#cause if it doesnt wake me up it needs to wake someone else up

[architectureenthusiast]

Everytime my sensor alarm goes off I get filled with indescribable rage.

Like shut the fuck up why are you making noise I will look when I care to or when it's convenient to me 😭

Why are you so obsessed with me 😭

[vivicas-dollhouse]

CREEPYPASTA SLEEPOVER HEADCANNONS!!

Moms not home tonight, we can roll around have a pillow fight

Genre: headcannons

Pastas featured: ticci toby, jeff the killer, eyeless jack, masky, hoodie, ben drowned, sally williams, kate the chaser, clockwork, jane the killer, nina the killer, lulu, bloody painter, homicidal liu

Desc: just how i think some of the pastas would act at a sleepover :)

Cw: talk of drugs and alcohol

2.5k words, enjoy!!

Toby

-HORRIBLE at sleepovers. HORRIBLY ANNOYING.

-he will bring his console and try to get everyone to agree to a mariokart tournament

-he brings snacks, and hes got everything. cookies? yep. chips? you bet! soda? yes but only pepsi cherry.

-the only thing he forgot was a blanket and pajamas and literally everything else except games and food

-bro went and forgot a damn blanket

-he will talk all night if you let him. mainly about weird shit he learned recently that creeps you out

-he will be fine to keep partying at 5 am. my brother in christ is FIGHTING to keep everyone awake

-he will insist that he sleeps in just his boxers, he says its too hot

-”you ex-expect me t-to boil alive?”

-sleeps at 10am and wont wake up until you either shake him awake or 5pm rolls around

-sleeps like a tank, when hes out hes OUT

-mouthbreather, bro is practically eating the bugs

-he want nachos or he will throw a hissy fit about how they are “more for less”

Jeff

-he brings weed. No questions asked. Whats a party without some drugs?

-he also brings cigarettes cause bro is collecting addictions like pokemon

-orders pizza for him and himself only, the group can order whatever they want

-brings a body pillow and wraps his legs around it to sleep. The group bullies him for this.

-”god forbid a man get comfortable..”

-sleeps in gym shorts and a wife beater tank top

-he will smoke so much weed that he is staring at the wall for hours

-he falls asleep around 5am, wakes up at 11 the next morning feeling like he got hit by a bus

-he talks in his sleep, just loud enough to freak the others out cause its all genuinely creepy (like the pasta……)

-”youre not…… getting…. home….” WHAT THE FUCK

-before he sleeps he has to have a full glass of water cause his mouth gets “painfully dry” and its his only form of hydration

-brings a knife because why not? He never feels safe without it

Jack

-hes always fun to have around, hes quiet but funny and always has fun facts

-he brings kidneys to eat because he really doesn't like human food. Only problem is that it REEKS

-he has fuzzy pajama pants, a tshirt and slippers. He is ALWAYS cold so he has to bundle up with a blanket

-insists that they play minecraft or super smash bros, and hes ass at both

-”cmon, you cant button mash, actually play,”

-he sleeps pretty early, around midnight. He is the victim of many pranks because of this

-sleeps super heavy, wont wake up until you shake him for at least a minute

-purrs in his sleep

-brings extra toiletries, you never know if someone might've forgotten toothpaste

-might read before bed, he needs to have a wind down activity

-he likes watching true crime movies/documentaries and will pick out the most gore filled one cause they make him hungry

-puts on nu metal and ignores the protests of the others to turn it off

-brings headphones in case he gets overwhelmed, he doesn't usually get like that but hed rather be safe than sorry

Ben

-you already KNOW hes here to PARTY

-doesnt need drugs to act crazy, he just needs sugar and guess what! He brought candy! Lots of it too

-he brings any console or handheld game consoles he can reasonably set up, with multiple controllers for each. His bag is HUGE

-he sleeps in a tshirt and booty shorts, but he owns it

-”cmon, you cant see this total dumpy ive got? I got the shorts for a reason,”

-keeps the party going until the late morning, he will not sleep until 2pm

-wants the greasiest food possible, im talking jack in the box all day breakfasts level of greasy

-plays nightcore music, which he gets bullied for but its lowkey fire

-he forgot a blanket and will be fine with just sleeping on the floor, he doesn't plan on sleeping much anyways

-he wants to watch shitty comedies, if given the opportunity to put on monty python and the holy grail he will

-or he will put on john mulaney specials, everyone loves john mulaney

-when he DOES sleep, he snores SO FUCKING LOUD that it keeps everyone awake

-will ask to play spin the bottle bc he is an actual fiend for awkwardness he can bully people about (and kissing dudes)

Sally

-ah yes, our bestest girl

-she brings stuffed animals, a blanket and a princess sleeping bag

-she is still young, so she isnt really allowed to hang around the other pastas sleepovers

-plus she hates sleeping around men so it can only be a sleepover with all girls and no drugs/crackhead behavior

-she plays minecraft all night

-she will ask to put on a disney princess movie and will fall asleep to that

-”can mr teddy come watch frozen with us?”

-her bedtime is at 10pm, but she will fight to stay awake until 11pm

Masky

-oh boy.

-he doesn't like sleepovers, he doesn't want to go to sleepovers, and will only be there as a trip sitter or a chaperone of sorts

-he will smoke a little weed but is mostly content with a pack of cigarettes and a beer

-just turns on a random sport of a random team to nod off to, hes not the type to stay up unless theres a job he needs to complete

-”can yall be quiet, im tryin to watch the… the uhhh…. the mets and the… the other team,”

-sleeps shirtless with gym shorts, maybe sometimes he will wear a tank top but only if hes asked to

-wants to eat a burger, just any burger with bacon. He doesn't even need a fry, just a coke and a burger with bacon.

-falls asleep on the couch, he doesn't care what anyone else is doing, as long as no ones dying and they leave him alone

-he makes everyone feel like they are being parented, and even he hates it. He is above watching these dumbasses

-he might play a game, but thats a low chance

-plays 90s grunge music, he cant help it, its so good

-he snores quietly, unlike SOME GHOST HE KNOWS.

Hoodie

-brings so much weed. So much.

-he brings a duplicate hoodie of the one he shows up in, the famous yellow one

-he mainly smokes and plays on his phone, he might even put on a baby sensory video once everyone is high

-he puts on youtube deep dives on whatever he finds interesting, usually some internet drama

-”...and he made him cut up the medallion and i shit you not they nearly got him to put it up his ass,”

-brings everything you could ever want when you have the munchies, chips, dip, soda, candy, and some hot pockets

-brings headphones to listen to rain sounds while he sleeps

-he mutters absolute nonsense while asleep

-he sleeps around 3am and is a fairly light sleeper.. thats why he brought headphones

-wants to sleep in the bed, he doesn't care if someone is already in it, they can share!

-sleeps in a tank top and pajama pants, the pants usually get kicked off in the middle of the night though

-he moves a lot in his sleep, he sometimes sleepwalks but not often

Kate

-shes rarely invited, but shes glad to go

-she is very nocturnal, she will be up all night eating snacks she's squirreled away in her bag

-she wants sushi, but understands if its out of budget. She has enough pickles to make it through the night.

-she sleeps in a hoodie and sweatpants, hood up and curled in a ball

-she brings an actual sleeping bag, she doesn't want to sleep on JUST the floor.

-she brings so many snacks, but forgets any toiletries and a pillow

-”you want a pickle? I have so many, sweet, dill, spicy.. or do you want something else? I have a lot of stuff,”

-she wants to play twister so bad, but shes scared to ask

-shes shy, but as the night goes on she opens up

-she is fun to be around once the drinks start flowing, shes very bubbly and silly while drunk

-she doesn't know how to play video games, but shes happy to watch

-wants to watch notoriously shitty movies to make fun of

-she sleeps with headphones on playing emo music

-she finally sleeps around 5am, and shes OUT until at least noon

Nina

-oh jesus where to start..

-she will be black out drunk by the end of the night. She even brought the drinks to make sure

-she might be underage but there are bigger issues with her being drunk

-shes a crier, she gets messy drunk and gets into fights

-”you called me a slut, ill *hic* ill make you a dead b- *sniffle* bitch, you dont call.. you dont call ME a slut, it *sniff* it was only 3 times,”

-sleeps in a tight cropped tank top and hello kitty pajama pants

-she will watch shitty romcoms and cry the whole time

-she will try to kiss anyone and everyone, shes sad AND flirty at the same time

-she will reveal her darkest secrets if you prod her

-she doesn't want food, eating makes you fat and she will let everyone know that while they eat

-she pregamed the fucking sleepover, tell me you have a problem without telling me you have a problem

-she sleeps as soon as she finishes all her frozen margaritas, but theres enough of them that youd think shes got alcohol poisoning

Jane

-shes not the type to go to sleepovers, but if she WAS she would be a babysitter to the others

-she will not go to a sleepover with any men. She doesn't trust them at all

-she doesn't drink or smoke so shes stuck watching people to make sure no one kills each other

-she will turn on the office and just watch it like nothing else is happening

-asks to get kfc, shes a sucker for some fried chicken

-she sleeps in a oversized shirt and shorts, she gets hot easy

-”are you all going to eat the drumsticks or can i have them.. nina why are you crying now?”

-she sleeps only after her 8 step skin care and having a glass of water, she cannot sleep thirsty

-shes fine with sleeping on the couch or armchair, anything but the floor

-wears noise canceling headphones to bed, she sleeps so lightly that its nearly impossible to sleep without them

-she sleeps pretty early, around midnight or so

Clockwork

-theres no fucking way she's getting out of this without a wicked headache in the morning

-she gets nervous sleeping around other people so she smokes weed to feel better

-like a lot of weed

-she gets all giggly when high, she genuinely has a great time

-she craves cheese ramen so bad that she will go out of her way to make some in the kitchen at fucking 4am

-she is also practically nocturnal, she will wake up at 5pm and sleep at 6am

-she snores so loudly and mouth breaths, she sounds like a fucking tank

-”please bro drive me to the store i need more cheese, we only have kraft singles that shit is nasty”

-she watches funny tiktok complations and laughs her ass off all night

-do not mention how silly she was when she wakes up. Shes not silly or goofy, she is a tough, stoic woman (eyeroll)

-she sleeps in a tank top and short shorts, and brings a pillow and light blanket only

Lulu

-is honored to be included in a sleepover, she never usually gets included

-she brings snacks, various medications, toothpaste and tooth brushes, lotion, shampoo and conditioner, a comb, floss, two pillows, drinks….

-basically she overpacks

-she sleeps in a nightgown, and she has sock slippers that she wears while sleeping

-she doesn't drink or smoke, and shes fairly overwhelmed by everything thats happening

-”oh, um, i was wondering when its bed time?”

-she finds a quiet corner, brings her stuff and reads until she falls asleep around 11pm

-she wants to make people happy so she says she's enjoying herself but she is miserable

-she was under the impression that she would be able to shower, and is confused on why no one is

-she eats a sandwich she packed because she has a mild nut allergy and didnt want to risk any food they get causing an allergic reaction

-she really wanted to have fun, but parties are not her thing

Helen

-just a constant downer, he brings the mood down SO fast

-”did you know that you swallow 8 spiders in your sleep a year and that there is actually horse meat in that mcdonalds your eating” BRO WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

-just sits in a corner and draws, he didnt want to come in the first place

-doesn't want anything youd normally have at a sleepover, he wants a salad or at MINIMUM a sandwich or soup

-he brings an actual air mattress, he is above sleeping on the ground (and it hurts his back)

-he doesn't want to play any games, talk smack about anything, or do anything you'd normally do

-yet he stays up all night, creepily watching people sleep and drawing them

-only goes to bed when the sun's starting to rise, but he will be up again at 10am

-wears his normal clothes to sleep, he doesn't NEED pajamas and his day clothes work the same as pjs

-leaves as soon as possible

Liu

-he is… he is not happy.

-he didnt want to come, he knew he wouldn't have fun, yet he was talked into coming.

-he isnt a fan of everyone shouting and playing loud music and using drugs, he just wanted to have a relaxing evening with friends

-he sleeps in a sweater and shorts, and he brings a change of clothes for the morning

-he just watches lets plays on his phone while hiding somewhere thats quiet and no one can find him

-he ends up not falling asleep at all, despite trying REALLY HARD to

-”god damn i actually WANT to ‘go to sleep’ now,”

-he comes out of his hiding spot briefly to eat whatever they ordered and instantly goes back to hide

-hes got a blanket and pillows, and he is cozy in his corner, and thats the best he can do

-he is pissy when he does interact with the others, he just doesn't get why people like to party at all

-he puts on some goth music in between lets plays and texts helen about how miserable he is and eventually goes to sit by him for a bit, and they sit quietly

[kessellluvr]

NYE - nsfw

word count: 1.6k

pairing: adult!lottie x afab!reader

youre lottie’s younger partner and she gets jealous easily.. :3

warnings: 18+ content, fingering, controlling!lottie, older!lottie, rough!lottie, bratty!reader, sub!reader, teasing!reader, intoxication, use of alcohol, mommy kink, nipple play, overstimulation, crying, begging

It was another one of those nights - you were out partying while Lottie was at home, she hated not having you by her side, especially on fucking new years eve. she wanted to spend quality time with you, have a romantic dinner even but you didnt care, you were younger and in that phase where you felt the need to party whenever you could. Lottie tried to talk you out of it but you never listened, you were a brat. You’ve asked her to come along with you because she’d throw tantrums about how she didnt want you to do mistakes which you’d regret. She didnt want to come along, she’d say shes too old for that kind of stuff and its not for her.

