#cant say ill do them all but ill try to do a Few
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ferrari55lover · 1 day ago
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The need for speed and the need for You
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WARNINGS: Fluff, Smut, Alcohol use MINORS DNI
Max and you have been best friends since you were 12 and he was 13, you had meet max because his mom and yours had become friends. Now you were 26 and he was 27, max had followed his dreams and become a formula one champion and you followed yours and became an artist.
Today your art was being shown at a gallery, You were standing in front of one of your painting with a glass of champagne glass in hand staring at your painting over analyzing it when you suddenly feel a warm hand on your shoulder you flinch a little in surprise and you hear them laugh a laugh that you could recognize anywhere it was max, then he speaks " i was looking for you" he says in a soft tone "Why?" you reply witch makes him laugh a little and say "Because you are the woman of the hour duh, just look at all the people that came to see your work" in a kind and soft voice you smile and say "that's very kind of you max" hearing this max smiles widely and says "there's no need to thank me its true.... You know i think i finally decided witch one of your paintings is my favorite" you laugh and say "really which one?" then max reply's "The one of the girl in the rain" you smile and say "That's my favorite too, but its nobody seems to like it enough to buy it" hearing this max's smile falters and he says "That's stupid its beautiful.... You know what I'll buy it" you hear this and look at max with a mix of surprise and confusion on your face "what do you mean you'll buy it?, You cant be serious" max smirks and says "I've never been more serious in my life, come on just let me.. I want to support my favorite artist" you smile and say "you really don't need to buy it ill paint you whatever you want for free, you support me enough" max then reply's "Fine, fine i wont buy it" max then pulls his hand off your shoulder and walks away you continue to stare at your painting for a few more minutes before you decide to go walk around the gallery for a bit max notices this and realizes that now is his only chance to go and buy the painting without you knowing, so he does it he buys the painting and watches as the gallery manager puts a red dot by the painting showing that it has been sold. Max smiles looks around then decides that its time for him to go back to his place.
*Later that night after the art gallery event is over*
After the art gallery event you go home and decide to call max to let him know that somebody finally had bought the painting. the phone rings for a few moments and then max picks up with a "Hey you, what are you doin" you smile and say "nothing really i just thought that i should call you to tell you that somebody finally bought that painting" max smiles knowing that you have no idea he's the one who bought it and, then he speaks "Oh really, well congrats you deserve it Y/N, I'm proud of you" you smile and say "Thank you Max" hearing you say his name max smiles widely, a warm fuzzy feeling creeping in on him "hey i was actually wondering if maybe you would like to go to dinner with me sometime soon" he says his tone sounding slightly nervous "Max are you trying to ask me out on a date" you say slightly surprised but sought of happy, Max then says "Maybe.... is that okay?" his tone nervous but kind "Yes Max that's okay, And yes ill go to dinner with you" Max smile and says "Great Does tomorrow work for you" you smile and say "yes" "Great ill pick you up at 7" max replys, you smile widely and say "ill look forward to it"
*The next day*
Its about 6:30 and your sitting at the vanity in your bedroom getting ready for your date with max thinking of all the ways that this could go amazing or could go terribly wrong, but mostly your thinking about how amazing max looks in a suit. some time goes by and Max's car pulls up Infront of your townhouse, he gets out of the car and walks up the steps to the front door. Max knocks on the door, and you hurry to answer it. As you open the door, you find Max standing there in a tailored Armani suit, looking dapper as ever. He smiles as he lays eyes on you, taking in your beauty. "Wow," Max says, his eyes roaming over you. "You look absolutely stunning tonight." you blush at his compliment, feeling a rush of excitement and nerves. "Thank you," you reply, a smile tugging at your lips. "You look pretty good yourself." Max's smile widens at your compliment, clearly enjoying the attention. He takes a step closer to you, his gaze never leaving yours. "are you ready to go?" he asks, offering you his arm. "yes" you reply taking his arm as he leads you too his car. a little while later you pull up to the restaurant which fancy and romantic but most of all expensive.
Max gets out of the car first and comes around to the passenger side to open the door for you. He offers you his hand as you step out of the car, and you can feel the anticipation building in the air. Max is clearly feeling nervous and excited, as you are, and the tension between the two of you is palpable. As you walk towards the entrance of the restaurant, Max keeps a protective arm around you, making sure you are comfortable and safe. The atmosphere inside the restaurant is just as posh and elegant as the exterior, with soft lighting and soft music playing in the background.
