#cultural grooming
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longing-for-rain · 2 years ago
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You know what I think a lot of people don’t realize about grooming is that, the person will almost always start pushing your boundaries in little, non-sexual ways.
For example, one big thing a person who groomed me did was joke about killing and eating my dog. She knew I love my dogs like they’re my children, and I’d told her those “jokes” made me uncomfortable. But she kept doing it. The same joke over and over again; it wasn’t even funny (“I believe all god’s creatures have a place…next to the potatoes”). At first I pushed back, but then it got to a point where I got tired of resisting and treated like I was stiff and couldn’t take a joke. So I relented on that boundary.
That alone might seem insignificant and dumb, but with groomers, as soon as they break down one boundary they’ll immediately start trying to break down another. And each little one they break, the more they get you used to letting them violate you to the point where you’re afraid to speak up against the bigger things.
So especially if you’re a younger person on the internet, never ignore when someone is making you uncomfortable especially if they’re much older. Even if it seems like a silly, insignificant thing. They know what they’re doing, and it’s important to stay safe.
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hey-hey-j · 2 months ago
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"What's his name?"
Floyd stirs awake at the question, not realizing he'd been drifting off until now. His hold on the egg in his lap shifts, pulling it closer to him. "Hm?" Sleepily. "Your boyfriend." Floyd can't see it but he can hear the smile in Bruce's voice, like he just can't help but tease the fact that his little brother has a boyfriend. Still, Floyd feels himself starting to smile as he drifts down again, lulled by the feeling of the brush running softly through his hair. Cheek tucked into the soft tuft of hair atop the egg. "....Hickory." "Hickory...." Bruce rolls the name like he's testing it out, working gently at the knots in Floyd's hair. Subtly he presses Floyd in closer against him when he feels Floyd wanting to tilt over, holds him in place. Quieter now: "He sounds nice." Floyd sighs low, but it's more from the exhaustion stealing over him than any sort of annoyance. No, it's nice to talk about Hickory. Unthinkingly he moves his arms tighter around the egg, closes his eyes at its warmth and accepts his defeat in the battle against sleep. "He's the best."
honestly this was going to be a full comic originally but I couldn't think of any interesting compositions pffgfh
(★ my Kofi)
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lactoseintolerentswag · 7 months ago
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when they've got interpreting spiderman noir under a specific cultural lens at the function [picture of me going insane]
I cant help myself.. what can i say. And since you've mentioned some research going on behind the scenes.. do you have any fun interpretations? Or even anything fun about the 1800s!
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OH HI
Hm. I don't have anything as fun as historical dancing, but I suppose this does give me the excuse (thabk u) to blab about Noir's childishness.
(wow putting this under the cut bc it got longer than I thought it would LMAO)
I think what a lot of people (including Noir's contemporary writers and yes even the spiderverse interpretation) fall for when trying to read Noir's character is the imitation of his idea of what an adult is, that he hides behind. Like Noir's persona is incredibly exaggerated. He's playing pretend. Look here, he's practicing.
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A lot of his persona as Noir is imitation! Imitation of his uncle, of Urich, of the violence he's been exposed to. He's running around in his uncle's old uniform. Fundamentally misunderstanding WHY his uncle had been ashamed of it and his role in the war.
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And then he goes ahead and steals Urich's alias because it sounds Cool (which is such a teenage thing to do jesus christ).
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But like that imitation of The Adult isn't something that's limited to that exaggerated persona that Noir encapsulates. Peter himself is trying So Hard to be grown up and tough and responsible that it loops back around to him being a brat who would try the three guys in a trench coat trick. He even gets beat up for it when trying to defend his aunt. And I mean I've posted about him being a brat.
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About how he looks at Urich as a Prime Example of what a strong and knowledgeable adult is (which is part of why he reacts so volatile in response to Urich showing he's not exactly as morally righteous as himself, he's wounded and let down). Whiskey? Whiskey sounds like someone Mature and Cool would drink, I'll have it too. And then proceeds to throw his drink at Osborn and laugh about it. The illusion was broken for me then.
