#child abuse cw/
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autolenaphilia Ā· 6 months ago
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I donā€™t care about accusations of ā€pedophilia.ā€ I will not give a fuck, I won't investigate your claims, I will just ignore it.
For one thing the accusation of pedophilia is often entirely meaningless. This is because pedophile/pedo etc are words that carry the taint of child rape, of calling up the disgust such an act naturally produces, but are accusations that donā€™t require such an act or a victim of it. If you call someone a ā€œchild rapistā€ that has weight, but you also have to back it up with a victim this person supposedly raped for the accusation to actually be meaningful. But words like ā€œpedophileā€ carries no such demands, it literally just means ā€œsomeone who has an attraction to children.ā€ It doesnā€™t require an actual victim. Itā€™s an accusation about how someone feels in their head and can thus be liberally applied. Someone criticizes your asinine submarine idea to rescue some children in a cave? Call them a pedo. And even words that once had a more specific meaning, such as ā€œgroomingā€ can be stretched beyond all meaning to mean whatever it wants to. Someone talked to under-18 people about sex and gender in a way you donā€™t want to? Call them a groomer.
In a culture of pedohysteria, pedojacketing is easy. And itā€™s especially easy to weaponize it against queer people, the idea that queerness spreads through queers recruiting children by molesting them is one of the oldest queerphobic narrativeness out there. Iā€™m using ā€œqueerā€ here because this is a narrative used both against gay and trans people. But in the present transphobic/transmisogynistic backlash itā€™s most often used against trans people, especially transfems, as transmasc people are more often infantilized.
But on a more deeper level ā€œpedophiliaā€ is the wrong framing of the real problem of child sex abuse. Itā€™s literally a medical term, a diagnosis. It makes child sex abuse a problem of some sick individuals with a diseased attraction.
This is of course a bad and antifeminist understanding of what rape and sexual violence is. Itā€™s an inevitable and natural expression of power. The widespread rape of women is caused by the patriarchy, of men having power over women. And the misogynist oppression of women with sexual violence naturally extends to young girls. But all children are disempowered in our society. Adults have power over them in the patriarchal family, in the capitalist school system and other institutions of our society. Sexual violence against children flows from the power adults institutionally and systemically have over them. The vast majority of sexual violence towards children comes from the family and schools, not the ā€œstranger dangerā€ of creepy weirdoes hiding in bushes.
This is the reality that the framing of sexual violence as the result of sick individuals with a diseased attraction obscures. And it inevitably calls for a reactionary carceral and psychiatric response, justifying the police, prisons and psychiatric institutions. Thatā€™s why ā€œwhat will we then do with the pedophiles?ā€ is such a popular clichĆ©d response to prison and police abolitionism. This very framing of the problem calls for a carceral response. If the problem of child sex abuse is sick individuals instead of the system, if we constantly root out and punish individuals we will eventually solve the problem.
In reality carceral responses actually make the problem of sexual violence much worse. The police, prisons and involuntary psychiatric hospitals are violent expressions of power and thus create the conditions for rape.
Pedohysteria is constantly used to justify the expansion of state power. Here in European Union we have had a legislative push to ban end-to-end encryption and make all online communication accessible to law enforcement, total online surveillance. And the reasoning is because otherwise pedophiles can use e2e communication to secretly send child porn to each other without the police being able to do anything, which is of course true, that does and will happen, but doesnā€™t justify killing all online privacy. This ā€œchat controlā€ act is literally called ā€œregulation to prevent and combat child sexual abuse.ā€
The pedohysteria also justifies vigilantism, which tumblr callout culture is part of and is also a deeply reactionary and even fascist phenomenon. Vigilantism rests on the idea that what the police do is right, but they are not doing it well enough, because they are too reigned in by liberal ideas such as laws and regulations and the courts. So random people should take on the role of police to punish ā€œcriminalsā€, like pedophiles. And this goes through tumblr callout culture. A subtext running through pedojacketing callouts of transfems is the idea that transmisogyny does not exist and does not lead to transfems being disproportionately punished, but instead transfems are using their minority status to get away with sex crimes.
