#that’s why I’m scared of another internship. even though the last one was paid and so is this one… people are straight up abusive to interns

[e77y]

Trying to fix my resume ☝️🤓 Small problem: I sound like a loser no matter what

[cloudybarnes]

the reveal

Pairing: peter parker x bestfriend!reader

Summary: after years of being friends, y/n wants to tell peter just how she feels. the night she decides to tell him, she walks in on him in his spider-man suit and suddenly second guesses if it’s the right time

Word Count: 2.7k+

Warnings: one curse word 

A/N: added in some platonic interactions with ned and y/n cause why not :)

Masterlist

✰  ✰  ✰ 

“I think I just failed our math test.” You huffed as you dropped your lunch tray onto the table. 

Peter and Ned left an open spot between them for you to squeeze into. 

“Honestly, I don’t see how you could have failed this test, (Y/N).” Peter chuckled.

“Yeah,” Ned agreed, “if you think you failed this test, then I don’t even want to know what I got.”

That made you laugh. “Okay, maybe not failed, but definitely not my best. I feel like I know what we’re learning, but it’s hard to do on paper, you know?”

Peter nodded his head. 

“Whatever,” you chuckled, “let’s talk about something else. What are we doing after school?”

Peter whipped his head to you, “we had after school plans?”

“Well not exactly, but it’s Friday so I thought we could do something fun.”

Ned agreed, “Yeah, plus we haven’t all hung out in a while.”

Peter sighed, “Guys, I have that Stark thing tonight remember? I can’t just abandon my internship.”

You pout and poke Peter’s arm, “but all you ever do now is go to your internship. It’s like Ned and I don’t even see you anymore, Pete.”

“She’s right. You were so busy last weekend, (Y/N) and I had to go to the opening of her sister’s dance recital all by ourselves.”

“I mean, I understand why he didn’t want to go to that one. It was a nightmare.” You chuckled. 

Peter sighed, “Listen, I’m really sorry I’ve missed a lot. I’ll make it up to you guys, I promise.”

“So... tonight?” You asked hopefully. “I swear, we will make it worth the time of the all mighty Peter Parker.” You teased as you bumped your shoulder with Peter’s.

He nervously chuckled, “Y-yeah! Okay, um, yeah, tonight.”

You giggled, noticing a new warmth to his cheeks. “So, what time do you get done?”

“Get done?” He repeated.

“You know, your internship.” Ned reminded him.

Peter gasped, “Oh, right! Right, my internship. Um, actually it might be late, are you sure you want to do it tonight?”

You shrugged, “It’s the weekend, I’m sure my parents won’t mind. Please Peter, we haven’t hung out in forever! The internship is eating up your social life!” You chuckled.

Ned gasped, “oh my god, we should totally have a sleepover at Peter’s tonight! I can bring some comics and movies for us.”

You cheered, “Yes! That would be so fun!” You noticed Peter looked a little awkward from the conversation. “Unless, you just don’t want to hang out, which is totally okay! Ned and I could always ju-”

“No!” Peter yelled.

He looked around the cafeteria, embarrassed. He cleared his throat. “I-I mean, no, I do want to hang out with you guys tonight. I think I should be getting back around ten, so you guys can come to my place.”

Ned gasped, “Peter, you work that late and you’re not even getting paid?”

He chuckled nervously, “well, yeah. I just really like working for Mr. Stark, so I don’t mind it.” Peter wiggled around awkwardly, almost like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

Peter’s hand rested on his leg, and you placed yours on top of his. He looked up at you, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. 

You gave his hand a squeeze. “Peter, you’re my best friend. I can see how you’re acting right now. If you don’t want to hang out tonight, that’s totally understandable. We get how important this is to you, and we wouldn’t want to get in the way of your opportunity.”

Peter’s face softened into one with a smile. He squeezed your hand back, “thanks (Y/N), that means a lot. I do want to hang out with you guys, though. We’re going to have a sleepover at my place tonight, and it’ll be fun. I promise.”

Peter cleared his throat, and stood up. “I’ll be right back, I’m just going to use the bathroom real quick.”

Once Peter left, Ned started to chuckle. 

You turned to him and smiled, “what’s so funny?”

“What’s funny is how obvious it is that you have a thing for Peter.”

You giggled, “come on Ned, no I don’t.”

Ned shook his head and grinned at you, “I know you do; I just know these things. The way the two of you look at each other is like you’re in some rom com.”

You groan, “okay fine, I do like Peter. And I’m only telling you this because your my best friend, not because I want you to tell him!”

Ned scoffed, “please, of course I’m not going to tell Peter. You should be the one to do it.”

You smiled and lightly pushed his shoulder with your own. “Thanks, Ned. Also, don’t make anything awkward now that you know, okay? Peter will definitely know something is up.”

Ned made an ‘x’ over his chest. “Cross my heart!”

You look away from Ned just in time to see Peter walking back into the cafeteria. He takes his seat next to you and gives you a smile.

“Oh Peter!” Ned said, “I forgot that I have plans tonight already. My mom wanted me to try out this new yoga video with her. She thinks it’ll be a nice way to relax and release tension.”

“Oh, that’s okay.” Peter nodded, “we can always hang out some other time.”

“Oh!” Ned gasped, “Well, (Y/N)’s still free tonight. The two of you can have that sleepover still. I’ll lend you my comics.”

“Yeah! That-that sounds cool.” Peter looked at you and smiled, “I’m down if you are.”

You grinned, “Totally! I’ll never turn down the chance to hang out with you.”

Peter blushed at that. 

You smiled at Ned, “Sorry you can’t come! We’ll miss you tonight.” You winked.

Ned chuckled a little, “It’s okay, there’s always next time.”

The bell that signaled lunch was over rang. The three of you stood up.

“Okay, well I’ll talk to you guys later!” You smiled. “See you tonight, Peter.”

He shyly smiled, “yeah, see you tonight.”

✰  ✰  ✰

“I think I’m going to do it tonight.”

School had finished without any excitement other than yours for tonight. You had already eaten dinner, and as the time drew closer to ten, you grew anxious.

You were dramatically sprawled out on your bed, with your phone on FaceTime with Ned. 

His eyes got wide, “Oh. My. God. You’re crazy.”

You quickly sat up, worried now. “Is that actually crazy? Cause I don’t have to; I mean, it might make things weird.”

Ned chuckled. “No, I meant like, crazy as in you’re a bad-ass. I think tonight is the perfect opportunity to tell Peter you like him; and I’m not just saying that because I gave up spending time with you guys so this could happen.”

You rolled your eyes and stood up, walking over to your closet. “I think I’m just going to wear some sweatpants and a comfy top since it’s supposed to be a sleepover. Or do you think I should wear something nicer since I’m going to be telling him I like him?”

Ned shakes his head. “Definitely the sweatpants. If he doesn’t like you in your comfy look, he doesn’t deserve you in your dazzling look.”

You giggled, “you’re right, thanks Ned.”

“I’m here to help. Let me know how things go between you two. I think things will work out like you want.”

You smiled, “I’ll call you tomorrow! Bye, Ned.”

“See ya.”

You hung up the phone, and put your comfortable clothes on. Your bag was already packed with your overnight gear all ready to go.

You picked it up, and slung the bag over your shoulder.

“Mom, dad! I’m headed out to Peter’s now, love you!”

You parents said their goodbye’s, and you were on your way to Peter’s.

The trip was very short; Peter and you lived only a short distance from one another.

Once you were at his front door, you knocked and were greeted by his Aunt May.

“(Y/N)! Oh my gosh, it’s been too long since you’ve been over!” She grinned, pulling you into a tight hug.

Since you and Peter were always so close, May thought of you as a daughter.

“Hi May! It’s great to see you again. Is Peter back from his internship yet? I know I’m a few minutes early.”

She ushered you inside and shut the door. “No, I don’t think Peter’s back yet. I just got out of the shower so he may have snuck in while I was in there. You can wait in his room if you’d like, Peter won’t mind.”

You smiled, “Okay, thank you May.”

You started to walk down the hall into Peter’s room before May stopped you.”Oh, and (Y/N)?”

You turned around, “yeah?”

May softly smiled at you, “don’t be nervous, dear. I’m sure things will work out.”

You lightly laughed, “how did you know?”

She just shrugged with a playful smile.

You grinned, “I’ll try my best, May. Wish me luck!”

You turned back, and headed for Peter’s room.

In your mind, you were trying to plan out exactly what you were going to say to him, and when. You were thinking about waiting a little bit before dumping all of your emotions onto him. Or you’d do it as soon as you saw him just to get it off your chest once and for all.

As you pushed Peter’s bedroom door open, you saw something you never thought you’d witness. Peter was standing, back towards you in the Spider-Man suit. 

When he heard his door creak open, Peter rapidly spun around. His eyes were wide, and his mouth agape. He looked scared and extremely caught off guard that you had just seen him in his outfit.

“Oh, my god.” Is all you could manage.

You stared at Peter with the widest eyes he’d ever seen. Your mouth gobbled open and shut like a fish out of water; you couldn’t find any words to say to him.

He rushed over and pulled you into his room, frantically shutting the door behind you.

“(Y/N)! I didn’t expect you to be here so early.” Peter’s heart was racing. “It’s not what it looks like, I promise.”

You lightly shook your head, “I think it’s exactly what it looks like.” 

You walked around him in a circle like a vulture stalking its prey. “You’re Spider-Man, aren’t you?”

Peter’s mouth opened, then shut as soon as it did, trying to come up with a response to you. When he couldn’t think of anything, he sighed. “Yeah, I’m Spider-Man.”

You gasped. Peter honestly could have told you he was just playing dress up as Spider-Man and you would have believed him, but here he is admitting to being the superhero that had been around the city.

“That is so crazy, Peter!” You grinned. “Oh, my god, I’m friends with Spider-Man!” 

Your face fell, “oh, my god, I’m friends with Spider-Man.” Oh, no. Why did Peter have to reveal himself as Spider-Man tonight of all nights! 

You were freaking out, now. You didn’t want Peter to think you only liked him now that you knew he was Spider-Man! You wanted him to know you liked him for himself, as Peter.

“(Y/N)? Are you alright? I know this can be a lot to take in, but I need you to listen to me.” His eyes were desperate as he tried to talk to you.

You nodded your head and gave him your full attention. “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry, this just caught me off guard is all.”

He nodded his head, and placed a hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to tell anyone, especially not like this.”

“So I’m the only one that knows?”

“Well, Mr. Stark knows cause he’s the one that gave me this upgraded suit, but yeah. You’re the only other one.”

“Oh, man. This is crazy.”

“You can’t tell anyone, (Y/N), please. If people find out, things will change for me, and I like my life how it is. I didn’t want to tell anyone because the more people that know, the more people there are that could be in danger.”

You nodded your head, and smiled at him, “Don’t worry, Pete, your secret is safe with me.”

Peter let out a relieved sigh, “I knew I could trust you. Sorry you had to find out this way, though.”

Peter presses a button on his chest that released his suit, leaving him in only his boxers.

You face heated up as you scanned you eyes over his toned chest. “Oh my god.” You quickly spun around to not face him once you realized what you were doing.”

Peter’s cheeks were hot as well. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking when I did that.”

You heard some shuffling around as Peter got changed. 

“You can turn around now.”

You do, and see that Peter is in sweatpants and a sweatshirt with his suit hung up in his closet.

He sat on his bed, and motioned you to sit as well.

You do so, and play with your fingers a little bit, now uncertain if it’s a good time to tell him how you feel. 

“Hey,” Peter said as he grabbed you hand, stopping your nervous fiddling, “talk to me. I don’t know what’s going on in your head, and it’s freaking me out a little.” He nervously chuckled.

You gently smiled and started to mess with his fingers. “I think it’s really cool what you’re doing for the city. I think you’re really brave for all of this.”

Peter smiled at you, “yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m just worried that you could get hurt from this. You know I care about you, right?” You nervously added.

Peter nodded his head with a smile, “I know you care. I promise, I’m being careful out there, don’t worry.”

You lightly smiled, and looked down at your interlocked fingers.

“So, Ned told me something earlier.”

Your head quickly perked up at that. “Oh, did he?”

Peter rubbed the back of his neck, “yeah, he told me to make sure you tell me the thing you were going to tell me.” He sounded confused. “I don’t really know what he means by that, but he wanted me to make sure you don’t chicken out of it.”

You sighed. “Well, I was going to tell you something, but I don’t know if it’s the right time because of your whole... reveal.” 

“Oh, well I’ll still care about what you have to say. Just because you know I’m Spider-Man, doesn’t mean I’m not still Peter.”

You looked up at him and smiled. “Yeah, you’re still Peter.”

He chuckled, and you took in a breath, trying to calm yourself down.

“Well, I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while now, and I didn’t really know when a good time would be since you’re always at your internship or we’re hanging out with Ned as well. Not that I don’t like hanging out with Ned! I do, it’s just-”

Peter cut off your rambling by grabbing your face and pressing his lips to yours. You were stunned, to say the least. Peter’s lips were soft and gentle against yours. He made no move to escalate things; it was like all he wanted to do was feel your lips against his.

You finally kissed him back, and brought one of your hands to the side of his face. You rubbed your thumb along his cheek as you kissed, loving the feeling of being so close to him.

When you couldn’t take anymore, you pulled back and took a breath of air. 

Looking at Peter like this was something you had only dreamed of. His lips were red and puffy from your kiss, and his eyes gleamed with excitement. You could only imagine how you looked.

“Was that what you were trying to tell me?” He cheekily remarked.

You giggled, “that was exactly what I was trying to tell you.” 

“Good,” he grinned, “because I really like you, (Y/N), I have for a while now.”

You let out a chuckle, “it’s a good thing I’ve liked you for some time as well.”

Peter bit his lip to try to stop himself from smiling so much. He grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together.

“So, does that mean you’d want to go out with me sometime?” Peter asked, hopefully.

You pretended to think for a minute, then giggled. “Yeah, I’d love to go out with you sometime, but right now I just want to spend our night together like we planned.”

You leaned in closer to Peter, gently pulling him in by the collar of his shirt. 

“I like the sound of that.” Peter gently said, right before you placed your lips on his. 

You have so much to tell Ned tomorrow.

[yerrrabitch]

WKND

Your eyelashes softly brushed your cheeks as you woke up. Your dark eyes scanned across his room. His scent suffocated you and kissed every inch of your body. His body lay tangled with yours. Your head was tucked between his arm and chest as he took deep, calm breaths. You relished in the feeling of him. These were some of your favorite moments. 

When life could slow down for just a second and you could truly appreciate the man under you. 

Friday Night 7:34PM

You kicked off your heels beside your door and wiped your sweat on the back of your hand. Another hellish day at work. You hated working and wished that you could take his money. But, you didn’t feel comfortable taking away from him to please you. He hated seeing you like this. He loved pampering you in anyway he could. You chuckled at the thought of the argument your current state would cause. You worked as an assistant to a lawyer who made you work unbearable hours and didn’t give a damn about any of your personal needs. He was an asshole but, the position paid well and you rubbed elbows with major figures in the field you wanted to go into after college. 

You washed your hands and took your hair out of it’s bun. You couldn't wait to take this lace off for the weekend and let your hair out. Conforming to corporate America was another one of your least favorite things you did to get where you wanted to be. He didn’t agree with that. Well, he didn’t understand. He had worked through college growing his locs as a computer science major and now owns several businesses while only being two years out. He had established a name for himself; you had not. He offered many times to get an internship or position with one of his personal lawyers but, you wanted to get your connections and establish yourself by yourself. He had a love/hate relationship with your independence. It initially drew him to you when you first met. 

You needed to make a quick snack before showering and heading over to his place for the rest of the weekend. You broke away from the apples and peanut butter to turn on Ari Lennox and unwind in the shower after realizing it was far later than you realized and he was probably worried sick about you. You showered, put in a hair mask and began to shave while dancing to her rhythmic voice when a hand grabbed your waist. You shot right into farthest part of the shower and let out an animalistic scream.

You closed your eyes as tight as possible and waited on the assault. 

Giggles. 

From him.

You wiped a curl out of your face and stared up at him. He was hunched over laughing at you like he was supposed to show up unannounced and scare you half to death.

“Baby,” he started before falling into another fit of giggles, “I came to check on you and here you are, dancing like that when you could be dancing with me upstairs.”

“I need to explain alone time?” You sneered, you were agitated. Why would he do that? He could’ve waited for you to step out of the bathroom at least. You could have fallen and gotten seriously hurt and he was laughing like that was just so funny. The things you would do to keep that smile on his face though.

“You know I didn't mean to intrude on your alone time. I was just seeing where you were. It’s 8:30?” He said still looking at you. The way your curls and coils were pulled into lopsided twists around your face, your nose scrunched up in irritation and dragged your plump upper lip and high cheekbones along with it made his heart whine at the two foot distance between you two. “I’ll wait on the couch for you, then we can go up together?”

You nodded and moved back into the water to finish what you were doing while a soft smile graced your face as you thought of him. 

You crossed the hall and applied all the necessary body butters and creams then waddled out to see him. You rolled over the back of the couch and on to his side. 

“Hey.”

He smiles up at you and places a soft kiss on your cheek. He begins peppering them all across your face and across your neck. You begin laughing when he bites on to a ticklish part of your clavicle. You place your hands at the nape of his neck and pull his head back. 

“Did you cook?” You asked looking at his beard. You loved the way it felt when it grazed your thighs but, you hated the scruff he had began to grow during quarantine. He loved it though. Anything to differentiate him from his youth. 

“Don’t you wanna order in? There’s this new Thai place on the North side. I had some for lunch last week and almost nutted,” he said staring into your eyes while tracing the curve of your jaw, “we can eat that.”

You nodded and began to get off of him and grab your slippers to go to his place. He lived five floors above you. His penthouse was amazing. It had a great view, a private elevator and this kitchen that you loved to cook in. Sometimes after an exam you both would stay up trying new recipes to get your minds off the stress. You loved cooking with him and were a little disappointed at the loss of bonding time. You knew he'd make up for it though.

“We should order it soon, you know everything out here closes early as hell.” You replied as you locked your apartment up and grabbed his hand to walk to his elevator. While waiting for it to rise from the lobby you stared at both of your figures in the reflection. His massive body next to yours, you looked like a child. A curvy child, but still a child. The hand wrapped around the phone as he orders food looks bigger than your waist. His large torso compared to your average sized one. He towered at 6′6 and you lived at 5′8. You were taller than most but, he humbled you whenever you tried to act bigger than him. Your wide hips were the only thing on you bigger than him. He would argue that your head is bigger than anything in the room. 

You were busy comparing your body to his when he guided you into the shaft with a hand on your lower back. You thanked him and stepped inside. You felt his hand moving to cup just beneath your bottom. He gave two taps to your butt and opened his other arm, signaling you to jump on his waist. You rolled your eye but, still complied and let him carry you the rest of the way. The elevator dinged and he began to move. His breathe was warm against your cool scalp. And his body warm against yours. You loved him carrying you almost as much as he did. He loved taking care of you and anyway that you would allow him to gave him joy. 

You had decorated the entrance of his penthouse. Initially it had been bare but, you added a mirror, a welcome mat and a tall plant that required almost no care so he couldn’t kill it by forgetting it. But, he would never let anything you gave him die. He walked up the stairs and into his bedroom. He turned around and sat down on the bed with you still attached to him and then laid back. You rolled over and began to remove the pillows from the bed. When you first met him he only used one pillow and now he can’t sleep with out at least three on the bed or you. You patted the spot next to you and almost squealed when he settled in next to you. You loved cuddling. He loved it too, only with you though. In previous relationships, it’d irritate him and make him overheat but, with your cooler body temperature and lovable personality he couldn’t resist. You rubbed up and down his side while he rubbed circles on your butt. You pushed your lips up at your nose. His eyes flashed to them and he immediately captured them with his own. He had a special way of kissing you. It never took your breath away. It was like it was your breath. You could kiss him for hours and only need to stop to fulfill bodily functions. Your lips fit perfectly together. You felt his bottom row gently dig into your top lip as his hand drifted from your ass to your right breast. His hot tongue slips into your mouth and you attach on to it and begin sucking it. His mouth retracts slightly as he smiles at you. Clearly, he doesn’t like you having too much control as he takes your nipple in his hand and twists it. You gasp and he takes that as his chance to do what he wants with you. He keeps kissing you and pulls away to begin kissing down your neck. You feel your lower belly getting warm and you try to pull his hand from your breast and place it in between your thighs. You hadn't had your fill all week and you wanted him right now. He snatches his hand away from you and doesn’t even look up at you.

“I’m taking my time tonight, so you just gone have to wait my love.” He said in between open mouthed kisses on your chest. You loved when he showered you with affection like this but, there was a time and place for everything and this was neither. You wanted to fill him shoot into the depths of you then carry you into the bathtub so you both could scrub the sins away then slide back into bed and go to sleep. You were tired and you’d rather use your vibrator and come back after you came at least once.

“Baby, I’ve been waiting all week.” You whispered looking down at him.

“Who’s fault is that?” He asked, finally reaching your nipples. “Not mine, if I could’ve had you every night I would have. I would’ve had you in the morning too. Before work. At lunch. Before dinner. For dessert. But, you had to work right mamas?” He plopped your nipple in his mouth. Swirling his tongue around your ring and lightly nibbling on the sensitive flesh in-between the metal. You were enjoying his assault on his body and accidentally ignored his question.

He bit down. Hard.

“I asked you a question didn’t I?” He said staring up at you. You nodded eagerly. 

“Words.” He said with a lot more bass in his voice. 

“Yes.” He smiled up at you. You were wet and you knew that he wasn’t going to let you come once tonight after that. He’d just edge you for the rest of the night and hopefully let you cum tomorrow. He moved to the next nipple and used his fingers to give the other nipple to attention she deserved. 

He loved playing with the fattier parts of your body. One day in the earlier days of your relationship you had told him about your insecurities and he made it his duty to show extra affection to them whenever possible. He moved down to your belly and began kissing all around it and sucking your flesh in between. He pulls back up to you and places a gentle kiss on your lips and smiles.

“I love you.”

He pulls your shirt back down and pulls your body tightly against him. You feel him throbbing against your thigh as you sit on his lap. He grabbed your left foot and began to massage the heels of your feet, slowly working up to your toes and moving back down methodically. You wanted to enjoy pleasing him and vice versa but, you knew tonight was really going to be affection rather than sex. You craved an orgasm but you also needed intimacy. You loved how he knew where to find a balance in your needs and desire them. 

Saturday Morning 9:50AM

The Thai place was amazing. You could see yourself sneaking there during lunch breaks for the dishes. You both had finished off two bottles of wine and sat snuggled up on the couch watching Living Single re runs. He laid on your chest between your thighs as you both fought sleep. He smelled of deep amber and vanilla. A cologne that you mentioned loving years ago and he made a point to wear around you. 

You looked at the man next to you. You gently disconnected yourself from him and crawl beneath the sheets. You pull his member from his boxers and spit on it. You feel his body shift, he’s waking up. You lick up the under side of the shaft and attach your lips to the top. You extend your tongue outside of your lips and begin pulling in and out of your mouth. A deep chuckle breaks your concentration. 

“You love this dick don’t you?” He mused. You nodded “Couldn’t wait for me to wake up?”

You continued your assault by forcing the entirety of his length into your throat. You always struggled through this part but you never stopped trying. You gagged on it and kept pushing. You were confident that you wouldn’t vomit but you needed to taste his nut. You repeated the process, sucking the tip then taking it all down your throat. You loved the feeling of his breath becoming quicker and his hand pulling your bonnet off and grasping your twists in both of his hands. His hips kept bucking up at you until you felt warm ropes begin to paint your throat. You loved this taste. The feeling of his balls constricting on your cheeks. The way his happy trail tickled your nose. The way his thighs felt so strong against your finger tips. His firm grip on your hair. It all made you want him more. You kept sucking after he had finished until his body began to twitch again. It was only right to overstimulate him how he had done you so many times before. 

You lifted off of him and hurried to the bathroom to brush your teeth. You knew once he gained his strength back he would return the favor a few times over. He padded in behind you and began running the water in the bathtub. You smiled softly and went to the kitchen. You cut up apples, oranges and put grapes into a bowl and met him in the bathroom. He had grabbed towels and began to strip. Staring at your gown, he points and the tub. You comply and bring the bowl with you.

“Eat mama.” He commands and begins kissing up and down your neck. His hands go beneath the water and find your folds. He grazes across your clit and down to your opening. His right hand rises to your breast and he palms it lightly. He grasps your clit between two fingers and rolls it between them. Your breath hitches. 

“Please, Erik.” You breathe. You feel him smile behind you.

“Please, what baby?”

“Please fuck me.”

His laugh shakes your chest as he puts a singular finger inside of you. He knew that he needed to work you up to his size. After a week away from him, you always shrunk to a coin slot. He curved his hand around to place one hand on your clit while still fingering you. You move the bowl to the ridge of the tub as you feel yourself getting closer to a climax. He adds another finger in. Initially it is uncomfortable but as he keeps rubbing your clit your loosen up around him. You pant as you feel your end close to you. He abruptly pulls his fingers out of you and turns the shower on behind both of you. He pulls you up carefully after moving the bowl to the floor near the tub. He lifts you up by your waist and slowly guides your onto his dick. He stretches you immediately and you feel like you might split open. It hurt but still felt so good. 

After waiting for you to nod at him, he began pumping in and out of you. Slowly at first then he picked up speed. He backed you into the wall and moved one of his arms from around you on to your clit and began rubbing. The hot coil in your belly began to tighten and you knew your orgasm was coming quickly. He looked so focused on getting your nut, he was barely worried about his. You begin coating him in a thick, white cream as your body is almost to your peak. Your moans begin to fill the bathroom as he hit your g spot. You finished and you felt yourself squirting on him. He loved that. He loved drinking it more than watching it though. 

He immediately followed behind you and filled you up with his cum. The warm water hit both of your side as your legs dropped and he laid his forehead against yours. He lightly kissed you then pulled out of you. You felt cold now without him inside of you. He reached for your body wash and you reached for his. Every time you had shower sex, you both would wash each others body’s. 

Regardless of all the shit you go through during the week. This makes it worth it. Orgasms before noon and endless support and love from a man you love. 

[jtsfavslut]

Falling [G.D]

Description: Just when Y/N thought she was over Grayson, he pops back into her life, making her wonder if you could fall for the same person twice. Inspired by ‘Falling’ - Harry Styles. 

Warnings: None, Just sad stuff lmao!!!

Word Count: 4K+

Also a special thanks to cole [ @blazedgraysons​] for keeping up with my annoying ass questions while I wrote this, and for helping me and giving me advice I love you <333

   Her small feet carried her body down the familiar street, cars zooming past her as her body softly bumped into the others around her. The loud sounds from the environment being blocked away by the soft, yet loud music that was coming out of an old pair of Airpods she had gotten for Christmas back in High School.