Well, today was different - you had left the house without saying goodbye, you two had just gotten in a fight and you were so fucking upset. you felt like blowing up. you came home late, clearly more intoxicated than you’ve ever been before - it was new years eve and youve been to the club with some friends. you clearly had your struggle to get the key into the keyhole of the front door, your vision was blurry but you somehow managed. you turned the key and pushed open the door, pulling out the key and slamming the door. you didnt really care if you might wake up Lottie. you went into the kitchen, couldn’t even walk straight - you threw your keys onto the counter and sat down on it, noticing lottie standing in the doorway to the living room - wearing her black robe. you rolled your eyes and tore your gaze away from her, fiddling with the rings on your fingers - her eyes were burning onto you, you felt yourself getting hot. she stepped closer to you, reaching out to grab your chin. you gulped and looked up at her, innocently. “you know how fucking worried i was? its three am!” she snapped at you, your eyes wide with lust, you were so drunk - her bad mood turned you on.

Lottie noticed the way your lips parted slightly, your eyelids starting to feel heavier - she scoffed and picked you up. “tell me what you did.” she said, trying to sound calmer but failing miserably. “well.. u-uhm.. i drank.. obviously..” you slurred drunkenly. you felt her roll her eyes as the carried you up the stairs and into the bedroom, she threw you on the bed and went to straddle your hips. her robe had fallen open slightly - revealing more of her bare chest, causing your breath to hitch. Lottie’s hand found its way to your shirt - pulling it over your head. she threw it aside carelessly and her hands went behind your back to undo your bra, throwing it off too. Lottie’s hand cupped your breast - her thumb and index finger going to pinch your nipple, causing you to cry out. “did someone else touch you, huh?” she asked - her eyes looked so possessed, fuck it was hot. you shook your head, her two fingers pinched harder, causing you to squirm and whine. a smirk curled upon Lottie’s lips, she let go of your breast and her hands went to undo your pants - pushing them down to the floor and leaving you in just your underpants. “you know mommy doesnt like you going out.. yet you keep doing it.” she murmed as she trailed her finger over your abdomen, sending a shiver along your skin. “mommy’s really upset about that..” she whispered, her lips dragging over the sensitive skin on your neck. “i-im sorry mommy..” you whimpered as her hand cupped your soaked cunt through your panties. her finger slipped under your waistband and pulled your panties down, her thumb trailed circles over your clit. “mommy’s gonna make you cum.. over and over again, until you beg for her to stop.” she murmed and you nodded, this was her form of punishment - overstimulation.

Lottie pulled you in for a kiss as two of her fingers sunk into your cunt, making you moan into her mouth - she smirked and pushed her tounge foward, claiming you once again. her fingers worked expertly, curling up against your g-spot and making you gasp. your hands grasped onto her robe - pulling it off and causing her to stop for a second, she chuckled before she kept going, her tounge dancing with yours as she pumped her fingers in and out your of your cunt. your hands were all over her body, trying to find something to hold on and settling on her waist - your hips bucked upward as she kept fingering you, your eyes rolling back in your head as you felt the waves of your orgasm hitting. “fuuuck.. mommy..” you cried out as your cum came dripping out your hole, Lottie pulled her fingers out - licking them and savouring your taste. “Hmm so good..”

Lottie backed off of you, walking towards the bedside table and pulling open a drawer. she pulled out a vibrator along with her strap-on. your eyes widened as you watched her from the bed, you shifted so you could rest your head on the pillow. Lottie walked back towards you, the vibrator in her hand and the strapon on the matress next to you. you looked up at her with wide eyes - you felt the alcohol still running through your system. she moved to sit and lean against the headboard “come sit between mommy’s legs.” you complied, shifting to sit between her legs, the back of your head resting against her chest. Lottie ran a finger along your inner thigh before grabbing both thighs and spreading them apart. you heard her switch the vibrator on a low level and you glared down to see her bringing it to your swollen clit. as soon as it made contact you gasped, hips bucking upwards. she used her left hand to caress your breasts - you squeezed your eyes shut and felt the sensations run through your veins, a switch clicked and the vibrations started going faster. making you moan harder, hands grasping the sheets as lottie cooed down at you. “hmm let go..” and you did, cumming for her once more. Lottie didnt pull the tog away, she turned the level up once more and your legs twitched as you cried out. she chuckled and her left arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to her and holding you steady. you felt her face nuzzling your neck as she pressed a kiss on there “take it for me..” she whispered into your ear before gently biting down on your lobe - you were a moaning mess, drunk on her words.

As Lottie turned the toy on the highest level, you felt as if you were gonna melt - whimpering in her embrace as your eyes were starting to water “m-mommy please.. i- i cant..” you whined and she moved her free hand to caress your abdomen “shhh.. baby you got this, one more for mommy..”

A tear ran down your cheek as you felt your third orgasm of the night approaching, whining and crying out Lottie’s name as you came. “lottie.. please stop..!” your cry was muffled by her hand over your mouth.

After you finally somewhat calmed down, you laid against her chest - panting slightly. Lottie’s hand was caressing your hair, the vibrator was forgotten to the bedside table. you thought she was finally done punishing you but oh you were wrong. Lottie lifted you by your waist and made you face her, placing you on her lap as she pulled you in for a kiss again, her tounge ran over your lips and you split them, letting both your tounges tangle. after a few seconds she pulled back “now.. one more thing..” she said with that sweet, crooked grin (AHHHH :33) as she reached for the strap-on which laid on the matress. she carefully lifted you off her lap and went to put the strap around her waist, making sure it was tight enough and secure. you bit your lower lip, spreading your legs. Lottie raised a brow “get up.” her tone was more commanding now. you stood up and felt your legs trembling slightly, you looked up at the taller woman “turn around and bend over.” your eyes wide as you complied, spinning around and bending over the bed - it was a rather high bed so it wasnt a problem for lottie to reach you (idk did that make sense??). as soon as you were in position her hand flew across your asscheek, causing you to flinch slightly. Lottie chuckled lowly as she went to position herself, pressing the tip of her purple strap-on against your sore cunt. your eyes squeezed shut as you felt her push foward, your mouth hung open - your hands gripping on the sheets as she started thrusting back and forth, groaning as she did so. Lottie’s grip on your hips tightened, pulling you closer as she slammed the toy in and your cunt. “fuck.. lottie..” you moaned as you felt your fourth orgasm approaching. “so fucking tight.. yet you take mommy so well.” you moaned again, your face buried in the sheets as tears started to form in your eyes once more, your moans became louder and louder until you finally felt the knot in your lower area releasing. your whole body shook slightly, she kept pumping back and forth, her movements becoming slower as she let you fully ride out your last orgasm. “mhmm done so well for me.” she praised as she slowly pulled out.

and with that she left the room, probably off to take a shower as you laid on the bed, properly used by her. you had definitely learned your lesson from this.

AN: i have no fucking idea what this is just uhm yes

[pinkthrone445]

~You can´t change who you are~ Part 1

Part 2

Pairing:Brienne of tarth x Reader

Gender: hurt, hurt very well written

Warnlings : (+18) Alcohol, insults, mention of sex and nudity, mention of sex worker, very mean and hurtful comments.

Summary:Brienne and you have to remember that difrent words doesnt mix. Brienne was Lord Commander and you were just a whore, as much as you would like to be something more, the world reminds you that the past cannot be changed and classes do not mix.

Enjoy! And don't forget to reblog! 💕

Special thanks to everyone who read the previous story and shared it! You have a special place in my stomach, I would say heart but I don't have one of those.

Brienne sighed without opening her eyes yet, as soon as the sun was rising on the horizon, it was a sign that she had to return to reality. The events of the previous night had left her body completely relaxed, making it harder to open her eyes, wishing that that peace would last a little longer. Hearing your soft laughter fill the room, she opened her eyes, smiling as she watched you play with her sword in front of the mirror, completely naked and with your body full of fresh marks that she had made only a couple of hours ago

-"Maybe you'd be scary if the sword wasn't bigger than you" - she said in a mocking tone and with her voice hoarse from just waking up. You laughed and put the sword in its proper place to go back to bed with her, lying on her chest snuggling up to take advantage of her body warmth

-"I don't need a sword to make people listen and obey, I have other tactics" - you replied giving small kisses on her chest and Brienne smiled caressing your back

-"The same tactics you used last night to get what you wanted? To make me fuck you senseless?" - she asked and you nodded smiling and kissing her jaw. You loved Brienne's scent after a night of passion, it was intoxicating, you delicately hid in her neck giving little kisses and snuggling up there. -"Aren't you getting too comfortable for a whore?"-She asked laughing as she felt how you hugged her around the waist, you always did that when you knew it was time for the two of you to start the day but you didn't want to leave her side

-"Aren't you very foul-mouthed for a lord commander?" - You responded by letting out a small laugh and bit her neck causing Brienne to shiver. The blonde's comment didn't bother you because she was right, you were a whore, you had been for many years, it was your way of surviving, it's how you and Brienne met, in the brothel.

One night, the warriors under her command took her to the brothel because she was very tense and thought it would be a good idea for her to let out some anger in any other way than by fighting. The knights decided to hire your services, knowing that of all the women who worked there, you were the most delicate and soft, the most seductive, the one who looked the most innocent. You didn't take just any client, you were more selective than others and less scandalous, if it wasn't for the fact that the owner of the brothel offered your services, you might as well have passed for someone else who went there to enjoy, it didn't seem like you worked there, mostly because your clothes were less outrageous and more conservative and you didn't undress in front of others like all the other women in the place. You were perfect for someone who was going there for the first time and required more delicate service, you were perfect for Brienne, in more ways than one.

The blonde was embarrassed, there were so many naked people that she didn't know where to look, it was a relief when, after introducing you, you took her to a more secluded place where curtains isolated you from other people, although noises could be heard, not having to see so many naked bodies, was already a relief for her. Brienne didn't know how to start the conversation or what to do, but you just waited patiently for her, explained that you wouldn't do anything she didn't want to do and that if she just wanted to talk or sit still, you could do it, whatever she wanted, you would do it for her. That night, all you did was talk about a little bit of everything, tastes, stories, anecdotes, everything and nothing at the same time. Brienne felt at peace in the least expected place with the least expected person.

Weeks passed and you were surprised when you saw her enter the brothel again, asking specifically for you. That night you also talked and drank a little, nothing else. So it was on several occasions, just enjoying each other's company, letting the moment flow. It wasn't until she hired your private services to come to her house that you finally had sex. Despite her nervousness, the woman felt very comfortable with you, you had incredible patience, you explained many things to her and taught her many more. She never thought she would be able to feel so much pleasure and make someone else feel so much pleasure. Brienne was intoxicated, hymnotized by you, so she began to hire your services regularly. Everyone knew that if she showed up at the brothel, it was just to look for you, she never looked at or touched anyone else. And for your part, you didn't have any other clients either, since she hired you almost all the available time you had.

Months passed since you and Brienne had met, with so much time together, it was hard not to feel things for her beyond pleasure, there were times when she only hired you to eat together at home, relaxing by the fireplace while sipping a good wine or just to talk about the day to day and what tormented her head sometimes. If it wasn't for Brienne refusing to stop paying you, which you asked her to stop doing by saying that you enjoyed being with her and didn't care about money anymore, you would have felt like it was a relationship, one with amazing sex involved. But she wouldn't let you forget that it was only a matter of pleasure, even if she repeated it many times, that didn't stop your heart from feeling and wanting more for her, that didn't stop you from falling in love with her.

For her part, Brienne also had feelings for you but she didn't want to condemn you to a life of misery with a knight, at any moment she could lose her life and she didn't want you to wait for her to return forever, she would never forgive herself for causing you that pain. She also knew that if you started a formal relationship, your life would be in danger, everyone would know that you are their greatest weakness and they would hurt you to manipulate her. That's why she kept repeating that this "relationship" was just for pleasure and nothing more, praying that if she repeated it enough, she would believe it too.

