#dangerous abusers

[furiousgoldfish]

There's been a 'there's no good or evil, we're all complex human beings' sentiment going around, and I want to talk about it.

In a neutral, compatible-with-human-life, and non dangerous environment, this would be just a bland neutral statement, don't make humans something they're not, don't use extreme words for actions, see nuance in everything, etc. And in that case I wouldn't have a problem with it. But, when it starts being thrown in the face of victims of abuse, it's no longer neutral or bland, it's policing victim's tone and words when they're trying to express their own experience of trauma.

In a world without abuse, there would be no need to label some people evil, or make them irredeemable. Those who think we live in that world are sadly misinformed. Listening to the community of traumatized people, it becomes obvious that there are individuals who are not only evil, but trying to reach the extreme of it. If you tried to hold yourself together while listening to some of the stories, you couldn't. Because they're speaking about the inhumane, about torturing infants and babies, about isolating and brainwashing of preschool children to the point where they develop dissociative disorders, torturing and sabotaging kids and teenagers for decades until these people are psychologically wounded to the point where they can no longer exist without being in constant terror.

Once abuse reaches the point where the victim is trapped in trauma, re-living it over and over again and wishing they weren't alive to feel it, then evil is the only word we can use for this. There is no humanity, no nuance or complexity about it. It is evil. It is unforgivable. There is no redemption, no forgiveness and no words extreme enough for it. It's monstrous and unforgivable.

And the thing is, most of that abuse doesn't even stop. When you're talking to the community of the traumatized, a big part of them is still being subjected to this abuse. They're forced to listen to orders under a threat of torture, death and abandonment, they're forced to endure humiliation and dehumanization daily, without ability to defend themselves, because they would only be putting themselves in worse danger. Hope of escape is so slim that most are not even hoping to survive the ordeal. A lot of them doesn't believe they can escape, because the hope of that itself has been taken away from them. Most of these people are struggling daily with the suicidal thoughts because the pain is too much to handle, worse than annihilation would be.

If you come to a place where people are struggling for their life against the abusers, and your first concern is to correct the terms they're using and tone-police them, I don't have any trust in your intentions. You're aligning yourself with the abuser at this point, because it's exactly what the abuser wants; for the victims to be shut down, to be policed about their words, to be silenced, to be told to minimize and humanize the abusive actions, to see 'nuance' in their torturers. To not trust their own instinct about what the abusers are.

Anyone hearing about the abuse should have it in their priority to stop the abuse and to aid the victims. What abusers are being called doesn't even matter. Victims are allowed to use any term they want, they can invent new terms. They can say absolutely anything for the rest of their life and it won't even be enough. The aftermath of abuse is destructive to the point where victims will have a big chunk of their life torn apart with it, spent only re-living the torture and feeling the pain of it over and over again. Doing that to someone is nothing short of evil.

[river--ghost]

work all night on a drink of rum

daylight come and me wan go home

stack banana til the morning come

daylight come and me wan go home

come mr tallyman tally me banana

daylight come and me wan go home

come mr tallyman tally me banana

daylight come and me wan go home

lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch

daylight come and me wan go home

six foot seven foot eight foot bunch

daylight come and me wan go home

day

me say dayo

daylight come and me wan go home

day

me say day

me say day

me say dayo

daylight come and me wan go home

a beautiful bunch of ripe banana

daylight come and me wan go home

hide the deadly black tarantula

daylight come and me wan go home

lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch

daylight come and me wan go home

six foot seven foot eight foot bunch

daylight come and me wan go home

day

me say dayo

daylight come and me wan go home

day

me say day

me say day

me say dayo

daylight come and me wan go home

come mr tallyman tally me banana

daylight come and me wan go home

come mr tallyman tally me banana

daylight come and me wan go home

dayo

dayo

daylight come and me wan go home

day

me say day

me say day

me say dayo

daylight come and me wan go home

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[coffeecatcraze]

It is not lost on me that Charlie and Vaggie were initially not doing great against Adam and Lute...and then proved Carmilla was so fucking right.

Vaggie is absolutely FUCKED here. She's been in this position before, with Lute looming over her spitting vitriolic judgment, Vaggie's blood on the ground. Back then, she couldn't stop Lute from taking away her wings, her eye, her home, and her purpose. But now? She has more than that; she has love, because she has Charlie.

