#cant get that on any other website
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my account was the tumblr equivalent of shadowbanned up until like a month ago, so, therefore, i don’t have any active followers (shoutout to the two people who follow me you guys are my favorite ❤️). BUT it’s very fun!! there is no god ti judge me for the things that i say/post, so i get to just scream into the void for my own enjoyment! that’s the tumblr experience right there
#cant get that on any other website#no one will even see this post!#i’m just making it for the whimsy of it all#i made this account in november and it was shadowbanned almost immediately#now when i get notifications i feel like a deer who just heard branches break#about three years ago i had a tumblr account but i ended up deleting it for hashtag personal reasons#i forgot how great this website is lmao it’s the only form of social media i can actually enjoy#i mean look!!!#i’m rambling and it doesn’t fucking matter <433
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#Honestly I kinda miss when forums were a thing#This is in ref to *previously reblogged* because YEAH the other social media websites are flat out boring about CODZ#The way people interact with 'fandom' has lost all it's fun#That's only the fault of social media websites- not people#You cant modify your profile anywhere - follower numbers are public and create a fake chaste system...#and they have this weird fixation with limiting interaction of person to person??? The only interaction they want is person to Content#I mean there's nuance in this too though: like saftey concerns ofc#BUT you cant write essays on why you think Dempsey's favorite color is blue bc word counts limit you-#You can't make bad art or you'll get bullied off planet earth-#Everywhere else creates a 'who cares what you think' environment if you have fun bc you don't have followers#(Important for CODZ too bc if a YouTuber has an opinion everyone else will echo it without knowing what it even means#((Like 'Jugg is a crutch perk' omg shut uppppp. Tell me what that means. You get it to survive more hits?? DUH. IT'S A *PERK*.#...anyway. that's why I'll always see tumblr as > than any other website#Despite the flaws it's the closest thing to the forum/personal website days#And weirdly enough....twitter/tiktok/insta- the creatively limiting places- are the unhinged sites...
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I've just seen a post saying it's weird for an adult to be concerned about the obvious and massive gaps in modern teens' sexual educations because "why are you so worried about what kids you don't know think about sex"
Ah yes, universal comprehensive sex ed, that famously conservative and predatory value
#'theyre just kids' yeah thats why educating them is important. get a grip#everyone on this fucking website heard 'stop calling people you disagree with pedophiles'#and went 'oh so that word is bad but we can imply theyre attracted to minors all we want as long as we dont SAY it'#scout talks#that wasnt the main point of the post but frankly i cant entertain any other thoughts from a person who thinks this way
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Second week of nursing school got me feeling like I have recently had a stroke
#i talk to my teacher and its fucking unintelligible like i do not understand what is going on#not the assignments like this week 2 stuff is mostly review which is great bc i did actually retain stuff from pre-nursing#just like. the apps i have to use. the 3 different places i have to check for assignments bc they are not consolidated#its all so complicated and i dont feel like i get it and i Do feel like the problem student#cuz my prof said im the only one having issues and im not in the class gc so i cant ask other students for help#i have one friend in class and he isnt having any issues with the websites at all#i feel incredibly alone and unprepared despite working to be right here for two years :(
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the ateez Europe tickets are really fucking overpriced wow
#fio.txt#seems like germany is worse than everyone else but what the fuck#im not paying 180 fucking euro for a standing ga ticket?????#my sister got tswift ones for like 90#even 130 from what i saw for brussels for ga is expensive when you know theres no chance to really see anything#bc all the vip tiers are jn front of you#speaking of. german ult vip is 550 which is more than i pay for rent. the FUCK#i know this isnt ateez fault#but i hate what a money grab everything about them has become#ive been not really into them lately bc i thought the last album and japanese somg sucked but i was looking forward to seeing them live agi#but not for this kind of money????#the cheapest tickets are still 75 but ive been to the worst tier in that arena before and its really not great to be up there#so 75 when i know its not even going to be close to the amazing experiences ive had before? idk man#fuck you kq and fuck capitalism#ive never in my life seen ga standing tickets be more than like 105 euros. no artist no matter how big ive seen has ever wanted me to pay#almost 200 this is ABSURD and im so mad about it#no one tell me about usa prices are much higher. i know that. however in relation to quite literally#every other concert ive ever attented#this is so infuriating lol#and 180 too for like tier one seating when on the fucking website you apparently cant even select your seats yourself#seriously debating trying to get any tickets atp#i want to see them but not for this much money. like for 500 euros i can go on holiday to another country for an entire week
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also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks
#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here#i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly#not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO#but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it#feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website#but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth#genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff#then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time#and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello#but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why#and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job#and none of those things really apply to me#i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat#i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement#im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn#also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother#thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation#i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT#I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man#i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better#idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece#i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count#but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and#participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat#so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life#i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now#thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing#and not break my fucking ankles
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you know i don't use amazon but something i often think about. several years ago my mom ordered me some books for my birthday on amazon and one of them i asked for was the oxford world's classics edition of the rover and other plays by aphra behn edited and with an introduction by jane spencer. it was supposedly new but when it got to me, the cover (paperback) was folded at an angle and the edges of the pages were dirty like they were left somewhere contaminated. and you see i don't mind like a not-pristine book at all; most of my books are used. but what the fuck was that.
