#one is bad but the other is noble and good and admirable | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yerimacoustic · 4 months ago

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𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 ♡ hoshi x reader

❝ 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙪𝙣 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙥𝙚 ❞ 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪

summary : reuniting with old friends can prove to be more complicated than expected, especially when one unexpectedly reveals himself to be a courtier and your love for each other only grew stronger during your separation .

content warnings : courtier!hoshi x servant!female reader, royalty au, regency au, fantasy au, childhood friends to lovers, opposites attract trope, secret dating trope, reader and hoshi are in the twenties, swearing, angst, fluff, LOTS of kissing, extensive lore, kind of a near death encounter, some corruption in the royal court, featuring other members of seventeen & the boyz as well as seulgi and gahyun . not proofread . 17.3k wc .

notes : this is in the same universe as my joshua fic, for the first time, and my jeonghan au, more than expected . i am SO excited about this one, ngl, i started writing it like right after i published jeonghan’s. stay tuned for a possible part 2 of his btw 👀 once again, this is a work of fiction, there’s characters making bad decisions and it doesn’t reflect on how i feel about any of the idols in real life. hope you enjoy!!

after the newly crowned king and queen returned from their honeymoon, news spread throughout the palace that they wished to throw a ball. the rest of the staff, while weary of throwing such a lavish party after a nice week to themselves, followed through with the couple’s request and promptly started planning it. invitations were sent out to royals, meals were planned, and the decorating preparations had already begun.

as much as you loved working during the parties and experiencing what you could of the extravagance and glamour, obviously you hated setting everything up in the ballroom and taking it down the next day. at least during the actual ball you were able to enjoy the music, admire everyone’s beautiful dresses, maybe sneak a plate of delicious food out to the balcony..

luckily you weren’t the only one that shared this sentiment. you and your best friend, seulgi, shared an unfortunate hobby of gossiping whenever you got the chance to clean the same room together. and today you were tasked with cleaning the ballroom before setting up the decorations and fetching the finest porcelain.

while she started stripping the dark red drapes off of the large windows to replace them with gold ones, you scrubbed the floor almost mindlessly. she called out to you and boldly stepped onto the tall ladder, “so…how do you think the honeymoon went?”

you snickered, staring at your reflection on the wet marble floor for a moment. you were always weary about gossiping with her in the spacious ballroom, considering the echoes.. “obviously pretty well, if they’re planning a ball the day after their return.”

seulgi snickered, “good point.” she let the large drapes fall to the floor, resulting in clouds of dusting forming in the air. luckily she’d grown accustomed to the discomfort and didn’t let out so much as a tiny sneeze. “i heard that prince juyeon and prince jaehyun were invited. they’re so handsome, don’t you think?”

you shrugged while scrubbing at a few particularly nasty dark scuffs on the marble. “i suppose. although, after hearing all about the ‘swoonworthy juyeon’ i think i’ve become desensitized to the notion of a handsome prince swooping in to save the day.”

“fine, more for me then,” seulgi chuckled and began hanging up the sheer, gold drapes that shone so beautifully in the sunlight. she would have stopped to admire her work if she wasn’t determined to get it all over with. “you’re probably more excited to eavesdrop on the nobles’ conversations, anyways.”

your cheeks heated up at her well-intended teasing. “only so we can enjoy these moments together. now keep your voice down, i thought i heard footsteps outside.”

seulgi smirked to herself before following through with your request.. at least for a few more minutes. once all of the windows were adorned with beautifully crafted golden curtains, she knelt down next to you under the guise of helping you clean the floor. “have you heard why they might be throwing the ball?”

once you dipped the rag into the bucket of soapy water, your friend promptly snatched it out of your hands. you let out a short scoff in protest, your efforts of stealing it back from her proving to be fruitless.. “seulgi, i’m trying to-”

unfortunately, your best friend had a very contagious laughter and it wasn’t too long before giggles filled the ballroom, echoing off the walls. “someone said it's probably because they’re expecti-”

the door clicked open and you bit your tongue to prevent a shriek from escaping your lips. seulgi dropped the rag and you promptly picked it up, scrubbing the floor with as much efficiency as you could muster in the moment. seulgi panicked and rushed towards the pile of dirty curtains across the room, making it just in time for the king and his steward to walk in.

“oh good,” seungkwan beamed. “the two of you are making great time.”

you nodded and rose to your feet, stumbling over them as you curtsied. “your highness.” seulgi mirrored your actions, smiling in the young king’s direction.

jeonghan nodded politely towards you both, his eyes scanning the spacious room before him. there was a distinct twinkle within his dark irises and something told you that it had nothing to do with the clean space before him.. “i’ll say. thank you both, the queen and i appreciate your efforts.”

you had to hold back a chuckle; honestly the two of you hadn’t gotten much work done yet. something about jeonghan’s heightened cheerfulness was suspicious. maybe seulgi’s theory had a hint of truth to it.. “thank you, your majesty,” you told him politely.

“don’t forget to display the finest porcelain sets. i’m sure we have something that matches the curtains perfectly,” jeonghan added just before turning his back on the two of you.

“of course,” seulgi nodded. although, the two of you were confused; normally jeonghan couldn’t be bothered to be so involved in something as trivial as party planning. but he seemed so joyful with his request; it was..odd, to say the least. then again, maybe you were overthinking it..

seungkwan followed closely behind jeonghan, though he made an effort to look at the two of you with comically raised eyebrows just before shutting the door. your heart sank as suspicion clouded your mind; had the two of them heard everything? seulgi, however, took the opposite approach and ran to you, grabbing your hand.

“see? i was right,” she beamed.

you laughed incredulously, though you couldn’t bring yourself to push seulgi’s hand away. “how can we know anything from barely even a five minute encounter?”

seulgi snickered, “come on, y/n. there’s no denying that things are looking up around here again. have a little faith.”

“maybe.” another chuckle fell from your lips before your gaze fell to the newly polished floor, where distinct footprints in the water had already begun to trail towards the door. on any other occasion, you would’ve fought back a remark of annoyance, but something about seulgi’s words prevented you from even formulating one.

—--------------

the ballroom was possibly the most crowded it had ever been the night of the party. it was difficult to make your rounds throughout the room while feeling forced to carry the tray full of champagne flutes so close to your chest. the last thing you wanted was to drop the expensive glass all over the floor; the results could have been catastrophic even without such a large crowd surrounding you.

you recognized a few of the guests, namely a few that had attended several of the family’s past parties. prince juyeon was in attendance, of course, turning several heads from the moment he entered the palace. princess yoohyeon, who looked as stunning as ever, walked along the dance floor with the utmost grace and poise. the atmosphere was bright and cheerful, as per usual, but something about this night seemed different from the rest. you couldn’t put your finger on it.

after the tray was nearly empty and you felt deserving of a break, you crossed to the back of the room. seulgi and gahyun stood with their backs against the wall, their emptied trays displayed on one of the nearest tables. you sighed heavily upon setting yours down and ensuring the flutes were secure, “what a turnout.”

“you’re telling me,” gahyun snickered. you followed her gaze to the crowd ahead until you, too, caught a glance of the queen. gahyun always seemed to be on her guard in case the queen needed anything. almost to a fault, actually. even as she took five minutes for herself, her figure appeared to be quite stiff.

seulgi said nothing, a small smile tugging at the one corner of her lips as she gazed at the couples near the center of the room. she even shifted her weight from one foot to the other on occasion, vaguely appearing to sway to the music. not that you could blame her, of course.

“what are you three doing?” a hushed voice from your left reprimanded. you were startled to say the least, jolted off of the wall before you whipped your head back to see sangyeon with a distasteful expression.

you were the first to apologize, your expression much too sincere for seulgi’s liking. “sorry. we were just-”

“it’s impossible to move out there,” seulgi interjected while making no attempt to disguise her annoyance. “everyone’s shoulder to shoulder, i’m surprised they’re even able to breathe!”

sangyeon clearly had no interest in entertaining seulgi’s complaint. he simply shook his head, his dark hair slightly bouncing with the movement. “even so, you’ve been tasked with accommodating our guests to the best of your ability. now, move along.”

the three of you shared a reluctant glance before refilling your trays. before you could follow the two girls to the dance floor, however, sangyeon called out to you in his characteristically gentle tone, “not you. they require libations in the library.”

the library?

“yes, sangyeon.” with a dismissive nod, you took your time exiting the ballroom and searching for the library. the orchestra’s beautiful music muffled the further you stepped into the hallway and was promptly replaced by much quieter conversations behind the heavy library doors.

as expected, the guests seemed more excited at the notion of the drinks’ arrival than yours. most of the glasses were gone before you’d taken more than five steps into the room. you made your rounds regardless, stealing a few quick glances at the card tables. you might have been more compelled to watch a round or two if you had any interest in poker.

seated on the plush red furniture near the corner of the room was a small group of men, a few of them standing and effectively concealing the back of an armchair. you cleared your throat before plucking up the courage to approach them, timidly standing behind a few of the much taller men. “champagne, anyone?”

perhaps the tallest duo of the group, wonwoo and mingyu, turned to face you and relieved you of a glass. the way they moved in perfect synchronization was almost alarming… then someone sitting with their back towards you slapped his own knees rather dramatically before he braced off of his chair, stepping through the awkward space between sofas to stand in front of you.

the man’s hand froze near one of the glasses once the two of you made eye contact, however, a flustered expression taking over his features. somehow, you spoke before he could, your tone low but bewildered. “soonyoung…?”

“oh my..” he paused, his eyes growing wide as saucers before you could even blink. suddenly, it dawned on him. “y/n?? is it really you??”

“yes,” you laughed incredulously, the tray in your hands briefly shaking with the impact. “yes it’s really me.”

soonyoung beamed and you could have sworn it lit up the entire room. “i- this is ludicrous! what are you doing here?? how have i never seen you in the palace??”

you shrugged, minding the flutes in your hands, and bashfully replied, “not very observant.. i guess?”

he laughed, flashing another infectious smile. until that moment, you’d never fully realized just how much you’d missed his energetic grins. “well i guess not. i’ve been with the royal court for, uh- almost a full year now. i think. what a shame.”

“on the bright side, now we both know to keep an eye out for each other,” you offered with a tilt of your head.

while you kept his colleagues and friends behind him in mind and spoke in a low, almost timid tone, he seemed to forget all about them. not that it surprised you, of course; conventional propriety wasn’t always his strong suit. “you’re exactly right,” he nodded rather quickly. “wow. it’s been too long. you’ve changed so much! your hair’s so much longer now.”

you chuckled to yourself, looking down at the uniform you wore strictly for special occasions within the palace walls. even your finest rags couldn’t compare to soonyoung’s beautifully crafted robes; if anything, he was the one who’d changed.

but for some reason, you had a feeling soonyoung spoke with such heartfelt honesty when he complimented you. just as he always did. “you look..” you paused, just before giving your oldest friend the same treatment. “pretty much exactly the same.”

he laughed once again, startling one of the men behind him. a distinct shiver rushed down your spine when his hand briefly made contact with your elbow, the fleeting contact bringing heat to your cheeks. “i hope that’s a good thing. listen.. why don’t we catch up? i’m in line for the next round of poker, would you play with me?”

you parted your lips just moments before your gaze fell to the table and a crushing realization hit you. “as..tempting as that sounds,” you faced him with an apologetic smile. “i really should get back to work.”

soonyoung nodded immediately in understanding, the disappointment disappearing from his irises in the blink of an eye. “right. right, yeah of course. i’ll see you around. don’t be a stranger, alright?”

“of course. i’ll keep an eye out for you around the castle,” you promised, albeit a little emptily. the chances of mingling with soonyoung as you so often used to were low, you knew that well.

even so.. the smile that he bid you goodbye with was just too charming to ignore. he really hadn’t changed.

—----------------------------------------------

your reunion with soonyoung put a spring in your step, even hours after the party had died down and you were stuck in the kitchen, cleaning all of the dishes. seulgi joined you not too long after disposing of the table scraps and gathering the remaining champagne flutes. “what a night,” she sighed loudly, her shoulder brushing against yours as she began to assist you in cleaning.

“where’s gahyun?” you asked.

“she’s with her majesty,” she replied emotionlessly. “it would’ve been nice to have at least one more person in here.”

“never mind that, i’m glad it’s just the two of us,” you beamed, keeping a low tone as you spoke. “can..i confide in you?”

seulgi’s hand briefly came to a stop, her plate only halfway dried. she didn’t have to say too much to convey her intrigue upon hearing your words. “always.”

you grinned, admiring your friend’s penchant for gossip. maybe it was out of bashfulness or determination to get all of your work done, but you barely looked up from the dirty sink water as you spoke. “i..reunited with someone today.”

her eyebrows shot up. it took her a moment to follow in your footsteps and continue drying the dishes. “with who?”

“this..old friend i had,” you started. “his name’s soonyoung. he’s in the royal court.”

“the royal court?” she repeated incredulously. “you mean to tell me you’ve been friends with someone in the royal court all this time and have only just now realized?”

you shrugged again, laughing quietly at the absurdity of it all. “neither of us could really believe it either.”

“well,” she stopped wiping the porcelain in favor of leaning against the countertop with her arms folded across her chest. she stared at you in a concentrative gaze, clearly invested now. “tell me more about this soonyoung.”

you paused, a short chuckle leaving your lips and signalling your confusion. “what would you have me tell you?”

seulgi let out a dramatic groan of annoyance before swatting lightly at your elbow, which you knew was all in good fun. “come on, everything! the beginning is always a great place to start, you know.”

against your better judgement, you stopped working in favor of mirroring her position and leaning against the sink. stealing a quick glance out the kitchen window, you realized just how late it must have been.. and yet you didn’t even feel tired. with that being said, it took everything to disguise the excitement in your voice as you spoke,

“well.. my mother raised me near the river, it’s quite far from here. one day i was skating on the ice, trying to see all of the rocks shining brightly on the streambed several feet below. i was kneeling near the center of the river, horrible idea i know, when suddenly a boy with spiky hair and a red scarf stumbles next to me without any skates on and asks why i’m staring at the ice. as it turned out, his mother and mine were inside sewing together after having just met. and..as they spent more time together, so did soonyoung and i.

“we did everything together. for almost our entire childhood, we were inseparable. then.. one day, he came into a great fortune. his uncle left him his estate, his money- everything. he and his mother moved far away not long after that. it.. hurt. really, really badly. he was my best friend. but i got over it eventually.”

seulgi nodded and offered you a sad, sympathetic smile. it was hardly necessary in your mind, of course. “well.. you’re together now,” she finally spoke after a moment of silence, as if she was contemplating the beautifully tragic story of yours. “you have the perfect opportunity to rekindle your relationship.”

you nodded with the same dismissive air you held near soonyoung just hours earlier. you had unfortunately learned a long time ago not to get your hopes up, lest they be dashed in almost every instance imaginable. the mere fact that the two of you had taken this long to reunite, after only being separated by a few walls and staircases, told you everything you needed to know: too much had changed. the difference in either of your social standings was much more distinguishable.

“i suppose you’re right.” you broke away from the sink, placing stacks upon stacks of saucers, plates and cups in their respective spots in the cupboards. seulgi, noticing your deflection, said nothing and followed in your footsteps. she didn’t have to say anything to convey her persistence, however- you were certain this wasn’t the last time you would hear from her concerning the matter of kwon soonyoung.

—---------------

meetings with the other courtiers, more often than not, had the tendency to drag on much longer than was necessary. after the king and queen returned from their honeymoon, soonyoung fully expected the meetings to be extended much longer, much to his chagrin. they had a lot of ground to cover, seeing that the monarchs had obviously been unable to attend a lot of informative meetings.

on any other given occasion, soonyoung would have forced himself to almost perform to the best of his ability. he would have put his head down and powered through all of his paperwork, the speeches and seemingly endless debates, smiled and nodded with the guise of pretending to know what everyone else was talking about. but..that day he simply felt that his heart wasn’t in it.

he sat in his assigned seat, sandwiched between wonwoo and mingyu, with his shoulders hunched over in a less than courteous countenance and his chin lowered. he’d almost brushed all of the barbs of his feathered quill seemingly dipped in a pool of amethyst into a satisfying pattern before a loud cough near his ear startled him. he whipped his head up, immediately face to face with jihoon.

the highest official of the royal court, although being a much kinder man outside of the great hall, intimidated soonyoung more than the latter would have liked to admit. he stood before the pew with an expectant look, the all too familiar look of annoyance in his eyes. “anything to add, soonyoung?”

soonyoung looked slowly to his colleagues on the left with wide, somewhat pleading eyes, and then to the right. when it became clear that no one was to jump into the treacherous waters and save him, he faced jihoon with a sheepish grin, “oh..yes. yes, absolutely. we should-” he paused, expertly flipping through the stacks of parchment before reading from the expert cursive, “introduce the court to the land proposition-”

jihoon pulled away with a heavy sigh, which was as deliberate as it was short lived. soonyoung knew all too well it was the best he could do to keep the lid on the cauldron before everything boiled over and made a mess. mingyu, having to disguise an ill-timed snicker as a cough, promptly elbowed soonyoung in the side and muttered, “well done.”

“thanks,” soonyoung replied hastily.

“soonyoung-” jihoon started in a much louder tone, startling the man and prompting him to sit in a proper position. he pulled out a larger piece of parchment and the entire court stared in intrigue at the charcoal drawing of what appeared to be a gem, an unmistakable aura emulating from the stone. it looked so familiar… “do you know what these are?”

soonyoung racked his brain, a hum of concentration falling from his lips. “um..no, i can’t say i do.”

jihoon didn’t appear surprised or even somewhat fazed by his words. he started, “these are moonstones. legend has it that they contain a very powerful magic and anyone who is in possession of them is gifted with extraordinary abilities.” he paused, turning to the king and queen. “we need to find them. your highness, imagine the possibilities-”

jeonghan finally spoke, raising an eyebrow. “and what exactly do you propose?”

“we need to find them by the next full moon,” jihoon explained. “if anyone knew what power we possessed, wh-”

jeonghan cut him off in an effortless, cool tone with a seemingly bored countenance. “they wouldn’t be able to say no to trading or alliances?” he paused, shaking his head, but would not outwardly showcase his disappointment. “by using force, essentially.. that is not how you make allies or friends, for that matter, jihoon. we wouldn’t be respected, we would be feared.”

wonwoo rose to his feet, his shoulder brushing against soonyoung’s with the movement. “i’m sure jihoon has the best intentions, your highness. we need to face the facts.. our kingdom isn’t what it used to be. land management is in a rapid decline, morale is at an all time low.. we need more capital.”

“we’ll find another way,” jeonghan stated lowly, seemingly unbothered. “let’s move on.”

soonyoung could only watch the scene play out before him with an incredulous expression. he’d witnessed many arguments within the great hall, both courteous and otherwise… something told him that the stakes had since been raised. maybe he’d chosen the wrong day to pay less attention (or frankly, no attention at all) during a parliament meeting.

something etched at his heart, something he wouldn’t soon forget. it resembled.. hopelessness. there were plenty of days where he found himself questioning his capability in his inherited position as a courtier.. suddenly, he was wishing for this day to be over.

his wish came true within the hour; although, he remained seated as the sound of lazy footsteps and rustling papers echoed through the air. he ignored a haughty remark from mingyu, who departed from the great hall in a timely manner with wonwoo practically attached at his hip. soonyoung returned to his slumped seated position, his chin falling into his palm.

what just happened..?

he must have voiced his confusion out loud, for the tiniest chuckle sounded from the furthest corner in the room. he tilted his head to see you standing with a feather duster in one hand and a bucket of soapy water in the other. suddenly..he felt lighter than air. he straightened out his shoulders with a broad smile, feeling as if he could have flown off of his seat.

he ignored your apologetic remark, chuckling happily, “fancy seeing you here.”

you walked towards him with timid steps, keeping your eyes peeled for any intruders as you approached the pews. you spoke with such a quiet, soft voice that made soonyoung’s heart flutter, “it’s normally yunjin cleaning this room after the meetings. something came up so i took on all of her work.”

soonyoung’s eyes narrowed, “so you’re doing twice as much work today?” you nodded, unintentionally pulling a sigh of forlorn from him. “absolutely shameful. this should not be allowed.”

you laughed quietly, very quietly, at his effortlessly comedic tone. “her mother’s fallen ill,” you explained. “i did what anyone else would have done.”

“yes, but no one else did. that’s what matters,” soonyoung looked up to you with a dazzling smile, one that you hadn’t forgotten even since you’d been forced apart. one that you’d missed so terribly. “you work so hard. do you get a break any time soon?”

you shook your head without an ounce of self pity, “no.”

his smile quickly faded, his eyebrows furrowed. “no??”

you laughed again, just barely louder this time, as you still held onto the fear that anyone could walk in and interrupt the two of you. “really- i don’t mind it so much. it keeps my mind off things.”

soonyoung tilted his head, pondering your words and seemingly placing himself in your shoes. truthfully, he wished he could have some sort of outlet to escape his own thoughts, even if it was something as boring as cleaning. “in that case..can i help you?” he asked.

you paused, scoffing without any malice. “you’re serious?” when he, without any hesitation, nodded, you scoffed again. “you don’t have anywhere to go?”

“i do,” he shrugged. “but i’d rather be with you.”

you paused, his words, his tone, the look in his eyes that further cemented the genuineness in his words, all of it echoing in your mind until it grew fuzzy. you must have looked like an idiot, standing as stiff as a board with your softened gaze. “uh-” you started, looking down at your hands. “i only have one rag-”

“that’s fine.” without so much as a warning he plucked the rag from your hands and stepping off of the pew, dropping to his knees and landing near your feet. he needed no invitation, no command, to start scrubbing the cracks in the tile. for a moment you could only stand still in disbelief, watching him make no attempt to prevent his beautiful robes from getting dirty.

he cleaned the floor with such deliberation, his arms practically a blur as he scrubbed in hurried back and forth motions. after snapping out of your amused bewilderment, you approached the thrones and began to swat at the tiny cobwebs with the feather duster. for a moment, both of you cleaned in silence, merely enjoying each other’s company under less than ideal circumstances.

you kept to yourself for a moment, trying to stay out of his way for more than one reason. a glance would be sent towards the large door across the room now and then, the fear of being caught with someone above your station firmly planted in the front of your mind. it was bad enough for the two of you to be caught in such casual conversation, it was another thing entirely to be cleaning together.

once he reached the center of the floor, he took a break in favor of wiping dramatically at his brow. his loud sigh of exhaustion filled the room, prompting you to snicker. “wow. i don’t know how you do this all day,” he remarked before bending over the floor once again.

you paused, biting back a smile while letting the feathers dance across the large window of stained glass. shadows of blue and pink danced across the floor and even soonyoung’s figure. “you get used to it, i suppose,” you shrugged. “but it might help if you didn’t move your arms so aggressively.”

he snickered, stopping his ministrations immediately. “right.. well, how do you do it?”

you glanced back towards the window, which was clean enough by your standards, and stepped towards him. after crouching down onto your aching knees, you watched him dip the rag into the warm water and wring it out a few times for good measure before placing his hand flat upon the floor again. “like this-”

casting all of your fears and judgements to the side, you placed your palm above his, both your fingers just barely lacing while prompting his hand to move a bit softer along the tile. the two of you moved the rag in smooth, circular motions for a moment before soonyoung stopped dead in his tracks, keeping his hand firmly in place. you parted your lips, about to protest before lifting your head up to see him staring with a helpless smile.

it took him a moment to compose himself, gather his thoughts, finding your eyes to be just too magnetizing. “sorry,” he snickered loudly, though it didn’t startle you in the slightest.