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But well it's not broken for everyone. I mean like obviously I poked at the contemporary writers, but I'm more talking about the other characters in the narrative. Mainly Urich and Felicia.
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Urich taking Peter under his wing isn't entirely under the motivation to nurture Peter. I think it Becomes that, but he's really envious of that kid. He wants to see him lose that hope that he once had (ruh roh the opposite thing happened, being around the kid made YOU more hopeful Ben. Guess you gotta be good. Hope you don't die now).
Urich really is exposing him to an extremely harsh reality, and taking him places where adults are typically only allowed. He's letting Peter get a glimpse into what it's like, which will eventually enable Noir's tool of violence. All these tests will accumulate into what Peter thinks someone powerful and strong can be and do.
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Then his problematic relationship with Felicia (writers I'm malleting you for this). He's clinging to her adulthood and the safety she represents, and he's young but she sees some adult strength in him. I mean she trusts him with the blackmail Urich gave her, which she really. Shouldn't, even if that's what Urich wanted.
Anyway, strength is something she's been consistently drawn to her in her partners. Strength to feel as her own. Even if it's to hers and others' detriment. There's also a part of Peter that's drawn to Felicia because Urich was. He's still honing in the good parts of Urich he wants to be.
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I think the one person in the narrative who doesn't fall for it? Is Aunt May. You could argue it's just her being naturally motherly, but for someone who was about to be eaten alive she's pretty frank with Noir. I think she can see that that violence and exaggerated grittiness comes from someone inexperienced and young. Even if she can't consciously recognize the similarities between Noir's persona and Peter's protectiveness of her. I don't think she wants to see that. I actually have a short comic script about that, but it probably will never see the light of day.
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Ugh he's like a cat puffing up to scare away a predator. It's fake!!!!! It's all fake!!!!!! He gets intimidated by JJ, he never ties his shoes, gets powers and then immediately guns to beat the shit out of Osborn, sings about the sandman when he's getting his face bashed in, crawls to Felicia all pathetic and sad, and he made a costume to run over roofs at night in.
And it's funny how he's forcing himself to grow up, but also really sad because all the things he's being exposed to is already forcing him to grow up. He's witnessing things no kid should ever see or experience.
Then there's the time period to consider. The aftermath of WWI, being in the midst of the Great Depression, and WWII just around the corner. He's faced incredible hardship and is going to continue to face so much hardship, and he's going to mature faster than he ever should have. It should have made him crash and burn Hard when he became an adult, and to me he still does because I'm ignoring everyone after ewaof LMAO.
As for my research on the 1800s NY that's for my own spider iteration run I'm working on, so not too related to Noir until I reach the 30's :3
Hope that was satisfying!!
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bucksboobs · 3 months ago
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Omg when I saw your tag about the bad take I nearly spit everywhere lmaooo
It’s amazing how damn many times Tim Minear said they’re trying to avoid stereotypes and then fans will still be like “I bet that homophobic old man is secretly gay and going to prey on the innocent 33 year old bisexual.”