#that's still the edition i read out of and everything but wtf#i get that it is not a popular book at all#it probably has been sitting in the warehouse for a very long time#how is amazon treating their rare-selling inventory? that things get neglected like that?#i suppose it's a bit of a bummer bc it's damaged and i could've had a nice new one#but i never made a fuss or anything#tales from diana#fun fact it is listed as the 593456th best-selling book on amazon#act fast!!!!! grab a copy now!!!!!!!#no but you really should grab a copy. aphra behn's works are so under-recognized for how influential they were#and they're just funny fucking plays. the feigned courtesans? bruh#its the 880219th best-selling book according to barnes and noble's website#their awful 30-dollar gilded leather paperweight of the complete works of shakespeare (w no notes and unreadably small text)#is 2429th in sales. when it deserves to be negative a millionth#srsly the existence of that book pisses me off since it CANNOT be a good way to be introduced to his works#if anything it must be so frustrating. if u are someone or theres someone in your life curious abt shakespeare buy any other edition#it's not hard to find the arden or the oxford or the riverside shakespeare etc. for less than $30 secondhand online#or buy the plays individually or rent them from a library if you're just getting your feet wet/don't want a big unwieldy tome#literally that gigantic copy-paste w no new or useful supplementary material they've been selling for years. i cant imagine#how many ppl have bought it and tried to read through it and been so discouraged. makes me sad honestly#and frankly. on top of it. their design is just so ugly#there's no thought in it at all it's just a fancy pattern w a first folio engraving smacked onto the center. yawn#my riverside shakespeare 1973 is in really rough physical condition but the vestiges of its beautiful design remain#and that's that on that#also if there's anyone in your life who is interested in shakespeare please also turn them onto aphra behn. pls and thank you
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Me: be patient
Also me: *refreshing my email every 20 minutes*
#tomorrow ill be doing dog stuff all day so i wont have the chance god bless 🙏#im also hopefully starting handling classes next week!#which is why i really need to start setting up a store to sell my art#on account of im literally on a 5 month timer before i get kicked out#on a lighter note also hopefully joining a local kennel club so thats cool!#im so stressed genuinely i feel miserable and anxious but alas so it goes.#minimum wage here is reasonable but not really when you consider how much i am paying for gas to drive to work/school/dog stuff#im just very lost. obviously cant work this job forever because it is so physically taxing and inconsistent but i dont have any other -#- options#like how do i begin going about peddling my art? how do i begin building a portfolio?#i HAVE a website but im not even sure what to post#what to write about#etc etc etc#i am a good writer too! i know im a good writer but i just dont know what to write ABOUT#what interests people?#what would people want me to do a deep dive on?#the blessing of being autistic means i love everything about purebred dogs and love doing deep dives on different topics#the curse of being autistic is i can leave no stone unturned and then it becomes overwhelming and i cant put everything into a cohesive -#- piece.#anyway. my situation is not unique but it is to me and the doom and gloom is setting in#apologies if you read this far.
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Gaming "journalists" have been calling mods DLCs for so long I have no idea wtf they're talking about
#if its not made by the developers its a mod#this is kinda about the fallout 4 remake rumors#some websites have said that that fallout 4 is getting a nextgen upgrade#others have said that modders have made a nextgen upgrade#literally wtf do you mean#if console users cant get it then its not dlc or an upgrade. at that point its just a mod#theres several other things but i cant think of any of them right now so yeah
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no sorry i do have more to say on this actually. this layout is so indistinguishable from twitter that i genuinely cannot see the appeal in using this site anymore because. erm. well. i have twitter right there. i can just use that if i want to. in fact i would probably like it MORE there because at least thats familiar and not some massive frankensteined overhaul of a layout that's stayed relatively the same for years upon years. yes obviously there are differences in management, but i dont like staff here either. like you all fucking remember that massive wave of bots. mobile has been a warzone. the desktop version is held together with tape and twigs.
also the excuse that this is 'to help twitter users adjust !!' is ummm bullshit and also a lie an also bullshit. like first of all that is the most condescending shit ever. every single site you use is going to take some time to learn and grow familiar with, that's just how your brain works, that makes sense. so now just totally cutting that step out is a little bit 'oh i know this is so so so so so hard for you so im going to make it unbearably easy'. do you get what im saying. also if it was just to help twitter users adjust you wouldn't make it a mandatory change for people who didn't use twitter to adapt to as well. you're literally just shifting your audience. you cant have your cake and eat it too.