When Lute threatens Charlie, everything changes. Vaggie fucks her up immediately...and shows "mercy" knowing that being forced to live with part of herself gone (her arm was CRUSHED, no way was she getting it back), the shame of defeat, and the knowledge that someone she's been looking down on so completely is responsible for it all is a fate MUCH worse than death for Lute.

And Charlie? Charlie's insanely powerful but has no clue how to use her power to its full potential because she's never had a reason or desire to fight until now. Even when she's being strangled, when she's pissed-off and vengeful, she can't really tap into that power. But then Adam comes at her dad and is about to catch him off-guard.

He's about to hurt—possibly kill—her dad, who she's finally building a good relationship with; her dad, who just showed up to protect her despite the risk of politically turning this battle from an act of defiance by a willful princess to an act of full-on rebellion by the King of Hell himself. She reacts on instinct to protect her father and stops a hit that destroyed Alastor's shield. And she does it effortlessly.

Carmilla was right. For these ladies, at least, the need to protect someone they love, no matter what kind of love it is, is exactly what rallies them to come at enemies who were just kicking their asses and absolutely dominate.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[conurecc]

nothing like citing bible verses while justifying child abuse

ain't no hate like christian love

curiously the majority of states that allow for corporal punishment in school (read: literal child abuse) are run by Republicans

& this remains the most accurate meme i ever made

[trans-androgyne]

I don't know how to handle getting treated like a monster for my gender identity. When I was thought I was a cis queer woman I was considered harmless, but now that I openly prefer masculinity I'm treated like an inherent danger to others, especially women. "Trans guys without mood stabilizers should be illegal." "Kill all men including trans men because one of them hurt me." "You really are the men of the trans community--just as dangerous and misogynistic as cis men." "Trans guys need to accept that women won't feel safe around them." "Testosterone makes you aggressive and violent." Why do I have to prove I'm One Of The Good Ones or be held responsible for every awful thing any guy has done ever. Though to many people it seems like there are no good transmascs period no matter what we do.

[artilite]

"Do you know something?"

[despazito]

"we need family abolition bc the majority of kids are abused by their family members" sorry to be a downer but that is not an issue stemming from the family model, kids are just most vulnerable to abuse from the people who have the easiest access to them and a basis of trust already established. Just look at churches, scouts, orphanages, and boarding schools. it's not a uniquely familial issue. Like, at all.

And there's unfortunately no anarchist social system that you can design to be 100% abuse proof guaranteed, it comes with the human condition of being vulnerable which is the foundation of all close social bonds.

[solitaryschizoid]

Why is it so hard for neurotypicals to understand that it's not safe to be formally diagnosed with a personality disorder when they literally paint us as abusers and evil monsters at every possible chance they get?

[conflictofthemind]

you guys are stupid as fuck, let me just say that

[furiousgoldfish]

How do I leave an abusive situation when I'm being held hostage/my abuser is doing things to hinder my ability to leave?

I can't even make phone calls without him being in the same room. I never get time by myself. I keep losing friends because he decides on a whim that they're toxic assholes and I don't need them, "you just need me".

I'm so scared of what's going to happen if I escape.

It sounds absolutely terrifying, your situation. I don't know enough about it to suggest when would be a good time to escape, and what is the best way, but by your fear, I can tell that you know you'd be in danger after escaping, and it's correct to follow that instinct. That means, once you escape, nobody can know your location, nobody should be able to find you or betray your location to the abuser. Being completely hidden and nobody being able to locate you is the only way for you to be completely safe after you escape. Violence shelters can sometimes arrange this for you - they put you in a shelter in a location in another city and make sure nobody knows the address, that could potentially keep you safe for a while. Your abuser isn't omnipotent, he can't read your thoughts, or find you if you are in a location he can't easily see or find out from someone about. I was terrified of what would happen too, if I escape, and I got someone to drive me only a part of the way, then walked to my destination so nobody would be able to know where it was. I never shared my address with anyone and immediately started using a fake name. I was never found.

