#comedic exaggeration

[therobotmonster]

Anybody remember when Velveeta ran all those ads telling people what queso dip was because somehow its existence was unknown to a demographically-significant portion of the populace?

Now we have to "Normalize ranch with chicken and meat?"

"Normalize Ranch?"

Ranch with meat isn't just normal. It's Hypernormal. It's been a standard condiment since the Clinton Administration. It's mayo for people who hate mayo.

RANCH FACTS:

They give you cups of it at wing places, you don't ask for it. You have to tell them to give you something else.

They do the same at pizza places, and also sometimes ranch replaces the red sauce.

Ranch is so American it invades food groups like its looking for oil.

I'm in Oklahoma. We still had dry counties up until the twenty-teens and even we've been dipping our pizza in ranch since videogames came in a plastic cartridge.

It's so basic we've gotten desensitized and we're mainlining Green Goddess and Blue Cheese just feel something.

If you have too much shame to put ranch on something, like meatloaf, that doesn't stop us. We just put the powder directly into the meatloaf.

The average Midwesterner is 17% ranch dressing by volume.

Ranch hasn't become a beverage yet, but it's still trying.

[stinglesswasp]

Overseas 🇺🇸

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Normal boy spotted.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[civetside]

has anybody done this yet

[mellosdrawings]

Do you think in the N2 Squad, Jamil will just randomly get a burst of confidence and flirt with Leona and Vil, just for them to turn it around on him and he then gets so flustered he enters Caterpillar Mode™️ (pulls his hood over his face) for a solid hour?

I kept this one in my asks for a long time coz, while I thought it was a good ask and wanted to draw something for it, I am also plagued with the terrible curse of being both aromantic and autistic and struggling a lot with the very concept of ~*flirting*~

So first, gonna thank @aria-faye and @the-fab-fox for their insights and having the patience to explain to me the big strokes of flirting.

And now, I'm gonna quote aria-faye word for word cause he explained Jamil's flirting perfectly well in my opinion :

"I feel like Jamil is just... bad at flirting. He can tease and joke and all that, but when he's doing it with the intention of flirtation, i feel like he stumbles. His version of intentional flirting would probably be just... being overly straightforward. Saying what he's thinking for once."

"I feel like Jamil isn't very charismatic when it comes to flirting, so he isn't saying it [compliments] in any sort of way. Just pointing out a fact, which, to him, is flirting. Because it's not something he'd normally say aloud."

"Here's the thing: I think if they played the flirting game, and if Jamil said something intentionally over-the-top, teasing flirtatious, they [Leona and Vil] would match his energy and do it right back. BUT Jamil would be equipped to volley that back over and over. It's not flirtation that gets him. There's an element of disingenuous in flirting. It's all exaggerated, a bit untrue. It's an act - a mutually agreed-upon act that everyone in the group enjoys, but an act nonetheless. And Jamil is EXCELLENT at acts. He's no blushing flower when it comes to flirting. He would take that stuff all the way to bed if that's where it led him. But compliments? He has no idea how to take compliments. He has such a low opinion of himself for so long that he never learned. Compliments are what make him blush. Not flirting."

"Like, Leona could be like 'Damn Baby, what does that tongue do?' And Jamil would immediately respond by purring 'Come here and find out.' But Leona being like 'You look beautiful today' would have Jamil like "Oh, um. *blushes, pulls hood over his head* Thanks, I guess.'"

"I think something else that would get him flustered is physical affection. Like he gets all hyped up to shakily hold their hands, and they immediately respond by kissing his cheeks and being sweet to him. That would make him blushy too."

"Flirting is basically just manipulation. Jamil knows how to do that. He's really good at that. It might surprise him at first, but if he's the one initiating, he wouldn't do it unless he knew exactly what he was doing. Flirting for real is kind of fake. A teasing dance you do to get to a more intimate set of behaviors. And Jamil is great at this kind of thing. There are a thousand ways to make him blushy if he's not initiating. But if he's initiating, that implies a level of confidence, so the options for making him blushy circles right back around to honesty."