This standard conservative rhetoric about how liberals often literally let minorities get away with murder justifies their reactionary vigilantism. Of course in reality, transfems are far less likely to commit sexual abuse of children than other groups of people, because we are systematically excluded from the very institutions where such abuse happens, such as parenthood/the family or schools, because of the transmisogynist stereotype that we are all perverted child rapists. And the callouts of transfems as sex predators are in themselves abusive and protect actual abusers, just like how police and prisons are.
So no, I will continue to not give a fuck if you call someone a pedophile.
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bluegiragi Ā· 9 months ago
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human.
early access + nsfw on patreon
more backstory that i wrote up for patreon heh:
Simon and Tommy had a complicated relationship as brothers.Ā 
At a young age, Simon basically wrote himself off as a lost cause, and did the best he could to make sure at least Tommy had a chance to be a functioning human being. After all, Tommy was the gentler brother, the dreamer, the one who looked like their mother (who'd walked out on them years ago to escape their father). But Tommy got bitter, got sick of the one always being protected, being babied. He lost respect for Simon, for the way he wouldn't fight back, and in a twisted way, grew closer to his father as a way to learn how to be powerful, strong. It backfired, and Tommy got wrapped up in some bad business.
Simon's kid brother died while he was deployed. He got the news in the letter, and it broke him in a big way. In the story timeline, it was years and years ago but it still hurts like hell whenever Simon thinks about him.Ā 
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duckysprouts Ā· 1 month ago
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big brother, season 2 episode 2
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solarmorrigan Ā· 7 months ago
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Saw someone mention how Steve tends to get defensive when he's anxious and it stuck with me, so here's my take on the "Steve breaks a dish and has a panic attack about it" trope
cw: descriptions of nonstandard panic attack, implied/referenced child abuse
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The distinct sound of shattering porcelain is followed by a vehemently hissed, ā€œshit,ā€ and then silence.
ā€œSteve?ā€ Eddie calls from the couch into the kitchen. ā€œYou okay?ā€
ā€œYeah,ā€ Steve calls back, but his voice sounds tight in the way it does when something definitely isnā€™t okay.
Eddie pushes himself up and moves to the doorway, looking in to see what the trouble is. The kitchen of the house he and Wayne had been ā€œgiftedā€ by the government isnā€™t exactly huge, and he has a straight line of sight to where Steve is standing by the sink, eyes squeezed shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose, and to the red and white shards of porcelain on the floor by his feet.
ā€œHey,ā€ Eddie says, but Steve doesnā€™t look up; if anything, his posture only gets tenser. ā€œYouā€™re not cut or anything, are you?ā€
ā€œNo,ā€ Steve says, and his tone is still a little off, but he doesnā€™t sound like heā€™s lying.
ā€œWhat was that, anyway?ā€ Eddie asks.
Finally, Steve takes a deep breath in and opens his eyes, looking down at the mess on the laminate. ā€œMug.ā€
As soon as he says it, Eddie recognizes the colors for what the design must have been. ā€œShit, the Campbellā€™s one?ā€
Steve doesnā€™t say a word, just gives one sharp nod.
Eddie sucks a hiss of breath in through his teeth. ā€œShit,ā€ he says again. ā€œThat was Wayneā€™s favorite.ā€
ā€œI know,ā€ Steve says tersely. ā€œIā€™m sorry.ā€
His tone is definitely weird. ā€œI mean, Iā€™m sure it was an accident, Steveā€“ā€ Eddie starts.
ā€œIā€™m sorry,ā€ Steve says again, almost snapping this time. ā€œIā€™ll clean it up.ā€
ā€œO-kay,ā€ Eddie says slowly, watching as Steve jerks into motion and moves over to the corner where they stash the broom and dust pan.
