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cyarsk52-20 · 11 months ago

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When these songs were played on the radio, we shook with dread. Here’s the songs that we wished we could unlisten

p.s: toxic gossip train by colleen ballinger aka Miranda sings isn’t included because it’s basically another tone deaf YouTube influencer/celebrity apology video except it’s a lot worse than the typical influencer apology videos and thats saying something . Unfortunately there’s also no dishonorable mentions on this list but songs like lil mabu “mathematical disrespect “, Morgan wallen “last night “ , the steve aoki remix of The Beach Boys classic “fun , fun , fun “, and any song from Tom Macdonald and Adam Calhoun collab album “the brave 2” among others have received mixed to negative reviews (although some of the songs that have been featured on hated songs lists have also garnered positive reviews as well in this case with Morgan wallen)

btw, if you enjoy any of these songs more power to you, everyone’s got their own opinion and taste of music and that’s fine.

what song did you love this year?

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Dec 22, 2023 8:25am PT

The Worst Songs of 2023

Chris Willman, Steven J. Horowitz

Awfulness in music came in so many forms in 2023. Nothing makes for a good annus horribilis like songs that promote xenophobia, racism or just overall divisiveness in the interest of trolling — so here’s a round of Fudge Rounds for strange bedfellows like Jason Aldean and Kanye West. But it’s understandable if you might think that the real scourge of the last year was the plague of songs built on lazy interpolations, which manage to ruin perfectly fine oldies as well as introduce fresh rottenness into the world. We’re looking at you, David Guetta, Jason Derulo, et al.

Is there anything much worse than a remake no one wanted — see 2023’s prime offenders, Fall Out Boy? How about the phenomenon of bad self-remakes… hello, Roger Waters? Duets Mixing sex, drugs and race into a questionable cocktail landed the combination of Travis Scott and the Weeknd on our list. Meanwhile, all due credit is due when someone seems to be inventing a brand new subgenre of cringe as effectively as Meghan Trainor does on the unfortunately unforgettable “Mother.”

Here’s a 20-song sampling of the misbegotten tracks from this past year that most made our ears bleed, or our spirits, or both.

'Try That in a Small Town,' Jason Aldean

Aka “Try That in a Sundown Town.” This was a year when other country stars were making huge crossover strides, inviting curious new fans and even international markets to check out the genre. And what was Aldean’s contribution to that welcoming wave? Releasing a hostile anthem of proud xenophobia that basically amounted to putting up a “Stay the hell away… or else” sign. His defense of the song was that no one could be against the violent crime described in some of the lyrics, but these words — which sound like they were assembled in random order in a five-minute writers’ room session — weren’t nearly coherent enough for anyone to definitively state what the song is against, besides the big city. Legitimate protests were conflated with carjacking, both meriting a vigilante beatdown. (Also the epitome of big-city life: “cussing out a cop”… something that has never, ever happened outside a small-town bar, we’re certain.) As far as setting the music video in a historically well-known lynching setting, let’s be generous and give Aldean credit for not knowing about that sinister history before he shot the ominous visuals there. We could even give him credit for proabably not being consciously aware of how much the lyrics echoed the anti-civil-rights threats made in small towns in the ’60s. Now, imagine if we could just give him credit for something greater, like being a country music uniter instead of divider. Or just picking less hacky songs. —Willman

'Vultures,' Kanye West and Ty Dolla Sign featuring Bump J

“How am I antisemitic? I just fucked a Jewish bitch.” Enough said. —Horowitz

'We Didn’t Start the Fire,' Fall Out Boy

Imagine the brainstorming session behind Fall Out Boy’s rewrite of the 1989 “classic.” “Let’s remake a Billy Joel song! Our fans are clamoring for it.” “Great! What’s one of his most beloved songs?” “Too easy. Let’s go for the one universally considered most annoying — not only in his catalog, but maybe of the 20th century.” “Awesome idea. But should we update the lyrics?” “Of course, but only if we put everything in completely random, non-chronological order, unlike the original. Our only criteria should be to make the juxtapositions as jarring as possible.” “Cool — I was thinking ‘Afghanistan’ next to ‘Cubs.’ Hey, what rhymes with ‘John Bobbitt’? Did ‘The Hobbit’ get published after ‘89?” “Just make it ‘Bobbitt, John.’” “But we do need to maintain a rhyme scheme through the whole thing, right?” [Dirty looks are exchanged as the clock shows 12 minutes of studio time remaining.] —Willman

