#cant. fix that without getting a job . so like
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nbmudkip · 2 months ago
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rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now
#me.txt#delete ltr#and i like hearing my friends talk about and show me their interests but it isnt enoughhhh its not enough right now to make my head SHUT UP#right now the only thing that can give me energy is a hyperfixation like this#but with enough content and engagement from others to keep subsisting me without hitting a wall#SOMETHING THAT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO DO WHEN YOU CANNOT DRAW OR WRITE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#BECAUSE WHEN NOBODY IS MAKING ANYTHING!!!!! AND YOU CANT MAKE ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! ALL YOU CAN DO IS CURL UP AND STARVE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼#immmm so sick of the only thing that makes being alive feel worth it being hyperfixations theres nothing REAL tying me down i cant stand it#because i am!! too broken!!!! to ever achieve any of the things that WOULD give me a real solid tangible reason to keep living!!!!!!#like a stable job!!!! a place of my own!!! a partner whos dedicated to me above everyone else and me to them in return!!!!!!!#a LIFE that isnt just constantly failing over and over and waiting for the shoe to drop and to lose everything all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont have that!!! and i cant have that!!!!! because im too broken to be able to cultivate and maintain it!!!!!#and the only way. to fix myself enough to be able to do so.#would be to HAVE ENOUGH STABILITY THAT ID HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY TO PUT INTO FIXING MYSELF AND HEALING#i cant fix myself without stability and freedom. and i cant get stability and freedom unless i’m fixed#so it is. literally impossible!!!!!!!#impossible to create my own concrete solid reason to be here.#impossible for me to even create anything to feed the fixations that are my backup reasons.#theres nothing!! nothing!!! i have nothing new to leap to and ive been dwindling for too long and i think i am about to drown#im just waiting for time to tick out. for me to fuck up too badly to come back from one last time and get found out and punished.#and then? theres nothing left. theres literally nothing else left for me
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robotpussy · 4 months ago
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this week has just. not been a good week (it's only Wednesday)
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sybbi · 7 months ago
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"If enough of us vote third party for president, we could actually GET somewhere with our policy goals!"
Baby girl you can't even get a majority of third party/independents in a single state legislature. In the past 30 years there have been seven independent/third party state governors, and of those, only three were genuinely independent. The rest either got elected as a R/D and switched mid-term when they alienated themselves from their state party, got elected as I and then switched to R/D during their terms (with some of them having served the R/D parties before), or served as proxy candidates with heavy backing and support from one of the major two parties. Even VERMONT, a relative stronghold for independent/third party candidates -- the place that brought you Bernie Sanders -- doesn't have a majority of third party candidates. And when I call them a stronghold, I mean they are the only state (I know of) that consistently elects (less than a handful of) Independent candidates to the state legislature; the place is still dominated by Ds and Rs.
"The highest power in the land can't actually be voted on so there's no reason to vote for the democrats"
Hey princess here are some high school civics question for you: How are Supreme Court judges nominated? :) By what process are they appointed? Who starts that process? :) Why is the Supreme Court considered reflective of who has won the presidency? :)
#the reason you 'cant get anywhere' with your policies is bc youre not the political strategists you think you are#some of you barely know how your own government functions and it fucking shows#and it would be one thing if i looked in ur bios and u were like. 15 or smthg.#but 30?!?!?! you're 30 yrs old and you dont understand that the rsn rvw was overturned under biden is bc trump got his foot in the door???#youre 30 and youll rant abt the long lasting effects of reagan's presidential policies but you cant fathom trump might have left#a similarly long-lasting legacy??#youre 30 and you think the echo chamber you put yourself in on the internet is proof that clrly a vast majority of ppl agree w u#and theres no need to play politics when the democrats couls just wave their wands and fix everything if they werent so evil#despite the fact that both of the ladt two elections about half the population was voting for trump???#the tight margins btwn repub and democrat in congress shld tell you that#you are 30 and dont understand what strategic voting is?#youre 30 and you dont understand the difference between state laws and federal laws#youre 30 and youre upset that joe biden is a 'fascist dictator' but not in the way that gives you everything you want?#youre 30 and youre acting like biden and the dems operate in a vacuum without interference feom political enemies and#moneyed interests that have thrown up lawsuits and obstructionist tactics and misinformation#everytime the try to do something good?#youre 30 and you think palestine will be saved if joe's not in office when the only other viable candidate in the running#was cozy with netanyahu and advocated 'finishing the job' re:palestine and moved the embassy to jerusalem#in a clr fuck you to any palestinian feelings?#youre 30??? youre 30 and you never outgrew the 'mommy and daddy made me mad so I'm gonna smoke to get back at them' mentality???
