#definitely got nervous about that one
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doing my annual radio silence reread has become incredibly useful in terms of universe friday... i'm getting all the lore in check
and i am already finding things i did not remember!!! example: RADIO'S LUNAR BIKE???????
can't believe i could've forgotten something so cool like that. dw i'm making notes and annotating, tabbing everything i didn't remember to make sure details are up to date in universe friday!!!!!!!
#like what a freaking lunar bike???#do i know what a lunar bike is??? No#but is it gonna be a badass motorcycle in my head??? Yes#also glad to know the idea of universe city just being a university campus was not made up#always second guessed it since universe city is commonly just seen as this sci fi futuristic city#but no!!! there's lectures and everything like i write about PHEWWW#definitely got nervous about that one#universe city#osemanverse#radio silence#aled last#frances janvier#alice oseman#february friday#carys last#ask me anything#original fiction#universe city excerpt#universe friday#universe city podcast#original story#osemanverse books
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Look all I'm saying is if that a shadow game can work THAT well and be so well designed story wise and gameplay wise
HE can work
#sonic#silver the hedgehog#sonic the hedgehog#silver right now is such a open canvas of a character#story wise and gameplay wise#he's been a side character for so long and in the one time he was a main character his whole story was basically axed from canon#he's definitely been explored since then but not to extent we've probably wanted with this character-#and I'm talking mostly game silver cause obviously in IDW and archie he got some LOVE there#even if we never saw idw silver actually explore his good future#which i still think is a shame but also apparently if sega doesn't want that to be explored in a comic and saved for the games then#THEY BETTER EXPLORE IT SOON#and honestly gameplay wise he needs another shot as well#like C'MON his psychic's just needed better...well...PSYCHIC'S TO WORK#can you imagine what cool and fun movement he'd have now that sega is now slowy understanding what kinda stuff they wanna do with#the sonic franchise again and how it should play#i don't know if i should fully expect a silver game at any point#but he should ATLEAST be a second main character in a new game so people can be reintroduced to him and they can cook with him#IM TIRED OF SEEING MY SON GETTING HATED ON OR CALLED LAME#I WANT PEOPLE TO BE REMINDED OR SHOWN HOW COOL AND FUN HE CAN BE WHEN GIVEN THE SPOTLIGHT#archie and idw are the best examples of him as a character#he is a lovable friend and ally#but serious when he can be character#and his powers are literally so COOL AND INHERENTLY UNIQUE AND POWERFUL COMPARED TO OTHER'S IN THE CAST#like when surge saw silver come in casually carrying a large object and she got nervous THAT'S WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT#THIS MAN CAN BE A THREAT.#okay rant over DHDNDNDB
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– Beginnings.
Characters >> Lily Castellanos, Nathan Dixon (oc), Sebastian Castellanos Total >> 3.5k words Warnings >> Alcohol mention Context >> The first chapter of my own TEW3, taking place some months after the conclusion of the in-game events of TEW2! You can read more about it all here!
It snowed in Krimson City.
The sky had been the same dull gray color since sunrise, snowflakes slowly cascading down and covering the street in a thick blanket of snow. A heavy fog held the city tightly in its grasp– an eerie atmosphere hanging in the thin afternoon air and low-hanging clouds swallowing entire buildings whole– and with only limited visibility on the road, traffic was forced to crawl by in slow motion.
While not an unseen phenomenon, it was far from a common sight for early January, only days after Nathan’s birthday. He had spent that day snowed in in his little apartment, had celebrated it alone; not as if it mattered much, he doubted Kid even knew and besides his ex-colleague from MOBIUS he severely lacked other friends to hang out with those days.
He stood motionless at the fence of the small playground located in Krimson City’s public park, gloved hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his long, black coat with the collar popped up to shield the lower half of his face from the occasional sharp gust of wind. He had not moved in a while, shoulders and tousled black hair covered in a thin layer of fine white powder, frost nipping away at the tip of his nose as his eyes followed a group of kids excitedly running around.
It did not take a genius to notice Lily was significantly older than the others there, but none of the kids seemed to mind. It came as no surprise to Nathan to see her there– she had not once lost her playfulness even after everything MOBIUS had put her through, and without a proper outlet for it in all her years trapped in the shadow organization it only made sense for her to want to have a chance at spending the remainder of her childhood like she had always been supposed to.
He watched in silence as she scooped up some snow in her pink and orange mittens, wincing when one of the other kids threw a snowball directly at her face; she was smiling, though, and quickly pressed the snow together to then hurl it back, the surprisingly well-aimed attempt hitting someone else on the back of their coat.
‘You’re startin’ to freak out the other parents, standing there like that.’
The corners of Nathan’s mouth lightly curled up upon hearing the familiar, low voice, not needing to turn his head to know who joined him on the other side of the fence.
‘Was starting to wonder how long it’d take for you to notice me,’ he said, his own voice a little rougher than usual on account of the cold, and his severe lack of proper rest in the past few weeks. ‘Was gonna give you another five minutes before I’d walk over to introduce myself. You’re getting slow.’
‘I’m getting comfortable,’ Sebastian Castellanos corrected him with a scoff, returning Lily’s little wave as she ran by the both of them– Nathan merely greeted her with a single nod of his head– before quickly shoving his hand back in the pocket of his green jacket.
‘No need to keep my eyes up anymore, Nate. Threat’s gone, MOBIUS’ gone. Life’s improving day by day.’
‘Good.’