This was Y/N's daily routine. Get up early in the morning, do her business in the bathroom, get dressed, and walk over to her favorite cafe. The Beachwood cafe had become Y/N's second home ever since she moved to L.A, spending most of her time there, before and after class.

A smile lit up her face as the familiar blue door came into her view, a content sigh falling past her lips as she got closer to the door.

The strong smell of coffee hit her nostrils as she walked inside, music being paused as she walked fully inside, giving her attention to the cashier that greeted her every morning, "Hi Y/N, your stuff is on your table," she smiled up at Y/N before pointing towards her usual table.

It was the one by the window in the corner of the shop, the bright yellow and blue floor illuminated her small journey to the table, where her coffee and breakfast sandwich happily waited for her to approach. She sat down, hand reaching into her Yellow Kanken backpack, another Christmas gift from high school that she dearly took care of, she pulled out a brown journal and a pen.

A journal filled with memories and random thoughts that popped in her head. Y/N thought writing things down was good for the mind and body. She believed that writing things down would help you keep your thoughts safely, and lock memories into place without overworking your mind. A pen that has been through many journeys on the same yet different page.

All pages were the same until the pen went over it, recording things until the end of time. They were all the same until she wrote down her thoughts for the day.

Her small hand gripped onto the pen as she wrote down her thoughts from the previous night, coffee cup in the other hand as she slowly sipped the liquid.

Last night I thought of him again, just until I drifted off. I don't know why. It hasn't happened in months. Nothing bad, just a memoir of all of our memories together. Like the time we broke into the school's pool one night. Where he pushed me in with all my clothes on, then he jumped in and we made out by the stairs. Funny how we never got caught since cameras were around us. Or when we had our senior trips to the mountains in Colorado, and how he kept sneaking into the girls' room just to be with me. We were lucky we didn't get caught again. I tried to not keep thinking about him. I know it's time to finally drop it and move on, but how? How do I erase all those memories from my brain? How am I supposed to just drop it and move along? Just how? I don't need or want to know why just how.

She softly slammed the notebook closed, right before she could feel a slight burning in her eyes and a rock starting to form in her throat. The subject of her and a past lover that she was still holding onto, still being a deep wound to her.

She thought about and remembered Grayson every day. After all, he was her everything during her entire High School life, and he still was…...sort of.  Grayson and Y/N started dating in the 9th grade, right about in the middle of the year. He asked her out behind the school's bleachers during lunchtime, a mixture of flowers from his mom's garden that she shyly accepted from him after she said yes. That was followed by their date to the movie theater, where he held her close to him every time she faked being a little scared, not that he could tell, and three dates after he officially asked her out where she said yes again, and that was followed by an accidental kiss, he was leaning towards her cheek when she accidentally moved her head to the side, causing his lips to land on hers. Neither of them complained, just smiled at each other and carried on.

They went on for 6 years, all of high school and two college years, where he decided to break it off because of distance. He went off on how being across the country from one another was hard, and the fact that the time difference from New York to California was 3 and 4. She didn't complain. Didn't give a reason as to why not, even if she had trillions of them. She didn't try to change his mind. She simply said okay, and wished him the best. She still loved him though.

The words that her grandpa had spoken replayed in her brain every time she questioned why she still thought about him; "You never stop loving anyone sugar, you just kinda love someone stronger. If you stop loving them, then you never loved them to begin with" She thought about that, and that made her feel better. Maybe there was someone out there who she would love more than she loved Grayson.

With a quiet sigh, she put her journal away, switching it with a book she picked up at the library a few days prior, yet read a million times.

To Kill A Mockingbird is a book she read many times in school, mostly everyone has. It's the one book from school she actually enjoyed, so she picked it up from the book shop down the street from her apartment before work one day, and didn't get to read it until now.

She opened the book with a small smile, the sensation of the book against her finger bringing nothing but happiness to her, and took her mind off whatever was bothering her. She lost herself in the book, almost done with half of the book before her alarm rang, signaling it was time for work. She left a 20 on the table after putting all her stuff away in her backpack and walking out of the shop and towards her job which was a paid internship at a local hospital downtown, all she did was watch and help out with minor cases like cuts, sprains, X Ray's and the occasional stuff like questioning. She entered the hospital, sanitizing herself and changing into her uniform, walking over to her area, that being the Pediatrics Emergency room where her boss, mentor, whatever you might want to call him, Dr. Reyez, and the rest of the team were waiting for her.

"Morning everyone," she chirped at the tired yet awake health care workers, who all had smiles on their faces. "Morning Y/N, you're going to be practicing by yourself today, can you handle it?" Dr. Reyez asked her, which she just nodded her head with a smile. There wasn't a single ounce of doubt in her brain.

"I'm pretty sure yes! And I can just reach out to you guys if anything, right?"

"Yeah, just page us if anything. Your first patient should be here soon, just go wait by the desk," Reyez instructed her and that's exactly what she did. She sat on the desk for over 20 minutes until someone came in with a toddler covered in rashes.

"Hi baby, I just need to ask you and mommy a few questions, yeah?" She sweetly and patiently asked the 5 year old as his mom was filling out some papers, to which he just nodded his head.

"Okay, Xavion, did you eat something new today? Maybe something you've never eaten?" She asked and both the mom and son nodded their heads.

"Do you think he was allergic to something?" The mom asked, causing Y/N to shrug.

"Well, it depends. We need to get an allergy test for him. It doesn't hurt or anything, we just scratch and pour a drop of the allergen over it and see how they react. Mom, do you happen to remember what he ate today for the first time?" She replied by recording some notes down on her clipboard before telling a nurse to get an Allergy Antibody Test ready.

"He ate everything that he usually does except for some broccoli I gave him," the mom replied and Y/N nodded her head before writing it down on her clipboard and walking them to the testing room.

Once the results came back around half an hour later, Xavion was, in fact, allergic to broccoli, and other things that Y/N had to explain to the mother. She got about 15 minutes of break time before Reyez called her another minor emergency.

"It's an 11 year old, possible breakage or sprain to the leg, you can handle this one right?" He asked and she nodded her head, "Good, they're in room 217, good luck," he added before sending her off to the room.

She quickly made her way over to it, grabbing her clipboard on the way, "Hi, I'm Dr.Y/LN, I'm going to be taking care of you guys today! May I have the child's name and date of birth please?" She nicely asked as she walked inside the room, quickly walking over to the desk area that was in the corner and placing her stuff down.

"Uhhh, Caleb Dolan, August 17, 2008," a deep voice that she could recognize from anywhere spoke as she turned around. Her heart dropped at the sight of Grayson in front of her. She tried to reassemble herself, after all, she couldn't make any mistakes right now, Reyez was trusting her and she couldn't afford to mess the opportunity up.

"Caleb, August 17, 2008," she mumbled as she wrote it down on her piece of paper, "Caleb, do you mind telling me what happened, babe?" She asked with a smile on her face. Her smile turned into a small frown as she looked up at the boy who happened to be in pain.

"Me and uncle Gray were practicing for the soccer game that's next and I fell on the mud and hit my leg really hard," he explained as she walked towards him nodding her head.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, One being okay while 10 being the worst, how would you rate the pain?" She asked, walking over to the walk to grab a pair of gloves, putting them on, and walking back towards him.

"Uhh a seven," he replied and she nodded her head.

"Okay Caleb, just know this might hurt a little okay? It's just protocol to check if it's dislocated, broken, or sprained okay?" She asked and he nodded his head, a few tears falling down his face from fear. Grayson quickly leaned down to wipe off his face whispering a quiet 'you'll be okay' as Caleb grabbed his hand.

"Can you try and move your ankle for me? Just try and move it," she explained and he muttered at quiet yes before moving his foot in a slow circle, she nodded her head before placing both hands over his ankle checking for any bumps, which there were none to find, "Luckily for you Caleb, it's just sprained! There are no bumps meaning it's not dislocated, and you can move it meaning it's not fractured! Just to make sure, we're going to need an X Ray' just to make sure there are no hidden surprises yeah? Dr. Lindsey will do those with you, and I'll be right here when you come back," she smiled up at the boy before Dr. Lindey moved him to a wheelchair and took him to the X Ray room, leaving Y/N and Grayson alone in painful silence.

"So this is what you do? This is where you work?" Grayson was the first to speak after a couple of quiet seconds,

She cleared her throat and nodded her head, placing her hands inside her white jacket, "Yeah. It's a paid internship so it's basically a job, what about you? What are you doing here?" She asked to make direct eye contact with him.

"Moved here after me and E graduated, looking for some roles and an agent," he spoke, his voice not as deep yet shakier than when he first spoke.

"Any luck with that?"

"Yeah. We've landed a few small roles here and there," he answered and she just nodded her head.

"That's good! I'm glad everything's working out for you," She gave him a genuine smile before continuing to fill out Caleb's paperwork.

"Listen, I know it's been 2 years but-," Grayson began to speak before Y/N cut him off. "-Grayson just don't. I'm at work right now, and it's enough seeing you after 2 years, but I don't really need this right now. I'm sorry," She apologized before leaving the room to get some papers before walking back in, thankfully Caleb was already in the room when she walked in.

"I'm going to wrap your ankle up with this and then you're good to go, buddy. Make sure you don't apply pressure on it for two weeks. And carefully when you're playing any sport, I don't want you back here," she said while wrapping his ankle up carefully. She gave Grayson the discharge papers, their hands touching each other for a split second before she pulled away waving them off before walking to where her team was.

"That guy was looking at you intensely," Reyez pointed out, earning a glare from her.

"Don't even start," she rolled her eyes before taking a sip from her water bottle that was on her desk.

"Wait is that the?" Jacob, one of the nurses, asked and she nodded her head.

"Yeah, that's him," she sighed, shaking her head.

"Holly shit Y/N, I knew you said he was hot, but girl? That man is hotter than-,"

"Mackenzie, don't you dare," Y/N joked towards her other co-worker, "God why do you do this to me? I was almost over him and then you put him on my path again? The universe hates me,"

"I'd go for it again if I were you," Mackenzie encouraged earning a glare from her.

"Alright, leave her alone before she starts to crumble, Mackenzie go fill out reports, Y/N go take a breather," Reyez ordered them around and they all nodded their heads, going on their way to do what they were told.

. . .

Soft snores began to quietly run past her lips as she drifted off to sleep, all before a feeling of suddenly falling down an empty whole woke her up. She shook her head letting out a quiet 'fuck' before turning to look towards the clocks on her nightstand, 3:30 AM being brightly displayed on it. Y/N let out a loud sigh, knowing she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon.

Her mind suddenly clouded with knotted thoughts and notions, too many of them just to focus on a single one. She pushed her body up, just enough for her to reach over and grab the small yellow backpack that she lazily threw on the floor, pulling her journal and pen out before throwing it back on the floor.

She clicked the pen and opened the journal, blank pages waiting to be filled up, her hand delicately moved along the paper as she scribbled letters and words on the empty pages, thoughts clearing out of her head, one by one.

I saw him today. He looked different. He's grown. After it all, it has been two years. His voice is deeper too. He wanted to talk, but I said no. Maybe if I did, I would fall for him again, or something. I'm doing just fine, so why did he have to move here. Anyway, Reyez finally allowed me to take care of patients by myself today. It was fun, I liked it, I guess. Luckily I'm free tomorrow because I can't sleep at all now. Maybe it's the repeating thoughts of him running through my mind, or just simply the lack of melatonin in my body right now. I'll probably go to the park tomorrow, stop at the cafe first then make my way there, but anyway, I'm going to try and sleep now.

It was a quick entry, nothing special, just her major thoughts being written down, just enough for her to feel better. She got up from the bed walking over to the kitchen grabbing a water bottle before leaning against the counter and sipping it. She crossed her bare legs over each other, looking out of the big window in her living room. Her favorite part about the apartment? It was the window that looked down on bright LA city. Y/N could sit there for hours and not notice the time pass by, she knows this because it happened before. She left the kitchen and walked towards the window, propping her body down on the small couch she had in front of the window. She laid her head on her hand, watching the few cars that sped down the street, the small yet bright red lights disappearing into the distance as her eyes followed them until they could.

Her eyes softly closed as she laid down on the couch, drifting off into another universe. The next morning she woke up at around 8 AM, doing her daily routine, except she stopped at the Cafe, picked her things up, and made her way to the park. It was an old park, there was an old playground that seemed like it hadn't been used in years. She sat down on an old bench drinking her coffee as she watched the scenery.

She didn't take her notebook out, her mind not having any thoughts, or at least no thoughts relevant enough for her to write down. She just took her time to take her surroundings in. She admired how the wind moved the trees, yet they were so strong they didn't crack. The way the birds lifted off whatever surface they were, and drifted off into the sky. She admired the rare butterflies that randomly appeared just to disappear once again. She simply admired the earth, something that she didn't do quite often; Always being too deep in her thoughts to actually study the things around her.

"They're beautiful aren't they?" Grayson's voice spoke out of nowhere, making Y/N do a slight jump in her seat as her heart raced.

She brought her hand up to her chest, a sigh falling past her lips as she glared at Grayson who was chuckling, "You fucking scared me,"

"Sorry," he sighed, sitting down next to her.

They both let out sighs. Both knowing that there was no escaping the conversation that was about to happen, a conversation that was long due.

"You could, hmm, you could go first," she spoke after a few moments of silence, throat dried making her clear it in the middle of some of her words.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. You were working, and Ummm, it wasn't the right place or time to talk about things. I'm also sorry because I never gave you an explanation as to why we should've broken up. After all, you didn't ask anyway," He softly spoke. He thought every word through, studied each meaning before letting them run past his lips.

"I didn't ask because it's what you wanted. Your decision was clearly made. I mean, I don't think breaking up with someone is a spontaneous thought is it? Your decision was made, and if you felt like I was holding you back, then I had to let you go, if I loved you, then I think I did the right thing." Her words were careful too. And quiet, so quiet feeling that if she spoke too loud the things around her would break.

"I didn't want to break up. I felt like it was the right thing to do, you know? We were always so busy, and we made time for each other, but it was exhausting. And when you were out with friends, I felt like I was annoying you or something," he sighed and she shook her head, the thought of her ever getting annoyed at Grayson's presence being absurd.

"Oh God absolutely not," she chuckled, "I thought I was annoying you. Like I wondered if you talked about me, or not. I wanted to know if I annoyed you because I felt like I did,"

It was true. In her journal, multiple pages were filled out with her question herself on whether Grayson talked about her or not. Even after the breakup, she wondered if he'll ever need her. Most pages were about him, all of her thoughts revolved around him, always.

"I did. All the time, to the point where I said your name subconsciously," he smiled, remembering the conversations he had with his friends about her, and how great she was.

"I did too, well not say but write," she sighed, leaning her back on the bench.

"You wrote about me?"

"Grayson you know I did, that's a dumb question," She shook her head, taking a sip of the coffee that was somehow still warm.

"Do you still write about me?" He asked and she stayed quiet, not knowing whether she should answer truthfully or not.

"Honestly speaking, I do. I write about everything that comes to mind, so sometimes? Yeah," she sighed, knowing that it would be easier if they just told the truth.

Maybe this was the closure that they both needed, yet never got. Maybe this was going to help her fully move on from him, and have thoughts that don't include her.

Or maybe not. Maybe this would help them reconnect. Y/N left it all up to the universe. She was a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and that you can't change your future since it's already written about. When she got home after a couple of hours she took a shower, lit on her favorite candles, and did the expected. She took out her notebook and wrote.

We spoke today. He told me the reason why we broke up. It wasn't an intentional meeting though, I was just admiring nature. I was looking at the butterflies I think. He randomly spoke. And I know it was long due and needed so I just told him to say it. It's better to just get it over with than to just keep pushing it back, I think. He told me why he wanted to break up, which right now, sounds like a valid reason. I just wonder why he didn't just say it back then. It would've saved me a lot of nights, don't you think? He now knows I write about him, and where I go to write about him. Maybe I shouldn't go there anymore. It sounds out of this world I know. But maybe, just maybe, I should just close that chapter in my life.

There are just too many memories of him at Beachwood. That's where he surprised me the first time he came to visit. And it's where I write about him the most. I could find another cafe near here, there's plenty.

I just wonder if we're ever going to see each other again. If I'll ever fall for him again, if that is even possible. Because I don't think you could fall for the same person twice, right?

That was the last page in her journal. All the pages filled with her delicate letters, her writing being eternal. Filled with on-going words until the end, where an unanswered question laid. The weight that was once on her shoulders began to fade, and for once in her life, the thought of her future no longer made her afraid.

 This is the first time I’m proud of a something I wrote, so if this flops, I will deactivate! Just kidding, sort of. Anyways, yeah, I feel like my writing has improved, and as always, if you have any tips, and/or constructive critism, please, please, please drop them in my inbox, and don’t worry, I won’t say your hurting my feelings lmfao!! 

Tag List:   @guiltydols @evergreendolan @ydolanssss @rhyrhy462 @resilientdolan @simplyxdolxstyles @simplyxdolxstyles​ {If you wanna be added to my Tag List, just let me know :) lol}

[wiyodreamz]

𝑽𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒅 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 | 𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝑺𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒉𝒘𝒂 [04]

⌜Nari is a college student at Seokhye University. One day she got off on the wrong foot with Seonghwa, throws her coffee on him and curses him out. Later that day she learns about the internship she signed with Hwa Corp. That same day, she learns that the same guy she threw her coffee at, is the CEO of that company! How will things go for Nari if she has a target on her back from that encounter? ⌟ Office AU

01 | 02 | 03 | 04

Contains: fluff, angst, smut, alcohol drinking, cursing, and more as the story goes on.

Tag list: @seonghwaskitten @reeateez

Warnings: another make out session, dani being sort of annoying, yunho interrupting an almost smut scene (yeah these r the warnings)

A/N: it’s been 84 fucking years. And I’m finally back writing this. Also Nari and Seonghwa are in a established relationship in this chapter :)

Things between Nari and Seonghwa have been going smoothly. They’ve been talking to each other more and a relationship has started to spark between them. Nari has managed to even get into the Top 3, since Seonghwa isn’t making it very difficult for her. They even found a new secretary for him to replace Ms.Lee. But Nari is kind of supiscious of her.

Nari was finishing making herself a cup of coffee in the break room, when someone walked in.

“Do you mind making me some tea?” She looked up and saw Seonghwa with a reusable cup.

“Yeah sure” she said as she smiled and made more hot water. “So how are you liking your new assistant?”

“She’s not as fast with her tasks as Ms.Lee, but she gets them done on time at least” he sighed as he crossed his arms.

“Maybe she has to get used to this place first. It may be different from her different job. Give her a month or two and she’ll get the hang of it” she said as she grabbed a tea bag and poured the hot water into his reusable cup. “Anyways here’s your tea.”

“Thank you” he said as he grabbed the cup from her hands, their fingers grazing a little. They stared at each other and Seonghwa started leaning in closer and closer until she felt his breath on her lips, but someone walked in before he could get a chance to kiss her.

“I didn’t expect you two to be in here” Dani said as she walked by the coffee maker to make her a cup of coffee. She then raise en eyebrow at their flushed expressions. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No! I’ll see you around Mr.Park!” Nari said as she bowed at him and left the break room while sipping her coffee.

Seonghwa then bowed towards Dani and left the break room to go back to his office to finish some paperwork.

“There’s something off about them....” Dani said quietly as she looked at the two of them.

Nari was finishing the last of her report that was due this week. She was typing away with her headphones in and someone suddenly pulled them out.

“What the...” she trailed off and turned behind her and saw Yunho.

“After you finish your report, do you want to go get lunch together?” He asked and she nodded.

“Sure, I just need to finish this last sentence and I’m free to go.”

Nari pressed the ‘submit’ button on her report and then grabbed her bag. “Let’s go. I know this really good place we can go eat at.”

The two were now seated in front of each other with a plate of pizza in front of them.

“How’d you get off of Mr.Park’s bad side?” He asked curiously as he took a bite of his pizza.

“I don’t know. I got lucky I guess” she lied as she stared down at her plate.

“I heard this weird wacky rumor is that you guys are in a relationship” he said and that made her choke on her cola, which made him scared. “Are you okay Nari-ah?”

“Uhm...yeah” she said and took a bite out of her pizza. “Where exactly did you hear that?”

“From Dani. But you really can’t believe what she says without proof, so she’s pretty much telling a tale” he answered.

Nari then sighed in relief and looked up to her friend. “If something was going on between us, I’ll tell you first then Yunho.”

Yunho smiled and continued eating his food. Nari felt bad for lying to him, but it wasn’t a good time to tell him, especially since Dani is highly suspicious of them. She then shook out the thoughts from her head and went along eating with Yunho.

It was now 4 in the afternoon and Nari came home from work. The full paid internships will be announced next week and she was nervous. Even though she was dating Seonghwa, she still wants to prove that she can work better.

Nari heard a knock at her front door and went to open it. She turned the knob and there stood Seonghwa with a bag of ingredients.

“I remembered from a few days ago you were craving stirred udon, so I came to fix it for you” he said with a smile. He was changed out of his suit and now was wearing a white buttoned shirt tucked into some black pants. “Can I come in?”

Nari cleared the way of her front door and he went into the kitchen and put the bags on the counter. Nari sat on one of her bar stools as she watched Seonghwa rummage around her kitchen for a pot to boil water in.

“You need to invest in some cookware” he said as he found a pot to boil water in.

“I would but I burn water” she joked as he chuckled lightly as he put the pot on the stove.

“Since it’ll take a while for the water to bowl, how about we do something to pass the time?” He asked as he walked over towards her and biting his lip.

He grabbed her waist and leaned in. The kiss started out slow and gentle, and then it went to heated in a second. Nari wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her up on the island. His lips then went down towards her neck and leaving red marks along her neck. She whimpered as he found her sweet spot.

“Found it” he whispered as he went back to leaving marks on her. Nari’s hands traveled down towards his shirt and unbuttoned some of his buttons, as Seonghwa was in the process of trying to remove her pants.

Before he could successfully take of her pants, a knock interrupted them. They jumped at the knock and waited for the person to say something.

“Nari-ah! I have the notes you let me borrowed last week! Are you in there or are you sleep?”

It was Yunho. Nari quickly jumped off the counter and fixed her pants that Seonghwa almost took off.

“It’s Yunho! You have to hide!” She whispered as Seonghwa hurriedly buttoned back up his shirt. Nari pushed him in the closet in her living room, where she usually keeps her old coats and jackets and other things.

As she closed the door, she heard the code being entered and Yunho entering. “Were you sleep?”

Nari shook her head and then hid her neck after she saw it in the mirror in the living room. “I wasn’t sleep, I was just busy putting something in the closet.”

He put the notes down on her coffee table and walked towards her. “Why are you holding your neck? Did you strain it?”

“No. It just hurts from me overworking” she said. “You should go. We have exams and you should be studying really hard.”

“Yeah, but I’m also excited to see who gets the paid internships. I hope me and you get it” he said.

“Same” she agreed. Yunho bid a goodbye and closed the door. Nari looked out her window to make sure he was gone from view and then Seonghwa stepped out and looked over at the stove and the water was now boiling.

“Looks like it’s time for me to cook and after we finish eating, we can continue what we were doing before Yunho interrupted.”

It was now the week of the paid internships. People have been working hard over the weeks to get it, but Dani kept pushing the objective that Seonghwa and Nari are indeed dating, but people just called her crazy.

Hongjoong came by her desk and gave her a coffee. “I know about you and Seonghwa.”

Nari choked on her coffee and looked up at him with wide eyes. “H-how’d you know?”

“Did you forget we’re friends? He told me about it a few nights ago over a drink” he said. “Make sure to keep it a secret if you get the internship, the women here love to talk.”

Nari thanked him and continued to drink her coffee. Sunji and Dani came back from a meeting they were in and sat down at their desks.

“Sunji-ah, didn’t you see Seonghwa and Nari eating dinner together a few days ago?” Dani asked as she whispered towards Sunji. Sunji looked nervous as she looked over to Nari.

“Dani, I don’t know about this...” Sunji trailed off and then was cut by Dani saying something rude to her.

“Why is so crazy to find out stuff about me?” Nari asked as she bit her lip nervously.

Now it was 4 P.M. everyone huddled around Seonghwa to found out who got the paid internship. Nari held her hands nervously as he looked over the paper.

“You guys worked hard over the months, but like I said in the beginning, I’m choosing half of you. So if your name is called, you got the internship.”

“Choi San, Jeong Yunho, Kang Sunji, Moon Nari, and Lee Dowoon. Those 5 worked harder than anyone I’ve ever seen and it was only fair to choose them” he said.

Nari was happy that she was chosen. She looked over towards Dani who looked angrily.

“Yah! Mr.Park! How could you choose Nari over me? I worked harder than her in all the things. I did every task I was supposed to do!”

“If you call spreading rumors, talking bad about your other peers, plus my employees I hired. Then I guess that’s your definitions of tasks” he said as he crossed his arms. “My decisions are final.”

Nari smiled at Seonghwa and then Mr.Park and grabbed her things. When she was on the first floor of the office, she felt a shove behind her and an angry Dani.

“Did you really sleep with Mr.Park just so you could get the internship?” She asked angrily. “I never knew the Moon Nari is that kind of girl.”

“Dani just admit it. You’re just angry you couldn’t get what you want this time. And besides, you barely did any of the work, Sunji did your work” Nari said and walked out of the building.

“You’re going to regret saying that Nari.”

“You’ve done well these past months” Seonghwa said as he took a sip of his wine.

Nari had an identical glass and took a sip of hers as well. She was too distracted on what Dani said to her to even hear what Seonghwa was saying to her.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he caressed her cheek worriedly.

“Hmm. Yeah, just thinking about some things” she said.

“What were you thinking about?” He asked.

“Nothing. It’s just what Dani said to me.”

“What did she say?”

“Oh it wasn’t important. Just her talking nonsense.”

“How about I go run the two of us a nice, warm bath and fall asleep for the night. How does that sound?” He asked and she nodded.

“That sounds nice.”

[jimlingss]

Sugar and Coffee [1]

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

➜ Words: 3.8k

➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU

➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.

cr.

