeves, see? I can handle it. Don’t worry.”

Alexia hesitated for a second before putting on the jacket. Alexia hugged herself tighter, it was still cold but also because the jacket smelled really nice. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” you replied. You stopped walking and Alexia would know this if she wasn’t so busy looking elsewhere but you. 

The moment Alexia bumped into you, your hands immediately went to steady her, resting on Alexia’s forearms. Alexia could feel herself flush, her cheeks getting warm, profusely apologizing because she was usually never this clumsy.

You giggled, your hands were still sending fire to Alexia’s skin, your faces inches apart. “That’s okay.”

“I should’ve watched where I was going,” Alexia’s face was apologetic. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. Really,” you were smiling at her. “A lot on your mind today?”

Alexia studied your face and nodded. Definitely a lot. She noticed that you had a mole under your left eyebrow. 

“Mind sharing?” you asked.

Alexia immediately stood up straighter and cleared her throat. You dropped your hands, but made no move to step away. “Just- work. Media day has never been my favourite.”

Yup. Work. Definitely not because Alexia couldn’t get your pretty eyes off her mind.

You narrowed your eyes at her and Alexia held her breath. You were really close. It was getting harder to breathe. All Alexia could think about was that vanilla was about to become her favourite scent.

“You’re very interesting.”

Alexia raised her eyebrows at that. “I am?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I saw you at training yesterday, you know. We had a briefing to prepare for today. You were… I wouldn’t say scary, but I was pretty sure your teammates were about to pee their pants.”

Alexia broke into a laugh. “What?”

“You had that furrow between your brows,” you elaborated, raising your hand and hesitantly running a finger across Alexia’s forehead. “And I could hear your stern captain voice,” you chuckled, dropping your hand. “But despite that you were still as charismatic and graceful as ever. I could see why people would be so intimidated by you.”

“And that’s interesting to you?” Alexia said, her voice barely a whisper. Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest.

“Yeah,” you answered, your voice matching Alexia’s whisper. “Because while I was interviewing you earlier today and this whole night, you’ve been acting the opposite and I couldn’t figure it out.”

“The opposite?”

“You’re… awkward,” you laughed. “You take charge on the field, your chin held high, you look people straight in the eye when conversing with them. But you’re so awkward—you bump into me, you stutter, you can’t look me in the eye for more than five seconds.”

Damn it. You were smart. Well, Alexia knew you were smart, but this was… this was you being able to read Alexia’s thoughts and damn. it.

Alexia couldn’t even defend herself because it was true. All the things you observed were true and what could Alexia exactly say to that? That Alexia acted that way because she was nervous? That being around you made her nervous? Which was baffling because Alexia had done speeches in front of thousands of people without tripping over her words once, yet one night with you and Alexia‘s vocabulary went out the window.

“Uh I’m sorry if that was overstepping,” you said, finally stepping backwards. “I was just stating what I saw.”

You looked really beautiful under the moonlight. Your eyes casted downwards, your hands fidgety, as if you were doubting yourself about why you said all that. You looked nervous, perhaps about what Alexia would say next. 

But despite everything, you looked really beautiful under the moonlight and Alexia figured that there was no harm in telling you that.

“You’re right,” Alexia laughed. “You’re absolutely right.” A pause. “You’re beautiful.”

You whipped your head up and looked at Alexia with wide eyes. “What?”

“I think you look really beautiful right now,” Alexia exhaled and stepped forward. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. “That is why I’m so awkward around you. I just don’t know how to act. I get nervous around pretty girls.”

You laughed and Alexia took it as an opportunity to pull you in for a kiss, swallowing all your laughter.

Alexia became addicted to the scent of vanilla.

—

Turns out Alexia did suck at romance. She missed dates, forgot to call you back and was a bad texter. The first week Alexia didn’t think her thing with you was going to last. She really was terrible.

But weeks turned into months and despite the missed dinners, you stayed patient. You were there in her kitchen with takeout at 10 p.m., waiting for Alexia’s meeting to end. You were there at 7 in the morning before Alexia left for training, a bag of pastries in hand. Alexia would happily munch on her guilty pleasures on the way to training, quickly getting rid of any traces of crime from her nutritionists.

You didn’t get tired of her even though Alexia stupidly didn’t move an inch the first time you initiated a kiss. You only laughed when you first stayed the night at Alexia’s place and Alexia offered her bed while she slept in one of her spare bedrooms. You didn’t mind that you sent paragraphs of text only for Alexia to reply with one or two words—you didn’t get mad, instead you would call Alexia to get her reply because you knew Alexia preferred talking instead of texting.

And Alexia was never the one to show affection. Pats on the back between teammates were appropriate. Hugs were awkward. She kissed each of her exes once or twice. 

You were different and you were persistent. You liked hugs. You hugged Alexia any chance you could get. You preferred to cuddle during movie nights and you liked to hug Alexia from behind when she was cooking dinner. The fact that Alexia tensed whenever you hugged her just made you hug her even tighter.

Strangely, Alexia didn’t find it uncomfortable. If she did, she would've said something. But Alexia actually liked your hugs. 

(“Are all hugs like this?”

“What do you mean ‘are all hugs like this’?

“I don’t know, Alba. Like- you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.” 

“God, you’re nauseating.”

“I’m asking a genuine question!”

“You are in love that's what it is.”)

Five months into your relationship, Alexia started to be the one initiating the hugs. She was more affectionate; intertwining your hand with hers when you walk side-by-side and kissing you goodbye in front of your friends, not caring about the whistles thrown at you.

Alexia still missed dates and phone calls, but strangely enough you still didn’t seem to mind. Alexia was left dumbfounded because how were you perfectly fine with all of this? There was a reason why Alexia’s past relationships never lasted.

“I know you’re busy, baby. And I know you’re trying your best too.” you once said. Alexia almost shed a tear because how were you so. damn. perfect?

After eight months of being together, Alexia was juggling her relationship and football much better. She canceled an important meeting for the first time ever because she promised that she would pick you and your parents up from the airport.

Alba called her crazy, and her past self definitely would agree with Alba. Alexia didn’t care though. The smile on your face when Alexia showed up with flowers in hand was priceless.

“What are you daydreaming about?”

“Hm?” Alexia looked to the side and found you staring at her. “Nothing.”

You laughed, setting your book aside and rested your head on Alexia’s chest. Alexia wrapped her arms around your smaller frame and kissed the top of your head.

“If you say so,” you lazily drew circles on Alexia’s stomach. “What should we get for dinner?”

“What do you want?”

“You always ask me what I want,” you giggled. “Can you choose for tonight?”

Alexia hummed in thought and after a moment she added, “Pizza it is.”

You immediately sat upright, a huge grin on your face. “You really are a mind reader, you know?”

Alexia shrugged, a smile at the corner of her lips. “I told you.”

You shook your head fondly, laughing as you laid back down to your previous position.

“I love you, Ale.”

I love you. Right. Alexia should probably say it back at some point.

But should she even say it back? Wasn’t that too soon? Alexia didn’t know when the appropriate time of reciprocating your girlfriend’s confession of love would be.

When she asked Alba about it, Alba questioned her back asking if the reason she hadn’t said it back was because she didn’t feel the same way you did—which was stupid. Alexia made sure to throw her popcorn across the couch, all the way to Alba’s face, because what kind of stupid question was that?

The first time you said those three words to Alexia, Alexia accidentally sliced her finger instead of the tomato on her chopping board. It was three months after you became official and Alexia wasn’t expecting it. Not that soon, at least. But you did and Alexia was so caught off guard that you two had to halt your cooking session and order sushi for dinner instead. Alexia didn’t bring up the topic again all night and you didn’t either.

Just because Alexia didn’t say it back didn’t mean she didn’t love you. 

Or… maybe Alba was right. Did she love you? 

You, who were the most understanding and loving person Alexia had ever met. You, who made her laugh in the mornings and made her laugh before she went to sleep. You, who were never mad at Alexia when she forgot to call despite promising that she would.

“Being in love with someone and just enjoying their company are completely different things, you know that right?”

“What?” Alexia looked at her sister in disbelief. “Of course I do.”

“Cool. So which one is it with you?”

“Which one?”

Alba rolled her eyes. “Are you in love with her or do you just like having her around?”

In Alexia’s defense, she didn’t have much experience of being in love. How was she supposed to know whatever that feeling was like? The only relationship she had was with Jenni and that didn't work out because they were both too busy to have a relationship. Was she ever in love with Jenni? Maybe not. A crush, sure. Jenni was an attractive woman.

Was it the same with you? Alexia liked you a lot, that was for sure. Was it so much to the point that it was love?

Alexia figured if this was Jenni, she wouldn’t have to think about this so much. Jenni didn’t care about love and all the cliché things. Alexia didn’t either. 

And Alexia wouldn���t have cared so much if it weren’t for the fact that you told Alexia you loved her every chance you got. (Alexia felt like the world’s biggest asshole every time you got silence instead of her saying it back).

When it rained and Alexia always held the umbrella for the two of you, making sure not a single droplet of rain fell on top of your head but ended up soaking wet herself, you would laugh and “I love you, Alexia Putellas.” 

When you had to move out of your apartment and Alexia told you that you could stay with her until you found a place because she did have some spare rooms (even though you ended up sleeping in Alexia’s bed every night), “Really? Alexia Putellas, my saviour, thank you, I love you,” as you peppered her face with kisses.

When Alexia found out that Maria, your best friend, was also your first love, you reassured her that all your feelings for Maria were now strictly platonic. “She was my first love, but that was years ago. I love you. You’re my present and my future, Alexia Putellas.”

When you came home with Alexia for Christmas and some of her family members kept on sending wary glances towards you, you held Alexia’s hand on top of the dinner table and proclaimed your love for her for everyone to hear, your chin up and your tone proud. “I love Alexia. I’ll take care of her the best way I can.”

When Alexia would pick you up from classes, leaning against her grey Cupra, you would sprint towards her, a big smile on your face and a “You didn’t have to pick me up, I know you’re a busy woman. Love you.”

Every single time Alexia would return a smile or a kiss, never saying it back when she knew you were expecting it every single time. Alexia realized romance wasn’t as easy as she thought and this whole thing with you was bound to blow up if she didn’t get her shit together.

—

Turns out, it did blow up sooner than Alexia expected. She wished this point never came—she knew it would, she had been dreading it ever since—but Alexia cursed the stars for actually making it happen. She just wanted to at least hold you for another night.

You two were getting ready for bed, Alexia changing into her pyjamas while you were already tucked in bed and you two were fine. 

Alexia was talking about her day, how her mom scolded her because she was five minutes late to breakfast (which was insane because it was only five minutes), about the meeting she had for a possible new brand deal, and how she missed you the entire day. And maybe Alexia should’ve noticed how quiet you were or how your body tensed the moment Alexia slid her arms under the cover and wrapped them around your waist.

When Alexia thought you had fallen asleep, you spoke, just barely above a whisper.

“I love you.”

It was silent—so silent that Alexia could hear a hair pin drop. She didn’t know why this night felt different. Alexia didn’t know why there was an edge to your voice and why there was something else she couldn’t quite place.

You turned around to face your girlfriend. Alexia could make out the faint outlines of your face in the dark—she had memorized every single inch of you.

“I love you, Alexia,” you stated once more. This time Alexia could clearly hear the challenge in your tone.

Alexia stared back at you, a sinking feeling started to settle in the pit of her stomach.

Seconds passed by, Alexia saw the mixture of emotions all over your face. You were hurt, Alexia could tell. You looked angry too, this Alexia wasn’t expecting. 

“Do you love me?”

Alexia was taken aback by the bluntness of the question. “What?”

“Do. you. love. me?” your tone turned impatient.

Alexia was wide-eyed. This wasn’t where she was expecting this night to go. “y/n—”

You got up from the bed and Alexia followed suit. You two were standing in front of each other on the foot of the bed, you with your arms across your chest and a scowl on your face. 

“Hey, what’s going on?

“‘What’s going on’?” you scoffed. “Do you love me or not? I asked you a simple question, Alexia.”

“I—” Alexia‘s voice got stuck in her throat. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t like that she was being put on the spot like this either.

You stayed silent, an expectant look on your face. When Alexia didn’t say anything else, you let out a big sigh.

“y/n…” Alexia croaked out. She was afraid where this conversation would go.

You groaned, taking a fistful of your hair before exploding at Alexia. “It’s a simple fucking question, Alexia!”

Alexia was taken aback by your outburst. “I—”

You stepped forward, a fiery look in your eyes. “I. Love. You.” you punctured each word with a jab to Alexia’s chest. 

Alexia stared into your eyes, seeing the mixture of rage, sadness and disappointment swimming around in them. Alexia knew she should say something—she should say the one thing she knew you wanted to hear. But why was it so hard for her to utter those words? Was it because she didn’t feel it? Or was it because she was scared? Alexia didn’t know, she needed to think, but you weren't letting her.

“You don’t love me, do you?” your tone was full of defeat. Alexia knew that it was now or never. She was going to lose you—really lose you—if she didn’t say something. “All this time you never said it. I tried to make sense of it, I tried to make sense of you. You got me flowers every week—sometimes even twice a week. You listen when I ramble about useless things, you accompany me to my lame university events, let people talk to you about politics and you never talk back to them even though I know you have opposite views on things. You just want my friends to like you. You remember all the dumb little things, remember when we first met and what I was wearing at that time. You tell me I look good even though I stayed up all night doing my assignments, you tell me I’m beautiful at five in the morning, at midnight, in the middle of the day. You look at me like you’re in love with me. Like you love me.” 

You paused and took a deep breath. You gave a bitter laugh before looking straight into Alexia’s eyes. “You do all these things but you never told me that you love me. Not even once, Ale. And once upon a time, I believed you loved me. But I just—I don’t know anymore.”

Alexia stayed silent. 

“You’re not even gonna say anything?”

Alexia stayed silent because she didn’t know how to say anything without hurting you even more.

“So it’s true, then?” your tone was full of defeat, your eyes shining with unshed tears. Alexia hated herself for being the cause of it.

“y/n,” Alexia whispered, her hands reaching out to touch you but you moved away. “I—”

“No,” you ran a hand through your hair and gave a humourless laugh. “Just, save it, Alexia. I think I heard you loud and clear.”

When you slammed the door shut, Alexia felt the sobs at the back of her throat but she swallowed them. To cry meant she regretted everything that led you to walk out. 

Alexia did this to herself. She was the reason you left, Alexia didn’t deserve to cry. So Alexia stared out her window all night, wondering whether the reason her heart hurt so much was because the feeling she had for you was love all along and she was just too dumb to realize.

—

When Alexia didn’t get a single ‘I love you, beautiful’ in the middle of a meeting and when no one was there to kiss her goodnight and whispers of ‘I love you’, Alexia wondered how dumb she was to let everything slip from her fingers.

—

Maria came by her house a few days after you left, saying that you had asked her to pack your stuff up. Alexia couldn’t do anything else but let her in and watched as your things that were scattered around her house were shoved into boxes.

Alexia didn't say anything, she couldn’t ask Maria where you were staying now or if you were okay. Alexia figured she didn't deserve an answer. 

“Is this y/n’s?” Maria was holding a stuffed teddy bear, one of its eyes missing and an embroidery of your initials seen on its left chest.

“No,” Alexia lied, taking the teddy and sending your best friend a small smile hoping that she was convincing enough. “It's mine. I know I’m too old to own one of these… it has… sentimental values.”

Maria nodded and Alexia had a feeling that Maria knew she was lying, that she knew exactly that it was your favourite teddy bear and that Alexia lied because she wanted to keep a part of you to herself. 

“Okay then, I’ll get going,” Maria lifted the last of the boxes and gave Alexia an awkward smile. 

Alexia nodded and gestured towards the door. “I’ll walk you out.”

Once the back of Maria’s car was filled with your things, it dawned on Alexia that you were really gone.

You weren't talking to her anymore and there weren't any of your things left in Alexia’s house. There was no more reason for you to come back and Alexia had to force a smile on her face, not wanting to cry, especially not in front of Maria.

“Actually, uhm,” Maria cleared her throat. “y/n has something for you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Maria gave an awkward laugh before reaching into her car and pulling out an envelope. “She told me to give you this.”

Alexia took the envelope with shaky hands, once again forcing a smile onto her face. “Thanks.”

Maria was looking at her with so much pity in her eyes and a part of Alexia was angry at her, because just like Maria, she pitied herself too. How could she ruin such a good relationship? She felt pathetic and she understood why Maria was looking at her that way.

“Alexia, look,” Maria stepped forward and placed a hand on the captain’s arm. “I honestly think you two will get through this.”

Alexia gave a bitter laugh at that. Was Maria mocking her now? “She packed all of her things. Well, you did, but it doesn’t matter. What part of all of this still makes you think that she’ll come back? Because I don’t think she will. I screwed up. She is not coming back. It’s fine, I’ll live.” Alexia hated how despite trying to act unaffected, anyone could hear the shakiness in her voice.

Maria squeezed her arm lightly. “She loves you. And right now she doesn’t think that you love her back, which I know isn’t the case.”

“How? You don’t know what I’m feeling,” Alexia felt her defensiveness kick in. “What if she’s right and I don’t love her, not even a little bit?”

Maria shook her head and gave a soft smile. “You seem to forget that I’ve been in your place before. I know what it looks like to love y/n—to be in love with her. You can’t lie to me.”

Alexia crossed her arms. She didn’t know why she was getting annoyed at where the conversation was going. “Then why don’t you go be with her?”

Maria laughed at that. “Because she loves you, not me, silly. Plus, I’m in love with your sister.”

Alexia didn’t say anything in reply and Maria took that as a cue to leave. Before getting in her car, she looked at Alexia one last time. “Contrary to what you think, you haven’t really lost her—not for good anyway.”

“I appreciate your optimism,” Alexia replied, her voice lacking any enthusiasm.

“I know that if you show up in front of her right now and tell her how you really feel, she’ll take you back in a heartbeat. She loves you.”

“Then why did she ask you to pack her things?” Alexia challenged back. “If she still loves me like you claimed, wouldn’t she be fine with seeing my face and not having to avoid me? And she wouldn’t just- just leave.”

“Ale, you two broke up over something so stupid. I can’t for the love of me figure out why- how something so simple can—” Maria palmed her forehead, letting out a sigh. “Just tell her you love her. What’s so hard about that?”