Nathan wished he shared Sebastian’s sentiment.
If anything, life had turned rather sour for him after they had successfully gotten rid of a large chunk of MOBIUS several months ago. He had never expected to walk away from it alive to begin with– and now, without the steady income the organization had provided him with for years, he found himself struggling to get by.
He glanced to his right, gaze briefly meeting that of the ex-detective before he quickly averted his eyes and let them wander back to the playground, trailing over the various snow-covered playground sets.
Sebastian looked good, healthy– much better than the state he’d been in when Nathan had last seen him all those months ago. Part of him regretted not reaching out sooner, the sudden reconnection now an obvious sign that something was wrong; though the wiser part of him knew that had he stuck around the Castellanos family they would not have been able to move on and heal, which was the last thing he would have wanted to be responsible for.
‘What about you?’ Sebastian quietly asked, as if he’d been able to sense Nathan’s melancholy. ‘You look like you haven’t slept in days.’
Nathan scoffed, slightly tilting his head to look at his feet and he absently kicked some snow off his boots. ‘That obvious? Sure feels like it.’
He had teamed up with Juli Kidman to deal with the remainder of MOBIUS, after the Union incident. Of course the destruction of the STEM environment hadn’t led to the fall of the whole organization– it would’ve been stupid of them to link all of their employees directly to the mainframe of a single STEM device, despite the Superiors’ obvious lack of knowledge concerning the technology– and while MOBIUS had suffered massive losses, it would only be a matter of time before they would regroup.
But he was not there to talk to Sebastian about how their hunt was going.
Something else had come up.
Nathan’s silence did not go unnoticed and Sebastian turned toward him, leaning sideways against the fence with a concerned look in his eyes. He did not need to say anything– and neither did Nathan, as he slowly pulled his hands out of his pockets and removed one of his black, leather gloves.
The pale top of his left hand had a burned appearance, as if fire had scorched away skin and flesh– the wound only partially healed leaving it broken and torn clinging closely to his veins and bones. Though despite how recent he had received the scar, its appearance instead implied years long possession, and despite its severity it did not hurt at all.
He could tell by the look on Sebastian’s face the scar reminded him of someone.
‘Now, I know what you’re gonna say–’ Nathan started, but Sebastian cut him off.
‘I can’t do this, Nathan. I have a daughter–’
‘–I know.’
His voice came out a lot sharper than he had meant for.
‘I’m not asking anything of you,’ he said, his heartbeat pounding in the back of his throat.
‘Not this time.’
It had started as police radio chatter.
Late in the afternoon, Nathan had already been getting ready to go home. Kid had picked up a mention of Beacon– its doors long closed for the public yet the building remained in the heart of Krimson City, left to rot and wither away– supposed ghostly activity reported within its decaying walls, and she had wanted to investigate.
Nathan sharply exhaled and put his glove back on, exposed fingers growing numb in the freezing winter air. He leaned forward with his arms on the fence, to move a little closer to Sebastian; as if he was afraid someone would overhear them, as if they could make sense out of any of it to begin with.
‘He’s back, Sebastian,’ he defeatedly stated, and the other man lowered his gaze. ‘I saw him. He did this to me.’
‘Impossible.’
‘Wish it was.’
Despite hearing many tales, and having worked on his project for years as developer within the MOBIUS branch he had been part of, Nathan had never seen or met Ruvik face to face. The brilliant mind behind the STEM technology had always remained in the shadows; up until his death, after which his brain had become the core of MOBIUS’ very first STEM device.
Naturally so, when Nathan had run into the man while wandering the abandoned hallways of Beacon, his first assumption had been that he was asleep– followed by a brief moment of panic in which he had believed he was dead, or somehow back in STEM.
But Ruvik had touched him– had forcefully grabbed his hand to make him drop his gun and had left a burn similar to his own scars– and had then vanished the second Kidman had yelled out Nathan’s name, the old and presumed broken STEM device in the room next door whirring and humming as if it had never been deactivated in the first place.
‘I’m here to warn you,’ Nathan softly continued, eyes fixed on a random spot in the bright snow covering the playground and thumb absently running over the gloved back of his scarred hand.
‘We don’t know yet what exactly he’s here for, what exactly he’s tryin’ to do. Investigating as we speak, but– shit’s looking serious. Somehow reverse engineered the STEM signal to reach outward, expand into reality. Push itself out rather than draw people in.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Similar to the wireless connection that pulled you into STEM the first time round, but– without being pulled in.’ Nathan had to bite his tongue to stop himself from getting too technical. ‘An– An active environment in our world, if you follow, rather than on the device’s mainframe. Signal seems to be inactive still, but we’re gettin’ the readings. No idea how he’s planning to activate it yet.’
They had moved the device to their own headquarters, on the outskirts of town. Had needed to connect it to the second prototype– the device that had supported the Union environment, which they had taken from MOBIUS’ headquarters after wiping out its agents– in order to gain access to the mainframe, get any data extracted from it in the first place.
Their initial hope had been that it was nothing more than echoes– malfunctions in the STEM device caused by neglect promptly activating the wireless signal allowing shades from within to wander the Beacon hallways– anything but Ruvik’s actual return, however that was even possible–
‘Daddy!’
Nathan blinked, drawn out of his thoughts by Lily’s voice. He watched her run over to the two of them– the front of her coat, face, and hair completely covered in snow and a bright smile on her face as she attempted to wipe some of it from her forehead, but if anything her mittens just further spread it out.
