#i liked my old therapist but my parents switched me out without consulting me. which is a whole other issue that im not gonna think about

[gaysforbyler]

My therapist hates me

[fourdaysofrain]

Self-Made Man

Summary: A Trans!Tony Stark AU. 

(Lengthy, personal author’s note below the cut, if you’re interested.)

Natasha Marie Stark was born twelve minutes before midnight on May 29th, 1970. She weighed a healthy seven pounds and two ounces when she arrived. She was the most beautiful thing that either of her parents had ever seen. And she was screaming loud enough to scare the pigeons from the trees outside.

Read on AO3

Well, hey everyone. It’s been a handful of months since I’ve been on here. I want to apologize for being gone, but that feels kind of phony. I don’t know. I missed this, though. I can tell you that much. I still checked my notifications every once in a while. It made me really glad to see people still commenting on my fics or passing my links around. Love y’all. 

I guess it’s about time that I tell you that I’m trans. I have been this whole time. To answer a few quick questions, I first knew sometime in late high school, but it was always kind of in the background my whole life, I just didn’t know how to isolate the feeling. I started socially transitioning (i.e. dressing male, coming out, going by he/him) after my high school graduation, and I started HRT (Horomone replacement therapy, that means I inject myself with testosterone weekly. .33mL subcutaneously into my tummy, if you’re curious) on Oct. 12, 2018. So it’s been almost two years since, and I’ve been completely passing as a man for quite a while. Ass-crack hair, sweat, and all. 

This is a pretty personal fic for me, given the nature of it. I’ve wanted to write it for a long time, and I’ve actually had words in the Google Doc since January. It took a lot of long nights to write. It helped that I was back home. I always have an easier time tapping into Trans Emotions when I’m in my home town, for better or for worse. All the memories and relationships I formed pre-transition follow me like ghosts. 

I’m leaving for college in two days, conversationally. 

I see a lot of trans!Peter Parker fics. I’m not dissing them, I love them to bits. But it makes me wonder why fandom is so quick to headcanon Peter as trans instead of one of the other characters. He’s petite, has a higher voice, and has softer features than the other male cast members. I feel like those attributes definitely play a role. It can be easy to see trans men as “uwu soft bois”, or as Men Lite, or as a more palatable version of “normal” (that is to say, cis) men. Those ideas are often flawed and based on transphobic foundations. The reality is, trans men (and by extension, all trans people) have the ability to be indiscernible from their cis counterparts. Everyone likes to think they can pick trans people out from a crowd, but you’d be surprised how quickly I started being read as male. Androcentrism for the win, I guess. 

I won’t be entirely pessimistic. I understand that people my age project onto Peter (I am by no means exempt from that), and that there’s a greater number of young trans people than old, due to a series of depressing reasons. But I still wanted to try a different take on a trans character. 

My experience as a trans man is vastly different than the one I write about here. If anything, I’m closer to fandom’s idea of trans!Peter. My parents were accepting, I had the financial and social means to transition relatively early, and I can fly under the radar easily. The most important difference is the time period. 

I don’t know a lot about the trans experience of the 80s and 90s, which is what Tony would have gone through. I know of one single trans man who began his transition back then, one of the gender studies professors at my university. Even then, he’s from Canada, which I’m assuming has an entirely different culture around trans lives. There aren’t many older trans men. It’s depressing. There’s a lot of reasons for this. I don’t want to get too deep into them, because it only makes me feel sad. The final scene in this fic is extremely self-indulgent with regards to this. I wrote what I needed to hear. 

That’s not to say I don’t relate at all to what I wrote. There are themes that are almost universal for the trans experience. I hope you can parse those out here.

I also wanted to talk about how I showed the change from “Natasha” to Tony. In the early stages of this fic’s development, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to openly say Tony’s deadname (the name trans people are given at birth, and often, but not 100% of the time, change as a part of their transition), but I soon realized that it would make the story much clearer with the inclusion of it. If you’re wondering, I got the name from Earth-3490, where Tony is born a woman (and marries Steve, lol). I chose to show the change between the two with the use of past tense for the first half of the fic, and switching to present for Tony’s life. Often times, it feels like that when you transition. You start living in present tense. 