“Because I don’t know if I do!” Alexia shouted frustratedly. “Okay?”

Maria softened at that and gave Alexia a reassuring smile. “I have a feeling that you already know the answer,” she shrugged. “Think it through. Don’t take too long.” 

And with that Maria left, leaving Alexia standing with your envelope in her hands. She took a deep breath and opened it. Alexia expected a long letter—maybe of you ranting about how much you hated her for breaking your heart, or pages filled with curses and how you never wanted to see her again. But all she got was a small piece of paper with one sentence and a bracelet that Alexia gave you on your one month anniversary.

it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way I do, don't beat yourself up

-y/n

—

When days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and Alexia still hadn’t heard from you, Alexia realized she finally lost you for good. Alexia realized that maybe she should’ve taken Maria’s advice, but she had put it off so much that now it had been months and who was to say that you hadn’t already found someone new? Someone who actually loved you.

The thought caused Alexia to finally bawl her eyes out, exactly three months after you left. Alexia let herself feel all the pain and hurt, savoring every little twinge in her heart because she deserved it all. She hurt you, she didn’t deserve anything good anymore.

Alba pulled her out of bed, telling her to get her shit together and usually Alexia was never the one to dwell on things—once you fall, you get back up. 

But this time it was different. Alexia felt that this was it. How could she recover from all this hurt when all she wanted was your smile back? Alexia thought that if she was given a choice, she would rather lose the Ballon d’Or than to lose you—that was how important you were to her. Alexia knew she was dumb to not realize it sooner.

Despite Alexia’s complete despair about the whole thing, Alba was adamant that Alexia could do something about it. Alba was the one who told her to woman up and chase after her girl and “Seriously, hermana? I know I said you’re terrible at romance but don’t let that define you?! Do something!”

One night, Alexia discovered a pub not far from her place. No one was there except for her and one bartender. It was nice, Alexia could drink as much as she wanted without any judgment from anyone, and most importantly, she could think.

Alexia had a list and it went something like this:

Do I love y/n? 

Can I get y/n back

Do I even deserve y/n back

Am I in love with y/n

Does y/n still love me

How can y/n be so perfect

Do. I. Love. Her

Alexia was brooding and drowning in her sorrows, everything seemed so wrong. It all seemed so difficult and it took hours of being alone, surrounded by alcohol, for Alexia to finally realize that it was actually simple.

Well, the drink definitely helped, but a song was playing on the speakers and Alexia would think that it was odd for a Taylor Swift song to be playing there if it weren’t for the fact that she was the only customer that night and the bartender probably just didn’t care about his song choices.

“Let me get this straight,” Alba said slowly, sipping on her coffee. It was the morning after and a Saturday, Alba was always at Alexia’s at 7 a.m.  “You had an epiphany… because of a song you heard?”

“Yes,” Alexia nodded. “It’s actually very simple.”

“Very simple…?”

“This whole thing. I’m in love with y/n.” Alba choked on her coffee and Alexia patted her back. “A shocker,” Alexia grimaced at Alba’s coughs. “I know.”

“What kind of song led you to this conclusion?” 

“Taylor Swift.”

“No fucking way.”

“What?” Alexia shrugged. “Kissing on sidewalks, light-hearted jokes, coffees at midnight… they’re all simple things but it’s who you’re with that makes it all so special. And I had all the things that the song mentioned with y/n, and they meant a lot to me—even though these things seem trivial, I cherish them a lot because I felt happy and- and in love. I get it now.”

Alba was stunned, Alexia could see with the way her eyes were widened and mouth agape.

“So this is definitely months overdue. Maybe I should’ve looked for y/n right after Maria took her things away, but it is what it is. I want to make things right. Help me, please.”

“Finally,” Alba sighed, a smile slowly forming on her lips. “I know where she lives now. Will you promise me not to break her heart anymore, because she's my girlfriend’s best friend and I really can’t have you breaking her heart again.”

Alexia grinned as Alba told her your address.

—

To get you back, Alexia had a plan (courtesy of Miss Taylor Swift):

Stand there like a ghost shaking from the rain

Say “It’s been a long three months and I was too afraid to tell you what I want”

Say “I want you for worse or for better. I would wait forever and ever. Broke your heart, I'll put it back together”

Remind her how it used to be

—

“Hi.”

Your eyes immediately widened once you saw Alexia. 

You stared at the girl in front of you for a good minute. Alexia had to hug herself tighter, her teeth chattering from the cold. “Are you going to let me in? Besides it being so cold, I don’t want your neighbour to see me in these.” Alexia gestured towards the baby pink sweatshirt with tiny puppies she was wearing. 

“You’re—”

“Insane?” Alexia grinned. Exactly like what the Taylor Swift song said. This was going as planned.

“No- well that too,” you said, looking at Alexia in disbelief. “What I meant to say is that you’re drenched.”

“Yes,” Alexia agreed. “It is raining.”

“Exactly! Why are you out in the rain?”

“Because- because I’m supposed to stand here like a ghost, shaking from the rain.” Alexia had a smile on her lips, hoping that you would smile back at her because that would mean that you didn’t hate her.

So when you laughed in disbelief and shook your head, ushering her inside, Alexia breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Do you want some tea?” you offered.

“No, thank you.”

“Right, my bad,” you opened your fridge, taking something out. “What I meant to offer is milk,” you placed the tiny sized milk carton on the kitchen counter and sat across Alexia. “I still can’t believe you drink this.“

“You don’t drink milk,” Alexia stated.

You shrugged, your cheeks showing a hint of pink. “This has been a permanent thing on my grocery list. It’s second nature. I guess.”

Alexia stayed silent. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but she wasn’t expecting this. Maybe she was expecting you to hate her. For you to slam the door in her face and never talk to her again. 

With how your last interaction turned out, Alexia was expecting you to be more angry, or to be anything other than to welcome Alexia into your new apartment and provide her with her favourite drink that you still bought even though you two broke up months ago.

It wasn’t making any sense to her. 

“How are you so civil towards me?” Alexia blurted out.

“I’m sorry?”

“You didn’t slam the door in my face.”

You looked confused. “Was I supposed to do that?”

“No!” Alexia quickly said. “I mean- it’s nice that you didn’t slam the door in my face. I think I would’ve, if I were you.”

“Oh. Well. I don’t think I’m the type to slam the door in my ex’s face.”

Alexia laughed softly. “Thanks.”

“Welcome,” you grinned. A warm feeling settled in Alexia’s chest because she really missed that smile.

The silence that followed was nice. Alexia’s eyes darted around your apartment as she sipped on her strawberry milk. You poured yourself a cup of tea and it was still funny how your choice of drink was more mature than Alexia’s despite being five years younger than her. 

“So what brings you here?” you broke the silence.

“Oh,” Alexia rubbed the back of her neck. “Why I came here…” Alexia trailed off.

“Why you came here…” you copied.

Alexia gave a nervous laugh. She had a whole speech planned out, but now you were staring at her and Alexia was surprised that your eyes that used to look at Alexia with so much love were still looking at her the exact same way. 

That, and combined with the fact that Alexia couldn’t spot a single trace of anger in your face despite what Alexia did, made her burst into tears.

Here was the thing: Alexia disliked crying. That was obvious with the way Alexia cried for you months after you left and not the days that followed. Alexia was convinced that crying was a sign of weakness, so whenever she felt hot tears at the back of her eyes, she would always squeeze her eyes shut and push them away.

It was surprising to her that she was openly letting her tears fall in the middle of her ex’s kitchen, her chest shaking as her cries became harder.

Alexia felt you next to her and the next thing she knew, she was being pulled into your arms. She could hear the pounding of your heart and she could feel your gentle kisses on the top of her head. It felt good and it made Alexia realize that letting her emotions show wasn’t so bad.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hm?”

“I’m really sorry for being so oblivious about things,” Alexia croaked out. “Sorry for hurting you. I never meant to.”

“Alexia—”

“Let me finish,” Alexia interrupted, turning in her chair to face you. She looked up into your warm eyes and took a deep breath. She could do this. Just like what she practiced. “Uhm- it’s been a long three months. I was too afraid to tell you what I want—”

“You are not quoting Taylor Swift,” you were holding in your laughter. “Are you?”

“y/n,” Alexia groaned. “I don’t know how to do this, okay? But Taylor Swift said—”

You laughed so hard and Alexia felt the warmness back in her chest. “Sorry it’s just,” you sighed fondly. “You hate Taylor Swift, Ale.”

“I don’t! I just don’t know her well enough to like her,” Alexia corrected. “There’s a difference.” 

“Mhmm, sure.”

“I listened to a couple of her songs and they weren’t that bad. Plus, the lyrics really resonated with me.”

“So all this speech is just you telling me you like Taylor Swift now?”

Alexia rolled her eyes, ignoring your remark. “No. There was one song about being in love, and it was so-” Alexia’s voice grew smaller, her cheeks reddening before she could finish her sentence. “It describes how I feel about you. It helped me… understand my feelings.”

You had an amused look on your face, almost smug. Alexia’s face kept on flushing under your gaze. “Hm. How so?”

“Oh you know,” Alexia started fidgeting with her hands on top of the kitchen counter, looking everywhere but you. “Just… That I understand why they lost their minds and fought the wars.”

You were quiet before you burst out laughing. Alexia had an offended look on her face yet she was smiling nonetheless. “Excuse me,” Alexia chastised. “I’m trying to confess something here.”

You immediately pursed your lips but not a second later the laughters were back. “Sorry,” you said once your laughter died down. “You’ve been quoting Taylor Swift the entire night. Who are you, Alexia Putellas?”

“Can you not?” Alexia pouted. “I’m not good at this, you know that.”

Alexia could feel your hands cupping her cheeks, causing them to burn under your touch. All this felt awfully familiar and Alexia had to remind herself that you were broken up.

Taking a deep breath while still having you so near, Alexia continued. “I can’t remember what to say next. Maybe because you’re too close,” Alexia bluntly said. When a hint of hurt and confusion flashed across your face, Alexia was quick to clarify. “You’re making me nervous, y/n. It’s- I’m just so nervous. You know I always get nervous around you. Can you please stand at least five feet away?”

You shook her head in amusement and moved away, sitting on your previous spot across from Alexia. “You’re ridiculous.”

Alexia smiled sheepishly. “I think what’s ridiculous is how we’re broken up yet it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“It does, doesn’t it,” you had your eyes casted downwards, a wistful smile on your lips. ‘Remind her how it used to be’, checked.

“I’m sorry I screwed things up. You know how dumb I can be sometimes.”

“Yeah,” you scrunched up her nose. “You can be pretty dumb sometimes.”

“Hey!”

“But I still love you nonetheless.” And there it was again, the challenge in your tone. Alexia was transported back to that night three months ago when you left.

“Okay…” Alexia dragged on. “I know what you’re expecting and honestly I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it but—” Alexia took a deep breath. 

“I don’t have much experience with love and believe it or not, I’ve never been in love before. I just don’t find it important. What was important to me was football and being the best in the world, making sure my legacy lives on and how my dad would be proud of me, wherever he is. So if you’d ask me what love was a year ago, my paper would turn out blank, because I just don’t care. Alba kept on making jokes about how I’m going to end up alone and—” Alexia laughed. “Frankly, it wasn’t even a joke because I was pretty sure it would come true. But then I met you, and I was so determined to prove Alba wrong because I can care about someone other than football, but then you left, and I was back to the sinking feeling that maybe I’m just not meant for anyone. And before you say anything, y/n, I know I can overthink sometimes—or maybe a lot. But uhm- you being gone, it forced me to think and I realized that it’s actually a lot simpler than what I imagined.”

“Alexia, breathe,” you interrupted, a fond look on your face. 

Alexia took a deep breath, she didn’t realize how much she was rambling. “Sorry,” Alexia smiled sheepishly, scratching at the back of her neck nervously. “What I meant to say is—“

You caught Alexia’s hands that were waving around crazily in front of her. “I think,” you laughed, you intertwined your fingers and Alexia had to take another deep breath because she forgot what a sight it was to see your hands locked. “I really think you should breathe first.”

Alexia gave a nervous laugh. “I don’t know why I’m so all over the place with you. I can win championships, but with you… I had to practice my speech in front of a stupid mirror, because I know this will happen. This, as in me throwing up words- God, I’m such a mess.”

“You practiced in front of a mirror?” 

“Huh? Yeah,” Alexia’s cheeks grew red. “Of course I did…”

You let go of Alexia’s hands and leaned back. “Well then, go on.”

“Huh?” Alexia squeaked.

“Yes, your speech. We wouldn’t want your practice to go to waste now, do we?” you were smiling and Alexia really wanted to kiss that smile away. 

“Fine. Yes. My speech.” Alexia took a deep breath. “y/n. Love is… Love is mornings with you and how your smile is the first thing I see when I wake up. Love is the sound of your laughter echoing throughout the supermarket aisle when I did a stupid dance after getting the last box of mac and cheese. Love is the nights spent together, feeling the rise and fall of your chest and how you talk in your sleep. Love is the silence on the way home, when we’re both too tired to talk, but it’s nice and I don’t mind it. Love is the way your hands instantly find mine every single time. And I know that love isn’t perfect because love is me breaking your heart and unknowingly breaking mine too. Love is scary because love is lowering your guards down and putting your heart on a damn silver platter and giving your person the chance to ruin you. But I’d let you, y/n. I’d give you a million chances to ruin me because I love you.” 

Your stare was intense and Alexia had to look away. “Te amo. I do. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, and I know it has been months and a lot has changed… but I’m here, if you want me. I am all yours. Because I love you. I’ve been in love with you ever since the first night, I think.”

Alexia forced herself to look back at you, her eyes locking with her favourite pair of orbs. “I want you for worse or for better, mi amor, and I would wait forever for you. I know I broke your heart, but I promise I'll put it back together.”

You had a smile on your lips and your eyebrow raised after Alexia’s last sentence and Alexia wanted to celebrate internally because maybe Taylor Swift was a genius after all.

But when you didn’t say anything else, Alexia’s smile dropped and she had to accept that you could very well reject her. It had been months. A lot could happen in three months.

Alexia could feel the start of pain in her chest but then you laughed and Alexia’s eyes widened because why would you be laughing if you were going to reject her?

“You love me,” you stated.

Alexia was still staring at you. “I do…”

You went closer to her until your hands were back cupping Alexia’s face and that was when Alexia realized that you weren't rejecting her. Holy shit.

“You dummy,” your tone was light but Alexia turned serious.

“I know,” Alexia sucked in a deep breath. “I was a terrible girlfriend, amor. I don’t know how you loved me when all I did was mess up, but I promise that I’ll be better if you—”

“We all mess up,” you interjected. “We’re not perfect, baby. And you’re gonna mess up again in the future and I will too, but we’ll get through it together.”

Alexia was silent, taking in your words. “So uhm,” Alexia had to contain herself from grinning from ear-to-ear. “You still want to be with me?”

Instead of answering, you leaned down and kissed her. Alexia let herself grin into the kiss and she swore that she would do whatever it takes to never lose you again.

—

Ale: I got the girl *insert smiling face with sunglasses emoji*

Albs: what

Albs: just use the emoji wtf weirdo

Ale: Thank you, Taylor Swift

Albs: you’re seriously so weird

Albs: how are we related?

Albs: but anyway congratulations 

Albs: you won’t end up as a cat lady after all :D

Ale: Fuck off, Alba. You know I’m allergic to cats

—

** INTERVIEW NOTES:

ALEXIA PUTELLAS

SHE SMELLS NICE Y/N !!! FOCUS

VERY SERIOUS, ONLY LAUGHED ONCE

JUST TOLD HER TO SMILE MORE BECAUSE SHE HAS A PRETTY SMILE WILL SHE KICK ME OUT

SHE LIKES TACOS ??? IS THIS EVEN IMPORTANT 

SMART, INTELLIGENT, VERY ELOQUENT WITH WORDS !!! JUST TAKE MY HEART ALREADY ALEXIA PUTELLAS 

HER EYES CRINKLE WHEN SHE LAUGHS OMFG ADORABLE

I THINK I’M IN LOVE

SHE JUST ASKED ME WHAT I’M WRITING DOWN

BYE

—

a/n: this was a looong one hope you enjoyed it, loves !!! please let me know your thoughts :) :) :)

[iamnotoriginalphil]

Your Secret (Melissa Schemmenti x f!Reader)

Synopsis: You and Melissa desperately try to keep your secret during Development Day

Words: 1.8k

Warnings: mentions of marking

“Where’d you get that sweatshirt?”

You looked down at your body, the familiar grey material soft against your skin. Your thumb ran over the worn cuff, the scent clinging to it helping to calm your heart. The faded design on the front was barely visible any longer, the years wearing it away.

“Why?” you asked, looking back to Janine, “I don’t think it’s going to salvage your outfit.”

“Hey,” she protested.

You lent over, hand extended. Melissa’s slapped against yours, the move practiced to the point where neither of you had to look at one another. The slide of her palm against yours still sent warmth up your arm, her touch familiar and still so enticing. Her eyes flickered up to you, then down your body before returning to the work in front of her.

“No really, it looks familiar,” Janine said, interrupting your thoughts.

You froze, Melissa doing the same in your periphery.

“Well, it’s not the only one in existence,” you replied, keeping your voice level.

There was no need for her to know exactly where you got it from. No one else needed to know the memory of gentle hands gently zipping you up into it that morning, or the soft kiss you’d received before leaving, hands tugging on the pockets until a warm body brushed against yours. No one had to know the whispered words in your ear or the promises made about wearing your girlfriend’s clothes. No one had to know how you buried your nose in the collar, just to smell her when she wasn’t there.

“I’m sure plenty of people have those,” Melissa said.

“I suppose,” she said, “maybe I’ve just seen you wear it before.”

“Maybe,” you said.

Your eyes flicked up, finding Melissa’s before you both looked away.

“Oh the sweatshirt?” you asked later while filming an interview for the camera crew, “it’s just a sweatshirt. Nothing special about it.”

The director raised an eyebrow.

“I just like it,” was all you could say.

A hand shot out of a classroom as you passed by, grasping you by the wrist and pulling you in. The door slammed shut, echoing down the hall in the least subtle manner you’d seen. Which was saying a lot given you knew Janine. The hold around you wrist tightened, tugging you forward against a warm body.