ā€œIā€™ll apologize to Wayne when he gets home,ā€ Steve says as he starts sweeping up, even though Eddie hasnā€™t said a word.
ā€œHe gets home at, like, six in the morning.ā€
ā€œIā€™ll make sure Iā€™m up,ā€ Steve says shortly.
ā€œSteve, you can just tell him what happened later, heā€™s not going to stand around demanding an explanation. I mean, seriously, you think Wayne is gonna be pissed if youā€™re not there, immediately scraping at his feet when he comes through the door?ā€ Eddie scoffs, but Steve remains silent. Eddie watches as he finishes sweeping in short, sharp motions, brows pulling together as Steve apparently fails to pick up on the joke. ā€œā€¦he wonā€™t be, yā€™know.ā€
Steve shrugs. His expression has gone eerily blank, and he takes the dustpan over to the garbage can to dump it.
ā€œHey, donā€™tā€“ā€ Eddie reaches out, and Steve jerks to a stop just in time. ā€œYou donā€™t have to toss it, man, we might be able to glue it back together.ā€
Steve sends Eddie a sharp look. ā€œIā€™m not gonna be able to hide that it was broken, Eddie,ā€ he says slowly, as though this should be painfully obvious.
ā€œIā€™m not suggesting we hide it, Iā€™m just saying we might still be able to use it,ā€ Eddie answers in the same slow manner. ā€œItā€™s not junk until youā€™re sure you canā€™t fix it.ā€
ā€œRight,ā€ Steve snaps, dropping the dustpan on the counter so sharply that the shards of porcelain clink against each other. ā€œCanā€™t even clean up right.ā€
Eddie frowns, stirrings of defensiveness rising up in his gut at Steveā€™s continued sour mood. ā€œI didnā€™t say that. I just said we might be able to fix it.ā€
ā€œFine. Weā€™ll try to fix it,ā€ Steve bites out, turning away from Eddie so he can put the broom back in the corner.
Eddie shakes his head, unwilling to engage with whatever snit Steveā€™s got himself worked into. ā€œWhat happened, anyway?ā€ he asks instead.
Apparently, this is the wrong tactic.
ā€œWhat happened is, Iā€™m too stupid to even do the dishes right,ā€ Steve declares as he whirls back around. ā€œIs that what you want to hear?ā€
ā€œWhat?ā€ Eddie is baffled, suddenly caught in the middle of an argument he hadnā€™t even realized was happening. ā€œNo! Why would I want to hear that?ā€
Steve throws his arms up, a demonstration of giving in. ā€œWell I already said Iā€™m sorry, and I am, and I donā€™t know what else you want from me!ā€
The heat of Eddieā€™s own temper is beginning to flare, but he does his best to shake it away because he still doesnā€™t know what the hell is going on and he doesnā€™t think getting angry will help. ā€œI donā€™t want anything else from you! Why are you acting like Iā€™m yelling at you? Iā€™m not, Iā€™m not even upset about the stupid mug, so what the hell is your deal?ā€
He takes a couple of steps into the kitchen, reaching out for Steve, hoping just to touch some part of him. Physical contact has always been grounding, has always been a comfort for them both; it almost seems like they can communicate better if they can just be in contact somehow. Instead of reaching back, though, Steve tenses up; itā€™s not exactly a flinch, but itā€™s as if heā€™s bracing himself, as if heā€™s waiting for Eddie toā€“
Eddie takes in the painfully blank expression on Steveā€™s pale face, the way his chest is rising and falling in quick, shallow breaths that he canā€™t quite seem to control, the way heā€™s angled himself just slightly away from Eddie, and suddenly Eddie feels cold.
Itā€™s as if heā€™s waiting for Eddie to hit him.
Eddie wonders how the hell he hadnā€™t realized he was walking through a minefield until he was already standing in the middle of it.
