#can we maybe communicate with understanding and kindness and agree to disagree

[sukifoof]

i think im just gonna start blocking people that engage in flowey age discourse <3 im not in the fandom for petty drama about nothing im here for analysis and art and its really irritating to be looking for art and all there is is arguments. i love uty dearly but the sudden uptick in pointless arguments regarding floweys character is infuriating. why can't we talk about how well hes written and that hes an extremely good example of ptsd why must we argue. if u disagree with something block and move on dont act like children

[ash5monster01]

Hii! I’ve just seen a prompt that goes: “You don’t talk much.” — “I just really like listening to you, that’s all.” and it made me think of Todd Anderson ✨🥰 soo, if you could do something fluffy based on that prompt, it would be great

Enough For The Both of Us

Pairing: Todd Anderson x FemReader

Warnings: fluff, blabbing, minor sadness, mentions of being shy, lack of friends

Summary: When getting partnered up for class, you’re desperate to make this mystery guy your friend. Yet maybe things work out a little better than that.

word count: 1k

Masterlist

College was supposed to be fun. At least that’s what you thought. It had been two weeks and you had yet to make friends. Even your roommate had left you behind, finding a group she didn’t bother to include you in. It had become hopeless, that was until your English professor announced an assignment. An assignment that required you to partner up and work on for a full two weeks. A golden opportunity of guaranteed time to make a friend. Yet with just your luck the name placed beside your own on the list is not a female name. Instead you eye the suspicious lettering of a boy named Todd.

Yet you don’t falter, you take it with stride. Boys and girls could be friends right? At least not in your experience but you had also never tried. It didn’t help you went to an all girls school before this. Boys were new territory, something meant to explore once you made friends in college. You’d just have to do things out of order now, which you remind yourself of that as you start your trek to the school library. The very place you had agreed to meet this so called Todd.

He’s not hard to find, a blonde boy with shy eyes who raises a sheepish hand to flag you down. You shuffle towards him immediately, dropping your school books as you sit in the seat beside him instead of across from him. The action makes him blush while you pull out the assignment from class. “Hi Todd, it’s nice to meet you. I’m excited for us to start working on this project together”

“Y-yeah. Me too” the boy stutters, eyes never quite meeting your own as he turns to face his own work on the table.

“I was thinking we could be friends Todd. I need a friend around here and the person forced to work on a project with me is better than any” you tell him, filling in the conversation where he lacks. You figure with his shy nature he won't put up much of a fight. Perfect.

"Okay" he sounds uneasy but you don't give him much time to think about it as you finally organize all the papers in front of you.

"Not to say I'm not cool or anything. I'm really cool, I just haven't found the right crowd around here yet. If I'm being honest I was kind of upset I wasn't partnered with another girl. Not that a boy is bad but it would be nice to have a girlfriend first to talk to about all the boy stuff. Like you're cute, but I couldn’t tell you that" you ramble, not even a semblance of vulnerabilty as you speak. That's why Todd stares at you with such awe, shocked at how easy it is for you to communicate and not regret it after. He had been better, no longer the meek boy he once was, fading like a dying flame but he also was no where near the level of confidence you were.

"You just did" Todd points out, the tips of his ears burning red as he tries not to dwell on how pretty you are. He had thought it had to be some curse that the beautiful girl he couldn't stop staring at in class somehow got partnered up with him.

"I guess you're right, well either way I'm sure you have some guy friends and get what I mean. It's not like we can share every detail of our lives with each other, it's unnatural. We're so different" and as much as Todd wants to disagree, having only been surrounded by boys his whole life he would have to understand.

"Different how?" Todd inquires, other than the obvious gender difference he wants to hear what this gorgeous girl had already deemed of him in only five minutes of her blabbing and him sitting here and silently listening. If he had the confidence of Charlie or Neil he would’ve asked you on a date already, stopped this silly friend train because there was no way he could possibly be friends with someone who looked like you.

"Well you know, boy, girl. I'm outgoing and you're, well you're just sitting here" you say with a serious look that has a laugh escaping Todds lips and betraying him. The minute the sound reaches your ears his face is as red as a tomato, but she only finds the boy impossibly cuter. Curse you for all this rambling about being friends when you really should've been flirting this whole time.

"Okay" Todd agrees after a moment, nodding his head along and trying to look away before you could see just how red his whole body was from this simple conversation with you. To think you hadn't even started working on a project yet.

"You don’t talk much" you state, looking at him with suspicous eyes and trying to understand the entirety of him. What a mystery this boy was.

“I just really like listening to you, that’s all” he finally says with a slight confidence you hadn't thought him capable. The shock of his words makes your nerves buzz inside you. You knew you could talk to much but to have someone speak so fondly of it was different. Mainly you were picked on for never holding your tongue and instead a boy had complimented you on it. A cute boy at that.

"So I haven't annoyed you yet, scared you away?" You ask curiously, hoping he won't say he was just messing with you. It was possible he could still up and leave, request another partner, and you had humiliated yourself.

"The opposite actually. It's nice being around someone who talks enough for the both of us" the sentence reminds him of Neil, a sad smile painting his features as you let the words wash over you. The most he had said directly to you since you had sat in this seat.

"Than this partnership might just work Todd" you grin and he blushes again, liking you hadn't used the word friend. Especially now that he wanted to be much more than your friend.

"Agreed"

[coinandcandle]

Paradigm Time! - What is a Paradigm?

TL;DR: Paradigms are how you make sense of magic and how it fits into the world in your experiences. They aren't right or wrong and they often change!

Paradigm: a philosophical or theoretical framework of any kind

Note: There are a few different definitions of paradigm depending on the field you're talking about. In the case of magic, we are using the definition above.

Paradigms are essentially how you make sense of the world around you. In magic, these paradigms are ways in which someone understands magic, how it works, and how it is used in the world.

Other people have used words like “framework”, or “beliefs/belief system”. Whatever you call it is fine!

Paradigms can and often do change over time, maybe you used to believe “xyz”, but now you’re thinking more “abc”. This doesn't make everything that you did while you believed in “xyz” invalid, it just means you understand it differently now.

Since paradigms are basically belief systems, they are not factual and are not “right” or “wrong” they simply are. One person may disagree with another, who may disagree with someone else, who may have similar but slightly different experiences than another. More than anything else, paradigms are fluid.

Furthermore, paradigms are fluid not just within ourselves but within communities too!

Here’s an example:

Say everyone in x community generally agrees that crystals hold power. However, some may believe that crystals only hold power once charged, like how a cup can only hold water once filled. While others may believe there is an inherent power within the crystal. Others in turn might believe that some crystals hold power and others don’t. Yet they all still believe the paradigm that crystals hold power.

Now let’s take a few paradigms about correspondences as another example.

In one witch’s paradigm, they might be used as ingredients that hold inherent power. -> “I am using the magical properties inherent to basil to power my money jar.” In another, the correspondences are spirits that you petition to help power the magical working. -> “I am working with the spirit of basil and asking them to help with my money jar.” In another, the correspondences are offerings that you give to a spirit that you’re petitioning. -> “I am using basil as an offering to a spirit to help with my money jar.” In yet another the correspondences are spirits that you don’t even need to petition, their very presence influences the spell. -> “I’m using basil in this spell because the spirit of basil will help influence my money jar.”