Baking is an art form. It takes more than just having ingredients and following a recipe. It’s the flavour, texture, taste, and the presentation. It’s knowing why when things go wrong and how to fix it. It’s knowing the right kinds of ingredients to pick, how much of each should be combined, what techniques and methods to use. Baking is therapy. Baking is scientific. It is art.   The ingredients are as follows: 

Fresh strawberries

Sponge cake

Sugar

Heavy cream

Vanilla extract

You slice the freshly washed strawberries into halves as the stand mixer whips the two cups of heavy cream and quarter cup of sugar into medium peaks. Once you’ve got your components prepared, you slice the cooled sponge cake into two layers and set the bottom layer on a cake board on the turning cake table. You spread the whipped cream evenly with an offset spatula and layer the strawberries with cream on top.    Afterwards, you place the other sponge cake on top and repeat the process.   You finish the shortcake with strawberries on top for decorative purposes and pipe flowers with a twelve inch piping bag.   “Very well done! Everyone give a round of applause for Y/N’s shortcake demonstration.”   The teacher claps and the students around the counter follow suit. “Now it’s time for the real test.”   She begins slicing the cake into pieces, but you’re not nervous whatsoever. You know you did a great job and your strawberry shortcake is worthy of salivating over. And as expected, while your classmates take careful bites and allow the flavour to linger on their tongue, there’s nothing but praise.   “Wow, the sponge cake is so soft and moist.”   “The cream is so smooth.”   “It’s so fluffy.”   “It’s melting in my mouth.”   Even the teacher is nodding as she eats. But of course—   “Isn’t it too sweet?”   Jeon Jungkook has his brows deeply furrowed with a soured expression like he bit into a fucking lemon. His fork is cleaned but he puts the utensil down with a noisy clank, not wanting another bite.    A muscle in your cheek twitches.   “Didn’t you say that last time?”   “Yeah.” He shrugs. “But you didn’t follow my advice. Obviously.”   “Maybe you just have sensitive teeth, Jonhson.”   “I don’t,” Jungkook deadpans, not appreciating how you pretend that you don’t know his name.   “I don’t see anyone else complaining.”   “Because they’re too nice to. If you can’t take criticism, then there’s nothing I can do, Y/N.”   There are eyes flickering around. This happens often enough that no one’s particularly surprised, but there’s still bated breath held amongst your classmates.    You open your mouth to retort. But the teacher eats with a thoughtful look, and then nods. “You’re right, Jungkook. You could lessen the sugar just a tad, Y/N. The strawberries are quite sweet this time around. Just goes to show that ingredients might always change, everyone!”   “Okay.” You force a smile. “I’ll make a note of it.”   “Alright class, now that we saw the demonstration, off you go! Watch that whipping cream! It shouldn’t be soft or hard peaks!”   Everyone turns to leave, but your glare connects with Jeon’s until he turns around all the way.    No matter what you make — Jeon Jungkook always complains that it’s too sweet.    He’s a fucking ass.   “What was up with that?” There are audible murmurs behind you. “I thought they were going to fight.”   “In the kitchen? No. Maybe outside — but you know how it is.”   “They still hate each other over the September incident?”   “Well Jeon almost got Y/N expelled….”   You turn around and once they realize they’ve been caught gossiping, they look away with big eyes and they quicken their hands. “So, uh, pass me the cream!”   “Y-Yeah.”   The teacher brings your attention back as she finishes marking the rubric. “Thanks for doing that demonstration for the whole class, Y/N. Job well done as usual. Just lessen the sweetness and you’re good to go.”   You’re given ninety five percent. Full marks lost because of that asshat.    You hope he can feel your glare on his backside.   Eventually class ends and with your station all cleaned, hands washed, and apron put aside, you leave.    Outside of the room, is the most handsome man on the planet waiting for you. The person who you love wholeheartedly. The person you’re most excited to see. Your person.   He’s dressed in a white turtleneck sweater that you got him last year for his birthday, black jeans, and that baby blue trench that’s always soft to the touch. His dark hair is brushed and he’s leaning against the wall casually. But the glimmer in his sheepish eyes betrays the nonchalant exterior he tries to put on.   And the corner of his plump lip pulls into a tender smile.   “Hey—oof!”   Laughter bubbles out of Seokjin’s mouth and his arms wrap around your frame after you quite literally leaped onto him. You barely manage to pull away from the man, having the strongest urge to stick to him forever.   “I missed you.”   You pout and he grins. “Missed you too, sweetheart.”   You lean in to kiss your boyfriend silly. He holds you by your waist and you greet his plump, soft lips that makes you melt in a chaste peck. After a moment, you break away and he wraps an arm around your shoulder. “Should we go?”   “Yeah.” Your steps sync together. “You won’t believe what happened to me today.”   “What happened? Tell me.”   The pair of you walk down the corridor together as the rest of the class continues to spill out. There are girls who caught sight of the heartwarming interaction and they hold their books to their chest as they sigh wistfully.    “God, I’m so jealous. I want to be in love too. When am I going to get a boyfriend?”   “At this rate, never.”   “Hey! Rude!”   “I’m kidding!” She giggles. “You just won’t get someone like Seokjin.”   “Let’s be real, no one is gonna get someone like Seokjin — he’s just...perfect.”   “They’re such a good couple, aren’t they? They’re gonna have such pretty���” Their voices fade, but Jungkook exits and hears their commentary. He turns to steal a glance at your backside down the hall.   Jungkook scoffs audibly.   “What?” Taehyung catches up to his best friend and swings an arm over his shoulder. The same-height brunette follows his line of sight and hums. “Jealous you’re not in a relationship?”   “As if. It’s just pathetic, is all.” Jungkook looks away and they make their own way to the dining hall.   “You really handed it to Y/N today.” Taehyung grins mischievously. “Like damn. I didn’t think her cake was half-bad. But you’re not scared it’s gonna come bite you in the ass, Kook? Y/N’s gonna hammer you down when it’s your turn for demonstration.”   “So what? Like she knows what she’s even doing.”   “Are you sure about that? She seems pretty decent at what she does to me.”   “Decent isn’t good enough,” he says blankly. “She thinks she’s the shit but she came here to follow her boyfriend.”   Taehyung whistles. “You still mad over September?”   “She just irks me. Always has.”   “Right, didn’t you guys go to high school together? You, Jin and her…”   “We never talked. Whatever, it’s not worth talking about and wasting our time. Hey, what’s on the menu for lunch?”   “You tell me. Jimin never texts us what’s new today. Dude just eats and then goes.”   “What class does he even have right now?”   “Bakery safety and sanitation.”   Jungkook grins, remembering just how nightmarish that class was. “Rip.”   The two of them turn the corner, moving the opposite way from you and Seokjin, and the hallway empties out. 

Anxiousness boils at the pit of your stomach. Today’s the day you’ve been waiting for ever since you found out your application was accepted into the institution and you were successfully enrolled. Whatever results appear, it might dictate where you’re headed in the near and far future. The experience that you gain in these two years will pave the path to your career after all.   “It’s today?” Moonbyul puts down her spoon. “Isn’t the paid internship in May? It’s only November.”   “The posting went up for us in November too,” Hani pipes up past a mouthful of eggs. “Remember?”   “Did it? It was so long ago, I forgot.”   “It was only last year.” Sandeul rolls his eyes. “You haven’t gotten that old.”   “I sure feel like it.”   “Well if anything, you sure look like it.”   “Umm, excuse me?”   “Okay, okay, guys,” Your boyfriend interrupts with a laugh. “You’re freaking out Y/N even more.”   They mutter apologies, but you smile. In an attempt to calm yourself down, you ask, “Where did you guys end up going?” After all, they’re a year ahead of you and they’ve been through the entire process. Any advice is helpful advice at this point.   “Sandeul and I got hired by a hotel,” Hani says, “The Marriott. It was a pretty sweet gig, kind of tough though. Out of the entire class, I think five of us went there in total, so we were pretty lucky that we knew each other. It was long hours, but I learned a lot.”   Sandeul scoffs. “Can’t say I did.”   “When do you ever learn?” Moonbyul bites back.   “My internship was at a private club,” Ken recalls, interjecting as the two of them argue again. “But all I baked was bread all day. It was awful.”   “Oh god.” You look to Seokjin. “What if I have to bake bread all day? I hate yeast.”   Jin laughs and he lifts his thumb to affectionately swipe at the corner of your mouth, getting the spaghetti sauce off your skin where you missed. “You’ll be fine. Promise. You’ll probably get hired at a catering company like I did. Or maybe a pastry shop.”   “God, I hope so.”   “Which did you apply to?” Hani asks, playing with her noodles.   “Just a bunch of them. Restaurants, catering companies, shops. I applied to I think ten.”   “Oh, you should be fine then.”   “But I heard sometimes they put you in ones you didn’t apply for.”   “That rarely happens. Don’t worry about it.” She bats the air with her hand, easing your worries a little more.   Your boyfriend smiles warmly. “See? Told you so.”   You nod and check the time. It’s five minutes to noon. And with that realization, you get up. “We should go.”   “Don’t they email you?” Sandeul asks, pulling himself away from his argument with Moonbyul and ignoring whatever half-hearted and playful insult she throws his way.   “Yeah, but the physical posting gets put up faster.” You’re jittery, hopping on both feet and Jin chuckles before he gets up too, taking your food tray and his to dump into the trash.   They wish you all the luck you need and you’re off with Seokjin by your side.   You’re excited and afraid, not exactly sure what to expect. You just hope you get your internship by the same catering company as the one Seokjin had. They liked him enough that they’ve ensured him a position after he graduates. If they hire you too and you do well enough, they’ll hire you back and you’ll get to work with him. It would be absolutely perfect.   You can already imagine it. A small apartment in the city. Working together. Coming home together. There’s not a better plan out there.   The hallway is crowded with lots of people pushing past to look at the posting. There are loud conversations, eager claps and cheers, to disappointed sighs and whines.    “Wait here, okay?” You turn to Jin, not wanting him to be stepped on or pushed by the crowd.    “I’ll be right here.” He squeezes your hand before letting go.    And you push past the horde of students. “Excuse me, excuse me. Sorry…”   “Aw man, I have my internship at a grocery store?! This sucks.” — “The hell is Dog World.” — “Oh my god, oh my god! I got into the East Wood Country Club! Fuck yes!”   Finally, you stumble out of the crowd to the very front. The list is grouped together by locations and you search your name on the paper posting. After an antagonizing minute, you find it. “Kim’s…..Wedding Cake Company….”   Blood drains from your face. It runs cold.   Jeon Jungkook is coming with you.   //   You stomp your foot and cross your arms. You’ve been pouting for the past hour. But you can’t help the distress — not when you were still unable to comprehend it. It was the worst news on Earth. You thought your eyes were wrong, that maybe the posting or printer made a mistake, but the email wasn’t any different either.   “I can’t believe I have to go with that jerk! It’s all ruined!”   “I know, baby.” Seokjin pouts with you, sympathizing with your situation. He pulls you in to plant a kiss at the top of your head. “But you’ll be okay. Promise.”   The way he says it calms your nerves, but that doesn’t mean you still aren’t frustrated to no end.   There was only one paid internship to be done. One that was supposed to pave your way, help with the rest of your career, teach you things that couldn’t be learned through lectures and classroom work. But your one shot is destroyed. In shambles. What should be a fantastic experience is going to be a dreadful one.   Why did things never go right for you?   “I just….I just really wanted to be hired at your company.” You look up at him, eyes stinging and glossy with tears that threaten to shed.    Your plans are ruined.   “It’s okay. You can always apply after graduation.”    “I know.” You sigh. “But of all people, why him?”   A few hours later, the pair of you catch up with your friends at the dining center for dinner, and they quickly notice the way you’re not necessarily jumping for joy, but rather grieving. “Not...good news, I presume?”   Moonbyul gasps. “Did you not get hired anywhere-OW!” She rubs the spot where Sandeul smacked the back of her head for being tactless.   “It’s not that,” you reassure them with a small smile. “My internship is at Kim’s Wedding Cake Company.”   Ken’s eyes are enlarged. “Oh shit.”   “Wedding cakes?!” Hani sharply inhales. “That’s brutal.”   “No, it’s not that either. I don’t mind. It’s just…” You steal a glimpse at your boyfriend. For one, you wanted to go where he went and secondly— “I’m with Jeon Jungkook.”   “Who?” Ken asks, brows furrowing.   “You know, the black haired kid,” Moonbyul says in an attempt to jog his memory.   But the man’s impassive expression doesn’t waver or alter. “You literally described at least a quarter of the population.”   “The one that looks like a rabbit, you idiot.” Hani makes grand gestures. “The deer-looking fellow. You know, the cute one.”   “Right!” He snaps his fingers, as if that was enough to remember him by.   You shake your head. “He’s not cute. He’s an ass. Steer clear territory.”   “Can’t you steer clear from him?” Sandeul asks before he slurps up his carbonara and then chews in his cheek. “There’s like what— four or five kids coming with you? You can probably avoid him if you wanted to.”   “No.” It dawns on you just how bad the circumstances are. “Apparently only two of us are going there. At least I didn’t see anyone else assigned to that place. It’s only going to be just him and I.”   “Yikes.”   “Not helping, Hani.” Seokjin gives her a look that makes her sheepish and mumble an apology. “It’s not going to be that bad.” He reaches for your hand underneath the table, a private place without the prying eyes of his friends. “It’s only for three months and it’s during summer. It won’t happen for quite some time.”   “Yeah.” You squeeze your hand tenderly with his.    It’s wondrous how effective Seokjin’s reassurance is. You feel like there’s no reason for you to be afraid, for you to dread the inevitability. He makes you feel like you could take on anything.   All plans have their obstacles. Maybe this is just yours. Things always have a way of working out after all. You’ll get your experience, do your internship without talking to him, and then apply where Jin will be working after. You just have a feeling — call it your intuition — that it’ll work out.   //   But you’re still somewhat unsettled. You wonder if there’s a way you could switch. At least it wouldn’t hurt to take your chances and ask, then you knew you tried and did all you could. So with a hopeful heart, you approach the office area and open the door. The secretary is gone from her desk, maybe gone to take a bathroom or coffee break, so you take a seat in the waiting area.   One second passes before you overhear a familiar voice that you’ve grown to detest.   “—don’t see how I’m qualified at all! I haven’t even learned about wedding cakes yet!” The frustration is tangible. “It’s a course for next year!”   “Then you’ll get a head start from your classmates, Jungkook.”   There’s an audible sigh and his voice becomes calmer. “Miss. Kang, please. I just don’t understand how I could be put in something I didn’t even apply for.”   “What do you want to do, Jungkook?”   “Pardon?”   “What is it that you want to do after you’ve gotten your diploma?”   “I want to be a chocolatier.” There’s a pause. “A Master Chocolatier. I want to compete in The World Chocolate Masters. That’s why I applied for Oliver’s and Tokyo Confectionery. Spending my time and my internship at a place that does chocolate is important to me. Not wedding cakes.”   “Well, you’re lucky then. I personally know the couple that runs Kim’s Wedding Cake Company. They’re good friends of mine and the man who runs the place with his wife is actually a chocolatier. He studied in Paris and has been in the industry for more than ten years. I feel like you could learn a lot from him, Jungkook. Remember, it’s not the place you go to, but the mentor that you have. Think it over. Give it a few days. If you still have concerns, we can talk about it.”   Jungkook huffs in exasperation and grabs his bag. He mutters a reluctant ‘thank you’ before leaving the office. He doesn’t take one look back but on his way out, he catches you staring straight at him in the waiting area. His steps slow but then he scoffs, looks away and walks out.   When you get a chance to talk to the lady organizing internships, it’s brief — she apologizes and tells you there’ll be no changes made. There’s no arguing, you know that much. Not when Jungkook quite literally tried every desperate plea in the book.   You end up leaving and at the same exact time, Jungkook exits the men’s locker area, changed back into his regular attire. The two of you nearly bump heads, running into each other.   “Are you following me?” he flat out asks when your eyes meet.   You raise a brow, freezing in the middle of the hallway. “Excuse me?”   “Are you following me,” he repeats with a sharp tongue, obviously still peeved over his previous interaction with Miss. Kang. But you don’t know why he’s putting it on you and making such outlandish accusations. There was absolutely no limit to his cockiness.   “Get your head out of your ass, Johnson. I don’t have the time or day to follow you around.”   “Then what are you doing here?”   “I don’t think I need to tell you where I am or what I do.”   “Whatever.” Jungkook rolls his eyes and brushes past you.   But you turn onto your heel and shout after him—   “Do you really think you’ll make it?”   “What?” He shifts around to glare. His thick brows are knitted, mouth downturned.   “Do you really think you’ll make it as a chocolatier?” You meet his eye and a smirk pulls on your features. A rush of air leaves your nose in a snort. “You? Really? You want to compete in The World Chocolate Masters? That’s cute.”   “At least I have actual ambitions and goals and I’m not here for the sake of my boyfriend.”   “Excuse me? What are you trying to say?”   “Don’t play dumb and act like you didn’t follow your little boyfriend here.”   “You don't know anything about me, Jeon.”   “I don’t? I know that you’re not passionate about baking, that’s for sure. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have fucking stolen—”   “Fuck you,” you spit. “I didn’t.”   “Yeah right.” Jungkook scoffs. “Get real, Y/N.”   He gets the last word. Jeon Jungkook turns around, walking away with his bag slung over his shoulder. You shout insults after him but he ignores it, making you look like the fool.   Tears sting your eyes and your teeth grit. He’s an asshole through and through. You don’t know why you even bother wasting your breath.    If Seokjin was the most patient, kindest person and the person that you love the most — then Jeon was the complete opposite. You will forever detest his very being.   //   Your hand is squeezed and you’re brought out of your thoughts.   “Babe? What’s wrong?”   You look to your boyfriend. That’s right — you love him and this man loves you. There’s nothing else that could ever matter more than this. “Nothing. I just had...a really long day today.”   Seokjin stops walking and spreads open his arms wide. He gestures to you. “Come here.”   A smile pulls into your features and you jump into him. Jin laughs, stumbling back as you cuddle into his chest. His arms wrap securely around your frame, shielding you from the cold, from the darkness of the night.   You feel safe.   “I love you.”   He hums and kisses the top of your head. You’re beginning to feel better already.

[p---ink]

Stark Contrasts Chapter Five

Author’s Note: This is the last installment, in my Tony Stark Fan-fiction. I loved writing this, but I am also happy to see it come to an end. Please, tell me what you think of this. I can only get better. It means the world to me when I get comments, so let me know how this makes you feel. Also, to my artists out there...I promise I don’t know jackshit about art, so please dont come for my throat. Everything is purely fictional. German speakers, I used google translate, please tell me if anything is off. I love you guys! Thanks for reading!

Summary: Y/N tries to adjust to her life away from Tony. 

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Smut. In that order. 

Song: I had the song I saw you in a dream by the Japanese House, in mind while writing this. 

Word Count: 11.2k

Parts: one | two | three | four | five 

Chapter Title: The Ends of the Universe

Disclaimer: Picture is not mine. 

Berlin, Germany. Pepper Potts sent you to Berlin. Fucking. Germany. While Berlin was breathtakingly beautiful, and to your surprise very diverse, you knew nothing about it. Nothing about the way of life there. Nothing about the people. To say you were nervous would be an understatement. Scared, would still not do your emotions justice. You were in a place you had made no preparations for, as well as no thoughts of ever visiting. But you guessed that was the point. 

Tony would never look for you here. 

Six months. That’s how long you would be here. Pepper had taken care of everything. The rest of the semester and classes that you were enrolled in before you left, were now moved online. It was that or completing them the next semester. Usually, your university required students complete all prerequisite courses before they took on any internships within their respected fields. So how Ms. Potts got your Dean to agree to such an outlandish change of pace for one of her students, you would never know. What she achieved was unprecedented. That was when you learned quickly to never underestimate her. 

Six months. That’s how long you would be away from Tony. Well actually, the idea, as Pepper calls it, is that you two will have moved on from each other by the end of it all. You weren’t even supposed to contact him when your time was up here. In fact, as long as you were in Germany, you were not to contact anyone you knew. 

Pepper had assured your family and friends of your well-being ahead of time. No they could not know of your location, nor contact you, but they were ensured that you were safe. It took some heavy convincing on her part to get your family to agree, but ultimately they did. In their eyes, they were supporting what was best for you. 

Nao, on the other hand, was not keen on just letting you leave the country. Though your friendship had less than a few days to develop, she became very protective over you. She felt that your leaving was downright bullshit as well as unfair. “Why should Edward fucking Stark, get his happy ending?” She spat. She was also not as willing to trust Pepper as you were. But because you had already made your decision to leave, you entrusted her with the secret of your hidden twitter account. No one, save yourself, knew about it. You agreed that you would regularly tweet from it, as your way of letting her know you were okay. That was the only reason, she didn’t blow the whistle to Tony right away.

Unlike Nao, you had faith in Pepper. You two weren’t the closest, but you had an unspoken respect and trust for one another. Pepper, despite every reason you gave her, did not behave in the way that any other woman in her shoes would have. You had broken her son’s heart by sleeping with his dad, her now ex-husband. Yet here she was, going through all of these hoops for you, just to make sure you didn’t ruin yourself. Of course you trusted her. 

There was one thing she was not truthful to you about however. When she told you the internship was all-expense paid, what she really meant was that she was covering all of it. Your school fees, apartment, food, and any and all luxury items, Pepper would be dishing out the money to take care of it all. While you felt you had no control over everything else, you drew the line there. Though you sort of resented her for her speediness to remove you from States, you refused to let her pay for your mistakes. She had already done so much. 

Your entire time living with Tony, he never let you pay for anything. This of course meant, you had money saved up from your previous employments. Enough to live comfortably until you could find a job. While Pepper was more understanding than her ex, she still insisted on covering your school fees as well as the first two months on your apartment so that you could focus on school before money became an issue. She even set you up with some extra spending money to get started. “To have a job, on top of an internship, as well as a full course-load, is too much for any student to bear.” She told you. “I will not set you up for failure, just to prove your smug ass Dean right.” 

Once you were settled in, and she felt confident enough to depart, Pepper left you and Germany, wishing you the best of luck. She was in a hurry to get back home before Tony could catch a whiff of where you were, and where she had been. 

So there you were. In Berlin. All alone, far from home, with no one but yourself to console. That was when the waterworks began. Between Nao’s place and the plane ride here, you didn’t have time to process your emotions. Your life, though not the most morally ideal, went to absolute shit in less than seventy-two hours. You didn’t care who was looking from the outside in calling you ungrateful. You got to experience the world, and your experiences with Tony alone should have satisfied you. 

Still, you didn’t ask for any of this. He was all you wanted. You would give up all the luxury in the world, if it meant just being with him. But alas, you did not have that choice, so you decided to cry. 

And cried you did. Your first three nights consisted of tears, and headaches. You barely even ate. It didn’t help that Tony’s face was plastered every where. He was famous, so what did you expect? “How the fuck am I supposed to get over him, when I can’t even escape him?” In fairness, you also didn’t make it easy on yourself. A t-shirt of his that you stole, covered your pillowcase. You were scared of the day it’s scent would leave. The new phone that Pepper purchased for you, had his wallpaper on the cover. Of course you later willed yourself to change it, but it took time. You even bought books that he begged you to read for months, just because they reminded you of him. Your entire time in Germany, you were a woman of your word to Nao. You tweeted about him constantly your first three nights, just  to feel like your old self again. It was small things that made you feel closer. But small things turned into big ones. You were practically torturing yourself. 

Where nights ended in crying, mornings began with half-hearted reassurements. “This is what’s good for me.” You would chant, to yourself in the mirror. “This is what’s good for Tony.” It was now the weekend, and come Monday you would be starting your internship. “The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can go home.”

  ººººº

Starting your art internship sounded dreadful to you now. Before, you were more than excited as you planned it with Tony. Your eyes were starry when you fawned over how rich the art and culture was in France. Of course you would be excited, given that Tony had taken you to France on numerous occasions, as well as taught you some of the language. You were even comfortable enough to navigate the streets of Paris alone. That was more than you could say about Germany. 

When Monday came, and you left your apartment, you got lost almost immediately. Luckily to you, in Berlin more people spoke English than you thought. So your day was off to a bad start but you could still turn it around. That was your train of thought before it began to pour down raining. The cute, but simple little outfit that you had put together was now drenched. Not to mention your hair; tight coils retreated to your scalp, and makeup ran down your face. You had tried. You really did. You wanted the outside of your person, to deflect what you were feeling on the inside. Too bad the universe had other plans. 

You were still determined to complete your first day. So you continued on to the location that a kind stranger gave you. 

It sounded right, because soon you were standing in front of the soon-to-be art gallery that you would be interning at for the next 6 months. You were to shadow an art-curator, with the hopes of teaching it one day. Sure becoming an art professor wasn’t very fulfilling financially, but you loved art so you didn’t care. 

You walked into the magnificent glass structure, with high ceilings and tall windows. Your strides made wet squelching sound, as you stepped from the outside concrete pavement onto the wooden linoleum.

Immediately, a man who seemed to be directing others about the room, turned his attention to you. He almost dropped the clear clipboard he was holding, upon seeing the soaking wet brown girl before him. All he could think of was the damage to the floors you had probably caused. 

“Wie kann ich Dir helfen?” He asked you with a grimace painting his features.

If your confidence wasn’t shot before, it was now at a zero as you realized how stupid you must of looked. “I’m sorry I don’t speak German.” You apologized.

The man huffed as he switched languages. “I said, how can I help you?” Now you genuinely felt like an entitled American, in someone else’s country forcing them to accommodate you by speaking your native tongue. 

“I’m Y/N, and I am here for the Schmidt Internship.” You said lowly. You watched him bring his attention back to the clipboard in hand, flipping harshly through the paper. 

“You’re late. On your first day at that. How could you come in here like this?” His words were harsh, but he was right. You were late, and even if you weren’t your appearance would have sent off red flags in his head. 

You had to blink back the water that was forming in your eyes. This was something that you had become an expert at. “I apologize, but I had trouble finding my way here.”

He scoffed “So not only are you coming up with excuses already, but you’re telling me you haven’t even prepared yourself. How are you supposed to retain the necessary knowledge for this job?”

“Again, I’m sorry, but I can assure you that this won’t happen again. ”

“You’re right. So go home.” 

Your brows jumped to meet each other. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You clearly don’t have what it takes. My clients will eat you up and spit you out within seconds.” He looked you up and down before adding, “And if they don’t, I will. So go home.” He turned his back to you as if you were nothing, and began redirecting men on where to put certain paintings. Not sparing you a second glance.

Something told you that he was used to making people cry. You almost did, until you realized that you had been crying for the past week, and now you were just angry. 

“You can place that Delegado by the window.” You heard him say to two men. You walked up to them to interrupt their conversation.

“Actually place it as far away from the light as possible.” You ordered the men who were holding the piece.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The curator asked. 

You could feel his scowl on your face so instead of spinning to address him, you furthered your explanation. “The choice of medium Delgado used is not compatible with the sun. It will certainly drain its vibrancy. But anyone who attended secondary school art would know that.” You sneered, side-eyeing him. Your insult did not fall on deaf ears. His scowl turned into an almost pained expression. You ignored it, and moved on. 

You walked around the room, as the curator silently, but obviously followed you. “I assume you intend to place a light fixture over this.” You asked him, looking over your shoulder. “If not, this is the painting you should place next to the window. It will not thrive in the shadows. The artist intended for light to cast on certain areas to reveal hidden figures.” You took your phone out to flash its light against the frame to prove your theory, and almost immediately new elements appeared in the work. 