#and like. this is a less thing but. you know what at least elon acknowledged people hated his ass.#like at least he was playing the fool above a pit of feral dogs and knew that and openly taunted his userbase#tumblr staff has never done this ever even a little. like. exact opposite.#i cant think of specific examples but just like. the cushiness of it all. the acting like your friend. the acting like a person shit.#you are a corporation who wants my money do NOT act like i know you. i do not care about you. you are a Web Site .#does this make any sense.i have no idea i just hate this#i hate how the one website i use thats even a little diff from the other threw that all out the window in the name of left side menu#rot seethes#tumblr update#tumblr changes#edit; in ref to the elon thing im mainly talking about the view limiting day#he immediately rted a parody acc that said 'i did this so you would all go outside'#also the poll thing where people voted his ass off#clearly favored the people who gave him money with the checkmark algorithim thing#at least that was blatant. at least he didn't try holding hands with the people he was actively pushing off the site. do you get what im#saying . can anyone hear me.
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twitter has officially become unusable huh. crazy how much things changed here too but they are actual improvements to UX lmao
#literally every feature on twitter is broken now like i cant see the qrts in any tweets now#ads now appear after every 4 tweets and under every tweet no matter how many brands you block#the main website is so bad we have to use a whole other app like tweetdeck bc its become unusable....its insane#even the prn bots get rid of faster now??#moni.txt
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see ideologically i would LOVE to pay my taxes. big fan of public services. love me a library and some public health. unfortunately the tax people have decided to make the most complex network of services and accounts possible because they really really really dont want me to pay my taxes
#like ok i want to do my taxes how do i do that?#u gotta get into this website. to get in u need ur tax returns from the past 6 years#i was a literal child 6 years ago is there any other way?#of course! make an account in another platform first. ok now you have to authenticate twice#uhm okay how do i do that?#either you enter your tax return numbers from the past 6 years (NO!!!!) or you get in through ur bank oh yeah btw u have to download an app#ok ill use my bank then?#great! first you have to unblock your device. well send u an sms to do that.#oh youre abroad? then u have to write out a document by hand scan it and send it along with a pic of your passport#my passport is expired though#well get a new one#I CANT BC I HAVE A LATE FEE ON MY TAXES I HAVE TO PAY TO REGISTER AS A VOTER TO BE ALLOWED TO GET A PASSPORT#well ok then u have to do your taxes first.#IM KMS
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i PROMMY im not actually this bad at running polls tumblr keeps EATING my fucking EDITS to my POSTS.
#in the meantime i am making SURE to check everything SUPER carefully so if theres any more fuckups. thats the website i promise#i feel so bad honestly 😭 i am trying SO HARD to make sure everything gets posted correctly#this website just hates me i think#i KNOW this is what its doing bc i caught it reverting my edits to my big masterpost while it was in the queue SO many times.#like ill be real. its possible ive missed like one or two things and cant tell bc memory problems. but other things i KNOW i remember doing#like i literally double-check Everything before i post it WHAT the hell…..#but like this IS genuinely stressing me out. i promise im not just being careless i PROMISE.#not a poll
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i am okay tho i just have momeys sometimrs . please do not ever worry abt me guys
#i rly rly rly appreciate any asks u guys send me truly i usually hold onto then bc i dont know how to respond and rheyre good to see#sometimes#but im not in any danger i rly am. safe. i have a lot of things keeping me from doing That so. i am safe. dw.#i just get sad a lot. and its my fault i need 2 judt stop it and suck it uo and Work on it all but its so. insurmountable. and it judt#doesnt get easier yk. it never does. whatsver.#but. anyways i am safe i am okif it got to the point i was like. fearful for my life thatd either be The delusion (which is actually good#for me i cant explain it but its good for me) or i coulf talk to my family abt it and theyd help#i just cant talk to them abt This. stuff. the like. the being broken stuff and just not being right#i cant talk to any of them abt that. but if i said hey im genuinely faarful i miggjt do something they would um. help. so its okay#idk. i hope the posts dont seem like i make them for pity i rly dont this blog is just my stream of consciousness#ik i just shouldnt post them and i should judtkeeo a diary but i dont um. how to explain thid#even if nobody sees it it feels better to make a tumblr post bc then it feels like. a performance i guess. its not its real but its like#if i put it somewhere other ppl can see it then that means i exist. thats not quite right but i dont know how to articulate like#i dont nexessarily want ppl to see them i find it embarassing i guess. but it feels dishonest to not post them#since i post everything else. bc i like being open online it makes me think im real. does that make sense#and there are timestamps so i know when things happen. thsts modtly how i remember things#is looking at my blog and checking dates and timestamps. and for older stuff i have to check my dms with ykw. which. is not good for.me at#all. but ihave no other way to remember dayes#i dont know. im rly sry i hate podting vents but i dont like deleting posts eithrr so j dont know oike. idk.#just idk know they arent like. They are serious they are how i feel and i usually make them ehen im in distress#but its not dangerous distress i judt get hopeless. yk? i dont wanr anybody to worry abt me ever im not supposed to be a burden#i dont knoe. i havent articulated anything well. basicallt i dont do rhem for attention i dont do them for like. guilttripping or pity#i dont rly do them for any reason other than irs pure word vomit. i suppose. and tumblr is my wordvomit website. i judt get on here and yap#and it makes me feel so much worse but i get better eventually so its fine.
