#change it for the world. my god ive never felt anything like this

[ufonaut]

It doesn’t matter how or why I had those experiences, whether it was something within me or you changing me... this is how I am now. And I like myself this way. I feel comfortable this way. So I’ll stay as I am. I think I’m happy as I am.

Enigma (1993) #8

(Peter Milligan, Duncan Fegredo)

[walking-loather]

When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

[teruthecreator]

spent all of work watching season 2 of mp100 and livetexting it to hartley and yeahhhh. season 2 is still my favorite season out of all three despite the back-to-back agony of the mogami and separation arcs

[sirwow]

More AvA/AvM thoughts and a longer rambling under the cut to get my thoughts out

Admittedly this is all going to come out of the blue but that is my fault for saying nothing about a year old hyperfixation till now. Anywho!

The color gang coming from the online world where all the other sticks live has been in my head since we saw the outside world. Yes they’re way more vibrant then most there but purple and their parents are also a very vibrant trio. So I have my thoughts on the four. Obviously don’t have any parents around (wasn’t my fault for once shocker /lh) and are most definitely not related really. So it gives me the thought of the 4 always being friends since they were small and fighting/playing is just what they usually did with no parents figures other then a care taker.

But then how’d they get on the stick fight site? Well considering it was not until AvA 4 when we saw them they most definitely saw other famous stick fights that wanted to make them be part of it. Hell in AvYT we see at the end they all just wanted to watch epic stick fights. So yeah thought I’d they basically ganged together to make their own site to show off their epic fights together while also living in said site together. Worked well.

Then a certain someone broke down the wall one day and they were like damn this is kinda neat. Kept the site of course it is their literal home but after more and more or AvM they considered the PC, TSC and Alan more as their home and so started staying there more. The little Minecraft houses, finding interests outside of just fighting, and living out their fantasies with the power of minecraft.

They’re still all identical looking for a long time though. I think the accessories I draw them with were drawn by TSC as gifts but not until after AvM 30. They’ve learned so much more at that point about themselves I could imagine being identical as each other and just being “them sticks that fight” still gets a bit old. Course’ they can take off the accessories when they feel so but kept them in the back pocket. TSC hasn’t felt any feeling to change their looks so he hasn’t.

Well then anywho it’s very late and though I have more AvA thoughts I need to contain them for when it’s not 3 in the morning ! So instead some smaller stuff Iv noticed while obsessively observing episodes and shorts (mostly Blue because I heart blue)

Blue unlike the rest of the color gang is very… plain. And I don’t mean this in a negative sense. It’s more a lesser degree of creativity from him on most accounts. He’s not very creative in his solutions most the time and has very straightforward solutions to issues that in his mind are straightforward. Break an axe? Make a new one. Gotta go fast? Drugs Potions that make you faster. Yeah there’s cooking but he never really does anything creative with it outside of adding nether warts like the lil freak /pos he is. Follows a written recipe and taught lesson.

It’s a quiet aspect of him I only really noticed a few days ago. Not that this is a negative aspect again but something that makes him stand out more!

Now then uhh smaller random stuff I just always like. Lush Caves ep, Red realizing oh god he can’t win this fight Vs TSC and started running from them instead. Always makes me boowomp a little thinking about it since Red is kinda the younger usual happy go lucky prankster. TSC I know you’re also young and stressed but continuing to get his ass was NOT the way man,,

Last thought, King just trying to avenge his son only to come out of the situation with like 6 new adoptive kids is very funny to me. They say vengeance is a life well lived so I guess he got vengeance 6 times over. Ok gn (ecplodes)

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Quitting Weed Day 9 Status Report 📝

to start off , i'll say, i do indeed feel like Ass ! this post might get a tad emo. regretting my life choices to smoke for as long as i have 😕 But then again, maybe that's harsh, cus i was just doing the best i could with the circumstances i been dealt in the past.

i couldnt just quit cold turkey cus every time i try that its way too intense and i alwaus end up going back. So the past 9 days i've been hitting my (extremely weak) weed cart a couple times a night, only after 9pm, just to help me sleep. Before that i was smoking probly like. 5-8 bowls a day, followed by hitting the weed pen RELENTLESSLY all night until i passed out. So its still been a huge change lol. From tonight onwards tho i'm done w the weed pen and ready to try 0 thc 🙏

kind friend @palmceader sent me a CBD tincture made for sleep (thanku again 🥹) which im sure has a TINY percentage of thc, but nothing even close to how much im used to.

i cant even imagine how fried my dopamine receptors are, cus honestly, i feel Fucked. spaced out is an understatement. i cant focus on anything and its kinda driving me insane. it feels impossible to read or draw or do any of my hobbies.. my body feels heavy and depressed. No motivation. its kinda the opposite of what i was expecting. i can barely keep my eyes open during the day..

on a brighter note i havent been struggling too much with sleep or appetite. i think sleepy time tea + the tincture + magnesium is rly helping. my dreams recall is already improving so much, and the times i have nightmares arent as bad as its been previous times i tried to quit. i havent rly struggled with cravings at all either, which used to be a huge obstacle for me ! im just so over it now. i was starting to get chest pains and coughing a lot, which was taking any joy out of the act of smoking for me.

morbid to say but I often think of my father and how his rampant addictions directly lead him to such a painful and horrific early death. its a rare perspective of imagery so disturbing , i know i can't go on in such a manner. Like, what a fucking fool i would be! For others i can understand it but for me, no. it has haunted me for a long time to know i'm letting myself go down that path, even with all my insistent self-justification that his death is what brought me to this in the first place. deep down ive been knowing i need to break the cycle like i have the choice and the power, im still alive im still here ..

