#damn you executive dysfunction

[biscuitdragonwithastick]

I think my worst writing trait is that I can't read my own writing. I just. Can't.

It's awful and anxiety inducing, but I'm working through it.

[mantis-a-shrimp]

I’m hungry. I woke up early enough to go to the donut place right around the corner. I just have to get off my ass and go. This is time sensitive.

[roosterbox]

Me: I will not put off the fic rec write up until Thursday night… I will not put off the fic rec write up until Thursday night… I will not put off the fic rec write up until Thursday night… I will not put off the fic rec write up until Thursday night... *repeats ad infinitum*

Also me, inevitably on Thursday night:

[dailykeimiyamadoodles]

this gonna be a long break

no drawing today!! have a lotta stuff to do

[whump-queen]

begging someone to hold a gun to my head so my brain will finally make me do my dishes, laundry, vacuuming, job applications, emails, messages,, just to get anything done at all without constantly wanting to die

[lith-myathar]

Very fucking annoyed that all the solutions meant to help you feel better still just seem to boil down to "just fucking do it" when my primary problem is and always has been the inability to start or maintain things

[subway-boss-jericho]

Guys this may come as a surprise but as it turns out i just might need ADHD medication. Like. Badly. shocker, i know

[maraschinotopped]

hey guys i think i have a new fixation developing

[eosofspades]

okay so maybe it was just me being ahead of the curve or whatever but like. did anyone else have their ultimate misery / severe depression era during middle school instead of high school?

[conshirtoe]

Sorry to complain but wow I am wide awake at 6am thinking about all I have to do bc uhhh I have so much to do!!!

[scienceoftheidiot]

If there was doubt for it, yes, I'm forgetful enough to forget to take meds that allow me to NOT feel like shit all day

And guess what ! I feel like shit !

And I hate myself because this is all and entirely my fault for forgetting to take them !!!! FUCK MY BRAIN

(ps no they are not ADHD meds because I don't have ADHD. Well the people I have seen don't think so, at least. They're BP meds. For hypertension. And I'm going to take them now even if I have a set time to take them because I need to work today and not just whine because my head is exploding and I'm shaking.)

When I was taking contraception I actually managed to find one that didn't ask for me to take a pill everyday at the same time because I just. Couldn't.

How am I supposed to do this with any other medication I just. I don't know.

Yes there is an alarm on my phone. I see the alarm, I cut it off because it annoys me, I do something else and I forget. Even if I tell myself to get up and take the pill immediately there's a big chance I will not because brain not in the mood.

I'm tired. I'm really tired.

[fashion4ducks]

Or like, eating.

I NEED FOOD, DAMNIT!!! I AM STARVING!!!!

But nope.

Kay fine. Milkshake it is, then. OJ it is, then. Protein shake to the rescue.

I fucking hate this.

I think it’s important to remember that executive dysfunction doesn’t just apply to doing chores (work, cleaning, etc). It also makes it difficult to engage with your hobbies.

Some people don’t seem to understand that when I say that I don’t have the motivation to do something that I have said I want to do, it has nothing to do with not being interested enough in said thing. It is just that my brain is not allowing me to do it even though I want to.

[h4amarch]

I’m doing that thing where I really really really really really want to draw but I can’t get up from my bed and staring at my phone

[therottenkingsreckoning]

I spend a week away at my mom's place and am immediately horrified upon coming home and realizing how filthy and smelly my place is. Like damn I really do be living like this and not seeing any problems with it

[copperbadge]

I once heard “How long you put off getting tested for ADHD ought be part of the diagnostic criteria” (a joke). Five years for me, incredibly relatable.

I mean sometimes it's not even putting it off -- getting tested as an adult is a giant pain in the ass. I don't know what it is about testing clinics -- I suspect it's that there's an enormously high percentage of people in the psychiatric fields who are neurodiverse themselves and thus the entire discipline suffers from executive dysfunction -- but I could not get a clinic to call me back. The one clinic kept putting me through to the scheduling office who literally never answered their phone, promising I'd get a call in a day or two, and then nothing. That went on for months off and on. Finally I said "I've called you guys like five times, can I speak to a human being? Can you tell me when they actually answer their phone?" and just got a kind of baffled silence.

And of course, because I have the damn ADHD myself, it took me a while after calling to call again, or to find the phone number, or to source a new place, or what have you.

