#dating apps also make me feel hopeless

[coolcoelacanth]

i feel like im going to die alone in my miserable fake life ive created for myself

[snapbackslide]

i have yes! for some reason whenever i get messages i want to respond but i never do! i fear i may be scared of possible commitment or something because i’ve been like this for a while when i used to respond to every single message lol

maybe, it could also be that it gets boring to entertain pointless conversations with people you're not really interested in 🤷‍♀️ the fear of commitment is also valid tho, especially in this day and age with less and less people valuing loyalty to one person...

[mistyorchid]

Meet-Cute

Old Man Logan x fem! reader

summary: Failed talking stages inspire you to meet someone irl. Riding an older man in the backseat of his limo makes you forget about the immature boys who ghosted you on Hinge. Ch. 2 Ch. 3 warnings: MDNI, no use of y/n, smut, age gap, reader is 21+, fingering, riding, size difference, praise kink, pet names (doll, baby, sweet/good girl, sweetheart), unprotected p in v, light slapping, oral (male! receiving), creampie, car sex (nobody's around tho), logan's slutty glasses. wc: 3k

Hinge. The app designed to be deleted. You smiled as you pushed the cart, daydreaming about chucking your phone into the nearest lake. The few matches that you received often ghosted you after a week, afraid of committing to a real date.

So here you were, aimlessly strolling through a grocery store. Desperately begging the universe for a real man.

You spent an embarrassingly long time curating the perfect outfit to attract a guy worth your time. Casual enough for a quick errand, but still chic. I want to be with someone who admires my confidence. They shouldn't reprimand me for expressing myself.

That's how the feminist part of your brain explained your attire. The other touch-starved half, however, wanted to wear the shortest skirt you owned just to feel men stare holes through it.

You turned into the bakery aisle and pretended to evaluate the nutritional contents of a massive chocolate cake. Maybe this could be plan B, if tonight's endeavor was hopeless.

The comforting hum of fluorescent lights softened the sterile environment around you. Memories of simpler times floated in your mind. Handmade school lunches. Gentle kisses placed on your knee after a bad fall. You closed your eyes, lulled by the promises of love you were granted as a child. Now an adult, you yearned for a partner that could nurture you in a romantic way.

Logan overheard a bag of produce spill onto the floor as he picked up a shopping basket. The cashier dropped it when he saw Logan's blood-stained dress shirt.

Mumbling a string of profanity, he decided to release some steam. "Show's over!" he snapped, flippantly tossing his right arm behind him.

Ignoring the shocked gasps of the other shoppers, Logan sulked further into the store in search of something to soothe his palate.

His doctor tentatively ordered him to "lay off the booze," a suggestion that left three deep puncture wounds in the drywall of his office. Alcohol numbed the emotional and physical pain that plagued him, but it also further delayed his healing powers.

Logan's skeleton was withering away, and all he wanted was a fucking sweet treat.

Your body braced for impact as your chest made contact with a shopper haphazardly turning into the aisle. After dropping the cake onto the pristine white tile, you closed your eyes again, salvaging the moment of peace that was stolen from you.

"Hey, watch where you're going, asshole." You reluctantly opened your eyes and were met with the solid torso of a man.

Slowly raking your gaze up his body, you raised your eyebrows at the sight of his bloody shirt before meeting his narrowed eyes.

Crows feet radiating from the corners. Prescription glasses. He appeared much older than you expected from your brief contact with his chest.

You silently cursed your luck. This meet-cute plan was steadily evolving into a meet-angry situation.

"Not smart to close your eyes in public," he huffed, staring pointedly at the fallen cake. It was hard not to notice your mini skirt. He hasn't seen a skirt that short since the 60s.

Although you had pulled away from him, the man's eyes lingered on your chest. The playful baby-doll top hugged your cleavage in all the right places. Your glossy lips donned a similar shade of pink. He quickly resumed eye contact, feeling like a dirty old man for imagining them wrapped around his cock.

She's too young, you sick fuck. Logan's internal monologue worked overtime to maintain a shred of decency.

Your face turned away from him at the impending embarrassment you were about to put yourself through. Smirking, you shyly retorted, "Not smart to stare at a girl's tits in public." You gently pushed up his glasses further onto the bridge of his nose.

Closing the gap between your chests, you tip-toed to reach his ear before whispering, "It's okay . . . I want you to."

The answer to Logan's suffering was sweeter than any slice of cake he could have indulged in. A pretty little thing was actually flirting with him, a cynical ex-soldier worn by the unforgiving rings of time.

Logan's hands found the back of your elbows and slowly pulled you closer to him. You gasped as you felt his belt buckle catch on the flimsy fabric of your top.

"Careful, doll," he grunted, leaning down to meet the side of your face. "I'm old enough to be your father."

You defiantly peered up at him through your lashes. "Yeah, and . . .?"

The man slowly distanced himself from you, gently tugging the hem of your top down to its original state.

Okay, definitely not the best response to seduce an older man. You chewed the inside of your cheek, stunned by your juvenile comeback.

"I'm sorry, kid. Forget I said anything," he muttered before turning into another aisle. He mentally kicked himself for letting the interaction go that far. Although his aching body and mind yearned for some relief, he wouldn't take advantage of some young girl.

He hurriedly stomped past the cashiers, swiping a few cigars from a distracted employee's station.

After the initial shock wore off, you quickly followed the older man to the parking lot. Totally not stalker-ish at all, right?

You wanted to take care of him. His reluctance to return your lust-sick gaze should have deterred you, but it only made you more desperate.

You watched as his hands dug into his pocket, pulling out a set of keys. The chipper click of the limo doors unlocking motivated you to get his attention.

"Hey! Can we talk?" You yelled, raising an outstretched palm to stop him from getting inside the car.

Logan froze at the sound of your voice. He contemplated being responsible, slamming his door and driving off without a second glance.

The gentle pressure of your hand wrapping around his wrist made him think extremely irresponsible thoughts.

Turning around to meet your gaze, the older man swiftly opened the passenger door. "Get in. Now," he growled.

Words betrayed you. All you responded with was a surprised squeak as he used your grip on his wrist to push you further into the vehicle.

His eyes widened as you briefly parted your thighs to get settled in the lush leather seat. The sinfully short hem of your skirt bunched up, revealing your underwear.

Logan whipped his head to the front of the limo, avoiding the sight of your body. Unfortunately, he couldn't avoid how you felt against his. You sat at an angle towards him, knees pressing against his thigh. His body tensed as you placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Why were you following me, huh?" he asked, finally meeting your eyes. "I've had a long fuckin' day and I need answers." He couldn't believe that a young woman like you would be interested in him.

"Yeah, you're old enough to be my father, maybe older-" you paused to move your left hand onto his thigh. "-but I'm done playing with boys." You shyly turned your head before continuing, "Need a real man."

Logan was done holding back. Now, it all made sense. Your lack of direction in the store, the low cut of your outfit that was way too sexy for a late night grocery run. We're both adults, he reasoned. She wants this.

He gingerly cradled your jaw with his large hand, turning your head towards his. "You sure about this, sweetheart?

You covered his hand with your own, bringing your lips to his in a spontaneous kiss. "I-I need to hear you," he stuttered.

"Shut up and fuck me, . . . " you sighed, pausing to ask for his name.

"Logan . . . call me Logan, doll." His left hand snaked around your waist, bunching the delicate material and exposing your breasts.

As you leaned into his palm, he fished the limo keys out of his pocket and clicked twice, locking the doors. He fondled the underside of your tits before rolling the sensitive nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

You were grateful for the tinted windows that shielded your embarrassing moans from the public.

"Already whining for me, hm? So fuckin' needy," he hummed, pushing up your top even further. You crossed your arms to undress, but Logan swatted them away, explaining, "It's cute. Wanna see your tits bounce for me, baby."

He gripped your ass with both hands and effortlessly swung you onto the broad expanse of his lap.

Your back arched as his rough palm cupped your pussy, thumb languidly tracing your sensitive bud through the cotton.

"But this . . . has to go," he drawled, tugging the elastic of your panties before letting it go with a faint snap.

It was too much. You were splayed over the lap of a stranger, hips wantonly rocking yourself over his prominent bulge and mewling as your sensitive clit caught on the rough fabric of his slacks.

He stilled your movements with his hands, lovingly kneading the flesh of your hips. "You okay with this?" he asked, searching your eyes for any sign of doubt. "Yeah, Logan . . . more than okay. Need you."

You loved that he was confident enough to take what he wanted but also gracious enough to check in, unlike the boys you were used to fucking around with.

His fingers hooked around the waistband of your skirt and panties, skillfully pushing your legs against your chest as he pulled them off. He decided against slicing them off with his claws, not wanting to hurt you. "Fuck. You're so pretty. My sweet, sweet girl . . ." he cooed. You whined as your aching cunt was finally exposed to Logan's hungry gaze and the chill night air. He groaned as you resumed desecrating his lap with your juices.

Your breath hitched as Logan traced two fingers along your bottom lip. You granted him access, playfully darting your tongue around his digits.

After his fingers were thoroughly soaked, he used your saliva to gently trace your hole, noticing the faint flutter of your walls.

"Need me to fill you up, hm? Poor baby's clenching around nothing. Let me fix that . . ." Logan's palm brushed against your clit as his fingers plunged into you, setting a steady pace.

You were incredibly wet, but he needed to prep you for his thick cock. He drooled, collecting a heavy wad of spit onto his tongue before letting it fall onto your pussy.

"Ah-ah!" You exclaimed, surprised by the contact. You bit your lip, cheeks flushing at the lewd feeling of his spit mixing with your wetness.

He used his other hand to slap repeatedly against your puffy folds, mesmerized by how vulnerable you were being for him.

"Yeah, you like that?" He whispered, curling his fingers as they met your cervix. You covered your mouth, desperately trying to maintain some modesty. Logan withdrew his left hand to pry away your arm and swallow your moans, sloppily slotting his lips into yours.

You gasped into his mouth as you felt your cunt spasm around his fingers, gushing all over his tight slacks.

"Oh, fuck! Logan . . . " you mewled, biting his lower lip while he continued to finger you through your orgasm.

Your head fell into the inviting crook of his neck, nuzzling his graying beard. "Atta girl, come for me," he cooed.

Logan peered down at you, noticing wet droplets dampening his beard. You were silently crying, tears cascading down your puffy cheeks before landing on his face.

At first, he was alarmed. "Hey, hey, shhhh," he purred. "What's the matter, doll?"

His cock twitched when he realized you were smiling against his neck.

"Nothing's wrong, Logan . . . you make me feel so good, that's all."

He planted a sweet kiss on your forehead. "Yeah? Want me to make you feel even better? Fill you up for real this time?"

You nodded dumbly, still basking in the haze of your release.

"Nuh-uh. Words." The simple command made you rut into his lap.

You shuddered while responding. "Wanna feel you inside me. Need your-" Logan bucked up into you. "-cock."

He slid his hands under your thighs, briefly pushing you forward so he could unbuckle his belt. Your small hands slinked toward his waist. "Let me do it," you pleaded, hastily sliding his belt through its loops and tossing it to the floor.

You pulled his cock out of his slacks, leaning down to press sweet little kisses to the head. Your thighs burned with the effort, but it was worth it to feel him momentarily lose control. Logan hissed sharply, "Good girl, fuck-" before guiding his thick cock into your heavenly mouth.

You licked a prominent vein that teased its way above his waistband. The taste of him was utterly intoxicating. You moaned onto his length, choking back tears as he suddenly thrust up into your eager throat.

The delicious weight of his cock on your tongue was short-lived. He cupped your face, forcing your mouth to slide past the tip with an obscene pop.

"Won't last long if you keep doing that, doll. Takes a lot less to get me riled up these days," he explained.

You nodded as you straightened yourself, using your knees to hover above his lap. He teasingly ran the flushed tip of his cock through your folds before sinking into your weeping pussy.

"Oh my god! fuck-" you cried, lowering your hips to embrace his full length. Your hands found stability on Logan's shoulders as you bounced on his cock.

Logan stared in awe at your tits. They were practically spilling out the sides of your cute top, jiggling with each movement of your hips.

As he admired your form, you drunk in the sight of his coarse salt and pepper beard. His wiry glasses barely held onto the slope of his strong nose due to your eager movements. You paid special attention to his crimson-stained shirt, wondering how he was enduring the wounds.

"You're hurt." You stated, pausing to slowly unbutton his dress shirt.

Logan's hands grabbed a handful of your ass and slammed you down onto his lap, forcing you to continue taking his cock.

"Never said you could stop," he huffed. "It'll take time, but I'm healing."

You gasped as your clit hitched on the bunched fabric of his slacks, frantically shrugging off his shirt in the process. A devastating moan ripped from Logan's throat as you peppered kisses on his wounds. The coppery taste of his blood was oddly soothing, reminding you that the man buried in your cunt was real and not just a figment of your lust-fueled imagination.

Logan loved how dazed you looked, your chest rising and falling with each shaky breath, your pupils dilated and glossy. His cock twitched every time your soft tits brushed against his face. You whined as the steady rhythm of your hips faltered, hinting at your imminent release.

"Lean forward, baby. Let your old man take care of you," he sighed, wrapping his broad arms around your waist. You allowed yourself to slump forward, arching your back and playfully wiggling your ass in the air.

You yelped as he slapped your ass with enough force to feel the sting radiate from his outstretched palm. "Such a fuckin' tease," he growled, filling you up in one thrust. He set a punishing pace that made you sob into his chest. The loud squelches of your release echoed throughout the limo, mirroring your high-pitched wines.

