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teddy-bear-baby · 1 year ago

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Their Deadly Flower - Twelve

(A/n: Been putting off finishing this story for a while now because I've poured so much time and love into it, but I think it's time to put it to rest. Sadly, I will be finishing this story with around 15 chapters and maybe an epilogue. Hope you all have enjoyed this story as much as I have. As always enjoy this chapter, my Lovelies and don't forget to leave feedback.)

Pairings: Ghost X GN!Reader, König X GN!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of violence and torture, angst, slightly crazed reader

Prolog - One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Here - Thirteen

Ghost and König agreed on only two things. One, you meant far too much to both of them for this stupid fighting to continue. And two, they were completely and utterly fucked in their current situation.

Both men sat facing each other, bound to chairs and gagged. Their masks had been removed a few hours ago when they were placed into these godforsaken seats. The lack of facial coverings allowed both men a good look at each other’s features as they silently communicated. Using only their eyes and minimal facial expressions they’d begun to slowly devise a plan of escape.

~~~~~

Two days. It’s been two fucking days since anyone has seen Ghost or König and you are in an absolute downward spiral. Your thoughts are consumed with worry and fear. Dreadful images flooding every corner of your mind as the endless possibilities recount themselves to you, for what feels like, the millionth time today.

“Iris?” Soap’s wary voice cuts through the thoughts swirling around your brain. Concern evident in his features as he stares at you. “It’s going to be alright.” He attempts to reassure you as your eyes finally meet across the bare living room of the old house. “They’re going to be alright.”

Gaz nods in agreement with the same cautious concern in his eyes. “We’ll find them and bring them back safely.”

All three of the men standing with you had been trying to calm your nervousness and worry for the past two days. Though they should be a calming force, having been like family to you for so long, nothing they said or did had helped much at all. Not since Price had admitted that Alice had said something odd the night before your two men had been stolen away from you. “I might be here with you, but believe that there are people planning in the background, just waiting for their chance.” You were sure in that moment that Alice’s people had taken something important to you either to prove a point, or to draw you out. To get you to do something reckless, like run headlong into danger to keep those around you safe from wraith that was aimed toward you.

At first Alice’s anger was on the 141 in general for all the trouble we’d given her and her people. But after everything she’d gone through trying to get information out of you for two years, you’re almost certain it’s personal now. A vendetta against you specifically for not only wasting two years of her time but also playing a part in her capture.

“Iris?” Fingers snapping in front of your face cause you to once again jolt from your dreadful thoughts. Price’s fingers to be specific. He stares at you with an understanding glint in his eyes. He’s worried too, though he’s better at keeping calm in most situations. “Come on,” His hand rests flat against your shoulder blade, applying a little pressure as he begins leading you toward the front door. “We’ll get you a drink, calm your mind a bit and go over what we know again. I need you focused if we’re going to get them back.” His voice trails off slightly as though he wanted to add something to the end of that statement but decided not to.

Price’s words have the opposite effect of what they were meant to. If we’re going to get them back? You’d at least expected him to say something like “By the end of the week” or “Anytime soon”. You understand though. In a situation like this, when there’s no clear evidence of where they’ve gone or who had been responsible, there is no guarantee that they’ll return alive. If they return at all.

A heavy sigh escapes your lips as you step out of the house for the first time in almost four days. The light of the early evening sun burns your retinas and causes you to squint in order to see your surroundings. “Do you really think drinking is a good idea at a time like this?” Your voice comes out strained from the incessant crying you’d done over the past 48 hours. “Ghost and König are out there somewhere, likely being tortured or killed, and here we are going out for drinks.” It felt wrong even if it wasn’t for enjoyment purposes.

“If it gets you to calm down enough for a proper conversation, I’d say it’s more than worth it.” Soap comments from behind you as he closes and locks the rickety door.

You let out another sigh as you climb into the passenger seat of the car they’d come in. You weren’t going to enjoy this one bit. You’d gotten so used to drinking with Ghost sitting across from you, you’re sure you’ll break down more than once.

~~~~~

It doesn’t take long to get to the local pub, which seems more like a nightclub with the music booming in your ears before you even enter the building. The inside is dimly lit, the music getting exponentially louder as you and your three companions push past a few people lingering around the entrance. Your eyes rove over the crowd of bodies bumping and grinding in the center of the large room. A migraine begins to form in your temples as Soap grabs your arm and tugs you behind him through the crowd.

Groaning you allow him to pull you toward a small table in the back corner away from the rest of the patrons. You find it hard to pull your eyes away from the group of people dancing and having a good time, feeling almost envious of how joyful and carefree they are. You wish more than anything that you could be out there dancing and laughing with König while Ghost sits in the corner watching over you. Images of your fantasy flash behind your eyes; König’s bright eyes crinkled at the corners as you dance together a large grin on your own face as you look over to Simon whose eyes have been on you the whole time.

A harsh shaking of your shoulder pulls you from your blissful daydream. Price stares down at you intently with furrowed brows. “Welcome back to reality, care to stay for a while?” His mouth twists into a small sarcastic smile, his mustache curving with his lips as he attempts to lighten the mood a little.

You take a deep inhale, allowing the air to stretch out your tired chest before nodding slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m here.” Taking in your surroundings once more you realize you’re already sat at the corner table, Soap and Gaz are sitting across from you sipping on pints of amber liquid. “Sorry, I’m trying to separate my emotions from work, I really am but-”

Gaz cuts in and finishes your thought. “But you’ve made a mess of that whole philosophy. We know.” He takes another sip from his glass as he glances around the room.

You grumble a bit as you pick up the pint that had been set in front of you at some point, draining half the glass in seconds. You can only hope it’ll help numb the emotions enough for you to focus on the present moment. You needed to know exactly what the plan was to get your men back. “How the hell are we going to find them?” Your question is followed by silence and brief glances among the four of you as you look for the others to answer.

After a few moments Price speaks up. “Well, the plan was to look for any evidence in the house and hope it’d point us somewhere.” He cocks his head slightly as he idly fiddles with the rim of his glass. “But whoever did it was more prepared than we hoped, left nothing but that handprint. Only thing we can go off of is what Alice said, but that’s not proof of anything.” He sighs and takes a large gulp from his glass, his stress and worry over the situation showing more than before. His composure only slips further the longer you all go without any answers.

You all go over the events of that morning multiple times, each of you proposing different ideas of what could have happened. None of them end up making any sense or giving way to new leads. The only thing that made sense in your mind was that Alice’s people were out for blood or her return, neither of which were comforting thoughts. Either outcome could and would leave good people injured and dead. Ghost and König likely being among the first to succumb to those afflictions.

