#can i say i actually really loved the bridge scene as someone who had been suicidal

[lesbiansforeddiediaz]

The bridge scene

[ominous-horse-noises]

im ab to be annoying ab dimension20 fhjy but im genuinely loving the character arcs for the bad kids this season?

kristen going from self-annihilatingly stupid to trying to build a genuine bridge with the man who not only wielded the religion that traumatised her (bobby dawn), but also was trying to ruin her life, just bc she thought a grieving father ought to be comforted in some way? her genuine distress at being unable to revivify buddy even though the two had only had negative interactions, or her biting her tongue in front of her parents so she could better look after her little siblings? grappling with the fact that she still, on some level, expected practising religion to be easy and convenient for her as a holdover from an entire childhood spent being a Chosen One, and finally putting her nose to the grindstone and committing to working her ass off for a deity that couldn't even benefit her for a hot minute? making an effort to be cordial with tracker's new gf and letting go of that codependency? the kristen applebees from ep20 would NOT do all the same stupid shit as ep1 and i love that.

fabian being humbled by the narrative again and again has been an absolute treat for his character. the whole ivy/mazey situation was great: freshman/sophomore year fabian would've gone for ivy no sweat, i mean her character seemed pretty similar to pre-redemption aelwyn and he had a huge crush on her then. but this time, when he realised he'd hurt a genuinely great person, and intentionally swallowed his pride to make it up to mazey, even though it required him being 'uncool' with the whole twister thing. his general arc of learning that earnestness and humility doesn't make him less of a man felt like a natural extension of fabian defining his own version of masculinity- sure, a 'maximum legend', but also someone deeply involved in the arts, and someone who is less afraid of saying sorry and being vulnerable in front of someone he likes

fig. fig fig fig. what a woman. its been absolutely fascinating watching build her sense of identity over these three seasons. at her core, fig is a character that loves so deeply. in freshman, she was terrified of the depth of her own devotion, so she tried to distance herself emotionally from everyone. in sophomore, she built herself around that love for other people. in junior year, fig's arc has been learning she can do both: that she's defined by her love for others, but not solely by it. ik emily wanted to retire the character before this season but i think fig's paladin arc was the best capstone to her journey possible.

gorgug's arc has been about establishing clear boundaries for himself and i love it. im aware there's been some Discourse ab the mango soda scene but to me that was pretty easily chalked up to teenage insecurity. a big part of gorgug's arc was trying to believe in himself when everyone around him told him he was too dumb to follow his passion- imagine struggling in an area that you have no natural aptitude for, and someone comes along and also trounces you in the one area you thought you were the best in. i'd be petty and reactive too (gorgug follows up calling her a freak with the fact that she beat the shit out of him, so its clearly him just still smarting from a bruised ego and not actual malice). in general, i've really like gorgug learning to put his foot down and say enough is enough without completely losing his gentleness.

adaine hasnt had an obvious arc, but considering she addressed most of her baggage in the first two seasons, i'm not surprised. i would've liked to see the other bad kids address her 'teenage adult' behaviour, but her self-awareness about it and relying on fabian to pull in clutch for the oracool stuff still felt like she'd learned to rely on her friends at least + her reaching out to aelwyn and the two of them healing from their parents together has been rewarding it its own right.

riz is perfect and has learned nothing. his neuroticism is part of his natural swag

[kleewie]

i don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you (and i)

summary: dating tip? just don't. for celebrities, romantic relationships are absolutely forbidden. the slightest hint of one could ruin your career. but are you even listening to the lecture? doubt it, 'cause you're doing the complete opposite. (alternatively, a celebrity au featuring secret relationships.)

→ featuring: childe, & ayato (you can really tell who my faves are)

→ warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, slight cursing, established relationship, mentions of alcohol and drinking, tension, actual cursing, unreliable reader pov, gender-neutral reader (i apologize if i missed things, i haven't proofread it yet)

→ a/n: so, hi! long time no see? i was pretty stressed with college and well, i'm back! i began writing this last year and finally got the courage to finish it. but here it is and i hope you enjoy it :> please let me know if you like it <3 it really makes my day!

credits to @dumplingsjinson for the prompts!

beware, lengthy post ahead! more under the cut!

the debut.

“forbidden?” you repeat.

“absolutely forbidden!” your manager says. “a rookie with no fanbase? a scandal will ruin your reputation! you're absolutely forbidden from dating anyone.”

you sigh. he's being too overdramatic.

you will never be in a relationship, you're absolutely sure. how can you? with no time for yourself as it is, dating someone with the limited hours you already have sounds impractical.

besides, you're too busy training and practicing for auditions.

remembering it now, you want to laugh.

i told you so, your thoughts chastise.

god, you should've listened.

childe, the actor

“that's a wrap!” the director cheers.

your eyes glisten as you hold back tears. it's embarrassing, you think. so damn embarrassing.

you've been repeating the same kissing scene multiple times now. obviously, the director cheers for finally completing the take and not because you did a good job.

childe pats your back. “you did great,” he says, with a smile.

but you know the gesture so goddamn well. the same nonchalant cold grin he throws at everyone that he now directs at you? oh, he's angry alright.

for what reason? who knows. you're too busy wallowing in self-despair over how terrible your acting is.

the scene is supposedly simple. it involves the second lead, who happens to be you, confessing their love to the leading man, resulting to a spontaneous kiss.

yet, you're fumbling over the lines, acting so out of character, tripping over set, incorrectly initiating the kiss at awkward angles—the whole time-wasting squander.

“what's going on?” childe eventually asks, once he arrives at your shared apartment. his bag drops to the floor with a flop. “you're acting strange. the entire crew sees it, i see it, the director sees it—what if he decides to fire you? what will you do then?”

you swallow dryly. you left the set early hoping childe's hectic schedule prompted him to forget the whole issue. yet, here he is finally bringing up the conversation after what feels like a month's worth of tension.

as you sit on the sofa chair, your fingers massage the bridge of your nose. breathe in, breathe out. you repeat. don't cry. you try to calm yourself down as a sob tries to break through.

eight months, you've been a couple.

but, there are some things you're afraid to say.

each year, the biggest tabloid newspaper in the country releases an article on celebrity dating scandals. a month ago they released one single page article about a popular actor dating a newbie actress. it barely had any juicy details, just a simple paragraph of a somebody dating a nobody.

yet, it did not end well for them. and you're terrified; for when it could happen to you.

you imagine it. dozens of messages and multiple missed phone calls on your cell as your name becomes the next talk of the town. the headline reads: revealed! a nobody actress, the second-lead from the northland bank saga currently dates the nation's boyfriend, childe!

it terrifies you. you could lose your job. lose what you love doing the most. and you could get tossed aside like an old sweater under someone's bed, left to rot and decompose.

so, yes. you hesitated earlier at set because you don't want anyone to connect the dots. to look at the kiss between you two and notice something amiss. to speculate that there's more to your relationship than what meets the eye. to realize you look at him as more than a co-star. to see how much you're in love with him. to realize the both of you are dating.

“it's not easy.” you say, releasing a sigh.

two years you've been in the business. rookies barely get any roles as it is. being in a well-received rendition of an old romance drama is a once in a blue moon opportunity and you can't risk someone finding out about your relationship.

“camera shy? no—you've kissed heaps of actors for that school drama.”

you mumble, “two people aren't heaps of actors, tartaglia.”

“then what is the problem?”

childe saunters to where you sit. he leans towards you and presses his palm on the head of the sofa, trapping your body between his and the chair. childe's eyes meet yours and you instantly look away.

he knows you well enough to comprehend that look on your face. the way you hide your clammy hands behind you, the manner of your eyes staring only at your feet, how your body tucks itself into the corner of the seat.

“me?” childe whispers.

he places a hand under your jaw. his thumb softly pushes your chin upwards so your eyes meet his.

“why?” he pleads.

“you won't understand.”

“i will if you tell me,” he says, holding your gaze. seeing how you relentlessly persist on keeping your mouth shut, he shakes his head. “oh, please tell me.”

you hesitate. you tell him and then what?

you could say: hey, childe! i'm afraid of our relationship being discovered. i'll be hated by your fans. you'll be constantly drained by my crying and whining. your reputation would take a hit regardless of how popular you are and—and then he'll finally realize how exhausting and annoying it is being with you.

your self-deprecation loves to pull you deeper into its sapping embrace. you're nothing, it mouths. childe would dump you and find some other actor or actress to date. god. it would be so easy. with his popularity, good looks, and charming personality, he'd find a better and talented rising-star the moment he chucks you out the front door.

so, you shake your head firmly.

“tell me, please.” he whispers.

you cross your arms, and look away.

“are you sick?”

you shake your head.

“somebody hurting you on set?”

again, you shake your head.

childe pauses, “...do you have feelings for someone else?”

“no!”

“then what is the damn problem?”

“nothing!” you exasperate, furrowing your brows together.

childe takes your reluctance as distrust and it ignites his irritation. do you not trust him? is he that insignificant to you? what are you hiding? hell, did you fall for the main lead of the show, zhongli? or do you not love him anymore? god, he can feel himself suffocate in resentment.

is he so unimportant that you'd prefer to keep the problem to yourself? it makes his blood boil; how he'd do anything for you, but you'd rather keep it to yourself and suffer alone.

“tell me.” childe scowls as he watches your lips quiver.

you keep your mouth firmly shut.

“fine, hold your tongue.” he sneers, “i understand. i really do, baby. it's not about the cameras, the flashing lights, the audience.”

childe brushes his lips against yours, “you wouldn’t kiss me like that in public, though, would you?” he releases his hold on your chin and his sharp eyes meet yours. “it’s only behind closed doors when you care to act like we’re each other’s.”

with a hooded jacket in one hand and a face mask in another, childe swiftly leaves the apartment with a slam of a door.

leaving you alone with your wretched thoughts.

more under the cut!

despite walking out the flat hours ago, childe still reverberates jealousy and anger; pure envy at how normal you act around everyone else yet, around him you're too guarded; and angry at himself for saying those awful words to your face.

he smacks his forehead on the steering wheel. childe acknowledges how childish he's been acting. you aren't ready to talk, and he shouldn't be forcing you to speak out your difficulties.

surely, the stress is piling up on you. he knows the hours you've been working on set, memorizing lines, practicing moves—again, he thumps his head on the wheel.

stupid, he curses. control your damn temper next time.

he reaches for the box of blueberry cheesecake on the front passenger seat. subconsciously, he drove two hours (and back) to the bakery's main branch as its side branches were sold out of your favorite cake. and he knows how much you love the pastry.

however, his body slouches in the parked car outside the apartment. the long drive works miracles with his anger, but the courage to actually walk inside and apologize never comes.

the ding of a text draws his attention. ‘go inside and beg for forgiveness, brat.’ yoimiya, a fellow actress from the same company as him, says. the woman is always in the loop and well-informed.

a shiver goes down his spine. if you told yoimiya about the argument, he's absolutely sure you're furious. you'd only speak to her as a last-ditch effort; knowing her personality she'd pummel him to bits while you watch.

as a result, he stands inside the apartment, one hand knocking on your bedroom door. however, instead of tasting blood, he hears your stifled sobs. the abrupt sound convinces him to turn the knob and enter the room.

the illumination from the hallway brightens the bedroom, shining a bit of light on your face. you lay on the bed with your knees to your chest, with a blanket over your waist. your reddened cheeks and tear-stained eyes makes his stomach churn.

“please don't cry, baby.” childe cooes, kneeling by your bedside. he leans over you, his fingers gently grip your cheeks. “i'm so sorry.”

the sudden apology sprouts pools from your eyes. his thumbs brush the water off your face and softly says, “i shouldn't have said—please, don't cry. it's my fault for taking my anger out on you.”

“i'm afraid of losing you,” you whimper. “if they find out—oh god—they'll tear me apart. i'm nothing compared to you. i'd lose everything. i might even lose you—”

“never, i will never leave you. no matter what happens,” childe interjects.

you furrow your brows, sobbing. “i'm no one—too difficult,” you hiccup. “you'll throw me away. i'm too whiny and too draining. if they find out... you'll see all the comments about how ugly—”

“breathe, baby.” he settles himself on your bed and softly places you on his lap. “you're gorgeous. you're not draining, and frankly, you're cute when you whine.”

you bury your face into his neck and continue, “i'm serious, childe. you'll get exhausted. the articles will talk about you too!”

“articles, mhm. they're just articles.” he hums.

irritation begins to set in. was he this clueless? you release another sob, “they're not just articles. they'll nitpick every single thing you do! oh—look at this newbie getting together with childe. oh, they suck at acting! why is childe even—”

childe gently places his palm on your neck, coaxing you to meet his gaze. “are you talking about the tabloid from last month?”

you sigh, “what else am i talking about?” and instantly you sense his laughter resonate. “are you laughing?”

“you're adorable, baby.” he breathes, nuzzling his face on your neck.

“you're making fun of me! what the hell, childe?”

he releases a sigh, pausing his laughter. “the tabloids every month. they're paid. companies pay them to talk about their idols for publicity.”

your face contorts into confusion, “who would willingly—they talked about lumine all month because of the article! you know she's my favorite actress. why would they willingly put her on the spotlight like that?”

“publicity, baby.”

you shake your head, “it makes no sense.”

“oh, it does.” childe hums. “of course, they'd seek permission first. it boosted views for her drama, didn't it? lumine did say she got extra for the views and switched apartments.”

“yeah, wait—you knew this whole time and didn't bother to tell me?”

he chuckles, “that's what you get for keeping these things to yourself for a month.” he squeezes the bridge of your nose.

“you're terrible.”

“love you too, baby.” he teases, “and besides, if a tabloid threatened to do something—” his thumb gently traces the skin around your neck. “—i'll keep you safe.”

a soft smile graces your features. “...i'm just not ready for anyone to find out. yet, anyway.”

childe hums, “we'll do it on your terms, okay? whenever you're ready.”

“sure, i guess you can keep me for a while longer. until you throw me away and find the next rookie to—”

childe's soft laughter sparks a flutter in your stomach. he would never do such a thing. the moment he first laid his eyes on you on set, heard your beautiful laugh between takes, listened to your jokes while practicing lines, and god, seen your angelic smile? the things he would do to keep you as his.

“never.” a cheeky grin appears on his lips, “i'll take care of you.”

bonus: five years later

your phone rings. the vibration continues on and off, signaling multiple inbox messages. you swipe your phone to see texts from several of your close friends.

‘i know you told me you were okay with it, but i didn't think he'd try to do it so soon. i tried but he's too hardheaded.’ says yoimiya.

‘congratulations! when's the wedding? i'm kidding. don't kill childe.’ says thoma, an actor from your same company.

‘sorrows, sorrows, prayers.’ says venti, your current co-star.

you even receive a message from childe himself.

‘good morning, baby. i'm completely fault-free. simply honoring your wishes as a devoted fiancé should.’

attached to a message was a link to a video entitled: please don't kill me honey.

you click the link.

the video's blurry, as if taken by a cellphone. you recognize thoma as the person videoing the whole scene, as he turns the camera to face him before focusing it on a woman—seemingly a fan of childe. she wears merch from his most recent drama.

a fan goes on stage chosen by a random lottery draw. the said fan wins the chance to interview childe, who was the guest of the day for talk show, and ask one question.

the girl hastily walks on stage, holding a microphone given by staff.