"Leona and Vil flirt by antagonising each other, so it might take them a second to realize that whenever Jamil drops an Honesty Bomb on them like this and speaks plainly, he's flirting. But once they know, Jamil will never know peace again, because they turn it right back on him and compliment him honestly until he's curled up and hiding in his hood and begging them to stop."

(Yes we had a very long discussion about it x))

[collidedscope]

there is a spectrum of ttrpg players. on one side is liam “i’m a martial class, so am i aware of what it looks like when someone casts a spell?” o’brien. and on the other end is ally “what do you mean a 14 acrobatics roll and a dance ribbon isn’t enough for me gain the ability of flight?” beardsley.

[sp1resong]

mspaint soul ocd compilation (some serious, some nonsensical, some both, some neither)

[unhinged-snake-jaw]

patroclus in tsoa:

oh... i accidentally killed sarpedon??? i'm not built for violence, really. that's achilles. i guess he's always protecting me... i love him, i can't make myself argue with him— i'm so in love with him i don't know to be angry at him. ever.

patroclus in the iliad:

*invents gamer's rage by killing clysonysmus*

{kill count: so high that homer's just listing names at one point}

*kills sarpedon and then KILLS ANYBODY WHO TRIES TO TAKE HIS BODY* (the dead man's father ended up intervening i believe)

"hey patroclus... you're crying like a girl what's wrong??" "what's wrong? what's wrong??? what's wrong is yOU MOTHERFU—"

*knocks hector's charioteer onto the floor with a stone that fucking kills him* 10/10 my guy that was a perfect dive!! trojans seem awfully good at diving out of their chariots, don't you think??

"on my own? i would have killed TWENTY hectors, and you know that."

[veilkeeper]

as much as i love the drama of gortash not knowing durge is alive until they're basically in the city, i think a funny alternative is him finding out as early as act 1 that they're alive and repeatedly sending cultists and mercenaries to drag them home and then, in true durge fashion, they just end up killing whatever grunts gortash sent

[laurrelise]

just discovered that while i was contemplating watching house md my parents have been fans of it for years and my dad rewatches it all the time

im in actual shock because the reason i would’ve wanted to watch it is for the characters and the possibly non straight (?) relationship between wilson and house and my parents are scared of gay relationships

so i guess the queer coding of the show kinda flew over their heads a bit

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

Wreck it Ralph fanart?? In 2024? More likely than you think....

I get way too insane about kids' movies, and I've been on a nostalgia binge watch lately, so here's a villain/hero swap AU

Does anyone even remember this movie??

[suffarustuffaru]

the three idiots banter at the end of arc 9 ch6 had me sweating bc im so sure ottos internal dialogue was Very Different from subarus LMFAOOO

[gimmethemprimals]

🌊 wavecrest-confessions  Follow

whenever I see someone making fun of the tidelords disappearance I get SO angry. Its just so insensitive to water dragons, and it ALWAYS comes from a wind, earth, or ice dragon. Like I don’t think you have any ground to stand on guys, your deities are still more neglectful than the tidelord and he’s not even here

❄️ ice-ice-baby  Follow

Dude your god has been gone for so long his long lost children came back before him

🪨 freshpebble-deactivated

Aren’t you the one who carved your fanart of femboy Icewarden into the side of the pillar.

❄️ ice-ice-baby  Follow

???? You’re literally a shade apologist

💫 see-the-stars  Follow

HOW ARE THERE SHADE APOLOGISTS ON DRUMBLR IN THIS DAY AND AGE I THOUGHT THEY WERE ONLY ON DRITTER

🍃 riding-high  Follow

are we gonna just brush over the femboy icewarden thing

🦅 talonafan2477  Follow

@ see-the-stars the Arcanist is the ORIGINAL shade apologist what are you talking about

🦅 talonafan2477  Follow

btw “ice ice baby” is apart of from clan froststep that has a history of supporting the gaolers during the freezeflash war and thus the destruction of the banescales

🌑 walkingshadows Follow

Yeah but what about the femboy icewarden thing

🔥 its-gettin-hot  Follow

you can excuse genocide but draw the line at femboy icewarden?

