#depression awareness

[hornyitaliankitty]

I’ve missed you! 🌞

[marimeiastories]

I don't want to be in love with someone

I want to be in love with life

so fiercely

that I forget all the pain

and all the days in which I thought

I couldn't do it anymore

- marimeiastories

[dragubel]

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Jonathan Davis x Fem Reader

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┃You finally meet Jonathan after eight months of not being able to see him for a long while, you were Jonathan's old friend, or.. that's what you thought until... Well, you'll see ;)

┃words: 1997

┃Physical sex: AFAB

┃Contains the following: Cussing, sex, cunnilingus, P in V, unprotected intercourse, drunk sex, praise, degradation, public area, Fluff, aftercare, and comfort.

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as you step into the dimly lit bar, amidst the crowded people, you can point out Jonathan and the rest of his band. you and Jonathan have been good friends for a long time, and even had some intimate moments together in the past and even recently. you push yourself through the crowd of drunken people as you try to get to the front of the bar where you can see Jonathan and the rest of his band. you can see Jon pointing at the strongest drink on the menu, and thanking the bartender politely when they handed it to him, as he immediately started chugging it. Finally, after maneuvering through the crowd, you reach Jonathan’s side, his bandmates initially wearing expressions of confusion as they struggle to recall who you are amidst their intoxication. However, it doesn’t take long for recognition to dawn upon them, as they recall the countless encounters you shared back in the early 1990s. A warm smile spreads across your face as you embrace Jonathan, the familiarity and fondness between you are evident in that heartfelt hug. The reunion feels like coming home, even amidst the pulsing chaos of the bar, and it sparks a strong sense of intimacy between you and Jonathan for the night ahead.

“Hey! Where’ve you been for like eight months??” he questioned you with his words kinda slurred.

Your gaze met his, a mixture of amusement and affection in your eyes as you playfully nudged him.

“Well, life got a little crazy, but I’m here now,” you replied, a playful tone in your voice. “I’ve missed you, Jonathan. It’s been a while.”

Jonathan’s face lit up with a mixture of relief and excitement. “I Missed you too, ___,” he confessed, his voice tinged with genuine warmth.

As the hours slipped away and the bar thrived with energy, your conversations grew deeper, echoing the intimacy you once shared. Jonathan’s intoxicated and seductive gaze locked onto yours, his eyes reflecting a mix of emotions - longing, curiosity, and perhaps a hint of something intimate, almost even hypnotic. The allure of the night entwined with the unimaginable amount of chemistry between you, igniting a magnetic pull that couldn’t be excused.

You were completely in love with him, as the feelings were mutual. His eyes, his smile, his personality, his voice, his hair…. everything about him just made you want him more than anything else in the world. “uh- I have to go to the bathroom.” you excused yourself as you pushed through the drunk crowd again, covering your face as it was bright red.

as you finally push yourself through the crowd and arrive in the dirty public bathroom, and you sit on the toilet in one of the stalls thinking about how Jonathan could genuinely love to be around a person like you. you never liked looking in the mirror every day, you think you’re annoying, you just don’t like yourself, but Jonathan does. you sat in the bathroom stall for over 30 minutes, completely zoning out and just staring at the badly drawn graffiti on the door of the stall, until you hear the door open and hear a familiar voice ask you, “Hey, you okay, ___?”

it was Jonathan, he unsteadily stepped closer to the small bathroom stall you were sitting in, you sat up correctly on the closed toilet and nervously answered 

“Yeah, I'm fine!” you unlock the bathroom stall door to see him standing in front of the door, staring down at the dirty floor until he realizes the door has opened to meet you standing there. His eyes slowly lift from the floor, and as they meet yours, a mixture of concern and tenderness washes over his face. Jonathan takes a step closer, his voice filled with genuine worry.

“___, are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, his slurred words laced with a sincere desire to understand. A thousand thoughts swirl in your mind as you take in the sight of him, the one person who has always seen through your insecurities. With a deep breath, you gather the courage to open up, to let him see the vulnerability that lies within.

“I… I just needed a moment,” you reply softly, your voice trembling slightly. “Sometimes, I struggle with my self-worth, and being around you, it’s both exhilarating and terrifying.”

Jonathan’s gaze softens, his eyes reflecting a depth of understanding that goes beyond words. He reaches out, his hand gently cupping your cheek, a gesture of comfort and reassurance.