Sorry if thats depressing to bring up! i do feel depressed tho. i cant use weed to hide from my pain anymore.. i have to rewire my whole ass method of coping with stress at age 30. i know i can do it but its gonnnna be a long winded process full of ups n downs. Running away is no longer an option and thats a lot to face! a lot of old wounds i never rly dealt with, cus i kept my head in the 💨clouds💨 for so long.

i promise not to give up this time tho no matter how hard it gets 🙏 i want to set a good example too like indunno a lot of younger ppl follow me now i dont wanna feed into narratives that may influence them in bad directions. i have a responsible heart. i rly dont think weed is cool i havent since i was like 16. i was just dependent on it so i tried to romanticisze its role in my life. its silly.

im kinda laughing now cus im like god, i initially felt like the reason im quitting is so i can be more active in my dream world, but the more i think about it the more i notice MANY many more reasons to quit that go way deeper.

All in all the reason im talking about it is to maybe inspire other ppl who have been on the verge of quitting but too afraid to rly take the plunge-- Ur not alone, ur not weak for being addicted, if u need to reach out to me u are more than welcome.

Ppl rly downplay weed addiction cus the withdrawals arent life threatening like other substances, but that doesnt mean its a walk in the park. Most ppl i know who are stoners have never been able to quit for similar reasons as me. It takes a major psychological hold over u. if u ever need to vent about it or need advice, im here!

if u read all of this, pls dont worry abt me xD Even if it feels miserable rn i have faith things will improve, the heaviness and brainfog will lift, the emotions will be purged, i am excited for my future. One day at a time....Dont giving up 🙏

Signed, PMD9

[sscrubberhose]

Ya got any dialtown headcanons? :3

hooo boy. ive been chewing on this all day and I think i have a decent amount to say!

Spoilers for Dialtown!

Tw for mentions of suicidal ideation and religious guilt

Phone/Typegingi:

-Is aware of everything that happens in my fics but forgets

-is more aware of how people perceive them than people give them credit for, wants to make everyone happy

-has a strong fear of being alone, which is why they bother people so relentlessly. if they were to be fully ignored for an extended period of time they would have a breakdown

-Has both the phone and the typewriter head and can change them out at will, dont ask where they keep them.

-has bitten theoroar many, many times and will do so again. is even more fearful and hateful of him after the zoo explosion

-has a lot of love to give and genuinely prefers being around their friends

-has a level of intelligence that is genuinely sort of surprising sometimes. this intelligence is used at random

-is surprisingly easy and hard to kill at the same time

-the narrator is actually a separate entity to them who cares about them very much

-seems to be passively suicidal but no one can tell if theyre joking or not

-roger rabbit rules, whatever biology is funniest is what they have

-perceived height changes based off of this rule as well. no one notices.

-breaks into town hall once a month for funsies

-enjoys sweet things quite a bit

-autistic beast

Randy:

-is actually a decent cartoonist, but rarely draws due to hand pain. likes drawing gingi and oliver the most

-has a lot of religious guilt due to growing up catholic with a very very strict, religious father, left home as soon as he could. also why he is afraid to talk to God.(hobo)

-father harped on him his entire childhood about being a burden, now feels that he owes the world for existing. this is slowly healing.

-due to his upbringing hes still learning how to function as an adult, i.e cleaning, cooking for himself, things like that. hes working on it!

-has sensory issues, has ASD

-fear of cgi animals comes from having to watch weird religious propaganda films for kids when he was young. he is getting over it thanks to oliver.

-extremely observant and notices things a lot of people don't, but usually doesnt say anything for fear of being annoying

-knows shooty and stabby on a first name basis(not that he knows whos who)

-sees Norm as a father figure but would never admit that

-has a long list of phobias that hes working on recovering from, but is too nervous to go to therapy for

-has a LOT of plushies in the ticket booth that Oliver and Gingi have given him, refuses to get rid of any of them

-taking the bandage off wont instantly kill him, he doesn't know this.

-can skateboard, does not do this often

-gets sick very easily, has to be forced to rest as he tries to insist hes not sick

-is roommates with Oliver, they have a bunk bed

-got his number changed so the hotline wasnt tied to him anymore

-is actually a good singer, never sings due to thinking he sucks. Will hum to himself while working at the ticket booth

Karen;

-Has actually gotten fairly close to the other datables since the conclusion of the game, doesnt know how to express this

-Visits Dialtown for a few months out of the year to catch up and spend time with her friends

-part of her contract with helping rebuild was better wages for those who worked at the bank. It took a lot of arguing but she felt that no one should suffer like she did.

-expresses her love for her friends by making them ponysonas. Is a huge pegasister. will infodump about it for hours to anyone who will listen

-enjoys botanical illustrations the best, next to drawing horses

-draws horses with normal horse heads as a form of abstraction

-puts capsaicin oil in her paints so Gingi will stop drinking them. This did not work.

-enjoys vintage movies and game shows and talks at length with Oliver about them when they go out for coffee or dinner together.

-she and randy doodle together sometimes

-also has severe sensory issues and has safe outfits she wears. will cry if she has to touch certain fabrics. (LOOKING AT YOU CRUSHED VELVET)

-safe foods are microwave dinners and pasta, but she keeps her diet balanced.