'Baby Don’t Hurt Me,' David Guetta, Anne-Marie and Coi Leray

We’ve apparently come to the age in time where sampling tracks from the 1990s — or even the early aughts — has become de facto, encouraged even. And it was a perennial stitch in 2023’s side. Sampling in and of itself is an art form, and when done effectively, it can transform the master track into something new and inspired (see: Beyoncé’s “Renaissance”). Which isn’t the case for David Guetta’s “Baby Don’t Hurt Me,” an empty rehash of Haddaway’s 1993 club smash “What is Love.” “Baby Don’t Hurt Me” feels stiff and sapped of vitality, a recreation of a classic without intent. Guetta has had a decades-long career translating the sound of the club into something more palatable for top 40 listeners, and this signals a misstep. —Horowitz

'Money,' Roger Waters

I’m not even one of the people that thought it was inherently a bad idea for Waters to remake the entirety of Pink Floyd’s “The Dark Side of the Moon” album as a solo effort, with subdued instrumentation and mostly whispered vocals. It’s… interesting. And “interesting” counts for at least a little when it comes to what mostly set-in-their-ways classic rockers are up to in 2023. But, that said, there’s something deeply perverse about doing a remake of one of the most-loved songs in the 1970s rock canon, cutting out the instrumental solos, and replacing David Gilmour’s contribution in the middle of the tune with a four-minute poem about… boxing. Well, not really about boxing, I’m sure, but I haven’t summoned the will to parse the actual metaphorical meaning of muttered lines like “Through toad lids he squints his vision of the world.” If you’re looking for positive assessments of this bizarre re-do, it’s no surprise that they’re giving none away. —Willman

'Mind Your Business,' Will.i.am and Britney Spears

Listeners were quick to call Will.i.am’s bluff on “Mind Your Business” as a collaboration with Britney Spears that was scooped off the cutting room floor. And wouldn’t you know, it was. The Britney Army has long been skeptical of the Black Eyed Peas frontman, namely for his contributions to the underwhelming “Britney Jean,” and while prior collaborations including “Scream & Shout” and “Big Fat Bass” generally escaped the pitchfork’s pointy end, “Mind Your Business” took the brunt full-on. There’s nothing original happening here, and the canned synthesizers suggest that Will.i.am’s musical sensibilities are stuck in 2009. (Or, 2000 and late, if it were.) Where Spears’ duet with Elton John on “Hold Me Closer” felt tasteful (even if it plays like marketing as music), the release and sound of “Mind Your Business” couldn’t have been more poorly timed. Clearly, with Spears fresh out of a conservatorship, the last thing she needed was to revisit blunders of the past. —Horowitz

'Vulgar,' Sam Smith and Madonna

One of the reasons that Sam Smith’s 2023 album ‘Gloria’ so effectively resonated is because it positioned the singer as a star reborn anew, confidently embracing their sexuality in a pop arena that’s rarely accepting of such liberating queerness. “Vulgar,” their one-off collaboration with Madonna timed specifically to Pride month, flung that notion off the deep end. An overt bid to cater to ball culture, the track sees Sam and Madonna (get it? S&M?) settling beneath their artistic integrity, with production that sounds like a ‘Drag Race’ runoff and a severe lack of performative dynamism. Those seeking a melody will come up empty-handed by the song’s end, left with mere hollow, iconoclastic boasts with little to justify it. —Horowitz