“You need to take this off,” Melissa growled, tugging on the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

“I could do that but there’s going to be a lot more questions if I do,” you replied, “hence why you lent it to me.”

Fingers played with the zipper, pulling it down just low enough for her to see the dark bruises on your skin. You shivered as she traced one, smirking down at your chest. Reaching out, you rested your hands on her hips, sliding around until your hands found their way into the back pockets of her jeans.

“Do you really want me to take it off?” you asked.

“Not unless you have something to replace it with,” she said, still staring down at your chest.

“I don’t but tonight, when we’re done here and we go back to your place,” you murmured, drawing closer to her, “I’ll take off anything you want me to.”

“I’ll take that deal,” she said before kissing you.

You’d never grow tired of her kissing you.

“Now you get that sexy ass outta here before Janine begins asking any more questions.”

Her fingers were slow as she zipped up the sweatshirt again, fingers ghosting over your skin. You pressed another kiss to her lips, a promise of later caught between you. You slipped out of her classroom, inhaling the scent of her on the collar of her sweatshirt.

Pulling your hair into a ponytail, you got to work cleaning up your own classroom on the second floor. Rearranging desks and hanging up posters, you pushed the sleeves up your arms. Then you paused, remembering Melissa doing that exact action in that exact sweatshirt. The grin on your face was all your own.

“Hey, nice sweatshirt.”

You spun, finding Jacob in your doorway.

“Yeah, it’s the talk of development day, apparently,” you replied, hoping that would be the end of it.

“Have you worn it here before?” he asked, “only it looks so familiar.”

“Maybe,” you said.

“Looks good,” he said.

“Thanks.”

You turned away from him, going back to the work he’d interrupted. That had to be the end of it. It had to be. It was just a sweatshirt. And you didn’t have an alternate option to cover the skin exposed by your tank top.

Hours later, the phone in your pocket vibrated. You pulled it out, the group chat calling you away to join the gang in the staff room. You sighed, rolling your eyes. Someone had let Janine back in, probably Gregory.

Shoving your hands into the pockets of the hoodie, you sauntered a few doors down. People were gathered around a table. Your eyes immediately found Melissa, warmth spreading through your chest at the sight of her.

“What’s the emergency?” you asked.

“They’ve found old photos of past development days,” Melissa replied.

You gasped, “we can see young Barbra?”

Melissa nudged your shoulder as you came to stand beside her, flashing you one of those fond smiles you’d grown drunk on over the summer. The brush of her arm against yours was thrilling, even after all the months you’d been with her. Touching her in a room full of people when they didn’t know, it was a heady combination.

“Melissa, is this you?” Janine was pointing at a faded photo from the early 2000s.

“You that bad at recognising faces?” she asked, crossing her arms and pursing her lips.

“Oooo I want to see baby Melissa,” you said, reaching out for the photo.

You plucked it out of Janine’s hand, eyes scanning for the familiar red head. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you tried to contain your grin, seeing her there with the others, so familiar and yet like a whole other person.

“Aw, look at you,” you said, showing her the picture, “this woman looks like she’s fun.”

“I don’t look like I’m fun?” She cocked her hip, eyebrow raising.

“You’re very fun,” you replied, patting her shoulder.

She looked over your shoulder at the photo again. Your own eyes turned down to it before they widened. You were slow to look at her, finding her own eyes already on you. She snatched it out of your hand.

“What is it?” Janine asked, looking between you and her.

“None of your business,” Melissa snapped.

The photo was snatched out of her hand. Your mouth fell open, Jacob seemingly shocked at his own daring, shoving it at Janine. She looked down at it, then back at you. Gregory looked over his shoulder, face growing blank as he looked up at you too, gaze lingering on your top.

“Isn’t this the same sweatshirt you’re wearing?” Janine asked.

“Is it?” Jacob snatched the picture back from her.

His head swivelled from it to you to Melissa.

“I must have borrowed it from her,” you said, looking at her.

“Melissa doesn’t share clothes,” Janine said.

“Not with people she doesn’t like,” you replied, “she likes me.”

“And I know she won’t make anything I lend her look terrible,” Melissa said.

“Didn’t you recognise it when I asked you earlier?” she asked.

“Whaddaya mean?” she asked in return.

“Earlier, I said the sweatshirt looked familiar and you both said it was something other people owned too. Didn’t you recognise it?” she said.

“Maybe I didn’t want you prying into my business,” she replied.

There was a moment of silence.

“You’ve let her wear your leather jacket before too,” Gregory said.

“What?” Melissa whipped towards him

“More than once,” Jacob said.

“You won’t even let me touch it,” Janine said.

You turned to look at her, finding her eyes turning to you too. She gave a small, almost imperceptible shake of her head. You curled your arms around your body, pressing the soft material to your skin, the second best thing to her touch. You tilted your head, raising both your eyebrows at her.

A sharp intake of breath had both of your heads snapping around. Janine was looking between to the two of you, eyes widening, a grin spreading over her face. You opened your mouth before a warm hand slapped over it. Melissa was glaring across the table at the young woman, not acknowledging the way your lips brushed her palm.

“You two are-“ Janine tried to say before Melissa interrupted.

“We’re friends.”

You saw Jacob’s eyes widening and your shoulders slumped. Grasping her wrist, you were gentle to take her hand from your mouth.

“Mel,” you whispered, “I think the game is up.”

Her eyes flashed to yours before softening. You threaded your fingers through hers, giving her a small smile, slightly sad and yet there was a bit of relief.

“We’ve been together for almost a year,” you said, turning to look at the assembled group.

Janine was grinning so wide.

“And that’s all we’re telling youse about it,” Melissa said.

“This is great. This is so great. Who else knows? Do we have to keep it a secret?” she shot at the two of you.

“You figure it out,” Melissa said.

She dragged you out of the room by your joined hands. You guided her to your classroom, closing the door quietly. Seating her on one of your desks, you stood between her legs, hands sliding up her thighs to hold her hips.

“So they know,” you prompted.

“I don’t like it,” she growled.

“I know,” you said, “I know we wanted it to keep it quiet. But we couldn’t keep it a secret forever.”

“Couldn’t we?” she asked, the anger still bubbling below the surface.

“Honey.” You tucked some hair behind her ear, “when we get married I don’t want to keep that a secret. I’ll want to be showing off that I bagged the hottest woman in Philly.”

“When we get married?”

You chuckled, leaning forward until your forehead was pressed against hers. Her breath puffed over your lips, arms winding around your neck.

“I want you forever, Melissa Schemmenti. I want you to be mine in every way possible,” you murmured.

When she kissed you, it was like sunshine was being poured directly into your heart. You melted against her, pulling her closer, never wanting any space between the two of you. The way she sighed into your mouth told you she wanted the same thing.

“See? I told you.”

You stepped out of the way, watching Melissa grit her teeth as she hopped off the table. She strode to the door, Janine already running away.

“I’ll meet you at home later?” you called after her.

She raised her hand in acknowledgement, following in the receding footsteps of Janine. Yeah, you were going to marry that woman one day.

[inchidentally]

Okay so I was thinking about why Oscar didn’t go and congratulate Lando right after his win but I think the answer is quite simple. It’s because he felt a little at odds with himself.

He lost out in that race because of the safety car the same one that secured Lando’s chance. (you can hear him audibly swear over the radio when it came out, which he NEVER does) He was pissed at the timing and then to top it all off gets his race ruined by Carlos of all people (again) and THEN when he’s desperately trying to force his way back thought he field he’s told to stop fighting because Lando is in the lead.

So whilst I’m sure he was happy for Lando, he was, at the same time, mourning his own loss. As he should! He’s a racing driver. he should be pissed at losing especially at no fault of his own.

So he gave Lando the space, let him take in his well deserved victory and once he’d calmed he congratulated Lando earnestly, without his feeling for his own race getting in the way!

And I think it’s says a lot about how understanding and kind Oscar is. He knew if he congratulated Lando as soon as they crossed the line he wouldn’t have meant it enough so he waited until he did mean it.

What do you think?

KES BABE you're gonna make me long post !!!

I've actually got to weigh in (pun intended) with a very real technicality that my cousin pointed out when I was looking for Oscar once we finally got to watch!

all of the drivers who congratulated Lando not only were father figures/big brother figures to him, they also finished in the top 10 and quite literally had finished their weigh in nice and quick - the exception being Daniel who did not have to go and see the stewards. quite literally Oscar had to wait toward the back of the queue to finish his parc ferme shit (did we ever even get eyes on him?) from there he had to go see the stewards. depending on who they spoke to first out of him, Carlos and KMag and how long they kept him in the meeting, from there he'd have had to find out where Lando was (celebrating? interviews? cool down room?) and then run around to wherever he was. and ofc if he was in cool down he wouldn't have been allowed in.

so technically maybe Lando would've still been easy to find in Oscar's gap between finishing in parc ferme and going to the stewards, he might also have been stood waiting for his interview or even doing it or he might have already headed to the cool down room etc etc etc.

but I am NOT going to expect Oscar to try and navigate all of that when he not only had his top 3 position ruined but now he also had to go and find out if he was going to be penalized as well !!

especially when he knows he's got ample time to congratulate Lando anyway and Oscar is not remotely the type to care if cameras are around to broadcast it or not. the other non-podium drivers were going to entirely different garages and who knows when they'd cross paths with Lando again.

so honestly I personally think this all came down to technicalities more than anything else and if Oscar had finished in the top 10 at least then he would've absolutely been right there to congratulate Lando both for the ease of it but also bc it wouldn't have been as awful a result even if did receive a penalty.

and equally if he had the time to think of it, he would've assumed Carlos was already headed up there to congratulate Lando (and possibly could have seen him) and it was not !! the time for Oscar and Carlos to cross paths at that moment !!

BUT AS YOU SAID !! I think if there was time for him to get past the frustration and anger at what had happened to his own race and those mitigating factors weren't as much of an issue as I'm guessing they were, we know damn well that he'd be thinking what you said <3<3 bc even when things are going horrendously for him, Oscar never loses his head. and if he at all thought he'd bring his own negativity to the biggest moment in Lando's career so far then no WAY would he have risked it.

and bottom line is that one hug has ended up paling in comparison with how much Oscar was there for Lando in Oscar accepting 50% of the upgrades, obeying team orders for Lando rather than trying to get back in the points, showing up for Lando's celebrations twice in a major way, then going out to celebrate him all night long and posting about his win on social media for days afterward <3 like sure it would've had wider publicity if there'd been a hug right after - but Lando's beaming smile and thanking Oscar shows that he doesn't rate publicity as being more significant than everything else Oscar did for him that weekend ;__;

and what's actually really killed me is that surely surely there had to be an element of it for Lando where he remembered last year telling the press how it stung and hurt that Oscar had achieved any kind of win before him. that Oscar was never a showboat about it and always specified that it was a sprint win and not a real race win. that Lando was always the one to bring it up and give Oscar his dues but that Oscar never brought it up again afterward himself. and the mounting anxiety for Lando of what if Oscar got that race win before him? and how much that anxiety must have been at it's peak watching Oscar leading in Miami?? literally I think it would've been too much to humanly expect Lando to cope at all well. I think the absolute least amount of grace we would have given him would be to not go and immediately celebrate it with Oscar but honestly? if he'd decided to just do his post race interviews and slip away quietly until the video with Andrea then none of us would have judged him for it AT ALL. it would have been an unavoidably bittersweet day and knowing what the press and haters would have done to him would have paled in comparison to Lando having to live with knowing that Oscar got there first and so much quicker. and genuinely I think it would have taken a certain amount of shine off of it for Oscar as well and he would not have even slightly expected Lando to put himself through any more of it than strictly necessary for appearances.

(seriously I think we all breathed a sigh of relief over this win as much as we were elated about it !! we will never have to exist in a timeline where Oscar got his race win before Lando)

so not only will Lando have not remotely expected Oscar to show up in parc ferme for a hug, he has clearly counted every moment of Oscar celebrating his win as golden and beyond the call of teammate duty. and that not only did he make sure that posterity recorded Oscar's achievements earlier in that race, he made sure that he thanked him by setting the example of what could be done on just half the upgrades.

we all expected each of the hugs Lando got right after that race. each of those men has helped to raise Lando and has watched him since he was small and awkward and painfully shy and suffering heart-wrenching race results. they needed to hold their boy in his moment of purest happiness.

but none of us could have reasonably assumed how Oscar - only just out of his rookie season and Lando's teammate of just one season and a bit - would react to such a devastating race for himself while also on the biggest day of his teammate's career to date.

one hug would honestly have been a perfectly fine bare minimum and plenty of other drivers would have called that good and begged off.

equally tho one measly hug shouldn't make anyone underestimate how extraordinarily above and beyond and then some Oscar has been for Lando for the past week. that not only has he celebrated it and celebrated Lando, he's done so in proportion to people older than him who have known Lando much longer than him and who are not direct rivals to Lando.

like genuinely, the general F1 fans keep saying what a gentlemen and exemplary one-of-a-kind teammate Oscar has been through all of this and they're absolutely right. we not only got to rejoice in Lando's win, we also get to rejoice that he has a teammate who has proven his worth and made the McLaren driver partnership secure for the years they have to come <3<3

[rxmqnova]

Well, i was thinking about Lizzie and Yn are together and they went to an event.

Normally, Yn is a bit scared about it, her ex girlfriend wasn't the best person to be around in those situations, she wouldn't let her talk, always wanted her near her and with her mouth closed. Never being proud of her, what she was working or like introduce her to other people.

So It was the first event of Yn and Lizzie together, and even if Lizzie never was like that, she had that fear, and where Lizzie was talking with another person while yn went to have a drink for her too, when she went to Lizzie's side, Lizzie instantly introduce yn and told that she is her girlfriend, every time she met someone or even if they were a coworker, she introduced yn and was so proud of telling everyone that yn was her girlfriend.

Even if she knew before, yn was 100% sure that Lizzie was the love of her life and a gift for every she went through

The love of her life

NO ONE'S POV Y/N takes a deep breath, looking out of the window at all the people with cameras, her girlfriend looks beautiful as ever sitting next to her, holding Y/N's hand and rubbing her thumb over Y/N's knuckles.

The pair only just arrived to the Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness premier. It's their first event they've come as a pair ever. Lizzie couldn't be happier to finally have Y/N by her side when they finally went public with their relationship.

Y/N, on the other hand, has been feeling super anxious. It's just that Y/N's ex-girlfriend was also an actress and whenever Y/N went with her to any kind of event, she just felt horrible.

Y/N was not allowed to speak, not allowed to go anywhere without her ex-girlfriend. She felt like she was being showed like a stupid throphy. 'Just stand still and look pretty' Is what her ex-girlfriend always said.

"Are you okay, baby?" Lizzie asks softly, noticing her girlfriend looks a bit off.

"What? Yeah, all good" Y/N fakes a smile and Lizzie immediately knows her girlfriend's lying. But before she can say anything, Y/N speaks again. "Oh, we're here" She informs, getting out of the car and holding her hand out for Lizzie who accepts it with a sigh.

Of course first comes taking photos and Lizzie practically drags her girlfriend there. Y/N wasn't sure if she should be there as her ex-girlfriend always used to tell her to wait on the side. But Lizzie's just completely different and is proud that Y/N is her girlfriend.

Even in the interviews that come next Lizzie always includes her girlfriend somehow, asking about her opinion or mentioning her whenever she has a chance.

Y/N left for some drinks now though while Lizzie got into talking with Benedict. Handing Lizzie a drink she brought for her, Y/N's met with a huge smile on her girlfriend's face.

"There you are. Benedict, this is my girlfriend Y/N. Y/N/N, this is Benedict" Lizzie says with a huge smile playing on her lips, interlocking her fingers with Y/N's.

"I see. Nice to meet you, Y/N" Benedict smiles. "Lizzie has told me a lot about you"

"S-she did?" Y/N questions surprised on which Lizzie gives her hand a little squeeze.

"Well, of course I did. I want everyone to know I have such an amazing girlfriend" Lizzie smiles, rubbing her thumb over her girlfriend's knuckles, making Y/N blush.

The conversation goes on and Y/N has to admit she's actually having a great time. It's a nice change to be included in the conversation and not receiving death glares for telling something.

Of course Benedict isn't the only one Lizzie wants to introduce her girlfriend to. Lizzie leads her girlfriend to her other friends and co-workers, one by one, introducing Y/N to everyone and having a quick conversation with them.

The time flies fast though and both girls get tired, so when Lizzie suggests to go home, Y/N can't say no and happily agrees.

"Did you have a good time today?" Lizzie asks softly, rubbing Y/N's knuckles with her thumbs.

"Yeah. I really enjoyed the time I could spend with you. Thank you, Lizzie" Y/N smiles warmly.

"You don't have to thank me for anything, baby. I'm glad you were there with me" Lizzie smiles back, leaning in to peck her girlfriend's lips with a kiss.

When the pair is finally back home, the first thing both girls do is taking a hot shower. And after putting on the comfiest clothes they could find, they just snuggle up together in their bed, deciding to watch a movie.

Y/N's head is comfortably resting on Lizzie's chest while Lizzie's hand is rubbing circles on Y/N's back. Every now and then Lizzie places a kiss to her girlfriend's head which never fails and makes Y/N smile widely.

"You can close your eyes, baby. I know how tired you are" Lizzie tells her girlfriend softly, noticing Y/N is struggling to keep her eyes opened to watch the movie.

"I love you so much, Lizzie" Y/N mumbles out, allowing herself to close her eyes and wonder what did she do to deserve such an amazing girlfriend.

"I love you more, Y/N/N" Lizzie says quietly, a smile playing on her lips as she keeps rubbing Y/N's back in circles.

Lizzie surely must be a gift for everything Y/N's been through. She's finally happy and it's all thanks to Lizzie.

And after this day Y/N's completely sure that Lizzie is the love of her life and that there is no one in the whole world she would rather spend the rest of her life with, even though they're dating only for a few months.

----------------------

Elizabeth Olsen masterlist

Masterlist

[digitaldiarystuff]

FRIENDS?

Hello everyone, this is my digital diary which I’ll pour what’s in my head. Hope you enjoy my writing and feel free to reach out to me!