-her and Norm get along now and will sometimes go for hikes and chat about life(and ways to wrangle gingi)

-allergic to shrimps

-can play piano

Oliver:

-Got a new therapist who doesnt think hes weird or annoying(it didnt phase him but thats not groovy to say to someone)

-has POTS, often needs to sit down at work so he doesnt faint.

-is a HUGE horror fan, could tell you everything about the behind the scenes of every major and minor horror movie to come out in the last decade.

-works as a haunt actor for the Dialtown Haunted House every single Halloween, wants to run it someday

-has a log of every new thing he notices about Gingis biology, the log is three books long now.

-Really wants to run a youtube channel where he does amateur ghost hunting with randy, has yet to convince randy that this is a good idea

-is very physically affectionate, though he does ask permission first before touching anyone!

-Has had top and bottom surgery and is comfortable where his transition is, thankfully his insurance under Mr. Dickens covered it! (Mingus isnt a TOTAL monster)

-has a digital scrap book of all his favorite memories with his friends

-makes rage comics unironically.

-favorite color is actually black, red just seems to be his thing!

-has been legally adopted by Mr. Dickens but decided to keep his last name as Swift because "it was rad."

-is actually friends with most of the ghosts and poltergeists that live in the cinema/scareshack

-kept the popcorn and soda dispensers, but got the soda dispensers to dispense SODA and not...whatever the fuck it was doing before.

-helped renovate the basement of the cinema into a haunted maze that he helped design, the theme changes once a year!

-got those unicycle lessons and knows how to juggle as well!

-likes rollerskating, has Heelys on all the time

-allergic to peanuts

-can play guitar

Norm:

-Is aware that Gingi sees the face on the sticky note change and thinks its sort of funny

-Is actually good friends with God and the two go out to lunch once or twice a month

-enjoys fishing and will take Randy and Oliver on fishing trips, Gingi usually follows regardless of invite.

-Sees himself as a father figure to most of the dateables, and is willing to fill in that role.

-apologized to Karen for his behavior by baking her fresh bread. is actually an extremely good cook

-irises and pupils are both void black due to exposure to the wormhole. He has not noticed this. Eyes used to be honey brown.

-Has to stop Mingus from doing a new evil scheme once a month, has a spray bottle for this purpose.

-does actually have other outfits for when the space suit needs to be washed, is never seen outside the house when this happens

-Oliver, Karen, and Randy have seen his real face, they were like "cool" as Gingi is just...far weirder.

-i imagine him as strawberry blonde. Short hair, either buzz cut or just short. maybe some stubble. I dont have a good image of what his face looks like, it is just bag to me

-not great at public speaking but REALLY good at pretending to be

-is actually very good at using technology but will sometimes pretend not to be just to tease Oliver.(it works every time)

-can also play guitar

Bigfoot:

-...no.

-okay okay i have one. You could use his fur to make yarn IF you washed it. You will never be able to get close enough to brush him though.

Misc headcanons:

-heads can be repurposed after death, like cadaver bones!

-the more popular headtype for modern business men and women is a laptop

-after what happened to Callum Crown, the answering machines function was completely separated from memory storage

-Snakes have syringes for heads

-peter and his wife are poly and want roger to be their third, but roger is as dense as a brick and peters too formal to just say it out loud.

-Harry and Jack are a couple in this universe, Jack is just a very odd boss to work for regardless

-Billy is Abel's kid. The mother is unknown. probably a one night stand.

-the swans miss randy :(

-there are a few headtypes that are banned for various reasons, one of which is having a megaphone AS your head.

-Roger is autistic and has a stutter, and sometimes has to use ASL to communicate. Peter knows ASL for this reason

-The Narrator could talk to the others, but only if it was an emergency

-all Dialtown OCs are canon. theyre in town somewhere, having fun and living their lives!

-Dialtown is bigger than shown in game, including the town square which has a fountain and a park surrounding it, as well as a skate park, rec center, arcade, a pizza place, etc.

-all the dateables have met satan at least once, they just didnt know thats who that was

-shooty and stabby are dating, theyre just very bromance about it. good for them...

-rotery phone heads are coming back in fashion as a sort of 'retro' vibe.

-getting prosthetics/emergency plastic surgery and medical care is actually quite accessible.

-jerry and his wife come visit dialtown every christmas soley so that gingi doesnt run all the way out there to visit them and get hopelessly lost. theyre doing quite well!

-there are competent members of the dialtown mob but they dont really do much other than hang out at the bar

if i think of anymore Ill let you know!! thanks for askin!

[sserapic]

maybe in another world, my dearest.

summary. getting into a relationship with the balladeer was your greatest mistake, though you don't regret anything that had happened between you. after taking the side of the good guys, he just never felt the love he used to feel every damn time he sees you. but if you couldn't handle the pain then you shouldn't feel it anymore, altering your memories of him is such a great idea. you say.

character(s). scaramouche/wanderer, gn!reader

tw. angst, no happy ending.

"come on, traveler, lead me to him."

you had convinced lumine that you're the lover of scaramouche, well, ex-lover. she hesitated despite the fact that you're a harbinger in which you couldn't be trusted very easily.

scaramouche sat there, under a tree, in the grass where he admired the view from up there. "wanderer." wanderer? had he changed identities?

he was certainly in shock to see you, well he should be, he left you in the dark and never came back which led you to search for him.