As you follow the host to your table, Max glances at you, admiring your outfit and the way the light drapes over your figure. You can feel his gaze on you, and it only makes your heart beat faster. Once you reach your table, Max pulls out your chair for you and waits for you to sit down before taking his own seat across from you. "who knew you were such a gentleman" you say with a smile which makes Max smile and laugh then he says "of course im a gentleman especially when it comes to you"
Max smiles warmly at, his eyes never leaving yours. The waiter comes over and takes your drink orders, and you both opt for a bottle of expensive red wine. As you wait for your drink, Max leans back in his chair, a small smirk on his lips. "So, I have a question for you," he says, his voice low and smooth. You raise an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. "What is it?" you ask, leaning in slightly. Max pauses dramatically, drawing out the anticipation before finally speaking. "If you could paint any place in the world, where would you choose?" he asks "Hmm i want to paint from a balcony in Paris during the sunset". Max smiles at your answer, clearly intrigued by your choice of location. "Paris at sunset, huh? Can't get much more romantic than that," he says with a smirk. The waiter interrupts, returning with the bottle of red wine. Max pours two glasses, expertly swirling the wine before handing one to you. The dim lighting casts a warm glow over your faces as you both take a sip. Max leans forward, his elbows on the table, as he studies you. "You know," he says, his voice soft, "I always thought that you were at your most beautiful when you're painting. The way you focus, the way your eyes light up when you find the perfect shade, it's mesmerizing." i laugh and say "Hey finding the perfect shade is much harder than it seems" Max laughs heartily, clearly enjoying the banter. "I'll have to take your word for it," he grins. "But I have no doubt that you're a master at what you do." The conversation continues, flowing effortlessly between lighthearted banter and comfortable silences. Max's eyes never leave yours, and you can feel the chemistry between the two of you building with each passing moment.
*after your date with max, he drives you home and walks you to your front door*
Max walks you up to your front door, the air thick with anticipation. You can feel your heart racing as you both stand there in front of your townhouse, neither of you speaking. Max finally breaks the silence, his voice low and soft. "I had a great time tonight," he says, his gaze locked on you. You smile, trying to hide how nervous and excited you feel. "Me too," you reply, leaning against the doorframe. Max walks you up to your front door, the air thick with anticipation. You can feel your heart racing as you both stand there in front of your townhouse, neither of you speaking. Max finally breaks the silence, his voice low and soft. "I had a great time tonight," he says, his gaze locked on you. You smile, trying to hide how nervous and excited you feel. "Me too," you reply, leaning against the doorframe.
Max steps closer to you, the gap between you becoming smaller and smaller. He studies you for a moment, his eyes roaming over your face, taking in every detail. He reaches out, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch is gentle and electrifying, sending shivers down your spine. Max's hand lingers on your cheek, his thumb gently stroking your skin. He takes a step closer, his body now just a few inches away from yours. You can feel the heat emanating from him, and the scent of his cologne is enticing. "Do you uh... do you wanna come in" you say nervously, Max smiles and nods you then open the door and lead him inside with you
Max follows you into your townhouse, his eyes taking in the cozy and inviting space. He looks around, noticing the art that decorates the walls, the small details that make the place feel like home. He turns to you, a soft smile on his face. "It's nice in here," Max says, "It feels like you." you smile and lead him further into the town house past a few closed doors and one open one.... your art room Max glances into the open doorway of your art room, taking in the space filled with an assortment of art supplies, half-finished paintings, and a small easel. He smiles as he sees the familiar sight, reminiscent of the countless times he's watched you work on your art. You turn and see Max peeking into the room, a nostalgic smirk forming on his lips. "excuse me max, are you trying to peek at my paintings, nobody gets to see those until there finished" Max laughs and raises his hands in mock surrender. "What? Me? Never," he replies, a playful grin on his face. "I was just admiring your space, it's the same way it's always been. It brings back memories." You roll your eyes and smile, playfully swatting his arm. "You're such a snoop," you tease, crossing your arms over your chest. You close the art room door and lead max to the living room and sit down on the couch. Max takes a seat next to you on the couch, the atmosphere between you both still charged with tension and anticipation. As you sit side by side, your shoulders brush against each other, sending another shiver down your spine. Max turns to you, his gaze intense and focused. He leans in closer, bridging the small gap between you on the couch.
Max stares at you for a moment, his eyes locked on yours. He takes a deep breath and says, "I need to tell you something." You can feel your heart skip a beat, anticipation coursing through your veins. Max looks nervous, but determined. "okay.. you know you can tell me anything" you say slightly nervous of what he's about to tell you
Max smiles at the sound of your words, clearly appreciating your supportive tone. He takes a moment to compose himself before speaking again. "I know," he says, his voice soft. "That's why I know I can tell you this." He takes another deep breath, collecting his thoughts. "Y/N, I… I have feelings for you." The words hang in the air for a moment, the weight of Max's confession evident in the room. Your eyes widen slightly, surprised by his admission. You had had a feeling that there was something more between the two of you, but hearing him say it aloud is another thing entirely. "Max…" you breathe, your voice shaky with emotion.