🌑 walkingshadows Follow

im not drawing the line i just wanna see it myself

🌺 bug-claws Follow

thats fair

[sweetnsour-stuff]

Inside Out is a great franchise because it's so fun to describe your feelings using the analogy of little creatures running around pressing buttons and messing around in your brain

For example I go to bed early because when I stay up too late my Anxiety gets sleep deprived and jittery and sometimes starts smacking the console like it's whack a mole. I'm not overly afraid of the dark but my Anxiety is and she Makes it Known

[elbiotipo]

Every day I get comments on my worldbuilding posts that aren't worth getting angry about but they're boring stuff like "I mostly agree with you OP that worldbuilding is important but It Depends on the Kind Of Story you want to tell and it shouldn't get in the way of The Plot and The Characters and you should Write What You Want" can you stop being such a centrist and write the ethnobotany paper I told you to

[petite-phthora]

Take care...

[DP x DC fic]

[Love at first... murder? - part 11]

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Part 1

Ao3

---

Their first stop was a small café near Robinson Park; Alysia's Boba Bar & Café. After each of them had placed their order, with Jason paying, saying it was ‘his treat’ and that ‘he had promised he’d be the one paying earlier’, they took their food outside.

They did get some stares from the customers and employees, mainly aimed at Jason who’s wearing his Red Hood gear, but they just ignored them minus some intimidation from Jason from afar.

Though, Jason wasn’t quite sure if Danny actually ignored them or just blatantly didn’t even notice them.

Either way, they were currently sitting on a bench in the park. Jason had taken his helmet off and put it next to him so that he could eat, still wearing his domino mask anyway. He’s also still wearing the watch Danny had gifted him.

And he’s never taking that off, holy shit he loves it so much.

Danny is sipping on the leftovers of his boba, having already scarfed down his sandwich. Jason starts his tour, telling him about Robinson Park and pointing out Gotham Zoo right next to it.

After they’re both done with their food, Jason puts his helmet back on and they get back onto his motorcycle so he can point out important landmarks while driving around.

Jason and Danny proceed to chat a bit during the ride as well, just some basic stuff to get to know one another; favorite color, favorite food, how they would disarm someone with a gun and de-escalate the situation, opinions on otters and how they hold onto each other so they don’t drift away, favorite movies, etc.

And Jason is desperately trying to focus on driving instead of Danny’s arms wrapped around his waist from behind.

---

"Over there is the Iceberg lounge."

Danny’s gaze follows where Jason is pointing, falling on a big two-story building with a sign on the outside reading ‘Iceberg Lounge’.

"It's a nightclub owned by the Penguin, one of Batman’s rogues. It’s mainly just a front for his criminal activities, but the nightclub itself is actually pretty good to be fair. Bit posh though"

---

"See that big tower in the middle there? That's Wayne Tower. It's basically the office building of Wayne Enterprises, the company owned by Gotham’s very own multi-millionaire Bruce Wayne." Red Hood says, sarcasm dripping off of his words at the end.

Danny lets out a small non-committal hum.

“You don’t sound too fond of him” Danny inquiries curiously.

“I’m not“ Red Hood states, not elaborating in the slightest.

Danny tries to lighten the mood a little “Well, as long as he doesn’t try to adopt me I guess he’s still better than another millionaire I know.”

Danny smiles as he hears Red Hood laugh.

---

"Over there’s Gotham City Public Library. It’s one of my favorite places in the city. I tend to go there at least once a week. They’ve got a ton of books and are willing to order any they don’t have at request. There’s also some computers there that are free for public use."

