#sorry just. can’t get over dean performing his emotions for sams benefit

[samdeancrimespree]

it’s time to overanalyze the impala destruction scene <3 with actual screencaps this time. my analysis of the shot will be Above the screencap. hopefully that makes sense

so sam tries once again to talk to dean about dad. dean yells at him again for suddenly wanting to do what dad would’ve wanted and sam opens up to him about feeling guilty. then sam says he’s dealing with dads death, but dean isn’t. dean doesn’t say anything, just looks at him like This.

we don’t know yet, what john said to dean before he died. but it’s hanging over dean. i think sam’s reaction to dad’s death makes dean want to keep johns words a secret even more. if he tells sam that’s what dad wanted, sam might go along with it.

every time someone brings up john, dean hears his words again, and he feels even worse. he can’t deal with dads death because that means acknowledging what he said, and it’s just too much. he already lost dad, he can’t lose sam too.

sam says “i’ll leave you alone.” and walks away. we only hear a few steps, but that might just be for clarity. who knows. or he just. took a few steps then stopped.

either way, dean turns around and calmly picks up a crowbar. he smashes the window of a random car. takes a few breaths.

as he turns around, he looks up from the ground. looks at something in front of him. it seems for a second like he’s going to stop.

then he looks down at the impala. he glances back up, just for a second. right where sam was standing before. it looks like he’s making sure sam is watching him. you want me to deal with it? fine.

“next time someone asks me if i’m okay, i’m gonna start throwing punches.”

so he goes crazy on the impala. we all know that part.

he destroys the car right after he fixes it. specifically the trunk of the car, where they keep their hunting arsenal. maybe that was just the closest part, or maybe he’s had enough of his family dying because of hunting. he didn’t want to find the demon if it meant sam would die, but now sam might die anyway. no matter what he does, the car/his family will be destroyed. he can’t fix it, and it’s futile to even try. all his work, all the time and love he put into sam might have been worthless.

when he finally stops, he looks wrecked. this is the most emotion he’s allowed himself since dad died.

this is the last shot of the episode. him staring for a good 10 seconds, still on that same eyeline. he seems like he’s looking at something.

he lets himself look sad for a second, but he doesn’t turn away like he normally would. he wants sam to see. this was all for him. it’s like… there. i’m upset. was that enough? can you stop asking now?

then his expression hardens, shutting down and covering his emotions again. it’s like he’s warning sam. dean can’t be sad, only angry. only destructive. this time, it’s the car. next time, it might be sam. the two things he’s supposed to look after, both ruined. and dad isn’t here to fix it. dean has to figure it out on his own.

it looks like he’s asking sam to just leave it alone. don’t ask me about this. i can’t talk about it. and for now, sam believes it’s just about dad dying.

and then the episode ends. i genuinely cannot tell if im supposed to think sam is there or not. but like its the same eyeline!!! and the shot is pushed in and to the right!! sam could be standing in the same spot for all we know !! also what else would he be having a silent convo with in bobby’s junkyard? the dog? his own reflection? the only thing that makes sense to me is that sam is there. that he’s doing this For sam. maybe this is something everyone noticed but me until rn but. im going insane

[amwritingmeta]

15x03: Oh hell yes!

I don’t even know what to say. Honestly, does anything have to be said? It was grand! It delivered on all the levels. And it set us up for a run toward the midseason finale that’s already making me sweat along the edges. 

I mean, here, three episodes in, we have, let’s see, what do we have? We have:

Sam shushing Dean with that epically impatient gesture, yeah? 

Yeah. Or more like... WHAAAAAAAAT?? He actually did that? *rewind* Yeah, no, yeah, he did. He put his hand up as Dean was doing his “We’re not just giving up that’s not who we are” infuriated rant at anything inevitable (I mean, yes faith in their abilities is good, just not how it’s delivered bulldozer style) and Sam SHUSHED his brother.

Leader!Sam. Tick-a-box.

We have, what else do we have, oh, yes, we have Dean SENDING CAS TO HELL.

Wow. Woooooooooooow. Like. w o w.

That was h a r s h. No, that was Harsh with a capital H and I knew it would come back and bite him on the ass, the damn stubborn dickhead. Because of course he knows Cas isn’t to blame, logically, for what happened to Mary. He’s just dead set on pushing Cas away for a myriad of reasons all tied to his skewed sense of self, which is still skewed, I believe, no matter how far he’s already come in his progression, and this slight skew-age is making him dig himself into this hole of self-punishment. 

Because, logically, he knows what Cas means to him and, perhaps, he’s starting to get to a point where he can actually see and believe what he means to Cas and he can’t have that. Why should he get to be happy? E v e r?? And, of course, this is mirrored in what Cas is going through with his shadow representative telling him that the moment he is feeling even a breath of happiness, he’s bound for the Empty and eternal oblivion. Alone.

I can’t.

Only CAS will NOT HAVE IT, Dean. *sorry for shouting* *it’s just so perfect*

Cas says: “Jack is dead. Chuck is gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

I’m cry. I’m cry so hard. I’m not cry really but on the inside I’m cry and I’m hap. I’m so hap. (wtf stop that) (that’s not even language-ing) (it’s just confusing af) Sorry. Crying from goddamn happiness at the CHOICE Cas makes by the end of this episode to fucking move on from a situation where he’s getting no emotional support from this man with whom he’s been through so much, no benefit of the doubt this time around, because of Dean’s own internal hangups, and Cas is saying, for himself, that that’s enough now. 

Cas is saying, for himself, I’m clearly not wanted. 