(It still takes him by surprise, sometimes, that Steveā€™s anxiety, his panic, tends to look more like anger. That he tends to lash out like a wounded animal when he feels backed into a corner, hurt too many times in moments of vulnerability to do otherwise.)
(It takes him by surprise, but heā€™s learning.)
ā€œSteve,ā€ Eddie says softly, dropping his hand slowly back to his side, ā€œIā€™m not angry.ā€
Steve stares at him, almost confused, like Eddieā€™s not doing it right, like this isnā€™t whatā€™s supposed to come next. Eddie sort of wants to break something (he thinks, briefly, that heā€™d like to start with the fingers on Mr. Harringtonā€™s right hand, and then move on to his left).
ā€œItā€™s just a mug, Steve, itā€™s okay. No oneā€™s upset about it,ā€ Eddie says. ā€œIā€™m preemptively speaking for Wayne, because I know heā€™s not gonna be mad at you. Seriously, getting upset over a broken cup? Does that sound like something Wayne would do?ā€
Slowly, once he seems to realize that Eddie is waiting for an answer, Steve shakes his head.
ā€œDoes that sound like something I would do?ā€ Eddie asks.
Steve shakes his head again, though heā€™s still watching Eddie with something approaching trepidation.
ā€œI promise itā€™s fine. Iā€™m not angry,ā€ Eddie repeats, and chances a couple of steps closer to Steve.
Steve doesnā€™t react this time, no tensing, no flinching, no verbally lashing out, and so Eddie lifts a hand again, reaching slowly for Steveā€™s. Steve lets him.
When he gets his fingers wrapped around Steveā€™s own, Eddie can feel how cold theyā€™ve gone, can feel the fine tremble of adrenaline working through them, and canā€™t quite choke down the noise of sympathy in his throat. He tugs on Steveā€™s hand.
ā€œCā€™mere,ā€ Eddie says, invites him by lifting his other arm, but leaves it up to Steve.
It only takes a moment for Steve to step in close, and when Eddie lets go of his hand to wrap his arms around Steveā€™s shoulders, Steve reciprocates by cinching his own arms tight around Eddieā€™s waist. He takes one sharp breath, and then another, and Eddie can hear the way they shake going in and out.
ā€œThere you go,ā€ Eddie says quietly, rubbing Steveā€™s back.
ā€œI just dropped it,ā€ Steve says, his voice a little hoarse. ā€œIt was an accident.ā€
ā€œI know it was,ā€ Eddie assures him. ā€œItā€™s okay.ā€
ā€œIt was an accident,ā€ Steve says again, and Eddie wonders how often someone has believed him ā€“ how often heā€™d ever even been given a chance to explain.
ā€œIt was an accident,ā€ Eddie agrees. ā€œYouā€™re okay, Steve.ā€
Steve lets out a little noise, like maybe heā€™s trying to laugh, but then he pulls in another shuddery breath and rests his chin on Eddieā€™s shoulder. ā€œOkay.ā€
In a little bit, Eddie might lead Steve to sit down on the couch, or maybe just take them both up to bed, because fuck doing the dishes after this anyway; heā€™ll make sure to leave a note for Wayne about the mug (ask him not to bring it up until Steve does, to not even jokingly make a thing about it), but for now, he concentrates on holding Steve close.
Heā€™ll stand with him as long as it takes for the shaking to stop, for his breathing to even out, for him to relax even just a little against Eddie, and he'll promise, as many times as Steve needs to hear it, that itā€™s okay. Things will be okay.
[Prompt: Embracing your partner]
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hajihiko Ā· 7 months ago
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It runs in the family
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yeehawpim Ā· 1 month ago
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meruz Ā· 11 months ago
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i watched kore-eda's recent film Monster this past week and i truly.. cannot stop thinking about it. maybe my favorite kore-eda film yet
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nopanamaman Ā· 23 days ago
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Whatā€™s the deal with Tsar and Arthur?