That's how you got to the present moment, you spent more time with her than alone, you spent more time at her house than in the brothel, you even had more clothes there than in your rooms. Every time you were with her you wanted to make the most of it, etching in every part of your memory those special moments where it was just you and her, before you had to go back to the reality where you were just a whore and she was the lord commander.

-"Come on baby, up, I have to go train the new soldiers" - commented the woman below you, patting your ass lightly but you shook your head hiding more in her neck

-"A little while longer, it's still early, I don't want to let you go yet"- you whispered against her neck pouting a little and she laughed

-"I'd like to stay too, but I don't have much time, how about I make breakfast here at home and we have it together? - the blonde commented and you raised your head nodding excitedly to which she laughed hugging your waist - "put on some clothes while I prepare everything"- you nodded and put on the shirt that Brienne was wearing the night before and then went down to breakfast with her. You loved those little moments, everything felt so natural and special, you could pretend you were a couple even though that was far from reality.

Even if Brienne didn't want it, every time she went campaigning or fighting, you'd be left with your heart in your mouth begging all the gods, the old and the new, for her to come back safely. Feeling your heart beat again when you saw her come back home.

After a hard fight, Brienne realized that the restrictions she had been putting were in vain, all she wanted was to come home to see you and be with you. From that fight she decided to make things right in the relationship, to turn it into a true and stable relationship. You'd be hers and she'd be yours and no one else's. She had everything planned, a big ball was coming, dances that she commonly hated, but this one would serve a special purpose, to formally introduce you to the other acquaintances in her life. She even had a special tailor-made dress made for you, completely delicate. It was the most beautiful and delicate garment you had ever had in your life, it was probably worth 3 times more than all your belongings put together, but what gave it the most value was that Brienne had it made especially for you, thinking of you.

In the evening, she came for you, wearing a completely delicate suit with the same colors as your dress, you felt like a princess from a fairy tale where your knight came looking for you and everything was perfect. All the way you were holding on to her arm, although you wanted to behave, the emotion was getting the better of you and you couldn't avoid make small jumps of excitement, which seemed very cute to your companion and made her laugh.

You knew this was a special occasion, you'd never gone out with Brienne outside of her house or the brothel, nobody never saw you together like this, and the thought that others would know about you caused immense emotion inside your heart. But everything changed the moment you walked in and saw the looks of the other guests perched on you and Brienne, the only thing you could do was squeeze the arm of the woman next to you tighter when a couple of half-drunk men approached you

-"Lord commander" - One of them spoke in a mocking tone—"I know it must be hard to get a partner with the beast-like appearance you have, but to bring a whore to a real dance is to fall very low, even for someone desperate like you."- Your blood began to boil, how could such things say about her? Brienne was the most beautiful person there was, they were the horrendous ones inside and out

-"Go away assholes, you don't know what you're talking about, Brienne could have whoever she wanted, I'm the lucky one to be by her side tonight, your insults are a sign of your jealousy, because not a pig would want to be with you."-You responded angrily but they just laughed

-"Brienne? She even tells her by her first name, tell us Commander, how much did you pay the whore to be with you tonight and defend your name?"- Another of the men commented, Brienne didn't answer, she just let go of your arm and took a step back. You felt how your heart contracted as you saw with shame that she looked at you when she heard the things they said to you.

One of them got too close to you and stroked your hair- "whatever she paid you, I can double it so you'll be with me tonight" - his breath smelled of pure alcohol and nerves entered your body pushing the lord's hand away from your hair you shook your head

-"Or tell us, how much would it cost for us to go outside so you give me a blowjob? I've heard that mouth can do wonders," said another of them and your eyes began to fill with tears, why didn't Brienne defend you? Why did her let them talk about you like that?

-"I... I don't do that anymore"- you murmured, not knowing what to do and avoiding their gazes. They laughed again

-"Did you hear that? The whore wants to play the delicate princess. Just because you're wearing a fancy dress doesn't make you change who you really are, you dirty bitch" - One of them spoke almost spitting in your face and tears began to fall down your cheeks without being able to control them

-"Please, almost all the men here know that when we put a little money in front of you, you'll be on your knees sucking everything that comes your way"-One grabbed your cheeks roughly and smiling , watching you cry- "That teary face reminds me of how you cry when you have a prominent cock buried in your throat, so cute. Why are you next to this giant? She'll be very tall but I don't think she has a cock that can really fill you up and leave you satisfied, you just play to feel satisfied because she pays you a lot so you don't damage her ego?"-At this point you didn't feel your body anymore, you felt so fragile, not even in the brothel had you been treated so badly, there was always security when there was a problem, but here there was no one to defend you, not even Brienne made an attempt to defend you or keep you away from them.

-"With the amount of people she's slept with, she probably doesn't feel anything anymore, even the lord commander could stick her sword in her vagina and the whore wouldn't even feel it. The slut would probably enjoyed it, she sure has some very outrageous fetishes" - Another spoke by clenching your jaw very hard with his hands, all you could do was tremble from your sobs. Nothing that was happening seemed real, you didn't know at what moment you thought this would be a good idea, in what reality Brienne would have a real relationship with you and come out to defend a prostitute like you?

When the queen approached from the commotion that was forming, the men moved away from you. While you felt the queen speaking to you, you couldn't decipher a single word, feeling dazed and lost. All you could see was Brienne walking away from you, staring at the floor in embarrassment.

Your feet carried you out of the party, you didn't know how or when, but you went back to the brothel alone, to lie on your bed and cry yourself to sleep.

The next day Brienne came to see you, to apologize, she didn't know why she didn't do anything to stop the men, she just froze and wanted to apologize for that. But when she arrived at the place, the owner of the brothel told her that you had packed your things and left without saying where or why.

At that moment Brienne felt her life shattered, as you had felt when you saw that she did nothing to defend you that night.

[quitealotofsodapop]

it has been awhile, but I've finally gotten around to doing another one of these! hope it will help with my writing funk.

[and is super guilty for not having told him back then. At the same time, Wukong is confused why Max seems so... ok with it suddenly???] + [He ultimately doesnt want to open up any old wounds Wukong has from the incident since he's been living with the outcome of that fight far longer than Mac has.] + [Why was Wukong protecting the monk that hurt him? Why was Wukong going on this Journey and not returning to his throne? Why did he hide the Stone Egg from the world?]

honestly? Wukong is probably more concerned by how okay with having been killed Mac is than he would be if he was still upset and causing problems because of it. I feel like Wukong would actually be very ok with talking/answering any questions about what happened, it'd be a hard conversation for sure, but he's grown to have enough emotional maturity to know it's a necessary one. the only reason he let Mac get away with pushing it off for so long to the point of it blowing up in there faces a little was because he was trying to let the other have time to process and work out how he felt before trying to hash things out together.

but perhaps, Wukong is also deflecting a little, worried that trying to talk about it would spur into an argument. neither of them are very good at listening to each other when they get riled up, and after how their fight went... he knows he did his best trying to talk Macaque down, but he always kinda feels like he should've tried harder. he just doesn't want things to get out of control again.

[Ao Lie and Wukong are quickly panicking over each other while their other bros are forcing them to rest after the Samadhi Fire Ritual.]

the Tripataka forces them both onto bedrest, but it's a combined effort of the uninjured pilgrims to keep them there considering how restless Wukong can be. between Wukong and Ao Lie? it's an endless cycle of "no, I'll get up and ask for water, you stay in bed" and "no, I'll grab the extra blankets, you need to rest".

[Wukong was in so much pain that he was convinced that he was going into labor, or that he even lost Yuebei as a result of joining in the Ritual.]

now I'm just picturing the others waking up to Wukong (who normally has a very high pain tolerance) loudly sobbing from how much it hurts and inconsolable because once the thought of having lost the egg even crossed his mind he became convinced that's what happened. he must have cried so hard, they'd have to call Guanyin to do a check-up while he's still sobbing to show him the egg is fine for him to even begin to calm down.

[Nezha makes note of hiding anything flammable whenever he visits the monkeys.]

it does seem Yuebei has a taste for the spicy-er things, huh. wonder if she'd like any of Redson's cooking?

[Pigsy: "Sure thing. Guess little monkeys aren't much different from little MKs." *gives Yuebei her nose back*]

heh- funny thing about that pigsy-

[Memory!Ao Lie, frowning: "Why are you so stubborn to admit that it wasn't your fault? I really truly never blamed you, or her." Wukong, crying: "Why were you so ok with it? Because of me, the Samadhi Fire it... hurt you."]

Wukong has had a real rough go with people ditching him after one mistake, real or even just perceived mistakes alike, and messing up the ritual and letting the fire hurt Ao Lie? a monumental fuck-up to almost anyone you ask. Wukong, rather unfortunately, has very good reason for believing Ao Lie would hate or resent him for it, anyone else would. he's grown used to it, apathetic, maybe even has grown to expect it.

as it is, this means Wukong has a very hard time understanding/grasping it when someone doesn't hate him over things like this.

[Ofc Nezha feels like garbage for treating Wukong's actions during the Ritual as a failing.]

worst part is, Wukong doesn't treat him like he was wrong. when it gets brought up he talks about matter-of-factly, nonchantly, like it was no big deal that he was in pain, at risk of sacrificing his unborn egg and basically everyone aside from the pilgrims was treating him like he was the ultimate disappointment.

this is in part due to Wukong's own guilt over the ritual, insecurities about being enough/strong enough, and because he, again, doesn't blame Ne Zha because he didn't know about the egg because Wukong never told him and therefore, it's actually on his shoulders .

(Wukong needs a therapist)

[The Spider Gang has nightmares of Guanyin coming to beat the rest of them up like she's a Jojo stand.]

they're so terrified that they basically start praying to Guanyin- more so begging to be left alone, but still.

[To hear that Wukong has named her his little "Moon Comet Star" just makes him cry harder, especially with how casually Wukong names her.] + [But I bet Wukong is just so happy that he tells everyone Yuebei's name long before that time.]

I think Wukong probably had a lot of trouble coming up with names before Yuebei was born, nothing just ever seemed right! he honestly tried not to think about why the only ones that ever seemed to be good candidates were space/moon related names. but then Macaque came back. he stopped denying it at that point, and just went all for it. no matter how things with Mac end up going, Wukong probably already had the name chosen by the time he came back from looking for the map. And yeah, Macaque loves the idea that this was always Wukong's plan, and Wukong being just as happy about the name is also just so cute to him!

[It's PIF anf DBK's fave baby photo of Yuebei - besides the one where she tried eating Red Son's hair.]

oooooo what do you think would be everyone else's fav baby photos of Yuebei?

[and when he gets to Camel Ridge, he pauses before looking towards Wukong for confirmation. At Wukong's excited nod, Macaque grins evily.] + [Macaque also deliberately exaggerates the voices of their allies like PIF and DBK so Yuebei doesn't accidentally associate their voices with the muddy past shown in the book.]

let's be real, Peng's voice is the most bastardized.

love the fact that Macaque doesn't even really have to ask, Wukong already knows what he's planning and is living for it. Wukong enjoys the retelling almost as much as Yuebei does, if only for Macaque's dramatics. and doing his best to change her perception of their current allies? a very appreciated effort.

[Azure is clueless and isn't sure if monkey cubs work like lion cubs or not. Yellow Tusk has the sense to ask the remaining servants for help with tending to the infant - a group of seven brave orchard maidens stepped forward to run the baby a bath and prepare her a meal. Yellow Tusk is sure that he recognises them.]

so long pining for a monkey and he has no clue how they work or how to care for one. at least Yellowtusk is at least a little bit sensible. and ah! the peach orchard maidens Wukong was friends with! imagine if this was their first proper intro to Yuebei. they've never met but they know this is their old friends child so the seven will do anything for her, take on as many responsibilities as it takes to keep Yuebei out of Azure's claws as long as they can.

they don't like any of the brotherhood, but tusk at least seems remorseful enough to consider him safe enough to help bathe the little infant- with supervision of course. Yuebei latching to his trunk was probably as funny to them (at Yellow tusk's expense) as it was heartbreaking because they could probably recognize the behavior for what it was due to their time spent with the Monkey King.

at least Yuebei's comes out of it thinking/feeling very positively about peach maidens.

[So when the elephant gently put Yuebei in the warm bathwater and offered her mashed fruit, she instinctively clasped around his trunk like it was the arm of her parents, making sad hooing sounds as she sucked on her fingers. Yellow Tusk felt his heart break at the sight. He simply cannot fathom harming her in any sense of the word.]

oh no, Yuebei's sucking her finger, means she's missing her mama. imagine if after her rescue Wukong/macaque notice she's developed a small oral fixation from the trauma of her kidnapping.

I wonder if Yellow Tusk ever looks down at this tiny monkey and has an epiphany about how he treated Monkey King and Macaque, or the treatment of them he was at least complacent in. those two were never truly infants sure, but they were young minds, perhaps the thought had never crossed his mind because they're looks were deceiving when it came to age. how young had they truly been? what age were the children the brotherhood sent to war and martyred?

perhaps it doesn't matter anymore, the chance at redemption long forgotten, but at least he knows i his heart of hearts he will not make the mistake again. even if it means betraying those he's held dear for so long...