Cas is looking at the situation before him as though soon he won't even be needed, because it seems his powers are failing and without them, what use is he to Sam and to Dean exactly? (coming off of what the abominable Belphegor said to him about being used and discarded, of course)

And so Cas is saying, for himself, time to move on from this. Time to let you go. Because I can’t continue on like this, being rejected and sent to my death as if I mean nothing to you, not being listened to, only here to be blamed for everything that’s going wrong. No. You’re not putting that on me. You’re not putting all of it on me. You do that - and you lose me.

Head. Fucking. Exploded.

Cas just drew a goddamn line. 

And look. Look at it. Look at the narrative as a whole. Look at what they represent to one another.

With Cas as representative of Dean’s Faith (in himself and in the future) 

Dean as representative of Cas’ Humanity (mildly dormant until Dean)

then what needs to happen narratively for these two to actually be truly GOOD for each other is a closing of the arc that has seen them standing in as representatives of these core traits for the other, and for these core traits to exist within either of them without the other’s direct influence.

See? See what is happening?? They are letting each other go. They are stepping away from needing the other to find their way into their true identity - which is the function they’ve both served in each other’s individual arc since 4x01 - and, instead, they are moving into the final lap of actually reaching insight and understanding and self-actualisation of their own accord.

I swear.

It is breathtaking. It’s taken my breath. My breath is gone. I’m suffocating. Send help. Send. Help. Now.

Okay, I’m good.

Letting each other go means letting go of need and making way for want, for choice, for invitations to stay and for actual proof that they know who they are whether they have the other in their life or not, yeah? 

Oh man I hope we get this. Whatever form it takes, however subtly they play it, I do hope we get the spirit of this!

Imagine Cas powering down and dealing with humanity on his own, no longer lost and alone and afraid, but choosing to hunt without a second thought. No more dressing himself up as Steve and trying to find purpose in human everyday activity, because his purpose - whether angel or man - was always and will always be to protect. 

And even his worry about dying, if it even comes up, might be dispelled if he realises that death means a 50/50 chance of Heaven and absolutely no chance of the Empty... Taking away Cas’ powers is the ultimate way of making him realise he can cheat that deal plus give us insight into what will make him truly happy! But. We shalleth see-eth!

And Dean? He needs to boost that good old faith in himself, and that faith, to me, is all to do with chilling the fuck out. With allowing Sam to take the lead (and boy is he starting to). With easing up on the need for control. With relaxing into himself, his true self, and letting his facade, his performance, fade away. I wonder if we’re bound for one final short deconstruction arc. 

I’m interested in the cheerleaders next ep. Would be nice to not get a single white straight male dudebro comment out of Dean, you know? It’d just be creepy at this point anyway. But yeah, seeing the underlining of how the kid full of bravado and faked self-confidence is now becoming a true adult would be wonderful. That said, part of the real Dean, I believe, is his giddiness at nerding out over stuff he truly loves and that childlike side of him should never ever go away. More of it, says I! :)

Dean needs to believe he deserves to be saved, but he’s the one doing the saving now, opening up to himself and, more importantly, to actual, real, raw vulnerability. Will he act as though Cas leaving means nothing to him? Most likely. But for how long? Sam will see right through it, right? It would be amazing if Dean’s not being defensive about it. You can tell the moment he says the damning words “And why does that something always seem to be you?” that, the moment the words are out, Dean’s questioning them like he can’t believe he actually said them out loud.

No faith. Stated. 

Dean’s faith in Cas - an expression of Cas being representative of faith to Dean - is gone. And it’s gone for a reason. Because it has to be. Because Cas isn’t representative of faith anymore. Because he shouldn’t be. Dean isn’t aware of it, of course, but narratively he’s being pushed into a position of letting go of Cas. So. It would be amazing if that’s what we get. Not Dean being defensive of Cas’ need to go, but rather Dean being quiet, accepting, perhaps a little defeated, because he literally drove Cas away, but thinking (erroneously but still) that this is for the best. Cas is moving on and so should they and all is well.

Except.

He’ll miss Cas. He’ll miss Cas for who Cas is, not what he represents. He’ll want Cas back, because he loves him. But he can’t want Cas back... maybe hopefully... before he feels deserving of it. Before he believes that what’s actually for the best is for Cas to come home.

The “Where are you going?” is enough to show that Dean cares, that Cas is not really dead to him and that he doesn’t want Cas to leave, no matter how much he’s pushing and pushing and pushing Cas away. And, yeah, the expression on Dean’s face as Cas walks out the door says more than a thousand words. *hot damn Jensen Ackles*

Cas is taking control and he is done being taken for granted. Glory Effing B.

Now I’ve gone into an absolute melting pot of fantabulous setting up for possible character progression for both Cas and Dean, I cannot leave Sam out of it, because I dance, you dance, we all dance under a pogo stick at how this was a fantastic ep for him!

Rowena and Ketch both dying in the same episode is interesting to me, but instead of looking at Dean mirrors (going from dark to light - shadow to integration) I’d like to look at Rowena as Sam mirror this episode.

Sam is at a point where he’s going to have to deal with some deeply buried memories of Hell and of Lucifer, as well as some deeply repressed fears of his idea of being tainted by the devil, if he’s to heal the wounds of his past.

In 13x12, Sam’s conversation with Rowena in Baby revealed that he’s scared all the time, pushing his fear down because it’s necessary, not talking about it because, basically, it’s private/he doesn’t know how to. How can anyone relate to the fear he carries around? Only someone who’s seen Lucifer’s true face would know. 