Then without thinking you kiss him. Max is caught off guard by the sudden kiss, but he quickly responds, his lips meeting yours in a passionate and intense kiss. His hands find their way to your hips, pulling you closer to him as the kiss deepens. Max's kiss is fierce and hungry, as if he's been holding back for far too long.
He breaks the kiss for a moment, his breath coming in ragged gasps. "God," he whispers, his forehead pressed against yours. "I've been wanting to do that for so long." you laugh and say "oh really" this makes max grin and say "what you don't believe me?" hearing this you laugh and kiss him again except this time it turns into something more intense, their lips moving together in a slow sensual dance, Max's hands start to wander on her hips as they continue to kiss, eventually they wind up lying down on the couch with max between her thighs still kissing, Max slowly pulls away and asks "Are you sure about this" you nod and say "yes" then max slowly picks you up and carries you to your bedroom he gently puts you down on the bed and crawls on top of you and kisses you again, then your hands start to wander under his shirt pulling it higher and higher up eventually max breaks the kiss and removes his shirt and after that yours goes too eventually they both find themselves in their underwear max above her kissing her collarbone. slowly he works his way up and eventually pulls away to look down at her and says "Are you sure you want this" he asks her she looks at him and says "im sure Max" hearing this Max grins and slowly removes her bra , you move your hands lower and lower on his body slowly getting to the waistband of his boxers max notices this and it just makes him want you more Max's lips find your neck, trailing kisses down to your collarbone and further down to your chest. He can feel your heart racing beneath his touch, which only fuels his desire for you. His hand slowly moves down your side, tracing the contour of your body until it reaches the edge of your panties. He looks up at you, his eyes darkened with desire, silently asking for permission. you nod, giving him the okay to continue. With a slight smile, Max tugs the fabric down your hips, revealing more of your skin to him. Max's lips move back up to your neck, his breath hot against your skin as he kisses his way up to your ear. He whispers huskily, "You're so beautiful." He can feel the heat radiating off of you, the electricity in the air between you growing stronger with every passing moment. His body presses against yours, his skin warm and smooth as it connects with yours. He takes a moment to savor the feel of you, his hands roaming over your body, memorizing every curve and contour. eventually you get max's boxers off and he lines himself up at your entrance and says "are you ready" you nod desperately and he thrusts himself into you with a groan feeling him inside of you causes you to moan. Max starts to kiss your collar bone again as he fucks you, You slowly feel yourself unwinding and becoming a moaning mess under his touch. Max continues to roll his hips against yours as he fucks you, And you can feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. Max continues to thrust into you and you whimper and say "Max.. im close" he groans and says "Me too.." He then thrusts into you again and again as you both release, The air filled with both of your moans and groans. eventually you find yourselves lying with your limbs intertwined staring into each others eyes slowly drifting of too sleep.
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yuzuuu4 · 2 months ago
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are there characters or ships people would want to see a bit more or at least just once.......
im out of ideas (reply under this post or send an ask ? /not forcing)
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wormchaser · 3 months ago
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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kaiserkisser · 3 months ago
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can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months ago
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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imabiscuitinthousandworlds · 3 months ago
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sometimes..so.etimes they change something even after the premiere. sp you appear and watch an entirely new and prolonged monologue. and it's like. FUCK YEAH.