“why are you apologizing?” you asked quietly.

“i’m probably not making your work go by any faster,” he spoke in a much slower tone than you were used to hearing from him.

“oh,” you chuckled with your realization, taking a look behind you at the wet floor, then in front of you, towards the surfaces that had yet to be cleaned. yet.. somehow you felt no ounce of dread. “i’m in good company. i can’t really complain.” you mentally berated yourself for allowing such a risky statement to leave your lips. as great as your company was, it wasn’t allowed. the two of you knew that well, there was no sense voicing your anxieties to him.

however, if soonyoung had any anxieties, they were nowhere to be seen. he moved his free hand to brush through a lock of your hair, effectively tucking it behind your ear and keeping it out of your line of vision. as if that action wasn’t enough to prompt butterflies to take flight in your stomach, he beamed, “i’ve always loved your hair.”

you sat on your knees, still as a statue, as a flustered smile tugged at your lips. he must have noticed your lack of composition, for he laughed, the beautiful sound filling the air of the otherwise achingly quiet room. “i’ve always loved yours,” you tilted your head towards the messy dark strands in question, chuckling.

“really?” he let out another laugh, one you found infectious. it wasn’t long before the two of you were sharing hushed giggles and you found yourself leaning into him. as your cheek made brief contact with his shoulder, you came to realize that his robes were much softer than you’d imagined. spun from the finest silk, no doubt.

“really,” you repeated through a short chuckle, composing yourself enough to break apart from him and meet his gaze again. you watched him part his lips, and somehow you knew he was just dying to tell you something but wasn’t equipped with the right words to do so. before you could prompt him to go on, say whatever was on his mind without any consequence, a loud, unexpected click echoed across the room.

just as you stumbled away from him and snatched the rag from his hands, jihoon exclaimed, “soonyoung! what is the meaning of this?”

soonyoung was quick to rise to his feet and dust off his dark robes. “i was just hel-”

“no excuses,” his voice boomed. you didn’t dare to pull your gaze away from the floor as you scrubbed the tile like you never had before, moving much more efficiently towards the other side of the room. if you had to guess, he was glaring daggers at the other man. “show some refinement. the others are waiting for you in the library.”

the library… oh god. soonyoung awkwardly shuffled towards his seat, hurriedly grabbing his notes and quill. he was, at the very least, grateful that he’d screwed the bottle of ink shut before lifting it off the table. “oh- yeah, my apologies. i’ll be right there.”

jihoon, however, did not leave the room as the two of you had expected him to. soonyoung clenched his jaw and mentally cursed; he’d wished for the opportunity to apologize to you, maybe ask if he could see you again.. but there was no chance for him to do so. perhaps jihoon had made sure of that. instead, he could only mouth an apology to you before stumbling towards his superior, who motioned him promptly out of the room.

once the loud click sounded through the room once more, you halted your scrubbing. there was no way of knowing what jihoon suspected you of doing. for whatever reason, that was much more terrifying than knowing what the highest official of the royal court, the man with more influence and power than you could ever dream of possessing, had in store.

—-------------------------------

soonyoung had known fully well what was so urgent in the library that jihoon had bursted through the door to drag him towards the room in question. although something deep within him knew that these secret meetings were less than ideal, less than legal, perhaps, he couldn’t bring himself to protest. therefore, jihoon kept a stern grip on his arm as he led him through the wide hallway.

“frankly, i don’t see what all the fuss is about,” he argued in a casual tone. “the king and queen have turned in for the night. why can’t we?”

“it’s not even dinner time yet, soonyoung,” jihoon bit back, the annoyance in his voice practically tangible. “shall i purchase you a pocketwatch?”

soonyoung shrugged, as if to sincerely compliment the man’s offer. “may actually do me well.” he paused, offering jihoon a sheepish grin. “look.. i’m sorry. i forgot.”

jihoon pressed his lips to a thin line, allowing a sigh to escape from his nostrils. “don’t apologize. just pay attention in this next meeting, i beg of you.”

soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows, taking offense from the other man’s words. “what?? i do pay attention.”

jihoon snickered, “keep telling yourself that.”

although the library was one of the more spacious rooms in the palace, the members of the court were packed inside like sardines. they whispered amongst each other, breaking apart in a comedic fashion once soonyoung pushed the door open. their subject of conversation wasn’t lost on soonyoung; he knew fully well they were talking about him. but he didn’t care.

soonyoung’s colleagues were not the only ones enjoying the spacious library while making sure to keep quiet. a few men that he didn’t recognize were scattered throughout the room, examining the royals’ impressive collection of books. he furrowed his eyebrows- this was definitely new. “jihoon-” he started. “who’s-”

“now we can finally get started,” jihoon announced, standing before everyone in the room with an effortlessly confident and authoritative air. “i wanted to introduce sunwoo, eric, and younghoon. they’re from the western kingdom. and- well, you already know prince juyeon.”

what in the world..

“we appreciate you taking the time to meet with us,” jihoon stated, plastering a quick, somewhat manufactured smile of gratitude upon his lips. he pulled out the same drawing of the moonstone he’d displayed just an hour earlier and soonyoung’s mind went fuzzy. “according to legend…”

soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows, feeling as if he could wilt like a dying flower. he had always looked up to jihoon. he’d always admired his drive, his dedication. but somehow.. somehow he’d found a way to rid himself of all his good intentions and allow brashness and arrogance to take over. it felt untoward. it felt corrupt.

what prompted the sickening feeling in his stomach was the fact that none of his colleagues, none of the men he considered friends, batted an eye. truthfully, for a time, neither had soonyoung, himself. in his defense, every secret meeting before this one seemed so innocent.

“i don’t understand,” prince juyeon spoke, pulling soonyoung out of his daze. for a moment, he held onto the smallest light of hope, suspecting the prince of being just as skeptical. his hopes were soon dashed when the prince sat more comfortably upon the plush red chair, his chin falling to his palm before he spoke, “you would risk going behind your king’s back, putting all your faith, all your kingdom’s resources, towards a mere legend? towards hearsay?”

“that’s exactly why we’re not using all of the kingdom’s resources to find these relics.” jihoon turned around, facing soonyoung with an expectant glance. “soonyoung will go. alone.”

“what?!” not for the first time that day, soonyoung wished he’d elected to pay more attention. to put his best foot forward, to put his head down and power through the inconvenience of a work meeting. really, to put on a performance.

mingyu chimed in from the back of the room, a slightly malicious scoff leaving his lips, “you’re the director of land management, are you not? you should know the kingdom better than anyone.”

“but-” soonyoung started, his gaze shifting towards every direction in the room until he caught another glance of the stupid drawing in jihoon’s hand. once again, he was met with a strange feeling of familiarity.. he could have sworn he’d seen those strange looking rocks before. surely he would have remembered if he’d come across an apparently all powerful stone before, right? “jihoon- i can’t.”

the man in question furrowed his eyebrows, the worst form of disappointment within his countenance. “and why ever not?”

“it’s..” he paused, taking a look around the room once more in desperate search for a hand. for anyone, anyone, even his new supposed ‘friends’ from the other kingdom to chime in and agree with him. for anyone other than himself to provide a much needed voice of reason. but it never happened. “it’s..wrong. we can’t just go behind jeonghan’s back like this. don’t you think his kingdom’s already been met with enough scandals?”

jihoon seemed temporarily amused by his words. “jeonghan is.. inexperienced. if you remember, soonyoung, he wasn’t even supposed to lead.” he turned around, facing the only portrait of the entire royal family left in the castle. the eldest sister in question sat next to jeonghan with a warm smile; even a replica of her expression lit up the room. “he doesn’t know what’s best for the kingdom. i think that much is becoming increasingly clear.”

soonyoung scoffed, disbelief taking over his features. “be that as it may, he’s still the king. he still has authority over you.”

“and i still have authority over you,” jihoon stated calmly. “i think you, of all people, should be wary of keeping inexperienced voices silent.”

the aching in soonyoung’s heart returned, jihoon’s harsh words striking a tender chord. while he had not always voiced his insecurities that came with inheriting his uncle’s place in the royal court, he believed that his actions spoke louder than words more often than not. to hear such berating words come from someone that he considered a good friend startled him more than potential consequences for treason.

which was worse? betraying the king who’d always shown him respect, or betraying his direct superior, who perhaps, held even more authority over him? who had much more influence over him, his very way of living?

“so then it’s settled,” jihoon finally stated, his gaze breaking away from soonyoung. “once soonyoung finds a generous amount of the gems, prince juyeon and his entourage are entitled to half the capital.”

“half?” wonwoo asked incredulously. “half? it’s soonyoung doing all the work. i say they get a third.”

younghoon, the man who presumably held a similar position to jihoon, snorted, “do you want the reinforcements or not?” such a short but deliberate statement on the other man’s behalf forced soonyoung to gulp, the queasy sensation in his stomach returning.

reinforcements?

—-----------------------

as much as you loved working with seulgi, there were plenty of times you enjoyed cleaning in silence. sometimes it was quite relaxing to work on your own, to get lost in your thoughts and even hum a quiet tune while tidying the second and third floor of the palace to perfection. more often than not, being alone allowed you to get all of your chores done in a much more timely manner.

you sat on the balcony, cross legged, with your back against the cold bricks of the castle. you released a deep breath you’d seemed to be holding throughout the entire day, staring at the gray clouds above you. they stirred within their positions in the sky, as if to settle comfortably after a long day, just as you were doing.

while staring at your palms, you imagined the presence of soonyoung’s hands below them, the feeling practically imprinted within your skin after several days. you ached for another fleeting encounter with him, even just a quick look into his warm, friendly eyes or a brush of his hand against yours. he possessed every thought of yours throughout the day, his laugh and his smile echoed throughout your mind..

you had no other way to describe these feelings besides intense, restless, awfully embarrassing yearning. but for what? that was the million dollar question, it seemed.

footsteps sounded behind the french doors and for a moment, you wondered if seulgi had finally found you. however, you were quickly proved wrong when the man of the hour stepped onto the balcony, his eyes immediately finding yours as an apologetic frown surfaced. “oh, i’m sorry-”

“no,” you protested a little too quickly. “it’s alright, i was just leaving.”

he watched as you rose to your feet, brushing the dust off of your skirts, and his gaze immediately softened, “no, please- you don’t have to go.” before you could protest, however, he chuckled, “actually, i would love someone to talk to right now.”

you looked towards the large doors, clouded by thick curtains on the other side of the windows. at least if anyone would think to look for either of you on the third level of the palace, the fabric was thick enough to cover your shadows. and it was getting dark out.. “alright.” with a small chuckle, you sat on the ground and returned to your comfortable position once more.

soonyoung sat next to you, right next to you, his shoulder and knee pressing against yours as he leaned back against the wall with a heavy sigh. he sat with his legs crossed, staring up at the clouds as if to search intently for any compelling patterns. after a pause of silence, he chuckled, “this is just like old times, isn’t it?”

you chuckled soon after, briefly remembering a summer where the two of you spent the majority of your shared time laying on the grass, staring up at the sky and trying to find patterns within the clouds. “mhm,” you hummed.

“oh, look! that one’s a teddy bear,” he remarked, pointing towards the graying cloud in question. another chuckle escaped from your lips; he was right, the stormcloud vaguely resembled a stuffed animal. “really nice..”

“indeed,” you chuckled again, unsure of what else to say. inwardly, you berated yourself again- why was it so difficult speaking with him? “sorry..if i got you in trouble the other day.”

he was quick to brush off your apology, shaking his head. “don’t worry about it. you didn’t know.”

you nodded stiffly. of course, you had no way of knowing for certain that jihoon would burst through the door.. but you had your suspicions. as you always did. “you didn’t..get in too much trouble with him, did you?”

“oh. no, don’t even worry about it,” he waved his hand dismissively, snickering soon after. “even jihoon can’t stay mad at me for that long. everything’s fine, i promise.”

you smiled to yourself; honestly, you weren’t sure how anyone could stay mad at soonyoung for too long. not that you would voice that out loud.. “well..i’m glad to hear it.” a sigh fell from your lips before you looked down at your lap and began to tug at a loose thread on your skirt. you needed a new dress, that much was for certain.. but the last thing you wanted was to risk misplacing any funds you worked so hard for.

soonyoung smiled to himself, his gaze shifting to your hands. he soon remembered how it felt holding onto them and wished he could pluck up the courage to take them in his own. instead, he let his arms relax lazily by his sides as he watched you play with the threads of your worn dress. “i have a proposition for you.”

you lifted up your chin to meet his gaze, finding his lips too close to your own for comfort. “and what would that be?”

he made no effort to break away from you, however, clearly enjoying the nonexistent space between the two of you. hope rang throughout his voice as he beamed, clearly trying to contain his excitement, “there’s a fair coming to town once the snow melts. we should go together.”

for a moment, your heart swelled upon hearing his invitation. an outing with soonyoung, after far too much time apart, sounded absolutely heavenly. then..why were you hesitating? “oh..soonyoung-” you paused, prompting the man to the edge of his seat, so to speak. you hated to shut him down, even with such a gentle tone, “i’m..not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“why ever not?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed as his voice laced with sympathy. clearly, he wasn’t taking much offense by your words; in fact, it seemed more like he was saddened by the melancholy within your own voice.

“i-” you started, swallowing heavily. “i just don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression.”

he laughed, albeit a bit sadly. but he continued, “how do you mean?”

you furrowed your eyebrows, your heart shattering as you struggled to grapple with the gravity of your own words. you kept your tone low, afraid of executing them terribly, “it’s just..you’re a courtier. i’m a servant. we..shouldn’t even be in the same room together, unless-” you stopped yourself, hoping he could deduce the rest.

“but we’re friends!” he stated, hoping to cheer you up with his familiar crooked smile. “we have been for a long time. i don’t think status should change that.”

“yes, but-” you paused, once again staring down at your lap in embarrassment. even if it was soonyoung staring at the small holes forming in your skirt, you were horrified. especially when he was the spitting image of royalty sitting next to you. “none of them know that.”

“do you want me to tell them?” he teased, nudging your shoulder with his own.

you chuckled, much to your own dismay, and briefly decided to humor him. “if you really want to.”

“i do.” after finally finding the courage within himself, he carefully lifted your hand off your knee in favor of grasping gently onto your palm. he allowed your joined hands to rest near his own knee, allowing you one more feel for his achingly soft robes.. “i want everyone to know how important you are to me.”

your heart fluttered upon hearing his words. he knew all the right words to say to make you feel flustered, discomposed, even, years later. “actually-” you started, your chest already stiffening with the difficult confession. “i think.. i think it would be better if-”

“shhh…” he snickered, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. as much as you fought it, you couldn’t prevent a smile from twisting at your lips. “can we just- forget about all of them for a moment?”

“very well,” you sighed in defeat, allowing yourself to rest your head upon his shoulder. in less than a breath, his cheek rested gently upon the top of your head and his eyes were shut. you wished you were able to relax as quickly as he could; your chest felt stiff and your eyes refused to shut completely for even a moment. you remembered all too well how sick you felt when jihoon walked in on your perfectly innocent encounter..

you envied soonyoung, for he seemed to forget all about the negative and scary aspects of it. he focused only on the way you made him feel, the way you brought him comfort when he needed it the most. he didn’t seem fazed by the fact someone could walk out there at any given moment. but that was how the two of you had always been: soonyoung, zestful and fearless, and you, quiet and level-headed.

the clouds darkened above the two of you, but neither of you stirred. it felt melancholic, the way the two of you sat underneath the storming sky in quiet and unbothered contemplation. even when the snow began to fall, soonyoung only snickered and tilted his head up towards the sky again. “i’ve missed the snow.”

“me too,” you admitted. “i remember when we’d go ice skating-”

“and make snow angels,” he finished, excitement filling his tone one more as he lifted his head from yours.

you lifted your head from his shoulder, your eyes soon finding his. “i can’t believe you remembered that.”

“of course i remembered,” he snickered. “i remembered everything.” once again, the fact that he could laugh as if he hadn’t delivered one of the most beautiful, heartfelt sentiments just moments before astounded you. “i remember your snow angels were always so much more beautiful than mine. somehow.”

you nodded, returning the quiet laugh, “there’s a technique to it.”

“and yet you never taught it to me.”

“there’s still time,” you whispered, unable and unwilling to hold yourself back from doing so. you knew better than to feel so hopeful..still. whether it was to reassure yourself or soonyoung, you weren’t entirely sure. but you tried to stop overthinking it the moment you saw the look of pure adoration in his eyes.

the delicate snowflakes fell in such a beautiful coordinated dance around the two of you. one fell on his shoulder, allowing you a peek of the crystalized detailing before it melted away. soonyoung laughed softly in amusement as they fell into your hair, nearly covering the strands before promptly dissolving. you snickered as the powdery flakes gave his messy hair the same treatment and moved a timid hand to brush some of them away.

he moved a hand to cup your shoulder, making no attempt to swat your hand away from his hair, however. neither of you spoke, staring helplessly at each other through the peaceful snowfall. he leaned in slowly, you did the same, and before you could catch your breath his lips were on yours. he was gentle but assertive. he kissed you with confidence; he knew what he’d wanted from the moment he reunited with you. and of course, you moved your lips with his in a softspoken but self-assured dance. suddenly it was as if all of your worries and hesitancy had melted away.

you were the first to pull away, your lips only a breath away from his once you found the courage to do so. there was so much you wanted to tell him about how you’d missed him terribly, how you never truly forgot about the way he made you feel.. yet it all remained on the tip of your tongue.

he opted to speak first, sliding his palm to rest upon the back of your neck and play with any strand of hair he could reach. “as you may have already guessed..” he started, chuckling in disbelief; there was no way this wasn’t a dream. “i haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

he must have noticed your confusion, the way your eyebrows briefly knitted together, for he merely beamed. “it’s barely been a few days,” you spoke in your overfamiliar rational tone.

“you know what i mean.” he scrunched up his nose, effectively pulling another small laugh from your lips. “ever since i left so long ago. i wish i could’ve snuck you in one of my suitcases.”

you snickered, briefly bowing your head. the thought had crossed your mind multiple times, in a sense. “i’ve missed you too,” you spoke lowly, though you wished you could speak as freely as soonyoung had always been able to. “so so much.”

“well…” with his index finger placed delicately underneath your chin, he silently prompted you to face him. you thought it was perhaps the most you’d ever seen soonyoung act so..reserved. “i don’t know about you, but i plan on making the most of our time together.”

once again, you were met with the visceral feeling of your hesitancy melting away. you nodded in agreement, “great minds really do think alike.” before he could let out a full laugh, your lips were on his. this kiss was much different from the last, the two of you pouring out every sentiment and emotion you’d been forced to keep to yourself for too long. the secrecy remained..but at least the two of you could revel in it together.

he chased your lips in desperation, trying his best not to let his smile grow too wide and disrupt the kiss. after stealing a few more quick pecks he pulled away to smile fondly towards you and allow you to catch your breath. in that moment when your eyes met, soonyoung’s completely dazed and flushed, you realized…you were completely and utterly fucked.

—--------------------

you were assigned to work with seulgi the night of the impromptu dinner party, waiting near the furthest wall should any of the attendees need anything else. the two of you stood with your hands folded in front of you, staring straight ahead with neutral expressions. it was difficult not to eavesdrop on the conversation playing out in front of you while pretending to be unbothered. something about land management, storage methods for the winter..

of course, it was all lost on you every time your gaze landed on soonyoung. you could tell, even from afar, that he was doing his best to focus on the task at hand..whatever that may be. only every now and then would he steal a quick, unnoticeable glance towards the back of the room and send you a smile that barely reached his eyes. you were proud of him, all things considered.

the weeks that passed by were possibly the happiest of your life. stolen glances in the hallway, secret kisses in hidden corridors of the castle, a few handwritten notes stuffed under your bedroom door.. it was beautiful. it was terribly romantic. every moment you spent apart from him, you found yourself counting down the seconds until you could see him again.

you told no one about your secret courtship, not even seulgi. soonyoung kept the secret too, even if he was reluctant to do so. he felt so giddy, so lightheaded every time he saw you.. he had to tell someone about it. anyone. but..your comfort was more important to him. it seemed like a fair sacrifice to make.

seulgi eventually leaned closer to you and whispered, “what do you suppose any of this means?”

“no idea,” you chuckled under your breath. even if whatever they were talking about did concern you, which it didn’t, you couldn’t bother to focus your attention on anything else but the raven-haired man across the room. he felt so close, yet so far. you craved a moment alone with him…

“i’m surprised gahyun’s not here,” seulgi whispered, once again pulling you out of your love-struck daze. however, you nodded all the same, under the guise of being invested in the conversation with her. “i bet she’s exhausted. she works so hard; she barely gets any sleep.”

you nodded before confessing lowly, “i feel guilty. and i’m not sure why.”

seulgi shrugged, staring mindlessly at the table straight ahead. “you shouldn’t. she’s been watching over the queen for a few years now.. i’m not so sure why she’s so highly strung about it.”

“i wouldn’t say she’s highly strung,” you countered lowly and tilted your chin towards the floor to avoid soonyoung’s gaze. you tried to bite back a smile, hiding it from seulgi and anyone else that may have looked over towards you.

“you know i mean well.”

the two of you fell silent for the entirety of the party and eventually, the attendees rose to their feet and collectively began to depart from the room. soonyoung lingered in the room for a moment, his intense gaze finding yours as he expertly slipped a piece of paper under his plate. he practically skipped away to join his colleagues, leaving you and seulgi to clean up after them.

you quickly opted to clean the side of the table soonyoung had been sitting on. once your friend was properly distracted, muttering to herself about how late it was, you grabbed the tiny piece of paper and slipped it into your pocket. “at least they cleaned after themselves decently enough,” you chimed in.

“decently enough, at least,” she repeated your words with a snicker before leading you to the kitchen. the tiny slip of paper buried within your apron felt like a rock, weighing down on you and serving as a constant reminder of who you were dying to see. as if yearning for a moment with him alone wasn’t enough, now the curiosity of what he’d written was eating you alive.

the two of you had worked together long enough to find a steady rhythm, finishing the dishes in a timely manner. and when her back was turned and she placed the last few stacks in the cupboards, you stole a quick look at the note soonyoung had given you, which read: “meet me in your room tonight. i’ll be waiting. <3”

the two of you walked down the hall in silence, as not to disturb any of the other servants. you were grateful that at the very least, seulgi slept at the opposite end of the hallway from you. after the two of you finally shared your goodnights, you slipped through the tiny crack in your bedroom door, for fear of anyone seeing the unwelcomed figure in your private quarters.

you smiled brightly as you locked the door behind you and greeted the man sitting politely on your bed with a quiet laugh. “sorry,” you whispered. “cleaning took a bit longer than expected.”