‘I’m getting cold,’ she said, squinting when Sebastian reached out to help her with the snow. ‘Can we go back home soon?’
‘Of course honey,’ he replied, barely able to mask the exhaustion in his voice now that Nathan had explained the situation to him– and for a brief moment it was as if they were back in Union, radioing back to Kidman from the momentary safety of one of their established safehouses. ‘Don’t want you catching a cold.’
Lily looked up at Nathan and smiled at him– but she was a smart kid, and he watched her expression change as she looked back up at her father, head slightly tilting before she shook it to get some strands of her ink black hair out of her face, the single white strand in her bangs– matching Nathan’s own– a grim and constant reminder of her mother’s fate.
‘Is everything alright?’ she asked, and Nathan couldn’t help but wonder if she still associated him with MOBIUS, if she still associated him with the tests and experiments they put her through and if she still associated him with the STEM device, meeting one another within in some facility in the Marrow where he was forced to watch over her like a vulture at all times, all to keep the system stable.
‘Nothing to worry about,’ he simply answered her, unsure if she would fall for his lie, but knowing it would give her infinitely more comfort than the truth ever could. ‘Just came to say hi.’
The breeze picked up, howling loudly in Nathan’s ears as if the whole city softly cried for him; the cold boring its way through his clothes and eating away at his skin, exposed or not, freezing him all the way down to the bone. He lowered his head– a futile attempt at shielding his face from the biting wind and snow, individual snowflakes cutting like knives across his forehead and cheekbones.
He watched Lily smile at both him and Sebastian again before running off to get back to the snowball fight for just a bit longer, diving behind the slide to get cover. His gaze was pulled back toward Sebastian– but said man appeared deep in thought, eyes pointedly fixed on something in the distance, head anywhere but in the present.
‘I gotta go back in,’ Nathan quietly continued; an unnecessary statement, the gravity of the situation like static in the air between the two of them, though to put it into words was to accept the harsh reality of it all– acknowledgement of what had to happen, what was going to happen, something he had not been able to do before.
‘It’s nothing like Union,’ Sebastian bluntly replied with a shake of his head, turning his back to the playground and resting heavily with his elbows on the fence. ‘He’s nothing like Stefano– nothing like Theodore. He doesn’t need a weapon or a core to draw his powers from, you get too close and it’s over. You understand?’
Nathan didn’t know what else to say.
He had never thought he’d have to go back into STEM after Union. He’d be alone this time round– no Sebastian by his side, no Kidman to radio back to. They had reconnected some old friends– Joseph, Yukiko, Esmeralda– but had no idea whether or not their consciousnesses would still be somewhere within STEM, and for all Nathan knew he would be diving into a world entirely of Ruvik’s creation, with the same horrifying creatures haunting it as last time, if not worse.
Of course he was terrified. All it took was one encounter with Anima and he would never see the light of day ever again.
‘You should go,’ Nathan said, pushing himself up from the fence and stuffing his hands back in the pockets of his coat, ‘get out of town while you still can. Grab a bag or two, grab Lily, take her on a– on a road trip up north or something, while we figure this out. Just in case he–’
He couldn’t finish his sentence. The thought of Ruvik succeeding and trapping the world in a constant state of STEM was something he would rather not think about.
‘–you know.’
An uncomfortable silence followed. And rightfully so– what else was there to say? The whole situation was ridiculous to begin with, and for Nathan to show up only now instead of at any other point in time, months of radio silence after nearly dying together in a simulation of reality lingering between real life and a dream–
He carefully watched as Sebastian shifted his weight from one foot to the other, able to study his face for longer now that the other man refused to make eye contact with him. He truly did look a lot better; Nathan could only assume the man had stopped drinking, and had been getting a much better night’s sleep.
Though despite the improvement in his appearance there was still that lingering sense of dread, the dark shadow that had washed over his face the second he had laid eyes on Nathan’s scarring and had realized what he had come to him for.
Nathan couldn’t blame him. But he’d had to let Sebastian know.
He licked his lips and nodded to no one in particular, ending the conversation himself by taking a small step back and turning back around to return to his car, drive home, drink himself blind and pass out to hopefully get some sleep in before he would have to dive back into his worst nightmare–
‘Hey.’
Sebastian’s hand on his upper arm was unexpected and Nathan hated how he could not stop himself from flinching, a reflex more than anything else, and he hated how it made Sebastian pull his hand away as if he’d touched fire, the tips of his fingers on Nathan’s body despite the layers he wore the first physical contact he had experienced in months.
‘Who is “we”?’ Sebastian quietly asked, briefly glancing behind him to see if Lily was still far enough away. A surprising question; though not out of character for the ex-detective, his curiosity piqued just enough for him to try and get a little more information out of Nathan before they would say goodbye and possibly never see each other again.
‘Me,’ Nathan plainly answered, ‘Juli. Used to be just us two but we gathered a team of old STEM developers to help us with this. They got moved on to other projects while we were working on Union– they removed their chips, came back for us.’
‘So all MOBIUS.’
Not even a question, simply a statement.
Nathan bit the inside of his cheek. ‘Ex MOBIUS.’
The atmosphere changed, a sharp tension bouncing between the two of them as Nathan straightened his back and lightly tilted up his chin. He couldn’t exactly place the look on the other man’s face, though by then knew him well enough to know his hesitation wasn’t caused by uncertainty, but moreso distrust.