"oh, it's you."

you noticed how the traveler had left as you sat next to the former harbinger who you used to fought alongside with, who loved you so dearly but changed so damn quick.

"so, wanderer is the name you go with now?"

"yep."

even up until now you wish that he'd just fall in love with you all over again and come back to you, but you both know it wouldn't even work out anymore even if he did come back to you, the feeling left him but yours never escaped.

"y/n, you do not have to make yourself suffer like this. just go back to being the harbinger you are, but im afraid i cannot stand beside you any longer."

you fought back the tears trying to break free from your eyes, "but i cant. i always need you by my side." you sniff, refusing to even look his way.

"you have to, you can't just cry about me all the time. you're the 5th of the fatui harbingers, there's a chance that we might be each other's opponents someday."

the thought of him taking the side of the good guys while you stayed with the villains hurts like fuck. but somehow, you also cannot betray the tsaritsa.

"why does it hurt so much.." your voice muffled from covering your face with both hands, not wanting him to look at you, crying.

"because the love you had for me was genuine, and so was mine. but ive already moved on, neither will mine come back even if we get back together."

he stood up, lending you a hand.

as soon as you got back to your feet you pulled him close and sobbed in his chest, he let you sob your pain out, ignoring the fact that you're ruining his clothes.

"the traveler has mentioned that nahida can alter memories, is she telling the truth."

"yes, but wh-"

"can you please just make her erase mine?"

"y/n i don-"

"please.."

although he had to make sure that the God of Wisdom was alright with helping a harbinger, he agreed and so did nahida. she was honestly touched and wounded from hearing about you and sc- the wanderer.

he wished to stay and observe how nahida erases him from your memories and will forever be an enemy in your eyes once this finishes.

"one last time, y/n. are you okay with this."

you nodded, glancing at your ex lover one last time. if the Gods ever allow you to live once more, at least let it be with him.

"here we go."

tears started streaming down on your cheek as you closed your eyes, and felt weird seconds later. your eyes opened and observed the unfamiliar place you were in, turning your attention to a certain man beside you who was on the verge of tearing up.

maybe in another world, y/n. i will love you with all i have, that's a promise.

now he just has to watch you from afar, knowing that he would forever be the opponent of the side you've always been with. as much as he wanted to grab his feelings back, he couldn't.

note. hey !! this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks now, and this is actually inspired by a genshin oneshots book in Wattpad ! also about the smau, i commented on the second chapter. please take a look at it if you're waiting for an update on the smau !

[tahyal]

Hi Tahyal, I was just wondering how do you personally stay optimistic when it seems like the world is falling apart? Thank you. 🤍

Hi!

Honestly divine remembrance has been the best cure for me! Getting into God’s presence lifts off the fog of panic/ overwhelm/ sadness in a way that makes you perceive situations with clarity and serenity, it also awakens a peace in you that you never thought you could have amidst the chaos. Surrendering and letting God be your strength is honestly life changing, it is freeing.

One thing Ive also come to realize is that its very important to let yourself feel the pain, cry if you feel like crying, don’t repress anything. We’re often scared of letting it « submerge » us but by repressing our emotions we actually allow the pain to take deeper roots within, and it prolongs the process of healing. Let emotions flow through you, feel it all and at some point you’ll see that it starts to decrease, and you’ll gain more clarity on whatever it is that you’re going through. It’ll also prevent you from developing all kinds of diseases due to trapped / unaddressed emotions.

And finally, what brings me the most joy in difficult times is remembering that God is a perfect Planner, that no matter how circumstances may look like in the moment, it is all working in my favor. I can look back on my life and every time I felt like my world was crumbling it was actually being re-built and re-arranged in such a sublime way. It has taken me a long time to fully accept this but once I did everything became so much easier, you flow through life with grace and ease when you trust the Creator.

[theroseandthebeast]

Yuletide 2023 Recs, Batch One

the most wonderful time of the year is here again!

16 recs for 11th CE RPF/Crusader Kings 3, The Addams Family, Ancient Egyptian RPF, Aquaman, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, Barbie the Movie, The Bear, Beyond Evil, Black Books, and The Black Tapes

Matilda di Canossa Presents: Succession Planning for Dummies, Gen, Matilde di Canossa | Matilda of Tuscany

It’s always, “dear God in heaven, Matilda, how could you have eaten the pope?” and never “how was eating the pope; did the pope taste good?”

So Nice, Gen, Pubert Addams

Pubert was a different kind of Addams. OR What happens when the golden-haired angelic baby never reverted back to his little moustachioed self.

Beloved of Aten, Amenhotep IV | Akhenaten/Nefertiti of Egypt + Meritaten of Egypt/Smenkhkare of Egypt

Meriaten is beloved. By her parents. By the Aten. All is secure and as is it should be. Her father has revealed the truth of the world. The sun disk that can clearly be seen in the sky is no secret. She is beloved. She speaks the truth of Aten.

daughter of Xebel, Gen, Nereus & Mera

Y'Mera Xebella Challa is a daughter of Xebel before she is anything else.

Happiness is a Warm Gun, Lucy Gray Baird/Coriolanus Snow

"I'm looking out for you, too. I'll find a way," he promises. Coriolanus teaches Lucy Gray to shoot a gun.

saint sebastian, filled with arrows, Lucy Gray Baird/Coriolanus Snow

Coriolanus stares at it. Then he stares at her. She can see his imprecision again, the flicker of something untrustworthy beneath all the gold hair and famous lineage. “What should I do with it?” he asks, pliant, one last bid for direction. Lucy Gray kisses him again. “Come back to me,” she orders. “Do whatever you have to do to come back to me, Coriolanus Snow.” - (Coriolanus Snow wins the 10th annual Hunger Games with the help of his mentor, Lucy Gray Baird.)