Your stomach turns, whether from the alcohol, the thoughts, or both, you're not sure. Not that it really matters. What matters is making it to the bathroom before your drink comes rocketing from your throat and all over the table. You jump up from your seat clutching your stomach before rushing toward the restroom. You ignore the concerned looks from your companions as you race through the room, pushing through crowds of people. Bile stings the back of your throat, a sour taste forcing its way onto your taste buds as you slam the restroom door open.

~~~~~

A growl escapes your throat as you deliver another harsh blow to the man’s gut, watching with demented glee as his body tries to fold in on itself. A wheezed breath follows his pained grunt as he tugs against the bindings that hold his wrist to the arms of the old wood chair. “I’m getting tired of the games, Ezekiel.” Your voice flows through the room, bouncing off the cement walls of the basement with a bone chilling sweetness. Your eye twitches slightly as he glares at you through swollen eyelids, that same glare he’d given you just before you’d knocked him unconscious a few hours ago.

Letting out a shaky breath you tear your eyes away from the reflection in the mirror, unable to stare at your tired face any longer. It’s a clear visual of how badly Ghost and König’s disappearance has affected you and it only served to make your mind spiral further.

You make your way quickly out of the restroom and back into the loud, crowded pub. You’re about to move toward the table where your companions are seated when your gaze lands on a pair of eyes that seem all too familiar. One orb is a bright emerald green and the other is a dark, almost black, shade of brown. You don’t recognise the rest of the man’s face. Those eyes, however, they’d be recognisable anywhere. Your mind races as the pieces of this terrible puzzle fall into place.

This man standing only a few paces away from you was present at many of your negotiations with Alice. His all-too-unique eyes give him away even if he’d worn a face covering to every meeting that he’d accompanied her on. You’d done some research into her and the team she worked with to better equip yourself just in case a negotiation went sideways. His name is Ezekiel and he’s known to be one of the more dangerous members of the group.

The only question now is what the hell is he doing here? Not that you had to think too much about it after the thoughts that had plagued you for the past two days. It was glaringly obvious to you now that the theory you’d come up with about Alice was almost certainly true. She’d most likely had this as a backup plan if she was found out. But there was no way for her to have known how important Ghost and König were to you. Unless she had someone, a mole of sorts, watching you and your team.

Before you can think through your actions you’ve stepped up to the man. He’s large, not as large as König, or even Ghost, but he could definitely be lethal based solely on his build. You could handle him though, especially if he’s not as well trained as the members of 141.

His eyes move to your form as you step into his space, a quizzical and almost flirtatious look crossing his features. “Something I can do for you?” His voice is like satin, caressing your eardrums in the most spine tingling way. If he weren’t the enemy, and someone who is more than likely involved in the disappearance of König and Ghost, he’d be a nice catch.

Your mind whirls with visions of ripping his throat out with your teeth before beating him into a mass of blood and bones. You want to tell him off right there, scream at him to give back the two men you hold so precious. You don’t though, knowing it would only cause a scene and give away who you are if he hadn’t put that together already. “You’re eyes,” You manage to force the words out slowly with a small flirtatious smile. “They’re gorgeous.” The words taste like battery acid on your tongue and guilt begins to form in your chest. If you’re lucky you might be able to smooth-talk this guy into leaving with you so you can get some answers out of him.

It really was that easy. You sweet talked your way past the sour taste in your mouth and managed to get into his head. Ezekiel was all-too-desperate to be taking someone home and you were all-too-happy to follow him out to his car.

Wasting no time once the two of you were secluded in his car, you give him a sweet smile. “I would apologize for what comes next, but I have no empathy for scum like you.” You watch his brows furrow as he glares over at you just before your fist makes contact with his temple. He slouches forward against the steering wheel with a soft thump. The only thing left to do now was figure out how to tell your three companions about the reckless move you’d just pulled.

“So tell me, where are my men?” Your voice comes out low, your harsh tone accompanied by a dangerous glare. You stare him down as you slowly circle around him, a predator studying their prey.

Ezekiel lets out a low chuckle, something he’d done multiple times since you started questioning him three hours ago. It was different this time, a hint of nervousness seeping into what was meant to be a sound of mocking. “I’m not tellin’ you shit.” His voice is gruff and strained from the number of blows he’d taken to the abdomen.

It was an answer, not the one you were looking for, but he’d indirectly confirmed that he knows something about Ghost and König. Whether he was directly involved or not, you now know he has some sort of information that could be useful. A relieved feeling settles low in your belly, knowing now that you’re not wasting precious time with this unconventional interrogation.

You grin widely at him as you lean down and look him directly in the eyes, certain you look completely insane at this point. “So you do know something about it.” Excitement and intrigue lace your words as you grip his face hard in your left hand. You watch closely as his expression shifts, his brows furrowing as he realizes he slipped up. “Let’s try this again, hmm?” You straighten yourself to stand at full height as you pull out the switchblade König had given you a few weeks ago. “Perhaps I can persuade you to tell me the truth.” Your eyes linger on the knife in your grasp as you flip it open, admiring the way the blade shines in the dim fluorescent light of the musty basement.

You feel absolutely crazed, finding enjoyment in tormenting this man more than you should. You wanted answers, wanted to find your men and this insect, this pest was keeping you from that. You’re breaking, becoming unstable from the emotional distress of the whole situation. Your mind is slipping, the want to find them giving way to dark thoughts. Thoughts of all the ways you’d enjoy tearing the information from this man’s lips. All the rage you’ve held in over the years is creeping up under your skin, flowing straight to your fingertips as you play with the knife, like lightning to a rod.

Ezekiel’s eyes stare intently at the blade as he appears to consider his options. "So what, either I tell you what I know or you'll kill me?" He asks incredulously, eyes still focused on the sharp blade. "Isn't that against your code of conduct or something?" He's desperately trying to remain calm but the smallest hint of panic has worked its way into his voice, and that sends a thrilled shiver down your spine. “You’ll go to prison for this.”

A small laugh burst from between your lips. "Oh, darling Ezekiel," You coo at him as you place the tip of the blade against the underside of his chin, forcing him to look you in the eyes once more. "Do you see a uniform? A badge? Any symbol that would represent a professional bound by some such code?" Your grin widens, a maniacal glint flashing in your eyes as you watch his panic become visible. "No," You shake your head a little while pressing the knife more firmly into his chin. "Not here, not now. You see, right now I am someone looking for something important to me. And you," You pull the knife from his chin and point it directly at his face, enjoying the way his eyes widen as it nearly touches his nose. "You are simply an obstacle standing in my way. Believe me when I say I will dismantle you piece by piece until you give me the information I'm asking for."

Ezekiel's eyes flit rapidly between the blade and your face, a look of contemplation gracing his features. "You won't do it." His voice is shaky and quiet, filled with uncertainty. Whether he’s uncertain of his own words or your willingness to follow through, you’re not sure.

Your head cocks to one side as you move the blade to his cheek, swiping the sharp edge swiftly across the flesh. "Are you willing to bet your life on that?" You ask in a low, menacing tone as you force your eyes away from the streak of red on his cheek, looking to his eyes instead. You find your answer there, in his mismatched orbs. A look of pure horror echoed by the way he flinches away from your gaze. "Good. Now then," You slowly pull the knife away from his blood streaked face, wiping it clean against the leg of your pants. "You have three choices here. I can start with your fingers, I can start with your toes, or you can give me the information I'm asking for."

(Don’t forget to ask about joining the tag-list: @josieguts @strangepuppynightmare @theredviolets @poohkie90 @giulia2372 @fillechatoyante @buckysjuicyplums @running-writing @darkravenqueen98 @bigman101 @birdiiiiiiiiiii)

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thatsmutaccount · 3 months ago

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THE PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR'S MONSTER HAREM

(a monsterfucking collection idea)

Soooo, after writing all the Halloween chapters for this year I realized that writing monster x human stuff is kinda fun, so I'm thinking about maybe starting a new series/collection that will focus on this theme, but with kinda my twist to it. It would be something that would come way later, probably around the beginning of the year, since I'm probably gonna be really busy the next month or so with writing some other stuff for my other stories ("Rex/Mike Kinktober" and "Logan the himbo" first and foremost) and maybe even a sort of Christmas fic, but I think it would be really fun.

Next you will find some ideas I come up with just to test the water and see if people like this concept, so let me know what you think of this idea :)

*****

So, without further ado, let me introduce you to "The paranormal investigator's monster harem"

The premise is simple: we follow the adventures of a paranormal investigator, a real one, who can see and communicate with monsters and spirits, but that unfortunately always ends up being trapped by them and then gets utterly fucked by the monster of the hour

The weird thing is that, for some mysterious reason, after fucking him the monsters either imprint on him or fall in love with him, so they decide to follow him around, and the private investigator ends up with a literal harem of different kind of monsters who compete with each other for his attention and love

So it will be both a smut story and a sort of funny one - more in the spirit of "Logan the himbo" - with the detective who tries to lead a normal life but the monsters keep getting in his way trying to act normal out of the love they have for him, and him that keeps getting fucked and then courted by them, and he is just so tired of it

