#cause i like all my teachers and i try to make all of my work really high quality or fleshed out if its writing
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inlovewithpandora · 2 days ago
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ꕥ — Found Someone Better / The Foundation
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Artists — Tonowari x fem!avatar!reader
Genre — Chapter Three
Lyrics — For the past couple of weeks you’ve been on the island Tonowari has been your karyu, showing you the ways of the Metkayina. With each lesson there’s a growing tension between you, causing you to feel bold enough to make a move.
Music Advisory — Pre-Atwow, slight timeskip (a few weeks), teacher/student dynamic (in the beginning), mentions/implied widow!tonowari, small scene of domestic violence (flashback w/ Neytiri), crying, slight hurt w/ comfort, kissing, awkward tension, love confession, new side character;
・Some of the topics above can be considered triggering to some. If you don’t agree with any of the content above or it makes you uncomfortable please dni! You’re responsible for your own consumption!
Duration — 7.1k words
Index — Kelku - Home・Karyu - Teacher・ Tewng - Loincloth
Words From Artist — After a long wait chapter three is finally here! Thank you to everyone who has commented, liked, and reblogged chapters one and two, I appreciate all the love and support! This chapter took a long time to write because I wanted to make sure it was at its best once it was posted. This chapter is an important part of their story which is why it’s longer than my other chapters, I would highly encourage reading the entire chapter.
・Also, I’m beginning to write future chapters and special addition chapters that will take place between volume 1 and volume 2 of the series and I want to incorporate any ideas you all may want to see so if you have any ideas feel free to send them to my inbox and I’ll work them into future chapters any way I can!
・Lastly, comment below how you feel about this longer chapter. Some of my future chapters might be a little lengthy (around 6-11k) and I want to know if you guys enjoy the chapters longer or if I should keep the chapters short (around 3-5k).
I hope y’all enjoy and always feel free to comment and reblog, I love reading y’all reactions!
Current Platforms — Chapter One ・Chapter Two・ Series M.list ・Series Taglist・Main M.list
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“You must breathe from here,” Tonowari places one hand on his stomach, puffing out his chest as he inhales and straightens out his back, showing you where you must focus your energy. “Let your mind go clear and your heart rest.” You’ve been with Tonowari for the past few hours, learning about all the different aspects about becoming Metkayina from fishing to swimming. You were anxious in the beginning because you were worried that your fondness for Tonowari would be shown through your actions but so far it’s been going well, you’ve been able to keep your emotions under control.
You’ve been trying your best to replicate the breathing technique he’s displaying but for some reason you just can’t get it right, you keep breathing from your lungs instead of your diaphragm and it’s frustrating because you don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of him. When Tonowari notices your struggle he decides to help you, like any good karyu would. “From here, y/n.” His low tone vibrates through the air while pressing his large, callous hand on your abdomen, making a shiver run down your spine. You weren’t expecting him to touch your stomach and you most certainly didn’t expect his hand to be inches away from the waistband of your tewng. When you think things can’t get anymore nerve wracking, you feel his other hand make contact with your chest, mindlessly resting his hand right above your cleavage. “Your heartbeat is fast, try to focus.”
“Sorry.” You mutter out while looking down at the sand beneath you to avoid his gaze as a purple hue spreads across your cheeks from embarrassment. How can you possibly focus on breathing when you have this beautiful man hunched over your frame and looking down at you with a powerful gaze? As Tonowari instructs you to breathe in and out, inhale deeply and exhale slowly, your eyes wander his figure, watching the rise and fall of his broad chest that was partially covered with intricate tattoos. “Am I doing better now?” You ask timidly, hoping you’re doing the right thing and not making the same mistakes you were earlier.
“Much better, I think it’s time we move on to your next lesson.”
You and Tonowari have moved to the shallow end of the water so he can teach you how to ride the Marine Na’vi’s mode of transportation. The Olo’eyktan begins to whoop and click his tongue, drawing the attention of one of the many animals in the surrounding area. “This is an ilu, you must ride this in order to go to different places within the reef.” As Tonowari explains what to do, you mount the ilu, making sure you feel comfortable before reaching behind your back and grabbing your kuru. “Make the bond gently.” He instructs while holding the ilu’s kuru at an angle. You lean your hand forward, allowing your tendrils to connect with the ilu, causing a soft crackle sound to fill the air as tsaheylu forms. When the bond is successful the ilu begins to squirm underneath you as their pupils grow wide from your emotions intertwining with theirs.
“Feel her breath, feel her strength.” You take a deep breath while closing your eyes, allowing your mind to become one with the sea creature. “Hold here.” He places his hand on the handle of the ilu’s saddle and you copy his actions, wrapping your hand around the brown leather material. “Your posture is incorrect, it must be strong when you dive.” Tonowari was going to talk you through getting into the correct position but since his hands were free with nothing to do —and he wanted another excuse to feel your skin— he decides to put you in the correct placement.
His right hand comes across your lower back while his left hand grips your thigh before scooting you up on the seat of the saddle. “Now remember, when you dive back in, good position. Very important.” He wanted to emphasize his words because he doesn’t want you to fall off and hurt yourself. You nod your head in response, taking in his words before you command the ilu to dive into water. The feeling of riding an ilu was much different than anything you’ve experienced, feeling its body move up and down to generate momentum and propels through the water is something you’ll definitely have to get accustomed to. After riding for a few minutes you start getting the hang of it, when you feel confident in your stance you click your tongue, causing the ilu to leap out the water and dive back in.
As Tonowari watches from the shallow end, he nods happily, proud that you got the hang of it so quickly. He wasn’t expecting you to figure out how to properly ride so soon in your lesson since you weren’t used to the reef and doing these types of activities in the water but you’ve proved him wrong. After a while of riding Tonowari motions to get you to come back in since it’s almost time for your son and his children to come home from school. You come back to the shore, gently breaking the bond with your ilu and bringing your leg from over the animal’s body and walk back towards land.
Since Tonowari ends your lesson for the day, both of you spend the next hour or so walking around the village exchanging stories about each other’s clan, telling each other numerous amounts of information. The two of you were soaking up everything the other was saying, wanting to learn more about each other’s culture. You begin to enlighten him on everything you know about the Omatikaya, from the perspective of being a clan member and as a human who was also a scientist. The topic changes from the different flora and fauna to how the clan gathers together to add their unique designs to the mother loom that’s given a place of honor in the common area of Hometree.
While you’re getting consumed into your sweet memories of the forest you don’t even realize you were only a few feet away from your kelku. In your mind you see this as a perfect opportunity to show Tonowari some memorabilia of your time with the clan. You invite him into your marui and begin showing him blankets you weaved, jewelry you’ve crafted, and a few more pieces you think he would enjoy seeing. As Tonowari listens to your stories and sees the bright smile that adorns your face he begins to wonder why you left the forest. From his perspective it seems like you had a wonderful time when you lived among the Omatikaya so he’s curious as to what pushed you into fleeing. His desire to know what happened in the forest that led you here is starting to get the best of him, the question is echoing in his mind and he knows it won’t end until he properly asks.
“y/n, I must ask. If the forest was filled with such fond memories, why did you leave?” As the words are coming from the Olo’eyktan’s mouth he can feel a ping of nervousness strike his chest, having a feeling that the topic could be shaky territory by the way he watches your body grow tense at the mention of why you left. You weren’t expecting him to ask your reasoning behind your move at this moment so it caught you off guard. The forest was filled with amazing, beautiful memories you’ll forever cherish but there’s also been dark times that you wish you could forget.
“Neytiri, I feel like I’m the only adult in this house that cares for Lo’ak. You and Jake stay away from him as if he’s a disease but both of you practically smother the other kids with attention. It’s not fair to him, he deserves all his parents to show him love, not just me!” You were getting frustrated with your mates treatment toward Lo’ak, you know Jake would be a tough cookie to crack but during most situations Neytiri is the level headed one out of the pairing so you were hoping that if you expressed your concerns to her she would be able to receive what you're saying instead of ignoring it.
“My parenting is the same with all the children, I do not favor one more than the other.” You can see her tail beginning to wip behind her, her ears flattening against her skull, and her face expressions quickly changing. All of those elements put together could only mean one thing, she’s angry. You hate when she gets upset, unlike Jake she reacts before she thinks of the consequences and when she lashes out she doesn’t care if you get hurt in the process. “What are you trying to imply, y/n? That I am a bad mother, that I cannot provide motherly love for them?!” The hiss that follows her question is sharp and quick, her tone is slightly calm but you can still hear the anger that’s trembling behind it which makes you a little more worried but you have to stand your ground, she needs to know what she does affects your son.
“I’m not saying you’re a bad mother but…” You had to stop yourself for a second because you feel like you’re about to tell a lie. If she’s treating Lo’ak differently than the others than she is a bad mother no matter which way you try to spin the matter. Maybe Neytiri will finally get it if you tell her to her face and not sugarcoat things like you usually do to spare her feelings. “Actually, I take that back. If a mother plays favorites among her children that makes her a bad mother because she isn’t treating them equally so yes, you are a bad mother!”
This is what set Neytiri off, she’s so pissed that she couldn’t even control her body and what she did in response to your remark. The Na’vi woman opens her palm and sends a harsh slap across your face, it was so quick that you didn’t see it coming but once it makes contact the impact is so strong it forcibly makes you turn your head in the direction of the hit, bringing ample amounts of pain to your cheek, causing a tint of purple to rise to the surface. You stand there in a state of shock, tears clouding your vision as you look at Neytiri’s who’s yelling at the top of her lungs. “How dare you say that to me?! I am a good mother!”
“You’re not Neytiri, stop lying to yourself and to me! When you’re out with Neteyam, Kiri, and Tuk, taking them for little adventures around the forest, you purposefully leave him home with Jake! What type of good mother does that?! And you only have the balls to do it when I’m not home because you know I wouldn’t let that slide!” You shout at her before moving your hand over your cheek, feeling some pain from the aftermath of the slap. “And you want to know something else?” You move closer to her, closing the gap between both of you. “A good mother would never hit the mother of their child and a good mate would never lay a hand on their wife!” The more you yell at Neytiri with a tone laced with anger, the more you comprehend that she hit you, your wife, the woman who’s supposed to love and keep you safe decides to inflict pain on you. “How could you hit me, Neytiri?! I’m your wife, you’re supposed to protect me not harm me!”
You haven’t thought about that day in a long time. You pushed it deep down in your memory bank, trying to forget the first time your ex-wife put her hands on you but when Tonowari asked you about your reason behind leaving the forest it brought the argument to the front of your mind. That memory along with others are painful, they cause you so much heartache that you wish they could be erased so your brain doesn’t have the chance to remember the hurt you felt during those moments. As you begin to come back to reality you feel something drip onto your arm, making you realize that your eyes have produced tears and they’ve been streaming down your face this whole time.