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Today weā€™ll look at the two most popular members of Sanya and Yuraā€™s friend group, Tsar and Arthur, a.k.a. Anger Management. How did they meet? Whatā€™s their life like? And most importantly, why the hell are they so angsty?
Letā€™s start with the older one.
Arthur Sokolov
Joining the orphanage
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Arthur was brought to the orphanage not long after being born. He never met any of his parents.
Growing up in a state-funded shelter meant developing a clear understanding of what kinds of behaviours will and wonā€™t result in getting your shit kicked in. You canā€™t be too cocky, and you canā€™t be too weak. Follow the hierarchy, but donā€™t let your fear of elders show.
Arthur learned to navigate that little society well. He had earned respect among kids his own age and younger, and avoided being pushed around by the older teenagers too much. Less due to a noble heart and more because of being too proud to act like a doormat.Ā 
However, that didn't make him immune to peer pressure.
Correctional psychiatry
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Business trip.
Many low-end orphanages across the former USSR had been essentially transformed into incubators for future gang members. ā€œBusinessmenā€, either by bribe or threat, came to these institutions to recruit impressionable children into their organisations. One such uncle visited Arthurā€™s foster home.
For kids like him, the course of action was simple:
misbehave;
get sent to a mental institution for corrective treatment;
sneak as many bottles of trihexyphenidyl as you can into your bag during your stay;
leave the hospital as normal;
transfer the trihexyphenidyl to a gang representative and get your paycheck.
Under that business model, Arthur became a frequent guest at psychiatric wards. Having witnessed their indifference and medical callousness firsthand, he had developed a massive disdain for all kinds of mental health professionals.
It started even before joining the gang, of course ā€“ way before. Itā€™s hard not to foster a vendetta when you get thrown to the looney bin for any misstep. At first he tried to honestly convince the doctors working there that he was fine, but he eventually realised it was futile: they were always in on the punishment.
Hustling continues
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Arthur and Ivan at 15 and 17 respectively.
As Arthur grew older, he got more deeply involved with the gangā€™s activities alongside other kids. This meant participating in transfers, standing watch during certain deals, acting as a ā€œtreasure manā€ (i.e. hiding drugs in agreed upon places for clients to pick up), and so on. Fights were frequent.
He knew it was a slippery slope, but getting out was not an option ā€“ not an easy one, at least. This was the period during which he grew close to Ivan, who was commonly assigned to work with Arthur and other children from their institute.
They bonded on the basis of wanting to leave the business, though for different reasons: most of all, Ivan didnā€™t want to disappoint his grandma.
Getting out
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First meeting with Yura.
The sudden disbandment of the gang was a relief to both Ivan and Arthur. A major member got caught and ratted almost everyone out, except for the dozens of orphans involved. So while Ivan went to turn himself in, Arthur got to walk free.
Before going, Ivan suggested Arthur replace him at his popā€™s car repair salon. The boy seemed to have a knack for fixing things, and the two had developed a trusting relationship over their time working together.
While everything was looking fine, Arthur still wanted to destroy all traces of his activities - even those that couldnā€™t reasonably be tracked down to him. This led to him encountering Yura. Despite the very rocky start of their acquaintance, they went on to hang out together pretty regularly.
As of today, Arthur continues to do part-time at the workshop alongside Ivan. Both are committed to never getting back into the criminal business. Unless you count Sanya's Dynamo. Which you shouldn't. Having experienced what actual gangs are like, Arthur finds it hard not to look down at the girl's little roleplay.
Tsar
Joining the orphanage
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Before coming to the orphanage, Tsar lived with his grandma. She died when he was 6. Since his parents had lost their parental rights due to alcoholism a couple years prior, there was only one place for him to go.
Tsar had a very hard time adjusting to the rigid hierarchy of the foster home. He was lucky enough to catch Arthur's attention and, in a sense, got scooped under his wing. The boy disliked relying on the older kid too much, but was too weak to stand on his own.