The monsters will all love him very much, and will go into all sort of shenanigans to win him over. They would never try to take him away or do things without him knowing, wanting only his love

The protagonist will be a paranormal investigator who used to be a police detective, who was dismissed by the force because he was too independent and didn't really follow instruction and with the obligatory Tragic Backstory™

He is the classic retired detective who consumes way too much coffee, looks always disheveled with an unkempt stubble, giant bags under his eyes, didn't have a good night of sleep in months, hates everything and everyone but secretly cares deeply about the people he loves, is around 30 but looks ten years older because of how badly he takes care of himself. Basically: a dilf private detective, the one fangirls tend to fall for very hard (if you have any reference it will be really appreciated, thank you)

He will not be the only character, there will be returning characters like the members of his agency and maybe some other guests

I was thinking of also add the possibility for people to make Request, and I even have in mind how to make it so, but we'll see

If there are monsters and creatures that I see people like I will also try to make them permanent members of the cast, so keep an eye out for you favorites ^.^

There will be no bad endings, unless otherwise specified in the chapter, and the rules for what I do and don't write will remain pretty much the same

*****

So, what do you guys think?

I like the idea and I think it has the potential of being pretty funny to write about, also because it will allow me to experiment with some scenarios I usually don't write in my regular fics.

The title is more of a placeholder, I was thinking of naming it something like "The (insert detective last name) agency of paranormal investigation" or something like that. It is still a work in progress but you get the gist.

So, what do you guys say? Yay or Nay?

Let me know what you think and I'll see you in the next couple of days with the last Halloween Special for this year.

Take care ^.^

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just-another-star-47 · 10 months ago

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🌶🌶 🔞 🌶🌶

Disclaimer: Please be aware that the following story is fiction and fantasy and written with the mindset, that Sebastian could never do anything that MC truly dislikes. Scenes like that need communication and clear boundaries in real life, so please reflect on the things you read.

Because I never hated you

Punishment

Because the poll wasn't so clear, there's a little sweet moment at the end. The rest is just angry Seb doing naughty things. 😅

She lay stretched out on the rumpled sheets, hands tied to the end of the bed, her whole body trembling from the last orgasms Sebastian had tickled out of her.

"I can't take more..." her voice was nothing than a pitiful whimper, her inner thighs sticky and quivering as she tried to move them.

"I'm not finished yet."

The cigarette he'd lit while her mind and body bathed in the heady after-effects of absolute bliss, hung between his lips and she hated how unimpressed he looked.

"Isn't it enough already?" she tried to protest again, stammering, but Sebastian just shook his head and calmly took a puff from his cigarette while his thumb traced circles over her clit.

"Not at all."

"Not at all?" Her startled words were drowned out by an exasperated gasp, as his fingers, which had remained still inside her until then, began to thrust deeper again. It was impossible to describe the feeling they were causing at this point. A mixture of absolute exhaustion and an equally fulfilling desire to experience the all-consuming ecstasy of another orgasm. Add to that the slight onset of pain from long overtaxed muscles and the shame of feeling his cool gaze on her while she whimpered and squirmed, not knowing whether her hips should push against the movements of his fingers or avoid them. A decision that was pointless to think about, as her body always decided in favour of the former.

She had long since realised that Sebastian was really angry, even if she didn't really understand the nature of the punishment.

Once again, her body tensed up before it began to pulsate in another high, her moans now almost stifled by the too much of everything.

Sebastian remained silent and when she looked at him with hazed eyes, he calmly returned her gaze, formed a ring of smoke and put his cigarette between his lips again. Perhaps this behaviour was the real punishment.

"I hate you..."

It was the last, cheap rebellion of her pride as her legs began to tremble again and she strained against the restraints on her wrists. But instead of having any effect, her statement made Sebastian laugh, rubbing his fingers against the most sensitive spot inside her to show her what he thought of her words.

"And because you hate me, you mess with older people who talk rubbish about me, huh?"

His laughter was replaced by a dangerous flicker in his eyes as he rammed his fingers deeper into her, making her gasp.

"I don't know what your fucking problem is."

Her defiance and resistance were feigned and her body, quivering with exhaustion and delight, gave it away.

"The problem is that you never think before you do something stupid. And that you've hurt yourself, beeing this stupid."

His anger spread from his eyes to his face and finally to his entire body like wildfire, blazing in his every move and in the way he forced her to a high again. But she welcomed the fire, much more comfortable burning than freezing to death from the chill of his rational rage.

"Don't.ever.do.that.again!"

Sebastian reinforced each of his words with a well-directed stroke of his fingers until his rhythm swelled and merged into her cries of rapture.

He leant his forehead against hers, his cigarette smouldering forgotten in the ashtray, his fingers running over her tear-stained cheeks and her bursted lip.

The sight of the latter alone made him think of starting the punishment all over again.

But the look in her eyes stopped him, completely exhausted she tried to blink away the tears that were proof enough that her body was incapable of dealing with the intensity of her feelings and emotions.

"I can take care of myself." The soft sound of his voice enveloped her like the smell of tobacco, which she had loathed before she knew Sebastian. Unable to answer, she let his soft lips run over her face, over her closed eyelids, to the tip of her nose and along the trail of her tears until they touched her lips softly like butterfly wings.

"Come here..." with whispered words he pulled her towards him, undoing the restraints on her wrists and wrapping her body in one of the blankets.

"I never want to see you put yourself in danger again because of a few stupid words. Do you understand me?"

She wanted to reply that it was just a busted lip and that she couldn't stand other people talking badly about him.

But instead she snuggled closer to him, knowing that he would hold her in his arms for as long as she needed to recover.

More of 90s Seb here.

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow smut #because i never hated you au #90s seb #sebastian sallow x f!mc #90s au

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tomorrowusa · 3 days ago

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In the old Soviet Union, if you disagreed with the government, you could get put into a psychiatric hospital. The government thinking was: If you don't like communism then you must be crazy.

Something similar has been going on in Communist China.

When Zhang Junjie was 17 he decided to protest outside his university about rules made by China's government. Within days he had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital and treated for schizophrenia. Junjie is one of dozens of people identified by the BBC who were hospitalised after protesting or complaining to the authorities. Many people we spoke to were given anti-psychotic drugs, and in some cases electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), without their consent. While there have been reports for decades that hospitalisation is used in China as a way of detaining dissenting citizens without involving the courts, a leading Chinese lawyer has told the BBC that the issue - which legislation sought to resolve - has recently seen a resurgence. Junjie says he was restrained and beaten by hospital staff before being forced to take medication. His ordeal began in 2022, after he protested against China's harsh lockdown policies. He says his professors spotted him after just five minutes and contacted his father, who took him back to the family home. He says his father called the police, and the next day - on his 18th birthday - two men drove him to what they claimed was a Covid test centre, but was actually a hospital. "The doctors told me I had a very serious mental disease… Then they tied me to a bed. The nurses and doctors repeatedly told me, because of my views on the party and the government, then I must be mentally ill. It was terrifying," he told the BBC World Service. He was there for 12 days. Junjie believes his father felt forced to hand him over to the authorities because he worked for the local government.

Junjie is just one of the people the BBC spoke with. His is not an isolated instance.

You can watch the entire documentary about China's misuse of psychiatric facilities to punish dissenters here.

youtube

Because they make so many of our consumer goods, people in the West forget that China is a brutal totalitarian state. The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) is the country's only legal political entity. In effect, the CCP is the government.

Under dictator Xi Jinping, the government is committing genocide against the Uighurs, repressing free speech in Hong Kong, and is helping Russia with its war of aggression in Ukraine. Add to this Xi's military provocations against the Philippines and threatening rhetoric aimed at Taiwan and we see an out of control autocrat with imperialistic ambitions.

#china #chinese communist party #dissenters #torture #using psychiatric facilities to abuse protesters #repression #huang xuetao #zhang junjie #jie lijian #song zaimin #li yixue #xi jinping #dictatorship #习近平 #中国 #专政 #赤納粹 #酷刑

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ronaldmcdonaldstastytits · 2 years ago

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It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia: Realistic Representation

Hello Sunnyblr!

I asked if anyone wanted to see my paper I did on Always Sunny for school and some people said yes, so here it is. It’s like 5000 words and it was super rushed, so it’s not brilliant. Hope you have fun reading it and I recommend you also check out the sources I referenced at the end because some of those where a hell of a read and so fucking interesting.

[NOTE] This was originally intended for my teacher’s eyes who has not seen Always Sunny, so a lot of the first two chapters are very anecdotal and recount some plot points of always sunny, so if you know the show (which if you’re seeing this, you probably do) they aren’t necessary to read, neither is the log but I decided to include it anyway.

Introduction