I also want to make it clear that transitioning isn’t as simple as shown here. From the beginning of mapping out this fic, I was stressed about “Oh, how will he be able to graduate as Tony if he doesn’t start transitioning until after he gets to college,” and “How will Howard react to him coming out?” and “How will he have a playboy persona if he isn’t able to have sex with someone without them knowing?” and a zillion other ideas. It was very freeing for me to let go of some of these obstacles and leave it up to the reader to decide. I alluded to some of the solutions that I came up with, but for the most part, I glossed over the paperwork and bureaucracy aspect to transitioning. But in real life, there are countless red tapes you have to cut for even the simplest of actions. I went to the state court to change my name and sex in March of 2019, and I still have cards in my wallet with my deadname. I had a consult with a plastic surgeon for top surgery (the colloquial name for the double mastectomy that trans men often go through to masculinize their chests. If you’re wondering, genital reconstruction surgery is normally called bottom surgery to mirror this) last December, and I still don’t have a date set. It took me a few months to start T, and I only got it so easily because I went through my unviersity, which does informed consent. Some places have to have proof of 6 months of social transitioning and a letter from a therapist. There is a lot of medical gate keeping in the trans community. I don’t know what I would have done had my parents not been accepting enough to help me through the processes. I am extremely thankful for their support. 

But it’s a lot easier to write about transition happening smoothly. Money helps, which I don’t touch on a lot in this fic, but oh my God, does money help. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford my ~$20 a month T prescription (which I will be taking until the end of my days, likely), and I’m in the process of saving for top surgery. Thankfully with Tony, I can just presto most of the problems away because he’s canonically a billionaire. Eat the rich, folks.

There’s also the intersection with race that is very impactful for trans people, as it is for everyone. Both Tony and I are white, which gives us societal privileges that trans people of color don’t have access to. As well as the fact that transitioning from female to male is a much different experience than transitioning from male to female. We don’t experience trans misogyny, which is a special kind of misogyny specifically related to trans women. (Think of old sitcoms where the joke is that it’s a man dressed in women’s clothing, and that’s what makes it funny. That’s a fairly tame example of trans misogyny. It gets ugly fast.) 

I’m veering dangerously off-topic, but it’s important to talk about. It’s easy for white trans people (and LGBT people as a whole, I suppose) to distance themselves from talking about white privilege or male privilege because they aren’t straight and/or cis. But it’s important to recognize that while we may face unique oppression, we also still benefit from historical white supremacist and patriarchal structures present today in society. 

Sorry, not sorry for getting political. And if I haven’t said it on here, Black lives matter. Of course. 

If you end up having trans-related questions, I want to be a resource for you. Seriously, I’m narcissistic and love talking about myself I don’t mind helping you understand the trans experience. I can’t promise that I know everything, but I also have my own group of trans friends who might know what I don’t, and we can learn together. 

Again, love y’all. Thank you for the continued support you give me. I can’t promise that I’ll go back to my normal level of activity on here, but I might dip my feet back in the pool. <3

[bloginstantmooncollector-blog]

co op car insurance

"co op car insurance

co op car insurance

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co op car insurance

co op car insurance

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co op car insurance

co op car insurance

Can 15 minutes really save you 15% on car insurance ......?

.... with Geico?

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whats the cheapest more affordable car insurance company for a student in san diego, ca???""

Ticket for no license and no insurance?

I'm 17 and I got a ticket for not having a license or permit, failure to yield to an emergency vehicle and no insurance in California. How deep will this ticket dig into my pockets? Over $500? Big thanks if you can help me out.""

Can u get insurance on a different address to your licence?

Say i live in leeds but my friend lives in bradford and my insurance works out cheaper on their address. Can i ge insurance to her address even though i do not live there?

How much would insurance be for a 17 year old male in Alabama?

Please only educated, backed-up answers.""

Maternity Health Insurance?

I am in the state of MI..I am looking for some really good health insurance for pregnant women..I already spoke to blue cross blue shield and all there plans only cover the delivery..I need something affordable that covers everything from prenatal-going home from hospital..It doesnt have to cover it 100% but at least the majority. Thank you

Is Mercedes expensive to maintain?

im 18 just got myself first car 05 c320 4matic. my parents are paying for gas and insurance which is 350$ a month but i will pay for the car payments with a part time job and maybe repairs do you think it will be too much for me?

""Insurance company totaled my car, How much will i get for it?""

I was in a pretty bad accident and the insurance company says that my car is totaled and they will write me a check for the amount. My question is what amount? On KBB would it be the trade in value, private party value, or the suggested retail value?""