Gang involvement
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How come mom lets you have two trips to the mental ward
Since Arthur got dragged into gang activities earlier than Tsar, the younger kid felt jealous. He, like most other children, fully bought into the romanticised idea of criminal life that was pushed by the uncles visiting the orphanage.
But as years went on, he saw the toll it had begun to take on Arthur. Tsar had taken a couple of correctional trips to mental wards as well, though he'd never participated in any illegal schemes. Those times were bad enough - he couldn't imagine going there again and again on purpose.
By the time Tsar would be old enough to get recruited into the business, Arthur forbade him from it. The kid still wanted to join to prove his worth, to earn his share, to show his guts. But his trust and respect for Arthur were stronger.
As much as he hated the idea, he stuck to the sidelines.
Contact with parents
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Teatime with family.
Tsarā€™s parents reached out to him a couple years after he was transferred to the orphanage. He could only meet with them under supervision up until he was 13 years old. Afterwards they were allowed private meetings.
Today, he occasionally comes to visit them at their apartment. They still drink, but to Tsar, they just seem quiet and pitiful. He usually lends them the pocket money he receives from the orphanage. He knows they won't return it.
Anger Management
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Ural models are known for their incredible durability and a baffling number of switches.
Tsar found a creative release in music and wrote songs to vent his frustrations. The orphanage had an old acoustic guitar that he learned to play, but it got completely broken when the boy was 13. After Arthur joined the workshop, he bought a black Ural from Ivanā€™s dad for cheap, upgraded its port, and gifted it to Tsar.
As it turned out, Ivanā€™s dad was hopping from one band to another in the 80s-90s, so he was happy to accommodate the kids' creative endeavours. He allowed them to use the spare garage space to practise and even supplied an incomplete drum set.
Tsar begged Arthur to back him up with drums. The latter begrudgingly agreed to learn them, but ended up really enjoying hitting barrels with sticks. Right now their band has a tiny local following, mostly in the face of Sanya Kazarina.
Some notes
I remember sitting down and reading about actual orphanage experiences in the post-soviet space ā€“ it was eye-opening, but also gave me a lot of material to work with, as heartless as that probably sounds. A lot of things simply clicked into place.
I didn't go into too much detail here, but FYI, I've downplayed the severity of certain situations. Trauma aside, I'd say both Tsar and Arthur got quite lucky in the end.
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becomingvecna Ā· 11 months ago
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#my writing
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incognitopolls Ā· 21 days ago
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Psychiatric help could include medication, therapy, institutionalization, etc.
Hitting or hurting could include spanking, yanking arms or hair, etc.
ā€“
We ask your questions so you donā€™t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
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catboymoments Ā· 10 months ago
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You know how abusive parents love to tone police and how if you donā€™t say the right words or donā€™t speak soon enough itā€™s an offense to them
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teaboot Ā· 3 months ago
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I have decided that from now on when people jokingly speculate about highly personal experiences I'm just gonna answer honestly until it stops
Like yeah Shannon my parents did hit me growing up, would you like to sit down and talk about how that was a formative experience or did you want to tell me something with your big girl words
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v-albion Ā· 10 months ago
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Look whoā€™s inside again
Masterpost
Warning for child abuse at 1:11
Heā€™s there for a few weeks. Shouldnā€™t have talked back or tried to sneak out
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duckysprouts Ā· 1 month ago
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big brother season 2 episode 3
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sugarpasteltmnt Ā· 4 months ago
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"Acolyte" Michelangelo has joined the group chat
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THANK U AGAIN TO @anixolt for accepting this commission request!!! Looks like 'Dino'-tello has unexpected company šŸ‘€
Hailing from his own alternate reality, "Acolyte" Mikey & his brothers had a very different childhood than the mad Dogs we all know and love. Set in a feudal Japan-esque world, Mikey and his brothers were raised under the Ninja Tribunal in a remote temple as future protectors of humanity...