#me showing up at the theatre: be normal be normal be normal be normal be no#me realising they added some things and it adds a lot of characerisation: BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL!!!!!#(misson failed but at least i was Quiet lmao)#the fun thing about seeing this several times tho is that by now ive stopped trying to figure out the plot#bc i Know the plot by now and i can speak along to a decent portion of lines#so now i focus not on what they mean but what exactly they say in any moment#i notice all the small irrelevant lines that still add so much to the characters voices and dynamics#its sooooo fun#and sometimes its also just really funny#'hell do good' 'didnt you just talk to him? the fuck he will. that man cant even pretend to have any self control'#i mean she was RIGHT#my man is out here being such a miserable little fuck being dramatic about his problems#if he could get a grip on himself for like five minutes everyone could have lived! idiot <3#AND THE OTHER GUY#if you had just KEPT AWAY instead of Walking Up To Your Murderer and distracred them for like. a few minutes longer IT WOULD ZAVE WORKED#like yeah youd still be dead BUT THAT WAS THE POINT WASNT IT#LIKE THIS YOU JUST DIED FOE NOTHING#YOUE BUDDY DIES TOO BC YOU GOT YOURSELF MURDERED TOO SOON. idiot#ill be honest. if they had kissed (and if youd seen rhe way they LOOK at each other) things might have actually gone well#im convinced of this#i have Textual Evidence#anyway. i should read the og play and find out if its the play or just the actors#like do the characters actually constantly refer to each other as 'my [name/title]' or did the theatre make it even gayer themselves#ik the actors are doing it on purpose anyway. that is Not coincidence#a biscuit's rambles
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fappellmoan · 1 year ago
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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radgeorgie · 5 months ago
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had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#AND!!!!! AND!!!!!! IVE GOT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF FOR A SOLID WEEK!!!!!!!#i guess ill know monday if i can get high that night or tuesday but like.... i want to have one now lmao#like.... the paper i signed was more worried about being drunk on the jo#and OBVIOUSLY i wouldnt show up to my folder customer service job high off my ass..... but that thc can stay in your system for awhilw#i had one last nigbt tk celebrate the interview so idk if im even in the clear to begin with#and like.... i told them my start date would ve the 20th & im out of town vefore that so the goal is like.... they go to achedule#and we have to schedule it way out so i have time to like.....not worry & get my pee clean#like.... it wouldnt matter so much if my parents werent LEAVING this E N T I R E week... like.... this is MY vacatioj too!!!!!#and i just bought it after a horrid week 😭😭😭😭😭 worked my ass of it for it in order to relax this week#like#i know i shouldnt be dependent on it and im really trying not to ve#but the anti-anxiety relaxing of it all helps so much#and im reeeeeally not the biggest fan of drinking....i pee too much 😭😭😭😭😭 ironically 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like.... at this point.... its like..... do i care about getting this job more than i care about letting my brain and body relax this week#i always put myself first & listen to my heart & soul to dictate what to do#but my mind just keeps thinking about getting that failed drug test back and going back to the job hunt#but im still IN the job hi t#*hunt#AND HERES THE THING!!!! walking around that damn office.... seeing what people were wearing.....#its professional but i know damn well theres people in there smoking weed#like.... 25 of the 50 employees i saw showed up in casual loungepants these people are not prestigious#and like.... the paper i signed.... they didnt even edit to include the company name????#it kept saying “the Company will not like you to drink on the clock and assumes you will not get behind company vechiles drunk either”#like.... tooooootally understandable i just wanna eat some edibles before im an official employee of your folder business my loves#let me have a 50mg and zone out for the night while im finally free from all these losers..... PLEASE#anyways......personal problems that my brain needs to expel so it doesnt tumble all around for the next few houes#WHILE I DOORDASH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck me#like..... i got this interview through indeed ill just keep going till i cant if it fails
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yelloworangesoda · 10 months ago
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gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this
#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me#‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds#im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing#life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something#i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore#i finished. and i hate it#i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here#i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant#it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them#i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just#didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore#ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better#idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu#but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years#and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!!#i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad#i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped#like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this#drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me#not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess#yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well.#i dont like to say the words#simons spouting#vent :(
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phagodyke · 6 months ago
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woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better
#only slept 4 hrs yesterday so was rly hoping to get a solid nights sleep today bc i probably won't tonight....#but i didnt sigh. but my options are either to plough thru w today and make myself do this even tho i dont rly feel like it#or cancel plans and stay in and mope which will inevitably turn into self harm so rly the latter is a non option lmao#its all okay ill get into the swing of things n have a good time once im thereee#and i always knew i was gonna feel a bit like this like its an open wound for me i just need to be careful not to touch it#bc how i feel isnt based in reality its just insecurity n vulnerability n ik it can take months to fully recover from a previous episode#and part of the recovery process needs to involve facing potentially triggering situations instead of avoiding them#bc otherwise ill get increasingly worse bc its not possible to always avoid and ill be defenceless again when it does happen again etc#like its part of rebuilding my sense of self n confidence n hopefully i can eventually start to trust other ppl again n lower my guard#bc it sucks being contorted into this defensive pose all the time and i would like to allow myself to feel genuine connection w others !!