#his worst nightmare being himself
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‘after all, you’ve got nothing outside of sam. you are nothing. you’re as mindless and obedient as an attack dog.’
‘that’s not true.’
‘no? what are the things that you want? what are the things that you dream? i mean, your car, that’s dad’s. your favourite leather jacket? dad’s. your music? dad’s. do you even have an original thought? no. no, all there is, is: ‘watch out for sammy. look after your little brother, boy.’ you can still hear your dad’s voice in your head, can’t you? clear as a bell.’
‘just shut up.’
‘when you think about it, all he ever did was train you, boss you around. but sam.. sam he doted on, sam he loved.’
‘i mean it. i’m getting angry.’
‘dad knew who you really were. a good soldier and nothing else. daddy’s blunt little instrument. your own father didn’t care whether you lived or died, why should you?’
‘son of a bitch. my father was an obsessed bastard! all that crap he dumped on me about protecting sam, that was his crap. he’s the one who couldn’t protect his family, he’s the one who let mom die, who wasn’t there for sam, i always was! i didn’t deserve what he put on me, and i don’t deserve to go to hell!’
#spn#supernatural#dean winchester#dean talking to himself#his worst nightmare being himself#all of that fun stuff#seriously man#therapy please thank you#daddy’s blunt little instrument#3x10
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how can you look at me like that
#hhheyyyyy#bakudeku#bkdk#mha#bnha#bnha fanart#mha fanart#bkdk fanart#dkbk#dekubaku#ktdk#izkt#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#izuku midoriya#katsuki bakugo#katsudeku#izukatsu#kacchan#deku#my autism academia...#poof art#so do you guys know how ppl hc bkg having nightmares of izk jumping...#well here at poof autism headquarters we see the situation a bit differently#i think bkg has nightmares of going back and being his middle school bully self actually#he regrets it so much guys it consumes him. it poisons his interactions with izuku bc he thinks hes the worst person ever but izk#just smiles at him. like always. like its okay. like he should forgive himself too#this stupid fixation man im going to cry
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anyway ron haters can go in the corner and think about why you hate someone with emotions so much
hes literally a just a child dealing with emotions throughout the whole story 😕
#im so sorry rachel that u saw an 11 year old look in the mirror of desire and see himself being enough and got triggered#sorry that him wanting to be the best is your worst nightmare#sorry that compared to poor parentless little orphan harry ron wanted to be appreciated for his potential#like jfc thats a fucking fictional child ur hating on#harry potter#ron weasley#pro ron weasley
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once again thinking about the worldbuilding in the riordanverse of "names are power" / "belief is power."
The Tri were only able to become immortal through convincing enough people to worship them that it became true. Monsters and immortals only exist through continued belief, and if enough people believe that they're dead or gone then it becomes true, like Pan. Their varied forms exist and manifest as they're believed in and called upon. Names call attention and epithets summon aspects. They're acknowledgement. Belief. Putting a name to a concept creates it as an individual.
And that's so fascinating when you start applying it to demigods. How much of their abilities are based on belief in themselves, in expectations of each other, in their parents' expectations of them? We've seen mortal figures who became immortal in some form or another because they were remembered. Even the lares - ancestral house gods, who persist because they're remembered. They have a legacy.
At what point does a demigod achieve that status? Rumors and whispers about them so persistent that they slowly become true. "I heard that Jason Grace is the son of two gods, does that make him a god?" "I heard Percy Jackson defeated a titan single-handedly. That he can create hurricanes without breaking a sweat. That he can control blood." After awhile, after enough rumors, does it become impossible to tell where they end and the legends begin? Isn't that what being a demigod is; half-legend?
#pjo#riordanverse#analysis#i went a little prose-y there at the end but i am THINKING THOUGHTS#imagine being a demigod and knowing your EXISTENCE is slowing becoming warped because of others' perceptions of you!#Jason living on a pedestal his entire life and worrying so much that one day he's going to bleed ichor and his fate will be sealed#Percy recognizing that his powers are growing beyond his previous limits in ways that don't seem natural. don't seem right.#and he realizes what's happening and just has to hope the whispering quiets down and the rumors are forgotten so he can live a normal life#also the potential for demigod existential horror#becoming aware that You as a concept is slowly shifting. twisting. to match the perception others have of you#how TERRIFYING is that? like obviously it'd probably only go to an extent for most demigods cause half-mortal#but their powers? etc? SCARY#Percy being aware that his powers are becoming warped and trying to dissuade gossip about himself so it returns to normal#Nico who the more he's welcomed into the camps the more he finds himself being essentially declawed#his rough edges slowly worn away. his powers weakening and becoming less frightening. is it worth it?#and how difficult must that inherently make it for him to allow himself to be known?#and again. shaking Jason petrified that CJ is going to accidentally believe him into immortality. his worst nightmare.
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me when the Dreamtale rewrite has religious trauma and imagery
#dreamtale#utmv#a froggit's ribbits#this is totally not related to a really cool artist seeing a joke i made what...#i don't know what you're talking about...#anyways#ough i LOVE dreamtale with religious imagery#give them boys some trauma#also some self-internalized homophobia because damnnn#they were agender biseuxals raised in the 1500s guys#let's be so for real#something something nightmare probably found his safe space in lgbtq spaces#because queer people are also bullied and ostracized for people's perception of them they've made out of fear#also because. both the twins are agender.#it's not just that though its the BELIEFS that are taught#how you can never do think or feel anything bad because that makes you a bad person#along with the pressure to be afraid of someone you worship while also being afraid of someone you're supposed to hate#so you can hate whoever's considered bad but you can't be one of the people who are#dream still internalizes that belief while nightmare has moved on to be the thing people fear#whether it's in spite of worship or hate#in context of the headcanon that the bad sanses are a CULT#because nightmare thinks he's superior above everyone for embracing being a demon#and sees himself as a savior for telling the bad sanses to do the same#which not only ruins them but makes them the worst versions of themselves they could be#(cough cough him enabling killer's destruction by constantly keeping him in stage 2)#and while it's good he's realized those beliefs are wrong#all the violence and hate he insows is out of trauma and self-defense#and all of his personal fear of being hurt he refuses to admit to#...#did i say i love dreamtale with religious imagery and trauma?