— — — —

summary: you’ve met Jude through your close friend which put you in the same friend group but even though you’ve fancied him from the jump you’re also scared because you know how footballers can be

pairing: Y/N - Jude Bellingham

genre: angst / fluff

— — — —

“Are you done putting the decorations up?” your friend Chris asked. This was his christmas party and you were helping him add the finishing touches.

“Yeah I’m almost done. Don’t worry it’s going to be great.” you said reassuringly.

“I know but this is my first christmas in Madrid and I want everything to be perfect.” he said coming to the living room to see the final product.

You have known Chris since you were in high school, your parents knew each other and you were cordial until the end of high school when you both decided to move to a bigger city. You, for education and him to pursue his music career which has been great so far. He had put out 2 albums in 2 years and had big success.

When you were new to the city, you two bonded over the loneliness you sometimes felt and that prompted your close friendship. Even as he gained followers and became famous, he made sure you were with him. He invited you to events, referred to you as a sister in interviews.

“It’s going to be amazing!” you exclaimed as the doorbell rang. He went to open the door welcoming his friends which consisted of some influencers, producers and even one or two footballers who listened to him and invited him to games.

You hugged them as everyone was coming in and complimenting the party and you. Being one of the few people who wasn’t a celebrity, you’ve put a lot of effort into your appearance tonight. You wanted to look good.

“Hello, darling.” you heard someone say and you absolutely knew who he was. It was Jude freaking Bellingham. You’ve met Jude through Chris as well and you’ve formed a semi close friendship over the last couple months, though you couldn’t help but develop a massive crush on the guy from the day you’ve seen him. He was everything you’d wanted, handsome, nice, sassy, tall and funny but you always remained cool. Even though you sometimes felt his eyes on you for too long or his hand on the small of your back, you knew how they were and you couldn’t blame him. He’s in his prime and playing for one of the most prestigious clubs in the world, he could get anyone he wanted and you reminded yourself that a couple of times a day just to get him out of your mind.

“Hi Jude!” you said and hugged him.

“You look incredible.” he said while his nose was in your hair, the hug lasted an eternity before you decided to pull back.

“Thank you, you look great too.” you said slightly blushing. He had this kind of effect on you, he said things that wouldn’t normally make you feel things like this. He really looked amazing, though. He was wearing a black button up shirt since this was a special occasion but you knew whatever he was wearing didn’t matter he just was devastatingly handsome.

“Okay, let’s get this party started!” Chris yelled as everyone around you cheered including Jude.

It had been a couple of hours into the party and everyone was pretty wasted at this point. You were also a little dizzy but not too bad. It was going great with games and traditions and right now you were sitting on the couch between Chris and Sofie, one of your friends and playing cards when your eyes caught Jude’s. He was out by the pool and drinking alone, deep in thoughts.

You excused yourself and went over to him. He didn’t notice you until you were just in front of him.

“Don’t party this much, you might regret it tomorrow.” you said in a teasing voice.

“How can I enjoy myself if you’re far from me?” he asked in the same tone.

“I-you could’ve come to me.” you mumbled in a newly found confidence. Maybe you shouldn’t have had that last glass of champagne.

“You wanna sit?” he asked as he slides on the sunbed. You carefully sat next to him hoping you weren’t in his space much but on the contrary, Jude felt like you were too far away and gently placed his hand on your waist pulling you closer.

“This is better.” he mumbled, clearly more intoxicated than you’ve ever seen him. He was always a flirty person with you but this was next level.

“What were you thinking?” you asked suddenly remembering seeing him sitting alone silently.

“I wasn’t thinking of anything.” he answered but you just raised your brow.

“What? I wasn’t!” he said like a kid that’s been caught.

“I know you better than that Bellingham.” you said.

“Well, if you really know me, you tell me what I was thinking.”

“That’s not how this works!” you exclaimed laughing. He joined after hearing you.

“I was thinking about you.”

“What were you thinking about me?”

“I was thinking” he trailed off. You decided to wait and not pester him.

“…about you.” he confessed and looked up to your eyes staring intensely. It’s like he was trying to read your thoughts about his confession.

“Jude” you said, sighing. You wanted to believe his words so bad but seeing every footballer you know being a player, you found it hard to believe.

“Y/N” he said in the same tone, trying to get your attention to him.

“It’s true, I was thinking of you.” he tried again.

“You’re just drunk.” you chuckled slightly trying to lift the mood. You were in denial, hoping he would just stop this before you say how you feel about him embarrassing yourself because you were too close to saying how you always think about him as well.

“I am.” he accepted. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

You gulped and your eyes closed for a second before you opened them again and saw him even closer than before. Your eyes shifted to his lips and he watched your every move carefully. Just as he was leaning in, one of your drunken friends yelled out to you stating she was going home before being sick. You turned to her immediately afraid that she’d realize what’s going on but she was too wasted to even see anything. You got up and went to her without even glancing at Jude embarrassed about being this afraid. It wasn’t like you haven’t thought about kissing him, it was just you knew he was drunk and didn’t want to be just someone for him to spend the night with and leave without caring.

One by one, everyone started leaving. It was just Chris, his situationship, you, 2 of his friends and Jude. The night had slowed down and you were just on the couch talking about life until Chris took his lady’s hand and took her upstairs before telling you to crash wherever you want to.

You started cleaning up before going up to the guest bedroom that was designated for you. You took a trash bag from the kitchen trying to empty plates until you felt another presence in there with you. It was Jude.

“Did they leave?” you asked, trying to make conversation. You were still pretty nervous about your moment out by the pool.

“Yeah.” he said shortly. Just as he was bringing the glasses on the counter he stumbled and nearly broke them before pulling himself together.

“You’re barely walking straight, just stop Jude.” you said laughing.

“No, I’m not!” he said offended.

“C’mon.” you said taking his hand in yours to help him balance, taking him to the guest bedroom. He drove there and there’s no way you were letting the starboy of football drunk drive on christmas.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked like a child.

“The guest bedroom, you need to sleep.”

He didn’t protest, just followed you but held your hand harder. Just then you realized how you were holding hands but didn’t want to make it awkward and pull your hand back.

You entered the room followed by Jude and sat him on the bed. He still didn’t let go of your hand. You tried pulling back but he didn’t let you.

“Jude, you need to rest.” you said smiling softly.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’m going downstairs to clean up a little and rest too.” you explained.

“Where?”

You actually now realized this is the only spare bedroom in Chris’ home.

“On the couch.” you said sounding more like a question.

“No you’re not.” he said making you sit down with him.

“Yes I am, we can’t fit in one bed.” you said terrified about the possibility of sleeping next to Jude. You already knew you couldn’t even relax just hold your breath the entire night.

“Are you calling me fat?” he asked, smiling.

“No, I’m calling you big.”

“I heard girls like that.” he smugly said. Of course girls liked it, especially me.

“Well, some girls do.”

“And you don’t?” he asked curiously.

“Jude, you’re wasted. Just sleep.” you said trying to change the subject.

“I’m not even tipsy Y/N. I’ve only had 2 beers.” he said like it was obvious.

“What-Well you looked drunk.” you said shocked.

“That was the only way to get you to pay attention to me. Look, you’re taking care of me.” he said motioning your intertwined hands.

“Well, that’s what friends are for.” you said looking down.

“Yeah, friends do that. But we’re not friends.” he said before leaning in and capturing your lips with his and kissing you softly.

[queenoftheimps]

So I know people are debating what, exactly, the 'something special' was for Daniel, with some theories being that Louis was going to offer to turn Daniel -- which I honestly hope is the answer!

But -- another, less fun thought occurred to me, which is: ...remember after episode 4 when there were those jokes about Louis letting Lestat have one last nice day before putting him down (twice)?

...so, uh. What if the interview itself was Daniel's 'one last nice day' before he was dinner in the dining room?

I could be wrong (BELIEVE ME, I WOULD LOVE TO BE WRONG) but I have been wondering since Season One why Louis is holding the interview now , because he doesn't actually seem to care all that much about the 'great convergence'. The answer that made the most sense to me is: Daniel has Parkinson's and he was gonna be too sick to fly to Dubai on his own soon. This was the last shot to do this with Daniel, specifically.

(Also interesting: you spent two weeks on this interview but don't actually think the book should have been published. What's that about, Louis?)

I don't think any of this even necessarily counteracts the idea that Louis likes Daniel, or even that Daniel has a possible prior connection with Armand. Louis offered to turn Daniel in Season One and he snarkily rebuffed it! I could see him thinking 'okay he's already sick -- this'll be a way to tie up loose ends for both of us, resolve our unresolved business, and give him an easy way out, and bring it all full circle from 1973'. This is Louis, after all, who insists that Armand's method of easeful death 'isn't violent'.

As for Armand -- Armand kept telling Louis he didn't want him to do the interview. That could honestly go either way, either because Armand knew (correctly) that Daniel was gonna blow up his whole setup, or possibly because he didn't like this plan to begin with. Or both! Armand has lots of layers!

But I will note...it's interesting that when Armand says "You should end it" to Louis in the first episode, Louis immediately reads that as "You should end Daniel" and not "You should end the interview and send Daniel home," which is what Armand actually meant.

IDK, I do need to stress that I am very often wrong about my theories, so I would like to be wrong about this one. But! This show also tends to rip my heart out, so who knows.

[chunghasweetie]

𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 | P.JM 1

— pairing | femceo!oc x ceo!pjm

— summary | two rival ceos competing for years. famous for their rivalry and hatred for one another. always arguing. she hated him. he couldn’t stand her.

but why was he hard after every interaction?

— warnings | bad writing (i’m doing my best) slow burn (i’m annoying), secret relationships (oc’s bsf has the hots for jk), cruel humor (oc acts hard to get), fluff, cheating (jimin won’t give up on this girl), relationship abuse, abuse, light stalking (oc’s bsf is NOSY), alcohol, angst, lying, toxic relationships, toxic love concepts, aggression, irrational behavior, misogyny, derogatory comments (oc’s bf is a DICK),

— word count | 7.4k words

— song suggestions | confident — justin bieber

Park Jimin.

One of the greatest names in South Korea. One of the greatest names in the world actually. His face was on everything. Street signs, billboards, cars, even school lunch pails.

He was a prodigy. A genius. Although his parents were successful, he needed no help from them. He owned car dealerships, clothing brands, shoe stores, etc. Anything you could name, he owned 3 of it.

All at age 28.

No children, no spouse. All of his achievements done single-handedly.

How did he become so successful? We'll never know. He's a very a secretive man.

Although there is not much known about him, he is the definition of "the female gaze."

He is an incredibly handsome man. He trends daily for his sharp jawline, his beautifully carved lips, and his beautiful siren like eyes.

He could charm any man or woman with his looks alone. His voice was like a pied piper, seducing anyone who listened.

Park Jimin was a mystery.

༊—

Yoo Jangmi.

CEO of YooMi Beauty. The title coming from her surname and her first name.

YooMi Beauty was an incredibly  popular beauty brand ranging from makeup all the way to high toothbrushes.

YooMi Beauty had makeup, jewelry, women's clothes, men's clothes, heels, maternity wear, children's clothes, even kitchen wear.

Everyone was wearing YooMi. Custom designs from Ms. Jangmi herself. She was a self made entrepreneur who turned her small business into an empire.

She was an inspiration to many women. Being an independent woman and making a name for herself all on her own, many people looked up to her.

Unlike Park Jimin, Jangmi was very interactive with interviews and customers who supported her. She admired every bit of feedback she received and was very transparent.

It was no secret that Park Jimin was her rival, and with her coming out with a new car accessory line, she knew there would be talk.

He owned a lot of different branches similar to her, so the two were constantly competing against one another.

Tonight they were both invited to a gathering at a casino in Las Vegas hosted by one of his competitors, Yoo Kihyun.

Jangmi's brother.

Jimin wore a more business casual outfit. Since it was being hosted by Kihyun, he could care less how he really looked. No one there would peak his interest enough to really make him want to stand out.

"Nice to see you, Park. Champagne?" Kihyun offered.

"Don't mind if I do." He answered, watching the bartender pour them a drink. "Surprised you invited me. Especially after I made your sales plummet last spring." He smirked.

"Surprised you remembered." Kihyun chuckled lowly, taking a sip of his drink.

"How could I not? I'm making it a marker of my many successes." Jimin thanked the bartender, turning back to Kihyun.

"You enjoy your night, Park. Do contact me if you need anything else." Kihyun and Jimin waved their goodbyes as Kihyun went to greet other guests.

Jimin held his chin high as he drank alone. At gatherings like these, he didn't talk to many other business owners.

Not to his surprise, he was viewed as a very arrogant man. Which he was, in moderation.

He wasn't a total dick, at least he'd say so. But he definitely was a sassy man. He was a bittersweet person.

"Sitting alone like always." A low female voice was heard behind him. "Get me something with vodka and strawberries." She ordered to the bartender, taking a seat beside Jimin.

"Ms. Yoo." He turned to her. "How lovely is it to see you tonight. Alone." He mimicked her. "You order your drinks like a toddler."

Tonight she was wearing a lilac maxi dress, sparkles reflecting off the many games and neon lights around them. Her hair was long, jet black and parted to the side.

"At least I'm not drinking boring champagne. Don't you like to try new things?"

He shook his head. "Nope. You can never go wrong with champagne. You already know what to expect."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I can expect to be face deep hurling over the casino toilet."

"How ladylike." He fake smiled. "No wonder you're alone too."

"I actually chose to come alone, Mr. Park. You have no choice." She thanked the bartender as he slid her drink over to her. "Be a doll and pay for my drink?"

"As if." He scoffed. "Why should I do that?"

"Because I'll be the only woman you've bought a drink for since you've been able to purchase alcohol." She fake smiled back to him, taking a sip.

Friendly fire is what their relationship would be described as.

They could be civil with one another yes, but they had every reason to not be.

They were in constant competition. Who could sell more in a certain amount of time. Who could please their consumers more than the other.

She couldn't stand him. He couldn't stand her. Every little thing the other did, set them off.

What made it worse was they were neighbors.

Jangmi and her brother looked so alike. The evil smirk they shared ticked Jimin off.

One thing Jimin and Jangmi both agreed on, was their rivalry against Kihyun.

Kihyun and Jangmi were siblings, but he was also her competitor.

He was shady, a cheat. He used his looks to his advantage when it came to business. He lied to a lot of his consumers and he often made false promises to them.

Although there were a few instances where he was exposed for his doings, he easily paid off reporters for their silence.

He overshadowed brands that had actual good value. Honest brands. Such as YooMi and Park Enterprises.

No one with a high power dared to ever challenge Kihyun, knowing damn well he could crush them instantly. So many remain silent.

"Aren't you just peachy to be around." He fake swooned. "Go hang out with your brother. I miss the silence before you got here."

"You know damn well that's not going to happen. I'd rather sit and drink with you than talk to that idiot." She took another sip.

"Don't tell me you like me Ms. Yoo— Awe! I'm flattered." He put his hand on his heart. "You have a boyfriend, but I'd understand why you'd want me more."

"You fucking wish. You'd have to pay me to like someone like you." She shook her head. "Especially more than him."

"I don't know. That's how they all start out. Pretty soon you'll want to sleep with me when you become a married woman. That's how captivating I am." He winked at her.

Jangmi almost gagged. "Captivating or cocky? Either way I'm going to be sick."

"I think you mean lovesick." He corrected her.

"Alright enough of that." She downed her drink, placing the empty glass on the table. "Thanks for the drink. Goodnight Park." She waved before exiting the bar.

"Goodnight Ms. Yoo." He bid his goodbyes, watching her as she walked off. He looked down at his aching lower region once she was completely out of his sight. “Shit— Am I hard?”

༊—

"Finally." Jangmi threw herself on her couch.

"How was it? How was he?" Jangmi's best friend Yeri came out of the kitchen, a bowl of oatmeal in her hands.

Yeri and Jangmi had been best friends since the age of 8 years old. The two were almost like sisters. They did absolutely everything together and they knew everything about each other.

Yeri knew the code to Jangmi's penthouse, so she'd go in and out as she pleased if she didn't see her boyfriends car in the driveway. She only lived a few buildings down but according to her Jangmi's home felt "comforting"

"You ask me that every time. Just apply at his office or something." Jangmi replied, face down into the pillow.

"You know it's not that simple!" Yeri whined. "My dads money can only do so much for me." She pouted.

"Work for it." Jangmi suggested.

"I'd rather die. Hey! Do you think Kihyun might want to—"

"I'm going to stop you right there! My brother is off limits!" Jangmi shot up from her couch.

"Are you jet lagged or something?! I meant offer me a modeling gig! You didn't let me finish." Yeri rolled her eyes.

"Thank goodness. I almost died." Jangmi laid back on the couch. "I don't get why you even think he's cute. He's a cocky bastard."

"You don't see the vision Jangmi. Jimin may not have the best personality, but you've got to admit he's very handsome."

"You call him Jimin like you guys are close." Jangmi brought out her phone. "Look, I have to run to his office anyways for a pick up tomorrow. You can say you're one of my assistants and take my place."

"Are you serious?!" Yeri gasped.

She nodded.

Yeri set down the oatmeal and ran to her best friend. She gave her a huge hug, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She squeezed her.

"Don't make me regret this." Jangmi grumbled.

༊—

Lee Minhyuk, Jangmi's boyfriend of over a year.

The man was about 179cm and just a year younger than Jangmi herself. She didn't usually go for the younger ones but this one specifically caught her eye.

Their relationship was very public. Everyone knew about him.

He wouldn't shut up about her. Although he hasn't nearly as famous as she was, whenever he'd be interviewed or featured on television he'd always manage to bring her up.

Jangmi this. Jangmi that.

He was a romantic too. Surprise roses here and there, dates outside the office.

His world revolved around her, as she was what he gloated about the most.

The media adored him, waiting daily for the man to pop the question, "Will you marry me?"

He originally was one of her Kihyun's business partners, so they met through him.

She'd say it was love at first sight the way they instantly connected after some simple phrases back and fourth.

Their relationship seemed so perfect. Barely any fighting or bickering between the couple. They were on the same page about their futures and they could communicate well.

Their relationship was perfect. As in it used to be. Out of nowhere, Minhyuk turned away from her. Pretty early on too.