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khaoticqueer · 3 months ago
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ive been wondering why ive been coughing and feeling shitty the past several days and worried I was sick. but I think it was my partner's laptop battery swelling and possibly releasing toxic gases or smth bc once we took it to be disposed of we both started feeling a lot better 💀
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gaysforbyler · 4 months ago
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My therapist hates me
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carcarrot · 1 year ago
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ok thats it i literally need a new job now .
#i know i bitch and moan a lot abt my job. but not without good reason!#however i really want to get out of here now today.#fucking. supervisor who keeps telling me to do more as far as maintaining the coffee area#when 90% of the issues are actually fault of the dumbass stock traders we make coffee for who dont know how to make a cup of coffee#and cant clean up after themselves. and i get that its my job but this is also just fucking stupid#and normally she tells me this stuff in the area where i brew the coffee which is more or less away from people#its at least more away from people than the hallway where the coffee station is where people always are#which is where she chose to loudly tell me more things i should be doing#maybe don't fucking do that in front of the people i do this stuff for! now they think im a fucking idiot!#like that's just. idk kind of unprofessional to me like you don't lecture your employees in front of customers#if we're so concerned abt the appearance and image of the service we provide (which this place is concerned way too much with)#then idk maybe talking abt that kind of stuff should be done more privately. or at least quietly#like she wasnt yelling at me but like everyone around could clearly hear it#but like ive said before i cant standddddd this job anymore.#so i might apply for that store leader job at gregorys coffee#even though the work culture there seems like a different kind of annoying#id at least be making Much More and also closer to where i live so#i just have to fix up my resume and make it seem like i can handle more of a management kinda job
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snailune · 9 months ago
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wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it
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alchemiclee · 1 year ago
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when people complain about games like genshin and star rail trying to push you to spend money, I laugh because that's just them being bad at self control if they give in and feel the need to spend. you can play completely free and be absolutely fine. I was f2p on genshin for 2 years before I got the welkin to help while streaming on twitch to get a few more pulls to do at the end of my streams for entertainment. before that, I got every single character I wanted and a few weapons f2p (just from simply playing the game!) even with horrible luck (my average pity was 78-80 per 5 star. i think only 2 so far in my whole genshin career were under 75. and a handful of loses as well) so don't complain if you can't resist the urge. that's on you. they don't force you to spend. if you play the game normally and aren't trying to get every single character/weapon, then you don't need to spend.
but ALSO. the reason you can even play the games for free and we get such great high-quality content is BECAUSE PEOPLE PUT MONEY INTO IT. if no one did, you'd have to pay like idk, $80 or whatever games cost these days to buy, PLUS probably pay for every update like it's a DLC, so another, i don't know, $20 every couple months? or have to subscribe monthly to play. the fact that you get it all for free is because other people pay for stuff. so stop complaining about things costing real money and the fact that other people even pay for it, and start thanking the people who put money into it so you others who can't afford it don't have to!