You could almost hear the change in features on the curator’s face. Still you continued your dance around the room, explaining to him pieces of art that worked well with others, and ones that did not. 

Going up to your next piece, you inspected it closely. “When did you purchase this” You asked him.

“A few days ago. Why?” He questioned, his tone was now different, almost inviting you to say more. He was now curious about your every word. 

“Bankole, the artist this is inspired by has not sold a painting in years.” You informed him.

“I bought it from a secondhand distributor. So what’s your point?” 

“You were scammed. The original piece only has seven hooded men. A reoccurring theme in Bankole’s art. This painting only has six.”

“Well maybe Bankole miscounted.” He suggested, chuckling. It was like he was amused, and it was vastly different from his earlier cold demeanor. 

“It also has too many etchings along the border.” You continued. “And the signature is misspelled.”

He stayed silent for a minute. He was awestruck. His assistant who had been standing near him, looked up everything you said to fact check you. She whispered a “she passed, sir” in his ear, when she could validate your arguments. And that’s when you realized it was a test. 

Upon realizing the whole thing was a set up, you relaxed your bewildered eyebrows, and looked down at your feet to smile a smile that screamed ‘I’ve been tricked’. 

The curator, as if scared to take his eyes off of you leaned his head to the side to ask his assistant, “Could you please get Ms.?”

“L/N” You sheepishly smiled, bringing your eyes back up to meet his. 

“Yes, could you please get Ms. L/N something to dry off with, Hanna?” He asked the girl, returning a smile back. 

“Right away sir.” Hanna spoke, scampering away to search the building’s custodial closet. 

He offered his hand to you, and broke the silence. “I’m Finn. Finn Schmidt.”

You took his hand, and shook it gently. “Wait Schmidt? Does that mean you’re—”

“Yes, my family owns this gallery.” He replied as a matter of fact. 

You mouthed an inaudible ‘oh’, as you were now embarrassed about your secondary school comment. Thankfully Hanna was back now with a towel to distract you from your growing shame. Changing the subject you asked, “So is it a German thing to be rude and test your future interns?”

He laughed, eyes lingering on your neck as you dried your hair. “Well its a Schmidt thing to test future interns. As for the rude part, I’m sorry. I was just a bit upset about something from earlier.” He confessed. “I promise I would have called you back later to apologize.”

“It’s fine. I did show up late and track your floors with rainwater.” You glanced outside, noticing the sky was now as clear as day. Just my fucking luck, you thought. But at least the new found light gave you a chance to properly examine Finn. The events from earlier, blinded you from realizing how handsome he was. 

He was much taller than you. At least more than half a foot. Chestnut brown locks, thrown up into a messy bun, graced the top of his head. He had honey brown eyes upon first glance, but when the sunlight hit them, they were a brilliant amber. He looked to be close in age to you, but still more experienced; so maybe late 20’s early 30’s you concluded. He was built. Not too muscular, but far from skinny. His beard was immaculate. In fact it looked as if he took better care of it, than he did his hair. Both made him look majestic. He had skin of olive, and it was dewy and radiant; you just knew his skin-care routine was more rigorous than yours. When he spoke, it was gruff. His accent was thick, but he spoke English like he lived in a native-english speaking country for years. He was definitely a man who prided himself in his looks as well as his knowledge. 

“So tell me, is it an American thing to ogle at complete strangers.” He smirked at you. You immediately thanked God for blessing you with darker skin, for you felt your blood pool to the apples of your cheeks. 

“I’m sorry.” You apologized, embarrassed and suddenly intrigued by the ground.

“Don’t be. It’s definitely a Schmidt thing.” He informed you, raking his eyes down your figure. Is he flirting with me? You asked yourself. 

Now desperate for air, you took in a deep breath to overcome the fluster. “So, um. I’m sorry, just to make sure I’m not getting ahead of myself: your assistant said I passed?”

He cleared his throat, and began rapidly blinking away his daze before speaking. “Yes with flying colors.”

“Does this mean I still have the internship?”

“Yes. I’d be honored to have you. ”

You beamed a bright smile. “Great. Well I hope we enjoy working together.” You stretched your hand out again for him to shake. 

“As do I.” He said, grasping your outstretched limb, before bringing your hand to his lips. 

Oh boy. 

ººººº

It turns out, you two did enjoy working together. Finn, despite your first impression of him, was a major sweetheart, at least to you that is. You didn’t know if that reigned true in other aspects of his life, or if it was just because he wanted to sleep with you. Either way, you welcomed his charming nature.

He became your best friend whilst you were in Germany. He was proud of his country, and very eager to show you why. You were dragged from museum to museum soaking in beautiful art. Landmark to landmark, reveling in famous architecture. Restaurant to restaurant, engorging yourselves with famous German cuisines and desserts. He was elated to finally have someone to boast to about his culture. And you were happy to have someone take your mind off of Tony. Temporarily.

As months passed, you still found your mind drifting off as you wondered about him. You dreamed about him at least every other night. But you would still tell yourself,  He’s over me by now. He’s probably happy I’m gone. At least I didn’t ruin his life.

Finn could only do so much. You were close now, so you informed him of a man who had taken over your dreams. He didn’t know who your mystery man was, but he wanted to be him. He wanted to be the one who occupied your mind. He made it clear on numerous occasions too. Spouting to you German phrases that he taught you before hand, revealing his feelings. 

��Ich steh’ auf dich’. I’m into you. ‘Ich bete dich an’, I adore you. The words were beautiful flowing from his lips. But you always feigned ignorance, acting like you forgot what they meant. He could scream his feelings to the sky in your mother tongue, and you would still say something along the lines of “Quit joking around.” Or “You’re so silly.”

You would be a liar if you said you hadn’t thought about Finn in that way. He was sexy, and more than willing to replace Tony. And Pepper, if she were there, as well as your friends and your better sense, would have begged for you to fuck him…but alas, you just couldn’t do it.

You two were currently planning the grand opening of his family’s second art gallery. It was tomorrow night, and it took all of five months, most of your internship to get the museum ready for the public. It would be a formal event, where renowned guests were invited to partake in a cultured but light-hearted social gathering. It was going to be grand, which meant Finn was bugging out. 

“Lydia, have Hanna approve the guest list for me. I need her to make sure, no strays show up.” He said to one of his staff members. He had a group of people following close beside him as he took long strides to his office. 

“Again?” She asked. 

“Yes! Again.” He shouted.

She rolled her eyes, before skittering off to find Hanna.

“Luka, have you checked with the caterers to make sure the hors d’oeuvres will arrive by 17:30?”

“Yes sir.” The boy squeaked. 

“Check again.” Finn ordered. 

“Right away sir.”

“Oliver—” Finn Started. 

“The wine has already arrived, sir.” Oliver interjected, feeling quite sure of himself. 

“So the Chambertin Grand Cru is here? Great!” Finn began smiling and relaxing a bit. 

Confusion took the place of certainty on Oliver’s face. “Actually sir, I thought you told me to get Richebourg Grand Cru.” 

“Fuck!” Finn yelled in his native tongue, about to tear a new hole in the smaller boy. That is before you stepped in. You were waiting for him by his door. 

“Your guests are coming in for the art Finn. Not the wine, nor the food.”

His expression softened when he heard your voice. “Our guests.” He corrected, smiling at you. “I feel you worked harder than me, so they are our guests.”

“Fine. Our guests do not care about the damn wine.” You smiled. 

He chuckled at your playful chide. “You know you keep me sane right? You’re my savior.” 

“I thought Jesus was your savior.”

“Well you’re a close second.” He smirked, as he let you enter the room before him. You both sat down in close seats, and ran down a list of things he needed to confirm for tomorrow nights events. 

As you two worked, he decided to start a separate conversation. “Have you decided on whether or not you’re coming yet.” His voice was hopeful.

You sighed, knowing you were about to shatter that hope. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I think I’ll pass.”

“Why?” He cried, abandoning his previous tasks. 

“I have nothing to wear.” You informed him. “Besides I’m a bit beat. I should relax before my exams come up.”

“But, it’s just one night. And anything you put on will be amazing. It’s the girl in the dress that makes it beautiful.” As he said the last part, he placed a hand on your knee and caressed it.

You stood to your feet to avoid his lingering touches as well as ignore the look of disappointment on his face. “I can’t just show up in any thing. There are way too many important people coming. I would have to make a good impression, and I’m just not up for it.” 

Finn abruptly raised now hovering over you and turning your body to face him. “What is this really about?”

“What do you mean?” You asked looking at him through an inquisitive lens. 

“We both worked so hard on this. This gallery is practically your baby, don’t you want to see other people enjoy it?” The pads of his thumbs massaged your shoulders. The act was innocent, but to you it burned to have another man touch you in the way that only Tony should. 

You shrugged your shoulders to make his arms fall and took a stroll around his desk, placing space between you. “Of course I want to see her success, Finn.”

“Then what’s stopping you?” He asked, slowly meeting you on the other side, unsure about his actions now. 

You knew what was stopping you. Finn had to practically beg you to go out with him on regular days, and you would eventually do it to rid your mind of Tony; but this was different. Attending this event reminded you of the ones you, Tony, and Edward would participate in. 

While you were Edward’s plus one on paper, it was really Tony who you would move through a room with. He would introduce you to some of his friends in high places. You two would have riveting conversations about the world and art. By the end of it all, you would ditch Edward (which wasn’t hard, because he was usually the one to ditch you guys) to sip expensive ass champagne until you passed out the next day in some hotel room you had no memory of entering. This event screamed reminders of your past life. And your past love.

“I don’t know.” You lied. But Finn knew you were lying. He also knew what, or rather who, was stopping you.

He sighed, and gazed at you before speaking again. “Is this about your ex?”

You were curious as to why he asked about Tony when the conversation had nothing to do with him. “Why do you ask me that?”

“Because it always seems to be.” He came to stand directly before you, now more sure of himself. 

You could admit your tone of voice changed as you said your next line. “Well it’s not.”

“When are you gonna get over him?” Finn asked, ignoring your words as well as ignoring the defensive tone they were laced in. 

“I am over him.” He made you feel small, so you straightened your posture to appear more intimidating, a sharp scowl now decorating your face. 

“No you’re not. You’re still depressed about him.” He sounded a bit annoyed now. 

“I wouldn’t say I’m depressed…” You cooed, trailing off a bit with your thoughts. Am I depressed? And if I am, do I really wear it for the world to see?

Worry etched itself into your expression, which made Finn say, “You’re too young for this. And you’re too beautiful. You shouldn’t be worried about a guy who isn’t even here.” Finn stated. You thought that what he was saying wasn’t fair, because he didn’t even know the full story. “I can help you get over him.”

He made you blink rapidly at his words. “Woah Finn,” Finn continued his case. 

“Just let me take your mind off of him. I promise i’ll be worth it.” he was always forward, but never this forward. 

“Finn stop.” He was now closer to you, cornering you between himself and his wall. His office felt much smaller now. 

“I like you Y/N, and not just as a friend.” He was now just a breath away, so you threw your arms in between the two of you, only for him to lightly grip your wrists. 

“Finn—” You were cut off by his lips, as they stole a soft kiss from yours. You immediately broke the connection by looking down, brushing the area he just touched with your fingertips. Finn looked at you expectantly, face flushing as he realized what he just did. He dropped his hands from their positions on your wrists and stepped back.

“Y/N, I-I’m so, sorr—”

“I’m late for my other job now. I’ll see you Monday.” You hurried out, as you circled around him to leave the room before he could say another word. 

ººººº

Your entire shift at your neighborhood cafe, felt like a blur.  You chose to work at a cafe for similar reasons to the ones at home: the rustle and bustle of the world made you feel calm, and like your problems were small. But now all you could think about was Finn.

He was right, you were still hung up on Tony. In your defense, five months didn’t seem like enough time for you to move on from a relationship that shifted your entire being. But they did say, to get over one man, you should get under another one. And Finn, was a man that you would have been attracted to under normal circumstances. 

He was handsome. Articulate. Cultured. Kind. He was the type of man, who could move a room just by walking in it. But he wasn’t Tony. That fact alone was how you knew you were beat. If you could pass up an amazing man, for one you couldn’t even have, then you were crazy. 

He smelled of ginger, and he tasted like cinnamon for those fleeting moments that he held you. You thought to yourself that you could do worse. You weren’t supposed to be with Tony anyway, so what was the harm in being with a man who was begging for you to use him?

The harm was, that you weren’t that kind of a girl. And you didn’t wanna hurt him. 

I am making this harder than it needs to be. You thought to yourself, as you walked into your apartment building. Your decision to go to the gallery’s opening became a hell of a lot easier, when your doorman greeted you with a package. You hesitantly thanked him and took the elegant box, before walking up to your flat. 

Setting it down on your counter to rid it of its satin pink bow, you freed the top cover and unraveled the tissue paper. Underneath all of the wrapping was a sparkly rose gold material. You pulled it out to reveal a ball gown, that looked as if it was made specifically with a princess in mind. The puffy skirt of the gown had a large slit in it and it was made of a sheer, almost see-through fabric. Glitter ran throughout the entire dress, but where it was most prominent was the bodice. The straps were off the shoulder, and they connected to a deep plunge a few inches below the neckline. It was beautiful.

Your first thought was to anger. The dress looked like it cost him a fortune.  You felt obligated to thank him, but you were also mad that he spent money on you as a form of apology. You hated when people just gave you things. It instantly made you feel like a burden.

But then your second thought was one of guilt. Leaving him so quickly, must of made him feel terrible, and that fact helped you swallow your anger. He really liked you, and you could at least show up to the gallery to support him. After all, you were still friends. 

You just silently prayed you wouldn’t regret going. 

      ººººº

Cool air nipped at your bear arms and chest as you made your way through the night. The wind caused cold tears to fall from your eyes, and your fingers felt like icicles. You knew it would be cold tonight as winter transitioned into spring, but you didn’t anticipate it this much. You didn’t have a proper shawl to sit across your shoulders that matched your dress, so you sucked it up and power-walked to the gallery.  It definitely felt nice to step into the building’s warm and inviting embrace.You instantly felt your cheeks warm up as you stood in the middle of the entryway.

The event was in full swing by the time you arrived. You were instantly surrounded by laughter, and chatter, as rich people debated amongst themselves about the intent of certain pieces of art. Beautiful melodies filled the air, as classical music played softly in the background. The ambience was warm despite the cold night air peering through the high glass ceilings. You thought it was nice, how even though the building was so well lit, you could still make out the faint glow of stars above you. 

Being an observant person who could easily meld into the background, you thought the sight before you was beautiful, and you immediately felt regret grow smaller in the pit of your stomach. 

You searched the crowd, trying to seek out Finn and thank him for urging you to come, as well as for the dress. You found him at the top of a balcony, chatting up one of his guests. You swallowed your uneasiness as you made it up in your mind to confront his and your feelings. Maybe I could give him a try because he really is a nice guy. That was your train of thought as you made your way up to him. I could learn to love him. You thought. If it doesn’t work out, I still have home in just a month. 

As you got closer, and closer to him, you thought of Tony, and immediately froze in your tracks. You felt guilty for even thinking about someone else before you were over him. You were disappointed in yourself, for your readiness to use one man, in order to get over another one.

You were about to turn around and forget about the entire event, before Finn caught your gaze. He stopped his chat with the man in front of him and excused himself to walk over to you. 

You looked like a gapping fish out of water as he approached you. Finn was always so well put together. Seeing him in a tux, only made him appear more intimidating. He somehow made you, with your dress, naturally done makeup, and beautifully pinned up hair, feel small. Little did you know, he felt smaller.  

“Y/N” He started, almost at a loss for words. “You look beautiful.”

To save face you forced yourself to speak, opting for the playful banter he had come to love. “Why are you acting so surprised?”  You sheepishly smirked. 

“Well I didn’t think you were coming.” He beamed. He was relieved to know you weren’t still mad at him.

“I couldn’t just waste this.” You said referring to your dress, grabbing a fistful in each hand to lift it and emphasize your point. 

Finn bought his eyes over you, basking in your beauty. “You look darling in that. But I thought you said you didn’t have anything to wear.”

You furrowed your brows at his words, smile faltering. “I didn’t, until you—”

“Finn! Over here darling, I want you to meet someone.” His mother called to him in english, gesturing to a well-dressed attractive woman. 

“Okay.” He replied to her before bringing his attention back to you. “Stay right here. Don’t move I mean it.” He floated off, abandoning you and your confusion.

Why was he acting so oblivious? 

You felt moments pass as Finn worked himself around the room. You watched him as he drifted from person to person, seemingly forgetting about you. He was in his element, and you were happy to see him happy. 

Leaving him to do his own thing, you walked down the stairs deciding to occupy yourself by people watching. That was when your emotions began to overwhelm you again. You leaned against a wall, newfound glass of wine in hand, trying to drown out the noise around you. Everything seemed to remind you of Tony Stark. The rich men in their suits. The stimulating discussions. Even the drink between your fingers, reminded you of him. Now too encapsulated with your thoughts once again, you turned to the wall behind you, immersing yourself into the art. The sad girl in the painting, derided you, as you met her eyes. She was pretty, and like you she felt alone. At least we can be lonely together you thought, scoffing at the idea. 

“Why that frown, everyone in here knows you’re prettier than her.” Your heart sank, as you turned to the side meeting the face of the familiar voice. 

“Tony?” You exhaled, blinking rapidly as if your eyes were playing tricks on you.

“In the flesh.” He smirked down at you. You threw yourself into his open arms, as he wrapped himself around you. You felt him kiss the top of your head, then your temple, as you inhaled his scent; it had been such a long time since you had even done that. Your drink spilled on the floor behind you, and the look of shock you received from a nearby stranger made you feel deranged. It didn’t matter, how crazy you looked, Tony was here and that was all you could care about. 

Pulling back from his embrace, you felt your words form at the back of your throat unable to bring them out. “What are you doing here?” You managed to ask. 

“You know I could ask you the same. Berlin? Was all that French I taught you, for nothing?” He joked, holding you in place. 

You were becoming blurry-eyed. You terribly missed his wittiness. “How did you find me?” Though you were happy, you couldn’t help the tears that streamed down your face. 

Tony wiped them away with the pads of his thumb, “First. Dance with me.” He reached a hand between the two of you, willing you to take it. 

“This isn’t that kind of an event Tony.” You chuckled.

“Who cares? I need to hold you.” His words made you tear up again. You soon became a sobbing mess, and those around you shot him dirty looks for making you cry. 

“Princess.” Tony cooed, sending apologetic nods to random people as he tried to comfort you. “You’re making a scene.” 

You ignored him, and kept silently whimpering, gradually growing a bit louder, as your face contorted further into a frown. “You’ll ruin your makeup.” 

Still crying you began dry-heaving as you chocked between sobs. “Alles ist gut.” Tony assured strangers, informing them that all was well. 

“You know German?” You squeaked between sobs.

“When I found out you were in Germany, I learned a bit on the plane ride here.” He grabbed a napkin from a passing by waiter, as he told you this. 

“So you learned German for me?” You sobbed louder, causing more people to look over.

“Y/N, baby please stop crying.” Tony pleaded. “Please stop."

You sniffled and began wiping your eyes, smearing your mascara in the process. He used his napkin to wipe away the excess mess on your face. “Now can we please try this again?” He asked holding his hand out. You took it, and he lead you to the center of the room. 

Now the attention was as a result of the spectacle in front of them. First a girl practically pours her expensive wine on the ground. Then starts crying. And now she and her beaux are dancing in the middle of the gallery. How unhinged you must of looked in the eyes of a stranger. 

Tony couldn’t be more in love with you. He held you close, one hand clasped with yours, the other resting on your lower back as he gazed into your eyes, mesmerized by your existence. You two swayed back and forth, ignoring the judgmental stares and whispers. Eventually others gained the courage to join in, inspired by the silly Americans of the room. 

He broke the comfortable silence first. “I see you like the dress. You make it look beautiful.”

“You bought this for me?” You exclaimed smiling. It made sense now, how else would the measurements be so perfect?

“Of course I did. Who else would?” He asked with a single raised brow, his signature “you better tell me, or you’re in trouble” expression.

“Mmh, hmm, Mmh.” You mumbled shrugging your shoulders upwards. Of course that was a lie, but you would tell him later. 

He decided to address your lie later as well. He changed the subject for now. “So why Berlin? Why not London, or Italy? Italy was you second choice, you loved Italy!”  

You giggled at the amount of times he said Italy. He bathed in the sound. “Germany was the first place Pepper could arrange on such short notice. Besides, we thought you would never think of looking here.”

“I would search the ends of the universe for you.” He said, face and tone all of a sudden serious. You inspected him for a minute, heat rising to your cheeks, before you both cracked a smile. 

“You’re so fucking cheesy.” You laughed. 

“I thought you loved it when I act cheesy.” He expressed, mocking fake hurt. 

You smiled and kissed his chin, ignoring his dramatics, opting to be enveloped by the silence. You were calmed as he rocked you in his arms, pulling you as close as he could. His large warm hand on your exposed lower back felt like home. You two fit together like puzzle pieces, and you were happier now than you were the first time you kissed. Now you weren’t in secret. You were out in the open, as you experienced a new first in your relationship. 

You broke the silence this time, as you laid your head on his chest. “So how did you find me?”

“Tonysbitch99 Y/N? Come on, I’m a fucking genius, and I’m not exaggerating.  Your last tweet led me here”

Your head shot up so you could question him. “Wait. So you went out on a fucking whim?”

He laughed at your outburst. "Well actually a blue-haired girl encouraged me to check your twitter account. I found your hidden one on your old phone. That led me to your apartment.”

“Nao.” You said in a low menacing tone. You had some words for her as soon as you got back home. But when you thought of home, your mind wandered back to the obstacles in your way. Being so happy to see him, you forgot about Edward. “Tony” You sighed. “You can’t be here. Edward will find out. And you could lose everything you worked for. Your dreams have to mean something to you.”

“They do. You’re one of them Y/N.” He always had a way with words, and just as you were about to protest he cut you off. “I won’t go into details about it, but everything is fine. You can even contact both Edward and Pepper if you don’t believe me.” 

You believed him. The fact that he involved Pepper’s name encouraged you to. “Enough  about me though. You seem to have been keeping yourself busy.” He whispered against the shell of your ear.

“What do you mean?” You asked, flustered by his action. He suddenly, but slowly dipped you so that you could focus on where his line of sight was. Your eyes met Finn, who was busying himself with guests, as well as stealing glances at the two of you. As you focused on him, Tony peppered kisses along the heart of your exposed bosom. The gesture forced you to shoot up out of embarrassment. You knew he was marking his territory, but you immediately scolded him. 

“Who is he?” He asked you, ignoring your tiny hits and reprimands. Once you calmed down, you told him about Finn.  “He hasn’t taken his eyes off of us, or should I say you, since my being here.”

You averted your gaze from Tony, and he immediately knew you were hiding something from him. He pestered you, until you told him about Finn’s crush, as well as the shared kiss. By the end of it all, he was sending death glares his way.

“You should introduce us.” Tony suggested, gravitating towards Finn, before you held him taught. 

“Calm yourself.”

“What did you say his name was again? Finn?” He asked, but he already knew the answer to his own question. “Finn. Finn. Finn.” He repeats, as if the name felt like a bad aftertaste on his tongue. “You know what? I like it. No, I really do, it fits him, because he looks like a fucking fish.” He spat.

You grinned and asked, “You’re not jealous are you Tony?”

“And what would I have to be jealous of? Did you not hear me say fish?” He questioned. 

“He’s a sweetheart. Come on, let me introduce you.” You were about to take his hand to meet Finn, but were surprised to see that he was already making his way over to the two of you. 

“Y/N, who might this be?” Finn asked reaching out to shake his hand. He knew who Tony was, most people did, but this was Finn’s way of acting as if he himself was more important. 

“Tony Stark” Tony interjected, acknowledging the outreached hand, but blatantly refusing to shake it. 

  Finn dropped his hand, before speaking again, smile now twitching. “Nice to meet you Mr. Stark. I’m Finn Schmidt.”

“Well that’s rather unfortunate.” Tony mumbled, loud enough for the both of you to hear. 

“Tony!” You chided, slapping his arm. 

“What?!” Tony cried. “You heard him say his last name was Shit, right?”

“He said Schmidt.” He knew that. Tony ignored the glare on your face that demanded he apologize.

The sound of laughter rang in your ears, as you both snapped your necks towards it. Finn must of  thought he was funny. “Y/N, your grandfather is hilarious.” Finn said, now deadpanning at Tony. 

Tony looked down at his hands, then at your brown ones, then back up to question the handsome boy. “Do I look like her fuc—”

“You’re right Finn. My boyfriend is pretty funny.” You say, examining his face with a small smile. Your comment shocked both him and Tony. He was happy that you could finally call him that. 

“Now,” you continued. “I’m a bit tired from these past few weeks. I think I’m going to call it a night. Enjoy your evening Finn. I’ll see you Monday.” You smiled, as you tugged Tony away.

“Goodnight Fish Shit,” Tony smirked over his shoulder, as you dragged him towards the door.  

“It’s Finn Schmidt, you idiot.” You corrected, sending an apologetic nod back to your friend. 

“What did I say?”

ººººº

Pushing the door open to your apartment, you unstrapped your shoes to place them next to the door, urging Tony to do the same. You threw your keys in a dish, and turned to him to whisper your intentions to go and slip into something more comfortable. He stared at you with a small smile as his response, dark eyes searching yours, while his remained unreadable. The dim light from the kitchen, illuminated his face, making it look intimidatingly beautiful. Or was hauntingly the word?

You suddenly felt nervous, realizing that this was the first time in months since you had been alone together. Handing him back the coat he let you borrow for the walk here,  you cleared your throat, and averted your gaze before excusing yourself from the room. Tony relished in the fact that he had reverted you back to your first stage of innocence. 

Upon your exit, he took a slow stroll around the room. He was careful to take in all that he had missed. Curious of how much you had changed, and how much you stayed the same. 

Accents of your favorite color were spread throughout the room. You had an open kitchen, and the living room was right across from it. They were both tidied to perfection. You had sleek wooden floors, that looked like they had never been stepped on. Furniture, that looked like it had never been sat on. A stove, that looked like it had never been turned on. Your place was nice, but he could tell you were rarely home. 

The walk here, you told him of your job on top of your internship, and school.You didn’t complain about it. In fact, you appreciated the chaos, and constant busyness. But he hated that you worked like a dog just to make ends meet. There was now all this time he would have to make up for, by spoiling you. 

He bent over to examine the books on your shelves. Some were new. Some that he had suggested. But what he searched for were the ones you would spend your summers rereading, as if the words would leave the page; desperate to memorize every letter. 

He moved on, now curious about your smart TV. What new shows were you watching? Did you still love the ones he remembered to be your favorite, or did new ones take their place? 