“um. hello, childe!”

the audience screams as the huge video screen focuses on your lover's face. he waves a quick ‘hello’ and the crowd yells louder.

the girl hesitates, “are you dating anyone right now?”

childe twists the microphone in his hands. “hm? right now... i'm not dating anyone.”

the crows sighs in relief, utterly happy their favorite leading actor continues to be single.

but you see the outline of a smirk flashing on his face, and you instantly know there's a deeper meaning to that sentence. “but, it's difficult to say... since we're not really dating as of the moment.”

quietly, you hear the voice of yoimiya whispering, “don't do it.” the camera now focusing on her, trying to get herself on stage. thoma flips the camera around to face it on himself, waving a hello, apparently enjoying the drama. he then focuses the camera on the wide screen, featuring childe's face.

to add mayhem into the mix, childe continues, “i don't think being engaged to your partner falls under dating. we're way past that.”

the interview ends with the audience screaming their lungs out in disbelief, while childe's laugh resonates the whole auditorium.

ayato, company director

“oh, them?” ayato's steady gaze meet yours, pressing his lips in a tight-lipped smile. “they're a friend of mine.”

friend. it echoes in your mind, repeating incessantly. friend. friend. friend.

dread creeps into the pit of your stomach akin to a quick flick of a lighter. after all this time, your stomach lurches. is that all he thinks of you?

god, you need a drink.

the businessmen before you smile, prompting you to return the favor. subsequently, you humbly introduce yourself as just an ‘actor in the industry’. and they laugh. of course they do.

who wouldn't know you? a multi award-winning movie and television star with piles of nominations. so modest, they say. so kind, they praise. you grin, the smile not reaching your eyes, thanking them for their compliments.

but you're so accustomed to their fake smiles, ingenuine flattery, and sweet talk; you never truly know what's actually honest and real—eyes flickering to your azure-haired partner—no, who's honest and real.

you swallow the thought down.

as if aware of the invisible daggers thrown his way, ayato's gaze meets yours. his lips are pressed firmly together, eyes devoid of warmth.

not now, his expression conveys.

you narrow your own eyes, irritation burning through your corneas. as much as you want to start an argument in front of his investors, you agree to his silent insistence. after all it's his gala; one he's tirelessly prepared for over several months.

so you bite your tongue and smile: one honed by years of acting—fake yet strangely genuine.

it's not strong enough. you say, sipping wine with shaky hands. earlier, you left ayato to his fellow businessmen using the excuse of needing a bathroom break, a reason to which he obliged.

you stare at the elaborate party before you, wishing you could go home. the gala swiftly dissolved your social battery, aided by forced mingling and bitterness. a friend, your consciousness repeats. always a friend. so you sit on a chair by the wall, sipping drinks like water.

suddenly, the hairs of your neck stand on end. you sense his presence behind you, prompting a glance through your peripheral vision.

“careful, darling.” ayato's says, tone smooth yet laced with warning. “i'd rather not have you collapsing. your lovely face wouldn't compliment these filthy floors.”

you tense immediately, shoulders stiffening. “reverting back to pet names, i see?”

ayato's hand now rests on your shoulder, his thumb brushing your soft skin. “what seems to be the issue? i doubt it's due to the eight glasses of wine you've consumed in one sitting.”

you roll your tongue in your mouth, practicing the words. let's break up. you bite your tongue. let's see other people. besides, he wouldn't care would he? it's not as if he's been acknowledging you as someone he's been dating, has he? hiding your relationship from his business partners is one thing, but concealing it from closest friends? his family? that's an entirely different matter altogether.

a friend, he says to his business partners.

a star from the company, he answers to his closest friends.

a companion, he whispers to his family.

you're sick and tired of it. all of it.

raising the wineglass to your lips, you drown the drink in one go. you raise two fingers signaling the waiter for another drink.

ayato sighs and you think you feel his hand on your neck tighten, ever so slightly. “you've reached your limit with wine, dear.”

soon, the waiter arrives with three more glasses on his tray. ayato's disapproving glare compels the waiter to scurry across the ballroom floor, steering clear of you.

you click your tongue and begin, “who says so?”

“your fiancé,” he mutters, voice dripping with venom.

you immediately scoff. “sure. for your sake, i'll pretend you mentioned that earlier.”

before ayato could retort, the presence of another individual calls his attention; his younger sister, ayaka.

“brother, the sangonomiya heir's requesting your presence.”

he sighs, irritation etching his features. yet, you blink, catching a subtle shift in his expression—seemingly twisting from annoyance to something resembling relief at the mention of sangonomiya's name.

you swallow the bitter thought.

“watch them for me, could you? i'd rather not have them find a server willing to disobey my instructions and serve them a drink,” ayato whispers, his tone betraying a hint of tension that doesn't go unnoticed.

ayaka nods. her consent prompts the older brother to depart, heading towards the misty rose-pink heir who stands at the opposite side of the ballroom.

ayaka says the inevitable, “you should let him know it bothers you.”

“...i'm not sure what you're referring to.”

her gaze follows yours, observing the giggling and cheerful countenances of the kamisato and sangonomiya heirs. they seem to be enjoying their time together. as always, you remark.

“they're just close friends, you know.”

you click your tongue. “like how him and i are just friends?”

ayaka sighs, understanding your implication. “you know what i mean.”

sangonomiya's hand on your partner's shoulder elicits an exasperated sigh from you. “thoma told me they were to be married if i wasn't here.”

“the man always running his mouth—” she takes a calming breath before continuing, “—but brother's very fond of you. i'm his sister, i should know.”

“then how come after dating him for five years, he still calls me his friend.” you pause, a hand sliding into the right pocket of your outfit. you absentmindedly play with the engagement ring inside. “i'm his fiancé, aren't i?”

“he has his reasons. petty reasons.”

you bite your tongue. or he's embarrassed of you.

you met the kamisato company heir two years after your debut as an idol. as you shifted towards acting, you developed a close relationship with his sister, a seasoned actress from the same company. eventually, she became the bridge that strengthened the bond between the two of you.

you dedicated yourself nonstop, evolving from a rookie actor to a multiple-nominee and winning star; all in the pursuit of being able to openly show off your relationship with ayato without it tarnishing your reputation.

however, when you're prepared to finally reveal your relationship, he isn't.

and it leaves you wondering, is there someone else?

you mean, you're hesitant to doubt the love of your life. but considering he's kept your relationship a secret from everyone for years, it's obvious he's adept at keeping things hidden.

even from you.

and the thought sours your mood.

excusing yourself once more to use the restroom, using the premise of consuming ten glasses of wine, you bid adieu to your favorite kamisato (at the moment). you instead head towards a secluded balcony away from prying eyes.

you stare at the garden below. your eyes quickly blink back the tears threatening to fall. not now, you hiss. don't do this to me, not right now.

“i assumed you would have retreated to your room by this point.” his voice murmurs, unnervingly composed.

you turn around to see your partner holding a glass of wine. his features remain blank, inscrutable.

maybe it's because of all the wine you've been drinking. you can't seem to tell between what's real or not.

“what did you discuss with kokomi?”

“i wasn't aware you were both on a first name basis.”

“answer the question.”

he smiles, “business as always.”

you huff and wrap your hands around your arms. “of course. just business.”

ayato immediately picks up the anger in your tone. he lays his palm on your forearm, gently pulling you towards him. “look at me,” he pleads, with a subtle trace of irritation in his voice.

you turn to look at his face, eyes glaring.

“i felt your glares the entire night.” he begins.

you shrug, smiling innocently. “...what ever do you mean?”

“don't toy with me, darling.”

as he enunciates his answer, it's as if the final thread of your patience snaps. does he still continue to feign innocence and lie to your face?

last month he proposed and you were overjoyed. you then expected a shift in your relationship; the final unveiling of your engagement to the public. you gave him your permission, a definitive “i'm ready for everyone to know.”

yet thirty days later the engagement remains concealed leaving only a few of his friends (thoma) and a few family members (ayaka) knowing about your updated relationship.

if it was the ayato from two years ago, he would be delighted—ecstatic even—to reveal the truth. he might have used the gala today as an avenue to scream to the world, this person and i are in love.

but he didn't.

so the weight of your feelings began to drag you down; it almost feels suffocating in a way. as if a ribbon labeled, he's ashamed, tightly winds around your insides, intricately tying them all together into a sophisticated bow sowing distrust whispering; he's hiding something.

your suspicions, coupled with his frequent visits this month to the sangonomiya estate, fueled your frustration until it erupted. if only he ceased pretending innocent, perhaps you would able to smile through the whole facade.

if only he didn't ask.

“i'm not naive. if you developed feelings for kokomi then you shouldn't have proposed.” you snap. “was it out of pity? did you feel so damn guilty that you chose to go through with the engagement instead of being honest about your feelings?”

ayato furrows his brows, mouth tightening in anger. “what are you talking about? i discuss private affairs with kokomi. business affairs.”

you laugh; one infused with irritation and disbelief. “don't tell me then. keep your stupid secrets.”

“do you want me to jot down a damn list detailing every single thing i do in a day?” he growls. “i won't divulge company secrets just because you feel like throwing a tantrum.”

your hands drift to the tie around his neck, tugging the crooked tie straight. “no. go ahead and keep your secrets.” you pause and roll the words with your tongue, “you're clearly very good at keeping secrets. you’ve kept me���us—as a secret for so long, so of course you’d be good at keeping fucking secrets.”

anger flares across his face. “you desired our relationship to remain a secret, and i respected your wishes.” he sneers, “i wanted to let the damn world know how much i'm in love with you yet, it was the opposite of what you desired.”

ayato releases his grip on you and strides back into the ballroom, but he halts right at the door to the balcony. “so don't dictate when i should reveal the truth simply because you've grown sick and tired of keeping me as your dirty, little secret.”

he finally departs; and you stay, tears pooling, with a profound ache in your heart.

ayato waltzes around the room in a nonchalant dance; yes, good to see you. he lies. how's business? he couldn't care less. enjoy the party! no, he wants everyone in the damn room to feel his wrath.

although he yearns to set the entire ballroom ablaze, ending the party prematurely would be ill-manned of him. so, ayato continues being a gracious and honorable host.

but he feels hollow. he envisions himself freezing the entire room in an icy gust, everyone turning into statues. he wants to sprint back into your arms and plead for you to listen.

he doesn't understand what came over him. why he lost his temper like that. typically, he'd manage your outbursts with composure and understanding. what happened? he doesn't know.

he attributes his outburst to the mounting pressure. the chronic lack of sleep and continuous exhaustion coming from his title as heir. perhaps it's the truth gnawing his skin; despite his powerful position atop the company, it can easily be ripped away with the flick of a wrist.

instead of spending time with his fiancé—he doesn't know if he still deserves to call you that, you probably threw away his ring the second he left the balcony—yet here he is, engaged in conversations with business associates he cares little about.

“brother?” ayaka calls. she finds him leaning against a railing of stairs. “i closed off the gardens.”

ayato swallows. he last saw you sneaking towards the grounds. “they're still on the grass?”

“yes.”

“they'll catch a cold.”

“they will.”

he glances at his sister. “they think i'm unfaithful.”

“i know,” she says matter-of-factly. “have you offered them any evidence to convince them otherwise?”

ayato stays silent.

“i know you care about them, brother.” ayaka sighs, “however, surprising them with a specially crafted ring and being petty when your entire relationship is at stake may not be the wisest move.”

he sighs.

“most especially if they suspect that your frequent visits to the sangonomiya manor are fueled by romantic feelings for its heiress, and not for their own wedding ring.”

after a while, ayato spots you lying on the grass in a starfish formation, having finally swallowed his pride. his eyes glaze over your features: red eyes, cheeks marked with tear stains, and an exhausted expression.

“can we talk?” he begins.

you spare a quick glance before turning your attention back to the night sky. “there's not much to talk about.”

“i'm not cheating,” he asserts.

“i know.”

“do you know, or have you resigned yourself to not knowing?”

“hm,” you hum. “a part of me entertains the thought of you cheating. yet an even smaller part absolutely knows that if you were truly cheating, you'd be more discreet. who, in their right mind, would inform thoma that you visited her manor?”

he chuckles, a laughter-less sound escapes him. “i understand i've been secretive. you have every right to assume i'm up to something indecent. but i have my reasons.” ayato confesses, kneeling beside your body. he places his hand inside his suit pocket, pulling up a black small box.

you instantly sit up. “you're horrible,” you cough, eyes widening as he opens the box to show a ring. “this entire time you were—god.”

“i placed a special order,” he mumbles. “i visited each day to ensure it was flawless, right down to the smallest details.”

“i'm so sorry.”

“don't be, love.” he breathes, “you had your reasons, and i was insistent on keeping it a surprise.”

relief floods your features. “good,” you whisper before tears well in your eyes.

the sound of your sobs breaks his heart. he immediately wraps his arms around you, brushing his lips on your cheeks.

“i'm sorry, darling,” he murmurs, kissing the skin above your brow. “i'm sorry for worrying you.”

“goddamn sadistic,” you sob. “you knew i was freaking out, but you just watched!”

he grins, “i have to admit, you look cute when you're jealous.”

a groan escapes you. “don't make me throw away both rings.”

“is that so? i should've ordered twenty spares.”

“no.” you scold.

“oh? look at my darling, so jealous,” he smirks, nuzzling his face into your neck. you then feel his lips press into a straight line. “you're not something i would ever try to hide. i would never be ashamed of our relationship.”

you laugh, “prove it.”

your smile faces seeing the smirk on his face. in that exact moment, you know that kamisato ayato, the preposterous god in human flesh, plans to do something grand and explosive to prove you otherwise.

“do not.” you begin, “we've talked about this. you cannot—you absolutely will not bribe the government to declare our wedding date as a national holiday!”

bonus: ten minutes before the clash

“is it getting warm in here, or am i sensing the intense gaze of your loving fiancé on me?” kokomi laughs, sipping a glass of champagne.

ayato takes a peek, and he chuckles upon seeing your irritated and jealous expression. “they certainly are.”

“please do not involve me in your lovers' quarrels. everyone knows we're just close friends.”

“they do.”

“have you told them?”

“...it may have slipped past my mind.”

kokomi shakes her head. “sadistic.” she slips a black box into his palm. “clear it up. i do not want to be murdered by your future partner.”

ayato glances at you from across the room as you engage a conversation with his sister. “mhm, i could, but their jealous expression is too endearing.”

“sadistic,” she repeats. “absolutely sadistic.”

he chuckles.

“also, kazuha mentioned that you've been referring to them as your companion. correct that.” she continues, “and stop calling them your friend!”

“they asked me to when we started dating.”

she rolls her eyes. “you're so petty. stop trying to provoke them!”

“anyways, everyone knows we're engaged,” he corrects. “their whining face is the cutest.”

“sadistic.”

“kokomi?”

she tilts her head and hums, “yes?”

“ever wondered how much it costs to propose a national holiday?”

author’s note: lmao. so in this modern au ayato actually succeeds in turning your wedding date into a national holiday. the government actually appreciates his donation because a.) they always accept goodwilled (lmao) funds and b.) ayato's an important pillar to the gov and they don't want to upset him 'cause petty rich boy tantrums tilt the economy (how sadistic).

so, ayato's the heir of the company where you are employed at as an idol turned actor/actress. kokomi is the heiress to a big jewelry corporation. lmao they were both engaged together when they were like five but they instantly broke it off because well, they both threw five year old tantrums.

plus thoma telling you that they were to be engaged was just a fact he blurted out when you asked about kokomi (he manages to omit the five-year-old part because he's careless + he didn't think it matters because anyone can tell ayato's intensely in love with you)

[a-confused-spoon]

Jinx's haircut: how Powder and Ekko's story comes full circle

Hi! So, it appears Jinx will be cutting her hair short in season 2 (which is cool as fuck), and I’ve been seeing a lot of discussion on it, so I wanted to share my two cents 😊

I might refer to Jinx and Powder as if they are different ideantities, but I'm aware that's not how that works; it's just an easier way to express myself. Also english isn't my first language, so apologies for any possible wiritng mistake (this is a bit of a mess 😅)

* deep breath in *

As it has already been pointed out, this choice must have a deeper reason other than esthetic (I've been seeing the phrase "hair holds memories" used a lot), and what's even more interesting is that her new look resembles a lot how she used to look like as a kid; a bit bizarre, given how the entirety of season 1 showed us how Powder and Jinx's coexistence only brings the girl pain. As a matter of fact, the finale makes it clear to us that even she sees these two sides of herself as mutually exclusive.

So why and how exactly would this happen now?

What I keep going back to is the idea that maybe, just maybe, this has to do with her possibly "taking the lead" in Zaun; whether she actively becomes a leader or if she just "leads by example" (therefore passively), it doesn't change the fact that for better or worse she will be depicted as a leading revolutionary figure.

And fair enough: she singlehandedly killed half of the Council, the people who hold decisional power and have contributed to the misery on the other side of the river. After Vender's failed attempt on the bridge and Silco's focus on his own business dealings with Piltover among everything else he did, Jinx's attack on the city - something she does to ultimately solidify her identity as Jinx - opens a door that the Undercity was waiting to be opened for decades.

Here's the thing:

Being Jinx doesn't just mean acting on unbridled rage and being a menace to society; it means being feared by most, if not all, with the only possible exceptions being those who also accepted their inner monster. To put it in Singed's words, "If you take this path, they will despise you".

Being Jinx fundamentally implies loneliness.

Silco was consistently reminding her this: "I am your family; everyone else betrays us" / "Everyone betrays us Jinx! Vander! Her! They will never understand, it's only us".