“___, you are so much more than you give yourself credit for,” he says, his voice filled with sincerity. “To me, you’re the only person who was able to make me feel this way.”

without hesitation, you immediately kissed him deeply. his eyes widened in surprise, but you could tell he wasn't gonna do it sooner or later out of nervousness. you guys immediately start making out drunkenly, completely unaware of what else is going on, you two didn't have a care in the world. As the makeout session quickly starts to get more and more heated, before you know it, you are pinned up to the wall by Jonathan. he breaks off the kiss and looks at you deeply in the eyes seductively, as he starts to undo his belt with a drunken smirk on his face. his jeans fall to his ankles quickly, and he pulls down his boxers to reveal his boner. Your head is completely foggy, but you go along with it as you start to undo the zipper on your pants and uncover your soaked pussy. he grabs you by the thighs to pin you up to the wall in a more comfortable position and sticks his bulging fuzzy cock into your drenched intimate area. the bouncing between Jonathan's thighs and yours become wetter and louder by the second, along with drunken moans coming from both of you. the pace picks up instantly as he heard you whimper and moan, making you scream with the unexpected change of speed of his dick sliding abruptly in and out of your wet tunnel. the two of you start to moan into each other's mouth as the moment continues to go on for what feels like forever, which you couldn't complain about. as time goes on, Jonathan finally orgasms inside of your moist vaginal insides as he exits, leaving a white sticky substance behind. after a little bit of heavy breathing from Jonathan, he decided he wanted to change positions. he picks you off from you propped on the wall and sets you down carefully on the toilet seat, spreading your legs along with looking up at you while biting his lip seductively, preparing to give you even more pleasure, as you didn't think it was possible. he leans closer to your wet vagina lips and carefully slides his tongue inside, wiggling it around as a way of teasing you. you whimper at this act, and he smiles alluringly and starts tongue fucking you faster, sliding in and out faster and faster after each second passes. your eyes roll back as you bite your lip, your head is a foggy mess, but you are enjoying every second of what is happening outside of it. jonathan lightly sucks on your clit, along with sliding his already moist fingers into your other hole. you moan loudly as he picks up the pace and proceeds to suck your clit, harder and sloppier this time, along with giving occasional nibbles at times. his tongue slides out slowly along with his fingers. he looks up at you seductively as he's licking his fingers, now drenched in moisture. 

“you taste so good, my dirty little slut~” he praised. you get more and more aroused just looking at him, and you can't take it anymore. As he stands up, you lightly stroke his cock, letting him get to be pleasured as well. he whimpers as you do this, as of he wasn't expecting it. you start stimulating his moist tip and stroking his long lightly trimmed cock. you speed up the pace as well as rubbing around his anus to get him equal pleasure to what he gave to you. his head tips back as you start to full-on deepthroat him faster along with fingering his asshole. he grips your hair and pushes your head down on his cock as he moans loudly. you proceed to deepthroat him faster and faster, still caressing his dick. finally, once again, he cums as he lets out a long, relieved moan. you lick the leftover cum from your lips while making loving eye contact with each other. you get up to have another makeout session with each other, but then you two realize that the rest of Jonathan's band is still in the bar.

“Don't worry, I'll tell them that you're fine and that we just got… ‘carried away’ I guess.”

jonathan announced so you won't get stressed out. he opens the door and steps out of the bathroom, but forgets to look at himself in the mirror to find out that he's all sweaty and red. Jonathan walks out to the less crowded bar to find the rest of his band members sitting in a booth eating. they looked up at him in relief to find out that everything was fine, but they were still concerned as to why he was all red.

“what took so long?” munky asked Jonathan, looking up at him in confusion. “well, everything is fine, we just got carried away.” Jon responded as he scratched the back of his head. ���go grab ___ and ask if they want anything on the go cuz we gotta head out soon” Head announced as he finished the rest of his food. “wait, they can stay?” Jon asks in confusion but also excitement. “I mean, if they can and if they want to, we don't care.” head explains.

jonathan steps back into the bathroom and opens the stall door to find you sitting on the toilet seat, picking at the skin on your fingers.

“Hey, do you want anything on the go?” Jonathan asks you sweetly, being aware that you were stressed out they would find out and possibly be upset. “uh, what do they have?” you ask, but then cut yourself off. “wait, I can come with you guys???” you ask excitedly as jon nods his head.

you get food to go and eat in the tour bus, completely forgetting about the fact that you guys had sex in the bathroom about 30 minutes ago.

it's now around 12:30 AM and you are all getting tired, so you go to ask Jonathan something. “where do I sleep?” you ask curiously. “you can sleep in my bunk. ill sleep on the sofa” he exclaims. you nod OK and go to take a nap but then realize Jonathan has to sleep on the sofa, so you feel bad for taking his bunk.

“Hey Jon? you can have your bunk. I feel bad for taking it.” you apologized. Jonathan nods. “well why don't we just share?” he responds asking in curiosity. your face goes bright red thinking about sleeping in the same bunk as him, snuggling up against each other, stroking each other's hair, etc.

“___?” he asks in a worried tone, as your eyes are wide open and your face is completely red. “uh- yeah that's fine,” you say quickly, without hesitation.

when everyone got tired, Jonathan decided to stay up a little late doing who knows what. maybe writing songs. but he then also got tired and decided to climb into his bunk but was met with something else.

you were snuggled up inside of jonathans bunk, dead asleep. jonathan smiles softly at the cute sight and climbs into his bunk, along with wrapping his arms around you and getting cozy.

after a while, he as well falls asleep, while hugging you tightly, to make sure you feel safe and secure.