But Lucifer - for better or worse - is Sam’s dark mirror, his shadow manifested, and all the sides to himself that he’s tried for so long to pretend aren’t a part of him, out of fear that they are all that there truly is to him, should begin to surface so that he has to face them, only to look them in the eye and realise that they don’t hold sway over him, because he’s learned, throughout this journey he’s been on, what matters to him, deep down, what he stands for and what he believes in.

And, front and centre, Sam believes in saving innocent lives. Just as Dean and Cas, Sam is Protector and Shield first, Killer and Weapon second. 

I believe Sam needs to lose his so tightly held and finely tuned control over himself, his ability to push things down, in order to reach proper self-liberation and move into self-actualisation and inner balance. What better way for him to lose it than through a possession. Very intrigued to see what that flash of black eyes from the Godwound might bring us. And Sam is still wounded, lest we forget, so there is still some healing to be done here.

So the symbology of having to kill Rowena then becomes Sam killing someone mirroring his fear, his memories of Lucifer, and this mirror then falling into the Pit through a gaping wound in the ground, bringing back thoughts of Sam’s first sacrifice that brought him to the cage and started his entire journey into true self-repression. 

I see the symbology as calling out Sam’s need to stop pushing things down, to stop burying them, but also, through him being the only person who can kill Rowena (face and integrate his fears) the symbology becomes an underlining of how he, and he alone, holds the power to heal his wounds.

We shall see how it develops, but I have all the hope that it’s going someplace good, that we’re moving towards healing for all of them. And nope still not expecting rainbows and daffodils galore but... a few rainbows would be so nice.

Understated rainbows. In sort of washed out colours. On the wall of a lake house. Mayhaps?

(come back, Jack) (we miss you!)

[winchester-with-wings]

It’s All Just a Cover - END

How It Should’ve Ended (the outline)

It’s All Just a Cover has come to an end. This was my first ever series and the story was so dang ambitious that I don’t think I ever could’ve finished it, at least in a short enough time frame where I’d still have readers interested in the story. And it’s such a shame too because I had a lot of plans for the series. A bunch of drama! But a little while back, someone reported the story on AO3 as violating copyright because of the songs in the fics, because I used so much of the lyrics. I get that. It was never my intention though. So I took it down from AO3 and figured this was the sign that the series should end.

But I didn’t want to leave anyone, at least myself...hanging. Rather than it being one of those series that just gets abandoned, I wanted to at least bring it to a close. Tell you how the story would’ve gone on.

cover art by @scarlet-soldier-in-an-impala​ Hope you’re doing well!

SERIES MASTERLIST  /  YOUTUBE MASTERLIST

Pairings: Rockstar!Reader x Dean, Rockstar!Gabriel x Sam

Series Summary: You’re the lead singer in a popular cover band. Your brother Gabriel is the drummer with signature candy cane drumsticks. Balthazar is the sexed up guitarist and Gadreel is the band’s stone faced bassist and songwriter. And Castiel is the band’s manager. You’re content living the facade of a rockstar lifestyle, trying to get signed to major label. But then one night, Gabe invites Sam Winchester backstage and his brother Dean comes with. Over time, the older Winchester ultimately makes you reconsider who you are and what you want.

Beta: @autoblocked​

Mobile Masterlist  / Ko-Fi

Wanna get previews, early access and make exclusive requests? Become a Patron! You can follow my Patreon for free too as some stuff becomes public after a while. I’ll be adding a discord server benefit soon too!

Here we go!

Picking up right after Part 16.

You and Dean have confessed your love for one another. 

The very same day you have rehearsal. Gabe is smitten with Sam and dedicates the song “Heat of the Moment” to him.

You’re not feeling good. You’ve got a sore throat and can’t sing that night. So you all convince Dean to sing some covers. 

CUE all of those marvelous songs we’ve heard Jensen sing! 

http://winchester-with-wings.tumblr.com/post/161250464921

http://winchester-with-wings.tumblr.com/tagged/rockstar+AU

http://winchester-with-wings.tumblr.com/tagged/rockstar-jensen

Once you’re feeling better, you continue singing at The Bunker.

The band gets signed by Abbadon’s record label! Even though they wanted to be signed by Crowley. Gadreel says they should take the deal instead of waiting around for Crowley’s record label.

Your ex-boyfriend, Michael comes to the show. 

Michael is prissy and in line to be a CEO. He loved you but wanted you to stop singing and get a “real job.” He didn’t believe or support the band.

Before the show starts he finds you. He’s come back because he heard about the record deal. He sounds kind of like a gold digger. 

When the show begins you’re seething with rage and play it out through the set list with songs like “Criticize” by Adelita’s Way and others. 

You leave the stage abruptly because you’re getting overwhelmed like you’re about to have a panic attack. Dean gets through the crowd and gets backstage to comfort you. 

You get back on stage and play it off like you’re fine and just performing. “You ever just have those people in your life, who think they’re all that and that you should be with them? This goes out to those assholes.”

You sing “It’s not you” by Halestorm. 

Michael comes up to you at the end of the show and Dean’s at your side. 

“Is this him?” Michael asks, smug. “What does he do for a living? Bartend?”

“Unlike you, Michael I don’t judge people by their occupation or passion,” you say.

“So, not even a bartender,” says Michael.

“I’m a mechanic,” Dean answers and you hate that Michael goaded him into standing up for himself. 

“Dean, he’s not worth it. Let’s go home.”

“Oh, so I highballed you,” says Michael. “I see you’ve really come up in the world, now you’re the breadwinner.”

Dean punches him and they fight. Cas and Sam pull Dean off of Michael. Dean is pissed off that the man spoke to you like that and hurt you in the past. You’re over it quickly and have to calm him down. “It’s fine. I love you, Dean. I’m happier with you than I’ve ever been. Just forget about him.” 