This personal Interest Project will explore the way in which homosexuality is portrayed in the media, with an emphasis and focus on the TV show “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and the ways that they make the queer representation in it both realistic and relatable, to everyone in the audience.

I chose this as my topic for multiple reasons: I love looking at and reading about the ways that the media presents queerness and the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve consumed a large amount of media with queer characters since I was first introduced to the concept, and of all the media, the most relatable and well presented I have come across so far has to be in “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” in the character of Mac and his struggles between religion and sexuality.

The way that homosexuality and queerness in general is shown in the media is important for society as a whole, as it is always important to see yourself and others reflected in the media you consume. In this study I reference self made questionnaires, interviews and researched secondary sources to further evidence my judgements in a way so that I could get diverse opinions on a niche subject. My cross-cultural component included interviewing people who have been invested in the show far longer than i have to show what has changed in the community’s attitude towards Always Sunny’s representation over the years.

Log

My first step in creating my study was to do secondary research on the topics of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, LGBTQ+ representation in the media and the Queer habitation of fandom spaces.

Once I had a list of both formal and scholarly and informal references I could use, I sent them to my email to ensure they would not get lost or forgotten and I started reading them all, making mental notes on what to use as I went along.

Next I started by beginning an introduction to the study. I then made an essay plan for each chapter, making sure to note down which sources I would be using and where. I plotted exactly what I would talk about in each chapter and estimated how long they would each be.

When I started the body of my study I realised it was actually far longer than I had been anticipating and I spent a long time cutting it down before continuing with my Third chapter, which I realised I would have to condense down from chapters three and four into just one.

After I had finally finished the three chapters I made sure to annotate each of the sources I had used, add footnotes and graphs and relevant pictures.

The last task I had yet to complete was the log, which was easy to fill out even though i had made no attempts at creating a project diary (which I should do in the future so that this last process is even easier).

Chapter 1 – Sunny’s Dark Satire

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the longest running live-action American sit-com ever made. In 2003 two struggling actors, Rob McElhenny and Glenn Howerton came up with an idea that flipped traditional comedy on its head, made a pilot episode with a budget of $200 and titled it, “It’s Always Sunny on TV”.

The show was to take place in Hollywood, about three actors trying to make it big. The three main characters were Rob McElhenny, Glenn Howerton and Charlie Day playing as themselves.

The first episode, “Charlie has Cancer” started with Glenn visiting Charlie’s apartment to “borrow a bowl of sugar”, only to find out that his friend might have cancer. When Charlie starts confiding in Glenn about how he feels about all of it Glenn awkwardly responds, “Oh, I’m s--- did you wanna talk right now?”, creating the awkward, dark, satirical comedy aspect that It’s Always Sunny is well known for.

Later, after the show was picked up by FX, It was decided that the premise of the show would need to be changed. FX believed there were already too many sitcoms set in Los Angeles and they decided the new show would be set in McElhenney’s home town of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. They also didn’t want it to be about actors as there were too many shows about that as well, but with the premise and comedy of the show the characters would need to have a lot of free time on their hands, and so the decision was made that the characters would be bar owners, and the name of the show was changed to “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”

The characters’ names also changed, McElhenney was now Ronald “Mac” McDonald (yes like the clown), Howerton was now called Dennis Reynolds and Day was still called Charlie, only the last name switched from “Day” to “Kelly” and Dennis’ twin sister was played by Kaitlyn Olsen. The show that started with the characters and actors at 28 and 29 years old, now has them at 46 and 47 in the newest season of the show which only came out in early June this year and the show is still signed for two more seasons.

Always Sunny was made to be an anti sitcom, a direct opposite to something like F.R.I.E.N.D.S. or How I Met Your Mother.

Most sitcoms feature lovable characters who might be a little morally dubious at the beginning but eventually turn into better people, sometimes they fall in love and get married and the end of the story is nice and happy.

Anti-sitcoms-- not so much.

While a sitcom explores the characters’ growth as individuals through comedy, anti sitcoms often do the opposite. In Always Sunny every single character is set up to be one of the worst people imaginable. The point of the show is to make you hate the characters and root against them so that when they finally get what they deserve-- often physical violence-- you feel justified in laughing at them.

Each of the characters has at least one thing that is absolutely awful about them so that if you get too close to liking them someone else can point out, How can you like him? He stalked a woman for 15 years! Making you like the character less.

They all have their terrible flaws; Charlie stalked a woman for 15 years, Mac is incredibly misogynistic and homophobic, Dennis has harassed and assaulted women on multiple occasions. The characters are awful, you can’t help but hate them, and that makes seeing them get what they deserve at the end of every episode so much more satisfying.

However, while we hate these characters, that doesn’t mean we can’t also relate to them. It also doesn’t mean that the show can’t have good representation. Because it does and we do; Topics like mental health issues, eating disorders, Childhood sexual assault and LGBTQ+ identities are explored by the characters.

But one of the things that so many fans of the show relate to about the characters is the queer aspect. In every show that has a fandom, there are characters consistently “headcannonned” as queer in some respect. Always Sunny is no exception, however, it did go farther in seeing how they had been portraying the characters, noticing that one of them did seem gay even to them and actually taking the step to confirm that the character was gay.

Chapter 2 – Mac’s Journey

In 2016’s season 11 finale McElhenney’s character, Mac, came out as gay. Mac was an ultra conservative man infected with so much toxic masculinity that he took any altercation and raised it to violence out of insecurity. He was also insanely homophobic, misogynistic and transphobic despite the fact that he once dated a transgender woman named Carmen on and off for two years.

Carmen was actually first introduced in season one episode four “Charlie has Cancer”, the pilot of Sunny on TV. Carmen was played by Brittany Daniel in the FX show, and the plot of the episode didn’t change much from the original: Mac tries to find a girl to get her to sleep with Charlie to cheer him up since he supposedly has cancer. The only girl he sees in the bar is Carmen, they start talking and Mac goes back to Dennis and Dee to tell them he’s “found the perfect girl for Charlie”. Then Dennis and Dee tell him that “that’s a dude”. When Mac goes to confront Carmen about it she expertly deflects the accusation and they continue flirting.

MAC: You lied to me.

CARMEN: No, I didn't. You lied to me. You don't work out? Please. I've seen you at the gym. You're ripped.

MAC: No. Don't turn this around. Wait. Really? You think so?

CARMEN: Yeah.

MAC: (flexes his muscles) I was afraid I was getting a little too ripped, you know?

CARMEN: Oh, no. I like it.

MAC: Wow! Hmm. Well, I gotta get back to work. Um, but I don't know. Maybe I'll give you a call sometime.

After that they end up going on dates and they seem like a happy couple apart from the fact that Mac is very clearly uncomfortable with dating someone with a penis. Eventually their relationship ends when while on a date, Carmen approaches Mac from behind and taps his shoulder and Mac freaks out and accidentally punches her out of instinct.

In a later episode of Season three, “Mac is a serial killer”, the plot twist of the episode is that, while the gang thinks that Mac has been acting shady recently because he’s now a serial killer, it is actually because Mac has been trying to hide the fact that he’s been dating Carmen again from them out of fear of their reactions considering what they thought the last time they dated. Through this episode Mac still clearly is uncomfortable with her being trans but he also seems to really like her considering the amount of research he had been doing into her “condition”, as Mac puts it. Towards the end of the episode Carmen dumps him because she thinks he is ashamed of her. Upset, Mac goes to Charlie and tells him “It’s over,” since he had assumed that Charlie knew the whole time. The gang confronts Mac about being a serial killer and Mac immediately yells back “I’m not a serial killer! [...] I’ve been banging the [t slur]!” Just as Mac had predicted, the gang immediately seems disgusted by this.

Carmen appears in two other later episodes as well, in one of them Mac runs into her at the gym and finds out she’s getting married soon. The rest of the episode is about Mac being so jealous that she’s getting married to someone that he decides that it is a “gay marriage” and therefore a sin and tries to dissuade the couple from getting married by using homophobic bible quotes. Predictably, this episode is called “Mac Fights Gay Marriage”.

The last episode with Carmen in it is one in which Dee gives birth after being pregnant all season, it is revealed at the end of this episode that after the Gang tried so hard to figure out who the father was all season and were prepared to look after this kid together, that Dee was actually a surrogate, and what’s more, she was a surrogate for Carmen and her Husband.

Miraculously, Carmen is the only character or side character who has ever left an encounter with the gang unscathed, she even somehow came out the end better, with a family. Every other character has been dragged down into the pits of hell with the rest of the gang whenever they’ve had to endure anything with them.