Fights between the two would break out often. He'd leave and disappear for days on end. Weeks even.

She couldn't pinpoint where exactly they went wrong. She was nothing but devoted to him and treated him with nothing but respect.

He was controlling. Didn't like her daily habits. Didn't like how she ate and how she dressed.

His boasting about her was usually about her physical appearance. It was appreciated but she just wished he'd bring up something that wasn't about her face or her body.

They could be just a bit more intimate, thought Jangmi. At least towards her. They had sex often but, it didn't go down in the way she'd like to.

Often when it would come to them 'getting it on' it would only end up benefiting Min-hyuk.

"I don't want to try anything new." Minhyuk would argue, leaving a frustrated Jangmi to finish herself off later when she was left alone.

Eventually she stopped fighting it, seeing that she wasn't going to win anyway after time and time again of her trying to explain.

Maybe it's just an obstacle they'd have to overcome in the future, all couples have something they need to work on.

For Min-hyuk, the main obstacle in their relationship was her not wanting to settle down.

She didn't want to be married just yet. The girl loved to party, loved to travel. She was a drinker and she loved to explore and feel free.

She loved looking pretty. Dressing up. One of the main reasons she started her business.

Daily she'd wear makeup and "girly" outfits. She was a very feminine woman who couldn't stand looking overly simple.

Here and there she'd like to expose skin. Nothing drastic but she loved to feel comfortable in her body. She went to the gym daily. She didn't work hard just to not show it off.

Her looks weren't for anyone's gaze. Just for her and her only.

Minhyuk wanted to domesticate her already. Make her the perfect housewife and give birth to their many children. Combine their companies.

He didn't like that she loved to party. He hated that all she wanted to do was try new things and travel.

Do not get him started on her outfits. How could such a woman show off so much?

He didn't understand any of it. He loved her but at some point shouldn't she stop?

"Don't you think you're getting a bit old to be wearing outfits like that?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe

Jangmi wore a simple floral pattern dress. It was long sleeved and flowy at the bottom.

She never wore flats but today she decided to. She dressed so plain today. For once she didn't dress for herself but she dressed for him today. Her outfit was the exact opposite of what she usually wore.

It was one of of the most modest outfits she owned.

"Considering I'm still in my twenties I don't think so at all." She laughed.

"Late twenties might I add." He folded his arms. "Shouldn't you be thinking about your future just a bit more?"

"Uh I think about my future every damn day. You forget I run an entire empire." She scoffed.

"I'm just trying to help you out Jangmi. Nows the age to start thinking just a bit more about the future of us. I want kids. A marriage." He held onto her waist.

"I don't understand why my outfit is stopping us from achieving that." Jangmi tilted her head.

"Just forget it." Minhyuk sighed, a sad expression settling on his face.

"Wait— I'll change." Jangmi exhaled.

She just wanted the best for the two. Minhyuk was all she knew, so she couldn't just give up on him.

Minhyuk's pout turned into a smile instantly. "Thanks Jangmi! I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled, heading back up the stairs.

༊—

"Breathe Yeri. Breathe." Yeri calmed herself down before entering the elevator of Park Enterprises.

She was really there in the building. After using Jangmi as an excuse to see Park Jimin up close and in person, she was finally able to do it.

The smoking hot man she had seen on so many billboards and TV screens she was finally going to see in person.

She was filthy rich and her dad could get her to meet anyone she wanted but for some reason, Jimin wasn't within reach.

He was a busy man who was always traveling. And unlike an idol, he couldn't just do meet and greets.

I guess you could say she was a bit of a fan girl.

The elevators made a "ding" noise as soon as she reached the top floor.

"Okay. You just put them on the desk and leave. Easy." She reminded herself as the elevator doors opened.

Before her plans could be fulfilled, she slammed right into someone.

"Ow!" She winced as she immediately dropped to the floor.

"Oh my goodness— Are you okay?!" The man immediately stooped down and helped her up from the ground.

"Y-Yeah." She struggled to get back on her feet.

"I'm so sorry!" He bowed to her before the two made eye contact.

Damn.

'Who is he?' Yeri thought.

Little did she know he was thinking that same thing.

The two simply stared at each other for a few seconds.

She felt as if she was in some kind of drama. When she looked at him it was like cherry blossoms and lovey dovey music played in the background.

Forget Jimin. She needed this one.

"Are you here to see Mr. Park?" He asked her as he pressed on the elevator button.

She nodded.

"He's not in his office at the moment but I can take those. You're from YooMi. Correct?" He asked her as he took the files from her hand.

She nodded once more.

Damnit, why can't you speak? Yeri thought to herself. No way she was this pathetic in front of him.

"I'm sorry if I've frightened you. I'm Mr. Park's secretary." He bowed to her, her bowing back. "And you are?"

"Ah— I'm Ms. Yoo's assistant."

"You must be new. I know all of Ms. Yoo's assistants." He adjusted his glasses.

"I'm still in training unfortunately. She's just having me run some errands." She explained before the elevator came to a stop.

"I wish you luck. I know she's a pretty tough woman. But this is my stop. Sorry again." He waved goodby before getting off the elevator.

"I need him." She mumbled to herself after waving goodbye to Mr. Park's assistant.

༊—

"Jangmi, please."

"For the last time. Hell no! What are you even on about?! You didn't want a job period now all of a sudden you want to work for me? You're out of your mind." Jangmi walked past the pleading girl.

"I'm so desperate here Jangmi. Can't you find it in your heart to—"

"No." She shook her head. "Not until you explain to me what the hell you're doing this for."

Yeri had spent the last few hours researching Jimin's secretary.

There were images and videos but there were no names. Nothing to work with at all.

She needed to see him again. He introduced himself as Jimin's secretary but didn't even give her his work name. Did he not want to tell her? Was he secretive? What kind of person wouldn't even say their own name?

She figured since Jangmi and Jimin hated each other, she had to know.

"What's his name? Jimin's secretary." Yeri asked.

"Ohhh. That's what this is for." Jangmi smirked. "Finally seen Secretary Sexy up close."

"Don't ever call him that again." Yeri gagged. "That was hard to even hear."

"Whatever. It could be worse, I could like Mr. Park's secretary."

"You don't get it! Jangmi you just had to be there. He was so tall. His shoulders— Oh don't get me started. And he's polite! When we locked eyes it's like..." She trailed off. "Love at first sight!"

Jangmi simply stared at the girl for a moment. Then burst out laughing. "Whew Yeri!" She threw herself on the couch. "You can not be serious!"

"It's not funny!" Yeri began to throw a fit, stomping her feet. "It's like the whole world literally stopped for us! Music started playing and the colors in the elevator became so vibrant like in the movies!"

"The elevator is literally silver and brown!" Jangmi laughed. "Girl he's cute but not that cute!"

"You're childish." She mumbled. "You're just jealous because you're in a generic relationship. You're not in a drama like me okay!"

"And what am I supposed to be in if you're a drama?"

"Those really boring slow silent historical films that only old people watch!" Yeri immaturely pointed at her.

"Well that was just rude. But I guess that's what love at first sight does to you." Jangmi giggled, causing Yeri to huff. "Okay okay that was the last one!"

"Just tell me his name. Oh my gosh- Do you have his number?!" She jumped on the couch.

"How close do you think I am to Mr. Park?!" She exclaimed.

"I have an idea!" Yeri shot up onto her feet.

"Let's hear it." She sighed.

"Buy him."

Jangmi rose an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Yeri smirked. "There must be a reason Park Enterprises runs so well. The secretary. We buy the secretary we buy all of his secrets. Poor guy was overworked. I don't even think he has his own office. Let's march down there and let's buy his secretary!"

"That's..." Jangmi exhaled. "The stupidest idea I've ever heard of. And you just talked about love at first sight. You're an actual idiot."

Yeri whined. "Come on! It's a good idea. Don't you want to know his secrets?"

"As much as I do not like Mr. Park, you're not thinking about this logically. His secretary is bound by his contact. Equally meaning he can not say a damn thing about the Park name. We have no idea what kind of contract he even signed." She took her hair out of her ponytail.

"And to be honest. I don't care about that secretary enough to hire him. I'm not wasting my precious time on some crush that may be loyal to his company." Jangmi shook her head.

"So that's it? Me and him are through?" Yeri dramatically stuffed her face in the pillow. "I thought money could fix everything!"

"You should know very well by now it does not. At all." Jangmi rolled her eyes. Hearing how distraught her best friend was, she caved in.

"His name is Jeon Jungkook. Do you want to go drink and get BBQ?" She asked her.

༊—

"She's perfect isn't she? Beautiful face and a beautiful body. What more could a man want?" Minhyuk boasted in front of the press, arm wrapped around Jangmi's waist.

Tonight they were attending a fashion show in Seoul. The main models were wearing various designs by YooMi and Jangmi couldn't be more proud.

She hand picked the models herself years ago and now with their experience, they'll be walking their first runway.

YooMi wasn't the only brand making an appearance that night.

Park Jimin was only a few feet beside them, waving to the press.

Surprisingly he wasn't alone, but not in the way you'd think.

Secretary Jeon was beside him, answering some questions for Jimin.

It was a bit surprising considering he never really spoke up, so they got a bit more attention than usual.

She paid no attention to them, focusing on the interview in front of her.

"I'm sure he loves my persona too." Jangmi added on, laughing.

Once the interview was wrapped up, Jangmi and Minhyuk made their way to their seats after going through security.

Jangmi happily checked out the area, the room being set up perfectly as she envisioned it.

"This is going to be so good!" The girl rubbed her hands together in excitement.

"Yeah." Minhyuk mumbled, feeling unsteady.

Truth be told the guy didn't want to be here at all. If it was up to him he'd be at home with a cold beer and a porn website.

The show started once everyone took their seats, and Jangmi didn't take her eyes off the runway.

༊—

"Oh my gosh!" Jangmi clapped loudly. "Beautiful! That was so amazing! My girls and boys did so amazing! I'm so proud."

"Yup." Minhyuk looked around. "Do you think the open bar is still available?"

"What's your problem?" She questioned him.

He'd been aching to go since the interview. What could've possibly made him this uneasy?

"You can tell me Minhyuk."

"Earlier. Why did you have to say that?" Minhyuk turned to her.

She looked at him. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm sure he loves my persona too" He mimicked her. "Don't you think that kind of makes me sound like a dick? You should've been more considerate."

"Well I mean all you've done is talk about my looks all night. It was just a harmless joke so relax." She fanned herself.

"I don't need your shit right before a show." He crossed his arms, anger slightly rising.

"You act like it's your brand who's modeling. We came here for me." She scoffed.

"Whatever. It was a shit show anyway. The clothing you submitted wasn't good for shit." He muttered out, clearly ticked off.

"Are you fucking serious? You're acting like a fucking child. If you want to be a dick right now then just fucking go. I have a ride home anyway." She rose her voice.

"Fine. Didn't want to be here anyway." He stood up from his seat and stomped off childishly.

Jangmi breathed out, fanning herself some more.

She needed to calm her nerves before anxiety rose or this wasn't going to end well.

"What's wrong with Captain Hothead?"

"Not now Park. I can not deal with you right now." Jimin eyed her. Analyzing her body language and emotional state.

He didn't see the entire situation go down, but he seen enough to where he could make a good assumption.

She looked stressed from their previous outburst at her boyfriend. Uneasy.

But damn did she look good.

Jangmi had on a steel blue suit with a corset top underneath, revealing some of her cleavage and her stomach piercing which matched the rest of the jewelry she had.

She paired the outfit with diamond jewelry and 4 inch platform heels.

Jimin couldn't help himself but to take a good look at her. Sure she was his rival. But it couldn't hurt to just take a peek.

"You clean up nice." He eyed her once more. "And so did your models. Not bad Ms. Yoo."

"Thank you Mr. Park." She stood up from her chair. "Did you come here to make fun of me because I caused a scene?"

"It's not a scene if no one cares." He smiled. "The world doesn't revolve around you Yoo."

"Whatever." Jangmi was about to push past him but he grabbed her wrist, stopping her.

"Let me take you home." He said suddenly, making her look up at him.

Oddly, Jimin couldn't help himself but sympathize for her. He knew well she didn't like to look vulnerable in front of him, but he wanted to stand before her with open arms.

"What?"

"You said you had a ride. I know for a fact he took the car you both came in. Let me drive you home, neighbor." He reached his hand out to her.

Honestly, she didn't have any other choice. She didn't like the guy but she knew for sure Yeri would be knocked out sleep and there's no one she could depend on to take her home.

Jimin lived right next door, so he's all she got. But why was he being so friendly to her?

"Alright."

༊—

Silent.

It was silent in the car. Who knew they'd be so awkward around each other.

There was small talk between the two in the beginning but it ended up dying down a lot sooner than they both anticipated.

She already thanked him many times for his offer, so not much could be said about that. Jimin didn't mind hearing the praise but she definitely could've said much more.

"You don't seem to shut up any other time. Why the silence now?"

She looked up from playing with her fingers. "I'd figure I'd be nice to you considering I would be stuck at the show without you."

"Always knew you'd need me one day." He chuckled.

"Arrogant."

"What was that?"

"You're arrogant." She repeated.

"You don't like that? All the ladies do."

She scoffed. "I'm not apart of of all the ladies then. And I have a boyfriend so you don't phase me."

"Some boyfriend you have. He's a bit of a boy don't you think? Kind of toddler-like." He raised his eyebrows as he pulled into the gated community they lived in.

"You don't know him. He just had a bad night that's all. It was my fault." She shifted in her seat. "It doesn't matter anyway it's none of your concern."

He chuckled as he pulled into his driveway, turning off the car. "Yeah you're right."

She unbuckled herself and picked up her purse from the floor of the car. "Anyway, thank you Mr. Park for taking me home."

"Anytime." He unbuckled himself.

The two waved their goodbyes and Jimin watched her enter her home safely.

He locked his car and entered in the code to his home before entering.

"It is my concern Ms. Yoo."

༊—

"I'm coming!" Jangmi raced down the staircase, making her way to the front door.

The girl had her pajamas on paired with her froggy slippers. She finished her hair and makeup already for the day 'just because' since she'd be staying home.

Yeri was asleep upstairs, and Jangmi knew damn well Minhyuk wouldn't talk to her first.

So who'd be ringing her doorbell so early in the morning?

Jangmi opened her front door, seeing the very last person she thought would be ringing her doorbell.

"Hey neighbor." The charming man leaned against the doorframe, one ankle crossed over the other.

"Uh hey." Jangmi stared at him, taken back. "Didn't think I'd see you this morning."

One thing about Jangmi, she always avoided eye contact with Jimin.

For him being dressed so casually, he didn't look bad at all.

Why am I checking him out? Shit. Jangmi wondered to herself.

Something about those siren eyes always threw her off. They made her feel distracted.

Was she seriously checking out the guy she couldn't stand in the least? When she had a boyfriend at that?

"I just wanted to check up on you after yesterday." He parted his lips, licking them.

"Like I said, it's none of your concern." She snapped out of his trance. "Why does it matter?"

Why was he still on about it?

"You're right. Can't help but stay curious I guess." He chuckled before his face turned serious. "Eat at my place for breakfast, Ms. Yoo."

Jangmi practically choked on air. "What? Don't you think that's kind of inappropriate?"

"I don't think it is at all. Two CEOs just grabbing a bite to eat." Jimin stuck his hands in his pockets. "Boyfriend won't let you out or what?"

Jangmi huffed. She'd be damned to have anyone think Minhyuk had some sort of power that determined what she'd be doing with her free time.

She was starving, and she knew well Yeri would not be awake in time for the local breakfast diner to be open by the time she woke up.

"Fine, let's go eat. Give me time to get ready."

"You look fine now. We're both in our pajamas and it's not like we're going out somewhere nice. Just my dining room." He smiled.

"Okay." She stepped out of her doorway, walking beside Jimin as they walked over to his home.

[lemotmo]

A nice change of pace 🥰

Q. Let's have some fun! What are your thoughts on the deleted bachelor party scenes? Are you camp they cut something big? Or are you camp they just wanted to film Oliver and Ryan having a good time?

A. Bless you, anon. Bless you! I am definitely camp they cut something. But I don't think they cut it as in it's gone and we will never see it. I think they filmed it always intending to show it. They knew when they were filming those scenes that they were filming way too much 'secondary' content for a Chimney/Maddie focused episode. Which means they would have had to write it, set design it, and film it knowing they weren't going to use most of it. No way. Yes you always have some extra to trim but not that amount of extra. That content was intentional. Had they not been renewed so quickly the wedding episode would have been split into 2 parts and we would have seen the bachelor party in full. The moment they got renewed Tim slowed everything down. When he decided to stretch whatever the Buddie storyline is (😉) into season 8 he decided he could use the bachelor party scenes later, and I think we will now get them as flashback scenes. Whether that means dream sequences, Eddie therapy content or a sudden memory we don't know yet. But they made a point of telling the audience that they were hammered. And If you have ever been that drunk your memory of that night is hazy at best, at least for a bit.

What I can't decide is how big of a something they filmed and are sitting on. Part of me would be livid if the very first Buddie kiss is a flashback. I just wouldn't love that, but at the same time I think the liquid courage would have helped both of them tremendously, so it wouldn't not make sense. Still wouldn't be my favorite though. I just think they promoted it way too hard for the karaoke scene to be the biggest thing they're sitting on. Because Buddie was the promotion. Oliver and Ryan content was everywhere for that episode. It was basically hyped as a Buddie episode. There has to be something more than the karaoke scene. There has to be. I also know that to a lot of people a kissing scene would mean 'cheating' and that idea angers a lot of people. I am personally not one of them. At that point Buck and Tommy had one bad date, that, to me, does not equal cheating. But again that is a touchy subject for a lot of people and I don't ever want to tell anyone else how to feel about something. I just think they're sitting on something fairly big. And I think it would need to be big enough to be able to tie into Eddie kind of losing it and blowing up his entire life. Because that's basically what Eddie did immediately following the bachelor party.