And that’s the last you hear about Michael.

SABRIEL: While the band records and tours, Sam and Gabe find time to be together, falling in love.

One night when you’re at Dean’s, Sam and Gabe come out of his room at the same time. Dean and you are surprised. Sam is shy and embarrassed and insists it was only sleeping. Gabe says he’s a gentleman. “It was all over the clothes stuff.” Dean groans and is grossed out. They really did keep their clothes on. 

Dean suggests “We’re going to have set up a schedule or something because this is weird.”

Gabe and You say: “we have roommates”

Dean: “2 sets of siblings…”

You: “Gabe’s my step brother” 

Dean: “...banging each other”

Gabe: “Hey! I don’t bang. I make love.” You and Gabe share a laugh and smile.

Dean: “I know it sounded weird but you know what I mean.” Sam gives him a bitch face. 

Sam: “We didn’t do anything,” he insists

Dean gives him a “Really?” look because there’s a hickey on Sam’s neck. “At least maybe put a sock on the door.”

Gabe: “I keep my socks on.” 

Dean gives him a really surprised and weirded out look and everyone laughs

On tour, tensions rise as Ruby tries to hook Sam on drugs. She’s already convinced you to give up the facade and actually live and partly like a rockstar with alcohol and drugs.

Cas warns you to be careful with this rockstar lifestyle because you’re using drugs and not maintaining your relationship with Dean, while getting too close to others.

At the end of the tour, Dean hasn’t heard from you in a while. He goes to your hotel and finds you with Pam and Jo--the way it looks is that you’ve been high and having sex with Jo and Pam and that’s true.

Dean confronts you. You say you’re a rockstar and he knew what he was getting into. But before you signed with Abaddon “It was all just a cover.” you only pretended to be a high and drunk rockstar. But now you’ve gone full tilt and he can’t be around that.

Dean breaks up with you and leaves.

Post break-up: You use Jo for emotional reasons and Pam for sexual. 

You’re into a routine of using Pam as a booty call but we’d never see the sex, just the aftermath of you leaving Pam in bed and examining your body in the bathroom where you have hickeys and scratch marks. 

You always thought that being with a woman was supposed to be more gentle but not when you’re with Pam apparently. The sex is good but it just feels like a bandaid or something that’s numbing the ache in your chest.

Hanging out with Jo means she lends you a shoulder as you admit that you miss Dean and that you fucked up and you feel terrible because you feel like you’re taking advantage of Jo. But Jo says it’s okay. That’s what friends are for, lending support after break ups. Jo offers to stay the night so you text Pam: “Nevermind. Don’t come over.”

You share a bed with Jo and start crying. Jo pulls you in close and holds you. When you’re no longer crying, and you’ve dozed off for a minute, you both wake up and Jo dares to kiss you and you respond but then pull back. “I’m sorry. I can’t use you like this. It’s not fair to you. I love Dean. I know I hurt him and he’ll probably never forgive me but I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” Being with Jo also reminds you of Dean so it’s tough to imagine being with her.

You continue on with your self-destructive relationship with Pam and drugs.

You’re in a motorcycle accident and hospitalized. Dean visits you in the hospital.

Cas helps you get clean. 

Gabe and Sam are doing well and Gabe gets Sam a puppy--because obviously Sam deserves a puppy.

Sam tells you about how Dean is a wreck without you. Just works, eats, drinks, and sleeps.

Now that you’re clean the band tries to break the contract with Abbadon.

Sam finds a loophole in the contract.

But Gadreel leaves the band. He signs a solo deal with Abbadon. Metatron is his agent now, stealing him away from Castiel.

Castiel becomes the new bass player and they start playing back at Chuck’s club, The Bunker.

You beg for Dean’s forgiveness. You’re the one who screwed up and he didn’t deserve that.

You get back together.

Crowley comes around and signs them with a fair contract. You promise to stay clean.

END: Dean asks you to move in. Sam graduates and lives with Gabe who has asked Dean’s permission to propose. We have the promise of a happy future as Dean has his mother’s ring tucked away for the right moment.

------------

Tagging: @thinkwritexpress-official​ @autoblocked​ @talesoftheimpala​ @mrsbarry-allen-1031​  @gryffindorable713​ @therealcap​ @team-barry @lilyoflothlorien @littlemiss-annoying @whoopxd​ @shadowpriestess6​ @overlyobsethed​ @so-get-this-i-need-pie @castihelloboys​ @jensen-ross-snackles @cheering-you-on @beautiful-and-strange​ @hcg87 @gracehappyfeet​ @havingfunenjoyinglife​ @dontsassmecastiel​ @your-worry-home @aprofoundbondwithdean​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @its-my-perky-nipples​ @oriona75​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @faroutwinchester @xo-raven-xo-blog​ @book-loving--anime-chick​

I know it’s been a crazy long time since this was updated and I don’t even know if some of these blogs are still active but hey, if you wanted a quick closure, here ya go. otherwise, feel free to ignore :) <3 Sarah

[elizabethrobertajones]

With how things are going, I have to wonder - did TPTB give us the Huevas as a 'there, we don't hate gay people' token and were we wrong in reading it as a subtext-to-Destiel thing? Lizbob, I'm getting desperate. The 'so introduce me' line was so - it's what you say to kids, right? And the UST is completely gone... :(

Hi there! 