#and to stop instinctively flinching and waiting for the hit im tired of my mind telling me ppl r lying + trying to hurt me when theyre not#im being a bit dramatic like i am doing a LOT better than i was a few weeks ago. n i def can handle this one#and the risk of triggering myself is much much lower anyway in this specific situation. so long as theyre not hiding shit from me again#i can think of several ways that risk could skyrocket n unexpectedly spiral out of my control n it makes it hard to breathe just imagining#but i need to believe that it wont. so if-no WHEN it doesnt then next time ill have proof that i can navigate it n i wont feel so anxious#it makes me laugh how stupid this is from an outside perspective. my brain causes me so much weird n 100% unnecessary distress#but its the only brain ive got n will always have so i need to work with it!!#anyway all that aside i genuinely am rly looking forward to this afternoon!! ive rly wanted to start doing more nice things for myself#n the fact it coincides w missing smth that could incite my rsd is kind of for the best even if it is making me anxious#i cant let my life revolve around anticipating how ppl might upset me n basing my decisions off minimising that damage#n while it would be nice to have company.. well ik its just as fun going alone bc ive done it before! n i need a reminder of that#ah im gonna turn myself in circles if i think much more. i dont need to justify anything#i hope they have a nice time and i hope i have a nice time and i hope that eventually someday we can have a nice time together instead#of separately. and i hope that someday ill feel included and wanted by other ppl and wont be posting on tumblr every time this happens LOL#this comes across like im saying i need to learn how to enjoy my own company or whatever but i prommy i already do..#what i actually need to learn is how to trust n enjoy the company of ppl i care abt without constantly being scared theyll hurt me....#but thats not happening today cuz i got other plans woooo OKAYY im gonna stop ruminating and get some chores done sjdkfh#.vent#<- well not rly a vent bc its not like im channelling feelings here im just rambling bc i have a lot on my mind. but still#this is prolly incoherent i keep putting my phone down and doing other things and then adding another thought LOL
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ilyzuko · 10 months ago
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no cuz what's up with tumblr now showing me a random p*rn post like every 3 posts on my dash from random blogs nd tags i dont follow weren't they like all about dep*rnifying this site
#also my flatmate...im sorry but im going insane she honestly grosses me out at this point she cant clean for shit and when i ask her to#clean something properly cause she just goes over stuff randomly with a dirty cloth at best leaving it even worse she tells me im 'making#her paranoid by inspecting all the tiny specks' im gonna kill myself. i was away for a few months and i come back to a flat that was so#fucking gross everything sticky i really har to do shit like take all pieces of cutlery (that she claimed were clean) out of the drawer#cause they were all sticky and had food specs and wash them again#like im mean now sure idccc it's the tags of my blog that no one reads but shes literallydriving me crazyyy so tonight i said if she wants#to start looking for a flat for after the end of this tenancy i dont want to stall cause ill be doing something else she was like is it#because i didnt wipe the stove properly nd i was like i just think we dont work that well#house keeping level have different expectations and it stesses us both out. wanted to keep at that and she goes on in a full breakdown mode#starts yelling at me and stomps off saying i have 'an ego about being a clean person when im not' shdjdj like maam youre 27 years old youre#walking around with dirt under your nails and have never washed a hairbrush that youve had for years it's growing a whole microsystem. 28*#like im really trying to be normal about this but i just cant live with someone who lives like this and thows fits when asked to fix their#behaviour
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THEY DONT LET YOU CHANGE THE VENUE TYPE OF THE PARK IN SAN MYSHUNO ANYMORE???????
SIMS TEAM YOU FUCKIN BASTARDS
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.
#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there#im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold#at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire#theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade#of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about#the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc#its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a#metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm#just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long#sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone#its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it#everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much#damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i#collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells#me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my#wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im#excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it#feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun#is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's#what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy#but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire#unrelated#hm i should maybe add a tw to this#tw self injury#but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life#but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it
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azulpitlane · 1 year ago
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vicious pt two I ln4
pairing: ex!lando norris x reader, charles leclerc x reader summary: you are trying to move on from lando but he refuses to notes: more dramaaa and asshole lando sorry, this is short cause i kind of got busy🧍‍♀️ part one, masterlist
yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxfewtrell and 3,268,379 others
yourusername emails i cant send is officially yours💌
it has been a long and emotional process writing this album but i loved and enjoyed every bit of it<3 im so excited to share this piece of my life with you and officially close this chapter and move on
thank you for the support, ill see you all soon❤️
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user OMGG IM ALREADY CRYING ITS SO AMAZING
user stfu is that charles in the fifth pic?!?
user it is!! he was credited in a few songs for instruments🥹🥹
user because i liked a boy hits so different when u know what she went through :(
maxfewtrell running on stream to listen to it
yourusername pls dont hate im still sensitive user omg noo i cant watch whats he saying about it?? user he loves every song, hes being so supportive and said hes team y/n😭
user her friendship with charles is so cute omg
user “friendship” rightttt😏
user lost lando but got charles, a win is a win
francisca.cgomes love love love💌
user omg i know charles introduced them
user ‘ill see you soon’ ARE YOU TOURING???
pietra.pilao so incredibly proud of you❤️ such an amazing album
yourusername p ily and miss u sm🥹❤️ pietra.pilao i miss you more we need to get together soon! yourusername otw to text u so make plans rn🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️
user the fact that landos friends are still supportive despite the breakup tells me everything i need to know
user “officially close this chapter” new era fr🫶
charles_leclerc so honored you even asked me to be apart of this❤️so proud of you ma cherie
yourusername so grateful for you❤️ user JUST DATEEEE user now kiss!!!
