#choose wisely obviously but choose. even if you don’t choose wisely that’s on you and not anyone else’s business

[themirokai]

I got this comment on a story from my Other AO3 Account this morning.

(Info redacted because I prefer keeping these accounts separate but no one follows me on the side blog I have for that account.)

The story was posted almost a year ago and is relatively “popular” by my average statistics even though it has tropes and themes that are big turnoffs for a lot of people (hence separate accounts). This popularity is undoubtedly because it’s a Marvel Loki story and that fandom is massive.

So there is obviously an algorithm or a bot scrubbing ao3 statistics and leaving this comment on fics that meet a certain metric with the main character of the fic inserted into the comment.

I had a little time to kill this morning so I decided to investigate further. And y’all this is so predatory. Come on this journey with me. It made me mad. It may make you mad.

First, if you go to Webnovel’s website, you HAVE to choose between male lead or female lead stories before you can go any further. WTF?

And that’s weird, but this gets so much worse. This is basically a pay-to-read site that has different subscription models. Which… okay BUT! The authors don’t get paid! Look at that comment again. They’re promising a supportive and nurturing community, but zero monetary compensation. It’s basically, “post your stuff here so we can get paid and you can get… nice vibes?” I mean look at this Orwellian writing:

Using the phrase “pay-to-read model” in the same sentence as “qualitative changes in lifestyles for authors” deliberately makes you think that you can get paid and maybe even make a living on this website. But that’s not actually what it says and authors will not receive one red cent.

Oh but wait, the worst is still to come. In case this breaks containment (which I kind of hope it does) this is where I mention that I’m a lawyer in the US.

I don’t do intellectual property or copyright law but I do read and write contracts for a living. So I went to look at their terms of service. It was fun!

Highlights the first, in which Webnovel gets a license to do basically whatever they want with content you post on their site. This is how they get to be paid for people reading authors’ writing without paying them anything.

Highlights the second, in which Webnovel takes no responsibility for illegally profiting off of fan fic. This all says that the writer is 100% responsible for everything the writer posts (even though only Webnovel is making money from it).

Highlights the third which say that by posting, the author is representing that they have the legal right to use and to let Webnovel use the content according to these terms. So if a writer posts fan fiction and Webnovel makes money from people reading the fan fiction, and the House of the Mouse catches wise, these sections say that that’s ALL on the writer.

So that’s a little skeevy to start off with but the thing that is seriously shitty and made me make this post was that these assholes are coming to ao3. They are actively recruiting people in comments on their fan fiction. And they are saying they are big fans of the character you’re writing about and that they share your interests.

They are recruiting fan fiction writers and giving every impression that you can make money from posting fan fiction on their site and hiding the fact that you absolutely cannot but they can make money off of you while you try, deep in their terms of service which no one but a lawyer who writes fan fic and has some time to kill will read.

I see posts on here regularly from people who don’t understand how this stuff works, don’t understand that they (and others) can not legally make a financial profit from fan fiction. And there are tons of people who will not take the time to dig into the details.

Don’t deal with these bastards. Fuck Webnovel.

[godwardesqueprincess]

Guy who realizes people gatekeep pleasure and it’s actually powerful to partake in it and do whatever you want that pleases you: Oh yeah I’ve been really getting into hedonism lately 👍

[magics-neptunes-things]

Good 4 U

Hello there!

I hope you’re all great. This story is just out of my imagination, but enjoy anyway, I guess ♥ Also Caitlin and Lia are always a thing in this word.

TW: Reader! Wälti, no other I think.

PART 2 | PART 3

______________________________________________________________

Unlike your older sister Lia, you are not wise and quiet. You have trouble concentrating and you aren't necessarily interested in the idea of landing somewhere. You and Lia don’t have the same character, but that never stopped you from loving each other a lot. You’d do anything for your older sister who’s only 10 months older than you. And you know she would do anything in return for you. You and her were almost like twins and even if you wasn't planned, you parents always loved you the way they love Lia.

You travel all the time, leaving one place when you're getting tired to visit another corner of the world. You are sociable and have no trouble making contacts with anyone, to find a job or to make new friends. You are lucky to be able to remember the different languages in the countries you visit. You speak German from birth, you are bilingual in English and you talk other new languages like spanish or italian.

For now, you are in London with your sister for a week. The last time you stayed in London with Lia was last year when her life was a little more complicated than now. This time, you decided to come to see her just because you missed her and wanted to be with her for her birthday. You contacted Leah to help you surprise her, and you congratulate yourself for filming Lia's reaction when you walked into her living room following Leah.

When Lia told you about a karaoke night with her friends, most of them from Arsenal, you didn't hesitate a single second before accepting. You already know Caitlin obviously and Leah, who you met when she came in Switzerland last year. You met some of the girls last time you came in London, but you don't know all of them. This is a good occasion to met them.

Despite the time set at 9pm, not everyone arrived on time but this didn't prevent the people already present from starting to have fun. You’ve already shared a song with Steph and another with Leah. And you’re choosing the song you’re going to sing with Lia when Katie finally makes her appearance in the establishment.

When the music started, Katie was greeting everyone and sat at one of the tables surrounded by a bench, reserved for the night.

She's sitting with Caitlin, Leah, Kyra and Alessia when her gaze mechanically refers to you when you start singing. And her gesture stops immediately when she looks at you, her arm halfway between her mouth and the table as she was getting ready to drink.

"You alright mate?" laughs Kyra

"Who’s the girl with Wally?" Katie asks, blinking.

"Her little sister. Why?" asks Leah, bowing her eyebrow.

But Katie doesn’t answer, completely hypnotized by you. She just can’t take her eyes off you, your face, your body and anything else that can be part of you.

"It's Wally’s sister?" ended up repeating Katie before glancing at Caitlin. "Damn, you’re shagging the wrong Wälti, Caitlin."

"You’re disgusting" Caitlin says, rolling her eyes.

Leah laughs softly next to Katie and the Irish girl seems to reminding something. She turns herself a little to look at Leah before talking.

"Wait, this is the sister you met last year?"

"Yes?" answer a frowning Leah.

"And you didn't try anything with her?"

Katie’s tone let perfectly passes the disbelief she feels at this idea. But Leah rolls her eyes again.

"She’s Lia’s little sister. She would have killed me. And she’ll kill you too if you try anything with her"

Katie responds with a throat sound before finally bringing her drink to her lips. And from then on, she won’t leave you until your song is finished. Katie recognized Olivia Rodrigo’s song "Good 4 u" and she briefly wonders if it means anything to you and Lia.

When the song ends, Lia approaches the table where Katie is installed while you take the opportunity to go to the toilet. If Caitlin greets your sister with a big smile, making her sit on her lap, Leah can’t help but drop the information to Lia.

"Your sister caught Katie’s eyes" Leah announces with a big smile.

This causes a growl from Katie who hoped to try a discreet approach with you and a frown from Lia, who quickly takes off from Caitlin to lean towards Katie.

"Stay away from her Katie, I’m not kidding"

Katie raises both hands as a sign of abandonment, not without rolling her eyes.

"Looks like I’m the devil in person" Katie growls before finishing her drink.

"She was hurt once and since then has been traveling around the world. I want to see her again before Christmas 2025."

"Okay, okay, I get it" sighs gently, Katie. "I’ll get myself a drink."

After asking if anyone wanted something, Katie gets up to order herself a drink, deciding to go to the other side to have less to wait. And Lia will not be able to tell her anything, because it's finally you who approaches her first. You come to order yourself a drink too and you have no trouble recognizing the teammate of your big sister, that you watch play as soon as you can.

"You're Katie, right? I'm Y/N, Lia's sister" you smile before reaching out to greet her.

"Yes, that's me. Nice to meet ya" Katie grins, taking your hand in hers, squeezing it maybe a little to long.

Your eyes cross and you find yourself becoming aware of the beauty of the young woman who stands before you. You first notice her blue eyes and then her smile that you quickly find mesmerizing.

You are interrupted in your moment by the server who finally takes your orders. And, while Katie passes her command, you discreetly let your gaze slide on her forms. How did you not realize before how breathtaking she was?

"Lia told me you travel a lot" Katie says, turning to you to resume your conversation.

"Oh, yes… I just came back from New Zealand" you explain with a smile, before starting on an explanation of your last trip.

The minutes pass quickly as you chat with her and then you find yourself interested in her and her life. There’s something about Katie that hypnotizes you and you could honestly spend hours listening to her and laughing at what she’s telling you. You like her humor, the sound of her voice and it’s a little destabilizing for you to find yourself so impacted by someone so quickly.

"Do you want to get some fresh air?" Katie says after realizing you’ve been talking for a while.

You accept with pleasure and you follow her on the outdoor terrace of the establishment, Katie seems to know this place very well. Which is probably not surprising since Lia told you they come often.

"Here" simply makes Katie by dropping her jacket on your bare arms after seeing you shiver.

"Thank you" you answer with a sincere smile.

You move a little away from the entrance to not be in the way and you lean against a wall looking up to look at the stars. However, you gently frown when you see that they are not visible. You forgot they’re hard to see from central London.

"When are you leaving again?" asks Katie while looking at you.

You leave the sky with your eyes to carry them over her before gently shrugging your shoulders with a smile.

"I haven’t decided yet. Why?"

"I was wondering if you would give me your phone number so we could meet again, before you leave."

You bite your lip briefly while observing her. You are not sure if it's a good idea, you will probably leave soon and you know that it would probably not lead to much. But you’d be lying if you said the Irish girl didn’t tease your curiosity.

"Okay" you end up answering before you pick up her phone and put your number on it.

A big smile is born on Katie’s face and you don’t know her enough yet to realize that it’s a frank smile and not the sufficient smile she likes to have to provoke her opponents. Her phone in her pocket, Katie settles next to you, leaning against the wall like you.

"Do you like to look at the stars?" asked Katie.

"It’s probably one of the things I prefer to do" you admit without hesitation. "But it’s difficult from here"

"I know a place where they can be seen. You want to go see?"

********

"I just ran into Katie running away with a pretty blonde" laughs Victoria who just arrived while sitting at Lia’s table.

"I’m going to kill her" the Swiss woman announces, noting that you have also disappeared.

Kyra’s sigh sound out at the same time as Leah’s facepalm. Caitlin masks her amused smile behind Lia’s head, but she is nevertheless surprised by Alessia who smiles back at her.

********

You suspect a little the annoyance that Lia must feel and you feel in spite of yourself a slight guilt at the idea of not enjoying her birthday party with her. But you take a look at Katie after you get out of her car and you quickly realize that she’s genuinely happy to show you this place.

"What’s your favorite constellation?" Katie asks you when you’re both sitting in the grass.

"Aquila" you answer by pointing to the place in the sky where it is. "And you?"

"I didn’t have one until now, but it could become my favorite" Katie replies with a smirk.

You laugh slowly and you turn your head in her direction, to see that Katie rolled to the side and that she’s looking at you. You feel yourself blushed and you’re pretty glad it’s dark and Katie can’t see it. But you don’t let her out of your sight and you decide to play her game.

"What is your astrological sign?" you ask.

"Virgo"

"Well maybe my favorite constellation is going to be Virgo then"

Katie laughs softlyand, taking a sudden aspiration, you gently take her hand in yours. Katie lets you and you find that her skin is pleasantly warm and soft against yours. You shift your attention to the sky above you, feeling Katie’s gaze stay on you. But it doesn’t bother you, it’s not the kind of heavy look that makes you uncomfortable. You feel good and safe with her, despite what Lia seems to think.

It’s almost two o'clock in the morning when Katie takes you home to your sister, whose keys you have so you can get in and out whenever you want.

"I hope I’m not interrupting a private celebration" you grin maliciously at Katie, who insisted on accompanying you to the front door.

"If there is going to be a celebration tonight it will probably be to celebrate my death" laughs Katie before explaining, when you turn an interrogative look in her direction "I was not supposed to approach you tonight. Lia has warned me"

"Why did you do it then?" you ask curiously while searching through your purse while looking at it.

"Technically, it was you who approached me" Katie replies with a satisfied smile. "But I’m very happy about it."

You smile back at her and you probably look at each other for a few seconds too long, before you come out of your trance and regain your self-confidence.

"I’ll defend your cause, if you want" you joke softly.

"See me again and it will have been well worth it."

You smile again and bite your lip briefly. You really want to kiss her, but maybe it’s too early for that. You step forward and put a kiss on her cheek instead before backing away again and opening the door.

"Go home safely"

"I will" answers Katie with a smile. "Good night"

"Sweet dreams"

The house is empty when you enter and you assume that either Lia is not back yet, or she went to Caitlin’s. You go undress and remove your makeup and it's when you are writing to your sister to inform her that you came home when you receive a message from an unknown number.

From Unknow I came home safely. Sleep tight beautiful x

From You Sleep well too. We talk soon x

********

Lia looked at you with skepticism when you told her that nothing happened with Katie, unless looking at the stars and learning to know her. Since her breakup, Katie had a lot of fling and Lia obviously didn't want you to fall for the Irish girl before being ignored by her.

Katie and you wrote to each others a lot during the past days and you find yourself smiling every time she texted you. When she asked you on a date, you accepted with a second thought.

Katie take you to an Irish restaurant, she looked almost outraged to learn that you have never been to Ireland during your many travels. You had a great evening and when she brought you back you vaguely hoped for a kiss but Katie just gently kissed your cheek before smiling with affection. She then waited until you go inside to leave. Then you started texting each other almost all the day, every day.

From Katie ✨ u going to the game today?

From You I am :) why?

From Katie ✨ Would you let me take you for a brunch before ?

From You I would love to

From Katie ✨ Great. I'm taking you at 10 xx

You almost turned the cupboard in which you installed your clothes in your sister’s guest room to find a proper outfit. You ended up opting for a simple outfit, comfortable but nevertheless different from what you can wear every day. Once ready, you go to the kitchen, in which you find only Catlin in the company of her cup of coffee and a toast with…

"Vegemite?" you ask with a smirk

"Lia always has a jar for me in her cupboards" replies the Australian with amusement.

"How romantic" you laugh softly

You take a glass of water, realizing rather quickly that Caitlin observes you over the cup of coffee that she holds with two hands. Since she and Lia got together, the Australian has taken on the role of your big sister too. You obviously can’t compare the connection you have with her with the one you have with Lia, but you appreciate her enormously.

"Are you going out?"

"Yes" you just answer

"With Katie?"

You don't have time to respond with the positive or negative that Lia’s voice is heard behind you. Obviously she must appear when the name of the Irish is pronounced.

"What, Katie?" Lia asks, bowing her eyebrow.

"I'm going to a brunch with her" you explain softly with a sigh. "Look, don’t make that face, I know you don’t want anything but to protect me, but if it makes you happy… Nothing ever happened between us, if it turns out she’s not even interested in anything but friendship with me"

You gently shrug your shoulders and carefully avoid Lia’s gaze. You don’t necessarily want your older sister to see how depressed you are about this idea. But it's Caitlin who speaks again, although she's peacefully returned to reading her diary.

"Or she takes the time to do things right with you because you mean something to her" she points out without looking at you.

You frown thoughtfully at her, but Caitlin doesn’t add anything. Lia gets closer to you though, gently laying her hand on yours.

"What would make me happy is that you are too. I just want you to be happy and make sure no one can hurt you any more."

"I’ll be fine, Lia, I promise" you assure her with a little smile. "I learned from my mistakes"

Lia pout a little and when your phone vibrates in your pocket when Katie writes to you that she has arrived and that she waits for you, you take your big sister in your arms.

"I love you" you say before you kiss her cheek.

"I love you too. See you at the game?"

With a smile you nod before leaving the house. Your smile widens when you see Katie waiting for you, leaning against the front of her car.

"You look stunning" Katie smiles looking at your outfit.

"You’re not bad yourself"

Katie is dressed in her training kit, ready for the game and you find it strangely sexy. Unlike other times you have seen her, you don't hesitate to greet her with a hug and then let her take you by the hand to train you to the passenger door of the car.

The establishment that Katie has chosen is between Lia’s house and the stadium, the Irish girl explaining to you that it's a place that she loves and that has the advantage of not being too well known by the general public. It seems to have its habits and even if you don't necessarily appreciate the big smile with which the waitress welcomes Katie, you are quickly satisfied by the hand that she puts in your back to guide you to her usual table.

As always, the discussion is pleasant. You have to admit you did some research on Katie, but you feel like the Katie that people can see on the football field is different from the one you see every day. The Katie you know is sweet, attentive, considerate and charming. You have the impression that she really listens to you and that she seems particularly interested in what you tell her, no matter what it is.

And the butterflies that you have in the hollow of your belly when her fingers touch your hand while taking the salt are rather very pleasant. However, you regret not knowing if things are really shared or if Katie is only interested in friendship with you.

"Can I ask you a question?" asks Katie, her blue eyes watching you attentively over her cup of tea.

"Of course" you answer with a little smile.

"When she asked me not to come near you, Lia mentioned a romantic relationship that ended badly. I’m not asking you to tell me everything, but if you have any residual trauma or like that…"

Of course Lia mentioned your old relationship with Katie. On the other hand, you can’t blame her, after learning about the various deceptions of your ex-girlfriend, it was so painful that you never set foot in Switzerland again and you never saw your family again for a year. It apparently left your sister with trauma as well.

"As long as you don’t lie to me or hide things from me, it should be okay" you mumble and shrug.

Katie looks funny and you briefly get lost in your thoughts until the Irish woman gently takes your hand in hers. When you look up at her, she smiles softly at you, her eyes immensely sweet.

"No matter what happens, I will never. I promise"

You smile softly at her, losing yourself in her eyes. Katie changes the subject and when it’s time to leave for the stadium, you have the impression that the time has passed much too quickly.

"Do you mind if someone sees you get out of my car? There are often fans waiting for us in the parking lot, they cannot access it but they wait behind the gates. I can drop you off if you want" Katie asks when you’re about to arrive.

"I don’t care" you assure her by tapping on her arm.

You didn’t expect her to grab your hand with hers to interlace your fingers, but this gesture is rather pleasant.

Katie was right, you barely got out of the car when you heard some people calling her name. The young woman having advised you not to pay attention to it, you follow her inside the corridors in the colors of Arsenal without turning once your glance towards the fans.

"Shall I leave you there?" asks Katie once right outside the door that’s supposed to take you to the VIP corner, where Lia booked you a seat.

You nod with a slight smile. You know the way now.

"Thanks for the invitation. I had a great time"

"So do I" Katie says, smiling as well. "You still don’t know when you’re leaving, right?"

"Maybe soon. I don’t know yet"

You gently shrug your shoulders, but you don’t miss the disappointment that briefly passes over Katie’s face after her smile drop.

"Oh… okay. Well, I’ll see you soon, I guess?"

"Yeah" you smile softly.

Katie gives you a little smile, but it’s only when she turns her heels in the direction of the changing rooms that you walk forward two steps and you take the floor again.

"Katie?"

"Yes?"

The Irish girl turns and looks at you with surprise. She apparently did not expect you to hold her back.

"You want to know what it depends on?"

"Yes" she says again, looking at you carefully.

You made other steps to catch up to her and to be at her height but you mechanically bite your lip, a little anxious about your courage and its repercussions. But now is not the time to back down. Katie seems to have quickly noticed your nervousness since she is also moving in your direction of a step, offering you a reassuring smile.

"You"

"Me?"

"Yes, I… I like you, I mean not necessarily only physically. And I really like the moments we spend together, but I don’t know if it’s mutual or if I’m making ideas. And I’m a little afraid that after talking to you about it now it changes or complicates things, but-"

Katie ends up interrupting you, putting her finger on your lips to silence you. You don’t know if it’s a good thing or not and you freeze instantly.

"I like you too, I thought it was obvious. I’m sorry if I let you think otherwise. My love life may not have been the most stable in a few months, but with you it’s different."

You don’t have time to answer anything that Leah Williamson appears around the corner to call Katie. Training will begin soon.