Is this because of this post from the other day where the line about “twice the worries about being ganked” was put under some destiel stuff to show that Dean had in fact doubled his worries about getting ganked? And also explains why he keeps telling Cas not to do anything stupid, because he’s worried, and not because he thinks Cas is actually stupid… Buckleming dialogue or not it’s calling back to 12x10 where Dean had to clarify this for Cas and admit he can say stuff like that when he’s worried. I’m not saying it’s very nice to keep on heckling Cas instead of just saying he’s worried, although I do feel the choice of writer really waters down the nuance in how that scene could have gone which would show Dean actually learned anything from 12x10. And while Cas shouldn’t have to expect to deal with Dean caring about him this way, at least we’ve already covered this in the text :P

But anyway, to me personally I just don’t write about Destiel that I see in the show with expectations that it will go canon, not because I’m negative or wanky about it (although, usual disclaimer, of course I’m very opinionated on if it SHOULD and the obligation the show has to do what they are constantly teasing, I just separate out these two things to write about the present moment of the show and the future, one of which takes a lot of explaining and one of which is extremely one note obvious of “make it gay, you cowards”), but just that I don’t want to engage in the cycle of optimism/despair that having Destiel hopes causes, specifically because I’m a popular meta blog that writes about Destiel in the text, and also because of people like you who get their hopes up and then get hurt.

I will probably merge expectations with demands when the show is actually definitively heading towards the end and we all know it is and it’s out there on the table. In the mean time, I’m happy to let this all carry on as it’s carrying on without feeling like there is a deadline or set moment for any one thing to pay off for us. The show takes its sweet time to address things which seem OBVIOUS, for example looking at the way side characters disappear and return sometimes like 3 or 9 or 13 years after we last saw them to get some closure on something or other. And it takes them years to chase down a main arc idea and pin it successfully. And some of the reason character development stuff links so well back to season 1 is because the progress Sam or Dean has made on it since season 1 has been in a series of recursive loops which seem to get somewhere only to be pulled back without reaching actualisation and either start again immediately or crop back up in the text much later as a character arc, starting over again as if it never really reached its conclusion. 

Dabb era has been good about excavating some of these more ridiculous concepts and putting them on some no-going-back type arcs, for example for better or worse the issues they have with Mary have *utterly* shifted ground and can never go back to the same background noise they used to be. Mary is no longer a childhood memory and enshrined as the family martyr, and as I talked about a lot over the last hiatus doing rewatches, the attempts to make her deeper/tie her into the mythology, never actually addressed a change in the way they felt about her, maybe not even realising it wasn’t healthy for them to feel that way about her for the rest of their lives in the difference between normal mourning and revenge quests etc and how that meant they could never leave her behind and move on. I mean there’s a LOT of work to be doing with them if there’s any sort of happy ending to come, but since Carver era the writing has spent so much time trying to understand why they feel bad and putting them through hell for it, and especially in Dabb era now doing work to make them recover and to explore ways they can change, that it seems really depressing to waste the good work by killing them off. So that’s a sort of broad optimism about what they’re doing :P

But that broad optimism is really as far as I’ll dare to venture about endgame, so talking about Destiel is mostly about what I see in the text and how it relates to their character arcs and how I see that informing them and therefore hopefully if there is a happy ending, the intrinsic way this relationship matters to Dean and Cas will get happy pay off as well, because of all the aspects being explored in their character arcs, their relationship ties is all together so nicely and what they would benefit from each other would cement a happy ending for them.

I can’t be completely responsible for the impression people get about what I want from canon in the stuff I reblog but I’m really hesitant to go past lines like nervously laughing and doubting what’s going on in canon as a joke about how Destiel it all looks, while trying to avoid posts that talk about how inevitable it is without some very good reasoned discussion that I agree with. I try very very hard to make this blog always toe a line of enjoying what I enjoy without trying to sell too much or sound like I’m promising something. I like a lot of stuff like re-exploring old seasons or what I did this summer over my rewatch, looking back on old canon and looking at how it has all the unwitting groundwork for the story that ended up being told, and where all the character arcs start and how they’re used in later canon etc.

I agree a theme the last few years has been digging up this character stuff and making it extremely clear or textually stating things for the first time, and especially this year coupled with themes of misinterpretation or not reading the picture correctly or working on misinformed intel. Dramatic irony has never had that much importance in telling the story either. This season has been really intelligent about these themes and last season did a LOT of stuff with characterisation to show how they understood them and old character stuff they were resolving or exploring for the sake of improving the characters. Cas got a final build up for his depression arc to lead him to the worst possible point, and he’s now on the other side of that so the only way is up. Performing!Dean got completely dragged in some episodes, especially 12x11 which did it kindly and gently, and 12x22 which just used a grenade launcher to do it :P 

There’s a lot going on but I don’t really like saying it all inevitably ends up pointing to canon reveals about Destiel, especially when that’s the most contentious thing and really hurts a lot of people to build up expectations like that, and it makes people angry or makes them fall out of love with the story because they lose objectivity and start making angry demands about when they get their emotional pay off, even though the story is still unfolding. Stuff which is happening along the way for later character pay off is seen as trashing the character and everything they previously stood for, and it becomes miserable for everyone. I’ve seen this happen in every single faction of the fandom and it’s nothing to do with the quality of the writing or actual treatment of the character/relationship, and an awful lot to do with poorly managed emotional investment and said investment being a finite resource. It’s UTTERLY depressing to watch a fandom friend melt down and begin to hate everything you once loved and I think watching that process has a lot of toxic fall out for everyone else around them who also loves the thing, because we sympathise and we’ve been watching it in slow mo and probably agreeing with a lot of the initial problems they have before it escalates. I HATE watching that happen. I will try as hard as I can to never be responsible for causing it in other Destiel shippers, so I try to make my jokes and comments stay as much as possible on the side of not trying to imply the show has any huge Destiel plan that we’re seeing the early stages of and patience will make it bear out. Because that’s not even how I see the show anyway but sometimes things like Dean giving Cas a mixtape create a *lot* of hyperbole and I’m not emotionally responsible for you all, technically, so I am allowed to have some fun :P 

