#daddy’s blunt little instrument

[icvrusxx]

Dad knew who you really were. Good soldier, nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?

let dead dogs lie, silas denver melvin // i am a dog. i have blood all over my teeth, sciencedfiction // spn 1x16, shadow // chapter viii, chen chen // hannibal 2x12, tome-wan // the hour of the star, clarice lispector // spn 3x10, dream a little dream of me // i don’t smoke, mitski // i’m your man, mitski // spn 2x22, all hell breaks loose pt 2 // mary, the death riders

[samdeancrimespree]

1.18 will never stop hurting me. john placing a loaded shotgun on the floor so it’s easier for his child to reach. shoot first, ask questions later, recited in the tone most kids use to say please and thank you. john clapping his ten year old son on the shoulder and saying “that’s my man.”

the look, barely a step below hatred, on john’s face when dean fails him and sam gets hurt. dean gets one sentence out before he stops arguing, realizing his father is right, he has no excuse. john cradling sammy like the baby he is and petting his hair while dean stands in the doorway and watches, knowing he has no right to even approach them. maybe thinking about the last time he was held like that, if he can even remember it.

the fact that sixteen years later, dean hasn’t forgiven himself. won’t even let sam try to comfort him. It’s all just excuses, like dean had given back then, but sams voice is drowned out by john’s, i told you not to let him out of your sight. he sees this order from john not as a punishment, but a chance at retribution. dad will never forgive me, but maybe he’ll hate me less.

[starnana7]

something that genuinely makes me twitch in the first season of supernatural is how some fans are honestly mad at dean for always following john orders and always obeying him. like boy was brainwashed since he was four-five years old. the only thing he ever wanted was his father love, proud and approval. one of the only times he didn’t closely followed john’s orders sam almost died and john never looked at him the same (dean’s word, in the ep where they were hunting that shtriga). it was always clear that sam was dean’s responsibility, his “only job”. dean had to make sure he was safe, had to be the perfect soldier. and people really get angry at him for not fighting john?! like cmon he never had that luxury. sam also was always angry that dean never took his side, even when he was right (and that pissed me off too but like i get him so okay yk), but like sam had the Right to rebel, he had the right to run away, to have a normal life, to go to college. it’s so funny to me that the show portrays sam as the one that would’ve been able to life the normal life—that was able to live it—and that he always wanted it more, when in reality dean wanted that life just as much as sam. his dream (in the djinn ep) was literally to have a normal life. but he never was even allowed to wanted it, always having the responsibility of the world, of sam, of john, in his back. when he was a kid he literally could’ve had a good normal life with a good man taking care of him (the boy’s group home) but he didn’t stay Because Of Sam. in pretty much every season we have a monologue of dean saying that he doesn’t want to do that anymore and that he’s tired of the job, of the hunter life. when in reality sam always found himself accepting it in the end and was pretty much okay with his choices (in the end, sam even understands john and why he raised them that way, while dean slowly starts to resent john more and more. and we can also see how much more john and sam are actually alike, while i would say dean is more like mary, even though with his explosive-john behavior). dean was always the one that had connections with kids and even sam himself admits that he would’ve been a good father. he wanted to be a firefighter, a mechanic, a rockstar. he had dreams—dreams that he wasn’t even able to think about it. in the last season he had a job application. and yet he gave his life to be a hero. to be the perfect soldier. he didn’t get a real childhood, nothing. and yet everyone hates s1 dean for not standing up to john, but that’s all he knows. all he knows is how to be daddy’s little blunt instrument and nothing else. it took him 15 years and a fallen angel for him to see himself in a different away. God he’s so tragic. and it makes me so angry that they gave sam a happy-apple pie life, while dean was always supposed to die. he died just like he said he would: young and in the job. and the fact that they never got him to overcame his faults and actually be more independent of sam and worthy (in his eyes) to live a happy life makes me SO mad. like ughhh they really killed him because he was bissexual huh.