Tonowari can see the loss of light in your eyes, the tears freely flowing down your cheeks, and the way your body shivers at the mention of your past life in the forest. He didn’t mean to bring up any bad feelings or memories, he didn’t mean to make tears escape your pretty golden eyes, he was only curious about what took place that made you come to the reefs and now it’s clear to him that it wasn’t something pleasant. “I apologize for bringing up the topic, I didn't mean to make you upset or—”
“It’s okay, Tonowari. I know that you didn’t mean any harm.” You cut him off from his apology, not needing to hear anymore. You know that he’s curious and wants answers, you feel as if you owe him that because he accepted you and your little ‘itan with open arms but you're just not ready to reveal that part of your life story.
“You can tell me whenever you feel comfortable, no rush.” Tonowari places his hand on your bicep, squeezing it gently as a form of reassurance and to let you know that he’s here for you. He can see that you have a story to tell and he’ll be ready to listen whenever you’re ready to share.
“Thank you, that means a lot.” You give him a small smile, allowing him to see a little peek of your canines before you place your hand over his. As you look the Metkayina man in the eyes your heart rate starts to rise at a fast pace and you can feel your stomach tying in knots. In this moment you feel like a teenager again, all the emotions that come with liking someone hitting you all at once. Tonowari’s a sweet man, he’s slowly seeping his way into your heart and honestly you're not opposed to it.
You’ve known him for weeks now and you love everything about him, how great he is with his children, his kind and gentle nature, how he’s an authority figure within the clan but doesn’t let the power get to his head, you’re not only physically attracted to him but also to his personality. With both of your hands touching, feeling the warmth radiating from the other's skin, it's like sparks of electricity are burning through your skin. His touch makes you want to melt and you haven’t felt this way in years, that jittery feeling that sits and stirs in the pit of your stomach when looking at someone almost feels foreign to you but it’s nice, you’re glad that you can still feel all these emotions about someone after Jake and Neytiri, maybe it’s possible that you have another shot at being in love.
Seeing that your tears are still dampening your cheeks makes Tonowari's heart clench with pain knowing that he can’t do anything to dissolve the sadness that’s overshadowing you, especially since he’s the one who caused said tears by questioning your past. He doesn’t like seeing your beautiful face stained with tears so he resolves the issue by using his unoccupied hand to wipe them away. It comes as a surprise to you, before you can process what’s coming you feel his hand caress your face, his thumb gently gliding against your cheek and underneath your eye, wiping away the tears on one side of your face before moving on to the next.
His soft touch sends a shiver throughout your body, his callous hand feels so warm against your face and his eyes glisten with a sense of care and kindness. Your body is feeling things that your brain is barely able to comprehend, it’s wanting to act on emotions regardless of what your mind is telling you. Your eyes flicker between his eyes and lips, wondering what it would be like to kiss him. It’s been so long since you’ve felt someone else’s lips against yours, it would be nice to feel some sparks again, to get that electrified feeling in your veins when you kiss someone. ‘Do it. Kiss him.’ The thought echoes through your mind while trying to decipher if it’s a good idea. Before you psych yourself out and say no you just mumble “screw it.”, place one of your hands on one side of his face, and kiss him.
His lips feel so good against yours, that spark you were hoping to feel is there, you can feel it surging through your veins and causing your heart to thump against your ribcage. The kiss creates a warmth spread through your body, it makes you feel good about making the split decision to kiss Tonowari until you begin to have second thoughts about it. You start to realize that you don’t feel Tonowari’s hand touching you in a loving manner, his body seems slightly tense, and his lips aren’t making an effort to reciprocate the kiss as you would like. In your mind all those things put together must mean that he doesn’t want to kiss you and that he definitely doesn’t see you in a romantic way like you hoped he did, causing all the tingling emotions you felt earlier to quickly seize and your body to run cold with embarrassment.
You quickly pull from Tonowari and start spewing out an apology, hoping it’ll make the moment less awkward even though you doubt that’ll happen. “Tonowari I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m such an idiot-” You spring to your feet and nervously run your hands through your braids, something you tend to do when you're in uncomfortable situations.
“It’s alright, y/n-”
“No, Tonowari it’s not. It was stupid of me to-”
“Mama!” Lo’ak runs inside the marui with speed and bursting to the seams with energy, wanting to ask you something. When you hear his little voice you mentally thank Ewya for the intervention so you don’t have to deal with the discomfort between you and Tonowari right now.
“Yes, Lo’ak?” You reply to his call while turning to face the entryway of the room you're in and giving your son your undivided attention.
“Can I go play with Rotxo for a little while?” Since being here Lo’ak has made a few friends, including Rotxo who was nice to him when he first started attending school. The two boys usually always play together while at school but today they went to play by the beach and roam the island a little and they know they need parental supervision for that which is why he’s asking you for permission.
With Lo’ak wanting to hang out with his friend this gives you the perfect opportunity to get out of this embarrassing situation with Tonowari and will allow you to clear your head a little and figure out what to do going forward. “Yeah, you can play with him. I’ll change into something different and then we can leave. Okay?” Lo’ak nods his head and goes to another area of the marui and starts gathering a few of his favorite toys and places them in a woven bag so he can show Rotxo later.
With Lo’ak now gone it just leaves you and Tonowari again and before he has the chance to rehash the previous conversation you decide to speak up. “It would be best if you leave now.” Your eyes avoid meeting his gaze and you can barely get out the words before feeling a wave of nausea thinking about how you physically expressed your feelings for a man that doesn’t feel the same way.
Tonowari doesn’t show any resistance and respects your wishes, not wanting to make you feel worse at this current moment and decides to speak with you later when you both can talk in private. He gives you a slight nod, acknowledging your words and showing that he hears you before leaving like you asked. When you watch the entryway flap close behind him as he walks outside you let out a frustrated sigh and run your hand down your face, wondering how you could possibly be able to see and talk to Tonowari again since now he clearly knows you have romantic feelings for him.
You want to figure this out as soon as possible so you can calm your nerves but right now you have to put that on pause and go into mother mode for Lo’ak and meet his new friend and his mother. You take a deep breath and rest your mind, shifting your attention to getting ready to go into the village and mingle with your new clan members. Once you change into a new matching set and drink a few sips of water you're ready to take Lo’ak to his playdate and try to forget about your crash and burn moment with the Olo’eyktan.
It’s sunny around this time of day, the ocean water is slightly warm and the aquatic life is very active, fish swimming calmly in the water, energetic Ilu leaping out the water every so often, and sea otters sunbathing and basking in the sun's light. When you and Lo’ak make it to the heart of the village you can see Rotxo who’s standing next to an older woman who you assume to be his mom and when him and Lo’ak make eye contact they immediately run to each other before dashing off to play, making you chuckle at their eagerness. “Lo’ak, stay where I can see you!” You shout to him because you know if you don’t he’ll start roaming all over the island and you won’t know where he is.
“Padma, it’s nice to meet you.” The woman says as she walks over to you, starting up a conversation. You’ve seen her around the village a handful of times since you arrived but you both never crossed paths before so this is the first time you’ve talked with her.
She extends her hand out for you to shake and you comply, wrapping your hand around hers in a firm shake before introducing yourself and telling her your name. “It’s nice to meet you as well, it seems like our boys are getting along nicely.”
“Yes they are. I’m glad they found each other.” She says with a soft smile before she turns and picks up the woven basket next to her that is filled with multiple different fruits and places it on her hip so she can take it home with her. “Would you like to come to my mauri and help me prepare a snack for the boys?” Padma assumes that after all the playing the boys will be doing they’ll be hungry and want a little treat.
Padma watches how your facial expression changes and notices the look of concern that comes across your face when you focus your attention over to Lo’ak showing Rotxo his wooden ikran toys, knowing that you want to keep an eye on him at all times. “Don’t worry, my mauri faces where they are playing so you’ll be able to watch him and make sure he’s safe.” When you hear that it makes you feel better, which means you agree to going with Padma to her home.
It only takes a few minutes to make it to her mauri and when you walk inside Padma invites you to come sit down next to her in the common area and places the basket of fruit between the both of you. She takes her knife out of its sheath and begins to cut away the skin of fruit while you start cutting another fruit into cubes. “So, y/n, how are you liking it here so far?”
“It’s taken me a while to learn and adjust to all the new lifestyle aspects but other than that I’ve been enjoying my time here so far.” Being among the Metkayina has been different but it’s been fun, being here makes you feel more free to be yourself and you don’t feel the need to have your guard up or always have to be fearful about going home at the end of the day. Going home to a relaxed environment is something you’ve always wished for since your past relationship started to derail so to have that now makes your spirit feel at peace.
“That’s good to hear, have you made any friends yet?”
“No, I don’t think the women in the clan are too fond of me yet.” Most of the Matkayina women haven’t been very receptive to your presence amongst the clan yet. Whenever you're walking around the village, trying to complete your daily tasks until you find a permanent role in the clan, some of them will stare at you while others will exchange hushed words while you walk by. You know the reason they aren’t receptive to you is because you’re a dreamwalker and your DNA contains human genes and honestly you don’t feel any sort of way about it because you dealt with the same thing when you first joined the Omatikaya. It took a while for them to warm up to you and start befriending you so you know it’ll be the same here. The only difference is that at least with the Omatikaya you still had your scientist friends in the lab so you weren’t completely alone but here you don’t really have any form of friendships except for Tonowari which you’re grateful for, regardless of your current situation with him but you would like you to find some women to hangout with.
“Well, consider me your first friend here.” Padma says with a smile, wanting you to feel welcome and that you have someone in your corner and like you have a sense of community here so you don’t have to be alone. Hearing that makes a small smile curl onto your lips and you begin to feel like you’re officially starting to build a new life here.
For the next hour or so you and Padma talk about multiple topics, asking questions and sparking up conversations to help the both of you bond and get to know each other better. While you're listening to Padma talk about how she met her mate and their love story, you begin to think about what happened between you and Tonowari earlier. You know that you can’t ignore him and that you have to talk to him about it but you have no idea what you’re going to say the next time you see him. While Padma is talking she notices how your mind is elsewhere and that you've zoned out of the conversation. She can see that something is on your mind and she feels like it would be rude of her not to ask and see if there was any way she could help. “y/n, is everything okay? I can tell your mind somewhere else.”