All this is to say, I’m really sorry you’re feeling desperate and have been reading everything as signs we’re definitely getting Destiel, because there are no signs we’re definitely getting it, but there’s also no signs we’re definitely NOT getting it, and a whole bunch of murky grey area including an entire show worth of supportive subtext, character interaction, main text and plot arcs which back up the *existence* of Dean and Cas being madly in love with each other. The wank comes when you spend all your time harping on one or the other extreme, assuming everything is signs or proof/not proof.

I think the recent storytelling has been extremely positive towards Destiel and put an awful lot of it into the text, to extremes which have never really happened before: season 7 with dead Cas used that to get some understandable angst out of Dean, but it constantly emphasised how everything sucked, Cas had of course betrayed Dean and caused all their problems, both personal and mytharc, and so resentment and anger were mixed with grief, and for the most part as much as stuff was happening to them emotionally, the episodes weren’t intrinsically structured around showing what the grief had done to Dean, or that he stopped functioning without it. Compare the kid gloves about what Dean does in 7x03 killing Amy, and how it tentatively links back to Cas but only when Dean admits that he’s had a hard time trusting anyone after Cas, to Dean vs Jack culminating in Dean screaming in Sam’s face about how Cas’s death has hurt him and he can’t unsee it on Jack. 

And then of course the whiplash on getting Cas back, which Dean never had in season 7, and at best 8x08 was that episode - like a year after Cas was alive again and a whole fresh round of death and guilt and Cas coming back later so in a completely different context. And still nowhere near as good as what happened in 13x06 because there was still a lot of tentative TFW rebuilding to do in 8x08, while by now it’s completely accepted they’re a family unit and it’s been textually stated several times and 12x12 especially was tuned to showing how absolutely final that statement is. There’s no need to be tentative when Cas comes back now - Dean can just let go and enjoy himself for as long as that lasts.

I’ve been answering asks about the UST being gone since I’ve been in fandom, like, season 10, and I do kinda think that the heyday is ONLY seasons 4-6, after which Cas and Dean actually like each other and their relationship moves to more comfortable ground, and romantic tension and coding is way more the order of the day from Carver era onwards. There’s a few things like the boner scene or Dean in the car in 9x06. TBH 13x06 was the first time in ages I thought we’d actually had a scene where the two of them were having sexual chemistry, in the obvious mirror scene to the car in 9x06 bit, but also the entire underlying joke about Dean’s ‘cowboy fetish’ that Cas knew about from season 6, his entire reaction to it, including complaining that Dean made him wear the hat but then voluntarily playing along *for Dean* on their way into the crime scene, his FACE while doing that, and Dean’s reactions to Cas through all this. For the most part they’re considerably softer and more hesitant with each other and that involves much less interaction right up in each others’ faces and much less frustration which then translates to UST quite easily as well as being regular old tension. 

In addition to that, the “i do” and that hug scene apparently convinced people in living rooms across the world that Dean and Cas had been about to kiss and that it was horrifically romantic, and a fake out which genuinely shook people into seeing something going on there who had not previously seen it and even actively disbelieved their shipper friends and family. Of course that’s all down to how Dean and Cas look at each other as they come in for the hug, so their magnetic attraction to each others’ faces is still an ongoing issue :P 

Their interactions are being told in a pretty different way these days, which includes a lot of romantic stuff which is far more overt, and in making their relationship intrinsic to the plot and to each others’ own feelings, all of which I’ve written about so much lately because, well, it’s the main thing going on around here :P I actually feel like this is an extremely good time for if you care about their relationship, to get it in the story as a powerful force and important piece of the story. Things like the issue of clarification - I vs we, and need vs want - are coming back around as themes and that means the issues they’ve caused between Dean and Cas are being addressed or examined again, hopefully to some permanent end. And if not, at least so there’s a fresh examination in recent canon, although as I was saying Dabb era has been changing things in ways it’s hard to back off from later, like that Dean has repeatedly clarified to Sam that his feelings about Cas are the cause of his behavioural changes, even if he doesn’t say what those feelings are, it’s clear that they are affecting him. I mean there’s a part of me that has to read it that Dean hasn’t even realised exactly why he feels differently about Cas than Sam does, he just does… :P

Anyway I really just didn’t want to reassure you without addressing the fact I hate reassuring people things without trying to avoid causing more problems later. I don’t want people to feel strung along either by the show or by ~meta writer promises~ … which, aside from a few people who really were doing it for attention, generally seem to be from people actually just reading the text and being hopeful themselves, not trying to make a cult gathering or get attention or even just try to hurt people. I really urgently would like people to be more credible about where their hopes are coming from and how to feel about it. 

Not to say that you should stop believing everything you hear meta writers say, by a long shot, but to evaluate how likely you feel the speculation that comes from that can be, and how much you do and don’t agree with the analysis they make. And if you agree with the analysis and do see that all the Destiel stuff people point out IS in the show, then you can see that it’s there or not, and decide how you feel about what the show is doing with it as a separate thought. I’d rather not get caught up in pt.2 of it because it’s just frustrating and depressing at this stage of the game, but pt.1 is fascinating to me, it doesn’t detract for me personally to have it not unambiguously stated, and whether Destiel does become unambiguously stated or not I don’t think *any* of the Destiel analysis I agree with/have made is *wrong* because that reading is freely available to make, in large print text and accompanying audiobook >.> 

[tinkdw]

Chuck and Amara - the ultimate Destiel expositions

Ok so I can’t help but think of Austin Powers and Basil Exposition while writing this whole post cos thats where I learned the term as a 10 year old….