‘Thought the program was meant to kill them all,’ Sebastian said, a somewhat hostile undertone in his voice that had not been there before.
‘Just our branch.’ Nathan paused, watching as Sebastian slowly nodded and mouthed a soundless “right”– not entirely sure what his reaction was supposed to mean, but he decided not to ask. ‘Already told you it runs a lot deeper than you thought.’
Myra's sacrifice had put an end to the Administrator's reign of terror– had destroyed his legacy, and all research and findings on the STEM system as designed by Ruvik and improved by MOBIUS. Whichever branches remained did not nearly have enough resources or knowledge to pull off something even remotely similar; and whatever scraps of code they could have gotten their hands on before Kidman and Nathan had wiped their systems clean would prove insufficient to provide them with a stable environment.
And even if they would make it that far– provided they’d be able to recreate the STEM device from written instructions alone, Ruvik's original blueprints lost to time and MOBIUS' own burned to a crisp in the aftermath of the Union incident's conclusion– the mental erosion Union's residents had suffered from and the Anima manifestations that had happened as a result had never been resolved, leaving any future STEM residents with the all but comforting promise of a similar fate.
'I'm diving in tomorrow,' Nathan said, knowing there was nothing else left to say. The breeze in the park was picking up again, sweeping snowflakes that were starting to feel more like hail than anything else into Nathan’s face with a lot more force than before, melting on collision and dripping into the collar of his shirt. 'First thing in the morning. Can’t waste any more time. In case you wanna come say goodbye–'
He reached into the pocket of his pants, then held out a note to Sebastian; handwritten, containing an address located on an abandoned warehouse site, not too far from Nathan's own home.
'–our headquarters.' He waited for Sebastian to take the note from him. 'No pressure, of course.'
No pressure.
The note was almost a blatant sign that Nathan wanted him to be there. He could not ask it of him directly– but gave him the option anyway, leaving the decision up to Sebastian instead.
But deep down Nathan knew that Sebastian knew that he really did not want to go back in alone– and if it had been up to him they had recruited Sebastian a week ago already, when things had first started to go wrong.
‘Do you have backup?’ Sebastian softly asked, as if he could look directly into Nathan’s head– asking the one question he had hoped for, with an answer to it that could easily enough change Sebastian’s mind about letting Nathan walk away if only he would play his cards right–
But despite how often he had practiced the entire conversation alone in his car, despite going over all the different things he could say at least a million times, just to get Sebastian to feel sorry for him– as selfish as it fucking was– Nathan found himself unable to speak.
He simply shook his head instead.
The other children and their parents were leaving, now. It was getting late, and colder, and Lily slowly wandered back to Sebastian to start dragging him back to the car if he were to take any longer than he already had.
Nathan looked up at the sky, eyes fluttering shut as he allowed more snow to drift down onto his ice cold skin, and he breathed in and out deeply before turning back to Sebastian.
‘They’re expecting more snowfall tonight,’ he said, locking eyes for only a split second and shooting a smile in his direction, as he began walking backwards into the direction of his car. ‘Don’t wait up. And– Drive safe, okay?’
Sebastian did not answer him.
It snowed in Krimson City, accompanied by a deafening silence weighing it down and choking it out, as if the whole city was expectantly holding its breath.
Nathan left.
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#nuclearwriting#kinda nervous posting this and also genuinely don't know if i'll keep writing because i haven't actually written much more yet LOL#i do really wanna work more on this because it's just nice to have for myself. but i'm definitely not gonna do the one chapter a week#that i used to do for king of fools. i don't know how i managed to do that like genuinely don't ask me#but yeas hi =] nathan introduction <3 obviously he and sebastian have already worked together during tew2 but i didn't feel like#writing about all of that just because it's basically what happens in the game except nathan is there. commenting on everything#this is the first part of the story where he gets to actually lead a bit more himself rather than just following sebastian around#and most of it will be written from his perspective if i do end up writing more =]#if i did my math and timeline right nathan did in fact already work for mobius when ruvik was still alive. so logically they could have met#but they didn't... closest nathan got was when he led the operation to burn the victoriano estate down after ruvik was killed#and then he wasn't there for beacon so he didn't experience any of that. and obviously in union ruvik wasn't there#so him running into ruvik as described in this chapter is the very first time they came face to face with each other ^_^
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i've been doing training and listening to phone calls at my new customer service job for like a month (my 1 month anniversary is tomorrow) and i'm gonna be taking phone calls on my own on monday and im SCARED
#i know that more training time wouldn't really help in terms of learning more and i'll definitely improve when i start actually doing it but#IM STILL SCARED#my brain says i have to prepare for all possible questions and not make a mistake even though i know that's not logical#bhsgabxuvquzvahabks#i finished my online training early so i could spend all day today tomorrrow and friday shadowing and practicing so#ik im setting myself up for success but im still nervous 😵💫#my mentor said out of the 3 new hires including me in the one she's the least worried about#and she just got a promotion so that makes me feel better LOL#amori rambles
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I conducted a vote on which fic snippet to share, and you chose the shipfic I'm writing out of spite!
(Sooo, just for a little context: this is from a short fic set in the same setting as my main Medieval AU, but not in the same universe/continuity as my main Medieval AU. Kinda like what SW Legends is to canon, yknow?)
---
“I’m the PRINCESSSSS!”
Ahsoka’s flailing arm nearly hit Rex in the face, but he dodged, and caught her around the middle, stopping her tipsy swaying. “Yes, Your Highness, we know.”