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itsalwaysdark · 2 months ago
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like i think if i tried to flirt with somebody id just be like . Hi. and then id get scared and have to run away to have a panic attack
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controlled-haterade · 4 months ago
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i want to have a meltdown about being overwhelmed and im tired of seeing socially awkward people blame their every action on "autism" when none of them have ever interacted with an actually autistic person who has physical outbursts and limited vocabulary and watering down what the meaning of autism is and im tired of people talking about gay sex because nobody except them is talking about gay sex when we could be talking about anything else and i can't handle physical touch anymore and my stomach has been hurting for 2 days and im TIRED
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indiegame · 5 months ago
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i did not finish all of perennials but whatever
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milkandraspberry · 5 months ago
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#good god. good hell. not to be ungrateful for my life and comforts but im straight up not having a good time#setting in that the family members who have needed to borrow money are asking for more then they can give back#so im going to need to accept that im not getting most of that back#and im gonna need to learn to say no to people who i care for who need money i have that i can spare because everyone has shit self control#maybe with the money i save ill be able to replace stuff the people who borrow mock me for. like the torn jacket that i like.#or i can replace my computer for myself instead of waiting for a late christmas gift promise to finish itself after breaking down#or i can get a mattress that isnt so stuffed with mold that i can sleep on it without having an asthma attack#or maybe i can try moving to an apartment and splitting the rent with my brother#house was a whole lot cleaner when everyone else was away on vaccation.#people only talk to me when they want something so its not like i could miss them anymore then i already do#i wish i had a job i do NOT want to get a job everything is hell for not-hell rewards#if there was a little guinnea pig in a very very cold planet and it didnt freeze to death but was always in pain#theres a point where you would go like. okay show's over we tried.#and he and i a#im tired#theres a point where problems arent worth fixing and a point where the problems win. im not in the right mental space to judge.#im worried things wont get better and ill just need to grasp for less and less comfort as i live because itll still be better then nothing#knowing i cant trust my own judgement keeps me safe but is making me live for a future that might not happen#ill be honest i think its like. 1 in 20 of happening. but i cant trust my own judgement. unless its in hindsight.#venting ig
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hecksupremechips · 9 months ago
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Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺
#dont wanna see family tomorrow and im sleeping saur bad lately i couldnt sleep last night and then had a typical fever dream#which gave me a really cute idea for a movie so im gonna keep it in my pocket#but it was one of those things where its like it says a whole lot about me and my trauma and its stressful#um um um and also im juggling all these different things like im sewing im trying to finally write im trying to draw again#while feeling like im failing at it all and then like i still gotta find fuckinnnnn job i neeeeeed money#this time of year is always really hard for me i hate when its warm again i hate easter and i hate knowing that summer is coming#aaghhhh rn im ticking and stimming really bad and im having trouble breathing hnnghhh#and im very sweaty lol i always get so sweaty when i dont sleep good i dont get it#also i think im just horrible like the one person i wanna talk to probably is getting tired of my constant life crisis and how needy i am#and theyre probably off being better without me there and im just a burden and then my therapist idk about him#i dont feel like hes really giving me anything like when i talk about how stressed and unsafe i am hes like you gotta find a way to cope#and he doesnt really tell me how exactly i should do that like mate thats why im here i need the help you cant just listen to me panic and#go ‘wow you need to fix that’ ughhhh and i think hes mad at me because i dont think he believes me anymore when i say im in an abusive#situation and that ive been controlled my whole life by everyone and i have never felt safe#and its just like ughhh like i feel like no one believes me anymore and theyre all fed up with my bullshit incompetence and constant#bellyaching and im a horrible friend and a liar and probably just being dramatic as fuck making myself believe im being abused when in#reality im the abuser the ungrateful brat who treats his family like shit and cant trust them even though they seem so perfect to everyone#and im so stupid and toxic for trying to run away and for being scared to death here#thats how its feeling anyway idk everyone is just. weird and im losing my grip on reality and cant tell whats real anymore
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cupcakegalaxia · 2 years ago
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Huuuuurg, trying to figure out a plausible motivation to my antagonist is like pulling teeth rn.
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punkkture · 26 days ago
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how i view simon riley
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for a second, let’s just forget everything about him that actually is true and let me lie . . .
simon riley is 6’5” and is chubby with hella muscle underneath. hes got a lot of tattoos covering his arms and hands, and one on his torso thats battered with scars. i like to think he has dark brown hair, its just my type okay? his eyelashes are sooo long and his hands are always washed, he hates having dirty hands.
simon is a good leader, he kind of has to be. he is an amazing man when it comes to his job and his teammates, but when he gets home, thats the only chance he has to just let go. there isnt some persona he has to put on when hes home. his temper gets the best of him sometimes and hes lwk toxic asf.
“baby c’mon you know i didnt mean to, ‘m sorry” — “dont be dumb sweetie you know im busy right now, go somewhere else and leave me alone” — “stop acting like this, im tired of you right now”
but he will always come to bed with you. always kiss you goodnight. always fixes the covers back over you when he gets up in the morning. its not his fault that he just has some anger issues he never got over when he was a kid. simon is either a big teddy bear or a stone wall. hes hard to read on most days but his tone will always give it away. mf has an awful tone problem when hes having a bad day. simon’s words are often harsh when hes having a bad day but his physical nature says the complete opposite.
