#diary type post

[toncomtoncosh]

Hi guys, recently I bought a scanner. I want to show you the capabilites of it and how if changed the quality of my posts. I had a lot of fun testing it around

So obviously the image quality is a lot better XD, but I can also blow up the drawings to an honestly disgusting amount of detail.

Here's also a zoom test I did on my first ever embroidery! This original thing was around 3x3 cm, I had the original dimensions written down but I'm too lazy to retrive it.

[agapi-kalyptei]

personal stuff that's kinda dark, dw if you're a friend you can skip this, i'm alright (relatively yk)

all our mothers had the same idea. he went too young. this could be my child. this could be my child. this could be my child.

my classmate, who was on and off one of the best friends and worst assholes (or... ok he was only a mild asshole) has passed away on Wednesday. Today was his funeral. Two group chats, from the elementary school and gymnazium classes, had the same sentiment - I can't believe this, he was so young, does anyone know what happened, his parents must be devastated. Nobody dared to say the obvious.

We were all worried of our own mortality. Just finishing 4 decades, we all know now the era of divorces, cancers, heart attacks and strokes is becoming real. My classmate probably drank himself to death, over time. He's been isolating himself for some time. At some point he unfriended me on facebook, already 10 years ago, after my posting became more... well. Let's say I was hanging out with an international crowd and he was going to the gym and shooting range with cops.

Who knows what he was really like in the last few years. I don't. I don't know any of my classmates anymore, not in any substantial way. Most have kids. A lot of them are good people, I'm sure. I'm sad about his passing, of course. But I'm not particularly shaken.

I've been contemplating my own mortality for ages. Depressed and anxious since I was 8-10, I didn't think I'd live past 25. When I lived past 25, I moved it to 35. When I was 35 I had the time of my life and didn't want to stop living. But you don't forget what it's like to have a death wish, what's it's like to simultaneously be worried about dying too soon.

And so what becomes a foolish wish when you're 15 or 20 or 25 suddenly becomes the opposite fight. You're not self-sabotaging anymore, you don't "go hitchhiking at 3am". Now your choice of food, you pushing yourself to exercise even when you're dead tired, attempting healthy social life even if you want to sit at home and read and hide from the world under very cozy blankets, that's now your fight for survival. If you value life, you have to dedicate time to work on it. Survival isn't guaranteed anymore like when you're in your 20s where you just drink a few times a week and bounce right off after drinking a liter of coca cola and two red bulls while gulping down fried cheese with fries or whatever trash fast food has the most salt.

It's good be alive, but the era is changing. I'm told we have enough microplastic in our brains to make a plastic spoon, and I guess we're doing well enough given those conditions, but the era is changing and the problems we're facing will be taken a notch or two higher.

Even on higher difficulty settings. It is good to be alive. Please remember that. Take care of yourself and your loved ones.

[eysunemu]

me when i wake up again (i did NOT sign up for this)

[choccy-milky]

part 3 to my modern AU 💞🍺 (part 1 / part 2)

[sweetlullabyebye]

Characters that are absolute lovesick disasters but also brutal killers are... definitely something

[jess-needs-a-fvcking-break]

“I wish I was bipolar”

But you attack people when they go from extremly hyper to not being able to move. And call them crazy when they hallucinate.

“I wish had bpd”

But you hate when people are too clingy. And refuse to believe it’s anything other than the TikTok romanticize version.

“I wish I cvt”

But you comment “go deeper” under posts of people with HEALED scars. And refuse to believe their are other ways to $h other than cvtting

“I wish I had an 3d”

But you don’t believe overweight people can have 3ds (res or binge). And comment things like “oh… maybe i should lose some weight” under people’s recovery posts

[jeante13]

I just wanna be a vampire

[slutdge]

can someone please tell me what the fuck swifties are smoking that makes them lose their minds about lyrics that read like they were written by a 6th grader that just broke up with her first boyfriend after one day

[jirainikolai]

wow! i haven't cut myself in 3 months! *i says with joys*

*i cried over a bottle of ibuprofen because all i wanted to do was kms*

(in the style of those mr evil guy tiktok audios)

[lyraofthestarsss]

The Hayden assassination arc is really getting to me. The universe really said the Zvahl siblings are orphans and will STAY orphans

I feel like Hayden’s death really showed the most of Laurance’s greatest flaw. He’s angry, almost uncontrollably so. But the issue is not the anger, but how he manages it. His anger is tied to his shadow knight abilities, and he HATES that part of himself. He’s terrified of becoming a monster with no control over himself. So in an effort to maintain that control, he buries any and all negative feelings deep within himself. But all of that pain festers inside, and the suppression only creates even more explosive anger. It’s a viscous cycle

There were a few moments where I was a little angry at Aphmau for not realizing how much pain he’s in and instead focusing more on the murder investigation. But then I realized that’s it not her job to take care of his mental health for him. She can comfort him of course, that’s what friends do. But she is not responsible for this cycle of suppression and explosion he put himself in

It’s heartbreaking though. Watching someone come undone in front of you, and only being able to watch. The Zvahl siblings have lost so much. Cadenza is practically paralyzed in her grief and depression. And Laurance is forcing himself to carry on when he is not yet ready to

[tygerlilyrotsaway]

so if I never go to the doctor..

and I never get any sort of diagnosis for anything..

does that mean..

there's nothing wrong with me..?