Is classic car insurance better for a 1984 corvette or regular car insurance?

im planning on getting a 1984 corvette but the insurance for it is a little too high.i just found out about classic car insurance but i really don't know much about it.but for classic car insurance,am i limited to a certain number of things like how far i can drive my car,when i can drive,etc?will the insurance actually be less or more for classic car insurance?and what is the best classic car insurance company i should go with?""

Is there a cheap car insurance place in New Jersey for a 17 year old girl to get insurance?

Im 17 and I turn 18 in July and I bought my own car, its a 1992 toyota and I want my own insurance, I know it's going to be pricey a lot but I don't want to be under my parents insurance. I don't mind only getting liability but I need some help finding a cheaper insurance place in New Jersey on the upper east coast. Thanks!!""

What is the coverage characteristics of disability insurance?

What is the coverage characteristics of disability insurance?

What kind of health insurance can i get if i dont have legal documents?

What kind of health insurance can i get if i dont have legal documents?

Learners Permit and Insurance!?

Can I have insurance while having my learners permit? (I currently live in Orlando, FL)""

co op car insurance

co op car insurance

Allstate Teen Car Insurance?

Does anyone know the title and who sings the song on the Allstate Teen Car Insurance commercial where they drive away and never come back? I swear I've heard parts of it on something else and its driving me insane.

What is The Age Limit To Use My Medical Insurance?

Hi I'm 20 years old and i want to know what is the age limit medical insurance covers? I hardly use it and now that i need it to have an eye check, I don't know if it will cover me... I reside in California. Thank You!""

Can home insurance companies completely deny you because you have a dog that attacked someone at one point?

I'm going to try to keep this short.. just know that, this is for my dog and I'm trying to save him... he's a 10 year old Akita. A year ago, our family dog bit someone. They sued for an insane amount of money, but it wasn't our fault completely, so our home insurance and their health insurance settled out of court for a lot less. Still, the settlement was expensive, and our home insurance didn't like covering a 6-digit figure claim because of the dog so they dropped us. Since then, all home insurance companies don't want to cover us, even if we don't have a dog , this information is by my father who doesn't like the dog already. There is only one house insurance that will cover us, according to my father, but they will only cover us if we don't have a dog, and even then they will charge 4 times as much. I'm not old enough to completely understand how insurance and claims and contracts work, but I'm just trying to save my dog, because my father is going to put him to sleep by the end of this month. I just need a good starting point or phone numbers that could maybe discredit what my father has been saying, or anything that could help. We live in Southern California. Apparently Akitas are listed as vicious, but at the age of 10, he's old enough to be mellow, but still too young to put to sleep. Any help would be appreciated.""

Can my new car be on my parents auto insurance policy if we live in different states?

I recently moved to Michigan for work and just bought a new Mitsubishi Evo, and here the insurance is outrageous (over 300/month) compared to Illinois which is about half as much. Is it possible for me to be on my parents insurance plan if they live in Illinois? I already bought the car and I need insurance one way or another I'm just trying to save some money here, and just wondering if it is possible.""

Can AAA raise my Homeowners insurance rate by $300 for the next 3 years?

My property was stolen from the backseat of my car. AAA is saying if they pay out more than $750 (including my co-pay) then my Homeowners insurance will be raised by $300 for the next 3 years and it will be a point on my property. Is this right/legal??

Cheapest auto insurance in Florida??

Just moved and need some ideas for shopping around for the cheapest auto insurance in Florida.

What is the average annual/weekly contents insurance cost?

What is yours or what is the average?

How are home insurance rates in hawaii?

I'd like to buy close to the water (would be impacted by hurricanes). FLA is ridiculous now-cant get insurance near the water for entire home value. Thought Hwi might be better since they dont get hit so much.

What is the average cost of insurance for a teenage driver per year?

I'm 17, and I'm going to get my provisional license in about a month. Mg r y parents are going to have me pay for my own insurance. I just wanted to get a look at roughly how much my insurance will cost before I get a quote. Thanks!""

How much would the insurance cost?

Im looking at buying either a 2011 shelby GT500 or a 2011 mustang GT. I just want to know how much ill be paying insurance companies for one of these... Im going to be 19 almost 20 by the time I get one of these.

Do I have too much insurance?