In the official clip 'Enemy of my enemy' we find out that he only saw her cry twice, the two scenes we also witness as an audience, meaning he didn't see her cry once during the timeskip, and I'm sure it's safe to say that she most definitely did cry a lot given how she goes from episode 3 Powder (scared, couldn't grasp the concept of killing someone, heartbroken by the nickname jinx) to episode 4 Powder (a beast, kills in cold blood, has taken Jinx as her actual name)... it must've been an ugly transition, and it definitely didn't happen overnight; if Silco, who was the closest person she had all that time, didn't see it, then I think it speaks a lot on how alone Jinx really was in her darkest times.

For all the love he had for her, he reinforced this idea of isolation as an unescapable consequence of the right path, and I think this is also reflected in the lair that (supposedly) he found for her, especially when you compare it to the Firelights’ one:

The Firelights (this is important for later) are all about community and sharing joy as well as struggle and pain; they live in a place of healing, filled with life, without a roof so the sunlight can reach them during the day, and at nights living bugs that shine a light of their own fill up the hideout.

Jinx's place is diametrically opposed to this: it’s dark and looks cold, it's completely made of metal, the roof’s blocking any natural light and it hangs above an abyss with no bottom to be seen; the only company she consistently has are the puppets of her dead brothers and the only living thing that knows his way in is the only one that can understand, the only one she can rely on - aka Silco himself.

However, as Jinx herself knows, this may have worked for him, but it wasn't working for her for the longest time: she never stopped yearning for affection, love, friendship- that part of her never really went away; it was only being suppressed, suffocated, maybe unintentionally, and I strongly believe that it only worsen her trauma, and it's one of the things that made her spiral so bad into her depression, to the point of hallucinating.

I think that Silco's line in the baptism scene is particularly relevant here: "You need to let Powder die, so the fear of pain will no longer control you", where the fear of pain would refer to the fear of being on her own, of always failing and disappointing others, of being weak and never satisfying the desires, expectations, hopes that Powder carried within her to be “a valuable member of the team”.

If she lets Powder die (which again, she does in the final episode of season 1), this is no longer a problem: if she doesn't do teams, because teams don't want a jinx to begin with, that fear can't get to her; if she's a solo player, a self-sufficient loose cannon, she won't need to rely on anyone but herself because she's strong on her own and does not need the support of others.

If her power lays in the monster she is, the one everyone condemns her for being, then that childhood wish of hers just isn't a realistic option.

...but then this happens.

We know from the teaser trailer that in the operation Caitlyn's leading, 'finding Jinx' and 'neutralize any agent still loyal to Silco' are separate objectives. Which makes sense, since as far as they know Silco was the leader of a group of people, and now that he's gone Jinx is an individual under her own agency and her own agency alone. If initially she fights by herself, for herself because she can and fuck Piltover, then it all falls in line with what I stated so far.

But then we hear Sevika, who has hated Jinx's guts and who Jinx has hated back since day one, telling her to get the people together, to unite the Undercity as one because she can do that. Mind you, the girl has lived in Zaun all her life, she knows damn well that the end of Piltover is something the entire Undercity has been waiting for (“Imagine what the whole of the Lances could do!” from episode 2); yet despite this she needs to be openly told what is going on, that she’s not sizing the opportunity she’s created. She isn't, cause... her? Leading? A group of people? No. Not after the last time she tried to help, and most importantly, not after everything she learned under Silco.

Jinx can't fathom the idea of herself as a part of a part of a team. How can she? She literally just came to terms with isolation as ever present- and now, for some reason, the people of the city, who always either ran away from her or wanted her gone, are dying their hair blue in her image, trusting her, following her, painting murals of her as the bringer of revolution.

She isn't taking power forcibly like Silco did; she's just doing her thing, her Jinx thing, and Zaun, on its own, is choosing her as the leading figure.

Imagine how frustrating it must be for Jinx to look back and realize that Silco, her father- who has loved her, forgiven her, raised her, called her perfect, defended her, was there for her, saved her, guided her- was wrong, and put her in a condition of never ending existential pain when she could’ve had it differently the entire time; imagine how confusing it must be for her to look back and realize that it never mattered whether or not others understood her, 'cause she wasn't as unlovable or unforgivable as she thought herself to be in the first place, that Silco and Vi were never her only options.

Imagine how painful it must be for her to look back and realize that for all this time she could’ve had friends and be accepted and be trusted and rely on others because she never HAD to be alone.

...keeping this in mind, let's talk about Ekko and the missing flashback from episode 7 for a moment.

Admittedly we don’t have a lot of information, other than it took place not too long after the events of episode 3 (then again, to be fair, we don’t know a lot about their relationship as enemies as well: it’s all between the lines; I surely have my own opinions of how they feel about each other being on the enemy side, but I don’t believe it’s super relevant here). What’s for sure about this flashback is that it was a defining moment in both Ekko and Powder’s journey, especially for the latter. Someone surely died, and it 100% was Powder’s fault. It could be both the result of her very first crisis or her first intentional murder; in both cases it results in her deciding for herself to align with Silco as opposed to her best friend.

The way I like to see it is that, since the trauma was still very fresh, she might have been too scared of the idea of fighting alongside others after what happened last time, and she pushed herself to kill someone on purpose just to push Ekko away and prove a point (Silco’s point). I love the idea of the tragic irony of Ekko being the one person Powder managed to really save, and Powder being the one person Ekko couldn’t.

Personal headcanons aside though, the last part is the most important one here: Ekko couldn’t save Powder from Silco, and by extension everything he represents.

I’d like to point out that one of the most tragic aspects of the two becoming enemies (to me) is that, throughout those years, they reciprocally were the only living person the other shared a past with (well, Vi too, but she was in prison the entire time).

Silco not only takes over by force, he also marks as his all the places of said past: the Last Drop, Vi and Powder’s house… one line that always stuck with me from episode 7 is when Ekko tells Vi “All that’s left is Jinx, and she belongs to Silco”.

Not with Silco; to Silco. As if she too a piece of the past he turned into his property.

It’s like he understands that while yes, Powder made the decision by herself, that she wants to stay with Silco, he also knows that the man is the one to blame for... well, all of it; the kid was there when Silco showed up unprovoked at Benzo’s place, he knows things went downhill from there.

Ekko knows that he is the bigger problem and the bigger enemy. Even Vi, without knowing a thing about the past few years, can tell Silco put some shit into her sister’s head; Ekko can probably guess the same, difference being that Ekko has the responsibility of keeping other people safe, and he can’t risk it all for someone that, while possibly manipulated, ultimately isn’t collaborative. Ekko can’t jeopardize all he’s built and done for his former best friend, no matter how much it hurts him to be her enemy.

Back to season 2.

Like the entire fandom has already pointed out, there’s a 99.9% chance there will be an alliance between them and Jinx, especially when looking at Ekko’s new outfit.

Of course, this will not be immediate: my guess is that while Jinx works alone at the very start Ekko will be with Heimerdinger and following the arrest of the Firelights we see in the trailer maybe there’s a split. And even after Jinx takes charge so to speak, and possibly frees them, among others, from Stillwater, it’s possible there will be (and there should be) stages in the alliance: initial distrust, potential fight within the community- like yeah, let’s not forget what Jinx did to these people.

Even if they do go ahead with it, it is probably out of necessity more than anything else, with not one but two military forces against the whole of the Underground. It’s not like they’d be the most ecstatic faction about it, and the same goes for Ekko, which is why the new look will probably come in later.

But exactly like he could see Powder for a brief second on the bridge clearly enough for him to stop himself from beating her, he will, most definitely, see her again through Jinx's inner turmoil... that, and she also can’t keep her shit together when it comes to what she's feeling, the girl really is an open book.

And yeah, the situation would be pretty emotionally disorienting: she's being as Jinx as ever, but people like her now, which is something she used to want as Powder, who is supposed to be dead, and they're willingly following her like they willingly followed Vander and there's murals of her with him, though she's pursuing what aligns more with Silco's dream, but also turns out Silco was wrong about Powder, who might still be alive deep down- the whole thing is a big big mess.

Despite everything that I said about him, it’s not like Jinx would start to resent Silco. She could never, not after his last words to her. They mean the world to her, he means too much to her, and let’s not forget she probably hear his voice now too, along Mylo’s and Claggor’s; it might even be a calming voice to her, one she’s happy to hear even if she knows he’s not real… which makes it all worse and more painful to deal with.

In this scene from the trailer, it seems like Ekko’s talking to her (some have pointed out the blue hair out of focus). Since this is still the look in season, at this point in time Ekko (and the rest of the Firelights) are not truly committed to this alliance with Jinx, and vice versa, Jinx is still figuring out how to deal with all this unexpected appreciation.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about Jinx’s way of dealing with inner conflicts, especially ones that deal with the memories of the past, is that it often leads to disaster. This is a bit of a long shot, but what if the reason Ekko’s so beat up Is because she unintentionally sabotaged one of their own attacks on Piltover? Or perhaps they were caught up in a tough situation because of something she did or didn’t do? My point is that if he really is talking with her while in this condition, she probably is in a similar one.

Regardless, they are on the same side, and they are having a conversation. This is very likely the first time they reach out for each other since the day she chose to not go with him.

And I think it’s believable that of all the people she now has beside her, she’d talk to Ekko: he has this leader stuff already figured out. He has and still is taking care of people and keeping them safe better than she ever will, and on top of that, he still is the only one in Zaun (again, aside from Vi) who has known her since before she was Jinx, and he spared her on the bridge. He’s the perfect person to open up to.

And, get this, not only Ekko understands the pressure of taking the lead: he knows what it means to look back at someone you were fond of and feeling the pain of being wronged by them. He knows what it’s like to look back at old memories of someone you trusted and wonder if all those moments together really were what you thought they were, he knows what it’s like to wish it could all go back like it was, just so that candid version of them you have in your mind can still be true, present and untainted by the ugliness that now ruins all those precious moments.

He knows, 'cause he went through it with her... and now he can finally reach her.

Ekko may have not been able to save her from Silco then, but he can save her from Silco now.

And since he has built a community that grieved together, went through pain and joy together, he simply does what he’s always done with the Firelights. Sharing.

He tells with her what has worked for him: “Sometimes, taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind”- in the Franch dub he says “leaving a part of oneself behind”- meaning it doesn’t have to be all or nothing: she has the power to choose what to kiss goodbye and what can stay…

…and then she cuts her hair.

I think it’s important to note how these two moments are very similar in setting. I kid you not, the first time I watched the trailer I was convinced this was a scene where Jinx was burning Silco’s body after she killed him- which frankly could still be the case. I’ve also seen discussions being made for the little girl we see in the trailer being burned here, or Sevika, but I don’t think it’s either. Jinx is completely desensitized to death, even when Silco died her makeup isn’t this ruined. My guess is that this is something much deeper:

Jinx never properly grieved the past. Ever. So, maybe, she’s burning the part of herself she’s leaving behind. The hair she cut.

The hair Silco used to braid for her.

These two scenes parallel each other because “nothing ever stays dead”, but Silco must stay dead, for her own sake. For her own happiness: she is leaving him behind for good.

Only after this moment we get the new look for Ekko: he can work with this new Jinx, the one that now knows she can work within a team, even to the point of committing to the outfit (lol).

If in season 1 Jinx accepted her identity as it was defined by Silco, in season 2 she's re-inventing it under her own conditions: she gets to choose what "being Jinx" may or may not include. And it will always include a little bit of Powder.

Thanks for reading! 💚💙

[hufflegruff]

Chapter 3: A Knowing Look

Pairing: Sebastian x F!Reader Summary: In which Sebastian is whipped and literally everyone can see from a mile away that this is more than friendship.

“I have it on good authority that Andrew Larson is after your girl.” Sebastian wanted to laugh, because he must have misheard. And if not, surely that was just a jest. Also, his girl? Hearing it (even out of Leander’s slimy mouth) was both thrilling and petrifying. But before he could reply, Leander continued. “Made a big scene about how he’s going to ask her out today.” Sebastian swore he could feel the Earth’s rotation come to a halt and his head spin. “But I guess if she’s not your girl - it’s no bother, is it?”

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 AO3 link

Chapter 3: Leander

“Distracted Sallow? Never took you for a bumbling love sick fool.”

Sebastian couldn’t help the groan that crawled out his throat. 

Sebastian had his suspicions, but Leander’s snivelling face confirmed it. 

The universe was out to destroy him. 

His day had already been bad enough. Leander had bested him in a duel in Defence Against the Dark Arts— which only fed his gargantuan ego. Even Professor Hecat was surprised at how atrocious Sebastian’s form had been. Every misstep and poorly spellcast, she made sure to let him know. 

So it was safe to say that Sebastian did not have the patience nor the energy to humour any of Leander’s buffoonery.

He didn’t even really know how it happened. It was all a blur once he stepped onto the duelling platform. Then all of a sudden he was face flat on the ground. His robes haphazardly flung over his head. His legs strewn across the floor. 

Merlin, how atrociously humiliating. 

Especially when he was still trying to recover from his last humiliating incident in the library.

His last conversation with Poppy had made a total and utter mess of him. He felt like mush. All sentimental flesh and no bones. His mind and heart was still in disarray from their last conversation. When she had so brazenly implied that it was only obvious to assume he was courting the Hero of Hogwarts, the thought of actually courting her was the only thing that ran laps around his cluttered mind. 

That was probably why he lost to Leander in the first place. 

Ever since their encounter in the library, his eyes felt like they were moving constantly in conflict. Half of the time, they couldn’t stop searching every hallway and every nook and every corner of the castle in search of her. The other half of the time (when they finally found her), his eyes could never quite meet hers.

How did he end up becoming this silly bundle of nerves and contradictions?

That was how Sebastian found himself moping in the Transfiguration courtyard, with only the idle castle pigeons in his company. He had spent the past hour glaring daggers at any mythical statues that deigned to throw pitiful looks his way. He even ignored Ominis’ owls. He had been perfectly content brooding by his lonesome. 

That was until Leander-the-knobhead-Prewett showed up. 

“Piss off Prewett,” a migraine brewed above the bridge of Sebastian’s nose, “Go spew your nonsense to someone who cares.”

Leander ignored his protests, and perched himself comfortably on the bench next to Sebastian instead. All Sebastian had wanted today was a quiet afternoon to sulk in peace. He wanted to claw his hair out at how he had even been robbed of that. By Leander of all people. He was probably the last person on the bloody planet Sebastian wanted to share this afternoon in the courtyard with.

“Shame. It seems without your girlfriend around, your duelling skills turn poorly.”

“What are you on about?” Sebastian bristled. 

Poorly? How dare he. 

Tough talk from a glorified overgrown ginger twig.

Also, not this again. Not today. It was one thing from Ominis and Poppy. But Leander? If even one other nosy Gryffindor came up to him to imply that he was courting the girl wonder, Sebastian was going to throw himself off the edge of the Astronomy tower. 

(But complicated feelings aside... Sebastian was grateful that she hadn’t been around to see his sorry arse get obliterated in class.)

“Come on. No need to be shy about it, Sallow. The whole school knows you’re soft on the new girl.” 

Leander gave him a terribly patronising pat on the back. Instinctually, Sebastian shoved him off.

Him? Soft? That was utterly ridiculous. Softness was for babies. For defenceless maidens. And Sebastian Sallow was not any of those things. He was smart as a whip. Tough as nails. Sharp as a blade. Softness was not in his repertoire. 

“Well then, you’re even dumber than you look, cause I’m not soft on anyone.” Sebastian replied snarkily.

Leander snorted, “Half of the year’s got bets on when you’ll finally be caught snogging in the hallways.”

Great. Just fucking wonderful. Of all the things Sebastian needed today, he definitely did not need the mental picture of him snogging his friend senseless wreaking havoc in his restless mind. And fuck off. Snogging in the hallways? Give him a little more credit. Sebastian was a raging flirt, but he wasn’t an exhibitionist. He was more romantic than that. If he was going to snog her it sure as hell wouldn’t be in plain view for the entire student body to see. 

Not that he was going to snog her of course. Not that he wanted to snog her.

It was just hypothetical. Scientific even.

But bets? Snogging? God this was probably karmic justice. For that one time in fourth year when he had spread a rumour that Duncan Hobhouse and Constance Dagworth had a romantic tryst in the broom closet in the clock tower. It wasn’t true of course. Which is why Constance was furious, and why Duncan (unsurprisingly) loved it. 

“It’s all good and well if other people want to waste their own money. Doesn’t bother me.” Sebastian replied, trying his best to sound aloof.

“Really?” Leander asked coyly, “Come on. We’ve all seen the sappy looks you give her.”

Sebastian was itching to hex the arrogant look off his face.