However, fate was unkind to the lackadaisical Michelangelo who doubted the legend of the foretold 'Krang Invasion'-- let alone it happening much sooner than anticipated.
[link to twitter thread]
More lore below! (but heed the content warnings!!)
CW: implied family death, implied child abuse
Inspired by the 2003 "Acolyte" Arc, Mikey and his brothers were given to the Ninja Tribunal as children to raise as warriors on account of being gifted with mystic abilities; something very rare and unheard of in their universe.
Mikey was the most mystically inclined of his brothers. Because of this, he doesn't take training very seriously. He's also the oldest brother in his universe, but takes that role very, very seriously.
Splinter was their "father"... however, he was the one who gave them to the Ninja Tribunal. And they weren't exactly 'lenient' with children. Not when their purpose was to become warriors to defend the world. Because of this, Mikey hates Splinter. With every fiber in his body.
But despite their upbringing, Mikey was fun and kind.
But homie cannot cook to save his life
However, due to events during the invasion... Mikey is the last man standing. On the whole planet.
And he Snaps
With elevated powers and grief, Mikey traverses the heavens to hunt Krang and their settlements.
He uses dried Krang blood as his mask, having lost his in battle (and Krang blood dries orange when oxidized)
He dots his yellow spots with a drop of Krang blood to mirror Krang eyes. Using mystic abilities, the faux eyes can move and "look" around too. Terrifying.
However, due to classic Hamato shenanigansā€” 'Acolyte' Mikey may find himself drawn to a very, very different place than a Krang settlement šŸ‘€šŸ‘€šŸ‘€
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a-little-unsteddie Ā· 11 months ago
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cw: child abuse mentioned, child neglect
Steve, who was never allowed to play in the snow as a child because it was ā€˜too messyā€™. Steve, who stared longingly outside as he watched other kids play in the snow. Steve, wanting to build a snowman, or an igloo, or have a snowball fight, but was denied each and every time by his parents. ā€œItā€™s uncouth, Steven.ā€ ā€œItā€™s dirty, Steven.ā€ ā€œYouā€™ll just whine that youā€™re cold, Steven.ā€ ā€œNo.ā€ ā€œNo.ā€ ā€œNo.ā€ Until he stopped asking altogether, even as he stared out his bedroom window at the other kids playing. Steve who loves the snow but was never allowed to play. The one time he snuck out, he was brought inside being dragged by his ear and spanked until he cried.
And then some for crying at all.
Steve goes shopping with his mom and sees a snow globe and all but cries for her to get it for him. If he canā€™t have the snow outside, he wants to have a snow globe to have it inside. She lets him get it, but not without commenting ā€˜at least itā€™s not going outsideā€™.
Thus starts a collection, of sorts. Whenever he sees a new snow globe, he makes his mom buy him it and because he never asks to go outside to play in the snow if she buys one, she keeps buying them for him.
He has around 10 or 15 snow globes by the time heā€™s a teenager and left alone more than he isnā€™t. He still doesnā€™t go out to play in the snow, even if he silently yearns to, because now heā€™s ā€˜too oldā€™ to play out in the snow. Tommy doesnā€™t like being cold, so he never goes out, and Carol wonā€™t do something if Tommyā€™s not there, so Steve doesnā€™t bother asking her to go outside.
Steve becomes friends with Dustin and the rest of the party, and he still doesnā€™t let himself play with them, even when Dustin begs him to. He passes on the same excuses to him as his mom told him, and the words feel like ash in his mouth, but he doesnā€™t just play in the snow like heā€™s aching to. Itā€™s too cold, heā€™ll be wet and miserable later, he doesnā€™t want to get water all over the house.
Mostly, theyā€™re excuses because heā€™s kind of worried he doesnā€™t know how to play in the snow. That somehow heā€™ll be bad at it.
Eventually, when he and Robin become friends and their first winter together happens, he tells her this secret fear. Itā€™s right after the kids go out to play, and itā€™s just them, and he whispers to her.