Along with being transphobic and yet dating a trans woman Mac was also very homophobic, and the best example of that comes from the season nine episode, “Mac Day”, in which Mac’s cousin from the country (“Country Mac”) comes to the city. Later in the episode Mac makes his friends participate in “Greasing up some Beefcakes” which is actually just rubbing oil on body builders. Mac says some very suggestive things when the Gang doesn’t want to do it-- “These guys work off their beautiful glutes for our enjoyment, okay? The least we can do is pay them back in tan and grease.”-- Country Mac seems all too up for the activity, however, and says he's been getting a lot of phone numbers. Dennis asks where there are women, to which Country Mac replies, “Chicks? No. Dudes. I’m into Dudes.” The Gang expresses their positive sentiments and when Country Mac walks away Charlie says, “It’s so much more comfortable when someone’s gay and open about it. And like, I know we’ve never said this as a group, but… Mac’s gay." The rest of the Gang all immediately agreed with no restraint. At the end of the episode, after Country Mac’s untimely death, Mac makes a eulogy which includes the characteristic homophobia, “And it turns out, he was totally queer. Which, as we all know, is a sin. And that, coupled with his radical religious beliefs, has most likely landed him in Hell, where he will burn for all eternity. So I will ask for a moment of silence, in which I will beg God's forgiveness for Country Mac's evil, homo ways…”

Although the writers clearly knew what they were doing with “Mac Day”, the season ten two part finale “The Gang Goes to Hell Parts 1 and 2” is where they really made their intentions surrounding Mac’s character and sexuality clear.

Goes to Hell were two of the episodes that showcased exactly how awful each of the characters are. In the story, every one of the characters committed one of the seven deadly sins and ended up on the brig of the Christian cruise ship they were on. They were on the Christian cruise ship because Mac had converted from his Roman Catholic church he had grown up in, to a Christian one because his usual church was “getting too Vietnamese”, just showcasing again how Mac is a horrible person.

Of course Charlie and Frank’s sin was gluttony in the form of alcoholism (they drank boat fuel), Dee was wrathful and punched a woman and Dennis attempted to have sex with a girl who was 19 even though he was 39. Out of everyone in the Gang, Mac was the only one who didn’t commit a sin and yet he ended up in the brig as well.

The reason Mac was in the brig was because he had found out the men he had become friends with were actually married and gay and Mac, being incredibly homophobic as he was, had decided that he was put on the cruise by God to convert them to being straight. This of course didn’t work and when Mac told the men all of this they said:

DAVID: You want to convert us?

MAC: Yeah!

DAVID: Do you realise how insulting that is? How would you like it if I tried to convert you?

MAC: Uh… Wouldn’t care. Cause that’s, like, impossible. There’s no way you guys could convert me to your lifestyle.

SCOTT: Let’s give it a shot.

The next scene opened with Mac walking straight into the brig, closing the door and saying defeatedly, “Well… I’m gay.”

Mac’s sexuality was further explored in the Season 13 finale, “Mac Finds His Pride” in which he came out to his father and his prison mates through an interpretive dance, only for him to walk out of the room midway through his performance. Mac was clearly devastated by this and the episode ended with Frank, who had accompanied Mac throughout the episode and who was typically quite ignorant and homophobic, finally understanding how Mac had felt his whole life.

Chapter 3 – Was it Good Representation?

Having representation in the media is important for all minorities. Minorities can see others like them, and non-minorities can see how minorities are affected by a world not catered for them and see how things need to change.

In a survey regarding what people thought about shows with Queer representation, I asked the questions: what was the best queer representation you’ve seen in the media and why?

In response to what the best queer representation was, the results varied greatly as there are many different pieces of media containing good LGBTQ+ representation. However, the most recurring answers were It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia with 17.3%, Our Flag Means Death with 11.5% and The Owl House with 7.7%. The top qualities in good representation were (in order of highest to lowest); realism, normalisation, diversity, relatability, unashamedness, and acceptance.

In an interview with a long time fan of Always Sunny, 22 year old Lillian H, in response to being asked what she liked about the representation in Always Sunny, said that while she didn’t think that the portrayal of Mac’s identity was as good as it could have been her favourite thing about the show was it’s portrayal of mental illness and trauma: “There’s not many aspects of the show that I would ever look at as “good” representation, I mean that would be the opposite of the message that the show is trying to convey. I don’t even think that Mac is as good a representation that he could be. But I also think Sunny is the best tv representation I have ever seen of trauma and mental illness. One of my favorite things about this show is that at its core, Sunny is about five traumatized people who were deeply affected by their terrible upbringing and continue to perpetuate the cycle and project it all over anyone they encounter.”

Lillian started watching the show around the time the first two seasons had begun airing and was introduced to it by her Dad who loved the show. “My dad was obsessed with it and when we weren’t watching it on television he was showing me his favorite scenes on youtube.”, she said. She also talked about how when she was in middle school and properly able to digest and process the humour of the show beyond a group of adults yelling at each other for 20 minutes straight, she started engaging with the online fandom on tumblr. When asked how the fandom has changed over time she said, “The majority of tumblr users were under thirty, so I think the fans there were a lot more accepting and open minded than the people like my dad who just watched it on tv. I never witnessed any kind of blatant homophobia or racism of any kind. From what I remember everyone for the most part understood the satire and knew what the show was portraying was wrong. The blackface was definitely an issue though. It was (rightfully!) openly shunned and criticized in the fandom. There were other tumblr users that had never seen the show who would attack sunny blogs for being racist and problematic for supporting a show and cast that performed blackface. [...] The response to Mac coming out was initially terrible. He came out of the closet only to go right back in at the end of the episode. I think the majority of LGBTQ fans felt this episode made it clear that Mac's sexuality was being trivialized and played up for laughs. It was especially disappointing coming from a crew who claimed to be gay allies, one of which had two moms and a gay brother who worked on the show. When Mac finally came out for good, the response was overwhelmingly positive and celebratory. I think at the time even the older fans (like my dad) were too caught off guard to be hateful. It was a bizarrely emotional episode.”

In a separate survey when the question, “what was the best queer representation you have seen and why?” was posed, the reasons behind people responding with Mac from Always Sunny were mostly very similar; “because he is the epitome of who I used to be (Catholic and extremely in denial about my sexuality)”, “Mac McDonald, mostly because I can relate to him a lot. We are both gay, we are both religious [...]”, “It’s really relatable for me. I grew up in [a] catholic setting, so it was just easier to lock away my true feelings.”, “Mac's shame and guilt regarding his sexuality and being stuck in the closet and denial was executed well and it's something many lgbt folks can relate to”, “Mac finds his pride is definitely one of the best episodes of the show and shows his struggle with his internalised homophobia and struggle to find a place to fit in, which i can relate to.”

Most people in more recent times, when talking about why they liked Mac’s representation, reference how they feel it relates to them. Most of these people are gay, religious or both like Mac was and understand that what happened when Mac first came out and then went back into the closet was a way of denial and repression and something they related to.

This proposes the theory that perhaps this view in particular regarding Mac’s character and story has changed over time from something that people were unhappy about when it first happened to something that people now praise for making it feel realistic and relatable.

However this is a phenomenon known only to those within the fandom. In an interview with 17 year old Jordan Wade, who only considers himself a casual enjoyer of the show and has only watched the first two seasons, he said that he hadn’t really noticed any queer aspects to any of the characters and had not picked up on any representation in the show where he was up to. It should be noted that there is LGBTQ+ themes and representation in the first season in the form of Carmen and perhaps this shows that the only people who really pay enough attention to the show to be able to pick out and examine each piece of representation are those who are engaged in the fandom. And most people who engage in fandom are queer or part of other minorities and as such are already used to searching thoroughly for any representation.

In a survey, 10 memes from Always Sunny were presented to the participants and they were asked if they recognised the meme. On all of the memes 55 people responded and of all those memes the lowest number of people who recognised a meme was 32, with the highest being 51 of the 55 saying they recognised it. The spread of memes on the internet among people who know the show and don’t, contribute to the spread of the show, which contributes to the spread of its representation. Of the ten memes, before I had even watched the show, I had seen nine of them, just due to being online on platforms such as Tumblr and TikTok.

Conclusion

Ultimately, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia has some good representation of LGBTQ+ characters and also of mental health issues. The show is absolutely flawed but it is usually quite good at staying within the confines of a dark satire and using it to its advantage. Mac’s character could have been dealt with more gently and so could Carmen’s but ultimately they did really well with what they did at the time and many people relate really well to the characters. The characters and representation in Always Sunny is genuinely really good and many people agree that it is relatable, and realistic and not made a huge deal of, only increasing the value of the representation.

The use of realistic and relatable plot points in Mac’s story help to make the character more accessible to queer audiences. The fact that he came out and then went back in only helps queer people relate to him more. His internalised homophobia is ever present throughout the show and drawn upon to add to his queer identity, showing how overtime he worked on and diminished his internalised homophobia and was finally able to feel himself after the season thirteen finale.

While aspects of it may still be widely contested by fans of Always Sunny online, it stands without competition that Mac in many ways was good representation that fed people starved of representation. And while Rob McElhenney, Glenn Howerton, Charlie Day and the other writers of Always Sunny could have done better, it is undeniable that they were well intentioned and got their messages across quite well in the end.