Here are some other examples of paradigms:

Spirit-Working sorcery, where spirits are petitioned for aid, and the strength of workings tends to depend on the depth of the relationship developed with the spirit, and/or success in evoking them in that instance.

Thinking or focusing on your intent in your head is fine, writing it down is better, but speaking it aloud is best.

Energy is the battery of magic. Magic is the change caused by whatever you’re doing but energy is what powers that change, be it a spell, prayer, whatever.

Gods can be called upon and petitioned for help with a spell, but the relationship between the caster and the god will determine the strength of the spell or their willingness to help. Otherwise, you can try to appeal to them with offerings to make up for the lack of a relationship, though their help will still not be as strong as if there were a pre-existing relationship.

Inanimate objects do not have spirits, but animals, plants, fungi, and humans do.

Again, these are not universal paradigms, they are just examples. I honestly don't think there even is a universal paradigm when it comes to magic and witchcraft.

Thank you to @windvexer @friend-crow @stagkingswife and @rose-colored-tarot for your help in writing this post!

[autistichalsin]

Don't know if this helps but I think a lot of people (esp neurotypical ppl) see multi paragraph responses as hostile or confrontational, bc length = very strong feelings. Ppl (subconsciously) emotionally view them as ranting. I blame the fact most ppl communicate online through social media that favors short, punchy/glib comments. Even multi tweet threads are a bunch of short comments in a row; nobody talks on forums where conversations span weeks anymore. I think that's why I don't see long essay response chains on Tumblr as often as I did pre 2018.

Oh, also, ppl not understanding a lot of non-neurotypical folk's communication where you prefer to make absolutely sure you're both getting across the point you want to make and saying everything you want to say. And since the only way to do that is use words (which are such terribly misunderstood things) you use as many as you need to. And then ppl see multiple paragraphs and instantly get defensive.

I still don't think that means you need to change the way you communicate though. Someone can always ask you to clarify your intent after all. Just thought maybe I could offer insight on that one part you questioned. My best friend is autistic and we actually had to have a long conversation about communication bc I was misinterpreting her verbosity for irritation, so it's something I had to think a lot about. Anyway! The tone indicators can probably help, hopefully.

(Tone: appreciative/thoughtful)

That's a good point too, because it has become less popular (and suspiciously right at the same time TikTok became the preferred socmed site). I remember when multi paragraph responses were just kind of the standard. Like I'm a Fandom Old, I've been around since Livejournal and I was one of the first 10,000 users on AO3 (on my first account).... this is all new etiquette.

TOTALLY agree about the autism thing like. Using a lot of words makes it less likely I'll be misunderstood... until now I guess lol.

I appreciate you very much, thank you for this ask! I won't change how I communicate PER SE, though I am probably not going to be posting disagreeing posts to anyone but moots again for a while because uh... there are definitely people reading my stuff in bad faith who will be waiting for their next chance to twist my words lol

[beaker1636]

Donors Wanted Part 2 - Chris Motionless

taglist: @ladyveronikawrites @yournecessaryevil @talialovesmiw @cookiesupplier @bloody-delusion-expert @dominuslunae @jilliemiw86 @thechickwiththecamera @tearfallpixie

AN: I know this one is slightly boring compared to the first but I am trying to establish a bit of context and background... I promise it will heat up eventually :)

“Well, what do you want to know?” I ask him, looking over at him as he sits on my bed next to me, keeping an eye on me.  We both lock eyes a couple times but I try not to let it show that this intimidates me, makes me feel a little anxious every time this happens. 

“I think right now it is more important that you ask me what you want to know about me, this process, whatever you want to know.  I want you to feel comfortable about this all, comfortable with me because we are going to be spending a decent chunk of time together,” Chris says.  His eyes watching me closely, why I am not too sure honestly.

“I mean yeah I have some questions.  Everyone kind of rushes me into this without much explanation, which I understand given how rough you looked but yeah.  I guess just how does this whole thing work honestly?” I ask, still laying back against my pillows, feeling exhausted but that is probably a given with him drinking my blood just a little bit ago.

“Do you mean like how we meet up or the whole thing?  For how we decide when we both just stay in communication and decide when works best for each of us once a week is usually the minimum but typically twice in a week span.  Typically it would be here just so after if you’re feeling weak you are somewhat comfortable but you normally would not feel this exhausted and drained, this time is only this bad because I had to take more than I typically would have because of how weak and sick I was.  I promise you that usually I can control myself better, I just couldn’t this time with how bad I was. As for the process, you select the location on the website and then it’ll match the person with someone in need, or it’ll add you to a holding list until someone needs help.  There are several other clans that work with us across the country that use the same website which is why we have the location question in the application process,” he answers honestly, his eyes still watching me as he speaks.

I feel slightly intimidated having him watching me like this, I am not even totally sure why it is bothering me so much but it is.  It is almost like I can feel the power he holds as the leader, if that makes any sense.  I nod slightly, thinking of another question.

“Why? Why go to all this trouble when you could easily just overpower someone every time you are hungry and be done with it? Does it cause you trouble with other vampires who don’t agree with what you do?” I ask, genuinely curious about all of this.  I quickly cover another yawn with my hand as I start to chew on another cracker.

“I must say I am not used to getting this many questions, it is refreshing.  Having someone who is interested in it all rather than just the donation process.  The reason why we do it is simple, we don’t want to hurt anyone, to kill anyone, unless it absolutely winds up necessary. We do it this way because we feel strongly about that, it still sucks that we have to hurt someone to feed but we at least aren’t killing anyone, and unlike popular belief after the whole Twilight thing we unfortunately can’t rely on animal blood.   And yes, there are other clans and rogues that disagree with what we do, but it has never been a problem of anyone coming after us or anything.” He answers, and while I probably shouldn’t believe him given what he is, part of me does.  Maybe it is just because of how tired I am or something but despite feeling like I shouldn’t trust him I somehow want to.

“That’s why you got so sick, because you could have gone and just drank from someone but you refused to because you didn’t want to hurt anyone…. That’s honestly commendable.  Stupid because you weren’t taking care of yourself but commendable,” I say softly.  Realizing what I just said and flushing slightly.  I probably shouldn’t have called a vampire who could easily off me stupid.

Chris just laughs, genuinely laughs at my words, making a small smile form on my own face.

“You know, not many people would dare call a clan leader stupid.  But you aren’t totally wrong, in some ways it probably is stupid of me to do, but I feel strongly about what we do, what I do.” I can still see the amused look on his face after he finishes speaking. 

“Sorry you’ll learn pretty quick. I don't have a filter and suck at thinking before I speak, so I will word vomit things like that by accident more than once,” I admit sheepishly, a little smile of my own on my face after hearing him laugh.

“It’s refreshing, someone that will tell me like it is.  Usually people try to sugarcoat what they think or say what they think I will want to hear because of what I am, because I am the leader of the clan.  Any other questions?” He asks, his whole demeanor different now, it almost feels like he has let his guard down a little bit and it’s nice.  Honestly, happiness looks good on him.

“I, I don’t think so.  Not as of now anyways but I’m sure I will have more in eventually.  You can ask about me too, you know,” I offer with a smile.  Slowly working my way through my crackers, knowing it is for the best even though I really do not want to eat them.

“Well, can I ask why? You don’t strike me as the usual type of people who sign up to do this?” He asks, I can tell he genuinely wants to know.