“don’t worry about it.” he rose to his feet, allowing you a closer look at the three boxes stacked upon your bed. three plain, clean boxes, two large and one small. before you could ask him about them, he stood before you with his hands practically glued to your waist and pressed his lips onto yours in a quick but passionate kiss. he chuckled into your mouth, “god, that was torture.”

you chuckled soon after, your own timid hands soon finding purchase near the collar of his dress shirt. “tell me about it.” you chased his lips with your own when he laughed a little too loudly for comfort, even during his best efforts to keep his voice down. but you, grinning dumbly, couldn’t stay mad at him for too long. “shhh.”

your efforts to shut him up proved to be successful. soon after he let out a low hum, he got lost in the slow, deep kiss you shared and carefully slid his hands up your body until they rested upon your jawline. his lips molded with yours until he remembered what was laying on the bed and broke the kiss, excitement in his eyes. “i got you some presents.”

“i can see that.” the two of you had grown accustomed to whispering during any time you had together. it had become almost an intimate, personal language only the two of you spoke, even if it was difficult, more often than not, for soonyoung not to raise his voice another octave. “what are they?”

“why don’t you open them and find out?” soonyoung snickered, the sound briefly startling you, and he took both of your hands in his before prompting you to sit alongside him on the bed. he beamed, unable to contain his excitement (or his secrets, for that matter), before grabbing the box on the bottom of the pile and placing it in your lap.

you smiled to yourself, biting back a chuckle, before lifting the lid off of the box as quietly as you were able. the rustling of the parchment paper made you cringe inwardly, soon being replaced by an unmistakable warmth within your heart. a plain brown dress was folded neatly underneath thin, wrinkled paper- probably one of the most comfortable-looking dresses you’d seen in your life.

“you needed a new uniform,” he explained, his voice barely above a whisper. he smiled with beautiful sentimentality once you looked over to him, an incredulous look in your eyes. he lowered his tone again, “that’s nothing. look in the other ones.”

after pushing the opened box aside, soonyoung picked up the other large one and promptly placed it in your lap. you were more cautious opening this one, making sure the parchment paper didn’t crinkle so loudly this time. another dress was folded carefully inside, this one a beautiful cream color with tiny black flowers stitched into the fabric.

“for the fair,” he explained again before linking his arm around your waist. his hold was firm, confident.. but gentle as always. “i hope you have a good coat, by the way.”

you chuckled, ignoring the hesitance to the best of your ability and pushing it to the back of your mind. the two of you could figure out the logistics of a public outing later. “i have one.. it’s decent enough,” you whispered.

“good,” he chuckled, his chin resting atop your shoulder. you felt him smile even brighter, his furthest hand squeezing your hip. “c’mon, open the next one. this one’s the best.” you chuckled helplessly upon realizing that outwardly, at least, the man appeared to be far more excited about the gifts than you were.

within the smallest box lay a pair of brand new ice skates, the sharp blades shining brightly in the moonlight. you pressed a hand to your chest upon feeling a distinct sort of aching.. your heart felt heavy with adoration and gratitude. for a moment, you could only stare at the skates in awe. “you..you…”

soonyoung paused, as if to hear you out. try as you might, you could barely muster anything beyond a quiet yet heartfelt expression of gratitude. he wrapped his other arm around your center, pulling you in for a tight embrace. “i have to go on this..excursion for the court. it’s a whole ordeal. i thought you could come with me. we could stop by the lake, it should still be frozen over.”

the more soonyoung spoke, the more he tugged feverishly at your heartstrings. your heart nearly lept out of your chest at the thought of running away with him, even for just a day or two. “i.. i still have so many chores to catch up on-” you admitted lowly, avoiding his gaze. you hated to see him upset, especially knowing your words had any part in it.

but soonyoung was nothing if not persistent. he wrapped his arms even tighter around your figure, nearly enough to knock the breath out of your lungs. not that you would ever protest, of course. “i’ll make it worth your while, i swear. i can tell sangyeon you’re sick. i can help you complete your chores this weekend.”

“soonyoung-”

“come on, we can cross that bridge when we get to it,” he pleaded, fighting everything inside him telling him to raise his voice. “please?”

you knew it was a terrible idea. if anyone saw you leaving the palace at the same time.. they would most definitely be able to draw conclusions on their own. it was already risky taking time off for yourself; asking for the day off was never really a simple ordeal. but the look in soonyoung’s eyes, his piercing, expressive eyes, was almost enough to assure you things would work in both your and his favor.

we can cross that bridge when we get to it.

you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, doing your best to hug him with as much compression and strength as you could muster. he quickly returned the favor, having to silence his laughs by giggling into the area where your neck and shoulder met. “i know you’ll make it worth my while,” you told him once he’d calmed down.

“is that a yes?” he perked up, lifting his chin to look in your eyes, as if the answer lay within your irises.

“...it’s not a no.”

he smiled breathlessly before leaning in to kiss you again. and again. and again.. every time his lips met yours, you could feel his need. his gentle insistence. it never failed to bring a smile to your lips; something about the way he kissed you and muttered sweet nothings was so addicting. “thank you,” he paused his pecks, whispering. “thank you.”

“don’t thank me yet,” you chuckled against his lips, soon placing your palm flat on his chest. “now you must go, or you’ll be late for your meeting in the morning.”

soonyoung’s face coiled and you knew he wanted to groan out his protest. loudly, at that. “i wish i could just sleep in here. your bed’s so comfortable.”

you snickered, knowing your mattress was probably the last surface anyone would want to spend the night on, if they could help it. it was firm, tough, and it barely offered any comfort after a restless day. just another testament to soonyoung’s unfailing kindness towards you. “i know. but won’t it raise some eyebrows? a courtier sneaking out of the servant hall early in the morning?”

he frowned, his nose scrunching up at the movement. “why do you always have to be so wise?”

“i ask myself the same thing everyday.” you cupped both of his cheeks, pressing a firm kiss against his lips before reluctantly moving off the bed. soonyoung followed, his eyes glued to you as he silently followed you towards the door.

“until tomorrow,” he sighed, disappointment etched within his features.

“you can spend a few hours without me,” you whispered in his ear once he’d brought you in for another warm embrace. your arms inevitably found their way around his neck as you clung onto him like your life depended on it.

“no i can’tttt.” you snickered at the way soonyoung managed to whine in such a low tone. “it’s torturous. i wish you could just come everywhere with me.”

you sighed, “i know.” another chuckle fell from your lips once your chin fell upon his shoulder, this one somewhat sadder than the last. as much as your secret meetings, whispered conversations and forbidden kisses excited you, more often than not, you wished it was simpler between the two of you. part of it was so exhausting... “go on. you need your sleep.”

reluctantly, soonyoung broke out of the embrace to cup your chin between his thumb and index finger. “very well. i’ll leave a word with sangyeon first thing in the morning.”

“wh-” before you could formulate your question, soonyoung pressed his lips against yours in a hasty kiss and promptly rushed out the door. you stood dumbfounded, but lovestruck, all the same.

soonyoung, however, felt as if a beauty symphony rang throughout the hallway. he smiled dumbly to himself, scarcely managing to keep his wits about him as he hurried out of the servants’ corridor. he held his chin high, for with the dreaded feeling of your absence came the excitement of reuniting with you.

now just how could he steal sangyeon away from his work and…

“soonyoung.” a voice, much too smooth and calculated, sounded once he’d reached the end of the hallway. his heart fell to his stomach and he could have sworn that his soul left his body once jihoon stood before him, appearing to be alarmingly..calm.

“good god, jihoon, what the hell was that for?” he demanded, clutching at his dress shirt. his fist dragged along his own chest in circular motions, a vain attempt at soothing his racing heart.

jihoon barely flinched upon hearing his otherwise startling tone. “i know what you’re doing,” he stated somewhat matter-of-factly.

just then, soonyoung felt the blood drain from his face, most likely following the path of his heavy heart, as he jumped to the worst possible conclusion. he gulped, “you..you do?” as jihoon seemingly paused for dramatic effect, he had to ask himself how it was possible for things to take such an intense turn from perfection in such a short amount of time.

suddenly jihoon nodded and soonyoung wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved that he was finally speaking up. “yes, i do.” he crossed in front of him, his arms folded tight across his chest. “you’ve been shirking your duties. why is that, i wonder?”

soonyoung looked past the man’s shoulder and surveyed the rest of the main floor, as if plotting his escape. really, his goal was to avoid eye contact. “it’s..cold. i’ve been trying to gather all the right supplies.”

“are you sure you’re not just trying to prolong the inevitable?” he raised an eyebrow smugly.

he scoffed, “no, i’m just trying to avoid getting hypothermia or pneumonia, thank you very much.”

this time, jihoon took a page out of the older man’s book and took a quick look at their surroundings. the palace was deadly silent; under any other circumstance, soonyoung wouldn’t have found it so eerie. then he spoke in a low tone, “if you play your cards right, you may never have to worry about getting sick ever again.”

soonyoung took a step backwards, nearly stumbling. he wanted to argue. he wanted to counter him with age-old questions, ‘how do you know that?’ or ‘if whatever you’re talking about is so great, why can’t you procure it yourself?’ instead he settled for a stiffened nod and a forced grin, “i’m leaving around noon tomorrow.”

jihoon smiled, though it barely reached his eyes. “good.”

biting back a sigh of exhaustion, he pushed past jihoon and began to cross to the large exit door. freedom from the darkened hallways and overbearing colleagues was so close he could almost taste it. but when his superior’s cool voice ran through the hall again, calling his name, he screwed his eyes shut. “...yes?”

“you’d do well not to be so negligent from now on.” a pause, as if allowing soonyoung to shake off the chill that had run down his spine. “good night.”

—-----------------

on any other given day, getting out of the palace wouldn’t have been a problem. however, getting out of the palace under the guise of taking a sick day and trying not to be seen with soonyoung was an entirely different story. donned with the warmest dress and largest cloak you owned, you snuck throughout the halls and outside the servant’s entrance, avoiding eye contact with several colleagues in the process.

you were relieved to see an empty path before you once met with the frigid winter air. soonyoung had given up trying to convince you to meet him near the hidden entrance of the palace once he realized neither of you should be willing to take the risk of being caught. in the distance, however, you could have sworn you saw a string of bright red amidst the snow-covered trees.. his scarf. after a quick, precautionary look behind your shoulder, you were on your way to chase the blur of scarlet.

he stepped out of his less than effective hiding spot the moment he heard the snow crunching at your feet. his cheeks were flushed to a deep shade of red, however, something told you the icy winds had no part in it. “took you long enough,” he teased. “i thought i was gonna freeze to death if i waited a second longer.”

you pressed a lingering kiss against his cheek in favor of an apology. his gloved hands soon found yours and effectively prompted you to walk alongside him. “what are they doing, forcing you to go on an excursion this time of year, anyways?” even in your largest cloak, the cold was so difficult to ignore; you could only hope soonyoung wasn’t suffering as you were.

he shrugged dismissively. “just surveilling some of the unmanaged land around the kingdom.”

“they expect you to examine all of it in a day? in the wintertime, nonetheless?” you asked, visibly confused.

“well..” he stopped, briefly looking up to the sky in contemplation as if he hadn’t thought that far ahead already. after composing himself, he squeezed your hand in reassurance. “no. i thought we’d go somewhere we already know pretty well, then go back to the palace. just for today. then i’ll make my rounds throughout the week and you don’t have to miss so much work.”

it was strange, the way he felt the need to over explain himself when speaking with you. the way you saw it, if there was anyone in the palace he could put his full trust in without being disappointed, it was yourself. “alright.. that’s actually not a bad idea.”

you were grateful, at the very least, that soonyoung had procured a horse for the two of you and chose not to ask any question before mounting his saddle. you just hoped that the most difficult part of the journey was over; while the two of you shared the tight space on the saddle, you were allowed to take in the sights around you properly while having a perfect excuse to hold onto soonyoung tightly around the waist. it was the best of both worlds.

majestic couldn’t even begin to describe the open plains of the kingdom during the wintertime. several inches of powdery snow shone in the sunlight, the flakes clung to the trees’ thin branches like lace, the sky was the most beautiful shade of baby blue you’d ever seen in your life.

as much as you would have loved to enjoy your surroundings, you couldn’t exactly sit in silence. “soonyoung?”

“hmmm?”

“why did you never tell me your uncle was a courtier?” you asked, your hands slightly tensing near his sternum once holding your arms in a fixed position became too trying of a task.

soonyoung chuckled, as if taken aback by your question. “honestly? i didn’t really find out myself until a few days before we moved,” he explained. “i always knew he came from good money, i just didn’t know where he got it all from. or why my father didn’t have much, for that matter.”

“right..” you nodded, your chin brushing against his shoulder with the brisk movement.

“but my father was never really the type to sit behind a desk and organize meetings, anyways,” soonyoung continued. “he loved the ocean. any opportunity he could, he joined the royal navy on their voyages. he was..adventurous. bold, daring, zealous-”

“a lot like you,” you chimed in softly.

you watched his cheeks flush with that same shade of tomato red, his eyes falling to the reins he clutched onto tightly. “i’d like to think so. though, i will be the first to admit i don’t want to be anywhere near the ocean.”

“what? you seemed to have no problem ice skating back in the day,” you reminded him.

“oh, come on that’s much different,” soonyoung replied defensively. “for one, the ocean’s a lot more.. restless and boundless than that old river. so much of it hasn’t even been discovered yet.”

“restless and boundless? sounds like someone else i know,” you snickered. “it’s a shame. the two of you would make such a great pair.”

he shook his head, laughing helplessly at this point. “i think you and i both know what i really need is someone who’d keep me even tempered.” you knew without any second guessing who he was referring to. he spoke so effortlessly, so casually, you would have thought he was talking about something as mundane as the weather. even so, his words ignited a fire within your heart that nearly made you forget about the cold entirely.

you played off your bashfulness with a chuckle, watching a cloud of smoke escape from your lips as a result. “i suppose you’re right. even if there is really no use in trying to settle you down.”

soonyoung pouted but didn’t argue, instead opting for changing the subject. “what about you? how did you come to work at the palace?”

you paused. after a few years in the palace, it felt as if you’d been there your entire life and it was impossible, pointless even, to recall your life beforehand. “well.. you remember when my father went on that excursion of his,” you chuckled in annoyance. “he promised he’d come back rich, even though we were living quite comfortably. well.. he still hasn’t returned home. we ran out of the money he’d left for us, but he did leave us with plenty of debt. my mother was taken away to the debtors’ prison and i was left to search for work and boarding until i ended up at the palace, by some miracle.”

soonyoung didn’t even try to hide his shock, or his disdain for that matter. “what??” he almost shrieked. he patted your wrist after feeling you jump behind him, a temporary apology. “i don’t know what to say. that’s one of the worst things i’ve ever heard, i’m so sorry.”

you shrugged. “i’ve made my peace with it by now.”

“you shouldn’t have to, though,” he countered. “i can easily pay your father’s debts off for you. she shouldn’t have to live in a cell for the rest of her life just because-” he stopped himself before he could risk hitting a nerve.

just because her husband was a lowlife? “we appreciate that. but we won’t accept any charity.” much to your surprise, soonyoung didn’t press you any further on the matter.

neither of you were expecting to arrive to your main destination so quickly. you were definitely not expecting to arrive at, the large river you’d grown quite familiar with as a child, of all places. the fact that it looked exactly the same, even years later, left you feeling awe struck. your jaw remained agape even when dismounting the horse.

“it’s- so-” you started, sounding absolutely stupid. not that you cared, seeing that the twisting body of frozen water lay before you, mountains of snow and frostbitten trees surrounding it. it felt so incredibly peaceful. it felt like your shared sanctuary.

soonyoung chuckled and ensured his dark horse was securely but loosely tied to a nearby tree. he then reached into his satchel, pulling out two matching pairs of ice skates and effectively earning a snicker from you. “i have my ways,” he shrugged, answering the question on the tip of your tongue.

tying your straps and ensuring the blades were secure felt like a blur. the two of you waddled towards the edge of the river, staying too close to the snow for soonyoung’s liking. he squeezed your hand in silent encouragement, “how are you feeling? balanced?”

you held on tighter to his hand, staring down at your feet moving back and forth in choppy motions. “um.. sort of?”

“good.” after securing his tight grip on your hand once more, soonyoung kicked his right foot and the two of you were off. your shriek echoed throughout the cold air as you held onto him for dear life, stumbling on the frosty surface. “see? you’ve still got it!”

you laughed once he pulled you into a sharp turn near a winding corner, the abrupt movement startling you enough to hold onto him tighter. “hardly!” even as warm nostalgia flooded through your veins and motivated you enough to match his movements, soonyoung’s work agenda remained in the back of your mind. “i don’t see what this has to do wi-”

you shrieked again once he paused his movements just enough to let go of your hand without making you fall down completely. for a moment you stood alone, dumbfounded and wobbly, watching him glide in front of you with such practiced ease. “come on, it’s not getting any colder!” he yelled past his shoulder.

“stay near the edges,” you reminded him, though something told you that instruction would go in one ear and out the other. his bright red scarf and large coat appeared as if they would float right off of his figure with how fast he was skating. “very well.” after a moment you finally broke down and pushed after him, arms at your side in an attempt to steady yourself.

soonyoung would soon turn around to face you, moving a little too close to the middle of the water for your own comfort. before you could scold him again, he zipped towards you and grabbed both of your hands, coming to a full stop. “i’m so happy here with you,” he said breathlessly. “thank you.”

you held tightly to his hands even if you were slowly finding your balance. “whatever for?”

“for always humoring me.” with that, he closed the space between the two of you in favor of kissing you gently. the two of you presented a gentle smile in unison and soonyoung was the one to break away. “it can’t be easy.”

you paused, unsure whether to confirm or deny his statement. the truth was.. soonyoung provided the excitement and laughter in your life that you’d seemed to be chasing for much too long. how could you ever hold that against him?

of course, you wished he would at the very least give you time to formulate a response with more substance than, ‘i don’t mind it so much.’ for he pulled you alongside him down the winding path, opting for a smoother pace this time around. four blades glide against the shining ice in a beautiful, casual air while the two of you remained hand in hand.

“are you sure they’ll approve of you taking a turn around the lake like this?” you finally asked.

“definitely not,” he snickered. “but they don’t need to know. it’ll be our little secret.”

you sighed, a sarcastic air within the little cloud of smoke near your lips. “so many secrets.”

you don’t know the half of it. before soonyoung could offer an assuring remark, he looked towards the previously proclaimed forbidden spot on the lake. most of the surface was gray, misty almost.. but there was a distinct glow of light blue almost directly in the center of the streambed. suddenly he remembered.. “oh-”

“soonyoung, don’t-” you voiced your protest to no avail. he dropped your hand in favor of inching closer and closer towards the magnetizing center floor.

“it’s fine, y/n,” he chuckled without turning back to face you. instead he tried not to focus too much on how the ice was much thinner where he was standing, allowing him a closer look at the blue rocks deep deep below the surface. “come on, you used to love it over here.”

“back when we were a lot smaller,” you countered, now feeling antsy as you lingered near the lake’s edge.

he snickered with a dismissive wave of your hand, nearly making your blood boil in frustration. he ignored you otherwise, bending down ever so slightly to get a closer look.. and then he realized, everything hitting him all at once..

“soonyoung-”

“that’s why they all looked so familiar,” he muttered to himself, his mind racing. no, it had to be too good to be true. his very first stop, he came across the object he’d been sent to procure. how could it be possible that the moonstones were directly in front of him his entire life, just barely out of reach..

was it fate? destiny?

“soonyoung, come on. snap out of it-”

he didn’t even hear the crack before he fell into the water. across the river, however, it sounded like thunder. you reacted immediately, rushing towards the broken ice without a second thought. you couldn’t scream. you couldn’t speak. you could barely even breath as you grabbed onto both of his arms, feeling the thinning ice settle underneath you.

but you didn’t give up. soonyoung did what he could to push himself out of the water, holding onto your arms for dear life. neither of you spoke a word, both of your panicked breaths speaking for themselves. inwardly, you were cursing, pleading with him.. he must have known from the moment his eyes found yours.

once he reached the surface, his entire figure drenched in ice cold water, you promptly dragged him off of the ice entirely. he shivered violently, clinging to any ounce of warmth you could offer him, “y/n-”

“god, you’re so so stupid,” you cut him off with a broken sob, your hands cupping both of his achingly cold cheeks. “how could you do something like that?! you know better, i know you do!”

he held onto you tighter, chasing your warmth. chasing your comfort, especially once you threw off your overcoat and draped it over his shoulders. “i know, i-”

“you’re so fucking stupid,” you cried and threw your arms around his shoulders, effectively trapping him in your embrace. tears fell down your cheeks as the loud crack echoed in your mind again and again, nearly encouraging you to scream at the top of your lungs. “are you alright?? god, tell me you’re alright-”

“i’m fine,” he spoke in shuddered breaths, now clinging onto you as if to take every last breath away. he chased every fleeting hint of warmth your lips brought to his skin as you kissed his cheek, again and again. “i’m fine. i’m sorry. i’m sorry..”

for a moment, you could only cry quietly into his wet shoulder and search desperately for comfort within the sound of his steadying heartbeat. the thought of losing him again was unbearable, you’d always known that, but after nearing the possibility.. “what was that for?”

“it-” he paused with a sheepish expression. “it’s a long story-”

—---------

making the journey back towards the palace in soonyoung’s condition was not an option, at least the two of you could agree on that. hence why the two of you sat in a dimly lit room in the inn, wearing borrowed clothes and hugging each other tightly under the covers as night fell. your eyes, filled with gentle insistence, searched his for any reasonable explanation for his failed logic.

“why would you do something like that?” you asked, your tone low but persistent. “you could have drowned if i wasn’t there. all for some rocks?”

he drew in a sigh and you felt his sternum rise before falling against yours, reminding you of just how close you were laying together. “you have to swear not to tell anyone. and i mean anyone.”

“of course,” you agreed; after all, what was one more secret?

“they’re not just some rocks. jihoon believes those stones possess magic of some kind. he sent me to find them and bring them back to the palace. without telling jeonghan.” as he spoke, his voice remained avoidant, almost sheepish. you would have almost found it comical.

“..what?” there was always an unsettling anxiety that came with the fact that you never really knew what went on behind closed doors. you had placed your faith in jeonghan since the day of his coronation; he seemed to advocate for all of the right things.. but your stomach did somersaults with the newfound knowledge that he didn’t have all the power you might have thought he did. “that’s…so..so wrong. how could he make you do that?”

“no idea,” he replied hastily. “he’s changed. i don’t like being around him. i understand that it can’t be easy ruling a kingdom but i don’t know.”

you nodded, settling comfortably in the crook of his neck. much to your relief, he was finally starting to warm up. “what are you going to do?”

“no idea,” he repeated. “i can’t tell jeonghan what’s going on because jihoon’ll get mad and have me removed from the court. i can’t keep it a secret, jeonghan could have everyone removed and most likely banished. i definitely can’t fish the rocks out of the stream right now; the water probably froze back over tonight and who knows how deep the water is, anyways. and.. i just can’t believe they’ve been right in front of my face this whole time.”

you listened to his ramblings without interrupting, keeping a comforting hold on his shoulder as he spoke. “you’re worried about jihoon being mad at you?” you asked, your words slightly muffled against his neck.

“hmm?”