"I have to go. I’ll see you later?"

You nod with a smile. Katie looks at you for a few more seconds smiling before heading to where Leah disappeared a few seconds ago.

"Katie?" You call her again though. "You forgot something"

Gently frowning, Katie turns in your direction, no doubt to see you so close to her, always smiling. She has no time to question you, since you come forward until you can put your lips on hers. It’s just a light kiss, but the sensations are amazing.

When you open your eyes again, Katie’s are dipping into yours and you have to take it on yourself so you don’t pass out. If you listened to yourself, you would do it again, but you don’t want to cross the line. That said, given her smile, she doesn’t seem to be against that kiss.

"Now you can go" you smile maliciously.

But Katie shakes her head with her big smile still displayed on her face. Taking advantage of your proximity, Katie gently puts her hand on your neck before drawing your face once again against hers. This kiss is longer than the first and your hands naturally find place on Katie’s body.

When Katie gently caresses your lower lip with her tongue, asking for access to yours, you do not hesitate a single second before leaving it to her. Obviously, you forget a little where you are and that everyone could surprise you. It is finally a door noise far away from you that brings you back to reality, a few minutes later.

"I really have to go" whispers Katie, her lips caressing yours when she speaks.

And it makes you half lose your mind. So you can’t resist the urge to kiss her again and it takes all your strength to tear you away from her. And let her go.

"Come on, go make the rest of the world enjoy your talent" you smile softly

Katie laughs but steals one last kiss before leaving. It’s in a second state that you join your seat, but when Katie appears on the field alongside the other players, you can’t help but smile again. Katie quickly spots you in the stands and sends you a wink to which you respond with a smile.

In the end, it’s not as safe as this that you’ll leave London.

[eloquentlytired]

the good cop chapter 1 𐙚˙ dark!walter marshall

pairing: dark!walter marshall x fem reader

word count: 4.8k

summary: always two steps ahead, the best in the department and your wise mentor; nothing could ever incriminate walter marshall because he is the good cop. but that ceases to exist when you discover who is behind your shadowy nightmares.

warnings for this fic : stalking — 18+ — non/dub con — age gap — angst — manipulation — creepy behavior

*no smut in this chapter. I will try to upload a new chapter once a week or faster if I'm rlly inspired ���️

chapter two is out !

In the beginning it was unnoticeable.

“Don’t buy that. You will not like it.” Walter had said when you were choosing what to order for dinner during your night shift. There wasn't much to do tonight aside from paper work — at least you did not have any field work this time. For someone who had willingly and consciously decided to work as a police officer, it surely didn't make sense how much you preferred absolute peace. To most it was weird but to Walter it wasn't. “And how would you know? I happen to enjoy spicy food from time to time.” You replied while Walter simply rolled his eyes. “Buy it then. Beats me.”

An hour later your food arrived and Walter was peacefully enjoying his own noodles while you were practically gagging at yours because of how spicy they were. You shared a long awkward glance as your tear stained eyes silently pleaded with him for some assistance.

Walter let out a long-drawn sigh before switching your plates and offering you his own food instead. You watched in terror as he ate the spicy noodles without even blinking — how unfair yet at the same time charming. You shyly grabbed the noodles which once belonged to Walter and began eating them instead. “Thank you.” You muttered after a small bite. Perhaps it wasn't evident at that time but Walter was smiling and there was a rare glint in his eyes.

Halfway through it was discreet.

The job was well paid and you had been doing your best to decorate your apartment to your liking, in the closest to your imagination way. You were busy scrolling through your phone during one of your breaks that you didn't expect to suddenly bump against a hard chest. Two strong hands gripped you firmly by your shoulders and steadied you, not letting you fall. Your face blazed a little when you saw who it was.

“I’m sorry,sir. I wasn't looking.”

Walter of course scolded you, his eyebrows furrowed and his face strict. “If we were under attack right now, you would be dead because of your phone.” You gaped a little before shaking your head. “You underestimate my reflexes,sir. May I remind you of my score in—”

“Being distracted? I am sure it was splendid.” Walter cut you off before finally releasing the grip he had on you. You almost missed it because of how fast it had retreated but you obviously couldn't express such thoughts to him. He was your superior and your mentor. “Hey. Are you even listening?” Much to your embarrassment, you had managed to be distracted for the second time and never noticed Walter talking to you. That's what you got for daydreaming about him you guess. “Sorry what?” He couldn't possibly deny repeating himself when you looked at him like that. “You should stop smoking before patrols. I know you're anxious but it's a bad habit.” You looked at him dumbfounded for a few seconds before shaking your head. “How did you—”, “The smell. I always drive with the windows up in case you haven't noticed.” There's an evident flush on your face and it's definitely not there for a good reason. “I thought my cologne would keep me safe.” Walter nearly snorted at your words. “I’m a cop, not a child. But that's beside the point. Stop smoking.”

“Is it that obvious?” You ask out of the blue which makes Walter look at you as if you've grown a second head. You sigh and explain further. “I have been trying to keep my anxiety a secret. I know we're all to be observant because of our job but...I thought I was hiding it well.” Something strange seemed to flicker within Walter’s eyes, an emotion you've never seen before, before he quickly blinked. His face was hard but composed. “I could only tell because of the time pattern. Perhaps I should've assumed you're scared of water and soap—”

You snorted. “Okay okay! Gums it is.”

Later on it was coincidental.

There was a loud ruckus occurring as Walter entered the office of the police department, his colleagues laughing while you were standing at the center with unshed tears in your eyes. His blood immediately ran cold and he tightened his grip around his water bottle, slamming it on the nearest desk. Everyone grew silent and you turned to look at him with your startled expression and puffy eyes — Walter couldn't shake off how pretty you looked when you were crying.

“What the fuck happened?” He asked out loud but no one dared reply to him except you of course. He was staring at you after all. “I..I lost something.” Walter stared at you for a moment before crossing his arms, seeming to tense a little. No one seemed to notice that part though. “What?” You sighed. “It’s my favourite lipstick. My mom got it for me for my birthday. It's the only one I wear!” It wasn't an emergency or anything remotely close to that which is why your colleagues had appeared amused. Walter, on the other hand, remained passive and with an unreadable expression occupying his face.

“You’re a cop. Calm down and retrace your steps.” Was the only help Walter offered to you before turning around and leaving the room. To you and the others, he was just pissed because you had disturbed the department’s peace.

To Walter, he was simply trying to shake off the feeling that your crying face gave him while he was clutching something solid in his pocket. A bright red lipstick encased by a golden wrapper with your initials on it.

He promised himself he'd return it. Sooner or later.

In the end it was a habit.

You were shaking as you sat in a chair across Walter, his office not giving you the comfort it used to. So many weird things were happening recently and if you didn't have an answer for them soon, you'd explode.

“And you’re certain this happened?” Walter asked while examining your report, his eyes appearing more intense than any other time. You immediately nodded at him while hugging yourself and his chest almost felt tight because of how scared you looked. “I swear. At first I thought I was imagining things. I mean... coming home during nightly hours will sometimes be dangerous and the darkness only enhances fear and the false thoughts that someone is following you right?” You were blabbering anxiously, your nails digging into your palms. “I was certain I was paranoid at first but then came the missing underwear.. some make-up and some jewelry too..” Walter’s gaze never strayed from you as you explained how things were, a stream of hot tears running down your rosey cheeks. You were crying and all he could think about was how pretty you looked again. “And I.. I wanted to confirm it myself.”

Walter clenched the report in his hand while leaning forward. “What do you mean by that?” Your eyes flickered from Walter to the floor. Your bottom lip was quivering as you spoke. “I fixed all my drawers one day and counted everything. The next day two underwear were missing.” You were surprised to see Walter’s face after you finished talking — he appeared nervous. Angry even.

There was utter confusion in your mind until Walter spoke. “While your method was fruitful, that was utterly stupid. Sacrificing one more night of sleeping with a potential stalker in your house for some evidence.” He made a lot of sense. As expected of a good cop. “I know but I—”, “This isn't the time to be a hero. You need our help. My help.” You watched him rise from his seat and circle his desk before coming to kneel before you, placing his hands on each side of your knees. “You’re not alone. You don't have to be.” He whispered and you shivered because of how genuine he sounded. How caring. Your eyes filled with hot tears again and before you could control it, you threw yourself into his arms and Walter immediately hugged you tightly. He shushed you softly as one hand caressed your hair whilst the other hugged your waist. “I’m scared.” You told him and Walter shushed you again, brushing his lips over your ear to soothe you. “I‘ve got you. I've got you, sweetheart.”

Your eyes fell shut as you allowed yourself to grow limp against him. Walter rocked you within his arms, a low rumble making his chest vibrate. He could be a good cop for you with a few exceptions; like the amounts of lace underwear he kept in his house, well hidden in his closet, or the expensive jewelry he had stuffed inside some decorative vases. There were a few more exceptions of course — like candy wrappers and half finished cigarettes with lipstick marks on them.

And that red bright lipstick still swimming deeply into his pocket. But of course, you did not have to know that.

author’s note: I hope u guys like it so far!! please leave a like and a reblog if you enjoyed reading this!! I hope to see u again in the next chapter ☺️🩷 AND I RLLY LOVE COMMENTS & DISCUSSIONS !!

[hunnysnoops]

ミ★ 𝒟𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒦𝓎𝓁𝑒 𝐵𝓇𝑜𝒻𝓁𝑜𝓋𝓈𝓀𝒾 𝐻𝒞𝓈 ★彡

(+some general)

MASTERLIST

Doesn’t crush often but when he does, he crushes hard

Hot take- we would not choose a study date as a first date

^ I see him as the kinda guy who dates with a long term goal in mind and would want to get to know someone well off the bat

^ Bro is not messing around- he would want a first date where the two of you talk a lot and he can get to know you before committing

^I think his ideal first date would be a movie then a cafe/restaurant. Movie first so there’s a couple hours to ease the awkward first date tension and then coffee/food to talk about the movie and eventually branch the conversation out

He sends those cryptic texts like “be alert…” when there was mugging in town or something

Tags you in every post he sees. You’ll wake up and check social media to thirty messages in your inbox and they’re all from Kyle

The kinda guy to be like “Did you look at the post I sent you about the guy at the bus stop?”

Got his account banned on Twitter and went absolutely ballistic while you tried to calm him down

Runs Hay Day like it’s the navy

Definitely the type to be hooked on his phone until it dies and then complain that you’re on yours “Bro, let’s just talk about the political and economic state of the world right now…”

This might be another hot take but I don’t think he would want a childish partner, he want to be your boyfriend not your dad

^Having to zip up your coat, tie your shoelaces, or cut your food- I don’t think he would mind doing it a couple times but repeating offences would irritate him

Not big on pet names

^ I think he would be one to call you ‘bro’ ‘man’ and ‘dude’ a lot just out of habit but would probably just call you an abbreviation of your name if anything

^ perhaps babe on very rare occasion

HATES PDA

^ I fear I may have many hot takes in this post

^He would be pretty touchy in private but in public? Hell no

^ talks shit about couples who can’t keep their hands off each other in public and absentmindedly wrinkles his nose in disgust

^ the only PDA he would accept is hand holding or a quick hug

Calls and FaceTimes you out of the blue but will immediately hang up if you’re busy or with other people and call back later

He is either the most sound sleeper ever or he wakes up at the drop a pin- either way, he always ends up slinging his lanky arms around you

He’s weirdly good with hair and would have no problem braiding yours or styling it

Super supportive aspiration wise

^ sports games? He’s the loudest in the crowd. Theatre? He’s on the edge of his seat watching. Art? He’s looking at your creations like they’re in a museum.

If you have bad habits (smoking, drinking, etc.) he would try to ease you out of them but if that fails it would definitely cause conflict in the relationship

Has his moments where he snaps at you

Fights wouldn’t be often but they would be big

He would enjoy playful banter and someone who challenges him to improve

I think he would enjoy a lot of the lower beats of the relationship like staying in to watch movies, cooking together, walking and talking, silently enjoying each others company, etc.

He posts Instagram carrousels and every single one has a picture of you in it

Doesn’t even entertain people who try to flirt with him “No, thanks.” “I’m dating someone.” “I’m good.”

Shows you Reddit posts and complains about how obviously fake they are

Gets irritated by bad acting in movies “He called her Courtney Dove, fucking idiot.” “Why does she chew like that?” “Her accent sounds fake.”

Has a secret TikTok account and doesn’t know that you watch his videos on a fake account

He is well aware of rage bait but it still makes him mad because so many people fall for it so he’ll end up commenting anyways

Easily jealous

^ if he sees you talking to another guy he doesn’t trust he’ll insert himself into the conversation and pretend he knows what’s going on

Checks up on you a lot

^ He just has to know that you're okay, he has to be sure that you're safe and that if something were to happen, you would call him without thinking twice.

He wants to communicate but he’s lowkey really bad at it and can’t get in an argument with you without yelling

I imagine him as a runner

^ he’ll probably run to your house at ungodly hours, drink some water, give you a kiss, and keep running

^also lovvvves to show you his stats

He’s really good at cooking and always takes control when you two are cooking/baking together

Didn’t want to dress up on Halloween but you ultimately coerced him into doing a corny couples costume

Has a longer skincare routine than you do

He’s one of those guys to pretend to hate the reality shows and soap operas that you watch- he’ll peak from his phone, then stand from behind the couch and then he’s fully invested in the plot

[slytherinboysappreciation]

Mattheo/Theodore x m reader

Straight boy mattheo who's getting with the prettiest girl in his house but he doesn't wanna be a total loser at kissing yk? So what's better than making you, his best bro, practice with him?

Obviously, with some trepidation, you do it and he loves it so much he chases after your lips even after you move away to critique him (imagine sitting on a couch w him and you move away from his lips to talk about what he does wrong but all he does is push you shoulders back until your back is flush with the couch just so he could keep kissing you)

Anyway, this slowly escalates into him getting a boner and rubbing it on your groin, begging you to "help me out bro"

Then after a week of practicing he gets with his dream girl and the kissing was a success, so was the blowjob she gave him! But he accidentally said your name while doing it and he blew it!

(Op you can choose how this ends)

Kissing - M.R. x male!Reader

A/N: Hehe this was fun to write. Difficult, but so much fun. I really really hope the smut is good 😬 The fix is unedited with no use of Y/N. If the ending seems a little weird, I’m sorry. I was really tired when I wrote it

This is the start of Mattheo’s bi awakening. Why? Because I said so

Fic does contain smut so NO MINORS!!

CW: Smut!!!; begging; Mattheo’s puppy eyes; Reader is in love with Mattheo; mentions of kissing; female oc; kissing; lots of kissing; making out; explicit sexual content; swearing; public sex; grinding; more begging; handjobs; cum; brief sweet moment; somewhat interrupted sex, I guess?; sex jokes; vague descriptions of blowjobs; several uses of the word ‘gay’; Mattheo doesn’t understand his feelings; Matty is a horny boy; mildly ambiguous ending; this takes place in Mattheo and Reader’s seventh year of school, so they’re both of age!!

1853 words

“C’mon, mate,” Mattheo begs, pulling you yet again from your homework. “It’s for a good cause!”

You look up, mildly annoyed.

The two of you are in the empty Slytherin common room, the last students there for the night. Everyone else is either sleeping or out partying.

It’s just the two of you, and Mattheo is set on annoying you.

He’s your best friend; your other half, so to speak. It’s been this way for almost seven years. He’s the yin to your yang, the fire to your calm.

Which he’s disrupting pretty majorly right now.

You exhale slowly, putting down your quill. “Just ask Pansy. Or Daphne. They’re good kissers, right?”

Mattheo groans and leans into you, giving you his best puppy eyes. The ones you can never say no to. “Please? I don’t trust them like I trust you. You won’t make fun of me or hold it over me like they will.”

He’s getting vulnerable, which means he’s being serious. Damn him.

You sigh and force yourself to look away. “Matty…”

“I’ll make it up to you, I swear! Besides, it’s not like, you know, we’re in love or anything. It’s just a kiss or two.”

And that is the entire problem. Because you are very much in love with him.

You’ve been pining after him since second year. Practically ever since you became friends. You’ve been head over heels for him, utterly and truly in love.

And he has no idea.

Which is why to him, asking you for kissing practice isn’t a big deal.

It’s all Seraphina Selwyn’s fault. She’s undeniably the prettiest Slytherin in your year, if not the whole school.

And out of all the boys she decided she wanted to have, she had to pick yours.

Her and Mattheo have been flirting for months. And she’s finally started to show signs that she’s ready for him to make a move.

He’s been giddy about it since it happened, gushing about it every time he’s alone with you. It just makes you feel sick.

But you can’t let him down, especially not when he’s giving you those oh so sad puppy eyes you can’t resist.

With a sigh, you nod. “Fine. But only a few kisses. Wouldn’t want anyone spreading any rumors about us.”

It hurts to say. But you can’t let him know.

Mattheo grins and scoots closer. “Alright! Teach me how to kiss, oh wise one.”

You can’t help the smile that tugs at your lips. He’s so dorky sometimes. “Just… come here.”

You reach out and gently guide his head to yours. You pause for a moment, mouth right above his.

Are you really going to do this?

To your surprise, it’s Mattheo who leans the rest of the way in. He presses his mouth to yours in a clumsy kiss.

It feels like sparks go down your spine. You shiver, eyes closing.

Mattheo kisses you like he’s hungry, like your mouth is a feast and he’s ravenous for it. He’s clumsy and eager, but has enough common sense to not try and shove his tongue down your throat.

You try to slow the kiss down. To show him how to move his mouth and such. It works… sort of.

After several kisses, you try and pull back. Not far, but just enough so you can give him some advice.

He chases after you. Leaning further into you in order to press his lips to yours again.

“Matty—“

He pushes your shoulders back, pressing you back against the arm of the couch. And you?

Your entire body lights up with sparks as he slides partway onto your lap. You can feel your dick twitch underneath him and for a moment you panic. He’s gonna feel you!

But Mattheo only moans softly and continues kissing you. He shifts his position on your lap, resting his hands on your chest for support.

You melt into the kiss, letting your lips part and your body relax. You can’t help it. This could be your only chance ever to kiss Mattheo; and if he’s into it, you’re not gonna complain.

Mattheo’s tongue slips into your mouth and you forget why you ever wanted to pull away in the first place.

The two of you make out for what feels like hours. Just mouth pressed to mouth, tongues gliding together. You pull back a couple times to breathe, and Mattheo always chases your mouth with his.

It’s hot. Painfully so. You’re made aware of your hard-on every time Mattheo shifts in your lap.

You know he can feel it. You brace yourself, preparing for the moment he mentions it. But he seems too caught up in kissing you to care.

He shifts again and makes a small noise. An almost groaning sound. You feel yourself throb when you realize he’s just as hard as you.

His cock, pressed right alongside yours.

He groans again and grinds his dick against yours. “Fuck, you feel so good…!”

You moan, giving a little thrust up against his hips. “Matty…”

He captures your mouth with his, taking the chance to lick against your tongue again. You melt into the kiss once more, unable to help yourself.

The two of you make out with more passion now, grinding against each other.

Mattheo’s movements start to get more desperate. More hungry. He’s practically humping your dick, panting and moaning into your mouth.

“Please,” he finally begs. “I need you.”

You bite down a groan, struggling to think straight. You shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t.

“Please? Just this once, I swear!” He’s giving you his puppy eyes again. “Help me out, just this once?”

You can’t help it. He’s so hot and you’re so weak to his puppy eyes.

“Alright. But only this once.”

You fumble with his belt, clumsily working with one hand to undo it. When you finally manage to slip your hand into his pants, Mattheo whines.

You close your hand around his dick, giving him as good of a stroke as you can within the confines of his clothes. He groans and presses into your touch, his dick twitching and throbbing under your hand.

You shift and squirm a bit until you manage to free him, finally able to stroke him like you’re wanting.

Mattheo moans like a porn star, thrusting into your hand eagerly. Greedily. He’s practically jerking himself off with your hand.