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Lando so you and y/n huh?
Charles she's my friend is that a problem?
Lando i dont remember ever introducing you two?
Charles not that its any of your concern but i introduced myself last year on the paddock while you were too busy ignoring her
Lando so when i had back turned, you took the chance to steal my girlfriend?
Charles dont try turning this into something its not she's trying to move on so i think its time you do the same lando dont ask about her again. read
f1gossip
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463,582 likes
f1gossip Following Y/n Y/l/n's album release, Lando and Charles have unfollowed each other on instagram! It is not confirmed if Y/n is the reason why, but it is heavily speculated. It seems Lando was the first to unfollow and Charles quickly followed suit.
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user all too much for little lando norris
user y/n breaking up a friendship now🙄
user she didnt do anything except release an album on how she felt, if lando gets offended by that then hes clearly the problem here
user 16 4 fans lost today but then again lando started it🤷‍♀️
user karma works in funny ways @landonorris
user lando has every right to be mad imo
user not at all, he treated her like shit then cheated and now hes mad she has friends in f1? make it make sense
user why watch soap operas when you can watch f1
user 2024 season is gonna HIT
user charles is going to have the motivation for wdc now, ferrari fans won🙏
user even though im a lando fan, i have to be team charles and y/n on this one sorry
user yup, after listening to her album i definitely support y/n
yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes and 3,295,204 others
yourusername first time performing my new album at my one night show was the best time ever!! thank you for all that showed up you were an amazing crowd❤️
and just in case you missed my little announcement, bet u wanna is my next single of this album...this one's a little funny when you know the context🙊
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user wish i was able to go :(
user WHATS THE CONTEXT??
user listen to the lyrics, lando definetly wanted her back after his side girl cheated AHAH
user i need to know if charles was there
francisca.cgomes such a wonderful night💌 liked by yourusername
user your stage presence is so amazing
luisinhaoliveira99 so great seeing you🤍 liked by yourusername
user SHE WAS THERE?!? user pls tell me you guys took pictures together
user bet u wanna is so good omg
user are you opening for eras tour in europe
user it is rumored, i hope its true😭
f1gossip
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376,845 likes
f1gossip Charles, Pierre, Kika and Luisa leaving Y/n Y/l/n's concert in LA tonight! Thoughts on the singer's new friendship with the drivers and girls?
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user i love them😭❤️
user i was there and saw charles with pierre and kika singing along to every song🥹
user SHUT UPPPP user stop theyre so cute
user luisa and y/n mean everything to me
user them supporting y/n despite the drama with lando shows a lot about him
user ive never wanted to part of a gc so bad
user charles is so supportive, yk who wouldnt be....
user i need them to date, he would treat y/n so good
scuderiaferrari
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liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 1,402,440 others
scuderiaferrari Special guest for the first qualification of the season! Thanks for coming to the our garage❤️
tagged yourusername
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user OMFGGG
user i need pics of her and charles NOW
user charles got p1 cause bae was watching🙈
user is she staying all weekend!?!
user her and charles supporting each other omg
user are they finally dating??
user he was asked about it in an interview and he said they were just friends! user ugh can charles make a move already? i dont want another lando situation..
user i wonder if she bumped into lando😳
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Lando was y/n really in ferrari garage?
Carlos yeah... are you okay mate?
Lando how can i be? he stole my girlfriend and is now parading her around the paddock its fucked up
Carlos he did say they were just friends and i didnt see them acting like a couple or anything
Lando there's gotta be something more i just need y/n to see who he really is
Carlos i dont know, maybe its time you move on mate
Lando no, i cant give up now do you have an extra paddock pass?
Carlos why...
Lando remember charles' crazy ex girlfriend who was obsessed with him? i heard shes in town to see him what if we send her the paddock pass so she can show y/n how charles treated her
Carlos this seems a little crazy lando why dont you just talk to y/n?
Lando she wont even let me get near her just please carlos? and then i wont ever bring it up again if it doesnt work
Carlos fine but dont tell anybody about this
Lando thank you mate, i owe you
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tags: @iamahallucinationnn, @sofiacblair
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pbnbucks · 5 months ago
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paige x nika x fem based of this request : anon
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word count : 950
warnings : angst, smut, crying, swearing, smut w plot
summary : paige and nika where really busy and you wanted them to make time for you and change around their basketball schedule but the conversation doesn’t go as planned..
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“but i don’t get why you cant just give me one hour” you sob to your 2 girlfriends as your sitting on nikas lap as she rubs up and down your waist trying to calm you down staring at you with a serious and focused face as your other girlfriend paige is sitting in front of you doing all the talking trying to reason with you about why the 2 are so busy.