“i’m just saying-” you pulled away, falling back against the pillow to properly meet his gaze. “i think there’s a lot more at stake than someone’s feelings towards you.”

soonyoung’s lips fell apart, at a loss for words. “well, i know that, but- it’s complicated. jihoon’s not just my superior, he’s my friend. i can’t lose him just because of a disagreement.”

“but it’s not just a disagreement,” you countered. “he’s going behind the king’s back. he doesn’t know what he’s getting into with these powers, and i think he’s being a little hypocritical-”

“well, yeah, he’s not perfect,” he interrupted and broke out of your embrace, sitting upright. immediately feeling affected by the loss of the blankets, he tugged the fabric of the borrowed dress robes closer to his figure. “but he’s..it’s all just..” he paused, trying to compose all of his thoughts. “it’s really complicated. you wouldn’t understand.”

you furrowed your eyebrows. “why wouldn’t i understand?” you mirrored his position, sitting upright and propping yourself up by your left hand to face him properly.

visibly, soonyoung regretted his words. “well.. because-”

“because i’m just some lowly servant?” you finished for him, your voice gentle even as you scolded him. “because i’m so simple and unassuming compared to the rest of your friends?”

soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows, pausing abruptly and welcoming the palpable tension. “what are you talking about? where did that come from?”

you scoffed, the pitiful laugh barely audible. “you know it's the truth.”

“no, it’s not.”

“why we have to sneak around, why we can’t talk outside my bedroom,” you continued. “why we can’t even be caught looking at each other.”

the confusion and hurt was visible within soonyoung’s features. he kept his eyebrows furrowed in disbelief, continuing, “you think i prefer to sneak around with you? well, i don’t! i hate it! i hate it. you have no idea how much i wish you could come to all of these stupid balls and dinner parties with me. if you don’t want to, i understand, but you won’t even try!”

“i hate it too!” you exclaimed. “but we’re not kids anymore!”

“you think i don’t know that??”

“sometimes, yes!” soonyoung froze and you immediately regretted allowing the words to leave your mouth. you parted your lips, lost for a proper apology, and watched him slowly rise to his feet. “soonyoung, wait-”

he ignored you, pushing past the bed leaving the room with a gentle slam of the door. your words were ingrained in his mind, your delivery, the look in your eyes.. all of it. it hurt. it hurt so terribly, coming face to face with the notion that things between the two of you had just changed too much.

he kept walking and walking until his slippers were met with the powdery snow, his cheeks burning from the frigid winds. but he would not return to you until his mind was clear, he owed you that much. he, too, could be level headed. or so he thought.

for when he eventually found his way back to the river, the familiar heavenly glow was gone and panic settled within his heart. someone had taken the stones.

—---------

as expected, the journey back to the palace was terribly awkward. it didn’t help that neither of you had never been particularly talkative in the mornings and both of you opted to leave promptly at sunrise. your hold around his waist was much looser this time around as you did what you could to give him space on the shared saddle. it was horrible.

the two of you shared a half-hearted farewell before parting ways in the castle. you carried your belongings to the servants’ quarters while trying to be as inconspicuous as possible and soonyoung made a beeline for the great hall. thankfully, no one spotted the two of you together.

you were startled to see seulgi standing in your bedroom the moment you pushed the door open, however. you bit back a shriek, nearly dropping all of your clothes. “seulgi? why aren’t you working?”

“i could ask you the same thing,” she countered, her lips twisting into a teasing smirk. “you never take a day off. what’s going on?”

“nothing,” you stated and hurriedly began to hang up your damp clothing. “i was just feeling a little suffocated in the palace, is all.”

“i don’t blame you,” she sighed before helping you search for your uniform. “yesterday i thought about following you out the door and running far away. the king’s planning an impromptu party for tomorrow night.”

“tomorrow night?” you sighed, slapping your palm over your forehead. maybe you should have asked for another day off, after all. “maybe you’re right. maybe he and the queen are celebrating something.” which only made the news you’d pulled out of soonyoung all the more heartbreaking.

speaking of which, soonyoung was surprised to see he was the first man to arrive inside the courtroom after jihoon. he had never been this early, even if he could have helped it. he found his assigned seat, trying to avoid eye contact with the other man and failing terribly.

“you’re back earlier than expected,” jihoon said quietly.

he gulped, trying to distract himself with the endless stacks of papers on his desk. your words, ever present in the back of his mind, tugged at his heartstrings and proved impossible to ignore. in a shaky tone, he lied with such apparent impulse, “my horse slipped a shoe.”

jihoon stared daggers at the other man, who he could read like a book at this point. not that soonyoung made much of an effort to hide anything particularly well. “sorry to hear that,” jihoon finally sighed. “hopefully you’ll be back on the road in a timely manner.”

“oh yes, hopefully.”

soonyoung found himself praising god or whomever once mingyu and wonwoo burst through the doors. the others soon followed, providing him with a temporary sense of relief whether they realized it or not. still.. he spent the rest of the meeting doing what he could to avoid eye contact with jihoon and push your harsh words out of his mind completely.

—------------

it was no surprise that the dress your best friend had purchased for you was more comfortable than anything else you owned. even a simple frock that served as a formal enough uniform for the party seemed to encourage you to curl up in a ball and fall asleep near the fireplace. instead, you were tasked with carrying the tray of champagne flutes around the ballroom.

for a moment, he was nowhere to be found. you wanted to thank him, tell him how much warmer it was than your last one, but those words seemed forced to remain at the tip of your tongue for the time being.

“new dress?” seulgi’s voice from behind you remained low and somewhat neutral.

you nodded, carefully turning around and avoiding several shoulders to face her. “yes. does it look alright?”

“it looks more like you should be wearing it out to a restaurant,” she chuckled. “where did you find it?”

you paused, soonyoung’s name at the tip of your tongue and the center of your mind, as always. you pushed the thought of him away, as always, to the best of your ability. “just..someplace in town. i’ll have to take you there one of these days.”

“please do.”

the two of you seulgi promptly left your side to continue her rounds. at the very least, you were grateful your performance had been put on a pause for the time being. well, until you had to go to the kitchen to replace your empty glasses. you shuffled down the stairs with bowed shoulders, forcing your eyes shut and then wide open in an effort to wake yourself up. whether the exhaustion was entirely emotional or physical was up for debate.

after your tray became about five times heavier, you forced yourselves up the stairs once more. once you reached the top step, however, the energy shifted and you weren’t entirely sure why. that was, until you finally got a clear enough glance at two familiar faces in the corner of the room, standing in a small circle with jeonghan and the queen.

“it’s the princess,” a stranger behind you whispered incredulously. “she’s finally here again, i can’t believe it-”

and joshua.

but what did this mean? were they permitted to live in the palace again or were they just visiting? did they somehow know about soonyoung’s conundrum? where was that man, anyways..

the room suddenly felt stuffy, even more crowded. you had spotted every member of the royal court you recognized except for soonyoung. it was an unfortunate habit of yours, assuming the worst, but you couldn’t really help it. settling for the first empty surface you spotted, you set your tray down rather hastily and cautiously pushed the balcony doors open.

once you came to ignore the bitterly cold air, you stepped to the balcony’s edge and let your hands rest upon the snow-covered railing. you’d never wished so desperately for spring to come before. lately, in the palace, it seemed as if there was something unexpected at every turn of the hallway.

a faint click behind you prompted the hair near the back of your neck to rise. “sorry, i just needed a minute-”

“it’s me.”

before you could fully turn around, soonyoung was at your side. he wore a dark shade of red that reminded you of the wine you’d always wanted to try, his dark hair fanned over his eyes in little wisps.. you so desperately wanted to reach a hand to brush through it. his smile grew once he got a closer look at the dress you were wearing and his eyes remained respectively locked on your figure, as if to memorize how it looked on you.

“did you see joshua’s back? and the princess?” you asked quietly, unsure of what else to say.

“i did,” he nodded, letting his hands drape over the railing next to yours. “no one really knows what it means. rumor has it jeonghan’s letting them stay here again.”

“i bet his father is thrilled.” you paused, absorbing the tense, cold silence. then you bowed your head, staring at the dark carriages lined up in front of the palace. a few footmen remained outside, as if to surveille the precious machinery, but they all seemed to blur before your eyes. “i’m sorry- i shouldn’t have said all those things.”

he paused and you heard him swallow next to you. his eyes remained glued to the ground below, though he couldn’t fully focus on the sight. “we all have to grow up sometime. i didn’t realize how young you were when you were forced to learn for yourself.”

“you too.” you forced your eyes shut, preventing a single tear from surfacing. “but i could..i could try to live a little.”

he shook his head sternly. “i never wanted to force you to do something you didn’t want to,” he whispered and brought his hand to your cheek in an effort to get a better look at your eyes. they shone in the moonlight, glossed with a few distant tears which he was ready to wipe away. “i think there’s something beautiful about loving you in secret, actually.”

that was it. there was no comedic edge to his words, no short chuckle followed.. just pure vulnerability. “really?”

“you see parts of me no one else does,” he whispered while tracing patterns against your cheek with his thumb. “i can’t trust anyone else the way i trust you.”

once again, you were at a loss for words and cursed inwardly for feeling that the gift of words of affirmation merely passed you by. you did, however, lift your hands from the railing in favor of resting them on his chest. his heartbeat echoed through his shirt in gentle time with yours. “is it selfish,” you sighed. “that i want you all to myself?”

he chuckled for the first time that night and your heart nearly melted completely. “i can’t really judge you for that. i feel the same way.”

you smiled from ear to ear, watching your hands slide up towards his shoulders. “soonyoung..can we really continue with this?”

“are you asking if this is what i really want?” he asked, the smallest hint of disbelief. “of course. of course. i just want to know if you’re alright with all of it.”

“of course.” you spoke in the same cadence as him, giving either of his shoulders a gentle squeeze. “even if we have to sneak around and whisper for the rest of our lives.. i love to love you in secret.”

soonyoung allowed less than a second to pass before placing his lips against yours. you quickly chased the feeling, only just then realizing how much you’d missed his passionate, adoring kisses. both of his hands fell to your waist before he tugged you closer in search for your warmth. you, lost for words, poured every emotion you could into your kisses, and he felt as if he could have responded until he was breathless.

or until he heard footsteps on the other side of the door and pulled away, putting a respectful distance between the two of you. to your shared surprise, it wasn’t jihoon swinging open the doors in a hurried manner. it was jeonghan.

“your highness!” he beamed. “wh-”

“save it.” jeonghan stood between the two of you, seething in anger. he faced soonyoung, his own jaw clenched so tightly there was no doubt it hurt. “why didn’t you tell me about your mission?”

soonyoung’s throat went dry as he tried to stop his jaw from falling to the floor. “...come again?”

“don’t play dumb,” jeonghan snapped. “i know what he told you to do. i know what he wants.”

stealing a glance past the king’s shoulder, soonyoung looked to you for reassurance. it came in the form of a grin that disappeared as quickly as it surfaced. “i- how do you kn-”

“it doesn’t matter how i know,” jeonghan snapped again, his voice reaching an octave you’ve never heard from the young man. it was alarming, to say the least. it all felt like a dream..or like a horrible nightmare.

“your highness-” you finally stepped in, standing close enough to soonyoung that you wouldn’t arouse any suspicion. you spoke in a calculating yet mediating tone, “if you don’t mind me asking, what exactly brought this on?”

jeonghan took a step back, staring at the four handprints on the railing where a few more snowflakes had already begun to fall and fill in the space. he forced his eyes shut, his voice slightly strained. “when i heard about what jihoon had been doing behind my back, i thought it must have been a lie. there was no way a respectable man of the royal court, someone who’d been trusted for years, could do something like this.”

he paused and the two of you held your breath. his hand, hiding behind his back, reached for yours and gave it a firm but hidden squeeze while the two of you prepared for the worst.

“my suspicions were all but confirmed the last time i spoke with him.” the young king chuckled bitterly, finally allowing himself a clearer look at the two of you. “that traitor, though he may look it, is not jihoon.”

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darkfictionjude · 2 years ago

Text

They say that small towns hide the darkest secrets. At least that’s what your mother always said about this one. You thought she meant how Father Simmons has a well-known drinking problem, how Mrs. Gladstone’s son looks more like his uncle than his father or that the mayor has been in power for 15 years because of voting fraud. Things everyone knows. Human Things.

But now as partially eaten bodies have been left in alarmingly rates all over this small town the world has no record of, you now know she meant something else.

Play as peculiar and disturbed individual surnamed Crown after the very town your ancestor founded, returning after a traumatic event two years prior that landed you in a psychiatric hospital. As your comeback coincides with a rapid increase of disappearances you find yourself embroiled in a town conspiracy, a past that’s more alive than ever and the ever shifting self interested motives of those who claim to be your allies.

Who can you trust? What’s the truth behind your family? What are things that you see in the dark?

Sometimes it’s hard to tell what shapes monsters come in.

Customize your MC from looks to gender

Reveal your sister’s disappearance

Rely on a group of complimentary polar opposites to find out the mystery and save your life

Befriend or romance a choice of three from enemies to lovers, childhood friends or an eternal admirer

Rating: 18+

Crown - Playlist

You. A person with some personal issues, some family issues and some murder issues.

Imre Duran - Playlist

Quintessential good-boy-next-door. The most most-liked teenager in town. As son of the mayor and pageant queen, Imre has an image cultivated by him and maintained through his status which is why his back door activities are his cherished secrets. He is rather eager to help you… isn’t he?

Nia Mir - Playlist

In the very real and present high school hierarchy Nia would be one of the nobles. As a wannabe doctor with a loathed father and an absent mother her dream is to leave behind this backwater town and all it’s weird phenomena that she doesn’t care to know more of. She liked you, once.

Lorcan Stark - Playlist

Every town needs its bad boy and so Lorcan has aimed to be as every bit worthy of that title. The shunned son of a murderer and his victim, he is not really thought of as having a future beyond prison and petty crime especially in a town like this. You don’t remember a time when he didn’t hate you.

Salvatore Crown

Your brother. The heir to whatever fortune your family has left and the only one of the family who seems to like you.

Orla Crown - Playlist

Your sister. No one ever knew what she thinking, a closed box full of unknowns. You knew she kept things, especially from you.

Mayor Duran

Seems like every other politician. Oddly enough no one ever really sees him, an entity watching over the town.

Mother

She never acted like one to any of her children. She’s never sober anymore.

Mrs. Mir

Disappeared years ago without a trance. No one remembers her first name. Was thought to have been clinically insane.

Demo (updated 01/31) | Spotify | Patreon

7 of 13 episodes released

#twine #twine-if #twine wip #wip #if wip #cyoa #90s #romance #horror #supernatural #interactive fiction #interactive novel

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coralinnii · 2 years ago

Text

❋If you are a villain, then let me be your accomplice❋ ↳ reincarnated into a new world as the bad guy aka villain/ess au part 2 feat: Jade genre: drama, partners in crimes-to-partners in love?, slow burn romance note: sequel to "being reincarnated into a new world as the bad guy" Jade ver., no pronouns used for reader, some actions are ethically questionable (Jade and reader are just up to no good),

part one series masterlist

You cursed the lovey-dovey fools who drone on about the bliss of married life, fondly speaking of the joy and romance that leads to the big day and beyond. With the right person, life as someone engaged to be married would be a dream come true.

With the right person, that is

Unfortunately, you didn’t have that pleasure when you’re faced with the man you happened to be engaged to; the mysterious Jade Leech.

“You seemed to be very occupied with something.” With a quizzical look, you asked the teal-haired heir as he sat at his study desk. While you exaggerated, there was a sizable amount of papers atop the merman’s desk, with names and locations you recognised as you managed to glimpse upon the reports. “Am I allowed to inquire about the mountain of reports on your desk?”

Unperturbed, Jade gave you his well-practiced smile. “Of course, I would never hide anything from my wonderful betrothed”

This brazen liar

Having chosen to willingly participate in the Leech family’s goals, you were aware of their plans to monopolize the marine-related business and operations, including taking over the coastal territories from other nobles.

Which was exactly what Jade was currently trying to do apparently, as he had his family’s men research a baron whose territory included a lively strait between this kingdom and a flourishing island nation nearby. But the baron was an incompetent leader with an unfavorable reputation amongst the merfolk and islanders due to his actions as a businessman.

“Baron Byrne seems to be causing quite an issue in his strait as the large amount of cargo ships constantly coming through the strait is disrupting the islanders’ livelihood as well as the merfolk that made the nearby reefs their home…”

“But since he seems to have a good relationship with the prince’s new lover, his behavior is not reprimanded by the royal family,” you continued his thoughts and let out a frustrated sigh. “He’s a greedy, impatient bastard but no one can stop him”

Jade kept his courteous smile but you couldn’t imagine he was thrilled about any of this. Despite the human-merfolk peace treaty being established, the merfolk were used as the antagonists in this world so the story ignored their issues or crimes against them.

“This was a romance webtoon, I supposed. No attention was given to the repercussions of the lives outside of the main leads”

You looked through the reports on the baron’s family and you noticed a more detailed section on a certain person; the baron’s wife to be precise. You recognised the young woman as an admirer of Jade, recalling how envious she seems every time she looks your way. From what you knew, she married the baron for his new status as a noble but fell for Jade when she first saw him at a gathering.

“So you’re planning to go through the wife for information” you let out a noise of intrigued as you looked through the papers “you even found out where the salons and stores she frequents. That’s impressive but tell me, how do you plan to approach her?”

“Oh my, does the notion of me meeting her upset you?” Jade reached for your hand to hold as he looked up to you from his seat, peering at you with convincing concern and acting like a worried fiancé, “I would never intend to hurt you in any way or give doubt to my devotion to you”

“Firstly, don’t mock me by lying so blatantly” you sneered as you pulled your hand from his grasp. “Secondly, I agree that meeting the baron’s wife is the best way to find out about his weakness”

Jade raised his brow inquisitively before changing back into a look of worry, “Then what is it that causes such concern on your face, my dear?”

Again, that fake term of endearment sends a shiver down your spine.

“I’m only asking so I can act accordingly” you looked at the tall merman with mocking sweetness in your eyes. “Should I be the naive partner who knows nothing, or perhaps I’m grieving over the audacity of my dear fiancé meeting with someone other than me?”

For a moment, you thought you saw a glint in Jade’s dual-coloured eyes before a look of amusement took over his face. He chuckled behind his gloved hand before smiling at you, his sharp teeth peeking behind his lips. “I will leave that decision to you, my dear. I’m excited to see what you’ll show me”

Weeks passed since your conversation with Jade as he quickly put his plan into motion, finding chances to meet the baroness by “coincidence” and gaining her trust immediately. You weren’t surprised how quickly Jade managed to befriend the smitten woman. If you were none the wiser, you didn’t have the confidence to say that you could withstand Jade’s good looks and charming persona either (it would be paradise in the underworld before you would ever let Jade know that, however).

Of course, meetings like these tend not to stay secret for long, especially amongst the high social circle. Many of the gossiping noblewomen whispered around about the possible tryst between the lovestruck baroness and the attractive Leech family heir. However, most of the attention fell to you as the supposed tragic lover of this “affair.”

Being part of a well-respected family, you were ultimately the envy of certain nobles who would love nothing more than to pull you off your high horse, in sadistic glee in watching a family like yours be sullied. One of these nobles included the woman involved in the rumour herself, Baroness Byrne.

“Please don’t misunderstand,” the baroness spoke with such fake sincerity, you almost laughed at the poor acting. “Sir Leech and I just get along so well that these rumours seemed to misconstrue our closeness”

It’s almost insulting to think that this woman assumes that you can’t figure out that she was most likely the one to start these rumours in the first place since you knew Jade would try not to catch too much attention if the situation does not call for it. Despite being a married woman, you wondered if she’s hoping to break your engagement and take him for herself.

“If it were that easy, I wouldn’t be in this nonsense” you scoffed internally but hid your thoughts with a maintained smile (Jade has given you some bad habits). “If she wants to play mind games, then let’s play~”

“It’s quite alright, really. I’m not worried at all” you put on your best smile, a look of understanding displayed in your eyes. “In fact, I’m happy that my fiancé has made a friend like you, Baroness Byrne”

“R-really?” The baroness stuttered which secretly delighted you. You hid your glee with a sickly sweet smile, however.

“Of course, Jade and I tend to be quite busy since we often have to work tirelessly in maintaining our lands, assets, and the responsibilities we will inherit” you sighed as though life bears heavy on your shoulders “We spent so much time together since Jade likes to inspect every valuable item in my possession, taking in all its beauty and worth. He has quite an eye for such things, you see.”

You looked to the baroness, your gaze demanding her eyes to meet yours. Once she did, you curled your lips slightly to display just a hint of taunting smugness. “With the baroness, Jade can enjoy a simple and humble company without much to entice his personal interest.”

One could almost see the steam escaping from the baroness’ face as she turned red with humiliated rage. With that, you decided to swiftly take your leave lest you wanted to get your eyes ripped out by a madwoman.

After some time, you decided to make your way towards the carriage area to go home, you were shocked to see Jade standing outside alone. Once your eyes locked, he immediately made his way to you with an ever-present smile. Was he…waiting for you?

No, that couldn’t be.

“Jade, I assumed that you were still at the ballroom” Last you saw Jade, he was mingling with his brother Floyd and Count Azul.

“Hmm, I was. But then, I heard some commotion amongst the ladies and decided that it’d be best to call it a night.”

You made the right choice to leave when you did, then. You wanted to smile at the little chaos you caused but decided to stamp down that hidden glee.

“Fair enough. That reminds me, you may be receiving an invitation from Baroness Byrne very soon, and it is in your best interest to accept it.”

You seemed to pique Jade’s curiosity, though it seems that you always do. “Oh, and could you share the reason as to why?”

“Because if she fell for my taunt, I would bet that she will try her best to entice you with whatever treasure or asset she can access.” You smirked, a sly glint in your eyes. “And hopefully you can convince her to show her husband’s warehouses where he stores the items the baron imports in, perhaps some hard-to-procure rarities”

From what you see from Jade’s reports on the baron’s history, you’re betting that the greedy noble would be the type to obtain and sell anything that would bring him a fortune. With his focus on sea-related products, he might be acquiring and selling items from the merfolk community without their approval which is currently illegal with the peace treaty. Merfolk-specific products were now harder to obtain through human merchants which increased their value even more.

“Pearls, mermaid scales, valuable minerals from the seabed…anything in the possession of a human who intends to sell them is grounds for punishment for treaty violation”

As if your minds were one, Jade was quick to realize your plans to trap the baron family. It was sneaky, dangerous, and if it works it would be ruining two people with no hope of salvaging their reputation. The baron would be stripped of his title and his merchant career while the baroness would be shamed for inviting an engaged man in an attempt to seduce him. Jade knew that you were intriguing, willing to act however necessary to protect yourself but to instigate the downfall of others, even if they were guilty of their crimes…

Jade can’t ever take his eyes off you.

Still, he had to ask you something, “You seem to have quite the confidence in me. Do you not worry I will not live up to your expectations?”

The teal-haired man expected a snarky quip from you or perhaps question him back over his competence. But instead, you furrowed your brows and looked at him adorably (in his perspective) with confusion.

There was one thing you were sure of; Jade Leech would never get caught. No matter the situation, no matter the evidence, Jade will always find a way to slither his way out of trouble when he wants to. You were better off worrying about your own safety than his.

“Why would I worry? You’ll never fail.”