'Rich Men North of Richmond,' Oliver Anthony Music

He came so close — so close! — to being able to claim an anthem for a working-class generation that just about everyone could claim some sympathy for. The non-specificity of most of the lyrics could have led it to be embraced by both right and left, even if they didn’t agree on which Washington fat cats or which money-wasting government policies he was protesting. But then he had to go and punch down… and despite his disavowals, there’s no other way to read the “5’3″ and 300 pounds,” except as some kind of right-wing editorial-cartoon caricature of welfare recipients. Victim-blaming? Oh, fudge. —Willman

'Search & Rescue,' Drake

Credit goes to Drake for his ability to maintain his chokehold on music this far into his career. His eighth album “For All the Dogs” arrived in October as an overblown compendium of songs that feature Drake being Drake, with largely strong returns (at least, according to his devoted fan base). But he warmed up audiences with one of his snooziest attempts to date in April with “Search & Rescue,” a song that’s by no means offensive but feels like a half-attempt. Drake is at his best when he actualizes a thought in its entirety, and “Search & Rescue” scans as shapeless, something akin to a stream-of-thought freestyle that escaped the studio. Woe-is-me Drake is often when he glimmers brightest, and yet his yearning for a partner to meet him eye-to-eye lands uninspired. —Horowitz

'I Won’t Back Down,' Lara Trump

One of the more tertiary of the Trumps offers a “Come and get me, coppers!” cover of one of Tom Petty’s greatest songs, practically daring the Petty estate to try to take it down, after the heirs’ previous public disapproval of her dad-in-law using it at rallies. Instead, it met the fate met by most amateur crooners using a cover to try to break into the biz: invisibility. Maybe we could recommend some other selections from the ex-president’s rally playlists for Lara to try her hand at, like “YMCA,” as long as she’s not backing down from a music career. —Willman

'Mother,' Meghan Trainor

Meghan Trainor has had nine lives in the pop industry, and rightfully so. Since she hit it big with “All About That Bass” in 2014, she’s consistently defied the odds by doing what she does best: crafting unshakeable pop songs that break through whatever noise surrounds her. Last year, she did it yet again with “Made You Look” on the back of a TikTok trend that found crossover ubiquity. But lightning rarely strikes twice in a row these days in pop music and “Mother” couldn’t touch down. In a year of songs bursting with samples, “Mother” rebuilds The Chordettes’ “Mr. Sandman” as a double entendre, referencing her literal motherhood and the more colloquial definition of being “mother.” What results is a schticky putdown of overzealous men that weirdly crams “mansplaining” into the chorus. “Mother” slots musically into her discography, but it’s simply unforgivable to use the “bum bum bum” sample to refer to someone as a bum.

'Boycott Target,' Forgiato Blow and Jimmy Levi

It’s a hip-hop song that comes Marjorie Taylor Greene-endorsed, so you know it’s gotta be good. Forgiato Blow, a self-described “MAGA rapper,” went into an actual Target store to shoot the video for this proudly homophobic and transphobic protest song, which rails against the chain “targeting your kids.” And as evidence that Target is going after children, the video shows the rapper brandishing Bud Light and champagne with a rainbow label, two products obviously aimed at tykes. “We need а clean-up on every aisle / Inside this storе Satan resides / Wash it with the blоod of Christ… / God is coming for revenge,” they rap. At least they resisted the temptation to portray blood flowing through the beer section, but there’s probably only so much you can accomplish in a five-minute rogue video shoot. —Willman

'Hands on Me,' Jason Derulo featuring Meghan Trainor

The interpolation craze may have hit rock-bottom with this soul-destroying adaptation of Ben E. King’s “Stand by Me”… which, take it from me, could ruin your appreciation of that classic oldie forever. (Do not click on the video, above. You’ve been warned. We place it there only in the hope that, like “The Grudge,” the curse can be passed on.) Surely whoever owns the publishing for this 1961 Lee/Leiber/Stoller composition violated some federal law by allowing this desecration. If not, now is the time for Congress to act to avoid similar tragic violence in the future. As much as the musical arrangement packs a kind of bubblegum it’s hard to imagine anyone over the age of 9 cottoning to, the lyrics are right out of an old-school porn scenario: Derulo tells his foxy neighbor she can come over to borrow some sugar any time, so she comes over dressed in a robe, which, according to his reportage, she drops as soon as she’s in the front door. “I won��t be afraid,” Derulo sings, in the only line left over from “Stand by Me,” but anyone exposed to this veritable horror movie should be afraid… very afraid. —Willman