And you love it.

You match his pace, shifting your grip every now and then until you find what makes his hips stutter.

“I can’t—“ He sounds absolutely wrecked. “I’m gonna—“

“Come on,” you groan, your dick a weeping mess at the sight. “Cum for me, Matty.”

Mattheo thrusts into your hand once, twice, and cums. Hot sticky ropes of white paint your shirt and pants.

It’s too hot for you to even be upset.

“Merlin, Matty,” you breathe. “That was hot.”

He drops his forehead against your shoulder and pants out a laugh. For a moment, he just basks in your presence. Nuzzling against your neck like he’s gonna say something soft.

Then the sound of faint laughter breaks the spell. People are coming.

You hastily mutter a cleaning charm while Mattheo frantically tucks himself away. You both know you can’t deal with any rumors about the two of you being together.

By the time the drunken partygoers spill into the common room, the two of you are sitting up on the couch again. No evidence of what transpired at all.

Except for maybe your still hard dick, which you use your notebook to hide. You’ll take care of it later.

As people slowly head off to bed, you start to gather your things. Mattheo grabs your arm before you can leave.

“Can—“ He falters for a moment. “Same time tomorrow? I need more practice still.”

You hesitate. But only for a moment. “Sure. We can meet up in my dorm. It’ll be empty then.”

Mattheo nods, acting for all the world like you two are talking about a homework study session. You can see the gleam in his eyes though. He’s just as excited as you.

You head off to bed with your heart pounding. You and Mattheo. Kissing practice tomorrow.

You have no doubts what it’ll turn into again. And oh Merlin, are you looking forward to it.

One week later

“I blew it!” Mattheo barges into your room without knocking, startling you.

“Blew what? Who did you blow?” You sit up, curious and confused.

“Not who.” He rolls his eyes, unable to help a tiny smirk, even in his distress. “It. My relationship.”

“Oh.” That makes more sense. “With Selwyn? What did you do?”

He groans and slumps to the floor, sitting at the base of your bed. “So everything’s going great, right? The mood is there, the kissing’s fantastic; we’re getting it on, you know?”

You nod, listening intently.

“And then she goes to blow me, which is, you know, pretty awesome.”

Mattheo covers his face, clearly embarrassed by the next words he says. “And I fuckin’ say your name!”

You blink. Once. Twice. “What?”

“I say your fucking name in the middle of getting a blowjob!” He groans and lowers his head in shame. “It just slipped out. You know, coz of all our practice.”

Ah, yes. You’d given him several enthusiastic blowjobs during your week of ‘kissing practice’.

“Huh.” You lean back on your hands a bit, thinking. “So, did she break up with you?”

“No,” he groans. “But now she’s convinced I’m gay, and I don’t know what to do.”

You try really hard not to laugh. Of course she’d think that. Even when it was obviously not true. Mattheo was whipped for her. You were just an afterthought. Kissing practice.

“Well, is she still willing to date you?”

“Yes,” he grumbles. “But she’s as big of a gossip queen as anyone else. The whole school will soon think I’m in love with you. Which I’m not.”

You pat his shoulder consolingly. It hurts to hear him deny it, but you both know it’s true. Mattheo’s not in love with you, and will never be in love with—

“At least,” He suddenly looks doubtful. “I’m pretty sure I’m not.”

You blink. He’s… only pretty sure��?

“Saying your name during sex doesn’t mean I’m in love with you, right?”

You stare at him. “I think our kissing practice would sooner qualify.”

“Oh.” He relaxes. “Well, that doesn’t count at all. That’s just you helping me out, you know?”

“Yeah.” You nod slowly. “Right.”

“So that settles it then.” Mattheo nods. “I’m not gay. It was just an accident.”

You’re suddenly no longer sure. But you don’t say anything. He has a girlfriend now, for Merlin’s sake. You can’t crush their relationship off of doubt.

“Whatever you say.”

The two of you sit in silence for a while. Then Mattheo gets up. He stretches a bit, and glances down at you.

You can already see the gleam in his eye.

“Just out of curiosity, though…”

You sigh and pat the bed next to you.

Looks like your kissing practice isn’t over yet.

[alexandraisyes]

Gotta say, the ASPD bunny is really off, especially in comparison to the other mental health plushies. I even went and looked over the mental health collection, and it’s such a contrast to the others. I’m sorry this isn’t a good representation of ASPD.

So I’d like to know. How would you redesign the plush to better represent you and others with ASPD?

Okay so I thought long and hard about this design, and consulted my fellow ASPD haver @zthesheep for a second opinion.

First off fuck the “bunny”. I like cats more. So it’s a cat.

Obviously I used the colors of the ASPD flag (flag design by @aspdsolace ) with the scale symbol. I wanted to keep the design cute and pleasing to look at, so I used the pinks/purples as accents. Every color of the flag is on the plush.

I wanted to use button eyes instead of detailed eyes because I wanted to stay true to the fact that people with ASPD don’t emote very well with their eyes (from personal experience, as well as self-reporting from others with the disorder). But without using the bead eyes that might be seen as creepy. Buttons are cute, and I honestly prefer them design wise in general.

The heart locket is my personal symbol for neurodivergence. I know the infinity symbol exists, but that’s most commonly associated with autism, and I don’t want to encroach on their symbolism, even if it is now associated with more. I thought about using an umbrella, but looking into it that’s apparently more a symbol for the LGBTQ+ community so same issue.

I like the locket because it’s supposed to symbolize a need for compassion as a key to understanding neurodivergent minds, especially since there’s so many different flavors of neurodivergency. Obviously the heart is supposed to reflect the compassion aspect of that. It’s also representative of the fact that many people who are neurodivergent are guarded of their emotions and tend to “lock a part of themselves away” in order to properly mask.

I wanted to put the symbol for ASPD on the back, somewhat “hidden” instead of the front since many people who have ASPD don’t know it, or don’t understand what it means, as well as the fact that in a public setting you won’t know someone has it or not unless they tell you or allow you to see those parts of themselves that the world thinks are “scary”, which leaves them vulnerable, and at risk of being stabbed in the back for showing someone the truth of themselves. So I wanted to put in on the spine, to symbolize that.

I also like the thought that people who don’t see the back may not understand what the plushie is supposed to represent because it’s hidden away, but those aware of the meanings will know regardless, representing other people with ASPD and people without that choose to inform themselves.

I made the face neutral/blank to show a lack of active emotion, many people with ASPD struggle to retain emotions in their full, and don’t have the energy to hold onto strong emotions long enough to properly experience them the way other people can. Many of our emotions are superficial, so it’s supposed to show someone with their metaphorical mask off, that’s trusting enough of the people around them to not force themselves to emote if they don’t have the energy. Many people with ASPD are constantly fighting emotional burnout just from trying to fit in, and everyone needs a safe space where they don’t have to pretend.

Overall this design was really fun, and I wouldn’t mind designing more of these mental health kitties. A friend told me they’d love to buy this if it was real, and maybe one day it could be. I’d love to have this little guy on my shelf.

[eveningepiphany]

welcome to the final show | H.S, part 4

my masterlist!

summary: suddenly it’s not just you and harry anymore, and not only do the general media want an explanation, but so do your friends and family. however, the two of you are only just figuring things out yourselves.

warnings: paparazzi, anxiety surrounding leaked images, fluff, comforting, confessions, make out session, sexual content!

a/n: no because i am so thrilled for you all to read this. these two are so much fun to write about. I hope you enjoy <3

(I was on the fence about including smut, but I decided i wanted to! if that’s not something you want to read, a little warning will come up when it’s about to begin. plot wise you won’t miss anything if you choose not to read it!)

———

There’s a certain type of love that comes around once and a while. It’s rare.

And it’s an all consuming kind. One that when you think about it you feel it to the bone.

And oh, had you done a lot of thinking. Overthinking was pretty much all you’ve been doing the past two weeks.

You obviously are attracted to Harry. Physically, emotionally… just in every sense of the word. That’s nothing new for you. And even throughout the points of denial since forming a personal relationship with him. It’s the truth.

You’ve probably gaslit yourself out of it more times then you could count. However picture evidence of you holding hands with him in the homely streets of Italy is kind of a slap to the face.

And despite how cute you think the photos may be, you are still inexplicably panicked about them.

It’s the morning after the photos got posted. And you are genuinely still in shock. You struggled to fall asleep last night after the images first came out— your brain in complete overdrive for god knows how long until you fell asleep.

And this morning you’re ignoring the influx of messages and calls you’re getting from family, friends, and people you’ve met through love on tour.

Several texts from your own sister coming through half an hour ago. All of them including the word ‘fuck’. Shes definitely mad you didn’t tell her this had happened.

Either way, you’re left pacing the length of your hotel room. Heart still near racing in your chest as you try to figure out what to do, and how to handle something like this.

You held hands with him, you remind yourself. You didn’t get caught making out with him… the act for you came across as still something bordering platonic— even though you wished it were anything but that. This could eventually blow over.

You sigh out, leaning against the wall of your hotel, this was considerably more simple when the rest of the population had no idea it was happening.

Now they do, and they have a lot of questions. Plus, it makes it significantly harder when it’s about things you don’t even have answers to.

Harry hadn’t messaged you since everything had happened. If he even knows is beyond you.

But it felt wrong talking to anyone about it without talking to him first.

You felt a sense of guilt. Because this easily will stir up drama for him. Stuff like this spreads so fast, and you’ve seen it happen 100 times. But now you’re no longer in the back seat just watching it unfold. There will be articles, posts, even snippets in the newspapers about it. And whether or not it’s something he’s accustomed to, you still feel at fault. Like you could’ve been more careful, more considerate.

You move to sit on the edge of your unmade bed, staring at your phone that you’ve left on the bench top. How do you even approach it? What do you say to him?

You quickly decide you don’t really want to, at the moment. There is too much going through your head, and you’re still a bit freaked out about it all.

So another anxiety shower is. Which for right now, is your best and favourite option.

Standing up, you head to the bathroom, leaving your phone out in the room, allowing it to continue buzzing while you decide it’s time for some hardcore self-care to calm yourself down.

On the other side of things, Harry is also freaking out. He woke up to texts from a couple people, asking about a headline?

And for people he knows personally to be reaching out about trashy posts on the media, it’s almost always a bad sign.

One being from James, who has been off ‘The Late Late Show’ too long for him to withhold himself from making bad jokes when they present themselves.

Are they even allowed to put that many exclamation marks in the title? Overkill if you ask me. 😪😪

But when he reads the link and sees the image of himself with you, his anxiety immediately shifts from being personal.

[ 1 attachment link] : Styles Has Found His Next Musical Muse, But She’s Actually a ‘Hardcore Fangirl!!!’”

He’s almost positive you will have seen the leaked images. There is no way you would have missed this unless you were still sleeping.

Guilt nearly slaps him in the face. You do not deserve this. He already knows that you’re probably being slammed on Twitter and in comments of these pathetic articles.

And that is never nice. He hates it enough when it’s himself, and that’s after a decade of learning how to deal with it.

His concern for you leads to a text, one he doesn’t want to make, but does anyway. Purely for the fact he needs to know you’re alright.

Because the worst thing that could happen is you having some kind of anxiety attack after reading something online, and not having anyone there to be with you to talk you down. Regardless of how confident you can appear to him, he’s not taking the chance.

Hi love, can you please let me know you’re alright?

He sends it through, and then he typed out another one after it’s been about five long minutes without a reply.

I am very possibly overreacting right now, but do you need me to come over?

Another ten minutes go by,

I’ll be over in about 15. x

He is aware this may be over the top. You could be asleep. You could be just processing what’s happened— since he still remembers the first time things like this happened to him. And it’s a really weird experience.

But he is undeniably protective of you. That is one thing he can’t lie about.

And even more-so, he’s terrified this will scare you off. Because if it’s too much for you, he has no clue how he’d deal with it. Since it’s way too far out of his hands now.

Even though he knew well that this was a easily plausible situation. And it’s almost surprising how long they’ve gone without it happening earlier.

In his own time, he’s been overthinking plenty too. Wondering if it’s normal to want to lay your entire life down for someone two weeks after meeting them.

Maybe if he were 16… but pushing 30… it might be a bit harder to justify.

But somehow, despite knowing how stupid he probably seems, he leaves his bedroom after throwing on some shorts and a tshirt. Going out and grabbing the keys for his car from the kitchen.

Gemma is out there cooking toast, and she turns around to see him near running out the door.

“Harry!” She says, and when he stops to give her a quick greeting she interrupts him.

“Don’t worry so much.” She sighs.

Immediately confused, he frowns, frozen in place, “what…?”

“I’m assuming that this Y/N you’ve been on about really likes you too, okay? There’s no way she doesn’t. So just treat it like any other relationship or friendship you have. No matter the circumstances you met under. If you like her, you like her. Don’t let shit from the media get to either of you.”

Her advice comes just when he needs it, as it always does. And even though he acts like she doesn’t, she knows almost everything there is to know.

A small nod, “Thank you Gem…”

She gives him a warm smile, one that’s always encouraged him.

———

You hear the knock on the door while you’re standing in the bathroom, finishing applying a face mask. Stood clad in your shorts and black boob tube.

And after finally calming down a bit, it gives you another wave of panic. Since after waiting a few moments, the rapping on the door continues. You were hoping they would just go away, whoever it was.

You quietly leave your bathroom, going down the short hallway to look through the peephole in the door.

You don’t even get your eye up to it before you hear the all too familiar voice on the other side.

“Y/N, it’s Harry…” He was a bit muffled, but you didn’t even think as you start unlatching the locks on the door.

The look of relief on his face when you finally peek out is almost palpable.

“Hi…” you say quietly, pulling the door open further, letting him come in quickly.

He has two cups in his hands, and once he’s inside your room, he is fast to place them on the nearest free space.

“What are you—“ you don’t get through the sentence before he breaches the distance between you, tugging you into a hug, uncaring of the face mask residue getting on his shirt.

He squeezes you, “‘M so glad y’alright.”

You take a deep breath. So, he knows.

You feel immediately bad for not letting him know earlier, before he felt the need to come over.

“Did you call me? I’m so sorry, i was in the—”

“I texted you couple times— don’t be sorry. I don’t want it to seem weird I came rushing over… i was jus’ worried about you.”

You slowly draw back, “I was going to text you, I just didn’t want to… i didn’t know how to go about it, i guess?”

He pulls away, “I am so fuckin’ sorry this happened.”

“Why are you apologising? I should be…”

“Why should you apologise? You of all people do not deserve to be dissected by people in the media. Ive dragged you into something you didn’t deserve to be dragged into.” He says, sounding exasperated.

“You aren’t at fault for any of this, H. I feel like I’ve stirred up unnecessary drama up for you…” To this he immediately shakes his head.

“You haven’t. I was just worried about how you’d perceive it all… and fuck— i didn’t want it to scare you off.”

You both seem to realise that you were freaking out over each other. Starting to laugh together, realising how stupid you both probably sound.

“Okay… we sound really silly.” You sigh, moving to grab the cup he’d placed down prior to your very quick debrief.

“But seriously, Harry,” you lead him over to sit down on the edge of your bed with you, “I am still sorry. I feel like I’ve caused unnecessary… assumptions.”

He frowns a little, “assumptions?”

“About us. You know…” you shrug, eyes avoiding him, doing a terrible job at acting nonchalant.

“That we’re together? That what you’re so shy about, hm?” He teases, and you physically cannot handle the way he says it.

“I— well— Yes, sure that’s what I was going for.”

You gently scratch at the dried edges of your clay face mask, and he watches quietly, wishing he could see the blush that’s risen on your cheeks underneath it.

“Why were you showering so early— It’s like midday, I thought you said you showered in the evening?” He asks, out of the blue, causing you to frown.

Your answer comes out unsurely, “I have anxiety showers sometimes. It calms me down.”

He cocks his eyebrow, “Is that why you were literally dripping wet when i came over the other day?”

He pins you with his gaze, and you don’t reply for a few seconds. You were hoping he broke the silence himself, but it was clear he was waiting for a response.

You blurt out, “You make me nervous!”

To this he laughs, “I make you nervous?”

“Not… all the time.” You amend, “Just sometimes.”

You remove yourself before he can ask more questions, and you go to wash off the face mask in the bathroom, while he’s still stifling his laughter.

You emerge after washing it off with cold water, and his eyes follow your every step as you go to sit back down.

“Yknow, Y/N, if I didn’t know any better I’d—“

He’s cut off by a bang on the front door.

You were only scared for a second, until you heard a shrill feminine shout from outside it. One you know to be your best friends classic angry voice.

You were relieved for only about another second before you realised, she will probably break that door down if you don’t let her in.

Oh god.

“Y/N Y/L/N. LET. ME. IN!” You can picture her angry little face. And you’re almost a bit terrified of her.

But you have to hide Harry. Like you have to actually hide him.

“Harry— you— fuck, get up—” You whisper, trying to stay as quiet as possible, grabbing his wrist.

“What is happening?” He sounds awfully confused as you manhandle him around the hotel room, trying to find an adequate place to hide a 6 foot tall man from your fired up best friend.

“She may kill you— she loves you— but she’s very mad at me right now, because I didn’t tell her about,” you pause as you try to label again whatever the two of you were, “us… this… whatever you want to deem it.”

You realise the cupboard is about the only reasonable place, unless you make him climb down the balcony.

“Are you—“

“Y/N! i already KNOW you’re in there!” She calls from the door again.

You tug the door of it open, “Get in!”

You half push him inside it, “I’m so sorry, but just, just sh okay??”

He nods hastily, and you quite literally shut him in there.

“I’m coming!” You shove the takeaway cups into a kitchen cupboard and rush to the door.

Letting her in, she practically storms past you. And you pray to god you can get rid of her in a short period of time.

“I’m sorry!” You say to her, grabbing her hands.

“How could you not tell me something like that?!” She barks, shaking your arms like an angry child.

You do feel bad, because you would also be pissed if it were the other way around.

You try to explain, clutching her warm palms tighter, “To respect his privacy! I wanted to, so, so badly but I just… I didn’t want it getting out.”

She groans, pulling you in for a tight, yet still frustrated hug.

“But you know I wouldn’t have told anyone!”

“I do, i know. I’m sorry.” You embrace her, “but every time we were together there were other people… and I just hadn’t figured out how, let alone talked to him about it.”

She calms down a tiny bit, and sometimes the best way to describe her is like a miniature tornado. Her anger is very quick to bubble over and turn her into this fired up, yelling ball of energy. Yet it dissipates shortly after she lets it all out.

“Okay, well I get that, of course. But… wait are you two actually— have you slept with him?” You pull back from the hug and give her a shocked stare. Her ask stuns you for a moment.

You’re hyperaware that he is listening to this conversation.

What is he thinking right now— you can’t help but wonder. And you have to physically force yourself to push the thoughts that come with such a question aside.

“I— why would you ask me that!” You hiss at her, sounding guilty, even though you’re just throughly embarrassed.

“Because he's Harry Styles!” She exclaims, “who happens to be a very gorgeous man, and I would not be surprised if you wanted— I don't know— in his pants?”

“We are just friends!” You drag your hand down your face. Internally pleading that she stops saying embarrassing shit.

“Whatever you little liar. Acting like as if you haven't said on multiple occasions just how bad you wan—“

“OKAY!” You interrupt, trying to keep the frantic tone out of your voice, “I get it. I really do, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. But look, I have so many people I have to call and— i think my whole family also want me dead— so can we maybe get a coffee tomorrow? Talk it over, and you can ask all the questions you want.”

At your proposal, she seems to realise you mean it. And despite the confused look on her face at the fact you’re kicking her out to call what is basically her own adopted family, it seems she understands.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna seem pushy. I was… just also in shock. Tomorrow at 10?” She smiles.

You start both walking over to the door, “that’s perfect.”

Tugging her into another hug, she huffs out an ‘I love you.’