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so obsessed with a time travel thing where theres some time malfunction leading to 16 sebs (one for each year in f1) in one room and like. everyones reaction to it.
#imagine being like. jenson and theres just this onslaught of seb flirtation#every seb wants you except for the seb who is currently occupied flirting with himself#2012/13 marks worst nightmare#because in my head this is happening in redbull seb time#britta is very very close to completely losing it#and id like to think lewis stumbles in and goes. oh hi seb. and seb#and seb and seb and seb and seb and- are you seb too? with the hair? oh man#just imagine the sebs chattering and then the door opens and they all look at the intruder like idk a disturbed herd of deer#and it's the same face but slightly changed#and then they all make a different dumb joke
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I think PrinceZam should be put in a saw trap. Not that it’d be good for him just that it would force him to either confront the worst of his mortality and all of his fears and force him to reckon with the parts of himself that he continually tries to deny. Or die trying
#my brain put me in The Torment Nexus last night for five consecutive nightmares in a row so I’m coping by figuring out what kind of trap#would force Zam into acknowledging all the worst parts of him#(gesturing vaguely at my brain) you put ME in saw traps?!!!???? I’m gonna put ZAM in one#this is also partially inspired by holland’s ASDOM saw au because it goes crazy hard#I’m thinking that the best trap for him would be one where he has to choose between being selfish (saving himself)#or selfless (saving someone else) BUT it can’t be a simple decision. he needs to be forced to run through the cowardly and catastrophizing#thought patterns that have guided him this far (heavy s4 inspiration) with a side of severe mind games#I think for that reason the bathroom from the original saw film would work well but that is too much mind game not enough hands on death#but the reverse bear trap would also work to drive home the significant physical threat there needs to be#thinking……. thinking……..#no drawn out conclusions yet but god . this is an AU I wojld really want to work with if I had the spoons and time#ohhhh perhaps he is a paranoid shutin after ruining the only friendship he’s ever had (reporting severe academic violations? perhaps) and#the whole pont is to force him to find a way to throw his full faith into doing what’s right (IE: grievous bodily harm / death) or choose#the coward’s way out becaude he cannot stand the consequences of his actions (death again but this time his own)#cats.writes#she life on my steal till i
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desire to roleplay authentically when my character has traits that can come across as difficult or frustrating vs irl intense fear and terror of ever being difficult or frustrating FIGHT
#it's not... necessarily a bad thing I guess but#I did roleplay felix explaining himself in a situation where he SHOULD completely unambiguously have shut down so hard he had to leave#right in the middle of fear and guilt and shame over a combat where bad luck and abysmal roles hit his convictions that he's only a burden#'hey are we all committed to being a party or would some of us rather leave? felix?'#oh getting SINGLED OUT DIRECTLY to ANSWER for what he's perceiving in himself as SHORTCOMINGS and BAD BEHAVIOR?#oh! no! he shouldn't have been literally physically capable of responding! this is THE nightmare scenario! he should have LEFT. the BUILDING#but AUGH AUGH AUGH SCARY SCARY SCARY#and he would have taken the space to calm down and figure out what he wanted to do or say and come back before the session was over#and give some indication that Yes he's here he's in it as much as anyone#BUT [SHAKING MYSELF] HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO PLAY A CHARACTER WHO HATES EXPLAINING HIMSELF--#WHEN YOU HAVE OVERWHELMING DESPERATION TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF DISEASE!!!!#I mean at least I can talk about all of this after the session with justin which sets me/ us up better for next time#if he has a meta awareness that getting pressed like this might push felix out of the entire building--#then *I* know that *he* knows that and can maybe feel like I can actually do it without fearing the optics#it will work out! he'll come around! he's a good good boy he just doesn't know how to handle social situations constructively#THE UPSIDE IS that doing a little of 'clarifying why I keep distancing myself' led to support and validation he never expected#it just feels... too early lol#annoying. this was textbook The Thing That Overwhelms Him The Worst and I still whiffed it because of player cowardice#aaauuughh#about me#my OCs#felix
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i can make my fic able to be added to the "mike wheeler has powers" ao3 tag in ways that are SO technical and canon-typically subtextual
#when i say canon divergent i MEAN it#au where mike resisted possession enough to stay in hawkins for season 4#and it's all vecna's own fault#should've backed off with the nightmares bro#reminding him of how he's willing to literally kill himself for his friends? bad move#and that's the flaw. because mike's self destruction is intrinsically tied up in his desire to protect people#one is bad but the other is noble and good and admirable#you can't separate them but you can draw a line in the sand#that's what the story's all about#and it was put into motion by the worst bad guy ever#like i want to make it clear that i'm not writing vecna as being BAD at being a villain#because he's not. considering the limitations he's working with he's done as well as can be expected#but he's up against mike which just makes him look embarrassing#vecna isn't bad at this. mike is just *too good* at it#wip: butterflies and bullshit#bnb posting
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V.II Snail unable to bear the sight of his naked bare flesh. Flesh, untampered, unimproved; inherently weak, inherently flawed. To exist without silicon and steel is to not exist at all.