"Oh, my god! . . ." you mewled, savoring the feeling of his cock stretching your walls. Your breath hitched every time his hips met yours, balls slapping against the sensitive skin of your ass.

He fucked up into your cunt, relishing the fact that you'd probably never had a cock as big as his. Logan stared at where you were connected, hypnotized by the subtle drag of your folds along his rugged length.

"Don't know what I did to deserve a pretty girl like you." His teeth tugged on the delicate strap of your top, exposing your breasts. His mouth enveloped the bud, gently sucking and pulling as they hardened.

"Logan . . . can't take it anymore. I'm close." You clenched around him, earning another hard slap on your ass.

"You gonna come for me sweetheart, hm?" He somehow increased his pace, hips drilling into your sensitive cunt. "C'mon, come all over my cock. Such a sweet young thing, so eager to please . . . " he hummed into your ear.

"And just so we're clear, I am definitely older than your father." His filthy words made you arch even higher, stilling your hips mid-air and allowing Logan to fuck you through your release.

The sound of you faintly chanting his name as you came sent him over the edge. "You can take it," he encouraged as your pathetic whines intermingled with his unabashed groans. His hips drove home, bouncing you harshly against his tense thighs and spilling into you with a low growl.

You almost blacked out at the feeling of his cum spurting into your walls, reaching even further when Logan buried his cock to the hilt. You clenched around him, overstimulated and thoroughly fucked.

"That's it, just relax . . . You look so pretty milking my cock," he praised, brushing stray hair away from your face.

You managed to sit upright and shakily moved to lift yourself off his cock, but Logan quickly steadied your hips. He's still hard, you realized, fascinated by his renewed vigor.

He panted, obviously just as spent as you were.

"So, uh, tomorrow, the Italian place on fifth street, 8 PM?"

You narrowed your eyes, incredibly confused at his choice of words after experiencing the best sex you've ever had.

"Our first date," he clarified. He kissed your cheek and you blushed at the contrast between the innocent action and the fact that his hard cock was still buried in your cunt. "After all, I'm a real man, right? And real men plan dates." He plastered on a cocky grin, repeating your earlier statements.

"Okay, old man. It's a date." You smiled, kissing his mouth with passion.

an: Ah!!! I had so much fun writing this. Old Man Logan, when will it be my turn >:[

[nnight-dances]

FOR LOVERS WHO HESITATE.

PAIRING: jeon wonwoo x fem!reader (ft. xu minghao)

GENRE: fluff, some angst

TROPES: best friends to lovers, reader is oblivious and an idiot sometimes, kinda he fell first and she fell harder, reader is a moa lol and also a hopeless romantic, wonwoo is in photography school and a youtuber.

it's raining cats and dogs when you step out of the shower and the burst of thunder that follows has you thanking that your commute from work to home hadn't seen any such rain. it's a big night for you, after all, you can't have anything spoiling it. it's txt's comeback night and for once, your schedule's freed up in time for you to be able to enjoy the coming weekend with some brand new music from your favorite kpop group. what's more is you had a date on saturday and where usually you would be shaking with nervousness, you actually quite liked this guy. his name was minghao, and he made you feel a calmness with him that you had yet to feel with another man on any dating apps. maybe there was hope after all…

you apply your prized lavender-scented body lotion as you re-listen to some old albums that have been close to your heart and hum along happily. you're about to turn the kettle on for some tea when you hear the doorbell ring. with a sigh, you glance at the time. there were only a handful of people who'd drop by your place at 9 on a friday. 

"wonwoo," you murmur when you start to vagule recall texts from him about coming over for ramen and ice cream. you pad over and open the door to the tall man peering at you through his glasses, "you didn't read my texts again, did you?" 

you gasp in feigned offense, "wow, you're really just gonna assume i didn't? of course i did! and that's why i knew it was you barging into my house this late at night."

"late?" wonwoo questions your wording as he lets himself in and then pauses when he catches sight of the elaborate set-up in your living room. the tiny projector you had bought ages ago and long-forgotten about is now out and function, displaying your laptop screen on the white wall, open on txt's youtube channel. 

"ohhh," he slowly turns around in realization, "are they coming out tonight?"

"coming back, yes," you call out from the kitchen, turning the kettle on like you'd planned, "i'm making some tea, you want any?"

"no, but i'll have the ramen you promised me." 

you narrow your eyes at him, "you do realize you promised yourself ramen, right?" 

"come on, y/n!" wonwoo starts whining, "you never hang with me anymore! it's always just work, home, txt, hinge boyfriend, work, work with you. what about jeon wonwoo time? what about best friend bonding hours?"

you can't help the chuckle that escapes you, watching the tall man slumped against your light blue fridge with a pout on his lips. he pushes his glasses back with sleeve of his black hoodie to stare you down. 

"...i hear you, sir," you start, "but to be fair, we did hang earlier this week when i took you out to lunch for getting a million subscribers on your youtube channel." 

"that doesn't count!" he complains, "that was like, duty-based hangout."

"right," you laugh, "listen, woo, i do wanna hang but you did see my plans for the night in the living room. so i mean, if you wanna grab some ramen and watch five men being silly before their new music drops… you're more than welcome." 

this time wonwoo's quiet, mouth moving undecidedly as he weighs his options. then, he shrugs, realizing he wasn't going to change your plans for the night. "eh, sure. it's not like it's my first time anyway." 

"cool! we have a plan!" you clap, "glad we came to an understanding." 

wonwoo laughs as he watches you take out to packets of ramen and start preparing the soup for them. now that he knows he gets to spend time with you, he relaxes, taking in the light blue pyjama set you have on. it matches the scrunchie in your hand and the hairclips that hold your bangs back in place. he notices how in the silence you naturally start humming a song under your breath, the melody vaguely familiar to wonwoo from the time he's spent listening to txt with you. 

truth be told, wonwoo really needed this tonight. he's had a long week of juggling classes and content creation, now that he had the new burden of pleasing a million people who had put their trust in him to speedrun and try out the newest video games. he's also had to meet up with friends, old and new, who reached out to him thanks to his new milestone. while he was always so grateful for the support, at the end of the day, he was an introvert and it was only in solitude he could gain back the energy he'd spent. 

except of course, solitude came back when it was with you, nevermind the real definition of the word. easy to say, over the years of your friendship with wonwoo, he'd become used to finding comfort in your warmth, though it changed with time. when you were both in college, it meant studying together and holding each other through the hard times. when you graduated and went on to get a job at a publishing company you'd always admired, wonwoo continued school to get a masters in photography like he'd always dreamed. now, comfort meant escaping his dorm room to drop by your place so he could bother you. 

sometimes, he hesitated, worried that he might actually be bothering you. you were an actual working adult, after all. but then, he'd find you sending him stupid memes in the middle of the night on a working night and he'd change his mind, knowing he couldn't go another week without seeing your face. 

"hello? you're just gonna stand there and watch me do all the work?" 

your stern voice breaks wonwoo out from his daydreaming and focus on the two steaming bowls of ramen that have appeared on the kitchen counter. "oh, sorry," he says, "just zoned out."

"not that you would've been much help with your hands of disaster."

"hey," wonwoo calls, "that's unfair, i'm a perfectly competent cook."

you raise a brow at him, "really, woo? would you say a perfectly competent cook would cut his thumb on a potato peeler? or, what was it the other time, would he spill boiling hot soup all over himself?"

wonwoo purses his lips. "whatever. i can just wash dishes if you're gonna be so mean about my cooking skills."

"sorry, woo, but there are no skills to be mean about," you murmur as you top the ramen with some fried egg. "anyway, here, take these and i'll bring us drinks. beer good with you?"

"you know it, sir," he confirms as he carries out your orders, balancing the bowls in each hand and making his way to the living room. he takes a seat on the couch, when something on the screen catches his attention. though your youtube screen is crowded with suggestions related to txt on different variety shows, there's a video in the corner that shows wonwoo's face. he recognizes it as one of his newer videos this week, one he made to thank his followers for their overwhelming support. he's honestly surprised to the red bar under the video indicate that you'd already watched the whole video. he didn't think you'd have the time to watch an hour long video.

he can't help the satisfied smile that creeps up his face, feeling a new level of accomplished knowing you were so up to date with his content.

"you're really just gonna grin like that to yourself?" your voice calls out, "i'm scared, should i keep a weapon close?"

wonwoo shrugs, "i don't know, would you really have the guts to kill your favorite youtuber?" 

you're caught off-guard and when you see wonwoo's video on the screen, you redden, averting your gaze as you place two cans of beers on the table. "so much for supporting my best friend," you mumble, adorable pout on your lips as you break open your chopsticks, stirring the hot ramen around. 

wonwoo keeps his smug excitement over the fact that you didn't deny his claim to your favorite youtuber and simply joins you in cooling his noodles. "anyway, i thought that txt was releasing new music? why would that include them being silly?"

"the countdown live, obviously," you inform him before slurping some ramen.

"ahh, right, i forgot those were a thing. when does the live start?"

you turn your laptop to yourself and scroll till you find the link to the countdown live, "hmm, let's see. it says here that there's 33 minutes." 

"wanna watch an episode of demon slayer while we wait?" wonwoo asks gingerly, ready to be rejected immediately. but you seem distracted by your phone, your quick typing indicating you were texting someone. "hm? texting a new guy?" he asks, swallowing the sudden lump in his throat. 

you hum out a yes and after a minute, you put your phone down, smile on your lips. "you must really like him if you're texting him back that fast," he comments.

you look at him with a chuckle, "i met him last week on hinge. woo, he's stunning and genuinely nice. how rare is that combination?" you sigh, "i honestly still think he's a little too good to be true but i guess i'll find out tomorrow."

"tomorrow?" he asks, "where's he taking you out?"

you cough, "we're going to a museum and then to lunch at an italian place."

"damn," wonwoo mutters, "he's rich then, i presume?"

you hit wonwoo's arm, "what's your next question? how much does he make a year? his criminal history?"

"i mean, does he have one?"

"wonwoo," you warn him, "he's a perfectly nice guy. or so i hope. anyway, wanna watch this episode of txt's show? it'll warm you up for the live." 

wonwoo quietly nods as you click on the recommended video. he takes a deep breath to settle the storm in his stomach and sips his ramen soup to clear his head. he was here to spend time with you, not fight with you over questionable dates you found on hinge. 

"that one's soobin, right? he's my favorite," wonwoo smiles when the guy's dimples deepen with a joke another member cracked. 

"i thought you liked beomgyu!" you laugh, "you're a really unfaithful one, aren't you?"

he shrugs, "i don't know what you're talking about, i've always been biased toward soobin." 

"you didn't even know his name till five minutes ago, but sure, woo, if you insist."

the episode ends with both of you weak with laughter, partly because of the goofy nature of the games txt was playing but mostly because throughout, one of you would make a remark that would get the other laughing and build from there. it really was a never-ending battle with laughter when wonwoo was around. 

"oh, i must know what happens next! i know soobin's gonna win this thing," wonwoo says. 

"ahh, as much as i want to watch the second episode, we should tune into the live or we're gonna be late," you tell him. "we can watch the second one some other time?"

"it's a date," wonwoo teases back before he can stop himself from filtering his thoughts. but it's too late, you've turned to him with a look of scrutiny, wondering if he was joking or not. 

"right, okay, here it is," you pull up the live, which has been on for about five minutes. soobin is in the middle of talking about the album when you tune in. "ohh, look, your favorite boy's talking about the album."

"i see that," wonwoo smiles, "where's your favorite guy at?"

"hmm, wait… ah, there he is, yeonjun with his new haircut," you gasp, "god, black hair suits him so well." wonwoo narrows his eyes at the black-haired guy you've pointed out. you're right, he looks amazing, though he can't tell if it's the hair or just his general abundance of beauty. 

the rest of the countdown live goes not unlike before, with you helpfully supplying wonwoo with any context he might missing behind the member's comments. at exactly midnight, wonwoo watches their new music video with you, laughing when at its end you immediately click the replay button. after its third re-watch, you switch to spotify and listen to the entire album once before nodding in satisfaction.

"that's a solid album," wonwoo comments, smiling at your half-contained excitement. "it's everything i need to get through life till their next comeback," you say, "the title track's my favorite for the first time. although that might change as i relisten to the album."

"the title's the catchiest so that's probably right," he says. wonwoo's about to say some more about the album when he catches the look in your eyes. "what's wrong?"

"sorry, i feel bad for making you sit through that for like, three hours."

wonwoo's heart melts a little when he catches you fiddling with the hem of your pyjama top. he lets out a lighthearted chuckle, "you didn't force me. i had fun, y/n."

you smile, "i had fun, too. i always do with you." wonwoo's heart skips a beat at your admission, his cheeks warming up, "oh, right, i should show you the new speaker i bought the other day." you stand up and run over to your room excitedly. 

a few minutes pass and wonwoo sighs, hand at his chest, trying to calm himself down. he rests his head against his arm, slumping against the sofa, as his mind races. this won't do, he thinks, closing his eyes to shut out his bothersome thoughts. 

perhaps, he calms down a little fast because when you return with the speaker clutched in your hand, you find him dozing off on the couch. you smile at the sight, plopping down next to him. "always falling asleep anywhere, aren't you?" you mumble under your breath, eyes drawn to the portrait of serenity that wonwoo was. you watch him breathe steadily for a while before you rest your head against his arm, inexplicably drawn to the sight before you. 

you felt… weird, almost itchy, when you're this close to wonwoo. his eyelashes were longer than you expected at this distance and you have to contain the desire to brush your knuckles against them. you wonder what he must be thinking, to appear to be so at peace. you let out a hum unknowingly and wonwoo stirs. 

he comes to with a start, feeling a weight on his arm that hadn't been there when he fell asleep. and then he opens his eyes, almost convinced he's still dreaming when he finds your head against his hand, blinking solemnly as if you had been watching him sleep.

wait… hadn't you actually been watching him sleep? wonwoo starts to wonder but you cut him off when you whine, "you dozed off, jeon wonwoo." 