I live in California, where the minimum required liability insurance limits are 15/30/5. I drive a 97 Ford Taurus and the cost of a deductible if I were to have full coverage would exceed the value of this old car- so I only have liability. My coverage is 50/100/25. I'm 25, my husband is 22, we have no accidents on our record, are good students and have absolutely no assets whatsoever. I'm beginning to wonder if we have more insurance than we need. I don't think I'm comfortable dropping my insurance to the required 15/30/5 minimum, but at the same time, I'm not sure if finding the happy medium at 25/50/25 would be a wise choice. I just want to make sure we're prepared, but not getting ripped off. Any advice?""

Car insurance for 19 year old?

I currently drive a 2005 Mazda6 (4cyl, 140 hp sedan) and I am under my dads policy. I want to buy a 2008-09 VW GTI which is a 4cyl 200 hp turbo hatch, I want a 2 door, but will opt for the 5 door if it saves a good amount of money. How much more should I expect to pay for insurance with the GTI if on my dad's policy? Will it be cheaper to get my own? Also would waiting until I am 20 to buy the car save more money? I have never had a speeding ticket, I had one minor accident when I was 17, I have had a traffic violation last year, but I wasn't even the driver of the vehicle for the offense, also no points were added to my license for this as I did a traffic course and paid a fine instead. (florida)""

What is the cheapest auto insurance ?

Is safe auto cheaper than pronto insurance?

Am i entitled to my unused car insurance?

After being with my car insurance company over 10 years now, I've never had a claim in which they've had to pay out. I recently purchased a new car and my rates skyrocketed I ...show more""

Multiple auro insurance for vehicles in different states?

Me and my fiancee are relocating to different states for new job. I am moving to south Carolina and she is moving to san diego, California. We have multiple vehicle insurance discount now. If we move is it better to register both vehicles in one state to save on insurance , title and registration. I heard it is expensive to register vehicles in california. Can I register the vehicle in my name in south carolina. she is going to be there working at UCSD and the stay is temporary (max 2 years) or is it against the law?""

Cancelled car insurance?

My car insurance got cancelled for misrepresentation of garaging. I travel a lot for work and I had two places. My car got vandalized at my secondary place of residence and the insurance company and after I filed a claim, the insurance company treats is as a misrepresentation. I am about to get an insurance with a different company. Do i need to disclose this fact? How would that affect my rates. I have 1 week left on the policy.""

""I am 16 and want a 2003 BMW m5, how much would that cost to insure?""

I live in San Diego, California and have not gotten any tickets.""

What are short-term life insurance needs?

I currently have a 5 year term life insurance policy with State Farm and I was wondering if it were possible for me to make a withdrawl or loan from this policy. I researched this some and on some websites it said it wasn't possible; however whenever I look on State Farms website it says the below: The State Farm 5 Year Term policy provides affordable life insurance protection for a five year period and is renewable for subsequent 5-year periods until age 85 (age 80 in NY). It is great for covering any short-term life insurance needs you may have. Short-term life insurance needs may include such things as: * Car loan * College tuition * Home equity loan * Mortgage loan * Business loan * Student loan * Key employee Term insurance may also be appropriate when your life insurance needs are great but your budget is tight. Does this mean I can make a withdrawal so that I can pay off my student loans? Also, it seems that my policy has ended in December; however, I was still charged this month. The policy started in 2005.""

Car insurances for a day help?

I just need to drive my car to my new apartment.Right now i don't have car insurances. Is there any way i can get car insurances just for a day. I live in new jersey. I know i can get a car insurances quote but i don't have enough money right now I just need to move it

How much is insurance on a Kawasaki Ninja R6 with 636cc displacement?

Im wanting to buy this bike, but all the insurance companies I have found are outrageous. Do you know of any that offer cheap insurance?""

In india car insurance have to pay monthly or yearly & how much it cost?

In india car insurance have to pay monthly or yearly & how much it cost?

What's the salary and commission for infinity insurance in California?

Does anyone know?

Do you have to have full coverage on a used car?

im 21 at the moment and my gf has told me that if i get a car it has to have full insurance but thats kinda strange because they have other types of coverage that i wouldnt need

""When people turn 25, should they just kill themselves?""

College is over, you're no longer young and you have to worry about decreasing in health, plus you get taken off your parents health insurance (if you went to college) because society expects you to be paying for it by working now for the rest of your life. You no longer can be immature. Marriage starts to happen, and then kids...blah 100 other reasons more, etc. Source: 17 Year Old, (18 in April) Senior in High School""

Changing Auto Insurance?