Before answering her question you wonder if you should tell Padma what’s troubling you, that you're having trouble in the love department which is kind of surprising to you since you’ve only been living among the Metkayina for a few weeks. On one hand you don’t really want to say anything because you aren’t a fan of telling your business but on the other hand you don’t know what to do about Tonowari and it would be good to get some advice. “There is something bothering me.” A small sigh escapes your lips before placing your knife down and putting the fruit you’ve prepared in a wooden bowl. “I have feelings for someone here, me and him are getting along well but I think I messed things up with him.” You decided talking to her about what’s going on would be best but to protect your privacy and Tonowari’s, especially with him being Olo’eyktan, you decided to keep his name out of the conversation.
Padma wasn’t expecting you to need advice relationship wise, not because she didn’t see you finding love with someone on the island but because you haven’t been here long but nonetheless she’s willing to help you in whatever way she can. “What do you mean ‘you messed things up’? What happened? If you’re willing to share of course.” You begin to tell her what happened with Tonowari, specifically the part where sparks flickered between you two and that you kissed him out of the blue, not wanting to give away too many details but give the important parts that’ll help Padma understand what’s going on between you and Tonowari.
As you talk and explain Padma listens carefully, wanting to make sure she hears everything before giving her opinion on the matter. Once you finish talking she gathers her thoughts and starts giving her advice. “I think that you just need to talk it out with him, it could’ve been a reason why he didn’t kiss back. When you kissed him he could’ve just been taken by surprise because he didn’t expect it.”
“You’re right, that could be it. I’ll talk to him and hopefully it goes the way I want it to. Thank you Padma.”
“Of course, I hope your mind is at ease now.”
“It is, and I’m hoping that this conversation stays between us.” You imply that you want the conversation that just took place to go no further than these four walls and Padma respects your wishes and promises not to speak of it with anyone. While the conversation shifts to another topic you can hear little voices and footsteps approaching and within the next few seconds Lo’ak and Rotxo come running inside asking for a snack, good thing you and Padma were already ten steps ahead and have something prepared for their rumbling stomachs.
The sun has started to slowly fall behind the horizon, causing the clear blue sky’s to fade and turn into a beautiful mixture of red and orange. With all the playing, swimming, and even a little roughhousing the boys have officially tired themselves out. Both Lo’ak and Rotxo's eyes are starting to grow heavy, meaning it’s time for them to take a nap. While Lo’ak and Rotxo are saying their goodbyes, you and Padma make plans to hang out later in the week, she tells you that she knows a great place on the island to have a picnic and you definitely can’t wait to go since you haven’t fully explored the island yet.
Once you and Padma wrap up your conversation, you grab Lo’ak by the hand and start walking along the spongy pathways around the village and make your way to your mauri. “Lo’ak, how was your time with Rotxo? Did you have fun?”
“I had so much fun, Rotxo is the coolest! He showed me how to do all these tricks on his Ilu and while we were in the water he caught a fish with his bare hands!” Lo’ak tells you about everything he and Rotxo did his voice is laced with excitement while he tells you each and every detail, making you smile at the fact he enjoyed his time with his friend and that he’s adjusting well to living with the Metkayina, especially socially. “I’m glad you had fun, yawntutsyìp.”
You and Lo’ak continue talking as you walk home which makes the walk seem shorter than it usually is. Since Lo’ak has a newfound burst of energy he believes he doesn’t need a nap but you tell him otherwise. “Lo’ak, if you don’t take a nap you’ll be tired later at dinner and-” When you turn the corner and are a few steps away from the entryway of your home you can see Tonowari standing in front of your mauri, causing your words to become lodged in your throat at the sight of him.
You were planning on talking to him, at the earliest tomorrow so you could have a night to figure out what to say and gather your thoughts but since he showed up without you having any prior knowledge you have no idea what you’re gonna say to him so now you have to rack your brain on what to say. Lo’ak is still standing beside you and the conversation you need to have with Tonowari definitely isn’t for children’s ears so you send him inside. “Lo, go inside and clean up so you can take your nap.”
“But Mama, I don’t wanna take a-”
“Now, Lo’ak.” When your son hears the sternness in your voice and the seriousness written on your face he makes a beeline for the mauri and does as you told him to. Once he makes it inside and you see the flap close behind him, you turn your attention to Tonowari and try to mentally prepare for the pending conversation. The Olo’eyktan walks closer to you before you can do it yourself, making your words begin to scramble in your brain and your mouth to start moving at a mile a minute before you can stop yourself. “Again, I just want to say I’m so sorry for kissing you out of the blue like I did. I shouldn’t have just assumed you have feelings for me, it was impulsive and-”
Before you can finish your rant, telling him how sorry you are for making things awkward between you both, Tonowari closes the gap between the two of you while his eyes lock intensively with yours, making your heart race. Suddenly, he leans in and presses his lips firmly against yours, causing your eyes to slightly widen in shock and your body to freeze while your mind is racing as you attempt to process what’s happening. The warmth that’s radiating from him overwhelms your senses, making you feel like you're on a sugar high. After a few seconds the initial shock fades you begin to relax and kiss him back, allowing your feelings to take over.
You lean into Tonowari, feeling his strength as he pulls you closer to him, one hand cradling your cheek while the other finds its way wrapped around your waist, anchoring you in place. His large hands on different parts of your body makes you want to melt in this moment. His lips are soft and insistent, moving so tenderly across yours that it takes your breath away. As the kiss deepens you can almost taste the sea salt on his lips, it’s intoxicating yet captivating, making the world feel like it’s fading and turning into a blur.
After what feels like hours but in reality is minutes, Tonowari pulls back and both of you are left breathless, making a smile appear on both of your lips, his because he feels a wave of joy and yours because you're still a little surprised that he kissed you and how amazing a kiss it was. It’s been many years since you’ve had an intimate kiss like this before, feeling another warm body against yours was a feeling you definitely missed and are so glad to have that again with someone you genuinely like.
“y/n,” The Metkayina begins, his voice low and filled with sincerity, still lingering in the warmth of the moment you both shared, hoping he can gather the right words. “You don’t need to apologize, earlier I wanted to kiss you but I was taken aback, at that moment I didn't know what to do.” When you kissed Tonowari earlier he was in shock, he didn’t know how to react so he just froze up. Since Ronal died he hasn’t had feelings for anyone so when he met you everything felt so new and different to him, he didn’t expect to feel a connection with anyone again, especially with someone so different from him but he loved the way you made him feel.
“I didn’t mean to catch you off guard, I was just caught up in the moment.” You reply softly, beginning to feel a hint of shyness creep into your voice due to the way Tonowari’s eyes feel like they are peering directly into your soul.
“I’m glad you did, if you hadn’t I wouldn’t have known you felt the way I feel for you and we wouldn’t be here now.” He reassures you that everything that has happened was meant to be, the two of you were meant to share your first real kiss a few feet away from the ocean waves that are crashing against the sand, it was already written in the stars that the two of you would share such a special moment on the part of the island that’s secluded, meaning you don’t have to worry about prying eyes of the village, it would just be you and him, exploring your connection without fear.
“So, what does this mean for us?” With Eywa giving you a second chance at finding love you don’t want to beat around the bush or once he goes home begin thinking about what the next step is so you decide to be blunt and ask him upfront so you can have a clear understanding. “Where do we go from here?”
“I want to explore what we have and where this connection can lead but I want to take things slow. It’s been years since I was in a relationship and I don’t want to rush into anything, I want everything to happen the way Eywa intends.” For years Tonowari was hesitant on opening his heart again, afraid that he would grow to love a person just to lose someone else he’s grown to care for. Now that you’ve broken the walls he set around his heart he’s ready to find that special connection with someone and he’s willing to take the risk of being hurt because to him you’re worth it.
“I understand how you feel completely, I think it would be best to take our time and just further build our connection.” You’re glad you and Tonowari are on the same page with how you should go about your relationship because you want to take things slow with him, wanting to make sure you can fully trust him before letting him into your life completely.
“I like the sound of that.” Tonowari replies with a soft smile before he reaches for your hand and intertwines your hand with his. The warmth of his grip sends a comforting shiver through your body, grounding you in the moment. The gentle pressure of his hand against yours feels like an unspoken promise, a commitment to explore the connection blossoming between you.
Since Tonowari has a little free time and Lo’ak was inside sleeping you decide to take him down by the shore with you. With your hands already connected it’s easy to guide Tonowari a few feet away from your home and closer to the water before you find the perfect place to settle. Both of you sit down in the warm sand and you lean against Tonowari, resting your head on his shoulder while he wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him, making you relax under his touch.
It feels nice to have a man by your side, a true man, not someone who disrespects and treats you like a burden. When you left the forest you didn’t know if you would find love again, you didn’t even know if you wanted to try and find someone again after what you endured but it seems like Eywa had her own plans in motion, allowing you and Tonowari to meet was definitely her way of telling you that it’s okay to open your heart again.
As you sit nestled against him, you realize how different this feels. Tonowari’s presence is calming and genuine, a total contrast to the chaos of your past. He listens intently when you speak, his gaze always filled with warmth and understanding. The way he holds you makes you feel valued, cherished even, which is a new feeling for you, but one that you love.
You take a moment to appreciate the beauty around you—the colors of the sunset painting the sky, the gentle sound of waves crashing against the shore, and the feel of sand beneath you. In this peaceful setting, you begin to let go of your reservations. The fear that once held you captive starts to dissolve and replaces itself with hope that maybe you can build something real with him. With every soft touch and shared glance, you sense the possibility of a future where love isn’t synonymous with pain.
As the minutes pass, the conversation flows effortlessly between you, filled with laughter and shared stories. Tonowari speaks of his childhood, his eyes lighting up as he recalls the joyous moments which allow you to see a different side of him while you share stories from your life in the forest, a few that are a little more personal to you than the ones you told him earlier today and will help him get to know you better than he did before. Each story that’s told deepens your bond, revealing layers of who you both are and allowing you to grow closer. Occasionally, Tonowari leans down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead or cheek, gestures that send shivers through your entire being. You can’t help but smile, feeling a sense of safety and belonging you thought you’d lost forever. The world around you fades, leaving just the two of you, wrapped in your own cloud of shared comfort and emerging trust.
As the last rays of sunlight dip below the horizon, casting a warm glow around you, you lean closer into Tonowari’s embrace, feeling a sense of peace settle in your heart. In this moment, surrounded by nature’s beauty and the man who makes your heart flutter, you realize that the walls you once built to protect yourself are beginning to crumble. With Tonowari, you sense a future filled with possibility—a future where love is not only attainable but also vibrant and real. With laughter still echoing between you and the gentle waves serenading your moment, you realize that you didn't just find a refuge from your past, but the promise of a beautiful journey ahead—one that you are eager to explore together.
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Previous — Chapter Two・Next — Chapter Four
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teddypines · 2 days ago
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Drop off's and pick up's
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Summary: A week of drop off's and pick up's for the younger's Wayne. Y/N is around 5-6 years old.