You laugh and give her a chaste peck on the side of her head, “I love you too. I promise I wanted to tell you on my end. I just didn’t want to fuck anything up…”

She nods, pulling back, “I know. And if you need anything, or anyone before I see you tomorrow, don’t forget I’m only a few floors up.”

“I won’t.” You open the door for her, and bid a final goodbye. And once it’s shut, you realise how badly you want the ground beneath your feet to literally swallow you whole.

Despite the embarrassment, you quickly rush over to let Harry out of the cupboard you’d shoved him in.

And as he steps out, adorning a smirk and clearly stifling a laugh, you apologise profusely.

“God— I am so incredibly sorry.”

A proper abashed grin spreads across his face, one that flashes his dimples. Reminding you of the sign you took to the last show, telling him how pretty you thought his smile was. You still think the same.

“Kind of exciting hiding in a cupboard. I never even did it as a teenager.” He chuckles, brushing a few stray curls from his eyes.

“Do I look a little more youthful? As gorgeous as ever?” He teases.

“I am so sorry you had to hear all of that, she has a… she lacks a filter.” You excuse, cheeks flaming as you try to dig yourself out of the hole your best friend has unwittingly buried you in.

“That's okay love, but I am a little curious…”

You frown at his careful words.

He takes a step closer as he continues, “what so badly did you want to do to me that you told all your friends about?”

At this, you completely turn your face away from his green-eyed stare. Because you cannot trust yourself.

He doesn’t realise the dangerous game he’s playing with you right now. Especially while he’s standing in-front of you like this. Tattooed arms out, beautiful face and jawline on display.

“Y/N, darling. I asked a question.” His voice has turned to honey. He’s talking you in a way he never has before. With a tone that is almost demanding an answer, laced with a undertone of seduction.

“Stop it.” You hiss, flicking his solid chest with your hand.

He steps forward, and you step back in response. He backs you up all the way to the edge of your bed.

“Stop being a flirt.” You scoff, finally holding eye contact for more than a second.

His pupils have blown out a little, and the stare he’s giving you is something you want burned into the underside of your eyelids.

“Why? Is it working.” He chuckles, demeanour softening a tiny bit as his hand slides down your arm.

You don’t reply.

“Please tell me, Y/N. I want to know. Y’know I’m nosey.”

“Resorted to begging, I see.” You snort, heart still hammering behind your rib cage.

“If it works, I can do plenty of it.” He playfully remarks.

You try to not reply again, but you’re met with a silence. Somehow he knows you’re going to fill it with a fumbled half-confession.

“I don’t even really remember. I was probably tipsy on some wine. Said some stuff to… the girls. After a show.”

“After a show?” He smirks, “Which one?”

“Barcelona. And maybe back at… another. One or two others.”

“But that’s all I’m saying!” You interject, hoping he takes that as enough of an answer.

He laughs at your attempted defiance.

“Anyways, what even— what are you getting at here?” You ask, because truly, his flirting is heavily confusing you. In every way possible.

“Remember when you told me I had a the prettiest smile?” He lightly grazes your hip with his warm hand.

“I— yes. That was like, 2 weeks ago. What’s your point?” You are biting at your bottom lip.

“Don’t get feisty.” He coos, “Everytime I smile around you, I think of that. And then, I wonder what other things you think about me. What other parts you see of me and consider as pretty.”

“And, can you blame a man for wanting to know what dirty things you’ve said about him to y’friends?”

Jesus Christ. A part of you melts at his words. He is watching you like a hawk, gauging your every little reaction. But you’re clinging to any part of you that’s trying to keep this from heading in that direction. Even though you know it’s not because you don’t want to.

“We really shouldn’t… H.” You state, voice almost shaking with an unspoken need. One that you’re trying to keep from bursting through the seams.

“Why not, Y/N?” He asks, making it sound like a challenge. Causing him to be met with a quick jump in your voice.

You are pulling at every part of your strength right now to justify why this is a terrible idea.

“Because, Harry. I am a fucking fangirl for you. Not in a casual way either, like bordering a little bit insane! It’s horrifying, and very embarrassing! And this is a horrible idea, because I don’t think you understand the kind of—“ You don’t get to finish whatever you were about to say, because he kisses you. With his all.

It feels like he pours every once of his being into it. The way his smooth lips press into your own, fuelled by a heat that is felt in the very pit of your stomach. Your knees almost buckle at the sensation.

You grab his shoulder to stabilise yourself. And your lungs are already drawn of all their air.

In actuality, it mustn’t have lasted very long— maybe a couple seconds— before he pushes the back of your knees against the bed, forcing you to sit down.

He draws in a breath after you seperate, “I don’t care if you have photos of me on your fucking bedroom walls, baby.”

“Could not care less, look at you.” He leans down now, kissing over your lips again in separate, doting pecks, “y’so gorgeous, and genuine. I love that you love what I do.”

You’re in a bit of shock, looking up at him with widened eyes. Because obviously you’ve imagined kissing him before. Probably a thousand times. And that dream has somehow sprung to fruition.

How exactly? you’re still unsure.

“I— Harry.” You say, with no real purpose, clutching onto his broad shoulders.

The way you whine out his name drives him almost insane, and he drops down onto his knees between your spread legs. Giving him easier access to kiss your mouth.

His hands snake around your waist, and he lets his lips slot back over yours.

You loose yourself in the act, your own fingers skating up his back and into the hair at the nape of his neck.

It’s so fucking soft. And you use it to press his face closer to yours. He’s surprised when you’re the one to part your lips and dart your tongue out first.

Skating along his pink bottom lip as an invitation.

He accepts it happily, clutching at your waist while he lets his tongue dip into the heat of your mouth. You can’t help but groan at the sensation, and feel the warmth start to gather between your thighs.

He was kissing you like a starved man. And slowly everything you knew started slipping from the forefront of you mind. All you could feel and focus on was him.

How his muscly frame filled up your senses—and the area between your knees— paired with the glide of his tongue over your teeth.

—((sexual content from here and onwards))

His hands tracing over several parts of your body, even going to pull you closer with his hands cupping your bottom. Squeezing at the swell of your ass playfully.

You bite your teeth down onto his lip and drag it backwards, eliciting a moan from the back of his throat.

Your hips push forward, brushing the front of your shorts on his torso, causing his jaw to go lax.

The two of you seperate for air, panting, and his eyes veer south, looking at where you’re pressed against him.

“Fuckin’ Christ. Look at you, needy little thing.”

You bury your head into his neck, kissing along his sharp jawline. Unable to control your slowly circling hips.

“So, y’willing to share what it is you wanted to do to me yet? Given that you’re practically grinding on m’chest.”

You hum a maybe, and he lets out a deep laugh.

“After Barcelona,” You start, and he works to coax the answer out of you with his hands and lips.

“Mmhm…” he acknowledges, mouthing against your clavicle.

“You had looked so good that night… and I got a little tipsy after the show, back at our BNB.”

“You were in those low rise black pants, and that tiny cropped vest. And my god— i said to all the girls that if you were down, I would happily let you take me. Anyway you wanted.”

“Anyway?” His hoarse voice asks.

“Anyway. Fingers, tongue... cock.”

At the first mention of something genuinely sexual, he almost looses it. Envisioning your spread legs with his head pressed between them.

“But I didn’t just say that because I was tipsy. Or because of the outfit you wore.” You allude quietly.

He can’t wait another second before he’s pressing his already swollen lips back against yours. And hard.

“Want everything off you.” He fists at your boob-tube.

Your body is hotter than a thousand suns, and your need for him is literally tearing through you.

It���s clear this was your tipping point. There was no going back to something casual and platonic. The way your whole body ached to have him was unfathomable.

“Strip me.” You beg, arms lifting so he can tug the thin black material over your head, leaving your breasts in a strapless bra.

He runs his tongue over the exposed skin, hands sliding to the clasp at your back to get it off you.

He moans aloud once he sees you, briefly recalling the times his gaze has dipped to your cleavage in those little sundresses you wore while you were out together, and how he would always be wishing for a moment like this.

He laves his tongue over your nipple, before quickly occupying himself with the button of your shorts.

“These off too?” He confirms, voice gravelly with want.

Hastily, you nod, “Yes, all of it.”

Your sheer eagerness is turning him on even more. You always seemed a tiny bit reserved, so hearing you beg for your clothes to get torn off…

“Ass up,” he asks, watching as you lift it from the bed so he can tug the shorts from your waist and down your legs.

Left in nothing but your underwear, he slides his hand over your front to see how wet you were.

You moan as his fingers brush over your clothed-clit. And you notice now that your arousal has wet through your panties.

“Fucking hell. You realise you’re absolutely drenched, right baby?” He near moans, rubbing a gentle circle over the fabric.

“I—shit— I’m sorry, didn’t think I’d gotten so…” You’re almost a little embarrassed at the amount of arousal between your legs.

He hooks his fingers into the crotch of your underwear, peeling them down your thighs.

Your bare cunt had him almost light headed. You were genuinely glistening, and your slick had already spread to the hood of your clit.

“Darling don’t be sorry. Y’got the prettiest little pussy. Cant believe you’re this wet.”

“What did it for you, huh?” He asks finger running through you, eliciting a groan from both your throats.

In a pleasure-filled haze, you slur out a reply, “You. Just all of you.”

You squirm under his featherlight caress, and take a moment to watch him gaze at you. There is nothing but this look of admiration and desire in his eyes.

“Wanna see you, Harry.” You plea, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

He waits not a second to slip it over his head, and your hands immediately run down his torso. Staying quiet as he lets you indulge.

This is something you have thought of in a million different ways. His chest is built like that of a Greek gods, and his tattoos are an added bonus.

You feel the ridges of his abs under your fingertips, and you trace over the butterfly tattoo as well.

His breath flutters in and out of his nose. But using your hands doesn’t satiate you.

You need him on your tongue.

“Stand up.” You ask, and he doesn’t question you, he just obliges.

You keep him stood between your bare legs, but lean your neck inwards, tongue jutting out to run a solid strip up his stomach.

A rumble comes from him, akin to a growl as you move to of his pecs. Gliding your tongue over the hair-dusted flesh, and enveloping his own nipple into your mouth.

You’d never done this before, since sucking on a guys nipple is less of a commodity… but the reaction it works out of him is perfect.

The way he throws his head back, sharp jaw tilted to the celling, and hair falling from his forehead.

“Oh… oh god.”

You draw back, grabbing his shorts and pushing them down. Kissing both the laurels that sit atop his hips before cupping your hand over his bulge, covered by black Calvin Klein briefs.

“Can I take you out, please?”

“Such nice manners, good girl.”

Good girl. The words float around in your head, and something else inside of you comes undone.

Not sure if it was your self respect… or some other part of your morals. But you could go feral simply over those two words.

You bite down on your lip as you tug the briefs down, watching his cock slip up.

Lord.

You almost salivate. It’s perfect in every way you’d want it to be. A flushed red tip, dotted with beads of pre-cum. And of course it’s big.

For an already perfect man, it’s hard to believe you can strip him completely, and still not find a single flaw.

“Staring pretty hard… you a little intimated?”

“It’s big.” You state, hand coming to wrap around its thick base. “Want it in me.”

He leans down, picking you up by your thighs. You laugh in reaction, him manhandling you into the centre of your still unmade bed.

There was a sense of intimacy that was being shared as he pulled you forward, so you were straddling his hips.

Both of you leaned forward to lock lips, kissing feverishly as you touched over every inch of skin you could. Eventually, both of your hands falling between the others legs.

You stroked over him, and he careful slid his middle finger into you.

He worked you until you were near dripping down his hand, and were scraping your nails along his shoulders.

“Harry— need you…” you beg.

“Want me to take you right now?” He asks, cock throbbing in your hand.

“Yes. I can handle it. Promise. I’m clean and on birth control if you wanna go bare.”

“Only if you’re sure. I trust you.”

“I am… just want to feel you.” You plead.

“Need you to tell me how y’want it first, pretty.” He coos, curling his finger inside you.

You moan in response, and he slides it out shortly after so he regains your attention.

“I—“ you stutter, now feeling empty, “anyway you want, I said that earlier.”

“No, baby, how do you like it?” He asks again, smiling against your skin.

“Anything, hard or gentle, I’ll come either way. Look at you— as if I wouldn’t.”

He pulls your core to his, rubbing the tip against your slick hole, “Then tell me as we go how you’re doing, and what you want or need okay. Want you to feel really good, m’kay?”

You nod, and he starts to sink into you, already pulling a moan from your lips at the stretch.

He on the other hand struggles to hold himself together as your warm walls part for him.

“Fuck, fuck… you’re so tight, Y/N.” He groans, pulling you down nearly all the way— stopping before he reaches the base of his cock, taking a moment to adjust so he doesn’t come before he’s all the way in.

“Mm-“ you whine out, nails digging into the warm muscle on his back, “Harry…”

Once he’s composed himself, he lets your hips sink the down to the base of him. You both take a moment to feel it. Panting, because the heat and the connection you’re both sharing is only describable as euphoric.

“Y’okay?” He sighs out, clutching your waist with firm hands.

“Yes… so fuckin’ full.” You moan out, hole fluttering around his length.

He carefully draws his hips back, pulling out a little only to push it back in.

Just that small movement has you reeling. And you’re quick to realise that this is probably going to be the best sex you’ve ever fucking had.

“Look at that, your cunt swallowing me up. So fuckin’ hot.” He whispers, slowly starting to pick up the pace.

His fingers move to play with your clit, and he notices the reaction that courses through your body the second he rolls it between his fingers.

You buck your hips against him, and he brings his lips down to suck on the side of your breast.

“Mark me.” You encourage, wanting him to leave you with bruises from his mouth.

“Dirty thing,” he moans, fucking up into you, “so fucking wet too. All f’me isn’t it?”

The dirty talk causes you to clench around him, and he picks up on it.

“Jesus, you really are? Like when I say dirty stuff too, clearly.” He grunts.

“Yes, fuck! Please touch me.” You ask, needing to feel more of him, to the point it consumes your senses.

He touches you almost everywhere, with his hands, lips, tongue. All over your body until you genuinely can’t think of anything else.

It leaves your body shaking, and he can tell you’re not going to last much longer going by the clenching of your cunt.

“I’m gonna come if you keep squeezing around me like tha’.” He curses, keeping a fast pace with his hips as you feel the beginning of your high approaching.

It starts to bubble up in the pit of your stomach, “God— you’re so deep.”

“Yea, love? Feel me all the way up here?” He splayed his hand on your lower abdomen and you nod.

“Gonna come soon… please.” Your thighs are going weak from trying to hold your body up, and he notices, flipping you around so he’s on top of you.

The new angle has you biting down on your palm to try and stop yourself from crying out.

“Taking it so well. M’not far off either, baby.” He groans, his thrusts faltering as he bottoms out.

He pushes two fingers past your lips, allowing your tongue to swirl over them before he is removing them. Taking them down to rub over your swollen clit.

The added stimulation is what’s going to tip you over the edge.

“H—fuck—Harry! I’m gonna come!” You moan out, nails scraping down his bicep.

“Good fucking girl,” he prompts, fingers flicking over your clit, “let it all go for me, gush all over my cock.”

His words send you spiralling. And they’re the final push you need before your cunt clamps down around him with a loud moan tearing out of you.

“Fuckfuckfuck!” You’re writhing around him, and he curses at how tight you’re clenching him.

“That’s it, keep fucking going— ride it out on me.” He hisses, hips finally faltering as he feels his cock come inside of you.

Twitching between your warm walls as his stomach muscles contract and ripple with the intensity of his release.

He near buckles on top of you, his body weight pressing against you. And The two of you are panting, still shivering out slight aftershocks of your orgasms.

His forehead rests against yours, and you lean forward to brush a kiss against his parted lips.

Gently, he pulls himself out. A tiny hiss coming from his lips at the sensitivity.

He rolls over, bringing you to lay down on top of him. And you feel the partial heaving of his damp chest below you.

“Thank you…” You mumble out, sounding almost shy.

He picks up on it, “Don’t sound so nervous, darling. Y’were amazing.”

This brings a smile across your lips. It’s safe to assume that maybe things around you are complicated. But actually between the two of you, it’s anything but.

You like him, so much. So you just say it.

“I like you, Harry.”

And he affirms your statement with a kiss to your temple, and says quietly, “I like you too, Y/N. A lot.”

And this feels like an unspoken agreement that maybe the media is only going to get more riled up about the two of you as time goes on, but what you have is something genuinely worth fighting for.

Plus… they already know so, what’s the worse that could really happen now?

———

that was a long one!! hope you all loved it, and thank you so much for the support on this series. and don’t worry, you will definitely still be seeing more of them in the future. 🤍

taglist:

@harrystylesgirlie @purple9950 @teamspideyman @rociolunaa21 @spiritofbuddha @lemonhrry @deamus-liv @Iquvlly @kuntxrgraudunkelbunt @hsfanficsrecss @hsstylesrings @saturnheartz @victoriasigaard @lilfreakjez @mrsvxder @skxawngs @theekyliepage @hannah9921 @shiffpring @multifandomsw @roslastyles420 @slutforcoffein @kittenhere @stylesfever @butterfly-lover @daniizstyles @padf00ts-l0ver @sunflowervol18 @laurxn-robinson @kkr102 @superlegend216 @jerseygirlinca @cherrysulewski

+ all the anons who sent stuff to my submission box, thank you to you guys too, all my love

[artandmartini]

Mild Venom: The Last Dance spoilers

One thing I think would’ve made TLD better even if it had the same plot and ended the same way is more reciprocal affection.

I think the biggest problem of the movie symbrock-wise is that all affectionate/romantic scenes are mostly from Venom. Eddie seems to just be tolerating Venom most of the time. They’re suppose to be ride or die at this point. They’re suppose to be best friends he said it himself! I think if more scenes showed Eddie’s love or at least fondness for Venom, then more fans would be happier with the movie.

To be clear tho, I didn’t hate the movie but I do think it’s a step down from how their relationship was previously. Obviously I wasn’t expecting it to be so explicit with loving pet names and sloppy make outs but more implied in the way the previous movies did it.

Some examples I came up with for Eddie loving venom moments (actual spoilers):

Eddie complaining to the bartender that his fun vacation time with his “friend” was interrupted when they got punted into Marvel universe instead of talking about thanos and meta humans and how annoying aliens are. I want to believe they had fun in Mexico!!

Eddie smiling (and being grateful!!!) when Venom made him a cocktail. Also he shouldn’t have a headache venom can heal him.

When Venom says “You always take me to the best places” Eddie replies with “anything for you, bud” (but make it sound like babe)

More bonding over stuff they’d do in New York. Eddie can talk about food and Venom asks if there are bad guys there and Eddie says They can be the lethal protector there

More scenes in the Casino!!! It was so short :((

They should’ve tried to cheat at cards at least to show they also have a mind bond. It could’ve been cool or funny!!

A woman trying to hit on Eddie but he gets awkward and rejects her cause “I’m here with someone”

Mrs Chen could mention Ann and Dan are married and Eddie is happy for them but implied he’s sad cause he can’t marry venom

While separated in the Area 51 lab, Eddie is significantly distressed about it and talks about feeling hollow inside or like with a missing limb

Eddie should’ve been given the option to sacrifice Venom save himself and the world. But he CHOOSES NOT TO he says “but I need him” like the trailer suggested!!!

Have Eddie explain to the scientist women what being with venom is like and how he makes him feel (like the end of the first movie). Not only is this sweet but will allow the scientists to be more sympathetic towards symbrock and explains their willingness to help them and also to bond with the other symbiotes later in the movie

Have Venom apologize for hardships he put Eddie through and have Eddie assure him he’d do it all again if given the choice

Have Eddie shed a tear (at least 1!!!) when he wakes up without venom for the last time

The rest of these are more significant changes to the movie but still in keeping with the general plot:

Venom should’ve kept the codex a secret for a while and just told Eddie the xenophage was just revenge for the symbiotes imprisoning knull or something

Eddie can tell venom is acting strange and suspects he is hiding something (like in the comics re: their pregnancy)

The codex truth is revealed after the dance with Mrs Chen when they get attacked by a xenophage but before they get separated and taken to Area 51 leading to the sacrifice venom convo

When they reunite, venom admits he kept it a secret cause he was afraid Eddie would leave him but Eddie reassures him it’s them til the end

The rest of the movie plays out the same. But I think these choices would’ve really solidified their bond. It would’ve been more painful at the end but more satisfying!!! If you wanna make angsty tragedy then go all the way don’t half ass it

They’ll also have more scenes for their RomCom/Valentine’s Edit

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

The catalysts

Claire and Shapiro play the same role in the Sydcarmy dynamic.