'My Body,' Coi Leray

This isn’t a knock on Coi Leray as an artist whatsoever. In fact, over the past few years, the Grammy-nominated artist emerged as one of the most promising young emcees with her punctual rhymes and fluid ability to toggle between a rap-sung cadence. But the buck stops at “My Body,” a single included on her 2023 album “Coi” that crassly samples Leslie Gore’s classic “It’s My Party.” On it, she transforms the naïveté of the source material into an exercise in self-aggrandizement: “It’s my body, I could fuck who I want to / It’s nothin’ new, you just mad it ain’t you.” Where rappers of yesteryear have mutated big band songs into fresh takes—Missy Elliott’s “Big Spender” comes to mind—“My Body” feels like a stumble, one that leans on nostalgia without offering anything of value. —Horowitz

'K-POP,' Travis Scott featuring Bad Bunny and the Weeknd

This counts as a bit of a troll — tricking some music fans and search engines into thinking the song is a salute to Korean pop when it’s really about the seductive effects of the ketamine lollipops pictured in the single art and video and loosely described in the lyrics. When Scott and his guests put this out back in July, it was many months before ketamine became most famous for apparently killing off one of television’s most beloved stars, so maybe the pro-drug stance of “K-POP” shouldn’t be judged by December 2023 standards. Still, if you were thinking it’s possible to make a good song about the drug, this wasn’t it, marking a low point on a Scott album that was otherwise pretty well-received. Naturally, the Weeknd’s guest verse had all the quotably decadent lines you’d expect (“We gon’ fuck till we seasick,” etc.). And he was the one who brought race into it: “Even though she Korean / Get her wet like tsunami.” There’s no double-entendre like the kind where all the entendres are equally risible. —Willman

'Cinderella Snapped,' Jax

Where to begin. Jax may not be a household name, but listeners may recognize her as a third-place finisher on “American Idol” or, later, a TikTok star. While she’s been releasing music for years, she hit her mainstream stride last year after “Victoria’s Secret,” a body-positivity anthem that took the lingerie company to task, became her first single to chart on the Billboard Hot 100. The from-the-hip lyrics resonated with fans seeking a takedown of the impossible cultural standards imposed on women. But on her follow-up, “Cinderella Snapped,” Jax invokes Disney princesses and reimagines their storylines to cringy effect. “Rapunzel shaved their head so there was nothin’ to climb on / Jasmine made out with Mulan / Sleeping Beauty sued the dude who kissed her while she was asleep / And Ariel was confident without any feet,” she sings. It trudges on from there. Fantasy is nothing new to pop music, but attempting a rewrite of the entire Disney oeuvre to shoehorn unintended narratives feels antithetical to the magic of what made those stories so endearing in the first place. Sure, the intention here feels genuine, but the execution is farcical at best. —Horowitz

'Alone,' Kim Petras featuring Nicki Minaj

What was poised to be Kim Petras’ solo breakthrough following the runaway success of “Unholy,” her collaboration with Sam Smith, ended up fizzling upon arrival. Billed as her “debut album” (despite the fact that she has numerous “debut albums” on her resume), ‘Feed the Beast’ felt less like the glossy risk-taking fare that largely drives her discography and more like a thin, conventional bid for mainstream crossover. There are certainly bright spots on the album—“Uh Oh” and “Revelations” rightfully earned spots in the Petras hall of fame—but it was with the lead single “Alone” featuring Nicki Minaj that the momentum slowed to a crawl. Mining from a sample of Alice Deejay’s classic ‘90s club banger “Better Off Alone,” the single strips away the urgency of the original, cutting the pace nearly in half for a trudge of a single that could very well have tickled fans’ desires. Much of its detriment is due to the inversion of pace from verse to chorus: The drums pitter patter across the former, only to cut out as Petras hits her vocal stride on the latter. Remixes of “Alone” tried to course-correct, but the damage had already been done. —Horowitz