"You like reading?" Danny asks curiously.

"Mhmm. I'm mainly in the classics like Charles Dickens, Lewis Carroll, Jane Austen, Mary Shelley, etc."

“Oh, nice. I don’t usually read much. English was basically my worst subject at school, but the teacher was pretty good. Kind of ended up being one of the only ones in my corner and he really tried his best, y’know?”

“He sounds pretty nice. Is there a reason you haven’t read much, like lack of interest or…?” Jason trails off questioningly.

Danny shrugs “I guess I never really had the time as a teenager, with an added lack of motivation on top. And now… I guess I don’t really know what kind of books I’d like or where I should start.”

“I could recommend you some? If you want me to?”

“Sure, that’d be nice”

---

"The large building over there is Arkham Asylum. It's basically a psychiatric hospital. Batman dumps all of his rogues here, though they keep breaking out."

"Oh yeah, I’ve heard of this place. My older sister applied to work here"

"Dr. Jasmine Fenton?" Jason questions, even if he was already pretty sure who Danny was referring to.

"Mhmm,” Danny nods, “she recently gained her doctorate and wants to be a psychiatrist at Arkham"

"... I wish her good luck" Is the response Jason decides on.

"I’m sure she can do it" Danny proclaims, somehow embodying the :D smiley face.

Jason considers the possibility of her having similar meta powers to her brother and decides that if she does she'll probably be fine.

Not to mention she has Danny in her corner… And Red Hood now as well.

---

"What's that building over there?" Danny asks as they're driving on one of the roads on the outskirts of the main part of the city.

Jason looks at where he's pointing, spotting the manor.

"That's Wayne Manor. Do you remember that millionaire I mentioned earlier? The one that owns Wayne Tower and WE? That's where he lives."

Danny sounds a little surprised as he asks "He lives in that huge building? All by himself?"

"Well, not really. He has some kids, most of whom are adopted though you wouldn’t believe the field day the press had when it was found out he had a biological son. Besides them, he also has a butler that lives at the manor”

Once again, it seems Danny has noticed Jason’s standoffish attitude at Wayne, as he tries to lighten the mood a little.

"That manor is still way too big for all of them. Like what are they doing with all of that space? Are they hiding something? I bet they have a huge secret basement underneath the manor with some kind of laboratory and some shit. Millionaires seem to love those."

Jason lets out a surprised laugh at how on-the-nose Danny is, making Danny grin at his successful attempt to lighten the mood a little. Though it makes him question for a little bit…

He doesn’t know, right? Or does he…

"You know, I think the manor is actually missing something" Danny speaks up again.

"Oh? And what’s that?" Jason asks with humor in his tone.

"It would look way better TPed" Danny states confidently, bearing a mischievous grin.

Jason barks out a laugh, a sharp grin on his face.

"Let's save that for the next date, Doll"

Danny lets out a slightly giddy laugh, his cheeks red and heart beating just a little faster at both the 'next date‘ part and the unexpected, but not unwelcome, nickname.

---

“And this,” Jason says, as he gestures proudly towards the streets around them, “is Crime Alley, which is my turf in this city. I’m the one protecting this place.”

Jason had brought Danny to Crime Alley as the last stop on their date.

“Oh yeah!” Danny speaks up. “I was wondering about that!”

Jason turns to him questioningly and Danny takes it as a sign to continue.

“Yeah so, why is it called crime alley?” he asks curiously with a tilt of his head.

Say what now?

Jason takes a deep breath.

“Are you serious?” Jason asks genuinely curious, gesturing at the drug deal taking place behind them, the mugger that’s running past, and towards the right where gunshots can clearly be heard.

To his credit, Danny doesn’t falter at all, giving Jason a smile and continuing.

“Yeah, I thought it was called Park Row or something like that. Did it get renamed?”