“Oh Sierra had to talk me into it, I was very skeptical about it at first and almost didn’t believe her at all that this was an actual thing.  I only agreed because when she said that this person genuinely would have died and I saw her actual concern on her face, and I, well I enjoy helping people so I said fine.  And then when they brought you and I was still unsure, seeing how much they all cared about you and seeing how much you genuinely needed it convinced me.  That’s why I do pediatric nursing, I like knowing I am helping children and families.” I say, shrugging like it's no big deal.

“I think that’s awesome, in a way we aren’t as much alike as what it shows are we?” He asks, giving me another smile while also moving to pull my blanket over me when he noticed I shivered.

“I guess not, we just do so in our own ways… hey Chris, can I ask you another question and you can say no if you don’t want to answer,” I ask, no longer feeling scared of him but rather, enjoying his presence and watching how he responds to me. There is something about him that keeps drawing me in, making me interested in knowing more about him, in seeing what makes him tick. When he nods I know that it is okay to ask, even if it's personal and I know he might not like my question and I am okay with that.

“Was there a specific moment that changed your mind and made you turn towards this type of system or were you always into this? You, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I am just curious about what makes you well, you,” I say, hoping he doesn’t take my question the wrong way.  I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or anything, I just want to know what makes him tick.

“There was something that happened, that kind of turned me towards this.  I, I don’t talk about it with anyone but it… I hurt someone I grew really close to and it changed a lot of how I viewed my lifestyle at the time.  It was many many years ago and led me to develop this system.  It was a lot harder back in the day to set up these donor relationships and everything but luckily the internet became a thing and really helped us out with this,” he answers.  I notice how he looks away while talking about all of this, I can tell that whatever it was that happened was a hard moment in his life for him and it makes me regret asking it.  Without thinking about it I reach over, my hand settling over one of his for a moment, wanting to comfort him. 

He looks down at our hands for a moment, I can’t tell if it is because he is wanting to move, if I made him uncomfortable, or if he enjoyed it but he never made a move to pull his hand out from underneath mine, so I took it as okay.  We both sit there quietly for a moment, neither of us making an effort to break the silence, neither of us caring about it as we sat there together.  Somehow it was like we both were kind of stuck, enjoying the touch and comfort of the moment.

“Why did you choose nursing specifically? Did you have one who impacted you a lot in a positive way as a child or did you just think it was the right thing for you?” Chris asks quietly, still looking down at our hands and no longer at me.

“There is a reason actually, my brother had multiple life saving surgeries as a child, I spent lots of time watching the nurses help save him and take care of him, and got to see things they did for other children to comfort them in the pediatric ICU while he was there.  As I got older I never forgot the care and compassion they had for him and other children so when it was time to decide what I wanted to do in college and everything it was just the natural choice.  I love children and I want to help them so it just fits.  And now I do that for work, working in the pediatric ICU and getting to comfort, take care of, and help children everyday and I love it.” I answered, a little embarrassed that I rambled slightly, but Chris didn’t seem to care, he was now watching me speak again.  If I didn’t know any better I would say there is almost a look of admiration on his face as I share my story.

We both sit there in silence again, the exhaustion really starting to hit me harder now. I try to fight it but I am struggling, but I also am enjoying this time with him, getting to know each other.  I don’t want to let it go but I know I will have too soon.

“Hey, don’t fight it.  Go to sleep, I’ll sit here with you until you fall asleep okay?” Chris says, moving to brush some hair from my face again with a soft smile.

I try to fight it but it becomes almost too much, I eventually fall asleep laying in my bed, my hand still covering his as we both sit there in the quiet.  I feel more peaceful falling asleep tonight than I have in a long time… and that honestly scares me a little bit.

[sgiandubh]

Dear Sgian Dubh,

Thank you answering the anon about my well-being or perhaps just a curious anon who doesn't care. At the same time, thank you for not speculating about my departure, as you diplomatically didn't. It wasn't really newsworthy, after all.

I appreciate the anon's concern, if it was indeed honest, as well as your kind words. Feel free to bin this message, leave it unanswered or publish it without saying a word. I'll leave that decision in your capable hands. As it were, I have no choice in it anyway.

Now, let me address something that surprised me a bit. I must confess that the part about you disagreeing with me on "many things" shocked me, lightly. Despite our completely different upbringing in two different worlds and thousands of miles apart backgrounds, the way I perceived our 'relationship' was more optimistic than yours.

I completely understand that, given that you've doxxed yourself and it is not a part of your nature to use verbal explosives in rebuttals, you would want to distance yourself from my care-free expressions. (Trust me, I have written worse.)

Anyway, I thought we agreed on far more than we didn't. Clearly, I was wrong. Not the first time, I see, lately.

The only thing that puzzles me, though, is that you "personally feel tricked at this game". Why? Because I didn't message you beforehand or didn't announce my departure publically?

As I mentioned repeatedly, I wanted to leave weeks before you appeared. And then I didn't. But only because you have managed to upscale the conversations, the content, and the language of this never ending dialogue. I communicated it openly and repeatedly. I didn't lie either.

Because of my perception of our relationship, I expected a private message instead of a public diplomatic note. Not that I minded - we are all adults here - but I thought you were a closer friend than you felt it. I wasn't aware there were any straws on your camel's back on my account. Ok, maybe one - not being obesity friendly and saying so publically.

Again, no pressure for friendship whatsoever. I'd hate that as much as you would. If it's not there it's not there. I just thought I did better on my chemistry test, so to speak. But then, I always sucked at chemistry at school.

At the same time, I'm not blaming you or anyone else, for that matter, that I felt propelled to slam the door, quietly, without reiterating my desire to refocus on my work and my life vs. commenting on every facet of somebody else's. Although, I'm content I challenged you just a tad.

What triggered it? The pompous jerk did. And then there was that gentle push from you under my stew of a post. But I am genuinely grateful for it. Finally! You did what I should have done weeks ago.

So why did I leave so abruptly? Two words: too much. Too much time spent here on my side and too much toxicity considering I stayed here to relax and have fun. I don't like arguing with online icons. But my camel's back had received multiple last straws long before today. And I stayed despite my intuition.

The atmosphere on my timeline wasn't ideal. Sometimes I felt as if I were visiting a high quality for elderly care institution (by mentioning of which I just managed to offend all grandmas here, in case you do publish it. Great!). Just too much regurgitating of the years old pictures and writing the same comments. I can do it a little but not a lot.

Conversely, I noticed that my comments under other people's posts started disappearing. That's too much high school for me. I'm too old for that. If somebody wants to write some shit I don't like under my posts, I won't clean it up. But we are all different.

Too much confrontation at times instead of a civil discourse. Never with you but you already know that. I admit my part where applicable. Then again, I'm not afraid to state my opinion, risking a shower of opposing opinions, as we've all had the pleasure to witness every now and then.

I appreciate that you consider my leaving a loss for the community. Well, the community has to understand that I have three books to write. And finish. And publish. And market. Community will be fine without me in a day or two. Perhaps, it already is.

Ironically, I enjoy the show(s) more without discussing every square inch of it, the cast, the stupid PR and their cousins. Ouch! I'm awful, I know. But at least you know where you stand with me.

I've simultaneously written to my other two confidants here so they won't feel betrayed, even if we don't owe each other anything. There were honest with me so I will reciprocate. Not because I feel that I have to. I want to. And I'll miss most of you and jay911 (if I remember it correctly), even though he is often quiet. Maybe I'm just too loud to hear him.