I also keep going back to Oliver and Ryan's behavior around the time of filming that episode. They were just too all in on Buddie for us not to be missing something. And Ryan, who has been the sole off season promotion/interview focus, has been noticeably struggling to find a way to talk about their relationship. Because he can't yet use the word he wants and needs to use (and in the past he has been the one to be pretty reliant on the best friend label, but he hasn't used it once in any interview since the finale). Don't get me wrong it's been fun to watch him try but our boy is out there fighting for his life trying not to slip up. It's beautiful 💗

Thank you Nonny for dropping this into my inbox. You're right! This one is fun.

Fandom is supposed to be fun right? So, speculating about that karaoke scene and the bachelor party? That's a much better way to spend our time than to spend it on hate or frustration. :)

I too am camp 'They cut SOMETHING.' Whether it was a big something or not? I don't know. I do know that the part they cut out is quite big. It isn't just the karaoke, it's a big part of the bachelor party as well. That must have cost quite a bit of money and production time. Why would they let all of that go to waste? It doesn't make sense.

In my opinion they are holding on to something. We might get a flashback in season 8. But yeah, I also hope that it isn't a kiss. I would be thrilled by an almost kiss though. Or something they said to each other, something intimate they both forgot about until one of them suddenly remembers it.

What do you guys think?

As for Oliver and Ryan? I agree. They know exactly where this story is going. :)

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[hoesandnuggs]

It’s a Funny Story, Actually…

Please be kind, this is my first imagine

———

When you had first got involved with Leah, you were both 15. You'd met at an England camp and became friends, soon becoming more as you both realised you cared for each other a little more than you did for others. By the time you'd both had your 23rd birthdays, you'd been together for 8 years, longer than some marriages last.

You knew from the moment you met her you wanted to be hers for life. So the conversations you had about marriage and your future life together weren't anything terrifying.

When Leah had been asked to do an interview about your relationship, she felt happy.

It's not like she didn't already share you with the world. She was so proud to be yours and never shied away from public affection. She'd happily post pictures of you both, as well as kissing you after games, or mentioning you in passing comments in interviews.

"Baby, I've been asked if we can talk about our wedding and stuff. Are you okay with that?" She'd asked you as soon as she'd found out what it was about.

"Yes my love, it's all okay. Just don't make me look bad," you joked, curling her into your arms even more.

"We've never really spoken about it before," she replied, a thoughtful look gracing her features.

"Its never been the right time I guess." You responded, kissing her cheek gently before finding her hand where her wedding band stood proudly.

"I never imagined getting married until I met you," she said, a smile forming on her lips as she looked down at you from her higher ground on your lap.

"Save all the nice things for the interview babe."

And she did.

She was upset that you weren't able to come with her as originally planned, but a meeting with your agent had sprung up last minute and you couldn't find a work around.

"Leah, great to finally meet you." The interviewer said, whilst the crew were setting up the cameras. She engaged in small talk, as a text from you finally came through.

Lover🤍

Goodluck my love. I know you'll be just fine. I'll pick you up afterwards and we can go grab some dinner. You'll do fantastic as always. Miss you. Love youuuuu❤️❤️❤️

To: Lover🤍

Thank you love. Dinner sounds lovely, I'll hopefully be done by 7, but I'll text you as soon as I know anything. Miss you too. Love you toooooo🤍🤍🤍

Leah smiled as she put her phone away, waiting for the interview to start.

"So we're here today with Lioness Captain Leah Williamson, a different kind of interview than you're probably used to. Today we’re talking relationships."

"Yes so I've only ever had one relationship, the one I'm currently in. I met my wife when we were both 15 at an England camp, and we've never looked back since."

"So that's 10 years you've been together?"

"Yes, 10 years next month actually. "

"So you and your wife, Y/n Williamson, formerly Y/N L/N, got married 2 years ago?"

"We we're both 23, already been together for 8 years and we just knew it was the right next step. We got a lot of people commenting on it, saying we were to young to commit to the rest of our lives but when you've been with someone for that length of time, you just know, and we did."

"Did you propose or did she propose to you?"

"She proposed to me, although, it's a funny story actually."

———

You knew how close she was with her family. That was perhaps the only reason you stood outside the door of Leah's childhood home about to ask for her hand in marriage.

You were nervous, slightly. Amanda loved you, like her own, often telling everyone about her three kids, which brought a bit of confusion when they met you.

"Are you ever going to knock?" Amanda asked as she cracked open the front door. The smile on her lips wouldn't last long.

"No," her frown evident as she sat opposite you over the breakfast bar.

"We're ready." You tried, but you could tell that Amanda was stubborn with her choice.

"I won't deny that you are y/n, I know you're ready to take that next step, I just don't think Leah is. You're both only 23, you're still so young, you don't have to rush. Marriage is a big commitment, judt think about it some more," Amanda explained, but your heart had already shattered.

You weren't really expecting her to say no, and had the whole thing already planned out, the ring sat safely hidden away in your bedside draw, where you knew she'd never look. You knew Leah would love the date you had planned, and instead of wasting the cancellations you took her on it anyways.

Leah had butterflies from the moment you'd asked to take her out.

After your conversation in bed a month or two back, she'd been waiting for you to take her out and ask her to be yours forever.

The flowers that had arrived at her door were the first sign, the most beautiful bouquet of roses she'd ever seen.

And then you showed up at her door, dressed to the nines and a smile painted on your lips.

"God, you're so beautiful," you said with a smile, Leah's heart beating at a unknowing pace.

The compliments didn't stop there, and neither did the romance. Every stop in the journey, Leah waited for this to be the location you dropped to your knee and asked her you be yours.

But you never did.

As much as Leah loved the date, she'd also felt her heart break as it came to an end and she still didn't have a ring on her finger.

She didn't sleep that night, wondering if she hadn't been obvious enough in her approach. But you'd literally sat in bed on night and told each other that you were ready, that you'd only ever want each other. Maybe you just hadn't been ready just yet.

Her thought ran wild as she slept peacefully on her chest, her hand running through your hair.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Leah asked, hugging you from behind as you washed up the dishes you'd dirtied from breakfast.

"It's okay baby, I've got some things to take care of this afternoon. Maybe if you're still there at dinner I'll pop over." You smiled, giving her a kiss as she sighed.

It wasn't like you to miss family time. Especially when Amanda was making one of your favourites. Leah chalked it down to some of the stresses you'd had with your agent over the last few weeks, trying to cement a contract that you were worthy of at Arsenal, so you could stay with her.

"The pictures you sent me were lovely," Amanda said as she sat at the table with a tea in her hand, a juice for her daughter who still didn't drink hot drinks.

"Yeah it was amazing," Leah sighed, the frown that graced her forehead for a few seconds was not missed by her mother.

"Okay," she longed out, "that wasn't the reaction I was expecting."

"It was amazing, the most romantic date we've ever been on, and I thought she was going to propose, and she just-" Leah's heart sank, her head fell into her hands as she tried to contain her tears, therefore missing the reaction from her mother.

"She just what?" Amanda said, her hand squeezing lightly on her daughters shoulder in a weak attempt of comfort.

"She just didn't. We've literally spoken about it. I told her I only want her, that I'm ready. She said she was too and I guess I thought she meant she was ready now." Leah still hadn't been able to understand it, but seeing her mothers face made her question what she'd thought of you.

"Would you have said yes?" Amanda asked.

"Without a doubt. I don't want to wait another second." Leah replied.

Your phone buzzed a few seconds after your girlfriend had text you to let you know she was on her way home and that she'd pick up a Nandos for you both on her way back.

You assumed it would be Leah again, but was surprised when you saw Amanda's name on your screen.

"I'm sorry," she said before you even had chance to say hello.

"What have you got to be sorry for?" You laughed slightly, trying to hide your fear. What if she'd said something to Leah and she was coming back to end it.

"I said she wasn't ready and I was wrong, she is ready. You're both ready and I had no right to tell you otherwise. Go get the ring and do it." Amanda rushed down the phone, you could tell she was upset with herself.

"I've already got the ring, Amanda." You laughed.

"I'm home baby," Leah called, kicking off her shoes and heading straight to the kitchen to plate up your food.

"Babe?" She asked when you hadn't responded, only to find you stood in the garden, the fairy lights you'd hung up on the fence when you'd first moved in a-light.

"Darling, what's all this?" She asked as she made her way outside, confused by the roses in your hands.

"I love you," you started, as you handed her the roses. She gave them a sniff before she took in your nervous form. Placing them on the small outdoor table you had, she took your hands in hers, thanking you with a light kiss.

"I love you too." She said with a smile.

"This isn't what I had planned, but I can't wait another second." Still with your hands in hers, you dropped to one knee, only letting go to find the ring that was burning in your back pocket.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 8 years is not enough time to have loved you, and I want to have the opportunity to love every single year you spend on this earth. You are my everything Leah and I-" you stopped when you felt a wet drop on your hand and looked up to find her crying.

"Please don't cry gorgeous," using your thumb to wipe away the tears on her cheeks.

"They're happy tears, I promise," she spoke through a sob. "Ask me." She demanded.

"Leah, will you make me the happiest girl alive and be my wife?" You ask.

She nods her head, slowly at first, but it quickly turns into a vigorous shake.

"Yes! Yes, yes," she said as she gives you her hand and allows you to slip the ring onto her finger.

She smiled at it for a second, before throwing herself into your arms.

"I thought you were going to propose the other day," she said, calming down enough to speak.

"It's a funny story actually."

To: Mum

She did it🤍

[desertfangs]

I haven't yet read the books (there's so many!) I've only watched the iwtv movie and TV show and I love Claudia in both but I've had people tell me in the books she's awful and considered to be one of the series villains. Idc about spoilers I just wanna know how true that is bc I dunno if I'd want to read that lol

Hi anon! I was excited to see your ask this morning because I'm gonna tell you something: Claudia was one of my first favorite characters in the series and her death devastated me. Louis was my first fav (understandable, he's literally the protagonist of the first book, we're meant to sympathize with him!) and when he lost Claudia and became numb in his grief, I related. I hated Armand for what happened to Claudia and I held a grudge for a long time.

Anyhow, I can't speak to the show so much as I've only seen season 1, but if you like the 94 movie, you will probably like the novel Interview with the Vampire. It's a pretty close adaptation.

To get to the heart of your question, no, Claudia not an awful villain. Anymore than Louis or Lestat are. If anyone is a villain in IwtV, it's Armand, and even he is not a mustache-twirling evil guy.* Everyone in this series in morally gray and does terrible stuff. I emphasize that because I've been in this fandom for a long time and I've seen all kinds of arguments about who is evil and who is not, and the fact is, all of our vampires do questionable things. That's sort of the point. So it's arguable how much there even is a villain in IwtV outside of Louis' own depression and grief, but Armand probably gets that honor.

Claudia in the books was turned around the age of 5. She is a very small, doll-like child who doesn't seem to retain much, if any, memory of her human life. She is more purely a vampire than Louis or Lestat can really fathom because she lacks that humanity and a connection to humans. She's a natural hunter and killer.

She doesn't understand Louis' sentimentality for humans, and resents Lestat for withholding information she knows he has about their kind. She is a complex and fascinating woman trapped in the body of a small child to the point where even Louis, who loves her dearly, cannot really see her as an adult and struggles to accept her agency. She does manipulate both her parents, in part because they don't often see her as a capable equal, which she very much is.

She does eventually rise up to kill to Lestat out of desperation. She believes he will not let Louis go and knows she can't travel around alone, given her appearance. Lestat himself is devastated by this and by her loss, and even says later he understands why she did it. That he probably deserved it for what he'd done to her, which was trap her forever in the body of a very young child, something he admits was selfish. (And something Marius had actually warned him against doing beforehand, LOL!!)

Like in the movie and the show, she does die at the Theatre des Vampires, and Armand is more responsible for that than I've heard he is on the show (he tells Louis he couldn't have stopped it, only to later reveal he orchestrated it, which Louis knew the whole time).

She appears later in The Tale of the Body Thief mocking Lestat and acting as a sort of voice for his subconscious, but she is just his hallucination in he book. He's dealing with a lot of trauma and grief and that manifests itself as Claudia's ghost.

Where you might be hearing she's a villain is from Merrick, where both her diary and spirit appear and are... not very nice. I gotta say, I am not convinced that is actually the spirit of Claudia that gets conjured, and even if it is, it's possible she's been warped somehow. But I also haven't read that book in decades and often tend to ignore it, so I am not an expert on that score.

I hope this helps! I'm always happy to answer questions about the books! (They are my special interest, if you cannot tell.)

But I do want to say that if you are a fan of the show and curious about the books--which are very different!--I highly recommend you read at least the first few yourself. The best way to judge if you'll like the book versions of the characters and story is to experience it yourself. There's a lot of misinformation that gets passed along about the books, and a lot of misinterpretation due to that because people just repeat what they've heard without having read them. And hey, they still may not be your cup of tea, and that's totally fine! But you won't know if you don't try, you know?

Anyhow, thank you so much for the ask! 💖 Claudia is awesome and deserves more love in the book fandom, but because she dies so early on, she doesn't get as much attention sadly.

*And even when he is, we love him.

[lovedreamer11]

There are times when I really hate HOTD

You have no idea how much I want the HOTD writers to go to hell. I'm a patient person and I'm used to adaptations being different from the original, but what they did with HOTD is a huge piece of garbage. Adaptations often change appearance, plot, time frame, but a drastic change in personality is something I cannot tolerate.

What the hell happened to Alicent? Maybe the real Alicent was a stepmother from hell, but at least she knew what she wanted and was ready to do anything to achieve what she wanted. What happened to the boastful, arrogant, stupid and hot-tempered Aemond? And Aegon? This guy was a hot-tempered, spoiled hedonist, but not Mr. "I do what my mom says. My parents don't love me. It's time to show everyone my sad eyes."

Rhaenyra and Alicent's "friendship" is just 🤮. What the hell is friendship? From the very beginning, show!Alicent was jealous of show!Rhaenyra's position and status and her relationship with her parents. The real Rhaenyra would never have noticed someone like Alicent, let alone befriend her. Both girls had different upbringings, interests and worldviews. What common topics of communication did they have?

What kind of love are we talking about between Show!Viserys and Show!Rhaenyra? For half the season, all Show!Viserys did was just yell at his daughter and not listen to her, and for the second he looked like the walking dead.

How the writers couldn't come up with anything better than stealing some of Rhaenyra's things. Like her signature black dress, a forced marriage to a man who didn't care about Rhaenyra. Did you notice show!Rhaenyra's dresses and hairstyles? The book literally had a description of how Rhaenyra dressed and what hairstyle she preferred, but the writers apparently read the book from Wikipedia and skipped every second word.

I showed my friend, who hasn't watched the show and doesn't know anything about GOT or HOTD, photos of young show!Rhaenyra and show!Alicent from the series and asked what she thought. Do you know what the answer was? My friend decided that show!Alicent was a princess and show!Rhaenyra was a servant.

Just look at the banners they made for the second season. The green banner is really nice, but the black banner looks like a cheap towel.

What about the blacks on the show? How stupid must a girl be, who grew up in a world in which the main purpose of a woman is marriage and the birth of an heir, and who is the heir to the throne, to think that she can avoid marriage? The real Viserys didn't give Rhaenyra a choice and chose her husband himself, but did show!Rhaenyra really think she could avoid marriage? Show!Raenyra is the height of stupidity and absurdity, which constantly contradicts itself.

And Daemon? I really feel sorry for Matt. He is a talented actor and tries very hard. I think if the show had more skilled writers, he could have portrayed the real Daemon. But show!Daemon is a stupid, illogical, absurd clown who doesn’t understand what he wants and doesn’t follow through. This character has so many fans solely because of Matt's charisma, the writers should kiss his feet for that.

And of course, my favorite. There's only been one season out, but the writers have already demonstrated their style of throwing aside logic for the sake of effect. I mean, show!Laena's self-immolation and the way show!Rhaenys ruined show!Aegon's coronation. Do you know what the people who work on the show said in interviews? They added these scenes because they thought it would be cooler and more impressive. Wasn’t the creators of GOT guided by a similar point of view when working on the plot of the last seasons of the show?

And now, because of this show, a lot of people have come out of nowhere to argue that women should not hold leadership positions, remain silent and accept neglect because it is necessary, and rapists and aggressors can be forgiven if they are played by beautiful actors or if the characters lacked parental support love. According to this logic, people should love Joffrey and Ramsay since they both also lacked parental love in childhood.

This show really had potential and a good cast. But the screenwriters' work destroyed everything from the very beginning. Many people still have hopes that everything will be better in the second season, but I am in despair. No, seriously, look at the team banners for season two. They really did a good job on the green banner and that would be fine if the black banner wasn’t yet another proof of the writers’ bias. Black team, we have no hope.

[darcytaylor]

Many people have pointed out that Nicola has tried to protect Luke. We can see it on social media and also by tackling the harder questions in interviews and grounding him in big crowds etc. She obviously cares and wants to help him out whenever and wherever she can.

But was it to his benefit? Would Luke have a better reputation now if he was paired with someone less amazing at everything press related? Maybe if he was forced to take more of a lead in the press tour he would have done better?

And do you think Luke is a little resentful because she shines so bright, and he is left in her shadow?

And do you think any male lead next to Nicola could possibly match up to her? Or was she destined to be the nr.1 star from season 3?

I love that Nicola is protective of Luke. I think it's nice to see that role reversal of a woman stepping up and not the man. I work in a very male dominated industry, so seeing that role reversal is quite charming to me. This reversal breaks away from traditional gender roles, which I find refreshing.

If they were paired with other people, it is almost a guarantee that things would look different (whether that be a good thing or a bad thing I have no idea). But it is also hard to say 100% because there are so many other factors that would be involved. One being that chemistry between partners will vary with different combinations.

I think that one of the things that made the promo tour successful was how well Luke and Nicola work as a team and how well they compliment each other. Yes in a lot of interviews Nicola took control, but that's what made it work and that's part of teamwork. Knowing where your partner shines and letting them do their thing. And I see them both actively doing this for each other in interviews.

I believe that their ability to support each other and play to each other's strengths contributed to the success of their promo tour.

So if Luke had to be the one that took control in most interviews, I think it would depend on who that other person is. If they could complement each other. Because at the end of the day group interviews are a team effort (even if it seems like one is shining brighter). It takes both people in the interview to bring something to it (and even when Luke was more subdued than Nicola, what made a lot of the interviews great, was that they were in it together).

