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commsroom · 3 months

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how would the characters do working in a public service job, such as retail? I'm particularly curious about hilbert, kepler, and minkowski.

you know, you can really tell that nobody in wolf 359 other than eiffel has ever worked retail. it explains a lot about them.

it's impossible to imagine hilbert working retail in any context that isn't just. a joke for how out of place he would be. everything hilbert does is for his research, and he considers anything else a pointless distraction. he thinks that "bedside manner is like anesthetic: it just gets in the way of what needs to be done." honestly, i wish i could make hilbert work customer service. it would be torture for him, and he would say the kinds of things to customers that most people can only fantasize about. if you put him in a retail job, somehow, he would still just disappear into a dark storage room to do god knows what. i think hilbert would let people shoplift. he doesn't care.

kepler... could thrive in retail, actually. that's really scary. not that he would like it, but that he's got that kind of personality type and work ethic. the version of kepler who hollowed himself to become the manager of a dick's sporting goods might be worse than regular kepler, for the limited power it would offer him. but stagnation would drive him crazy. kepler really values progress - always working harder, doing more. he doesn't mind being a cog in the corporate machine, but that would be a much less. complex machine, compared to his real ambitions. he would still tell the exact same stories.

minkowski would be very, very frustrated by a job like that, but she would take it very seriously. she would enforce every nonsensical, nit-picky little policy to the letter. she would want to run that place like the navy, for sure, but people wouldn't be scared of her the way they'd be scared of someone like kepler. she's a tryhard people pleaser, and she tries to come across as strict and no-nonsense, but i think minkowski really takes people at their word and it wouldn't be hard for both customers & her employees to walk all over her once they figured out how she operates, and which of her threats are empty. that's what eiffel did. if she wasn't in a management position, it would be even worse for her. she would grit her teeth, and try very, very hard, and she would hate every moment of it.

characters you didn't ask about, but i have to talk about anyway:

i think lovelace would be a relatively cool manager who would take your side if a customer was a jerk to you, and she wouldn't really care about the rules as long as things got done. but it would be difficult for her to hold a lower-level position, unless she had a cool manager.

eiffel is the only one of them who's canonically worked food service (and a whole assortment of dead-end jobs he got fired from within a few months) and he approaches his current job pretty much the same as i imagine he approached his job at pizza hut. he complains about his boss, zones out, maybe even falls asleep. if he could wander outside and smoke, he would. eiffel and hera are really the only two people here who don't have career ambitions. almost everyone else wants something more, in their own ways, but eiffel just wants to clock out, go home, and relax. doesn't really matter what the job is, he just doesn't want to be at work. respectable.

and hera is already doing the equivalent of putting on a customer service voice, seething with contempt, and then going to cry in the bathroom, like, every day of her life. so...

#one of my friends said that kepler in a non-managerial position would be like the reverse of that meme of someone #telling a story to a horrified drive thru worker. yeah.#and another friend of mine said eiffel is that post like.#'if you have time to lean you have time to clean' if i have time to work i have time to jerk.#... thank you for asking!!#it is so apparent nobody else has worked retail or even considered they might have to. tbh.#it explains so much now that i'm thinking about it that way #asks

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lemondragoncheesecake · 1 year

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Bored: General Kai x Reader Smutfic

Kinks: outdoor, spontaneous, riding, roughness, some mild cum inflation, Kai denying you aftercare because he's a jerk, etc.

It was one of those slower days. There wasn't much to do, now that camp had been cleaned up and you and Kai were traveling again- you never knew where, exactly, for the most part you just followed Kai around wherever he felt like going on this strange mission of his. You never minded, really, just enjoying the ride and his company while it lasted.

But it was a slow day, all the same. Boring, dull, just you, him, the road, and the quiet, bland monotony of the forest for miles all around. That, and the intense silence finally got to you. You sighed loudly.

"I'm borrrrrred," you hadn't intended to whine (you know how he felt about whining), but you couldn't help it; besides, even a little irritation from him might be entertaining.

He glanced at you for a moment, frowning, his eyes roaming up and down your body. Your muscles tensed. Then the corner of his lip slowly turned up in a smirk.

"Bored, huh? Maybe I could help with that."