Note: This wrote itself when i was supposed to work on a different story. Small disclaimer, i have no idea how the American school system works or the one in the DC comic's, so it's all based on the school system i know. And yes i did use a picture of a 1967 Chevy Impala, because there were no fun ones of the batmobile.
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Drop off and pick up were never the same in the Wayne household. Sometimes Bruce would do it, other times Alfred did it, or Dick and Jason picked the others up. Even Cas or Barbara did it every once in a while. They tried putting routine into it to help Y/N, but that didn’t really work with all the mixed scedules and unexpected events. The older ones made sure they got to school by themselves, but Y/N was still a bit too young for that. So the Drop off and pick up struggle continued,
Monday
Y/N waited by the door with her bag, Alfred packed her lunch and a snack, and Fleepy. Her brothers, besides Damian, had already left for school but she was still waiting on Bruce. “Daddy!! Hurry!!” She yelled as Bruce stumbled through the hallway. “Yes, I'm coming, pumpkin, just give daddy a minute.” Bruce answered as he struggled to put on his shoes. He looked at the waiting Y/N and Damian, sighing he quickly takes out the car keys from his pocket. “Here, go and wait in the car, I won't be long.” He instructed them. 
Y/N listened and grabbed her jacket before going to the car outside. She unlocked the car and quickly got in. Damian following closely behind her. Putting their seatbelts on when Bruce got there. “Let’s get you two to school.” Bruce smiled at Y/N.
“You'll pick me up too?” Y/N asked, wanting to make sure who to expect at pick up. “Yes, I'll pick you up today.” Bruce answered with a nod. “Yeeey!! Daddy pick up!” Damian just rolled his eyes, but understood Y/N liked to know things before hand, he liked it too.
Tuesday
“It was the heat of the moment. Telling me what my heart meant! The heat of the moment showed in your eyes!” Both Y/N and Jason sang. Jason picked her up from school today, which meant bonding time after. Since Y/N was still a bit too young for Jason’s bike he ‘borrowed’ one of Dick’s cars. Damian went home with a friend from school, so Alfred would pick him up later.
The two of them were just singing as Jason drove them to the best burger place in Gotham. “And now you find yourself in '83. The disco hot spots hold no charm for me. You can concern yourself with bigger things. You catch a pearl and ride the dragon's wings.” Jason sang, looking at Y/N as they stopped in front of a traffic light. “ 'Cause it's the heat of the moment. The heat of the moment. The heat of the moment showed in your eyes!” Y/N sang back with a big smile on her face. The two of them having so much fun that even Cas and Steph would be jealous of the fun they had.
After burgers the two of them went to the record store and Y/N got to pick out a cd for her collection. She chose ABBA, a bit to Jason’s dislike. He didn't get her love for the Swedish band, wanting her to try and listen to one of his personal favorites, but okay. When they left the record store on their way to the bookstore for some comic's,- Bruce called and ruined their fun a bit, wanting Y/N home in the next 30 minutes. So Jason had no choice and had to take Y/N home, but she didn’t mind, she had fun with her brother and that’s what mattered more to her.
Wednesday
Pick up was a big mess on wednesday. Drop went okay, Bruce brought her and Damian to school with the promise that he would pick her up too, or Dick would be there instead. Damian had to stay longer because he was a grade or two higher then her and he would go home with Tim.
But now here Y/N sat, next to her teacher, at 4 p.m. Her teacher tried to reach someone, but no one answered. Tim and Damian had suddenly disappeared from class too, so that was suspisious. This of course made Y/N upset but it wasn’t like this didn’t happen before. She opened her backpack and pulled out the emergency number and handed it to her teacher. “My uncle Clark, for emergencier.” She explained and went silent again. 
Clark was there in no time, but normal human time as to not be suspicious. The teacher didn't need to be more worried then she already was. Clark was a bit worried about Y/N too, so instead of taking her back to Wayne manor he just said ‘Fuck it, sleep over in Kansas.’ And with that Y/N spent the night in Kansas with the Kent’s.
Thursday
Since Y/N spent the night in Kansas with the Kent's, Clark dropped her off at school, making sure to be at the school on time and to not be noticed while flying back and forth. Lois made Y/N lunch for the day, not wanting her to be depended on the teachers or the crappy school lunches. Giving both Y/N and Jon something extra in their lunches to make the little emergency feel more like a special short sleep over. At pickup Alfred showed up, when Y/N asked what happened he didn’t have a clear answer. Trying to talk around the questions Y/N had and doing his best to distract her for the time being. Just saying everything will be explained at home. Nothing was explained when they got home.
Friday
Shit hit the fan Thursday afternoon so instead of going to school Y/N spent the day in the hospital. Sitting by Bruce’s side as Dick and Alfred tried to take care of everything else. Turned out that Bruce, as Batman, got into a bigger mess than he could handle alone, even with the help of his Robin's. He has two broken ribs, a concussion and a broken arm. All some villain of the week’s fault, they were stronger then expected so everything went tits up. Of course they told the doctors that Bruce had a work related accident. Something about falling down the stairs, because the elevator not working at Wayne Enterprise.
Going home that night was hard since both Damian, Y/N and Tim , not wanting to leave Bruce’s side. Jason and Dick finally got the three home once they fell asleep on Bruce’s hospital bed. It was a tight fit on that hospital bed, bur Bruce would be in discomfort if it ment for his kids to be comfortable and safe. Bruce gave his eldest boy’s a tired smile as they went home, making them promise to at least get Y/N to school on time next week with him not being able to drive. He didn’t want to deal with the angry teachers if Y/N didn’t go again because of him. 
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That weekend the whole family made sure to go to Bruce and visit him a lot. Sometimes not even leaving or only leaving when one of the nurses told them it was really time to leave their father alone to sleep. They made sure the press didn't know a lot about the accident and that Dick knew what to do for Wayne Enterprise until Bruce got better. The older siblings had a lot on their shoulders, but with the help of Alfred and the Kent family everything went as good as it could get.
Y/N made a promise on sunday to be on her best behavior the next few weeks for drop off and pick up. As long as it was Alfred or Barbara who picked her up at the right time and the right place. So there wouldn’t be any confusion, emergencies or waiting. Making sure to at least visit Bruce 3 times a week in the hospital until he got better.
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9xyzt · 2 months ago
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wips occuring
uys i have soooo many drawing ideas um sorry for not really posting finished art i will cook something up soon.. i just get de motivated really quickly when drawing because of wanting everything to be on model or replicating something else and i like lost my artstyle outside of how i like to shade
BUT i made like an entire google doc of drawing ideas and im constantly thinking of more that i need to add so hopefully once i get better at dr artstyle i will drop art ALSO JESUS CHRIST once i can better manage my time w schoolwork i swear ill draw cheren and black art but for now im just trying to draw what appeals to me immediately to make it a little easier SORRYYRY ill also try to reread pokespe bw and um actually continue beyond oras AND FINISH HOMESTUCK BRUH ohh mmy god ive just been waiting for the next voxus but golly ... i got kinda bored i just miss equius. My one true love. Me.
UM ANYWAY sorry for such a lengthy lore update! i should have more time this week but i need to go to bed rn and take melatonin
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prismatica-the-strange · 6 months ago
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Nope, I'm still crying
#i wish literally anybody from school remembered me#literally only 2 people i was friends with hace talked to me in the past four years#i had the realization tonight that i was never given the choice to nurture most of my friendships#everytime i tried outside of school hours including trying to join clubs my mom would make me leave halfway through then lecture me#that she didn't have time to drive to town and get me#but as soon as my brother wanted to join junior air force she suddenly had all the time and energy in the world to devote to that#so what I'm getting here is that my friendships and interests weren't important enough or worth her time#i wasn't interested in Junior air force 1 cause it wasn't offered to me and 2 I'm not a boit licker#no#i was interested in the video game and board game clubs cause my friends were in them and they WANTED me to join#but after not getting to stay for more than one full session after a month i left the board game club cause it wasn't fair to the others#and i only went to the video game clu once and i don't remember much of it cause i was too anxious that she was gonna flip on me#i kept waiting for her text but instead she showed up at the classroom and made me leave#so when the same teacher that ran the board game club asked if i wanted to join the chess club cause he knew i liked chess#i told him i couldn't cause i was too busy because i didn't want to deal with begging my mom to let me join#she would have said yes but would have continued not letting me stay and being super passive aggressive#I'm not even in the year book for the year my friends graduated#the one thing she did let me do was drama and i hated every second of it. it was genuinely a bad experience for me#yeah i had friends in drama but it's not the same as hanging with my nerdy guy friends playing a star wars ttrpg#the worst part is she gets so defensive when i bring it up and won't give me a reason outside of 'I guess I'm just the worst parent'#it's in those moments i really remember she's the youngest in her family#OH!! it gets worse! she told me when i was younger that she had to be an honorary cheer leader cause HER MOM absolutely refused to#let her join cheer and she's alsways been bitter about it but then she turns around and did basically the same thing to me ffs#at least she was allowed to hang out with people after-school i wasn't allowed to do that either#no. instead i spent the hours after shcool alone most days and my weekends home alone in my room. and she wonders why my social skills are#maybe if I'd been allowed to work on my relationships outside of a classroom i wouldn't have felt so abandoned when everyone i knew#graduated without me. maybe if i didn't have to start back at square one socially again and had people to text and hang with after class#i wouldn't have dropped out. and i think only atlas knows i dropped out. idk how to text these people without spunding like I'm looking for#sympathy when they ask what I'm up to. like yeah I'm stuck at home with an anxiety disorder and unemployed trying to get on disability#prisma vents
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autism-disco · 1 year ago
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the car seat is headresting that’s for certain
#watching bake off and in my head it’s just vague twin fantasy#‘woah that’s a nice cake’ ‘cute thing don’t be a rude thing!!!!!!!!’ rauasasaaaaaaa#man i still have so much work to do but this is more fun#i want to like. gain the power of flight i think#i want to detach all my limbs and move them about and put them back together#and i don’t mean that in an unhappy way i should clarify im doing alright this evening#but like. i want to dance as if i did not have a human body and just explode everywhere and and and#hjhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i don’t think this is only csh i think it’s also cause concerts are slightly different to what i thought they were#turns out it’s actually more convenient but it’s different so it’s the end of the world etc#man i remember one time i was at choir and someone jokingly called me a tory for not liking change :(#i do like change in some respects!!!! but the plans are not the original plans what am i meant to do now#uh i’m just saying words here now huh#i dunno there’s a lot of thoughts in my head i can’t make sense of it all#i need to do my duolingo and homework and homework and homework#they’re stressed on bake off which isn’t helping i don’t think but still quite enjoyable#i need to find music teachers as soon as possible to ask questions i must not forget to do that !!! that is very important#(need to see if i can keep the baritone in school thursday -> friday next week i really hope i can#hm hm ok that’s enough of a tumblr post i need to have a shower and i’ll try and get to bed like what before one??#no ok. half 12 half 12 that’s reasonable ok i’ll call it that#ezra’s real life rambles#ezra likes music#<- got a bit off topic but that’s the original post
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hinadori-chan · 1 year ago
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low key wanna like
set up a queue for posts i like that don’t circulate anymore so that way the recirculate but also i don’t spam but like
i don’t think i’ve ever used a queue before tbh lol
#listen i’ve always been the kind of blogger where you just know what i’m about when i’m about it#but since this is more of a fandom sidespace than my actual blog maybe that’s the better route?#cause there’s a lot of really good fanart and fanfics and analytical pieces that just#don’t get as much love since they got burried by time and i wanna bring them back to the forefront becuase they’re GOOD#and people put their heart and soul and time into them and i want them to be appreciated becuase i love them and they make me happy#but also i’ve hit post limit multiple times becuase if this blog and i’m scared it’ll happen again#cause i think you still hit it with the queue too#and like#i do actually use my main blog a log and the posts come from the same pool#(pro tip for new users btw if your side blogs are connected to your main account all your posts come from a pool that your account gets)#(kind of like a deck of cards that has to be distributed between all players)#ANYWAY it might be the better move for now#i’ll stew on that while i try and get myself out of writers block#cause i’ll need to get the first draft of peghawks2023 done this weekend if i want ot done in time for the 16th#need to figure out how to trick my brain into working#had this problem in school also#the only reason i passed is because most my teachers loved me and wanted me to succeed in spite of my executive dysfunction#and my other two teachers hated me so much (adhd kid with a pension to cause problems) that they passed me#just so they never had to see me again lmao#it’s okay feelings were mutual fuck those guys#(or love those guys for the teachers that adored me)#(hope they’re doing good)#what was i talking about#RIGHT queues and writing#yeah i should go do that okay bye for now!!!