Genuinely, Sebastian couldn’t believe how many times he had to defend the status of their friendship this week alone. What business was it of others to speculate on such things anyway? Had Hogwarts, with its endless puzzles and mysteries, become so boring that Sebastian’s private life was now the talk of the town? 

“Oh relax. Don’t get your knickers in a twist Sallow,” Leander snickered, elated by Sebastian’s foul mood, “I was trying to do you a favour. I have information that might be of interest to you.”

Sebastian leant back further on the bench as his posture gave up. He was tired. He’d spent the better half of the week overthinking. He didn’t want to talk to Leander. He just wanted to laze in the sun and wallow. 

“I can’t for the life of me imagine you telling me anything of use.” 

He was positive that Leander had not a single wisdom to impart onto him.

“Oh, I can think of a thing or two.” Leander said, as if he’d just said something utterly hilarious but he wouldn’t say why.

“I’d be surprised if you could even string a sentence that could impress me.” Sebastian retorted. He might’ve lost their duel, but he wasn’t about to lose this battle of words.

But then Leander pulled a fast one on him and said her name.

“It’s about her.” 

Of course it was about her. How could it not be about her? But simultaneously, how could it be about her? There was nothing that Leander could know about her that Sebastian already didn’t. The Gryffindor was more than likely baiting him, trying to rile him up. 

Which is why he should’ve obviously left it — curiosity never did no cats any good. (But Sebastian wasn’t a cat. And never knowing would’ve likely killed him just the same.)

“Enlighten me,” Sebastian said dryly.

He could tell that pleased Leander immensely.

Haughtily, Leander leaned towards Sebastian and whispered, “I have it on good authority that Andrew Larson is after your girl.”

Sebastian wanted to laugh, because he must have misheard. And if not, surely that was just a jest. Also, his girl? Hearing it (even out of Leander’s slimy mouth) was both thrilling and petrifying.

But before he could reply, Leander continued.

“Made a big scene about how he’s going to ask her out today.”

Sebastian swore he could feel the Earth’s rotation come to a halt and his head spin. 

Predictably, Leander was looking at Sebastian awfully smug. Like he had spent years since their first day at Hogwarts mining into the depths of Sebastian’s subconscious with cheap insults and backhanded duelling tactics and finally struck gold. He had found the thing that unnerved him most. Unravelled him into a mess of emotions. 

Her. 

“But I guess if she’s not your girl - it’s no bother, is it?”

It was no bother. Logically, emotionally, in actuality — no bother at all. Not a single fucking one. 

So why did it feel like someone had just flung him mercilessly into the black lake? Tied to an anchor pulling him down into a cavern of endless despair? Like someone had grabbed him by the throat and was choking him with intent to kill? And why did he have this sudden, insatiable urge to beat Andrew Larson into a miserable pulp?

She was not his girl, by any means or definition. And as Sebastian had previously clarified, he was not soft on her either. So logically, if some guy wanted to throw their hat into the ring to court her, there was no issue. 

But when Sebastian genuinely tried to picture it: Larson making her laugh; putting his gangly arms around her shoulders; staring deeply into her eyes - it just felt wrong. It felt unnatural. It felt like the ground was flipped on its head. It flooded bile in the back of his throat. It didn’t make sense. None of it. And what could a simpleton like Andrew Larson even offer the girl wonder anyways? 

Sebastian had never thought much of Andrew Larson before. And that was exactly it. He wasn’t much to think about at all. No redeeming qualities of note. So what made him think that he was worthy of her? She was the Hero of Hogwarts for Merlin’s sake. She was strong and lovely and unyielding and a tempest and way out of his league.

Sebastian was definitely angrier than rationality called for. But even just the thought of Larson’s weasley little hands touching her made his blood boil. 

And when blood boiled, it eviscerated everything.

“It’s none of my business.” Sebastian practically spat with his fists clenched.

The words came out more brusquely than he intended (but less than he truly felt).

To his credit, Leander was surprised, “What? Don’t you want to know where and when he’s going to do it?”

“What fucking for?” 

Leander looked at him condescendingly, “Well I don’t know, to save her from Larson’s grubby hands or something?” 

“You and I both know she doesn’t need saving,” Sebastian affirmed with an eye roll.

“Come on Sallow. You’re having me on. I know you’re just dying to put that Ravenclaw in his place.”

Sebastian would love nothing more. But he didn’t want to give Leander the upper hand.

Leander scoffed, “Fine whatever. Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you. I was trying to help you out of the goodness of my heart. Don’t come crying to me when you find out that she’s decided to try going out with Larson.”

Almost dramatically, Leander made his move to stand up and go. But it was all for show of course. He just wanted Sebastian to beg for his help. 

But Sebastian wasn’t paying him any mind. Too busy caught in the storm of his own emotions.

Because the more he thought about it — the more he took a mental magnifying glass and really, really scrutinised the damn feeling — the more he was inclined to believe that perhaps he was soft on her. 

For starters, he was always worrying about her. Whether she was safe on her adventures. Whether she’d eaten breakfast. Whether she was tired from the weight of being so depended on. Was that softness? Whenever she looked at him, he felt terrified. Like his heart would race out of his chest from the sight of her. Was that softness? 

Was softness meant to feel this anxious? That didn’t sound right. 

It didn’t sound at all like the romances that maidens sang in their folk songs. They made it sound so easy. Nothing about his feelings for her ever felt easy to understand. For Sebastian, there were no butterflies or angel songs or clouds parting or hippogriff rides off into sunset. It was nothing like that. It always felt urgent. It always felt like endless running and scalding fire and falling off the edge of the universe all at once. 

Like she was her own blinding force of magnetism pulling him towards her, off the edge of an unknown precipice. And Sebastian didn’t mind at all. Hell, even if she didn’t tug him, even if she protested — he would’ve marched right up to her, grabbed her hand and jumped off the edge with her without a second thought. 

Maybe… in its own complex and twisted way, that meant that he was soft on her.

(And maybe that was the most terrifying thing about it all.)

God. That meant that he couldn’t let Andrew anywhere near her.

With renowned vigour, Sebastian pulled Leander by his robe and demanded.

“Tell me.” Sebastian finally.

Leander stopped his pacing. Check and mate. Hook, line and sinker. He knew that he would cave; Leander had him right where he wanted him — and the fucker had never looked so delighted with himself.

“I knew that you’d need my help.”

Like they had a mind of his own, his legs moved first. 

First they walked briskly, and then suddenly they were sprinting at reckless speeds towards her. God knows why, because he surely didn’t. Sebastian was so single-minded in his run that he didn’t hear the complaints of the castles sleepy paintings, nor Imelda Reyes yells to slow the fuck down, nor the screeches from the gaggle of first years running from the madman he must have appeared to be.

He was running headfirst into … god knows what. On the precarious word of Leander Prewett. On the word that some other guy had thought he was foolishly worthy to ask for even a slither of her attention.

The running was endless. It was stairs and narrow arches and stretches of hallways. But he wasn’t going to stop. Not even a radical force of nature could stop him in his path. Tunnel vision would get him to that greenhouse; Sebastian’s blind faith would make sure of it. 

Because now that he finally could admit to himself that maybe he was soft on her. That maybe their friendship was dearer to him than most other friendships. That maybe all of this was (at most) a crush — he couldn’t let Andrew Larson derail everything before he even started.

Not that he had a solid plan or anything. 

Which was abundantly clear to him now that he found himself standing in front of the towering doors that led into the greenhouse. He was out of breath and logical reasoning. If he did see them... What would he do about it? 

What could he do about it?

But with no time to waste, Sebastian guessed he would just have to find out.

So he pushed open the doors.

And once he stepped into the greenhouse, Sebastian couldn’t help but grimace. Of course someone as mediocre as Andrew Larson would pick somewhere as basic as the Greenhouse to try to court the girl wonder. He probably thought that he could woo her with a flower or two. That if she didn’t have any feelings for him to begin with, she was a simple enough girl that a bouquet was enough to sway her with his affection.

But he would be wrong. Because she wasn’t the kind of girl that would go on a romantic dalliance with a boy she hardly knew. With a Ravenclaw no less. She was too smart, too witty, too compelling to be wasted on someone like him. 

She had always been better suited with Slytherins anyway. At least they had the cunningness to match her endless ferocity.

(Or — as Sebastian tried his best to avoid saying — she was better suited with him.)

From a distance, he could hear quiet chatter. 

And when he looked, between the restricted view of foliage, Sebastian felt a pang in his heart at the sight of them.

They were standing in a secluded alcove of the greenhouse light. She was drenched in sunlight and surrounded by all things flora — and even in these distressing times, he couldn’t help but think that she looked bewitching. 

�� And beside her was Andrew.

All he wanted to do was run up to her and pull her out of his orbit. The itch in his fingers to reach out to touch her was stronger than ever; her gravitational pull was overwhelming. But she would’ve probably hated him for it. The girl wonder would never fancy herself a damsel in distress.

But maybe she would forgive him if he said that he was saving himself. From the grief of watching someone try to claim her as their own. 

Nevertheless, Sebastian refrained and casted a quick disillusionment charm. Staying stealthily behind this fern planter would have to suffice.

As he tip-toed closer, Sebastian heard Andrew’s pompous voice ring out:

“... I mean, it’s no secret. I think you’re absolutely incredible. And stunning. So I was wondering if you would do me the honour of accompanying me to Hogsmeade next weekend?”

When he heard Andrew speak, all Sebastian could see was blinding red. Gone were the lacewing flies in his chest. They were replaced with a feeling more feral and bitter and grotesque.

In the air sat a thick, heavy pause. It was silent. With fear and anticipation frothing at the base of his throat, Sebastian gripped his own hands in wait. So hard that bruises were probably blooming.

Surely she was going to reject him… Right?

“I’m…” She began tentatively. 

Just as Andrew leaned in expectantly (patronisingly even), Sebastian leaned in uneasiness. The tension was palpable. Sebastian could taste it in the air, weighing on the crease of his brow, splitting cuts into the skin of his lips.

Surely she was going to say no… Right?

Finally, she replied, “That’s a very lovely offer Andrew, but I’m afraid that I can’t take you up on it. Thank you for thinking of me though.”

After she had spoken, Sebastian let go of the shaky breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding in. 

The world wasn’t in peril anymore, he wasn’t seeing red. Her words were like oxygen to his battered lungs; he could finally breathe again. 

Her voice had sounded perfectly diplomatic. Polite and wonderfully neutral. No hint of derision, with just the right amount of compassion. And Sebastian couldn’t thank the heavens enough for it.

Thank Merlin. Thank Salazar. Thank any and all of the Gods that looked down upon him.

But almost comically, Andrew’s face quickly sour. Just a second ago, the Ravenclaw had been brimming with bravado. Now he looked like an embittered spoiled child who didn’t know how to take no for an answer. Sebastian could tell that this was clearly not the way that Andrew had hoped that this would go — and he had never been more ecstatic for someone’s flagrant misery.

Sebastian had a feeling that he wouldn’t take the rejection with grace, but he hoped that the Ravenclaw would have the sense to not make a scene.

“Come on. It’s just one butterbeer. Can’t hurt, can it?” Andrew sounded almost annoyed. 

From his hiding spot, Sebastian almost laughed. What nerve did this dunce have to be annoyed? It seemed that the girl wonder felt the same.

She forgoed diplomacy, and raised her brow disapprovingly.

“Well, I’m sorry. But I’m simply not interested.”

“Well you’re not taken are you?” Andrew had the gall to retort.

She hesitated. Only for a brief moment, but significant enough for Sebastian to catch it. He couldn’t help but wonder — why did she stop?

 “No. I’m not.”

Andrew went to grab her wrist, “Well then the least you could do is not reject a man’s kind offer to take you out.”

Sebastian bristled through gritted teeth. Watching Andrew touch her was the last straw. He never thought twice about him until today, and now Sebastian hated him with every agitated fibre in his being. The nerve of this idiot. How dare he. Adrenaline spiked into his veins and before his brain had time to think, he was ready to punch the living daylights out of him—

But then she wrung her hand out of his grasp, and raises her wand at the ready as an act of defiance. When she glared at him, her eyes were ice cold and pure venom. Sebastian had never seen her so furious, it was almost impressive what Andrew managed to incite out of her. 

“I don’t need to do anything. I don’t owe anyone anything. Especially boys who refuse to take a lady’s refusal with grace,” She snapped back.

Sebastian retreated, and stood down. She was comfortably standing her ground and he wanted to jump for joy. He had never been more enthralled by her than in this moment.

Andrew snorted. Which Sebastian could tell displeased the girl wonder even more.

“I think I should go.” She said brusquely.

But before she could, Andrew rudely brushed past her shoulders, and muttered indignantly, “Whatever. Don’t bother. I’ll leave.”

When Andrew began to storm off, she was left in the lurch to watch the belligerent boy walk off in bewilderment. She stared agape, as if she was unsure whether or not to dignify his rude behaviour with a response. 

But Sebastian wasn’t about to let him off this easily. 

Just as Andrew started to stomp his way up the steps past the pond garden. A wicked idea struck Sebastian. As quickly as the idea came to him, he lifted his wand and pointed at the Ravenclaw’s feet.

“Impedimenta,” Sebastian whispered.

And almost as if he was moving in slow motion, Sebastian savoured every delectably humiliating expression that flickered on Andrew Larson’s face as he fell off the cobbled staircase; face first into the depths of the greenhouse pond.

Splash!

In less than five hours, the entire school had heard all about Andrew Larson’s failed attempt to court the girl wonder. The highlight of the tale was of course, his ungraceful dive head-first into the greenhouse pond.

The rumours first started when the Ravenclaw was seen storming out of the greenhouse annex drenched silly, with a nest of foliage poking out of his unruly hair. He had left a squelchy trail of footsteps behind him, and a flock of Gryffindors girls in speculating hushed whispers.

But then the details became public knowledge; and how that came to be would forever be a mystery.

When Ominis had first found out, he asked Sebastian if had heard the news. Ominis eyed him suspiciously, but said nothing more when Sebastian shrugged in response. He clearly suspected that Sebastian knew more than he was letting on.

At the dinner table, Ominis mused, “I wonder how they found out.”

Sebastian replied, “Yeah. I wonder.”

After expertly deflecting all of Ominis’ questions. He excused and made his way On his way back to the Slytherin common room, just on a corner leading up towards the grand staircase, he bumped into her.

“Oh, Sebastian!” She said warmly.

Hearing his own name come out of her mouth, Sebastian felt his heart literally skip a beat. Which was preposterous, because what business did hearts have skipping at all? Vital functions shouldn’t malfunction at the mere mention of a name.

Sebastian had thought about nothing but her in the last five hours; it felt like he had experienced a lifetime of emotions in that short span of time alone. There were so many words and feelings that he wanted to say to her. So many revelations and just as many answered questions.

“Hi.” Sebastian said.

But that was the only thing that he managed to get out. 

“I feel like… I haven’t seen you in a while,” She said.

It had been ages, Sebastian wanted to scream. It had been a week since they had properly spent any time together; since the last time they were in the library. It had been disgustingly too long — but how could he tell her that without sounding like an utter desperate fool?

“It has been a while. I imagine you’ve been busy.”

“Mmhm,” She said absentmindedly. 

Her eyes briefly glazed over, as if she was contemplating saying more to him. Sebastian had a feeling he already knew what was weighing on her conscience.

“I heard about Larson.” Sebastian said.

A light blush dusted on her cheeks. 

“Oh… You heard about that?” She chucked slightly nervously. In an attempt to hide her discomfort, she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, which stubbornly kept falling loose. Sebastian had to tell himself not to reach out and tuck it out of the way for her.  

“It’s all anyone can talk about.” Sebastian conveniently left out the part that he had actually been there to witness it all.

She grimaced. 

“Oh, it’s nothing newsworthy, I just told him that I wasn’t interested—”

“Good.” Sebastian interrupted (much too) abruptly.

Her eyes shot up to his, startled by the suddenness of his reply. Like a deer in headlights, he looked just as bewildered by the sound of his own voice. Fuck, did he really just say good? He cursed himself for how overly eager that must have sounded, and hoped that she didn’t read too much into it.

“I mean… it’s good you spoke your mind.” Sebastian clarified quickly.

She looked at him dubiously, with inquisitive eyes. Sebastian felt a chill run down his spine. He must have said too much with so little, because she was looking at him rather intensely. He couldn't help but wonder if she could now see through him, peering into his mess of his thoughts and emotions. 

Was she looking for an answer to something in particular? And did she find it?