Anyway! 

After writing quite a few pieces on Mary as a catalyst for the emotional growth of Sam and Dean I thought about Amara which in turn made me think about Chuck and then came an absolute lightbulb moment (for me). Chuck has already been shown as the narrator and expositional over-voice in Swan Song and alongside this and how I view nearly all Amara’s dialogue in season 11 my brain went to….

Chuck has always been important to Cas’s story obviously and it’s clear that Mary is important to Dean (and Sam’s) story. Going back I’ve noticed so many exposition moments for the bond between Dean and Cas and I realised when noting them down that Chuck often exposes Cas’s side of the story and Amara Dean’s. By exposition moments I mean something that’s not between the two of them but a parallel or an interaction with a different character that exposes their feelings towards the other. This is key on screen because you can’t know what’s going on inside a character’s mind like you can in a book, this has to come another way so you get expositions or self-aware moments like Dean’s praying/longing scene or interactions with other characters like Metatron’s multiple scenes with Cas.

With hindsight I feel like Chuck is a character exposition of Cas’s feelings for Dean and Amara a character exposition of Dean’s feelings for Cas. 

Below the cut : How I believe Chuck & Amara reveal Destiel exists in S11.

Rewatching season 11, knowing Amara is herself the catalyst for Mary’s return this makes me even more certain that Amara is our exposition narrative of Dean’s feelings for Cas and Chuck just fits overall due to Cas’s angelic / humanity arc and as a parallel as Cas’s father like Mary is Dean’s mother.

1. Amara as an exposition of Dean’s feelings for Cas.

Once Amara has met Dean she immediately feels his reticence. Lbr most of this is absolutely the fact that she’s trying to control him, he sees her as evil and well, she’s attempting to end the world! So it’s not without reason. However…she (and therefore the viewer too) also notices quite a few other moments where something else seems to be going on with Dean. Perhaps the term could be ‘pining’… 

1. Amara is a key component of Cas’s downwards mental spiral through Ambriel and her own words and actions, especially in 11x10. The words expendable and weak are used and Amara tells us that Castiel reeks of fear and self-loathing. This is only starting to be resolved in 12x10 and 12x12, a whole year later when Dean (and Sam but mainly Dean) makes it absolutely clear that he is a valued member of their family and cared for. Amara is absolutely key here in this whole arc, which is still not complete.

2. Love hurts. Ok so this isn’t actually Amara but for the purposes of exposition and the narrative it totally works, especially in an episode all about love and given that she actually SAYS “who I am doesn’t matter” it’s clear that the information she’s giving us is what is important. I know others have written loads about this so I won’t dwell too long. Let’s just say subtext abounds. 

 Amara: I understand Dean. 

 Dean: Is that right? 

 Amara: the longing in your heart, I feel it too. 

 Dean: Well that’s touching. Consider that you don’t have a heart. Qareen. 

 Amara: Who I am doesn’t matter. The real question is who are you? 

 Dean: What do you mean who am I? 

 Amara: You’re a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except it’s cloaked in shame (pause).

Then she moves on. 

Amara: When it comes to this, you can’t help yourself, so why fight it. Just give in. 

 This whole scene I was just… ????? 

The term longing when the whole fandom went crazy over this regarding Cas in season 10. And the exposition Dean gives us about his bond with Amara in the same episode:

Dean: Something happens and I can’t explain it, but to call it desire or love…it’s not that.

So…. the love and longing the ‘love monster’ can feel in Dean’s heart… is canonically NOT towards Amara. 

Plus the end of this scene with Amara is such foreshadowing for the real Amara’s discourse during the ‘rescue’ scene (point 5)… they both know.

3. The attempting expelling of Lucifer.

Ok so theres a whole heap of other stuff going on here. Cas’s cute happy face upon realising he’s seen Dean briefly I just have to include for *reasons*

But regarding Amara’s expositional value here (and Lucifer’s too). They BOTH notice when Dean calls out for Cas… 

 4. Which leads to the longing scene. So again this is one sided, Cas is in the scene albeit comatose. But its through Dean’s longing that Amara can locate Dean (by directly touching his heart pffff). And here, she’s using it against him, holding Cas hostage and telling Dean this directly to lure him out. AND IT WORKS.

5. The rescue scene. “Where are your thoughts?” Dean is willing to put himself in harms way to save Lucifer / Cas. And then this gem:

What is she referring to exactly? She then offers him ‘bliss’, this isn’t what she’s talking about here, what he wants, but its compensation, a recompense because he can’t allow himself to have what he wants, its a way out.

6. By season end Amara has made it clear that she cares for Dean. It’s a large part of why she is redeemed in the end, Dean ‘humanity’ Winchester has taught her that she doesn’t really want to destroy the world. Writers referring back to Metatron’s most famous line here, and Metatron finally gets his ‘redemption moment’ *cough*, sorry but until this point Metatron has been the biggest exposition character to Cas’s feelings for Dean so….double layered call back? 