His augments, the pinnacle of corporate technology, fills every cavity. The source of his ability, his pride, his power.
He is Arquebus.
#i bestow him the honor of giving him my flesh dysphoria#thats it. youre going to the electrosphere#armcore posting#his worst nightmare isnt getting fired#when he pulls himself together he can become another corporation#its actually being unaugmented. a helpless baby chick#it's what makes him unique most. his planning his scheming can take him far#but his combat ability worh his augments makes him stand out the way he likes it#sighs dreamily
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Having more AU and eakwynn brainrot, as expected.
#FHS: Farewell Despair Highschool#eakwynn#anyway. post game thoughts because yes#don't think I mentioned this before but I like the idea of people sharing rooms once everyone is awake#since all of their mental healths are so precarious it's best for everyone to have a buddy in case of anything bad#be it nightmares flashbacks panic attacks or violent impulses. always easier to manage with someone at your side#the issue comes with owynn who... is kind of too volatile to be considered for this at first#they give him his own room separate from the others until they can be sure he's not immediately dangerous#so for about a month owynn is on his own. the others try to slowly incorporate him but they're all wary#until eventually the idea of him having a partner is brought up. and eak offers himself as a possible partner#the issue being: he's about the worst possible candidate to be roomed with owynn#he'd been sharing with cami and towntrap for a while and they've been taking care of him. but his situation is complicated#not only is there his whole killing game motive that messed his mind up pretty bad#but as owynn's bodyguard during the apocalypse he's trauma bonded to him pretty hard#and pre tragedy he was one of the first owynn managed to manipulate into ultimate despair#freddy remarks on all of this. eak feels babied and patronized to so he doubles down#and since he's the only one who offered to room with owynn... they eventually allow it. with one condition#someone else will have to share the room with them to supervise that there's no conspiracy or attempted murder or#other possible really messed up stuff happening while the two are alone#eak accepts and owynn doesn't really get a choice on the matter so now they have a chaptone. yay#owynn is kind of... feeling some way over eak wanting to spend time with him despite everything#so he slowly (very slowly) starts to open up to him and be a little more receptive to. not being a gremlin#he doesn't immediately get better obviously. he often tries to get a rise out of the others and continues to not feel sorry#he still occasionally thinks of trying to murder someone else- damn the consequences#but- well. he's away from all his worst influences and surrounded by people who are trying to heal and it starts to rub off on him#and listen. I'm weak for the idea of owynn finally getting redeemed and being able to date eak and being happy#I don't think he's ever entirely ''fixed''. some of the horrible shit always manages to prevail#(for example: he still thinks about the tragedy as ultimately a good thing. especially now that it allowed him to be happy)#but he manages to become healthy enough to have a relationship with eak without it being abusive or harmful#it'll take a while though but they'll get there someday
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you know the killer doesn't understand
in which spencer is so terrified he's going to hurt you after he gets out of prison that he can barely touch you. an argument ensues.
angst (+ comfort) warnings/tags: established relationship, fem!reader, mentions of violent intrusive thoughts (non-specific), arguing, yelling, use of the word rape, nightmares, happyish ending, mention of showering together, it's a bad time but it's also a good time for us woo i love angsty angst a/n: i miss posting for real so bad i dug up this draft which was mostly finished and polished it up. i think i really like this one and it was based on a request but i lost it:( i hope u guys enjoy this, pls lmk<3
Spencer is by no means happy with his sudden fear of touching you—it makes everything in his life significantly harder and less convenient and he hates that he’s constantly afraid he’s going to break you. He hates watching you hold back from attacking him with a hug when he enters a room like you used to, and he feels terrible every time you ball up on the opposite side of the couch as he reads, waiting for an invitation into his lap but too scared to ask for one (he’ll always hold out his arm for you, though—he’s not cruel.)
You’re adorable in the way you stand at the foot of the bed in your pajamas, arms behind your back like it’s not your bed too, but it makes him feel terrible. This isn’t at all what he wanted for you, and in all honestly he’s thought about ending the relationship because he knows he’s being an absolutely awful partner—but he just can’t bring himself to. Instead, he gestures for you to get into bed, and you curl up under the covers close to him but not against him, and he’ll play with your hair and read for a while because he can’t sleep very well. Eventually he’ll assume the position of sleep, but some sick part of him doesn’t know what to do with the sounds of the city and the fan instead of the sounds of a hundred men rolling and sniffing and shuffling around their echoey cells. He doesn’t understand warmth anymore, or softness, or nice pajamas or fluffy pillows. He’s starting to think he doesn’t understand you. And that’s the worst thought of all.
So he essentially dozes for the first week, on and off, always exhausted in the mornings but what’s new. When he can’t sleep, he turns his head to watch you breathe—some beautiful, sweet creature dreaming in his bed, unwaveringly loyal to him even though he can hardly stand to touch you for fuck’s sake. You’re beautiful, and it makes him feel better to watch you, even if he can’t touch you. Not now that he knows what he is capable of doing to another person. What if he has some sort of PTSD—PTSS, thank you, Luke Alvez—induced dream and does something terrible to you in his sleep? It’s not like you’re tiny, but he’s stronger, he knows he is, and lately every time you get too close he remembers exactly what it feels like to exert the full force of that strength, and what it feels like when someone else unleashes their own onto him.