Your voice was so full of conviction, without a hint of doubt or hesitation. Jade felt a strange surge of glee upon hearing your answer. He found a compatible partner that never fails to amuse him. You brought new entertainment to his personal life.

Jade let out a chuckle, a smile that almost seems genuine to you. The tall man looked to you, his mix-matched eyes staring with such unusual softness. Gently, he took your hand in his own so he could raise it to his lips where he then pressed a soft kiss upon your skin. In surprise, you locked gaze with Jade’s eyes as you felt warmth coursing through you though you played it off as uneasiness towards Jade’s strange actions. You continued to watch Jade as he kept his mouth barely touching your hand, but you could feel every brush of his lips as he spoke close to your fingers. “I will not disappoint you so keep your eyes on me, my dear.”

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst imagines #twst scenarios #villainess au #twisted wonderland imagines #jade leech #twst jade x reader #jade x reader #jade leech x reader

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dioslesbianwife · 2 months ago

Note

I saw your Jofoes and enemy reader? How about JoJo's and reader who is their rival (and maybe they slowly grow to admire reader for their determination to beat them👀)

sure, i hope you enjoy and thank you for requesting ^^

Jonathan Joestar

Reader: Another noble who constantly challenges him to duels, competitions, and games.

You challenged him to a fencing duel the moment you met. He admired your passion, but you annoyed him SO much.

“Why are you always trying to best me?” he asked one day, breathless after a three-hour rowing race. You just smirked.

You trained just as hard as he did. Maybe harder. That made him take you seriously fast.

Jonathan starts asking you to spar with him, even if you’re his rival, because he genuinely values your strength.

One day you’re both fencing and he says “That was splendid form. You’ve improved again,” and there’s a faint little smile on his face that says he likes this. He likes you being there.

Joseph Joestar

Reader: A fellow Hamon user who always tries to out-scheme him, prank-for-prank.

You constantly mess with his plans and call him out when he’s being dramatic. You’re like the anti-Joseph.

He used to get so pissed at you for ruining his “brilliant” tactics- but he noticed how quickly you adapt.

One day, you predicted his “next line is…” trick and turned it against him. He was stunned.

“You little gremlin,” he muttered, stunned into respect. “You're good.”

You two play mental chess every time you're in the same room. The banter gets fast. The admiration gets faster.

Jotaro Kujo

Reader: A quiet, serious fighter who refuses to let Jotaro win too easily.

You challenge him. And that intrigues him.

You say things like “I’m not afraid of you,” after nearly getting crushed by Star Platinum. That sticks with him.

You train alone, always pushing yourself. Jotaro walks in on you bleeding and still trying to stand. He watches silently for a minute before leaving.

Eventually, he says: “You’re strong. I respect that.” From Jotaro, that’s basically a love letter.

He doesn’t say much, but he stands beside you more. Spars with you more. Trusts you the most when things get serious.

Josuke Higashikata

Reader: A local punk who tries to outshine him in every fight, and constantly calls his hair stupid.

You call him “pompadork” just to piss him off. He always takes the bait.

Fists fly. Stands clash. And yet… you’re always there when it counts.

You saved him once from a trap and casually said, “Couldn’t let someone else kill you before I got to tell you how bad that new hair gel looks.”

He acts like he hates you, but he checks to see if you’re okay after every fight. Every time.

One day, he says: “You know… if you weren’t so damn annoying, I’d think you were kinda cool.”

You answer: “Same to you, idiot.”

Giorno Giovanna

Reader: A rogue stand user who keeps sabotaging his plans, but not quite enough to get killed.

He should have handled you already. But you’re clever. You move subtly. You don’t kill. You resist just enough.

“They’re a threat,” Mista says. Giorno stares into the distance, thoughtful. “They’re… interesting.”

He starts watching you. Not out of paranoia- but curiosity. You use your Stand in ways he wouldn’t have expected.

You send him a warning once, anonymously, to save his life. He never mentions it- but he knew it was you.

“Our goals differ,” he says the next time you meet, “but I see your conviction. I… understand it now.”

Jolyne Cujoh

Reader: Another prisoner who keeps trying to one-up her and show her up in front of the others.

She finds you insufferable. You talk back, win sparring matches, and always act smug about it.

She doesn’t realize how much you remind her of herself until someone else insults you- and she’s the one who steps up to defend you.

“Don’t call them annoying, who the hell even are you huhh?!”

You challenge her constantly. She rises to it every time. She starts looking forward to seeing you.

Eventually she says, “You piss me off… but damn, you’ve got stones.” And she gives you her respect. Which, from Jolyne, means you’re in.

Johnny Joestar

Reader: A fellow Steel Ball Run jockey with a mysterious Stand and a bigger ego than Diego.

At first he hated you. You always blocked his path, insulted his horse, and seemed way too calm under pressure.

But he started noticing your technique. Your grit. The way you kept going, even when injured.

You once gave him water when he collapsed mid-race. You didn’t say anything. Just left it.

“You’re trying to beat me, huh?” he says later. “Well... good. Keep trying. Just don’t expect me to go easy.”

And when you do beat him to a checkpoint once, he’s the first one to shake your hand. With a real, proud smile.

Josuke Higashikata (Gappy)

Reader: Another Morioh resident with ties to the Higashikata family and a talent for investigation.

He finds you suspicious. Then annoying. Then… interesting.

You accuse him of hiding something. He accuses you back. It becomes a cat-and-mouse dynamic neither of you can quit.

You fight once. And it's a mess of strategy, Stand tricks, and raw instinct. He never forgets it.

“I don’t trust you,” he says. But then again… he’s looking to you for backup more and more lately.

He starts coming to you with questions. And maybe you answer. Just to see where he’s going with this.

Jodio Joestar

Reader: A fellow young Stand user in Hawaii, part of a rival criminal circle.

He thinks you’re “a damn nuisance.” You keep interfering with his missions and flexing your Stand like it’s a toy.

You’re unpredictable, loud, bold- and exactly the kind of threat that excites him.

“You’re gonna get yourself killed doing that,” he says one day. You laugh. “Same to you.”

He starts watching your fights on security footage. He won’t admit it, but he’s studying your every move.

“You’re not bad,” he says eventually, kicking a pebble. “For a wannabe.”

You smirk. “Coming from a real one, I’ll take it.”

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sky-scribbles · 6 months ago

Text

Party Banter with Rook!Blackwall

Harding: You know, for a moment back there, I thought you might actually get through to Solas.

Thom: Regret’s something we have in common. I thought… if I reached out to him, told him I understood what guilt drives you to do…

Harding: But no. ‘Do not compare your regrets with mine, Thom Rainier!’

Thom: He’s right, though. He can at least say he did his crimes trying to stop tyrants. I did mine for coin.

Harding: Uh, yeah, and then you faced up to it and decided no one else was going to get hurt for it except you. Solas is right. He’s nothing like you.

—

Lucanis: Do we have a problem, Warden Rainier?

Thom: You kill people. For gold.

Lucanis: I do. Venatori. Blood mages. The political rivals of those who hired me.

Thom: And that’s enough for you? Someone flashes a purse, and you’re ready to murder over some nobles’ spat over which of them gets the bigger fancy house?

Lucanis: Depends on the size of the purse.

—

Bellara: Um, so, about the mayor of D'Meta's Crossing? I just… do you really want someone like that? In the Wardens, I mean.

Thom: I won’t defend him. But he wouldn’t be the first Warden who let innocent people die for gold, and got another chance from the Order.

Bellara: He doesn’t deserve it. Like, really, really doesn’t deserve it.

Thom: No. Neither did I.

—

Thom: Do you ever get people trying to bribe you? To look the other way, or drop a case, or...

Neve: It's Minrathous. If I took even half the bribes I've been offered, I could buy an estate in Hightown.

Thom: It takes a special kind of strength to resist that.

—

Thom: I got a letter from Sera the other day. Don’t ask me how she got it to the Lighthouse.

Harding: ‘Friends’, I bet. And hey - she dealt with the Fade for you! So what'd she say?

Thom: Well, there was a lot of calling Solas a shite-faced arseknuckle. And then she told me not to get killed, or she’d yank my beard ‘til my head came off.

Harding: Aw.

—

Lucanis: Rainier, I do not knife civilians. Everyone I have killed has been embedded in politics. Their hands are never clean.

Thom: And you're sure you’ve never made a mistake? Never got a passer-by or a child caught in all the blades and arrows? Never gone in without knowing everything, and got someone hurt?

Lucanis: Of course not. I’m a professional.

Thom: You’re a mercenary with a cape.

—

Thom: You could’ve left Dock Town. A mage. Talented. You could’ve gone anywhere, chased a better life.

Neve: If I left, I’d be abandoning people who never got that choice. I’m good where I’m at.

Thom: I hope you know how admirable that makes you.

Neve: Not that admirable. If I got that estate in Hightown? Too far to walk to Hal’s fish stand.

Thom: (laughs) Good priorities.

—

Davrin: So, Rainier. Heard a lot of rumours about how you joined the Wardens.

Thom: (uneasy noise) You know, Warden Blackwall told me your past gets forgotten after the Joining.

Davrin: A nice ideal, but it never stands up to the gossip. But you’ve shown your worth.

Thom: Enough for me to have one of those griffons when we rescue them, d’you reckon?

Davrin: (laughs) We’ll see.

—

Thom: I knew someone like Manfred once. He was a spirit, but he sort of… grew his own body.

Emmrich: Oh! A spontaneous incarnation! Do you happen to know what kind of spirit he was?

Thom: Uh… the kind that looks like a young man, but reads minds and flits about trying to make everyone feel better about themselves?

Emmrich: Ah, Compassion! A rather more advanced emotion than Curiosity, and therefore capable of manifesting a physical body, rather than needing to adopt a vacant one.

Thom: More advanced? Right. That explains why Cole used to talk to me about living with the weight of regret, and Manfred spent ten minutes yesterday poking my face to see if my beard came off.

—

Neve: So, you know Dorian?

Thom: Does anyone who’s been in the same room as him for thirty seconds get a choice about knowing Dorian?

Neve: And didn’t always get along, I take it.

Thom: He’s… he’s not so bad. We might’ve judged each other by first impressions back when we met.

Neve: And what’s your impression now?

Blackwall: Still too fancy for his own good. But it says exactly who he is that he’s fighting against slavers and blood mages. I think I got the better deal with the darkspawn.

—

Taash: I heard the Inquisitor turned into a dragon.

Thom: No, she… didn’t. But she did get one to fight with us once.

Taash: She did? What kind? How’d she do it?

Thom: Sort of… gold? And she drank from this pool of elven magic, and… that somehow let her ask it to help us. I think.

Taash: Did she ride it into battle?

Thom: Uh… No.

Taash: Oh. I would’ve ridden it into battle.

—

Thom: Emmrich, do you know what those demons were the other day? The ones that wouldn’t leave me alone?

Emmrich: Ah. Those were manifestations of Shame. A variant of the Despair spirit.

Thom: Right. Don’t know what I expected.

Emmrich: If it’s any consolation, I find that one can tell much more about a person from the more benign spirits that gather around them. I catch glimpses of them about you often. Valour. Fortitude. Honour.

Thom: I hope to be worthy of them.

—

Thom: Lucanis, have you ever regretted any of your kills?

Lucanis: Not so far.

Thom: So this is what you’re fine with being? A man who takes nobles’ money and lives in luxury with your bloodied hands? That's the life you chose?

Lucanis: Not ‘chose’, exactly. It is what I was trained to be since my childhood.

Thom: Wait. You were – who trains a child to be an assassin?

Lucanis: You met my grandmother.

—

Davrin: You held up pretty well in the last fight, Rainier. For an old man.

Thom: Whelp like you’d better watch what he says around a senior Warden.

Davrin: Why? You’ll tell me to do the fifty press-ups that your creaky bones can’t handle?

Thom (laughs) I’ll stop letting you borrow my best chisel.

—

Bellara: Hey, um, Thom? You know that little rocking griffon you made? Could you make, I don’t know, a bigger one? Like… adult… person-sized?

Thom: (chuckles) You never have a rocking griffon growing up?

Bellara: No! They’re not a Dalish thing! Because you can’t really rock. When the aravel’s moving, I mean. So… no, it’s a dumb idea. Forget I said anything.

Thom: You want me to make it a rocking halla?

Bellara: Yes please thank you.

—

Emmrich: How far you must have travelled, with both the Inquisition and the Wardens!

Thom: I like being on the road. Keeps a man honest.

Emmrich: I rather envy your fearlessness of the wider world. It’s so recent that the end of the Circles allowed me to travel freely outside the Necropolis.

Thom: Must have been freeing. Having the whole world suddenly open to you.

Emmrich: And rather overwhelming, I must admit. When I compare myself to you – a brave Warden, combatting the Blight across all of Thedas…

Thom: Trust me: compare the two of us, and that’s the only way I’ll come out better from it.

—

Thom: We fought quite a few dragons in the Inquisition. Almost got eaten once by some pissed-off beast in the Hinterlands. Kept throwing its dragonlings at us.

Taash: Fereldan Frostbacks are crappy mothers. First sign of trouble, and it’s ‘here! Take my children!’

Thom: (laughs) The worst was the lightning-spitter off the Storm Coast. Spent twenty minutes hacking away at its scales, rest of my team unconscious on the ground.

Taash: Wait - you what? That's not how you fight dragons. You can't just stand there and hit them. That's stupid. And boring.

—

Lucanis: It’s how the Crow Houses work. Children of the House lineage are trained from our infancy.

Thom: Andraste’s fucking tits.

Lucanis: It’s necessary. If Illario and I had been coddled… Caterina pushed us hard and young, because she wanted us to survive.

Thom: I don’t… (sighs) The things people do to children.

—

Harding: I never thought to ask - how come Varric changed your nickname?

Thom: I asked him to go with something else. 'Hero'... that was a name he gave to Blackwall.

Harding: Well, he chose the right name. You know, 'cause Rooks move in straight lines. And you charge right in there, don't mess around with fancy words, just hit things til they drop. You could say you're -

Thom: Don't do it, Lace.

Harding: Straightforward.

Thom: (chuckles) You're as bad as Sera.

—

Emmrich: Master Rainier, I wanted to say – I hope you know that you’re the only person here who looks at you with any harshness.

Thom: I – (sighs) You don’t know everything about me.

Emmrich: I would never claim to. But I know that you place yourself before your allies and the defenceless without hesitation and with utter selflessness. I know you understand your Warden oath better than many of your superiors. I know that you are a good man.

Thom: … I wish I knew what it was like to be you. Seeing the good in everyone, living or dead.

Emmrich: Then I hope you’ll permit me continue to see the good in you – until you can see yourself as I do.

#in which blackwall starts to have a very belated bisexual awakening #datv #da:tv #rookwall au #blackwall #i promise he and lucanis will get a better relationship :'D #but we know from his and dorian's bickering that he can be very judgmental on first impressions #and lucanis is reminding him too much of his younger self. they even look kind of alike!#will probably write more!#sky's writing #veilguard spoilers #datv spoilers

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aliciavance4228 · 3 months ago

Text

I've been thinking about this for a while... the Trojan War took place about at least one century after Perseus killed Medusa. He was dead, which means that his image probably already started to become distant and vague, and he began to be viewed as a legend rather than a person. He founded Mycenae on top of that and became the ancestor of many other heroes or important figures, thus building an entire legacy.

I cannot help but wonder wheter or not the people from that mythological timeline idealized him and viewed him as a symbol of greatness and masculinity, as the ultimate image of a hero that must be achieved above anything else. After all, Alexander the Great idealized the shit out of Achilles and wanted to become like him as well, without understanding him to begin with.

Speaking of Achilles though, one major aspect that should be pointed out is the misinterpretation of said heroic image. I bet people would've talked about Perseus as the demigod son of Zeus who gloriously fought Medusa and then eventually became king, but don't go too much into details and point out that he did everything in order to save his mother from an unwanted marriage above it all. Most of the original heroes had noble purposes, and sought justice above wealth, glory or fame at the time when they achieved their greatest deeds. Achilles, on the other hand, found meaning in his role as a warrior and felt purposeless whenever this role was questioned. He became easily vulnerable when his pride was crushed and did a lot of reckless things out of ego rather than strenght. He wasn't able to seek anything meaningful beyond fame and glory, which should technically make people realize that the real tragedy of this man was the emptiness of his character.

So I'm wondering wheter or not Achilles heard stories and legends about Perseus back when he was little, but instead of understanding him he only took the heroic image of Perseus, whom he then romanticized to the point of not only loving, but also identifying with it, thus misinterpreting the real meaning behind it instead of asking himself how did Perseus remained one of the few heroes who had a happy ending in the first place.

It becomes even more interesting once you go deeper into their different philosophies and perceptions on their actions. For instance, this is a line from Euripides' Andromeda:

In other words, Perseus had a "Karma" type of mentality: Both good and bad luck are consequences of your previous actions. And this type of mentality specifically, as simply as it may seem, actually means a lot considering the fact that all the people Perseus harmed deserved it in one way or another. And most of the heroes who haven't considered the consequences of their own actions, including Achilles, are those who ended up having a tragic ending.

And yet the way they two are perceived by the modern people speaks to itself. Perseus is generally presented as this flawless, unidimensional Mary Sue-kind of hero who is here to save the entire world, which is perhaps part of the reason why a lot of people with a surfface-level of knowledge in Greek Mythology developed an unnecessary hatred towards him, due to his non-relatability. Achilles, on the other hand, ended up being admired less for his warrior persona and more for his complexity (and bisexuality) that are highlighted in pieces of Media such as The Song of Achilles. However, this approach that is supposed to be more nuanced leads to Achilles having his flaws getting glamorized, and ultimately encourages a romanticized perception on his destructive behaviors. He ends up becoming a toxic idol, whereas Perseus becomes an unachievable pattern of heroism. What both of them have in common though is misinterpretation: possibly of Perseus' character by Achilles, but surely of both of their characters by the modern audience.

#greek mythology #achilles #perseus #ramblings

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thisgirlnamedblusy · 4 months ago

Note

Hello again !!

Because I love your work I'm here again...

So, I was thinking about little dark g!p Donna x fem reader, and like reader live in village her whole life, and one day she went to the church yk, and Donna can't keep her eyes off her, she literally fell in love with her, so Donna was insecure about herself so she just watch her, admire her (stalk) from afar... One day she gets hurt somehow so Donna save her, offer her a new home....

After some time, they became really close, but donna's feelings just became more stronger so she started giving her a small poets to express her love, and when y/n mention she's in love with someone, Donna lose her mind thinking her only true love, love someone else so she's just distance herself.

Y/n notice, so she tried to talk about it with Donna, and then Donna just crush out and say something like "DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND I CANT IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT YOU"

and theeen they kisssss, and Donna ping y/n against a wall yk what I mean💋

SORRY IF THIS IS COMPLICATED, ALSO I HOPE U UNDERSTAND, I AM STILL TRYING TO IMPROVE MY ENGLISH

Also A little late but happy birthday to you !

Yess!!! Hello again, friend :D!!! Thank you for your request and words!! You're so kind!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :))))

A dark angel

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem!! Reader

Warnings: G!P Donna, smut, Minors DNI, angst, dark themes, dark Donna, Donna's POV

Word count: 8,693

Summary: I love her, but she'll never be mine...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!!I love you all!!!

Always the same prayers, the same gestures…

My siblings and I remained silent behind the shadow of the woman who gave us a second chance without asking our permission.

Lords, protectors, monsters… The ways those villagers called us repeated themselves in my head like terrifying whispers. I never liked people, I never liked company.

No matter how hard I tried to force myself to believe that something had changed after Mother Miranda's intervention, I was only fooling myself.

Despite being Lord, gaining terrifying powers, eternal life, and being embraced by the infinite kindness of the black priestess, I never felt different. Before, I was Donna Beneviento, the only surviving daughter of a noble family who had lost her mind; now I was Donna Beneviento, Lord of the village, doll, and nightmare maker.

I knew what people said about me, the fear my presence generated, the doubts in their eyes when they looked at me, when they saw the black veil covering my shame. They said I was a monster, and no matter how many times I looked in the mirror, the scar on my face spoke for itself.

Maybe my sick mind found some pleasure in the change, thinking that Mother Miranda's divine intervention was a good thing, something that would allow me to stop being that sad and lonely woman, but I was wrong.

Perhaps it would have been better if the priestess had let me die that day; at least that way, I could be with my family again, with my little sister. But the Gods had other plans for me. They played on my insecurities, changed my body at will, but, again, I couldn't complain; I had a new family.

Being Lady Beneviento really wasn't so bad. I had everything I wanted, even though I never asked for it. My doll Angie came to life, and I had the power to play with mortals if I got bored.

But something inside my head begged, pleaded for something more, something to end this eternal loneliness.

“Well, my children, before we return to our duties, there was someone who wanted to make an announcement, isn't that right?” Mother Miranda's different tone brought me out of my thoughts.

The sound of footsteps on the altar was the signal I was waiting for to leave that place and return to my quiet, solitary routine, but something stopped me, something prevented my legs from moving.

“Yes. Thank you, Mother Miranda,” a sweet voice penetrated my ears and made me turn my head sharply with curiosity.

“Mm,” the priestess murmured, stepping back a little to allow me to see where that heavenly voice was coming from.

One step, two... Little by little, something rose toward the altar, something that... was, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

A young woman, no more than twenty years old, stood in the middle of the place, allowing me to see, something that kept me standing still, frozen: her face, her hair, a nervous look... Something beautiful, truly beautiful.

Her dress moved with her steps, and hands that seemed tremendously soft played nervously. A beautiful girl, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, stood inches away from me.

I didn't know every single villager, but... how could I not realize that such incredible beauty existed? My mind began to study her delicate body, the perfume emanating from her hair, her bright, dazzling eyes…

“Well, you know me, I'm (Y/N),” the young girl began, causing my mind to process her name, dazzling with her gentle words. “I just wanted to announce that I finally have enough materials to start my artisanal tea business,” she explained, the trembling of her hands betraying her shyness.

After the silent approval of the rest of the villagers, the girl took a small tea bag out of her pocket, waving it playfully.

“Um… it took me a long time to get everything I needed, and I hope you all can enjoy it,” she continued, but I was no longer listening.

My eyes studied every curve of her body, her chest. My hands longed to caress that silky mane, my ears longed to hear her voice every day, every hour, every minute, every second.

Everything blurred around me, except for her, an angel in the darkness, beauty standing out among the monsters.

A cold draft made me shake my head slightly and frown. My body felt light and my hands empty. When I woke from that little reverie, I realized the problem.

“Oh, tell me, silly, do you give away free samples?” a familiar voice said, my doll Angie, who, surely taking advantage of my absentmindedness, jumped out of my arms and ran toward the girl, snatching the tea bag she was waving.

I grew nervous, walking quickly toward the puppet, who laughed amusedly while the young woman backed away in fear.

“Look, Donna, look what I have,” Angie said, running towards me again, proudly displaying her trophy.

“Angie, give it back to her,” I whispered, picking up the tea and making a show of giving it back, hiding the trembling in my own hands.

“Oh no, well...” she said, looking directly at me with a fake, nervous, scared smile. “Please keep it, my lady.” Her hands traveled to mine, gently pushing them against my chest.

