#so i was also super depressed this year
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cyberkiss2uu · 10 months ago
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yayy its almost the end of 2023!! this year was huge for my art growth and its so awesome to look back on everything.. this was super fun 2 make and not only serves as a memory for this year's art and my interests but to my closest irl and online friends who were with me the whole way ^_^
happy new year!! heres to more growth and fun :-)
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dont-offend-the-bees · 5 months ago
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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ettadunham · 1 month ago
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sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books
#americans close your eyes and ears right now#i'm well aware that my political takes are way too spicy for you all#and i really do wish my media diet didn't contain so much us-centric shit#but alas we're all suffering here#and i could say that 'oh actually it does matter who your president is for us in the world'#but it doesn't. it really fucking doesn't. that's kind of the point.#oh i'm sorry my spicy takes are already starting#anyway it is wild that you all can understand katniss assassinating coin at the end of mockingjay#but get super upsetty that chappell roan won't support your favorite presidential candidate with her full chest#like come on none of you actually thought that her using the phrase both sides meant that she was a republican or even a centrist#that's just copium#you all knew exactly what she meant#but i guess encouraging people to think critically and get involved with their local elections and politics as well is... bad now?#also... why do you all care so much about a random pop star's opinion and whether or not she dares to criticize a government#like... she's right but i'm sure 5 years from now if she survives in the limelight her edges will be completely chipped away#by all this insane reaction#and before anyone comes for me... no i'm not saying you shouldn't vote. please fucking do.#neither am i saying you shouldn't vote strategically or encourage other people to do so#but if all your energy is spent policing people who criticize your chosen party because of their own principles#then there's something seriously wrong with your politics#and all you're signalling is that you truly do not fucking care about the issues that they care about#if anything..... you RESENT them#and then the same people bring up the parable of the 'unjust man'#or how it's never the right time to talk about gun violence in your country#harm reduction is all good and based but attacking people who are leveraging their support to push your party left#is not. it's not even fucking helpful#anyway. don't base your lives and politics around pop stars.#even if they are more based than you 🤷#i think i'm done now thank you tumblr for letting me have insane rants in my tags that hopefully no one reads#idk i just find this all depressing. i wish you all cared more about the world outside of your bubble. i wish we all did - myself included.
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marc-spectorr · 10 months ago
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hi :)
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shannonsketches · 2 months ago
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Putting 'geets is a cat' in my own tags has me laughing so hard thinking about how Bulma 'My Dad is an Avid Animal Rescuer' Briefs could probably circumvent Geets getting in the way during his 'I'm quitting fighting forever' phases by giving him his own little tasks to do that mimic hers
look at this little business man
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toytulini · 6 months ago
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the challenge of i should commission art of my ocs. would love to commission like, siiyr or bokrae, maybe krachyn or jula. siiyr or bokrae would make the most sense, maybe krachyn. i think theyre the ones with the most detailed notes on their anatomy
but also
oh god i cannot subject another artist to the anatomical war crimes i committed in making these ocs
#toy txt post#ig id be best off commissioning someone w a lot experience w like. centaurs. let alone commisioning them actually doing anything#interesting. the good bad news is ai cant do it either. fucking i cant even do it. why did i make these bitches. i gave bokrae a gf#but shes not. she cant even. her lips dont really do a kiss shape shes all teeth#siiyr has too many fucking elbows and a weird skull situation#bokraes skull continues to break my brain. i think it does break physics in universe. birdie did weird shit w that eye#its constantly trying to explode#the art ideas i have for bokrae and siiyr have plagued me for years even now in my depression funk of no new ideas#i cant bring myself to subject other artists to them?????#i should specify Bokrae's teeth more tho probably. i used to jokingly explain it away as she has all the teeth/they change#and. they do. canonically birdie has to replace all of her bones over time especially her skull. but also#that was me being lazyyyyyyyyyyyy#idk i know you dont necessarily need like a super detailed ref sheet to commission things but like. if i was commissioning my own ocs id#want that probably?#maybe i will try to draw the girls today. probably not doing anything interesting#bc i have not drawn for One Billion Years and im out of practice with Normal Human Anatomy let alone#these fucking Monsters#also maybe one day ill figure out Jared#pigeon head on a deaths head moth body with gemstone eyes is something i can see in my head but when i try to draw it it doesnt look right#so. need to work on that? the main thing about jared is that he needs to Scuttle#and id like to incorporate a pigeon#hm#hmmmmmmm
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moookar · 5 months ago
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can i get some criticism on my gesture drawings? I struggle with motion in my art.
while i was drawing these, i figured out what people mean when they talk about muscles flowing in the pose. I just just figured that out though so i would definitely like tips on how to apply that etc
Reference photos taken from line-of-action.com
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chatdae · 6 months ago
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The Great Gatsby (1974) au where Gatsby doesn't die and instead Nick takes on the no-paying job of trying to get Jay to move on from Daisy.