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bakerysnake · 2 years ago
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mother. mother, stop.
(vent in tags)
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rosicheeks · 2 years ago
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From the fun asks - 1, 31, 46, 71?
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?
more cereal 🥰
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.
Ohhhhhhhh I’ll go off in the tags about socks 🥰
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.
Gee-I’m-a-tree 🤦���‍♀️😂
71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?
Honestly I’m not a huge tea person. Mainly cause I haven’t tried many and I want to try them but they expensive and I’m scared I won’t like it hahaha
#honestly I’m not 100% if I do more cereal I think it depends on what kind I’m having#if I’m really craving it I fill my cup all the way up#and yes I said cup cause I like to eat my cereal out of a cup or mug 🥰#ok ok ok SOCKS where do I begin I guess I’ll start with the original questions and if I have anything to add haha#I loooooove socks 🥰 my feet are very particular hahaha and I need to wear a very specific type of sock#like i don’t necessarily mean a specific brand but like sometimes I put my feet into socks and I instantly take them out cause the texture -#is bad or it’s too tight or idk#my ex always made fun of me for my specific sock *things*#I used to be a looooot worse#like I would have to wear the same brand BUT not the same sock cause obviously young rosie thought that was bad luck#so I would refuse to wear the same sock buuut I’d have to wear the same brand or kind of that makes sense???#and then I would want to try and match up pretty colors that worked together hahahaha I’m really weird shhh#also I LOVE fuzzy socks#but uhm I have to wear my normal socks under them cause I can’t stand the texture on my feetsys#but I love how warm and fuzzy they are!#I do sleep with socks if you couldn’t guess from my previous tags hahaha idk when I became so obsessed with socks#I refuse to wear white socks nope sorry#I remember my geometry teacher telling me this pun in like freshman year of high school???#I would LOVE to be a tea person omg#I have a collection of mugs and when I move I want to start collecting more cause cute mugs are 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#I remember when I was more into vocal training I would drink tea and lemon water#ahhhh the days#I should go back to that I miss it#thank you for the questions lovely!!!#wishing you a lovely day/night 🥰#ask#lovely mutuals
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yoshistory · 8 days ago
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kind of crazy that it literally used to feel like if i was anything less than perfect at my job it would be the end for me but i've been giving it like negative 200% at my job and its literally fine and no one cares
#it started when i got REALLY sick awhile back but literally couldnt afford to take a day off#so i just went to work and gave it like 10% and it was fine and no one cared#so i kept doing that#and also when i DID start feeling better and giving it a little more effort#there was this QA guy who came into our section specifically to monitor us#and when it was my turn to work with him he was like ''🤓☝️ uhmm actually you're doing a really awful job at this''#''i guess I'M just perfect cause its how i like to do things. but dont worry! you gave it your best😋'' in suuuuch a shit-eating way#that it like broke my brain into like actually i guess im not going to put in any effort at all now. thanks for that#and what we were doing was literally something that will get removed and put back later and i was legit telling him like.#you really dont have to make it perfect because it's a waste of time when it gets moved later but make it look like. Good right-#and he went like crazy about that and i was like well asshole if you REALLY dont wanna listen to me about how youre wasting time feel free#like genuinely just like feel completely free. just really. and he was insulting me in the process#and i was really like actually trying to teach him. how we do things. and the right way to do it#and he was like shaking his head and tsk tsking me like the entire time#its like hey man who's teacher today right. like. do you wanna learn and do things actually right or are we just gonna putz around here
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foldingfittedsheets · 7 months ago
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I always forget this wasn’t a thing everywhere but my high school had a fun and innovative way to torment us in PE. They got heart rate monitors. It was this awful strap that went under the bra line and paired to a watch. The first day was great cause we got to set our resting heart rate. We did this by laying in a dark room and napping.
But then once a week we’d have to strap on these monitors and go running. The monitors were old tech and didn’t always pick up your heartbeat, so you’d have to use cold water between it and your skin to get a better connection, gods know why. Warm water never worked. After the day our watches would be collected and our efforts recorded.
The idea was that if your heart beat too fast you were supposed to stop, and if it was too slow you’d speed up. In practice this was ridiculous, staying in the green zone all class was ridiculously difficult.
Even people like me who were stubbornly resistant to running the mile couldn’t stand the horrific constant beeping and made attempts to placate the reviled machine. It was always fairly miserable. I had PE first thing in the chilly morning, dashing cold water on my skin before running around half awake was the low point of my week.
But for some unknown reason, the teacher insisted that no play could happen on these days. We were given the freedom to run all over campus but woe betide us if we tried to make a game that actually made this enjoyable.
We’d initiate games of tag only to get yelled at for not just… running. Any kind of play was forbidden. On one memorable occasion someone got a kickball and we started an impromptu soccer game with it.
If someone’s heart rate got too high they’d drop to their knees to wait out the shrieking of their watch so an extra element was added to the game of trying to win without going too hard. I remember being absolutely delighted, the thrill of that game still lives in my heart, hoping I could score a goal before my heartbeat betrayed me to the hated watch.
When the PE teacher found us we were soundly scolded and the ball was confiscated. Our happiness burst like a soap bubble and we turned our back to the enchantment of the green field and resumed slogging along in a grey haze as expected.
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fxckinemo · 24 days ago
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ughhhh
#i feel like I've dug myself too deep into class skipping and now I'm like. nervous to go back. i keep trying and i just can't#and i know it literally wouldn't actually matter to anyone but it still bothers me#that combined with there being someone I really don't want to be around there makes it really fucking hard to actually go#im gonna try again tomorrow bc I actually have work to do so I won't just be basically sitting there for nothing#but who knows I'm probably just gonna end up going back to sleep again#im gonna push to at least go to the second one bc I'm more behind in that one and he's not in it and hopefully won't be hanging out there#idk why i still get so worked up over him either but it really bothers me and hearing his voice makes me actually sick#i keep getting “better” and then when i try to start going to classes more or whatever i fall right back into the hurt and spiral again#bc he's in fucking two of them so it's not like I can help it the only way to avoid him is to not go to school#but I can't keep skipping every week either#i hate being vulnerable but i may have to just explain it to the teacher so i can at least maybe get permission to work form home#instead of me being a dick and skipping without saying anything#i just don't wanna sound weird cause i fully shouldn't be so bothered anymore#maybe I'll send her a canvas message explaining or something i feel bad she probably thinks i hate her class#like no no it's difficult but the only thing i actually hate rn is being around him.#that plus the fact that i work full time makes it really hard to convince myself not to just go back to bed#honestly if i lived slightly closer to the school this probably wouldn't be an issue#but it's a 20 minute drive on the highway both to get there and back and then to work#plus there's only an hour gap bw the two classes so it's basically pointless to leave school and come back#and work is an hr and a half after class ends so my dog basically ends up in the crate all day and i feel bad#I'm gonna have to just message the teacher and explain all this ig. we'll see of i manage to go to class tomorrow
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chaepink · 1 year ago
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can u make headcannons on sub!yan’s tendencies in the relationship?
also can i be 🉑 or 🌝 anon?
dating sub!yandere boys hcs ♡
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sub!yandere boys when they date you.
wc: 1.1k+ words | masterlist
dom!fem!reader, unhealthy relationship, mention of killing/murder, both sfw and nsfw!, mention of feminization, bondage
note: yes you can be 🌝 anon!
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— your yandere would be possessive of you, even more compared to when you two were just friends
— well, you thought you two were just friends. he already assumed you two were together sometime earlier during his friendship with you
— he would do anything for you in order to make sure you're happy and safe
— a friend of yours is getting too touchy with you? well the next day that friend is ignoring you and when you confront them, they look at you scared and quickly scurry away from you. did your yandere do something to them? surely not
— a weird guy keeps following you around your neighborhood? well a couple of days later you see on the news that his body has been found near a river and weirdly enough, you havent seen your yandere on the days before the guy's death
— you complain to your yandere about how a teacher gave you a bad grade on something you worked so hard on? suddenly your grade changes to a A and that same exact teacher suddenly resigns from the school
— he'll try his best to know where you are most of the time and try to follow you back home to make sure you're safe (though its really obvious, you don't acknowledge him so he thinks he's actually doing something)
— but no matter how scary and possessive they are of you, they just want to be good for you, really
— its almost as if they're a puppy for you, always there for your beck and call
— give them a simple command and they'll do it immediately, no questions asked
— ask them to buy you a snack from the nearest store? he'll return back with a bagful of others that he thought you would like
— they're super clingy and always want to be near you
— somehow they manage to have the same exact classes that you have and at the same time. maybe you guys are just lucky? little do you know that your yandere hacked into the principal's computer to change his schedule to fit with yours
— if you're sick, they would immediately fetch you some medicine and make so many bowls of your favorite soup that you're not sure you could finish them all
— they would be so sad when you're sick cause that means they can't be as close as they usually are with you :(
— in bed, nothing changes at all. rather, he becomes even more infatuated with you
— they're still so good and obedient for you, always following your commands. its cute
— like what i said with him doing it with no hesitation, your yandere is eager to do what you say
— tell him to get on his knees? say less as he's already doing so, staring up at you with such innocent eyes
— tell him to open his mouth for you to stick your fingers inside? he opens wide and sticks out his tongue in such a sinful manner, hazy eyes absolutely begging you to make him choke on your fingers as drool drips down his chin
— order him to suck your strap and get it all wet? he's quick to get in between your legs and get his hands on the fake dick, his mouth going straight to bobbing it up and down and gagging as it hits the back of his throat. he'll try to subtly grind his hard on against your foot without you noticing but you do anyways but he's being a good boy so you allow it
— and oh my god is he so shameless in public
— no hesitation in telling you what he wants you to do to him when there are people around
— you'll be at brunch with some of your friends and suddenly you'll feel a hot breath on your ear, such sinful words coming soon after
"im wearing lingerie under my clothes, your favorite set too. wouldn't you like to just ruin me right here and now? make me cry and look so pretty while you show everyone im yours?"