"sorry, i didn't mean to," he mutters, unusually shy. 

"well, it's fine. it's getting late," you say. then, after a moment, "do you just want sleep over? it's kind of a trek to your dorm from here."

wonwoo hesitates, blood rushing to his face at the idea of sleeping over at your place. "no, it's fine, i'll just go back."

"no, i would feel too bad letting you do that," you insist with a pout, "plus, it's saturday tomorrow so you don't have to worry about rushing back to class or anything."

he pauses. you were right, it was a pretty reasonable proposition once he thought about it with straight mind. "then, i will," he agrees, "but where do i sleep?" the question comes from the knowledge that you did only own one bed, the one that was in your bedroom. never mind that it was big enough to fit you both, the fact that it was in your bedroom made it off-limits in wonwoo's mind. 

"my bed?" you ask.

wonwoo sits up, "absolutely not."

"damn," you mumble, but don't think much of it, "i guess you'll have to take the couch then?"

"that works for me."

you narrow your eyes at him, not wanting to push him to sleep in your bed if he really was that strongly against it but you can't help but pry a little more. "you sure you don't prefer a soft mattress with proper pillows?"

"you forget that i can fall asleep anywhere at any given moment with minimal trouble," he shrugs. "but i will ask of you to lend me one of your plushies."

you chuckle at that, "alright then, if you insist. i'll bring you a blanket and a plushie." when you leave to accomplish said missions, wonwoo takes a second to marvel and… well, panic at his situation. 

he'd only ever slept over at your place once and that was when he passed out from drinking too much soju. that didn't really count, especially since that time hoshi and karina had also passed out next to him on your floor. so this really felt like a big deal to wonwoo. 

you come back with a pile of a soft pink blanket and a matching pink bunny in your arms, dropping them next to wonwoo on the couch. "there," you say, "you want tea before you sleep?"

"nope."

"anything else? water?"

"oh, is there a toothbrush i can borrow?"

"ah, right. i should have some spare ones lying around. come, i'll show you."

it's nearly 2 am by the time wonwoo's in bed (couch), changed into some oversized shorts you had and sporting the same skincare that you used every night. it's all a little much for his poor heart, doing these domestic things with you as if he hasn't been down bad for you since he can remember. 

"okay~ goodnight, woo, sleep tight!" you call out. you pat his cheek, crouching next to the couch as you watch him settle down for the night. he mumbles back a goodnight somewhat quietly and you can't help but laugh to yourself at how adorable wonwoo looked.

"tell me if you need anything, okay?"

you stand up, ready to head to bed yourself and really, wonwoo should be thankful he can be alone at last, perhaps, collect his thoughts and rest his brain for the day. but being up so late must be getting to his reason because he reaches out to hold your wrist when you're about to leave, with a hurried, "wait!"

you stop with a raised brow, "what's wrong?"

"my goodnight kiss!" he blurts out with a sudden rush of courage. "i need one to fall asleep."

silence follows his words and wonwoo's ear slowly start to burn up when he hears the echoes of his absurd request playing back in his mind. he lets go of your wrist just as quickly he'd reached for it, covering up with a half-laugh, "i was just kidding. good night!" 

a beat passes and he thinks you must really find him ridiculous to not respond to anything he's said but before he can dig himself any further into the hole he's made, he feels your hair brush against his skin. he barely has time to register your body leaning over him when he feels you lips press against his cheek. the moment should last forever but it's over all too quick. wonwoo can't see your face in the darkness but he hears your voice near his ear, breath soft, "good night, woo."

he could die now, he really could, and he would die a happy man. he muffles the sound that escapes his throat when he hears the door to your room creak as you close it behind you. you, on the other hand, stare at yourself in the mirror in disbelief at what just happened. 

you really didn't know what to make of wonwoo's request out of the blue, but something about the way he looked so cozy, hair sticking out every which way in the moonlight that spilled into your living room, something about this night in general had you feeling strange. you felt the same itch you'd felt when you found yourself unable to take your eyes off a sleeping wonwoo. it's like when you encounter a beautiful cat lounging in the sun and had to drop everything so you could take in its joyful existence. you couldn't move an inch, completely fascinated by this being before you.

"what the fuck am i thinking…" you mumble, feeling your cheeks warm up. "i must be really tired." 

turns out even after a night's sleep you feel as confused as you did when you fell asleep. with a grunt of frustration, you roll over in bed and choose to scroll on your phone to distract yourself for a bit. it's almost 11 when you hear a knock on your door. you contemplate pretending to be asleep but then there's another knock, followed by wonwoo's, "y/n?"

you feel too bad leaving wonwoo to fend for himself in your home so you force yourself out of bed, patting your hair down as you pad over to the door. "hey, morning–" 

your greeting is interrupted mid-way when wonwoo's face moves close to you – hilariously close until he's kissing your cheek. your breath catches in your throat and you freeze up. wonwoo stands back up, arms on the doorway, a small smirk on his face. what had possesed him overnight? 

you could only ponder in defeat when he merrily called out, "good morning! did you sleep well?" 

"i… did…" you start and then stop, hand coming up to the cheek where wonwoo had kissed you. "what was that for…" you wonder more to yourself but wonwoo picks up your flustered question and shrugs.

"i was only paying you back for your goodnight kiss," he smiles, unsettling you to your very guts, "that was your good morning kiss."

you groan, suddenly losing all clarity. frustrated, hiding the blush creeping up your neck, "you know that's not a real thing…" but where you mean to sound harsh, you simply sound bewildered. wonwoo swallows his chuckle and pats your head, "i'm hungry. can you make me breakfast?"

you glare at him, trying to figure out what his real plan was but he simply follows up with, "pretty please? you wouldn't let a guest in your home leave on an empty stomach, right?"

"i- uh, let me wash my face and i'll make you something," you say, pausing for a split second befroe shutting the door in wonwoo's face. you speedrun your morning routine despite your very best efforts to act and thus, feel normal, you wash your face and brush at your teeth at an abnormal speed. you stare at yourself in the mirror when you consider changing out of your pjyamas and mentally scold yourself for acting like an idiot.

"stupid," you tell yourself as you leave your room to find wonwoo cackling at his phone screen. no matter how you look at it, wonwoo's acting different… he seems more confident, or rather, full of conviction, though you couldn't think of any reason why that would be. 

etiher way, in an attempt to act normal, you start making eggs for breakfast, scrambled and slightly runny the way you know wonwoo likes them. "toast?" you ask him as you whip the eggs onto a plate. "yes,," he calls out, "with some butter, please!"

you sigh as you place a slice of toast on his plate, sliding it toward him. you plop the stick of butter next to him with a knife and tell him with a sarcastic smile, "you can butter your own toast." 

"i sure can," he says with a satisfied smile. you really can't understand what he was thinking and it pisses you off, but not nearly enough to sit next to him as you dig into your own plate of eggs.

"as thanks for feeding me two meals in a row," wonwoo starts, swallowing a mouthful of food, "can i do anything for you? buy you a new pan? go grocery shopping with you?"

"i'm good, thanks."

he frowns at your curt reply. "ohh, how about a movie? it could make for a solid saturday night."

"sorry, i've a date tonight, remember?"

"ah, that," he says, flatly, "i mean, if you have time later right?"

"i'm pretty sure i'm gonna be beat by the time i'm done with the date. maybe tomorrow," you say but you know he can tell you're only half-heartedly saying so. he gives up after, thankfully for you. 

"all right, i should get going! as it turns out i forgot my clothes in the dryer for two days straight and someone threw them onto the floor…" you let out a horrified gasp at wonwoo's casual confession, "so i should probably deal with that."

"dude, please, why aren't you running back to your dorm right now?" 

"alright, alright, i get it! see you later, y/n!"

with that, the man's off, seeming somewhat appropriately concerned for his clothes now. you sigh once you hear the door close after him, resting your forhead on your fist. your head hurts and it's not even noon. you're mostly just having a hard time comprehending the last 12 hours you spent with wonwoo. 

it's not out of the ordinary for you to do impromptu things with him like this but you feel strangely empty now that he's gone. what's worse is your mind keeps replaying this morning when he kissed your cheek like a broken record. it makes you feel like a pervert, thinking about the kiss as if it wasn't wonwoo, your best friend for life. plus, there's that itchy feeling that won't let up every time you think about him. "man, this sucks," you groan out, opening your phone, "and i still have to get ready for that date." 

in an efffort to clear out the weariness you feel, you hop into the shower and take extra long in there, singing along to the new txt album and letting your worries wash away with the new vanilla scented body wash you'd bought earliere that week. without a doubt, you feel much better after, patting your damp skin down with some skincare.

that's when you're suddenly reminded of how last night wonwoo had crouched next to you, ridiculously focused on applying the products you handed him all over his face. he looked adorable, straining to get every pore covered as his fingers ran over his face. he had to squint of course since you'd told him you wouldn't stand him getting your precious skincare all over his glasses. after he was done, he'd elbowed you lightly, "how do i look?" 

"so clean and healthy, my princess," you joked as you patted him on the head. the proud look on his face made you swoon a little–

what the actual fuck. "fuck," you curse out loud when you realize you'd lost your newly regained sanity to the walk down last night's memory lane. "what the fuck," you repeat under your breath as you through your last steps in a hurry. you feel yourself spiralling again when a ping on your phone saves you. 

it's minghao.

minghao: afternoon, y/n! hope u slept well last night :)

minghao: just wanted to tell you i might be a little late cuz i forgot i had to run an errand for my mom! sorry

you melt a little at how sincere he is in informing you of every little change in your plans and can't help but feel a little guilty for viewing the date as a burden. that's right, you owed it to minghao to respect the date and approach it with an open mind. confusing feelings for your best friend for another day. 

you: hey!! thx for telling me but don't worry about it 

you: i'll text you when i get there so you know where to find me 

minghao: that would be great yay

minghao: can't wait to see you 

you: me either :) 

— 

minghao is amazing, exactly as you expected him to be. he shows up at the exact ETA he'd texted you earlier and not without a whole rose in his hand. when you turn impossibly red and shake his kindness away with a, "...but i didn't get you anything," he smiles and tells you to take it, "it's an apology for me being late to our first date." 

you inwardly lose it over his emphasis on first date and calm yourself down, accepting the rose with a thankful smile. you had to keep it together if you want there to be another date, for real. he's incredibly sweet the whole time, walking through the museum at a comfortable pace – enough that you'd be able to admire the piece but not too long that you ended up staring into nothing. 

after over an hour of perusing the museum's collection, your feet start to hurt a little, no thanks to the uncomfortable loafers you'd brought out for the special ocassion. it's like minghao senses your discomfort and offers to rest at the museum's in-house cafe and get some refreshments. "ahh, i'd love that," you mumble shyly, embarassed that he could see through you so well. 

over coffee, you try not to stare at minghao, noticing the few strangers who would pass by your table and do a double take at the man in front of you. he did catch the eye, what with his blonde hair which sat just right by the nape of his neck. you couldn't think of the last time you'd seen someone pull off a mullet so well.

"sorry if i'm a little out of it today," minghao starts with a small smile, "i slept much later than i usually do because my friend came over without notice."

"wait, you won't believe it but something really similar happened to me last night too," you say with a grin. "what did your friend want?" 

"really?" he asks with a similar smile. "also, well, he's not really a friend, more like a former roommate who can't get over the fact that i got a job and now have my own place. he likes to cope by barging in and having meals with me or watching a movie."

"wow, it's insane how similar your story is… my friend's still in college so he likes to also barge in and eat my food that i cook and watch stuff with me."

the two of you share a laugh, thrilled at the newfound similarity. "that's cool, we're like each other in a lot of ways, huh?"

"yeah, that's pretty cool," you agree. this is bad. you can't stop smiling. was minghao always this charming?

not that you would know, you remind yourself, laughing at his blunt sense of humour all throughout lunch, barely focused on the taste of the pasta minghao had ordered. you feel unlike yourself. like you're floating and all you could feel was minghao's magnetic charm, keeping you focused on him and him alone. or maybe that was the wine talking. 

that's how you end up at your place, kissing his face, before you can comprehend the situation. "fuck," you breathe between kisses, "i don't usually kiss on the first date." 

minghao pulls away with a small grin, "i don't either." with that, he kisses you again. and again. eventually, you make it to the couch, each somewhat recovering in their own way. now that you're back to your senses a little, you're more than glad things didn't go any further with minghao. it really was only the first date. you would hate to regret any of it later. 

"oh, i'm so rude, i didn't even offer you a drink or anything," you stand up, embarassed, "can i get you something? water? tea? coffee? um, i also have beer but i don't know if that's to your taste." 

minghao chuckles, "you don't have to worry, y/n. i'm good as it is."

"no, that won't do. we've been here for like 20 minutes and i haven't even gotten you water," you say, walking over to the kitchen.