He picked up the candle on your coffee table. The scent of honeysuckle assaulted his senses. It was much different from your usual vanilla. He sat it down to continue his journey to your kitchen. 

He raided your pantry, your cupboards, and your fridge to see if you had been taking care of yourself. The contents were scarce, and he had to remind himself to scold you later.

“Are you hungry?” You asked smiling, grasping the hallway’s entry frame. You were wearing an oversized ash gray shirt whose front was tucked into a pair of frilly pink shorts. Your previously pinned hair now fallen was framing your cheeks, as stray pieces were pushed behind your ears. You removed all of your ruined makeup, and the result left a sheen of dew on the surface of your skin. If he thought you looked surreal at the gallery, ethereal was the word he’d use now due to your natural glowing state. 

“Yes” He replied. But he was getting full off of your appearance alone. There was no need for useless human sustenance. The way you looked was enough. 

You came into full view, grabbing a glass from your cupboards to pour yourself some water. “Well I’m afraid you’re not gonna find anything here.” You took a sip, offering him some. “But it’s not too late. There are still restaurants open.”

He reached for the glass in your hand, but instead of taking it, he placed his hand over yours to make you feed him sips of water. He eyed you over the rim of the glass before setting it down to say, “I’m full now.”

You swallowed hard, walking to sit on a stool on the other side of the island. Tony fell backwards directly in front of you, letting the cabinets behind him catch him. He drank you in with his eyes, as you felt yourself shrinking under his scrutiny.

“What?” You questioned, shy from his gaze. He said nothing, and just watched you. 

After a moment of playing the staring game, you tried to break the silence again. You looked down at the shirt you were wearing to spark a conversation. “I’m sorry I stole your shirt. I needed something to remind me of you. I hope you didn’t miss it too much.”

“The only thing that I missed, was you.” He said after minutes of deafening silence. Is he mad?

Looking down out of guilt you told him, “Well I’m here now. Tell me how you’ve been.”

He felt like your question was a loaded one. Not once did he think about himself while you were gone. He was constantly thinking of you. I’ve been lost. He wanted to say. I’ve been hopeless. I felt helpless not knowing where you were. Not knowing if you were okay. So many things were on the tip of his tongue, but instead he settled for “Let’s just say, I’ve missed you.” 

“That’s not what I asked.” You were genuinely curious about how his life was without you. But Tony looked like he didn’t want to explore the subject further. 

“That’s how I feel.” He declared, drifting slowly towards you. 

You decided to continue talking in order to fill the awkwardness. “Well its obviously how I feel too, but I wanna know how you’ve been holding up.” You ignored his sudden closeness. “Could you at least tell me how every one is? You mentioned Nao had blue hair? It was pink when we met.” Tony stood silent by your side as you asked your questions. “How’s Samuel? And Pepper?”As you rambled on and on, he traveled behind your stool, placing his hands on the chairs bars. His scent began to envelope you, and thats when your rambles became incoherent. If you weren’t already nervous before, you definitely were now. 

He picked up on it, like he usually does, and asked  “Am I making you uncomfortable?” in a hushed tone. You felt his breath fan the back of your neck, goosebumps formed on the little parts that were exposed. Your thighs clenched together, as you were suddenly turned on by how he made you feel both small and secure at the same time. 

He grabbed your chin, lifting your neck upwards and to the side, just before he placed a soft kiss on your lips, the first kiss since your reunion. It was so soft, you felt that he was afraid you might break; or as if you were only a part to a vivid dream. Deepening his touch, he let the fingers that were lifting your chin,  trail down the line of your neck. Soft fingertips brushed against your skin, until they collectively found a loose position around your throat. He let his thumb explore your jaw, while his tongue explored your mouth. Soft lips quickly turned into rough ones, as they fought to release every frustration and emotion he felt for the past five months.

When he pulled away, he had the nerve to place a chaste kiss on your cheek, as if he hadn’t just tongue-fucked your face a moment ago. “Sorry.” He apologized, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.” He then walked back to his position by the counter, as if nothing happened, turned to you and asked “So what was your question again?” Innocence and genuine curiosity etched his features, like the lust, from a moment ago, never existed. 

Quickly overcoming your fit of fluster, you hesitantly stood to your feet. Tony never took his almond brown eyes off of you, as you seductively sauntered over to him. You had an idea. It was one you rarely thought of. One you never acted on; but if your time in Germany taught you something, it was to go for what you wanted. 

Now standing directly in front of him, doe eyes boring into his, he shut them as you placed your hands against his chest, leaning in for a kiss. Much like his, it was soft. A feather like touch against his mouth. You barely pulled back to whisper, “follow me” against his lips. His eyes fluttered open just in time to see you retreating down the hall. 

It was now his turn to become flustered, as he felt himself growing hot. He gave himself a moment to cool down, before taking his time walking down the hallway. As he poked his head in every room, just before he came to the last one, he found you sitting comfortably on your bed, stripped down to nothing but your bra and panties. Your elbows were propped up holding your weight, and your leg was crossed against your other as you patiently waited for him to enter the room. Your head was tilted as a seductive smile played on your features. 

Tony returned the expression, and he was about to dive into you, until you raised your hand to halt his actions. “Take off your shirt.” You ordered.

“Excuse me?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing in amusement. 

“You heard me.” You dared. Though your tone was soft, he knew you meant business. He searched your eyes for a moment, not finding his usual hint of submissiveness. So he decided to humor you. He leisurely unbuttoned his cuffs, glancing up at you every now and then. Then he took his time loosening his bowtie, dragging it off of his collar. He went painfully slow as he unbuttoned his bib, leering in your direction as he did so. Making you wait is what would usually break your spirit, and it was his favorite game. But you had learned patience while in Germany, so tonight was your night. You uncrossed your legs and raised to your feet, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt to roughly pull him into a kiss. This one was more feverish than the one shared in your kitchen, and it caught him by surprise since he was usually the one to take control. 

You switched your standing positions with him so that you were now the one facing the bed. As you deepened your kiss, he got pushed further back, until his knees collided with the mattress. You stood between his legs surveying his cherry swollen lips, before you reconnected your mouthes.

You laced your fingers in his hair, breaking your kiss, to harshly tug his head upwards. The guttural groan that escaped his throat, left an ache between your legs, while liquid pooled to the center of your panties. 

With the newly exposed skin of his neck, you stuck your tongue out to lick a slow stripe from his adam’s apple to his jaw, eliciting a string of curses from Tony. You then placed wet kisses down from there to his abs, kneeling to face his crotch. 

The prominent bulge, made your eyes widen with anticipation, and mouth salivate from thirst. You fell to your knees, licking your lips, fingers now fumbling with the buckle of his belt. Tony grasped your chin, lifting it to meet your eyes. “Y/N, I don’t want you to think you have to do this.”

You smiled at him, assuring him that you wanted to, kissing his fingers before going back to your previous tasks. He tensed up when you placed your hand on his thigh, just as the other worked to release his cock. The veiny appendage sprung free, and its size still intimidated you as you struggled to fit it in your tiny hands. Still, you were determined to make him feel good. 

You wrapped your hand around it, holding his drunken gaze, before stroking him up and down. You placed chaste kisses along the base, until you reached his crown. When you swirled your tongue around his head, Tony’s dick bucked in your hands, and his large palm shot up to tangle in your hair, urging you to suck. You swatted his hands away, and fixed him with a stare, silently telling him you’d stop if he didn’t let you have this. When confident that he learned his place, you wrapped your lips around his tip, lowering yourself further down his shaft, twisting the parts you couldn’t fit (which was still a lot.) He was a moaning mess, when his dick hit the back of your throat. You bobbed your head up and down his length, mewling when you made him groan. The vibrations from your moans, sent jolts of electricity up his spine, and he struggled to contain himself. 

Gagging against him, you shot back gasping for air, only a string of spit connecting you. After six more motions like that, Tony shot three thick ropes of cum down your throat. The sound he let out as he came, made the area between your thighs slick.

He usually spewed words of encouragement when you gave him head. “Just like that” or “Suck daddy’s cock” filled your ears as you worked him through his orgasm. But to see him come completely undone, unable to form a sentence, let alone control the situation, had you feeling more than satisfied. His head was thrown back surveying the ceiling before he bought his attention back to you. His face was a soft shade of pink, and sweat covered his forehead; it worked like glue, as pieces of disheveled hair stuck to it. “Who taught you how to do that?” He asked between breaths. 

“Finn.” You joked, but as soon as you said it, Tony grabbed your arm to yank you to your feet. He grabbed the nape of your neck to pull you closer to his face. 

“I know you’re just kidding sweetheart, but I don’t find that funny.” He rasped in a low tone. The grip he had on your  neck caused you to whimper, but you didn’t mind the sting. It only riled you up. 

You stepped back from his embrace, to undo your bra, just for him to yank you back in once it was off. He began kissing between your sternum, dangerously close to the mounds of your breasts. You chuckled at the feeling of his facial hair tickling your skin, but then your giggles turned into moans as his beard created delicious burns across your surface. He reached his hands down to your waist ridding you of your panties. Once you stepped out of them, you pushed him backwards on the bed, to crawl over him placing both thighs on each side of his. 

He bit his bottom lip at the sight of you, eyes burning with desire, and hands trailing from your thighs to your waist. You grabbed his dick, brushing it against your lips, before slowly guiding it to your entrance. As you sunk down on him, he sucked in air harshly, while you yourself let out a gasp of pain. 

“You still fit like a glove, baby.” He moaned out, glowered at you through hooded eyes. His hands tightened their grips around your waist to help you ease yourself onto him. 

A pained gasp erupted through your chest; the farther you sunk down on him, the further you stretched out. Pleasure began to burn in your loins when you met his end. You threw your head back and planted your palms against his chest,  rocking and grinding on his cock at a painfully slow pace. Your clit grazed his base as you did so, encouraging you to pick up your speed. His hands that were previously on your waist, crept up your front to fondle your breasts. You grabbed his wrists to help lift yourself up and down his shaft. 

The faster you bucked against him, the closer you came to meet your edge. He found his words of encouragement, when he heard your lusty pants of pleasure. “Such a pretty girl.” He praised. “Look at you go.” He whispered. He watched sweat form against your cupids bow, and your expression contort further into one of pleasure.

Your pace began to falter which is when he placed an arm around your back to sit the two of you up. Using the edge of the bed, he met your hips with his own, fucking into you at a new angle. His pace was faster, and more accurate than your own, which meant with each thrust he his your g-spot head on. His grunts and your pants echoed off of the walls as he sent you barreling towards your orgasm. You shut your eyes, letting the ecstasy hit, as you panted his name, over and over again. 

Letting the pleasure wash over you, you came to a complete stop, your moans sending vibrations through Tony’s chest. He didn’t stop though, his thrusts were relentless, as he tried his hardest to bury into you. “Keep going.” He ordered you. 

“I can’t daddy.” You whimpered, already fucked out, when you barely even started. 

“Yes you can.” He simply said, forcing you to sit up straight. You straddled his lap, met his eyes, and placed your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself, trying to will yourself up and down, but your hips just wouldn’t let you. By this time, he stopped completely as well, to catch his breath. 

You laid your head in the crook of his neck, defeated. “I’m sorry.” You exhaled into his skin. 

He lifted your head to cup your chin. When his eyes met yours, he pecked your lips before saying, “It’s okay princess. You did so well…but now it’s daddy’s turn.”

With that, he picked you up and wrapped your legs around him to place you at the top of the bed. He got rid of the rest of his clothes before he crawled back into bed, sinking into you again. You both let out groans at the feeling of his fullness.

Tony threw nice and slow out the window, and immediately began drilling into you. Your moans turned into deafening screams as his hips bruised your pelvis. He pried your legs open, placing quick kisses along your neck as he did so, knowing it would drive you up the wall as well as comfort you. He bit and sucked harshly along your collar bone, sending your mind into a blissful haze. Your hands shot up to his back, clawing at the flesh. You left blood in your wake, as you raked your hands down the skin. He let out a growl at the feeling, thrusting harder into you as a result. 

Your second orgasm arrived quicker than your first, but the feeling was more intense. He left you writhing, and shaking on him, as ripples of pleasure coursed through your body. Giving you a minute to collect yourself he flipped you over, before saying, “I’m not done with you yet, princess.” 

A look of alarm spread on your features, when you looked behind you to see him lining himself up yet again. “Tony I don’t think I can cum again.” You whimpered. 

“Awe, I thought you were a big girl.” He teased, smirking as revenge for earlier. While he loved the way you look on top, it obviously hurt his dominating spirit when you took his control. He leaned down, grabbing the side of your face to better access your ear. You felt his hot breath fan the side of your cheek as he whispered, “You’re gonna take all of me, until I fill you up with my cum.” Then he let you go, causing you to fall forward. 

You were so turned on it didn’t make sense. You just had three orgasms rip through you, yet your pussy was begging for more. 

He slammed into you for a final time, this position trumping them all. He gripped your hips, locking in on you, giving you no chance of escape. That didn’t mean you wouldn’t try. You climbed to the top of the bed, trying to put a bit of space between yourself and Tony’s strokes, but he just pulled you back in, fucking you harder than before. 

Tears welled up in your eyes. The intensity was becoming entirely too much. Your nipples brushed your bedsheets the harder he fucked you into them. His balls slapped against your clit, every time he met your hips. And his grunts of pleasure from using you, sent you toppling over the edge for a third time. The stimulation sending you into a convulsing fit. You squirted against him, covering his member with your sticky wet cream. Luckily for you, he followed shortly after, coating your walls with his thick white seed. 

When you collapsed, he rolled to the other side of you, both of you breathing heavier than before.  When he caught his breath, you turned over to drape your naked body onto his. 

“Was I too rough” He asked, suddenly feeling like he went overboard.

“Absolutely not.” You giggled. “Please do that to me all the time.”

He smiled in response burying his nose in your hair. The smell of coconut immediately comforting him. “I love you Y/N.” He cooed.

You lifted your head from his chest to kiss him sweetly. “I love you too, Tony.” That was the last thing you both said, before drifting off into a peaceful slumber. 

Whether your relationship lasted a lifetime, or ended in a year, in this moment you were happy. Happy that you no longer had to hide from the world. Happy that he was finally in your arms again. Happy to want someone, who wanted you even more. 

Happy to exist at the same time as him. 

A/N: Please do not repost my work as your own. Comments, likes, and reblogs are encouraged. I love you all, and really hope you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading :)

[noxleyfin]

Marvel Imagine: School Is Hell

Avengers x 15-Year-Old (F) Reader (School Is Hell)

→ a/n: I don’t know any of the actors personally nor do I own them or their characters. What’s written below is fiction and should be thought of and treated as such. I am essentially using them as a name-claim and face-claim. I’m creating my own character and using the actors as background characters, and just using their name and features for details. I do not directly associate the actors with any ideas used in my writing. This writing is to be used for entertainment and fictional purposes only. → summary: when stupid flash goes too far,, Peter and the Avengers have a new mission; to make you feel better → warnings: idiot Flash, bullying, language, comforting bois Peter and Bucky, bad writing → word count: 1.8k → completion: done → (Y/N) - Your Name

2rd Person POV

“Hey, Bitch!” The ever-annoying voice of Flash Thompson echoed through the hallway, reaching your ears immediately. 

Conversations stopped as Flash sauntered through the crowd like he owned the place, though, to him, he probably did. Flash was your typical elementary bully; he thought he was better than everybody because he and his parents were very affluent, and he liked to flaunt it. His mouth is always full of dumb insults he and his cronies think are so hilarious and he has different names ones for everyone. ‘Bitch,’ ‘Whore,’ and ‘Skank’ are his personal favorites for saved just for you.

He was convinced a while back that just because you said you had an internship at Stark Industries once, you were either lying to seem cool, or you were paying or having sex with one (or all) of the avengers. To any sane person, it would seem man, but to Flash, it was simple and you were the biggest slut in the school. 

“So, (Y/N)...hang out with any avengers recently?” Flash taunted but you only stared at him. “Which one did you have last night, hmm? Maybe it was Captain America or could it have been The Winter Soldier? Or maybe you had them both at the same time!”

Okay, that was too far, even for Flash. For one, you were a minor, and second, Steve and Bucky were like your uncles. Hell, you even call them ‘Uncle Steve’ and ‘Uncle Buck.’ 

Usually, you didn’t let Flash and his comments get to you but you were already having a bad day and Flash’s conspiracy theories’ weren’t helping any.

“Just leave me alone, Flash.” You went to walk around him but he just pushed you back into the lockers, causing a grunt of pain to fall from your mouth at the force.

“Just another question, Skank. Did you or did you not have sex with the avengers?” He asked once again. 

You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief, “You really are stupid, aren’t you, Flash?” Some people laughed at that. “No. FOr the last time, I am not having sex with Captain America or The Winter Soldier, or any of the avengers for that matter! I’m their assistant for god’s sake! Get it through your thick skull!” 

You were practically shaking by the time you finished ranting, you just couldn’t believe Flash was that thickheaded.

. You tried to walk past him again but he went harder the second time around. H walked away laughing while you did your best to cradle your bloody nose and blackening eye. A string of unsavory words escaped your mouth when you felt the blood seep through your fingers but no one paid you much attention. Every person in school is always up for watching the fights that take place but when it comes to after, they ran like scared mice. You were just glad Peter wasn’t there to see. 

“(Y/N), oh my god. Are you okay?”

Speak of the devil.

His face was full of worry as he handed you tissue after tissue, and held a wet tissue to your eye, all the while you tried to fight him off.

Peter was what you’d call an overprotective older brother friend. He also had an internship at Stark Industries and you were one of the few people he entrusted with his secret identity, leading you two to become very close. You were still a bit younger than him so when you met, he immediately became like an older brother to you.

“Pete, calm down. I’ll be okay.” You tried to reassure him but he wasn’t taking any of it. 

“I just wish I could go all Spiderman on him,” he responded with a sigh, making you smile sadly. 

“I know, Pete. I think I’m just gonna head home for the day. Get me the work, will you?” Before he could object, you walked out the doors. 

He felt defeated but couldn’t dwell on it long before Ned approached him from behind to lead him to their first class. 

10 hours later

Peter was on a mission, and the first step was making sure you were nowhere near him for the next hour or two, for good reason…he promises.

He entered the tower at exactly 5:30 and, after waving to the secretary Kayla, headed to the main elevator and went up to the common room. Luckily for him, all the avengers were there, and even luckier, you were nowhere to be seen. The beeping of the elevator caused the avengers to turn around, and see Peter. They frowned, however, when they saw his face. Normally, Peter would be smiling and barely able to stand still for more than a minute at a time., but today he was completely stoic and ignoring everyone’s greetings. He marched right past Same who was attempting to give him a high five and stood in the middle of the room.

“I need your help.” He said simply, startling the others. Peter Parker is not one to ask for help.

“Whatever is the matter, Son of Spiders?” Thor asked the teen. 

Peter took a deep breath, “It’s about (Y/N).”

At your name, the others tensed. You were like a daughter to most of the team, and a sister to Pietro and Wanda. If anything happened to your family, they would not hesitate to take you in, but if something had happened to you personally, well it would probably involve some kind of violence from the assassins. Different scenarios were running through everyone’s heads but Pietro was the one who spoke for the rest. 

“Vhat is wrong with (Y/N)?” 

Peter sighed once again, muttering something remarkably similar to “Lord, give me strength,” before explaining, “This kid named Flash has been harassing (Y/N)-,’

He was cut off by Rhodey. “Wait, harassing her how?”

“Today he got in her face saying things like she is…well having sex with you guys to keep her job. She tried to walk away but he punched her a few times.”

Silence followed his words. It was like someone had taken the oxygen right out of the room because none of the avengers felt like they could breathe. They were all in total shock. You were like a part of the big family and they would always admit that, they were extremely protective of you. 

Bucky was the first to speak, “Where does he live?” His voice was full of venom, you didn’t have to look close to see the veins popping out of his neck. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but for once I agree with the Tin Man.” Tony pointed out, ignoring Bucky’s annoyed glare pointed at him. 

Natasha was next. Peter had to do a double-take when he saw her fiddling with a set of throwing knives. “Where is (Y/N)? She didn’t show up for work yet.” She asked.

“She left school early so I’m not-,” Peter was cut off by the sound of the elevator arriving at the floor. 

Looking over for the second time in the past half hour, everyone saw you walk out the small room, head down as if you were ashamed. They see you visibly take a breath before raising your head revealing your state. 

Gasps were heard as well as a few curses from Bucky and Natasha, Bruse even let out a low growl. 

Steve stood up from his chair and approached you before anyone else had the chance to, “Hey, (Y/N). Why don’t you sit down for a while while I grab you an ice pack.” He offered but it sounded more like a demand. Still, you shook your head.

“I’m okay, Steve. Just a bit roughed up.”

Tony scoffed at that. “C’mon, (Y/N), you look like you just went two rounds with a tornado. Have a seat.” Tony patted the back of the chair for added effect but you shook your head once again.

“For real guys, I’m okay. I’m just gonna head up to the roof for a little bit, okay?” You tried to smile but they could tell it was forced. Heading  back towards the elevator, you were internally grateful to be out of that situation fast. 

When you were gone, Peter spoke up, unsureness and worry undermining his words, “Should ..?”

But Bucky cut him off before he could finish, “Nah, I got this. Relax, Kid, she’ll be fine.” He said and giving a nod to his best friend, made his own way to the elevator, requesting Friday to bring him to the roof.

When he arrived, the super-soldier saw your hunched form on the edge of one of the law couches Tony insisted be there (despite the fact that no one even went up there normally).

“Alright there, Doll?” He asked when you didn’t seem to notice him.

You didn’t answer.

Bucky sighed and sat next to you, “Peter told us what’s been going on. Who is this kid...Flash? Pretty dumb name if you ask me.”

This time you shrugged. “He just hates me because I work here and he doesn’t. I just don’t fit in there.” Your tone was sad as you spoke and Bucky could tell.

“I know what it's like to not fit in, Doll. I probably know it better than anyone." 

"Now hold on. Don't be narcissistic."

Bucky let out a boisterous laugh that you couldn’t help but giggle along to. In no time you two were laughing and throwing playful insults back and forth. Bucky even threw in a noogie at one point. 

“Feel better, Kid?” Bucky asked once silence settled between them.

“Yeah. Thanks for this, Uncle Buck.” You leaned into your surrogate uncle’s open arm and cuddled into the side of his chest, trying not to show yourself shivering. 

“It’s cold up here. Wanna head to bed now?”

“In a minute.”

While you said only a minute, the two of you stayed up on the roof all night watching the sunrise replace the stars in the sky as the morning dew appeared on the nearby plants by the seating area. Bucky would be lying if he said he had seen something prettier because, at that moment, he was thankful to whoever was up above for this young girl next to him; and while he didn’t completely understand what you were going through at the moment, he understood what it was like to not fit in. You reminded him a whole lot of his kid sister, Rebecca, from before the war. She was always so spunky and didn’t take any crap from anyone, just like you. 

Hearing soft snores, he glanced over and saw you asleep on his left shoulder. He chuckled lowly and stood up carefully, plucking you from the couch and carrying you in his arms to the elevator. When Friday took him to your floor, he let the AI open the door for him; he set you down on your bed gently, but when he went to leave, a hand reached out and gripped his wrist. 

“Stay...please?” You asked sleepily. 

Bucky smiled. “Course, Doll.” He laid on top of the covers and allowed you to cuddle up to his metal arm.

[g-on-ef]

So many Tears throughout The year

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A/N as promised here's chapter 4 of So many tears throughout the year ^^

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Shinya was a coward, he was not afraid to admit that; nor was he afraid to call himself that. Instead of confronting Guren he ran, like a dog between his legs. It bugged him that he didn’t have the courage to yell at the prime alpha or to put him in his place.

Instead of speaking his mind and tearing Guren a new one he ran. All because he did not want to be near him. As he lay in bed he couldn’t help but be thankful towards Erwin and Fried for forcing Guren and his friend to leave the club.

Erwin assured him that he will not be coming to the club ever again. Shinya asked if it was okay to not go to work for the next week, just to be on the safe side.

Erwin agreed and told him he could take all the time he wanted he would still be paid and no money would be deducted from his check.

Shinya was happy about that and left home. Crowley and Erwin of course escorted him home; making sure that Guren wasn’t anywhere near the club to follow him back to his home.

Once he made it there safe he laid on his bed and thought about what happened.

Shinya didn’t know what to do, with the knowledge of Guren here he needed to be careful, he had to make sure that Guren and his kids never cross the same path.

Taking a deep breath, he decided to let himself sleep and try as hard as he could to not think about the Prime Alpha.

To bad his mind had other ideas, memories of both him and Guren filled his head. Memories of their time together, the promises they made to one another and of course the first time they had sex together.

Shinya tossed and turned on his couch, sleep will not come easy to him.

The next morning found Shinya making a simple breakfast, that is if chocolate chip pancakes, French toast, with ham and cheese omelets, sausage links, crispy bacon, fruit salad, cheese biscuits, apple sauce with a side of hash browns consider a simple breakfast.

Last night was a disaster, no matter how hard he tried he just could not sleep. Images of Guren filled his mind and once his head started to reminisce on Guren’s naked body Shinya gave up on sleep, once 6 o’clock hit Shinya decided to get up and make breakfast.

Aside from dancing, cooking was one of the things that was able to relax him and whenever he was stressed he would cook and he may or may not go overboard but hey no knew that when he was stressed he over cooked.

“Rough day at work?”

a sweet voice said, startled he dropped his spatula, turning around he couldn’t help but cooed as he saw his baby girl dressed in a white turtle neck shirt with the sleeves stopping right below her elbows, high waist black trousers, with some sandals on her feet. Her hair was done in a simple bum showing off her beautiful blue eyes.



She looked so beautiful that Shinya couldn’t help but walk over to her and wrap his arms around her and give scent mark her.

Zoe giggled as she returned the hug and did the same.

“You look beautiful darling,”

Zoe smiled as father and daughter pulled back.

“Thank you papa, but you didn’t answer my question,” her soft smiled turned into a look of worry as she looked at the table.

“Did something bad happened?”

Okay so maybe someone did know that he over cooked he was stressed.

“Whoa, did something happen at work?”

Make that two someones as Eren came down and saw the huge buffet before him.

“Umm…well…”

“Who do we need to kill?” Yuu said as he grabbed a sausage link and began to eat it.

Okay so all three of his children knew when he was stressed, he over cooked, so much for keeping it a secret.

Taking a deep breath Shinya spread his arms open and all his kids ran into them. He hugged them as tight as he could.

If Guren found out about them…he would try and take them, if Tenri found out…he didn’t want to think about it, the kids were still 15, which meant that legally Guren could come and take them away from him. Hell, even Tenri could do it since technically he was Shinya’s legal guardian.

No, he would not let that happen, his children would never know their father (or sperm donor as his kids refer him as) was in town, besides for all Shinya knew he was only here for the wedding and then he would leave never to return again.