She threw an arm around his neck and squished her cheek against his pauldron. “I’m prettyyyyy.”
“If you insist, Princess.”
“Do you think I’m pretty?”
She swerved wildly, and he redirected her. “It would be unseemly for me to answer that, Princess.”
“Seemly. Seeeeeemly. Stupid Seemley Ress,” she said, slurring his name, then trying to correct herself. “Stupid Seemly Ress. Resss. Ressss! My tongue’sss not workin’, Ress!”
“So I hear.”
“I’m pretty. And I’m strong.”
“As everyone knows.”
“And I’m tall!”
“Acknowledged.”
“And I’m orange!”
“Correct.”
“AND I’m… I’mma walk on my own now!”
She shoved him away and took two wobbly steps forward before he had to catch her again.
“I can do it!” she whined. “I’m a lady. I’m twen’ny yearssss ol’. I can walk!”
She very clearly could not, so with a sigh, Rex bent over and lifted her completely, carrying her down the hallway. “All due respect, ladies do not get sloshed at formal dinners.”
“Isss no’ my fault,” she muttered. “Issstupid Korkie’s fault.”
“Right,” Rex said, ignoring her and the looks he was getting. Mostly sympathetic ones; everyone knew the Princess was trouble and was used to her getting into worse predicaments than this.
“Korkie says you liiiiike me,” she continued, singsongy. “He says you’re—you’re not sssaying an’thin ‘bout it cause of, uh. Uhhhhh. Clones! People don’t like you. Stupid people don’t. Good people do. Korkie says I like you.”
“That would be surprising, considering the amount of complaining you do whenever I’m around,” Rex deadpanned.
#korkie didn't even do anything poor guy#ahsoka's just throwing him under the bus like 'yep it is definitely korkie's fault that i got drunk.'#and rex doesn't buy it lol#soooo anyway. this is my very first foray into writing rexsoka and they're both firmly in the denial stage rn!#(I don't normally ship it due to the age gap but since they're only 3-4 years apart in this au and they met when she was 17 and not 14#I figured if i was gonna spitewrite a rexsoka fic then the medieval setting would be the one to do it in!)#fun fact! i had contemplated actually having them be a couple in the ACTUAL medieval au and even came up with a few fun scenes!#but i scrapped it in favor of a funnier idea#but that meant i had to scrap the scenes too#BUT by writing a fic in the same setting but not the same universe i can still write those scenes!#fic snippet#fic sneak peek#spite writing#ahsoka tano#captain rex#rexsoka#annnyyyywaaaaaay posting now before i overthink and doubt myself uwu#cause writing semi-controversial ships that i know some of my tumblr buddies might not like makes me nervous lol#but hey i'm just turning it into a game. i'm calling it 'will i lose followers for posting about this ship and how many will i lose'#star wars medieval au
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i just. remembered again that i have a fembaru fic but also the premise is. Very Messed Up hah and also it was written before the canon genderbent au with its official genderbend names for everyone so its also outdated on top of that T^T i had like. Genderqueer subtext going on too. but i also wrote this fic like almost two years ago and havent touched it in forever so im unsure if i should go back to it…. o.o but i would love to finish it one day if only for my own satisfaction hah… i had a very detailed outline for ch 2 (its a twoshot) and several scenes written already anyway!! (and also i would probably update those names, make minor edits, etc etc hmm…)
#just thinking about this wip again………… mmmm….. not super confident in my older ao3 fics but the premise for this one was like. i think i#ended up brainstorming it with a friend or two and then i was like wait holy shit howd this play out. and then i took about two weeks to#write ch1? :o#and then i like. REALLY got into revolutionary girl utena after finishing ch1 so like that def bled into um. the themes.#just. thimking…….. bc ive had so many ideas to explore like. themes regarding gender and misogyny and Choice and destiny and queerness and#all sorts of things….. bc rezero Touches on them and is even Detailed on them sometimes and id Love to go in depth. but im also a bit#nervous to bc 1. writing fic is….. so much work sometimes fr and i am but a lazy writer and 2. the slight anxiety of what if i get flamed#o.o wild to think about…..#like. i have ideas for emilia fics that are. definitely darker maybe a bit controversial but i will go off the walls with writing for the#sake of answering the questions of. can this be done. and is it possible to narratively critique canon and fandom treatment of emilia. that#sort of thing.#not that im the best writer ever akdbdnd but i do like darker fiction sometimes. and i also like being meta about things in fiction. and i#also like writing to get out a tiny bit of salt. etc etc.#i tried to write these kinds of thinngs with my atm sole emilia centric fic that i wrote. uhhh more than a year ago? and i would love to try#again one day bc ive def improved and changed as a writer since then. u know what i mean?? :o#just like. rezero and queerness is very interesting to me.#suffaru post#saving this on the blog bc i talked Too Much about my writing process here HAH#my writing process being: HOW FAR CAN I TAKE THIS IDEA AND HOW OFF THE WALLS CAN IT GET????#in reality tho im really just a massive nerd whos gone down a massive rabbit hole of writing anime fanfic. 😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏#if you actually read all these tags big thank you HAH
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i hope the people that respond to my nervousness saying “don’t be nervous” know that a certain ronald radke said that to me like seven years ago and good lord if there is one way to instantly rip a 14 year old out of their falling in reverse phase it would be that anyway if you tell me to just not be nervous you are i automatically associate you with that silly, silly man so perhaps do not