Showing them by contrast who they really wanna be with.

In other words: Trigger them. Be catalysts of change. This can obviously take many forms, but they will all end up having the same final result. Help the characters see what needs to change and then, they will use their own free wills to make those changes or not.

Whilst for Carmy Claire is the “healer” 👩‍⚕️ (no wonder she’s a Dr.) that is supposed to remind him how to love and be loved, or better yet, how to re-signify trauma so it doesn’t limit him anymore. More about her here 🔗

Shapiro, on the other hand, is the “wild card” 🃏for Syd.

Let me explain: A wild card “substitutes” any other card in the deck and you can use it (or not) as you please. And if you do choose to use it, gives you an opportunity to change the game, not necessarily winning it, but alter that hand. You have to use it wisely and in some hands is preferably not to use it at all actually, because you may end up wasting chances or getting over confident, etc. The joker is not by any means a guarantee of victory but a resource to be used when we are not dealt a good hand and it entails its risks. It can cause more harm than good. Or not. It’s a wild card. You never know…

The catch is that Shapiro can’t substitute The Bear for obvious reasons, I won’t even go there and Claire can’t fix/heal someone whose trauma is precisely triggered by her.

Why do you think that Carmy hit rock bottom while dating her and right after their breakup? The guy is raw, his wound is open.

So, Syd and Carmy, once their respective catalysts have served their catalystic purposes have to do the rest of the hard work. Make a choice, compromise, stick to it and face the consequences of such choice. This requires free will, hence: The “options” so they can exercise it, time and courage. Only in that way the change will come for both of them. It's a classic redemption arc.

What change will come? We don’t know yet. Yes we do ❤️

Bonus track: Luca, the bringer of light, is Carmy’s HEALED version. He was able to resignify his trauma already.

Luca is another catalyst for Syd that is supposed to shed light on what she truly wants and who she wants it from, the difference between Shapiro's role and Luca's is that Luca is a limited offer whereas Shapiro is offering her FOREVER (or at least unlimited).

I'd also dare to bet that with Luca there's a potential attraction there and with Shapiro, it's all business. In her case it's split. She can't find all she wants in just one guy. Except...

We all know who combines both for Syd and she's beginning to realize that too.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[heartsforvin]

LIE

first time writing strictly angst, bear w me 🫡

pairing; vinnie hacker x fem!reader

warnings; angst, vinnie being a dick, cussing

summary; you and vinnie broke up but you can’t help but still be in love, even though he’s moved on

it’s been three weeks since you and vinnie broke up. the two of you were together for two years, and you knew if you were to breakup it wouldn’t be easy.

it definitely hasn’t. it’s been non-stop crying, feeling guilty, wondering where you went wrong — if you even did do any wrong.

friends have tried to help you with everything they can. getting you out of the house, getting you to dress in something other than sweats, and just ultimately trying to make you a bit happier.

it didn’t work. especially when you opened instagram and saw that vinnie had posted a picture of him and a girl stargazing.

sighing, you close the app and sink into your bed, pulling the covers up to hide in your bed.

how could he? it’s only been three weeks, how could he have moved on so fast? was it all a lie? did he ever love me?

all those thoughts came crashing down one by one, making you start to wonder if this was your fault.

it wasn’t. vinnie was the one that ended things and made it a bigger issue than it needed to be.

✧∘* ೃ ⋆｡˚.

“y/n, baby-no..” you cut vinnie off mid sentence at the now old pet name he used on you. “you don’t get to call me that, vinnie, not when you’re currently breaking my heart.”

the boy sighed heavily, running his hand through his hair then down his face. he gave you a blank stare, basically staring daggers into your eyes.

“can i please just explain?” he asks sincerely, wanting you to hear him out.

you thought for a moment, wondering if you should give him a chance to explain why he’s been so distant, or just up and leave.

you sit on his bed as he stands at the end of it, arms crossed while he faces you.

it’s quiet, too quiet. “speak, vinnie,” you tell the boy in front of you. “you wanted to talk, so do it.” you finish as you cross your arms.

vinnie sighs again, walking in a circle, pacing, before finally speaking up. “i just think this is all becoming too much,” he tries to explain but you cut him off.

“-too much? what do you mean by too much?”you ask him.

although he is currently breaking your heart bit by bit, you can’t help but feel a rush of sadness run through you.

you and vinnie have been together for two years, and up until now, it’s been the best two years of your life.

you’ve grown with him relationship wise and just as separate people. you never thought in the two years with each other that you’d be here — in vinnie’s room while he explains to you why he thinks a breakup is the best thing for you guys.

you want to tell him that the two of you can work it out, just like you do with every argument, but in the back of your mind you feel like working this type of argument out won’t help.

“well, you know my career is taking off, and it’s getting a bit overwhelming to juggle that and this relationship.” he explains to you.

you could cry right then and there. not being able to process his words in that moment.

“so what you’re saying is you’re picking between loving me and your career?” you ask him in disbelief, you couldn’t believe he was even thinking of choosing between the two.

vinnie doesn’t respond but instead bites his lip out of nervous habit and turns around to face the door to the bathroom.

you wait for him to turn around so he can answer you, but after two minutes he doesn’t.

“vinnie, answer me.” you tell him sternly, starting to get irritated that he’s not answering you.

your gut feeling is telling you he already made his mind up and career is the answer. you take a deep breath, trying to not let your emotions get to you.

turning around, vinnie has guilt written all over him and it’s obviously evident. he crouches down so he’s eye level with you, placing his hands on your knees.

you so badly want to move his hands, to tell him you don’t want him touching you, but right now that’s all you want.

you’re anger levels are high, though. in about thirty seconds or less you’re about to yell at him, call him names and tell him he’s making a huge mistake.

“i love you—well clearly you don’t!” you push his hands off you and stand up, making him fall since he was right in front of you. “vinnie if you loved me, you would not be choosing your fucking job over me.”

the blonde can tell you’re very vividly upset, he stands up on his feet and tries to grab your shoulders to stop you from pacing, but you shrug him off.

“d-don’t touch me.” you stutter as tears start to well in your eyes. “y/n, please.”

you sigh and wipe the tears that left your eyes. “what?” you question, just wanting to leave his house at this point.

“it’s not that i don’t love you, i do. i love you so fucking much that it physically hurts me to have to decide between you and my job.” vinnie explains.

you cross your arms as you wait for him to finish his explanation. “you need to understand that my career is growing, i have so many new opportunities i have and i can’t have you slowing me down.”

scoffing, you stand up and grab your things. “slowing you down, how the fuck am i slowing you down?” you question.

vinnie let’s out a deep breath, realizing he worded that all wrong. “well, i mean you are in a way, but that was worded totally wrong.”

“you’re fuckin’ unbelievable, vinnie. absolutely unbelievable.” you say as you open his bedroom door, but the boy stops you.

he grabs your wrist but not tight enough to hurt you. he may be mad at you but he would never let his anger get to a point where he lays a hand on you.

he’s pulls you over to sit at his gaming chair, you sigh heavily but accept. “you’re not letting me go out and do said opportunities,” vinnie starts. “when i need to leave for a few weeks, you whine and complain that i need to be here with you and all this other shit.”

with a subtle laugh, you give the boy in front of you a sarcastic smile. “well fuckin’ sue me for thinking you travel and go out too much!” you exclaim, throwing your arms in the air.

he gives the same expressions back. “it’s part of the fucking job!” he shouts, pacing the room. “i’m sorry you’re just too clingy for me.” he states.

standing up, you grab your things once again and walk back to the door. “i wouldn’t be so clingy if you spent a little time with me. all it is for you is work, work, work. you barely even sleep, vinnie.”

he can’t argue with that, he does barely sleep. even if he didn’t work as nearly as hard as he is now, he’d still get little to no sleep.

“i do spend time with you. when i’m home, when i make time to facetime you when i’m out of town. you’re just trying to start shit.”

you’re done with this conversation. opening the bedroom door, you step out into the hall and turn to face vinnie one last time.

“when you wanna man up and own up to your actions, give me a call. until then, don’t bother contacting me.” you explain, not even giving him a moment to respond before walking away.

✧∘* ೃ ⋆｡˚.

after that day, you were physically and mentally exhausted. you couldn’t believe your ex-boyfriend talked to you the way he did and reacted the way he did.

now that it’s been almost a month since the breakup, the feeling of him has left. although, you can’t help but want to text him, to ask him how he’s doing. you know it’s an awful idea.

the hateful feeling is still deeply in you, however. which makes you want to yell at him, to tell him how broken he’s left you.

fuck it. you thought.

picking up your phone, you mentally curse yourself for never deleting his contact.

to: vinnie

saw your instagram post

hope you and your new bitch are happy together ❤️

the text was definitely petty, and you did not have one ounce of regret.

that was, until he answered.

from: vinnie

y/n?

you shouldn’t be texting me

don’t text me

don’t ruin another good thing for me

you already fucked up enough good things for me. i’m happy now, finally. i don’t need you to fuck this up either.

you were full on angry after he sent those texts. clicking on the call button, you put your phone on speaker and wait for him to answer.

if he ever will.

about four rings later vinnie picked up the phone. “why are you calling me?” he asks.

taking a deep breath, you try to hold back how you’re currently feeling. “i honestly don’t know. i’m not sure why i texted you, either. i think i’m just upset, really, really, really fucking upset.”

tears start to well in your eyes, and you can see and feel vinnie roll his eyes through the phone.

“upset that i’m happy? that i found someone who can accept my profession? you’re the unbelievable one now, y/n.” vinnie spats, making you almost sob into the phone.

you really didn’t want to start anything, and honestly, didn’t really want to call him. something in your gut told you too, though.

“i’m not upset you’re happy, vinnie,” you start, wiping your tear stained cheeks. “i’m upset because i fucking miss you. you completely shattered my heart, yet i still love you and miss you as if you’re mine.”

he rolls his eyes again, or so you think. “well, don’t. i don’t love you or miss you, so you shouldn’t do the same.” he tells you.

a sob erupts from you, making the man on the other line chuckle. “you’re fucking crying?” he questions.

“yes, i’m fucking crying!” you shout into the phone. “we loved each other for two years, and then suddenly one day you break my heart. here you are not even a month later, posting pictures of you and some girl all cute together.” you tell him, making him scoff.

“just know the matching tattoos last for life,” you tell vinnie after a beat of silence. “tell her you love her, just as long as it’s a lie.”

vinnie chuckles, not believing you’re saying this. telling him to lie to his girlfriend about loving her.

“you’re crazy, i’m not gonna lie to my girlfriend about loving her. and the matching tattoo thing, i got mine covered up.” he informs.

of course he would. you thought to yourself.

“promise you’ll lie.” you tell him, vinnie just shakes his head.

with a loud huff, vinnie runs a hand through his hair. “i’m not lying. i might’ve to you, but not to her.”

you gave up, hanging up the phone instead of saying a proper goodbye. you could partly understand why he got rid of the tattoo, even if it hurt you a bit inside.

you finally delete vinnie’s contact after still having it in your phone after weeks since the breakup.

getting out of bed, you make your way to the kitchen, grabbing something to eat and heading back to your room.

you knew it’d definitely be a few more weeks or even months until you felt better.

hiii i hope you guys enjoyed ! currently obsessed w the song ‘lie’ by nessa barrett so here we are (: i’m sure it’s not the exact meaning but yk , i love how this turned out !!

TAGLIST: @cosmicanakin , @forevergirlposts , @leqonsluv3r , @slvthrs , @bernelflo

[magics-neptunes-things]

La Comedia del Amor

Hi guys!

I miss Alexia so this is an Alexia fic. I hope you will also like it, it took me quite a while to write. Also I don't know how I feel about this one.

Have a good read!

Resume: Someone tries to interfere in your relationship, making your girlfriend believe that you are unfaithful to her. Spoiler, you are not.

TW: Mention of deception, manipulation

______________________________________________________________

Since the beginning of your relationship, you have made a habit of picking up Alexia at the airport when she returns to Barcelona. This is a precious and important moment for you, allowing you to find the woman you are in love with as quickly as possible.

At the beginning of your relationship, you waited wisely in your car, a little behind the crowd not to get caught. But since it’s now public knowledge that you are together, you don’t hesitate to go and wait in the arrivals hall. Alexia’s teammates don’t even tease her anymore, as they are used to your little routine.

With Alexia away from you for an international match, you salute Ale’s Spanish teammates playing for FC Barcelona. So like half the team. Alexia taking time to pass the security doors, you exchange with pleasure a few words with Ona and Cata until your beloved blonde finally arrives.

Smiling, you spread your arms for a hug and you are a little surprised by the strength with which she almost throws herself in them once arrived at your height. You let go of an amused little laugh and tightens her against you, smelling her hair, your previous interlocutors having left to leave you your intimacy.

"Hola mi Amor" you whisper before gently kissing her cheek.

"Hola" she responds quietly before smiling when you hand her the bouquet of flowers that you brought for her.

Mix of red roses and lemon blossoms, your mother being a florist she would risk disinheriting you if you didn’t pay attention to the flowers you choose. The lemon blossoms having the meaning of being a messenger of perfect union and eternal love, it seems to you rather well chosen. As for the roses, they are simply Alexia’s favorites.

"Is everything okay?" you ask Alexia once in your car.

Even though Alexia isn’t the most talkative person in the world, she has hardly spoken a word since you left the airport. On the other hand, you surprise her several times looking at you from the corner of her eyes. When you turn in her direction this time, she seems to be studying your face carefully.

"Yes, I’m just tired"

You give her a compassionate smile and gently place your hand on her thigh. A second later, you feel her hand on yours, squeezing it gently.

"I missed you" you tell her, looking at her again, your eyes passing from the road to Alexia’s face while driving.

"I missed you too" says the player before turning her head to look out the window. "How’s the movie going?"

"Good for now. But we just tried our clothes and made the readings for now"

Alexia hums, letting her gaze glide over the city as it passes before her eyes. You are an actress, it was at a charity event organized by FC Barcelona that you met Alexia. Being a pure Catalan product too, the club has tried several times to invite you for this event, but it never fit in your calendar. Except that that year, you got to go.

And we can’t say that you had the impression to make a good move with Alexia during this evening. Struck by the beauty of the captain, you tried for a long time to have a conversation with her. Realizing she was obviously not interested, you finally gave up and went sadly sip your drink somewhere else. Well, that was before she slipped into your DMs to apologize for her behavior the same night.

You’ll learn later that it was Jenni who forced her to write to you, having seen your interactions during the evening. And much, much, later that Alexia just panicked about the love at first sight she had about you too.

********

Gone all week for the profits of your film, it’s with great relief that you come out of Uber taking you back to the apartment you share with Alexia. Arriving early in the morning, it’s barely 8am when you push the front door. You didn’t ask Alexia to pick you up. Her hours of recovery are precious and you have a strong tendency to put her before the rest. Because of the time difference since you were in the States, you couldn’t talk to Alexia as much as you would have liked.

You knew she’d be up when you arrived, her morning routine never changing. What you certainly didn’t expect is to be welcomed by a real fury. You didn’t even have time to open your mouth as you almost got knocked out by a phone that crashes against the wall, a few inches from your face.

"What the…?"

"Did you cheat on me?" a shout goes up.

"What?"

The vision of your girlfriend is terrifying. First because she is visibly very angry, second because her green eyes you love so much are red and swollen, meaning that she must have cried for a long time before you arrived. And thirdly because she seems to be at the end of her nerves when she resumes speaking while shouting.

"You heard me. Did you cheat on me? Did you sleep with her?"

"Alexia, what are you talking about?"

You have been getting rid of your backpack and suitcase for a long time at this point, even if you didn't step further into the apartment. Leaning forward to grab Alexia’s phone that almost knocked you out, you mechanically glance at the screen. By miracle the phone only has a slight scratch, but that’s not what catches your attention. When you see the image open, you feel your stomach fall in your heels. Immediately looking back at Alexia, you hurry to talk.

"It’s not what you think"

"Don’t you have better than that?" Alexia laughed coldly.

The image certainly is disturbing. It shows you in a car with one of the actress with whom you share the movie poster. You just bend over to kiss her on the cheek and say goodbye, like two friends. Except that with the pixels left on the picture, we can wonder if it’s a kiss or a kiss that you are exchanging.

"Alexia I swear..."

"Don't touch me!"

You moved in her direction and reached out to touch her, but she retreats from you as quickly as if she had burned herself.

"First I get messages that tell me to beware of her and that you are far too close for it to be normal and then this? Don’t take me for an idiot Y/N"

"Who sent you messages?" you ask with a frown.

"It doesn’t matter! Fuck! I can’t believe you’re doing this to me!"

"But I did nothing!"

You raised your voice too, mixed between the panic that the situation inspires you and the annoyance of not being believed. You know Alexia doesn’t tolerate betrayal and lying. If she doesn’t change her mind, there are big risks to your story ending quickly.

"Stop lying!"

Alexia shout a last time at you before rushing to your bedroom and slamming the door, leaving you standing there with her phone still in your hand. Your heart break when you hear her crying behind the door. Deep and long sobs.

You wait a few seconds before knocking on the door.

"Ale?"

But no answer comes back to you, except a "fuck off" whispered a few seconds later. With a heavy heart, you will finally fall on the sofa of your living room. You impatiently wipe the tears rolling over your cheeks, wondering how you could switch to loving words exchanged on the phone before taking off at that, in just 16 hours.

Yes, well, you know. That famous picture. Your phone rings and a message from the other actress in the picture, Alicia, asks you if you arrived home, but you don’t answer her for the moment. The messages that Alexia mentioned to you come to your mind and you hesitate a split second before unlocking the screen and looking for them.

This is the first time you’ve searched in Alexia’s phone, even though you exchanged your codes a long time ago. Until now, you have always had blind trust in each other. You end up finding what you are looking for and the date of the messages tells you that they were send the night before Alexia returns from her international match.

From : Unknow Hola Alexia You have to keep an eye on Y/N Your precious girlfriend seems to get along too well with Alicia to be honest At the same time I understand it, you are constantly away She probably has physical needs, she’s Spanish after all, right? And Alicia is kind of hot ;)

Alexia never answer to this.

You’re nauseous just reading this, so you can’t imagine the state Alexia must have been in when she received these messages. Yet she didn’t tell you anything. You don’t know if it’s because she decided to trust you, if it’s because she found it unimaginable or because she was too afraid to talk to you about it. Unfortunately, the only person who can answer you is locked in your bedroom and refuses to speak to you.

After a few minutes of ruminating, you return to the door of your bedroom and knock again, more slowly this time.

"Alexia? Baby open to me please"

When the silence answers you, you sigh and let yourself go against the door until you find yourself sitting on the ground. Tired and suffering from jet lag, you lose track of time, lost in your thoughts. It's only when the door opens and you fall backwards that you come back to reality. Dressed to go out, Alexia has her gym bag in hand.

"Ale…" you start slowly, but you are quickly interrupted by your girlfriend’s cold voice.

"I have to go to the game. I don’t have time for your bullshit right now."

Within a few steps she got her phone back and got out of the apartment. After a few seconds, you grab yours and dial the number of the only person who can help you. A few bells ring before Jenni picks up.

"I’m not sure I want to hear from you, Y/N."

Alexia told her about the situation, you were almost sure of it. But she’s the only one who can make Alexia at least listening to you.