My 6 month insurance is up and its time for a renewal, recently i felt that my rates are to high and i would like to change to a different insurance company. But i have a couple of questions before i proceed and would like some suggestions. 1)How do i change my Auto insurance? Such as what are the normal processes one goes through. 2)Will cancelling my current account with them result in any extra charges? it is a renewal btw. 3)Should i get a quote from Geico first? (im trying to switch from Safeco to Geico) 4)Are there other Auto insurance companies i should consider? THANKS!""

co op car insurance

co op car insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/driving-insurance-quotes-naples-florida-francis-charlson/"

[tendaifmp-blog]

Jonda cynecki hasn't seen her twin sister Wanda in 13 years and doesn't hold out much hope that she ever will. Their last contact came at a family gathering in Ohio for Christmas, after which Wanda returned to her home in Key West, Fla. Then she disappeared. She didn't call, didn't write and couldn't be reached. When her parents died several years later, her siblings had to use intermediaries to get through to her. She called to borrow money about a year ago. Since then, the only sign she's still alive is that no one has heard anything to the contrary. And yet Jonda, 54, a school librarian, says wistfully of Wanda, "There isn't a day that goes by that something doesn't remind me of her."

Usually that something is doing the laundry. Whenever Jonda goes down to her basement to wash clothes, she sees, tucked under the stairs, an old tandem stroller. Her father crafted it from spare parts, painted it white and wrapped rubber around its wooden wheels. Jonda won't get rid of the stroller, even though it provokes sorrow and anger toward the sister who walked out on her family. What Jonda doesn't know--and might never know--is why.

Estrangement from siblings is a powerful ache not only for Jonda but for millions of other Americans as well--especially during the year-end holidays, when the absence of relatives is most poignant. Many of the 77 million baby boomers, now well into middle age, live farther from their brothers and sisters than did previous generations. And with each passing year, they face more of the life passages that often trigger splits with siblings, particularly arguments over the care of elderly parents or over their estates. At the same time, boomers have more divorces and fewer children and are less tethered to neighbors than were their parents and grandparents, so they are more in need of strong relationships with sisters and brothers--the most-enduring ties many of us have in our lives. Eighty-five percent of adult Americans have at least one sibling, yet an estimated 3% to 10% have completely severed contact with a brother or sister.

Such absolute estrangements may not be the norm, but experts who study family relationships believe they are on the rise. Psychologist Carol Netzer, author of Cutoffs: How Family Members Who Sever Relationships Can Reconnect, thinks that today's broader cultural freedoms have made it easier for people to say goodbye to traditions and to relatives. "The nuclear family is not as tight as it once was," she says. Some rifts reflect larger trends. The Woodstock generation, Netzer explains, was full of young people leaving their families to lose themselves in drugs or join religious groups, political movements and communes. "Often, when that ripple in the culture passes," says Netzer, "people go back to their families." Terry Hargrave, family therapist and author of Families and Forgiveness, believes that while the psychological self-help movement has been largely positive, "it teaches the individual that 'you're the most important thing; family is not.'"

The origins of a sibling breach often can be traced to childhood. Psychologist Stephen P. Bank, co-author of The Sibling Bond, observes that eldest children who are expected to care for younger siblings may feel overburdened and resentful. Children born too many years apart, says Bank, may never share common interests or developmental stages. For them, slender ties are sometimes easy to cut.

Nancy B. (who asked that her full name not be used) is a management consultant with a sister older by six years and a brother older by 12. She doesn't speak to either of them but for differing reasons. "The age gap was so significant," she says. As a child, she worshiped her brother, whose trips home from college were cause for celebration. A few years ago, he stopped returning her calls. She doesn't know why.

On the other hand, she was never comfortable with her sister. "There was always tension between us," Nancy, now 52, says. "I couldn't figure it out." Nancy ended contact after the sister attached herself to yet another violent man, and Nancy felt relegated to the role of caretaker--for someone who didn't want to be helped. The three siblings were last together 25 years ago at their mother's funeral. Nancy still feels the loss, she says, "but my heart isn't breaking anymore. I've figured out a way to be in the world without trying to make love happen where it isn't."