Jason closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose before letting out a strained “Something like that…”

He takes another deep breath before looking back at Danny, who’s still looking at him with a bright smile.

“Is there really no reason you can think of why this place would get nicknamed crime alley? Not one reason at all? None?”

A small explosion sounds and some metal shrapnel falls in little pieces around them. A car tire rolls past. Danny and Jason don’t look away from one another.

Danny ‘grew up with mad scientist parents, an OSHA-violating lab in the basement, fighting ghosts, causing property damage, evading ghost police, fighting a king, is pretty certain his parents have been committing some kind of tax evasion for their research funding, etc., etc. though none of that was really an excuse as his friends and sister didn’t turn out quite as blind to danger as him.’ Fenton thinks about it for barely a second before shrugging.

“No, not really. Why?”

“This is where the Joker attacked you.” Jason tries pointing out, causing Danny to take a good look around them.

“Oh, that’s right! I was wondering why this place looked so familiar! I gotta say, it looks different in the daylight. But I mean, that attack could’ve happened anywhere, couldn’t it? What’s so special about this place?”

God, how can he be so smart yet so stupid?

Now is really not the time to kiss him, Jason.

“It’s… just a nickname, given to the district by the Gothamites. Poverty runs rampant and the crime rates here are… above average, let’s say, when compared to the rest of Gotham. Only old rich folks still call it Park Row” Is what Jason decides to say.

“So yeah, it’s probably best if you try to avoid this place, especially at night. Though God knows you can handle yourself, considering the way you went at the Joker” Danny snorts at the innuendo.

“It’s still better to be safe than sorry and keep away from this place, unless you’re with me. The people around here know better than to mess with me and the people I’m with, so there’s no need to worry.”

“Hmmm, are you sure the crime rates are higher here?”

On their left, a guy dressed in a gray hoodie with suspicious dark red stains on it runs at a car, gets in, and drives off as fast as he can with the car alarm still going off.

“Yes.”

“Oh, okay! I’ll try to keep that in mind then”

God have mercy.

---

Red Hood had driven them back to Danny’s apartment after their date in order to drop him off. Meanwhile, Danny is still not quite over the fact that he can actually call it a date!

After they both get off of the motorcycle, Red Hood walks him the few feet to the front door of his apartment building, and it’s time for them to say goodbye again.

Do they kiss now? Or should he wait till the next date?

Danny really wants to kiss him right now.

But he’s wearing his helmet so it would be awkward as fuck.

Especially if he had to ask Red Hood to take it off.

No, Danny can’t do that. Just no, he’d have his second death, this time of embarrassment instead of electricity. It’s some variation at least?

“See you later, —”

Danny cuts himself off with a not-so-subtle fake cough, cheeks heating up in embarrassment at what he was about to say. He had almost let out another cringy animal-themed goodbye, just like last time.

Great going, Fenton. Despite not going for the kiss, he still managed to almost fuck it up.

It’s like he’s digging himself a bigger hole by the minute.

Red Hood stops walking and pauses. Seeing this, Danny lowers his head to stare at the ground, his body stiff.

---

Jason can’t quite believe he’s doing this, and if any of the bats heard him, he’d never hear the end of it. But… to put Danny at ease…

“Take Care, Polar Bear”

The sentence makes Danny snap his head back up immediately. His mouth is slightly open, as though he’s trying to come up with something to say and failing.

Not waiting for Danny to answer him, Jason starts moving towards his motorcycle again.

Danny, with his cheeks still slightly red, stares at the leaving figure of Red Hood. His gaze is full of adoration, as he just falls a little deeper for the helmed vigilante.

Jason is thankful the helmet obscures Danny’s view of his blushing face as he gets on his motorcycle. He gives one last wave to Danny before revving the engine and leaving for his apartment.

---

Taglist:

@i-always-say-yea   @uraniumwizard    @why-must-i-be-like-this   @griffinthing