They’re just intrusive thoughts, and in them he doesn’t hurt you intentionally, but he always feels a little bit sick now. He is so, so sick. A bull in a China shop. Spencer knows exactly how breakable humans are—it’s his job to know. If he left so much as one red mark on you by accident, he’s quite sure he’d drill down to a previously unknown rock bottom. And if he reaches that point, he doesn’t know if he’d ever deserve to come back.
Every day it seems to become clearer that the only humane thing to do is break up with you. But for now he’ll watch you sleep—the delicate rising and falling of your chest, the way you curl in on yourself because you can’t curl into him. In sleep you look so peaceful and content. You never look that way awake, anymore. Not when he’s around, which is pretty much always. At least he can’t disappoint you while you’re asleep.
Or so he’d like to think.
Until one night, about a week and a half after he gets home; you whimper in your sleep. It’s so quiet he could’ve missed it, but he doesn’t, and then he watches your smooth brow furrow with worry and he knows you’re having a nightmare immediately.
Spencer panics—before, he would have woken you up and held you and comforted you until you fell back asleep and it would have been so simple. Now he’s frozen, afraid to touch you but not sure if he can just lie there watching you so afraid and not do a thing about it.
In the end, you choose for him—and it only takes a few moments. You’re close enough to him that it’s easy for you to close the few inches even in sleep, and maybe you’re slightly conscious but not enough to remember you’re not supposed to touch him.
He stops breathing as you fold yourself against him, muttering worried nonsense—he catches his name, once—nestling against his chest, one searching arm gently draping over his waist. Every muscle in his body is rigid, and his thoughts—his mind goes… completely fucking blank.
Suddenly, all he’s known, all he’s ever known, is the smell of your hair, the warmth of you seeping through layers of clothing, and the weight of your arm over him. Everything he ever was ceases to exist, and he’s just this, right now. The person you’d turned to unconsciously for comfort, so sure, so trusting that he would keep you safe. He can feel your breath for the first time in months. Slowly every tense muscle unspools. For the first time in a long time he doesn’t feel dangerous. He doesn’t feel like his entire body is spring loaded and ready to attack at the slightest provocation. Spencer allows himself to hold you, and part of it feels like betrayal because he knows how badly you need this from him while you’re awake but mostly he feels like he could cry. His thumb rubs circles into the middle of your back and your head tucks so perfectly under his chin while he studies the rumpled sheets where you’d been lying a moment ago. He almost feels like sticking his tongue out to gloat at your half of the mattress—haha, look who gets to hold her now—but instead he sighs, shakily, and squeezes his eyes shut.
You don’t make another sound for hours.
He’s reluctant to let you go when you begin to stir around six AM, but forcibly holding onto you is so far from what he wants to do that he manages. You roll back over to your own side of the bed, and he continues admiring you from afar until he falls asleep. It’s the best three hours of sleep he’s had in a very long time.
Of course, you don’t remember it. When you wake up your sadness resumes, and so does the pretending like you’re not sad, but you’re a very good sport—and it helps that he’s feeling much better this morning than he has since he got back.
“Good morning,” you whisper faintly, still blinking as you watch him longingly from your spot.
Spencer pushes himself up onto an elbow, and you watch with big eyes as he leans over you, stroking your cheek with his free hand.
“Good morning. You sleep okay?”
Your brow flickers, and he realizes it’s not a question he asks every morning, and you’re probably distracted by this overt display of affection, but you answer it obediently anyway.
“I think so. I had weird dreams.”
He hums.
“About what?”
It’s quiet for a moment as he takes in the exact spattering of microscopically fractured pigment over your irises. Your voice is small when you finally speak.
“Do I have to tell you?”
That hurts.
“No. But it might help.”
Coming from him? Ironic doesn’t even begin to cover it.
You acknowledge him with a small hum of your own, studying him with soft, mistrustful eyes.
He can’t help it anymore—Spencer leans down and gently kisses you, so tenderly, so chastely, it makes his own head spin. He hasn’t kissed you like that since you picked him up from Milburn. It’s long overdue.
Which is why he’s not expecting you to start crying. He pulls back immediately, not far, just enough to assess your expression.
“What’s this? What’s wrong, angel?” He frowns. Your lip quivers in a way that feels like a blow to the chest.
“That’s not… you’re…”
“What? What is it?”
A fat tear finally traces a path down your cheek and when you speak your voice breaks in the most fragile, devastating way.
“You’re not being fair.”
He has no neat question to summarize all the bafflement your accusation inspires in his lately cloudy head, but the wildly confused look on his face must be prompt enough.
“I’m trying really hard to respect your space and boundaries and not upset you but my feelings are hurt, Spencer, I don’t know how they couldn’t be. I feel like you don’t even like me anymore. I’m embarrassed around you because I feel like I care about you so much more than you care about me. And then you—and then you wake up one morning and you think it’s okay to act like you love me again but I can’t—I c—” you stop, obviously frustrated—now crying in earnest and lacking the words. “You can’t be mean to me. I know you’ve been through a lot and I’m sorry but you can’t treat me like that. I’m a person, too.”
His chest aches and he swallows down barbed wire.
“I’m not acting like I love you. I do love you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my life. That’s not an act.”
It’s not an adequate response, but your words are still spinning in his head until he can’t keep up with them. He’s not used to this, anymore. The language you two had developed is so foreign now.
Maybe he just doesn’t know how to talk to you.
Resignation—a too-calm recognition softens the stormy look that has brewed on your face. As soon as it’s gone, and you’re looking at him placidly, he realizes he’s afraid.