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i found this in the drafts when i was in the hospital, made this on my phone lmao and i am so sorry if i used y/n or fucked up in any type of way, i was put on sum heavy medication while i was in there so sorry if its fucky lmao i had so much fun making this though!

[theereina]

[annapearlie]

I have a cold

- by me

[siecobaina]

you're not "better off alone," you're afraid of rejection and you're trying to protect yourself, even if you would vastly benefit from the support of others.

[lovealexhunt]

These wonderful images were created by happinessproject on Instagram, raising awareness of Functional Depression.💛

[erika111111]

What mental illness does Josh really have?

On my first several play-throughs/watch-throughs, I thought that he was schizophrenic. But eventually I found the psychiatric report during Sam's section and it gives some interesting information.

So Josh is given antidepressants (Phenelzine during his treatment with Dr. Hill). Antidepressants can actually be used for schizophrenia in some cases, but what's interesting is the withdrawal side effects. Chris states "he's definitely off his meds" and "he's sick." So it's pretty obvious he hasn't been taking his medication lately. So let's take a look at some of the withdrawal side effects.

Hallucinations - I think this is the most prominent one, and also a strong indicator for him being schizophrenic. But the withdrawal side effects from his antidepressants also give him hallucinations as well. I don't think I really need to explain this one much, the entire sequence where he sees Hannah and Beth and also the Dr. Hill sequences are obviously hallucinations.

Paranoia - This is pretty similar to the above and I think they both go hand in hand.

Aggressiveness - I think the best example of this would be when he punches Ashley, as they make a specific point out of it. "You punched Ashley, you piece of shit!" "I got... so mad!" It was literally like Josh couldn't control himself.

Slurred speech - A lot of people point out that Josh talks very slowly and slurred sometimes. Now, we never see what he sounds/talks like before he's off his meds, so it potentially could have been the same, but I think it's worth pointing out regardless.

Ataxia - A common symptom of ataxia is a lack of coordination and unbalanced movement. Josh walks with a limp; a lot of people notice this during the Psycho/Sam chase scene.

So this is all very interesting and something to take into consideration. The fanbase seems to accept Josh being schizophrenic as a fact, including me for a while, but this could prove otherwise. Of course, there's no definitive proof either way. He could be schizophrenic given the wrong medication. He could be depressed and suffering from horrible withdrawals. It's never stated specifically, but again, I think it's worth pointing out that a lot of the withdrawal symptoms are what Josh is going through in the game.

Honestly, I think both schizophrenia and medication withdrawals are important to portray in media, so I'm happy either way. I have several family members with schizophrenia and was even the caretaker for one of them at one point. It disgusts me that there's such a stigma around schizophrenia and people view anyone with this condition as a monster. So I like that, if Josh is schizophrenic, he can be portrayed in a sympathetic light. On the other hand, I've personally dealt with antidepressant withdrawals. Despite being on meds that were supposed to help my depression, I was still so insanely depressed and I just stopped taking them because I felt like they weren't helping me enough anyway. I don't think these feelings and actions are portrayed enough in media at all, so I'd like some representation of that as well.

I feel like I'll get some negative pushback for this post, but in no way is this supposed to be negative. It's literally just supposed to be informative and also, for me, it's a win-win because I have a personal connection to both options. And I'm sick and tired of ableism and it's nice to see some good representation either way.

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[sunrisethoughts02]

Every morning, I open my door

and stand in the grass, saying

This is a new day, and I am alive. Alive, alive, alive, and this is a Good Thing.

for I am hoping for the morning where I believe my own words.

I think it will be here soon.

[viperslang]

Hell Loops of Chronic Depression

Quite like in a tent of mirrors at a carnival, your self image shifts and transforms depending on the kind of mirror in which you see yourself. If my mirror was a dismissive spouse, the image shrunk, became bloodless and meager to fit his fantasies. If the mirror was a casteist boss, the image flattened itself and learned to be quiet, submissive and servile. If the mirror was an abusive stepfather, the image tried to obliterate itself until it could no more and then, swelled up into Medusa’s head. As they say, you can’t reach the unconscious by denying the serpents that guard it. In each, didn’t the mirror establish the face?

[mental-mona]

This is the thing about depression: a human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.

- Elizabeth Wurtzel

[dragubel]

Michael Cudlitz And Josh McDermitt

I LITERALLY LOVE THEM🥹🥹🥹

[theereina]

*currently dealing with this

[annapearlie]

-

by me

[siecobaina]

pros and cons of being by yourself

pros:

- focus on yourself & understand yourself

- no rejection no heartbreak no humiliation

- can travel w/o feeling bogged down

- can do whatever you want lol

cons:

- loneliness

- don’t get to practice vulnerability

- boredom

- probably causes depression and low self esteem