“just shut up baby, you sound so stupid” he’d groan at you, but at the same time he’d pull you closer into him, kneading your soft skin in his hands gently. as if he is always apologizing after every mean phrase that comes out from those parted lips. and when that hurt whine comes from your lips hes already ‘shh’-ing you and rubbing your side.
my simon riley is infatuated with his sweetheart being all dolled up and dumbed down. he loves himself a stupid dumb girl that just cant do anything by herself. of course he knows hes needed for work, but simon has never felt needed outside of his job title. even if he’d never admit it without some emotional talks, he could cry over the fact that you need him. that something as precious and pure as you needs a man as rough and battered as him. he knows deep down youre not a stupid girl, youre bright and just curious, as he likes to put it. he loves being able to explain simple things to you, loves that you call him because you forget how to turn the oven fan off and how to cut a mango. hes so thankful that hes not needed for life or death situations with you like he constantly is for work.
my simon riley is obsessed with the idea of getting you pregnant. he is a sucker for breeding. when hes left alone in thought he always, without a doubt, thinks about you having his babies and forever being in his life. he just knows you’d be such a good mom. you are the only person he can even picture caring for his own. your sweet and kind nature on the daily shows how maternal you are and it just makes that soft spot in his heart swell and get bigger every time he pictures it. hes also smitten with your waist line. oh god dont even get the man started on your back dimples and the curves of your hips. simon’s lips are always on your abdomen and tummy.
“gonna have my babies in here one day sweetie, youre gonna look so pretty all knocked up” he mumbles in between warm open-mouth kisses right under your belly button. his heavy fingers digging into the dips of your back as he pulls you inexplicably closer to him.
he really is such a sensitive man under all that scar tissue and bulky muscle. in my head simon is an april taurus sun, pisces moon, and rising gemini. so basically, the taurus in him showcases he has a very rough exterior that is great at displaying leadership and grounding skills, but the pisces on the inside makes him sensitive and he has a lot of emotions, then the gemini in him makes him come across as independent and deceitful at first. i could go on forever about this mans astrology chart.
simon riley who always brags about you to his friends. he’s very careful with talking about you at work though. he would most definitely set the world on fire if anything bad happened to his sweet angel girl. when he’s back from deployment, out at some shitty pub with johnny . . he can’t keep his lips sealed about you.
“i know ‘m gonna marry that girl. i know it, gonna give her my last name and at least four kids . . you wanna know what she made for dinner when i got home from the last deployment?” he rambles to poor soap who just wanted to get out of his apartment.
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bitchthefuck1 · 20 days ago
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Genuinely cannot fathom how this woman's mind works, it'll be a genuine miracle if I don't kms before the year ends
The universe saw me finally getting out of a toxic social circle and moving away from my family and said let's balance this out by giving her a manager with the poorest communication skills known to man
#im not being serious but i actually also am#updated my resume and started applying to jobs again so ig we'll fucking see#i thought this was just one of those 'yeah its annoying but you can live with it' things but she's literally impossible to work with. how#the fuck has anyone else done it#like our department is just the two of us and i think she maybe drove the last person away in the year they worked together but im at the#end of my fucking rope#and i know its not just a me issue other people who have worked with her on projects and stuff have been like 'yeah idk wtf she's talking#about or where she got that idea'.#the craziest thing to me is that she's kind of technologically challenged but whenever i tell her or explain something she doesn't#understand about a process or piece of software she straight up. acts like im lying? like i mentioned an issue w word that came up yesterda#(very minor w zero impact to anything) and she was like 'well EYE've never heard of that happening. talk to IT and ill ask them about what#they tell you' like shes going to catch me in a lie. i talk to IT and they're like 'oh yeah that happens all the time. you've already fixed#it so thats great and once it happens once it shouldn't happen again' bc of course they did bc im neither stupid nor a liar#every single time ive mentioned a tech issue or something comes up shes like 'that cant be happening. i dont believe you' and without fail#when i check with IT they're like 'oh yeah! happens all the time/this wasn't set up right/definitely a software issue' and sometimes she#still doesn't believe me????? girl what the fuck do you want#every fucking day its a new thing with her and i actually cannot take it#and the thing that really gets me about the issue w word today is that it literally impacted nothing. this wasn't like her spotting a#problem and my excusing it i literally was just like 'hey heads up this thing happened with word yesterday that happened w my previous#computer once as well and it may mean that i wont be able to see any comments you leave on that draft i sent you (which you haven't#reviewed yet so it's not like this is making you repeat anything) so in an abundance of caution here's the exact same file again just to be#sure'. like why the fuck would i lie about any of that. what am i covering up for. i literally brought it up myself and it impacted nothing#a better question is why this company has this many tech issues but that's a conversation for another day
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