#i say. admittedly Nervous#(seriously though)#(god FORBID i wanted to ask their drummer who promptly left the band about his hair dye preferences)#i had a pressing PRESSING question for ryan but okay thank you ronnie#it is very cool to put your hand on peoples shoulders and like. pull them. that#that is definitely how you make anxious teenagers not be nervous thank you#that was truly the maybe month or so before my egg cracked lmao i was having a rough one already#and then standing for like 3 hours in the boston cold freezing my limbs off#because my best friend at the time had vip tickets to her favorite band and was so excited and invited me#guh i met. a lot of bands that since got a LOT coming out about them#I enjoyed dangerkids but 1) they were not a meet and greet thing they were opening#and 2) even then idk idk their singer produced that fir album so idk idk idk#anyway yes mister radke this shoulder will forever have the lingering feeling of Your Stupid Fucking Hand Grabbing It Very Very Cool#but sure sure be vewy upset about trans people and anyone who says your music is bad#(you make so many songs about how you dont care)#(and the other songs you make are the embodiment of very real abuse tactics)#(you cant be twying to be bettew if you are genuinely not trying)#(you know its bad when even the right wing grifters wont let you be part of their club)#(even blair white is probably holding you at a very far arms length)#(try that. arms length. do not grab kids shoulders thank you)
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iii…. don’t know what romance is
#marzi speaks#being unlabelled arospec is very interesting#funny how that in and of itself is a label. irony. anyways#what the fuck is romance even. i know love. i feel that one#but like. romance….?????#everyone’s definition of romantic attraction is different….#i love my friends a lot and have several good friends who i like to spend time with and cuddle and flirt with#and if they wanted to kiss the homies i would. i wouldn’t like make out with them but a little mwah mwah is acceptable#i already blow my friends kisses all the time. sometimes real close friends will exchange kisses on the cheek or the top of the head with me#i’ve met really pretty people who i like to look at. it makes me really wanna make friends with them#so i make friends with them. and usually they’re already dating people so i let that attraction die off and now i have a cool friend#i thought i had crushes as a kid but in hindsight i’m not sure now. i always got over them super quickly#i’ve found people so pretty that i get nervous around them and struggle to hold conversations because i’m worried about how they’ll see me#sometimes with these people i’ll find myself prone to jealousy or i’ll put extra effort into my appearance around them#is that romantic attraction? i don’t know#there’s no way to define romance that excludes platonic interaction for me#and i can’t tell the difference between wanting to hang out with someone and wanting to go out with someone#so i just sit here. confused. and sipping on that loving my friends juice#local hopeless romantic has no fucking clue what romance feels like more at 10
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*thinks abt my hc that mathias shaw is on the autism spectrum (i am deeply attached to this hc)*
*thinks abt how shaw was repeatedly described as needing to fidget or keep his hands busy in order to focus*
shadows rising, chapter 22, page 205
• Usually, he whittled bird statues to keep his hands busy […] • Just keep your hands and mind busy. • Then, Mathias would snap off a piece of grass and play with it, not nervously, but give himself a focus.
*thinks abt shaw repeatedly described as having an interest in birds, whittling birds, mimicking birdcalls, having a cabin to observe them, and how his armor is full of birds, clearly hinting at a special interest*
*thinks abt how shaw has now a couple of times shown to take things like jokes a little too serious, as if it’s gone over his head / missing sarcasm*
during zuldazar heist:
FF: Look at this obviously safe room! We should just run right in! MS: There is lightning on the floor and fire in the hallway after this, Fairwind. FF: Sarcasm? What’s that?
during terror by torchlight
“ Fancy finding you here. ” “ I work here. ” The timbre of Shaw’s voice indicated he couldn’t decide if his answer was a statement or a question.
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“ Can’t wait to try my Cutlass of Exceptional Undead Fending-Offing. ” “ That’s not the name— ” “ It���s the name now, too late. ”
*thinks abt how shaw seems to have anxiety being around too many people*
shadows rising, chapter 22, page 204
“ I’m good at that, being alone. Comes natural to me. I was never all that personable— liked watching people, sure, observing, but too many and I just felt… swallowed up, like everyone could see me just fine but I couldn’t see them. ”
*thinks abt shaw and all his lil quirks and habits*
*thinks abt shaw*
*thinks abt shaw*
*thinks abt shaw—*
#bheart talks#Mathias Shaw#Warcraft#now this post i definitely admittedly got VERY nervous to post about for some reason but i cannot keep it in my chest any longer#this is one of my favorite hcs of him ever ok#i need people to know the truth
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Happy early birthday! I hope you’ll have a great few days and get to celebrate with something fun 💕
Thank you! My local movie theater is doing a Studio Ghibli weekend, so I’m going to go see at least Howl’s Moving Castle. Other than that, I’m mostly going to be cleaning my apartment because my whole family is descending in two weeks for my retirement ceremony.
#everything in my life is all about this retirement#I apologize to all the people around me because it’s the first thing out of my mouth in nearly every conversation#14 days left in the Navy#and then I get a decent pension for the rest of my life#it’s very weird to think about#I’m in the phase where it just seems fake#listen kids#there are good reasons to join the military#(and bad ones)#and it’s definitely not for everyone#but pensions are getting rarer and rarer#and the military is pretty much the only one that pays out young#someone who joined at 18 can start a pension at 38#I joined at 20 and will be getting a pension starting at 41#hopefully for the next 50+ years#also free healthcare while in the service#huge benefit#I’m probably most nervous about dealing with that once I get out#because I’ve never really had to do anything with insurance#ok this got very rambly and off topic#thank you!