Like My Head Against A Board, Allan/Ryan Gosling's Ken

Allan lends a helping hand.

to let the next life off the hook, Margot Robbie's Barbie/Gloria

Barbie’s not the only one who has a past life. When Gloria faces hers, everything changes - for both of them.

to recreate us, Luca/Marcus

After he left Copenhagen, Marcus never thought he'd see Luca again.

maillard reaction, Sydney Adamu/Richard "Richie" Jerimovich

There’s no more restaurant to manage, no more food to cook, and Syd doesn’t really know what to do with her body, except fuck Richie, apparently.

in every heart there is a room, Sydney Adamu/Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto

“Chef,” Carmy says softly, “it’s just for a few hours.” “A few hours?! A single minute of catering brunch is going to make me a suicide risk, Chef!” “I’ll be there with you. Chef.” Sydney doesn’t look like she forgives him, exactly, but her dire expression loosens up, just a little bit. In which Cicero calls in a favor, hollandaise is made, and Sydney makes a promise.

acquired taste, Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto/Luca

Before Copenhagen, there was Chicago.

Heaven Ain't Close in a Place Like This, Han Joo Won/Lee Dong Sik

Chained to a radiator in a warehouse, his lips cracking like tissue paper from lack of water, Han Juwon can admit that he might have fucked up.

Steal Your Breath Away, Han Joo Won/Lee Dong Sik

Han Juwon calls in a veritable litany of favors until he gets what he’s after: Lee Dongsik in handcuffs, alone in an interrogation room.

Three Sheets to the Wind, Manny Bianco/Bernard Black/Fran Katzenjammer

A customer mistakes Fran, Manny, and Bernard for a throuple. They start to wonder if it's true.

Unheard, Unsought For, Or Unseen, Alex Reagan/Richard Strand

Richard Strand has been in love before, of course. He’s not sure he’s ever felt like this. Three moments, throughout the course of working with Miss Alex Reagan on The Black Tapes Podcast, when Richard Strand learns that he is utterly wrong about something he thought he knew.

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)

kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.

also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all

tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?

ive died two times in my life so far.

the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.

the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.

i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.

and then i died again.

this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.

it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning

i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:

im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?

so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.

and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.

i was reborn.

at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:

i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed

i finished about six chapters of my book

i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head

i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked

i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer

i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends

i started focusing on my studies

i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings

dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird

and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.

but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.

and if finding happiness a losing battle?

well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.

[daisybell17]

Lokius — Taking a walk

Mobius let time pass for a second, taking in the life he had before the TVA. His mind wonders from thought to thought as the sinking feeling of loneliness fills his body, his mind, and his soul.

Turning away from the house, Mobius starts walking down the sidewalk path, observing the vast life around him.

It was so…simple? So…peaceful.

Passing each house that holds stories of people who have brought about love and pain within those walls brings an uncomfortable feeling to Mobius’s heart.

That could have been his life; it was his life at one point.

Then came Loki, and somehow he flipped a god’s world around. A god. So as he takes each step down that path, he can’t help but feel the grief that Loki was gone, that he had changed Mobius life more than he truly realised, yet he was here, walking down a suburban neighbourhood of the life he has no memory of.

Approaching the end of the path sat a tiny park. Mobius approaches the nearest bench, huffing out his breath as his body meets the cold metal. Trees hugged the small park, providing a nice balance of sun and shade. The breeze of the wind was cool, leaving Mobius with a slight shiver every time it hits him.

“But I'm in the trees, I'm in the breeze. My footsteps on the ground." Mobius closes his eyes and lets the nature around him consume this moment in time. What a nice wave of calm this world brings.

On the other side of it all sat Loki, who watched as Mobius rested in the park he led him down to. Showering him with the greenery that earth provides and sending him the breeze of his breath. He cannot intervene, but he can surely provide Mobius with a quaint little place in which they can connect, even if they cannot see each other.

“You'll see my face in every place. But you can't catch me now." Oh, how Mobius wishes Loki was here to share this moment with him. He wants Loki to be here; he hopes that maybe, just maybe, he’ll come. Was this the purpose his life was burdened for? To guide and fall for a god, only for his sacrifice to leave him alone? Yes, it brings about good, but why must he be alone in the end…

Everywhere Mobius looks around this park, he can only think about Loki; he wants Loki to be with him. He sees him in every shadow, and he swears that he can even feel him…but he just can’t see him. It’s like Loki is right behind him, just a footstep away, but it’s impossible to take the next step; they are both torn apart.

“Through wading grass, the months will pass. You'll feel it all around." Loki knows that one day he will watch as his Mobius passes on. The months will turn to years, and the years will become millennia, but there Loki stays, chained for eternity as he watches and grows the timeline.

Mobius spent the rest of that day in the park and the rest of his life always feeling Loki but never seeing him. Mobius feels him all around, in every corner of his life and soul.

God, he'd give anything just to see Loki again.