It's probably fair to say that Luke knew that Nicola's career was going to take off after this, and I would hope that Luke isn't resentful of Nicola for that. I would hope that Luke sees how hard Nicola has worked (and I'm not belittling Luke's hard work in any of this) and is proud of her. If they truly are friends, he would be proud of her.

[levirgil420]

A Zaddy ? (Jose Pedro Balmaceda Pascal x male reader fluff)

Request: Helloooo dear friend. May I request a fluff with Jose Pedro Balmaceda Pascal ? Reader and Pedro are joking around in an interview and accidentally confirm they're dating please🙏 Male reader! 

Pairings: Jose Pedro Balmaceda Pascal x male reader 

Synopsis:  It’s time for thirst tweet !

Tw: Thirst tweet, spicy fluff, Daddy kink (it’s Pedro Pascal so)

Note: Heey ! It took me a long time and I’m sorry for that but here it is, I hope you will like. Thanks again for requesting it, it was fun to write this :)

Dating Pedro is amazing, he is sweet, funny and you never find yourself without a smile beacause of his goofiness. The two of you met on the set of “The Mandalorian” and since your first conversation, you were always together. It was not a surprise when Pedro asked you to be his boyfriend after 2 years of friendship and it was not a surprise when you said yes.

Your decided to keep your relationship secret, only your families and closes, closes fiends knew about it and it was perfect. The only things which was complicated was to not shows any affection to the other when you were on the red carpet or in an interview. Especially when the both of you can’t keep your hands on each other.This didn't go unnoticed by your fans and internet became a mess a debates of "yes or no you two are together". It was fun and neither you or Pedro were helping with the time to time "friendly photo" posted on Instagram which increases more the doubt of it.

You were now doing the promo for your new show "The last of us" with your co-stars. It was amazing receving all the thanks from the fan of the game and the interviewers were really nice with everyone. At the same time, you were also making all the famous youtube videos, which brings us to this very moment: having to read the famous thirst tweet proposed by BuzzFeed:

Y/N: Hi ! I'm Y/N L/N

Pedro: I'm Jose Perdo Balmaceda Pascal !

Y/N: And we are here for the thirsts tweet.

Pedro: You're welcome.

You looked at each other before laughing.

??: Guys we didn't even start.

Pedro: Right right sorry, you have the honor of reading the first one darling.

Y/N: Why thank you Honey. Here we go : "I'm sure that Y/N's and Pedro Pascal's hugs are the sweetest."

Pedro: Only Y/N's

Y/N: That's not the truth, he has the best one. But yeah we give a lot of big hugs ! Thank you it was a nice one.

Pedro: Okay my turn: "The last of us : two daddies all sweaty for us to see. They know what they are doing."

Pedro laugh to himself and you gave him a sort of funny stare.

Y/N: What ?

Pedro: Welcome to the "Daddy club".

Y/N: What an honour, please teach me your ways.

You laugh too when Pedro lightly shoves you. 

Y/N: But yeah we are sweating a lot in this show.

Pedro: Thanks the director.

It was your turn to read the next one and before reading it out loud, you show it to your lover and you share a look of somewhat understanding.

Y/N: "They're together, no one can change my mind and having a threesome with them is a goal for me."

The both of you respond at the same time.

Pedro: Yes we are !

Y/N: No thanks.

Your head had never turned that fast when you heard what Pedro has said. He looks at you and with the look of shock written on your face he realised what was happening. Not a sound was heard, not even the people in the back to tell you to continue.

Y/N: Did you just spill out that we are together ?

Pedro: Huum yeah maybe ?

He made one of his best goofy smile and you can't help but laugh of what is happening. You softly hit your boyfriend on the shoulder making him laugh in return.

Y/N: Idiot.

Pedro: Well you love me.

Y/N: Unfortunately yes.

Pedro: Hey !

It was Pedro's turn to kindly hit you however the smile on both of your face never disappears.

Pedro: I think this video will be the perfect way to annonce it

Y/N: No shit, Internet will explode because of us.

Pedro: And there will be so much more edits.

You groan a little but you are somewhat relieved that you will not need to hide your relationship anymore amd finally free to show your love for Pedro in public.

???: Do you want to continue ?

Y/N: Oh absolutely, it's not this that will stop us to read thirst tweet.

Pedro: And don't cut what happened.

Pedro took the next tweet.

Pedro: "I want to be crushed by Y/N's thighs. Please choke me." Haha me too

He smiles at the camera and your eyes widened

Y/N: Oh god...but I mean, if you want ? Might hurt a little bit.

You read the one you pick and nod your head.

Y/N: "I'm the only one who think that Pedro's moustache is the most sexy thing in the world ? Like eat me with this like a starved man ?" Yes, mustaches are sexy and his is the best you can find.

Pedro: Thank you. A lot of peoples started to likes mustaches in this year.

Y/N: Yeah, thanks to Miles Teller or Aaron Tailor-Johnson and certainly you.

Pedro laugh loudly when you touch his mustache but doesn't stop you.

You continue to read the suggested thirst tweets fpr the video while responding with your own answers, laughing with the people behind the camera and, since the truth has vome out, flirting with each like two teenagers.

You held the last tweet for Pedro to read. He had a moment of confusion as he read it, stumbling over one word in particular :

Pedro: "Agree with me but Pedro is a Zaddy."

A Zaddy ? What is it ? I heard it before but I don't remember.

You blush at this tweet but explain to him what  is the meaning.

Y/N: Well, it's kind of the next level of the Daddy state of mind. Much older and more charismatic. It suits you.

Pedro: Oh ! I remember ! It's what you called me last-

Y/N: Nope.

You quickly cover his mouth with your hands, wearing a beautiful blush and a flushed face.

Giving the best smile you have, you look at the camera, still covering Pedro's mouth.

Y/N: Well it's the end of the thirst tweets. Thank you for watching us and thank you for watching "The Last of Us". I hope will like it ! Bye !

Pedro waves goodbye too and the video ended here. After the two of you went backstage in your “room”, you looked at each other before bursting of laughing.

Pedro: It was so fun Love !

Y/N: Yeah, it was ! Get ready for the next week to be the only subject on Twitter Honey.

Pedro nod his head and stare at you with a loving stare. He takes you in his arm and yours went on his neck, scratching his hair. Kssing you softly on your lips, you did the same with all the love you have for him.

Pedro: I love you my handsome boyfriend.

Y/N: And I love you more my handsome man.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you so much for reading this ! I hope you enjoyed this story !

Comments and reblogs are highly appriciated !

Sorry for my mistakes, english is not my first language :)

[pensat-i-fet]

A bonding trip, Part 1 (Mason Mount x Reader)

*I wrote this little enemies to lovers story for a friend who’s a big Mason fan and she has allowed me to share it with all of you now. I hope you like it as much as she did ❤️*

Part 2

Word count: 2956

Masterlist

Wattpad

“We don’t want to let you go, but we have to. There isn’t that much money invested in the women’s team and this transfer will fund half a season. I’m so sorry”.

Hearing my coach's words, I feel like crying. Why is this happening to me? I don’t want to leave Arsenal. I love this team and always have. And I certainly don’t want to go to play for Chelsea.

But I also understand the team has to sell me. I just wish a miracle could happen to prevent this transfer.

“It’s ok. Thank you for everything. I’ll miss you all”, I tell him, genuinely meaning it.

“Well, we are still in the same city. Don’t be a stranger”.

                               **

“Turn to the left…perfect. Now one smiling”.

I have been doing press stuff for Chelsea for the last hour and I’m so done with it. But I still need to do more interviews and videos for social media. 

“Oh, look who it is!”, I hear someone say so I turn to see them. “The new superstar!”

Of course, it’s Mason Mount. God, I hate him. 

“Well, the team clearly needed one. It’s not as if you could fit in that category”.

“Always a pleasure to see you”, he says, flicking my nose and making me move back.

“What are you doing here? I’m busy”.

I then notice everyone has stopped working to look at our interaction. 

“You have to do a photoshoot together”, says one of the media people.

“Why? It’s my presentation”.

Why does he have to be part of everything I do?

Mason and I have been “enemies” for a while. Both of us have always been the poster boy/girl for our clubs and national teams, which means we’ve had to spend a lot of time together in events for brands and whatnot. 

And it was on our very first event together that I realized what a douche he was. He spent the whole time ignoring me and making the whole thing about himself. And to think I had a crush on him before that…my taste needed to improve and it thankfully did.

“It’s not for your presentation, silly”, he says, laughing at me. “It’s for a few campaigns and interviews that’ll come out in a couple of weeks”.

“Amazing”, I say, making the sarcasm very clear.

A few minutes later, I’m standing next to Mason posing for more photos. 

“Blue looks good on you”, he whispers, making me frown.

“Shut up!”

And he does, shaking his head.

                           **

“So, is it nice to come to a team where you already have friends? It must be hard leaving Arsenal after so many years”, asks the journalist.

If only you knew how hard it is.

“Yes, absolutely. Some of the girls have played with me for the national team and were making sure I felt welcomed from the minute I stepped foot in Cobham. It’s really nice of them. But it will take a while to get used to picking the blue shirt instead of the red one”, I try to joke. 

“And you have Mason too”, she says.

I look at Mason, who is staring at me with a big smile on his face. He’s loving this.

“Actually, he’s really annoying but thankfully I don’t play with him so I’ll be alright”.

The journalist thinks I’m joking and starts laughing. She’s joined by Mason, but I can tell how fake his laugh is. 

By the time we are done with the interview, I’m desperate to just leave. Today has been way too long. 

“Hey, wait”, I hear Mason say when I’m about to leave to get changed.

“What?”

“That, exactly that”.

“You make zero sense once again, Mount”.

“Why do you always have to be like this with me?”, he asks, as if he didn’t know. “You’re so nice to everyone but so rude to me. Even during an interview”.

“You were rude to me first”.

“Are you 5?”, he says, rolling his eyes.

Instead of answering, I just leave. It’s impossible to reason with someone like him.

                               **

“We are leaving on Monday at 8 am. Please be on time. The boys will hopefully be there by then so we can leave”, tells us Emma, after explaining the trip we’ll be doing alongside the men’s team.

“Why do we have to be on time but for them it’s hoping they are on time?”, I say. I don’t like double standards.

“Oh, they’ve actually been told we leave at 7. That’s why we’re hopeful they’ll be there by the real leaving time”.

Literal children. And…a bonding trip? Why do we behave like it’s summer camp? I just want to train.

“Stop frowning”, says Fran.

“Tell me you also find this trip ridiculous. And if it’s bonding we need to do, why are the men there?”

“I don’t know. It’s always done like this”, she shrugs. “Just don’t make it too obvious how much you hate Mount so you two aren’t paired together for literally every activity”.

“What?”

The look she gives me says it all. Of course, they’ve all noticed.

                              **

8.20 am on Monday and we’re all waiting for Mount and Havertz. What a surprise!

Well, actually Havertz being late is surprising. Aren’t Germans supposed to be very punctual? I guess it’s Mason’s bad influence.

“There they are”, I hear someone say and we all lift our eyes to see the car approaching. 

I just shake my head and roll my eyes. They are still taking their time leaving the car and approaching our bus.

“Hurry up, Mount!”, I tell him when he finally makes it to the bus.

“Good morning to you too, beautiful”.

“It’d be good if I didn’t have to spend it with you”.

The coaches are coming closer to us and I see Mason smiling at me as if he has just listened to the little demon on his shoulder.

“You want to sit with me on the plane? I don’t know. I usually sit with Kai but since we’re supposed to be bonding…”.

“What are you talking…”.

“Oh, that sounds brilliant”, says Potter. Should I tell him I’m a Slytherin?

“No, he’s joking”, I say with a fake laugh. “You know our Mounty. He’s a comedian. But he wants to sit with his bestie, of course. I’ll sit with one of the girls”.

“No no no”, says Mason, putting his arm around my shoulder and making me feel very uncomfortable. “I’ll do anything to make the new star of the team feel at home”.

Will they send me back to Arsenal if I punch him?

                                   **

“You are going to spend the whole camp fighting, aren’t you?”, asks Pernille when we’re on the bus. But she doesn’t look annoyed. She looks amused.

“I’ll ignore him and hope he ignores me too”.

“I think he likes you”, she says.

“Well, even if he did”, which he doesn’t, “...not interested”.

Thankfully, the conversation is interrupted by others players asking if we want to play Uno to kill some time. And so that’s what we do.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Mason sitting next to Kai and looking at something on their iPad. They keep on laughing every couple of seconds. God knows what childish thing they are watching.

                                    **

“Emma, honestly. I rather sit with the girls”.

I’m trying really hard to avoid sitting with Mason for two whole hours, but nothing I say is convincing her.

“It’s a bonding trip. If someone needs to bond, it’s you two”.

I guess they all have really noticed what’s going on. Great.

“Hello, travel buddy”.

I close my eyes and sigh when I hear his voice.

“I want a coffee”, I say.

“No one is stopping you from having one”, answers Mason, confused.

“Get me a coffee. If you want to sit next to me, get me a coffee. And a toastie. And a muffin. And maybe a smoothie. Check if they have any with blueberries”.

“You’re serious”.

“I don’t joke when muffins are involved, Mount”, I say, giving him a 20-pound note. “Get yourself some sweeties too”.

I can see him staring at the money in his hand and then he just leaves and walks to the nearest Starbucks. I actually can’t believe he’s going to buy me food. I was just trying to make him uncomfortable so he would leave me alone.

“We’re going to board now. You coming?”

But I don’t know whether I should wait for Mason or not. I can’t believe I feel bad about leaving him behind. 

“Here you go, bestie”, he says, passing me the cup of coffee and putting a bag on the floor next to me.

“Thanks”.

And because I don’t really know how I’m feeling right now but I do know he’s making me uncomfortable again, I just take the bag and start eating. Even though I’m not really hungry.

After taking a couple of bites of my toastie, I hear a weird noise. What was that?

And then I hear it again.

“Mount? Is that your stomach?”

“Eh…yeah. I didn’t have breakfast today”.

“Why didn’t you get something for you when you were at the coffee place?”

“I don’t know”, he shrugs.

“Here”, I tell him, cutting the toastie in half and giving him the bit I didn’t bite on.

“You don’t have to. It’s your breakfast”.

“I’m not even that hungry”.

“Then why did you make me buy all of that for you?”, he asks.

“I don’t know”, I say, shrugging and copying his expression from before, which makes him smile.

He takes the toastie and devours it in no time. He really was hungry.

So when I take the muffin, I do the same.

"You don't…".

"Just take it", I say, eating my half of the muffin quickly so I can get my Kindle out and do some reading.

Mason eats the muffin just as fast as he ate the toastie and starts to look at what I'm doing.

"What kind of iPad is that?", he asks, moving closer so he can read what's on my screen.

"It's not an iPad, it's a Kindle. You know? To read books".

"I don't read".

"I'm not surprised by that fact", I say under my breath.

"Maybe you can read to me so I fall asleep. You have such a soothing voice".

That makes me choke on the coffee I'm trying to finish.

"I have a what?"

My voice can be described by many adjectives but I don't think soothing is one most people will use.

"Yes", he says, feigning seriousness. "I love it. But I'm still wondering when it's that I like it better. When you call me an asshole or when you order me around?"

I have to turn around so he doesn't see my smile.

"I never called you an asshole", I say.

"You said it with your eyes".

"Oh yeah? Were my eyes soothing too?"

"No, they are just beautiful".

This…I don't know how to do this. Whatever this is.

"Well, I'll use them to read now".

And the conversation is over.

                                   **

By the time we are about to land in Scotland, I've managed to make a lot of progress with my book. I love a good thriller.

And Mason…well, he did fall asleep. But didn't need me to read to him in order to do that. 

Every time I turned to look to the left, I saw his head getting closer to my shoulder. Until it found its destination. 

I couldn't help but look at him. He was definitely prettier when he was asleep. The less he talks, the better. 

"Sir, we are going to land", tells him a flight attendant and that finally wakes him up.

"Oh, yes. Sorry".

It's then he notices me.

"Sorry".

"It's ok. At least you didn't drool".

He laughs and keeps staring at me. I'm not usually a fan of people doing that. And it's especially weirder when Mason does it. The way he looks at people is so…intense.

"You need to fasten your seatbelt", I say and turn to busy myself putting everything back in my bag.

                                   **

When we reach the place we'll be staying at, I'm lost for words. It really is a camp.

"Is this a joke?", I ask, not being able to stop my shock.

"What? It's fun!", says Azpilicueta.

"I'm actually shocked that you primadonnas can stay in this type of place without throwing a tantrum. I love camping".

“You aren’t worried about Jason coming out of the woods to murder us all?”, laughs Fran.

“No, she’s got enough dealing with Mason. No need for a Jason”, jokes Kai, making everyone laugh.

Everyone but me. I just leave them there and go find my cabin. I’m tired and I want to get changed.

“Ignore them. They just love to always take the piss out of each other”, tells me Emma while she walks towards the cabin with me.

“Oh, I don’t care. I’ll just stay with the girls most of the time anyways, since Connor isn’t here”.

“Are you friends with him? I didn’t know”.

“I am. We actually met years ago and became quite close”.

I was actually hoping to be able to do a bit of catching up with him, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

“He’ll be here in a couple of days”.

“Really?”, I say, happy to know that. “I thought he was missing the whole camp because of his injury”.

“No, he’ll join you soon”.

                                 **

Once we leave our cabins, I feel the need to explore right away. But the team is allowing some free time for everyone to settle here and no one wants to come with me. So I go by myself.

I don’t dare go inside the woods, since I’m not familiar with this place yet but I go around it, enjoying the stunning views. Wifi doesn’t seem to work well here, or at all, but the camera doesn’t need any Internet to take photos. So that’s what I do. The place is truly breathtaking.

While I’m focusing on getting the right angle for a photo, I notice something moving. Was that an animal? They didn’t tell us about dangerous animals being around but one can never be too sure.

But then the animal gets closer and I see it’s a very dangerous one. One called Mason Mount.

“Are you following me?”, I ask.

“You think too highly of yourself. Why would I follow you?”

“To murder me?”

“It’s should be me who worries”, he says, sitting next to me. “I don’t hate you. You hate me”.

“I don’t…hate you”.

“You do a pretty good hating me impersonation then”.

I sigh and shake my head. He just doesn’t get it.