Yet in other families, psychologist Bank says, large age differences can help alleviate competition for toys, friends and parental attention. Some older siblings enjoy being caregivers, often in exchange for adoration. Studies show bonds among sisters tend to be strongest, epitomized by Bessie and Sadie Delany, co-authors of Having Our Say: The Delany Sisters' First 100 Years. And when parents are absent, neglectful or abusive, siblings often fill the void by forming tight bonds, as did the brothers in the movie Radio Flyer.

Major life changes such as marriage, divorce, birth, illness or death can trigger a separation, Netzer says, but usually only if tensions have been building for years. Consider, for example, the case of Michael Carr, 42, a money manager, and his older brother Steven, who ended contact with each other two years ago. When they were growing up, Michael saw Steven, two years older, as his best friend and guardian angel. "We were really close," Michael says. "He was the ringleader in the neighborhood. He was my hero." (Steven did not respond to requests for an interview.)

http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,91424,00.html

n the early '70s, Michael says, Steven became temperamental and less reliable, no longer resembling the person Michael had admired. Steven wasn't crazy, Michael says, just increasingly moody and self-centered. About six years ago, their father was hospitalized, and the brothers went to Florida to see him. They stayed with their stepmother, with whom Steven had a quarrel. Steven told Michael he was going to the hospital to tell their father about it. "It was ridiculous," Michael says. "My father was at death's door, and my brother wanted to complain to him about my stepmother! I had to physically restrain him from going."

Their father died that night, and Michael hasn't seen his brother since the funeral. "I wouldn't be surprised if I never see him again," Michael says. "If I saw him on the street I would talk to him, but I wouldn't let him back in my life. I don't know who he is."

Money issues are a common source of strife between brothers and sisters: Why wasn't that loan repaid? Who can afford the bigger house? How should the family business be run? Behavior outside the family's value system can also trip the switch: coming out of the closet, marrying interracially or converting to a new religion. Then there are cutoffs linked to extreme emotional states, the reasons for which--such as untreated mental illness, substance abuse, incest and violence--may never be brought out into the open.

Wanda's older brother Charles Bucklew has only a few clues as to what might have caused his sister's self-banishment, including her drinking in the midst of their nearly teetotaling Lutheran family. Wanda, who no doubt has her own analysis of the split, never explained; her siblings never asked. And she could not be located by TIME reporters in Key West and New York. "There may be some reason out there that if you knew, it'd bring you to your knees, and you'd say, 'Oh, my God!'" says Bucklew. "But I don't know."

The drive to create sibling bonds or something like them is to some experts primordial--even for an only child. Parents always have a disproportionate power over offspring, but siblings teach peer-level tolerance, loyalty and constancy--qualities that later apply to colleagues, friends and lovers. In moderation, sibling discord is useful, says psychologist Bank. "If the frustration is too great, it cripples you. But we all need a level of frustration in our lives in order to move ahead."

In a 1996 study of people ages 18 to 86, 33% of those surveyed described their sibling relationships as "supportive," and only 11% were "hostile," with the rest falling somewhere in between. "I understand that there is sibling rivalry because I have two brothers and a sister," says Robert Stewart, chairman of the psychology department at Michigan's Oakland University. "But if something came up, and I needed to be on the other side of the country because one of them called, I'd go. There's not a whole lot of people in the world I'd do that for." Most people think of "rivalry" and "siblings" as synonymous and negative, he says, "but I think of it as a close affectional relationship where affection is not necessarily shown in a Hallmark card kind of way."

The sibling relationship of D.B. (who asked that her name not be used) won't ever be confused with a greeting card. As a child, she looked up to her brother, 3 1/2 years older. After his marriage broke up, though, D.B. didn't like the way he treated his ex-wife. Well after the two divorced, he abandoned their original settlement agreement, demanding half the house and full custody of their daughter. D.B. saw his demands as unfair--and didn't think much of his parenting skills. "I just felt he was such a pig," she says. So she stopped talking to him--for seven years. "I come from a long line of grudge holders," she says. "They like their grudges. They air them and walk them and make jokes about them--embellish them."

The silence ended, though, when an aunt died, and D.B. and her brother were the only relatives left to arrange her burial. "I remember thinking, Damn, now I have to see my brother." But the two reconciled somewhat and now talk occasionally on the phone. D.B., now 54, says if she ever needed money, she wouldn't hesitate to ask him for it. She has no money to offer him if the situation were reversed but says, "I would give him lots of time."