— safe to say that you immediately dragged him to the family bathroom and fingered him until he was gripping onto you for dear life, begging and crying out for you to stop and take pity on him (he's lying about wanting you to stop)
— when you're out with errands or just at work, he'll take such sinful pictures of himself to send to you randomly
— the pictures would include his legs spread out, a obvious bulge in his underwear, and something adorning his body whether its lingerie, a maid outfit, or rope that's tied so tightly on him
— if he's feeling like teasing you even more, he'll send whimpering audios that beg you to come home and fuck him and if you listen close enough, you'll hear some wet noises that let you know that he's masturbating
"f-fuck, [name] come back s-soon, please? i-i miss you so much! i- ah! i-im wearing your favorite outfit right now! i'll be a g-good ngh boy waiting for you ♡"
— itll end up with you rushing home after you're finished to fuck him dumb in that outfit, making it stained with his tears and cum
— he knows you can't really get him pregnant but your yandere just loves those straps with cum in them that you can just shoot inside him whenever you're fucking him fast and rough
— that'll make his eyes roll back and head throw backwards as he lets out such a loud mewl at the feeling of your fake cum filling him up
— and afterwards he'll tease you by using his fingers to push the cum thats gushing out of his hole back in before licking his fingers
— although your yandere is a good boy for you most of the time, theres times where he's a brat
— he'll talk back to you whenever you command him to do something or cum without permission
— but just some long edging or overstimulation will break him and turn him into a sobbing mess
— tying his hands to the headboard and keeping his legs spread apart whilst a vibrator is inside him on the highest setting is his favorite punishment
— your yandere thinks you don't know that since you do it all the time but you actually do know it, you just love the way his face is stained with his drool and tears while his chest and the sheets underneath him is covered in his cum afterwards
— such a slut but we love him for it
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ty for reading to the end! ❤ - chaepink
╰┈➤ masterlist | rules
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theriverdalereviewer · 1 year ago
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Second month of teaching down I am officially a jaded being
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sinsofsummers · 3 months ago
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cupcake
1.9k | teacher!logan x fem!student!reader
(gif not mine!!)
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summary: logan eats you for lunch. warnings: porn! teacher!logan and student!reader, so a bit of a taboo age gap, but an established situationship. oral (f receiving), desperate logan—like he is A LEWSER, p in v, creampie because he doesn’t last long (because he’s a whore), logan is a slut for ur releases mixed together, sub!logan tbh, let me know if i miss any! note: wow. sorry. this was also supposed to be a night of writing a longer fic. but i think this is my brand! short and sweet and salacious little things! enjoy, my loves! also i'm tagging @cavillscurls , @bren-lee-bear0404 , @ieatgoldfishy and @hughverine for this one cause...it just seemed like u guys were extra eager for it hehehe!
You can sense him behind you as you make your way down the corridor, heading for your room. You’ve just gotten out of an exam, and as the relaxation-lover you are, you’re thinking of one thing and one thing only—your bed, and curling up in it.
But just like Logan can sense you at all times, you’re no stranger to the feeling of being under his watchful gaze. It’s a heady feeling, and even though you can’t see him, you know that if you turn around he’ll be just a few paces behind you. 
And maybe you shouldn’t have gotten under your history teacher in an attempt to get over him, but by now it’s far too late. Logan has all but ruined everyone for you, anyway, a fact that you’re sure he would put on a billboard if you’d let him.
You put your head down and pretend to ignore the sound of his footsteps getting faster. 
You smirk. Thankfully the hallway is empty, or you’d have to answer for why your history teacher is chasing you down. 
He’s not exactly discreet; or at least, not when you’re in the same room as him. Whether it’s his intense brown eyes staring you down like a challenge, or his hands somehow finding their way to your shoulders, or your hands, trying to look innocent enough…you’re pretty sure Logan’s made it obvious. 
“Hey.”
There he is.
You pause, about to turn the corner, but he swings a hand around your arm and makes you whirl around to face him. His eyes are hard, but there’s a spark of mischief that has you flashing a tight-lipped smirk back in his face, blinking slowly. 
“Yes, Professor?” you cross your arms, holding the textbooks in your hands to your chest. “Did I miss an assignment?”
Logan’s mouth twitches into an amused grin, and he tilts his head. “C’mere,” he says gently, and tugs you toward the nearest classroom—his own. 
You’ve had your fair share of classes here, but you blush as he closes the door and sidles up behind you, his broad, heavy chest pressing against your back. 
“Where’ve you been, sugar?” His voice is smooth, low, and reeks of sex. You know exactly why you’re here.
Your throat goes dry, but you swallow and turn around, taking a step back. With a wink, you keep your hands clutched to your textbook. “I’ve been working.” 
You’re goading him. “If you hadn’t noticed, I still need to study for my exams,” you say nonchalantly, and watch as he confidently strides forward, following you up to the front of the room. 
In no time at all, his desk hits the backs of your thighs, stopping you from your retreat. Logan’s only a step away from you and capitalizes on it. You’ve got no room to squirm away; he towers over you and puts his hands on his desk, trapping you there.
“Time for a break, I think,” he hums, nipping at your jaw when you chuckle and turn away from his attempt to kiss you. “You’ve been working that brain so hard,” he continues, tugging the textbook out of your hands and tossing it to the floor with a heavy thud. “I’ve been waiting for you all day.”
You roll your eyes, but you’re still pleased at the admission. You take it upon yourself to hop up on the desk, though it doesn’t give you much more leverage; he’s still got the upper…everything. “Oh, you have?” 
Logan lifts a hand to cup your jaw and neck, bringing your face closer to him. His hand is rough but the guidance of his touch is gentle, and he rests his forehead against yours. His next words are a whisper. “I have,” he nods. “You look so sweet, sugar. Can’t you just take a break?”
Your stomach turns in a familiar knot, and your thighs tense. It’s not that you haven’t fooled around on his desk before. But you really do have exams to study for.
“I know,” you sigh, turning to press a series of kisses to his beard. “I know, I want to be done, too. But I—”
“Then be done,” he whispers, his other hand landing on your thigh. “You’ll pass all your exams, bub, you know you will. Such a smart girl,” he says as his hand creeps toward the inside of your leg. “Why don’t you let me do something for you, smart girl?”
You squeeze your eyes shut and bite the inside of your cheek, but it does nothing to hide your smile. “Logan,” you whine, trying your best to sound exasperated. “I can’t just drop my panties for you everytime you want.”
His hand has wandered to the waistline of your shorts; an elastic band is all that bars him from your thin panties. 
“Of course,” he says, and then his eyes dart down to the crux of your legs as he hooks a finger in your waistband, tugging it away from your body. “But you sure do leave them sopping wet, don’t you?” He cocks an eyebrow at you, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.
Well, if they weren’t before, they are now.
Your jaw drops open an inch, and for a moment you don’t know what to say.
Another finger hooks into your waistband, and he swipes his fingertips across your lower stomach, not daring to go any further until you give him the go ahead. “Please, sugar,” he whispers, and his voice shakes as he tilts your head up, holding his lips just an inch from your own. 
“I’ll be quick. I won’t even tease, baby,” he says, his hot breath fanning over your face, that delicious hint of tobacco making you flutter your eyes closed.
“Logan…” you try again, but he ducks his head into your neck and whimpers. Whimpers. 
“I’ll be good and quick, bub,” he says again. “Just let me taste you. I won’t ask for anything else, I swear.”
“Yeah right,” you say breathlessly, your composure slipping. “You always want more.”
“Can’t help it,” he breathes heavily, and his hand clenches your shorts in a fist. “M’gonna go insane if I can’t taste you, cupcake.”
You’ve never seen him this desperate, this much of a loser for your pussy, that you choke out a sigh and push his hand down your stomach. His eyes go wide and his mouth stutters as his fingers reach your mound, shoulders shuddering at the velvety smooth touch of your core. 
“Fine,” you say quietly, a smile growing on your face. “But just for a minute.”
“Minute’s all I need, sugar.” Logan doesn’t waste his time, molding his lips to yours with a deep groan that borders on the side of a growl, something that ignites a fire in your gut. 
In a flash, he’s practically torn your shorts from your body and he’s getting on his knees, eyes flitting up to yours as he leans into your core. The flush of cool air on your lower half is almost relieving. 
He pauses, closing his eyes right as he’s about to dive in. And he sucks in a breath through his nose, inhaling the scent of your arousal. It’s like a fucking ritual for him. Like a monk bent to pray, he worships the source of your sweetness.
You shake your head, carding your fingers through his hair. “You’re such a freak,” you breathe, but the humor leaves your voice as he darts his tongue out to flick your clit. 
And with your hands in his hair, he growls into your pussy and laps at it like a starving man, swirling circles around your clit and wasting no time before his fingers are teasing your entrance. 
“God,” you gasp, squeezing your thighs around his head. 
He lifts his head, and you wish you could take a picture of how fucking desperate he looks, with his beard already glistening with your wetness and his eyes wide as a puppy’s. “Not God,” he huffs, a ghost of a smirk on his lips. “Just me, bub.”
“Shut the fuck up and make me come,” you sigh, tilting your head back and letting out a soft giggle. “Your minute’s almost up.”
Of course, you don’t have any plans on cutting him off. Once he gets his tongue on your core, you won’t be satisfied until he’s filling you to the brim. 
He moans with every drop that slips out of you and lands on his tongue, which only makes your pussy weep more for him. “Come on, baby,” he says into you, his fingers slipping inside you and stretching you deliciously over his thick digits. “Come on daddy’s face.”