[Mac would make a show of picking up his baby girl and kissing her all over while commenting in baby-talk; "Did you have fun with the birdy and kitty, moonlight? Yeah? Do you want Bama to take something to remember your little play date?"]

the fact that Macaque baby-talks to the obvious victor only makes Peng's humiliation worse. Imagine getting turned into ground beef by an infant and her dad comes in and makes it all the more real that you were beaten by a less-than-a-year-old baby by outright baby talking her in front of you. like you always were and always would be nothing but literal child's play to deal with that you weren't even deserving of having your defeat be treated seriously, no. your opponent gets baby talk congratulations.

Macaque will forever tell the story of Peng's defeat when having proud dad bragging moments.

[Macaque has one of the feathers preserved as a bookmark. It brings him great joy.]

he takes a couple feathers for himself, makes a few different things out of them, like a quill. but he also made one or two for other people like Wukong and of course Yuebei's toy. they all bring him (and the receivers of the gifts) great joy.

prev.

yesyesyes some SlowBoiled thoughts! Also btw I've shortened what parts I'm replying to for brevity.

[honestly? Wukong is probably more concerned by how okay with having been killed Mac is than he would be if he was still upset and causing problems because of it...] + [but perhaps, Wukong is also deflecting a little, worried that trying to talk about it would spur into an argument... ...he just doesn't want things to get out of control again.]

YES

A big reason for their fight just as S4 starts is the fact they're avoiding some pretty big glaring questions/concerns to "avoid conflict", only to hurt themselves and each other more by deflecting. Sometime avoiding confrontation is more harmful than tackling your demons head-on and de-escalating any anger that it brings up as it comes. Wukong would be ok answering any questions Mac needed to be answered, but the real hard part is getting both monkeys in a space where they can vent it out a bit without one or both trying to portal away from an escalating conversation.

A good marriage counsellor needs to take on Wukong and Macaque's case and let the monkeys honestly Talk for a while without interruption.

Yue Lao, god of marriage & true love: "Diiiid someone call for marriage help?" :3

[the Tripataka forces them both onto bedrest, but it's a combined effort of the uninjured pilgrims to keep them there considering how restless Wukong can be. between Wukong and Ao Lie? it's an endless cycle of "no, I'll get up and ask for water, you stay in bed" and "no, I'll grab the extra blankets, you need to rest".] +[now I'm just picturing the others waking up to Wukong (who normally has a very high pain tolerance) loudly sobbing... ...he must have cried so hard, they'd have to call Guanyin to do a check-up while he's still sobbing to show him the egg is fine for him to even begin to calm down.]

Aww. It's very sweet but also kinda sad to think about. Eventually Ao Lie and Wukong are both too exhausted from their escape attempts, so the rest of the Pilgrims tap in to tend to them.

And the miscarriage scare!! PIF had opened up to Wukong in the last few weeks about how she and Bull had suffered tragic losses before Red came into the world - and when Wukong feels that terrible pain in his body, he immediately breaks down at the thought of suffering the same loss. Guanyin has to check in since Wukong won't stop hyperventilating and crying at the idea that he lost Yuebei. The goddess thankfully is able to confirm that the soul within the egg was alive and well, just very startled by the surge of power. Wukong still cries, now from relief.

Sadly, if the Samadhi ritual occurred after Macaque's death, Wukong likely saw the Egg as the final reminder of his former-mate. Yuebei is his little moonlight, even if her creation was not ideal.

[it does seem Yuebei has a taste for the spicy-er things, huh. wonder if she'd like any of Redson's cooking?]

Now I'm thinking of a scene where post-S3/4, Red Son is messing around in the kitchen with MK and Mei while they're babysitting Yuebei. Cue the baby grabbing a handful of spicy bbq sauce Red Son has been preparing and shove it in her mouth like it's nothing. All three are speechless with terror as Yuebei doesn't appear to be bothered in the slightest. Then she tries going for more!

Red Son quickly moves his sauce pot away and wonders aloud if he's skipped an ingredient. MK takes a spoonful, and with his face sweating profusely wheezes "Nope. That's Australian-level."

Yuebei whines for some more, and all three now understand why she keeps trying to eat firey things. DBK laughes proudly when he's told about it later on - nothing less from his dear godcalf!

[heh- funny thing about that pigsy-]

Lets just say a lot about MK's upbringing makes more sense after Pigsy realises that his son is a monkey demon XD

[Wukong has had a real rough go with people ditching him after one mistake, real or even just perceived mistakes alike... ...this means Wukong has a very hard time understanding/grasping it when someone doesn't hate him over things like this.]

THIS is why Ao Lie and the Samadhi Fire arc are so important to Wukong's character. He has such trouble understanding that sometimes people who care won't hold your mistakes real or perceived against you. Ao Lie likely told Wukong to his face multiple times that he didn't care that Wukong "screwed up", he was just glad that Wukong, the Egg, and Tripitaka were alive and well after all things considered.

[worst part is, Wukong doesn't treat him like he was wrong... ....(Wukong needs a therapist)]

The fact that Wukong doesn't mind that Nezha treated his failure that way all those years ago, makes Nezha even more concerned in the modern day!

yes yes he does.

[they're so terrified that they basically start praying to Guanyin- more so begging to be left alone, but still.]

Guanyin can only grant the Spider Gang a swift end and perhaps a revival after S3. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[I think Wukong probably had a lot of trouble coming up with names before Yuebei was born,...]

Wukong is bad at naming things I feel. He did call himself "Grimpil Sun" when he pretended to be a different monkey in the Gold-Silver Twins chapter. Even after over a thousand years of prep, he's still undecided what he'd should call his Egg once they arrive.

He's called Yuebei his "little moonlight", his "star", and his "comet" since long before he finally decided on her name. And when Macaque came back into his life and confirmed that he wanted both of them to be safe? His little "Moon Comet Star" just made sense - she indirectly brought his Moonlight back to him.

[oooooo what do you think would be everyone else's fav baby photos of Yuebei?]

hehehe!

For Wukong it's any photo of Yuebei. Look at his daughter! She's here! She's so perfect! Has one of those giant wallets full of photos of her.

Macaque's favorite is one Mei snapped of Yuebei just after the baby had destroyed Peng and Azure - the cub's eyes gleaming with delight at seeing her Bama again, her mouth full of golden feathers. He also treasures a photo he took of Wukong just after Yuebei's egg was born - his Peaches smiling contentedly as he curls around the egg.

MK's is when Yuebei saw him put away the Staff, and she tried looking inside his ear for it.

Mei is taking so many photos all the time, so it's hard for her to have faves. One of her faves though is a pair of photos where Yuebei is completely calm and about to fall asleep, and then her eyes are glowing with eye-lasers cus a bang in the kitchen scared her. Mei uses it as a reaction meme.

For Pigsy its a photo of Yuebei attempting to eat her first mooncake - the pastry was bigger than her whole head. Chang'e took the photo and just knew Pigsy would love it.

Tang's is the one of MK holding Yuebei for the first time, tears and snot running down the older monkey-boy's face while Yuebei looks up at him curiously. Tang thinks it's hilarious.

Sandy's fave is Yuebei taking a curious sip of tea from her mama's cup, and frowning hard when she realised it wasn't as nice as milk. Also one where Yuebei and Mo got distracted by the same cat toy - seems that the baby girl likes attacking things with feathers.

PIF and DBK's faves are well known ofc. Red Son would claim that he doesn't have any, but secretly its one where the baby monkey is playing peekaboo with DBK. It just really heart-warming to see his father interact with Yuebei after missing out on a lot of Red's childhood. Red looks at the photo and wonders if his father ever tried such games on him. (He did. Baby Red Son exploded)

Jiuweihuli and the twins love any photo Wukong shares with them. The old Vixen's favourite is where Macaque managed to get Yuebei into an elaborate baby costume (lots of bribery with mashed peaches was involved) and the baby is just happily sticking her tongue out at the camera.

It takes Bai He a while to warm up to Yuebei all the way, but she likes the photo of Yuebei when she first met Mo. The cat was very cautious and the baby monkey was just fascinated.

The gods themselves get rare glimpses of Sun Wukong's baby. Nezha's fave is a short video of Yuebei's first ever swimming lesson - decked out in all the little floaties as she doggie-paddled in the kiddie pool, Wukong smiling and holding his arms out for her while Macaque filmed. Nezha loves it not only for it's content, but for how happy Wukong finally is after so long. He blesses Yuebei many times over for good fortune and safety.

[let's be real, Peng's voice is the most bastardized. love the fact that Macaque doesn't even really have to ask, Wukong already knows what he's planning and is living for it. Wukong enjoys the retelling almost as much as Yuebei does, if only for Macaque's dramatics. and doing his best to change her perception of their current allies? a very appreciated effort.]

Macaque turns Peng's voice into a harsh nasally sound with random squawks thrown in like a cartoon parrot.

Wukong and Macaque have a near psychic connection as a couple once they start cohabitating again (and deal with emotional stuff). Wukong cannot deny his Plums the chance to make fun of their former brothers. Wukong even gets in on it, mimicking his own younger self and a some of the Pilgrims in a silly voice. Yuebei loves story time.

[so long pining for a monkey and he has no clue how they work or how to care for one. at least Yellowtusk is at least a little bit sensible... ...at least Yuebei's comes out of it thinking/feeling very positively about peach maidens.]

Azure is an orange male cat at his core - he's standing there, holding Yuebei by her diaper and wondering "What now?" while Peng covers their beak. Yellowtusk atleast has the wisdom to ask around the palace for help when Yuebei starts getting fussy. And since Peng confirms that the Memory Scroll "took the cupbearers as well" in the special, the Orchard Maidens are running themselves ragged to ensure that the invaders are content, and by proxy Yuebei safe. Not many are aware of their familial connection to the Emperor on first glance, so they quickly disguise themselves as "just" servants that escaped the Scroll.

So when Yellowtusk approaches almost shyly for help to feed and clean the baby hostage, the girls knew they made the right choice to stay. The seven maidens had taken one look at the baby monkey, saw the power she wielded, and just knew she was their dear didi's baby. '

The Maidens provide a character statement for Yellowtusk once everything is said and done. Afterall, the elephant allowed his trunk to be nearly crushed if it meant the baby girl had comfort.

Oh oh! Imagine in the aftermath of S4, Wukong manages to ask Yellowtusk who cared for Yuebei while she was hostage?

Yellowtusk, in cuffs about to be taken away: "I tried my best, but without the aid of the seven Orchard Maidens I likely wouldn't have fared much better than my brothers." Wukong: "Orchard Maidens?" Seven distinct voices: "Didi!" Wukong turns to see the seven snake-cat-like celestials running towards him, their appearances unkempt from worry. They carefully check him and Yuebei over. Orchard Maidens: "Oh thank buddha you're ok!" "We were so worried!" "After what happened to baba we..." "We couldn't bare to leave her alone with them!" Wukong, touched: "You all stayed behind, knowing that you shared the halls with the lion that took your father away, just to make sure my baby was ok?" Orchard Maidens: "Of course!" "You're a fellow attendant!" "Aiyi would have broken her vow of pacifism if either of you were truly hurt!" "We knew she was yours just from the way she... shot lasers out her eyes." Wukong, tearing up: "Oh girls..." Wukong & the Maidens: (*all group hug, careful to give Yuebei some space*)

Yuebei considers the Maidens akin to aunties since they care for her so well and clearly have a good relationship with her mama. This indirectly leads to the mourning Xiwangmu to see the baby girl as a surrogate granddaughter once they are properlly introduced. Yuebei recognises something in the Queen Mother's heart is hurt and wants to hug and kiss it better. Xiwangmu in turn can only reminice on the times she and her dear Jade held their own cubs in their arms, the dawn of their empire.

[oh no, Yuebei's sucking her finger, means she's missing her mama... ... he knows i his heart of hearts he will not make the mistake again. even if it means betraying those he's held dear for so long...]

Yesss. Baby monkey who are separate from their mothers develop oral fixations/self-soothing behaviors, which is still seen if they successfully gain a foster mom/is returned. It's a learned habit. Now I'm imagining Yuebei becoming super attached to her pacifer long after she's weaned, just because its such a source of comfort for her. Wukong and Macaque had to ask around a bit to try and figure out how to wean Yuebei off the pacifer once her milk teeth started growing in.

Yellowtusk's redemption is very internal, but it reflects heavily in his actions. After the days of caring for Yuebei, and coming to realise how they as a Brotherhood treated their monkey brethern, Yellowtusk starts on the path of reversing the damage caused by the coup. Even if the Heavens never forgive him, he is ultimately glad that his brothers and their families are safe - a far greater reward than what Azure's plans brought him.