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horrorlesbion · 4 months ago
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longlegs // riverdale 06x13: ex libris
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punkeropercyjackson · 1 month ago
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I cannot emphasize enough how none of Jason Todd's violence is motivated by sex.It's a very common trope so i get the assumption but textually Jason has almost zero sex drive and finds sexuality to be confusing at best and unnecessary at worst.In all but one run that's noncanonical anyway he's a virgin and rarely makes dirty jokes or allusions to sex and complains about amatonormavity multiple times.There's no evidence Jason gets off to committing violent shit or has it as his motivation behind it and tons of stuff contradicting it.He also has incest as a canonical hard limit kink as said on-page by him and the scene of Talia Al-Ghul was islamophobic propaganda by a writer who admitted they don't read Talia's comics and that looking back it was ooc and a mistake because it didn't fit the tone of the story.He's even killed people over sexual abuse(one time as Robin and a second time as Red Hood,a sex ring runner him and Bruce Wayne busted and a pedophile elementary school teacher who was r wording a female student).He did not hunt down and beat up Tim Drake as psychosexual play,he did that based on hating him.He wasn't a serial killer for sexual gratification and he didn't commit sexual torture on his victims at any point and i would know if he did since i've read every single issue he's ever appeared in.I know in real contexts SK's tend to fall into this but Jason's not real and you can't apply irl morality to him to prove he does when there's concrete writing saying he dosen't.'It's just fiction' applies to DC fans being allowed to stan Jason without needing to be accused of being apologists for irl murderers,not you lying about comics you've never read to seem smart for loving white incest yaoi that erases women and making fun of actual superhero fans when we tell you it's debunked by canon to the point it was never hinted at in the first place or thinking you're entitled it's canonization
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narcissisticpdcultureis · 23 days ago
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TW // Age Gap, Infidelity, Grooming
NPD and BPD lesbian culture is finding out my ex girlfriend cheated on and left me for someone 6 years younger than both of us (ex gf and I are the same age, nearly 25.) On one hand I'm absolutely distraught, and on the other I'm laughing at how pathetic she is that she has to resort to someone that much younger than her. Girl, find someone your own fucking age...
Also part of this is literally wanting to kill her because the person she cheated with is in a throuple with two 17 year olds. Making her now a 25 yr old woman in a quad that's shared with two minors... She's so fucking pathetic and disgusting. ._.
I'm hurt, angry and embarrassed for her because how the hell did we end up here? Also overly self-aware and insecure NPD culture is wondering if I'm being too self centered because I'm genuinely traumatized this.
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aahanna · 8 months ago
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"A fusion of traditions, a blend of emotions, a celebration of unity, an Indian wedding is a treasure to behold."
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By: Andrew Doyle
Published: Jan 7, 2025
It’s very easy to judge the past, particularly when you’re on the ‘right side of history’. What supreme confidence it must take to assume that all previous generations had got it so wrong, and that humanity was simply waiting for you to turn up and set them straight.
And yet isn’t it curious that so many who like to judge the values and behaviour of people in the past are also rarely willing to turn that critical eye on other cultures that exist today? According to the principle of cultural relativism, all societies and ways of life are equal. So we must not assert that we are morally better to a culture that permits the genital mutilation of children or that denies women an education, but we may assume that we are highly superior to the Ancient Greeks.
This debate has become particularly relevant with the recent explosion of interest in the rape gangs scandal. A report by Professor Alexis Jay in 2022 determined that more than 1,400 young girls were raped and abused in the period between 1997 and 2013 by what became known as the ‘grooming gangs’, so called because of the manipulative tactics that were employed to gain the victims’ trust. These groups comprised mostly of men of Pakistani heritage, which led many authorities to overlook the severity of the crimes.
Consider this example from a speech delivered by Andrew Norfolk, reporter for the Times. When police discovered a 13-year-old girl, drunk and mostly naked in the company of seven Pakistani men, they arrested her and failed to question any of the adults.
Police have admitted that such failures to investigate were largely down to a desire to avoid allegations of racism. The Jay report noted that several members of local council staff ‘described their nervousness about identifying the ethnic origins of perpetrators for fear of being thought as racist; others remembered clear direction from their managers not to do so’. Politicians and media commentators were more concerned with maintaining the fantasy that multiculturalism has been a success, rather than taking seriously their obligation to safeguard children. When Julie Bindel - the first journalist to investigate the grooming gangs - tried to publish her findings, she faced resistance ‘because some editors feared an accusation of racism’.
The Labour government has shown itself incapable of making amends. Jess Phillips has rejected a request for a public inquiry into child sexual exploitation in Oldham. And Keir Starmer has stated that anyone interested in a full-scale inquiry into these failings is jumping ‘on a bandwagon of the far right’.