'Chevrolet,' Dustin Lynch featuring Jelly Roll

Speaking of Chevys — as Oliver Anthony was, earlier in this list — Lynch sings an ode to the brand with “Chevrolet,” which is set to a full-length interpolation of the Dobey Gray classic “Drift Away.” (Or should we say the Uncle Kracker classic “Drift Away”? Snce that 2002 cover is the likelier place for Lynch to have picked it up.) This song seems like it was crafted solely to get adopted by the carmaker itself for an ad campaign, the way that Applebee’s adopted Walker Hayes’ anthem after the fact. But the lyrics don’t exactly represent a realistic scenario. Lynch is trying to seduce a woman in a bar, and she’s telling him she wants to go get down in his Chevy, but since they just met, you’re thinking: Really? Bragging “I have a Malibu parked out back” was one of your pickup lines? Also, since the music is lifted entirely from “Drift Away,” did it really take three Nashville songwriters just to come up with lyrics so terrible you’d think not even one of them would want credit? —Willman

'Justice for All,' Donald Trump and the J6 Prison Choir

There’s a perception that you’d have to look to hip-hop to find as many felons or possible soon-to-be-felons gathered on one track, so thanks are due to the former president and the insurrectionists behind bars on his behalf for correcting that. —Willman

'I Wanna Be Software,' Grimes

Artificial intelligence became a prominent talking point in popular music over the past year, namely due to producer Ghostwriter gaining traction with an AI-generated track featuring mimetic vocals from Drake and The Weeknd. Grimes was just one musician quick to fall in line with the growing trend, encouraging musicians to use AI to resemble her voice on a track of their creation in exchange for a share of the profits. She took it one step further with “I Wanna Be Software,” and oh, how far we’ve strayed from the light. Where Grimes has built a career retrofitting experimental turns in electronic music into a pop format, she goes quite literal on “Software,” a computer glitch of a song that ambles as much as it wobbles. Over production that could very well be a Garage Band preset, she sing-raps about, you know, wanting to be software. “You can write me, you can design,” she deadpans. If only she’d put as much effort into the track itself. — Horowitz

Read More About:

Best of 2023,

Jason Aldean,

Kanye West,

Oliver Anthony,

Roger Waters

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adminsoffice · 3 years ago

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"Panic Sense" - HL fanfic

Gordon Freeman truly is Just Some Guy, and no impressive bullshitting his way through Black Mesa would change that. It was instinct and panic that ran his mind. It wasn’t an easy switch to turn off when you’ve already accepted that reality is terrifying and cruel.

characters: Gordon Freeman, Barney Calhoun, Isaac Kleiner, Alyx Vance chapter(s): oneshot subject: gen, trauma/ptsd, character exploration rating: teen (canon typical violence) setting: HL2 chapter 1 other: gordon is hoh, and uses asl. this is a sort of rewrite of the first chapter as it follows all the same beats. also didnt fully beta this.

CW for exploration of trauma, some self-hate talk, brief suicidal ideation to a minor extent.

Read it on AO3

This fic basically outlines the first chapter of half-life 2, where i am projecting the way i felt playing it for the first time as i feel like it fits gordon too. I defined three moments i had personally in the game- 1) the start with barney, i was so tense and on edge i was certain i was gonna get hurt until barney revealed himself. 2) the cp and the can… still weaponless and anxious knowing how they acted, i didnt even want to consider disobeying so i did what i was instructed. This was an interesting moment of feeling the pressure of the situation i was forced into. 3) another vulnerable moment was running to kleiner’s lab, as you are still weaponless. As things unfolded i was on full flight response when the cp start coming after you, and helplessness felt in that moment really stuck once i was cornered.