Reference List

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXY0uDeZ5jw

Charlie Has Cancer - Original Pilot. (2004). United States of America. Retrieved June 15, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXY0uDeZ5jw.

https://whatnerd.com/what-is-anti-sitcom-explained-with-examples/

McManus, B., McManus, C., Conall McManusConall McManus is a contributor at whatNerd. He’s an avid fan of cinema, Conall McManus is a contributor at whatNerd. He’s an avid fan of cinema, & Read more by Conall McManus ». (2022, October 12). What’s an anti-sitcom? Explained (with 5 great examples). whatNerd. https://whatnerd.com/what-is-anti-sitcom-explained-with-examples/

https://cyberleninka.ru/article/n/amusing-abusers-and-humourless-survivors-analysing-the-role-of-comedy-in-media-representations-of-sexual-violence

Rose, L. B. (2021). Amusing abusers and humourless survivors: analysing the role of comedy in media representations of sexual violence. Galactica Media: Journal of Media Studies, (3), 344-373.

https://mediarxiv.org/8hgfa/download?format=pdf

Johnson Jr, M. (2020). Queer Incrementalism and the Emancipatory Rhetoric of Redemption on FX’s “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj12BBtbRkM

YouTube. (2022). The Gang Does Trans Representation. YouTube. Retrieved June 15, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj12BBtbRkM.

https://deadline.com/2021/12/its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia-addresses-blackface-controversy-1234884709/

Haring, B. (2021, December 4). “it’s always sunny in Philadelphia” addresses blackface controversy in “lethal weapon 7” season 15 episode. Deadline. https://deadline.com/2021/12/its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia-addresses-blackface-controversy-1234884709/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/lgbtq-fans-remaking-fandom-in-our-own-image-stitch-fan-service

Stitch. (2021, June 9). LGBTQ+ fans: We’re here, Queer, and remaking fandom in our own image. Teen Vogue. https://www.teenvogue.com/story/lgbtq-fans-remaking-fandom-in-our-own-image-stitch-fan-service

https://www.tumblr.com/sunnykeysmash/717820696920719360/im-also-thinking-that-it-would-mean-mac-would

Sunnykeysmash. (2023, May 20). “wait One Year” on Tumblr. Tumblr. https://www.tumblr.com/sunnykeysmash/717820696920719360/im-also-thinking-that-it-would-mean-mac-would

https://repository.library.georgetown.edu/handle/10822/1043761

Kimmel, K. (2017). THE GANG’S IN A THESIS: AN EXAMINATION OF AMERICAN TELEVISION’S DARK HORSE SITCOM “IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA” (Doctoral dissertation, Georgetown University).

And of course thank you to @lgbdee for helping me and @sunnykeysmash for unknowlingly giving me something to use as a source and a good read lol. And thanks to everyone who participated in all the polls and surveys i put out, it was a huge help and I was able to get a MUCH larger amount of data on my surveys than my classmates did which I count as a win on it’s own even though I have no idea what my marks for this assignment were.

Also if you’re going to read any of the sources above I highly recommend “Amusing abusers and humourless survivors: analysing the role of comedy in media representations of sexual violence” by LB Rose. I genuinely really enjoyed reading it and reread it later too.

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trashlie · 1 year ago

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Solidarity with quimchee and ILY; an email to webtoon

In a follow up to this post (please read it for the details and reblog it it, as well), over in the discord we decided that one of the ways we can help quimchee is to send an email to webtoon. One of our members, solidaritea, wrote up this template which you can use to send to this email: [email protected]

Feel free to make adjustments to this, to make it a little more personal, add any more thoughts you would like to reach them. We only ask that you keep this professional - we aren't in the place to harp on them for how the negative ways they impacted the readership by misrepresenting what ILY is as a story. We want to instead focus on the support of quimchee's artistic integrity, as we are not a fandom of children who cannot comprehend multi-part episodes as webtoon seems to think.

Please reblog this so that it can reach others, and if you are on ILY twitter, feel free to share this post over there!

Template:

To whom it may concern: I am a fastpasser on Webtoon, and am writing to you today as a concerned reader in regards to some subjective practices of your company, that are compromising my ability to enjoy your product as a fiscally contributing consumer. In good-faith: I am requesting that for the sake of capturing the integrity of story-telling, that you allow creators such as Quimchee just a modicum more of freedom in how she decides to share her work. Without any prompting from this author, and purely out of our own volition as fans of "I Love Yoo" and Webtoons as a whole, we decided to come together to express we are fully intellectually capable of handling a two part episode and have done so before. We are also enthusiastic and unbothered by the prospects of potentially needing to pay to unlock both parts. Infact, our fandom has tried offering occasional help to others who wish to fast pass specific important chapters such as the one that has been delayed for 2 weeks now, due to a seeming communication break down. We want to support your company, and the author we follow closely. But for the sake of solidarity, our group will be withholding fastpassing any of our current subscriptions - as well as pausing the purchase of any additional coins, until this issue is rectified in good faith. Us reaching out to contact you with this concern is our attempt to communicate as consumers there is something we would like to see kindly and professionally addressed. I deeply would appreciate a personal response.

A note: if possible, please send this from an email associated with your webtoon account (so they can see it's actually connected to something and not just fluff and fodder, if they bother to look).

Also: do not mention this on quimchee's patreon or twitter lol. I don't want webtoon to think she asked us to do this. This was by the people for the people.

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Webtoon #quimchee

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secretlythepits · 7 months ago

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4 Months or 2 Years

When my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, she was told she had 4 months to live. She had 11 masses in her brain. She tried full brain radiation but it didn’t have much of an effect. When we saw her oncologist, we expected a transfer to hospice.

Instead she threw out chemo and said maybe Mom could live for 2 more years. Mom never wanted chemo because she had witnessed its brutality on her brother and sister. We questioned quality of life and her oncologist spoke about her patient who just called her from a trip to California.

We left the appointment dumbfounded and went to a cafe to discuss it over sale and Nanaimo bars. We had already literally settled everything up with the funeral parlor. We had accepted the hard truth. At lunch Mom decided to try chemo, but her heart wasn’t in it. I think she felt like she had to for her girls. It just didn’t feel right, but what do you do with that information? You can’t crumple 2 years into a ball and make a basket in the trash can.

She did one round. It was awful. That’s not what this post is about. She died 4 months from her diagnosis. I think the 2 years was never really on the table. Don’t let anyone tell you hope is always a good thing. It can wield tremendous cruelty through delusion.

My mother died 7 hours before I was getting on a plane to take over her care. There are more than medical decisions that get made based on what an oncologist says. For 4 months, I could stay the whole time. I wanted to. I planned to. But 2 years was a different story. My kids couldn’t be away from their dad for that long. My sister had to work and care for her family too. My sister and I decided to rotate care. I started homeschooling my kids so we could be wherever whenever.

4 months or 2 years?

You make different decisions. Financial decisions. Logistical decisions. Communication decisions.

I have an idea of my husband’s timeline, but nothing definitive. There’s a giant question mark about immunotherapy that is unknowable from the onset. There are strong statistical probabilities.

This is what I’m wresting with now and I’ll use my mother’s timelines for a framework. To be clear, these are not my husband’s timeline projections, but the idea is the same. Is the end sooner or later?

Do I speak up about issues in our marriage and push for my needs?

4 Months:

No. Forgive and let go. Focus on the fundamental love and don’t add an emotional burden to him. I could do this easily in this time frame.

2 Years:

Yes. That’s too long to let hurt fester. It will bubble up anyway. There’s also a real possibility of resolving some or all of it, which would be amazing. I cannot suppress my feelings for years. I would be consumed with anger and resentment.

Do I put my goals on the back burner to prioritize his?

4 Months:

Yes. I will have more time and his is finite. Also, I’d want to maximize our time together.

2 Years:

No. I can give up some but not all. What if 2 years is 3 years or 4? I am coming off of a 3 1/2 year brain infection. I lost so much time. Then I immediately had to support his first cancer journey. And before all that, it was my mom dying. I’ve had nonstop emergencies for 6 years and I clawed my way from the edge of death. I can’t just turn over all my next years. My time is finite too.

But here’s the tricky part. He will only get worse. So, although it makes sense to be tending to him now as this is new and we are figuring things out, I might miss the only realistic opportunity I have to keep my life from being swallowed up by caregiving. The only certainty I know is that later will be worse.

How much time do I devote to building my finances?

Ah, maybe these are the same for both timelines. I’m struggling with being present to the moments and bucking down to focus on providing. Do I continue building my business, the dream I worked so hard for, that got dashed so many times these last 6 years? Or do I chuck it, take some classes to get a certification that would lead to a job I would hate, but would provide a stable income? He could have an emergency and no longer work at any moment. But, that’s also unlikely. Arg!

I hate that I am back in this 4 months or 2 years place. It was torture for me. I remember people telling me I couldn’t make a wrong choice.

I felt like I couldn’t make a right one and it paralyzed me.

Now that I think about it, in the end, I decided to make the choice that was best for me. The toxicity of extended family dynamics was too much for me. I decided mom made her choices (smoking) and I had an equal right to make mine (removing myself from a situation that unhinged me). Mom also wanted space to process after the onslaught of visitors. She needed some solitude. So I left and went home to calm down and recenter myself in my life and in the family I created. Rotating her care was practical but also gave me breathing room that I needed. I could have and would have stayed if we knew it was just 4 months, but I can’t deny that something really important happened to me when I took that break. I think I would have broken without it.