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oksies hi starting a new thread of get to know you
haii I'm moth and also thea you may call me any nickname as well <3
I love musicals so so much (niche and popular!! basic-shaming is lame)
I am superhero obsessed (augh pied piper)
doctor who is my autism (yay river sonf!!!!)
good omens heoughhhhhhhh
super excited to meet you <3333333
Hi moth!! You can call me tetra. Don't worry that's not my real name or anything tho. I took it from the concept of tetrachords in music.
If we're generous about what we call superheroes, then maybe most of the things I like are superhero based. I mean obviously there's marvel and dc, but then there's stuff like dpxdc, sonic the hedgehog (idk if I've ever heard him called a superhero but he kinda is), if we count magical girls then like. Sailor moon and madoka magica
I haven't seen any episodes of good omens, but I read a really good fanfic of Crowley going to therapy a while back, and a couple funny ones with like yelp reviews of Aziraphale's bookstore. Plus I love the good omens analysis posts on here. I feel like maybe I half know some of what's happened in the show but also probably haven't scratched the surface. I'm kinda bad at watching TV shows, so there's a lot of stuff that I know from fandom but haven't seen. For another example of that, I've only watched one or two episodes of Sonic Prime. I reblog posts for it and it sounds good but idk. Just bad at it.
I'm a much more casual fan of musicals, I think for the same thing as above where I just struggle to sit and watch something on purpose. But I listen to the music from them sometimes, I've read transcripts online of a couple, and i swoon whenever I see a post analyzing the meaning of a musical song, especially when they go beyond lyrics and start going into the music theory in the tune. I don't have the skills or knowledge to do that myself but I love it so much
(when the singer changes their technique to enhance the meaning,, when this or that chord is a step outside the key to symbolize change or isolation or anything,,, using instruments as symbols for this or that character,,, tbh it doesn't have to be a musical even shout out to that youtube video by Scruffy on how fnaf's audio and sound effects make it scarier)
Lately I've been bouncing back and forth between Sonic and DPxDC. With hints of Slay The Princess in there bc I saw part of a playthrough of that awhile ago and loved the concept. I reblog madoka magica stuff whenever I see it (except magia record bc I know next to nothing about it) because that stuff makes me lose my mind. The love the pain the hope the despair!! Homura is probably like my ultimate blorbo but I love all the five girls they're so cool. I actually read the manga instead of watching the show though so I'm not as familiar with all the music. Plus I think the show had some extra scenes. Although it's a little confusing bc I think some of the extra scenes I see are magia record so idk.
Also I'm a fan of arts and crafts and will reblog that kind of thing once in a while, along with cute cat stuff.
Super excited to meet you too!
#sorry about the late response. got nervous and then put it off for awhile#hopefully it's a good one though?#it's unedited bc if i think stop and think harder/worry more now i'll never escape the think stage and i will post nothing#and i don't wanna do that#if there's anything you wanna know just ask#actually maybe i should think of some questions for you#oh like who's pied piper? i haven't heard of a superhero with that name just the child-stealing legend#unless you consider that guy a hero which like. i guess you could interpret it like that? teaching the value of not exploiting your workers#and i've read at least one story based on the legend where he takes the children somewhere nice#i feel like stealing children is not the ideal solution to that issue but it is a bit iconic if you think about it right#maybe he couldve taken some crops instead tho like thats the village income. it'd be more similar to money than kids.#i mean i guess in those days kids were also workers. and somewhat exploited generally.#so i guess i could see it as the guy getting exploited and then grabbing all the other exploited workers in town#i'm not really a history buff am i off base with this theory completely#i know kids used to have to work to help their families and that there are child labor laws for a reason#but also. not like there was a ton of free entertainment in the olden times.#i mean the parents almost definitely didnt pay kids money but chores aren't exploitation#maybe i should leave this up to interpretation#or just say it depends on situation and some kids probably were exploited while others weren't#hmm. this whole thing is probably just bs. i don't know what i'm talking about#oh well i hope you didn't mind it
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Forever stuck thinking about the parallels between Kuviren and Mingzan no one touch me
#I mean. unless you wanna yell about it with me. then yes please touch me absolutely#there's just something about tiny snarky waterbenders and their smug teasing earthbending partners#the type is definitely genetic#suiren not only looks exactly like Ming-Hua but also inherited her tsundere#and ghazan and kuvira are similar enough too. the way they're utterly smitten for their respective gfs. their love for teasing#their not so secret death wish#etc etc#once Mingzan and Kuvira get to meet some interesting conversations will have a chance to take place#I've got two main ideas#one is suiren and ming-hua#their relationship has gotten healthier. ming-hua has learned to let go of that little water lily she missed so much#suiren has realised her child self isn't dead just hidden deep down. once they reunite again it's nothing at all like Uprooted#and once ming-hua finds out about who her daughter is dating. they talk#suiren feels the need to overexplain bc of the whole former dictator thing. but ming-hua is like 'I see the way she looks at you.'#'like you're the world. she makes you happy and that's all that matters to me even if I don't quite understand why her of all people'#and when suiren asks how she knows. ming-hua talks about how ghazan looks at her. and then they get to discussing#and realise how similar their respective partners are#and then the other idea is ghazan and kuvira#she's nervous at first because again. an ex dictator surrounded by anarchists. and is worried the convo will be about intentions#with their daughter. so she too quickly tries to explain why she and Suiren are together. but ghazan just says#'if she's anything like her mother. and she was. as a child at least... then I totally get it' and he grins#and they talk about their girls in length too#ghazan's my love vs kuvira's my suiren#both smitten. completely and utterly in love#<3<3<3#if there's one thing to gain from all of this is it's that I maybe have become very kuviren centric but it's still a red lotus hyperfixation#first and foremost#and I've been craving RL shenanigans these past few days. so so badly#my beloved darlings