"to be fair," you hear minghao say smugly, "we were kinda occupied for a hot second."

"...right," you mumble, reddening a little, "well, i'm gonna get you something whether you want it or not, so what will it be?" 

"some tea would be great," he admits finally. "nice, two teas coming up in five," you call out. you spend another 30 minutes just talking to minghao over tea, when you hear a knock at your door. you frown. 

you try to excuse yourself but minghao gets a phone call at that very second so you silently gesture to the door and he nods in understanding. you open the door and almost close it right back when you see wonwoo on the other side. he's grinning, all merry as if he didn't just interrupt your date. 

"wonwoo?" you question, "can i help you?"

"wow, that's cold," he says. "am i interrupting something?"

"actually, yes. remember the date i had today?"

"i thought that was just some boring stuff like museum and italian food?? now, he's followed you home??" 

you shush wonwoo urgently, thankful that minghao was still on the phone and couldn't hear his rude comments. "wonwoo, i'm busy. i'll hang tomorrow–"

"no, i wanna say hi to your date," wonwoo declares, pushing by you and into the living room where minghao talking on the phone. "rude, bro's on the phone in the middle of a date."

before you can ridicule wonwoo's stupid reasoning, minghao turns around, apparently done with his call and raises a brow when he spots the new figure next to you. you grimace apologetically, "sorry, minghao, this is the friend i was telling you about earlier. i tried to stop him but he wanted to say hi–"

"you've been badmouthing me behind my back?" wonwoo interrupts you with an unimpressed look, shaking his head. "whatever she's told you about me, i'm sorry. i'm wonwoo, nice to meet you."

minghao stands up and strides over to shake wonwoo's hand like the nice guy he is and introduces himself. "nice to meet you, too. i'm minghao." 

"i just came by because we had plans tonight," he says, with a side glance at your perplexed face, "but i guess i must've gotten the time wrong or something."

"oh, no, no, you're probably right. i've been here longer than planned," wonwoo doesn't miss the small smile minghao throws at you. "but i should head out, too. i also have some guests coming over later tonight."

you look deflated at how things are going, "are you sure?" minghao nods as he gathers his things – things such as a brown leather jacket that looked more expensive than any item of clothing wonwoo owned – and heads for the door. you follow him like a lost puppy. 

when you reach the door, out of wonwoo's earshot, you apologize to wonwoo again and he brushes your sorrys off, "don't worry about it. i'm the one who should be sorry for taking off like this. i would've liked to spend time with your friend."

"i don't know how that would've gone down," you say uneasily, "but thank you for today. really. it was great."

"i'm glad to hear that," minghao says with a grin. he reaches close and hugs you, a warmth radiating between you when he pulls away. "thank you for letting me take you out. i hope we can do it again some time." with that he places a kiss on your cheek and takes his leave. 

once he's gone, you go back inside and sigh, a mix of feelings in your chest. on the one hand, you feel uneasy now that your date with minghao is over, doubtful of whether he really meant his words about wanting to go on another date with you. your past experience had taught you can never tell with men, even if they told you they loved spending time with you with the sweetest smile on their lips. 

on the other hand, you were now alone with wonwoo, which was a whole another problem on its own. a problem you didn't feel equipped to handle right now. not when you still hadn't sorted your feelings about him out. whatever it was, it wasn't easy and it sure as hell didn't become any easier when wonwoo was staring you down, intently. 

"...wonwoo," you start, voice low, "i'm really sorry but i don't have the energy for this right now. i just want to head to bed now."

wonwoo doesn't hide the look of hurt on his face. "what? it's like six right now."

"yeah, but i've had a long day and–"

"is this because i interrupted your date with minghao?"

you feel an rush of annoyance rush to your head but reign it for the sake of your friendship. "it's not about anything other than the fact that i'm tired."

"you seemed perfectly energetic when minghao was here. why'd you invite him over anyway? i thought you kept it chill on the first date." 

"well, have you considered that i just genuinely liked him enough to bring him over? more importantly, i don't see how any of this is your business, wonwoo."

"of course it is! i care about you–"

"if you care about me, maybe don't cut my date short next time!" 

the silence is resounding, following your silence and you hate yourself when you see the grave look on wonwoo's face. he was being for real right now. but you really can't bring yourself to understand him.

"wonwoo, i'm sorry, i just don't know what you want from me, okay? i thought you would support me when i'm finally have some luck finding a boyfriend–"

"what i don't understand is why you want to find a boyfriend so bad. i think you're happy enough as it is and you only seem to become upset over men. why invite heartbreak into your life–"

"because i'm a romantic, wonwoo. i just want to fall in love!" you tell him, "i got degree my parents wanted, settled for a job that makes me enough money and maybe a little happy sometimes, but the one thing i want to do for myself is find someone i can love. i want to experience love, at least once in my life. is that really so bad?"

wonwoo scoffs much to your utter disbelief, "some romantic you are…"

"what the fuck did you just say?" 

you see him visibly inhale deeply and sigh. "y/n, i don't have a problem with you finding love." 

"really? because it sure looks like you do? i know you don't really care about love but–"

"why would you think that?" 

"well, have you ever been in love?" you ask him incredulously. 

"of course i have!" he cries out, "i'm in love with you, y/n." 

"you wouldn't–" you start when he says he's been in love and then stumble over your words when you hear his next words. you stop short with your mouth hanging open, "you're– wait, what?"

over the recent years, wonwoo had thought about whether his feelings really needed to be said out loud at this point – he felt like he was crazy obvious. but looking at the shocked look on your face right now, it was clear that if you would never have figured out his feelings without him telling you. which is fair, he can't expect you read people's minds but what really got his heart in a twist was the fact that you hadn't even remotely considered him liking you, which meant you were far from liking him back. 

though this a fact he's gotten used to, he feels the sting stronger than usual, maybe because the last day has him confused. to be honest, when you'd kissed him without a warning, it got to his head. thought maybe he had a chance after all. it was that high he'd been riding the whole time; that morning when he shamelessly kissed your cheek, this evening when he invited himself into your place when he knew you had a date over. 

but now he's positive he was delusional because all you have are platonic feelings for him at the end of the day.

"wonwoo, i'm sorry, i had absolutely no idea that–" you don't even know what to say, you cut yourself off, "i'm- i can't give you a clear answer right now. but if you give me some time, i promise i can."

"you don't have to answer me, y/n," wonwoo says with a bittersweet smile, "i know how you feel about me. but i had to tell you at least once before i gave up. i don't want you to feel burdened by my confession, just– why don't you forget about it?"

you blink at his words slowly, "but–"

"i should probably leave," he says, "i've long overstayed my welcome here." with that, he heads for the door, not heeding your requests for him to wait a second, "sorry for ruining your date by the way," he calls out as he leaves without another glance. 

– 

it takes you a whole day of overthinking your entire life – after all, that's how long you'd known wonwoo now – to come anywhere close to an answer. and really, it's not much. so far this is what you have: 

a week ago, you had never once considered wonwoo as more than a friend. maybe the best friend you'd ever have, perhaps a rare and special connection that you wouldn't have with another person. while the idea had come up, through other people doubting the purely platonic nature of your relationship, you had truly never entertained the thought. not because you had something against it, but because you were convinced a link like the one you had with wonwoo was only possible in a friendship. 

but then last night had happened, and something had possesed you to kiss him on the cheek – that something might've something to do with the itch in your body every time he was closer than normal, something to do with the way you'd been captivated by his sleeping form. 

and reflecting back, you were dumbfounded by how many times wonwoo had tried to hint at his feelings. a few years ago, when you'd gotten drunk with friends back in college, they'd dared wonwoo to kiss the person he liked and he'd politely declined, muttering that he couldn't kiss someone who was being pursued by someone else. as it turns out, and as you had been too stupid to realize, you had been the only one there in a talking stage with a guy you'd met at your part-time job. 

then, there was the way he always responded to you quickly, no matter what, ready to do things he was otherwise reluctant to do. always asking to spend time, always trying to stay close. there was also the eye-contact that he barely made with other friends, even other people – the way you'd look at him to find him already looking at you. 

"i'm an idiot," you tell yourself as you stare at wonwoo's contact on your phone, wanting to hear his voice but not when you still were so undecided. 

that's how it gets all the way to friday and you still haven't reached out to wonwoo. if you're daft reaction to his feelings hadn't closed the deal, your radio silence for the past week sure did. but unwilling to accept that truth, you call him, only a little surprised when he doesn't pick up. 

he must be mad, you think. but as much as that thought scares you, you can't stand giving up already. you end up making your way to his college campus, hoping he'd be in his room, even though it was 6 on a friday night. 

uncertainly, you knock on his door. and then louder a few more times when you don't hear a response. you're close to giving up and walking yourself home when you hear faint voices inside. "--sick of you making me open the door every time—" it's wonwoo's roommate, mingyu. he stands before you, in boxers and incredibly shirtless, and you think you should've at least texted wonwoo that you were coming over. 

but despite your apprehensions, mingyu doesn't seem embarassed, just amused. "oh? it's noona." 

you can't help but smile lightly at mingyu's use of the honorific, as if you weren't only a few months older than him. but him continuing the yearslong tradition reassured you, though you were sure he'd heard some foul things about you from wonwoo over the past few days. 

"hey, mingyu," you wave uncertainly, and try to get a look into the room past him with no avail, "sorry to show up like this, but is wonwoo around? i was trying to reach out to him but he didn't pick up." 

"ah, right, wonwoo…" mingyu says as if he didn't quite know who you were talking about. you can see the gears turning in his head, probably considering if he should tell you the truth or not. the choice is made for him when wonwoo's voice reaches you. he's screaming, "KIM MINGYU, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ASS BACK RIGHT NOW— WE'RE FUCKING LOSING OUR LEAD BECAUSE OF–" 

you stifle a laugh at mingyu's guilty expression. "right, so he is here," you comment in what you hope is a neutral tone. "you think i can see him?" 

he pauses, looking unsure, "listen, i don't know the full details of what happened with you guys, but wonwoo's been really quiet the past week and i'm not sure if seeing you right now– if he's in the right state of mind…" 

"is that so…" you mumble disheartenedly, though this was a fact that you yourself had been grappling with. "i guess i should leave him alone, then." you're about to take your leave when an arm drapes itself over mingyu's bare shoulder, wonwoo's face poking into your view. 

you freeze up when you lock eyes with wonwoo's face, his smile visibly disappearing. "y/n? what're you doing here?" 

"i was just–" you rub your neck, looking away in an attempt to come up with a credible excuse, "i was just taking a walk around here and thought i'd drop by to say hi. but um, since you guys seem busy, i'll just find another time. anyway, good night!" 

with that, you take yourself out of their sight, rushing down the stairs to the room so fast that you almost trip over and die. thankfully though you've made it to the door that leads out without actually leaving a crime scene on the poor residents' hands. 

"y/n! wait!" 

you stop in your tracks when wonwoo's voice echoes in the stairwell and almost lose all feeling in your knees when you see him run after you, out of breath. "god, woman, since when have you been this fast?"

"sorry," you say quietly, though you're not sure why you're apologizing. 

"can we talk?" 

you look up at him in surprise, "...that should be my line."

"i know, gyu told me why you actually came by," wonwoo admits with a deep sigh, "that idiot, i can't believe he tried to shoo you away without even letting you in. sorry about him."

"no, he was just trying to protect your peace. i get it."

"really? in what world is keeping a guy from the girl of his dreams 'protecting his peace'?"

you gasp at wonwoo's blatant admission and swallow against the lump in your throat. wonwoo looks tired, you can tell from the bags under his eyes and the way his shoulder is set, and you feel guilty for adding to his exisiting stress. you owe it to him to give him a proper closure. 

"wonwoo, i'm so sorry i didn't reach out to talk this past week. i was just so in my head figuring things out and i kept losing the guts to face you. i truly can't express how much i treasure what we have, and honestly, i'm starting to doubt if it was always platonic. because somewhere along the way, i got so used to being around you, i didn't think about what it meant to be that close to someone.

"that being said, i still can't wrap my head around how i feel. i know it's not the clear answer i promised you, but if you give me a little bit more time, i will be able to think it through. but i understand if you wanna keep your distance with me while i do that. sorry." 

"why do you keep apologizing?" wonwoo asks you, brows set in confusion, "you're maybe the sweetest person ever to even think so hard about your feelings for me. and i understand if you need time, it's years' worth of feelings after all… but, there's one thing…" 

you perk up at the last part of his words, "yeah, what is it?"

"i don't think i can keep my distance from you," he says, eyes dropping to his feet for a few beats before meeting yours again, "i thought about it and honestly, the worst thing about the past week was that i couldn't just thoughtlessly intrude into your house and eat with you after a long day. maybe that's on me for having quality time as my love language, but god, y/n, i think i'd be a miserable man if i had to live without you."

"wonwoo, i…" 

"i'm warning you, if you say sorry one more time, i'm gonna do something bad. plus, i feel much lighter now that the cat's out of the bag. i can finally be the truest version of myself around you."

swallowing the millionth apology on your tongue, you say, "then let's not avoid each other. maybe spending time with you will help me understand how i feel–" you stop yourself mid-sentence when you hear what it sounds like, "wait, no, that sounds insensitive… what i meant was–"

"wait, no, you might actually be onto something," wonwoo says and you feel a chill run down your spine at the smirk that takes hold over his face. "perhaps i can find a way to make you sure about me? like, seduce you?"

