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AND i’m trans? aw hell nah im dead

why am i so bad at everything i literally need to kill myself

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why am i so bad at everything i literally need to kill myself

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lowkey gonna kill myself

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CEO of ghosting people when my mental health is messed up

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the problem with alison bechdel (not really a problem, I'm just being insane) is that reading her work makes me feel like i'm reading about 30 other intellectual texts because that's what she references and directly quotes in order to support her narratives. so her work makes me feel like i'm getting smarter but tbh i should really just sit down and read all of these academics separately.

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hhy do i lowkey feel like getting into philosophy when you're too isolated and on the edifice of depression is a really bad idea.

i think philosophy should be tackled with friends and with community. because i studied existentialism for a semester and i was the most alone i had ever been and hegel lowkey drove me crazy thinking of everything as a construct, or a thought, or an idea..

not that philosophy makes anyone mentally unstable, but i feel like it can worsen that feeling of existential crisis nd doubt in your own life

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being a trans male is about wanting to die in a war

being a trans male is lowkey about wanting to get beaten up

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being a trans male is lowkey about wanting to get beaten up

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i’m desperate rn to go apeshit. my whole life ive been so controlling of myself. dont be seen as weird. dont be seen as weird. dont be a weirdo. i’m so tired man. i just want to live for once

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i think i’m going crazy… i get these random attacks of depression in the middle of the day,.. i’m so happy and then all of a sudden i get so furious at my dad like he’s forcing me to talk to him…. i can’t do my work i’m just lying around in bed hating my body and wishing i was born a man…. and every day it’s the same thing over and over… im exhausted…i lost all my muscle from sitting and lying around…

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they hate to see a big fucking pathetic coward loser winning

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i think it’s possible that if you have a lot of self-directed anger (esp as a method for motivating yourself), you may start to feel satisfied or proud of yourself for “holding yourself accountable” because you feel like earlier in your life you didn’t get angry at others when you should’ve and people got hurt because you didn’t get angry for them.

warning!! self-directed anger is still not productive! it’s still not righteous! you aren’t undoing the past in any capacity by hating yourself now!

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when you're a trans male but you're lowkey just better at being a girl!! shit man my makeup skills are crazyyy

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its actually really funny when hot characters have absolutely no status talents or money.. i think there’s an unfilled niche here. give me a 10/10 guy or girl who is broke, no prospects, no friends, no personality, no job, no will to live etc.

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all i do is plan my own death

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i’m sienna

taiwanese uni student

probably majoring in languages and accounting

i like anything masculine + the male body

goals for this year: self-control, employment, winning something, and improving my writing

intrinsic motivator: discipline

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my letterboxd review of beau travail was like “this movie could make me into the person i want to be” surprise it was code wording for “i am a homosexual trans man”