(I've never been taken to the doctor in my life, I suspect I have some things but no official diagnosis n nobody likes sm1 who self diagnosis themselves so like I think I'm actually fine guys I'm just a little silly sometimes :p)

[eysunemu]

jirai girl breakfast (⁠☆⁠▽⁠☆⁠)

[youkaiyume]

I DID just watch Apothecary Diaries though, and I DID enjoy that. Though it's in a different genre to My Happy Marriage I did think the barely there, minimal "romance" if you can even call it that in Apothecary Diaries was more believable than whatever the heck was going on in "Happy Marriage". At the very least I enjoyed this one more as an AU historical anime. It felt more grounded, and I liked each story as it's own fun bit sized detective story. I think the only time I really got taken out of it was maybe when I see the courtesans wearing western looking or modern looking clothes for like. fanservice.

I do have to say though as a "romance" I also can only tolerate so long the status quo of two people having cute moments but one or the other or both do not acknowledge it or it dissolves its own tension with a joke--and it goes on and on forever. It's the reason why I kind of got tired of Spy x Family. Although I acknowledge that the conceit of both of these animes is not the actual romance part so that takes backseat. But I'm not satisfied with it being in the backseat forever cuz I get bored and then I perceive it as little to no character development.

[jess-needs-a-fvcking-break]

Me when my sexüal trauma actually affects how I form relationships and how I act:

[yurei-yume]

Hiii…. I haven’t been posting bc I’m always playing games on my pc ahaha… I’ve kinda like. Given up. On recovering and all that. I’ve decided I’m completely unlovable and not worth anything so might as well rot away in my room and play games right?

Thinking that I could change was probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Anyways thanks for all your support.

[marimayscarlett]

If Richard was a vampire, what kind would he be? Like would he sparkle like from Twilight? Would he come from The Lost Boys universe, or Fright Night or Interview with a Vampire?

This has been bugging me for weeks, I want to write a vampire!Richard fic but I can't figure out the best fit for him, I'm not sure if this has been asked before tho so I apologize in advance of it has! Also feel free to do the rest of the Ramm boys if you'd like!! I love hearing your opinions!!

I wanted to ask the vampire and RZK knowledge queen, thanks!! 🥰

Hi 👋

⚠⚠⚠ This will be long. I am so sorry. ⚠⚠⚠

Oh dear, dear Anon, now you've really stirred something up here... Once I start talking about vampires, especially in connection with Richard, it can get very long, very detailed, and very rambling (as you see below). On top of that, it’s the kind of thing that interests about 0.2% of this fandom, while the rest probably falls asleep halfway through. BUT WHO CARES. (well, I do...) I’m still going to answer extensively, as I have quite a few thoughts on this.

I’ll first introduce the key traits of various vampire races across different vampire media (series, films, books), including some of the ones you mentioned and a few I myself find important (I just chose a few, otherwise this would've gotten endless). I’ll use bullet points to make things easier to follow. Then, I’ll compare those traits with Richard’s aesthetic and estimate which characteristics would suit him best.

Some vampire characteristics (I forgo mentioning the teeth since at least this is pretty similar):

Interview with a Vampire (book by Anne Rice & movie from 1994) vampires stop aging after they're turned - pale, with luminous skin - require human/animal blood to survive - transition: through through the exchange of blood with a vampire - exposure to sunlight is fatal (burning skin etc), fire is also deadly - crosses and holy water have no effect on them - no reflections in mirrors - sleep not really necessary, still rest during the day

-> a quite typical and traditional depiction of vampires.