“I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere. But you can't catch me now. No, you can't catch me  now." Both of them know they will never cross paths again. Both understand that their presence can be felt by others, as it transcends any logic of this life. The bond they have crafted was only meant to grow but is now forever paused as greater manners came into play. Loki may hold every timeline in existence, but he projects his presence most onto Mobius’s life…He’s here, he’s there,

Loki is everywhere, but Mobius will never catch his glance or hold him close ever again.

——————————————————————————

(a/n): can you all tell im still not ok haha…ive been sobbing but hopefully y’all like this!!

[penumbrialhexandroga]

I put this in a discord chat im in but i wanted to put it here too. Today i got diagnosed by my therapist with c-ptsd.

Hhhh today is a day of surthriving. Had therapy this morning and was rough, but i was able to communicate some of my frustrations well. Got some clarification on stuff. Like he said forget about any of the schizophrenia stuff, i dont have it, so thats a relief. He said for a clinical dx i do have CPTSD. And that my episode that id had before when i started seeing him was a dissocaitive episode. So it was nice to get clarification on that i was thinking it was like a psychotic or manic or something but dissociative makes sense with what all went on. Ugh gah but then talked with a real young part and stuff coming up and just ugh fuck i hate. People. Just very heavy. Having things validated. But im so grateful for the coping mechanisms ive developed. Hhhhhhh fuck its just hard. Heavy heavy heavy. Just trying so hard to keep every thing contained so i can get through work. Thank god for Work Mode 🙏. Id been dxed with ptsd already but i did suspect it was cptsd but man having that validated by a therapist ugh i just feel like ive been taking punches and punching brick walls >.< idk i just wanted to express this all somewhere. "Put it out there"

Thats what i put in the chat earlier.

Idk i wanted to write about it i guess. He was saying too how like a diagnosis yknow its fluid it can change. Which im fully on board with i know it can only really be a snapshot of your current whatever experiences. But one thing i really appreciate about getting that dx and that validation and assurance is that it supplies me the language to tell my story. I realized that that was one issue that i had with how generally non-pathologizing my therapist is. Its also something i appreciate about him though, but i just felt like i couldnt really. Like not even tell my story but know my story. I felt lost and confused and uncertain about what my experience was and how i fit in with the world and people around me.

Who really am i? What defines me as an individual? It helps me answer these questions more fully. Not to say my diagnoses are all that i am or can capture the complexity of me as a being.

Its incredibly validating to do this work. I feel alive and autonomous in a way i never really have before. Some of the parts i work with are so so young. If i wasnt doing this work with a therapist i dont think i would really be able to do it. So im very grateful for my circumstances that allow me that. Although i can tell my therapist wants to do more frequent sessions, but it is expensive and insurance sucks so. Idk. Is what it is.

Ugh but this work also fucking sucks and makes things so so hard. But i know im better for it. Gahhahahshbsgdgdgdhd.

Oh man im also really glad too he labeled what that episode was. I was thinking it was a psychotic or manic and maybe i had bipolar, bc some of my family has been dxed with that. But no he said it was CPTSD. and a dissociative episode. Which man even just writing that out again its just. I cant even really identify how it makes me feel its just this kinda hmmm pressure?? Electrical flux? Along the back of my head.

Im grateful for being able to communicate better with my parts too. I was able to get across some things today that i havent been able to for a while and im glad things went well, even if it got tough. Really friggin tough. I know im moving in the right direction.

Id already been diagnosed with ptsd but that was through my psych who specialized in autism and idk it didnt really sink in. Its different now getting diagnosed by someone who knows me very well, ive been seeing him for like over two years now, so i have a lot of trust in his oppinion. But gosh so many raw nerves. Plus its c -ptsd which like, doesnt mean its worse than ptsd or anything lol some people seem to think that but thats more what i was suspecting. It just made more sense to me than standard ptsd with all the dissociation. But i feel really validated and seen and heard and hmm self assured even! Which is so rare for me. I feel like there was a lot of movement and change today. So this post is really just to commemorate it all. Getting diagnosed with cptsd tho, for me its very different than it was getting diagnosed with autism. Maybe thats because of meeting with that part right after tho :/

[mako-neexu]

the chaldean is summoned during part 1 of fgo, so the guda of your pick now has 2 romanis to deal with .

Though I don’t like calling the Chaldean as Romani Archaman, it never hurt to have romance between them :p and ive been meaning to try that out, so thank you!

------

If you ask Ritsuka how in the world this happened, she would rather merge with the floor than even mention it.

“Foolish girl.” The one coiled around her like a warm scarf clicked his tongue, “If we do not discuss this matter entirely, I will be forced to destroy this base and take you back to our timeline.”

She sighed and tried to wriggle free from the intense golden stare and firm, scarred arms wrapped around her waist.

Looking up on the other side of her, her eyes softened over seeing protective emerald eyes and feeling gloved hands wrapped around her own.

“If you really are me,” Romani’s voice teetered on the edge of a growl, warning spilling past his lips, “You’d know that I would do anything but force her against her will to do something she doesn’t want.”

The grip on her tightened on both sides.

Ritsuka tugged on their sleeves, hoping they would pay attention to her. Seriously, this is getting annoying.

A smug grin grew on “Romani”’s face, “Oh, but she knows what she must do. After all, the World forced to give her the memories of her future self to prevent the disaster our former Master invoked upon this world.”

And that was the problem.

She felt like two different people in one body. Yet, at the same time, she felt the same! It was weird, yet that “future her” felt as if it truly belonged to her. Like finding another section of the puzzle piece and completing it.

And now, she knows what to do. And now, it was her problem. Her problem, not from her future self.