That was far from the expected response. You paused where you were, and then blinked at him for a moment. Your muscles relaxed. But then confusion turned to curiosity, and you returned his smile. "Oh? How so?"

He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you in, his breath warm against your ear. "...Hope you're in the mood."

And with no more than that, he lifted you off your feet and slung you across one of his large shoulders. His head was tilted slightly to the side, avoiding poking you with his horns. The grip he had on you was steady, and one of his hooves squeezed your rear; you didn't have to guess what he wanted. Your face flushed.

He hummed a tune, occasionally bouncing you and chuckling whenever you made a slight grunt or noise of protest. There was a clearing here, isolated save for the ring of trees and brush, and he set you down on a boulder and immediately began to loosen the ties on your clothes. You assisted, heart hammering; oh, this was definitely going to be fun.

For his part, undressing was easier. All he needed to do was take off his belt, and then his cock was free, burgeoning out from his crotch. You saw it, and your legs immediately fell open. Kai chuckled and then gently pinned you against the rock. He wasn't the one for teasing or foreplay, and neither would you have allowed it; you were both impatient, your mutual arousal as sudden as it was consuming, and consume and consummate you did- immediately. He never wasted a second.

Kai released a long, content sigh as he eased his way in, and then he pressed his cheek against yours, the coarse stubble scratching your softer skin. You settled into the stretch with a quiet moan, then wrapped your legs around his broad waist. It had taken much work to get to this point, that he could almost hilt in you, and none of that effort had been easy: but by the gods, was it rewarding.

Then he started thrusting, slowly at first, ensuring you were comfortable and settled before he found a nice pace that suited you both, and the momentum started to build. Kai lifted your leg, placing it over his shoulder. You grunted softly, and then he picked up his pace, hitting some places just right, and you moaned louder. But a little longer, and the position began to wear; the friction on your skin from the rock beneath you was starting to chafe. You winced and reached up, placing a hand on his chest.

"Switch places?" It was a somewhat timid request- it had to be, you never really knew just how Kai would react to certain things, and this was one of them- not that he would ever hurt you physically, of course, such a thing was unthinkable; You just never knew how he'd respond to any given suggestion.

There was a pause. You tensed. He looked down at you for a moment, though those glowing green eyes didn't expose any of his thoughts, even as they searched into yours. You held your breath, wondering to yourself if maybe you had made the wrong suggestion at the wrong time- but then Kai sighed.

"...Alright."

Then he gently pulled all of his length out of you and laid on his back on the ground, patting his thigh invitingly.

You sat up. "...We don't have to," You said, "I was just-"

"Just get up here before I change my mind," he said, but there was nothing genuine in the threat. You obediently climbed up, straddling his waist, and he held his member steady as you lowered yourself onto it, though it was already erect enough.

His cock filled you again, and you bit your lip to suppress a moan- though Kai quickly corrected that. He reached up, pressing one the flat end of the cleft that acted as his thumb against your chin, right under your lower lip. His other hand pushed against your inner thigh, spreading your legs a little bit wider. One thrust upwards, rough, fast, and you let out a much louder cry.

"That's better," he chuckled, and laid his head back down. His hoof squeezed your thigh, running up and down the sensitive skin. "I want you loud. Don't make me force you again."

And you made sure he didn't; soon you were moaning shamelessly, gasping his titles between thrusts, screaming his name, your body trembling from the pleasure he worked out of you.

He tilted his head back, running shallow grooves into the soft dirt with his horns. The motion exposed all of his throat to you, and you took the opportunity to kiss his Adam's apple. A rumbling chuckle was his response. The clefts of his hooves ran into the folds of your hips, and then dug in, keeping a steady purchase on you as you gently moved up and down.

Eventually, the pace began to pick up. His snorts came in quicker and faster, and his grip on you tightened- you were going to have bruises, but you couldn't say you cared. The building surge you felt was causing your muscles to tighten, and you gripped his wrists with all your strength (miniscule, compared to his- you wouldn't even leave a mark) just to hold on to something to keep you grounded- and then he grunted again, a lower sound more like a bellow, and then you were screaming his name, and then your mind went entirely, blissfully blank.