Her touch frightened me, causing me to push that softness away from my hands with a gasp. Her fingers burned against my skin, teasingly tickling my body. I couldn't bear it with fortitude. I was scared. I was scared to have her so close to me, to feel her skin against mine.

“I'm sorry,” (Y/N) apologized, taking a step back, confused by my attitude, or perhaps scared to know who she had touched.

I glanced at the small bag trembling in my hands, and with no other choice, I nodded imperceptibly, finally stepping down from the altar, unable to avoid giving that beautiful girl one last look.

Despite Angie commenting on every detail of the mass, as always, the walk back to the mansion was silent for me. My doll's voice didn't reach my ears; my senses were too busy remembering, re-forming (Y/N)'s image in my mind.

“Hey, silly Donna! Are you listening to me?” the doll asked as I set her down on the floor, finally reaching the safety of my old mansion. “Donna!”

“Silenzio,” I ordered with a growl, pushing the veil away from my face. “Will you be quiet for a moment?”

“Quiet? You silly Donna...” the doll hissed, making me glance at her briefly in reprimand.

Nothing, I didn't want anything, or anyone to stop my mind from thinking about her, that tea girl.

Sighing, I sank into a dining room chair, the tea bag in my hands. I brought it to my nose, inhaling the sweet scent of wild berries, bringing an involuntary smile to my face. She smelled the same; it was like holding her in my hands.

“You're welcome for the free sample,” Angie mocked, climbing onto the table and observing my strange behavior.

“She was beautiful...” I sighed unwillingly, smiling like a little girl, closing my eye to remember the sparkle in hers, her every gesture.

“Mm? What? What are you talking about?” the doll asked, comically tilting her head and gesturing with her hands. “Uh, Donna, ciao, ciao...”

“Ugh, I mean her,” I whispered, moving the bag in my hands, feeling the touch, imagining that those soft fingers had been in the same place. “T-The tea girl...”

“Oh, that silly village girl,” the puppet laughed sinisterly. “It was fun scaring her a little, wasn't it?”

“No, Angie, you shouldn't scare people,” I stammered, blinking erratically, confused by my reaction. “Not her.”

“Uh-Oh...” Angie murmured, moving a little closer to me. “Donna, Donna... you like her, don't you?”

“No, I...” I said awkwardly in my defense. “W-Well, she's beautiful, don't you think?”

“I don't know. I'm just a doll, and you're a fool,” she scolded, pointing at me with a wooden finger. “How can you like her? You barely knew she existed.”

“I don't know, but... she's so beautiful,” I sighed, resting my head on one hand, staring at the ceiling, like a child in love, my heart beating too fast. “She has a beautiful voice and...”

“Uh, uh, uh,” Angie interrupted, gesturing with her hands. “Stop, Donna, you're rambling, she's just another village girl.”

I shook my head, suffering an attack of rationality in my mind, as if I had woken from a deep sleep.

“Certo,” I finally said, standing up slowly. “You're right, Angie, it's nonsense.”

“Listen to your favorite doll, you know she's always right,” Angie emphasized, giving me a mocking pat on the back. “Maybe you need some company... why don't you call Alcina? You know she always has a maid for you...”

Angie's suggestion was always an easy way to forget, to let off steam, to feel falsely loved for a moment, a feeling that disappeared too soon, but it worked at least to soothe my needs.

But on that occasion, I found it repugnant, undignified. No, there was no maid in the castle as beautiful as the tea girl; none had that sweet voice, that dazzling gaze.

“No, I don't feel like it,” I said, frowning and shaking my head.

“As you wish,” Angie said, stepping down from the table with a gesture of indifference.

“I think I'll make some tea,” I said with a different, animated smile.

I longed to try that infusion, to know what that young woman from the church was capable of, if her products had the same beauty, the same harmony as her.

The sweet and bitter taste of the tea ran down my throat like a love potion, like a heavenly ambrosia that transported me back to her. In the dregs, I could see her smile, her gaze, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

My mind was unable to calm down when something disturbed it. My illness made me hear voices, wails, words of love that didn't exist.

I thought maybe those thoughts would disappear with time, just like when a maid pretended to be affectionate with me and I believed I might have a chance.

I'd stopped thinking that way years ago, resigned myself to loving and being loved in the same way, but I knew the feeling, the trembling of my hands when I thought of her, the smile that involuntarily formed on my lips when I remembered her.

I couldn't forget her. I couldn't stop thinking about her, about the taste of her tea. My body began to miss the sweetness of wild berries, pushing me to crave, to desperately crave that warmth running down my throat again.

Of course, I knew what my body wanted, and it wasn't tea. I wasn't interested in that liquid; I was interested in (Y/N), and I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop the sight of her eyes appearing in every doll I made, the struggle of my mind to capture her beauty in my creations so I'd never forget her.

Hardly aware of it, the obsession began to play tricks on me.

Some nights I would let myself go, relaxing with the slow, gentle touch of my hands as I closed my eye or just looked through some old clothing catalog.

The rosy-cheeked models posing there seemed to be moving, their hands replacing mine as they slowly stimulated my penis in the solitude of my bedroom.

But the made-up smiles of those girls distorted as my arousal grew and my breathing quickened. The polished nails of the hands I imagined surrounding my erection dissolved like dust, changing completely.

“Cazzo...” I protested as my mind began to form new images in my head: new hands, a new smile looking down at me, whispering to me, masturbating me.

I even thought I could smell the tea as my panting increased. It was her, the girl from the church, moving her hand up and down my body, maintaining a frantic rhythm that made me squirm. Those eyes looked at me, that sweet voice whispered words of love, of desire…

I wanted to stop, I wanted to free my mind from that impossible image, to return to the fantasies of the girls in the catalog, but I couldn't. I groaned, I protested, but I couldn't shake the shivers that ran down my spine, feeling that the end was irrevocably closer.

Finally, I released myself into my hand, feeling the wet heat of my seed on my skin, dripping through my fingers. I opened my eye, trying to catch my breath, and for a moment, just for a moment, I thought I saw her, (Y/N), in front of me, biting her lip, moaning, writhing.

Shaking my head, I got out of bed, going to the bathroom to wash the remnants of my undignified release from my hands, and the remnants of my thoughts about her from my mind. The cold water cleared my mind, but my gaze in the mirror spoke for itself.

Images of that tea girl beneath my body appeared next to my deformed face, invisible moans echoed off the walls, and my mind began to wonder, to think about what it would be like to make something so beautiful mine.

“How disgusting,” a shrill voice distracted me from my fantasies. Of course, Angie always appeared at the worst possible moment. “Are you finished? I wish I could go to sleep.”

“You can't sleep,” I whispered, clearing my throat and drying my hands, ignoring the doll. “Lasciami, Angie”

“Oh, sorry, Your Majesty,” she continued mockingly, following me back into the bedroom. “What's wrong with you? You've been acting really weird lately. Weirder than usual, I mean.”

“Weird? Me? I don't know why you're saying that,” I protested, plopping down on my desecrated bed, followed closely by my irreverent doll.

“You don't have to say anything. I know everything, remember?” Angie said, sitting uncomfortably next to me, her eyes scrutinizing me, as if I should feel guilty about something. “It's that girl again. You’re obsessed...”

“What do you care?” I asked, offended, annoyed to admit that, once again, she was right.

“I don't care,” she replied, crossing her arms. “But I think you're an idiot.”

“Va bene, lasciami estare,” I hissed, turning off the dim light in the room, trying to ignore Angie's voices, and the ones in my head. “Ugh, Angie...” I protested again when the doll turned the small lamp back on.

“Hey, if you like that girl so much, why don't you do something about it?” she suggested, involuntarily capturing my attention.

“Cosa?” I asked, sitting up in bed and bringing my knees to my chest. “I-I can't do anything.”

“Of course you can. She's still a silly village girl, and you're a lord, remember?” the doll said in a mocking tone, making me sigh thoughtfully.

“Th-That doesn't mean anything,” I murmured, feeling a wave of sadness over me.

“It doesn’t?”

“Of course! Look at me!” I shouted furiously, irrationally, pointing at my deformed face, the face of a monster. “What chance does a freak like me have?! She's beautiful, and I'm... a... a... a...”

“Okay, shut up,” the puppet ordered me.

“Angie, you're trying my patience too hard,” I threatened in a dark tone, something that, of course, didn't bother the doll in the least.

“Fine, whatever you want, keep playing with your little thing and feeling sorry for yourself, you bore me, silly Donna,” Angie sighed, getting out of bed, ready to abandon me.

“Angie...” I sobbed, starting to feel really bad, a feeling of frustration rushing over me without warning. “I'm not okay.”

“What a surprise.”

“I see her everywhere... I... dream about her, I imagine her while...” I began to confess, giving in to my irrational feelings. “I feel her, I smell the scent of her tea every second, I... I can't get her smile out of my head...”

“Then do something,” the doll said indifferently, climbing back into bed.

“N-No... I can't, I don't dare to,” I admitted cowardly, hiding my face between my knees. “I've never...”

“Who said you have to dare?”

“Cosa vuoi dire?” I asked, confused.

“I mean... well, why settle for seeing her in your thoughts when you can do it in reality?” Angie explained, leaving me even more lost.

“You mean... watching her?” I asked again, frowning and looking away. “That's not...”

“Not, what?” the doll insisted, moving closer to me, placing her wooden hands on my shoulders. “That silly girl is still a villager, it's not like she's out of your reach...”

“What are you implying?”

“I'm not implying anything. I'm just telling you what to do,” she said in a supple, haughty tone. “And you know I always give you good advice.”

“So, what do you think I should do?” I asked impatiently, crossing my arms.

“What you do best, dear Donna, lurk in the shadows...”

Angie's advice seemed childish. Lurk in the shadows? Stalk (Y/N)? Watch her? How stupid.

At least that's what I thought for a few insignificant minutes. Then, I began to see some clarity in her words. I could try with all my might, but that girl would never feel anything for me, I knew that well. No one had ever felt anything for me, at least not something they weren't forced to pretend.

The idea of romance, of having someone to love, someone who would love me, sounded great, but as time passed, I began to forget it, to feel like it wasn't meant for me, that I didn't have the right to experience true love. My deformity, my different body, kept me from being a normal woman, someone a girl like (Y/N) would want to meet.

I knew it from the moment I was entranced by her gaze, by her smile. I could only imagine her, admire her from afar, never in any other way. Angie could be many things, but above all, she was a part of me, a part of my consciousness that I separated from my body, thanks to the Gods.

The idea seemed dark, but the more I thought about it, the more light illuminated my mind. Yes, the only thing I could do was not to forget her, strive to get to know her without her knowing, observe her movements in the darkness, hidden.

I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to know what she liked, the things she hated and loved, how she walked, how she spoke, how she dressed, how she lived. The obsession didn't improve—quite the opposite—but I know it was only my fault.

Every day I walked towards the village, hiding from the gaze of others, from their shining eyes. I felt safe in the shadows.

I learned a lot from you, you know?

I knew that (Y/N) liked to sew, I knew what books she read, what face she had when she fell asleep by the warmth of a small fireplace. The smell of that delicious tea accompanied me in my observations, and my fantasies turned into increasingly vivid dreams.

I knew her routine, the small shop where she sold her tea, the exact steps from her house to her work. I began to lose my mind. Sheets of old paper began to fill with notes about (Y/N). I didn't want to forget every discovery, every new aspect I saw in her.

I thought I knew her, but it was only an illusion. My hidden body deeply longed to be discovered, longed for those beautiful eyes to look at me, but it never happened. I didn't want to be seen, I didn't want her to see the figure peering through her window, the ghost of the woman who haunted her without her knowing.

My conscience would attack me from time to time, making me feel guilty for chasing her, for harassing her. But then she would appear, dispelling any doubts with her kind smile, her polite, somewhat shy voice.

I had to feel bad, but I was unable to.

The nights were even worse. I stopped visiting the castle maids and their false, cold warmth, starting to enjoy my memories, my imagination. Thinking of her, of her hands touching me, of her body embracing mine, making her mine, was enough to calm my impulses.

But the more I did it, the worse I felt. I felt like those hands would never surround me, that the warmth of her naked body would never come close to mine, that her lips would never kiss me.

I had to acknowledge reality, but I couldn't. The crises changed. I no longer lamented my pathetic existence, but my inability to approach that girl without trembling, to do anything other than stalk her or lurk in the shadows.

It was unbearable, but it was an addiction I couldn't break.

Spying, studying, observing, thinking, imagining, touching myself, ejaculating, sleeping, and repeating, became a painful and inevitable routine that stretched on for too long.

“Che bella sei...” I murmured, watching your smile as (Y/N) attended the villagers, the gestures she made.

“Uhg,” Angie protested, turning away with a tired sigh. “Donna, I'm starting to get tired of this.”

“Your smile is beautiful...” I sighed again, dazzled by her beauty, blushing as I hid behind some trees. “Ti amo, (Y/N)...”

“Okay, okay, enough,” the doll interrupted, standing in front of my field of vision, obscuring her image. “Donna, basta.”

“Get out of the way, I can't see her,” I protested, gently slapping the doll and positioning myself on that distant bench.

“What? Are you hard already? Are you going to take it out and jerk it off out here? ” Angie said in a nasty tone, forcing me to tear my gaze away from (Y/N)'s beauty and growl at my friend.

“Ma che volgare, Angie,” I snapped, disgusted by her hurtful insinuations. “What's that about?”

“Donna, I'm sick of coming here day after day to stare at that silly girl and watch you lose your mind,” she said, climbing onto my lap with an authoritarian pose. “You're pathetic.”

“What? Take that back,” I threatened, pushing her off my body, starting to get dangerously nervous. “Take it back...” I growled darkly, standing up.

“Never,” the doll sighed, unfazed by my attitude. “Stupida”

“Non...” I hissed, my breathing becoming dangerously faster. No, I couldn't argue with the doll so close to her; she'd see us, everyone would notice. “Cavolo, Angie, this was your idea.”

“Yes, I thought you'd calm down a bit,” she replied, gesturing indifferently. “But I can see you haven't. You're losing your mind, much more than usual.”

“So what do you want me to do? I... I love her...” I said in a softer, submissive tone, sinking back onto the bench. “I can't do anything but admire her from afar, dream that one day she could be mine and...”

“Wake up, silly Donna,” the puppet interrupted, climbing into my lap and smacking me on the head, making me groan again. “Stop fooling around and act at once.”

“I've already told you, Angie, there's no way she'll notice someone like me, much less love me,” I sighed, on the verge of sobbing, feeling the fabric of my black veil dampen with my tears.

“That's nonsense,” the doll replied, shaking her head. “You're a lord, remember? You don't need her to love you.”

“I don't like what you're implying,” I whispered, confused, but knowing what her intentions were.

“Fine, but you have no choice,” she said, comically crossing her arms. “You can have whatever you want, Donna, whoever you want. She's just a simple villager; you shouldn't care about her feelings. You want it? Then take it.”

“Do you want me to kidnap her?” I asked, thoughtfully. “Th-That's not romantic at all. I don't think...”

“Do you love her?”

“Yes, of course I do,” I replied, nodding, nerves running through my body. “I love her more than anything.”

“Then take her, make her yours, she can't say no. You're her owner,” the doll finished, getting off my lap and pointing at the store. “You'd like it, wouldn't you? For her to kiss you, to caress you, to feel her close to you...”

I just nodded, imagining it all in my mind, what it would be like, how it could be so real and no longer be a fantasy. A sinister smile spread across my face.

“Yes, I would like it.”

“Then do it, silly Donna, take that stupid girl with you. She won't be able to refuse. You could make her suck you off whenever you want and...”

“Angie, please, don't... don't make it look dirty. I-I want to be romantic, to love and take care of her... She couldn't refuse me, could she? I could make her truly love me...” I rambled, slowly getting up, playing with my hands, which, for some reason, were starting to sweat.

“Oh, yes, of course, dear Donna, she'd be yours and only yours. You just have to... well, take her. Easy peasy, right?”

“Yes...” I sighed, my gaze fixed on the snow, drowning out the images of (Y/N)'s screams as I kidnapped her against her will. Those screams would turn into moans, I was sure of it. “But... but how do we do it?”

“Follow me. I have a plan,” Angie said, walking closer to the store, too close.

“Angie, what...?” I asked as I followed her, not realizing I'd already entered the artisan shop, and had found something beautiful, her gaze upon mine.

“My lady,” (Y/N) said, giving a small bow without taking her gaze from mine. “I was waiting for you to come.”

“D-davvero?” I stammered unconsciously. I think she heard me, because she frowned, confused.

“I'm sorry, but... I don't understand you,” she said kindly, without removing that smile from her face. “Was that Italian? Gods, I had no idea you...”

I knew that smile.

“Yes, yes, yes, whatever you say, silly girl,” Angie interrupted, comically climbing up onto the counter. “You were waiting for us, huh?”

“Um, well… I remember that I offered you some of my tea, and I was worried.”

“You were worried,” I sighed, my voice imperceptible to her until I cleared my throat. “Perché?”

“Um... well,” (Y/N) stammered, visibly nervous. “The truth is, I was worried that my tea wouldn't be to your liking, Lady Beneviento.”

“The tea was fine, or so Donna says,” Angie said, amused, fussing with the things on the counter.

“I'm glad to hear that, my... lady,” the girl murmured, still nervous, with that tremble in her voice that betrayed a certain fear of my presence.

You'll be more afraid, little bird.

“Oh, um... are you interested in buying something? Don't worry, I have special prices for distinguished customers.” Her merchant's tone pierced my ears, detecting a hint of falseness, of discomfort.

“Yes, yes... tell me, silly, where do you get your herbs?” the puppet interrupted again, discreetly gesturing for me to let her speak.

“Well, the wild plants here offer a lot of possibilities, but I'm afraid there isn't much variety,” (Y/N) explained, while Angie studied the tea bags.

“I see... that's because you haven't ventured into the western forest, huh?” Angie continued, while I marveled at her gaze.

“Mm, no, well... that's your territory, isn't it, Lady Beneviento?” she asked me in a doubtful tone, to which I nodded elegantly. “I wouldn't want to trespass on your property, my lady.”

“Nonsense,” Angie said, dismissing it with a wave of her hand. “Donna wouldn't mind you gathering some herbs to continue making that delicious tea, would you, Donna?”

“Mm,” I murmured, beginning to understand the doll's plan. She was certainly clever, too clever.

“Oh, well... I appreciate it because I was starting to have stock issues and... if... if that's okay with you... I'll stop by there, I'll try not to disturb you.”

“Va bene,” I said formally, hiding the trembling in my hands as I turned around. “I'll take four bags.”

“Perfect... thank you, thank you very much, my lady.”

It certainly seemed like a good plan. She'd just have to come to me, to my territory. Once she crossed the bridge, it would be the end, and my beginning. I resisted doing it, but I had to admit Angie had a great idea.

I just had to wait for that little bird to fall into my net.

“There she is,” I said, excited to see (Y/N) appear out of the snow after a long few days of waiting.

“Yeah, I see,” the doll said as we hid behind an old wall. “Okay, we just have to wait until she's distracted and... boom! You'd have that pussy just for you.”

“Angie...” I hissed at that vulgarity, and the sinister laugh that accompanied it. “I told you to not to talk about her like that. She'd be my girlfriend, not a whore, do you understand?”

“Whatever," the doll whispered. “Look, she turned around... she looks scared.”

“I'm not surprised,” I sighed, a pang of sadness in my chest.

Could she really love me? Could I force her to do it? I was desperate; I couldn't do anything else. She'd be mine, no matter what.

(Y/N) walked slowly, cautiously, probably afraid of the rumors circulating about me in the village, about how dangerous it was to enter my territory and the high probability of never returning.

After a sigh, seeing that there was no danger, the young woman began to examine the bushes there, looking for herbs for her tea, wild plants that I knew didn't exist, at least not in the way she thought, or Angie made her think.

“Now,” I growled, emerging from my hiding place and clenching my fists as Angie followed close behind, laughing sinisterly. “You're mine now...”

I walked slowly toward the girl, who seemed quite distracted, vulnerable. My mouth watered, imagining all the things we would do, how much we would love each other, everything I had planned for my girlfriend, my wife, my eternal lover.

But suddenly, (Y/N) gasped in fear.

I stopped, thinking maybe I'd given myself away, that she'd heard me.

No, don't run away, little one, don't run away from me...

I blinked in relief to see her gaze directed not at where I was standing, but in the opposite direction. Her legs moved, starting to back away, and a growl began to echo through the snowy forest.

One of Moreau's hideous creatures emerged from the trees, one ironically named Vârcolac, the local term for "werewolf." It was a deformed, rabid dog that was slowly approaching the young woman.

All my senses were on alert, but when I started to run, it was too late.

A scream of pain was the next thing I heard. That ferocious beast had pounced on (Y/N), its teeth sinking into the skin of her arm, causing her beautiful blood to spill into the snow.

I rushed forward as fast as I could, rabid, snarling with rage. No, that beast couldn't take her away from me; she was mine.

“Basta!” I shrieked furiously, standing in front of the creature, which released the arm of the young woman, who was crying in terror. “Go away!”

I knew the influence we had on those creatures; I expected obedience, and I got it. But no, it wasn't enough. That thing had hurt my beloved, and it would have to pay. The rabid dog began to whimper, to cry in suffering as I focused on making it pay.

“Gods...” (Y/N) whispered, pulling away, dragging herself through the snow with her injured arm. “Gods...”

Hearing her addictive voice, I stopped, leaving the Vârcolac alone, which fled with agonized wails, never to return.

“(Y/N)… are you okay?” I asked, crouching down next to the young woman. “Cavolo, what was that thing doing here?” As I asked, I looked at Angie, who just shrugged.

“M-My arm,” (Y/N) stammered, holding her wound. “It hurts,” she complained, writhing in pain.

“Relax, you're safe now,” I whispered, unable to believe what had just happened, soothing (Y/N)'s pain with my powers, making her gaze relax before she fainted. “You're with me now…”

Those were my last words before picking her up and taking her home, to her new home.

Healing her was simple, but watching her sleep… it was complicated. My body was asking me to do things I'm ashamed of, but luckily, I was stronger than my impulses. I treated and washed her wound while whispering words of love to her, knowing she couldn't hear me.

“Well...” Angie said, climbing into the bed. “Everything went much better than I expected.”

“Better? Cazzo... Angie, tell me you have nothing to do with the Vârcolac,” I growled nervously.

“Of course I haven’t. That slimy fish should have better control over his creatures, but hey, it came in handy,” the doll said, looking at the unconscious (Y/N).

“Handy? She... she's hurt... I was about to lose her and...” I said nervously, gently stroking the girl's silky hair, intoxicated by her tea scent.

“Don't be silly, this was the best thing that could have happened to you, Donna. You didn't have to kidnap her, you saved her life. Of course, it's much better,” the doll explained, making me realize that, once again, she was right.

“Mm... Mm...” a murmur escaped the young woman's lips, causing my head to snap towards her. “Where... Where am I?”

“You're safe, in my house,” I explained softly, continuing to stroke her hair.

(Y/N) winced slightly before rubbing her eyes with her good arm, positioning herself, noticing who was beside her.

“Lady Beneviento,” she whispered weakly, her eyes wide open, watching me.