Note; in situations where the Brotherhood survive/are captured after S4 - I feel like the Buddha pulls a Jttw on them and suddenly theres three circlets on their heads for the next few millennium. >:)

[the fact that Macaque baby-talks to the obvious victor only makes Peng's humiliation worse... Macaque will forever tell the story of Peng's defeat when having proud dad bragging moments.] +[he takes a couple feathers for himself, makes a few different things out of them, like a quill. but he also made one or two for other people like Wukong and of course Yuebei's toy. they all bring him (and the receivers of the gifts) great joy.]

HAHA! XD

Peng ain't ever going to live down being turned into chicken paste by a baby monkey. A bunch of celestial soldiers and servants saw how the Six Eared Macaque waltzed in, picked up the baby monkey, and cooed at her while Peng lay broken upon the floor. Yuebei isn't some disguised immortal or god, she's a baby. One that quickly falls asleep in her parents arms once they're all reunited.

Macaque is so keeping a few of Peng's feathers as trophies. The quill idea is amazing - he'd sign everything with it. Wukong gets a cute broach made with one of the golden feathers intertwined, and thinks its beautiful (if a little arrogant but hey he loves trophies). Yuebei has a toy thats 80% feathers she's ripped from Peng, and 20% string and cloth that looks like a kitten toy - it's her fave thing besides her plush skeleton toy. Macaque sends Xiwangmu a few feather quills along with a letter of condolence - it brings her some comfort (as does the lion hide she drapes on her shoulder).

tysm for asking in! Its ok to take breaks from writing if we need it. I'm just glad that we can shoot ideas back and forth.

[feelo-fick]

Headcanon: Chilchuck and his Bad Takes on Literature

i think chilchuck would be like my mom in the sense that he wouldnt like sad stories. dont get me wrong, cautionary tales? absolutely fine. they serve a purpose to him which is to tell people "dont be an idiot and do this or else something bad will happen"

generally sad or angsty stories though? no point to him, and in his perspective its really confusing how people just read things that make them sad. like whats the use of reading something if its just gonna make you sad. whats the lesson? its not even real so it doesnt help anyone.

whats the point in making yourself cry when you could just avoid that entirely by not reading it at all?

but the one of the biggest reasons why sad stories exist is to let you release all the built up grief in you. to send you something to let out all your emotions in a healthy way. catharsis. empathy.

even when i dont relate to the tragic experiences in some stories, several ones ive read have lead me to realize that im in a bad situation or that im following in the footsteps of the character suffering. its like a wake up call.

and making yourself cry isnt inherently a bad thing. if crying allows you to let go of building pressure and tension in you then thats good!

but chil wouldnt see that. of course he wouldnt, hes avoidant of most situations that would allow him to release emotion, and fearful of letting his mature (read: repressed) persona slip.

hes someone that runs away to quick comforts and distractions at the earliest sign of issue. hes already been in too many horrifying situations, dealing with another is a pain. and he knows denying everything and refusing to look at the situation doesnt help, but it definitely provides a quick and easy happiness in the comfort of ignorance.

because of this, reading something made to make one empathize with and confront these bad emotions is defeating the point of his cowering. if he faces his issues, even if only through the perspective of a story, he'd have to deal with acknowledging that things are bad and need fixing, and he'd feel terrible and guilty in the moment - which of course is the worst thing that could happen to a person (his thought, not mine).

which is why i find the concept of him being/becoming a tragedy himself at the same time as this headcanon soooo interesting. imagine the irony of him bashing on the protagonists of tragic stories for acting on emotion and impulse rather than logic, when he himself has fallen victim to irrational thinking while in grief.

cause... thats what people do when they grieve. they lash out, make bad decisions, ruin themselves, ruin others.

for a tragedy to be prevented, the protagonists would have to change fundamental parts of themselves, and act perfectly rational when under extreme stress. and chilchuck holds himself to these kinds of unrealistic standards because he unwittingly believes he can handle it all.

he cant, obviously. we see it for ourselves in his relationship with his wife. they were doomed from the beginning by chils already-established avoidance and lack of emotional vulnerabiltiy (and whatever else his wife had going on).

this is all just to say that if you told him about orpheus and eurydice, he'd probably be one of those idiots trying to point out the "plot hole" that he couldve "just not looked back" and "just trusted her"

i dont understand. whats the point in reading tragedies? the protagonist is stupid, anyways. why would you take bitter medicine? why subject yourself to that?

i think its just a bad story.

[scoobydoodean]

i think even though cas was in there stealing the journal, i think he was trying to legitimately convince dean to come to his side, because he does it the Very next episode (although he doesnt seem to realize that hes being manipulative about it..im not trying to infantilize him i just remember him being confused/surprised when dean points out that crowley gave him the same line)

like i do think theres a bit of double think in how castiel acts and behaves and he doesnt seem to grasp the emotional consequences of his actions, especially in this season.

like he thinks hes saying "if you trust me (please trust me) i can get crowley to release lisa and ben, because you wont be a threat anymore to his plan"

but dean hears "if you want lisa and ben back, you'll have to fall in line"

thats not to say dean is wrong for hearing it like that, but castiel really seems to be struggling with communication because he did this all for dean (in his mind) and once it's all over everything will be fine, lucifer and michael will stay in their cage, and dean and lisa will be safe at home.

but at this point hes killed too many and hurt too many people to turn back so when dean pleads for him to back down hes hearing dean say "im fine with risking the apocalypse again, and i cant trust you to do a plan that you are certain will work" when dean is just worried about another eve slipping through

its just very delightfully complex (imho) i dont really have a conclusion

Cas definitely wanted Dean on his side. He didn't need to wake Dean up or have a conversation with him to get the journal. He chose to wake him up and have that conversation because he desperately wanted Dean not to think badly of him. It's just hilarious that at the same time, he was also like. There to steal shit. When he saw Dean sleeping on that couch, he just couldn't help himself. He wanted to talk to Dean.

Trying to get Dean on his side was important to Cas because he loves Dean and values their friendship, but it was also important to him because Cas had, to some extent, tied his self-image to everyone else's perception of him over the whole season. He lies to all of his friends—Sam, Dean, Bobby, Balthazar, Rachel. He lies to the Winchesters because he wants a place he can come to where someone still recognizes him as the person he used to be and not the person he is becoming. Crowley puts this best:

CROWLEY: The big lie -- the Winchesters still buy it. The good Cas, the righteous Cas. And long as they still believe it, you get to believe it. Well, I got news for you, kitten. A whore is a whore is a whore.

This is a period where Cas was doubting everything and wrestling with moral quandaries. He sees his own actions as monstrous, but also believes that monstrosity is necessary. He and Dean have a conversation about this very early on in 6.06, after their last interaction in 6.03 had Cas causing a child excruciating pain to gain information.

DEAN What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one. CASTIEL I'm at war. Certain... regrettable things are now required of me.

I've talked about how the title of this episode, "You Can't Handle The Truth", shows Cas's hand in that he doesn't believe anybody else can handle the dirty work. He knows it makes him look bad and that's why he lies about it—to protect his image.

The whole of 6.20, he's struggling, but he's doing it alone. To his friends, he presents his actions with surety—telling Dean insistently that Cas knows what he's doing and that there's nothing broken about his plan, while he says privately praying to his father:

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? You have to tell me. You have to give me…A sign. Give me a sign. Because if you don’t…I’m gonna ju– I’m gonna do whatever I… Whatever I must.

And to himself about working with Crowley:

I asked myself, “what was I doing with this vermin?”

And while betraying Crowley briefly by killing demons Crowley sent after the Winchesters:

For a brief moment…I was me again.

Sam and Dean and Bobby's belief in Cas's goodness (that he was himself) was so important to Cas that he was spying on them all of 6.20 despite his alleged busy schedule just to check in and see what they were thinking about him. And when they did trust him again for that brief moment, he felt relief, but also knew it was all an illusion and felt shame and guilt about it:

Wonders never cease. They trusted me again. But it was just another lie. 

The same discomfort and shame seeps off Cas in 6.17 when Sam and Dean thank him for saving them, while Cas knows Astropos was only after them because of him, and that if they understood the full picture, their feelings about what he'd actually done to "save" them would be very very different. He knows he's receiving praise he doesn't deserve, so the esteem they place on him is hollow.

On the other hand, I do think Cas grasps the emotional consequences of his actions for the most part. That's why he lied the whole season—because he was afraid of the fallout among every single person he knew and even more as the lies stacked and stacked. He knew none of them would agree with what he was doing. But the consequences with Sam and Dean also extend a little deeper than Cas thought they would, and that's what wounds him the absolute most, I think. I don't think Cas expected Sam to question whether Cas intentionally left his soul in The Cage, or for Dean to question whether or not Cas was involved in the plot to kidnap Lisa and Ben in 6.21. He is genuinely and deeply wounded when his care for them is essentially questioned at the very foundation and it leaves him feeling betrayed in his own way.

The thing is, Cas's privately held doubts still do not match the picture he presents to the Winchesters even after he is exposed. Privately, Cas is starting to see the pride and hubris underlying some of his choices:

I wish I could say I was clean of pride at that moment…

I see now that I was prideful. And in all likelihood, I was a fool.

I see now that was arrogance…Hubris 

Privately, Cas reveals that his motives aren't as pure as he presents them to be:

I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys. Or to protect myself. I-I don’t know anymore.

Hiding…Lying…Sweeping away evidence. And my motives used to be so pure.

Crowley had a point, of course. My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian.

But to the Winchesters? He says "I did it all for you" and "I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you" and "It's not broken". He doesn't let them see his doubts, because he might crumble under them—and because sunk cost fallacy and his own pride won't allow him to accept being questioned even by his closest friends. In other words, he continues to lie, and after the big reveal, Dean can see right through him.

CASTIEL: I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you. DEAN: Because of me. Yeah. You got to be kidding me.

Cas's pride also comes out in this conversation at night in Bobby's house.

DEAN: I'm not gonna logic you, okay? I'm saying don't...Just 'cause. I'm asking you not to. That's it. Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family -- that you are like a brother to me. So, if I'm asking you not to do something...You got to trust me, man. CASTIEL: Or what?

Dean says he isn't going to logic Cas. Bobby and Sam and Dean already tried that earlier that day, Balthazar will also try later, and it doesn't register. Dean puts all of the technical arguments aside and is trying to say (coupled with his earlier assertions) "I know you think you have to do this, but all of us can see you're going off the deep end and even you know that deep down. Please trust us on this." But Cas's response is "Or what?" He turns it into a battle of wills, then adds, "You can't stop me. You're just a man", which is also a dogwhistle for Dean when dealing with angels, who repeatedly over the course of the show, have called him a monkey, a dog, a pet, and other things to express the idea that he is beneath them as a justification for using and hurting him. It immediately turns them against each other because Cas feels like Dean is basically calling him crazy and is offended by the idea that he doesn’t know what he’s doing (even though he has his own private doubts, because at this point his self-image hinges on turning out to be right). Dean is seeing the angelic sense of superiority come out—something he’s far more familiar with than he’d like to be—something common to the angels who have used and manipulated and threatened him and acted entitled to him… and coupled with all the questions about exactly how involved Cas was in using Dean to get alphas over the course of the season and how he knows Cas used him in “The French Mistake”? It doesn’t paint a pretty picture for Dean.

In addition to their profound bond, I think Dean saying, "Cas, we can fix this!" and Dean being Cas's defender the entirety of 6.20 is also why Cas comes to him at the end of the episode. Dean is the weak link in the chain at the time (that completely changes in the next episode when Lisa and Ben are kidnapped). But Dean is also so devastated about all the faith he had in Cas's honesty being crushed, and he's reliving the demon blood arc in some sense, and he's probably reevaluating what he felt when Cas used him in "The French Mistake" and what exactly was going on in "My Heart Will Go On" and how—when Crowley forced him and Sam into doing his bidding, Cas knew it and he let it happen—he let it happen because he wanted the alphas. Not only did Cas know Crowley was using them—he went to great lengths to cover up his involvement and keep them off Crowley's tail. Cas's speech in the following episode demanding Dean's trust again is not only ill-timed while Dean is worried sick about Lisa and Ben—it's full of lies and half truths and even a little shit slinging that Dean knows isn't fair and that is deeply reminiscent of Sam's speech full of falehoods about trust in 4.21.

On Cas's side, I think you're spot on about his lack of cognizance on how he comes across when he says:

CASTIEL: I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. Stand behind me, the one time I ask.

I don't think Cas meant to suggest that the first statement depends on the second one (we can judge as much when he heals Lisa at the end of the episode) but that's absolutely how it comes across.