Often, estranged siblings are struck by a sudden yearning to reconnect. Says Bank: "Your children leave home, your friends are sick, the leaves fall off the trees, and you say, 'Well, what do I have from my past?' And for better or worse, you've got this sibling who might have been a pain in the neck but who probably knows more about what it was like to live in your childhood home than anybody else."

http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,91424-2,00.html

Yet even for siblings who wish to reconcile, breaking the ice is hard. "The difficulty most of us have is how do you pick up the telephone after so many years?" says Stewart. "People get into a pattern, and even though they're not comfortable in it, they can't imagine an alternative. Or the amount of courage and energy it would take to try to change may be beyond what they're capable of doing right now."

The ability to overlook imperfections for the sake of a relationship is one hallmark of maturity. Siblings may decide to forgive one another once they have their own children. For Mark Horton, 44, a recent falling-out he had with his eldest sister still baffles him. He's not sure what happened or why. Now that they are back in tentative contact, they still haven't talked about it. "It was kind of a Twilight Zone episode," he says. But he does hope things heal. Horton (whose sister declined to be interviewed) says she has done remarkable things for him--sending him money when he was a poor college student and then being the only one to show up at his Harvard graduation. And he wants his four children to know their aunt. "It places them in the world," he says. "They're not comets flying through space randomly; they're part of a solar system."

Reconciliation, experts say, is almost always worth an attempt. But about 40% of the families in Hargrave's clinical practice fail at reconciliation, mostly because when difficult issues get stirred up, no one is willing to take responsibility for what happened. Says Hargrave: "The person who has left just seals off again."

For Douglas Matthews, 49, a human-resources consultant, finally breaking off from his parents and three brothers three years ago brought immense relief--and not just to him. "I see it as the best thing he could have ever done for himself," says his wife Teri-Ann, "and for me and the kids."

Matthews has always been reluctant to discuss his family situation because he felt that well-meaning people just wouldn't get it that his parents and siblings were harmful to his happiness. "I learned early on that very few people understand the positive aspects of estrangement," he says. For decades, Matthews waffled between trying to be part of the family and retreating. He would try to initiate changes but says no one was willing to join in. Over time, and with therapy, he discovered that the yearning he felt was based on an unrealizable ideal of what his three brothers might have been to him. "A real brother would be there no matter what," Matthews says, "and not have an agenda for you--just accept where you are and listen. But it would be unconditional--nothing could break it. And also do the stupid things, you know. Go to a ball game together." But what Matthews has with his wife and two sons is no fantasy. "I have a home," he says, "and that's what I didn't have before. And I cherish it."

Cutting off can be beneficial in some cases, says psychology professor Stewart, if what you're getting is nothing but negativity or grief. But it's "escape learning," he says, and if the other people involved are ever willing to work on the problem, "you won't know it because they're gone."

For 15 years Keith Bearden, 33, had given up on his family, including his elder brother Dean, 38. Their parents' divorce cleaved the family into separate camps, and Keith wanted no part of either one. "I was really angry," he says. He also felt that he, a self-described "meek intellectual," had nothing in common with his tattooed, motorcycle-riding, machinist brother. Then Dean started telephoning a couple of years ago, just to see how Keith was doing. Keith, to his surprise, was happy to get the calls. Dean says he had no particular plan, that he had never even thought about the years when they were out of contact. "If you were never close," he says, "you never miss it."

But becoming a parent got Dean thinking about family, and as Keith says, Dean was never judgmental or bitter about what had happened in childhood. Now the brothers talk regularly. They visit each other every few months and have realized they have the same sense of humor, the same taste for adventure, and they notice the same things--someone's weird shoes on the subway or a cute woman in a bar.

Keith says he's much happier accepting rather than resenting the differences in his family, that it's helped him with all his relationships and that Dean deserves the credit for helping him reconnect. "Dean kept the door open, and I eventually walked back in," he says.

Jonda Cynecki hasn't closed the door on her sister but is at a loss as to how anyone can pass through it. Since the death of their parents, Jonda has felt an increasingly acute sense of the irreplaceable nature of family. "There's that line that connects you," she says of her missing twin, "and I don't know if it'll ever be broken. Certainly when one of us passes away--and she could be gone now--I don't know if I'll ever know that." Cynecki pauses, wipes away tears, and collects herself. "Someday, I really need to find her. But just not today. Not today."