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This acute form of tone-deafness would, in any sound political climate, be cause for immediate resignation. While it is true that racists will be quick to weaponise the criminal behaviour of a minority, there is nothing remotely ‘far right’ in taking an interest in the wellbeing of children and wishing to see those who abuse them held to account. But Starmer is a banshee of a prime minister; he makes a terrible noise but is completely lacking in substance.
Something may change with the release this week of crime league tables according to nationality. Up until now, there has been tremendous political resistance to releasing such statistics, with police in many European countries not recording such details at all in order to preserve the daydream of multiculturalism. And yet those that do keep such records have revealed a clear trend. Data from the Danish government, for instance, has shown that although non-Western immigrants constitute only 9% of the population, they account for 25% of convictions for violent crime. According to the Telegraph, in Sweden immigrants are ‘three times more likely to be registered as a suspect for assault than the native population – which grows to four times for robbery, and five times for rape’.
And now, in the UK, data from the police forces, the Home Office and the Office for National Statistics has been analysed by the Centre for Migration Control. The results are startling. We now know that foreign nationals are three times more likely to be arrested for sexual offences, and twice as likely for all other crimes. This table from the Home Office shows the top rates of arrests according to nationality (per one thousand of the population).
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This presents a challenge to those of us who believe in liberal values. We might factor in relative poverty as contributing to the rates, but this in itself cannot possibly account for the wild disproportionality. Our history of supporting those fleeing from war or oppression is something we should cherish, but at the same time citizenship should be contingent on successful integration. This isn’t to say that immigrants ought to dispense with their own beliefs or practices, but it does mean that they must adapt to the rule of law of the host nation.
We all know that multiculturalism has failed. German Chancellor Angela Merkel said as much back in 2010, before she embarked upon a disastrous policy of unchecked immigration. Too often ‘multiculturalism’ is mistaken for ‘multiethnicity’, when they could not be more different. A multi-ethnic society is one in which people of all races are able to coexist together in peace and cooperation as equal citizens under the law. A multi-cultural society is one in which people are encouraged to ghettoise themselves according to national or cultural identity.
This has been a catastrophe not only for social cohesion but also for individual agency. In 2016, when prime minister David Cameron announced a £20 million fund for English lessons for the 22% of Muslim women in the UK who could not speak the language, he was accused of ‘stigmatising’ a marginalised group. In truth, he was doing the opposite. Women in Islamic communities are disproportionately impacted by the failed multicultural system, because encouraging parallel societies only benefits the most powerful within them. Sharia courts in the UK, for instance, have always favoured men over women, and yet they are allowed to continue.
Cultural relativism has never been defensible. We are right to condemn slavery wherever and whenever it has existed, and we should have the confidence to do so. Likewise, we should be assertive in our view that a culture that treats women and gay people as subhuman is not morally equivalent to one that does not. This is not about asserting ‘supremacy’ of either a racial or religious kind, it’s about treating all human beings in the same way, irrespective of their place of origin or immutable characteristics.
Some cultural values are superior to others, and it should not be controversial to say so. True inclusivity and equality means holding everyone to the same standards. This realisation has come too late to save the victims of the rape gangs scandal, but at least the illusion of multiculturalism as a societal good has finally been dispelled.
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You don't get to lecture people about "the true facts" when you refuse all calls for a complete inquiry into the scandal, and brand anyone who wants one "far right."
Fuck, you can't even claim to know "the true facts" without an full inquiry.
Starmer has done exactly what created this problem in the first place: brand anyone concerned about the problem as a racist or a bigot, while doing nothing about it.
He'll be out before the end of the month. People will not tolerate this level of gaslighting.
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longing-for-rain · 1 year ago
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“There’s no way that person could be a predator. They’re so kind and helpful and give so much to the community! You must just be lying to tear them down!”
Let me tell you about Mr. Larry, the old band director when I was in high school.