“baby we do have time for you but we are busy with heading to the final 4 and basketball practice” as more tears fall onto your cheeks and the conversation going no where you decide to give up on the argument
“you know what fuck you i don’t want any of your attention anyways you both clearly don’t care” you get off nikas lap only to be pulled right back down to you original spot back in her lap only to see a angry paige in front of you and a burning sensation from nika gripping your waist preventing you to leave.
“you wanted our attention? you got it princess.” nika whispers in her ear pushing you off her lap “we could’ve been so nice princess but you just had to push our buttons” you obviously still angry and not thinking right just roll your eyes “fuck you nika”
you where expecting a angry reaction from her but instead she laughs at your comment not being fazed “you’ll regret that pretty” paige comes up behind putting her hand on your neck for you to look up at her “open your mouth sweet girl”
you slowly open your mouth as she places two of her fingers in your mouth “suck” you close your mouth her long fingers swirling your tongue around her slowly bobbing you head up and down her fingers as she pulls them out of your mouth.
“good girl, now apologize to nika and once you do i want to see your strip and go to the bed and lay on your back with your legs open, and if you dont, i wouldnt even bother to think about walking for the next few weeks.” you look at nika with a sorry look as you place a long kiss on her lips as she accepts you apology helping you take your clothes off as you where now bare naked as paige gives you a stern look to hurry up.
you go to your shared bedroom laying down on the edge with your legs spread open. you can hear the girls muffled conversation about how they where going to treat you, to be honest you where nervous but you weren’t going to let them know.
paige enters with nika trailing behind her. “oh what should we do with you princess, do you think you deserve to cum tonight or no?” you hesitate by her sentence “yes..” she pauses with you looking back at nika practically deciding what to do with you only with there eyes
“okay baby if your gonna cum you have to do everything we say okay?” you nod your head urgently not wanting to spare any more time
“i promise” the blonde dosent say anything back she just smiles and looks back at the brunette behind her moving away from you “nika you can have your fun with her” nika nods her head taking her shirt off revealing her hard nipples and her shiny bellybutton piercing as she makes her way over the bed hover over you as she takes the back of the hand softly caressing your cheek
“oh my sweet girl, m’so so sorry for not paying more attention to you” as soon as the sentence leaves her lips your whining as you arch your back off of the bed. “patience baby, ill touch you just wait” you pout at her response as she smirks placing kisses on your neck as paige watches closely behind her seeing you ever so desperately to be touched.
nika slowly makes her way down to your cunt as she presses kitten licks to your core going painfully slow as she runs her fingers down the inside of your thighs earning sweet noises from you. she takes the hint to speed up as her tongue circles your clit making your breath hitch as you grip the bed sheets. the two weeks without any sex was definitely worth it for this moment you waited so long to have with your girlfriends.
“nika please i need your fingers” you have a tight grip on her hair pushing her head closer to your puffy cunt. “i know you do baby i know” she adds two fingers not waisting any time on pleasing you.
paige sits down next to you trailing her fingers to your bare chest playing with your sensitive and hard nipples as you push your head back into the bed “oh fuck im so close”
without a word nika speeds up as your legs begin to shake as you feel the knot in your stomach burst forcing a loud cry form out of your mouth as nika laughs against your pussy sending vibrations to your clit as paige trys to talk you through your orgasm
“there you go baby just like that pretty” nika still eating your soul away holding your thighs in place as you finally begin to ride out your high. the girl who was just at face level with your pussy is now in your face giving you a kiss as you can taste your own cum on her lips
“was that enough attention for you?” you nod with a pleased sigh sinking into the bed as the brunette lays right on top of you “yes.”
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bugbit3ss · 5 months ago
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PRETTY LIKE A DEER ꧂
warnings :: swearing, cheating
wc :: 1.2k words
pairing :: boyfriends big sister!ellie x brothers girlfriend!reader
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It was 7pm on a random Tuesday and your boyfriend of 2 years had kicked you out of his room like he normally always does when you come over, so you had decided to hang out with his older sister Ellie, she had only been a year older than you but you always felt like you had a special bond between the two ofyou almost like you guys were soulmates, butyou weren't cause you were with her asshole little brother, Liam.
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You would normally hang out with Ellie when her brother was being a pain, to be honest you normally went to their house just for Ellie, and Joels bomb lasagna, but other than that you didn't have any other reason to go to their house.
As you knocked on Ellies door your boyfriends slams his shut obviously annoyed when you had done nothing to annoy him in the first place, You rolled your eyes at how childish he could be sometimes. You knock a few more times thinking Ellie couldn't hear you because she had her headphones on or she was taking a nap. After around 3 minutes of you knocking she yells out from behind the door.