Farewell, for now!

Happy Thanksgiving! and Merry Christmas!

Succulently-speaking, finally deactivated with no current plans to use any other account. Just so you know, if case some dumb anon pretends it's me. It won't be.

I have received this very, very long letter from @succulently-speaking-deactivate in the middle of the European night and sat on it, pondering what to do with it.

Since she did not offer any explanation for her abrupt departure from the fandom, I am releasing it in the spirit of fairness that always guided me. You have her own words - not mine.

I have only one thing to add. The words she used to express her frustration and anger (and angst?), in that (in)famous post that is now gone forever, are unacceptable in my book. No matter the person to whom they are directed. It is very sad when things come to this point, but this is her choice and we will have to accept it.

When I became a diplomat, I took a public oath to serve my country (big or small, rich or poor, right or wrong) with dignity and honesty. To those, my heart added grace and empathy. I do not see why things would be different in here, as far as I am concerned.

[nefertittythegreat]

Hello, I was relieved to see a kind and reasonable reblog as opposed to what I've been exposed of the fandom these past days... You can privately answer this ask or not at all, I'd hate for you to get blocked by mutuals in the fandom LOL (guess who that happened to, whoops?) I wanted to ask you about the Ferdinand fic idea that got you stonewalled?

First, I'm not afraid to be seen interacting with you! You're one of the few people who interact with me directly in the fandom, when I have literally been dying for some sort of aob interaction. I have so much love for you already, though we've only interacted a few times! It will be a shame if my mutuals block me because of this. I understand they probably want to curate their blog to avoid any AoB hate. Sometimes, you just want to keep the good times rolling, and I get that.

It would be a shame since you and me differ in opinions on a lot regarding Aob. If you ingested any of my content, you would know. For one, I'm a fervent Fermyne shipper, and I'm a Ferdinand lover. My blog will always reflect that. I mean, i have a multiple fermyne post on my blog, but at the same time, I'm in the minority(?) that prefer Sylvester over Ferdinand. Funnily enough, when i joined the fandom over 2 years ago, speaking well about Sylvester was almost unheard of. I was still at the beginning of part 3 and couldn't understand, but in part 4, I got it even if I disagreed because he's just a good boy okay? He's trying his best😭😭

Either way, even though I wasn't interacting directly with the fandom, I learned early on that the nail that sticks out will be hammered down in this fandom. And my own interactions outside of tumblr haven't been pleasant. If me a person who falls primarily in the majority regarding my opinions is feeling this then i can only imagine what someone who has interpreted the series in a different way feels and I know I must not be alone in this feeling.

I want this fandom to be a place where we can discuss freely without fear. I want this fandom to feel welcoming. I've been a part of so many fandoms, and too many of them are toxic.

I'm sorry you're getting hate. I haven't seen it in the notes, so I'll assume you're either deleting it or it's in your asks. If so, I am disappointed with us a group. I understand loving something so strongly that you feel attacked, but interacting and analyzing in the way that you do is a form of love as well and has its place in fandom.

I believe we've grown in number here on tumblr over the past two years, and it's time to organize ourselves better to prevent stuff like this from happening in the future and help everyone curate their own experience as we navigate the main tag. To be honest, I'm not even sure if we have an "official" acronym for the series yet(Are we AoB or AoaB?), but I could just be out of the loop. Maybe we should have a tag specifically for discussions and analysis in this fandom?

I'm gonna be tagging this because I feel we as a community need to think on this, and im willing to start that discussion. I just want this fandom to be as welcoming and fun as possible for everyone. We are all never gonna completely agree, but we can have fun together on here like I believe we have been.

[throwbacktears]

The nhie poll you made was interesting because I have been most people over the age of 20 go towards Benvi while most people under 18 are more Daxton. I personally have been in a relationship (still am) so I would go towards the type of guy I can have common goals with and maybe because of my experience I always saw Paxton as the high school guy but never the long term gal. there’s a point in ur life where u care less about physical attributes and more about contributions long term.

thats so interesting because i have the exact opposite experience for both myself and from other people. my friends and i are over 20, have been in relationships, and we all rooted for daxton.

while i think having common goals is great to have in a partner, i dont think thats the only consideration for what will make a relationship work with someone better over another -- there also has to be respect, kindness, and trust there as bare minimums, which were qualities that devi got from her relationship with paxton (even if devi couldn't see that at the time), but not from ben, until MAYBE the finale, and even then im not sure if i would say really that, or say their getting together even felt earned from a writing perspective. i mean, ben and devi struggled to just properly communicate and become a real endgame until the very last episode of the show. to your point about long term contributions from a partner, i also think paxton and devi are different enough to contribute something to each other so they can each learn and grow as individuals (more on this later). for that reason, i actually saw ben as the high school guy but never the long term guy and paxton as vice versa, because having common goals isn't always enough long term if the foundation for a healthy romantic relationship isn't even there.

i also think its a big misconception i see, particularly on tumblr for some reason, where people assume that daxton shippers only ship them because of paxton/darren's looks, which isn't always the case - at least of me and my friends, it isn't, and i'd argue that's the case for a lot of daxton shippers on here too more often than benvi shippers might want to admit: devi and paxton push each other just enough in a way that enables them both to grow as people and thus better partners, whereas ben and devi bicker to the point where its more toxic than it is endearing, particularly ben's racially insensitive and body-shaming comments towards her that he's made throughout the whole show. paxton has always gone out of his way to show his support for her, even if that meant putting his reputation on the line, while ben always stayed on the sidelines -- too scared to stand up for devi -- until, again, the finale. and devi and paxton share more common ground just from the standpoint of both coming from Asian backgrounds, so they already have that understanding and acceptance of each other/each other's cultures in a way that's instantly recognized compared to someone not from the same ethnic background (see: paxton complimenting devi's sari in season 1, vs. ben pointing out devi's mustache in season 1). so i've always found ben and devi's romantic dynamic and the hints of it thereof very off-putting (but as friends, sure, they work).

in a similar line of thinking, i actually thought people in the 18-25+ ages would prefer daxton, since that age group might have more relationship experience just by virtue of growing up and meeting more people outside of high school, whereas those younger and who haven't experienced something like that might not yet see benvi's dynamic as something unhealthy/not worth rooting for yet. but because the leading age group demographics for both ships were split even in the poll, i guess we can all just agree to disagree.

[crisiscutie]

Wow.. the discussion whether Sephiroth can be redeemed or not getting more serious than I thought.

I personally think Sephiroth can be redeemed and can change his view over time, BUT maybe not during Cloud's life time. Remember, Sephiroth technically immortal. His Jenova cells make him unable to integrate with the Lifestream. Though I doubt we will see much change in FF7 game, but lore wise... he will have plenty of time to change his mind. Cloud and friends will die eventually, but Sephiroth will be reborn over and over.

And while I agree Aerith has trauma of herself, she didn't experience the sense of betrayal Sephiroth had. Remember, Sephiroth in a sense, has been betrayed by his own friends (Angeal and Genesis) in Crisis Core. Dunno what will happen in Ever Crisis, but I'll left those out for the moment. This is why the first thing on his mind when Zack confronted him, he rant about human beings are traitors ( Shinra Mansion event). I know he conflated it with the ancient betrayed by human because he thinks he's ancient during this period of time. But he projected it into his own experience.