“Well, that’s not enough,” you whisper.
Spencer feels like he’s been shot as you push the covers aside and slip out of bed. And he knows what that feels like.
“Where are you going?” And then louder, when you don’t hear him because you’ve already left the room, “Where are you going?”
He follows you through the apartment as you march purposefully for the door, slipping shoes on and grabbing your keys and coat.
You barely look over your shoulder as you leave, slamming the front door behind you. Things shake from the impact. A mini earthquake.
Spencer is too stunned to follow you.
It’s not until a few minutes later when he goes to call you that he realizes your phone is still sitting on your bedside table. He stares at it, tasting metal, because he has absolutely no way to reach you or guarantee your safety. There’s no way for you to call him, or anyone, if you get in trouble—and he fears that you’ll retaliate against him by doing something stupid and dangerous.
He only just manages to stop himself from calling the police and asking them to start looking for you. Only just recognizes it to be an overreaction.
Besides, he’s not feeling particularly fond of the criminal justice institution these days. If it came down to it, he’d trust himself and his team over the cops any day.
The team. They’re always a resource. If worst comes to worst, he thinks, robotically making coffee as he tries to talk himself down, and she doesn’t come home before dark, I’ll call all of her closest friends. If she doesn’t come home before the morning—the thought makes him feel sick—I’ll deploy every fucking resource at my disposal.
Maybe that’s an overreaction, too, but he has to find a way to self-soothe somehow. Planning makes him feel better. Being prepared for the things you never see coming makes him feel better. It’s impossible, of course—but the illusion of control is stubborn and so seductive.
Thankfully, it doesn’t come to that.
At around 2 PM, he receives a couple of texts from Garcia that are a massive relief.
Penelope: She’s at my apartment
Penelope: BE NICER TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!
The series of emojis that follow (including an octopus?), he doesn’t even try to decipher. He simply drops his phone and sighs deeply into his hands, releasing an extreme amount of paranoid tension that had been tying him into knots. Lately, he’s had this sense that everything is fleeting—that the things he takes for granted are painfully, violently impermanent. It doesn’t take anyone with a degree to figure out why he’s been feeling that way, but it’s so all-consuming he’s not sure how to cope with it. Just a few days ago, he’d been wondering how to break up with you. Now he’s asking himself how the fuck he thought he’d be able to do that when he’s barely functioning after a few hours without you.
It’s a question he still hasn’t answered by the time the front door opens at 10 PM. It’s clear by the deer-in-headlights look on your face that you hadn’t been expecting him like this—leaning over the counter, half-empty mug by his hand, staring at nothing in particular and waiting for you to come home. Neither of you have changed clothing since this morning—not that you could—but you look apprehensive as you close it behind you, never facing away from him. The whole thing is like a teenager being caught sneaking back in by a weary parent.
For a moment the silent confrontation stretches into the horizon, a non-specific point as neither of you seem inclined to be the first to talk. You just watch him watching you—leaning against the door rigidly as if you can’t get far enough away. But he’s too tired for this. Too worn out.
“How’d you get home?”
You swallow.
“Penelope.”
Spencer nods slowly, rolling his bottom lip between teeth and finally looking away.
“You really should have brought your phone.”
You scoff, peeling yourself from the door.
“Of course that’s what you’re worried about.”
It’s the same situation as this morning, but in reverse—him following after you down the hall as you storm toward the bedroom.
“Wh—should I not have been? You scared me—” he says your name, barely catching the door before it can slam in his face. “I was worried about you.”
“Why?” you face him, laughing bewilderedly as if the situation were at all funny. A kind of manic energy crackles from the surface of your skin and in your eyes that renders him unable to think of a reply. “Because you thought I would get raped and murdered and then you’d be sad?”
“Yes!” Spencer yells, eyes widening as he fails to contain his frustration any longer. “That is fucking exactly why I was scared!”
You step forward, getting in his space. It jars him, momentarily—he wants to get away from you. Being angry and so close to you is terrifying. What if he lashes out? What if he hurts you? He’s seen crimes of passion. His blood is freezing in his veins.
“Of course you didn’t give one single fuck that I left you. You didn’t think for one fucking second that I might be tired of this. That wasn’t what you were scared of at all.” For every inch you near, he backs away. Another scorned, bitter laugh from you that feels like poison coursing through his entire circulatory system. You notice everything, eyeing him up and down as he cowers from you. “What is this, Spencer? If you hate being near me that much, just fucking break up with me.”
You’re close enough that he can see the tears welling in your eyes, but he’d know they were there even if he couldn’t observe them. He would hear it in your voice. He would feel it. But he can’t do anything about it. Right now, he’s paralyzed.
“If the only thing holding you back is wanting to spare my feelings, just fucking do it. This isn’t better. I don’t give a fuck if it’s hard for you. It’s hard for me, too, but I’m not just going to ignore it anymore.”
There’s no more room. The wall is at is back.
“Honey, please back up,” Spencer breathes. Last time his back was to a wall, he’d been gagged and beaten. Don’t lash out. She never hurt you. It wasn’t her.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” you shout, as tears begin to spill over your cheeks. “Either break up with me or stop telling me to go away!”
At that moment, as you break down and your words become muddled with sobs, you raise your fist.
Spencer watches it approach his shoulder as if in slow-motion.
On instinct, he catches your wrist.
There’s a lull as he waits for something to explode, for something to go terribly, deeply wrong—
But it doesn’t.