Then it hit me. My hand went to my face, and I didn't notice the black cloth that used to cover it, but my skin. I'd forgotten about the veil, I was so afraid of losing you…

“Mannaggia…” I lamented, getting up to escape this situation. I wasn't ready to show her my hideous face, not yet.

“W-Wait…” the girl interrupted, reaching for my wrist, preventing me from moving with her burning touch. “Wait, please.”

“You shouldn't have seen me, (Y/N),” I whispered, struggling not to fall into her sweet grasp.

“No, I... it's fine, my lady... I like to put a face to my guardian angel,” she commented with a warm smile, making me look back at her slowly, to see the sincerity of her misguided words.

“I'm not an angel,” I murmured, removing her tempting hand from me, walking away from the bed.

“Well...” she said, painfully sitting down on the bed, still staring at me, scrutinizing my deformed features. “You look like an angel to me.”

“You're wrong,” I said frowning, but turning completely around.

(Y/N) shrugged with a sleepy smile, lying back down.

“Thank you,” she whispered, falling asleep again, forcing my weak body to move closer to her. “Thank you for saving my life.”

“I... don't,” I murmured, sitting next to her and looking at the bandage on her arm. “Y-You should rest.”

“Mm,” she gestured again. “I’m a little dizzy… I don’t think I can go home now…”

“No,” I said tersely, shaking my head. “You have to stay here, with me… erm… you must stay, and you can do it… as long as you want…”

“Mm… yes, you’re an angel…”

Her voice was sleepy due to my powers, but it was still divine, heavenly. She was no longer talking to herself or a client; she was talking to me; those words were directed at me. Dizzy or not, she was speaking to me; she had looked at me; there was no horror on her face, no fear.

All the horrible thoughts I had for her disappeared in an instant when my reckless hand grasped hers as her breathing relaxed and deepened. She was mine now, she was with me, but for some reason, I didn’t feel strong, I didn’t feel like holding her back by force.

I wanted to love her, take care of her, see her smile, and hear her tell me those beautiful things. I couldn't do it, I could never hurt (Y/N), and that was killing me.

When her arm healed, she would be gone forever, I would lose her, but I couldn't help thinking it was the right thing to do, that she would be much happier without me, that her smile would disappear if I forced her to love me.

At least she was mine in that moment. Maybe I could try, maybe...

Little by little, (Y/N) regained consciousness, flushing the drug emanating from my body and bringing her out of her disorientation. She didn't change much; she simply seemed much more serene, fearful, but... for some reason, she didn't seem to be truly afraid of me; rather, she seemed to want to be polite and grateful.

I cared for her, treated her with affection, with sweet words while I healed her wound, while she hissed in pain at my actions. But I was always rewarded with a beautiful smile, a sincere, grateful smile.

I couldn't fully reflect the days that passed, but they were more than one, more than two. Soon after arriving at my house, (Y/N) was able to roam freely, curious about everything there, asking questions, and being fascinated by each of my explanations.

“Mm, it's delicious,” she commented one evening while we were having dinner together, in silence, a calm, peaceful silence, a silence that allowed me to contemplate her, to see how she looked at me, how she acted without me being hidden, watching.

“Grazie,” I said gratefully, taking a sip from my glass of wine.

“This pasta has been my favorite food since I was a child,” (Y/N) said, wiping herself with a napkin.

“I know,” I said mistakenly, instantly regretting it for knowing her better than she did.

“Wow, you lords know everything, don't you?” she said amusedly, tasting the wine, complaining about her wound. “Ouch...”

“It's our job,” I said confidently, taking advantage of my status to correct my stupid mistakes.

“I see,” she said, winking at me, a gesture I didn't quite interpret, making me blink in confusion. “I thought I could do something for you.”

“Something for me?” I asked curiously, a darkness appearing in my gaze. Yes... I could think of many things she could do for me.

“Mm,” the girl nodded, carefully placing her glass on the table. “Well, you feed me, you take care of me... sometimes I don't think I want to go home,” she joked, making my face freeze.

“Then don't do it,” I said in an indifferent tone that made her raise her eyebrows before she laughed softly, shaking her head.

“Well, who knows...” she murmured distractedly after that awkward moment, which she dismissed as a joke. It wasn't. “But I would like to help you, at least... well, I know how to sew, and... I could help you with your dolls.”

“Mm, you need to perfect your technique,” I commented, slipping up again, making her look suspicious.

“Oh, really?” (Y/N) said amused, but with a slightly different tone, as if something didn't add up. “Well, I guess if you're patient enough with me, you could teach me your... perfect technique.”

“You can't sew with that arm,” I said, trying to break out of my own trap.

"It won't be forever, will it?" she joked again, raising her wine glass.

I smiled mysteriously, beginning to enter into a strange game I didn't understand, but I liked. I was crazy about her, hopelessly in love with her. That hadn't changed, it had only gotten worse.

“Here's to that, cin cin...”

As her wound healed, my hopes began to fade.

(Y/N) wasn't a simple villager; she was a young woman with a talent for fabrics, a lover of poetry, a kind, cheerful girl...

I never thought we could have so many things in common, that someone like me could get so close to someone like her without forcing her to do so. Of course, I had saved her life, and she was grateful for it. (Y/N) only meant to be kind and grateful, but it burned me. Her smile devoured my insides, made my heart race, excited me, drove me crazy.

Laughter, movies, hours of silent reading... somehow, we had established a bond I hadn't expected. I had managed to approach her without trembling and she didn't tremble when I did. She was perfect, so perfect…

Love consumed me, making me feel pain, sadness, frustration. She was just a girl grateful for what I did, nothing more. Soon she would be gone, abandoning me, and I would only be able to live on memories, on that false illusion of a shared life.

Luckily, I watched her long enough to get to know her, to know what she liked, what to do to please her. It wasn't too difficult for me to do so; she loved poetry, and I loved reading it to her, dedicating a few verses to her in small notes, or while doing her best to help me with my dolls.

I was happy, or I thought was. I would never be happy until she was mine, until she told me if she had feelings for me.

It drove me crazy, I suffered crises at night when she wasn't watching, desperately calling out her name, smashing mirrors and furniture, begging the Gods for a chance for happiness, with her.

“Anche così è stato breve il nostro lungo viaggio.

Il mio dura tuttora, né più mi occorrono

le coincidenze, le prenotazioni,

le trappole, gli scorni di chi crede

che la realtà sia quella che si vede...”

I recited one night, by the light of the fireplace, with her fascinated gaze fixed on mine. My voice trembled, but at the same time it was firm and sure. It didn't matter how much I was suffering for her love. I would suffer eternally to see those eyes look at me like that, to hear the words my lips spoke...

“Wow, it's beautiful,” (Y/N) commented, whispering so as not to disturb the peace of the moment. “What does it mean?”

“It talks about the loss of a great love,” I explained, closing the book, nervous to have her dress so close to mine, so close to me... “Eugenio Montale remembered his deceased wife with these verses, the things they experienced...”

“Oh, that's very sad,” she sighed, lowering her gaze. “Still, it sounds beautiful. Lost love is love, after all.”

“I-I guess so,” I said, relaxing a little, trying not to look at her intently whenever she spoke, to avoid seeming desperate, in love...

“Love is beautiful in all its forms, don't you think so?” she said in a casual tone, placing her legs on the sofa in a distracted posture.

“I don't know,” I answered sincerely.

“Have you never been in love? Oh, um... I shouldn't have asked that, I...” the girl said, once again recalling that cautious tone from the first days, the first weeks.

I didn't respond. I just looked away.

“What about you, silly girl? Have you fallen in love?” Angie interrupted, comically scaring us, breaking the tension of that moment, of that awkward question.

“Angie...” I hissed menacingly, while (Y/N) giggled with a hand on her chest. “Lasciala.”

“It's okay,” the tea girl said, shaking her head. “Actually… I'm in love right now, really bad, indeed.”

Her words stabbed into my chest like two sharp daggers. My whole world, my fantasies, and hopes crumbled at once. I should have known, I should have imagined that someone as perfect as (Y/N) would have someone waiting for her, someone who loved her, and who wasn't me.

Suppressing my rage, my desire to hurt her for causing me pain, I abruptly stood up from the couch, causing the girl to do the same, worried.

“Donna...” she said calmly. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine! Cazzo...” I screamed, removing her soft hands from my shoulders, which were trying to turn me towards her. “Take your hands off me, you stupid girl,” I growled, panting angrily and running towards the elevator, towards a night of inconsolable crying.

“Donna, wait.”

I didn't hear her; I could only hear her confession, her declaration of love for someone else. I'd already lost my mind, but that finished me off, brutally. Still, killing her, taking revenge out of spite, didn't seem like a good idea.

Imagining the terror in her eyes, her last breath, didn't console me, quite the opposite. Anyway, I already knew it was impossible; she would never love me, and I'd have to accept that, or I'd end up hurting her.

I decided it was best to distance myself, to cool down enough so I wouldn't feel the warmth of her presence, to count the days until her wounds healed completely and she disappeared from my life forever, before I did instead.

But I was never good at acting; my new attitude couldn't go unnoticed by her.

“Donna,” (Y/N) said, bursting into my workshop, distracting me with her unattainable charms. “I-I think I'm completely healed now.”

“Good,” I whispered, concentrating on the porcelain, not in her beauty. “Then you can get out of my house.”

“What? Um... I thought... I thought you liked being with me, I was thinking about...” she said, confused, getting dangerously close.

“No! Don't think, stupid! If you're healed, go away, you're just annoying me,” I exclaimed spitefully, breaking the doll with my hands, with the force of my pain.

“Why are you treating me like this? You're not the same, Donna, I thought that...” she said, hurt, pretending to care about my attitude.

I couldn't take it anymore.

“Why? Are you asking why?” I said, standing up from the chair with a dark look, clenching my fists tightly on either side of my hips. “Because I love you, stupida! I've been in love with you longer than you can imagine! You break my heart, you tell me there's someone you love... and you ask why I treat you like this? I don't know, (Y/N), maybe it's because I can't stand you being so close to me if I can't have you, maybe it's because I can't live without you!”

“I know,” she commented, unfazed by my madness, leaving me voiceless, colorless. “I always knew... you were there, somehow.”

“Cosa?” I asked nervously, a tear of love running down my cheek.

“I saw you far away, in the snow, watching me every day...” she explained, replacing my anger with shame. “At first I was scared, but... somehow... I knew you didn't want to hurt me.”

“You don't know anything, stupida,” I hissed, moving a little closer.

“I know what I feel,” she said firm, confident, without taking her eyes off mine. “Donna, I'm in love with you.”

“What? No, no, no, you're not going to cheat on me,” I said, pointing at her accusingly. “You told me the other night, you said that… that you were in love…”

“Yes, with you,” (Y/N) confessed, leaving me paralyzed. “I know it sounds hasty and… well, maybe you find it hard to believe, but somehow, that day, in the church… I… I don't know, I started wondering what you were really like, what was under that black, withdrawn figure.”

“Um…”

“And then… you came into my store with that silly excuse about tea… I never thought you'd dare to approach me, I'm just a simple villager,” she said amusedly, taking a step towards me.

“You're not a simple villager,” I said confused, my hands trembling when hers intentionally brushed against them.

“And you're not a monster…” she whispered, too close to my lips. “You saved my life, remember?”

“N-No... I... I...” I stammered as her arms wrapped around my waist and her gaze deepened on mine, mesmerizing me. “You don't understand... I wanted... I wanted to hurt you...”

“You'll hurt me, Donna. You'll hurt me if you don't kiss me,” (Y/N) whispered in my ear, pulling away to let my body respond, to let me thrust desperately against her, my lips crashing onto hers.

It wasn't a tender or loving kiss; there was fury, rage, shame, and passion in my movements, in the way my mouth devoured hers. I felt her smile as she reciprocated, the wetness of her tongue brushing against mine with the same force that my hands gripped her waist, pulling her against my body.

“Ti amo..." I whispered panting, catching the breath she'd stolen from me with her kisses, declaring my love for her, confessing a love that had been killing me for too long. “Ti amo...”

(Y/N) smiled seductively, not responding with words, but with another passionate kiss, quieter, but just as effusive.

My hands went wild, wanting to touch every part of her body I'd long considered forbidden. Her dress was violated by my caresses as my legs pushed her beauty against one of the workshop walls.

“I've wanted you to be mine for so long...” I growled in her ear as my fingers grazed her breasts beneath the fabric, my nails gripping her flesh, penetrating it.

“Prove it, Donna,” she challenged me... her voice was a wet challenge as my teeth sank into her neck.

Her bare skin appeared before me like a divine gift, allowing me to lie on it, caress it, kiss it, moisten it for me, so that I could devour it. But I was too anxious to enjoy the moment. I loved her, wanted to truly love her, to sink into her body, to make her mine before she came to her senses and realized what I was doing.

I took a deep breath, looking into her shining eyes and listening to her labored breathing, and without thinking, I ripped her underwear from under her dress with a victorious, dangerous, avid gasp.

“Donna,” she protested in amusement, letting her back hit the wall as I released my quivering erection from its prison. “Calm down.”

“No... you can't ask me to calm down,” I whispered in a commanding voice as I lifted her, leaning her against the wall as I entered her carelessly, feeling that warm, wet embrace around me.

“Shit... you're big, Donna,” (Y/N) protested with a moan, closing her eyes and letting herself go, letting my cock slide through her tight walls, forcing its way into her body, into her wetness...

“You’re... mine...” I responded clumsily, thrusting into her slowly but firmly, slamming her back against the wall as I held her. She clung to my body as best she could.

“Oh, yes, yes,” she moaned as she danced up and down to the rhythm of my thrusts and my indiscreet grunts. I barely had to force myself to move her; she was light as a feather, and comfortable, warm. “Oh, Donna...”

“You're not surprised,” I said with a sinister smile, moaning with pleasure as I felt her body intensely squeezing my erection, a wet, lascivious sound adorning the moment.

“I'd... heard something about it...” she moaned, too focused on the pleasure to be rational. I didn't give that unpleasant comment much thought; I had work to do.

Laughing, reveling in our first time, in truly having her physically, in feeling myself inside her perfect body, I continued my thrusts while my lips fought to capture hers.

“Donna, Donnaah!” she cried out, ecstatic as my release flooded her, causing her body to react in kind, holding me close, milking me with lust so my seed would stay inside her.

The pleasure I felt was incomparable to any other; her body was so perfect... so wet... so much better than a stupid, used maid. I already knew I loved her, but I didn't know I could feel that way: lost, madly in love, capable of forsaking the very Gods if she asked me to.

“I hope I didn't hurt you,” I said when I caught my breath, pulling out and gathering her in my arms as I brushed her hair away from her face. “I've been wanting to do this for so long... wanting to love you...”

“I know, Donna... you were always my guardian angel.”

#donna beneviento #donna beneviento x reader #re8 donna #re8 village #oneshot #requests

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godhandler · 6 months ago

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Rent A BF!

#3.5 | young toji fushiguro x reader | fluff, mentions of prostitution, aged and sometimes offensive terminology | 780 words

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2nd February, 1996

Toji peered over the bottles of makeup strewn over the dingy floor. The client had demanded that he cover all his tattoos and scars, so here he was, sitting amongst all the street-hookers and getting his face painted over. He made sure that he grumbled enough.

Whether or not either side would accept it, the street-hookers and Toji were friends. Everyone in Minami-Senju was, to some degree. It was a rough place in a rough city in a rough time; the bullies and the bullied were the one and the same. They stole each other’s watches and fed each other’s children all the same.

There was no greater demonstration of this unhinged sense of community than their shared pool of makeup. Every evening, anyone who wanted some blush or mascara ventured down to Morufi Auntie’s garage (one of the very few to have one). Morufi Auntie would sit her aching back down on a stool and personally mix-and-match foundations till everyone got the shade they came for.

Right now it was Toji who kneeled down to her level, allowing her to test her match on his cheek. She usually gets the colour right on the first try, but once she realised that she was matching the layer of grime on Toji’s face rather than his skin, she screamed for someone to get his nasty ass off her before she brought her slipper out.

“Hag bitch,” Toji swore.

“Gutter orphan,” Morufi Auntie swore right back.

It was the benevolent fish-seller lady who took Toji aside and taught him to rub sweet almond oil (borrowed) to get the blackheads out his nose-tip and wash the dirt off his cheeks with a foaming face-wash (borrowed). “Good for your oily skin,” she said, “like all the young ones of your age.”

She then poured some milky rice-water essence (borrowed too) into his palms. “Pat it into your face, and now dab this–” she squeezed out a teeny tiny dot out of an already-wrung tube, “–neem gel I got from the Chamars. Put a little on your pimples, works like magic.”

“I just came to get my scar painted over.” He pouted. This was severely tanking his big bad guy persona, but at least none of the guys who’d care about it were here. In here, in the Morufi Auntie’s Makeup Garage, people called each other shit like ‘glowing’ or ‘radiant’ or ‘OMG I love your eyebrows’, disparaging guy-talk was strictly prohibited. Toji couldn’t help but feel calmer here too.

The fish-seller lady just shook her head. “My boy was just like you at this age, never put on sunscreen even though I’d get on his ass. That reminds me– sunscreen! But before that a light moisturiser (also borrowed)– there, aren’t you looking so decent? Now, sugar, go run along to Auntie.”

Toji didn’t like the way she baby-talked him, but he could not deny that his face felt cleaner and fresher than he ever remembered.

Morufi Auntie kept true to her fame, churning out his colour match in one go. It didn’t take a lot of (borrowed) foundation, Toji was pretty fair, true to his noble Zenin blood, it was only the sun-tan that darkened patches of his cheeks and forehead.

Auntie knew not to touch his scar. Toji caked the concealer on himself, and then, following her instructions, patted the colour in with a setting powder. “Blend it out, down to your chin and neck, always. Follow the shadow of your cheekbones and blend, blend, blend it in,” she’d repeat to everyone who came to her.

He stared into the hand-mirror a street-hooker lent him. The scar crossing his lip was completely gone, almost like…

“Like it was never there,” he breathed out. A version of him that grew up without the events that led to him getting that scar. A happier alternate universe. “Not bad.”

“It’s art, alright. No one leaves here unhappy.” Morufi Auntie leant back to admire the young boy. The garage was full of people, mostly women, patting, tapping, glossing, shining, yelling, laughing. Shared mirrors, shared makeup, shared tin-wall garage. “We’re artists here.”

“Just like geishas!” Shiki shouted from the other corner of the room. He didn’t want to miss watching his friend getting dolled up and throwing a fit and causing a huge commotion, but it went disappointingly okay. At least he won’t get on my ass about how makeup is cheating now. Shiki shrugged. Win’s a win.

“I’m not a fucking geisha,” Toji bit back, his masculinity pinched.

“You look pretty as one, or maybe an idol singer?” Shiki stuck his tongue out. “What, I’m saying positive things!”

Poor Shiki couldn’t duck Morufi Auntie’s slipper in time.

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a/n: the last chapter would've raised the question, "how did toji learn that you need to blend your foundation?" he lives and he learns, lol.

morufi is a bantu name from botswana. after ww2, japan offered scholarships to african students for postgraduate studies, many of whom ended up living here. chamar is a low-caste hindu surname from india. compared to an upper caste indian immigrant who often migrate abroad with a strong financial and educational safety net, one might wonder how and why the chamars came to japan.

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atreeinthemoonlight · 2 months ago

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Given that some Lyanna stans of color look down on others like themselves, I find myself wondering—how would Lyanna herself probably view women who, like her, were placed into arranged marriages?

Maybe she would have pitied them,Catelyn or Rhaella,Elia and so on.Seeing them as another victims trapped by family duty,just another reminder of the life she was desperate to outrun.Or maybe she wouldn’t have thought much about them at all — So far,in the books or the show,Lyanna seemed more concerned with her own benefits than with the fates of other women.

To Lyanna,political wives lived small lives.They stayed where they were placed, fulfilled their duties, and spoke only when it was proper.They were not enemies, but they weren’t her equals,and they weren't admirable either.She might’ve offered them a polite smile, even a word or two of sympathy — but it was the shallow kind, born from detachment, not true understanding.In truth, she couldn’t respect women like them, she would look at them with a quiet sense of superiority.They were no charm,no depth,too quite,too boring,too lifeless,too ready to play the role they were given.She saw their patience not as strength, but as passivity.She mistook endurance for submission, and obedience for weakness and emptiness.

In Lyanna’s eyes, her people were never the ones who accepted their fates — only those willing to flip the table alongside her.A new monument must rise from the ruins of the old altar.And yet, it’s always women like Rhaella and Elia who clean up after women like Lyanna.Because the ones who flip the table rarely stay to deal with the broken pieces.That job — the quiet, thankless one — always seems to fall to the women who never called themselves special.

And perhaps, deep down, she needed to see them that way — so she could feel like her uniqueness and rebellion meant something. By framing herself as the one who dared to make own decisions,to defy, to love recklessly, to disobey her father’s will.This form of self-definition through opposition made it impossible for her to truly include political wives in her sense of belonging. After all, if the quiet ones were strong in their own way, then what exactly was she fighting against?What was she risking everything to prove? If others could survive with dignity without burning the world down, what made her defiance noble?

She needed the world to look black and white.She needed the "good girls" to be meek, the betrothed to be victims, the obedient to be pitiable.Because otherwise, she’d have to face a harder truth — that what she called freedom might simply be selfishness, and what she saw as courage might just be the privilege to choose recklessness and be romanticized for it.

Not wanting to marry Robert didn’t mean Lyanna had to run away with Rhaegar.The two things aren’t automatically connected.Choosing to elope with a married crown prince wasn’t an inevitable outcome,it was sheer desperation, like a headless chicken running into a wall,a masterclass in bad decisions.

To Lyanna,true selfhood came through loud defiance — through unsheathing a sword, not lowering one’s head. Mastering a weapon felt like mastering her fate. She picked up a sword and thought she had glimpsed the whole world — but in truth, her life only grew narrower and narrower with every reckless choice—until it shrank to the few square feet of the Tower of Joy. It’s like watching actors — some can portray quiet despair, the kind where grief sinks so deep it leaves you hollow.Others only know how to explode, to shout, to rage.Lyanna was the latter.Her way of facing the world was through constant outbursts, through flashing anger and bared teeth.She never learned the quieter, harder forms of strength: endurance, reflection, restraint.

Nor did she care to learn. She couldn’t bear to live quietly, like the women who married for alliance and duty.Her rebellion was loud, but not wise.Her defiance was fierce, but ultimately hollow.To her, survival meant fighting everything, lashing out at anything she couldn’t control — not realizing that some battles aren’t won by force, and some storms can’t be out-screamed.

And at the heart of it, Lyanna’s greatest flaw was her immaturity.She wasn’t capable of seeing the bigger picture,she was a child-woman who thought making decisions was the ultimate form of rebellion.Once she made her choice, she committed to it completely — not out of wisdom or strength, she ran headlong down a dark path, there is no way to turn back.

Maybe it was because, all her life, whenever she caused trouble, someone else was always there to clean up after her.So this time, she thought it would be no different. What she never realized was that some disasters were too big—even for her family, her father, her brother, even the entire North to contain.The people she had always seen as invincible were not truly invincible after all.

And her fans today only enable her.To them, everything Lyanna did was justified.It’s hard not to imagine if Lyanna had actually been surrounded by a crowd of "true fans",cheering her on in real life, telling her she was always right, she would have ruined things even faster.