After all, why he would concern himself with a slutty omega when he had a pure one waiting for him.

“Papa, food is burning,” the scent of burning bread filled his nose as he turned to see the bagels burning.

Grabbing his spatula, he pulled all eight pieces off the pan and placed them on the plate and opened the window that was right above the sink.

All three kids looked at him before laughing at their papa.

Shinya turned and saw his kids laughing freely and over all being happy. He could not help but smile as he took in the sight.

He smiled and just enjoyed the joyful sound that filled his kitchen.

After their laughter died down Shinya told them that there was nothing wrong and he was just excited for his little girl and wanted to make sure she had a healthy breakfast.

The brothers looked at their little sister and smiled, they too were proud of her but their alphas wanted to make sure that the youngest member of their pack was safe so they each gave her both a mini taser and pepper spray in case she ever need to use it.

Shinya tired hard not to look upset, Guren was the same way, he would always give the omega something so that he could defend himself in case any alphas or betas with ill intentions would try and harm him.

He always ignored the nagging voice in his head that would always remind him how Yuu and Eren were exactly like Guren and not just in looks either.

Taking a deep breath, he served his kids some vanilla flavor coffee and handed it to each of them. The kids thanked him as they drank it and began to eat their food.

After cleaning the kitchen Shinya gave Zoe two containers, one for Levi to make sure he ate something and another for Zoe for her lunch. Zoe gave her father and Yuu a kiss on the cheek since it was time for her to go, Eren grabbed her bag as the two headed towards the door.

Eren had asked Levi if he could give Zoe a ride to her internship since his aunt worked there not to mention he had to go into work.

Mr. Hover wanted all his models there as he had to talk them about something important.

Levi of course said yes, and since he was always punctual, they knew the alpha would be waiting for them after breakfast, sure enough there was the alpha parked on the side of their house.

Both siblings walked over to him greeting him Zoe gave him the container of food while Eren gave him a kiss good morning.

The drive to her internship was filled with some Kpop song that Zoe begged Levi to play, the alpha would have said no but Eren also begged him.

And most of the times whatever Eren asked he got, especially since he never asked for much.

They pulled up at the building and stopped at the side of the road.

Eren turned and looked at Zoe with a serious expression.

“It anyone…and I mean anyone touches you, harasses you, belittles you, or makes you shed one single tear, tell me and I’ll kick their asses.

“Eren,” the omega whined.

“Don’t ‘Eren’ me little omega, if anyone makes you uncomfortable tell me or Yuu before you tell anyone else,”

Zoe nodded her head, ever since the incident with their papa at his work happened Yuu and Eren have become extremely overprotective with Zoe.

It got so bad that they would not let her be alone with her boyfriend even though Koji has been nothing but respectful towards Zoe and never pressured her to do anything that made her feel pressure or uncomfortable.

“Good, be safe okay,” he then pulled out his phone and handed it to her.

Zoe took it and placed in her pocket.

“If you can’t get to me call Yuu,”

“And if you can’t get to either one of them call me got it?”

Levi knew why his mate was overprotective of Zoe, he understood since over time he came to see her as a little sister and despite his aunt working here he didn’t trust any of the workers especially since he over heard his aunt talking about how some creepy alpha was harassing an innocent omega.

He did not want anything happen to Zoe and will kill anyone if they bothered her.

“Yes alphas,” she said in a timid voice. It wasn’t that she was scared she just knew when to fight back and when to back down, and she knew that this was one battle she could not win especially when both alphas were using their alpha voice.

“Good, now have a good day and please call me when you’re at lunch,”

“Okay,” she lean forward and peck Eren’s cheek before smiling at Levi knowing how if he wanted human contact with anyone other than Eren he’d be the one to initiate it, Levi smiled before leaning forward and pecking her forehead.

“Go, before you are late,”

She smiled as she got out and waved good-bye before heading inside.

Once she entered the building Zoe took in the sight, the building was huge, the floors were so shiny Zoe would beat that she could eat off it.

Smiling she headed towards the elevator since Hanji told her once she entered the building to head straight for the 13th floor. Getting in she was about to hit the 13th button when a man entered the elevator with her.

She turned and made eye contact with him, offering him a small smile Zoe asked,

“Which floor sir?”

“13th,” he said taking in the young girl’s features. Zoe smiled as she hit the button. Trying hard not to look anxious around this man.

“If I may ask, who are you?” the man’s deep voice asked.

She turned to look at him before replying,

“I’m Zoe Smith sir, and you?”

“Guren,” he said looking at the girl, she looked…familiar…something about her made the prime alpha want to grab her and scent mark her which was weird and admittedly a little creepy. Ignoring those thoughts, he asked,

“You’re the new intern right?”

“Yes sir, today is my first day,” she said with another smile. Seriously what was it about this girl that was giving him warm fuzzy feelings, the same feelings that he had whenever he was around Shinoa.

“Hmm…well I hope you know that you will be working with me Ms. Smith,”

“Oh, umm…I thought I was going to work with Hanji in the science department,”

“No, you were hire to work as my assistant,”

Wait…what?

“Umm…I thought-“

“You start at the bottom and work your way to the top, if you can show me and everyone else that you are capable of good things then you’ll be promoted, is that clear?”

“Yes sir,”

He turned and gave the girl a soft smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ve seen your portfolio, you have amazing ideas and you and Hanji will be working side by side in no time,”

The praise made the omega smiled and once again Guren was tempted to hug the girl.

“That’s good sir,”

They arrived at their destination and both got out Zoe and Guren stepped out and headed towards his office.

“Alright Ms. Smith, did Hanji gave you a tour of the building?”

“Yes sir,”

“Good, you’ll be sending files to and from other offices, you will also be attending some meetings with me, taking notes for me as well as answering calls,”

“Okay,”

“Any calls from my wife are to be sent on hold, unless it involves our daughter I don’t wish to speak to her while I am working,”

“Okay?”

“And all emails are to be send to me or my secretary,

“Yes sir,”

“Good now tell me about yourself,”

“Umm…well I have two brothers and father I like science and wish to run my own business someday,”

“I see, is that all Ms. Smith?”

“Yes sir,”

“Alright then, what’s your status,”

“Omega sir,”

“Very well, according to our records you’re the youngest intern we ever hired,”

“Is that good or bad?”

Guren chuckled.

“It’s good, in fact I am impressed with your credentials, especially since you had the highest grade out of all our interns.”

Zoe smiled at the praise and bow in respect.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Alright we have a big meeting and we should start heading out,”

“Of course sir,”

Guren showed her were to put her stuff at, she placed her bad down before grabbing a notebook and pen before showing Guren she was ready.

Smiling at the young girl he gesture for her to follow him.

“Both Zoe and Guren headed towards the conference room, they were the first to arrive and began to get themselves situated.

Zoe was excited and ready for the day, she knew today was going to be good, she could feel it in her heart.

How wrong she was…

[joyful-soul-collector]

Here to Help: Chapter 1

I’m sorry I didn’t notice

Word Count: 4719

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of past emotional/physical abuse from a parent, a small panic attack, PTSD symptoms, and while Peter doesn't have an eating disorder, his behavior/the descriptions may be triggering to some

Synopsis: Tony Stark finds his intern Peter Parker living in the alleyway by Stark Tower.

You can also read this story on AO3 if that’s easier for you!

I slammed my fist against the table in frustration as the program failed again. I’d been trying to code DUM-E to fix one of my suits for the past few hours, but none of the codes I put in seemed to be doing what I wanted them to.

“Friday can you run a scan on this?”

“Sir, I’ve scanned this three times already.”

“Yeah yeah, I know, I just can’t figure out what’s up with it. I’ve had DUM-E fix my suits before, but it just doesn’t want to work today. Just try scanning it again.”

“Alright. Scanning now,” Friday said. I walked to the window while Friday did another scan, and stared down at the city below. I wasn’t too far from the ground, my lab on the higher floor was being renovated, so I had to move down. It wasn’t bad down here, I can see things better from this height. Cars didn’t look like little lego pieces, they looked more like Hot Wheels.

I also liked watching the people, I hadn’t realized how mesmerizing it was to just watch people walking and going about their day. I watched someone with a blue jacket walking down the sidewalk, and suddenly realized it was my intern, Peter Parker. I smiled, remembering how good he was with tech. Maybe he can figure out what’s up with DUM-E, I thought.

But Peter didn’t go into Stark Tower like I expected him to. He went down an alleyway on the side of Stark Tower, one that I knew for a fact lead to a dead end. What the hell is he doing?

I watched him until he was out of sight. Something wasn’t right. That alleyway doesn’t go anywhere. And he can’t be changing into his suit for patrol, he had an internship meeting with me in about five minutes, I was going to help him update his suit. So what the hell was he walking into a dead-end alleyway for?

But now that I thought about it, I hadn’t heard from Pete in about a week. He usually left me messages and called me all the time, updating me on everything from patrol to how pretty he thought MJ was. But he hadn’t spoken with me once this week. I was so busy with meetings that I didn’t notice.

A sick feeling formed in my stomach, guilt creeping into my chest. Clearly something was wrong. I had to find out what it was.

It didn’t take me long to get down to the ground floor, and I rushed out the doors of the tower, becoming more and more worried with every second. I practically sprinted through the alleyway.

“No, no no no! They’re gone! Oh god they’re all gone, fuck, no, no no no…”

I froze, hearing Peter start to sob. My heart clenched at the sound of his voice cracking with misery. I rounded the corner.

There was Peter, hands running through his hair as tears fell down his face. He was staring at a shopping cart, which was empty except for a half-full water bottle and an open trash bag. Peter looked thin and tired, and he had small patches of dirt all over his face and clothes. His tears actually made visible tracks through the grime on his cheeks.

“Peter?” I said.

Peter snapped up, his eyes wide with fear. I wasn’t used to people being afraid when they saw me, most of the time they looked happy to see someone coming along to help them.

“Peter, what’s wrong? What’re you doing here, why--” and then I saw the tent set up in the corner.

Peter looked like he was going to run for a moment, but as he realized I’d already figured it out, he started to cry even harder. He put his hands over his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut and looking very much as though he’d rather disappear.

“Oh my god, Pete, hey, shhh, it’s okay,” I said, rushing to him and pushing his curls out of his face, trying to see his eyes. “Hey, hey it’s okay, kid. Can you tell me what’s wrong? I’m here to help kid, just tell me whats’ wrong, I can fix it.”

“Aunt--Aunt May--” Peter said through broken sobs, “She, she kicked me out. She kicked me out last week. I couldn’t-- I didn’t know where else to go!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” I said, pulling his hands away from his mouth so I could see his face.

“S-so I came here, and I thought I’d stay here in case you needed me for a mission, but--but I had to get a job and--and now all my clothes got stolen--” Peter broke off with a sob.

So that’s what he meant by “they’re all gone”. Someone had taken all his clothes. His clothes were some of his only possessions , I realized, looking around the alleyway. And someone just took some of the last things Peter owned.

“Do you want a hug kid?” I asked.

“We’re there?” he said, looking hopeful for the first time.

“Jesus, of course we’re there kid, come here,” I gathered him in my arms, holding him tightly to my chest.

I had far too many questions. Why did his Aunt kick him out? How did I miss this? He had to get a job? Why didn’t he tell someone? Why didn’t he tell me?

He’s so thin. I swear I’ve seen him in this sweater before, and it didn’t hang off his body like it does now. I’m not used to feeling the knobs of his spine, and his shoulders are bony and poke painfully into my skin.

“You’re way too thin kid, have you been eating?”

“Not-Not really,” he answered quietly. “I think the last time was a day or so ago.”

“Shit kid. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry I didn’t notice.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay Mr. Stark, it’s not like I made it very obvious in the first place. I didn’t want anyone to notice.”

I pulled away from him, holding his shoulders and leaning down to look in his eyes.

“Don’t tell me it’s okay. Don’t ever think it’s okay to go unnoticed. Don’t ever think it’s okay to stay quiet and suffer in silence. You need help, you get it, okay? You need help, you make sure people know and you make sure that you get the help you deserve, okay?”

Peter looked at me with mixed confusion and relief.

“No one has ever told me that before,” he said. “I-I thought I wasn’t supposed to have help, I thought I was supposed to do everything by myself. I thought…”

Peter heaved a shaky sigh, and I realized just how heavily he was leaning on my hands. I held him steady while he finished his sentence.

“Well I’m the hero right? I’m the one who’s supposed to help people, I shouldn’t need help, I’m supposed to be okay. Right? I shouldn’t have help, I’m not the person who needs--”

“Pete you help people every day, and you didn’t think once that you deserved the same kind of help you give to others?” I interrupted. I pushed his curls out of his face again, gazing into his dark, red-rimmed eyes. “You are important. You can’t help others if you yourself are hurting.”

“Yeah, I definitely feel that, I haven’t been able to go on patrol since I started my job at the Daily Bugle.”

“You work at that place?” I said. “But they hate Spider-Man!”

“It was the only place that was hiring and paid well enough for me to maybe get my own place someday. They like my pictures.”

“Is that why you didn’t call me? Because you didn’t go on patrol?”

“Well yeah, I mean what was there to report?”

“Oh I dunno, maybe that your Aunt fucking kicked you out and you’re living in an alleyway? Maybe that you don’t have a place to go and you’re starving? Maybe that you needed some help?”

“Oh. Heh, I guess I thought about it, but I didn’t want to bother you, you’ve got all this stuff going on with running your own company and everything with the Avengers breaking up, and I didn’t want to give you another thing to stress about.”

He was worried about me. He didn’t want me to stress, so he tried to shoulder all this by himself.

“Pete, you are far more important than the freaking company. You are worth the stress, you are worth the worry, and I would do anything to see you happy and healthy. But, obviously, you are neither of those things right now,” I said.

Peter gave a weak laugh, wiping the tears from his cheeks and consequently smearing the dirt more.

“No, heh, not really. Feel kinda shit to be honest.”

“So, would you like some help?” I asked. Peter paused for a moment, looking at the ground, then met my eyes and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah I think… I need some help,” Peter said.

Peter suddenly never looked more powerless. He’d been trying to hold some sort of courage, any scrap of strength he could find in himself this whole time, and it seems that he’d finally admitted defeat. He somehow looked smaller, more neglected and scared than when I had first found him back here.

“Alright then. Let’s go up to my space. We’ll get you cleaned up, I’ll make you something to eat, make you feel better. You look like you need some good food and rest. Do you need anything from your tent? They didn’t take your suit too did they?”

“No, I kept that in my backpack,” he said, gesturing to his backpack lying in the corner of the alley. “I didn’t want to leave it here even though I knew I couldn’t use it because of my job. I can’t imagine leaving home without my suit. There’s not much in my tent, just a sleeping bag and some school books I need for next year. Anything that’s really of value, besides my clothes, I keep in my backpack. So my camera, my computer, my suit, all of that stays with me all the time.”

“Alright, well I’ll get your school books and backpack, just wait here a moment.” I let go of his arms. I had barely walked a step before I heard Peter whimper.

“Mr. Stark?” I whipped around to see Peter swaying dangerously. “I think I’m gonna fall?”

“Shit.” I caught him just as he started to keel over, and Peter struggled to stand upright again. “Nope, no, stay down kid, just sit down, lean on that wall, there you go, just rest there for a moment.”

“I’m sorry, I just--I can’t--”

“It’s okay, you’re fine kid. You’re not in trouble, nothing to apologize for.” I looked down and spoke to Friday. “Hey Fri you know those special protein bars Bruce made for after he Hulks out? Could you send a suit down here with one of those?”

I heard Peter’s stomach rumble at the mention of protein bars, but oddly enough Peter didn’t look very excited.

“Doesn’t Dr. Banner need those?”

“Kid, we don’t even know where Bruce is right now. He won’t miss them. Unfortunately you probably can’t eat more than one, they have this special sedative in it that makes sure Bruce stays Bruce after his transformation. There have been a few times where he’ll have a relapse of the Hulk after a battle from a panic attack, so we put basically a very powerful anti-anxiety pill in the bar. But your enhanced metabolism won’t burn through it as quickly as with other foods, so eating more than one of that serum could cause you to fall asleep, which of course would be bad because then we wouldn’t be able to  get you cleaned up or give you any real food.”

“That makes sense,” Peter said a little dazedly. I’m not sure he’d really been listening.

I opened the flap in Peter’s tent, and I had to bite back a gasp at what I saw.

Peter had been sleeping in a ripped, old sleeping bag on the gravely alleyway floor, and upon seeing the inside I realized how little room there was in here. Peter’s books were stacked on the side, and there was an empty plastic water bottle by where his head would lay. I realized that Peter must have been filling up on water when he couldn’t afford to eat.

I found myself trying to think of all the places Peter could get basic needs, trying to figure out what Peter had to do to get by this week. Where was the cheapest place to buy food? Were there water fountains nearby? Where could he shower and clean himself? How did he get to and from work?

I left the tent with Peter’s books in hand, and found him and my suit waiting for me. My suit was kneeling down and holding the protein bar wrapper, while Peter ravenously dug into the bar.

I wished I could get this kid some food sooner, but I can’t just feed him fast food, he needs real, good food that will give him nutrients and energy. Maybe some pasta, with vegetables? Roasted broccoli doesn’t take too long to make, and I know Peter likes Fettuccine Alfredo. I’ll make that for him then, I thought.

Peter finished the bar, and got up a little shakily. But he wasn’t falling over, so that was good.

I stepped into the suit and flew up to my lab with Peter clutched in my arms bridal style. He clung tightly around my neck, though the only thing I noticed was how light he was.

When we made it up there I let his legs drop and steadied him before stepping out of the suit.

“Alright kiddo, why don’t we get you in the shower, I’ll make you something to eat while you’re in there okay?” I said, as my suit flew out the open window again and I set his things on the kitchen counter.

Peter only nodded, looking a little relieved at the thought of getting clean. I led him to the shower and showed him how to turn it on and off and control the temperature.

“You good to shower? I wouldn’t want you to fall in here,” I said. Peter nodded again.

“The bar made me feel a little better, I don’t think I’ll fall.”

“Alright then, I’ll leave you to it,” I said, setting some spare clothes on the counter as Peter started to take off his sweater and lift his shirt. But I wasn’t more than five steps away from him when I heard a strangled gasp.

I turned around to see Peter standing shirtless in front of the mirror, a hand clasped over his mouth and tears spilling from his eyes. Peter’s bones were jutting sharply out of his skin, his stomach sunken and hollow, concave between his hip bones and rib cage. Peter stared in horror at himself, as though he didn’t recognize the person there. His thin shoulders shook as sobs wracked through him, and he squeezed his eyes shut, looking rather frozen in place.

I slowly walked towards him again, and leaned against the doorway. He opened his eyes, and seemed to calm down a little at the sight of me.

“Does it scare you?” I asked softly. He looked from me to himself in the mirror, then down at the tiled floor.

He nodded.

“You know,--” I said gently, “--you can wait. We can wait till later to get you cleaned up. You don’t have to do it now. Do you want to wait until after dinner to shower?”

He blinked and thought for a moment, dropping his hand. “I… I want to get cleaned up, it’s just…” He trailed off and made a vague gesture at his reflection in the mirror.

“You could just wash off your face. Washing your face will help. That’s often what I do when I don’t have enough energy to shower after a fight. Feels better than doing nothing.”

Peter gave a little sigh, looking relieved at the compromise. He nodded and put his shirt back on.

“Meet me back out there when you’ve finished,” I said patting his shoulder as he splashed water onto his face.

I went to the kitchen and began cooking, boiling the water, putting the broccoli in the oven to roast, and melting butter in a saucepan. I started cutting the garlic as Peter came around the corner.

“Hey! You feel better now that you got all the grime off your face?”

“A bit,” he replied, walking over to the sink and filling up a large glass of water. I noticed how he had to hold the cup with both hands, trying to keep it steady as he sat down behind the counter.

“Well you look a lot better,” I said, pouring the chopped garlic into the pot of simmering butter. The delicious smell of buttery garlic filled the room and Peter sniffed the air.

He swallowed thickly as his stomach gave a hollow rumble, advertising loudly how hungry he was.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. Peter picked up his glass of water and started taking large gulps, trying to silence his belly by filling it with liquid.

The timer for the broccoli went off and I set the pan in front of him, gesturing for him to take some.

“You don’t have to fill up on water anymore. Eat,” I said. Peter reached out for the broccoli a little hesitantly, but popped a floret in his mouth with a moan all the same.

“Broccoli never tasted so good,” he said with his mouth full.

“Makes sense, you haven’t eaten in a while, and it’s even worse with your enhanced metabolism. What did you eat this week?”

“Well I had a sandwich from Mr. Delmar’s on Monday when I was kicked out, and then I had another one on Wednesday. I think he knew something was wrong ‘cuz he put extra stuff on it. That was nice.”

“That was nice,” I agreed. I made a mental note to do something for Mr. Delmar as a thank you for taking care of Peter. “So all you’ve had this week is a couple sandwiches?”

“Well, I had coffee every day at the Daily Bugle, and someone left a cereal bar on the breakroom table after work on Tuesday so I ate that,” he said, putting another piece of broccoli in his mouth. I could tell he wanted to be eating much faster, but the food was too hot.

“So not really food huh?” I said, stirring the pasta as it boiled. Peter sighed and shook his head.

“No, not really food no. I was so hungry I wanted to cry last night.”

Something inside me snapped at that moment, and I slammed the spoon on the stove with a rather loud bang.

“I’m sorry!” Peter shrieked, suddenly getting up from the chair and backing away. It took me a moment to realize what he was reacting to. “I’m sorry Mr. Stark, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry--”

“Sorry? Pete what’re you-- Oh no, it’s okay! I’m not angry at you, it’s okay,” I said. What on earth did this kid’s Aunt do to him?

Peter put down his arms but he was still breathing like he’d run a mile, and his hands shook so hard it looked like they were vibrating.

“Woah, woah hey kid? Kid look at me, deep breaths okay? Can you hear me?”

Peter nodded, but his breathing wasn’t getting better.

“Peter, I need you to try and breathe deep, okay? Breathe all the way down to your belly, okay? Can I touch your arms?”

Peter nodded again, and his breathing slowed a bit as I rubbed his arms and shoulders. I’m not sure why I was doing it, I just knew it was nice when Pep did it when I was having a panic attack. Suddenly Peter was leaning forward and hugging me around the middle, speaking into my shirt.

“I-I thought you were gonna--Gonna hurt me, I don’t--I don’t know why I thought that--I know you wouldn’t do that, I just got scared--”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s not your fault. We can work on that okay? It’ll get better, I promise kid. I’m sorry I scared you, I wasn’t angry at you, I was angry at myself. I can’t believe I didn’t notice.”

“It’s okay Mr. Stark. Like I said, I didn’t want anyone to notice. I was fine being alone.”

“You don’t have to be alone. I’m here for you. I’m here to help.”

“Yeah. I know that now.”

I held him tightly for a few moments before Peter’s stomach grumbled, reminding me of the pasta.

“Heh, your stomach’s rumbling. I think it knows the pasta is almost ready,” I said, gently pulling away to drain the pasta. Peter went silent for a few moments.

“Aunt May always told me to quit eating so much,” he said quietly.

I paused, realizing Peter was actually opening up to me now. I didn’t want to bring it up, but I’d been wanting to know why she kicked him out. What had she done to him?

“She did?” I said. Peter nodded.

“‘Quit being so needy,’ she would say. She said she’d kick me out if I kept making her spend money on me like this.”

I froze.

“She… said that to you?”

Peter nodded, looking down at the counter.

“Told me I wasn’t hungry unless she said I was. I wasn’t tired unless she said I was. I wasn’t sad or happy or angry or scared unless she said I was. I wasn’t allowed to sleep until she said I could, if she was in a bad mood, I had to stay quiet, if she was in a good mood I had to be in a good mood too. I wasn’t allowed to ask for anything, or take anything, I was only allowed what was specifically given to me.  I was only supposed to eat what she gave me, and not to take anything else from the house. I tried to follow the rules, I really really tried but some days I was just I couldn’t do it. I’d cry or I’d ask to go to bed, or I’d get home from patrol and my sandwich from Mr. Delmar’s wouldn’t be enough and I would try and find something to eat that she wouldn’t miss, something she wouldn’t notice was gone. And it worked most of the time, but I guess she caught me breaking the rules one too many times on Monday, because she told me to pack up my stuff and get out. If I wasn’t gone by the time she came home from work then she said she was gonna get me transferred out of school so I couldn’t see Ned or MJ again.”

“What were you doing?” I asked.

“I was eating a bowl of cereal in my room. She came home and I didn’t hear her come in because I was stupid and had my headphones on. She came into my room, took it, threw it out the window, bowl and everything, then told me to get out.”

I set a plate piled high with pasta in front of him, and his eyes went so wide I thought they might just pop out of his skull. Peter practically fell on the food, wolfing it down desperately, as though the protein bar and the broccoli had never even happened.

His Aunt starved him, I thought. And kicked him out when she found him eating. He was just eating, he was just trying to get by, and she wouldn’t let him. What kind of person does that to a kid? A child?

Peter was still eating rapidly, and I realized he should probably slow down. If he eats too much at once he would throw up, and he needs to keep his food, he needs the nutrition. I reach up and touched his shoulder.

“Hey, Pete--”

Peter flinched violently at my touch, and the fork he was holding bent in half beneath his fist. He calmed down not a second later though, but stared at the fork in his hands.

He didn’t seem to understand what happened for a moment. He swallowed the bite of pasta in his mouth, and set the fork down with agonizing care, as though he were holding something extremely delicate. And after that, he did nothing. Just sat there, staring at the ruined fork.

“I can get you a new fork,” I said. “I just needed you to eat a little slower, I’m sorry I scared you.”

“It’s okay, I was just startled, I spaced out,” he said flatly, still staring at the fork.

“I don’t know how this is going to get better Mr. Stark,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know I’m safe here, I know you would never hurt me like Aunt May did. But I’m still scared. I don’t know why, but I’m so, so scared, and it feels like I’ll never feel okay again.

“And part of me… Part of me worries that maybe I deserved it. Maybe I’m broken and Aunt May was giving me exactly what I deserved, and she wasn’t in the wrong at all to kick me out. I broke the rules, so of course I got punished for it.”

I gave a deep sigh as he finished. I reached up slowly, picking up the ruined fork and turning it over in my hand.

I handed it to him, and he looked at me like I was crazy.

“What… What do you want me to do?”

“Bend it back. As best you can.”

Peter stared at me for a moment, then looked down and started bending the fork back into shape. It took a few tries for him to get it right, at some points he bent it wrong in another place, or the tongs of the fork got mashed together, and he had to separate them again. But eventually the fork looked like a fork, though definitely not the same as before it was bent.