Bad ending is Gatsby never does & he and the Buchanans become a never-ending shitshow. Good ending is Jay moves on. Super special bonus ending is Jay and Nick fall in love (toxicity optional)
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bunnihearted · 6 months ago
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goddess the body feels sooo good after a workout 🫠
#it feels so warm and heavy and so comfortable omg#have y'all heard about exercise and stretching it is amazing owo#my thighs are super gooey tho like can barely sit and stand#luv it!!!#it feels extra good bc i woke up today super depressed (bc yesterday was rough)#and i just wanted to keep my earplugs in and cry and stay in bed all day#but somehow i managed to get up and walk all the way to the gym#and i worked out for almost 2hrs lol like when i get started i dont wanna leave#i did more on the crosstrainer (my bby i love the crosstrainer) and i dared to use the leg machine i wanted#i could adjust the seat this time phew. and i tried just one bump heaver weight for everything too#owoowowow and for some reason i didnt totally wanna throw up when i had to observe myself in the mirror skskk#so yeah it was a good session today ^-^#as always tho i do feel stupid and inadequate... bc almost everyone who is there is in great shape#and they know what they're doing and they're doing complicated exercises with very heavy weight and im there#with my 2kg dumbells getting strains in my wrists (im careful tho dw!!!!!)#im definitely doing it at a very low level but last time i worked out was before my knee got fucked and before all of these weird pains#😃😃😃 so im not even as strong as i was when i was overweight.. i never felt weak when i was#but i go to the gym because i enjoy it since it's fun and even the low intensity stuff i do makes my body feel nice#and if i keep going regularly for years maybe i'll also get in good shape and do more and more stuff#i wanna be a gym bunny!!!!!!#i used to actually love the gym so much i wanted to work at one skksks
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non-un-topo · 7 months ago
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Humble brags from this week because I feel really accomplished and proud of myself
2 months on T looks hot as hell on me and it feels even better. I was given a work/study student of the year award by my supervisor yesterday completely by surprise, and I also picked up a certificate of recognition for trans day of visibility from the student community & leadership development office at my school. I accepted my offer to work in the library over the summer (better $$ than I thought!) so I'll finally have a legit job after 5 years (and in a field I love)! I'm working on a course with one of my favourite profs and it's looking good -- I got to design my own syllabus so it's all about transmasculine theory & life writing, which will prep me for grad school if I so choose. My partner is graduating college and we're planning to do a grad trip in Montreal with our pals. All of my coworkers and peers have been so wonderful and kind and supportive since I've gone public with my transition (even the one who had a lot to learn -- she has come super far and I'm really grateful for her). And I just checked my GPA and it went up a little! 8.5/9, babeyy.
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coollyinterferes · 10 months ago
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*taps mic; a certain gentleman is standing right beside him*
"Good evenin', everyone!! We're back!! Hope you didn't miss us much!"
"It sure hasn't been that long.... has it....?"
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Uhhmmm....
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lindamccartneysstrap · 7 months ago
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I actually think I do tend to gravitate towards characters named James and I kinda wonder if it's because of latent mommy issues because my mom was named Jamie after her grandpa James who died when I was 4
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cheriafreya · 8 months ago
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being a broke ass gamer is driving me 😀 C-R-A-Z-Y 😀
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1tsjusty0u · 9 months ago
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actually while im at it. flowey undertale. im getting his stupid fanclub pin because unfortunately i am a fan
#hes literally just an 8 year old trying to be. not cool but Smart and Dark#like on one hand he knows more about the game due to resetting and hes also soulless which on one hand sort of mirrors players and rheir bo#redom but also it could range from depression to apathy though thats my hc#so he thinks hes smarter than everyone else#and also that 8 year old has. so much baggage#his alarm clock dialogue.#mistaking the player for chara#you know the drill#plus his personality#while im glad undertale had the ending it did#i feel like asriel ppprobably couldve been handled better </3#but thats in the past!!! yeag#ALSO alsoalso flowey parallels to ralsei i think its super neat#i do wonder if more parallels will show up. like flowey getting bored of a game he plays a million times vs ralsei which he doesnt seem to#be bored? he does know the game far better than kris susie or even the player do#so i wonder if thatll come up? floweys boredom vs ralseis unboredom. keeping them in a world thatll forever loop if the player doesnt let g#o#seeing the same thinf a bunch of times and getting sick of it vs hearing the same thing over and over and loving it#please not theres not any basis for this ralsei doesnt seem to really… fit into that#its more of escapism and him taking it to the farthest he can (avoiding negative thoughts even when they need to be confronted. ignoring th#e elephant in the room) which is how he mightve had to cope? or maybe its just because of the whole game aspects#also ralsei doesnt see other darkners as as important as the lightners/kris/mmmaybe us?????????? we dont know if he knows#like how flowey puts most other monsters beneath him except for chara/by proxy frisk and us#ralsei doesnt see himself as above the darkners but he sees susie and kris above them. i think its the same for flowey#though. flowey is debatable i think he might put himself above others considering genocide#yeah!!!!!!! i love gaymes
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manasurge · 9 months ago
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#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity#am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about#i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy#why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies#this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most#i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out#it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself#i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk#also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it-#- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop#i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me#not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE#no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me.#not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse#but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about#-everything lmao#stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse#delete later probably idk lmao
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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months ago
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...
#im still procrastinating so bear with me#ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system#bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i#moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me#like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them#like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract#and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone#surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow#i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents#like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case#its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl#bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my#skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control#and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with#the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum#its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all#still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working#sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain#works better in the early morning rip#unrelated
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