“The Ritsuka in the future may belong to you. But the present Ritsuka is mine.” Romani’s gaze darkened, her heart skipping a beat over seeing the normally kind and smiling man being possessive over her.

She glanced at Da Vinci, who was only recording the whole debacle with amusement.

Ritsuka rolled her eyes. Seriously, where were her friends when she needed them the most?

She suddenly wrenched herself out of their grip, the shock of it allowing her to distance herself and call upon one of the many “Shadow Servants” in her roster. Jing Ke and Emiya Alter were summoned in an instant, poised to protect her.

While she was still irritated and a little angry, her soft heart couldn’t bear to see the look of hurt in both of their faces.

“I said I need time, you guys. I just witnessed hundreds of years of suffering ten minutes ago and you wouldn’t even let me think this through!” Ritsuka - the present - has never been like this. Amber eyes of steel, firm and foolhardy yet still very human. Her future self has lost and gained so much she wondered how she still managed to retain feelings that were very much human even though parts of her were no longer considered to be one.

At least, to the naked eye.

She sighed and let the Servants disappear, before going to close the gap between them.

Ritsuka pulled them into a hug, both men leaning down against her shoulder due to how tall they were.

God, some things never change, huh? She teared up at the thought, knowing what her present Romani will do in the near future.

She turned to her Romani from the future and looked at him in the eye with what she used to- future her used to do, “We have a lot to talk about if we’re going to prevent that disaster from occurring, but I need a little time to think about some things.”

His golden eyes went downcast along with a sigh of his own, “Of course,” He whispers, then leans in to kiss her forehead, the strange familiarity of it washing over her, “My apologies. It… has certainly been a long time since I last-”

A loud cough breaks them out of their little bubble.

She smiles and pinches her Chaldean’s cheek, “You smell like ash and jungle, Isha. Get out of here and shower.”

He groans before reluctantly leaving the command room.

As for her Romani, she didn’t hesitate to take both of his hands and tug him forwards so she could bury her face in his toned chest.

One part of her- her future self cried and trembled over such a simple touch and one part of her-  her, her felt like the touch was just something they did everyday, something sweet and loving that she felt nothing but normalcy.

“Ritsuka��” He whispered, shakiness evident in his voice. The Master already knows what he’s going to say, so she beats him to it. Pulling away slightly, she cupped his cheek, “He’s right about me knowing what I need to do, but what he doesn’t know is that, in the end, I’ll always choose my present.” My time with you, and you alone.

Skipping three year’s worth of memories just to go and prevent the Ordeal Calls from barring Novum Chaldea in their path towards Chaldeas isn’t worth it.

The doctor squeezes her hand and bites his lower lip, “But earth- the world-”

“-Can wait.” She interrupts and finishes the sentence for him. Yes, the bleaching will be bad. Yes, they would need to find Marisbury’s precise location again. Yes, it would be hard to break Chaldeas without suffering from another Cosmos in the Lostbelt-

Ritsuka smiles, eyes bright and hopeful.

“But one step at a time, okay?” The way awe twinkled in his eyes made her heart skip a few beats. Before her throat dried up, she continued, unwavering and determined, “We’ll figure out a way to solve this without me going away.”

This time, I’ll save you. I’ll save you—

He nuzzled at her palm, his love and adoration felt from his gaze alone, “Okay.” Soft yet bearing thousands of emotions- just like their love.

“After this is over, I’m taking you out for dinner. I feel like going to Italy to have a vacation there.” God, had she been her present-self alone, she’d never survive saying something so bold.

But, heck, seeing Romani blush and sputter in her embrace was worth it. “W-Wha-!? I-I’m the one who’s supposed to ask you- Oh, geez,” The way he gave up and half-slumped against her made her giggle.

She missed up. Oh god, she missed him.

Her hand against his cheek was taken in his hold, and warm lips once more grazed against her fingers. Excitement and love lit his green gaze, “I’ll be sure to bring a ring then.”

Ah-

It was her turn to sputter and blush like a ripe tomato.

Change or not, she was still her embarrassing, girly self. The experiences of her future self just made her feel just a tiny bit confident.

[dizzybizz]

ok i need someone elses (especially- but not exclusively- other afab autistics, cis or trans) thoughts on this shit cause im losing my goddamn mind i just have so many feelings about gender and its fucking me up

ok so.

ive always sorta felt disconnected with my gender and i dont think me being autistic helps with it either. what with trying to pinpoint feelings and all that being hard. and it has i guess planted a lot of doubt surrounding my thoughts and feelings about my own gender in my mind. i question if everything im feeling is just bc im autistic. which is why im making this post!! i just need some outside perspectives and thoughts and i guess i want to know that im probably not alone in my struggles with this.

idk how i wanna structure this post but ill just write down the things that come to mind.

like before i hit puberty i was not into the idea of it at all. and before i had considered the fact that i might be trans, i thought it was just because i didnt like the thought of change. and i think thats normal, being hesitant about puberty.