[littlehypnone]

idk if youve done anything like this but um

big rain losing trust in dew after an argument? so later when shes little, she doesnt have her main cg and she goes to find someone else and is sad?

and then maybe later, dew makes it up to her or something idk

im feeling kinda yucky and bad so idk but just an idea ?

i really liked this idea!!!

Rain and Dewdrop don’t argue often. Even when they do, it’s usually something borderline petty that would be resolved easily if one—or both—of them simply wouldn’t not be in a very communicative headspace. They always make up quickly, though, and their relationship is never damaged in the end. It’s always like that and everyone is used to it.

Sometimes, though, complications come up.

This time it was—technically—Dewdrop who was at fault, who started the argument. If only Rain wouldn’t have been as tired and achy as he was, if only he wouldn’t have added fuel to the fire with his words. But no, it didn’t go that smoothly, and so the fire ghoul had stormed off outside to take a very much needed breather, and Rain had returned to his room scoffing and snarling.

Hours later, Rain is overthinking the argument and feeling more and more guilty about the last couple of words that left his mouth before they went their separate ways. This and the pain that is pulsing through his legs that day is a simple recipe for the water to ghoul little, so little she ends up.

Her thoughts aren’t nice and she really, really needs Dewdrop, as usual in her current headspace, but all the mean things he said…she isn’t sure Dewdrop still likes her, and she isn’t sure she has enough trust for him while in her vulnerable state.

She sniffles sadly and fumbles with her phone to send Swiss a short message. A code they have set for when Rain goes little and needs him, but, for whatever reason, can’t get him any other way. Two emojis go flying and Rain cuddles around her shark plushie and waits.

Soon enough, Swiss appears in the door and immediately crawls into the water ghoulette’s bed and lays on his side next to her. “Hi, guppy.”

“Hi, Swissy,” she mumbles. She really likes Swiss and is always happy to spend time with him—big or little—but the argument with Dewdrop still hangs over her, and the fact that the fire ghoul is not there with her to calm down her bad thoughts hurts her. “Can I…can I get warm Swissy cuddles?”

“Of course you can, princess!” the multi ghoul smiles, intent or doing his best to cheer the little thing up, even though he knows he isn’t powerful enough to get rid of all the ickiness. Everyone knows Rain needs Dewdrop for that, but it's hard when he’s the cause.

Rain curls her lips upwards the tiniest bit, just to show Swiss she really appreciates him, before she curls up against his chest and nuzzles into his neck.

Swiss helps her fall asleep with a little spark of calming quintessence, and she naps for a while—all the bad thoughts kept at bay. When she wakes up again it’s to a quiet knocking at the door and she’s a lot smaller than before falling asleep. Her head is all fuzzy, but it’s okay. It’s warm and nice, thanks to Swiss.

The multi ghoul calls out for the person to come in, but he curls around the little ghoulette in his arms protectively. Fiery smell reaches Rain’s nose and she understands it’s Dewdrop who came in. She whines quietly and hides in Swiss’ chest.

“Dew, I don’t think it’s a good time,” the multi ghoul mutters, but there’s no anger in his voice. He knows it’s just how Dewdrop and Rain are, that they’ll be fine. “She’s really small and she just woke up from a nap.”

“Oh, I…Okay, I’ll go…I’m sorry,” he whispers, and even though Rain is so very sleepy and a bit scared of the fire ghoul at the moment, she doesn’t like the tone of his voice. She doesn’t like how small and sad it is.

“No,” Rain says quietly, barely loud enough for Dewdrop’s ears to catch it. “Don’ go, Dewy.”

“Are you sure, my little lady?” he asks and it sounds like he’s moved closer.

“Mhm.”

“What about me, princess?” Swiss pulls back to look down at her and tuck a strand of her hair behind a little ear. “Do you want me to stay or go?”

“Don’ gotta stay, Dewy’s fine.” She tells him. The multi ghoul nods in understanding and leans down to kiss her forehead before moving away. Rain immediately feels cold and Swiss notices, so he tucks a fluffy blanket right under her chin.

“If you’ll need me send me the code again, alright?”

“Mhm,” she hums in agreement and Swiss smiles softly and leaves. He clasps a hand over Dewdrop’s shoulder on his way and squeezes reassuringly.

The fire ghoul sighs heavily when the door closes. He takes a step forward, twisting his fingers. “Can I sit in the bed with you? I can offer some warm cuddles, if you’d like that.”

Rain nods and wiggles a hand out from under the covers to pat the mattress encouragingly. Dewdrop can’t help but smile; he really doesn’t deserve this sweet creature.

He gets onto the bed and under the blankets and waits for Rain to get into a cuddle position she feels comfortable with and she decides to curl up against his side, similarily to how she’s been with Swiss. Probably so she can be close and warm, but so that she can kept her face hidden in the blanket and Dewdrop’s chest. He throws an arm around her little form and she doesn’t tense up, so he holds her closely.

“I’d like to talk about our argument properly when you’re big again, my little lady,” the fire ghoul says—quietly and softly, no pressure to respond or even hear him in it, “but I want to apologize now, if that’s okay.”

“I’s okay.”

“Alright. Well, then, I apologize. I’m sorry I was being mean and said all those bad things. I was wrong and I shouldn’t have snapped at you, Rainy. I’m very sorry.”

“‘m sorry, too,” the water ghoulette mumbles and Dewdrop frowns.

“What for, my little lady?”

“Was mean, too,” she shrugs and looks up. Dewdrop could just about melt at her big, blue eyes. “D’yoo still like me?”

“Oh, baby,” the fire ghoul whines, hurt by the question alone. How badly he messed up if Rain has such doubts? He feels terrible. “You have nothing to be sorry for, I deserved being mean to, and I will never, ever stop liking you, my little lady. Please, never forget that.”

“Mmm…okay,” she whispers and it turns into a yawn. She definitely needs to continue that nap. “I still like you, too, Dewy.”

Dewdrop smiles so big both his face and his heart hurt. They’ll be fine.

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

would u tell me a bit about some svsss thoughts, au‘s ideas or wips of yours?(<- half way through a 9 hour train/bus journey & really bored) please?🥺

i could tell u about my tgirl-sqq/sy au that i’m never gonna write, cuz i genuinely don’t enjoy writing? or maybe show u a picture of my sisters newborn (cutest baby u have ever seen)

omg PLEASE tell me ur thoughts on tgirl sqq I love trans sqq (any direction but esp transfem it's so special to me)

let'sss see, I have a lot of wip and au thoughts at the moment as I nervously procrastinate several important projects 😅

I had a cold earlier this week so I wrote half of a fluffy fic inflicting my cold onto SQQ:

“Liu-shidi is out at the moment,” Shen Qingqiu said, an awful rasp to his voice that Luo Binghe hated.  “Surely Shizun can call him back?” Luo Binghe pleaded.  “For what?” Shen Qingqiu asked, waving a sleeve. “A small cold? This master has managed worse. He’ll return when he returns, and until then it's not so bad.”  “But Shizun–” Luo Binghe tried to object, but Shen Qingqiu gave him a stern look that caused Luo Binghe to fold at once. He redoubled his efforts of looking sad and concerned and despondent as a quick countermeasure, and Shen Qingqiu sighed.  “It’s not so bad,” he repeated. “This master can still perform his duties just fine. Most likely it will pass before Liu Qingge even returns.”

outside of that, i have been on a major qijiu brainrot kick (i have a 8k fic for them i should be posting as soon as i decide if it needs a stronger dose of sqq or not + decide how to end it (sob)), and also reading a ton of disciple days/canon timeline bingqiu and having big feelings about how much i love them. ive also been returning to my unhorny women and gender studies liu qingge omegaverse fic that i am always contemplating but never actually writing, in which liu qingge is a not-like-other-girls omega in PIDW omegaverse and tries to marry shen qingqiu due to fantasy comp het

besides that, here are some concepts ive jotted down in my notes app this week loll:

dragon!YQY hoarding peak lords

this is literally all i have written down for this but i want it to be something SO BAD. save me dragon yqy. dragon yqy save me

Yue Qingyuan is cursed into an endless sleep The other peak lords call on Shen Qingqiu to enter his mind and wake him up as the person closest to him, only... SQQ actually barely knows this guy! He and Binghe take a dream journey through YQY's subconscious and eventually find that SJ is haunting him and eating his power which is keeping him asleep. They must either banish him ORRR.... Sun and Moon Dew mushroom time

i dont think ill write this so if anyone else does....... please take this idea and run w it haha

Sy transmigrated into the little palace Mistress??? Ahhh...

i THINK this came after reading stiltonbasket's SY!QWY fic, because i was thinking about the old palace master being a huge creep and shen yuan dealing with that from inside huan hua palace. i really see shen yuan going on a journey of gender discovery (his own gender AND the perils of misogyny that he never understood as a cis internet man(he thought he was cis at least)) and political intrigue as he tries to get to the heart of whats wrong with huan hua while dodging and or attempting to track down luo binghe. plot??? idk her

Deaf Shang qinghua!! Mbj doesnt notice

someday i must write this bc i love writing my favs as deaf or hoh. id love to explore shang qinghua as being both physically and culturally Deaf and how that plays into his interactions with the world post-transmigration, where there is even less accommodations or access for someone with a disability and he is cut off from his community, especially in terms of his work on an ding and relationship with his martial siblings. mbj not noticing a major facet of his life feels in character and like great drama lol, and i think the conclusion is definitely mbj learning ZGS that teaches him and he ends up liking using it way more than speaking verbally, both for sqh's ease and because he doesnt like to talk lol

i hope this is what u meant hahaha i could talk abt wips and svsss ideas all day. they are living in my head rent free 24/7 ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡ i hope your trip goes by smoothly and quickly!!

[oldworldwidgets]

the brotherhood, at least under lyons, was the only faction in fo3 that wanted to help the wastelanders. no one else wanted to do that and i liked that they did.

the way they are towards ghouls is fucked up, but since they have enough goodness in them to care about the wastelanders, i'd like to believe they could change and that could extend to ghouls and such in the future too.

i understand they're evil in other games, but i haven't played those. you guys should learn to be less mean and gatekeep-y. i've played one game and i'm new to the fandom and in the one game i played, they were the closest thing to good guys.

you shouldn't be so gatekeep-y just because some of us are new to the series.

girl literally no one is being gatekeep-y because you're "new to the series." no one is yelling At You for kinda thinking the lyons pride is cool in your own brain. you came here onto god's internet, saw a post that said "the fascist regimes in fallout are fascist, actually!" and decided to insult the op directly when he, instead, was making a general statement about disliking fascists. you were experiencing this cognitive dissonance of "hey! i like the BoS but I'M not fascist!!" and decided to yell at SOMEONE ELSE about it rather than just do some critical thinking.

what i meant by my comment on his post was that i find it very, very difficult to like even the lyons pride because all they do in 3 is cause problems. they "want" to help the wastelanders sure but all they do is start conflict in the area and leave ashes in their wake. the capital wasteland simply doesnt need them. they "want" to help wastelanders but there are slim examples of them actually doing it. instead, all you see them do is hunting all super mutants with no regard for sentience, hoarding pre-war tech, keeping wastelanders OUT of their cushy home in the citadel, and shooting at ghouls just for existing. straight up the only positive thing i see about the lyons pride is that sometimes, when they shoot at ghouls just hanging out outside of THEIR OWN HOME (the underworld) they SOMETIMES "have the decency to miss."

all of this information was gleaned by me just. playing the game and critically thinking about it. it was the only fallout game i played for a Long Time because when i played it, 4 and nv didnt even exist! and i still didnt like the BoS! so you can anonymously come in quinn's and my asks and holler like a hit dog, claiming we're gatekeeping something for calling fascists dorks, but truly it's not our fault you cant see the destruction the BoS caused in the capital wasteland solely in the name of imperialism. and if you're willing to look past allllll of that just because they have cool armor and lie about being the wasteland's white knights, well, you're a dork.