“You’re gonna be alright Pete,” I said, looking at the fork as well. “There are going to be some setbacks of course, recovery isn’t linear. And you’ll still have the memories of what she’s done to you. But you’ll be okay. You’ll be happy, and safe, and you are loved so much. Look at me,” I said. Peter looked up, rubbing at a slight divot in the fork’s handle.

“You are not worthy of the abuse your Aunt gave you. You are not worthy of any of the horrid things she’s done to you. None of this is your fault. You are not broken.” I got up and walked to the silverware drawer. “And know that when you’re ready to start working on yourself--” I plucked his fork out of his hand. “--Me, Pepper, your friends, and all the people who love you will be here to help you become everything you could ever want to be.” I replaced it with a new, untarnished fork.

Peter stared at the new fork, and gave a small smile. He stood up and hugged me tightly.

Peter finished his plate, then went to the bathroom to shower. When he came back out again, wearing my hoodie, he stared at the pasta for a few minutes before remembering he was allowed to eat if he was hungry now. We watched tv (mainly cartoons, the nerd) while he ate the rest of the pasta and broccoli. When his head started to droop, I lead him to a spare bedroom next to Pepper and I’s. He pressed a hand to one of the pillows, muttering something about how fluffy they were, before flopping down and snuggling himself under the thick blankets.

I walked back into the dining room and picked up Peter’s still slightly mangled fork, then went back to his room to find him snoring softly, his face half-buried in the pillows.

I left the fork on his bedside table.

[bluehhj]

listen to me — chapter 20

LISTEN TO ME  — 0020

listen to me masterlist;

WORDS: 2.5K

As they waited in the queue, Jinah repeated to herself that she didn't have to be afraid, for all that was fake blood, special effects and costumed people. There was nothing to fear, it was just a movie like any other.

Jisung, who was standing next to Choi, would choke out a laugh every now and then while looking at her out of the corner of his eye. Although he had seen more than three times, he had chosen the movie "The Nun" to make sure that Jinah had never been interested in even looking at the trailers, and the queue for that session wasn't so long and so they would've to be in the midst of so many people inside the movie theater, since neither of them liked crowded places.

"You know you don't have to go, do you?" Han asked as they advanced a little further toward the entrance. As much as he wanted to see her false pose of brave collapse like a house of cards, he didn't want her to be traumatized. "We can change and see a romance."

"I don't want to." Jinah smiled nervously. "This movie isn't scary, I don't know why you're so worried."

Jisung laughed and raised his eyebrows quickly, "All right, you're the one who knows."

When they handed in the tickets and entered the dark room, Jinah swallowed hard to note that besides her and Jisung, only about ten people were there, most of them concentrating on the front seats. Her intention was to have something to distract herself with, whether it was a child chewing popcorn or a couple kissing, but apparently she'd have to keep full attention in the movie until it finished and twisted to avoid suffering a panic attack during the mission.

Jisung chose a pair of seats from the next to last to sit down and Choi tried to see the bright side of the situation. At least if she was reasonably close to the door, she might run somewhere else if things started to run out of control — and out of control she meant witnessing some evil manifestation off the screen or something. The straw of the soda glass was stuck between her lips during the entire sequence of unnecessary trailers and advertisements, and Jinah even considered the possibility of actually watching that movie as a normal person, but then the following words came out before her eyes: "Based On Real Facts".

"Fuck, Jisung!" she complained, taking care not to speak as loudly as she wanted. "Why didn't you tell me that this shit really happened?"

"You said you weren't afraid."

"I-I..." Jinah thought for a moment and fell silent, regaining her composure. "I'm not afraid, I just don't like leaving my house uninformed," she lied.

Jisung laughed again, amused by all that, and murmured a "relax" before looking at the screen. The movie had just begun.

                                           ♡˖°

It was as if Jinah was a balloon about to burst with every new fright.

No matter how many times she looked at the clock, the minutes just didn't seem to go away. Her heart was so fast that she felt like an old woman with a tachycardia; her eyes didn't stop quietly anywhere and her nervous system was being extremely tested by Han, who laughed at her face every five minutes.

"I can also watch a horror movie, she said," Jisung mocked. "I wonder where that brave girl has gone now."

And even as she was about to ask for help, Jinah still wanted to support her fearless image: "I'm still fine, if you want to know."

"It's not what it looks like." Jisung put his hand on the girl's damp palm. "You're sweating, you're so nervous."

Choi would certainly say some tattered excuse, such as blaming the nonexistent heat, but, before she could open her mouth, the fucking idiot Nun reappeared just to put an end to the little self-control she still had and her first involuntary reaction was to squeal a little and squeezing Jisung's hand against hers, entwining their fingers without even realizing it, and then bringing close to her heart.

"I don't want anymore!" she whimpered.

The boy smiled and, even in the partial darkness, stopped to watch the girl's face as he felt the beating of her heart. It was undeniable the fact that he had found her beautiful from the first moment he laid eyes on hers, but he didn't always admire her details so closely. Jinah was sweet and sour in the right dose. Sometimes it sounded a bit childish, but it was captivating. Beautiful eyebrows, beautiful eyes, flawless smile, rosy lips; Jisung couldn't deny even to himself: she was beautiful at his sight.

"Why did you want to come, being so afraid of this kind of movie?" he asked without taking his eyes off Jinah's almost terrified face. Part of him wanted to hold her.

"'Cause I wanted to go out with you again" there was this detail: Choi didn't hide things when she got nervous.

"But we could go out anyway, you silly girl." Jisung got up and pulled the girl to do the same. "C’mon, let's eat something."

Jinah didn't protest and followed the boy out of the room. The funniest thing was that they were walking hand in hand around the mall as if they were a couple and only noticed it halfway to their chosen diner, which resulted in a minimally embarrassed Jisung and a half-annoyed Jinah cause she had lost the touch. After facing the queue of requests — Choi recovering from the trauma of the movie and Han teasing her —, they sat at a table by the window.

"How's the internship?" Jinah changed the subject, since she didn't want to talk about the events of minutes ago after having sworn that she'd never see another horror movie in her life. "I know it's only been three days, but do you feel well already?"

"Yes, it's interesting." Jisung took a sip of soda while his eyes searched the place to see if there was anyone he knew. "The only problem is that, sometimes, the people are too noisy."

"At least you're not in Changbin's place, who's going to start his next Monday. Imagine just having to put up with an entire classroom full of hyperactive kids." Jinah grimaced in disgust. She envied her friend's patience to deal with that sort of thing. "At the very least, I think I'd have a stroke."

"Does he really want to be a teacher?" Jisung frowned. "He'll scare the kids with his homicidal face."

"Of course not, Changbin's a baby inside."

"I don't know... This week even he was completely angry there in the store, just missing breaking everything."

"It must be because Jade and him were going through some problems, but now they're well again" Jinah glorified the heavens for that. It was horrible when the two of them weren't well, because a tense atmosphere settled in the apartment and everything seemed out of place. “The infamous jealousy."

Jisung shook his head in brief agreement and there was a pause in the conversation as they ate their sandwiches. Added to the topic of jealousy, it was a perfect loophole for him to begin to travel in his own thoughts and to bring up subjects he didn't want to revive, but which were always there, marking presence inside his head. Jinah soon noticed the boy's rapid change of mood.

"Are you thinking of her?" she asked cautiously and Jisung sighed. Han felt as if he could never be with Jinah without the shadow of Chaerin appearing between them as a barrier. He didn't want to ruin the night with his problems, but Choi was willing to listen to them, because, in her conception as a psychologist, you can't overcome anything by trying to choke it.

"No" Jisung lied and forced a slight smile. "It's just bullshit in my head."

"It's okay, you don't have to lie to me. You were like this after I told you about jealousy."

"We had a few crises," and before he could stop the words, Han was already venting. It wasn't his fault that talking to Jinah was so comfortable. "Or rather, I had a few crises..." another sigh. "Before I didn't realize it, but, looking better now, we haven't been well for a long time. It was a hard way to reach the last point."

"Can I ask how it happened? I mean, you say Chaerin ran away with another guy, but I wanted to get it right" Jinah knew she was stepping on eggshells by asking all those questions, but just kept insisting on them because the boy, however, didn't show any hesitation at the time of answering them.

"She had left home early that day" was the first time Jisung had spoken openly about it. He remembered hiding many details when he reported what had happened to Yoorim and Hyunjin. Not because he didn't trust his friends, but because he didn't feel comfortable enough. "I called and always fell in the mail box. She didn't even respond to the messages. She just came back at night, when I was already thinking that something serious had happened, she apologized before going to the room and packing" Jisung even would cry, but when it came to his ex-fiancée, his tears were already dry. "I asked what was going on, but she held the cry and didn't answer. Something told me it was a cry of guilt." rolled his eyes. "She left and I couldn't do anything. When I looked out the window I saw Seungmin's car and it was clear."

"So, you already suspected she might be having something with Seungmin before that happens?"

"Maybe" Jisung bit his lower lip for a moment. Even though it was complicated, he felt good talking about all those things that had been trapped in his throat for so long. "I had read some messages and noticed strange things, but it was always 'my head's thing'" he made quotations with his fingers, repeating what he heard so much from Chaerin's mouth whenever he asked about it. "But I can't feel as much anger at Seungmin as I wanted, after all, if Chaerin hadn't paid attention to him, we'd be fine now. It makes no sense to blame only the affair, because who really owed me respect didn't."

Jinah nodded, approving Jisung's way of thinking, so she wouldn't have the trouble to make him understand that part.

"When the two left," Han continued his account of the worst night of his life. "I felt the whole world fall on my back. It was difficult to clean up the mess of glass shards I made in the room, and, before I could ruin the whole kitchen too, I remembered the call center number. I meant to talk to Sorn, I think you know her." Jinah nodded again, smiling slightly as she remembered the Thai. "She had helped me a lot in the last few days, but it was you who answered this time. And by the way, the service wasn't one of the best," he joked, although he was telling the truth.

"I confess I felt a little bad for not having the standard treatment with you," Jinah admitted. "But I only started to act normally after I was sure you wouldn't do anything you could regret, otherwise I wouldn't have said so much bullshit. We would've extended the conversation if you hadn't turned it off."

"You threw it in my face that at least you hadn't been kicked by your fiancé, you wanted what?"

"But you did stress me first!" Jinah defended herself, patting the table as she remembered that Jisung had also thrown unnecessary things into her face. "I didn't return because I thought you wanted to be a little alone, or maybe you'd call again to talk to some other attendant, but, anyway, the idea of looking for you in college was already firmly in my head."

"I actually thought about calling again to talk to someone else, but your voice..." Jisung pressed his lips together as if he had no weapons to deal with. "It managed to calm me even by saying idiots."

"I realized you liked it" Jinah smiled. "So much that you must've wasted a good few minutes looking for my branch in the early morning."

"Just a few" Jisung smiled too. "Still, I thought you didn't care."

"You thought wrong. And I do care until today, you know that."

"Thank you, JinJin." Choi used all her willpower not to freak out when she heard Han call her that way without being drunk. "I don't even know how to thank you for all this."

"You could thank me by moving on," Jinah murmured, hesitantly for the first time. No one could blame her for looking at Jisung and feeling an overwhelming desire to kiss him, but not being able to do so, after all, the boy was still trapped in his old relationship. It wasn't as if she expected the love he felt for Chaerin to disappear overnight, but she believed he had to at least try, and Jinah was so willing to help him overcome all those bad things... "I know it's hard, but it's been almost a month. Life has to go on, don't you think?"

"With moving on," Jisung put his elbows on the table. "do you mean to get a good mood or open my heart to let other people in? Because, if it's the first choice, I think I'm already doing it."

"The two options sort of complete."

"I don't know, Jinah." Jisung ran a hand through his hair absently. Choi almost died without air. Why did he do that to her poor heart? "I don't want to be with someone while I love someone else, and it's not like I have too many suitors."

Jinah blushed, so much that it was impossible to hide from the boy.

"Wait..." Jisung's eyes widened. "Don't you-..."

"No! Of course not!" the girl had tried to fix it, but her face only turned redder. "Aish, don't start to misinterpret things!"

It wasn't the first time that Jinah had given him signals that shouldn't be given to mere friends, but Han always took it as a joke. However, since the small meeting at the home of Hyunjin and Yoorim, when Choi quietly asked for a kiss, a set of internal doubts struck Jisung. If Woojin was there, he'd probably tell him to stop being dumb and grab the opportunity, but, in his head, it wasn't as easy as it seemed.

"Sorry" he disguised as if he really had misunderstood and believed in the girl's acting. "Would you like some ice cream?"

He didn't even have to ask twice.

And as he looked at Jinah without her realizing it, Jisung wished, with all his heart, that he might correspond to her correctly someday.

[crescent-yoon]

The Amazing Spiderman: Chapter 4. Hyung pt. 1

Jungkook had woken up in the morning to the sound of his alarm blaring throughout his childhood bedroom. Jungkook had informed his teachers and Y/N the night before to inform them that he would be out of school today. In spite of all this, the Biophysics major had for gotten to turn of his alarm.   To his surprise, he had woken up to the smell of delicious food. It wasn't very often that his hyung made food but when he did, it meant that it was a special occasion. He was surprised once again when he had walked into the kitchen to find a glass of juice, a plate of breakfast, and a note.       "Jungkook~ah. I went to go pick up something for you. All plans are still on track. Be ready by 11. Love, Yoongi Hyung." Jungkook read aloud to no one in particular. He glanced up at the clock only to see that it was 10:50. He couldn't believe that he had slept so late. He didn't think that he was this tired from college courses kicking his ass everyday. It was dimly lit outside due to the streetlights outside and the night covering the sky.   Jungkook hurriedly ate his cold breakfast from this morning and gulped down his juice. He planned on wearing a simple, white long sleeve and a pair of black jeans, unaware of what was in store today with his hyung.    Just as quickly as it took for Jungkook to look presentable, was just as fast as his hyung had arrived back home.   "Hi, hyung." Jungkook grinned at his Yoongi. "Where are we going?"     "You'll find out when we get there." He patted Jungkook's head, despite him being much taller than him. "Let's get in the car."   "So, Jungkook~ah." Yoongi had broke the comfortable silence of the car ride. "How is junior year of college? Is it better than last year?"   Last year, Jungkook had been bullied in college. Unbelievable, right?! Despite still being smart and attractive to all the girls when he had wearing glasses and having almost no acne, their boyfriends were not the biggest fans of Jungkook.  "Yes, hyung." He sighed. "The bullying stopped, probably because my small change in appearance but I think the guys who were doing it. realized that I'm no threat to their relationships."    "Thank God. I wouldn't want to have to beat someone up." Yoongi playfully laughed although he had meant every word. "Have you picked a major yet?"  "Biophysics. I still couldn't completely choose though because I had picked Photography beforehand. So, I guess both, honestly." He thought about his choice words.    Although he was telling the truth, Jungkook was scared that Yoongi might ask him why he did something like Biophysics. He was never good at lying to his hyung so he tried to make it as truthful as possible. It wasn't that he didn't like science. He loved it, actually.  He loved photography more though and had only taken biophysics because he knew that Jeon Industries had specialized in stuff like that.    "I figured you would do something in the science field." Yoongi continued to smile as he had pulled into their destination. "You had always liked science growing up."   Before he could respond, he was in awe at the sight of the large amusement park in front of him.    "An amusement park, hyung?" Jungkook blinked in shock, knowing that Yoongi only took him to amusement park on special occasions. However, Jungkook didn't know what that could possibly be.  Yoongi decided to take the lead on this one and drag Jungkook into the park.   "Yes. You may not realize how special today is because you're so busy as a college student," Yoongi smiled as he paid for two all-access wristbands to access all games and rides. "I'm actually surprised you don't remember today."     Jungkook was puzzled as he tried to think about what was so special about today but it didn't click. Yoongi decided on the first ride. A rollercoaster. Jungkook had always liked rollercoasters when he was a kid but now that he was an adult, he didn't get many opportunities to do fun things like this. He hardly had time to hang out with his hyung.     They had tried multiple games and rides when Jungkook had spotted a booth with a video camera. It was the high quality kind that music videos  were shot with. When he saw the camera, one person had come into his mind.    "Hyung!" Jungkook exclaimed, pulling Yoongi into the same direction as the booth. "I need to win that camera."     "What? Why?" Yoongi asked. "Don't you still have the camera I bought you? You didn't break it, did you?"     "No, no, of course not. I cherish that camera with my life." Jungkook reassured Yoongi. "I want to win this for someone special."    "A girl?! Is it a girl?" Yoongi smiled brighter than ever. "Who is she? What's her name? Grandkids?"      "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, hyung." Jungkook chuckled. "Her name is Y/N. I- We're not dating, though but I do like her a bit."   "Well, go on." His hyung encouraged him a bit. "I want to have a serious talk with you on the ferris wheel."   Jungkook was good at everything. Sports, mathematics, and anything else you put him to. He had played the game that the booth had set up with ease. He had won something for a girl he liked but hardly even knew.    Soon enough, the 20 year olds were on the ferris wheel. Jungkook didn't know what could be so important for Yoongi to do all of this for him. It wasn't that Yoongi didn't do nice things for him, it was quite the opposite. He would do small things that meant a lot and we would be the type of things that you would appreciate in life.    "What did you want to talk about up here, hyung?" Jungkook asked.   "It's hard to say exactly." Yoongi blushed. "I don't have conversations like this with you very often."   "It's okay, hyung."      "Well... today is a day of days. Today is the day that your parents had unfortunately passed away." Yoongi made eye contact. "But it's also the day that I legally adopted you, Jungkook~ah."      Jungkook couldn't believe he had forgotten about this day. He had so many negative and positive emotions about this day. Being a college student distracts you from everything I guess. Even so, he was shocked because he had forgotten about another special thing about today.    "Happy birthday, Jungkook~ah." Yoongi smiled softly at his technically adoptive son. "6 years, kiddo."      "Yea," Jungkook sniffled. "It has been 6 years."   "I know that it gets hard for you to take care of me sometimes. I know this and you shouldn't have to do that. I may not have been the best parent for you but I want you to know that you are the best gift that I have ever received. Thank you for that." Yoongi smiled at him. "This is so cheesy! Open your gift already."      Jungkook had looked down to see a gold bag that Yoongi had set on his lap. When he opened it he found a camera and some film.    "Weren't you just complaining about another camera?" Jungkook chuckled.       "Hey, hey." Yoongi joined. "It's a polaroid camera. Try it out."   Jungkook took a picture of Yoongi holding up a peace sign. He liked his new camera and the new memories of his birthday this year.     "I also got you an internship at a really cool science lab." Yoongi pulled out an employee card with Jungkook's name. "I thought you might like it but judging by your face, you don't."   "Hyung, I have something to confess but I want you to promise me you won't get mad at me."    "Okay?"   "I won't be able to attend the internship."    "What? Why not?" ��      "I'm already in an internship... at Jeon Industries."      "What the actual fuck."

[thisisnot-chris]

Where Life’s Taken Me

These past few years since my last year of college have been quite the roller-coaster ride. I never imagined it to turn out this way (so far). I look back and remember what I was like in high school; a shy, scared kid who wasn’t sure what to do in life and was afraid of criticism. I see what I’ve become 8 years later; an outgoing, adventure seeking, person who knows what he wants in life and isn’t bound by the fear of other’s opinions. College helped me realize what I wanted to do but part of me still felt held back by other people’s thoughts on what I was trying to do with my life during that time. My choices were too risky; no job security; why wasn’t it something “typical & traditional”. I ended up learning that was not me at all years later, and it wasn’t easy to come to terms with it throughout that time. In fact it all came together in the last 2-3 years. All I had to do was figure out things with myself and who I truly am. Those ideas and thoughts sat dormant in the back of my mind for a very long time but it took some unexpected events to occur which initiated that journey.

It started in December 2015. I was about to start an internship with a local booking agency that specialized in EDM shows; something I was beyond ecstatic about. I love EDM. I love music and everything about it; both artistically and business-wise. I wanted to share the amazing news with a number of my good friends at a Christmas party we had one Saturday nite, about 1 week before Christmas came. The party was a blast so far; drinking games, great music, and so many laughs. I shared the news with everyone there and it felt so satisfying to share a new experience coming my way with the people I cared about. Little did I know… I was about to get some news later on at the party.

I was in the basement and had to go use the bathroom upstairs. I made my way up and stepped into the kitchen where 3 of my friends were talking. One of them said 3 words that changed it all; “Chris is gay”. I uttered something back in confusion and all 3 heads turned towards me with looks on their faces that screamed “OH SHIT!...” One of my other friends pulls me into the living room while I’m still puzzled as all hell and begins to legitimately question if I was or not. I was PISSED, and I’m usually not one to get angry very easily. They had known me all these years and NOW I hear about this?! And the reasons as to why were so stereotypical; I wore pink clothes, I watched what I ate, I didn’t drink much, I talk differently, etc. How the fuck should those label me anything?!?! They started apologizing afterwards and said they shouldn’t have made bold conclusions like that. At that point I should’ve gotten over it. But I didn’t. It bothered me. REALLY badly. And it only worsened in the coming months and years.

Shortly after the new year, my internship didn’t turn into a full-term employment due to the manager’s business needs and schedule. I needed to find work in the time being so I could make money and move out of my family’s house and continue investing in what I wanted to do with music. That time off had that thought keep coming back to me. George Michael once said, “When someone questions your sexuality, you begin to question EVERYTHING!” That’s exactly what happened to me. I never dated a woman in my life; but that shouldn’t have meant anything. I had crushes on girls throughout the years. When I was a much bigger kid in middle and high school, I started wanting to lose weight and exercise. I would compare myself to other attractive and much more fit men, looking at them and saying “God, I really wish I looked like that.” I didn’t think that meant anything either, even though I still had thoughts like that after losing so much weight. I kept pushing it aside during this time. I even joked to myself about it; for some reason, I always remembered this line from a Ron White stand up special where he says “Guys, if you ever have a thought… let it go. Everyone’s a little gay.” That line made me think of the times my friends and I poked fun like that; I didn’t realize I was just fighting myself. That year’s summer and fall began some very serious talks with myself soon on.

During my job search leading into the summer, I had a good friend keep in contact with me over the search and how I was doing. I started hanging out and spending time with him more; video games, watching stand up, random shit, whatever it was. It was great. As it got warmer, I was invited out to bonfires and hung out with a bunch of guys he became acquainted with. I was relatively quiet around them but it was still fun hearing their conversations. I was glad I got to spend time like this with my friend. Then in the middle of July, I finally got a job for the time being at a financial institution. Soon after accepting that position, I was also invited on a camping trip up North with him and his buddies. I ended up arriving on a Friday afternoon at a lake while they were out on a friend’s boat; they were drinking beer, listening to music, games, you name it. I thought it was great he invited me and will always remember my time out there. After a couple hours, they wanted to head back to the campsite they were at but I had no clue where it was. He offered to direct me back. I got back in my car, and then he got in it, sitting in the passenger seat. I drove halfway there until a state patrol officer pulled us over. There was a festival that weekend so he was just checking for drunk drivers but he kept us there for a good 15-20 minutes for whatever reason. We sat there for a while, trying to see what he was doing. But I wasn’t looking at the officer that whole time. I couldn’t help but look at my friend and I didn’t understand why. There he was next to me. Slightly buzzed. Wearing a hat from a foreign country. Shirtless. That was the moment there that something seemed different to me. What the hell was going on???

After that ordeal, we made it to the site and got ready for the festival. It ended up getting rained on and they got a crappy replacement band instead of the one they’ve gotten before. Their specialty ‘Summer Hummer” drinks were cheap though so it was a win in the end. We then headed back and had a fire for a bit til’ the rain got heavier and we all huddled under a canopy. I stayed in one of the guys’ tents that nite but had so much trouble sleeping because I kept thinking about that moment my friend and I got pulled over. Why couldn’t I help but look at him like that?... The next morning, we all packed up to leave but he wanted to stay and hike the area and asked me to. I wanted to say yes but that moment in the car yesterday scared me from doing so. I said I was gonna head back home instead. The questioning continued on the drive home. The nights after when I went to bed. Throughout the day during my new job. We still hung out since that and the questions kept growing on me. Why? Why was I looking at him like that??? Within that next month, what I considered to be the scariest thought I ever had ended up revealing itself to me… I think I was starting to have feelings for him.

That thought began to mess with me even worse than the initial questioning. I never thought things like this before; why now?? The coming September furthered this. There was a nite we went out and one of his friend’s questioned my sexuality. Pissed me off again. But I still had thoughts and they scared me more. I never knew anyone who was gay at this point and I wasn’t sure on my friends and immediate family’s thoughts on homosexuality. Then, one of my current best friends that was rooming with him at the time was planning on moving to California in October. My friend I started to have feelings for… offered me to move in. Living with someone you have feelings for… how the hell could this be a good idea?... My head couldn’t take it anymore. It started to affect me negatively from here on. 

Jumping to October 29th, 2016, around the time my best friend moved to Cali, my “crush” and a couple other people went out to a bar for a Halloween party. On the ride back after the party, there was an argument on who the hottest woman was there. I was asked on my opinion. I never paid attention to any there and lied saying, “the blonde one”. Believe it not, there were no blonde women there that nite… We make it to his house, I use the bathroom, and come out to hear my two friends, one I’ve known since elementary school and the one I had feelings for, uttering to each other if I was gay. I had it at this point. I leaned against some cabinets, slid to the floor, and told them, “Guys… I’m not sure what I am.” I was scared out of my fucking mind. But they were ok with it. They didn’t care. It didn’t make a difference. That was a slight sigh of relief but I was “playing the bi-card” at this time. I could be interested in women too I thought back then. But I had feelings for my friend at this time… a man.

It wasn’t even 2 weeks later that my feelings were bothering me even more so; I felt the need to tell my good friend how I felt. Another friend of ours had a post-Halloween party at his place on November 5th, 2016 (“remember, remember, the 5th of November” has new meaning for me now); it was fun at first but the cops shut it down due to noise complaints. Still bothered, I then texted him at 1:00AM asking him where he was. He was on his way back home. I waited for him til 2:00AM when we arrived back to talk to him. I initially stated I started having feelings for someone we know and didn’t know what to do. He knew I was going to say it was him but kept asking who. I started to hold back myself from saying it was him. I was fucking crying for god sake. But I said it then. I liked him. And I couldn’t take it back. He then said his side of the matter; he appreciated me telling him, was flattered, but did not feel the same back. He did not feel that way about men. It didn’t change anything between us which shocked me. But I still didn’t know what to do. Did I simply just let it go? I unfortunately didn’t and it caused a major problem later on. I had more feelings for him after that talk. It wasn’t right. But I felt I lied to myself if I let it go.