That’s not his real name, but you get the idea. Everyone loved Mr. Larry. He was that fun, quirky teacher that all the students loved. He talked about how much he loved his wife and showed the class pictures of his cats. He danced on a busy street corner dressed as a pizza slice to cheer on students doing the charity run. He was very understanding and easygoing and always took that extra step to help a student who was struggling.
But there were always rumors about Mr. Larry. A few girls over the years had reported inappropriate incidents with Mr. Larry. Nobody believed them. He was so nice and so charitable. How could Mr. Larry possibly be *that* type of person? He must not have meant what he did. Maybe those girls just misunderstood. Or maybe they were just lying.
There was no evidence, after all, so the rumors stayed rumors. It was easy to accept, that way. Nobody wanted to believe Mr. Larry was capable of such things. What they didn’t know was the story of the girl who deleted all of her texts with him because she was afraid she’d get in trouble if her parents saw them, or the girl who didn’t realize what she’d experienced was sexual abuse until it was too late.
Mr. Larry was the same way for years. Nobody believed the rumors until he was arrested and put on the sex offender registry after one girl finally managed to prove her abuse to authorities.
But do you think it ended there?
Even after Mr. Larry was found guilty, so many people refused to believe it. His coworkers, students, parents. Instead of accepting that predators are capable of hiding behind a kind and benevolent persona, they instead spun a narrative in which that teenage girl was purposely seducing Mr. Larry, that it wasn’t really his fault. They called his sexual assault and grooming of this girl a mistake and tried pinning the majority of the blame on her. Because Mr. Larry was just so good and nice. Someone like him could never be a predator.
There are a lot of Mr. Larrys out there. Mr. Larry could be a teacher, a coach, your coworker, your next door neighbor, anyone. On the internet—because this pattern is extremely common online too—Mr. Larry could manifest as that chill person in your DMs, your “fandom mom,” etc.
Don’t brush off a warning because someone was nice to you. Remember Mr. Larry. He got away with it for so long because he built himself the reputation of a kindly and generous father figure. But he knew exactly what he was doing. Don’t fall for it.
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hpdcultureis · 4 months ago
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Questioning HPD culture is wanting to be groomed or in a toxic relationship so bad for any amount of attention and hating yourself for it
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syscultureis · 2 months ago
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(vent) TW for triggering topic mentions (i find it redundant to say "tw (word)" and then say that word in the text, its basically not even a warning, so just know triggering topics get mentioned (not described however)
sys culture + BPD is never being able to talk to other systems. we discovered ourselves at 13 and every server we joined was horrible. we've been stalked harassed a groomed in these communities. and when we finally find a decent community,we have to leave because a persecutor or symptom holder blew up on someone and apologizing will never be enough, so we just hide. youd think people would understand as it's quite literally a server based on MENTAL HEALTH CONDITIONS
we just want friends like us. friends where we can just use pluralkit and express ourselves without fearing a singlet will interrogate us, start using the PK bot when they shouldnt, or us being fakeclaimed for reasons that don't even correlate to how the disorder works. we just want friends who also have this condition we can relate to, not people parading having this condition and supporting endos, or just generally people who are very strict and even abusive.
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solitaireships · 1 month ago
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My biggest piece of advice to people is to put down the ai chatbots and start writing. Does it take more time and effort to do that? Yes, but it’s 100% worth it. It helps you build a skill and it’s something that you can do entirely for yourself instead of having to depend on someone else. You can write in whatever style you prefer (entirely dialogue, more heavy on description, etc). Please just try writing more
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fafayayarhen · 5 months ago
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wip #564785
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wedding series : battle royale
for the cuntiest bride
and yes hungary will be included in this
just in a different piece so stay tuned for a very manly hungary bursting through the doors to greet her bride
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narcissisticpdcultureis · 1 month ago
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Npd culture is staying "friends" with your groomer and his friend group because they're an easy source of supply
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dailybehbeh · 4 months ago
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Behbeh
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