[fictionfixations]

can i just say

you know those transmigrater(?) grator?? i odnt. i dont know the terms for this man

but you know the the the. transmigrates into usually the villain kinda stories?

you know whats my favorite for that kinda stuff? where we were the actual character all along (i think its.. regressor...? ??? either going back into your past as yourself or living another life and then backtracking to a past life of yours that being of generally the villain? idont know if thats what it actually means)

ive also never seen it but i just. think its really cool. and i like reading fics where theyre the same person

in the same way i like it when they have motives. let me be clear, ive NEVER seen the source material so i have no idea whats canon and whats not

but you know what id like to think is canon? shen jiu being a former slave and being super bitter at the world for being very cruel and thats why hes an asshole in like. book canon.(? canon. of. the book. ..in the story.? i think the the the book in that one is like Proud Immortal Demon Way...? IDK man)

or like like. og cale henituse acting like trash because he cares about his siblings and doesnt want negative attention on them also dont know if thats canon. but yknow what? thats my canon

now about time travel in general since it kind of relates, romance is always iffy because its like you know everything that'll make this person fall in love with you. or like, theres an age gap now, and it might not bother them but its not like they know. i know. (its worse if youre like back in your teenage years while youre already an adult cause at that point it feels a little gross)

its that sort of discrepancy(?)

so like. i dont like that there needed to be an entirely new person to be in that body to make change or do things for the better or make everyone like that person

it feels like a cop out.

and also people believing that that person suddenly changed for the better when they arent that person at all???

which. ow.

maybe thats my bad. maybe im secretly an apologist for them, idk, maybe im projecting

but like idk man. the world telling you youre not enough so someone else ends up in your body and then fixes literally every issue in the world (and everyone liking this 'version' of you better). like ow me heart

in all fairness the og's wouldn't have knowledge of the book they're living in??? which is why the transmigrator can do so much

but. THUS. new life AS the transmigrator, then regressing(?) back into their past life with that new knowledge. and probably character growth cause maybe they experience what being loved is like (familial. imagine how cruel itd be to have a lover then one day waking up in a past life of yours that you can only associate as cruel and punishing, and you genuinely cant be sure if that person was made up or not. like was it just a dream? also 'oh god the people i thought mightve been dead are alive')

tbh though it might be because while op time traveling shenanigans (or anything in between) is cool with me, i also like the angsty time travel of 'when i look at them, i keep seeing their dead faces'

of 'how do you know this' (accusatory, 'are you a traitor?')

of also grudges and stuff

but also. more character growth refacing trauma theyve faced before

also maybe probably very much selfish because they kindaa probably just wanna protect their family and will do anything to do so (and thus embrace the 'villain' part that people think of them as)

i dont know if im making sense anymore

now LET ME BE CLEAR i dont like that shen jiu hit his students and shit and was a huge asshole and its not going to suddenly go away. but. its acknowledging what you did wrong, making up for it, but knowing that it'll still stay there. that he still did it even if he deeply regrets it and even if everyone forgives him. because i really dont know in what situation itd be okay to be hit? and also that hopefully hes not that person anymore, but that he wont hide it and will own up to it as a thing he did and shouldnt have done.

anyway i dont know what og cale did besides act like trash but its either the fics im reading are downplaying it or like. thats really it. i have no clue. but still the same thing. if he did some horrible thing, ABOVE.

i just like redemption. and revenge stories. and character growth-ing.

and maybe thats on me for liking villain-ish characters. (im saying villain-ish though because supposedly og cale didnt play a huge part in the book? ....Birth of a Hero...?????? like he just happened, got beat up, and dipped? i think? thats what ive heard anyway. so i dont know if he really counts as one since like uh. white star.????????? ????)

anyway uh thought dump over

feel free to correct me in comments i like learning about things

[scalproie]

for OTP asks. SubScorp: 9, 17, 51, 60. KazJun: 25, 26, 33, 51?

me thinking about love: hahaha yesss this owns

me getting asks and now having to put my thoughts in words: wait oh god

Anyway. Subscorp:

9. What are their thoughts on having children?

A child of their own? Nah. Kuai has enough maturity to realize that while he is a good teacher, he would not be a good father, both bc of his lifestyle and his lack of experience. Out of the two it'd be Hanzo who'd be more likely to consider children, but he's already been burned once (eh.) and considering how hard it is for him to move on, it'd be years into the relationship before he would see himself raise a child with someone else again, and by that point he and Kuai would be too old. And besides he already has been able to place his paternal projection onto Takeda, so he's good.

17. Who’s more likely to pull the other in by the waist and kiss them passionately?

Hanzo. I see Kuai as someone who is extremely in control of his actions, out of discipline, out of fear, take your pick. I see him as someone who will keep his emotions in check even if it causes him to yearn to death, him doing smth that intense out of passion, while not downright impossible, is very unlikely to me unless its under very extreme and unusual circumstances. Hanzo on the other hand. Hanzo feels. Hanzo acts. If a situation arise where he feels a strong need to pull his lover by the waist and kiss him (most likely in the aftermath of a battle, both covered in blood and surrounded by dead bodies), by god he's going to do it.

51. What’s a non verbal way they say I love you?

Its looking for ways to spend more time together, like one forcing himself to wake up in the early morning to go sit in the gardens next to the other who wanted to hear nature wake up and feel the first rays of sunlight, or the other struggling to stay awake much later than he's used to at night because he does not want the interesting conversation they're having to end. Its making small meaningful gifts to each other as clan leaders that feel so personal to them bc they knew each other as individuals first before as figureheads. Its the small comments that they've managed to redeem their own clan in the other's eyes, and that said clan doesnt bring them pain as it once had because its embodied by the one who lead it and they have nothing but positive things to say about each other.

60. Who pulls the other closer when they’re sleeping?

Both. You get to sleep next to the one (1) person who does not suffer for the unnatural temperature of your body, and you both have potential nightmare-inducing trauma, and you have been denied intimacy for most of your life either bc it was forbidden or bc it was torn from you. I bet theyre both unconsciously clingy.

Kazjun:

25. Do they have any hobbies they share?

Sparring is an obvious one. Kazuya said himself that fighting is a huge part of his life and Jun's strength does not come from nowhere, what better way for them to bond than to clash their family's opposite style against each other? As for their personal ones, I dont think Jun would understand sneaker-collecting nor would Kazuya understand bird-watching, but Jun would indulge Kazuya should he chose to open up and share that interest with her, and Kaz definitely does not have the patience for bird-watching but I could see him at the very least see the appeal of forest-bathing, even in a self-interested way.

26. What are their vices?

Kazuya is a pile of vices in a purple snakeskin trenchcoat. Jun's vice is Kazuya. Her choosing to love him and wishing for his wellbeing while knowing fully well he is not a good person who has hurt others (and as of t8, by his own admission in the first chapter, only death will make him stop) is the only thing that stops her from being a perfect, morally correct character. But that does not make her a bad person and that does make the love wrong or any less real.

33. Who’s the better cook?

So you'd THINK that with Jun's infamous cooking skills, I would say Kaz, right? Wrong. I think Kaz never had any reason to cook a single day in his life but still has some rudimentary cooking skills for his own personal gain. They're equally bad but with their abilities combined they'd be able to cook one (1) decent meal.

51. What’s a non verbal way they say I love you?

For Kazuya, it's literally just trying. His world begin and ends with himself, any positive actions he could take for someone else will usually only be done if he get some hidden self-interest out of it. So him doing anything small for someone else, because he find them worthy of being aknowledged (most likely for their strength, bc power is EVERYTHING to him), because he doesnt view it as a weakness to connect them to himself, because he views their happiness as beneficial for him, aka make him happy in return, is the loudest he can be that he loves someone. Like I dont even have to try with this one, that's literally just his t8 ending??? Like he is NOT the type to say "I love you" outloud in the first place but you can just see in his ending that holy shit, he loves Jun, he loves her. For Jun, it's coming back. Jun will try, but she will not return to someone whom she does not love at the cost of her wellbeing, it's literally the lesson she tells Jin: "Your wellbeing is important to those who love you, so for their sake, you have to take care of yourself". So her coming back to someone, her staying with someone, is the biggest proof of love I think you can get from her. And Jun is just as lonely as Kazuya? But its the way they deal with loneliness that make them such a match: Jun is someone who endlessly gives and Kazuya is someone who endlessly takes, but with Kazuya, Jun has something to get if she's staying with him, and with Jun, Kazuya has something to give if he wants her to stay. Ying Yang once again.

[himbopunk]

thinking about my non adrasteian ocs in thedas cuz like. when if at all its addressed in game its kinda like...annoyance at best but in a 'believe whatever you want but leave me be' kinda way and i think that works for a lot of my characters but i think more should be said for characters with activr distaste not just in the chantry but in the maker himself.

thinking specifically in this case wrt my mahariel. saw someone post a loghain quote along the lines of 'do you think the maker left us on a whim? no, he left us because we deserve it' and i don't recall who he says this to & also didn't wanna derail going all Ummm My Oc Would Say but it did have me thinking about verano a bit because i think before becoming a grey warden he was much more aggro and anti human society and anti chantry. i think he's settled a bit with some of it, in part due to leliana and alistairs influence, but i think if he heard loghain say something along those lines, or someone else maybe using it as a justification for??? something idk. i think it'd bubble up all that resentment back up to the surface. far as hes concerned the chantry brings nothing but pain for the elven peoples across thedas and the maker is at best is a cold comfort for city elves with little left of their culture to believe in. Some jackass going 'humanitys sin is what caused god to abandon us' as some weird self righteous flagellation would be so frustrating from the eyes of those who have suffered in the name of said god, and even in the places where supposedly, the god claims his people as well, the chantry does everything it can to snuff out that light of hope. maybe your god did abandon you, maybe you do deserve it, but maybe he was never real and you lot all use him as a crutch for the moral compass you dont seem to possess, you use andraste as a poison to those who don't fit your grand vision. For all the pride you claim to be humanitys downfall you refuse to see the truth of the horrors committed in its name. He doesnt believe in your god but he prays to his creators that he has abandoned you, because the world is better off without his guidance. He does not deserve reverance, but you deserve a place at his side (derogatory).

ig it also has me thinking a bit like in the wake of vg what the elven gods represent culturally like /as/ a religion to the elves. religious devotion and cultural practice come in all forms and i think in fantasy theres this weird like. the focus on fantasy polytheism often looks a lot like christian monotheism but its a multiple choice option ig. this wraps abck around to my beef with how people talk about the dalish & elves wrt the gods in datv and the setting at large because when your gods are reprentative of natural events and such, theyre not inherently benevolent. Like, they can be in a grand scheme sort of like. all things that happen must happen kinda way but thats not the same thing, and the angle of a dalish elf growing up with stories of he evanuris is like. ig a bit more interesting in this case because the gods are representative of the way things are and for many an elf that is going to be a life with a lot of hardship, so the gods may not be kind, but they hold power, they're something to evoke when you need them, or you need protection from them, or what have you. i think this could result in characters with much different philosophies than andrasteians just culturally speaking and idk. that could be explored so much more especially when those two things conrast.

Even jut the idea of a blessing changes drastically depending on how you understand the gods that give them. An all knowing all loving god you have to prove yourself to has a path set out for you that you have to find, a goddess of the hunt leaves behind a favor that you have to find the best use for. depending on the character this could i guess be seen as very sinilar but some would probably see it as night and day because of where the divine influence starts and ends. Which is like. Part of the thing to me with mahariel. Every step of the way during the blight people invoke the maker and andraste, and he might feel like theres a refusal of responsibility in some of it (both positive and negative but mostly negative) because of how /he/ was raised with the creators. Idk.

I have other non andrasteian characters i'm considering as well wrt this but thats enough rambling for now

[timmydeer]

Vent/rant thing :I

tw: Self harm, dysphoria, self hate, anxiety, all caps, lots of cursing, suicidal thoughts, violence??

Scroll if these trigger you :)

If you choose to read and spot any triggers please make me aware in some way, I do not wish to trigger anyone; as I’ve seen vents before that did not use some trigger warnings and I got triggered.

If you scroll away from this post, you are not a bad person. Your mental health comes before strangers on the internet. If you can’t handle this in any way; feel free to scroll.

I never want to offend anyone either so I apologize in advance if any of my comments here offend you.

It simply helped for me to type my thoughts somewhere and I may want to look back on this later. I also did not want to put it this in anything else as to not interrupt or trigger anyone.

If you do wish to read you can click read more below:

WHY THE HELL DOES REALITY SINK IN AT 1 AM???

I CAN NEVER BE ANYTHING THAT I WANT TO BE OR USED TO BE. I AM STUCK HERE FOREVER. WITH THE STATE OF THE WORLD MAYBE NOT FOR MUCH LONGER.

I ALWAYS THINK “OH WOW I CAN’T WAIT TO GO BACK TO THAT LIFE” I AM NOT GOING TO. I AM STUCK FOREVER IN A BODY THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO ME.

I SAY IT DOESN’T BUT YET SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE IT IS TRULY ME. EVEN IF I DON’T LIKE SHE OR I FEEL BETTER WHEN I CAN’T SEE MY CHEST AT ALL. MY BODY IS “ME” IT JUST DOESN’T BELONG TO ME SOMETIMES. ITS STUPID.

IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.

SOMETIMES I FEEL SO FUCKING

I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW???

I GUESS I’M TRYING TO SAY THAT SOMETIMES I FEEL MORE LIKE MY FICTIONKIN SELVES OR MORE LIKE MY THERIOTYPE??? IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.

I CANNOT WRAP MY BRAIN AROUND HOW ANY OF THIS FUCKING WORKS.

I DON’T WANT TO KILL MYSELF BUT I DON’T WANT SOMEONE TO KILL ME. I JUST WANT TO NOT WAKE UP. I JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR. I JUST WANT TO CEASE TO EXIST.