"I can imagine, but I swear this is all wrong, Jenni. I beg you, you have to help me…"

A silence answers you and you don’t know if Jenni is touched by your despair or if she can’t imagine you cheating on Alexia. Anyway, she finally sighs before answering you.

"Okay, I’ll be right there."

********

Jenni being injured and unable to train with her team, she is in Barcelona to see her relatives. It’s therefore only about twenty minutes later that she rings at the door of your apartment. You open the door and don’t even wait until she gets in to get back on your couch. Jennifer almost takes her feet in your bag that still hangs in the entrance, but you don’t react otherwise than by bringing your legs against your chest.

Sitting in front of you, Jenni looks at you for long seconds before speaking.

"Alexia is one of the most important people to me. I'll help you, but i need you to tell me only the truth."

With your throat knotted, you just nod your head, looking at your feet.

"Do you know who sent those messages?" Jenni asks.

"No" you whisper

"Did you cheat on Alexia?"

"No!" you answer louder.

"Are you interested in this Alicia in a way you shouldn’t?"

"Of course not!" you answer, frankly annoyed this time." You know I’m crazy about Alexia, why would I risk losing her that way? When we started dating, I promised you I would never hurt her and I really meant it. I love her. There’s only her."

Jenni looks at you thoughtfully for a few seconds, her face framed by her long black hair. Then she nods before resuming speech.

"Okay, sorry I had to ask. Now we’re gonna have to find out who’s behind this, or it’s not gonna stop and even get worse."

********

Alexia didn’t come home tonight after her game. You waited a long time for her after Jenni left, who assured she knew someone who could find the sender of the messages. You don’t know who she went to, probably Mapi. She's one of her closest friends.

You sent Alexia several unanswered messages, despite the notifications that she read them. You took the opportunity to repeat to her that you had nothing to reproach you, that you love her and ask her to come back home. Even if she didn’t answer it, you’re hoping that repeating those words will make her believe you.

It's by receiving a new message from Alicia that you realize that you haven't replied to her since earlier. So you simply answer her that you have arrived well and that you will see her again soon. You leave her message unanswered again when she offers you to go for a breakfast tomorrow morning. It's out of the question to leave the apartment and take the risk of missing Alexia’s return.

Despite your fatigue, you have been struggling all night not to fall asleep, going for a cool shower when you feel that your body can no longer fight against sleep. The day goes by without news of your girlfriend, despite the messages you continue to send her regularly. Alexia continues to read them, without answering you.

It’s only on Monday that you finally left your apartment, accepting a new proposal from Alicia to go for a coffee. You agree, as long as it’s close to your apartment. You really don’t want to mingle with the cheerful crowd of the people of Barcelona today, all you want is to keep the entrance of your building within sight.

You don’t know if Alicia heard about the photo or the article, if so she doesn’t mention it and you’re grateful for it. You really don’t want to talk about it. As you sit down at the table, your phone starts ringing, making you hope it’s Alexia. You can’t hide your disappointed face by seeing that it’s only Jenni’s name that appears. You pick up, however, hoping you can get some news from her. Apologizing to Alicia, you get up from the table to answer outside the café.

"Jenni?" you just say by leaning against the wall at the entrance of the establishment.

"Hola Chica. Where are you?"

The noise of traffic next to you isn't very discreet, you are not surprised by the question.

"At the coffee shop downstairs the apartment with Alicia."

"Okay. Get out of there quick."

"What? Why?"

"Don’t be as stubborn as Alexia and obey me for once, for God’s sake you’re unbearable, both of you!"

You are surprised by the striker’s outburst, but your surprise is quickly erased by another voice you hear grumbling behind her. You’re sure it’s Alexia’s. Your heart is racing and you’re peeling off the wall you were leaning on.

"Is that Alexia? Is she with you?"

"Madre mia. Yes. Now obey, go away from there, without turning back."

"Ok fine, I’m going home" you sigh softly.

Without hanging up, you do what she tells you. Maybe she’s half-crazy, but she has the advantage of being with Alexia. If she asked you to walk in on your hands, you would do it as long as you could talk to your girlfriend. However, as you enter the elevator of your building, Jenni surprises you once again.

"Ok, I’ll hang up now"

"What? No Jenni wait!"

Despite your attempts to call her back, she doesn't answer and it's by dropping a "Joder" that you finally open the door, after giving a punch in it.

"What a language for a young lady like you"

You jump when you realize that someone is in your apartment, relaxing when you realize that it's Jenni with an amused smile. Then your gaze quickly travels in search of a head with blond hair, only to fall on the head of thirty man with hair as dark as Jenni's.

"He's not Alexia" you mumble by crossing your arms on your chest.

Jenni rolls her eyes but cannot hide her amused smile, seeing the many feelings passing on your face.

"No, this is my cousin Mario."

"I want to see Ale" you whisper, your voice breaking on the last syllable.

Your despair is more than visible and you even hesitate to get on your knees to beg her. The disappointment is equal of the hope that you had to see her again, even if it lasted only two seconds.

"Not now" Jenni replies in a soft voice, as if hoping it hurts you less.

You sigh and close your eyes, trying to swallow your tears. You’ve been crying enough these past few days not to burst into tears in front of your girlfriend’s best friend. You don’t see the hesitant look that she exchange with Mario, nor the look of the brunette who flickers towards your bedroom, where Alexia has entrenched herself for the moment.

You didn’t wonder how Jenni got into the apartment because you’re so lost, but she’s the one who let them in. Sitting against the door of your room, Alexia listens carefully to your conversation. She too has gone through a thousand emotions in recent days and she is not sure she can face you until everything is settled in this story. Still, the urge to come and hug you is not what it lacks.

However, the four of you are surprised in your respective thoughts when your phone starts ringing.

"Who is it?" Jenni asks

"I don’t care" you pout like a teenager.

Sighing softly, Jenni grabs your phone and displays a satisfied look when seeing who is trying to reach you.

"Alicia. Perfect."

If you arch an eyebrow, Alexia tightens her jaw by hearing the name that she hates with all her soul now. And the fact that Mario has the same smile as his cousin loses you even more.

"I need you to answer the phone, tell her you had to rush back to your apartment but she can come to you. I’ll explain to you later."

You understand less and less what is happening, but you obey quickly, not wishing to attract the wrath of the brunette once again. The call only lasts a few seconds but you see Mario working on his computer at the same time.

"She’s coming" you mumble, widening your eyes when Jenni takes your face in her hands.

"Perfect. Now listen to me carefully. Mario managed to trace the personne who send the messages to Alexia and connect to his phone. This is the same person who contacted the journalists to take a picture of you in the car and it's still her who contacted journalists to come and take a picture of you right now."

"I don’t understand. Take a picture of what?"

"You and Alicia"

"But there is nothing to take pictures of!" You start panicking again "We would have just had coffee and I would have come back here right after… without her!" you suddenly add by realizing how can be taken your sentence. "I didn’t… I never…"

"Y/N focus please" says Jenni, spanning her finger behind your eyes.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, trying to relax the ball that is your current nerve.

"I never cheated on Alexia" you repeat for what you feel is the hundredth time, desperately.

"I know chica. That’s why I need you to talk about the pictures with her, about Alexia seeing them and breaking up with you because of it. Which is not the case!"

Your panicked look didn’t escape her. Nothing seems to escape her these past few days, not even your innocence. She should have been an investigator.

"How’s that gonna prove to Alexia that I didn’t do anything?" you ask while arching an eyebrow.

But the doorbell rings and Jenni gives you a menacing look before running away to your room dragging Mario with her, almost crushing Alexia against the wall. You take the time to take a deep breath before opening the front door. You don’t need to put on a fake tortured face, your stress can be the case in the circumstances described by Jenni. You’re an actress after all, and you can act to save your relationship.

"Is everything okay?" Alicia asks, worried, the door barely open.

You nod and make her come in, absolutely unaware that Mario has installed a camera allowing them to follow the action from the bed of your room, where he's installed with Jenni and Alexia. She gradually becomes aware that the betrayal she thought she was suffering is not real, but if she needs video proof Jenni and Mario will give her.

"Not really" you mumble quietly before waving her to settle on the couch.

"What is happening?"

Alicia puts her hand on your knee with a sympathetic look, but the gesture fully make Alexia’s body tense. You don’t really realize the move yourself.

"Alexia saw pictures of both of us that can be confusing. She didn’t take it very well. She just left me"

"Oh... I'm so sorry"

The voice you use to speak doesn't have to be changed, despite you the memories of this fight remain deep in you. You still don’t know that your girlfriend now believes in your innocence.

"I’m going to slit her throat alive" Alexia mumbles between her teeth as Alicia discreetly approaches you on the couch, her knee against yours.

"Not now" Jenni mutters in return, putting a hand on Alexia’s mouth to silence her, without leaving the screen with her eyes.

The place you chose on the couch to sit doesn't allow them to have the best angle of view, but at least they can perfectly hear what you say and have a complete view of Alicia’s face. Yours is sometimes half masked.

"The worst is that I have nothing to blame myself about. I don't understand how she can imagine that I want to be with someone else"

"Well maybe she doesn’t deserve you, if she doesn’t trust you"

Surprise, you look up at Alicia. She and Alexia never really met, the times when Alexia is accompanying you for the first visits with the producers for example, Alicia was never around.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing more. Trust is the cement of a couple, if they don’t trust how you want it to work? Maybe you should find someone who can offer you more than that"

You blink several times while looking at her before frowning. Your vulnerability almost made you forget the role Jenni asked you to play. If Alexia doubted, it was only because of the machinations of the person wishing to separate you and her.

It’s only when you feel her putting a strand of your hair back behind your ear before leaning towards you for the obvious purpose of kissing you that the pieces of the puzzle come together.

"It was you" you whisper, breathless because of the surprise.

"What?"

A little unhappy, she backs away as you jump off the couch, hands trembling.

"The messages to Alexia, the fake photos, it was you! How could I be stupid enough not to realize it before?"

Alicia also got up to get closer to you again, grabbing your arm in the process.

"Of course it was me! I knew we needed a little help to get together. I’ve been crazy about you since day one Y/N. I knew Alexia would stop us from being together, all I had to do was get her away from you. And it worked pretty well."

You’re so stunned that you waste three seconds wondering if you were the victim of a hidden camera or something. Unfortunately, Alicia takes advantage of these three seconds to get dangerously close to you, once again hopping to kiss you.

"Let go of my girlfriend!"

Alexia’s voice resounds with as much force as the sound of the slap she addresses to Alicia a few moments later. It’s definitely too much information for your brain these last few seconds and you have the impression that it makes a reset while watching Alicia leave your home under the insults of Alexia.

You see from the corner of the eye Mario who seems to have a lot of fun and Jenni with a satisfied smile displayed on the face. But you focus instead on Alexia, who you didn’t know was there, who suddenly turns to you.

"And you!"

She points her finger at you and keeps talking loudly, making you back up to the wall behind you. But Alexia follows you, stopping only a few inches from you, her finger now leaning against your chest.

"Never again dare to make me live a period like this."

Her voice is just a whisper and you can finally look into her for the first time in an eternity. Her eyes are bright with fatigue, the dark circles below testify to the lack of sleep she suffered. You sigh of relief when she lets her forehead go against yours and passes your arms around her waist to finally feel her against you.

"Never again" you promise

She nods several times before letting out a small sob and burying her face in the hollow of your neck.

"We’re leaving" Jenni speaks and you turn your attention on her. "Mario turned off the camera so if you want to practice your makeup sex on the couch, you can. But please, have a conversation before."

Alexia has a wet little laugh in the hollow of your neck and once the door of your apartment closes, you gently take her chin in your hand so you can look at her. You have a lot to discuss and you will be much more comfortable on the sofa than against a wall.

********

A few hours later, you are in bed and not on the couch as Jenni had suggested. You got all of Alexia’s explanations about how things have been going these past few days. She did sleep a few nights at Mapi and Ingrid’s place, although Jenni has indeed often been in the equation. You then gave her your vision of the facts, even if you don’t have much to tell her. You just waited to hear from Jenni while harassing Alexia with messages.

You took a long time to celebrate your reunion and now you are simply lying, enjoying each other. You have your head resting on Alexia’s chest, listening to her heartbeat. Finding back her scent makes you feel good too, you always found that she smelled like the sun and flowers. One of her hands is playing with your fingers and the other is simply placed in the hollow of your back.

"I have one more question"

"Mmmh?"

Alexia’s voice, although very sweet, breaks the silence between you. You start drawing shapes on her belly with your other hand, smiling when you feel her muscles contracting under your fingers.

"Why didn’t you ask me to pick you up at the airport when you came back from Nevada?"

"So that you can rest as much as possible and be ready for your game. And I thought that maybe we could have lunch together before I came to see you at the stadium."

"Oh."

Alexia’s response makes you face up in her direction. She has slightly furrowed eyebrows and bites her lip and you are suddenly curious to know what makes her ask you this question.

"Why?"

Alexia looks embarrassed and carefully avoids your look when she answers you.

"I told myself that it was simply to gain a few more minutes with her"

When she turns her eyes towards the window, you realize that they are wet with tears and you feel your heart break.

"Oh Mi Amor…" you whisper as you climb up to have your face in front of her. "I just wanted you to get as much rest as possible. I know the game days are tiring."

"I wasn’t lying to you when I told you it was the worst time of my life, nothing to do with my ACL last year. It was like…"

"As if your heart was constantly being crushed? I know"

You are not the only one to have cried and suffered these last days, you realize it. And even more so when Alexia nods, relieved to know that you can understand her without her having to formulate her sentences entirely.

"It's over now. I'm here and yours. Only yours, as long as you want me."

You put several kisses on her lips, savoring each of them.

Until Alexia grabs your neck to prolong the next one and imprisons your lips in a long and sensual kiss, announcing the second round of the night. After all, you’ll have plenty of time to talk a little later.

[alevolpe]

Thoughts on the relationship between mamoru/tuxedo mask and usagi?

I like it in the abstract, but I don’t love it in any canon (aka the anime, Crystal and manga, only ones I’ve watched fully).

I still think the anime, despite the many MANY flaws their relationship has, is also the most endearing and likable to me. I really like their bantery, but sweet relationship of the first season (yes, he did get unnecessarily mean at times..). Usagi obviously thrives in relationships where she has a bit of push back, just look at her and Rei or her and Luna, her mother. Usagi likes to bicker and surround herself with “colorful” personalities. SO having Mamo be a bit of a looser who picks and bickers with her is very fitting and quite cute imo.

I still believe this scene is peak Usamamo chemistry.

Now about the manga/Crystal… sigh.

I’ll keep it brief cause it genuinely makes me uncomfortable thinking too much about it, but I really dislike how much it feels like they are together as Serenity and Endymion. They call each other by their “past life” names and I hate it. For those who have been following me for a while, you already know my thoughts on reincarnating as the exact same person.

It feels like Mamoru and Usagi have no agency in their own bodies and minds and it’s genuinely gross (it’s a me thing I know, but it genuinely destroys the relationship for me and I cannot look past it). Ik in the anime they do too sometimes, but very rarely and the whole “loving each other through reincarnations” is not as hammered in as in the manga.

I’ll give credit to the manga for not aging Mamoru up tho, even tho, UNPOPULAR OPINION, the only difference between anime Mamo and manga Mamo (age wise) is just him telling Usagi he’s in high school. He still looks and acts much older than her, but hey, if an ID is enough to make someone more comfortable, more power to you.

Also another plus I’ll give the manga is their much healthier relationship in regards of physical affection. Every time they engage in casual kissing or hugging in the anime is the most awkward thing in the universe and also they seem to have much healthier sexual relationship in the manga, so that’s that. (Although give the *circumstances* of the anime, I’m glad they never went that far, cause yikes).

My ideal relationship for them is similar to the anime, tho Mamo is an actual teenager. And not just “here’s my ID teenager”, he acts and lives like a teen.

Also I’d MAKE SURE that they are together for themselves, they need to say it, both of them to each other and it should be a major part of their character arcs together. Serenity and Endymion DO NOT matter.

They are together cause USAGI loves MAMORU and MAMORU loves USAGI. They have the agency to choose who they love from the memories and emotions they shared in this life.

[v1naco]

Okay hear me out

Simon Riley x reader but Venom AU.

Like Simon did go into the military but he left a couple years after when (I know this is not canon cause I love his family too much and my baby deserves happiness) his family gets attacked. They’re still alive (besides his father cause fuck that dude) but they got seriously injured.

The attack left him hurt mentally a lot and having to help them heal when he was struggling with his own things made it all worse. So when he went on a night walk he somehow comes across Venom and they bond(?I don’t know how to put it?).

Fast forward years later when his family is a lot better health wise, he uses catching bad guys and letting Venom eat most of them to blow off excess steam and as his therapy. He is out doing his regular shit eating bad guys and he comes across you getting robbed.

You just had a horrible day at work and just wanted to go home and sleep but this guy just had to choose you, a young woman a lone with her earbud(s) in and a backpack on her back walking past the opening of an alleyway at like 11pm.

You were too tired and smart to fight and decided to give the man what he wanted, money, but you only had $3.34 on you from tips and change. The man was pissed, but what is a woman in her last year of college supposed to have, a centurion card (Black Card)? You were living off of hard hours working in the restaurant industry and the scholarships you got to not go in dept after you graduate, even now. You were even an RA but tuition is still pricy.

Simon saw the squabble and knew you just needed some help, since the man just pulled a knife out, and you looked like you could just lay on the floor and sleep the next week away.

Simon (actually Venom) lands on the ground and politely, to the best of his abilities which is none, tells the man to hand back you your money and to walk away. The man argued saying he deserved it, you just wanted to walk away but as Venom took his first step out into the light the man grabs your arm and puts the knife to your neck.

Now you were not only pissed but scared, pissed that if this man slits your throat or puts you in the hospital it can ruin your chance at graduating, and after all those gruesome years of pain and suffering you did not want to redo a whole year. Scared because who wouldn’t be scared of a knife to your neck and the guy holding it looks like his off his rocker.

When you turned your head towards Simon, not only did he see the fear and anger in your eyes but he saw how beautiful you were, even as he could see the light sheen of sweat on you, your dirty hair, and the prominent eye bags you were carrying around, but he would call those bags gucci with how beautiful you looked still with no make up and the bad situation you got unlucky with.

When you saw him your eyes widened. Apparently the man had gotten more scared than you seeing the big black and dark gray mass. Shaped with a human complexion of a body but the head was obviously alien.

The man shoved the knife’s dull blade into your neck enough to draw a small line of blood. Though he didn’t get far enough to cut you deeper since Venom shot a tendril out and grabbed the mans arm. The man dropped the knife due to the pain radiating from his arm. Venom asked (really he threatened) the man to hand you back what he stole from you and he threw insults, calling you all sorts of names you wished to never be called by anyone.

Simon, and especially Venom, was in a happier mood today and would have let that man go with a very distinct warning, but those insults thrown at you slammed that “good day” door right on their faces. Simon believed that no words such as the ones he spoke, should be heard by your pretty ears, those pretty ears with all those pretty jewelry on every inch of them, dangling and reflecting the street and store lights off of the jewels.

Simon didn’t wish for you to see this next part but Venom liked your ear piercings and tattoos and was getting very cranky and wished to take a bite of that man’s head. Simon couldn’t stop Venom in time and the next thing you notice is the blood and the top part of the man’s cervical vertebrae sticking out.

You were a wide eyed doe right then and there. With your hand on your mouth not trying to breath anything around you in. Venom then turns and asks if you’re alright. He was sorry you had to see it, you just nodded and continued to look at the body, slowly and weirdly getting used to it the more you stared at it. You believe you should take a break from all those movies and shows that has a lot of gore in it, believing that your reaction to this situation is not normal.