Secondly, I have to disagree with anon who said Tseng assaulted Aerith and you who said her support circle is limited. She actually has many than we perceive. Tseng and the Turks never assaulted Aerith. They treat her with respect, and protecting Aerith in their own way because they has to follow their own orders. So Aerith only hatred is Hojo, not the whole Shinra. She fell in love with Zack, a kind hearted but naive Shinra SOLDIER. The Turks who supposed to bring her back, are protecting and respect her boundaries nonetheless. Also, Zack never betrays her, only MIA. This is a different kind of loss from the way Sephiroth was betrayed by his friends.

Shinra executives themselves (except Reeves) seen both Sephiroth and Aertih as tools. In this part, they are the same.

Lastly, I don't think Aerith is burdened with her power (maybe normal human being see it that way, but not her). Being able to communicate with spirits or nature itself, she felt less lonely and able to understand other beings (ghost, flowers, etc) and make her become much more emphatetic. The whole world support her. This is the opposite of Sephiroth's power where his physical prowess doesn't help him in understanding emotions and the world Gaia itself rejects him due to his Jenova cells, although he already try hard to be as human as he can be.

So, I would arguably say Sephiroth has worse luck than Aerith in term of support system. His parent figure is Hojo (need I say more?), while Aertih has a loving Ifalna and Elmyra. Sephiroth grew up with propaganda and war, Aerith grew up with hardships but surrounded by people who love her (Elmyra, people at the slums, orphans, etc). Sephiroth betrayed by his friends, Aerith has her enemies respecting and protecting her.

So the different outcome of Sephiroth and Aertih is actually understandable because of their situations and how they were raised.

AC happened not too long after the original game, but Sephiroth still had time to think things through. Instead, he spends this time being furious at Cloud and everything else. He and Jenova are responsible for Geostigma an excruciating disease that doesn't get enough "holy shit" points for how terrible it is. It especially likes to target mentally weak people, especially children. Oh, and Sephiroth got rid of most of his memories in the Lifestream, but he only kept the ones that make him angry and full of hatred so he wouldn't lose his consciousness. I think it's even said that he is the physical manifestation of the negative Lifestream. That is probably a good sign that he won't change. And if the theory that 7R Sephiroth is AC Sephiroth traveling back in time is right, well, that only solidifies it.

As for Aerith: In the original FF7, Tseng hits her for simply sharing the news about Marlene's security. This scene was removed in 7R, but the point remains is that the Turks still blackmailed and kidnapped Aerith. Under normal circumstances and with her free will, Aerith would never willingly return to Shinra with them. While she may not view Reno and Rude as bad since they're doing their job, she's still probably wary of them. But I did not see her boundaries being respected by them or Shinra at any point. Well, besides them not stepping on her flowers, which is a nice plus in their favor.

Nevertheless, I stand by my belief that Aerith endured much trauma and yet managed to maintain her kind and caring nature. I'll concede to you about her powers. And your perspective on Gaia rejecting Sephiroth is interesting. I've never thought of it like that before, but it does make sense. In CC, he wanted to rule the planet, but in FF7, he wanted to harm it. During that time in the Lifestream, Jenova was the only one who accepted him. He knew that the planet and Lifestream rejected him. So now, his loyalty lies solely with her. Always knew Sephy took rejection poorly.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Any advice for a past anti-endo becoming pro-endo? I find myself slowly drifting away from friends who consider themselves anti-endo and I wonder if maybe I'm doing something wrong. I understand endos aren't perfect but they aren't as bad as people make them out to be. Sorry if this is too discoursey for this blog, feel free to ignore if it is!

hey - we don’t mind answering this, but we’ll do so under a cut to spare our followers from the syscourse. followers, if syscourse upsets you, please scroll on without clicking to keep reading.

so first of all, that’s great that you’re having a more open mind about plurality and endogenic systems! accepting and embracing different forms of plurality can help bring us closer together as a community :)

we’re sorry it’s been causing you to drift away from your friends as a result… syscourse is a complicated and nuanced topic, and it’s hard to find anyone who will agree with your syscourse beliefs 100%. we know pro endos who still maintain friendships with anti endos, and we do believe it’s possible to maintain positive relationships with those who disagree with you without wavering in your beliefs.

i suppose some general advice we’d like to give for a previous anti endo who’s changing their ways is:

1) trust yourself for validation, not other pro endos.

if you are open and accepting of other kinds of systems, that is excellent, and you are doing the right thing. many in the pro endo community may struggle to accept folks who have changed their ways. there’s lots of “once an anti, always an anti”, “syscourse unaligned/neutral just means anti”, and “anti endos are a hate group” sentiments online. and those who genuinely have these beliefs likely won’t trust or show kindness to those who have been anti endos in the past. so don’t be too discouraged and please don’t go back to being anti endo if you’re not accepted in the community by other pro endos. we ourself have been shunned by much of the pro endo community for being “syscourse unaligned,” so we know personally how that goes. but that hasn’t stopped us from listening to and supporting endogenic systems to the best of our ability.

2) stay out of syscourse, at least for a while

syscourse is dangerous. discussions (on the rare occasions there is one) are often emotionally charged and can get very heated very quickly. so many individuals on all sides of syscourse truly believe that their opinions are the only right ones, and everyone else needs to change or leave the system community. so if you’re learning more about endogenic systems and trying to be a pro endo, it may be wise to just stay out of syscourse and support nontraumagenic systems from the sidelines. one way you can do this is by…

3) following common pro endo tags

“#pluralgang” in general is pretty accepting of all systems. there’s also “#endo safe,” “#endo friendly,” “#endogenic,” “#pro endo,” “#nontraumagenic,” and “#nontraumagenic safe.” you will see the occasional cross post which doesn’t belong, but for the most part, these tags are by endo systems and supporters, for endo systems and their supporters. following these tags can help you feel less isolated from the community!

4) know when to set boundaries and draw the line

it’s well known that the pro endo community (and the plural community in general, honestly) has issues with racism, particularly concerning “tulpamancy” language, which has been condemned by many buddhist systems of color. it is possible to be pro endo without condoning the racism that exists within the community! please make an effort to listen to, center, and uplift plural voices of color in your discussion spaces. it’s possible to believe in tulpamancy and be pro tulpa systems while not standing for their choice of language use. please don’t be accepting of all practices and terminology at face value; when you hear marginalized groups voicing their concerns, listen to them and take them seriously. there are plenty of other terms to describe these systems you can use besides “tulpa” - our system uses paro/paromancy/paromancer, which is not a term bastardized from vajrayana buddhism and tibetan culture.

5) think critically about what you see online

as with any community, there can be bad actors, and there can be ableism. please put your thinking cap on when reading others’ posts, especially posts made by endogenic systems that discuss did/osdd and other dissociative disorders. learn how to spot misinformation and disinformation. try to understand when posts are slightly misguided, and when they may have ulterior motives to cause harm to traumagenic systems. there are accounts out there run by people who will make bigoted, hurtful, and untrue statements regularly, but since they do this eloquently and with a cheery attitude, they often go unchecked. make sure you’re being careful when engaging with the pro endo community, to try and avoid interacting with those whose intentions are to harm disabled systems.

6) try not to waver in your beliefs

if you end up having conversations about syscourse with your anti endo friends, you may find that they spend time trying to steer you back to disliking or disbelieving endo systems. having a few talking points to help you stand your ground could be really useful. some of our go-to statements are:

- other people know themselves and their experiences more than i ever will.