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capitalism is gonna kill me
#ive been trying to get a job since april. ive probably sent out 50 or more applications to like. retail stores mostly but a couple other#places. nothing. one place scheduled an interview for me then canceled it the day before#i missed the window to apply for student loans for the spring and summer semesters so ive been living off savings. i have enough money to#MAYBE last until next month. idk what to do. ive looked for like rent assistance programs but the government website i found said that they#arent giving out subsidies if you have a private landlord? which by their criteria im pretty sure i do#so! yeah. this is fine. its totally cool#im about to be dramatic and mentally ill here next but like. genuinely if i cant afford to keep going to uni i think i might just off myself#i am completely miserable when im not in uni. i am miserable when working any job ive ever had. im in pain all the time. i dont qualify for#any assistance program ive been able to find. like. whats the point. i dont wanna be alive and miserable and homeless and also in debt#i dont have any help. idk what to do. like what do i even do in this situation. besides die or become homeless
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im not gonna say you cant use the n word w a hard r on a almost fully anonymous tumblr account where you claim to be black-
I will say that it makes you 100% more suspicious and worth keeping an eye out on you bc usually its neo nazis pretending to be black that spam saying the n word w an r and use tumblrs weird trust for almost fully anonymous accounts to their advantage to get away w it
you can say it, but, if you Are a neo nazi pretending to be black, I will say, you're not doing a good job of convincing me rn that you actually are.
#got too excited you could get away w saying it ey?#inb4 'PeOpLe aLwAyS DeMaNd yOu GiVe YoUr LiFe sToRy-' bs- babe--- i wouldn't have cared or even noticed or even remarked on it#if you said it w an a. its more believable at least. lmao.#and I say bs bc ik its likely a neo nazi and ik they know that we say that a lot on tumblr- that ppl dont owe u every detail of their life#- and ik a neo nazis one of the least trustworthy people in the world so ofc they would abuse that line to get away w saying the n word#w a hard r around a bunch of progressives who have so little info about you that they dont know if they get the right to feel uncomfortable#when you say it- but personally im not built like that and i will tell you rn im uncomfortable w you saying it and idc what excuse you give#doesnt mean you hafta do whatever i say. just means I actually take a stance on shit unlike a lot of easily manipulated tumblr users.#i mean come on. its a neo nazis wet dream to run around a progressive (well. given recent events- supposedly progressive) space#and say slurs unchecked by said progressives. its one of their favorite ways of having you shut up. even if it is all done in secrecy#like the cowardly bitch made bitch built bitches they are. theyd never do it off anon or with their face exposed.#they simply cant take the heat. so the only way this type of person can feel like they've won is when they do manipulative shit like this i#secret. which is just so so sad. this is how ik the nazis are gonna lose. you're too much of a cowardly bitch to say it in front of#progressives with your whole chest.#why're you so scared? afraid you might be outnumbered? afraid you might not win as many ppl over as you think you will?#i mean cmon nows the perfect time to take the mask off right? perfect time to radicalize leftists? surely there shouldnt be#an issue waving your red flag huh? come on now. dont be shy. why are you scared? afraid you might reveal to the leftists you're#trying to indoctrinate that you're actually a hateful pos? and that you've been manipulating them to hate jewish ppl?#nah you're right joshua tyler stevenson it's probably a better idea to hide in the shadows like a bitch.#you're black on the notoriously white website? yeah. ok#i mean im sure theres just so many black ppl just dying to be here. thats why most black ppl ik hate this site 😒 for sure dawg i believe u#i mean ig if there were ever a place for a black nationalist to roam unchecked it'd be here though... generally they stick to twitter ime#its just hard to believe when I seldom see black ppl on here to begin w and most of the ones I do see are just like. normal people#w/o weird fucked beliefs. and if you are black- i think its really interesting that the black ppl with black nationalist beliefs almost#never show their faces in any capacity ever while other normal black ppl do. what are you scared of? afraid ppl irl will recognize u#and laugh?? or is it that... you're not actually a black person......... so far professor flowers is the only internet black nationalist#who's dared to show their face that ik of.
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