"what? that's not what i was suggesting–" 

"i know but it's what i am suggesting!" he says, slowly closing in on you, hand coming to rest atop your head. "maybe i can finally let go and do the impulsive things i've wanted to do– don't worry, all within a limit, of course. think of it as the talking stage?" 

"the talking stage?" when he puts it like that, you can see some reason behind it. it wasn't serious enough to be a relationship but still served as a step up from your normal friendship with wonwoo. "i guess that wouldn't be not fine…"

"wouldn't be not fine…" wonwoo repeats your words under his breath, "so you're fine with it??" he sighs in relief, fingering coming to brush through your hair before they returned by his side. "alright then! glad we came to an understanding! now, i'm sorry i must excuse myself for i promised kim mingyu i'd be back at game night in no time." 

"oh yeah, you should definitely get back to game night," you say with a soft smile, but then catch him by the wrist as he turns around, "oh, wonwoo! thanks for letting me say my thing, by the way… and i'm sorry."

he sighs lowly at that, pulling you into a hug, "what did i say about apologizing again? now i have to do a bad thing or i'll be someone who doesn't keep his word." before you can protest, he pulls apart and leans in close to kiss your cheek. then he kisses your other cheek– and then, your forehead. you're turning beet red by the time he stops at your nose, laughing at your struck expression. "alright, now we're good. and i should be the one thanking you for taking my feelings seriously. i'll see you later, yeah? we should do something tomorrow since it's a saturday." 

"yeah," you agree and give him a slight push away, "okay, now go do your thing with mingyu or he's gonna hate me even more."

"he doesn't hate you, he's just–"

"don't wanna hear it! go play your games, gameboy!" 

"alright, miss, whatever you say."

– 

"watch it," wonwoo warns you, eyes fixed on your screen, "no, no, don't go that way, the turret's gonna hit you."

"i don't understand," you whine, "there's too many things on my screen." 

when you'd agreed to let wonwoo teach you how to play one of his favorite games, league of legends, you hadn't forseen the amount of stress would running in your veins. your head hurts and your vision is blurry. you've just started and you're only up against the easiest level of bots but every time you step outside the safety of your base, you seem to get immediately obliterated. 

"okay, y/n, here, let me show you," wonwoo shifts closer to you and if anything, it makes it harder to focus when you feel his shoulder come to rest against yours. at the same time, his warmth soothes you somewhat when he calmly instructs you where to go and how to attack the enemy. his tips help you drastically and in the next ten minutes, you've gotten to the enemy's turret, eventually scoring a kill.

"wonwoo! i got my first kill! did you see that?" you turn to him with a bright grin and find him sporting a similar grin, his hand coming to pat your head. "you did so well!" 

that's how you slowly make it through the first game, securing a victory, mostly thanks to wonwoo's overpowered skills, destroying his own lane and getting to the base in no time. "god, you're such a show-off," you mumble when you see the dramatic difference in KDAs on the final stat summary page. "i don't think i was built to be a gamer." 

"now why would you say that?"

"look at me, woo! i'm sweating my balls off and that was only against bots! i won't last a day in the real world," you complain with a pout, "plus my fingers aren't fast like yours. i take forever to cast my skill and by that time, it's too late."

"y/n, it took me like a week of playing to get my first kill against a bot," wonwoo tells with a grimace, "so the fact that you got through that with a decent KDA is incredible. and my fingers got because i played so much, i didn't get good in a day."

you sigh, resting your head on the couch, "hmm, you have a point."

"but we can call it day if you're tired," he says with a smile, coming back to rest his shoulder next to you and following your resting figure, "thanks for trying though."

"it was fun, but i'm gonna need a week before i can touch this game again."

you feel the laugh that leaves wonwoo in your own chest, the sound filling you with his joy, as if it were your own. without thinking about it, you shuffle closer to him, a soft sigh escaping you when you feel his bicep harden against your arm. 

"you good?" he asks you in a low voice when you stay unmoving for a while. you nod with your eyes still closed. "i'm doing great," you say, "just recharging." when wonwoo doesn't say anything in response, you take a peek at him to see him looking at you sideways, with a goofy smile. 

"mind telling me why you're looking at me like that?" 

"nothing, i just thought it was cute how you volunteered to play league for our date when you don't even know how to play."

you flush, "well, i figured i'd have you teaching me the ropes. and i've been wanting to play with you because you said it's one of your favorite games." 

"that's sweet of you, isn't it?" wonwoo says, unable to stop smiling. "you always treat me so well." 

"i do, for some reason. it's almost like i'm attached to my best friend or something."

you bite your tongue when you accidently let the words slip, tensing up as you start to correct yourself. "i didn't mean it like–" 

"y/n, don't worry about it," wonwoo shushes you with the same smile he's had this whole time. "i know what you meant. and i'm flattered." 

you sigh in relief as you drop your eyes to your lap, fiddling with your fingers, somewhat nervous for no real reason all of a sudden. maybe it's because you're conscious of wonwoo, afraid to slip up again and say something hurtful.

"you don't have to be so careful around me, you know?" he starts, "i've lived with this feelings for a while so it takes a lot for me to sway. and remember no matter what happens between us, i'm always gonna be your friend at the end of the day." 

"thank you for saying that," you say quietly, eyes still on your hands, feeling guilty. 

"hey, at least look at me if you want to show your gratitude."

"i can't. i'm…" you trail off, and then, "i'm sorry." 

"there it is again," wonwoo groans, "now you've done it. i'll have to punish you again for apologizing." his hand comes to rest atop your restless ones, slowly stopping your uneasy movements and intertwining his fingers with yours. and then steadily, he takes your hand close to his lips, placing a soft kiss against the knuckles. "the more you say sorry, the more i'm gonna have to work harder to make sure you fall in love with me, okay? and it's honestly pretty bad for my heart if i keep having to do things like this, so spare me."

bad for your heart? you question him in your head but don't voice iti, shaking your head at wonwoo's sly words. "you're insane," you murmur. 

"alright, that's more like it." 

– 

the following week, you see new sides of wonwoo because he takes it on himself to do all kinds things that are out of the blue for him. for one, he's been labelling every hang-out as a date, even when that day entailed perfectly normal activities you'd done a million times over with him. "it's an attempt to rewire your brain," he tells you with a foxy grin, "i'm making sure you don't forget to view me as a love interest."

speaking of love interests, he'd been straightforward with you that if you wanted to go out with minghao that would be fine. but you'd declined the possibility because you wouldn't know what to do with yourself around him now that you were immersed in the uncertainties of your relationship with wonwoo. and on thinking long and hard about the date with minghao, you'd gotten the feeling that you were interested in his looks more than anything. sure, he'd been so charming but it was wonwoo that was keeping you up at night. 

that's why you find a way to turn him down when he asks if you'd like to go on another date with him:

minghao: hey, y/n! there's a night market near where i live this weekend

minghao: i've never been able to go but i've heard it's super pretty

minghao: so i was wondering if you'd like to come with me? :) 

you: hey, minghao

you: i'm sorry, i don't think i can see you again

you: i really enjoyed our date but there's someone else i'm talking to atm

minghao: oh

minghao: i see

minghao: dw about it! it was nice to see you either way!minghao: but just out of curiosity, is this new person your friend from the other day?

you: huh??

minghao: you know the one who came to your place when i was over

you: …it is him

you: how'd u know

minghao: hehe i just got a vibe

minghao: he looked at you like you were lovers in another lifetime

you: girl what 

you: i mean that's so sweet but really?? didn't he just look at me like i was going to feed him for the night?

minghao: no way, when a guy looks at u like that… i don't know how else to say it but he'd love if you were a worm

you: interesting

you: thanks? idk

you: you're cool for a guy that just got rejected 

minghao: it's ok, i'm sure i can land another date in time for the night market ;)

you: of course you can 

you: goodnight minghao :)

minghao: night, y/n! maybe we'll meet as friends someday 

you: maybe…

"damn it, he's smooth…" wonwoo whines when you show him your screen the next day, only after you've made him promise you that he wouldn't jump to conclusions. "i don't think i can stand you being friends with him. like ever."

"wonwoo, i don't think that's gonna happen. but even if it did, i don't know, i think he'd make a great friend."

"oh he most definitely would. that's precisely the problem. i can't be outdone by another man like that," he says in a ridiculously grave tone, "he's too cool. i wouldn't stand a chance against him."

"you realize that the only reason i'm not going on that date with him is because i'd rather go on a date with you?" you poke wonwoo's arm with a soft smile.

the man hesitates, processing your words before a smile breaks out onto his face. "wait— i mean, of course i know i'm– wait, does that mean you–?"

"i'm in love with you, wonwoo. i think i've always been. i was just too much of an idiot to understand it."

wonwoo's imagined you saying something along these lines a lot but what he's been far more prepared for is you rejecting him. for the longest time, he's lived with the reality of you not reciprocating his feelings and that's honestly what became normal for him along the way. so when you look into his eyes, it's like you're looking into his soul and leaving him completely starstuck. all he can see is you before him for a solid few seconds before he truly comprehends you. 

"don't look so shocked! i thought this whole week was for this exact outcome!" you laugh at his speechlessness. 

"right," wonwoo swallows against his dry throat, suddenly shyer than he's ever been, "i'm just shocked. i didn't expect for it to actually work? i don't know, are you sure you love me? it's not just as a friend? like, i'd understand if it's just because we've known each for the longest time and seen each other through hard times."

"wonwoo…" you exhale, "are you rejecting my feelings right now?"

"no! of course not!"

"then why are you doubting me? i know how i feel about you. that's the whole reason why i took so long to give you an answer."

"i know," his gaze drops to the floor, head reeling a little. this is what he's wanted deep down for the longest time so he can't help but feel like he's dreaming right now. 

when you hear the doubt in his voice, you take his face in your hands, forcing him to look back at you. "wonwoo," you shake him, "i love you." you peck him on the nose. "i want you to be my boyfriend, if you'll have me."

"of fucking course," wonwoo seems to return to his senses when you press your lips against his skin. cheeks red and eyes wide, his hands find your body, fingers already by your jaw, pulling you closer. "i love you so much, i think it'll kill me one day. but for now i think being your boyfriend will do." 

you giggle at his dramatic statement and close the distance between you, feeling the warm of his breath like never before. he kisses you back immediately, letting out a low groan at the action, the hand at your waist, squeezing you lovingly. 

"can't believe i waited so long to do that," he says when the two of you pull back. 

you kiss his cheek with a soft mewl, "you're so warm, woo." 

"am i?" he wonders, arms moving on their own as they bring you closer to his chest. he kisses your forehead, "now we can both be warm." 

— 

"okay, okay, i'm ready to leave," you call out victoriously as you step out into the living room. wonwoo looks up from the projector screen where he's currently rewatching a run-through of a new game was gonna try out for his channel. but he immediately loses the smart comment he was gonna throw out there when he sees you, all dolled up and showing off the dress you're wearing with a smug smile.

it's a simple blue dress with a modest neck and long skirt that hugged your hips perfectly. and it also happened to be the dress wonwoo's birthday gift to you last year. you'd worn it out with him before but this is definitely the first time you'd taken it out on a proper date. and how appropriate for it to be a date with wonwoo himself. 

"you like?" you ask him as you walk closer to him, running a hand through his hair. 

"i love," he replies instantly, arm coming to your lower back, "you look heavenly. god, do we have to go out? i don't mind just staying here and watching you in this dress."

"no," you decline his ridiculous request firmly, "i've been wanting to visit this bookstore for the past year. so i'm sorry, love, but you'll have to do with watching me read if you really want to be creepy."

"it's not creepy if i'm your boyfriend, is it now?"

"...maybe."

"alright, i think i'm good to go then! let's go!" 

at the bookstore, you genuinely have to shake wonwoo off your back and force him to find a book he likes before you leave. he complains and whines about how he just wants to enjoy his girlfriend's taste in books but when he does finally wander off, you find him engrossed in a book he found in the science-fiction section.

you sneak up onto him with a grin, "enjoying yourself?"

he looks up, "...surprisingly. but only because i got kicked out…"

"you wanna get that?" you ask him, taking a glance at the book cover. "just drop in here," you show him your basket that already has a couple of your picks in it.

"you're buying?"

"mhm, think of it as a token of our first real date?"

wonwoo smiles, eyes bright, "alright then. thanks." 

after that, the two of you walk over to the restaurant wonwoo had had reservations at. it was also a fairly new place but had gotten popular for being a couples' hot spot. and wonwoo understands why when the waiter shows you to your table for the night– it's secluded by a corner on the porch, with nothing but a candle illuminating the surroundings. 

"ah, we can also move the table so that both chairs are next to each other?" the waiter says with a polite smile, "would you like that?"

"yes, please!" wonwoo calls out enthusiastically and you squeeze his hand with a chuckle as the waiter nods and shifts for the rearrangement. 

"this is perfect," he says when you sit next to him. "this way, i can still hold your hand," he mutters. 