- just because someone’s personal or spiritual beliefs are not provable by science doesn’t mean that they deserve to be disrespected.

- policing other people’s identities and lived experiences is never a good look.

- for the most part, endogenic systems do not claim to have dissociative disorders and do not take up resources allocated for traumagenic systems, contrary to popular belief.

hopefully these things can help keep you on track. you’re not doing anything wrong by coming to a better understanding of plurality and choosing to listen to and respect nontraumagenic systems. remember we’re not the end-all-be-all to syscourse and the pro endo community! we’re just one system who’s been around the block sharing our ideas.

we seriously hope that soon you can find community with likeminded people. thank you for making a genuine attempt to learn more - we see you and appreciate your efforts in trying to change for the better!

🐢 kip and 💫 parker

[annoyinglandmagazine]

Elrond and Celebrimbor headcanons

I have so many feels about these two during the second age and I thought I’d inflict some of the pain onto you

Their shared family history is so fascinating. They’re completely opposite in some ways yet so similar in others. We have Celebrimbor only grandchild of Feanor, possibly the most infamous person in all of Arda. He’s the son of Curufin, the son of Feanor generally considered most similar to his father. He’s the second in line to the house of Feanor and very much considered part of it. He then spends large parts of his life trying to distance himself from all of it after recognising how morally awful his family legacy is.

And then there’s Elrond. He’s the heir to all that have the most reason to despise the Feanorians and all they stand for. His father is Nolofinwean on the Elvish side, his mother Sinda and Teleri and his own childhood home was sacked by Feanorians at age 6 before being essentially kidnapped. Yet despite all this he still claims Maglor and Maedhros as his parents. He still chooses this heritage as part of who he is even if most people would disagree with him about it.

Like that already sets them up for a super complicated relationship already. Just imagine Celebrimbor seeing Elrond for the first time during the War of Wrath wearing a star of Feanor. Imagine them forming a bond over the shared trauma of being raised by people everyone sees as soulless monsters. Maybe Elrond’s openness about his love for Maglor and Maedhros finally makes Tyelpe feel he can acknowledge his heritage again. Only in small ways, he hasn’t forgiven them yet, but he feels like he is allowed to have more complicated views on the subject than just hating them outright. He probably develops a very protective attitude over him pretty quickly as he just can’t believe such a genuinely good and kind ray of sunshine could want to be publicly associated with him and his insane relatives without even having a blood relation.

They understand and recognise characteristics in each other that no one else would. They know how exactly what the other needs when they’re going through something and don’t even need to speak to communicate that they’re having a difficulty. After Elros dies Tyelpe is the first person to hold Elrond while he grieves over it and neither ever forget it. They also have the darkest sense of humour that everyone else finds too much and their banter freaks out anyone who overhears. After a while they decide on the label of cousins. They never go into what kind of cousins or through who they just leave it ambiguous to avoid complications.

I think their relationship deteriorated during the Annatar incident. Elrond knows something is up with Annatar the first time he meets him in Lindon and he convinces Gil Galad to send him away immediately. Gil Galad doesn’t take much convincing he doesn’t strike him as trustworthy either and whenever Galadriel and Elrond seem to agree it’s generally a good idea to listen to them. And then he hears Annatar is in Eregion.

On his next visit he is hostile to Annatar the whole time and it sets Tyelpe on edge. He’s never imagined his sweet cousin could be so unpleasant towards one of his dearest *friends* while staying in his house. The look in his eyes reminds Tyelpe too much of the look his Maedhros would get sometimes. Elrond is freaking out the whole time because something is off! How can no one else see how messes up this guy’s aura is? It’s taking all his willpower not to go full Melian on the spot, all this guys energy is so absolutely wrong!

It culminates and they get into an Arguement. Tyelpe is convinced Elrond’s trauma and problematic role models are finally getting to him and he’s started seeing the enemies where there are none, just like his uncles did. Celebrimbor knows what paranoia looks like and he swore to himself never too become like that. Elrond just knows something is about to go terribly wrong and he needs to stop it but Celebrimbor won’t listen to him. Tyelpe had alway trusted his counsel up to now and he takes this new unwillingness to hear him out as further signs of manipulation. This gets very intense with Celebrimbor saying that Elrond was corrupted by his upbringing but it is past the point of no return when Elrond compares his blindness to that of Feanor. When Elrond draws his sword at Annatar after he sees him the next day Tyelpe tells him to leave. That’s the last time they see each other.

Several decades later Gil Galad receives a letter with Vilya enclosed in it. They know something must be very wrong for him to open the channels of communication after so many years of silence and Elrond convinces Gil Galad to let him head to Eregion at once. Eventually he relents despite his worry for Elrond’s well being and desire to accompany him himself, on the condition that Elrond brings Glorfindel with him. When Elrond arrives he is greeted be the sight of Tyelpe’s body being used as a banner.

He fights like a force more than a person, scarcely recognisable and slaying without effort or thought simply on pure instinct and raw power, all the drills he’d ever completed flowing entirely naturally. Eventually he recovers the corpse or what is left of it. He manages to lead his soldiers to retreat in what would become Imladris. When Glorfindel finds him he sees him cradling the body and knows not to speak. He helps him dig a grave and watches as he cleanses the blood from Celebrimbor’s wounds before laying him gently down. He never tells any save Galadriel and Gil Galad where he is buried for fear of vandals. He tells his children of Tyelpe’s kindness, his perseverance and desire to do good and help others no matter what.

[bobbinalong]

Your take is your own, I see the reasoning, but I do kind of think the inconsistency was the point I supersons? Damian's capacity for handling emotional intimacy is strained and limited and the fact that he isn't consistent in his expression of affection, to me at least, kind of seems like the obvious result of that. Little boys with unhelpful role models for emotional openness can already be like that with their friends, today common, especially with that age pocket and especially when their feelings are intense and they don't have the tools to really communicate and rationalize them. Damian is an extreme version of that dysfunction, so him bothering Jon and being harsh and unkind one moment and devoted the next just kind of read like two sides of the same unhealed, immature coin. Also he's been raised by Batman. The modern Batman.

It just tracks with me experience with helping children manage their relationships is my point, so I wouldn't be willing to call that sloppy or unrealistic characterization.

I don't ... totally disagree.

But my point was more that if this was the point, it was never really treated as such. It was never examined. Damian never got a moment (again, in the Super Sons comics, I feel like that's really important to note because that's what I'm criticizing) of introspection, or at least so far he hasn't.

Obviously a thirteen-year-old boy isn't gonna sit his little friend down and explain all these big emotions to him, he's a child, he doesn't understand what's going on himself, but they do have adults in their lives and even if Bruce is too emotionally constipated to sit them down for a good talk, I don't think Clark or Lois are.

But Lois doesn't factor into this at all, unless we want Damian to degrade journalism for whatever fucking reason, and Clark, too, is written very inconsistently, at first wanting them to spend more time with each other despite Damian being an ass (and Jon giving as good as he gets), then wanting to seperate them because some freak from another timeline says Damian's gonna be responsible for Jon crossing a line in the future after the kid's proven to deeply care for Jon.

And I know this seems like I'm contradicting myself, because I just said I wanted Clark to keep SuperSons!Jon away from SuperSons!Damian but that only goes for the first five or so issues. After that, Damian does start having those sweet moments and Clark as a person is much more likely to foster those, despite any potential risks, than stamp them out by separating the kids.