The place I finally did get tested I had to nudge twice to get scheduled, and after testing they eventually required a threat of legal action by the state before they'd send me the physical written copy of my diagnosis that I needed in order to get medication.

The struggle is extremely real. So like, yeah it took me a year or two from "Sam you know you have ADHD right? Tell me you knew that" to "I professionally diagnose you with ADHD". But I tend to discount that because a lot of it wasn't me, it was the fairly fucked up way we go about these things. :D

[quixoticprince]

Yayyy!! Yippee!! I finally get to make one of these!! Art without the text under the cut and some long-winded elaborations:

How long I've been playing: well, it hasn't been a straight 11 years, rather off and on - but I have drawings of these guys dating back to when I was 14, so I'll give it to me. And man I had no business reading the fanfics I was reading back then It's also crazy how this was a super influential media for me in so many ways. It's the reason I ever made a tumblr, it changed the direction of my drawings for a long while, my broken sense of humor (gmod animation memes and yt poops were the brainrot back then), tf2 Sniper changed my god damned gender (rather, it was the inspiration for me to start socially transitioning at 15). This is part of my personal lore that I tend to not admit to 😓

Your main: I've always been completely ass at the game, and I can play flexibly, but I enjoy playing Sniper, and more recently as Heavy. Whenever I'm sitting around somewhere, occasionally throwing sandwiches and attracting Medics, I feel like this:

Favorite character: When I was younger it was definitely Medic, and I think you can tell that he's still up there based on how much I've drawn him! However, since getting back into it, I've felt quite a shift in focus towards Heavy, very strongly. It's unfortunate that he's side-lined in a lot of fanwork, and I think I'm also complicit in this so far - but for me it's cuz, how tf2 works is that it's going to prioritize humor over character and consistency haha, and Medic is just so loud and insane that he's really easy to make fun stuff with. Heavy is a more serious and grounded character, not to say that he's not funny or that he doesn't have his own cartoon slapstick moments! But that aspect of him is what is really really intriguing to me. I love his quiet, stoic, and intimidating character, I like how loud and boisterous he is when filled with bloodlust in contrast! I love his bird story and him getting into wrestling as a child from Poker Night. I love his back story setting, there's so much to extrapolate from a young boy in Russia growing up during WWII, what his parents must have been through before that from the aftermaths of the revolution, all the way to his fathers execution and his imprisonment. I love his strong relationship with his family, his role as an older brother, as a protector, as a man - the way that he performs these roles - and because I personally see him as bisexual - how his orientation intersects with all that! He is incredibly fascinating to me and I wish that he was played around with more to see a lot more corners and angles of these things that I listed! There's way more that I want to say here too but this is getting very long 😅

Character I relate to: It's so interesting that a lot of the characters have very strong, tho maybe dysfunctional, families. Heavy, Demo, and Sniper in particular really speak to me in that relation. From Heavy being an eldest brother (I am also an eldest sibling) the parentification that comes with that, especially with him probably being like 10 years older than his sisters from the looks of it. Demo and Sniper both struggle living up to their parents expectations (although there's a lot of love there from everyone), being disappointments in one way or another (not gonna deep dive into that lol), and the general alienation both of them feel. From Sniper not knowing why he's not like other Australians to Demo being "a black Scottish cyclops." And well, I'm Filipino, I'm queer, and mentally ill so - there's a lot to project there!

Class you want to play as: I find Medic incredibly stressful to play as but I find the idea of battle medics incredibly funny. However I usually find myself rushing around madly trying to cater to everyone, and I'd like to just not give a shit and just start stabbing people with a saw lol

Favorite ship: "I just like the dynamic" - The dynamic:

No but fr, they're really compelling to me, I'd probably need a longer more thought out post as to what I like about them and I was already going crazy up there ^ Overall tho I like that they're practically built for each other in terms of mechanics, really plays into my desire to spiral into intense codependency haha. I also think that Medic's drive to cheat death and hide behind meat shields plays really well into Heavy's desire to be a meat shield and a protector, and how nice it is in turn, that Medic can grant this man who's been around death, starvation, and war invulnerability. (He outsmart boolet, yknow?) They're also depicted together a lot and I like how much they enjoy each others company, and bring a lot of joy to each other. It's beautiful to me :'^)

Character you like to draw: What can I say! Medic is handsome! He is very fun to draw and easy to make memes and shit posts out of!