"you're cute," you tell him with a soft grin, "i love you."

wonwoo leans in to kiss your lips softly, leaving you a little breathless when he slips in a quiet, " and i love you more than you could imagine." 

author's note:

oh my god this fic took everything out of me to get out there... took a whole entire week but she's here, i really hope you guys like it!! i'm really down bad for wonwoo recently, to the point that he might've joined my bias line haha... more reason why tomorrow's gonna kill me. honestly though, this man will keep me going through some tough times (aka jeonghan and wonwoo shortage).

also, i lowkey fell in love with minghao while writing him here so expect a fic soon??? lol idk for a moment there i was confused who this fic was really for (sorry wonwoo i love u tho). as always, thank you for reading and i love reading what you think so please do let me know <3

[exvelovly]

bkdk fic post meoww

this list is kinda messy just bc i’m trying not to directly screenshot from my notes app but typing is hard :( @mappleiix @demonholdingalillie

from the sidelines by suffocatingspring

my all time bkdk fic it is so good trust it’s abt 400k and a low chap count so the chapters are longfgg there are many shenanigans and its just so freeing to read. i read the entire thing during finals week 2 years ago and i keep coming back to it

landscape after cruelty by ohwickedsoul

support course deku yayy i think this was cute but i read it so long ago lmaoa

weekend at bakugou’s by cat5gale

this idiot (deku) gets reverted into a 4 year old and i don’t remember reading his at all but it’s probably good

this is not an advertisement for gorilla glue by bi_focal

shananigans

some mysterious one shots i didn’t label but feel free to try typing in those links????

scattered anemones by gaytodoroki and lilacs by morphinefangs and bloom by masterofbread

all hanahaki aus what was i going through

the chosen of the dragonborn by s_the_queen

silly fantasy au i think this author is generally good but i can’t remember sorry gang

trending: #letdekusmash also by s_the_queen

this one is so funny and there’s a part 2 which is also good

searching for you in the background by s_the_queen

which is labeled “i’m crying what the fuck” in my notes

more unlabeleds !!

hidden messages by hashbrownpotatoes

makes me giggle they’re so silly idk

tidal hearts by macksmilesback and samisnotlegend

cute as hell mermaid au i think one of u is my mutual hey picasso love ur fic i think i made fanart but i lost it sorry

comfort and control by daniartonline

so i have this labeled as “the boys are traumatized :( nightmare comfort”

nothing’s gonna hurt you, baby. by supercrunch

my label is “silly little yandere detector”

like the moon by osakakitty

i think this one is sexual but there’s also pining

but i’m tired of lying with liars (you’re the truth i’m scared to tell) by youreanovelidea

in which bakugo finds his one tru lov by erina

bakugo’s agency are on the hunt to find his secret bf

are u dating?? by ladyofsnails

which involves streamer deku/omg they’re roommates/and twitter shipping

face reveal! which is also by ladyofsnails

and probably involves a face reveal

sticky note crushes by ladyofsnails

this one’s cute lmao art student deku and his poor roommate bakugo (jk)

down the red line by minervahope

soulmate string au

slow down (it’s a science) by scribespirare

i labeled this “secyyyy smoker bk” so there’s that

torn fur, blunt teeth by scribespirare

in which deku is a shifter on the run and there’s magical shit going on

oh my god they were roommates by maginot

deku’s already fucking taken by asdfjkl129

thank u outsider pov i love u

in which kacchan has a ruff time by oneshotprincess

lol dog bk

room 1217 by possiblynya

college soulmate au yippee

daisies bunches and heather branches by halcyonwhispers

“SO CUTE FLOWER SHOP TATTOO SHOP”

hopeless ramen-tic by lalazee

daddy cool by lalazee

teacher deku thinks dad bakugo is sexy as hel

placeholder by surveycorpsjean

ok listen this one is shinbkdk but jsut hear me out it’s good and the characterization is yeahhh also i’m pretty sure this is like half smut????? maybe????

deuteranopia / by dollcewrites

min perfect rhythm by chalk

band au that i enjoyed very much (bk is the one in the band and deku is his neighbor)

[thelesbianpoirot]

Do you have any advice for us lesbians who feel hopeless when it comes to our own dating life? I have ever only been with one woman and while I cared about her so much, I'm starting to realise now that I didn't mean much to her. And sex was actually depressing because she never wanted to return the pleasure I gave to her. It all felt, it still feels so hollow. And being a masculine lesbian makes it even worse - I feel like I've always been ugly but the sin of homosexuality AND masculinity makes me even uglier in the eyes of everyone. And I feel like so many women expect that if you're masculine, you will basically maintain this stoic persona 24/7. You'll be somebody who never needs anything, who doesn't need pleasure, love or joy. It's like having to repent for being a woman in a wrong way. I feel like I've only been ever used by other women or they played with me, and then when they realised I am not their perfect Animus, they discarded me. I know that's so much negativity in one anon but I really enjoy lurking on your blog and kinda look up to you as I'm a bit lonely. Like that post where you mentioned skipping class to have sex, that was so iconic. So I was just wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this? If you have some wise words? Or maybe I should just accept and cope with my own ugliness.

Can I tell you I feel seen by your ask? This ask is essentially my life. You are not alone. Do not be fool by the snippets of my life I share on tumblr. Me having a sex life was short lived, and I have been sexual with four women, one of which was a love distance relationships with phone, skype sex and regrettably sending nudes. I made out with a couple more women, but they didn't want to go further and I respected that. I am no don Juan, I just am not afraid to ask women out, I have lived in about four countries and I have spent way too much time on dating apps. Of the women I had actual sex with and made cum, none of them wanted to return the favor, but I enjoyed giving them pleasure, but after multiple sexual encounters with no women wanting to interact with my naked body, and make me cum, it becomes a read.

I had a post much earlier on this blog about how no women I have ever dated has been as passionate about me as I was about her. I believe a couple women I dated only dated me because we live in a small homophobic region and the lesbian dating pool is microscopic and they have few options. This is how they treated me. The women I skipped class to have sex with had an on and off again sexual relationship with me for several years, her family lived in my country but she was Canadian, she would stay for couple months, we'd have sex and she'd leave again, I was something to do while she was there, she mocked my skin color (she was also black) a few times and did many other rude things. But I was so attracted to her, it made me fucking stupid. Many interactions with women have made me feel repulsive, and not worthy of living. I would talk for months with a woman on a dating app, then move to whatapp, calling and texting to schedule a meet up, and she cancels or stands me up, multiple times. I exist to make her laugh or feel good about herself, but she doesn't want to be seen out in public with me. My homosexuality, my masculinity, my skin color, my weight, my shape, my everything has made me feel repulsive to other women. What keeps me going is reading romantic/erotic fiction and hoping it happens to me, forging platonic connections with women who actually care for me, and the understanding that MID to HIDEOUS broke untalented and boring straight men get to have beautiful female partners, I should too. There has to be some sexy weird women out there who are attracted to me physically, and will love me passionately. And me killing myself or something will just be another lesbian woman this world has gotten rid of. I keep living and wanting more for myself purely out of spite sometimes. Every comment that says "terf dyke kill yourself" makes me take better care of myself and prosper. My dating life would probably improve if I lived in a big metropolitan city in a country with 1mil+ people, because I can ask out beyonce if left alone with her for five minutes, my fear of approaching women is GONE, because she can only say no. I have had a girl I asked out in college laugh in my face, in front of her group of friends, I can handle anything. But I don't think I will ever not feel like some disgusting monster. I don't own mirrors, I had a eating disorder, SIS, we are birds of a feather. Only advice I can give is that They want you feeling this way, they want you defeated and hopeless, while straight pig men have loving wives and gfs. Why we can't we! Ugly to whom? I was just watching challengers today with some of my friends, the women spent the whole day lusting over the two male costars, I may be a lesbian, but I think I can spot a handsome man, one who society has told me is a handsome man, one who's personality overcomes his face and body, but those two men were ugly as sin to me, their faces just made me cringe disgust, yet I was in a room with 3 women lusting over them. Lets hope together that even if we're ugly, we're have three eligible women in the world of eight billion who eagerly want to fuck us, attraction is strange.

[mariacallous]

In August, a swarm of hopeless and horny romantics on Reddit disputed the pros and cons of Bumble, the dating app that requires women to make the first move.

“Besides barren wastelands like [Plenty of Fish] crawling with bots, scammers, hookers, and psychos, this app has to be the worst,” one user posted.

Said another, “Lots of fun conversations but ghost city when trying to get a number or plan a date.”

Other Redditors openly shared how they met their partners on the app, but the consensus was unequivocally clear: Bumble, like the majority of dating apps currently on the market, is bad. “If Bumble is the worst dating app, then what’s the best alternative—Tinder, Hinge?” asked one user. “They all suck so which one sucks the least?”

After a decade of swiping left and sliding into DMs, many people are now longing for a simplification of the dating pool. As with so much about the internet, online dating made everything accessible all at once and turned socializing into something of a competitive sport. Waves, swipes, likes, and roses embodied the desires of a generation of users ravenous to find connection however they could.

But the glow has worn off, and there is growing sentiment among young people that dating apps, once considered the future of romantic connection, are broken.

Facebook Dating is all old people. Raya is full of posturing. Hinge, which bills itself as the “dating app designed to be deleted,” conceals its most attractive daters behind a $50 monthly subscription (or, at least, that’s the theory according to a handful of TikTok users). As for Tinder, the app that revolutionized online dating when it launched in 2012, it “has become the dating air, or maybe the pollution, we all breathe,” writer Allison P. Davis observed last year, reflecting on the Olympian level of difficulty modern dating presents for many people thirsty for connection.

Dating app disillusionment is felt most strongly among college students, according to a new study from Axios and research firm Generation Lab. Most are forgoing regular app usage (79 percent) in favor of in-person connection, a fact that seems at odds with Gen Z’s innate gift for virtual expression on platforms like Snapchat and Twitch.

“Dating apps promised a quick fix to the messiness of love,” says Carolina Bandinelli, a professor at the University of Warwick whose research focuses on the digital culture of love. “Their promotional narratives spoke about reducing love to a simple procedure. Dating apps promised a love that ‘works.’ But they do not ‘work’ as they are supposed to, yet they create the expectation of love as an efficient business. Users get frustrated with this.”

That young people in college are choosing to forgo digital connection is not as shocking as the study suggests, says Paul Eastwick, a psychologist at UC Davis who specializes in the nature of attraction. “College students are in the fortunate position of being surrounded by many similarly aged peers, and their social networks are in a constant state of flux. Online dating sites and apps are typically going to be especially useful for folks whose networks feel frozen and who don’t have as many opportunities to meet new people through friends of friends,” he tells me. “So it makes sense.”

The culture of online dating will continue to evolve, as it has over the past decade. Although many young people are taking a more traditional alternative to apps—while also relying on options like Date Me docs—that has not stopped Gen Z from being vocal about the culture that surrounds modern relationships.

Since the publication of her 2008 book, Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, Kathleen Bogle, a sociologist at LaSalle University in Philadelphia, says the biggest evolution in dating culture was prompted by women, who have brought more transparency to the dating process. “Platforms like TikTok have created space for women to upload videos talking about their issues with the hookup culture, such as not getting what they want relationally, feeling used, the double standard, and, in some cases, the lack of sexual pleasure for women,” Bogle says. “In previous decades, women may have felt this way but only talked about it with their own friendship circle, not online to thousands of followers.”

Online dating is now a multibillion-dollar industry. From 2016 to 2021, global subscription rates for apps increased by 81 percent. Analysts predict that despite market saturation and a current decline in user growth, companies will pivot to monetization by any means, a move that could further spoil what people believe is an already poor user experience.

The current techlash is a byproduct of the environment dating apps have contributed to over the past decade. We are inching toward what Bandinelli refers to as a period of post-romantic love in our digital society, where conveniences such as dating apps play a hand in rewriting “the ethical codes of love with the objective of building a notion of love deprived of pain, loss, and negative emotions.” In this new notion of love, if it should even be called that, the human experience that characterizes dating, its highs and lows, is flattened through machined exchanges.

In a quest to streamline romantic connection, it seems we are losing all that makes it worthy of pursuit. “With new technologies, there is always a period in which they seem to take over what was in place before,” Bandinelli says of then and now. “Then there is a counterforce, and people want to retrieve what seems to have been lost.”

[cryptidghostgirl]

Dating Xavier Thorpe

masterlist

- This boy is just a little ball of sunshine

- Golden retriever energy but make it super anxious and tortured artisty

- He for sure asks you out by painting your portrait and either he gives it to you as a gift when he asks you out or you find it and he’s forced into asking you out.

- Chilling with him in his shed while he paints 

- Just getting to watch him paint and the way his hands move

- You guys don’t share all the same interests but gosh do you love it when he rants about his opinions on art supplies and shows you what he’s working on, when he talks about art history you practically melt.

- And he is the same way about you when you talk about your favorite bands or books or interests (if you’re an ADHD bitch like myself, he absolutely loves hearing you rant to him about your current hyper-fixation. They way you light up? it’s literally his favorite thing.)

 - I feel like he’d be pretty possessive ngl? like sweet as heck but also makes you come to the weathervane with him and you don’t realize it but its just so he can say fuck you to Tyler because he’s got such a hot partner and Tyler doesn't.

- I am sorry but I just feel like he is ADHD and gets super fixated on his painting so you do stuff like bring him food to make sure he remembers to eat and yell at him to sleep

- If you’re neurodivergent (like myself) and have are having a nonverbal moment, he’d be super respectful

- Like the first time it happens, he’s gonna be weirded out and confused and think your mad at him

- But then, you guys will figure stuff out and hell have like, game plans for things he can do to help like bringing you comfort items and downloading a text to speech app on your phone, keeping notepads and your favorite pens close by and is super understanding even if you’re not in the mood to use any of those. He takes it a little personally at first, but you guys figure it out

- Maybe its just that I really wanna date Xavier so I am projecting but I feel like he’d be a really great partner for someone on the spectrum

- When you guys get into your first fight, he brings you your favorite type of flowers you mentioned that one time and some of your favorite safe foods

- When you finally sit down and talk to him about the things you have going on he is super supportive in the way he has faith in you to be better and to become the best version of yourself

- Sharing cigs

- His hands are so pretty

- Bony fingers! holding a cigarette! for you to take a drag from!!!!!!!!!