But Tomasi!Clark is another rant. Or really not, he just often feels too angry and too soldier-y and I don't always like him.

There's good stuff in Super Sons. There's interesting stuff in Super Sons. None of it is ever examined. We can do that, sure, and we might get something neat out of it, but that's you putting in the work, not the author. Which is good to a certain extent, you should have stuff to think deeper about, implications and what not, a book shouldn't serve you everything on a silver platter, I just genuinely don't think Tomasi did this with that thought in mind.

He was writing The Fun Adventures of Superboy and Robin, and his Superboy's a sweet kid who won't take your crap and his Robin's a pretentious little ass who sometimes cares a lot and that's nice on paper but for me often fails in execution.

And, y'know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too uncharitable. I'm just one guy and sometimes I'm an idiot.

In that case, agree to disagree (on Super Sons the Book), I guess, because at the moment, I'm not really willing to change my opinion on this. I've spent three days making a spreadsheet, my brain is kinda mush.

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

While I do agree with that last ask that Ada's outfit is truly not appropriate as a spy, I kinda wanted to put in my own little input. For one thing I totally agree with the fact that her outfit is something I could very much see a woman dressing for herself choosing. Not that women don't choose to dress super skimpy, but Ada's outfit in RE 4 Remake is, in my opinion, a pretty popular Fall/Autumn outfit among feminine presenting people (I mean people even joke on Tiktok about how Autumn is stylish black boot season lol) Other than her stilettos, her outfit is not that out there, in terms of comfort even. It's a knit dress top. Those are some of the more comfortable dresses, even if it is body con. It might be tight, but it's not modeled so tightly that it's "weird" if you get what I mean, and it's knit, and it can have some stretch, and it's moveable. (I feel like I can say that as someone who has worn a very similar dress and had to walk for several blocks in the winter) Respectfully, I really disagree that her current outfit is "less appropriate than her original outfit." If you've ever worn a maxi dress, one can know how impractical the long length/can be unless you were to like, tie it to the side or whatever. Shorter dress can be out of the way of your legs. I feel like if you removed her stilettos and gave her more practical boots, it's really not that crazy of an outfit. Frankly, just because a woman dresses femininely, doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Also honestly....? Just because someone has a cold personality doesn't mean they can't be stylish? Like....Wesker's new outfit is pretty stylish as well if we're going to be fully honest. As a female-presenting person, I don't think Ada's outfit has so much overt sex appeal. It's just something I've seen so often as an outfit for this season, and something I've seen other female presenting people reach for when it gets cold. Her boots are kind of doing all the legwork if you'll excuse the pun. I dunno! Maybe I'm just delulu, but yknow?

I also just wouldn't think it'd be Ada if her design didn't communicate some level of flair. RE 4, despite now having a more serious undertone compared to its original, I feel has always been the kind of silly and unrealistic game anyway compared to the others. I mean the Merchant throws a rave when you do well at target practice. You eat raw fish and eggs....? There were Ganados that wore Leon's jacket and Krauser's hat for some reason???? There's a request where you literally are just told to egg a portrait of Ramon Salazar. Ashley is secretly a scene/emo kid???? Me personally, I appreciate this design compared to the past of game design. Could it be better? Yeah, sure. But it's SOMETHING imo. I totally get that we want to go from point A to B, and that we shouldn't accept the bare minimum, but sometimes things also take baby steps. I've noticed the slow shift in other games as well. Mortal Kombat's female characters had people upset because they looked "too" practical and "not sexy enough." League of Legends has been slowly updating its designs (i.e. Janna and Nidalee in their recent Legends of Runeterra art) Aloy from Horizon Zero Dawn is designed to look like a realistic person. I dunno!

One thing I will agree on is the game's camera with the ass shots. I can only really remember one (that scene where Ada sees Ashley being taken by one of Salazar' bug guard) but yeah, that was unnecessary. I don't think they did entirely bad by Ada in my opinion because there were several scenes where this male gazey shot did not happen.

Anyway sorry that this ask is super long. I had a lotta thoughts lol.

Respectfully, I really disagree that her current outfit is "less appropriate than her original outfit." If you've ever worn a maxi dress, one can know how impractical the long length/can be unless you were to like, tie it to the side or whatever.

yeah i think i struggle a lot with trying to understand how her original outfit is more appropriate than her remake one. it's COLD, there was no reason for her to be in that type of dress. and the long skirt of the dress is also impractical as hell. i agree that the changing of her boots to a more flatter boot would make her outfit fairly appropriate. we're also kind of assuming that her tights are fairly well fitting since she's not constantly pulling them up lol

but yeah i agree that i think her outfit isn't overtly sexual. it's provocative sure?? the heels are mostly the thing that makes it not practical.

i think that there's a bit of an interesting push for more realistic depictions of women, and the horizon zero dawn reaction was insane to me, but entirely not unexpected. in another case, people were mad that ada's heels were removed in dead by daylight lol. EVEN THOUGH her flats were more practical, people wanted her heels anyways

i feel as though the shots that they used were also not so terrible in terms of male gaze-y. we also got ✨⛓the chain scene ⛓✨ for leon which was literally on the tiktok fyp for just horny video game scene that like SO MANY MEN JUST DID NOT GET.

but the singular ass shot of ada i think was, sure a bit much. but it wasn't so much that i was like, WOW THAT'S SO SEXUALIZING HER, cause i was also like oMGGGADA ADA ADA ADA ADA ADA so maybe im no better than a man lmao

but yeah! i mostly agree with you ty!

[dandyshucks]

okay its going under a readmore bc its messy and a lot, i'll try to keep it succinct though. CW for some discussion of the ongoing g.enocide and things around that topic

so one of the friends is someone I've really respected and admired because they're a very intelligent well-spoken and kind-hearted individual. i've really been impressed with how they think about things and with their ability to write really fantastic essays (that they often share with this friend group because they're in school and enjoy sharing their work with us because a lot of us are interested in the things they write about). about a year ago, this person went through the process of converting to j.udaism and we were all very excited (and continue to be happy) for them. they've been really happy with the process and the community they've found and it's been really good for them.

however! this person has since stated they are a z.ionist! and they've said that it just means that j.ewish people should live in i.srael, it doesn't mean they support the i.df or what is happening in p.alestine currently. but I'm just... baffled at how they can think that non-p.alestinians occupying the country could EVER be done peacefully. it has ALWAYS been colonization. it was never going to be done in a peaceful manner.

do j.ewish people deserve a safe place to exist? absolutely! but I do not think, ESPECIALLY now, that that safe place can ever be located in p.alestine. I'm not the most educated or well-read individual, I've done a bit of reading over the past few months but my memory is shoddy and I consistently forget almost everything I've read, but as far as I can tell, this has been a non-peaceful occupation (...can occupation ever really be done peacefully in reality? i doubt it.) from the very beginning. p.alestinians were being kicked out of their houses from the start.

and to add onto the messiness of this all, I am the only i.ndigenous person in the entire group. I am the only one coming at this from an i.ndigenous perspective. and because of my perspective, I am ALWAYS going to be on the side of the population that first lived and existed in a place. i am always on the side of l.and back, i am always on the side of the first peoples. anything less would be essentially agreeing with colonization.

so it is just incredibly uncomfortable to be the only i.ndigenous person in this group while the rest of the group has discussed and expressed sympathy with this person for holding self-professed z.ionist beliefs (I do not believe this person has done the right reading to fully understand what they are saying, which is so strange because they are usually so good about educating themself). and I feel like if I try to say anything to argue or simply question this person, I'm going to rock the boat too much and make Everyone uncomfortable and the entire thing will blow up and fall apart around me. so my options seem to be either: a) say something, b) say nothing and stay in the group, or c) say nothing and quietly leave the group. none of which feel like good options!

and it sucks so much because there are people I genuinely do like in this group, and I've liked this one person and respected them since I met them, but they're really .... showing themself to be an unsafe person at the end of the day. I keep feeling like maybe I'm not seeing something or maybe I'm missing something, but I've looked at this from multiple angles and while I do absolutely see where they're coming from and even sympathise with some of it, I disagree with them on a fundamental level.