"What?!" she yelled sighing.
"Its me." You replied back waiting for her to let you in.
"oh right come in!" sounding happier after realising who it was at the door, as you pushed the door open seeing Ellie on laying on her bed scrolling on her phone.
"Hey els" You said to her knowing calling her "Els" always made her a bit nervous, you sit down on her bed at her feet then falling back andyour arms out like a starfish on her bed.
"uh. hey, what are you doing here? Did Liam kick you out of his room again?" She answered biting at her chapped bottom lip.
"yeah he did, did you get the Chapstick like I told you to buy?" You say sitting up and straddling her hips and running your thumb over her bottom lip what was all cut from her biting it.
Ellie face flushed her hands automatically moving to your hips her thumb drawing small circles against your skin.
"I forgot to get it, but I swear I was going to get it!" She rambles on trying to get her story straight.
"Elsss" You whine out what just makes Ellie even more flustered.
“I'm sorry okay!? You know what just to make up for it come on ill show you place!" She said quickly throwing herselfoff from the bed and stuffing her wrecked converse over her dinosaur socks she had on.
"Ow!" You say dramatically as Ellie threw you off her hips.
"Come on, Come on!!" Ellie rushed you as she grabbed your hand and pulled you up off her bed in a hurry.
"Come on getyour shoes on!" Ellie said excitedly, throwing your shoes at you. You grabbed your shoes and tried to get them on your feet as Ellie rushed
you.
"I cant get this shoe on!!" You said bashing your foot against Ellie's floor
desperately trying to get your converse over your heel, when it finally went on your foot. "Finally.." You sighed out.
A few hours later you and Ellie were in the woods, You both soon seen a farm house that looked like it hadn't been touched in years but was still full of love, it was looking out onto a field filled with overgrown grass a bunch of different types of flowers and a massive willow tree in the middle of it. The field had been surrounded by a bunch of trees so it made it feel like a secret field
almost.
You and Ellie both standing silently against the porch of the farm house that looked out onto the field, When Ellie finally broke the silence.
"its really pretty don't you think?" Ellie mumbled looking out onto the field not bothering to look at you. You looked over at Ellie admiring her for a moment not realising how pretty
she actually was. "Yeah it’s gorgeous..." your eyes flickering back out onto the field when two wild deer appeared and danced around the old willow tree as you and Ellie watched in awe.
The next 5 minutes were just silence of you and Ellie watching the deer
dance.
"I don't get it, Why are you even with my of a dickhead brother. I mean come on you could do so much better, you're like those deer out there, you're fucking so delicate, you're soft... my god you're angelic if I'm putting it at the least." Ellie mumbled out softly and you didn't know how to answer the
question because you don t know why you’re with Ellie's brother.
"Follow me." You said to Ellie and walked off the porch the two ofyou leaving the deer, the sun was now setting and was different shades of oranges and
pinks and reds.
When you and Ellie finally reached the spot that you had taken her too, it was a river with a rope swing into the water at the top of a hill above the water and a water fall coming down the rocky cliff into the pool below it, the grass and rocks at the bottom of the water waving around as the waterfall splashed down, you rushed up the hill to the rope swing off an old sturdy tree. Once you made it to the top of the hill you looked down at
Ellie who had her arms crossed and an annoyed expression plastered on
her face.
"What are you doing get down from there, you’re gonna get hurt." Ellie huffed looking up atyou.
You took your shirt off leaving you in a white bra then took your trousers off leaving them at the top off the hill next to the tree, Ellies face flushed red seeing you in your underwear, as you reached out for the rope swing and grabbed onto it nearly falling in the water below.
"Are you ready Ellie?!" You asked her jumping in excitement smiling from ear to ear.
"Get down you're gonna get hurt!!" Ellie yelled up at you concerned.
"WOOOOO!!!" You yelled swinging off the hill and dropping down into the water, you came back up to the surface coughing and your hair swiped back.
"Get in the water it’s warm I swear!!" you yelled out at her smiling, and Ellie
chuckled
"You're fucking stupid..." Ellie said unbuckling her belt from her jeans and unbuttoning her flannel and jumping into the water with you.
Hours later of you and Ellie splashing water at each other, you both were
floating in the water smiling back and forth at each other.
"What did you mean earlier when you said, I could have better than your
brother.." You asked her.
Ellie sighs softly "I think I like you and I know you're with my brother and you guys have been dating for a year and all but i-" Ellie starts to ramble on but gets cut off by you.
"i like you too." You say planting a kiss on her lips, Her eyes widen and she squeaks a little not expecting a kiss but she doesn't pull away and instead shuts her eyes and kisses you back wrapping her arms around your waist as your hands come up to her cheeks which her bright red.
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