With how you reacted, and noticing you not shaking much at all anymore, Venom strikes up a conversation with you, much to Simon’s protest. He noticed the accent and figures out that you are not originally from the area, definitely from a different country. As seconds pass, Venom and Simon like you more and more. Asking to walk you home to make sure you are okay, Venom changes back to Simon and he walks you home. You’re much too surprised and still very much so tired and don’t try to fight him on his request to walk you home. But you enjoy the silence between you both, it was calming and you didn’t need to listen to music to fill that silence for once.

When he reached your home he wished you a safe and well night. You stop him real quickly, asking if you could do anything for him to repay him for helping you. He said he didn’t need anything from you. Just as he was turning to walk away you ask to at least cook him a mean sometime, him AND Venom of course, remembering that Venom said that that man’s head was not tasty and he was still hungry.

Simon did not wish to bring you into his pain filled life, but he wished to be selfish for once for his own happiness and with that Simon agrees. He walks away with one lesser bad guy on the streets and with a new number in his contacts, ready to set up a dinner with the woman he knew would later marry.

Anyway thats my little thought of a Simon Riley Venom AU. I did’t specify an age of the reader cause people are different ages during their college/university years and some people go to school for more than the regular 2-4 years. But I was thinking Simon would be about around 25 while the reader is around 22/23 but can be older, maybe even 21 if you want her to be, but nothing under cause those specific age gaps weird me out.

I also did not specify his and her appearance or what she wears bc I don’t really care but if I did I would say more so jeans, converse, and t-shirt with maybe a zip up type style. I do love a girly with many piercings and tattoos though so I wanted to put it in there.

Anyway…sorry Im a d1 yapper😔. I just thought a simon+venom au would be perfect and he would fit the role of Eddie so well. Especially with the motorcycle ugh creaming rn😩. Ehem. Do with this how you want but I do hope that if you do use this please tag me. Maybe give me credits for this idea since I have not found anything like this anywhere if you want. But yeah if someone writes this PLEASE TAG ME. I write for shit so I definitely am not.

[letteredlettered]

Since people expressed interest in the comments about the music I used to write my current fic, I wanted to share some of what I explored to write it. I don't think that you need to know this canon or have read this fic to read this post, though I do spend a bit of time talking about how canon influenced the choices I made. Anyone who has been following this fic knows that it was supposed to be porn, and largely, it really still is for the most part a fic about sex. But I did do a lot of research on music with which I'm frankly not very familiar, and the process was really rewarding.

The fic is Time Signature, if you're interested. This post has a lot about music, electronic music, Chinese music, and music theory, as well as some links to music that interests me and inspired portions of the fic. I don't expect anyone to read anything this long, but it was nice to write it.

Canon. One of my favorite things about both book and drama canon is how in synch WWX/LWJ are cultivation-wise. It’s not just that they can predict the talisman the other will use or the seal the other will cast; they also have the same hunches solving mysteries, the same instincts protecting others, the same ideas about where to go. When writing an AU, it’s important to me to show that synchronization (beyond physical attraction and sex), mostly because I think it’s hot.

In canon, however, WWX revolutionizes cultivation, inventing a whole new method when no one ever thought that possible. I also think this is hot. I also think it’s hot if LWJ thinks it’s hot. Look, canonically, LWJ disapproves of demonic cultivation because it will injure WWX’s spirit and body, but imo there is a reason LWJ is so into WWX, and it’s not just because WWX bugs him. It’s not even just because WWX is really cute and happy and exuberant and everything that’s the opposite of his upbringing. I also like to think that it’s because WWX is a fucking genius, and LWJ doesn't mind the idea of upending tradition and the entire cultivation world as much as it really seems at first that he would; he just struggles with anything that could hurt WWX. So anyway, WWX being revolutionary, in basically a technological sense, is important to me.

Wangxian both play music canonically. LWJ’s playing is noted to be particularly powerful, and WWX’s chosen music is at least one part of his revolutionary cultivation method. Additionally, the song LWJ writes for them is an important plot point. It makes sense that in a modern AU, music is a point of connection, so that is what I chose for their careers.

The final point about canon I want to make in connection to the music for this fic is that this is a Chinese canon with Chinese characters set in China. I don’t think it’s wrong to write AUs set in the west. I have done so, and I think there is value in examining a Chinese canon that has become very popular in the west through the lens of the Chinese diaspora. But I also think that there is a lot of value in a western person such as myself trying to learn and understand the cultural context for a canon that I really like, even if I sometimes get it wrong.

I had decided to set this fic in China because I thought the setting would not strongly feature, which would give me an easy “in” to write something set in a place I don’t know much about. Directly after choosing the setting I chose their careers, which made me realize I needed to do a lot more research—both about the careers but also about the setting--than a fic that was supposed to be mainly porn should have really required.

Music genre choice. Lots of AUs I’ve read have Wangxian’s mutual interest be that they both play western classical instruments. This baffles me, but it’s what I’ve seen, so I loosely started there—ie, I spent some time thinking about what would be revolutionary in western instrumental music, which entailed doing some research on contemporary classical music. There are obviously pioneers in any music genre, folks doing new things, but it turned out I just did not know enough about this genre to really understand what would be truly avant-garde.

I took a step back and thought about the instrumental music I have personally heard that feels really new and different, and Philip Glass was the first thing that came to mind. I first heard of Philip Glass when I saw The Hours, for which he wrote the soundtrack. I still think that soundtrack is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard, and I did use it as inspiration for music in this fic, particularly LWJ’s. More on that later.

Philip Glass is great, but for all his eastern minimalist influences, he is a strong figure in the western paradigm. I did some research on Chinese contemporary instrumental music, but most of what I found had a really western flavor. I think there are two reasons for this—one is that I am in the west searching for articles in English; for all that we like to imagine the internet is universal, search algorithms and search history is actually making it far harder than it used to be to find material with which you are completely unfamiliar. Secondly, western music did in fact have a notable impact on Chinese music, which is fine, it’s still Chinese, but I worried about everything I wrote just sounding like it was about western classical, which is a concern of mine I’ll address more later.

Since I wasn’t finding what I wanted, particularly for WWX, in the “art music” (aka, lowercase “c” classical music, which Wikipedia says is also known as “cultivated music, serious music, or canonical music”—ie, instrumental music with strings, winds, percussion) scene, I realized I needed to examine the other contemporary music, by which I mean everything else. Since I am most familiar with rock, Radiohead immediately came to mind, but Radiohead is a band, and there are lyrics. Though the lyrics are not where the meaning of Radiohead songs lie (the vocals are treated as largely instrumental), if there were lyrics, I’d need to write about them, and I didn’t want to. More importantly, Radiohead is singular in what they do, which makes them difficult to categorize, and this makes them difficult to describe textually. You can say that Radiohead revolutionized rock, or even reinvented it, but that is not really addressing how fundamentally avant-gardeRadiohead is. Describing how revolutionary Radiohead is on paper really is just saying “but they’re different!” over and over again.

What I needed for WWX was a music genre that was revolutionary, an entire school of music that felt cutting edge and frankly, unfamiliar, and for that, I realized I needed my brother.

Some stories about my family. My brother is a music artist who creates electronic music. If you want to understand why it took me this long to get to my brother in this thought process, you should understand a few things about him. First, I love him a lot, but we’re not very close. Second, my brother is probably the quietest person I know—like, idk, LWJ levels of non-talking. Last, I do not understand my brother’s music. I’ve tried! I listened to it a lot! But when I didn’t understand, I asked questions, and my brother cannot explain any of it. He’s an expressive guy! Just not verbally, and as a very verbal person, I have a tough time when people cannot use their words. Like, even asking him what type of music he plays, he’ll say something like, “It’s complicated.” (This is a lie. He’ll look at me and say, “Type?” And I’ll try to explain what I mean. And he’ll say, “I don’t know.” And if I said, “Okay, but if you had to label it?” He’d laugh and say, “Why?” And if I said, “So I can better understand your music,” he’d think for a long time, then look very frustrated, and laugh, and say, “I don’t know?” I think we’ve literally had this exact conversation).

Anyway, possibly through one of these type of exchanges, where I’m grilling him like a school marm and he’s acting like I’m making him take a standardized test he hates (I’m his little sister. Would it be easier to subject him to these horrors if he was my little brother?), I learned that one of my brother’s influences is Aphex Twin. My brother loves Aphex Twin. I . . . don’t. I’ve listened to a lot of him (in order to understand my brother better); I do not like it, and I do not understand it. My brother talks about Aphex Twin like he’s a genius (if and when my brother talks at all). Now, my brother is a very smart guy; it’s not that I didn’t believe him when he said Aphex Twin was a genius, but he also gets . . . swept up by things, and as previously discussed, he doesn’t talk a lot, so I didn’t really understand what my brother meant by this. It took hearing about Aphex Twin randomly, in a couple other places, for me to realize Aphex Twin is a Big Deal. When I looked up Aphex Twin at some point in order to better understand the music my brother makes, I found that Aphex Twin is considered by many to be a genius and also a pioneer. Apologies to all of you who already knew that about Aphex Twin.

Sidenote, my brother’s wife is also a musician, though not professionally. She could have been, considering that she was ranked as one of the top flute players in Texas, and Texas is fucking huge. But no, professionally, my sister-in-law is in cognitive science and linguistics, which you may remember was the career LWJ had in Say More (my fiancée is also a linguist. I also know a few other linguists. My life is convenient for my Wangxian AUs, I gotta say). I mention my sister-in-law because my sister-in-law has enough musical acuity to also recognize that both my brother and Aphex Twin are geniuses, which really helped me to understand that even though I’m not really into this music at all, it really is a Big Deal.

So, I researched Aphex Twin and also went to my brother’s website for his music to find out what the hell this type of music is called, and it turns out there’s not a good name. IDM, which stands for intelligent dance music, is a label Aphex Twin himself famously does not like, and my brother labeled his own music as “acid, techno, house, electro.” Wikipedia said that Aphex Twin is known for techno, ambient, and jungle.

Anyway, into this confusing morass of electronic revolutionary music is where I decided to plunk Wei Ying.

Electronic music. Note for this section that I know nothing about electronic music. I’m writing this post partly to document the journey of discovery I went on to write this porn. I’m not really trying to educate anyone so much as I’m trying to provide insight as to what I researched for this fic and what the references are, in case the fic interested you.

When you really get down to it, music made with electronics has as many genres and styes as music made with more traditional instruments, and the labels are just as confusing (see this Wikipedia list of electronic music genres). For instance, “electronica” just means music made with electronics to some people, but to others it’s more specific. You’ve also got a bunch of other terms: ambient, EDM, techno, house, IDM.

This is all based on what I learned from Wikipedia, but here are some loose definitions as I understand them: There’s ambient, which is really made for background listening, and then there’s EDM (electronic dance music), which is made for active listening—ie, dancing. Within EDM you have lots of genres, such as techno; techno is usually characterized by a specific tempo and repeating structure, and house, which . . . is also characterized by a specific tempo and repeating structure, but the tempo is different. From what I can gather, house is also a bigger tent than techno; ie, many different genres and styles can be house, but techno is more often just techno. (Note that part of the reason all of this terminology has so much overlap is that it originated in different places; techno was invented in Berlin, house in Chicago.) Meanwhile, the list of genres of house is so big that it also has its own Wikipedia page, which is almost as large as the list of electronic music genres.

Note that there is such a thing as “house ambient”, which explodes the entire concept of ambient vs EDM. To aid in that explosion, IDM is described on Wikipedia as including styles such as ambient techo, and “is regarded as better suited to home listening rather than dancing.” What stands out about IDM, and the reason it is featured in the fic, is that it’s known for being experimental. (I’ll add that it emerged in the 90s, which isn’t great for my fic. Whatever WWX is doing, he is on the edge, and 90s music already old to him, even if he’s Aphex Twin’s biggest fan! But alas, my research could not tell me what is happening right now, because you really have to be involved in The Scene to understand what’s new. By the time it’s documented, it’s already really a little old.)

If you are researching electronic music and how it is revolutionary, you’re probably going to get into its evolution and history, since this is a new style of music. And if you are looking into the origins of this kind of music, you’re going to find Brian Eno. And if you’re looking into Brian Eno, you’re going to find minimalism.

Minimalism. Brian Eno is an extremely famous dude. I’d probably heard of him before, but I am very good with big concepts and pretty bad with details, so because I didn’t know anything about the bigger concepts behind ambient/electronic music/minimalism, I never paid attention. Now I’m hearing about him literally everywhere, which is funny, since it’s not like he’s new news. Ezra Klein was literally waxing poetic about Music for Airports just a month ago.

Eno is famous for his pioneering work in ambient music and electronic music, and, as one might expect, electronic ambient. Eno was always doing experimental, avant-garde stuff, and early on he embraced a minimal style. He later coined the term “ambient music.”

What’s interesting about this is that around the same time as Eno was doing this in later 1960s/early 1970s, a new kind of art music was being born in classical circles. This is the capital “M” Minimal music, for which—you guessed it—Philip Glass is really famous. And when you look at Philip Glass’s influences, he was deeply influenced by the minimalism of eastern music, especially Indian and Tibetan music. I couldn’t really find anything saying that Brian Eno was directly influenced by traditional eastern music, but Eno is definitely a fan of Glass and vice versa; they really build on each other.

This ended up just being a very cool intersection for the fic that I didn’t plan. I didn’t end up using it very much, but I must say I was stupidly pleased that the kind of music I was looking into for both of these characters has such deep roots in eastern music traditions. So now let’s talk a little bit about eastern music, specifically Chinese music, since that’s where this fic is based.

Chinese music. I did read a bit about Chinese music for this fic, and I have to say that I still don’t know a lot about it. As stated above, I’m in the west, using my western search techniques, looking for primarily articles in English (though I get Google to translate some things). I also just have a western understanding of music and music history, and it turns out, surprise, different cultures are different, and my entire paradigm for understanding music does not really apply to music from other cultures.

I, and many of us, want music to be a universal language, something that can move through all barriers and touch us in our souls. And it is! I have listened to and loved music not from my culture! But thinking of music as something intrinsically universal and therefore immediately moving to everyone really collapses the rich history of musical tradition all cultures have. Music really is like a language, in that it is built on the culture that creates it; it has its own internal logic; it has style and meaning that depend on the history of that tradition and the understanding of its audience. The brief reading I’m going to do to write some porn will not give me to understand the deep and rich tradition of Chinese music, but also, frankly, even if I turned all my efforts and career to learning and understanding this right now, I still would not have the best comprehension. I don’t even comprehend western music, and I grew up with it. So, forgive me for the paucity of my understanding and knowledge, and please correct me if I make mistakes.

When I think about Chinese music that I know about, I think of two things: modern and traditional. The modern stuff I’m thinking of is stuff like C-pop, but also the things you might hear on the soundtrack for a drama or movie. To me, none of this music sounds that different than western pop or western soundtracks. There are a few reasons for this: one, there are tons of Chinese music that is not reaching me. Two, maybe I just think it doesn’t sound that different because I can only really process what I recognize. Three, in a similar vein, maybe I’m thinking “that sounds like what I know” when really what I know sounds like what I’m hearing. Globalization is definitely doing things to music; if you’re telling me that Asian pop is not influencing western pop right now, I’m going to think you’re crazy, considering the influence and popularity Asian pop has in the US and Europe right now. And four, western music did have an impact on Chinese music, so there’s that.

Obviously, the music genre I chose for Wei Ying falls into the modern sphere, and I certainly looked into the techno/EDM/IDM/electronic/ambient/house scene in China. Articles I found stated it took a little longer for EDM to pick up steam in China, but now it’s definitely going strong. There are some great electronic music festivals, EDM clubs, underground EDM scenes, and EDM music artists (composers and DJs!) in China. Researching these artists was pretty difficult, especially because I wanted Wangxian’s musical discussions to be highly technical, and for highly technical discussions about EDM you are wandering into some very niche spaces. I’m sure such spaces about EDM in China exist, but they’re most likely to be in Chinese.

As I’ve said, globalization is a factor when it comes to cultural difference in music, and I’d add here that because this genre of music is so new, globalization has even more influence, from what I can tell. That said, I do not want to diminish how much influence very specific locations have to do with this type of music. EDM is very tied to clubs (because of the dancing) and performance (because of deejaying, and also because of things like live coding/algorave), which is probably why we get so many granular genres of house—Chicago house is different from Detroit, just for example. Regardless, I stuck with researching a lot of western artists for both the music and musical discussions in the fic, mostly because the music is supposed to be so new and avant-garde that is should not be something overly familiar to the reader, even if they’re steeped in electronic music genres.

Then there’s traditional music.

Traditional music. Traditional music obviously had a huge influence on Chinese modern music. The influence of traditional eastern music on modern eastern music, as well as traditional eastern music itself, is what really influenced a lot of western minimalism of the 1960s and 70s (and onward). To be clear, not all “eastern” traditional music is the same. It’s just as richly diverse regionally as traditional western music, if not more so, given “the east” is fucking huge—though I will say that a lot of people think of western music as pretty monolithic, because folk is characterized as a separate tradition than classical. When you consider ancient western folk, there’s a shit ton of it, and it’s quite diverse. There is also folk music in eastern music traditions, and this is different than music that would have been played in courts and palaces, so there’s really a ton going on.

Traditional music is what people think of when they think of eastern music being “weird,” which is something I really hate. Look, I love being weird; I think weird is cool; it’s great. But weird means unusual, and traditional music is very usual; people who say that just mean it’s unusual for them, and they should think about their words. What they’re trying to say is that traditional eastern music will sound very different for many western listeners, even though, again, we like to think of music as so universal, actually!, because it’s based on math, actually!, and math is so universal!!! The truth is that math is patterns, and patterns are things that your brain recognizes when there are familiar elements, and when there are unfamiliar elements your brain has trouble recognizing the pattern. So, again, music is a way to communicate across all kinds of boundaries, but it is not a universal translator. (But it does make you wonder . . . if Lan Zhan played Inquiry, could Aeneas answer???)

Regarding the unfamiliar math, what we’re talking about is scales. I think most people know this part. Eastern scales are based on math, just like western scales, but the frequencies are divided up differently. Among other things, traditional Chinese music did not use equal temperament, which means depending on what note you start with, the intervals for all the notes on the scale were be different. A way of thinking about this, at least as I understand it, is that a piano is even tempered. All the notes are always the same whether you’re playing in C major or B flat, because you have no control over the frequency produced when you press the key. But if you’re using just intonation—say you’re using an instrument with just a few strings—you’re adjusting the frequency of the note to match your scale. It requires extremely precise hearing and playing ability.

Notation for traditional Chinese music was really different than how I as a westerner understand it. For one thing, it didn’t include rhythm, and for another, it represented more a framework for improvisation than every single precise note. (See Gongche notation, Wikipedia.)

Authorship was also thought of pretty differently. When I googled “great Chinese composers,” the only results I was getting were twentieth century. There are some great ancient Chinese composers, but I had to do a lot of digging to find them, and trying to find someone like the Chinese equivalent of Beethoven is just the wrong approach. When you get right down to it, this really seems to be about the fundamental difference between western individualism vs eastern collectivism and community-based thinking. The individual artist is not the hero of the story. That said, the tradition of the music is very heroic. For instance, the notation allows such variation that the same piece can really build and grow through different artists, much like a story through oral tradition. Additionally, for an artist in an ensemble piece to stand out would really be quite rude; the point is not the individual talent of the musicians but the fundamental beauty of the piece. (This was a particularly hard thing to research, and I mostly found out what I laid out above from various folks answering questions in forums. The best one I found is here.)

Another thing is that harmony, as we think of it, was just not really a thing in traditional Chinese music. The focus was on a melody, which is where minimalism comes in. I’d add here that the “as we think of it” is pretty important, because the western paradigm, including western music language, is not super great at really capturing the nuance of Chinese music. I am terrible at tracking my sources when I research stuff for fic, so I was trying to find some of them now, and I came across this article, which examines the harmony that did exist, but how different it is from what we think of when we think of western harmony.