[m1zumono]

‘after all, you’ve got nothing outside of sam. you are nothing. you’re as mindless and obedient as an attack dog.’

‘that’s not true.’

‘no? what are the things that you want? what are the things that you dream? i mean, your car, that’s dad’s. your favourite leather jacket? dad’s. your music? dad’s. do you even have an original thought? no. no, all there is, is: ‘watch out for sammy. look after your little brother, boy.’ you can still hear your dad’s voice in your head, can’t you? clear as a bell.’

‘just shut up.’

‘when you think about it, all he ever did was train you, boss you around. but sam.. sam he doted on, sam he loved.’

‘i mean it. i’m getting angry.’

‘dad knew who you really were. a good soldier and nothing else. daddy’s blunt little instrument. your own father didn’t care whether you lived or died, why should you?’

‘son of a bitch. my father was an obsessed bastard! all that crap he dumped on me about protecting sam, that was his crap. he’s the one who couldn’t protect his family, he’s the one who let mom die, who wasn’t there for sam, i always was! i didn’t deserve what he put on me, and i don’t deserve to go to hell!’

[samdeancrimespree]

it’s things like this that make me think the winchesters measure their wellness by whether this is the worst thing they’ve ever felt or not. like… dean is in extreme emotional distress here, but he is okay. he’s felt worse than this at least once, and he made it through that, so obviously he’ll make it through this too. to him, being “fine” vs not fine is a nice code for being a protector vs being a burden, which is the worst thing he could possibly be. based on what he said to tessa, he was unwilling to die because he wouldn’t be useful anymore. he wouldn’t be able to protect sam, or stop him and dad fighting, or help them kill azazel. that’s his job; no one else can do it. i think if he had actually died, he still would have stayed as a ghost, because he cannot leave his family. that feels like giving up to him, and he wouldn’t deserve to go to heaven if he “rolled over and died.” his family needs him, and he has no right to abandon his post.

this reaction just shows how deeply uncomfortable dean is with receiving kindness from others. you can tell that he experienced little to no sympathy or comfort from anyone as a kid. it’s just not his role. him being sad, or feeling anything else inconvenient, does not matter, because it doesn’t mean he can’t fight. it shouldn’t even be noticed by others, because it upsets them, or makes them think he’s too weak to protect him. he sees being sad as a failing of his one duty. being asked if he’s okay does nothing but push him farther into insisting he’s fine, because he can’t stand the thought of the people around him worrying about him. he feels like they’re implying he’s unable to do what he needs to do, and that’s probably the most offensive thing they could say about him. he (half-jokingly) threatens them with violence, not only shutting down the attempt to have a conversation, but also insisting that he is able to do his job.

[shallowseeker]

It never aired, but make no mistake. It ALWAYS is doing me psychic damage.

13x14 via @spnscripthunt-inactive

They want each other to be more than a weapon, more than a soldier, more than a hammer, more than a comrade, more than a blunt instrument, more than--

They want more FOR each other, that's the thing!

[dogearedheart]

the very touch of you corrupts is still such an insane line btw

[winged-cries]

[stonenumberone]

Daddy's blunt little instrument (insp.)

[theboykingsmichaelsword]

your name is dean winchester and yesterday you were burning.

more than that, worse than that, better perhaps

you were carving.

but today you are risen.

today you look upon your not-father's face and

you are marked.

your brother stands before you,

he is whole and beautiful and more beautiful: undamned.

he tells you

and what you are is

relief.

today, you lie to your brother

today, your brother lies to you.

tomorrow, torment sits across from you and dares not touch.

you sleep alone but not unguarded.

tomorrow, you are a boy with a stick before the unknown.

the boy questions his purpose,

the unknown questions the boy.

in this new world where you are alive, marked but unscarred--

tomorrow, the unknown tells you faith.

it is air and words, everything and nothing when

you know the mercy of absent fathers.

your name is dean winchester

and you have your answer--

today, tomorrow, forever

your lot is service.