January 2017 came around and I told my best friend in Cali about my questioning; he was ok with it and stated his support. I even told one of my friends that questioned me the nite of that Christmas party. I thought he out of all my friends would have the BIGGEST problem with it; but he didn’t. He hugged me and opened up much more about himself to me than I expected. He even suggested I talk to this woman we knew; little did I know she would end up helping me so much and becoming one of my best friends after we had dinner one nite. Oh, that major problem I mentioned? It began during the end of that month. Some friends and I were over at my “crush’s” place. My feelings were troubling me so much that nite. I ended up being a bit… “upfront” with him later that nite. How stupid could’ve I fucking been...

After that, he didn’t want to talk to me for awhile. He treated me differently. He distanced himself and when I look back on it, I can’t blame him. The feelings diminished away as they should’ve initially. I couldn’t believe I did this to a good friend. I crossed a line. I was not ok with myself. I felt like I was slipping into some phase of depression that screwed up my work performance, affected my job security, and made me feel everything was falling apart. Friends were breaking up and taking sides on different things. My one best friend moved to Cali and I thought I’d never see him again. I ended up telling more people that were close in my life about my questioning, including my parents, and everyone was ok with it. But I still struggled. I began to feel who I was was wrong. Being a man and having feelings for men was wrong.  I was still having AND causing problems. I even caused trust issues with more friends I care so much about and diminished those relationships significantly. I felt that I couldn’t take life anymore… I wanted to give up and leave everything behind… I tried to twice…

…

But I didn’t give up. I kept moving forward in dealing with this and figuring things out. The girl I mentioned who is one of my best friends now? She introduced me to so many new people that shared their experiences and opinions on things I never thought I’d hear about. She invited me to visit so many places that summer of 2017. From Sturgeon Bay, to Milwaukee, to Eagle River, to the Dells, to frickin’ Toronto, Canada for a big convention. I even went to Pasadena, California to visit my best friend that moved there and went to the Warner Bros Studios, downtown LA, and even saw the Hollywood Sign. I saw so much, did so much, and made so many memories. During that time, away from the typical things I dealt with back at home, it gave me answers to so many questions I had. That time even helped one of my other best friends in the area and coming to terms with her sexuality. But it answered one big one and I had an answer for myself soon enough; I am gay.

Since then, I’ve continued to meet new people, explore new places, and taken new opportunities that help me reach goals I’ve made for myself and what I want to do in my life. If I never came to terms with myself, I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed life as much as I do now. I never would’ve met so many amazing people. I never would’ve started playing shows again or getting a creative spark for music making again or even starting up a side business. It’s still a bumpy road, but isn’t it for everyone? You got to move forward, challenge yourself, and continue learning. That’s what life seems to be about to me. And I’m glad I see that now.

I’m sure most of the people closest to me have heard this story before so they can figure out who is who, but names shouldn’t be a defining factor here. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for the amazing friends and family I have. My parents; even though some initial concern was shared, their love never changed. My brother; 8 years younger than me and so much more open minded than I ever was when I was his age. My friends I’ve known throughout middle and high school; I’m glad that we still hang out, talk, keep in touch, even with all the problems I caused. My friends I’ve made during and after college; I appreciate everything you guys have shared with me and every chance we get to see each other is something I value highly. My friend who was my “turning point”; I know things can never be the same like before but it’s good to know it’s much better than before. My 3 closest friends; if I never met any of you, I never would’ve came to terms with myself. Now I know who I am. I’m an EDM-loving, music making, goal oriented, cartoon & meme-mimicking, ambitious man that loves taking on a new adventure every chance he can get his hands on and won’t let life’s obstacles hold him back (who happens to be gay). I am who I am and I haven’t felt the need to hide it for the past year now. Thank you all for the impact you’ve made on me.

Let’s see where life takes me next   :)

[athedemonsqueen]

I Found You #4 (Finn Balor Story)

“Got any queens?” Finn said- we were face chatting. “Gold fish!” I said, with a michvious smile.

“Ahh!” Finn said, picking up a card from his end. I laughed. It’s been nearly two months since our relationship took off and I could not be any happier. I felt lucky despite the difficulties the long distance relationship gave. 

“I deleted my Facebook and my...Instagram...” I said, placing down my cards.

“You didn’t have to do that...”

“I wanted to do that...” I said, Finn smiled at me, placing down a few cards himself.

“I figured, since I’ll be back home in Orlando after Wrestlmaina, you can stay with me.” Finn said. 

“I’ve never been to Orlando before” I giggled. “Never not even for a vacation?” 

“No, if we did go on vacation it was to California, because Disney World was there.” I said. “I got a travel points card today, hopefully I’ll make good use out of it.” I added.

“You know I can come to you too, why should you do all the traveling?” 

“Trust me, for now, it’s best if I go to you.” I held out my hand. “Your roommate?” Finn said. I glance over at Lucy’s empty bed, she is out with her boyfriend tonight. This would be consider a night out with Finn.

“Yeah, pretty much.” I sighed. “Once I’m done with internships, I can have my own place.” Finn smiled, he is home in Orlando now, farther away from me than what I’m use too, when Finn is near my home, I feel him a lot more; his presences that is, but when he is farther I feel him less. It’s something new I discovered about myself. 

Finn and I began to lay down, he crawled under his sheets with his shirt off. He laid on his side facing the computer screen, his eyes were slowly beginning to close. By now, Lucy is not back yet, and I have a feeling she is staying at her boyfriends tonight, which means I can keep Finn on the screen all night.

“You have to shave that friggin beard” I grumbled. “The beard is staying until I say it’s time to go.” Finn said, with a smirk. 

“Watch I’ll tie you down to shave it off.” I laughed, “I like the tieing down part.” He giggled.

“Oh la la...” I teased. Finn laughed heartly. 

“Is it warm in Orlando now?”

“Getting there...humid...I don’t like it.” Finn said. ‘Is it still cold there?”

“Murky cold...chilly at times...” I said. I fought to keep my eyes open. I didn’t want to close my eyes without Finn there with me. I wanted to stay on with him as much as I could. Fatigue was winning though.

“Go to sleep baby.” Finn said through his fatigue. “I don’t want too.” I grumbled.

“I know.” He said, shuffling through his sheets. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.” My eyes finally closed, but I was still awake, through out the night. I just needed to know Finn was still there. Every now and  then I would open my eyes just to see if Finn was still there. I need to know, because through out this relationship, I’m in disbelief. I can not believe, Finn Balor, the famous WWE superstar is in a relationship with me. I always need that clarity. Once I saw he was sleeping, I smiled and went back to sleep. 

--

Morning came, Finn had gone to the gym for the day, I went to sign job applications, but it was not for Seattle it was jobs in Orlando. As crazy as it sounds, I was signing job applications for Orlando. Finn knew about it, it seems like a good idea. Just the other night, I discuss moving out of the West coast period, and he suggested to find a place for myself in Orlando and maybe over time move in with him. Moving to the East, is a bold move of mine, but Finn is worth it. Leaving Lucy, however, with no explanation might be difficult. 

Lucy has started to change in her own way. She spends less time in the house, and bills are not being paid. My savings were gonna start draining if I didn’t do something about this. It wasn’t her boyfriend, I had known Lewis for years, Lewis is clean cut, and it didn’t explain Lucy’s behavior. 

The front door slammed and Lucy stormed into our bedroom. The first thing I noticed was her hair, it was stringy looking, unwashed, and her make up was slightly smeered. She sat on her bed with her arms crossed and she looked like had been crying all night.

“Lu what happened?” I got up and sat next to her.

“Where were you last night? Why didn’t you pick up the phone?” She cried hysterically.

“Honey, you did not call me all night, I know it.” I said. 

“You were so busy with your stupid boyfriend or girlfriend or whoever your dating!” She cried. She put her head in her hands and sobbed. Her arms were bruised and her clothes were tattered. 

“Did Lewis do this?!” I asked, hysterically. “Why would you care?!” She said, turning to me, with daggers in her eyes. She got up and chased me out of the room, before she could I grabbed my phone and keys and rushed out of the apartment. I went into the car and stop to sob for a few. I was hysteric, I’m normally a calm, collected person, but I was scared to death of Lucy. I scrambled for my phone and called Finn.

“Hello?” He said with his smooth voice.

“Finn!” I cried, tears flowed from my eyes. “(Y/N) honey what happened, why are you crying?” 

“Lucy...almost...attacked me....” I cried. 

“What?! Are you ok? Where are you?” He asked, I hoped somehow he would jump in a car and come and save me.

“I’m sitting in front of the house in the car...’ I said, turning slightly to look out at the window.

“Ok, just listen to me, baby just listen, go somewhere for awhile, I’ll stay on the phone with you.” Finn said, calmly although I could sense the uneasiness in his voice. I drove to the local coffee shop and talked to Finn on the phone for hours.

“I guess now, I have nothing here, I mine as well pack up and move to Orlando now.” I said to Finn.

“Forget moving in alone than, you will move in with me.” He said, catching me off guard.

“Finn, don’t you think that is too soon?” “I’ve gave it a lot of thought, no one is willing to give up their life like you do to be in mine...I only realize now that, I love you more than anything.” Finn said. I smiled through the stiffness of my face. 

I sniffled, “And I love you, you’ve made me so happy I can’t explain it, how I feel....” 

“Do you ever feel that I’m close?” “When you’re physically close, state wise, yes...” 

“And when I’m far, it’s difficult for me to feel you.” Finn said, softly. I gripped my napkin as if it was Finn’s hand. “I get that feeling all the time.” I whispered. Finn sighed softly through the phone. I felt a deeper connection with him, deeper than what I use to feel, and I started to think that Finn is the one for me, but I didn’t make that known yet.

“Well, I have something else we need to talk about...” Finn said, his voice becoming serious. 

“Oh”

“We can’t do Wrestlmaina in New Orleans...” Finn said, my heart dropped to my stomach.

“Why? What happened?” 

“Too many people are coming and they may not have enough room...it’s the biggest crowd they’ve ever seen.” Finn said. 

“So where are you going to be?” 

“I don’t know yet...” he said, I scoffed “Finn, I put a lot of money into that plane ticket, baby.” I said.

“I know, I know once I figure out where we are going to be I’ll let you know, don’t worry baby, you’ll still see me one way or another.” Finn said. I smiled, slouching down in my chair. 

“I love you baby” I whispered, “i love you too.” I was somewhat annoyed about Wrestlmaina, not at Finn, it’s not his fault but everything seemed to be going wrong and nothing scared me more than an uncertain future. Finn was my light in the dark, the only reason to keep pushing to Wrestlmaina. 

@mylittlepartofthegalaxy @devitts-girl @igobypoet @caguayo85 @nickysmum1909

[eyssimont]

Big Blue Waves - Mikey Eyssimont

W/N: Oh hi, let me introduce you to one of my emotional support St. Cloud State alumni. Mikey Eyssimont, who currently plays for the LA Kings AHL affiliate, the Ontario Reign. Fun fact: I love him. that’s all. I’ve been trying to just write things whether anyone reads them or not bc I really enjoy putting these ideas down instead of keeping them in my head.

Inspiration: This song “Killing time in Hawaii” by The Money Pit, this quote, and this quote and his insta.

Summary: Mikey makes a pact with you that you both have one year to reach your goals with a sweet reward for your hard work if you make it.

Word count: 1640

Warnings: None. It’s just general fluff, but there are mentions of stress, anger, and a slight emotional breakdown and some cursing.

Image credit: his insta linked above

-------

“We’ll meet up again in a year and see where we ended up.” your boyfriend Mikey said to you as he sat on a stool hunched over the island with a beer in hand.

“Why are you saying that like I’m moving away or something, dumbass.” you shook your head with furrowed brows standing across from him in the kitchen. “Are you-- are you breaking up with me? You sarcastically exclaimed. “Fuck-- no,” he responded looking up at you with fear in his eyes. “I mean it like we’ll compare notes.” you let out a laugh followed by apologetic eyes. “You sound like a nerd.” was all you could get out and Mikey ignored you.

You and Mikey weren’t struggling. He was playing in the AHL as a part of the Ontario Reign and you were finishing your last year of college. You were both happy but you wanted more and you knew Mikey did too. You dreamed of getting a job in your career field so you wouldn’t have to stay at your office job and your boyfriend wanted to play in the NHL. It was simple really but things wouldn’t just magically change without any effort. You both knew that which is why in a frustrated fit Mikey had a proposal. You two had a year to do as much as possible to move up in your respected fields, to chase those dreams and reach them-- or at least get closer to them. The reward would be a trip to Hawaii. Just the two of you, reflecting on the past year together.

“You know that means we have to save up, right? Was your response to his plans. “And one of us has not only a beachfront apartment but is also terrible at saving money,” you added reminding him of all the trips he and his teammates have taken over the past 3 years, they were practically regulars at all the vineyards across central California. Mikey finally looked up at you and let out a soft chuckle, "I wouldn't say beachfront more like beach adjacent. You let out a laugh. “plus, I'm not that bad with money.” and you knew neither one of you believed him.

So that’s what you two did. You dove into your senior year of college with a few goals in mind: get good grades, find an internship or job opportunity, and pick up new skills that would help you stand out on applications. Mikey's goals were pretty simple. He wanted to focus on working out and come into training camp stronger, keep his health in check, and cut back on trips with his teammates in order to save money.

Mikey was super supportive on your first day of school, reminding you that you were totally capable of kicking ass in school. But it wasn't always easy. You went through periods of not being able to see each other. Your essays lining up back to back while he trained more often. And when training camp started well, the communication began to fall.

You missed him, having barely any time to see him let alone attend his games, more than anything you wanted some time with him without having to think of school, or recommendation letters, or your future.

One afternoon after practice you arrived at his apartment as a surprise. Wine and food in hand. You wanted a nice night inside with your favorite person. After texting Mikey to let him know you were at his place he didn't respond.

It wasn't like him, he always sent an emoji here, an "ok" there, and even though it annoyed you, you always let it go because at least it was a response.

You saw him walking to his building and made your way to him hoping to not scare him.

"Hey, Mikey!" You called after him, trying to catch up.

He stopped and turned to you with his fingers wrapped tightly around his keys. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, irritated. You were taken aback by his tone.

"I wanted to surprise you with dinner-- didn't you get my text?"

“No.” he swiftly turned around and made his way up to the apartment where you followed him up the steps.

"Why the fuck are you ignoring me?"

You yelled as he opened the door.

"We haven't seen each other in weeks and this is how you greet me?" There was an edge to your voice that caused Mikey to look up at you. 

"I got cut from the fucking roster today Y/N." He clenched his jaw and lowered his eyes.

"I'm starting the season back in Ontario." He polished the statement by throwing his keys against the wall.

Your eyes softened as you stood there frozen.

"Baby" you dropped the items you'd been carrying and made your way towards him. "Baby, look at me." You picked his chin up to meet his eyes. "I know this sucks. I know this feels like a setback." His eyes fell again and you resorted to holding his hands in yours. "But you've been here before and you've bounced back. You've worked so hard this summer and you deserve to take any opportunity to get better. You still have this season to get called up."

"I know-- it's just" you cut him off and placed a kiss to his forehead.

"Your time will come, Eyss. I promise."

---

Mikey was having a great season in Ontario quickly surpassing his goal and points totals from the previous two years in the first half of the season. You finished the fall with straight A's and secured an internship for the spring. Things were looking up for you both by the time the end of winter rolled around.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You yelled and it caused Mikey to jerk awake on the couch next to you. You had found some time to hang out with him and even go to a few games during your break before school started up again.

"What the fuck happened?" He asked while rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"One of the classes I need-- a required class-- one that I need to graduate was just canceled." You threw yourself against the couch. Frustration building up within you.

"Mikey, please say something."

"I really want pizza right now." You were about to raise your voice at him when he moved closer to you to wrap you in a hug.

" Babe it’s ok. You know, this isn't the end. It's just a bump in the road. Your school will figure it out soon enough." He spoke matter-of-factly placing a kiss to the back of your hands.

As you two enjoyed your favorite pizza later that night, laughing and talking about memes you enjoyed you felt a little at ease. Your school sent a follow-up email. They were scrambling to find a new professor and if they couldn't, another class could be taken to fulfill the requirement. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. 

---

By March, the realization that your college career would be over was starting to set in. You had struggled in one of your classes. Not being able to get the material and it was the biggest form of stress. Spending another night calculating how you'd pass the class without sacrificing your GPA caused an emotional breakdown. You were exhausted from another night of essay writing and research. Your internship was great and you loved the hands on experience but having to leave your stable office job for a temporary paid internship always caused financial stress you didn’t want to trouble Mikey with. On top of that, you hadn’t been to one of his games in months. Mikey had been called up for a few games, making his NHL debut on the road but was then sent back down when his injured teammate returned. Sometimes it felt like you couldn’t catch a break, like the world was against you. You finished another cup of coffee hoping to wrap up your latest 10 page paper hoping in some sense that you and Mikey could brave this storm.

---

The wind was blowing lightly against your skin as you settled in your seat. The sun was scorching but the shaded patio area was comfortable enough. With wine in hand you watched the waves crash against the sand in the distance. Mikey walked back to the table while you finished up.

"You ready to go?" He asked, extending his hand out to wrap with yours as you headed towards the beach.

You two walked on the sand until you were close enough to watch the waves. Even with the ruckus of families talking and kids playing around you, you both sat down on the sand. Taking in the past year of your lives.

"So, is this the part where we compare notes?" You asked jokingly.

Mikey chuckled and stared off into the distance. You admired the way his curls popped out from under his sun hat. He swore up and down you both needed to wear one to protect yourselves from the sun. You loved the way his sun-kissed skin glowed, how he wore his Hawaiian shirt completely opened, fearing the hideous tan he'd get if you didn't remind him to just fully take it off. After some silence, Mikey finally spoke.

"I can't believe we're here." 

You laughed softly. "Seriously, Mikey, we made it. You have a fucking NHL contract, babe." 

"And you have a college degree and a job lined up." 

Your smile was contagious and Mikey's mouth curved into a smile to mirror yours. As you drank in his brown eyes you held back tears.

"Michael, where are we going next year?" you asked, turning to watch the waves hitting the shoreline again and again.

"Anywhere."

[junker-town]

No sports, no fun

Getty Images

Good bye, maybe.

I’m afraid I won’t ever feel again the way I did on Nov. 4, 2000, when I was not yet 13 years old and the pain was new and all-consuming. I loved sports so much it hurt, and that love bore bitter fruit when Anthony Thomas fumbled a football for no good reason, and Michigan lost to Northwestern, 54-51, in the most stunning game I can remember.

I couldn’t question the feeling, nor did I think it could be questioned; my amygdala pulled its trigger and I buried my face as deeply as I could into our cold, wave-patterned couch in the next room. My shock even erased the memory of the steps I took. I remember the twin feelings of a cold couch on my face and injustice. Or maybe not quite injustice, but something unfair. It didn’t feel targeted. For the first time maybe, I felt impersonal, unmotivated and heavy cruelty.

Thomas was a football player of mythic proportions, a torso of concrete and legs made thick just from making sure his upper half didn’t topple over. He was marvelous, and at all times mildly disappointing, a perfect picture of inefficient smashmouth football just before the sport discovered better ideas. Thomas carried the ball 37 times for 199 yards, but he was outdone by Damien Anderson, who rushed for 268 yards on 31 carries in a Randy Walker offense that was one of the first examples of spread football on a big stage.

That game would come to be known as one of the most influential in college football history because of the way an underpowered team shocked another team of Thomas-ian proportions. But lost in the final score is the way Thomas fumbled. He broke through the line for what should have been a game-winning first down, then he simply dropped the ball.

There was and is nothing to be learned from that. The whole was instructive; the details were not. Michigan would have won but Thomas dropped the ball, and then I hurt and I couldn’t make it stop.

I obsessed over that play. At the time, I obsessed over every aspect of Michigan football. I remember falling asleep thinking about Michigan’s ongoing high school recruiting class, its deficiencies and how the current commitments might shape the team. I used to take a football out to our front lawn and play out the upcoming games drive by drive, hucking the ball up in the air and running under it to make a big catch. If I was feeling generous, I’d give the opposition a rare interception. On a related note, I was a pretty lonely kid.

Before I developed a better relationship with sports, I approached them almost exclusively as something my team either won or lost. I decided I ought to take them very seriously, to the extent that everyone should think of me as a person who knew sports. I wanted to have the best answer to every question; I wanted to be a vessel of knowledge that others would rather submit to than challenge.

At the time, it seemed like a hobby. Now I know I was compensating for being a pipsqueak in every other regard. The problem, either way, was how much I had staked my confidence in being right.

In college, I took an internship at a fantasy sports website and learned how dumb I was. I found out there are people who seem to know every bit about everything — things like baseball — who could not only hold a greater mass of information in their brains than me, but could also do so without being an uptight dick about it.

What I should have learned was that caring about things intrinsically, and not for egotistical reasons, opens up our capacity to both know and love more about the world. Instead, I felt like I was drowning, like every moment more evidence was piling on top of me about what a fraud I was, faster than I could claw from under it.

I wondered if I could say I loved sports like I used to, or if I ever loved them to begin with. That period showed me a couple things: 1) That I could bull shit anything in writing, and 2) maybe I should readjust my relationship with sports.

I never stopped wanting to be a sportswriter, which I’ve wanted to be my whole life. But I also picked up a knack for editing, the process of turning your first thought into your best thought, of shaping and shielding and censoring an unvarnished self. That unvarnished self was often a truer self, perhaps. But it didn’t sing, and it never won.

I consider SB Nation my first real job, though when I started it only paid $1 more per hour than the fantasy gig. The difference was at SB Nation I saw a path to who I newly wanted to be. Which is to say, I started chasing a sense of superiority on moral grounds.

Working at SB Nation has never not been exciting, but my first and maybe last thrill was getting to say I worked with Spencer Hall. He’d become my favorite writer by crafting guttingly funny and guttingly poignant things about college football. A universe unfolded out of EDSBS.com, one that was weird and empathetic and antagonistic towards the capital-S Sportswriter lens and voice. Reading him gave me a physical sensation like my belly was made of splintered wood and a family of feral critters was tearing through, and that I ought to be happy for them.

I’ve read Spencer’s 2011 essay GOD’S AWAY ON BUSINESS dozens of times now and it never fails to scare the shit out of me.

None of this matters now. The man or woman in the desk is gone. They will not be returning anytime soon. Outside there are men roaming the streets. No one’s wondering who’s in charge, and that’s why the doors are locked, and the children inside quivering. When the desk is empty, it means anarchy is at your door. There are no permissions or courtesies. Shit just happens, and it happens all the time, and there’s no stopping it until everything you have is gone and bouncing out the door on the shoulders of thieves.

God, or anyone like him, is away on business.

I started aping Spencer then, and I’m still aping him now, though I feel more like myself. Mimic something long enough and you might accidentally discover some of the substance that makes the aesthetic work.

SB Nation taught me a better way to love sports. That what is true and good wasn’t in the results — on the field, or off where discourse boiled down to soggy debate — but in the ephemera. It was in baseball players taking pitches right to the beans.

SB Nation was dedicated to silliness and inclusivity. It highlighted the good people that sports elevated on rare occasions. It never fought along the chauvinistic battle lines that can feel like a mandatory part of fandom; in fact, it emphatically ignored them. And yet even after a decade-plus of existence, people still get upset when we suggest sports don’t have to be experienced in rote, tribalistic ways. Typically all you have to do is check the replies.

We never stated this mission very clearly, which has always kinda been a problem. Probably the problem. But if you paid attention, you saw it reiterated in countless ways. (Just click a letter, and note that none of these people work here anymore.) GOD’S AWAY ON BUSINESS was my value set among the many options, however. It told me that what we love most sometimes isn’t scored; that everyone has a responsibility to define and find joy for themselves, even if it may be outside the rules; and that to invest oneself in wonder and silliness also means taking on the duty to defend them.

At SB Nation I learned I didn’t have to identify by sports. I could have a relationship with them, I could be objective towards them, and I could turn them off. I learned that I have a self outside of what I like.

Working here has forced me to look back and figure out what I truly loved about sports. So far I’ve found two things: Charles Woodson, and the way sports helped a shy kid introduce himself. For me, sports’ best utility has been the way they facilitate genuine connection. Which is almost funny, because we know now the extent that sports are artificial by how easily they’ve disappeared.

But to know that sports have had some importance in one’s life is proof they can’t be trivial. They are real in the fact that we choose to empower them. The score has never mattered. Sports live because we give them life.

I don’t always feel good about that fact. Although I’ve come to terms with being mildly stupid, and I’ve gotten better at appreciating things intrinsically, I still often hate that sports are integral to me and that I’ll leave this mortal coil defined by something that never gave me agency.

There’s an image I’ll never shake. My last visit with my grandfather as he lay on the bed he’d die on. He was person I’ve perhaps wanted to emulate most in this world. A French history professor. The funniest, most considerate person I knew. He made everyone feel heard. I said this at his funeral:

He always paused before he laughed, turning over what you said and taking even the bad jokes and finding their point of redemption. Funny enough, this was a sign that he took you seriously, that he thought what you said mattered, even if you were five years old and nothing you had ever said to that point had ever been important. And because he laughed with you, you couldn’t help but laugh along side.

Just a month or two before I saw him among his final days, prostrate, suffering terribly from dementia and barely able to speak. He no longer embodied the self he had curated over 85 years. I talked to him about Michigan football because that had been the thing we talked about the most. He responded only in smiles and hmphs. I didn’t know if he retained anything I said until I started to leave the room. He said the last words I’d ever hear him say: “Go Blue.”

The image that haunts me isn’t my grandfather: Every memory of him makes me love him more, and I’m more grateful than words can say that in our last interaction we felt connected and happy.

Rather it’s my imagination, seeing myself dissolved layer by layer, body and soul disappearing. What would be left in a reduction of my experiences, love, regrets and relationships that I cultivated or destroyed? It might be sports’ afterimage, an outline of Anthony Thomas.

I feel sports’ absence. Maybe I’ve become accustomed to a constant hum of play, or maybe this pandemic has, in a terrible roundabout way, helped us see what is intrinsic.

But I do miss sports, even if that feeling is a byproduct of muscle memory. I miss fun, and sports have been the best outlet I’ve even known to find it. I’ve had a hard time not seeing this period as an attack on fun, that, more and more, the world is becoming something I don’t want to go back to: stodgy and bitter, a self-perpetuating game to see who’s winning at any moment. It feels like there’s no room left to be quiet and gentle.

I don’t know when fun will come back, and it feels fair to ask if it can. There has never been a good answer whether dumb anger is simply the natural state of things, or something we’ve reinforced on one another. There’s only the imprint that anger has left, deep with slippery walls.

The only thing I know is we all want to belong; that at the root of every fight is ostensibly the same impetus — to be full of love and free of worry once again, to feel complete and want for nothing. We just can’t agree on terms.

But I believe there is a healthy definition of belonging. One that does not subsume you, but lets you position yourself amongst the world, and create your own space as opposed to being dictated its rules. A way of editing that doesn’t entrench self, but amplifies it.

The end of the world is demanding, but we have options. And when I close my eyes, I can still see the world I want.