He has the gall to ask you to call him daddy? When he just spent the last ten minutes begging to get on his knees for you?
You almost laugh, but then his fingers curl inside you. He’s hitting that one spongy spot that has you arching your back, your eyes rolling back and your hand pressing down on his head, holding him to your core as you ride out your release. “Fuck, Logan,” you whine, rolling your hips into his mouth to make the ecstasy last longer.
He pulls away from you, and you can’t even lift your head before you hear the clink of his belt hitting the floor. His face comes into view, and then his tip is sliding against your slit, throwing you into a frenzy as your legs shake at the sensitivity. 
“I’m sorry, sugar,” he says, voice hoarse as he circles your clit with his angry, leaking tip. “I’m close already, I just wanna…”
“You wanna fill me up,” you finish breathlessly, head resting against his desk.
“Yes,” he whimpers, and you swear you could come again at the sound of it. “Please, cupcake.”
You nod, a string of yes please falling from your lips. And not a moment later, he’s shoving himself inside, and suddenly you realize how empty you’d felt all day before this moment, before his thick cock was making room for itself in your body. 
He doesn’t look like he’ll last long enough to give you another orgasm, but you don’t really care; he looks so fucking pretty like this that it’ll be enough to fuel an entire night of play when you’re on your own.
With a guttural groan and a few uneven thrusts, Logan bursts. The swing sound of metal claws unsheathing themselves is like a drug as he empties himself inside of you. “I’m sorry, cupcake,” he shudders, laying himself over you on the desk. “M’sorry I couldn’t—”
“It’s okay,” you wrap an arm around his shoulders, savoring the feeling of his dick still pulsing inside you. “I like it when you’re so…”
You trail off. Nothing can quite describe the essence of Logan when he’s begging to eat you out. But there’s something so undeniably filthy about someone like Logan—your rugged, perfect Professor Logan—shedding his grumpy exterior for a taste of you.
The two of you lay there for a few more moments before he straightens, pulling you to a sitting position. He slowly pulls out, catching his seed and pushing it gently back inside you as best he can. 
You hum at the sight, and finally stand, pulling your wrecked shorts back onto your hips. “How are you gonna explain that?” You point at the small puddle of your releases, mixed together.
His hair is still messy, his fingers still shining with your arousal, but he winks. Claws retracted, he swipes a finger through the mess and puts it to his lips, drinking down the result of your pleasure. 
“Frosting,” he grins, and the return of the cocksure professor you know so well has returned. He presses a kiss to your temple and whispers in your ear. “From the sweetest of cupcakes.”
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suhkusa · 5 months ago
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TO THE TOP.
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PAIRING. Sakusa Kiyoomi x f!Reader
SUMMARY. Sakusa Kiyoomi was ranked #1 in his class. Was, at least until you came along. After this revelation, he makes it a (personal) challenge to overtake you. Sakusa Kiyoomi is a genius at everything he does, but for once he finds it a challenge when it comes to you.
CW. hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, rivals to lovers except kiyoomi is the only one competing, idiots in love (but theyre actually geniuses), high school setting, ~3k words
A/N. Got inspired from a tiktok and came up with this word vom hope u enjoy
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Everything came easy for Kiyoomi. Academically, at least.
While all his classmates found themselves struggling to take tests or study, it was as natural as breathing for Kiyoomi. There were some cons to being as incredibly intelligent as him, but he found himself drowning in the gratification of being #1. 
At least until the 2nd semester of his third year. At least until you.
———
Class Rank: 2
Sakusa finds himself staring at the transcript in his hand, as if his ogling would have an effect in changing the number presented before him.
His eyes scan through his class history, looking for any clues as to how he might’ve dropped in ranking. But there was nothing. All A’s, and as many extra classes stuffed into each year as possible. 
Kiyoomi’s home room was rowdy as students caught up with one another, as winter break had just ended. While in his own little world, his ears catch onto a couple of words his classmates threw around.
“I heard Sakusa isn’t the top in our class anymore, is that true?”
“Woah, hasn’t he been the top of our class since the 1st year? I wonder who was able to catch up,”
His eye twitched a bit at that one.
“It was that new girl, Y/N,”
The paper crumbled slightly under his grasp. Y/N?
The ring of the bell, signifying the start of class, caused him to slightly jump in his seat. Kiyoomi crumbles his transcript before tossing it in his bag, it’s going to change soon anyways.
He would just have to step up his game.
———
It was ironic really. The world really loved to test Sakusa Kiyoomi, and not only at his school subjects. Of course, you were his desk partner in his math class. Only he had the amazing luck of being seated next to his new self-declared rival.
Kiyoomi knows it’s rude to stare, but he can’t himself because you’re the number one student? You?!
Honestly, you don’t seem like the academic type. You seem too pretty to be caring about stuff like that. At first, he considers the fact that you could be using your looks to get people to do the dirty work for you. But he witnesses first-hand as you write down every math equation, answer every question correctly, and even check your work not once, but twice.
His hyperfixation on you is bad. So bad, he missed the whole introduction lesson and is trying to rapidly copy down what’s on the whiteboard as the teacher is erasing it. Fuck-
“Would you like to see my notes?”
Kiyoomi’s pencil comes to a halt as he looks back at you, your papers are being pushed towards him on the desk. He watches as your eyes widen, as if you suddenly became self conscious. 
“I-Is there something on my face? You were staring at me so I wasn’t sure…”
Shit. 
“No,” he tries to make up something, but what comes out of his mouth is stupid, “I was just looking past you,” it appears it’s sufficient though, as you nod in response.
“I see, well, did you want to see them?” you gestured to the notes between the two of you.
Kiyoomi tells himself that if you hadn’t offered, he wouldn’t have asked. But since you oh so kindly offered them up, who was he to say no? He doesn’t need them. He could always ask his cousin, though his handwriting resembles chicken scratch more than human writing.
“Sure,” he takes the papers and positions them in a way where he could just look between them and his own.
In his head, Kiyoomi is scolding himself over and over again for not paying attention. This cannot be a regular thing. If he was going to take back his rank, he needed to be on his A-Game. 
His pencil slaps against his desk as he finishes, quickly sliding your papers back towards you.
“Thanks,” Kiyoomi offers.
He watches from his peripheral vision as you smile and give back an “Anytime,” before gathering your things and getting up to go to your next class.
Kiyoomi doesn’t know what it was about you, but he could tell he was going to need to up his game. This was war.
———
By the second week of sitting by you, he decides you’re annoying. More annoying than the people who talk while the teacher is talking. Which, in his book, is hard to beat.
Maybe you weren’t as smart as he pinned you to be, since you kept helping Kiyoomi with his work when he did not need it. 
Though, you were only able to backseat his work because you somehow finished before him. He’s used to being the only one who sits back and relaxes as the rest of his class struggles to complete the practice problems. 
It’s weird though. Because as much as Sakusa hates your yapping, he doesn’t find himself putting an end to it. Instead your voice plays in the background as he completes his work.
He hates it, or at least that’s what he tells himself, the way you praise him like a little kid when he finally completes the work sheet. 
“Nice job!” you smile at him, “but, how come you don’t check your work to make sure you’re right?”
“Because I’m always right,” he replies with a slight roll of his eyes.
You laugh at that, I’m not joking, he thinks.
“You’re funny, you know that?” you tell him. 
Kiyoomi gives you a shrug, “Whatever,”
———
A month in, he begins to indulge in your shenanigans. But only because he had felt bad.
During the third week of sitting by each other, you had taken his short and dry responses personally. You halted your chatter and no longer offered to help like you usually did. The way the classroom felt quiet without your talking was eerie, so Sakusa reluctantly decided that he’d rather hear your voice instead of nothing at all. 
So a month in is when your friendship, or whatever you called it, began with him.
“Why do you use erasable pens? Just use a pencil,” he questions you, eyes peering down at your pen.
You look taken aback as you respond, “I don’t know, is there something wrong with it?” you examine your pen, “I just found it on the floor and stuck with it,”
First of all, gross, remind him not to touch you or your belongings ever. “It’s just a hassle, sometimes it doesn’t erase,”
“Well, it hasn’t given me any problems, so!” you exclaim as you get back to write on your practice quiz. “This is kind of challenging, huh?”
“Nah,” he lies, “You’re just stupid,”
You laugh in his face, “Rude,” Kiyoomi watches as you glimpse at his paper before going back to yours, “That’s why you got the first problem wrong and I didn’t say anything,” 
Sakusa can feel his eyebrows scrunch up, he’s quick as he glances at it and then yours. Fuck. He’s mumbling something under his breath and he begrudgingly erases the circle around his answer. 
“Told ya,” you smile before moving onto the last problem, “you know, we should hangout or something,”
“No,” he’s quick to cut you off, catching you by surprise.
“Whaaat, it doesn’t have to be like that, weirdo,” it seems like you’re going back on what you meant, “Like to study,”
“Still, no,”
“C’mon, don’t knock it till you try it,” you nudge at him, and to be honest, if you were anyone else he might’ve punched you, “please, just once,”
You’re annoying and pushy. But he supposes that if saying yes to you would get you to leave him alone, he’d say, “Fine, whatever, it has to be my house, though. Your house is probably messy,”
Kiyoomi watches as your face slowly brightens before silently celebrating to yourself as you get your way with him once again.
———
“Wow,” you’re amazed as you walk through Sakusa’s house, “your house is so nice, do you have a maid to keep it clean or something?”
“No, just me,” he says before leading you into his room, “please don’t make a mess,”
“I won’t, I won’t,” you say before settling down on his rug, playing with the soft threads, “Okay, I was hoping to review the practice quiz, I know the teacher said I got it right but I feel like there were some parts that had me second guessing myself,”
You’re quick to open up your textbook and blab about whatever problem you were having trouble with. You actually came over to study. Kiyoomi was under the impression that once you got over to his house you’d make him do whatever silly shit you usually have in mind. But no, you actually respected his wishes. Which in turn, earned you some respect from him as well.
“So you’re number one, huh?” He asks, looking up from his textbook to meet your eyes.
“Yeah, but it’s surprising that all my credits from my old school carried over,” you mindlessly say as you continue to write on your sheet of paper.
The sound of the pencils scribbling on paper fills the room before you interrupt it, “You were rank one before I came, right?”
His pencil stills, “Mhm,” It was a touchy subject, though he never thought he’d hear it from you.
“I’m sorry,” you surprised him, “When I found out I took your ranking spot, I was nervous because people are serious about that stuff. And then, when I got seated by you and you stared me down, I thought you hated my guts,”
Well, you had it down to the T, but he wouldn’t tell you that. 
“You don’t have to apologize, it’s out of your control,” you smile at his words.