(also it seems really fucked up for them to be newly converted to j.udaism and endorsing what is essentially colonization and lowkey ignoring the fact that PEOPLE ARE BEING GENOCIDED RIGHT NOW so maybe we should not be discussing "but where are all the j.ewish ppl going to live :(" until the bullets and bombs stop at the very least(????????), while I've been indigenous and dealing with the consequences of attempted (and still ongoing!) genocide and colonization my entire life)

[banavalope]

It's been very interesting reading your responses to all the questions about that Japanese article. You speak really well and I've enjoyed reading your POV. I find the whole discourse kind of wild because I've been in fandom for 16+ years. I'm a multishipper and I've always had a 'ship and let live' kind of view to things. There are absolutely things I'm not comfortable with reading/seeing, but the back button and block function are wonderful tools. Plus with fanfiction having such multitudinous tagging options available it's easy to avoid things I don't like.

To me something enjoyed in a fictional space has little correlation to things enjoyed in IRL spaces, but I do have understanding for peoples' reservation when encountering certain topics and being unsure how the creator stands on those topics in a non-fictional space. I try very hard to see the best in people and assume people are good until proven otherwise [and yes this has bitten me in the ass before, but I will continue on].

I'm not quite sure where I was going with this, but yes, I wanted to say thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I've recently returned to Tumblr after a brief stint on Twitter and it's nice to see people talking openly and calmly about things C:

Thank you! As strange as it might be to say, I'm glad the initial anon sparked the discussion at all, because this is the kind of stuff that will gnaw at me pretty often. I've been around in fandoms for over 20 years and enjoy the community aspect, part of that experience has always been in discussing what we enjoy, don't enjoy, enthusiasms, takeaways, and the thrill in the variance of opinion it all has. I love when I have a difference in opinion with somebody in fandom because I want them to have that opportunity to talk about their headcanons. It's enthusiasm! I love creating and being part of collective enthusiasm! Pretty sure that's a shared sentiment by just about anybody.

But then I see the way fandom communities have become increasingly more hostile over time, especially to differences in opinion, and I have to wonder why that is. I've got some good guesses, but then I would have to write a book.

In the event people who haven't left yet are getting sick of this talk, I'm gonna put it under a read more lmao

One thing I've seen go nearly extinct in many areas of fandom has been the concept of agreeing AND disagreeing, both at the same time, with something. I haven't really paid any words to what I disagreed about with the initial article, mostly because I was already saying so much about all that other stuff lol, but like I didn't agree with everything that was said. I had questions of my own.

Overall, I thought it was a good critical look at how I should really just say "I hate pedophiles and other types of sexual abuse" in my tumblr about page, instead of using non-words like proship or anti. I hadn't ever considered how unhelpful it might be, to overseas fandom especially, using hyperniche american slang about something so important to convey.

An outside perspective looking in on my country in a way I could never replicate, afforded me the ability to think about how we can't be compared to Japanese fandom, the artist can take the perspective of a pro shipper to mean someone who's sensible (ship and let live, as you put it) because Japan has entirely different social norms to America. I can't agree with their take on that, but I agree with their take on that at the same time. I would love to know more about the history of japanese online fandom so I could compare and contrast it with my knowledge of american online fandom. I wonder what their biggest problems are with other fans, what their "toxic fan traits" are, if any.

It also got me to think about terms like "block and ignore" or "ship and let live", and how those are sentiments I agree with in core concept, but disagree with at face value. Maybe they've become too vague, like proship and anti. Maybe it's time to change the dialogue to say we should understand that when people fetishize children, the focus is entirely on the age of those characters, how actual predators won't age characters up or talk about aged up versions of characters if their interest in those characters is the fact they're canonically underaged; or establishing that if you as a minor are having issues with seeing something dangerous, when blocking and ignoring is not enough for you as a minor to feel safe, making fandom mentors aware of the dialogue you want to have can help us set a precedent.

I have no idea how many conversations it's going to take for fandom to get to a point where we start being more analytical, but one of these days it would be nice if we could stop painting the flags unanimously red.

[beachesgetpeaches]

I can't deal with the two extremes at this point. I've seen some act like Matty is a godsend that never did anything wrong, because it was all an "act". I've seen the other side act like he murdered someone.

There is a middle ground. He might just be an immature asshole that made shitty edgy jokes. He wouldn't be the first. He won't be the last.

More than anything, and this is just my opinion, I feel like a lot (not all) of Swifties are upset, not because of what he said or did, but because he makes Taylor look bad and it calls her activism into question. Some of them seem to think liking an activist makes them an activist or morally superior.

This is probably all over the place, but that's kind of how I feel. Matty is an ass, as always. But Taylor was never an unproblematic champion of marginalized communities.

I think at this point, fans might just need to accept that maybe they aren't amazing people, and maybe it's okay to just like their music or...stop buying it. Taylor breaking up with Matty tomorrow won't make her a better person.

Sorry, that was longer than I meant it to be.

I actually love that my ask can be a place to vent and share opinions so no apologies needed for the length. But I agree, there are two extremes which kind of just seem to feed each other... and it's not constructive at all.

It also means that if you say something that disagrees with one extreme you are likely to be treated as the other. Though in this case I've gotta admit that I've seen more of it from the "hate matty" side than the defend side - though this could just be the side of the internet I am in.

And with that kind of mindset it means that people who are in the middle (which I think is the closest to the truth, not to idk pat myself on the head or anything) and recognise that Matty has fucked up, and that we should criticise some of his actions, while also maintaining that he is not actually racist/antisemitic/islamophobic/thedevil/etc... those people are being ignored. Or worse, they just get bunched with the other extreme side and called racists, white-feminists, and yknow the rest.

Not to mention that I do think Matty in his statement to New Yorker was onto something with how he said "let me get as close to X as possible, so you can see how good I am"... kind of like, look at me calling out what everyone else is calling out to prove how moral and good and worthy I am. When, in fact, all of those reactions are doing nothing because ultimately Matty (in this case) is actually not a racist, has stood for things that need standing up for, and is actually not actively harming people. Beyond hurting feelings of people online (?).

(and I guess here I understand the wish from some fans that he addresses things or apologises, but I can't speak on t1975 fandom account since I have not been a part of it for the many years they have been active)

Either way, to me it seems that people still have not learned to listen/read for themselves instead of reiterating the things they read without forming their own opinion.

@yallcantread has made a few really well written, well documented posts about this specific topic, which I would encourage people to read through.