#might have used mild exaggeration of language for comedic purposes. but i firmly believe this is how it actually went down | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

unhinged-snake-jaw · 1 year ago

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patroclus in tsoa:

oh... i accidentally killed sarpedon??? i'm not built for violence, really. that's achilles. i guess he's always protecting me... i love him, i can't make myself argue with him— i'm so in love with him i don't know to be angry at him. ever.

patroclus in the iliad:

*invents gamer's rage by killing clysonysmus*

{kill count: so high that homer's just listing names at one point}

*kills sarpedon and then KILLS ANYBODY WHO TRIES TO TAKE HIS BODY* (the dead man's father ended up intervening i believe)

"hey patroclus... you're crying like a girl what's wrong??" "what's wrong? what's wrong??? what's wrong is yOU MOTHERFU—"

*knocks hector's charioteer onto the floor with a stone that fucking kills him* 10/10 my guy that was a perfect dive!! trojans seem awfully good at diving out of their chariots, don't you think??

"on my own? i would have killed TWENTY hectors, and you know that."

#and i KNOW patroclus killing clysonysmus is in tsoa too but. that was framed as an accident so does it really count???#also perhaps this is because i read it long ago in a biased lens but i remember that part in the iliad where pat was crying and #and achilles was like 'whats wrong' and patroclus INSTANTLY goes like 'you and your stupid fucking rage????'#might have used mild exaggeration of language for comedic purposes. but i firmly believe this is how it actually went down #achilles went 'why're you crying like a girl??' and patroclus punched him in the face THAT'S what fucking happened #im in love with patroclus #maybe you can tell #the iliad #patroclus #achilles #tsoa crit #maybe??? not inherently anti but. tbf i don't really... like certain aspects of that book #ill tag it js in case #anti tsoa

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