I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH.

EVERYONE TELLS ME TO CALM MY ANXIETY JUST ASK MYSELF WHAT WHOULD I DO IF THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?? WHY?? I FEEL LIKE IM DROWNING WHEN I THINK ABOUT THAT. WHAT IF SOMEONE DID TRY TO FUCKING KILL ME IN MY SLEEP?? WHAT WOULD I DO?? MY FIRST THOUGHT IS I’D BEAT THEIR ASS BUT I KNOW I COULD NEVER DO THAT. I’M WEAK AND VULNERABLE AND ITS STUPID.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?? I JUST WOULD DIE. IF SOMEONE TRIED TO KILL ME I’D JUST FREEZE. PROBABLY CRY OR SOME DUMBASS SHIT.

NO ONE CAN SAVE ME WHEN I’M ALONE.

IF ANYONE TRIED TO VENT I JUST GO FUCKING CRAZY BECAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN MY CHEST HURTS AND I FEEL SAD(??) OR MAD(???) IT HURTS REALLY DEEP. AND WHY IS THAT?? IT HURTS BECAUSE I CAN’T FIX IT. BECAUSE I HAVE NO ANSWER. AND IT HURTS BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. IT HURTS BECAUSE NOW EVERYONES SAD BECAUSE THEY THINK I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF I DONT REPLY BUT I JUST DONT HAVE A SOLUTION. IT DOESNT MATTER IF THEY DONT WANT A SOLUTION; MY BRAIN SEARCHES FOR A SOLUTION, A WAY OUT OF EVERY SITUATION. IF IT DOESNT FIND ANY, IM FUCKING DEAD. CRYING.

I THINK IM A FUCKING PSYCHO BECAUSE RANDOMLY I WILL *NEED* TO RIP SOMEONE APART. I NEED TO HARM SOMEONE. I NEED TO SEE SOMEONE IN PAIN. I NEED TO MURDER. THAT IS NOT FUCKING NORMAL.

THEN EVERYONE ASKS ME WHY I HURT MYSELF WHEN IM JUST TRYING NOT TO HURT ANYONE ELSE??? LIKE I HAVE AN ANSWER ANYWAY. I DONT KNOW WHY I FUCKING HURT MYSELF. I DID. IT HURTS ME SO BAD AND SO DEEP WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME TO STOP BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM SAD. IT MAKES THE HARM WORSE. I HURT MYSELF WORSE BECAUSE NOW YOU TOLD ME DIRECTLY TO STOP. NOW I AM DISGUSTING. NOW I AM THE CAUSE OF YOUR SADNESS. IT NOT ANYONES FAULT I JUST WANT ANYTHING BESIDES HOW MY OWN HARM MAKES YOU FEEL BAD. EVEN IF YOU LOVE ME IT MAKES ME FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY. I DIDNT KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO MAKE ANYONE GRIEVE. IF I HAD NO EFFECT I WOULD BE GONE.

I just miss being loved.

I miss my girlfriend :(

[cosmic-d1ce]

Okay I read as much tag as I could find and I'm just curious... BBH and fml au? I don't really specific questions, but like... there was a reference to him trying to help? or phil going to him specifically? I think? I read a lot of posts. IDK something. Invitation to ramble.

Bbh is overall one of the most sympathetic towards Phil, even when almost everyone else loses trust in him

Bbh is a very nice person so he doesn't want to just... leave Phil alone

But he loves the eggs. More than anything, in fact. So, when everyone is believing that Phil is the reason Tallulah lost her first life, he's a bit iffy

But he's still very nice and does go to help Phil if he thinks he needs it. Like when Wilbur came back and wanted to kill him for letting Quackity have Tallulah

Bbh does also have a crush on Forever which causes a few issues sometimes. It's incredibly one-sided and Forever doesn't even notice but it's a thing

Phil finds out about this at the Cellbit/Roier wedding, where Bbh confesses to Phil that he's jealous because Forever just proposed to Phil. Phil does not take too kindly to this and he isn't very fond of Bbh after this

obviously bbh doesn't know what is actually going on between Phil and Forever but that doesn't mean Phil is any happier about what he said. He has more than a few bitter moments where he wishes Bbh was in his place

Bbh is one of the few people Forever actually lets Phil hang out with tho so he cant be too mad at him or he'll lose one of his last threads of hope

Forever actually trusts Bbh a lot and Phil sees him very often. Forever and Bbh both want the eggs safe more than anything and most of their time together is spent talking about the eggs and ways to better protect them. They built NINHO together after Bobby's near-death experience (he doesnt die in FML) and both have stasis chambers for all the eggs in their houses in case NINHO somehow fails.

Bbh will tell Phil how Chayanne and Tallulah are doing as well. With Phil essentially out of the picture and Missa and Wil being so busy, Bbh ends up taking care of them a lot and Phil always likes to know how his kids are doing without him

I think my favourite thing that Bbh does in the AU is bear witness to Cellbit's mental breakdown when he realises that his best friend is a violent maniac and he can't stop it

Bbh just has to sit there and watch Cellbit yell and scream and cry about something he can't talk about. But

"If i told someone itd all be fixed!!"

"then tell me...?"

"NO."

Bbh is pretty much just a witness to the chaos that is unfolding. He's also very bitter and jealous that Forever is the president. More than he is in canon. Everyday he wakes up and thinks "god i wish forever didnt win the election i hate him and his stupid wife (phil)"

He's very chill tho he doesn't have anything against Phil like Fit or Wilbur do and when Phil does get helped, he is one of the most helpful and caring people.

[notthestarwar]

For your WIP folder…. Omg it’s so hard to choose. Wonder Soldier AU with Kix?

thank you so much for the ask!!!

omg. this is the one im currently rotating in my brain. im SO VERY obsessed with it.

(im going to ramble so badly here lol pls dont feel you have to read it all but im VERY excited by this au)

ok so. ive been rereading the winter soldier comics. starting from the first reveal of him in captain america onwards. i feel like everyone knows about the 'who the hell is bucky scene' which is a real heartstopper but omg. there are so many moments that didnt make it in to the films. theres just so much feeling there and i see a huge paralell between a lot of stuff bucky goes through and the clones origin.

i'd seen winter soldier au's with various clones before, but there was always something missing for me. on my reread of the comics i realised what it was. the being out of time. finding yourself in the future unexpectedly. having to adapt. getting used to being alone. and then realising you arent. realising that someone you failed to save is here. is still maybe capable of being saved. is such a huge part for me. thats the driver of so much emotion.

and i realised that there IS a part of star wars that makes me feel kinda similar. Kix's story. Kix finds himself waking up in a galaxy that has moved on. theres no room for him anymore. he was once a part of something, but now he isnt. he's never been alone before, but now he is, without question. he is the last of his kind. and after he finds out what happened, his identity as a medic is really threatened. his job was to heal his brothers, to save them. but when it mattered, he couldnt.

so then i started thinking. what would it be like for kix, facing this reckoning, having faced it for a while. finding himself a place in this new world, beginning to fight the first order. beginning to move on from something thats really quite impossible to ever truly move on from. what would it be like for him to face what steve rogers does in those comics?

for anyone that doesnt know, steve and buckys stories in the comics are slightly different. they are brought together because captain america needs a sidekick. they dont know each other before. and bucky is pretty much a kid at the time. he's 16. steve becomes like his older brother as they fight in ww2 with a superhero group called the invaders (pretty much like the avengers) against nazi superheroes and the like, unitil, just at the end of the war, they get captured. steve watches bucky being tortured, he cant stop it, and then when they escape, bucky sacrifices himself. the last thing steve sees before he gets frozen is bucky, just out of steves reach, unable to be saved after sacrificing himself for their cause. steve is awake in the ice in the comics. he has all those years to dwell on it, and when he gets out, the world has moved on and its far far too late to save anyone he knew.

buckys backstory has some real similarities with the clones. he grows up on a military camp, his dad dies when he's like 12 and he ends up staying as a kind of camp mascot. he grows up in the army. violence is every day for him. its all he knows. and when he gets recruited as captain americas sidekick. its all about the image. he is a propaganda tool. there to look like a kid so that other kids want to join up, but trained to be a killer. he is there to do the dirty work that captain america cant be seen doing. he's an assasin from the start. deadly efficient.

buckys return in the comics is delicious. it comes out of nowhere, to the reader and to steve rogers. he has been living in this new world and has accepted that noone will ever really understand him. anyone that survived ww2 looks at it with rose tinted glasses, but in a lot of ways to steve, he's still there. and then comes the winter soldier, a cold war relic, woken up to meet someone elses aims. in a lot of ways, it echos how steve has been working for america, putting out fire after fire, since he got out of the ice. the people around steve put the pieces together before he does and when they try and break it to him, he refuses to hear it. he wont look at their evidence. he simply cant. to know that not only could he not save this younger brother figure, but that while he was frozen, powerless, bucky was taken by the enemy and used in the worst kind of way. made to do things he never would have done (a big part of this is that bucky never would have worked against america. his patriotism was a huge part of his character thanks to his upbringing, which his handlers knew and found pretty funny. they used him to fight america because it was ironic). like omg. the paralells there! with the clones being raised to serve the republic, being raised to know nothing but loyalty because alll they knew was the military. and then having chips in their heads force them to do the last thing they ever would have done? again and again?

steve refuses to believe that its bucky. but we begin to see that he knows. he's just in denial. he fights the winter soldier and we have the 'who the hell is bucky moment' and then, his denial is shattered in the worst possible way. a dossier is delivered to him holding records from the winter soliders handlers from the start. he has to see the cold and impersonal documentation of the ppl that ripped his brother, his best friend, from death (from peace) so that he could be used against his country. he'd forgotten everything about who he was, all he had was the muscle memory of this fight. he could still fight. he was still a killer. these files document a kind of sick amusement from his handlers at his situation. his drs talk about him like he's an object for testing. (there are so many paralels here with the kamineese, palpatine, jango and how they treat the clones). worse than this. the files show that even without his memory, bucky fought them. during a mission in america he dropped off the radar, confused and lost, but trying to find something of himself. at this point they start wiping his memory after each mission and keeping him in stasis. he is no more than a tool. the whole thing is heart wretching. i know the movie version touched a lot of ppls hearts but. oh my god. it doesnt even touch the surface.

that feeling. those vibes. are the backbone of this au.

kix is beginning to move on. and then, the first order pull out the winter soldier. kix fights him and he's caught. because this stranger, decades after the last clone died, fights just like a clone. and against his will kix is just. pulled in. it feels like one last link to his brothers. he needs to know who trained this assasin. he needs to know more. this guy is like a ghost. the more he finds out the further he feels from any answers. what he finds. well none of it fits together. this guy has been doing this for decades. is he the first winter soldier? was he the one trained by a clone or was that his predecessor? his predecessors predecessor. kixs new war continues, as he investigates. this is simply a side quest. research to resolve his own curiosity.

and then, kix is fighting yet another battle. and in comes this guy. and as they fight, it gets to the point where its just kix and this assasin and the guys mask falls off. and he's a clone. and its an impossibility. its not something kix ever let himself imagine. how can there possibly be a clone here? how can he possibly be so young. he's hardly physically older than kix, in statis all these years, and the guy runs and kix is left. just. shellshocked. he goes back to his research. it doesnt make any sense.

time passes and kix realises who this winter soldier is. he knows him. not only that. he knows exactlly how they are controlling him. its the chips. the chips that kix was unable to save his brothers from. he woke up here and he thought it was too late for anything. his brothers long dead. him, unable to save any of them. he's a medic but he was not enough. yet. here is a chance. a chance at redemption. a brother, just one, that still needs saving. that kix has a chance of saving. and if he does. its someone that will understand. someone who knows what it is to be a clone. someone who knows what it is to wake up in a new galaxy, after years of stasis against your own will. its a chance.

the story deals with kix trying to face this. the whole thing is just like. emotional turmoil. he's given himself a impossible task. he's trying to save someone that does not want saving and very much wants to kill kix. in doing so he's having to face all this trauma and shit he had just accepted living with. and even worse. he gets to see a chipped clone in action. the lack of self preservation, the lack of control. kix gets to see what it would have been like for every one of their brothers. and he has to face that. its a journey thats kinda agonising. lots to face up to. lots to be dealt with. bad situation all round.

im so sorry for how long ive rambled but. oh my god im so utterly obsessed with this. its taken root in side me. the idea. the thought of them. gives me a feeling in my chest thats just. beyond words.

theres another post where i talk about it here also here

im just...screaming. the whole thing makes me want to scream and bite and never stop

ive yet to actually write anything that i can share loool cause ive just been chewing over the idea HOWEVER rest assured once i have something i'll be sharing it on here lol cause i need to yell about this au as much as possible