Despite the reading I did on this subject, very little about Chinese traditional music made it into the fic. I do have Lan Zhan reading a book on traditional music that he hates. This isn’t based on a book I found, but rather to show that Lan Zhan isn’t really into the idea of musical “purity,” that is, ideas of what you should and shouldn’t do with music. That said, I’m not really aware of what strictures around traditional Chinese music are like, or what the Chinese thought is on that. I am aware of how deeply restrictive western thought is regarding music theory, and that’s really where that part of the fic was coming from.

I’d originally had Lan Zhan reading a book on western music theory and very deeply hating it, but I also felt like having him read a book on western theory could reinforce the idea that he’s working within a western paradigm, when really the whole point is that this Lan Zhan very intentionally uses traditional music values. Due to his inspiration from Wei Ying, he’s breaking the norms of how that music works, but he's not necessarily making it western; he’s making it avant-garde. Basically, my inspiration was a Chinese Philip Glass, but I didn’t want to say that because as mentioned above, Glass is still western, no matter his influences. That said, Wei Ying does compare Lan Zhan to Philip Glass and also Tan Dun, who you might recognize as the guy who did the soundtrack for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, among many other very famous projects.

Tan Dun has in fact been called the Chinese Philip Glass, which is probably not very respectful to Tan Dun, who is himself an incredible (and experimental!) composer. I should note, however, that Tan Dun is Chinese American—he was born in China, but got a degree at Columbia and has lived in New York since. Also, he is particularly famous for marrying Eastern traditionalism with western style, and that really wasn’t what I wanted for Lan Zhan. I didn’t want Lan Zhan to be incredible because he was using western traditions, though he is familiar with them and can make very talented use of them. A lot of very famous Chinese modern composer are famous for that, and that music is still very Chinese. That said, I felt that if I made that Lan Zhan’s style, it would feel like I was saying Lan Zhan’s music is special because it’s western, and that was something I really wasn’t keen on.

In the end, I possibly did the fic and traditional Chinese music a disservice by having Lan Zhan read his book and hate on it. One of the whole reasons western music theory sucks is it can be pretty racist, and that’s what I was trying to avoid, but by conflating my rage at western music theory with eastern, I didn’t really help things much. But anyway, since I’ve now mentioned it, let’s just take a slight detour to talk about what I mean by racist music theory.

Western music theory racism. There’s a scene in the movie Tár that really solidified my feelings on the subject. In it, a student who identifies as BIPOC and pangender, says they don’t really have much use for Bach because of Bach’s misogynist history. The extremely famous director, Tár, played by Cate Blanchett, lambasts the student for “cancelling” Bach because of Bach’s personal life. The student goes on to say that they really just don’t have much interest in cis male white composers, and Tár continues to lambast the student for considering things like gender and race in conjunction with the art.

My understanding of this scene was that it was demonstrating that Tár is a jerk, so full of herself that she can’t listen to other voices, and so steeped in her 18th century western ideas of genius that she’s literally silencing the music voices she’s supposed to support. That was not most people’s reading of the scene, and in retrospect, possibly not the intention of the film. It seems rather telling that not a lot is known about Bach’s misogyny or lack thereof; there are plenty of other “great” western composers that are known to be worse in terms of misogyny and abuse, and yet the film did not make this scene about them. In retrospect, maybe that scene wanted to paint this student as kind of ignorant for cancelling Bach, and Tár really puts them in their place when she describes how art is more important than the artist.

Fuck that. I certainly believe that art is more important than the artist. JK Rowling sucks; that doesn’t mean I will stop loving HP fic and the part it’s played in my life. But the ugliness of the scene is that it hinges on importance of Bach, and look here, shocker, Bach is not essential, just as JKR is not essential if you decide you don’t ever want to familiarize yourself with the literature of TERFs. Even if you want to be a musician and create or conduct music, Bach is just not essential.

He’s pretty important if you want to be a western music historian, true, but when we talk about music there are many, many music traditions that are incredibly worthwhile and important that not only weren’t created by cis white men, but also weren’t ever derived or influenced by cis white men. If you think that you need Bach to know and love and create and perform and conduct music, it’s because you’re operating in a single paradigm that has become yes, universally known, but also for that reason oppressive and imperialist. I am not saying western classical music is bad because it’s imperialist, just to be clear. Bach’s great! Hate ‘im, but I do love me some Beethoven and he was also very cis and male and white and also a complete douche! What I’m saying is that forcing this music tradition on others is deeply imperialist, and it happens all the time.

Anyway, this is really a tangent, because despite my very good intentions to write about Chinese music, as I have stated, almost everything I used for reference was western, even a lot of the stuff I listened to. Maybe I just wanted to acknowledge that that’s a little racist, even though I tried not to be. Maybe I also wanted to hate on Tár and leave you with this interesting video about white supremacy in music theory.

References. Finally, we’ve reached the part I had originally intended to post, which is why I started writing this. Below are the essays and articles I used to write this fic. They were used in three ways: 1) to describe the music (though I also listened to things, see next section), 2) to inform Lan Zhan’s critiques and Wei Ying’s ideas—though I read a lot of essays to do that, just a crazy amount considering how little of the fic is actually about that, and 3) to describe the reading material Wei Ying and Lan Zhan exchange.

Music Beyond Airports – Appraising Ambient Music

This is a series of essays largely focused around Brian Eno’s Music for Airports, though there’s a lot of other stuff as well. I didn’t read everything in here, but the collection is absolutely fascinating. “Ambient House: “Little Fluffy Clouds” And The Sampler As Time Machine” is one of the “articles” Wei Ying sends Lan Zhan; meanwhile, the collection as whole is what Lan Zhan sends Wei Ying when he says he’s been reading about ambient house. Additionally, “Adaptive Game Scoring With Ambient Music” really influenced Lan Zhan’s commentary about arpeggiation, the first time he comments on Wei Ying’s music.

Counterpoint - Tracking in the Music of Aphex Twin

I have some embarrassment about this, given that the article is about counterpoint, and as I have discussed above, eastern traditional music doesn’t really employ that in the way westerners think about it. However, it’s also pretty backwards to restrict Wei Ying to traditional eastern music, as modern Chinese music includes plenty of counterpoint, and part of the point of the fic is that Wei Ying is doing entirely new things that haven’t been done before. Well. They’ve been done by Aphex Twin, as described in this piece, which also describes the first piece that Wei Ying plays for Lan Zhan in the fic, in the car. I did lift the phrase “pedagogy of counterpoint,” and could not decide whether it was long enough or significant enough to credit in the fic.

Unequal Temperament: A Review of Aphex Twin’s SYRO

I can’t remember what I used this article for. It’s an interesting read.

Reverb Machine (the entire website)

This is the site I kept returning to over and over and over again. Most of the articles about electronic really focus on either the equipment used or chords. In the fic, Lan Zhan isn’t supposed to know much about equipment or how any of it is used, because he does not do electronic music. Also, I didn’t really want to talk much about chord progressions, because those discussions are steeped in western music theory, and I wanted it to be possible for Wei Ying to be using the kind of scales traditional Chinese music used, even if a lot of modern Chinese music does use an even-tempered 12-tone scale. However, this site has a lot, and I ended up returning to it again and again so Wei Ying could say an offhand thing about reverb, and to describe certain things.

Notably, Wei Ying’s track, sex.mp3 is loosely based around Trent Reznor’s and Atticus Ross’s soundtrack to The Social Network. I haven’t even talked about Trent Reznor, but he was also someone I considered deeply when I started thinking about making Wei Ying do electronic music. In case you don’t know, Reznor was the artist behind Nine Inch Nails, but in later years he moved on to more experimental things, including movie soundtracks. Side note, movie soundtracks and video games is where a lot of these experimental artists doing either minimalism, ambient, or electronica, or a combination of all three end up, and I ended up reading a lot about video game music.

But anyway, when I saw the Social Network, I came out of it 1) admiring Aaron Sorkin and wishing I didn’t admire Aaron Sorkin because he’s kind of a douche, 2) shipping Mark and Eduardo way too much for my comfort, 3) going HOLY SHIT THAT SOUNDTRACK. Turns out I was not alone in finding that soundtrack totally different and new compared to anything I have ever heard, because as it turns out, it really was—wait for it—revolutionary. I understand that I have now said that about Glass, Eno, Radiohead, and Aphex Twin, but hey, people are doing things in music. Like I get that pop and hiphop artists are revolutionizing their genres all the time, but also it is possible for music as we know it to be redefined, and it’s not just the weird shit you hear that sounds like noise (there is a place for the weird shit that sounds like noise, and Brian Eno is closer to it than any of the above mentioned; I am not dissing weird shit that sounds like noise, because it is part of how we get where we are going).

Anyway, I used this website’s essay about The Social Network’s piece, “In Motion” to describe some of the music and inform some commentary on it.

“East Meets West: A Musical Analysis of Chinese Sights and Sounds, by Yuankai BaoSounds, by Yuankai Bao” by Jiazi Shi

This was the only essay I found that really had the extremely niche technical jargon that I really wanted for the fic that was also about Chinese music. You’ll note that it’s about a Chinese composer who is, again, famous for marrying eastern and western tradition, but this was what I could find in English, and I searched a lot. You’ll note that Lan Zhan’s very specific comment about the key change is something very directly inspired by this grad school dissertation. You’ll also note that this is where I found “Flowing Stream,” including a description of the song and the lyrics.

Music. A lot of fics like this one will link you to a specific piece that the character is playing. I could not do that, because the music in my fic is very intentionally made up. As I have been saying, the whole point is that Wei Ying is pushing the boundaries, inventing music that does not exist. So is Lan Zhan, by the end. I listened to music to inspire the descriptions, but it is not what they are playing, and almost none of it is Chinese. I’d be very interested in finding some Chinese music that is working on some of the principles of minimalism and electronic that these pieces employ.

Aphex Twin – Stone In Focus

Now you’ve come to the climax—this is really the story of how I learned to love Aphex Twin. This piece makes me cry. It’s what I used to describe the piece that has the remix of Lan Zhan’s guqin piece from 12 years ago. Obviously, the guqin piece mentioned in the fic is the canonical piece, Wangxian, but I find Wangian in the drama cheesier than I want it to be, and this Aphex Twin piece doesn’t have the Wangxian part. It’s just the sad longing part before Wangxian enters, but you’ll also notice that there are no flutes! Again, this is not the piece Wei Ying wrote; it’s just what I used for the description.

I didn’t link to the YouTube video I was watching, because the video was a collection and this didn’t come on until after minute thirteen. But that video just has this very sad tunnel that looks like maybe it’s for a train, and the rain is falling, and that makes me cry as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHl4NVytGpo&t=1074s

Book featuring Ndidi O - Hold On, I'm Coming

Wait, you’re saying, this is not electronic/house/ambient at all; this is just a trick to get me to watch one of your favorite wangxian vids! You’re right! But frankly, I was not focused on the genre when describing the music; I was focused on getting the feel of it that I wanted. The opening sequence to this was what I used to describe the track they make love to. (Lan Zhan starts making out with him and kind of slowly humping him to the track with the wangxian remix, but then Lan Zhan demands he plays something else, and this is what I listened to to get the feel for it.)

This pieces is a cover, and frankly, I can’t find out much about it. But just thinking about it turns me on and makes me cry and makes me feel so much, I can’t do it too often.

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross – “In Motion,” from soundtrack to The Social Network

As noted above, this piece inspired sex.mp3, but I will say that the article I linked above about this piece, as well as the memory of the soundtrack itself, inspired descriptions more than listening to the piece itself. In the fic, sex.mp3 is initially described as “violent.” This was because I didn’t know if the track would play a big part in the fic, and then when it did, I really had to change to both to fit the meaning and the flavor I wanted; it became “anxiety inducing,” and that’s when it became “In Motion.” “In Motion,” however, is kind of too bright and peppy to really be sex.mp3, though I will say I was trying to listen to it just to write this section of the post, and I had to turn it off. It makes me SO anxious.

Philip Glass – soundtrack to The Hours

I’m linking the whole soundtrack, because in the fic Lan Zhan writes several related pieces, which is what this soundtrack is. I can’t even recommend one piece on this soundtrack, because it’s the thing as a whole that really makes you cry, and I can’t say I listened to a specific part of it to describe Lan Zhan’s music, because I know it so well that I only have to listen to a small piece to get all of it.  

Flowing Water, played by Chen Leiji

The part this played in the fic is obvious. I listened to at least five versions of Flowing Stream/Flowing Water, and this is the one that I like the best. However, like all the renditions I listened to, the piece eventually becomes pretty complex and different than I wanted for Lan Zhan. In fact, what the narration describes as “showing off technique” is what I found in all recordings of this piece. I guess if you’re going to play “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” on YouTube you’re going to do something impressive with it, but I will say this piece is still very close to what I wanted.

I will also say that when I searched for this piece, as well as several other traditional songs, the search results had a lost of stuff that said you can listen to these pieces for tranquility and calm and meditation. I suggest listening to this one as extremely passionate and longing, and you’re going to get a lot more from it. If you resign it to the background, yeah, it’s kind of nice. If you let each note really speak to you, you’re going to really ache in a beautiful way.

Brian Eno – Ambient 1, Music for Airports

After hearing so much about Eno and Music for Airports, I was a little afraid I wouldn’t like it. After all, this isn’t really my genre, and witness how long it took me to find something I liked by Aphex Twin. However, I really needed some inspiration for the piece Wei Ying composes after Lan Zhan breaks them up, so I started listening to it.

The opening to this album is not the heartbreaking thing that the fic describes. It in fact does break my heart, but that is because there is something so sweet about it, lonely and sweet, but also perfectly fine being by itself. This piece is like a child alone in a room, figuring out blocks. This piece is like a cat on a piano, content with its nonsense noise. This piece is what it’s like to be alone and to be fine with that, to love from afar and be fine with that. It still brings me to tears, listening to it.

Radiohead – Everything in its Right Place

Apparently I did not succeed in writing all the music without Radiohead. I will say it happened because I happened to be watching a TV show that just happened to use this song right when I needed something powerful. I was already thinking about them, because my BFF was listening to a podcast about In Rainbows, which explains the children shouting “Yay!” in 15 Step. I really wanted something other than rain to get sampled in Wei Ying’s music, and my brother has specifically used his children talking or his babies crying as samples. Once Lan Zhan knows about A-Yuan, I wanted to use that idea, so I listened to 15 Step again, which is far too peppy for what I needed. But then Everything In Its Right Place came on, and it’s actually way too melancholy for what I needed, but that doesn’t really matter; I just needed to get a few notes described, so this is what I used for inspiration for what Wei Ying plays Lan Zhan after he admits to being in love with him. I will just say that re-listening to this song really does remind me of just how much Kid A means to me, but also how much it means to, like, music. There was really nothing like it at the time.

-

I will end this post by saying that I am not, in fact, a "music" person. So many people need and rely on music to get them through tough times. I mostly don't care about it. I don't have a Spotify account, and I can't imagine taking the time to really curate playlists.

But one thing I can say about me and my tastes is that I'm interested in learning. I want to try new things and hear things that I haven't heard before. To be a little self-aggrandizing, I think that that's a good thing. I think it makes me a better person to work on listening to things that I'm a little unfamiliar with and learn what's great about them. I think I got to do that quite a bit writing this, even though in the end I used a lot of pieces I was familiar with to do the actual writing. I hope that maybe someone reads this and decides to listen to something new, just like I did.

[daisys-reality]

𝙿𝙰𝙲.𝟶𝟷𝟽 : 𝙸𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎? 𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚙𝚝 𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝙳𝚁?

Let’s say you decided on which DR you want to shift to. You already created some type of script, whether it’s physically, digitally or perhaps you just have a vague idea in mind on what you want to experience there. Now, you started getting unsure if this is really what you want… Or if you should focus on another DR instead. I will try to give you some guidance here on your situation! But don’t take this too much to heart, just use it as additional inspiration, okay? And if you like to read more pac readings from me, feel free to check out my  masterlist as well. Also, I don't own any of these beautiful pics.

𝙿𝙸𝙻𝙴 𝙾𝙽𝙴  

Is this really what you want to experience? - What you have in mind or what you have on your script will be a challenge but yes, it seems to be something you really want to experience. Don’t be afraid, you're strong enough to handle it BUT it’s better to restrain your wild/aggressive side and your subconscious desire for (self) destruction a little bit and to avoid any open and (especially) unnecessary fights/scandals there…

Should you edit your script? Or focus on another DR? - Yes, you could perhaps edit your script (or plan) for this DR in a way that you will have more of a cool relaxing experience or more moments of relaxation in general (instead of constant stress and 24/07 new ‘plots’ lmao). Also, your script could perhaps mirror some of your fears (fear of abandonment/commitment). You might actually not really know what this DR will bring you. I feel like there are a few moments you want to experience but you probably left the rest open or rather up to the universe. There might be a possibility that you will at some point just aimlessly drift around the world until you truly find meaning in your existence there. I think you’re meant to keep this open, don’t try to force a direction/or a final end destination in your script. Define what exactly you want to experience, shift there and see what happens then. Go with the flow and give yourself time in your DR to make up your mind. You don’t just decide the meaning of one’s existence within one week, right? :) Regarding the DR itself, the one you have in mind might not be the best choice right now out of all your DRs, perhaps you should focus on another DR first before shifting to this one. The advice here is to think logically/rationally while choosing your DR. If your choice is influenced by greed or materialism, then you might have to rethink your choice. Obviously it’s up to you which DR you choose, just know that every decision is a commitment to some point… So, ask yourself: Are you ready for the commitment? 

 

𝙿𝙸𝙻𝙴 𝚃𝚆𝙾 

Is this really what you want to experience? - Undecided. That is something only your subconsciousness knows. Your dreams and intuition hold important information that will guide you. Follow your instincts and remember to focus on the now. It is not wise to constantly dwell on the past or on what ifs. There is also a sense of energetic protection here. So there is no need to worry too much about how the experience will be. 

Should you edit your script? Or even focus on another DR? - No, I feel like you worry too much about your script… Are you the type to make extremely detailed/long scripts? Constantly updating and adding more things to it? Sometimes you need to let things rest for some time for them to start blooming. You usually grow fond of an idea only after some time has passed. It seems like there is a feeling of being stressed to live up to something… too many responsibilities or influences here that turned into a burden for you. You might feel disconnected from your script/DR right now. Consider meditating on your situation for clarity. I don’t think you should focus on another DR. This DR you’re focusing on is ‘the right one’ for now, but to move forward you must overcome this inner blockage which I think is partly caused by a subconscious fear of commitment. Start being more grounded, face your ideas (from your script) - is it just nice to imagine or is it something (after really experiencing it)  that will bring you a sense of fulfillment or growth? Because I see that behind the veil there is a lot of joy, creative self expression and emotional fulfillment waiting for you, you just have to reach out for it…

𝙿𝙸𝙻𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴

Is this really what you want to experience? - To be honest it feels like a slight no. What you have scripted or what you have in mind for your DR might seem perfect or without flaws …on the outside. But the experience is not completely matching with who you are and what you need. It feels like it’s something that is out of touch with an aspect of yourself. Perhaps you’ve got wealth, finance and freedom going on but you're completely isolated and alone in your DR (materialistic needs met but emotionally unfulfilled). There is just a contradiction with what you truly need…

Should you edit your script? Or focus on another DR? - I don’t think you should focus on another DR right away. This DR you have in mind is fine but I feel like you didn’t know what you should go for, so you just decided to go for something even though it's not really completely fitting. Do you perhaps have a fear of the unknown? I also feel like a lack of planning or lack of mental preparation is causing an issue too here. You should definitely edit your script/your plans for your DR. In your DR there shouldn’t only be material comfort but also emotional comfort. I really feel like your emotional world has been completely neglected while drafting your script/your DR. It will be important to build a solid foundation of who you are, what you need and who you want to be (in your DR) first. Try to integrate something that fuels your ambition, helps you grow and gives you satisfying experiences. A certain structure would be nice too. You might like a little chaos here and there but please give yourself at least a little bit of structure…