He realizes his grip is gentle. He realizes you’d never actually hurt him like that. He realizes how little resistance he’d found when he stopped what was sure to be nothing more than a petulant, petty bump against his shoulder—a maneuver that wouldn’t have hurt in the slightest. It was nothing more than a desolate, childlike display of feelings bigger than you know what to do with.
In the second that it takes him to realize all of this, to realize he is not endangering you in the slightest, nor you him, you’ve begun to truly sob. Standing just inches from him, head angled down as he holds your wrist carefully, you are the picture of a girl who has been running on empty for a very long time and has nothing left to give. Spencer twines his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and slowly rubbing your back like he’d never forgotten how to hold you. It stuns you, and the tears pause for just a second—before you’re wrapping desperate, weakened arms around him and sobbing even harder, albeit silently, into his shirt.
“I don’t want to break up,” he whispers, his own voice shaky with understated emotion. “I’m sorry. Please don’t say that. I don’t want that.”
“What’s wrong with you?” You cry, a desperate plead caught between sobs that wrack your body against his against the wall. And he knows it’s not an accusation. It’s not an insult. It’s a question borne of confusion and fear. It’s what a child might ask a sick dog while tears stream down feverish cheeks. And it’s completely appropriate, considering he never tells you anything anymore and he’s only just realizing how scary that must be. Spencer is back from prison but you may as well still be living alone for all that you know about him. He tangles a hand in your hair and holds you against his chest, breathing you like nitrous oxide.
“I don’t know,” he whispers. The room beyond blurs as he stares at nothing, focused only on the tingly euphoria of feeling you under his hands clashing with the ever-present and crushing shame that he couldn't do it sooner. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you—to be sorry.” Shuddering breaths and gasps still cleave your sentences in half, and Spencer listens so intently he thinks there might be harmonics hidden in the layers of your voice. He clings to every syllable like you’re wielding the word of god in a five-foot-something body. “I just miss you so m—much. I want you to—to love me.”
“I do,” he promises immediately, lips pressing to your ear. “I do love you. So much. So much.”
When you don’t respond, he’s not exactly surprised. He almost asks what he can do, what you need—but is quite sure that’s not the right move. Instead he doesn’t say a thing. Only holds you.
Later, you’ll pull back and he’ll swim in your teary gaze, and then kiss you. He’ll trace silent apologies into every inch of your skin under the torrent of the shower, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make you understand. But for now, for the first time in months, you’re holding each other, and that’s all either of you need.
#spencer reid#spencer reid fic#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid angst#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds#criminal minds fic
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Steve and Eddie being chaotic childhood friends, gaslighting everyone they know.
It started when one of their teachers wanted the students to make pairs with someone they didn't know or get along with; therefore, friends couldn't make the project together.
Of course, Eddie wouldn't pass the opportunity to be dramatic and annoy a little bit the teacher, acting like it was the worst thing to ever happened to him and throwing himself on Steve's desk, making the other roll his eyes in a fond way.
It was the beginning of the year, but in small towns most of the kids knew each other since before, so it wasn't that weird of a request; but the teacher was also new, so they didn't know the relationships of the kids very well.
That's why when a small kid with a rebel vibe, starting to grow his hair and going to a more dark look, annoys them and says it would be a nightmare to do the project with a preppy kid, clearly rich boy vibes and in his way to be popular, they knew who they were putting the kid with.
The teacher smirked, thinking they did well; meanwhile, Steve and Eddie were trying not to grin and communicating with their eyes to not messed up and go along with it.
They ended up having to act like they hate each other in front of the teacher so they could carry on with the project, but what about the rest of the class who knew they were friends?
They follow along.
Maybe it's to gain Steve's favor, maybe they thought it was funny, or maybe they thought it was about damn time they stopped being friends, that it was a good way to finally separate them and make Steve fully part of the jocks and Eddie less intimidating for the rest of the outcast.
Anyway, the whole class goes along with it, and Steve and Eddie, like the dorks and drama queens they are, decided it's a funny bit to keep.
At some point they were too deep into it, having to act for the rest of the year like that because of the project and somehow convincing the whole school. Their friends to enemies story becoming popular knowledge.
Steve and Eddie now just think it's too funny to stop, so they continue to gaslight everyone.
Eddie? Steve? No, thanks; I hate that guy.
Anyway, they going to high school, and the whole mess with the upside down happens. At that moment, Steve is so happy to being able to keep Eddie away from it.
I just love a clueless Eddie trying to figure out what's happening to his (finally) boyfriend at the same time the Party is clueless about the relationship between their dungeon Master and their babysitter.
—
+Extra (imagine them being famous in the future)
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The Other Man
Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3
Your worst nightmare is avoiding your eyes.
Still sweating and slightly out of breath from the sprint you made from your home to the hospital, you try to wipe your hands down the material of your jeans, and you’re mortified to find them shaking.
Is it from adrenaline or from fear?
When they said they found your husband, alive, and he’s been fixed up all brand new, you thought everything would be fine, that things would go back to normal. Your home will finally stop being so stifling, you won’t burn a hole through your carpet from all the pacing like your friend tried to joke, and you no longer have to hold yourself at night just to stop from hyperventilating.
But when you look at his eyes and see only confusion and a drop of anxiety, you know something’s gone terribly wrong.
“He suffered trauma to the head and we noticed no signs of it during surgery, so the symptoms only showed up now. We’re sorry we hadn’t been able to warn you ahead of time,” the doctor says.
Maybe now your hands are shaking from anger.
You step towards the doctor, the sterile smell of latex gloves and death stinging your nose, and you splutter out, “What are you talking about? What’s wrong with my husband? Why is no one just telling me straight up?”