Validation without accountability is a recipe for disaster,and rebellion without wisdom isn’t freedom,it’s just a faster fall—especially for someone young, impulsive, and convinced of her own righteousness.

Instead of growing, instead of learning caution or wisdom, she would have plunged even deeper into her worst instincts.In many ways, the fanbase they built around her says more about their fantasies than it does about the character herself. They still celebrate her every mistake as if it were heroism, still cheer for the collapse she helped cause.They call it making decisions,breaking the wall,finding a way out, Martin’s intention — it’s meant to be romantic.But they’re dancing on her grave — rejoicing in the downfall that cost her everything. And the saddest part is, even now, her so-called admirers refuse to see it.

#got #game of thrones #asoiaf #fake feminist wakening #🤡🤡🤡🤡#double standards #rhaegar targaryen #anti rhaelya #anti rhaegar stans #anti lyanna stans

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jolenes-doppelganger · 1 year ago

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hi! so I have this idea that won't leave my mind about a fanfic/story between lady jessica x fem! reader. basically reader is part of one of the great houses and she married duke leto because of a political alliance. jessica was already leto’s concubine and paul had already been born too.

the relationship between reader and jessica was never the best one. jessica always had this pet peeve with reader, maybe jealousy because she was married with leto, but reader never wanted to be married with him and never had romantic feelings for him too.

they relationship began to change when they come to arrakis, specifically when they are left in the desert to die (is “saved” by the harkonnen also because he is a member of one of the great houses).

jessica sees the reader as the only thing left of what she called home, then she starts to develop feelings. reader already had some “strange” feelings for jessica, like a devotion/admiration to a goddess.

– s

ps: i’m the same person who requested the jessica x fem! corrino reader.

[Hi Anon! Keeping me busy, I see :)]

Riptides

Lady Jessica x Fem! Duchess Reader

Summary: The past haunts. It puts things both bad and good into perspective. Whether it is to mend or to separate, that is entirely up to the doer.

Warnings: None, just overall angsty. (Hurt + Comfort).

A/N: This work is contrived of ‘ficlets’. Plain text moves linearly, set in Dune II after Jamis has been killed. Italicized text does not move linearly, pertaining to snapshots of the past. R is the sister of Lord Fenring, not shown in the movie. (This is not a white or perceived to be white character, it is as self-insert as possible). I also did my best to lean into realism, (less R admiration of Jessica, more conflict), as it is more my style. !!! I really, really, really, really like exploring true characterization or playing around with characters, so this is a very angsty fic !!! (Alia steals the show, again).

Word Count: 4.2k

Paul was an uneasy sleeper. Looking at Jessica as she twitched in the Fremen tent, you realized just where he had gotten it from. Jessica was coated in sweat. Paul was the furthest away from you. It was a sad truth that neither of them ever really warmed up to you. And how could you blame them? The marriage to House Atreides was nothing you’d ever asked for. It just was. But Jessica couldn’t understand that. And you wouldn’t try to make her understand that. Perhaps if things had gone differently from the start, perhaps if you’d been given the opportunity to make her acquaintance before you were dragged to the marital bed… None of it mattered.

Jessica twitched again, an unpleasant dream. The duke was dead. Your protection was gone, and by some miracle you’d made it with the other two out of the desert and into the path of the Fremen. Paul had fought for his right to live, Jessica had bested Stilgar, then killed Jamis to protect him and his mother’s right in the Fremen, but you? The best you had was the Bene Gesserit training given to all noble women of high ranking houses. A Sayyadina, like Jessica. It put you in a poor place with the Fremen.

“Hnnmm-” Jessica jerked.

You looked at her, analyzing her facial expressions. Her eyes flew open, and she sat up, lunging.

“Jessi-”

Her hands gripped your shoulder as she pushed you down, prepared to strike. The dim light of the eclipse halted her motions.

“Oh.” she gasped.

Her blue eyes were wide, and afraid. It must have been a hell of a dream.

“All this time and I still forget there’s three of us.”

Loud voices came from inside the Duke’s chambers. He’d called you here, supposedly to meet with Jessica. Your earlier interactions were never pleasant, she was clipped with you.

“Jessica, please. She is a political ally and another route of maintaining peace upon Arrakis.” Duke Leto reasoned with his concubine.

“And a force of contention in this house! She is slow to learn the Fremen ways, slow to develop relationships with the house staff, and worse, her closest friend is a teenage boy.”

“Paul is close to her age it is reasonable-”

“Yes. They are close in age. I wonder why that is.”

Duke Leto didn’t answer, rather he opened the door, gesturing you inside. You wore thin, flowy clothing, similar to the clothing worn in House Fenring. It was far less conservative than Jessica’s, and you supposed that was a mistake in and of itself. The Duke paid no attention to your clothes. One night to seal your marriage, as was custom. The Bene Gesserit had already decided you would not bear an Atreides child. You slept with him the night after your period had ended. No child would have been conceived, no heir above Paul.

“There are three of us in this marriage.” Leto spoke. “For better or worse, we need to remain as one unit,” he made a circular gesture with his hands, “And that cannot happen without work to build the cohesion between the two of you.”

Jessica’s eyes were bright, intense, her mouth drawn into a thinly concealed scowl.

“Lady Jessica,” you began. “If it is my friendship with Paul that worries you, I will end it.”

Jessica gave one last look at her Duke, leaving before she had spoken a word to you.

Jessica crouched in the sand, taking refuge from the heat in a cluster of boulders. You couldn’t blame her, she was nauseous. The babe produced nausea as it was, but the sight of water collection from several still living Harkonnens couldn’t have made it any better. She looked green, practically, having thrown up in the sand. Stilgar had scooped it into a bag, attaching it to a pack. No waste. But the lack of water wasn’t going to help her.

“Jessica.” you murmured, crouching beside her on the ground. “Here.”

You exposed the straw from your suit, offering it to her.

“I can’t accept it.” Jessica shook her head.

“It’s a gift for my future step-daughter. You can and you will.”

Jessica didn’t really mean it when she refused the water. She knew you’d press the issue, and she’d accept. She needed the water, and you could do without a little water for a little while. The only issue was that it required bringing her face close to you, which she did. The water was warm. The same temperature as your body, but it did the trick. She drank a few mouthfuls of water, more than she needed, but you didn’t object. She’d take what she could get from you, although her mindset was starting to change.

“The young Lady Fenring, sister of Lord Fenring.” Reverend Gauis Helen Mohiam drawled. “The Bene Gesserit have secured you a marriage…”

So that was what she was here for? A marriage was reasonable, you were of the age to be used to further the Bene Gesserit breeding program.

“There’s a catch.” the Reverend spoke, holding her hand up to prevent you from assenting. “The union is childless.”

Your mouth snapped shut. A childless marriage? What kind of a thing was that? The Bene Gesserit was better off training you to be a junior reverend than marrying you to a man without birthing a child. What of the breeding programme? What of the needed changes to be made to the bloodlines with the Atreides resistance?

“You will be our spy. There are many eyes upon House Atreides, but we need eyes from inside.”

“What of Lady Jessica, your reverence?”

Helen Mohiam chuffed at that.

“Lady Jessica has served her own purpose since she fell in love with her Duke. One of my best pupils, one of my worst failures. You are young, unswayed by the love of men, swayed by the approval and service to your sisters of the Bene Gesserit. You will serve us well there.”

Taking a breath in, you nodded once.

“I assume Lady Jessica is not to be made aware of this?”

“Lady Jessica should never know of the master you serve. Your duty is to play the role of a jealous wife. Distance between Jessica and you is the only way our intel can be confirmed. Do not get close. Never, ever, give her reason to suspect you are anything but madly in love with the Duke Atreides.”

“You never cried over my father.” Paul murmured to you, sitting on a dune during nightfall.

It was peaceful tonight. The dunes of Arrakis were calm, without wind whipping over the sand, without the whirr of Harkonnen machinery.

“The Fremen don’t waste water. We are Fremen.”

“No. Before. In the tent we slept in before Duncan found us, you did not cry. You were scared, and upset, but you…”

“I never loved your father. I was his wife in name and rank. But I never loved him.” you admitted, not looking at him.

Paul went quiet. He was a deep thinker, like his father. An inner monologue that only they were privy to playing in their head at all moments, a monologue that very rarely came to the surface.

“I knew your father for six months. We were married in a time of great uncertainty for your house, a time of great uncertainty for the Bene Gesserit and Landsraad. There was no time to love him. But I respected him.”

Paul gave a bob of his head. There was sand in his hair. You reached over, shaking it clean. His hair was getting long.

“You need a haircut.”

“The Fremen don’t all have short hair.”

“Long hair on the warmest part of your head, the head that is most directly exposed to the sun, is a poor idea. Give me your crysknife.”

“It’s ceremonial.” Paul corrected, offended. “And Jessica has long hair, as does Chani.”

You sighed. That it was. They were only drawn when someone was to die, or when handed down from one individual to another. It would be borderline sacrilegious to use it for a haircut. Chani had thick hair, like the Fremen, and Paul had thick hair too, but he was complaining of headaches, from adjustment to the desert climate, you assumed.

“I’m cutting it off.” you decided.

One of the fremen had an iron knife, generally used for cooking. You cut Paul’s hair, leaving the top of his head longer and the sides short. You bagged the hair.

“Do you want to keep it?” you asked the boy.

“Hair doesn’t hold water.”

“It’s said to hold memory.” you murmured. “Do you want to keep it?”

Paul shook his head. He had enough memories in his head to remain unbothered with those from a scrap of hair.

“I’ll keep it.” Jessica murmured, reaching forward for the bag of hair.

She tucked it away in a pouch on her stillsuit. She seemed equally sentimental as she was a bit sad.

“I had a trimming of his baby hair.” Jessica murmured, brow furrowed. “It would have been burned with the rest of Arrakeen.”

You looked up at her, and then nodded once. A box of sentimental items was something you and Jessica seemed to share. Both went up in flames with the Arrakis city. The only thing left of your lives before being the both of you and Paul. Jessica settled beside you, sitting on the dune with you. She was deep in thought, and for good reason. The past was a territory she chartered regularly, for better or worse.

“Were we ever competing for Leto?” Jessica asked, voice soft, and yet tinged with a scratchiness caused by water retention.

The thought itself was a sad one, and a bit difficult to answer. The Bene Gesserit order had dictated that you play the role of the devoted spouse. It was under their orders that you’d romance Leto, vying for his attention, for his trust, for his innermost thoughts; those that were not as secret as he may have believed. Perhaps you’d played a role in the downfall of House Atreides? No. Not perhaps. The information you’d provided the Reverend Mother had led to the Emperor’s decision to exterminate House Atreides. Of course you had never known it was the plan of the order, but… How much of the fall of House Atreides were you responsible for.

“I…”

Tears sprung in your eyes. Tears you couldn’t cry, a waste of a body’s water. And yet your chest ached. The muscles in your throat contracted painfully, and you blinked rapidly to dispel the tears. Tension grew in your lungs as your body fought against sobs.

“Oh.” Jessica said.

Oh.

Oh? That was all?

Leto rolled in his sleep, wet breath ghosting over your bare shoulder. You’d assumed he’d leave after the marital act, returning to his bed with Jessica, but he hadn’t. Rather, the man had slumped over into the bed, closing his eyes and letting out a weary sigh, as if to say ‘it’s done’. There was wetness between your thighs; wetness that you weren’t responsible for. Sure, you’d forced your body into being wet enough to take the Duke of House Atreides, but this particular remnant was not yours. It disturbed you.

The cool of the washroom felt heavenly, and you were grateful for the stone walls and the shades over the windows. Castle Atreides was wet, the rain of the ocean planet keeping a humidity in the air that would corrode traditional drywall. Not that the staff didn’t keep things spotless, but in most other circumstances, one could have fretted over black mold.

“What are you doing?” a deep baritone voice ghosted in the bathroom.

You were in the middle of scrubbing your skin clean, trying to rid yourself of the act.

“... Bathing.” you answered the Duke Leto.

He stared down at you for sometime.

“I shared the post-coital bath with Lady Jessica on our first night.” he mused.

“I am not her.” you replied, voice taut with a bit of discomfort.

Leto nodded, and without waiting for permission, he stepped inside the bath with you. It was a show of equality, giving you what he had given her. But it was wrong, in a lot of ways. You didn’t deserve his equality, even though the Bene Gesserit tasked you with taking more than equal share of his love.

“Does my age bother you?” Leto finally broke the silence.

“No.” you answered quickly. “It’s not about age, it’s about-”

“-Duty?” Leto cut you off.

You nodded once. The Duke of Caladan was attractive. No question about it. A chiseled jaw, a firm, strong build and commanding manner, he looked good for his age. Better than some men your age. There was appeal in his maturity, but appeal was besides the point.

“Should I expect this again?” he asked. “Should I expect to begin… Conception efforts?

The very words made you want to crawl out of your skin, and it was apparent on your face. So apparent was your discomfort that Leto let out a raspy laugh, shaking his head.

“So that’s a no.” Leto answered his own question.

“The Bene Gesserit wish that Paul remain the sole heir to your house.”

“They won’t have you bear even a daughter?” Leto asked in confusion.

You took a breath. Discussing the aims of your Sisterhood was not something you were allowed to do, but something Leto was confident enough in doing. It was because of Jessica. She had given him too much power, too much knowledge. Hence why he questioned you with such brazen authority.

“The aims of my Sisterhood are not to be discussed with my husband.”

“Well then I expect the same.” Leto darkly murmured.

The same? The concept baffled you. To speak about the Bene Gesserit to your husband was, by nature, against your orders. And to speak of your husband to the Bene Gesserit was your duty.

“I… Cannot give you that.” you murmured.

“I will annul the marriage.”

The thought frightened you. For you to lose the marriage to House Atreides was of the highest failure. You would lose so much. Political rank, status in the Bene Gesserit… It could mean exile.

“Please, this is my duty we are discussing. I wouldn’t even be married to you without the Bene Gesserit.” you tried to explain.

“No, no you would not. And I wouldn’t even need the political stability from this marriage if it wasn’t for the Bene Gesserit. If you damn me with your meddling, I have no choice but to damn you.” Leto spoke, authoritarian commands reverberating off of the wall.

He was your husband, yes. But this was the Duke of Caladan and House Atreides you were talking to. He was a powerhouse, a force that could do just short of bending wind to his aims.

“I have a people to protect, a son.” Leto continued, eyes ablaze with ruthless determination. “You are new to this house. If it comes between choosing my son and my family’s protection over political stability, I will make that choice. Now promise me that you will not speak of me to the Bene Gesserit.”

“Duke Leto...”

“Promise me!”

His voice echoed off of the stone walls, crashing into you again and again. Your lower lip trembled. Duke Leto Atreides was not a bully, but he was a father. And sometimes those lines could blur.

“I promise.” you whispered, eyes wide and afraid.

Duke Leto visibly slackened in the tub, taking a deep breath in and releasing it.

“I’ve scared you. I will take my leave of you, if that is what you wish.”

You gave one small nod, and Leto stood, leaving the tub and exiting the washroom. Perhaps if he’d maintained that iron grasp over you from the first night, perhaps if he’d inspired love, devotion, trust in him that Jessica had been privy too for over a decade… Perhaps if you had kept your promise, none of this would have happened.

The sietch was quiet. Unnaturally so. Jessica could feel the humidity with every breath she took. She hated it, for a myriad of reasons. Namely because it was like some perverted, hellish imitation of the humidity of her home Caladan. Not one breath she took had the cool taste of salt, all of it stank of bodies. Her stillsuit was a natural filter, and it sucked the moisture off of her skin, mostly. The residual moisture to cool the body made her feel itchy. All the time.

Paul was sleeping. He was an unusually light sleeper, always had been. But in the Fremen ranks, he slept deeply. It meant something, his relaxation, but Jessica was too bereaved to care on this particular night. Bereaved by the loss of Leto, the loss of her home world and safety, but also by the second body that lay beside her. Jessica was disturbed by the Duchess Atreides, former Lady Fenring, not to be confused with Margot Fenring. Paul had brought up a point, about her crying. The Duchess had never cried, not once. The despair of the burning city of Arakeen, the death of Duke Leto, the confusion and panic; none of it had brought a tear to her eye. But that simple question over competition had brought out an almost haunted reaction from her, and fostered a sadistic fascination inside Jessica. Jessica knew the language of the body. She knew the cues and the faces one might make in different emotions, she’d been taught this. The duchess had been ashamed. Guilty, crippled with some unseen burden. Perhaps it was time that Jessica dug into that.

“I can hear you’re awake.” Jessica murmured, reaching up to stroke a hand through her companion’s hair.

The gesture itself was false. Jessica wasn’t intending to be kind, or comforting at this moment. She wanted answers.

“I can’t sleep.” came the response.

Jessica hummed at this, turning her body to rest against [Reader]’s, spooning the young woman from behind.

“Why?”

You could feel Jessica’s breath on your neck. It was fainter than Leto’s had been. Everything she did, every movement or question the woman asked, it was dissected by you. A game of analysis, the both of you brushing hands in tender show of affection while each sheathed a knife under their sleeve. It was an exhausting and all too familiar game. And perhaps one worth burying, along with the dead.

“It’s my fault that Leto is dead.”

Jessica stiffened, and you could hear the audible slowing of her breath.

“Explain.”

There was no time to gather your thoughts. Not these thoughts, anyways.

“The Bene Gesserit tasked me with reporting information regarding House Atreides and their affairs. I told them everything about the Duke, about Paul and about you. For six months.” you admitted, voice growing progressively unsteady as you continued.

It was so difficult not to cry, and you were consumed by grief, guilt, shame. Too consumed to pay attention to the cues Jessica gave as she processed your statement.

“Do you think we didn’t know?”

The sentence was so soft spoken, you almost didn’t catch it.

“What?” you whimpered.

A hand cupped your face. Tenderly, without an ulterior motive.

“Did you think that Leto and I did not guess that you were reporting information back to the Bene Gesserit?” Jessica repeated, voice gentle.

“But I promised him I wouldn’t.”

Jessica smiled, a soft, achingly sad smile.

“Yes. You promised him, a false promise given under coercion through fear and threat of political exile and potential deposition. I was a Bene Gesserit first, you must remember this. Your loyalty to the Sisterhood was something we factored in, everything we did under your eyes was, in essence, filtered.”

Filtered? They’d been showing you a reality that hadn’t been true? Your breath caught as you processed, hardly breathing as further thoughts raced through your head, memories crowding outward. Did this mean that you never knew them, for all this time? That you never knew your Duke? The man you were wedded to, the man you could’ve loved… You’d never even gotten a fair chance at love with him. Jessica had stacked the odds in her favor before you’d even begun playing the game. Not one moment of affection from him could be trusted, some of the memories you were just now learning to cherish, it had all been a lie.

“No, no, don’t waste your water!” Jessica whispered, desperately trying to prevent you from crying.

It was too late. Tears streamed down your cheeks, salty and concentrated with all kinds of neurotransmitters and other various compounds. Jessica, for her credit, thought fast. Her lips pressed over your cheeks, working quickly to collect the moisture.

“No…” you sobbed.

Jessica cradled your head with one hand, holding your body to her with the other. This was the grief she’d been searching for, the pain. And it wasn’t as satisfying as she wished it could have been. Sure, the games she’d played against you had been for the good of her family, for the good of Atreides, but it wasn’t easy hurting people. It wasn’t easy throwing them under, like a riptide ghosting over the shores of Caladan. But for better or worse, the outcome was the same. You’d both lost things in the feud, in the deceit. Jessica had lost her husband, a husband outside of traditional binds, a husband of the soul. You’d lost your livelihood, your innocence, your…

As Jessica held you in her arms, she realized just how alike the two of you were. How different things could have been if you met under different circumstances. Jessica didn’t have many allies now. No political connections, no ties to the desert planet and peoples. She had a son, fifteen and burdened with a peculiar, tortured purpose. Jessica had a fetal daughter, stirring and swimming about as she developed, too young to know the danger that awaited. And finally, Jessica had this woman in her arms. A Bene Gesserit, a powerful young woman whom Jessica could work with. An ally, perhaps. A companion, most certainly. A reason to move forward with haste.

“Jessica.” she heard you whimper.

Leaning down, Jessica smiled softly, cupping your face. There was a tear on your upper lip.

“Yes?”

Another tear fell, but Jessica would wait to collect it, wait for you to speak.

“I’m sorry. For everything.”

She leaned down, collecting the freshly fallen tear on your cheek, and then lower. A soft kiss, the brush of her tongue over the wet upper lip concealed with the plush of her mouth.

“I’m sorry too.”

Her head dipped to yours, and for the first time, Jessica could feel a twin heartbeat, low and rapid. Alia’s tiny, six week heart had begun to beat.

Epilogue

“Alia!” you shouted, chasing after the toddler.

Even with Alia’s higher consciousness, she was young, rambunctious, and as fond as her mother is of games.

“Can’t get me!” Alia squealed, darting through the sietch, moving so fast you could hardly keep up.

The little tot was small, blonde haired as Jessica would have been at her age, and fast. But the robes she wore, the robes of the Sayyadina, were a bit too long for her, meant to grow with the little warrior child. She tripped, and went sprawling over the stone floor of the sietch. Alia cried out, breath immediately speeding up in her body’s attempt to formulate a reactionary cry.

“Oh, honey.” you spoke, wrapping the toddler up in your arms.

Her brown eyes were wide and teary, and she did her best not to sniffle. Alia was, after all, an adult in the body of a child. But that child’s body was filled with child emotions and feelings. Falls hurt a lot, and this fall was probably the worst Alia had experienced so far.

“Hurts.” Alia whimpered. “Can’t… ‘M gonna cry.”

You chuckled, kissing her soft cheeks as the child tried not to cry. You found the scraped knee, gently kissing that too. Soft footsteps came behind you, and two hands encircled your shoulders as Jessica crouched down.

“Did someone fall?” Jessica asked, tone sincere and non-patronizing.

“Yes.” Alia stuck out her bottom lip.

Jessica chuckled, gently taking Alia from your arms. Both you and your companion gently worked to bring Alia down from the pinnacle of tears, soothing her sore knee with kisses. Alia was adorable like this. It was the only time she ever let the two of you baby her.

“Mommies?” Alia asked. “Love you.”

You both smiled, taking terms kissing over her face as she squealed in delight. It was a soft moment during tense times.

“Alia, should we attack Momma with kisses?” Jessica fake-whispered to Alia.

“YES!” Alia screeched, little hands grabbing at your face as she kissed all over your face and hair.

Jessica was right with her, holding you in place and kissing over the bridge of your nose, your cheeks, your chin, your neck. And as Alia pulled away to giggle, she snagged your jaw in her hands, pressing a firm kiss to your lips.

“Eww!!!” Alia whined.

Jessica chuckled, and you both doubled down, kissing each other more passionately to mollify the little toddler beneath you. But as you pulled away, you both felt Alia’s hands on your faces, and a wry grin on her tiny cheeks.

“Mommy’s turn!”

Both you and Alia pounced on Jessica, covering the usually stoic woman with kisses until she shrieked with laughter. Time healed a lot of wounds. And the past was something you cherished, almost as much as you cherished the present. Alia made sure of that.

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