ā€œI donā€™t think Iā€™ll be any good at it.ā€
Robin is confused, of course, because how can you be ā€˜badā€™ at playing in the snow? He elaborates to her that heā€™s never played and sheā€™s less confused but more angry at his parents, which he thinks is an over reaction and she insists heā€™s having an under reaction, whatever that means, and the moment passes. Steve is relieved to have revealed that much to her. He still doesnā€™t go outside, and Robin gets cold easily, so she doesnā€™t want to go outside, so they stay inside together.
He still collects snow globes, when he sees them. He buys one in front of the kids and brushes it off as a white elephant gift for a family thing, but displays it in the unused guest bedroom with the rest of the snow globes. Itā€™s on the other side of the house from where every other guest bed is, so usually no one takes it, and so he knows his collection is safe.
Even if he keeps it secret, and plans to keep it secret forever, until the following winter, after the spring break from hell and after the grueling summer and cool fall brings the snow again and Eddie Munson is a menace in his life. Heā€™s by far the most energetic person that heā€™s ever been friends with, all touches and open affection, itā€™s almost too easy to fall for him.
Eddie is nosy as hell and of course itā€™s him that finds the collection of snow globes.
ā€œWhatā€™s this?ā€ Eddieā€™s voice echoes from down the hall and it takes Steve a few seconds to process where his voice is coming from before heā€™s rushing down the hall and into the unused guest room.
Along the left wall, thereā€™s a shelf that stretches from wall-to-wall filled with snow globes.
Embarrassment shoots through him, and he shrugs. ā€œā€¦snow globes.ā€ he explains badly, wincing when Eddie turns towards him with an unimpressed look. It quickly morphs into concern because for some reason, Steveā€™s started tearing up and once the tears start they donā€™t stop.
ā€œHey, itā€™s okay, Iā€™m sorry,ā€ Eddie soothes, wrapping his arms around him tightly. ā€œYou donā€™t have to explain if you donā€™t want to, sweet thing.ā€
And the thing is, Steve does want to explain. Suddenly overcome with the urge to spill everything, in fact. So he does. He tells Eddie about his mom and dad refusing to let him play in the snow, the one time he got caught and got spanked for it, the snow globes, the fear of being bad at playing in the snow, still desperately wanting to despite it.
Through it all, Eddie holds him and listens. He hums occasionally to acknowledge what Steve is saying, but never interrupts him, for which Steve is glad because he doesnā€™t know if heā€™d be able to continue if he was stopped for any reason.
At the end of it, when Steveā€™s tears have dried, and theyā€™re curled up in a pile of blankets on the couch, Eddie vows to teach him out to play in the snow. How to make a snow angel, a snowman, an igloo, a snowball ā€” everything. He whispers these promises and plans into his ear, their hands intertwined where they lay on Steveā€™s lap.
And he follows through. With everything.
And the next time the kids beg him to play, he plays his part and says no, because heā€™s still anxious heā€™s going to do it wrong, Eddie throws a snowball at his back while heā€™s busy arguing with Dustin. And silence falls over everyone, waiting for Steveā€™s next move. Because heā€™s never given in, and no oneā€™s ever pushed their luck like that.
Steve turns towards Eddie, narrowing his eyes at him.
ā€œOh, itā€™s on, Munson.ā€
The kids cheer and then itā€™s chaos of snowballs being lobbed at one another.
Later, when everyone is warming up with hot cocoa, and Steve is curled into Eddieā€™s side with a blanket tossed over their laps, Steve knows heā€™s never been happier to have met Eddie, who taught him how to play in the snow.
ā€œThank you,ā€ Steve whispers to Eddie, who hums curiously, lazily looking at him from the corner of his eye. ā€œFor teaching me how to play in the snow.ā€
ā€œAlways, Stevie. Iā€™ll always help you.ā€
And it sounds like a promise.
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