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Went to dyke nite at a gay bar last night, had a great time, bought a shirt from a vendor there, and then immediately lost the shirt (I think maaayybe in my uber home?) that I just spent 30 bucks on :|
#not about the spend another $20 on the uber lost item return fee. im so sad#otherwise it was such a good night. go hit on by two separate milfs#one of them was soooo hot. she was very shy about me buying her a drink hehe it was so cute#then she left after we danced together and i danced with a few other girls. made out with one and got her number :-)#this is such a new thing for me. i was so nervous going out alone but. it was definitely worth it
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sighs. okay tmi posting sorry guys
#lunar bunny chatter#my horniness has been fluctuating the last day or so and it's definitely because of my period. this morning was crazy#i went to some DMs to listen to an audio message i got and i just died again and thought about some stuff which led me back onto tumblr#and i just went to look at some text posts and now that i look back. dude i have such an atrocious daddy/mommy kink it's actually funny#i mean. i really like the idea of being an appealing figure and my criteria for who i call daddy is so specific. there's just two people#that fall into that category but i don't like the other person as much as the other one. hi sorry for being gay i need this off of my chest#also hanging out with some friends and im so bad at comebacks and all that. how the fuck am i gonna top without stuttering and fumbling#and forgetting words.... that's my biggest worry. it doesn't help that i get super chatty when nervous but maybe i can work it in my favor#i wanna try out the title stuff just to test the waters before going absolutely ham. maybe as a cute joke i'll go “oh sure w/e u say daddy”#“lol haha” but it just seems real fun. i think it's hot too but. yeah it's a lot to unpack ahaha.#i still have a lot of guilt for talking dirty and being more brave when talking but that's just because i always felt like i didn't have...#the right to explore that especially when a lot of people i knew back then thought of me as “pure and innocent girl” and like. yeah fuck no#this was a really meandering ramble but my point: “daddy hot mommy hot i wanna explore that and im also nervous about stuff”#i do genuinely enjoy when i get in the mood though especially with someone i trust and like. click with? i hope that isn't too much to say#but it feels very natural and i don't have to force or hide anything. i just need a bit more confidence ahaha#that's all the rambling i got in me im gonna listen to some classic music from latin artists because im silly and mildly sentimental rn.
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.
#I got an amazing like out of this world job offer today#like one that I didn’t even think was possible at this point in my career because I don’t graduate until next month#like I’m shocked about it#it’s supposed to be confidential but this is tumblr so anyways I’ve been in the dental assisting program for the past year and I’ll be done#in a few weeks#and I also have a previous associates degree and my last professor texted me earlier this week asking me to meet with her Friday#and I’ve honestly been terrified all week because I could only think it would be bad news#but she freaking offered me a job teaching dental assisting at the college with her#I’m shocked#teaching dental assisting and I’m not even graduated yet I’m the literal definition of flabbergasted#it would only be part time as an adjunct but I’d still be making almost double an hour than I would as a dental assistant#and I could also since it’s only part time be a temp traveling dental assistant#so it’s like an amazing opportunity#but I’d be so nervous about it because I know nothing about teaching and teaching people your age seems so weird and stressful#she gave me a couple of weeks to think about it so I’ll definitely be thinking#it’s a great opportunity but I’m scared she has too much faith in me#but she did say she’s been teaching this program for 19 years and has never approached a student with something like this#so it’s really like once in a lifetime#I’m leaning towards yes but I’ll definitely need to think more about it#the only downside is if I wanted to go on to do it full time I’d need to get a bachelors degree which shouldn’t be too hard I have a lot of#credits to would tranfer#I think typing this has made me lean even more towards yes#but I had to share I can’t really tell anyone else besides people close to me
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hey friend i love the site its so cute!
have u considered making a discord so its easier to recieve player feedback/suggestions be made? or help find volunteers!
super cute place so far :)
thank you! o(* ̄︶ ̄*)o
yes ive thought about starting a discord before! however atm im working on the website when i have time and motivation, so i dont think its its at a stage where its worth making one for.
also i dont think i have the bandwidth to keep an eye on whats happening in a discord while working a full time job (rip) and i dont feel too comfortable giving that work to people who I cant really give anything in return even if they do volunteer
however ill say its not something ill never do 100%. i might revisit the idea if when i feel more confident
#theres a lot of pros from having a discord#like everything being easily accessed in one place (and the feedback and suggestions like u said)#but ik discords can attract all sorts of nonsense and i dont got in me to deal with anything that might happen rn 🫠#and im unfortunately nervous about bringing volunteers in#ill keep thinking on it tho#ik ppl will do it out of passion but im definitely not used to that idea#rn theres not too many ppl on the site and its super early days so im doing well keeping an eye on things on my own#tho whenever i get around to setting up forums and trading my tune my change#it really depends on if everyone can like get along#ask
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