The only other thing I can tell you is that nobody's sabotage is perfect, and there will be windows for you to escape. It might be when the abuser is asleep, or when they're sure you're doing something else. Sometimes, you can create an emergency that takes his full attention and you can escape then. Even if this sounds terrifying, remember, the second he doesn't know where you are, he can't harm you. He can't take you back or do revenge. You just need a window of opportunity, and you alone can figure out when that is. Nobody is 100% alert and able to watch over another person 24/7, they instead use fear, threats, fear-mongering and other kinds of sabotage, as you already described, you're not allowed to have friends or talk to anyone on the phone, in order for your escape to be sabotaged. He makes you feel like escape is impossible, or terrifying or dangerous, but if it that was true, there would be no reason to put that fear into you. The fear is what makes it hard. And he knows that, he's making sure you're terrified of it.

Some abusers will let their guard down when they believe the victim is not even wanting or trying to escape. Sometimes they'll be occupied by their own social calls and won't pay as much attention to you then. Sometimes they can get indulged in fears or problems of their own and then not watch out what you're doing. If you are showing overt signs of trying to escape, that would be most dangerous; you have to work in secret. Put money away in secret, if you can, have secret friends or contacts, secret communication with a shelter, while pretending that you're perfectly happy to be where you are, leading him on to relax and not watch you too closely. Then you can put your plans into action, it's best if you can arrange it to seem like you're only going out to do something generic like to the dentist or grocery store, while you've already hidden your stuff outside to pick up and go. Or leaving by night could be okay if you're sure you won't get caught in the dark. (I did leave by night)

The reason he's not allowing you to have friends is that he understands that even 1 good friend who would side with you could give you a chance of escape. If you managed to get to a friend's house and a friend was ready to defend you, and wouldn't let him access you or hurt you, and threatened to call the police if you're not left be, that could be the end of it, he would no longer be able to abuse you. He understands that you do have options of escape, thats why he keeps sabotaging you.

This is a really tough situation, and I feel for you anon, I would be terrified as well, and lost on how to arrange to get independent and free. I hope you can get even into a situation where you can call a shelter and ask immediate assistance, where I live they would be able to immediately house you for 6 months, and during that time you can figure out where you can live and how to build your life again.

If anyone has any more advice or ideas on how to escape, or has dealt with a similar situation, please add more advice here.

[etoilesbienne]

please remember wilbur isn't the representative of the mcyt community as a whole, and does not represent all cc. there's been a lot of doomspiraling over the past few days, and i understand the lashing out and feeling hurt or betrayed, it makes sense in scenarios like this.

but he is not the end all be all of mcyt content, if you look in his apology tweet right now, you can see dozens of other mcyt cc speaking out against him or standing up for his victim. or even the people in private she came forward to that supported her coming out. don't let a bad apple cause the efforts of the rest of this community go to waste.

[peantisdeliriouts]

Once again if you call lolicon “CP” I almost instantly know how much of a fuck you actually give about real kids being abused and exploited.

Genuinely at that point you just need to shut the fuck up with your virtue-signaling bullshit.

[ayaahh00]

Every day, I come across news of the terrible things men do to women, and many of these acts are sexual in nature. Sexual assault and harassment are pervasive. Recently, a man ejaculated on a girl who was shopping at a dollar store, and not shockingly, he had done this to three other women before. In New York, there's a man who punches women in the face and insults them. Reading about these acts makes me question how men have held power and control in society for so long. How is it that, for centuries, men have maintained such dominance that dismantling the patriarchy now feels like an impossible task.

In the case of the Dollar Tree incident, the perpetrator wasn’t even charged with sexual assault, even though it clearly was. Why? Because the police force, like many other sectors, is predominantly male. The justice system and government positions are overwhelmingly held by men. Even where women are present, their numbers are so low that their influence is minimal.Why does the justice system and the government fail to protect women? Where is the control, the safety, and the protection for women? How can women ever feel safe when we read about police officers who themselves commit acts of sexual violence? When men hold most positions of power, how can we expect women to be safe? How many more stories should we hear of men in power raping, sexually assaulting, and abusing women? Exploiting their power to abuse women. How many more of those stories should we hear? Until when will you keep having men in power? Until when?

[howlsofbloodhounds]

special brand of torture where nightmare encourages his sans-classic henchmen horror and dust to teach Killer how to “feel again” (everyone knows that’s not the real purpose) only that is dangerous in this environment and they do it by reintroducing stuff from the past that could be comforting for them but not Killer so even “small” things like trying to drink ketchup or stargaze or talk about papyrus too much triggers him so badly and frequently he often wanders around dissociated to avoid being triggered into stage 1 and then it finally happens the straw finally breaks the camels back and the meltdown almost results in his death send tweet