BUT uhm. now im not religious. but i vividly remember praying to god that i would at least be as late a bloomer as possible. if not, never ever going through afab puberty. and i always felt more inclined towards amab puberty, and i thought it was a MUCH better deal than whatever afab puberty was going to do with me.

and i feel really silly writing this cause that does not sound like something a normal cis girl would do or think... and i feel quite confident in me being not cis. but i guess this is just a post to seek some validation in my suspicion and feelings. but i also want to know if it is an experience others share.

my gender thoughts as i call them have been particularly prevelant since 2019, thats when i think i first started contemplating whether i might just actually be trans. at that time i believe it was more towards the non binary, but nowadays its ftm

and i just idk. im kinda lost and lonely here, i havent talked about with any family members which are the people i spend most of my time with currently. i wanted to get the perspective of people who are also autistic and might relate to the gender feelings and yeah

and ok no sorry, jumping back, cause its always at its worst before and during shark week (like right now :)) and that has also thrown me off quite badly

cause what if its just pms, or just some kinda hormone imbalance or some shit like that. am i crazy cause sometimes i feel like im driving myself mad with this stuff. is it common to have really intense thoughts about gender anytime your period is about to kick in.

also growing up with a younger brother (who also has a whole ass army of guy friends) when you have these thoughts is fucked up ngl who allowed this. youre telling me he gets to just get that puberty for free. fucking hell wtf

sorry i lost it pls just idk tell me your thoughts wherever, replies, i think im turning off reblogs for this but, my inbox or dms anything ok thanks so much, means the world

[raisinchallah]

not vriska anon but i don’t want vriska to get lonely… terezi

First impression

i liked her instantly like her appearance is 100% what locked me into continuing reading like i enjoyed rose a lot but i had like no fucking clue what was happening most of the time but terezi was so funny and like perfect character designed in a lab for me i just became immediately invested again so i guess everyone can also blame her specifically if you wanna know why im talking about homestuck in 2023 lol

Impression now

i mean again she just like permanently altered my personality and impacted me in ways i can scarcely fathom what can even begin to sum it up.. in some ways perceiving her is like getting too close to a hot flame because its also like shes intimately tied into my entire teenage existence i literally made a bunch of friends in high school cuz i wore my silly little terezi shirt that terezi shirt directly lead to kissing a girl and my first relationship jkfld;dsk she has been there thru everything i still have that terezi shirt one of the old original what pumpkin ones not the we love fine pretenders to the throne etc

Favorite moment

[s] terezi remem8er!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean thats just one of my favorite parts of the comic in general and idk i lost my mind when it dropped felt like the perfect culmination of so many things around terezi and was just very moving for meee like later parts of the comic definitely very hit or miss but there were some things that felt like they did tie things up and like the fact the vriska game over terezi killed who had gone thru all these crazy changes was able to finally meet again with the terezi that literally rewrote the universe to see her again and had been so sad about never finding vriska in the dreambubbles and there at the end of the world the end of the comic they are finally reunited and getting to see bits of their past together as well aaaah and of course alpha terezis sad girl monologue leading into that truly meant the world to me

Idea for a story

not a story but i wanted to make a terezi and vriska no light no light lyricstuck for like 8 years now and it haunts me always

Unpopular opinion

god i have no idea what an unpopular terezi opinion would even be nowadays cuz like back in the day its like controversial take i dont believe terezi exists only to be the matchmaker or girl in the way of davekat or something but i dont think thats controversial or anything idk again i have stayed away from the fandom for so long at this point um idk i think people who ship her with dudes want her to be a manic pixie dream girl so bad

Favorite relationship

well duh vriska but as i have already explained so much about them in the vriska answer and s terezi remember etc i shall say that but also i do really like a lot of her conversations with dave i think its very interesting how both vriska and terezi idk allow themselves to be a bit more vulnerable with humans who dont care about their insane alien values and norms in a way they are afraid to be with each other and literally that fucking conversation where terezis like ok shut up ive listened to every single one of your sad boy problems my time to talk now with dave and talks about weighing her options about killing vriska while daves like still sitting next to bros dead body literally a conversation of all time i think

Favorite headcanon

oh god i dont even know i feel like i have not considered things like this in a long time idk... i am coming up blank

[oc-aita]

AITA for ruining the lives of some fictional characters?

ok so this is gonna need a lot of context. to put it plainly im basically a god. most of my friends are also gods. we create characters and worlds and stories. we can interact with our characters/each other's characters but usually they dont remember the interaction afterwards (gotta keep the canons intact), but they can if we choose for them to. one of my closest friends is Not a god but is actually a character and we let him hang out with us and remember all of it cause i play favorites. we'll call him S. the characters arent real but S has always Felt more real To Me. this is important for later in the story.

so lately things have been. bad. a lot of stuff has gone wrong, bad things keep happening. and no matter how hard ive tried nothing i did could fix anything. i started to feel like i had lost all control over everything (despite being god) and one day i kinda. snapped. but then i realized i Do still have control over my characters. it was the Only thing i could still control.

so i kinda. went into some timelines and had a few. divine interventions we'll say. that the characters then Did Not forget. and id keep going to talk to them kinda just...mess with them. just to see what would happen. i did. some bad things admittedly. i kinda ruined all their lives on purpose in the end but it was gonna happen to some of em eventually whether i stepped in or not? and theyre literally not real so im not like actually hurting anyone,

but uh. S and my other god friends found out about what i was doing and were Not Happy about it. S was PISSED which is understandable because his life got ruined by someone in his story and i was someone he thought he could trust but then i guess i turned out to be like the guy that hurt him. i never wanted to hurt him he was NEVER going to be a target. he wasnt supposed to find out. none of them were. theyre all mad at me now but. how else was i supposed to deal with everything going to shit when i Couldnt Change Anything? i didnt hurt any real people. i. i didnt do anything wrong, right?