- Gifts are always gonna be handmade on both sides lets not lie

- Xavier will love you so hard. He is really kind and trusting, despite everything that has happened to him and you think that is beautiful

- You guys would def constantly inspire one another to be the best version of yourselves.

- Sleepy cuddles

- I feel like Xavier would be a pretty touchy and PDA person. When you guys were at a party, he’d gently have his arm over your shoulder or around your waist. If you’re standing in front of him, he will wrap his arms around you or pull you into his lap. Little forehead and head kisses!!

- Hes for sure a hopeless romantic in the way that he will write you love letters and leave them for you, take you out for way over planned picnic dates, etc.

- You guys take turns planning dates and choosing movies and things and it becomes a competition

- TEASING (in multiple ways)

- holding hands. Xavier is a big hand holder.

lmk if you want me to keep going

 Master List Link

[femmefatalevibe]

hi i think u give great advice so here i am in my hour of need

basically… i feel chronically lonely and romantically starved. i’m almost 21 and have never been in a serious relationship and really have not dated much. a while ago, i had a sexual relationship w someone for a couple of months in which i tried to convince myself he cared about me and dumped him feeling disgusted w myself for being so sexually vulnerable w someone who didn’t seriously care about me.

at the beginning of the new year, i really turned my life around (partly thx to blogs like yours <3) and am now the healthiest and happiest i have ever been (regular exercise, academic discipline, healthy eating etc).

even though i feel really fulfilled in my personal life, i still crave a deep romantic connection. i feel crazy waiting/searching for someone who makes me feel like a lana song. i’m just a deeply romantic person who is going insane in modern adult dating. i would rather be shot than be on dating apps or engage in casual sex but i also feel like thats my only option to try and find love (and not be celibate for another 6 months fml).

anyway, this feels very vulnerable to write out but i really value your perspective and am sure others feel the same. thanks!!!!

Hi love! Thank you for trusting me with this vulnerable part of your life and identity. Know that you're not alone: Modern dating is a hellscape for the hopeless romantic types (I'm way too cynical for this – almost 25 and have no desire to be in a "real" romantic relationship lol). For those who crave romantic/sexual connection but have an aversion to dating apps and casual sex, here's my best advice:

Leverage other outlets to satisfy your needs for emotional and sexual connection:

Invest in your friendships to get that emotional intimacy you crave. Platonic relationships can offer as much depth on an emotional and intellectual level as a romantic partner. Plus, you are more likely to have multiple friends vs. multiple partners, which allows you to engage in different types of conversations, learn about a diverse array of subjects, try out more activities, and appreciate different senses of humor/personalities along the way.

Embrace your single era to further explore your sexuality on your own terms. Try out different toys, entertain yourself with erotic novels, films, and podcasts, invest in hot lingerie or sensual perfumes/beauty and skin products, and educate yourself with books like Come As You Are, She Comes First, Yes Means Yes! and essays on female sexuality. The Quinn app is also a great example of ethical porn made by women, for women. Give yourself some alone time to get real with yourself about your likes, dislikes, fantasies, and hard nos. These self-love practices will allow you confidently and clearly ask for what you want once you find a lover you deem worthy of sharing these intimate experiences with you.

Take time for self-reflection and discover your "ideal type." Create a partner compatibility blueprint and non-negotiables checklist:

Being truly single provides you the time and space to truly get to know yourself. Give yourself the gift of introspection – consider your current lifestyle, interests, habits, values, daily routine, and any ways you plan on changing or evolving these aspects of your life over the next few years. Consider the qualities you like about yourself and those you admire in others (friends, family, coworkers, fellow students, mentors, etc.).

Complete a self-intake to reveal the qualities that would demonstrate compatibility in a partner. Clarify the personality traits, values, and lifestyle habits you look for in a partner. Then, consider your physical type and any other more surface-level qualities you look for in a partner (e.g. a certain level of education, upbringing, languages spoken, profession, morning or night person, any dietary or fitness habits, etc.) to construct your ideal type(s). While you may not ultimately end up with a partner that 100% fits into one of these personas, knowing what you're looking for helps you know what you don't and streamline your vetting process

Use this information to create a "non-negotiables" list to help you easily detect whether someone will be compatible with you from early conversations or, at the latest, after 1-2 dates. These qualities will be very personal due to our own beliefs, lifestyle, and goals – know if something like someone being a smoker, having certain family obligations, dietary restrictions, or having certain political/religious beliefs would be a dealbreaker for you.

Consider dating as a networking tool. Live your life and allow potential partners to enter your purview organically:

Do not make dating into a mission-based, isolated pursuit. Reframe dating as an organic evolution of your social life, leisure activities, and time used to explore your interests. Go out to bars, lounges, coffee shops, and parks. Join activities, social clubs, and interest-based meetup activities (book clubs, sports clubs like a tennis club, and art gallery memberships are great options as well). Take classes based on your interests – like a cooking class, language class, art class, writing class, coding class, etc. and be open to mingling. Having a shared interest is the first step to lifestyle compatibility with a partner.

Be open to accepting invitations to group dinners, hangouts, dinner parties, cocktail events/happy hours, beach days, etc. These social outings are a great way to connect with friends of friends that you probably wouldn't meet out in the wild but are more trustworthy (and are more likely to share compatible attitudes or lifestyle habits) due to your mutual connections.

[likedaylighht]

I feel like this would all be so much easier if the modern dating seen wasn't based around dating apps, it would be so much easier if I could just go out to a bar and bet on something happening or something else "natural" happening bc I feel like dating apps just feel so inorganic and even if they didn't I'm also high key scared as hell to use them. And like all I want is to be thrust into a romantic situation but like I also really want to make sure it's someone I vibe well with before anything happens bc I'm 28 and like you said I don't want to waist my time. But I'm still holding out hope that something has to eventually happen. I guess all this to say i really do understand how you feel and I'm right there with you and I am sending you hugs, warmth, and comfort 💕💕💕

Oh my gosh you are so sweet and I feel all of this 100%! I always knew I wouldn’t like dating apps and my friends convinced me to get hinge a few months ago and I tried I really did but it’s just not for me! It feels so unnatural and like I’m playing a part. Where is my meet cute, straight out of a book or movie scene?

And like listen maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me but I really really really do believe that if you want something in your life it will happen eventually. Maybe not for a long time but eventually!

[c0smic-coral]

Something I think that’s likely gonna get raised is the whole Sherlock asexuality thing so lemme discuss that for a moment

Long post, not sorry. TLDR: Sherlock’s not asexual, he’s homosexual af.

As a Johnlock shipper, I am biased.

I’m also a victim of constant spoilers (mid Season 3 rn, I’ve been busy with life stuff and since they’re so long it can be hard to find the time between working on my debut EP, weekly therapy and social relationships) and I can say my interpretation of Sherlock’s sexual orientation confidently. I have read a little thing on Asexuality.org about why the person who wrote it thinks he’s not asexual. Person is question is also a Johnlock shipper and raised points on other adaptations of Sherlock and the original ACD books and I didn’t know this but ACD married John off to Mary OUT OF FEAR because this was the “homosexuality is illegal” time period and even then people thought knew Sherlock and John were in love. I can’t say ACD intended for Sherlock to be gay or John to be bisexual or whatever (John is definitely bisexual. I’m like ‘sure, you’re not gay. didn’t say he wasn’t bi’ also just THE WAY HE LOOKED AT SHERLOCK I FEEL WEAK) but the evidence was there from the start.

Sherlock isn’t really a sociopath either. He’s definitely autistic/Aspergian (the term is kinda dead though because Asperger was a Nazi or something idk my therapist still uses it) and as someone who is also autistic, I absolutely see this. I have social issues. I will avoid people I don’t like and I will eventually cling to the few people I trust without question (John’s that for Sherlock) to the point of obsession. And logical thinking. I do that too. I’m still nowhere near as smart as him, and I’m not as antisocial as him either. i think it might be worth noting that after i wrote that paragraph i mercilessly informed a classmate that i don’t want to attend her party because I don’t like her with no regard for her feelings before telling off some girls staring at a poster of the men’s swim team reminding them that the poster’s not a dating app. I am literally blonde american genderqueer bisexual not-as-smart teenage Sherlock.

Back to his sexuality.

It’s not a lack of interest in romance and sex. Hell, if you’ve read my posts you’d know I’m a hopeless (horny) romantic. I think for both of us it’s a lack of interest in being social with other people that still finds its way into being inconvenient due to occupations that involve interacting with other people (I don’t know if I’ve ever disclosed what I intend to do after college, but if I haven’t, I’m not gonna say it now, but it’s going to involve working with other people A LOT. And Sherlock’s a detective after all, you have to talk to other people for that). It’s a select few people. John, Molly, Mrs. Hudson, Irene for the time she was there.

And let me be clear; Irene was never with Sherlock in the source material and I’m very happy adaptations stay true to that (this is coming from someone who’s only seen BBC Sherlock and the RDJ movies). Irene intrigued him. He looked not on naked Irene in a sexually admiring way but still looked because he knew her measurements. And the RDJ movies, despite Mary being there for the whole time, pushed Johnlock wayyyy more than it pushed Adlock (apparently it’s Adlock). I applaud that. As for Sherlock being gay, us as the audience not being masters of deduction, people who suggested it in the show (Irene, Mrs. Hudson, Louise Mortimer, etc.) also not being masters of deduction yet we see it! We know it’s there and maybe Sherlock sees it. Maybe he doesn’t. It’s still there. It’s been pointed out that the way Sherlock looks at John IS THE SAME way Benedict Cumberbatch looked at Sophie Hunter in one photo, so… yeah. 🏳️‍🌈

The way I see Johnlock is more fluff than smut by a long shot, but that doesn’t make Sherlock asexual. A lot of relationships don’t have frequent sex. A good percent of people only have sex to have children, and that’s not just religious people either. I think they do do it, just not a lot.

Sherlock’s gay. There was nothing for Irene, Molly was one-sided, and… yeah. It’s always been John Watson, always will be. Thanks for reading.

[jessmkellsimblr]

Oracle decided to bite the bullet and make a SimDa account. What could it hurt? Scrolling through the sims on the app felt hopeless, until she came across Waylon (made by @mokah) (also adelade is made by @pikaburr She DMed him, feeling like she had nothing to lose. "It's just a date, it doesn't have to be anything else." she thought to herself. They met the next night at the bar and the chemistry was instant. Oracle felt so at ease with Waylon so quickly. She felt her mask slipping, and when he asked if he could kiss her at the end of the night, she knew this was going to be more than just a date.

She stumbled into her house, a little tipsy and a lot flustered and found adelade in her bed waiting for her. A: "Tell me everything"

[compassionatereminders]

Hey Kat, firstly I'd like to let you know I'm wishing all the best for you, and I'm always glad to see your posts on the dash. Secondly, I'd appreciate a chance to get something off my chest, because I feel like an asshole but I also don't.

So, ten years ago I hit it off with someone online - like, best friends within a couple weeks. Two years later, despite the distance (they live in another country), we decided to consider ourselves partners, because the distance actually appealed to us (at that point we were both antisocial & averse to physical contact, so eliminating presumed obligations towards touch that came with dating was a relief).

It was literally a few hours later that I started second guessing my response of 'yes' to them asking me to be their partner, but I pushed the apprehension down, chalking it up to being nervous as it was my first relationship (I was 17 at the time).

But that gut feeling that I should have said 'no' never went away.

Over time it got worse - there came a point where I decided I *did* want physical contact and affection, and I made sure to tell them that. They gave me approval to take a chance if one arose, but that's because I assured them that my emotional affection was all for them - and at the time, it sincerely was. I just wanted experiences that I couldn't get from them (I did visit three times, and we'd only ever held hands - which I'd always respected, and never would I dare ask for anything more than someone was willing to give).

i had a minor experience with someone else, immediately decided I didn't like it, and returned myself solely to the comfort of the distanced relationship I'd had for 7 years at this point.

But it was so unfulfilling. This person had BPD and appointed me 'their person'. I don't speak ill of mental illness, but what this did was put me in a position where any little thing I did dictated their mood to me that day. It was constant walking on eggshells. I had to carefully choose my words every time I spoke. I had to tend to their mental stability, while struggling through my own.

I overcame depression, thankfully, and I'm a much better person than I'd ever been, and I continue to grow - but they have been in the same rut for years, and gets volatile when I try to help them ; I don't make demands, I don't tell them what they have to do, but if I make suggestions towards improvement, they get snippy and cold to me. Some time later, we actually decided to refer to ourselves as 'queer platonic' partners, but I still felt this weird obligation I was expected to meet that went deeper.

Cut to last June. I was feeling exceptionally lonely, so I signed up for an app that would help me find local friends/partners. I was intending only for friends, because my circle has two people in it. I ended up meeting this guy who asked me on a date.

Kat, I fell in utter love with him.

I'm hopeless, he's like sunshine.

When I met him, I told my prior partner I was going on a date. A *date* . I told them when he asked if he could be my boyfriend, and I approved.

Around this time my work had picked up severely, and I told them so. We went from talking daily to under ten messages a day.