[putridcrow]

too much blood

[samdeancrimespree]

it’s time to overanalyze the impala destruction scene <3 with actual screencaps this time. my analysis of the shot will be Above the screencap. hopefully that makes sense

so sam tries once again to talk to dean about dad. dean yells at him again for suddenly wanting to do what dad would’ve wanted and sam opens up to him about feeling guilty. then sam says he’s dealing with dads death, but dean isn’t. dean doesn’t say anything, just looks at him like This.

we don’t know yet, what john said to dean before he died. but it’s hanging over dean. i think sam’s reaction to dad’s death makes dean want to keep johns words a secret even more. if he tells sam that’s what dad wanted, sam might go along with it.

every time someone brings up john, dean hears his words again, and he feels even worse. he can’t deal with dads death because that means acknowledging what he said, and it’s just too much. he already lost dad, he can’t lose sam too.

sam says “i’ll leave you alone.” and walks away. we only hear a few steps, but that might just be for clarity. who knows. or he just. took a few steps then stopped.

either way, dean turns around and calmly picks up a crowbar. he smashes the window of a random car. takes a few breaths.

as he turns around, he looks up from the ground. looks at something in front of him. it seems for a second like he’s going to stop.

then he looks down at the impala. he glances back up, just for a second. right where sam was standing before. it looks like he’s making sure sam is watching him. you want me to deal with it? fine.

“next time someone asks me if i’m okay, i’m gonna start throwing punches.”

so he goes crazy on the impala. we all know that part.

he destroys the car right after he fixes it. specifically the trunk of the car, where they keep their hunting arsenal. maybe that was just the closest part, or maybe he’s had enough of his family dying because of hunting. he didn’t want to find the demon if it meant sam would die, but now sam might die anyway. no matter what he does, the car/his family will be destroyed. he can’t fix it, and it’s futile to even try. all his work, all the time and love he put into sam might have been worthless.

when he finally stops, he looks wrecked. this is the most emotion he’s allowed himself since dad died.

this is the last shot of the episode. him staring for a good 10 seconds, still on that same eyeline. he seems like he’s looking at something.

he lets himself look sad for a second, but he doesn’t turn away like he normally would. he wants sam to see. this was all for him. it’s like… there. i’m upset. was that enough? can you stop asking now?

then his expression hardens, shutting down and covering his emotions again. it’s like he’s warning sam. dean can’t be sad, only angry. only destructive. this time, it’s the car. next time, it might be sam. the two things he’s supposed to look after, both ruined. and dad isn’t here to fix it. dean has to figure it out on his own.

it looks like he’s asking sam to just leave it alone. don’t ask me about this. i can’t talk about it. and for now, sam believes it’s just about dad dying.

and then the episode ends. i genuinely cannot tell if im supposed to think sam is there or not. but like its the same eyeline!!! and the shot is pushed in and to the right!! sam could be standing in the same spot for all we know !! also what else would he be having a silent convo with in bobby’s junkyard? the dog? his own reflection? the only thing that makes sense to me is that sam is there. that he’s doing this For sam. maybe this is something everyone noticed but me until rn but. im going insane

[coureirsix]

god remember when moc dean killed the entire frankenstein family in cold blood. he should have done more killing

[garashir]

kinda sickening how so many of the dean winchester meta analysis posts I like apply to arthur morgan so instead of being able to say anything coherent or intelligent about arthur my brain just goes “so deancoded” as if that makes sense to anybody

[lavenderdreams205]

The ghost kid in scoobynatural is a dean parallel

The kid just wants his dad

People keep using him to do bad things to other people

Much to think about

[lemontartyellow]

Anyway. Sam wanting to save people because he wants to be good and escape his fate being evil. And then Dean putting on a normal act after he promised Sam that he’d kill him if it came to that. Woof!