“Mason. I just don’t like people like you. When we first met you were so arrogant. Every question we both got was answered by you. You ignored me completely”.

“I did?”, and when he turns to look at him, he seems genuinely confused.

“You don’t remember that day?”

“No, I do remember that day. But I didn’t ignore you. I was…intimidated by you”.

“I was intimidated by you”, I say, annoyed at the misunderstanding that took place.

“Then we are both stupid”.

“Yes, but you are more stupid than me”.

I get up to look at one of the trees in front of us. The leaves are so beautiful.

“Do you want me to take a picture of you?”, asks Mason.

“What?”

“With the tree. I can take pretty good photos you know”.

“Sure”.

I give him my phone and go back to the tree.

“Smile”, he says, and I do. “Look at you smiling at me. Miracles in Scotland!”

                                   **

When we are walking back to the camp, I feel…strange. It’s nice to sort of have fixed things with Mason but it also confuses me. I’ve always felt conflicted by the mixed feelings I have whenever he is around. 

And even though our attitude has definitely changed, we still are paired together for every single activity, which doesn’t help.

We are taught how to shoot an arrow and I end up pretending I don’t already know how to do it. Mason, of course, thinks he already knows how to because he is Mason Mount and he knows how to do everything. But instead of being snarky, I let him think that. And I let him “teach” me because I guess it’s quite nice to have him so close to me.

When it rains, we are taken inside to do a painting class. And we have to paint a portrait of our partner. My one is actually pretty decent but Mason’s is…it’s a portrait. Of me? I’m not sure. The face he did doesn’t look particularly human but maybe he’s an abstract artist.

What I do know is that by the time I go back to my cabin, I have smudges of paint all over my chin from the times he touched it to move my face and get a better look at it. Judging by the final result, it wasn’t very helpful. But I also let him do it because I guess it was quite nice to feel his fingers caressing my face.

On day 2, we are finally going to the woods. I cannot wait!

Mason is my partner, again. And the girls won’t stop joking during breakfast about how friendly we looked yesterday. 

“Didn’t you want us to get on well? Well, I’m trying”.

“Yes”, says Fran, “you seem to be suffering a lot with the effort made”.

But I just ignore them and get ready for the day, making sure I have my camera with me. Today is going to be such a great day.

[batsplat]

new casey podcast have you seen it

https://m.youtube.com/watch?si=ye8wNfrvaPDjtpDV&v=IuwZN6aP8sg&feature=youtu.be

(link to the podcast) yeah I did, cheers!

there's not that much 'new information' per se within this podcast, though there's a bunch of nice tidbits about teenage casey. what stood out to me is how the framing of his journey to becoming a racer is... well, it's kinda new? it's not exactly surprising, because you could get a lot of this stuff from reading between the lines in his autobiography. the question of 'is this your dream or your parents' dream' is a very common one with athletes, and it's often a thin line... but, y'know, this podcast interview in particular is quite a noticeable shift in how casey himself talks about this issue. it's a shift in how he portrays his 'dream' of becoming a professional rider back when he was formulating his autobiography, versus how he's answering questions in this episode. his autobiography isn't free from criticism of his parents - but casey is always stressing his own desire to race. so you do get stuff like this (from the autobiography):

At this point things were getting serious. Dad used to say, 'If you want to become World Champion you can't be that much better than local competition,' holding his finger and thumb an inch apart. 'You have to be this much better,' he'd say, holding his arms wide open. Dad confirms this feeling still today: 'I know it's a harsh way to look at things but that's the difference between a champion and the rest. Just look at the careers of Dani Pedrosa and Jorge Lorenzo. Dani had Alberto Puig and Jorge had his old man, both of them hard as nails. If you want to make it to the top I think it takes somebody with an unforgiving view on life to help get you there. So I said those things to Casey, particularly when we went to the UK, because to keep moving up a level he couldn't just be happy with winning a race. If he wasn't winning by a margin that represented his maximum performance then he wasn't showing people how much better he was than the rest.' There's no denying that Dani, Jorge and I became successful with that kind of upbringing and sometimes you probably do need it. As far as I'm concerned Alberto was nowhere near as tough on Dani as my dad was on me or Jorge's dad was on him. That kind of intensity and expectation puts a lot of extra pressure on a father-son relationship that isn't always healthy. We definitely had our moments and there were a few major blow-ups to come. But at the time, rightly or wrongly, it was proving to be a good system for us and I was eager to continue impressing my dad and others with my performances on the track.

(quick reminder, jorge's review of his father's style of parenting was describing him as "a kind of hitler")

but in general the emphasis is very much on how much casey enjoyed racing, on how single-minded casey was when it came to racing. he might have been isolated by his racing (again this is from the autobiography, in the context of discussing being bullied by kids in school until he got 'protection' from his dirt track friends):

School life was a whole lot better after that but I still hated it. All my real friends were from dirt-track; they were the only people I had anything in common with.

and he's talked about how other parents misinterpreted his shyness as him not actually wanting to race, which meant they were judging casey's parents as a result (autobiography):

Mum tells me that the other parents thought she and Dad were awful because I cried as I lined up on the start line. She remembers: 'I was putting his gloves on his hands and pushing his helmet over his head. The thing was, I knew Casey wasn't crying because he didn't want to ride or because he was scared. He just didn't like the attention of being stared at by all these people!'

but like. overall racing for him was still something he portrayed as a very positive aspect of his childhood. something he always clung onto, something that was his choice to pursue

so... let's play compare and contrast with some specific passages of the autobiography and this podcast, you decide for yourself. take this from his autobiography:

After I started winning more times than not, and it was obvious my passion for bikes wasn't wavering, Mum and Dad decided that seeking out sponsors could be a great idea to help offset some of the costs of travelling to meets and keeping the bikes in good order.

and here, in a longer excerpt about what a sickly child casey was, what his mother said (autobiography):

'They tested him for cystic fibrosis and he was on all kinds of medication; you name it, he was on it. But Casey still raced, we couldn't stop him.' I know I was sick but Mum was right, I wasn't going to let that stop me.

versus this from the podcast, when he's responding to a completely open question about how he got into riding:

To be honest, I don't know if I was allowed to have any other attraction to be honest. I think it was, you know, you're going to be a bike rider from when I was a very very young age - and I'm not the only one to think that. I think my parents have stated that enough times to certain people and you know I was sort of pushed in that direction. My elder sister who's six and a half years older than me, she actually raced a little bit of dirt bikes and dirt track before I was born and when I was very young, so it was sort of a natural progression to go and do a little bit more of that and I think because at the time road racing was a lot more similar to dirt track. That was our sort of way in.

this was one of the very first questions in the interview, it basically just consisted of asking casey how he got into biking in the first place - whether it had come through his family or whatever. casey chose to take the response in that direction... it's not an answer that is just about his own internal passion, how he loved riding the second he touched a bike, how he loved it throughout his childhood etc etc (which is how it's framed in the autobiography) - but instead he says he wasn't allowed to do anything else. he says that he was pushed in that direction, that his parents have openly said as much to others. that he feels vindicated in the belief he was never given another choice

let's play another round. here from the autobiography:

Mum and Dad used to stand at the side for hours on end watching me practise at different tracks. They'd sometimes clock laps with a stopwatch as I went round and round. Other parents couldn't see the point in taking it so seriously but they didn't realise it was what I wanted. I was having fun. Working out how to go faster was how I got my kicks and I couldn't stop until I had taken a tenth or two of a second off my best time on any day. If another kid came out onto the track with me I would be all over them, practising passing them in different ways and in different corners, but most of the time they avoided riding with me and I would be out there on my own, racing the clock.

and this (autobiography):

I enjoyed racing so much that even when I was at home riding on my own I would set up different track configurations to challenge myself. I'd find myself a rock here, a tree there, a gatepost over there and maybe move a branch and that would be my track.

versus here, in the podcast:

Q: And did you realise at the time that you were - not groomed, is not the word but well you were being groomed to be a professional motorcycle racer, or obviously that was your only one reference point, that was the norm. Did that just feel the norm or did you think actually this feels a bit intense or how did you feel about it? A: I think it's hard, it's not until I sort of reached my mid teens where I started to have a bit of a reality check on what I was actually doing. Before then, you know I was competitive. I'm not as competitive as people think, I'm a lot more competitive internally rather than externally versus other people. I always challenge myself to things, so all those younger years was just getting the job done that I was expected to do. I enjoyed winning, I loved it, but you know I enjoyed perfect laps, perfect races, as close as I could get to that and you know from a young age I always sort of challenged myself constantly to be better. So I didn't just win races, I tried to win them - you know, if I won races by five seconds in a [...] race I'd try and win, you know I'd try and get to double that by the end of the day if I could. So you know that always kept me sharp and it stopped me from being sort of, you know, complacent in the position I was at. And it wasn't until sort of you know 16, 17, 18 that reality kicked in. I'd had a couple years road racing in the UK and Spain, been rather successful and then you get to world championships and you know maybe an engineer that was sort of - didn't have your best interests at hear. And, you know, I nearly finished my career right there after my first year of world championships just because of the reality of how hard it was in comparison to everything else I'd experienced up to that point. And, you know, it was a real reality check for me and I think it was then that I started to - you know consider everything around me and consider how and why I got to the position that I was in and that's when the mind started to change a little bit and realise that you know I really was being groomed my whole life just to sort of be here and be put on a track and try and win. And, you know, that was my seemingly most of my existence.

in all the excerpts, he stresses how much he enjoys his perfect laps, how much he enjoys riding, how there is genuine passion there, how dedicated he is to this pursuit... but then in the podcast, he's adding something else - how he'd been groomed his whole life into that role of 'professional bike racer'. that it was only in his late teens (when he was in 125cc/250cc) where he had this moment of 'man I never really had a choice in all this'

and another round. here's him talking in the autobiography about how all the money he got through racing went back into racing - but it was fine because it was the only thing he cared about anyway:

I don't remember seeing any of the money I earned because it all went back into my racing, although I guess at the time that's all I really cared about anyway. I didn't know anything else. Mum and Dad always said to me: 'If you put in the effort, we'll put in the effort.'

and here in the autobiography on how he just wanted to ride all day:

I couldn't ride my bike all day, though, as much as I would have liked to.

and him talking in the autobiography about his parents encouraging him and his sister to 'chase their dreams':

Mum and Dad encouraged both Kelly and me to follow our passions and work hard to chase our dreams. That might sound strange when you are talking about a seven-year-old but I don't think you are never too young to know that if you want something you have to earn it.

versus this in the podcast:

Q: And I've never asked you this before, but did you want to? A: Um... I think I'd been convinced of a dream I suppose. You know, yes I loved riding bikes and you know I really did enjoy racing... but there was lots of other things that I - I really enjoyed as well but just never had the opportunity or never was allowed to do anything else, so... You know, motorbikes for our budget everything fortunately dirt track was probably the cheapest way that you could go motorbike racing. You could survive on very very little in dirt track and show your potential in other ways. You know, yes, having good bikes and good tyres and all that sort of thing made a difference but it wasn't the be all end all, you could always make a difference in other ways, so... I think it was, you know - the best thing we could have done, racing through that. Like I said I enjoyed it, it wasn't until late teens, early 20s where I sort of was like, I don't know if I would have been a bike racer had I actually had a choice.

was riding really all he cared about? or were there other things he was interested in, things he just never had the opportunity to pursue? things he wasn't allowed to pursue? from the autobiography, you get the sense that his parents always deliberately portrayed it as casey's dream, something he was expected to work hard for in order to be allowed to fulfil. in the podcast, casey says it was a dream he was 'convinced' of. without wanting to speak too much on the specifics of this parenting relationship we only have limited knowledge of, this kinda does all sound like athlete parent 101: getting it into their kids' heads that this is the dream of the child, not the parent, before holding it over them when they fail to perform when their parents have invested so so much in their child's success. casey's family was financially completely dependent on his racing results when they moved to the uk - he was fourteen at the time. he was painfully conscious of his parents' 'sacrifice' to make 'his dream' possible. can you imagine what kind of pressure that must be for a teenager?

to be clear, this isn't supposed to be a gotcha, I'm not trying to uncover contradictions between what casey said back then and what he's saying now. obviously, this is all very... thorny, complicated stuff, and casey has had to figure out for himself how he feels about it, how he feels about how his parents approached his upbringing. but it is worth pointing out that this isn't necessarily just a question of his feelings changing over time - if the internal timeline he provides in the podcast is correct, he was really having that realisation in his late teens, early 20s, so on the verge of joining the premier class. that is when he says he had the thought "I don't know if I would have been a bike racer had I actually had a choice"... which is a pretty major admission, you have to say, especially given how rough those premier class years often ended up being on him. but then that realisation would have already come years and years before he wrote his autobiography, it would've been something he carried with him for most of his career. given that, you do look at his autobiography and think that he did make the decision to frame things pretty differently back then, that he decided to exclude certain things from his narrative. if this really is already something that's been festering within him for years, if he does feel like he wants to be a bit more open about all of that now than back then... well, hopefully it shows he's been able to work through all of it a bit more in the intervening years

(this is somehow an even thornier topic than his relationship with parents, but relatedly there is a bit of a discrepancy between how bullish he is in his autobiography about how mentally unaffected he was by his results, versus how he's since opened up since then about his anxiety. again, I want to stress, this is not a gotcha, he's under no obligation to share this stuff with the world - especially given the amount of discourse during his career about his supposed 'mental weakness'. it is still important in understanding him, though, how he consciously decided to tell his own story in the autobiography and how he's somewhat changed his approach in the subsequent years)

this is the rest of his answer to that podcast question I relayed above:

But at the same time you know I felt that no matter what I would have done, I sort of have a - my mentality of self-punishment, you know, of never being good enough that always drove me to try and be better and any single thing that I did, I didn't like it when I wasn't not perfect. I don't believe in the word perfect but I really didn't enjoy when I wasn't, you know, in my own terms considered a good enough level at anything I did so I would always sort of try to get up as high as I could regardless of what for.

at which point hodgson says exactly what I was thinking and goes 'god what a line' about the "mentality of self-punishment" thing. it is one hell of a line!

what's really interesting about this podcast is how these two big themes of 'this wasn't my choice' and 'self-punishment' end up kinda being linked together when casey talks about how the motogp world reacted to him... so again I'm gonna quickly toss in a bit from the autobiography (where he's talking about casual motorcycling events he went to as a kid), because it does read similarly in how for him the joy and competitive aspects of riding are closely linked:

It was a competition but it wasn't highly competitive; it was just for fun, really. Of course, I didn't see it that way, though, and I had dirt and stones flying everywhere. I don't think anyone expected the park to be shredded like it was. When I was on my bike, if I wasn't competing to my maximum level then I wasn't having as much fun.

and back to the podcast:

And also because people truly didn't understand me, that I'm not there just to enjoy the racing. As we're explaining, before that, you know it was sort of a road paved for me... And so the results were all important, not the enjoyment of it. And then you cop the flak for everything you do. I'm also very self-punishing, so it was kind of a - just a lose lose lose and it was all very very heavy on myself, so... It, you know, it took me till my later years to realise I could take the pressure off myself a little bit and go look you've done all the work you've done everything you can, you got to be proud of what you've done, so... Not necessarily go out there and enjoy it, because I don't believe you should just be going out in a sport where you're paid as much as we are expect to get results and just - you know - oh I'm just going to go and have fun it's like... yeah, nah, if you're just going to go and have fun then you're not putting in the work. And that's when we see inconsistencies etc. So I was very very harsh on myself and so even when I won races, if I made mistakes or I wasn't happy with the way I rode, well then yeah I'm happy I won but there's work to do. There was more to get out of myself and so that's where I copped a lot of bad... um, let's say bad press because of those kind of things and then they sort of attack you even more because they didn't like the fact that you didn't celebrate these wins like they wanted you to they expect you to I suppose treat every victory like almost a championship and you know it's not that I expected these wins but I expected more of myself and therefore maybe I didn't celebrate them as much as you know other people do.

kind of brings together a lot of different things, doesn't it? this whole profession was a path that was chosen for him... which he links here to how the results were 'all important' for him, how it just couldn't ever be about enjoyment. he always punished himself for his mistakes, he was under constant pressure, which also affected how he communicated with the outside world... he was so committed to self-flagellation that he made it tough for himself to actually celebrate his victories, which in turn wasn't appreciated by the fans or the press. so on the one hand, casey's obviously still not particularly thrilled about how much of a hard time he was given over his particular approach to being a rider. but on the other hand, he's also describing how all of this can be traced back to how becoming a rider was never actually his 'choice'. he's detailed his perfectionism before, including in his autobiography, including in discussing his anxiety disorder more recently - but this is explicitly establishing that link between the pressure he'd felt during his childhood to how he'd been pushed into this direction to how he then had to perform. he couldn't afford to be anything less than perfect, so he wasn't, and at times he made his own life even tougher as a result of his own exacting standards. this just wasn't stuff he's said in such straightforward, explicit terms before... and now he is

my general thing with casey is that his reputation as a straight shooter or whatever means people aren't really paying enough attention to how he's telling his own story. like, I kinda feel the perception is 'oh he used to be more closed off because the media ragged on him but since retirement he's been able to tell it like it really is' or whatever. and I'm not saying that's necessarily wrong, but it's not quite as simple as that. because he's not a natural at dealing with the media, he's put a fair bit of thought into how to communicate better with them (which he does also say in the podcast), and he's explicitly acknowledged this is something he looked to valentino for in order to learn how to better handle. because casey has felt misunderstood for quite a long time, he's quite invested in selling his story in certain ways - and it's interesting how what he's chosen to reveal or emphasise or conceal or downplay has changed over time. which means there will be plenty of slight discrepancies that pop up over time that will be as revealing as anything he explicitly says... and it tells you something, what his own idea of what 'his story' is at any given time. this podcast isn't just interesting as a sort of, y'know, one to one, 'this is casey telling the truth' or whatever - it's reflecting where his mind is at currently, what he wants to share and in what way, and how that compares to his past outlook. the framing of his childhood was really something that popped out about this particular interview... it's not like it's exactly surprising that this is how he feels, but more that he decided to say all of this so openly. some pretty heavy stuff in there! hope the years really have helped him... man, I don't know. figure it all out, for himself. something like that