This is stream of consciousness so I didn’t know I’d land on the paragraph above. I just wanted to say what I was trying to figure out, what was hurting my heart. But now I think I landed on a compass. And it rings true because I feel my North Star blinking.

I have to continue to live my own life.

I always knew that. Always know that. The reason that truth felt out of reach is all the social conditioning around being a support. Women are expected to give up everything to be a caregiver, while one of the predictors of imminent divorce is a wife’s serious diagnosis. I am experiencing a personal crisis that exists within the context of our societal dynamic and it would be disingenuous to pretend I was immune to the influences of the patriarchy. And the thing is, I know what to do. It’s more of fear of judgement for doing what I know is right.

Two truths exist simultaneously:

I want to take care of him. I really, really do.

I want to take care of myself. I really, really do.

Why does one of those feel like a mandate and the other a source of guilt? Why the dichotomy?

Why is love for myself always supposed to be second place?

One thing is for sure: with 2 dead parents, a dying spouse, and kids to look after, nobody is going to take care of me

but me.

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ghost-recs · 10 months ago

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hey :) it's very cool that you're making such organized rec lists! you probably don't mean any harm by this but is rating them necessary? by recommending them you are already telling people that you like them, and saying what you enjoyed about them is also great!

but rating fics on a scale from 1-10 and putting your opinions into the general tags/ tagging directly so that the writers that- i'm guessing largely did not ask for your criticism- are very likely to see it creates an uncomfortable atmosphere

i know that at least for me i would not enjoy being putting next to other authors like this, and having a rating put on a fic that i worked hard on and that is therefore probably very dear to me would feel discouraging. many authors on your lists also explicitly state that they are not looking for criticism on a hobby they want to simply enjoy

again, i assume that you mean absolutely no harm and simply want to help others find fics they might enjoy, but this luckily isn't school, we can simply enjoy things without having to grade them

this divide in fandom, where artist are treated like 'content creators' and readers as the 'consumers' is a larger issue that way too often causes artist to lose their joy in being active in fandom.

fan art should be about community, after all we're all just some people with a shared love for our favourite characters

so please, let's share and support the fan fiction ( and fan art in general) we enjoy in a way that doesn't feel like a product review

Hey! :) I just wanted to address this before it becomes something that I never intended/wanted it to become.

In no way, shape, or form am I trying to offend or criticize anyone when I recommend works. My “ghost ratings” are purely my personal preference out of my favorite fics. It is an easier way for me to organize my lists based solely on my personal taste and preferences. The ratings are not meant to be a grading system. They don’t measure the quality, quantity, or even the content of the works. What they show are simply which ones I preferred over others.

I will admit that choosing to add my own personal rating is to let others know which fics were my favorite. But first and foremost the entire point of making these lists is to share the love of these works. I enjoy adding the ratings just to show personal preference. After all, everyone has pieces of writing, fics, or fan art that they prefer over other ones. It’s fun to gush a little extra over the works that you most enjoy!

Again though, it is not meant to be a critique. I am not trying to offer advice or pretend that I could do better. It never crossed my mind that someone would view these recs as a “product review,” and that is my own fault for not thinking it through from that perspective. I don’t view these artists and writers as “content creators” and the readers as “consumers.” We ARE just one community! :)

That all being said, I am deeply sorry if I have offended anyone or crossed a line. I never meant to do that and truly just want to share fics that I enjoy with others. To any writers, artists, and readers that I’ve offended with my ratings, I apologize and I hope you will forgive me.

I have decided that my ratings are not worth the risk of possibly discouraging others. It would break my heart if I knew my recommendations were doing that to others. I will be taking down all my ratings and will not be adding more to any future recs.

Anon thank you for discussing this with me in a kind and helpful manner. And for not assuming that I’m trying to be a jerk and tear others down.

I love you all! I love all of you artists and the love for the fandom that we share! Thank you for bearing with me, and have a great day/night!🫶🏻

#apologies!!

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gliyerabaa · 2 months ago

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I have some question about writing. I've had many fanfic ideas through i've never used because of my lack of knowledge about creative writing. So.. ever since becoming a Wicked, like 2 or 3 years ago, i've been reading your fics (which i think are extremely good, you're one of my favorite writers). Only recently i decided to try writing some fanfic, but i'm not really sure where to start. So.. can you give me some advices for beggining writers? Hope my question isn't too time consuming

hello! I'm so excited to hear that you're interested in writing!

I have a few tips that have helped me as a writer:

find a friend to help. Over the years, I've had several different people in the wicked community help me out with my writing. sometimes they help me correct characterization or grammar mistakes, sometimes they are just there to cheer me on or encourage me. either way, it can be super helpful to have someone to listen to your ideas

be patient and trust the process. You might not always be satisfied with what you've written, and that's okay. sometimes it takes a few tries before an idea really starts to stick.

write for YOURSELF. Everything I've written has been something I've genuinely wanted to write. Even things like gifts or commissions are always based in concepts that I've been interested in. Basically, don't write what you think people would like the most. write what YOU like the most!

and... the most important advice I think I could ever give:

WRITE ONE STORY AT A TIME

It's okay if you have multiple oneshots that you're working on, but far too often I've fallen into the trap of planning multiple huge writing projects at once. Thats why it's taken nearly six years to write Per Aspera Ad Astra (and I'm only like 2/3 of the way done with it), and that's also why I've had a lot of unfinished multi-chapter fics. I get too excited about a project too quickly and then things wind up abandoned. It's best to just focus on one thing at a time.

This feels like it was a lot but hopefully it was helpful advice! I'm going to tag a few of my other writer friends as well if they have anything to add. @a-fast-rebloger @wickedlyqueer

thanks for reaching out! best of luck in your writing adventures!

#wicked #writing #advice #writing advice #ask #answered #anon

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atelierlili · 4 months ago

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What happened in the thg subreddit?

I didn't want to continue stirring the pot, but honestly I'm still miffed about it so I'm gonna answer. I wouldn't care if it only happened to me, but it didn't and that makes me even more angry lmao. It's why i've been quiet for a few days. I had to simmer down.

I will not provide links of any sort, I don't want this to spark about shitstorm and draw more any more attention it than I already have. If you know, you know, you know?

But the tHG subreddit are guilty of but are not limited to:

Thinly veiled racist remarks regarding fan/artist interpretation of character's skin tone. As if the skin colour of one's skintone doesn't further add to the class disparity that is VERY canon in the books. Then downvoting when people (especially the OP) give their justifications on their interpretation, which is actually supported by the book. Look at a fucking bowl of olives, they come in all different shades and hues. This issue only scratches the surface we talk about race, skin colour and its relationship with the books AND how the community handles it. It's a shit show all around.

2. Unsolicited criticism of fan art. (This is what I'm most upset about.) If someone isn’t asking for criticism, it’s wrong to offer critiques, especially if it’s a stranger. I don’t care if the person critiquing is an artist of whatever skill, don’t even care if it’s Da Vinci himself, it’s inappropriate. Art is time consuming and its is personal even when we say it isn’t. Someone people like to draw things a certain way and sometimes they prefer to use colour outside of conventional means. Who cares. When they share it to their community, they’re sharing something they love and care about, ripping it apart with criticism and critiques spoils that joy. I don't care if you're an artist yourself and you just want someone to improve, if I didn't ask for critiques, I don't want it. You're not an artist at that point, you're a hemorrhoid. Completely unwanted. Gonna need a cream for that.

I view my fanart differently than I would an art assignment I've giving my art teacher for mark. Different frame of mind, different goals. All of which I get to decide if I want criticism or not.

This is how a bad apple spoils the bunch. THG is over 10 years at this point. While the new books and movies bring in new content every now and then, for the most part we're on the smaller side of the fandom. If you ask me, fanfic writers are the backbone of this fandom and we're extremely lucky to have so many talented writers who still continue to write for us. We have a small handful of fanartists in comparison. Go to the THG subbreddit and you might see at least one or two new fanart artwork once a week thanks to the self promotion Sunday. Might see less if this sort of behaviour continues. Sorry, not sorry, but being a total asswort to and dogpiling on your content creators are a surefire way to never get content from them again. In all of this i forget to mention that 95% for fanwork is given away for free to the community, for the community to enjoy.

I didn't think it was that bad until I saw it first hand and in development. If I didn't have my friends here on tumblr and on the discord server, I'd probably straight up leave.

Of course, these issues aren't exclusive on reddit. My first encounter with some nasty individuals began here on tumblr. But its different if one singular user on tumblr leaves an nasty ignorant and racist comment compared to that user getting upvoted a bunch of times and any sort of justification by the original artist or OP gets DOWNVOTED to hell. One asshole is fine, but seeing the dogpile is something else.