“Thank you,”
It’s then, in his room, when he realizes he’s losing sight of his goal. To overtake your position. As he watched you look back down at your textbook, he found himself locking in as well. 
He needed to get serious, now.
———
These hangouts, or study dates, or study hangouts, whatever, became basically practice. Always at his house, though. Since he couldn’t fathom the idea of how dirty your room might be. 
“I don’t know how you balance volleyball and school, Omi,” you say from your position lying on his floor.
“Don’t call me that,”
You laugh before continuing, “All I do is school and I’m always exhausted. I had to quit my shifts at the cafe down the road because I would fall asleep before making it to my room,”
“Dangerous, Y/N,” he says, frantically writing down practice problem after practice problem. 
Picking yourself off the ground, “Wow, you’re serious about this final, huh, Omi,”
He glares at you, causing you to laugh again, “Sorry, sorry,” your eyes meet his for a brief second before he looks back at his paper, “but you know it’s okay to take a break, right, that’s all you’ve been doing. We haven’t even gotten to try to compete for today’s Wordle yet,”
“Mhm,” is all he offers you.
You sigh in response to that, “Boring, so boring,” you say as you lay back down
“You can go home if you’re bored,”
“Ugh, rude,” you roll around to make yourself comfortable, “I would but sadly I like being in your presence,”
“Whatever you say,”
“Do you like being in mine?” you question, causing Sakusa to hesitate on the problem he was on.
“You’re tolerable,”
You find yourself cheesing, “That’s a yes in my book,”
———
Finals are coming up. There’s so much on your mind, that you finally decide to let one of the thoughts that have been driving you crazy go. The fact that you like Sakusa Kiyoomi. 
It’s nerve wracking. Not only because you’re basically confessing your feelings, but also because he’s your only friend you’ve made since being here. A lot of people think he’s rude and condescending, but to you he’s different. 
He lets you talk your head off about whatever your brain decides fits best. And while he gives you short responses, they show you that he’s listening and observant. He’s on your level regarding academics and can keep up to your train of thought. He just cares.
And while you hope he might feel the same despite only knowing you for the past couple of months, you chalk it up to fate as to whether or not your intuition is correct.
As you approach the gymnasium, you slow and quiet your steps as you hear familiar voices by the entrance.
“You’ve been hanging out with Y/N quite a bit, huh, cous’? Your mom told mines,” you assume is Komori based on his words.
“Yes. It’s not like that, though,” you recognize as Sakusa. 
You assume he might be fronting since it is his cousin, and feelings are embarrassing at times.
“C’mon, you can’t tell me you don’t like her, she’s like one of the prettiest girls in class and she’s smart. So like, your type,” Komori pushes. And while part of you likes that he said that, you soon take it back after Kiyoomi’s words.
“I don’t like her. I only put up with her because she’s so pushy and always hovers over me while I try to do my work. Plus, she took my ranking spot,”
The world feels silent for a second, the only sound audible to you is the sound of your heart slowly breaking.
“She’s just a nuance, honestly,”
Your feet are moving before you realize. Slowly backing away before running the opposite direction.
He doesn’t like you? You were right that he hates you because you’re number one? He let you into his house but only because you pushed him? Your thoughts are running faster than your own legs, you don’t even realize the drips of water slowly running down your cheeks. 
If number one was what he wanted, then you were going to give it to him.
———
Kiyoomi finds it weird. Finds you weird. Well, he’s always found you weird, but particularly as of recent. But only because you’re quiet. And have been for the past couple of days. 
At first, he assumes it’s because the finals had finally arrived and you wanted to focus on your work. Which, respect, because it also allowed him to focus on his own. 
But even after the finals had passed, you were still quiet. You opted for doodling in your notebook instead of talking to him about a new video game you’ve hyper fixated on or this new show you started to watch. 
It’s even weirder when the teacher is going around passing out the graded math finals, that he stops by your desk, letting out a whispered, “I’m disappointed in you, Y/N,” 
Kiyoomi hears, and it calls his attention towards your paper before even his own. His eyes widened.
A big, fat, red 0 marked at the top of your quiz.
“Y/N-”
“Are you happy now, Number 1?” you ask, still looking down at your paper.
He’s about to ask you what the hell you’re talking about before the bells conveniently cut him off, allowing you to take off without a second glance back at him.
His mind is caught up on your words, Number 1. Kiyoomi has never brought up his disdain regarding the rankings to you, ever. Yes, it bothered him at first. But eventually he didn’t mind it, since the only person he’d ever allow to be above him is you. 
Kiyoomi thinks back on any time he’s ever mentioned it before he remembers the one time he had ever verbally brought it up to anyone. But there was no way… unless.
Fuck, Sakusa thinks as the bright red 100 on his paper stares back at him. It mocked him, poking at his head uncomfortably. Without a second thought, he crumbles the paper before stuffing it into his bag. Kiyoomi had finally gotten back what he’s been working for this whole time, so why does he feel empty?
Kiyoomi realizes then that while you may have lost your Rank 1 position, he was the true loser. Because he didn’t have you.
———
He finds himself at your door before he even knows it. He’s giving an excuse of “she left her notebook,” to your parents as they direct him to where your room is. 
When he finally walks in, he’s shocked. Your room is clean. 
Even as you lay in your bed so peacefully, the space around you is clean, and he feels like it’s safe to walk in. 
“Y/N,” is his first attempt at waking you up, before he’s walking closer to your bed, crouching down a bit to pat your back, “Y/N,” again.
It’s by the fourth or fifth time that he calls your name that you finally look up at him, and you look heavenly.
He’s always known you were pretty, but even more so now you were gorgeous, hair messy, eyes droopy with sleepiness. You were perfect.
Your eyes blink a couple times before you look like you’ve processed who is standing before you. Quickly sitting up, hands moving every which way to fix your appearance, “Omi- I mean Sakusa what are- what do you want?”
Ouch.
“You need to leave, I-I don’t want to see you,” your voice is beginning to tremble and it hurts him, “You finally got what you wanted, I don’t know what more you want,”
“You, I want you,”
Your face drops in disbelief, “No, you don’t. I heard you, what you said,”
“Y/N-”
“No, you hurt me, Kiyoomi. I like you,” you cry, “You can’t just say all of that and then show up out of nowhere claiming otherwise,”
“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he’s kneeling now, allowing him to be the same height as you as you sit in your bed, weeping, “I-I’m sorry,”
His rough thumb smoothes away your tears as they fall, “I didn’t mean it, I was frustrated- and that’s no excuse for what I said, I fucked up really bad,” with every word another sob breaks loose from you, “And I’m sorry,”
“At first, all I ever wanted was to be rank #1, but then you came along and changed everything… Then I realized that it wasn’t being #1 I wanted, it was you,” he continues, “and that’s scary, because my ranking was all I’ve known all these years,”
“But even so, you made it okay. I was okay with being #2, I was so caught up in you that I forgot I ever wanted to be #1 in the first place,” your eyes finally meet behind the thick tears in your lashes, “I like you, Y/N,”
He can tell you’re at a loss for words. And for once he can finally say he has out-talked you. 
Until finally, you decide words aren’t sufficient in this situation. Before he knows it, you’re leaning forward, and your lips are on his. The kiss is short, but definitely more than a peck. But it felt infinite to Kiyoomi. He never wanted the moment to end, and found himself sad as you finally pulled away.
You stared him down for a brief second before tackling him down to the ground in a big hug, “I hate you, Omi,” you laugh angrily.
“Sure,” he smugly replies, watching as you smile into his shirt.
“My number one,” you sarcastically mutter as you fake pout at him.
He cringes, “Ugh, don’t. I feel guilty, why would you even do that? You’re crazy,”
“Because I don’t care about the ranking. I never did. Plus it somehow only dropped me to #2 since the rest of our class failed and I’ve taken too many extra classes,” you say, “I only cared about you,” 
Kiyoomi smiles at you before crushing you in his hug. 
Everything came easy for Kiyoomi. Especially now, his feelings for you.
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theood · 2 years ago
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I've been making so many adult phone calls recently and now Im playing will my doctor fill my t prescription, they haven't gotten back to me I've been off T since the day after my one month mark, they needed PA for my insurance to cover it, "we'll get back to you in one to two business days" it's been much longer, the pharmacy wont tell me when PA is required leaving me to wait longer, I still don't have a job, I have to call my doctor tomorrow to ask whats going on. If I get told anything with my insurance is fucky, that the PA didn't go through, I have to pay out of pocket I can't afford my T. I was so fucking happy to start it, I was over the moon I FELT happier, I was so excited to wake up every day, I haven't felt like that in so long and it all got torn from under me and I am trying to hard to stay positive and that it will all be okay because it HAS to be okay because I chose to live, because I chose to keep going, because I want to be alive, but all of this really takes it toll and I am just tired. I am so tired of being the adult. I've been playing adult for so long I want to step back and I cant and I have to keep going because that's just life and I just want one stable thing again
I want to be on T again. I want to be happy. I want to be myself. I chose to be happy why is that so hard too keep
#elias.zip#I guess. im not going to lie I feel very fucking defeated. I got told I would get an email from a place I applied to tonight. I will give#her a couple days bfore I try calling again and hope they don't blacklist me. Im going to ask to switch to shots because I cant keep doing#this PA stuff. I cant. i just want to get my T at reasonable times and have it when I need it. Why does everyone else get to have it no pr#oblem and I dont? I am doinf my best to stay positive I am trying to change how I let my internal dialogue talk but man it feels so fucking#right to me that I should just give up. Starting T was a joke. Im never getting on it again. I'll be 30 and no ones going to know Elias be#cause he doesnt exist and im never going to hear my name said and I was never meant to be happy and I will rot in my room just like I did#when I was younger and I never really left my childhood home. and I never grew up#and tomorrow im going to get up and make another adult phonecall and ask nicely about my prescription and if I can switch or if switching#would negate the PA request I am not told about and I will have to scrounge for money and save every penny and tell the voices#thank you for helping and hang up and go on with my day where I do nothing because I am nothing and then I will smile at everyone and#say I love you#I dont even have any money for shots or for needles. sure my insurance says they cover shots and shots usually provide less trouble but w#hat about the needles. the disposal. a safe place to put those. i cant ask my mom and dad. im alone in this. i cant pay anyone back. no#place wants a deadbeat as a hire and thats all I am to any job no matter how hopeful I come in. no one wants to work with me. no one wants#to train me. my teacher was right on how I was going to grow up.#and yet. again. tomorrow im going to wake up and go 'this is fine' and im going to call and act like everything is ok and assure myself its#ok because it has to be. if I tell myself that enough it has to be true. thats how it works#fake it till you make it and all that#just. man all the adults in my life were right about me lol
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