But if she did, she didn’t reveal it.

“Right.” She finally said.

Then slowly, but surely, a smile grew on the edges of her lips. Like a soft patch of shade on a blistering summer day, it soothed his temperamental chest.

When Sebastian had tried to picture her and Andrew together, it all felt wrong. But right here, in this moment just between them, when she was looking straight at him, all felt right in the world. Like peace was at his footbed. Like his contentment was in the palm of her delicate hands. 

Sebastian couldn’t believe that he ever denied being soft on her. 

And he couldn’t believe it took so many people — including Leander for fucks sake — to see it.

“Join me tomorrow at dinner?” Sebastian said, before hurriedly adding, “And Ominis of course. Feels like it’s been a while”

She smiled and said, “Sure.”

This time, Sebastian didn’t fight the smile on his face, “Great.”

And in that moment, Sebastian did genuinely believe all was great. ——

Notes

This chapter was so fun to write but also it took me WAY longer than I thought it was going to. It's also wayyyy longer than chapter 1 and 2, so I hope you guys enjoyed it.

I apologise for the Leander slander. But tbh in some ways he's team SebxMc! So maybe we're all actually pro Leander

I also apologise for the Andrew Larson slander. tbh don't know a thing about him, so he probs doesn't deserve such hate. But oh well, the things we do for romance.

Shoutout to @wt-fxck @ithinkweallsing @mysticrose1210 @eleanorstaghart @deliciouslyferal @oliviajdjarin @80strashbag @radical-ghostface @tlnyjoong @fall727 @lololpiz @ssimpy for all your lovely comments and reblogs!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!! IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!!!

[daffi-990]

Seven(ish) Sentence Sunday ✍️

Tagged by @tizniz (who posted 21K of fluffy dad!buddie goodness that you can read here). Thank you lovely 😘❤️

Now that turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you (aka the Eddie pulls away from Buck after the graveyard scene fic) is finished, I can dive back into Rival Firefighters and hopefully the Eddie breakdown fic (feel like I may be. bit stuck atm with that one).

Snuck in some tipity tap typing time this morning and was able to get a little bit more of Rival Firefighters 🚒 written (not as much as I would’ve liked but hey, it’s something 🤷🏻‍♀️).

Prev snippet here, though today’s snippet actually follows on a little bit after this one (yes I’m aware I’m posting snippets out of order but I write a little out of order soooooo)

Buck’s seen pictures of Shannon around the Diaz house but they really don’t do her justice. Shannon’s hair is up in a high ponytail, her bangs accentuating the feminine softness of her face and when she turns to look at Buck and offers him a friendly smile like she’s genuinely pleased to see him, Buck understands how Eddie was so easily drawn to her.

She’s beautiful.

The way her blue eyes light up when she smiles reminds Buck of sunlight dancing on water. Sparkling light reflection he thinks it’s called.

She extends a hand out to him. “I’m Eddie’s very platonic, ex wife, Shannon.” She says with a mischievous grin.

Eddie closes his eyes and brings a hand up to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose as he mutters in Spanish under his breath. “Dios Mio”.

A little confused at the way she’d introduced herself, Buck accepts her offered hand. “Uh, I’m Buck”

“Oh I know” she says with a glint in her eyes. Buck tilts his head and raises an eyebrow in question. Shannon glances at Eddie who is pointedly not looking at her or Buck. “You’ve been a hot topic in the Diaz family ever since Eddie joined the 136.”

“Oh have I?” Buck says with smug satisfaction as he turns his attention to Eddie who actually squirms at the attention.

“I had to bi—,” Eddie’s eyes quickly flick over to Chris, “complain to someone about the annoying probie I kept running into.”

“Uh huh.” Buck couldn't keep the stupid smile off of his face even if he wanted to.

No pressure tagging: @wildlife4life @hippolotamus @diazsdimples @spotsandsocks @thewolvesof1998 @wikiangela @watchyourbuck @monsterrae1 @malewifediaz @missmagooglie @exhuastedpigeon @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @evanbegins @nmcggg @rainbow-nerdss @bekkachaos @rewritetheending @try-set-me-on-fire @theotherbuckley @captain-hen @puppyboybuckley @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @lover-of-mine @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @athenagranted @king-buckley @jesuisici33 @jeeyuns @sibylsleaves @steadfastsaturnsrings @honestlydarkprincess @homerforsure @hoodie-buck @devirnis @disasterbuckdiaz @giddyupbuck @fiona-fififi @fortheloveofbuddie and anyone else I missed who wants to join 🤩

[ghcstao3]

I saw your tags, you have challenged me!

Scary Show AU (cw for cannibalism and murder)

Ghost is a very well-known yet still semi-anonymous Voice Actor for spooky shit. There's a huge following for him because, regardless of what role he's playing, he does a phenomenal job. He's only listed in the cast list as "S.R.Ghost"

Typically he plays the role of the creatures in this super popular show called "Cryptid Season" which follows a gang of college kids desperate for extra credit in their Biology class so they hunt cryptids as evidence/to study for their papers. He does the voice over and some of the motion capture (he's a big dude) for the monsters and such, his most famous one being "Goatman" (from the demonic Goatman's bridge in I think Texas?)

Meanwhile Soap is this animator who's starting to become really popular, and he announces a new show in the work: "Consume", where he voices one of the two lead roles. It's presented as a show about a normal, if not very lonely man, being tormented by a demonic presence in his home.

Plot twist: dude's actually a cannibalistic serial killer and ends up quickly befriending the demon. The demon helps make the man harder to track by police forces in exchange for the bones and souls of his victims.

Cast:

Soap as the killer

Ghost as the demonic entity

Gaz as a detective who's new to the case but also best friends with Soap's character

Price voices the seasoned detective who's been working this case "too damn long"

Ghost and Soap ABSOLUTELY fall in love while recording scenes together. The banter, the flirting, the sexy scenario of cutting up a corpse together; it's too much not to fall in love irl

(actually such a big brain idea but I don't know how you'd write it tbh lmao. Maybe the show itself, where the boys keep their names? Idk the original idea turned into something much greater)

took a minute to figure something out i'm ngl but i did. something (in any case i would love to see your proper takes(s) if you'd be up to it, seeing as it's your idea!! i feel like i couldn’t do it justice)

-

Just like any other actor, Ghost had to audition for the role.

His agent books it for him without consultation, knowing the project would be right up his alley—horror, monsters, no face required—and Ghost makes no argument in sending in his tape. He recognizes this process and takes no issue with it, and once out of his hands, he waits patiently for a congratulatory offer or a gentle rejection.

Just like any other movie, or show, or what have you. Consume is no different.

Supposedly. At first.

John "Soap" MacTavish is... many things. He's charming, according to most. Talented. A joy to be around. A man who wears more than several hats of a project, which certainly tells of someone trying to worm their way into the commercial industry.

He has the spirit and creativity, Ghost will allow him that. But he also doesn't know when to stop talking as soon as the important work is done.

Is Soap professional? Sure. Does Soap make sure all jobs are done with efficiency and done well? Yes, he does. Does it make him any less of a nuisance to Ghost? Absolutely not.

But Ghost would be damned if the project doesn’t find its way into his soft spots, despite its nature. He’d be damned if he doesn’t fall in love with Soap’s animations and the hard work and craft he puts into them.

Then he blinks, and the pilot is premiering. It does well (again, considering its content), and Consume is properly green-lit.

Which is when Soap proposes the idea of recording their lines in the same room. Together. Facing one another. Because banter, and chemistry, and whatever other reasons he insists upon.

Personally, Ghost wants to decline. He’s always felt somewhat awkward when recording as such with anyone, but professionally? He couldn’t really say no, could he?

And it is awkward, at first. There’s more takes than usual, and Ghost can sense Soap’s frustration, though the man never expresses it. He just plasters on a tight smile, calls for a break, and pulls Ghost aside.

Surely, surely this is where Ghost gets fired. This is where Ghost is told he’s going to be replaced, where he’s told to say goodbye to Gaz and Price and wish them luck, and move onto his next gig. This is where—

“Have I done something wrong?”

Soap’s face is so earnest. So painfully sincere.

Ghost clenches his jaw. Shakes his head.

“No, I—“ He sighs. “Just have to get used to the… face-to-face. Let’s—I’ll try again.”

Soap smiles wider, now, as he nods, something kind and warm and brilliant.

The second try goes much smoother. Ghost takes a deep breath and eases himself into scripted dialogue, into witty banter and subtle flirts like it’s any other project.

They continue to record lines as such, just the two of them, each episode at a time. At some point, Ghost worries, the line between script and show and reality gets blurred. At some point, he fears, that flirting becomes genuine.

And what would he know—the reviews only get better as that line becomes less and less clear. Natural, real-feeling dialogue, critics say. The relationship is authentic, claim viewers.

The love is actually heartfelt.

And fuck, if that doesn’t make Ghost realize a few things about himself.

About Soap.

Consume is no different, his ass. He might have to have a stern talk with his agent in the near future.

(Or not.)

[nightowl374art]

Hey,

-So I'm very excited to write this 'cause I've been meaning to do it for a while now. So yah here I go...

-I just love your art so so much! Like fr bro you give me so much joy with your fanarts. I haven't felt this attached to an artist and certain art style in a while but you bring it all back with what you're doing and I'm so extremely grateful. So y'know... Thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart.

-I love every piece you've made so far but I gotta say ... That one with the remake of the amazing Spider-Man 2 graduation was just out of this world. Andrew's spiderman is my favorite of the live action trio and I love that one part so much! But I gotta say... Take this as an idea lol... So there's one more part of that movie I deeply love. It's the part where Peter makes the "I love you" on a bridge and then takes Gwen and they make it up to each other... Can't help but see miles and Gwen do that as well. Like in the end of beyond like them getting together or like maybe Miles proposing like that IDK! Take my idea 💡!

-Ok so that's my fav fanart but I'm absolutely in love with their beautiful family! Their kids look so beautiful and them being together is something I treasure a lot! I love how you made the kids different then the comics and also the way you made Miles and Gwen! They look so good! I love Gwen's side braids and Miles haircut it's like... I don't see him doing it BUT I freaking love the spider detail in the side! I even told my friend that if I had my hair like Gwen someday I would add that detail! It looks so good! So perfect like chef's kiss! Also the first art I saw of their kids was that one with Peter B calling Miles and Gwen for having kids and them all just being like:

Max and Charlotte: who the hell is this dude?

Miles and Gwen: What the actual f-

Miles (dad): Idk who the hell you are but please don't touch my kids...

-I also love miles 42 and Gwen 42 art... It looks so cute and she looks hot as hell btw. I also find it very funny when they are having a double date with miles 1610 and Gwen 65. They look adorable ... So different but very refreshing I really like it!

-Look like I mentioned I'm beyond have and grateful that you're making art like this... It's not just the art or the art style but the impact it made me! You're very talented and special! I can't wait for more beautiful art from you. I hope you're getting all the support you deserve and that you're doing well! Never stop smiling and have a nice day/night!

-Hope you get to read this soon and sorry for being so long! But this is just a fraction of what I was meaning to tell you so yah....

-Thank you for everything and for your time! Bye❤️🌻🫂🕸️

I am always amazed when people say these kind of things to me. It means everything to me to know I can bring even just a little bit of joy to someone through my passion, so I would like to say thank you to you 💕.

Agreed. Andrew is my favorite version of Peter, the vibe of his movies really speak to me. I love the scene you’ve mentioned, but it breaks my heart because of Gwen’s fate. However I would love to do that for Miles and Gwen. Right now I’ve got a lot of pieces in progress, so don’t expect it right away, but if I find a chance to do it I will ✨

I really enjoyed drawing their kiddos and had every intention of drawing them differently from the comics. I wanted to do my own interpretation of their kids since the spiderverse style if different from the comics. I actually based Gwen’s braids on some of her concept art, I loved that look (it’s viking-ish which I dig) so I wanted to do something with it.

Though Miles and Gwen 42 are not exactly canon, I still love the idea of them and so I’m glad you have enjoyed what I have made.

Just so you know, I’m very moved by what you said and all your heartfelt thoughts about my art. It’s lovely to hear what you think and how it has given you joy. It’s all I could’ve asked for as an artist so I hope you know how grateful I am 🩷

[corn-fanfiction]

SAVIOUR COMPLEX (Mark Hoffman x F!Reader) (PT. 7)

(PT. 6)

Rated: M

TAGS: language/past abuse/Mark Hoffman being a c*p/reader's life is maybe becoming less normal/Mark is protective bc it's his job but he's also problematic/because he's a c*p/Detective Gibson is his own tw/kissy kissy

**NOTE: Hey guys. Thank you so much for interaction with this fic, and I’m seeing a lot of new followers. I love that!! But I really need to stress right now how I do not support/endorse C*stas M*ndylor as a person or his opinions. He’s racist and I enjoy and only enjoy Mark Hoffman’s character. If you are a C*stas Stan, I highly encourage you to maybe cease interacting with this fic.**

“To say that this looks bad is an understatement.”

Mark scoffs and paces the Chief’s office.

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“No, let’s go over everything that’s happened tonight. You breach protocol by taking your case out on a date, you bring her to an active crime scene where her boyfriend has just died in a Jigsaw trap, and you are in the FBI’s sights! How is that dramatic?”

“Ex.”

Chief is stunned, baffled and befuddled. “Excuse me?”

“Ex boyfriend.”

“Are you-“ Chief sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “You’re pulling my leg, right? This is a joke. This has to be a joke because I know you're not this stupid.”

“Watch it.”

“No, fuck it. You’re off her case and you’re suspended until I can figure out what the fuck to do with you. Turn in your badge and gun.”

Mark stares him down. He doesn’t move.

“Do it, or we’re gonna have a scene.”

Mark grinds his teeth, his jaw ticks. He’s holding air that he refuses to sigh away as he slams his sidearm and his badge down on the Chief’s desk.

“Who’s my replacement? I assume whoever it is has her next door in interrogation, right?”

“Questioning.”

“Don’t fucking split hairs with me right now.”

Before the Chief has a chance to respond, the heavy metal doors to the interrogation hall open and close. Mark throws the office door open and sees you passing. He gives you a comforting hand but then leaves when he hears a snort from Gibson. He turns on him and Gibson either isn’t expecting it or doesn’t think Mark will actually put hands on him. On both fronts, he’s wrong, because Mark grabs him by his collar and holds him with shaking arms.

“What the fuck is your problem, Gibson!?”

Gibson pushes Mark’s arms from his chest and shoves him. Not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to send the message.

“I’m doing my job, Hoffman. Don’t forget, you’re a suspect too, and in danger of ‘reassignment’. Right?”

Gibson huffs and adjusts his shirt. Mark points a finger at his chest.

“You better keep your nose outta things before something happens to it.”

“Is that a threat?”

Mark is about to let him know that yes, it is a threat, when he feels a hand on his arm. He whips around and there you are, staring up at him with empty, dark eyes that are pooling with tears. God, you look ragged, traumatized- you are. 

“Mark, come on, please. Please, let’s just go home. Please.”

He softens at your plea. He’ll do anything for you right now, and that includes walking away from this fight. He gives Gibson a final mean look and guides you out of the station and takes you home.

Now, he’s staring out the window of your bedroom as you’re curled against him in sleep, one arm tucked under your head and the other draped across you. He realizes that he probably shouldn’t have even brought you here, but rather have taken you back to his place. You need familiarity, sure, but whoever had been stalking you could still be after you.

That was something else you didn’t know. When you and Mark had arrived on the scene and he saw Ted’s body, it was apparent that it wasn’t…fresh. Of course, he knew that Gibson had to have shown you the photos but there’s no way you were in a state to notice that detail. And it looked like more than a couple days. The death was old…older than the day someone showed up outside your window.

He pulls you closer. Not only is someone imitating Jigsaw- him, not only had that person killed Ted, but they were likely the one stalking you. 

It isn’t far fetched to think there’s another Jigsaw copycat; after all, that’s how he got the gig. The difference is that John and Amanda are both dead, and neither of them can handle this so Mark can focus on you. Mark racks his brain to shake loose any possible suspects. Everyone with any hand near Jigsaw is dead except him…and Jill. Christ, what if this is all Jill? Jealous because he has you and she has no one?

But Jill doesn’t have the physical strength to manage this on her own, and Mark’s watched her long enough to know she lives a solitary life. So no, Jill may be possible, but highly unlikely.

It has to be someone you know, or someone who knows him and his feelings towards you. It would be too large a coincidence for it to be a random copycat.

Who? Who?