Every nerve was alight with ecstasy. The general grunted again, and you felt his cum filling you, felt him move his hips just to keep it from spilling out, and then there was a sense of perverted pride in you: pride that you could take so much of him, and hold his load.

As soon as you thought it was over, you made to climb off of him, but then his grip on your hips tightened. You looked down at him. He smirked.

"I'm not done with you yet," he growled.

Of course, being a Spirit Warrior had its perks: nearly limitless stamina being but one of them. An excited thrill ran down your spine, and blood rushed to your groin anew. Kai grinned and pulled you back down, and you screamed again in delight. Shame was long gone from you; you were alone, anyway, and even if he was taking you in the middle of a crowded spice market you wouldn't have cared.

Kai used you like an object. His cock pounded up into your core, slamming certain nerve bundles just so, his hips forcing yours to move with them or be bashed- and you loved every second of it- tenfold, when he would stop suddenly, full hilt, just as he came. Sometimes you came first, others he did, and the best times came when you both reached that peak together. It was rough and loud and sloppy, and you couldn't ask for better.

Yet another climax was coming, you could feel it in the way his muscles tensed under you, how his pace suddenly increased; then he groaned, his back arching, hilting right at that sweet, sweet moment.

"There you go," he said, his voice barely more than a low, cocky purr, "full enough? Or should I fill you again?"

Now that he had allowed your nerves time to settle down this time (such rare consideration for your mortal state), you could actually feel the other sensations in your body; the soreness, the ever so slightly painful tinge of the bruises from his grip, bruises he rubbed so gently now...how incredibly, satisfactorily full your belly was.

But you couldn't take any more: that was clear. You were soaked in sweat, shaking, and exhausted. You tried to swallow past a throat gone dry and scratchy from all of your cries and screams of pleasure earlier, tried to answer him, but couldn't get anything out. Kai raised his brows, but the smirk on his face was telling. You swallowed and tried again:

"Th-thank you...Sir, but I think...I don't think I can take anymore."

Kai chuckled and released another sigh- longer, softer and more content than any other thus far. He lifted you slightly, then began to pull out of you, a slow process that made even more of a mess, leaving you strangely empty and sore- though you couldn't say you minded much. You shifted, laying on top of him with your head on the pillow of his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, keeping you warm even as your bodies began to cool.

A soft moment- You catching your breath, only you, him letting you, simply enjoying this as it was- and then you heard a noise. You pressed your ear against his chest. It began to vibrate softly, and then a long, low note began to emit from somewhere deep in his belly. A sound he rarely made, save during moments like this- moments when he was truly content and at peace.

You glanced up at his face. He had his eyes closed, his expression softened in a way you had only ever seen once or twice, again only exclusive to these rare occasions. Beneath you, his chest rose and fell and vibrated at an even, soothing rhythm. He wasn't asleep, though: spirit warriors had no need of sleep.

In a way it was almost as if he was obliging you by pretending to sleep whenever you slept, and letting you lay on him like this while you did it. You were very tired, especially after what just happened, but you couldn't help but stay awake and ask just one more little thing from him. Your hand reached up, gently tugging on his moustache. Kai snorted.

"Still bored?" He grumbled, his eyes still closed.

"Hm. Maybe-" his eyes didn't open, but you felt his grip tighten on you again, and he began to grind against you, your rear pressing against the base of his member. You realized the danger you would unwittingly bring on yourself, and you were quick to correct it. "-I mean- no, but..."

Kai stopped grinding and chuffed. His grip loosened. "Hm. Well, if you want, you could get started on the fun part," he said.

That piqued your curiosity. "Fun part?"

He opened one eye slightly, smirking at you. He cast a glance at the clothes strewn everywhere behind you, and then at the mess between your bodies, then back up at you again. His smirk grew.

You gazed at the mess, realized his meaning, and suddenly you felt very exhausted. With a sigh you laid your head back down on his chest. "...Consider my boredom cured," you said.

Kai chuckled and closed his eye again, rubbing your back. "You're welcome."

#kfp3 #smut #writing #General kai x reader #Kfp villains x reader #Fanfic #Drabble #kfp kai #Yes Kai helped make the mess but he ain't cleaning it up #He's a jerk #kung fu panda #I'm so proud of myself for finishing this it took me months

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