She also I believe understands how important Cas is to him, hence she expells Lucifer from Cas’s body rather than easily just annihilating Lucifer inside him. *Ok ok yes of course they can’t get rid of Cas and Lucifer for story purposes but my shipper goggles won’t allow me to just gloss over this one* ;)

7. So given what Amara textually tells us��she knows about Dean, much of it hinges around ‘why doesn’t he let himself have it all, he’s holding back’ etc. She sees Dean’s picture of Mary and brings Mary back. This for me narratively speaks out that she is bringing Mary back not as a mother as such because she doesn’t really understand that concept! But what does she understand? That Dean is holding back from ‘something’ and she feels his mother could help with that… pffffff this is what I’ve been thinking all season 12, that Mary is the catalyst for his and Sam’s emotional growth, not just a ‘mother figure’. Now as her ‘mother figure’ role is being more and more deconstructed as is performing!Dean this is making more and more sense to me.

2. Chuck as an exposition of Cas’s feelings for Dean.

I’ve mentioned Metatron above and he is absolutely key in the exposition of Cas’s feelings but that’s been meta’d a lot so I won’t go into it, suffice to say I feel his part in season 11 and particularly with Amara are a great call back to this.

As a Dean mirror Chuck is really interesting but I’ve noticed a few times where his screen time really emphasises what’s going on between Cas and Dean.

This parallel from 4x18 (thanks @super-sootica!) and 11x23 shows the evolution of their relationship with a directly paralleled visual shot with Chuck’s expression in the background. 

source: @super-sootica.

At this point Castiel is still an Angel with a capital A and mainly a tool to the Winchesters, they don’t particularly like him and he doesn’t really see them as much more than a mission….yet. This scene in 4x18 is actually hilarious when rewatching with hindsight of years of relationship growth. 

“I could go with you…”

This is a startling contrast. Cas is willing to die with Dean for no benefit. 

In between we have Season 5 Castiel/Cas: desperately searching for God as he thinks he can solve their problems. 

Versus Season 11 Cas: When he does eventually meet him in 11x23 completely ignores God and puts his faith in DEAN back at the bunker “what do we do now?” is directed at DEAN not at Chuck. 

Then at the bar Cas ignores Chuck completely and his only question when the sun is ‘fixed’ is “And Dean?”. The contrast between his actions towards Chuck and Dean are what makes this even more obvious here that Dean is his primary concern.

I also like 5x01 when Chuck tells Sam and Dean that Cas is dead. The difference in the way the brothers deal with this is startling and is fantastically continued throughout the series. Again in season 11 specifically we are shown a true difference between their relationships, “it’s not an IT Sam its CAS!”. 

This contrast between how Cas used to have faith in his father and now does in Dean and the contrast between Sam and Dean’s feelings towards Cas really emphasise their feelings towards each other without them even having to interact. It’s the contrast that is key here.

These Chuck scenes in season 11 are great at exposing the evolution of Cas and his emotions since the last time we saw him.

So why is this relevant…

S11 ends with Dean USING HIS WORDS AND TALKING ABOUT FAMILY. About how Amara thought she knew what she wanted but actually she wanted something else. That this is what she NEEDED if not what she WANTED (*this is my whole Mary/brothers arc right here*).

He ‘saves’ Chuck (Cas parallel) from Amara (Mary parallel) and her misguided attempt to ‘kill’ Chuck in order to make the world a 'better’ place as what she wants for it is what she believes is best ie. as she’s been telling us and Dean all season 11, that it’s bliss and he should really want what she’s offering, she knows what’s best for him, kind of like a MOTHER might say, kind of exactly how Mary is justifying working with the BMOL, ridding the world of the supernatural FOR SAM AND DEAN, to give them a ‘better’ world.

And as an aside, through all this? Our narrative exposition that he is not under her spell pretty much every time we see them together after the first time at the angel smiting? The way they show us this is pretty much all through Cas. Dean calling for Cas, Dean asking 'what about Cas?’, Dean trying to expel Lucifer from Cas, Dean going to Amara as a diversion to save Lucifer/Cas, Amara PICKING UP ON DEAN’S LONGING FOR CAS AND USING IT. 

Oh and since 12x01 I can’t help but laugh and parallel Amara’s little shocked/computing look when she realises Dean called out for Cas despite her bond with him v Mary’s look during the reunion hug… cos this is the point where Amara really figures it out (as she then uses Cas to draw Dean out) …. 

source: @pondlifeforme

Yeah, other people noting Destiel is my fave. Meg, Balthazar, Crowley, pretty much any angel knows to get to Cas through Dean etc etc etc.

SO, LONG POST THANKS FOR GETTING TO THE END WITH ME!

I’m also picking up on how @elizabethrobertajones has pointed out that SPN often mirrors season openings with season endings and remembering Mary pulling a gun on Cas. Dean stepping in the way to to stop her from shooting.

Dean “whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!” *inserts self in the way*…..

Which is totally where I see this season going towards the end (read 12x19 or later).

So while I’m very Destiel positive (obviously, as I can read it in SO MUCH subtext it seems to me that it’s no accident…. Although whether they follow through on it is another matter, IMO it’s endgame but I know nothing). I am also interested in this arc, this paralleling and mirroring with Cas and Mary and the whole supernatural/monster BMOL arc and how this will work out for Crowley and Cas and Dean ultimately as he is the one more on that side, what I’ve come to term “team grey area”.

But given Chuck and Amara are involved in the narration of their story and I think of them as the ultimate shippers cos you know, God and his sister ;) I’m not too worried for Cas. If anything it will just give us pain re: Mary’s story (though I really hope she doesn’t die and does redeem herself) and hopefully really establish Cas as family because “family doesn’t end in blood”.

Thanks to @godshipsit @castielsmoon and @super-sootica - please anyone do give your opinions, I love a debate :)