The good news is that if he's suspended, he has plenty of time to find out.

There’s a banging on the door the next morning. You immediately jump and press your back to the headboard. Mark stands, reaches for his gun and then curses when he remembers he turned it in the night before.

You look up at him in a panic and he raises a calming hand. He glances at the window- nobody there. Goes down the hall and grabs a knife from the kitchen.

A peek out the front window reveals Gibson at the door, tapping his foot, looking around, checking his watch. Mark curses and opens the door, subtly setting the knife on the kitchen counter.

Gibson stops, looks Mark up and down, then cracks a smile.

“Jesus. Wasted no time, I see.”

Mark scowls and his grip on the door tightens. “Careful, Gibson. There’s no cameras here.”

Gibson looks over Mark’s shoulder and into the apartment.

“She around?”

“Yes, she’s in bed, and very fucking traumatized from the shake-down you gave her. That make you feel big, Gibson? Harassing a woman who’s being stalked and just saw her ex-boyfriend murdered?”

“Just doing my job. You know all about that.”

Before Mark can get another word out, you come up behind him, now having donned some pants and a cardigan.

“Detective Gibson. What a…well, whatever it is. What do you need?”

Gibson smiles at you, self-satisfied.

“I’m taking over your case. And with the recent danger, we think it’s best we put you in a safe house.”

Your eyes widen and you push your way past Hoffman who puts a hand on your shoulder. You shrug him off.

“Fuck that! You and your precinct already upheaved my life with this protection bullshit, now you wanna take me away from my job, my apartment? And for what? Jigsaw very clearly has no problem with me!”

“Yeah. Wonder why that is.”

Mark watches as you turn red. 

“Besides, not like you’re leaving much behind.”

Mark barely has time to grab you when you lunge for Gibson, who leans away with a chuckle.

“Easy. I can always still take you in by force.”

“Fuck off, no you can’t,” Mark bites. “She can deny if she wants to.”

“Yeah, but that don’t look too good either, does it? Got a reason to stay away from the police?”

“Aside from the fact they’re batting 1,000 when it comes to harassment?”

Gibson looks from you to Mark. 

“You don’t seem to mind too much.”

“That’s it-” 

Mark is out the door before you can stop him and he slugs Gibson in the jaw. The younger detective stumbles back into the yard and Mark looms over him.

“Get the fuck outta here. And unless you have a warrant, you can tell the chief to shove this whole thing up his ass.”

Gibson stands and spits some blood into the grass.

“Your ass is out, Hoffman. You hear me? You’re fucked!” Gibson shouts and returns to his cruiser, stepping into the driver’s seat and retrieving his walkie-talkie. You run out to get Mark.

“Mark, what the fuck?!”

Mark sighs, shakes out his hand, turns to you. “I’m sorry. I- I can’t stand that prick. He was asking for it.”

“Yeah, no kidding! He was egging you on and you gave him exactly what he wanted. You could lose your job!”

“Nah,” Mark says, shaking his head and heading back inside. You follow him.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll have a word with the Chief, pay some penance, do crossing duty or something for a few weeks. Shit like this happens all the time.”

Mark goes to your freezer and grabs a bag of peas to cradle against his knuckles. When he faces you again, you’re leaning against the counter, chewing on your lip, staring at the imitation marble.

“What?” he inquires.

“Nothing.”

“No, what are you thinking?”

He watches as you splay your hand against the countertop, moving your fingers back and forth. He moves to stand next to you, moves his head to be closer to yours. Nudges you.

“Come on. Let me in.”

You sigh. “I don’t know what’s happening anymore. I don’t think I’m in danger. Or maybe I am. I don’t really care. But…maybe it’s best if we took a break? Just until the dust settles?”

Mark’s heart plummets into his gut and his eyes search yours, his head unmoving.

“You want that?”

“No. No, I really don’t. But I’ll be fine, and you can’t lose your job.”

Because it’s all I have.

Well, that was before he had you.

“Let Gibson take over my case. Once it dies he’ll get bored, I bet. I’m willing to wait.”

You finally meet his eyes and your hand finds his on the counter.

“What if I’m not?” he mutters, his lips so close to yours.

“I mean, I never really pegged you for a patient man. But…”

It’s like you can’t help yourself. Your lips come up to meet his and his hand gently cups your jaw. 

Another kiss. One deeper and warmer. Before there can be a third that leads to something more, you pull away and Mark sighs.

“Maybe it’ll die out fast, you know?”

Mark nods at the refrigerator. 

“Maybe.”

“Hey,” you say, tilting his face towards you. “Look at me. It’ll be fine. Distance and fondness and all that.”

“I don’t think I can get any fonder, honestly.”

He watches in pain as your eyes flutter through that small confession and a smile pulls at your lips.

“Well, just hold on to it, then. And phones exist, you know?”

He dips down for a kiss on your cheek.

“So do midnight rendezvouses. And windows.”

“Come on,” you gently push against his chest. “Just think of how nice it’ll be when this all passes. Maybe my bed will see some action other than cuddling all night long, hm?”

Mark groans. “God, why would you say something like that when you’re trying to rush me out the door?”

“If I was rushing, you’d be gone already. I’m stalling, actually.”

Another kiss. Then one on the forehead. 

“Alright. Go makeup with the asshole outside. Apologize to the Chief. Help kids cross the street or something. I’ll see you soon.”

Mark grinds his teeth but submits, laying the peas on the counter.

“Sorry for defrosting those.”

You smile reassuringly, and it does help him feel like things will be okay. “Maybe we'll eat them next time.”

[torchickentacos]

PLEASE elaborate on solidad thoughts :o

ABSOLUTELY! 1 AM rambling ahead, coherence may vary.

Solidad is ICONIC. She is the MOMENT. She is AMAZING. She was only in three episodes (save for silent cameos), and yet her impact on the (CS but also general) fandom far outweighs the brevity of her canon appearance. We saw Solidad less than we saw Angie, Lyra, Robert, Morrison, and I think Tyson's Meowth, yet I'm pretty confident in saying that she had a stronger fandom impact than all of them. (Brianna's in that club of 'impact outweighs her appearance', too- for a character of the day, Brianna really cemented herself as a staple CS fanfic problem-causer. She had twenty minutes, a goddamn problem, and a dream, and I support her tbh.)

But back to Sol, I really enjoy that she had such a wide impact with such a small appearance. Not only in the fandom as a recurring character in many people's creative projects, but in canon itself! WIthout her, Drew would have read as a different character in those final episodes. She provides a softer context to him that we rarely get to see.

She exists solely to further Drew's development as a character, but she does a good job of it. I have specific feelings about that, I wish she'd been given more time to be a character in her own right, but she's instrumental to the character arcs that we see in AG, even though she only pushed it forward at the end. I feel the same about Drew, though- he only exists around May. You cannot talk about Solidad without talking about Drew, and you cannot talk about Drew without talking about May. I wish we had more of those characters on their own, but anyways.

She's a view into Drew that we'd been severely lacking up to that point. She's insightful in her dialogue to May, but also in her discussions on screen with Drew. It's just nice seeing Drew interact with people who are not May, which he never does. We get to see more of his personality come out around Sol, parts we don't usually see because he's too busy tunnel-visioning. (Note to self, I need to clip every time Drew talks to May and every time he talks to someone else and compare the runtimes because I bet it's going to be, like, a twenty minute difference, but anyways).

Solidad comes across as a former mentor of sorts, and it's nice seeing Drew interact with someone with that sense of respect (which he usually lacks). I think for May, it's also really fun to see her talk to Solidad- because Solidad respects May. It's just a really fun dynamic that adds balance to May and Drew. Drew's shown as stronger than May up to this point, but Sol is much stronger than him and yet respects May, and it's just a fun way to sort of even the playing field, if that makes sense? Solidad bridges a gap there; her career respect of May paired with her career superiority over Drew just really hammers in how far May has come by the Kanto Grand Festival, if her main rival's stronger rival sees her in such a positive light. I hope that made at least 5% sense.

I think also, going into more shitposty territory, I love Solidad's personality. She comes across as this mature, well-spoken, composed, respectful older sister type, but you look closer and she's actually such a shit-stirrer 😭 She point-blank told May that Drew has, and I quote, "Feelings for you" (shoutout to my queue tag, feelings for queue), and she's friends with Harley so her ethical code must be at least flexible, and she is, IMO, the reason that The Absol Scene goes as poorly as it does (Drew obviously went to the woods to train and be alone for a reason, as he is Not Doing Well, so Solidad... checks notes, calls him out in front of his crush WHICH SOL KNOWS and also like 5 other people when he's already in a fragile state. great job girl💀). Like, under the cool and collected exterior she is SUCH a problem-causer. A tea-spiller. She'd submit coordinator blinds to deuxmoi, I know this in my heart. I think it's so fun though because from her canon actions, you can extrapolate that she's someone who does her own thing if she thinks it's right and without input or permission, regardless of if it's actually right or not, and that's kind of where my joke about her being Chaotic Lawful comes in. I think she does have a strong sense of right and wrong, but I think it's a very Solidad-specific sense and not one that is, you know, rooted in a binary that most people would understand or assume to be the case lol.

This is so unstructured, but she's just fun and I like rambling about her. I also like that she only has Kanto pokemon, I love her backstory with Drew, I like that she knows Brock and Harley, she's just really interesting for a three-eipsode character!

[darklinaforever]

People who talk all the time about grooming for Daemyra : Learn that to groom someone you have to dedicate time to them. A lot of time and isolating him from others.

In the book, Daemon certainly spoiled Rhaenyra with gifts when she was little and gave her attention when he saw her, but like an uncle to his niece, nothing more. He literally spent the rest of his time traveling, fulfilling his duties and frequenting Mysaria at the time. Then, he was exiled for 7 years, and therefore did not see Rhaneyra grow up. He then returned when she was 14, a young woman literally old enough to get engaged, or even married for the time of Westeros, and she certainly had other suitors. In such a context, Daemon simply wooed Rhaenyra as any other man could have done. I will also add that apart from their dragon flying sessions. Rhaenyra was necessarily accompanied by her followers during the activities she did with her uncle. Daemon therefore did not isolate Rhaenyra. He actually even kept her good company when she was already isolated in a way because of her mother-in-law Alicent. And no, Daemon did not necessarily have sex with Rhaenyra as both sources may suggest. I still remind you that the first comes from a chronic sex addict and the second from a supporter of the Greens, Greens who were already inventing rumors about Rhaenyra's sex life at the time. The only thing we can really be sure of is simply that Daemon courted Rhaenyra 6 months before asking Viserys for her hand.

As for the show version, Daemon's gift doesn't have any indication of grooming either. It's quite simply a gift (certainly very significant) given to his niece whom he obviously loves enormously, in the same way that he loves his brother very much, as demonstrated in this first episode. We see that he has quite good connections with both of them, although visibly different. Then, it's probably a nod to the fact that Daemon actually gave gifts to Rhaenyra in the book, which I remind you had nothing to do with grooming. It is also stated that Daemon is not very close to the court and that it has been ages since Rhaenyra has seen him. Daemon is also shown to be uncomfortable at the court and avoids the place. We can certainly see that Rhaenyra seems to have feelings for Daemon, but it's difficult to say if it's mutual here. Either he feels the same thing unconsciously before understanding in episode 2 after Rhaenyra's badass demonstration on the bridge at Dragonstone, or not yet and starts to develop an interest in her in episode 2, again after her demonstration badass on the bridge at Dragonstone. The scene where Mysaria proposes to him with silver-haired girls may as well be a reference to his feelings for Rhaenyra, as well as the simple fact that his type of woman is more broadly women with Valyrian features. Or why even both. Mysaria also has traits of Valyrian women in the book, unlike the show. In any case, nothing happens and Daemon does not seem to have any approach to Rhaenyra in episode 1. Once again the grooming would be absurd in view of the little time he spends at court and Rhaneyra does not I don't see him often. Obviously, he also hangs out with Mysaria in this version. Then he goes to war for 3 years (and returned to court after 4 years, so I don't know what he really spent the 4th year on after finishing the war). And when he finally returns, Rhaenyra is 19 years old. Major by our standards and those of Westeros. Daemon does not isolate Rhaenyra either since the writers chose to make her a natural loner who has no friends apart from Alicent, which is ridiculous, in addition to depriving her of her followers from the book of which Harwin's sisters were normally part of it. Daemyra then have a little chat together in the afternoon, then spend a single evening together, before being separated again, and where certainly a little manipulation is present (without however being able to be described as grooming) of the part of Daemon but which clearly does not result in his intended plan.

So you will agree, with all this information, that all this is a bit tight in terms of time for a man who had big grooming plans for his niece!? Whether in the book or the show ?! Besides, in the show it's even more absurd since nothing happens until Rhaenyra is 19 !

I will add that it is not really surprising, or even basic evidence of grooming, that Rhaenyra could have feelings for her uncle. I remind you that the Targaryens are literally an incestuous family. Rhaenyra's parents are cousins ​​and her grandparents were siblings. To think that Rhaenyra only has feelings for Daemon because he allegedly subjected her to extensive imaginary grooming, instead of her simply developing it naturally because he is a handsome man gifted in many things offering her affections and attentions when it is present, is quite ridiculous. Especially since beyond the Targaryens, the society of Westeros itself practices marriage between cousins ​​and uncles and nieces / aunts and nephews. Only marriage between brother and sister is reserved exclusively for Targaryens. So it's really no surprise that Rhaenyra could fall in love with Daemon in such a societal setting. There is no taboo on such a relationship, so she does not feel it as such.

I also remind you that the Targaryens, fictional beings with magical blood, do not suffer of the genetic aspect of incest that we, simple normal and very real humans, can suffer. (A bit like the Greek gods if we want to compare)

I will add that it also undermines Rhaenyra's agency to boil down her relationship with Daemon to grooming. Instead of accepting and understanding that it was a consensual relationship on the part of Rhaenyra who wanted to choose Daemon for herself as her husband, a very strong approach, we prefer to give her the role of poor victim. Already because it's common to want to undermine women's agency even in our modern age (GRRM won't like you much for that), and also to reassure your puritanical morality and your modern vision or you tell yourself that it's is impossible that an incestuous relationship can be consensual and not really toxic (I'm talking about Fire and Blood for the toxic aspect, not HOTD). You seek to impose a modern vision on a historical context where it therefore has no place to truly judge the state of a relationship of this magnitude. And I repeat, this is a serious mistake. Not to mention the whole age difference thing. Let me be clear, when it comes to an arranged marriage in a setting similar to Westeros, most people don't bat an eyelid, because it's "normal for the times." This is what you tell yourself. But my god, what if the relationship had the misfortune of being consensual ? AND BY THE WOMAN TOO ?! NO ! IT’S DEFINITELY GROOMING TOO ! The woman can't have a choice in this matter, don't you understand ?!

Coming back to the simple fact that Rhaenyra was abused, I would say yes. But no Daemon. Rhaenyra was abused for years by Alicent Hightower, and then her son Aegon II, more widely by the Greens faction for almost her entire life from the moment she was named heir. Check this out if you love Rhaenyra and want to defend her from abusers. Because Daemon is the wrong target. (And yes, in fact Daemon did not abuse Rhaenyra in the show apart from this occ strangling scene. Alicent and Otto remain the ones who really harmed her and who abused her over the years. On the other hand in the book, I support it, there is really nothing toxic about Daemyra. It's a relationship that may simply seem problematic to a modern eye, except that once again, it should not be seen with a modern eye !) And honestly, if you want a relationship that's close to grooming, why is everyone forgetting Criston Cole ? Criston Cole, who in the book crowned Rhaenyra as beauty queen at age 7, became her personal guard, watched her grow up before apparently proposing to marry her and running away with him once she was old enough, and after she said no to him, spent the rest of her miserable existence rotting her ? No really ? Is there no one to report Criston Cole this time ? And in the show ? Why for the antis Daemyra, Rhaenyra is a victim of Daemon in episode 4, but fully in control of herself and for some downright rapist when it comes to Criston Cole whom she has known since she was a minor and who spent 4 years by his side since episode 2 ? Not to mention that we haven't really seen how their relationship developed between the time jumps, but strangely I don't see anyone being offended or bringing out the book to possibly make what we have on screen worse. Same for Harwin, I don't see anyone being offended even though he was a grown man when Rhaenyra was a minor ? And even if we see that he is interested in her during episode 3 where she is supposed to be 18 years old, everyone is offended by the age with Daemon in episode 4 when she is an adult, why so not for Harwin too ? (Be careful, I'm not saying that Harwin is an abuser. Not at all. It's simply to justify the bad faith of the antis) The seriousness of the age difference in a historical context where it has no place only matters when is this Daemon ? Grooming matters more for Daemon too, a man who canonically doesn't spend much time on the court either in the book or the show, in addition to multiple exiles in the book, than for Criston Cole, an adult man who has canonically spent almost all his time with Rhaenyra since he was her personal guard and who crowned her beauty queen at the age of 7... But strangely, the antis never talk about Alicent, the greens team in general, and Criston Cole when it comes to Rhaenyra's abuse. No. Daemon is still the one in charge. The ultimate abuser. You're so tiring and pathetic.