Two weeks ago, it was a message or four every other day, if even that. For the past week, I haven't sent anything, and my work has greatly slowed.

I ghosted, I guess. I used to think this person would be in my life forever, but I always knew a relationship would never last - we couldn't fulfill one another, not to mention neither of us were willing to move out of our countries. Additionally, we both outgrew the same interests we once shared and went in very different directions with our new fixations. As an aside, if ever I mentioned my boyfriend, who I am always keen to gush about, they would ignore it completely and change subjects. I tried to be respectful about that, but it stung that they didn't acknowledge my happiness.

I made a lot of promises that I feel bad I couldn't keep, but by god it felt like I was the only one trying. They'd give me apologies hours after snapping, but never change their behavior, and I would feel like shit again and again every time we spoke, because it would always turn into the same conversation.

I'm sad for them, for not knowing what I needed to do to help, or just not being strong enough, but. Like I said, I came a long way myself - I believe entirely that someone won't change until they decided they've had enough themselves, but I was really rooting for their recovery.

However I've moved on. I'm sitting with my boyfriend right now, overwrought with love for him. I dont think I intend to message this old friend, because I am in a good, safe, fulfilling place right now, and I want to progress towards further goodness with him.

I don't think you're in the wrong for letting go and moving on and I definitely don't think you're a bad person for doing so. But I have a desire to encourage you to say goodbye before cutting them off entirely. It doesn't have to be more than one short message. But I think it's a good and right thing to do after many years of being a primary person in someone's life

[mithliya]

if i can offer some perspective on the bi women and separatism thing, as a bisexual woman who only has sex with women i know that individual bisexual women can have very different preferences and different comfort levels in engaging in certain acts even though we are technically bi. me for example even though i can feel attraction to men their attention feels degrading and makes me feel uncomfortable so i do not get involved with them. it probably helps that i knew i was same-sex attracted from a young age and learned to be comfortable with that. i think bi women who grew up mostly feeling opposite-sex attraction and dating guys might feel more comfortable with men in that sense and might feel lost or unsure of themselves in a way in sexual acts with other women, and those are likely some of the bi women who get upset when you suggest that maybe they partner with women instead of men.

another factor here though is that it can be very challenging to be a bisexual woman in the f4f dating world. women tend to be a lot less likely to want to be with a bi woman compared to with a lesbian (not saying they’re wrong for that preference, but it explains some stuff about bi women struggling to date women) i knew someone who put in her bio on a dating app that she was bisexual and is new to dating women, and she went on a date with a woman who the next day told her that she just does not want to be with someone who is bi and inexperienced with women. which fair enough but it was a bit shitty to agree to the date in the first place right? a lot of bi women have experiences like these and after a few you can start to feel rather jaded and hopeless and like you do not “deserve” to be with a woman since you can’t seem to meet anyone’s criteria, so then they just go back to dating men since it’s an easier and quicker source of intimacy. and yeah they might feel very insecure around other ssa women and feel like they’re not a worthy dating prospect. i’ve heard this a lot from other bi women i’ve known, they say stuff like “i just don’t think i’m good enough for a woman” “she deserves better” etc it’s really sad but it’s a very common occurrence. so i’m just saying a lot of the time it’s not as simple as “just go get your pussy ate by a woman”, even for the bi women who really prefer women, because i’ve struggled a lot with that insecurity in the past too. a lot comes down to the stereotypes about us that we must be lazy lovers or noncommittal or just experimenting and stuff like that, it can be difficult not to internalize those ideas about yourself

honestly thats rly rly sad to hear. thinking that ur not good enough to deserve love from a woman just tells me that they're settling for men bc they dont think they deserve any better. i understand the fear aspect tho, but in that case id just be like.. go for it anyways, youll learn ultimately.

also sorry for ur friend, that woman was rude for going on a date with someone knowing shes an inexperienced bi woman & then being like "i dont wanna date an inexperienced bi woman" ...

[onlyswan]

hello… tulip anonie here and she’s not okay :’D your latest drabble gave me so many feelings and now i’m still trying to cope here, a few hours later </3

i kid you not i actually have been having this question that i wanted to ask you this past week and i just haven’t got the chance to so it was just sitting on my notes app. I wanted to ask :

in that drabble with his ex, you mentioned that “he almost lost you once, and he won’t let that happen again”. was it when he forgot the movie date? or was it something else?

listen- i knew that their love is not fragile BUT BOY I COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG. but he was so scared in that frogotten movie date drabble and you never really mentioned their worse conflict than that one, so i couldn’t help but assume it was that one so i wanted to ask you 🥺 and my patience (more like lack of time 😅) just did me a great favor <3

—

*sigh* this drabble ruined me yet heal the wounds that i didn’t even realize were there.

“then why are you giving up on me? am i becoming a burden?” — he has never felt this much loathing for himself and his weaknesses.

and suddenly all the drabbles about oc being insecure hit me all at once, i want to hug them so bad, protect this little bean at all costs please jungkookaaaa 😭❤️‍🩹

“all the other people waiting in line for ___.”

i seriously needed to pause after i read this and cried into my pillow.

“you already own this book but this one got a different cover, see? it’s hardback? they say it’s a limited edition.”

as a book lover i can’t explain how this NOT little gesture means. i love him i love him i love him.

this is my favorite excerpt:

fuck giving you space. he wants drown himself in you and never come up for air. he selfishly wishes to be the first and the last person you fall in love with.

“i tried living without you like you wanted- but i can’t-” you hiccup in between small sobs on the other line. “i love you, jungkook. i can’t live carrying around all this love with me. it’s too heavy…”

ARTEMIS AT THIS POINT HOW CAN I READ WITH TEARS IN MY EYES

i really really trully love oc. all this time i thought oc and jk are equally lucky to have each other’s love but after this, i can’t help but think that kookie is the lucky one.

“going to build a life with you. i’ll build furniture, and they’re going to be ours.”

artemis… my hopeless romantic ass really can’t take this. how am i supposed to find love after this?

ooooooh and the tannies cameo in this one?!? you represent their characters and relationships with jungkook perfectly. couldn’t ask for better interactions :’)

oh!! and i listened to All your days by Shallou. That song reminds me of jk and oc after this drabble. And the vibe also feels like relief and peace and yearning and it has been my favorite song for a long time and now it reminds me of iw!couple and i can’t help but love it even more ♡

have a wonderful day artemis! thank you for existing 🤍

-🌷

hello my dearest tulip anonie 🌷🫂

yeah i’m sorry it took me quite some time to reveal it 🥺 i wanted to explore oc and jungkook’s personalities more myself before i wrote it, make it feel like a puzzle piece that completes a picture. not sure if i succeeded and i was still nervous to post it but i feel like i did it at the right time :")

AHHH I LOVELOVELOVE WHEN U SHARE UR FAVORITE PARTS

broke my heart imagining oc ask those questions. please do give them a big hug i’m sad they didn’t get any while going through all that 😭

taehyung was so real and so sick for that HONESTLYSFHFDHHD i went 😖 every time i read it while editing

OMG THE BOOK :((( i have a tiny secret about it i don’t know when i’ll be able to subtly reveal 🧐

i really really trully love oc. all this time i thought oc and jk are equally lucky to have each other’s love but after this, i can’t help but think that kookie is the lucky one.

jk will definitely agree with you in this one though >:(

hehe thank you so much my love i had lots of fun including them in this one it felt like the perfect opportunity 🥹

TULIP ANONIEEEE THE LYRICS OF THIS ONE </3 it fits them so right thank you for sharing your favorite song i will be listening to it lots :") and for everything really! ilysm 💗💗💗

[mejomonster]

i have no idea how to meet single people so i feel a decently heavy weight of 'well i'm single because i lack the skills to run into single people' and then i get that you know, insistent urge to try and improve that about myself, then i proceed to feel very miserable as i meet 1000 Ethically Non Monogamous couples on dating apps who did not read that I'm only looking for a monogamous relationship, and 500 people looking for hookups when I mention that I'm demiromantic and demisexual and just am looking for love because banging is boring and pointless to me without that so hookups with no relationship are not something I want, and then maybe 2 people who are one or both of those categories but actually messaged me or responded to a message from me (probably to be friends since there's no dating possibility) and then fished for compliments and once they got that just responded 'lol. cool. yeah' and then never responded again. so even the incompatible enm and hookup matches mostly don't want to meet anyone. and then I feel extra extra hopeless, consider 'what if I try meeting people in person again' but 1. I'm chronically ill and can barely work the full 40 hours most weeks, and then barely got spoons left to feed myself, I try to ration my spoons to see family and friends on occassion, so I know weeks I pick a social event I don't get to see friends (or friends must come with me but then single people are less likely to want to engage with me).

And then of course, i remember the 3 years pre covid when I was Healthy and had energy, and went to 3 social clubs per week and special events on weekends, and every single person I met was in a relationship. And I worked in customer service back then, so I ran into strangers daily, and every single person even marginally compatible who I spoke to was in a relationship. Which was what drove me to try social clubs, which also had no single people, and then dating apps, where no one wanted to go on a date whether I messaged everyone first and planned things Or whether I just engaged with only people who liked me enough to bother messaging first. I met people on dating apps like 6 years ago, but people also acted different on them back then: people messaged back to meet ppl not just get compliments, people actually wanted to meet up for dates and either make a friend/hookup/have a relationship, and you could meet at least a marginally compatible person willing to meet up in like 3 months or less. Usually in a few days to a week if the bar was 'just willing to message you back and meet.' I know part of it is that dating apps over time have become designed worse, I read recently Hinge actually hides potential matches from you if a lot of people match you because it wants to make them Pay money before they will get shown to you... meaning many people who'd probably like to match, cannot match for free. As for in person, well if I was healthy maybe that'd be an option to meet people and the last time period I just had incredibly bad luck, but I'm not gonna get healthier. It's just not happening. I wish. I'm not bedridden anymore though, and that's already eons better than I could be.

Fact is it's just hard for me to go to any events now, I am gonna feel worse the new several days, and I budget it for events I'm willing to be in a flare up afterward for. I still just wish I had more spoons for fucking... grocery shopping, painting while sitting up, or just for owning a dog but I'm frankly not sure I can stand for 5-10 minute periods multiple times a day Every Day, or for seeing my family more. Or going out with friends, because we do okay if they're at my house for only a few hours, but I get exhausted fast if we go out anywhere. I know some people are willing to date someone chronically ill, I have friends like me who are dating or married, it can happen. But dang lol, that initial 'how do I meet the single people.' that's the thing lol. I am thinking 'well maybe it's time to suck it up and try a dating app again, and maybe feel more hopeless, and just say first thing on the profile 'not looking for casual hookups, or polyamory, or ENM, only looking for potential long term relationship.' but i had 90% of that on my last profile and that still didn't help.

I obviously just feel really pessimistic and I know it doesn't help. I know the advice is "love comes when you aren't looking" but lol. I also didn't look for years, and love didn't come. I DID look for years, and didn't find love. In college I found short relationships, which of course was in part that it's easier to meet potential dates when many people are single and you see thousands of strangers your age daily and hundreds on a speaking basis, and back then dating app users mostly Did want to meet up in person to see if there was any connection. In high school i was such a little optimist and thought love was guaranteed and easy to find, and my first love ever 'liked me back' and I thought I'd marry them aw naive baby mejo, and of course it was somewhat abusive and messy because teenagers don't always understand boundaries or needs yet and when it ended it was for the best. Then I stayed optimistic.

But post college wow has it been like a desert. I tried raising the bar to look for only people with At Least 1 thing in common (so we have something to talk about or do together we both enjoy) and some basic values in common (like I probably shouldn't date someone who thinks it's okay to scream at and punch their partner and friends, I probably shouldn't date someone who wants many kids when I want zero, I probably shouldn't date someone who thinks sick people should just 'get better' and don't deserve healthcare since they'll probably dump me quick, I probably shouldn't date someone who does not want to care about their lover or be their friend in any way - I want a lover who's fun to be around and cares about me as that's how I'd feel about them), and to be single. Then that was just a dead zone of meeting no one, and I tried lowering it to 'will talk to me or respond to me' and 'not violent' and 'single or not single' and 'has nothing in common with me' and still out of hundreds of people only 1 wanted to go on a date and we had nothing in common so never met again (which lol of course - we had nothing in common, of course we weren't gonna click).

It's really hard not to be pessimistic. I say to myself 'well maybe i'll be lucky some day and just happen to meet some single compatible person online or something.' But like. I like to be proactive. I like to make my situation better by doing something. And I already talk to people online, that never worked out to meeting a single compatible person yet. So my brain says 'well is there anything MORE you can do so you're meeting more single people online? huh???' and I tell you what. I don't know the answer. Maybe respond to thirst trap photos??? I guess I could do that??? And 1% higher chance of talking to a single person, even if they may just want compliments or a hookup or have zero in common with me, is probably better than my current chances. Maybe post about being single more? Maybe go on some dating subreddits on reddit and just message a ton? I don't fucking know. Agh. My brain says 'well you sure need to do more, because whatever you've been doing clearly wasn't enough to improve the odds to even meeting 1 single person a Year.' I did meet 1 single person this year... my coupled friend introduced us, because she's insistent on setting people up, and he is a straight guy who had zero interest in dating a nonbinary person like me and so we became friends and now he tells me about his new gf who's more compatible with him and I'm happy for him. He's a nice dude but not someone I had any chance with, even without considering if I could have even liked him or not.