The vampire diaries (books by Lisa J. Smith and show from 2009-2017) stop aging after their transformation - eyes darken, veins appear beneath them, and their fangs emerge when feeding or angry - rapid healing abilities - human becomes a vampire by dying with vampire blood in their system, followed by completing the transition through feeding on blood - sunlight burns and weakens them, solution: daylight ring made by a witch - weakened by Vervain (burns their skin) - die by stike through the heart as well as from beheading, heart ripped out of their chest, fire, werewolf bites - Vampires can compel humans to obey their commands - can suppress their emotions by turning off their humanity - "original vampires" as the origin of all vampires

-> a more modern interpretation with some loopholes for the vampires

Black Dagger Brotherhood (books by J. R. Ward) larger and more physically imposing than humans, excellent fighters - eyes change color when they feed - extraordinarily long lifespans, but they are not completely immortal (can be f.e. killed by explosions) - can only survive by drinking the blood of the opposite sex from their own species - Vampires are born, not made: transition from mortal to full vampire during their mid-20s, is extremely dangerous, often fatal - Sunlight is deadly - Vampires form intense, lifelong mating bonds to their "shellans" - strong sexual drives, closely tied to their feeding habits and emotional connections - require downtime during the day - some vampires possess unique powers (mind control, telekinesis)

-> a quite dramatic and very emotionally charged interpretation

The Lost Boys (movie from 1987) maintain a human appearance, but reveal monstrous features when feeding or fighting - do not age and can live forever - can be killed by a wooden stake to the heart, decapitation, or severe injuries - possess superhuman strength, speed, agility - can fly or hover - transition by drinking vampire blood - require human blood to survive - sunlight is deadly - garlic and holy water burn and repel them - no reflections in mirrors - form groups or "packs" - killing the vampire "leader" (head vampire) can reverse the transformation for those who haven't fully turned

-> mixture of traditional and more modern-fantasy elements

Twilight (books by Stephanie Meyer, movies 2008 - 2012) pale skin that sparkles in sunlight - eyes change color based on their diet (gold: animal blood, red: human blood) - do not age and can live forever - superhuman strength, speed, reflexes - heal instantly from injuries unless they're torn apart and burned - human becomes a vampire if bitten and exposed to venom - are not harmed by sunlight, yet prevent it due to their skin - bodies are described as hard as stone - do not sleep or rest - some vampires possess unique supernatural powers (telepathy, precognition, emotional manipulation) - form covens or families - not affected by garlic, holy water, crosses, or wooden stakes

-> a modern and romantized way of characterisation

Dracula (book by Bram Stoker, movie 1992) pale with blood-red lips (book, movie in the beginning)) - do not age and immortal - possess superhuman strength, speed, and heightened senses - have the ability to hypnotize or mentally control their victims - require human blood to survive - human becomes a vampire by drinking a vampire’s blood after being fed upon repeatedly - sunlight weakens them, yet does not kill them immediately - can be killed by a wooden stake through the heart, decapitation, or exposure to sunlight and fire - are repelled by crosses, crucifixes, holy water, and consecrated ground - no reflections in mirrors - less powerful during the day, prefer to rest in their coffins filled with soil from their homeland - can summon and command nocturnal creatures like bats, wolves, and rats

-> most likely the most famous characterisation of vampires

Nosferatu (movies from 1922, 1979 and 2024) either rodent-like appearance (1922, 1979) or grotesque rotten corpse aesthetic - do not age and immortal, yet appearance seems to change through the years - require human blood to survive - completely destroyable by sunlight - is associated with disease and pestilence - must sleep in coffins filled with soil from their homeland - raw, primal desires very evident (2024)

-> based on Dracula, yet still different (and unnecessarily hot in case of the 2024 version)

Now on to my small evaluation, which traits I could see in Richard:

Well, where do I begin? I’d most likely place Richard, on one hand, in the rather traditional universe of Interview with the Vampire. It fits his at-times very sophisticated demeanor - "very gentleman" (to quote him), very classic, very seductive. At first glance, he would fit perfectly into that world, also because it feels like it aligns with the dramatic stage persona he occasionally adopts.

Nevertheless, other traits also suit him if we indulge in vampire fantasy: the ability to manipulate others with unbeatable persuasion (compelling) from The Vampire Diaries, the pack mentality from The Lost Boys or Twilight when you think of his loyalty and love for the band and his family. Curling up at home with movies or retreating to his studio to recharge or find refuge - leaving aside the morbid aspects, this reminds me of the rest accommodations in Dracula or Nosferatu. And lastly, I also see him fitting well into the Black Dagger Brotherhood universe. The emotionality that sometimes overflows, the mutual loyalty among the brothers, and not least the strong attraction between the sexes, along with the significant focus on emotional and physical connection and lust.

As you can see, I can’t quite decide. Hopefully, this helps you anyway 👀

Some fitting gifs to add to the mood:

As for the other band members, I’m torn because I don’t see all of them fitting into the vampire direction when it comes to a fantasy AU. The one I could most imagine in the vampire realm would be Schneider - most likely in the Vampire Diaries direction. It’s just a feeling that this would suit him: some classic elements combined with loopholes that would allow him to enjoy life as a vampire.

Thank you for your attention, if you made it this far 😌