Anyway, I won't respond to grooming bullshit anymore, unless it's with ironic one-liners or gifs. But I don't need to explain a simple truth for the umpteenth time to a bunch of idiots who will never change their minds anyway because they believe they are morally superior. Make sure you send me all your messages. Especially the last person who spent almost the evening sending me the same bullshit over and over 24 hours a day from the antis, acting, as I already said in a previous post, like a parrot. Better yet the person probably proved not to really read my answers, since they literally had the nerve to tell me something that I warned in advance not to tell me by precisely giving the reason why this escuse, already underlined numerous times by antis, was stupid. All while telling myself to “justify it if I can”. Oh but I already did that in one of the answers I gave you darling. Now fuck you antis and avoid coming to my inbox in the future. Either I won't respond to you, I'll delete you, I'll block you, or I'll respond with something very, very ironic that will make you even more angry than my usual messages already seem to do.

[wrongcaitlyn]

Hello! just wanted to say that i really don’t mean to make you uncomfortable at all with this ask since i know you’re sex repulsed ace but i swear i don’t mean it in that way. as in in the sex way. it’s more as in the overcoming religious trauma and being proud of ones sexuality way!

picture this : nico di angelo. he’s at the Grammys. he’s just released guilty as sin? and everyone’s going absolutely bonkers bannanas. he’s walking the little carpet (added detail he is wearing the dress taylor wore at the show announcing ttpd). he sees a reporter and smiles at them and there recording and being like “omg nico is love your new song aaaa!” and nico just deadpan stares at them as he slowly walks by and lifts up the slit in his dress just a tiny bit and boom tattoo that says mine. ON HIS UPPER THIGH?!? 😨😨😨😨 he sets his dress back down winks and walks away like nothing ever happened. the reporter ( a gen z) puts it on tiktok with the caption “NICO WTF?!” CROWD GOES WILLLDDDD PEOPLE ARE GOING INSANE NICO THAT NICO HAS A TATTOO AND ITS ESPECIALLY MINE ON HIS UPPER THIGH LIKE IN THE SONG WHEN DID HE GET THIS WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? and everyone assumes it’s just so sexual when in reality it’s sexual in the way that the guilty as sin bridge is sexual. yes it’s based around sexuality but more the acceptance that he is allowed to feel those feelings towards someone especially another man. it’s a celebration of how far he’s come from that little scared christian boy who thought he was dirty and wrong to now and something that he can look down at and be happy from how far he’s come. (also nico had to train will for a few days so that his barely legible doctors handwriting at least looked nice enough to be readable) (also will made the haha so many couples break up after they get tattoos comment when nico was getting it and he was like “will if you ever even try to leave me the entire universe will be destroyed and that includes you” and he’s like “well i wouldn’t leave you anyways but remind me from time to time it’s funny.” “yeppers peppers” (also hc that nico says incredibly silly phrases cause he picked some of them up from will but some of them are his)

anyways sorry about this very specific scenario! you do not have to respond to this if you don’t want to since there isn’t much to say and i know you must be busy with a ton of asks haha. just wanted to share one of the scenes i imagine happening in tyt in the FARRR future! Might low key write a fic about it if i ever figure out how to write if that would be okay with you!

have a good day! :)

KSDJFSD NO BC ppl's reactions to his tattoos (though, tbf, they're mostly grief-related tattoos) has been something i've been thinking about for agesss and will probably include at some point.

so many little details in this that i LOVEEJSDF nico training will's doctor handwriting😭😭 i actually plan to add a tattoo at some point of will + all of the rest of nico's found family drawing stars and then having like a collection of them on his chest, which i will definitely be including at some point, and i can just imagine nico trying to teach will how to draw a star (he draws them like taylor swift's "stars, do u like dem" drawing)

but on to the main point: i absolutely love this idea! though i'm not planning on guilty as sin actually being a song that nico releases (unfortunately ://) he will 100% be making moves with his music that displays his growth as a person and his increased comfort with himself in all forms!!

the silly phrases hc is wonderful. CANON NOW. i also especially like nico also looking up like old-timey phrases and then just using them for no reason other than to confuse his friends

AND THE CIWYW NECKLACE!!!! will already has nico's ring on his necklace, but i think nico would 100% get either a necklace with a sun on it to represent will (maybe personalized to have the same design that he has as his tattoo) or his initials, or both. the ciwyw necklace will always be peak romance though <33

i would 100% support writing the fic!! go for it!! even if it may not be compliant with the.. idk if it's called the canon of this fic, but you get what i mean, i'd just love any kind of work related to the au, so definitely let me know if you ever end up writing it!!! thank you for this!

[daydreamerdrew]

Comics read this past week:

Marvel Comics:

Marvel: Heroes & Legends (1997) #1

This issue was published in September 1997. It was written by James Felder. There were 15 pages penciled by Sal Buscema and inked by Al Milgrom, 13 pages drawn by Dick Ayers, 10 pages penciled by Steve Ditko and inked by Steve Leialoha, and 11 pages penciled by Gil Kane and inked by Tom Palmer. All were colored by Chi Wang.

This issue revisits the events of The Avengers (1963) #16, which was published in March 1965. That issue was originally just credited as written by Stan Lee, but The Official Marvel Index to the Avengers (1994) #1 credited Jack Kirby as a co-plotter. The layouts were drawn by Jack Kirby, which were finished by Dick Ayers (though the Grand Comics Database says that Carl Hubbell may have made some alterations). It was 20 pages.

In that story the concept of some people leaving the Avengers was first raised when Janet said, “Why don’t all of us take a leave of absence? Everybody deserves a vacation sometime! I-I’d like to lead a normal life for a while- just like anybody else! I’m tired of all this fighting- this constant danger and turmoil!” Hank responded, “I’m a fool, honey! I never thought how tough it must be for you!” And Tony said, “For all of us, Giant-Man! Even I wish it would end some day!”

In this story, before anyone else suggests anything, Tony says to himself, “Come to think of it- the proud and noble Sub-Mariner might be a great addition to the mighty Avengers! Or, a great replacement- for the years have taken their toll on me! What’s happening to me? Why do I keep thinking of abandoning the Avengers? No! I’d never abandon them! I just need a break- a rest- time to get my life together! I’ve still got my company to run… thousands of employees depending on me! I can’t ever let them down!”

There’s also a scene in this issue where Clint, still a wanted criminal, rushes an injured Natasha to the hospital, then thinks when he hears that the Avengers may have to disband entirely because so many members are leaving, “If America’s mightiest team is having problems- Hawkeye and the Black Widow might just be the answer!” I think this is actually a great concept, a solid way to bridge the gap in the differences in their portrayals in The Avengers (1963) #16 and when we had last previously seen them, in the Iron Man story in Tales of Suspense (1959) #64.

In the Iron Man story Natasha’s parents were threatened by someone who was implied to be Nikita Khrushchev, unless she finally completed her mission to destroy Iron Man. Clint didn’t want to betray the U.S., but he loved Natasha and wanted to help her, so he accepted that destroying just Iron Man wasn’t really betraying the country. In the battle Natasha was injured, and Clint abandoned fighting Iron Man to help her, even though she argued with him, saying, “No! No! Go back.. finish him off… Go back!!” And then, “You fool! You had your chance… now it’s too late! Because of your love… I’ve failed again!!”

In The Avengers (1963) #16 Clint explains to the Avengers that Natasha was injured, but not in the fight with Iron Man, which seemingly happened a while ago, but that “just one week ago, they made her pay the price for trying to desert her red masters!” And Clint claims he didn’t go with Natasha to the hospital, “She was still alive when they took her away! I didn’t try to learn what happened after that! I- I was afraid to find out!” This is opposed to him sneaking into Natasha’s hospital room so that he can be with her even though he’s a wanted criminal, as Clint does in this issue.

And in that telling in The Avengers (1963) #16 Clint vowed to the unconscious Natasha, “I’ll make up for what we’ve done! I’ll devote my life to making amends!” But I think it makes more sense for Clint to want Natasha to be with him and to also be doing good with the Avengers. When Natasha next appeared, in The Avengers (1963) #29, she’d been brainwashed into serving the Soviet Union, with them presumably having giving up on her succeeding in her missions otherwise. Clint was still in love with her, and once she broke free from the brainwashing, he was pretty determined in trying to get the other Avengers to let her join the team.

Before they reunited in the Iron Man story in Tales of Suspense (1959) #64, Clint had assumed, of Natasha being forcibly taken back to Russia at the end of their preceding appearance in Tales of Suspense (1959) #60, that she had “deserted” him. Possibly the version of Clint in this issue will assume that she willingly left the hospital while he went to join the Avengers because she was angry with him over him failing to destroy Iron Man, and maybe she even did before she was recaptured by agents of the Soviet Union. Also, that Clint had willfully deserted Natasha in the original version of him joining the Avengers reads strangely with that he was later wistful about her before he found out she’d been brainwashed and was a villain.

Also, as Pietro and Wanda are on their way to New York, Pietro complains when he learns that they’ll have to wear their costumes and be seen by the press when they arrive, saying, “We are not circus performers!” Wanda tells him, “You protest too much, Pietro! In America, we must do as the Americans do. I shall be proud to wear my costume! Remember, my brother- no matter how crass and commercial the Americans may seem… they still offer the greatest gift of all- the gift of freedom!”

And the Teen Brigade gets upset when Rick isn’t announced as one of the new Avengers. One member says, “We ought’a picket the Avengers!” Another agrees, “Yeah, right! They’re unfair to teenagers!” This reminded me of Young Justice: Sins of Youth (2000) #1 when the team complained about media hysteria around teenage superheroes.

Timely Publications:

the Captain America stories in Captain America Comics (1941) #25

These 2 stories were published in an issue cover dated April 1943. They were 17 and 21 pages.

In the story “Captain America: The Murdering Mummy and the Laughing Sphinx” (writer unknown; penciled by Carmine Infantino; possibly inked by Vince Alascia) in Captain America Comics #25 as Bucky is leaving a library, where he was looking for information for a case, a passerby says, “Hi, Bucky! Haven’t seen you for ages!” Bucky says, “Hello, Red! Still studying archaeology?” And the red-headed young man says, “Sure- under Prof. Jameson, a famous master! He just returned from Egypt where he made an important discovery about an ancient tomb of some evil demon- Modebl.” It’s been a while since we’ve seen Bucky have friends closer to his own age outside of the military base. I wonder how he met this college student.

In the course of their investigation, Steve and Bucky find a vial with a note that reads, “If you would penetrate the veil. Think well of what you seek, and quaff deep the sacred lotion!” Bucky is worried and doesn’t want him to do it, but Steve says, “Keep your courage, kid! This may be the solution to the whole mystery! Those ancient peoples did things with mind and matter that our modern scientists could only guess at!” Steve ends up having a vision where a demon tells him, “There is but one return for you- to carry the curse of the mummy- and to spread it! That, I, Modebl, may rule!” When Steve refuses, the demon says, “Then you shall die and your soul will sign!” Steve says afterwards, “If I had swallowed that stuff from the vial, instead of sipping it, it would have [gone crazy]- that’s concentrated opium! A couple of drops of that would eat away your whole brain!”

DC Comics:

Batman: Harley Quinn (1999) #1

This issue was published in August 1999. It was written by Paul Dini, penciled by Yvel Guichet, inked by Aaron Sowd, and colored by Richard Horie and Tanya Horie. It was 48 pages.

This issue is actually Harley’s first appearance in a comic book. She first appeared in the Batman: The Animated Series episode “Joker’s Favor,” which first aired in September 1992.

the Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy story in Batman: Gotham Knights (2000) #14

This story was titled “The Bet” and was in an issue published in February 2001. It was written by Paul Dini, drawn by Ronnie Del Carmen, and colored by Zylonol. It was 8 pages.

I really did not care for how Poison Ivy in particular was characterized in this story.

the Harley Quinn story in Batman: Gotham Knights (2000) #30

This story was titled “Punchline” and was in an issue published in June 2002. It was written by Doug Alexander, drawn by Rob Haynes, and colored by David Self. It was 8 pages.

Detective Comics (1937) #831

This issue was published in April 2007. It was written by Paul Dini, penciled by Don Kramer, inked by Wayne Faucher, and colored by John Kalisz. It was 22 pages.

Detective Comics (1937) #837

This issue was published in October 2007. It was written by Paul Dini, penciled by Don Kramer, inked by Wayne Faucher, and colored by John Kalisz. It was 22 pages.

In this story Harley is working as the assistant director of the Metropolis branch of the Athenian Women’s Help Shelters, which men aren’t allowed inside of. She explains, “I thought I might put my psychiatry degree to good use. Maybe find a charity clinic someplace run by indiscriminating types who didn’t check backgrounds too closely.” The organization has a mission of “peace and tolerance.” The women all wear Ancient Greece-style clothing and are taught things like, “The Amazon way is the way of the Goddess. The Goddess is peace. The Goddess is power. Hail, wise Athena, from whom all blessings…” And “the spa’s water comes from a magic fountain on Paradise Island. It bestows healing, strength, and stamina.” At the end of the issue it’s revealed that the woman running the shelter is actually a villain, but that’s not resolved within this story.

This made me think of how Diana was depicted working as an ambassador in Greg Rucka’s Wonder Woman run, which I liked.

The plot is that Bruce Wayne hires Edward Nygma, retired from being a criminal as the Riddler and now trying to make it work as a private detective, to find a Wayne Enterprises employee who ran off with a confidential experimental serum. Edward needs Harleen’s help to do the job because the employee is hiding out at the shelter. At the end of the story Tim says to Bruce, “Admit it, you’re angry he succeeded.” Bruce responds, “I’m not angry.” And Tim says, “You’re always kind of angry. And now that the Riddler has come through, you’re downright irate.” Bruce explains that he was only trying to see if Edward would also be able to find the serum, and that from there “There was little doubt. Riddler knew the fee he’d collect from Wayne was more than he’d get trying to fence the serum,” so it’s not that he trusts Edward now, but that “the more content the rat, the less likely he’ll leave his hole.”

I like this characterization for Bruce- kind of a jerk, and not exactly jumping for joy or optimistic about one of his enemies reforming, but also at least able to have this conversation with Tim without directing his anger at Tim.

Joker’s Asylum II: Harley Quinn (2010) #1

This issue was published in June 2010. It was written by James Patrick, drawn by Joe Quinones, and colored by Alex Sinclair. It was 22 pages.

I particularly liked Harley’s voice in this story. And Joe Quinones is a well-matched artist for her.

the Harley Quinn story in Batman Black and White (2013) #1

This story was titled ���Justice is Served” and was in an issue published in September 2013. It was written by Maris Wicks and drawn (and later colored) by Joe Quinones. It was 8 pages.

the Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy story in Batman Black and White (2013) #3

This story was titled “Role Models” and was in an issue published in November 2013. It was written by Paul Dini and drawn by Stéphane Roux. It was 8 pages.

the Harley Quinn story in Legends of Dark Knight 100-Page Super Spectacular (2014) #1

This story was titled “Dr. Quinzel’s Diagnosis” and was in an issue published in December 2013. It was written by Jim Zub, drawn by Neil Googe, and colored by Kathryn Layno. It was 20 pages.

Detective Comics (2011) #23.2

This issue was published in September 2013. It was written by Matt Kindt, drawn by Neil Googe, and colored by Will Quintana. It was 20 pages.

Neil Googe’s art worked a lot better for me in this story than in “Dr. Quinzel’s Diagnosis.”

the story “Head Games” in Batman Black and White (2013) #1

This story was in an issue published in September 2013. It was written by Howard Mackie and drawn by Chris Samnee. It was 8 pages.

This story was on my radar because I was really impressed with Howard Mackie’s writing in Ghost Rider/Captain America: Fear (1992) and wanted to try out some of his other work, but I’m not interested in reading Ghost Rider comics right now. I enjoyed his writing again here.