He flinches.
They both do.
You don’t feel bad, can’t feel bad.
The doctor opens his mouth and he’s explaining, rambling about all sorts of medical terms you don’t know and it’s likely he’s doing it to distract you, or punish you, but you do hear one word. It registers and sends a static ringing through your ears.
“It would seem your husband has developed retrograde amnesia.”
Amnesia.
When he finishes, a silence takes over, filling up the room and pressing you to the walls, daring you to suck in a breath. A beat or two passes whilst he wait for either one of you to say something, ask something, anything. But no one does, so he leaves and immediately you wish he stayed.
“Hi.”
His voice breaks you out of your internal panicking. It has a slight quiver, perhaps from the deep sleep he had been under, or the exhaustion that had built up, the price to pay for saving so many people in one night. The reports said, on the night he disappeared, that there had been many curses, strong ones, gathered in an organised attack, an ambush. They had backed your husband in a corner and pushed him to his limits.
They did this.
You try to smile.
“Hi, baby, how you doing?”
There’s a blush forming across his cheeks and you smile for real, finding his embarrassment adorable, but then it drops just as quick when he clears his throat, as if setting a boundary.
“So,” he drags out, “you’re my wife, huh?”
What’s the procedure for losing your loved one to an internal injury so bad you feel it cut deep? What’s the etiquette? Because you’re so sure screaming at him to stop playing this cruel joke is probably not a good idea; you already know what the doctors would say.
It would be unwise to push him.
Your steps are hesitant but you push through that invisible force keeping you back. You need to touch him, need to feel that, despite it all, he’s warm and real and breathing — at least one of you has to be.
He looks up at you from your position beside his bed and watched your hand lift towards his face. He doesn’t move, he steels himself for your sake, you know it, because your husband has always been the kindest, most empathetic man you’ve ever met.
Then you cradle his slightly cut up cheek and tears stream down before you even know it, a laugh bubbles out and you sob it out. He’s really alive.
“I’m so happy you came back.”
He smiles, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it’s still a genuine smile and your heart leaps. If he can smile at you like that even without the pull of the shared memories of his time with you, then surely there’s hope. Because through his dazzling eyes, always dazzling, you believe there’s a huge box of everything he had filed on you, on his love for you, his wishes and desires for for you both. It’s just locked away at the moment, but you’ll find a key.
You have to.
“I must have been pretty great to bag a gorgeous woman like you.”
“The greatest.”
He laughs in surprise. He did that every time you played along, because no one else ever had, not his own family or his friends, and not even himself.
And the hours pass by with him asking questions and you answering patiently, despite the stab at your chest from every moment he forgot, every special occasion he doesn’t remember, and you both relive the bad times, the terrible times.
Except he’s going it through for the first time.
All the nurses and doctors filter in and out, changing this, emptying that, wiping here, walking there, and throwing all sorts of information at you. Eventually, they give you a care pack full of pamphlets filled with numbers and websites for support, letting you know he’s free to leave, but that check-ups will have to be frequent to monitor his progress.
You can tell he’s getting tired; you don’t blame him, it’s been too much too fast. So you tell him, “Alright, handsome, it’s time to go home.”
He cheers up at that, eagerly packing and hobbling out of the hospital and into your car. The car ride home isn’t quiet like you had dreaded, it’s loud, bustling with more questions and excited remarks.
“No way. He ate that finger? That’s so funny.”
“Oh, his hair is really that spiky? And she puts up with both of them? Wow.”
“He’s still teaching? That’s great.”
When you pull up to the house at the end of the street, all the lights are off and you feel a little embarrassed that it doesn’t look inviting, and of course you forgot to clean up the dishes and vacuum the carpet. Maybe you should have gotten balloons and streamers, maybe invited his friends. You know the doctor said don’t overwhelm him, but they’ll definitely come knocking sooner than later.
That’s how loved your husband is.
You have a bashful smile when you finally glance up at him, both walking up to the door, and it plummets at the disappointed look on his face. He doesn’t care about the lights, only that the home he had been expecting is the one across the city, the one you had made him move out of years ago so you could live together as a soon to be wedded pair.
Now, he’ll have to live in your home as a guest, borrowing your cups and plates, and wearing clothes he didn’t buy but the other man did, and then he’ll be sleeping next to you.
A stranger.
You gulp the horrified scream down and, with shaky hands, you unlock the door, ignoring the overwhelming feeling that you’re losing an uphill battle, that things will never be the same, and he’ll never love you, not like he did.
Your husband is loyal to a fault; he won’t leave you, not because he loves you, not because he can’t imagine being anywhere else but here, with you, but because there’s a ring on his left finger that he keeps playing around with like it feels wrong to have it on.
And the realisation that you don’t care, that you have enough love for the both of you, that you want, need, to have him in any way he’ll let you, creates a dull ache in your stomach.
You don’t try to smile when you turn to him, even when he does.
All you say is,
“Welcome home, Satoru.”
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Bats and their least favourite Rogues to deal with (other than Joker of course)
Bruce hates dealing with Two-Face, mostly because of knowing and valuing Harvey as a friend and he feels a sense of guilt that he wasn't able to save the man.
Damian does not enjoy fighting Poison Ivy as he actually agrees with many of her ideologies, and cannot always fully convince himself she's not going about it the right way. Ivy knows this and loves to use it against him. Damian is also not fond of her cuddle pollen as it allows his overbearing older brother to latch onto him like the limpet he is with a viable excuse.