Anyway, my relationship with how I viewed the subreddit has drastically changed this week. Not for the better. I'll keep posting to piss people off and let them get a twist in their panties, but I am more certainly going to limit my interactions with users there.

#For a series that emphaises of being not wasteful with the consumption of what you're consuming #the subreddit is really great a proving you all learned nothing #be thankful and kind to your fandom's content creators because they're the reason you have so many things to enjoy #if you don't like it #block them and leave #Everyone would be having a better time for it.#rant #thank you for the ask #I needed to vent

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moltara · 1 year ago

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i'm thinking about the best clients for commissions i've ever had and i think that i've narrowed down a few key things that allow for the best experience commissioning artwork from an artist (or at least me, as an artist)

1: be clear with your desires, concepts and ideas!

if you really want your character in a specific pose or with a certain hairstyle, communicate it! artists are not mind readers, we don't know about your vision unless you can communicate it to us :>

having a little "session 0" type planning conversation really aids in this tbh! where the client goes over their vision and ideas, and the artist will spitball some compositional elements and their own ideas back. i also find it helps, as an artist, to do little thumbnails during this conversation to send to the client to make sure you're starting off on the right foot.

2: have an idea of what you want, but also be willing to offer some artistic freedom for your artist.

i love it when people come to me with visions for pieces, but i also really love it when clients give me freedom to do things as i want too!

your artist knows their work best at the end of the day, and there's something about their style that drew you to it, right? if you take over on the planning and leave little wiggle room for them to add their own flair, they will have no say and i find it'll lose some of the unique charm that attracted you to their work in the first place

3: most artists are visual learners. draw the stick figure thumbnail.

this is a no judgement zone. stick figure drawings are INFINITELY better than nothing, particularly if you struggle to put the words to your ideas!

4: if something is bothering you, BRING IT UP SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.

a lot of artists do charge revision fees after a certain point in the drawing process. this is because it becomes much more complicated and time-consuming to change up elements of the design once you've started inking, coloring or rendering.

it's kind of like building a house. if you've already laid down the foundation and started building the walls, but then decide you want a drastic layout change, things become much more complicated (and expensive)

5: be polite, professional and courteous when communicating with your artist. but also make sure your requests and ideas are respected!

at the end of the day, common courtesy and being polite goes a long way. but also know how to assert yourself and be firm when necessary (just don't be overtly rude about it)

ALSO: if an artist offers you a quote above your price range, it never hurts to respond with something like "that's a bit over my budget, but thank you for your time and consideration!" as opposed to just ghosting them (i've lost count of how many times that's happened to me ;__; i'd be more than happy to work with someone to offer something reasonable within their budget if they just responded to me!!!!!!)

that's all i can think of now, if you can think of anything else to add feel free!

#hey who gives a digit?

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lurkingshan · 2 years ago

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Inspired by @waitmyturtles and @nieves-de-sugui, sharing my journey through BL! Putting this under a read more because I really found a lot of words on this topic. Feel free to skim at will - now that you got me going I have a lot to say!

First, a bit of background. Three big interests of mine really converged to make BL kind of a perfect storm for me:

Romance: I have been an avid consumer of romance stories as far as back as I can remember. When I was a kid I would read several books a week and before I even hit my tween years I always gravitated to the romance genre. Add in film and television and it's safe to say I haven't gone a week of my life without consuming some form of a story about two people falling in love. It is absolutely my shit.

Asian dramas: More recent but no less intense an obsession for me. I watched my first kdrama in 2019 - my favorite gossip blogger (shoutout to Lainey) was constantly posting about a drama on Netflix (It's Okay Not to Be Okay). So I decided to try it out and I instantly fell in love. Kdramas are written nearly exclusively by women, they respect romance as a genre, and they cater to female audiences. It was unlike anything I ever experienced watching Western media. I started watching them more frequently, then when the pandemic hit I found myself with a ton of time at home and a fun new focus issue, and watching dramas with subtitles was a huge help.

Fandom: Since I was a teen I was always kind of hopping in and around internet fandom. When I like something, I like to enjoy it with others and find community around shared interests. And when I'm frustrated with media, I really like to dig into that and explore ways to fix it, so I became an avid fanfic reader, as well. Fandom to fandom my level of involvement varied - sometimes I just lurk around fandom spaces, sometimes I actually develop a presence, and in one instance I even got deeply involved in a fandom community to the point where I was posting meta, writing fic, and leading fan activities.

ANYWAY, after that long preamble, I come to the point: Because I was so into kdramas, and had watched/read a lot of Western QL romances, when I saw Where Your Eyes Linger pop up on my Viki recommendations I clicked on it. I liked it, and immediately wanted to understand more about it, because it was the first kdrama I had ever seen with a same sex pairing, and the format was so different. So I did a bit of research, and that was the first time I ever heard of BL. I was a little mind blown - there's a whole genre of QL romances in Asia??? So of course I set out to find more. I did a general search and the first thing I found was 2gether. This was June of 2021, so it was already about a year following the initial frenzy of that show, but it was still hugely popular and there was fan content about it everywhere. So I journeyed to YouTube to watch it, and that was my introduction to Thai BL and the wider genre.

From there I started looking for guidance on what to watch, and because of my time in various fandoms tumblr was always a go-to place where I knew I could find other people watching whatever obscure thing I was into. I found @absolutebl quickly and started reading their history and analysis posts on the genre. That was when it really sunk in for me how much culture and history there was to dig into, and I was really intrigued by the different styles and industries of each country. So I started working my way through their lists of the top 10 BLs from each country and it all just kind of spiraled from there.

I will not go into detail about every show I watched, but a few highlights:

TharnType: This was the first high heat BL I ever saw, and because I came over from kdramas, the first high heat Asian show I had seen, period. This show is messy and the writing was a hilarious hodgepodge of strong character work alongside absurd plotting and what I came to learn was typical Mame problematic content, but the chemistry between the leads was off the charts. It really set the bar for me in that respect, and got me looking for other examples (which at that time were mostly from Taiwan).

Theory of Love: This one inspires mixed opinions in fandom, but for me it was the first time I realized a Thai BL could not only be fun, but also good (no disrespect to other early Thai BLs but... yeah lol). There was a coherent emotional narrative arc! Smart story structure! Believable character development and earned redemption! Good actors! This one set me on a path to find the good stuff.

I Told Sunset About You: Which led me to ITSAY, the drama that convinced me BL could also be high cinema and art. This show blew me way, honestly. And got me more interested in finding the other more cinematic entries in the genre, which I mostly found from Japan.

The Untamed: When I saw this one on the list for China, I was like wait why have I heard of that? The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi is one of those fandoms that is so big and ubiquitous, anyone who spends time online will have heard of it long before they know what it actually is. This show opened up a bunch of new fixations for me - a new all-time fav character, an introduction to cdramas and the xianxia/wuxia genres, and the discovery of Chinese web novels. It's a very expansive universe with a lot going on outside the romance, unlike most BLs. Which I guess can be good or bad, depending on your perspective.

Bad Buddy + Semantic Error: These are the shows I credit for fully sucking me into the BL fandom on tumblr. Before BB aired, I was just kind of lurking about (it’s right there in the handle, fam) checking a few blogs periodically for recommendations and watching shows at my own pace. But BB and then SE caused such a frenzy that I decided to start watching them live and checking tumblr every week for reactions. I found more excellent blogs (like @bengiyo @negrowhat @laowen @liyazaki) that were posting not only BB and SE content but also commentary about other shows. Eventually I gave in and created a new tumblr account so I could actually follow them instead of going to their blogs on web browser like a weirdo, and my participation in fandom escalated predictably from there.

By early 2022 I had pretty much caught up on most of the history of the genre (though not everything - I refuse to watch Waterboyyy, I do have some standards) and developed a fairly solid understanding of the cultural context around it. I then started trying to keep up with new shows. As a cishet, it wasn’t the thrill of representation that drew me into the genre as much as the thrill of finding a genre that brought together so many of my favorite things, combined with the excitement of seeing the community grow and getting the chance to learn so much from the brilliant people who were watching these shows. Checking reactions to airing shows became a weekly habit, and my watchlist kept getting longer and longer. I learned about which platforms I should be watching on and where to direct my $$ to support the genre. And I heard about so many shows I never would have known existed without this community.

So that’s me! If you made it to the end of this post you are a true champion. Thanks for inviting the conversation @waitmyturtles - it was fun to reflect!

#shan’s journey through BL #more than anyone wanted to know #shan shouts into the void

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