Interestingly, it’s noted that this is Chris Samnee’s first official Batman story. He’s associated with the character online because of the popular drawings he does every October for the self-imposed challenge Batober. But this story was the only time he had drawn interior pages for a published Batman comic before Batman & Robin: Year One (2024) #1 came out in October 2024.

the story “The Wilt” in Batman 80-Page Giant 2010 (2011) #1

This story was in an issue published in December 2010. It was written by Simon Spurrier, drawn by Chris Samnee, and colored by John Kalisz. It was 9 pages.

For completionism’s sake I thought I’d read Chris Samnee’s one other official Batman-related story. This is a Poison Ivy story that neither Batman or Bruce Wayne appears in.

I found the way this story was written very compelling. If there are more Poison Ivy comics like this then I would be interested in getting into the character.

Fawcett Comics:

the Captain Marvel stories in Whiz Comics (1940) #102 and Captain Marvel Adventures (1941) #89 and The Marvel Family (1945) #28

These 7 stories were published in issues cover dated October 1948. They were 7 to 9 pages.

The story “The Marvel Family in Captain Marvel’s Dilemma” (written by Bill Woolfolk; drawn by Kurt Schaffenberger) in The Marvel Family #28 has Sivana be inspired by watching a play called “Road to Madness,” with him saying, “What a wonderful idea! Her husband makes her think she’s crazy, so he’ll be free to find the hidden jewels that are hidden in the house! Why can’t I use the same methods against that big red cheese- Captain Marvel? Heh-heh! I’ll do it!” This is obviously based on the story of the 1938 play “Gas Light,” which was adapted into a movie in the U.S. in 1944.

The story “Captain Marvel Faces Fear” (written by Bill Woolfolk; penciled by C.C. Beck; inked by Pete Constanza) in Captain Marvel Adventures #89 is another story about atomic energy. In it an atomic engine is ditched by a delivery boy who thought it was an atomic bomb. Though Captain Marvel tries to explain, “It’s an atomic engine that’s missing! It merely employs the principle of atomic energy without any of the harmful effects! You’re perfectly safe,” the people still panic, believing there to be a dangerous bomb somewhere in their city. The villain of the story is the personification of fear. At the end, as Captain Marvel is fighting him, Fear says, “Since the beginning of time I have existed only in the minds of people who have not known the truth! For those you know the truth… I don’t exist at all!” And he vanishes into thin air. And then Billy interviews the inventor of the atomic engine on his radio show, and the scientist says, “my invention was perfectly harmless all the time! The panic came from fear, and fear thrives on ignorance! When men learn the facts, unreasoning fear and all its terrors disappear forever.”

In the story “Captain Marvel Fights Silent Sound” (written by Otto Binder; penciled by C.C. Beck; inked by Pete Constanza) in Captain Marvel Adventures #89 after Sivana declares on the radio that he’s going to set Station Whiz on fire, does so, and then successfully escapes, the narration says, “The next day Billy spends all his spare time at the Whiz listening post.” The last time I can remember Billy spending his spare time listening to radio transmissions was back during WWII.

[merrycrisis-if]

reading the Qiu reunion while listening to a playlist with "Break my Heart Again" by FINNEAS was a risk I took and boy did it not pay off 🫠

I had barely recovered from hitting the bridge:

"So don't pretend that I'm the instigator You were the one, but you're born to say goodbye Kissed me half a decade later That same perfume, those same sad eyes"

as Qiu arrived to the party and then you hit me with

"You can see [them] wonder how much to ask for, and you find yourself wondering how much to give."

a few screens later and as cheesy as it sounds I genuinely needed to just stop and take a couple minutes to process the feelings it all brought up, especially as someone who lost a super important person in my life because I was a 'bad influence' (read: queer and helping her as she came to discover and accept she was as well despite an uber conservative christian upbringing).

And on that note if I could just ramble for a bit - Between Merry Crisis and CT:OS, I'm realizing that what I appreciate most about your writing is how real it feels. Like, in the niche of interactive fiction where most works are at least somewhat heightened, whether its the MC being a Chosen One, the setting being a heightened version of reality or outright fantasy, your writing is so grounded in reality that it almost feels biographical by comparison - and I mean that as a compliment I promise! It's just so real and relatable it feels almost nostalgic rather than escapist, which is something I think a *lot* of realistic fiction writers try to do, but so few can actually pull off in a way that feels genuine like yours do. Where most IF's leave me imagining what my MC's and their supporting casts would be up to after the final scene, yours always seem to leave me reflecting on my own past with how relatable your characters' experiences are.

Anyway idk if that actually makes any sense but thank you so much for the incredible update and I cannot wait for more <3

I am so AMAZED by the idea of you listening to that song while playing the update! Those lines are absolutely PERFECTLY IN SYNC. Crazy. I can only imagine how awesome that experience must've been!

Please keep telling me all the songs that you guys listen to as accompaniment to Merry Crisis, because it's so INTERESTING to know you guys' soundscapes/soundtracks to the game.

I'm sorry you had that experience of losing that really important person to you, and yes, it sounds a lot like what happened between Qiu and MC. It's so tough to be ditched by someone with an ultra conservative upbringing, but it also sucks to have gone through that kind of upbringing. If you're reading this and you belong to either of your groups, you have my love!!

And finally, thank you so much for your praise regarding Merry Crisis and CT:OS! It's really cool that you think they're both relatable and thought-provoking. I love that the IFs make you reflect on your own experiences. I do hope to reach a point in the writing that sparks readers to imagine what MC and the cast of characters get up to together off-screen as well though! :D

Sending you so many hugs.

[violivs]

NMTDaily: The last two costume party Ben vlogs

These are episodes 24 and 25.

Episode 24: Pedro’s beeeetch?!?!

- “How can she know me and yet not know me at all?”

- I love this line. I love this line a lot. It’s an adaptation of a line from the play, a line later paralleled in the play with “the god of love that sits above and knows me, and knows me”. Within NMTD, it connects back to Beatrice’s eventual “I’m glad that you understand me.”

- She knows and yet doesn’t know Ben because she was only friends with him for a few months before they fell apart, and now makes a bunch of anger- and hurt-based assumptions about him and goes off that. Yet she still knows him, knows exactly what to say to hurt him the most. Layers!

- Ben quickly arrives at “maybe no one is actually making fun of me behind my back and Beatrice is the only one laughing”, which is the truth for the most part. But he doesn’t believe it emotionally, so it doesn’t help. He still feels really insecure and anxious about everyone secretly hating or making fun of him.

- We know Pedro and Claudio often find Ben to be a little much, a little too loud, too stifling, too clingy. But they’re not laughing behind his back about it, they’re complaining to each other and eventually plotting to matchmake him with Bea about it.

- The song in the background is great because it’s essentially Beatrice’s POV about Ben. “Nobody loves you, everybody loves me.” “He is just an arrogant guy, thinks he can catch any girls eye… you’re just lonely inside, you really need to swallow your pride.” To have that in the background while Ben is venting about Bea and showing how insecure he is about how people perceive him- powerful choice. It’s in the background of the next episode too.

- Lots of great comments analyzing Ben’s character under this video, worth a read. Interesting observation by BeedlePencil that the school is in fact laughing at Ben AND Bea about their constant bickering and obsession with each other.

Episode 25: BATH

- Pedro is confused and concerned by Claudio’s disappearance. He also seems kind of drunk, himself.

- “Don’t shoot me!” “What?” “I’m the messenger, don’t shoot me.”

- “The chivalry of broship had been broken.” I love those moments where for a second we’re in 1598 again, like, chivalry? Oh you’re an adaptation of an old, old character, that’s right.

- The bird’s nest story is lifted directly from the play, and it’s incredible that the Candle Wasters made their modern Ben exactly the person who would think of that anecdote, even in a different time.

- Pedro’s FACE when Ben is saying birds are majestic creatures, especially flamingos. Pedro is pinching the bridge of his nose and clearly thinking “oh god, not this again.” Lol

- Pedro, still totally lost: “but… birds nests are for birds?”

- I thought Pedro was going to figure it out at first, but instead he changed the subject to Beatrice and wanting to know how Ben pissed her off so bad. Was he around when Bea was insulting Ben to his face earlier? Or did Bea go complain to him afterward? If she did, does that mean she knew it was Ben behind the Batman mask all along? Or was it just a general continuation of her Ben tirade because the person she was talking to before (Ben, and she didn’t recognize him) left and she needed someone else to rant to?

- “I was just being defensive” Does this mean there was a second half to the conversation where Ben took off the mask and confronted Beatrice? Because in Ursula’s party video, in the scene we saw, Ben never fought back in terms of insulting Bea back. He only defended himself by saying his bird video was insightful and he thought Bea was being harsh.

- Wait! In Ursula’s clip, Beatrice never says the phrase “Pedro’s bitch.” That means the scene HAD to continue beyond what we got in the video, with Ben revealing himself and Bea insulting him more. Wow. I should fic that, that’s a hell of a missing moment.

- That’s really interesting, that Bea starts ranting to a masked stranger about how annoying Ben is (and how she’s annoyed that he isn’t there), and then after the scene cuts off Ben takes off his mask and confronts her, she gets even meaner in return, and hurts his feelings so bad he goes and hides for the rest of the party. Now I’m sad we never got to see the inevitable corresponding later scene where she thinks back on her behavior and apologizes.

- Either Pedro witnessed the end of the fight or he ran into Bea afterwards, and he clearly thinks she’s significantly angrier at Ben than usual. I really want to know if Ben said anything in the second half of the argument to cause that or what.

- Pedro can’t help laughing at the “Pedro’s bitch” moment, which is definitely going to make Ben more anxious that Pedro really is laughing behind his back.

- We do also have some classic ingrained societal homophobia coming out with “Pedro’s bitch” in the idea that the most degrading thing for a man to be is submissive to another man, especially sexually. Pedro’s laughing, but it’s also probably pretty uncomfortable for him on a being-deeply-closeted level that he won’t even understand until later.

- “She said you thought I was really annoying and you only tolerated me” ah yes, the thing that every socially anxious person’s brain tells them 24-7. That no one actually likes you. She really does know exactly how to hurt Ben.

- Pedro is in Beatrice defense mode. “Give her a break.” He has a crush on her right now, comphet or not, so he’s inclined to take her side. The combination of her coming to his, the Prince of Messina’s, party as a princess, and her making it abundantly clear that she still hates Ben via this public fight, is what will push Pedro to ask her out in the next episode.

- The assault weapon sound effects lol, this absolute dork

- Do we think maybe Bea was in a “hit Ben with a constant stream of insults” mood because her Q&A video made her explain and contemplate her past relationship with Ben and re-litigating that made her feel hurt and vulnerable and angry at him all over again? That’s my best guess.

- This is a friend group that all meddles in each other’s affairs. “Maybe we need to stop this thing with [Hero] and Claudio- or is it with you now?” No wonder it all goes down as it does.

- Pedro’s “it’s not just her” refers to Ben, and hilariously goes right over his head.

- There’s some really excellent face-acting by Jake McGregor in this episode. All Ben’s facial expressions are absolutely delightful. I just like to look at him.

- Apparently “catch you later” “no you won’t” is a Sherlock reference, according to the comments. Love Ben taking an interest in one of Bea’s favorite shows enough to reference it!

- Don’t turn the camera on and off with your foot, Ben, ya nasty! Lol

- “baths + sleeping = no don’t do it” in the video description omg. Ben literally fell asleep in Pedro’s bathtub after this.

- Winner of the Comment Section goes to simondarrow with “wow I can’t believe Pedro Donaldson invented being cute and bisexual… legends only”

- also shoutout to the person who said Ben looks like he’s about to cry. I’m glad I’m not the only one tuned into his face journey this episode, poor kid.

- And the other person in the comments who wants to hug Ben. Hard same.

💖🦩🥭

[mayasdeluca]

I wanted to write this up and send it to you sooner because I wanted to get the wording right and now that the Jay news broke, it kind of aligns with what I had wanted to say.It's never a good look when the lead(s) of a show get ignored for more fan favorite people especially at conventions. No fault to the actors, it's just who the fans gravitate toward.

I remember when Wynonna Earp was at their first SDCC I think, almost every question from the audience was for Kat. Obviously frustrating to the others on the panel (again not Kat's fault) to where Shamier (I think) joked that he could leave. But I think Mel felt more slighted as she was the lead of the show and might have resented Kat early on (all water under the bridge now). And you even see how Mel didn't participate in those early Earp cons probably because of being an after thought to fans. I mean even now, since the cons seem to lean toward the queer community, the male cast members like Tim, Varun, and Greg are treated like they don't matter and it annoys me so much the way some fans disrespect them.

I see it happening similarly with these Station 19 cons. They saw the pull of Danielle and Stefania (similar to Dom and Kat) and booked them as the con headliners, but then had random additions like Grey and Alberto and Brett. Why not Jaina or Jason the supposed leads of the show? Possibly because there is some "resentment" (for lack of a better word) to the Marina popularity overshadowing the show as a whole. Granted these are European cons so they tend to be a little different but Jaina and Jason and Jay are doing Epic cons so they're not opposed to the whole con scene like say Barrett but maybe they just didn't want to deal with being an afterthought among the predominately Marina/queer fans that show up to these cons. And I'm not including whatever BTS drama has happened or like I mentioned above it is not the actors fault that people gravitate toward them but it could be off putting in any profession when someone gets love and praise and you have to be like um, I was there too. (Which is why I also think the Marina Spinoff hashtag is kind of in poor taste but that's a discussion for another thread).

As for Jay, I was actually surprised when he was announced for the UK con since no one else from the current cast except Grey (who marches to the beat of his own drum) ever went to a con. They kept teasing another guest was going to be announced and I am very curious of who that would have been; I doubt it was Alex all along. They probably invited him cause he was cheap and it made sense since he was part of Jake and Jaicy's intern class and they made a point to add he was part of the queer community.

Anyway back to Jay, unless the mystery guest was Lachlan or Jaina or someone else at 19, it didn't make sense pairing Jay with Jake and Jaicy for Friday as they never worked together. Which is probably why his sales suffered and in turn they couldnt afford to bring him. I feel like some of these cons see the popularity in guests going to other cons but don't actually know the show(s) to know who to put together. I mean for all the BTS drama the cast seem to stick together, if they dicked Jay over like this, do they really think they'll have a chance to get him (or others for that matter) for their 2.0 version they're already planning. And that might even include Stefania saying no even though she had a good time this year.

I have rambled on this enough but my final thought is that we know the fans can be extreme but they really do border on disrespectful when they make it all about Danielle and Stefania or Marina (which granted they were the main couple of the show) and disregard anyone else which even may have been the cause of some of that BTS drama which would be petty but these are actors who need their who's stroked constantly LOL.

I totally see what you're saying with this and have seen it happening with both fandoms you mentioned considering I was in both but I think it's partly unfair to put all the blame on the fans for doing this for a few reasons.

I think the reason that fans of a wlw ship end up getting so invested in a show because of the ship is due to the extreme lack of representation on tv to begin with so we are literally grasping at straws to find any and every kind of representation and sinking into it in every way possible. Of course there should be limits to this when it ends up being invasive to the actresses and boundaries are being crossed but from a strictly on screen perspective, while it may be unfair to said main actress/character who isn't part of the wlw ship that people are watching for, it also isn't fair or right that our community is barely shown on television while you can turn on any channel and any show at any given moment and see a female lead and male lead who inevitably end up getting together at some point in time.

And from a con standpoint specifically, I even saw people start to say after the Jay situation that this should be a reason that people start to buy other guests extras and not just Danielle and Stefania's...but who is someone to say how someone else should spend their money? And I know that there are now a lot of con 'regulars' (I really cringe saying that but don't know how else to describe it) who make it a habit of going at least every year so clearly they are financially able to do so and maybe could buy other guests things to make sure they are able to stay a guest but also if someone is going just to meet the actresses of the ship they like, that should also be okay. It's not really the fan's responsibility to make sure the actor is represented and situated for a con once a con decides to invite them.

Yes it's awkward and uncomfortable when it's not the 'main' who is the favorite or if it's very obvious that there's certain cast members who are more popular than others but I'm not sure how you fix or change that. I also think a lot of is has to do with fan interaction and how interaction the actors are with their own fans. Just as an example, how much of the Station 19 cast really interacted with the fans to build up a connection with them? And I know they can now say they wanted to stay away from the drama and everything but what about before Marina was even a thing? Live tweeting and posting BTS and all that standard promo stuff really goes a long way with people (we've seen it with the Earp cast). But yeah I don't really think there's a real good solution to making it work for everyone.