Tim HATES Hatter. Losing control of your mind is basically Tim's worst nightmare. The Joker Junior incident only adds fuel to his mind control terrors. Whenever Hatter gets out the rest of the family has to keep an extra close eye on Tim who tends to give up sleeping in order to put Hatter back in Arkham.
Scarecrow is the least favourite of both Dick and Jason. Although every member of the batfam have their fair share of traumatic memories, Dick and Jason always find reliving theirs hardest to shake off. Any loud thumps after set both of them off, Dick thinking yet another person has hit the floor and Jason thinking it was yet another strike of the crowbar.
Stephanie is terrified of Professor Pyg. He is not as loud and demanding of attention as the rest of the Rogues so the others never consider him as the worst but there is something about him that makes her absolutely sick to her stomach. She's had one close encounter with him and never wants to see him again. If she's a little quick to let someone else take a case that may involve him that's nobody else's business but hers.
Cass is not a fan of Riddler. She is the least equipped to deal with his games as she cannot fully grasp the double meanings of many English words and Riddler has very confusing body language to read. Cass does not like feeling useless and Riddler is terrifying in his own right so being completely unequipped to stop him is not something she enjoys.
Duke hates Condiment King. And Kite Man. Such B-list villains but of course with his luck they always escape on the day shift. Mustard and ketchup are incredibly difficult to get out of the cracks in his armour and Kite Man is annoying and has an unfortunate habit of picking him up and DROPPING HIM. Duke's over it.
#batfam#batman#jason todd#dick grayson#nightwing#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#cassandra wayne#bruce wayne#tim drake#damian wayne#damian al ghul#robin#dc robin#red robin#spoiler dc#black bat#signal dc#red hood#gotham rogues
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Tim Drake’s Worst Nightmare: Ra’s al Ghul’s Matchmaking Skills
It started with a mission.
Tim hadn’t expected to be sent after a new ghost anomaly, much less one that was human-shaped and strangely familiar. But when he found himself face-to-face with Danny—a teenager who radiated Lazarus energy like it was his second skin—things got weird. Fast.
Cue the League of Assassins bursting onto the scene, followed by a dramatic entrance from none other than Ra’s al Ghul himself.
And that’s when Tim learned the big, world-shattering truth: Danny was Ra’s al Ghul’s son. Not adopted. Biological.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Tim stood, slack-jawed, watching Ra’s beam with the kind of pride usually reserved for conquering cities. Danny, standing awkwardly next to him, scratched the back of his neck.
“Yeah, so, uh… surprise?” Danny offered.
Ra’s spread his arms wide. “Timothy! This is a joyous day. My son, Daniel, has found you at last.”
Tim blinked. “Found me?”
Danny shuffled nervously. “Uh, yeah. You’re kind of… important to the family now.”
Tim’s brain short-circuited.
———
The Heir Situation
Because here’s the kicker: Ra’s had been trying to get Tim to join the League for years. He saw Tim as a potential heir. But now, with Danny in the picture, Ra’s had an even better idea.
“Through Daniel,” Ra’s explained, practically glowing, “I can finally bring you into the family as I always intended.”
Tim pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am not marrying into the League of Assassins.”
Danny choked. “Wait, what?!”
Ra’s nodded sagely. “I see you are both shy about it. No matter! Destiny has a way of unfolding as it should.”
Tim and Danny exchanged horrified glances.
———
Danny and Tim’s Relationship
Despite the chaos, Danny and Tim clicked. Danny was chaotic but genuine, a refreshing contrast to the constant stress of Gotham. And Tim? Tim was the most grounded person Danny had ever met.
“You know, you don’t have to listen to Ra’s,” Tim pointed out after one particularly tense League encounter.
Danny shrugged. “Yeah, but if I don’t humor him, he gets pouty.”
Tim snorted. “Ra’s al Ghul? Pouty?”
“You have no idea.”
———
The Batfamily’s Reaction
When Tim brought Danny back to Gotham, the batfam had questions.
Bruce: “He’s… Ra’s’ son?”
Tim: “Yep.”
Jason: “And you’re… what, his fiancé now?”
Tim: screaming internally
Danny: “I’M RIGHT HERE.”
Damian, eyes wide: “Uncle?”
Danny grinned. “Hey, kiddo.”
Damian, flustered: “I—no. This cannot be.”
———
Ra’s Is Thrilled
Back in Nanda Parbat, Ra’s couldn’t be happier. Every time Tim showed up, Ra’s looked like Christmas came early.
Ra’s: “Timothy, you and Daniel are a perfect match.”
Tim: “In what universe?”
Danny: “Technically, several.”
———
Danny Was Happy.
That was the problem.
Tim might hate making Ra’s happy, but… Danny was different.
Danny liked being part of the League. He liked the structure, the weird family dynamic. He liked the purpose. And he was thriving.
Tim couldn’t ruin that.
Tim didn’t want to make Ra’s happy—he’d rather swallow glass—but he did want to make Danny happy.
And if that meant putting up with Ra’s al Ghul’s matchmaking schemes, well…
Tim gritted his teeth and endured.
———
Tim’s Inner Monologue:
“Being with Danny isn’t the issue. The issue is that it makes Ra’s happy. And I refuse to let that man win.”
Danny: smirking “You’re fighting a losing battle.”
Tim: “Shut up.”
Danny: “Love you too.”
#tim drake#brain dead#dead tired#danny al ghul#ra's al ghul#tim simp era#ra's is too happy and that simply can not do#someone save tim (but not really)#danny is an al ghul and tim suffers for it but its okay because tim loves danny#ra's wants tim to either have or be his heir#he's not picky
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