In the end i just really enjoyed my experience with HL because of how you just.. Are gordon. It didnt seem unrealistic to feel like my feelings were his feelings. this was additionally inspired by also seeing this comic by this-should-do, after i finished playing the game.

#fic #half-life #half-life 2 #hl2 #gordon freeman #barney calhoun #alyx vance #isaac kleiner #doctor kleiner #fan fic

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ardeawritten · 3 years ago

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Street-level Metrocop worldbuilding-

A big part of Stray Physicists' interim story is how Calhoun ends up in the CP uniform. I'm still nailing down details but have gone through a bunch of different ideas. :P

Worldbuilding, for the sake of ~fun drama~

-Gen 1 metrocops are 90% military who were ordered to surrender, marched in one end of the Combine machine and came out the other end in a new uniform with new orders to Keep The Peace in a 'keep calm and carry on' kind of way. Thought they were doing humanity a favor by being the buffer and shield between them and the aliens.

-They got immediately hated as the accessible human face of the Combine machine. Became acceptable targets, because civilians didn't get into anywhere near as much trouble for beating up CPs as they did for attacking Combine infrastructure and transports.

-Full face masks were adopted fairly early by Gen 2 metrocops. On the human side, it helped provide a shield and a level of anonymity that let the CPs work more effectively. On the Combine side, it started breaking down the homogeneity of human identity- CPs were even further Other'd by civilians.

-Gen 3 CPs were more heavily armored, armed with more painful sub-lethal weapons, and their helmets contained more sophisticated sensory control measures. Everything they saw, smelled and heard was mechanically filtered, further distancing them from civilians and lowering their tendency to empathize.

-A group of rebels successfully nabs a gen 3 task force, strips them and takes the uniforms and successfully infiltrates a training facility and bombs it to smithereens. Anonymity works both ways.

-In response, the Combine issues Gen 4 uniforms with two separate safeguards: a biometric integration unit that records and tracks its wearer's physiology and medical status, and an explosive device built into the belt clasps. Take it off without deactivation codes and it goes boom. Gen 4 CPs are privileged enforcers but also prisoners in their own armor, only able to safely disrobe within their own garrisons during scheduled "off-duty" hours after all the doors are locked.

-The Combine's goal of finding an 'optimal range' of human physiology and psychology to mash into their stalkers and troopers is now being applied upstream to the first stage of their recruitment; CPs are kept inside a physical and mental "ideal" range via drug-controlled metabolism and chemical 'mental stabilizers.'

-Gen 5 uniforms have digital visual displays, fully integrated biometric packages capable of delivering constant background medical assistance and stabilizers. Orders are given by a hybrid surveillance system and predictive algorithm trained to anticipate 'anti-citizen' outbursts. Successful defection, living or dead, from the CP program reaches .2%.

Since CPs a) don't go hungry b) get their wounds treated and pain medicated away and c) are kept chemically stabilized, despite being the street-level hated villain recruitment remains a very attractive option for starving, wounded, scared and desperate civilians.

#and that's why Barney never gets out of the uniform.#half life headcannons #half life 2 #half life metrocops #half life

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gordontubeplus · 3 years ago

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Characters

Gordon: Pronounced “Gor-Don”

Age: 27

Sex: Maybe

Height: 6’ 4”

Bio:

He doesn't do much. He logs. His whole life is surrounded by cutting trees. A tree fell on his father killing him so he has a vendetta against all the trees. He doesn't know how to use any technology. He doesn't speak, he communicates in shrugs and grunts. He also doesn't know how to vote nor does he care. Everyone fears him for his immense strength. He doesn't realize it but he has the power of three bulls, or 14 llamas.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alyx Vance

Age: 24

Sex: Yes

Height 5’ 0”

Bio:

She is “woke” she follows a political twitter run by a middle school girl in NY. She constantly tries to convince Gordon to be woke but he doesn't get it. She really hates him chopping down trees. She dresses like it's still the 70’s even though it's 2013 . She is the only person in the town with wifi, its hughes net gen 4.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Barney “Bongo” Calhoun

Age: 30

Sex: Of course

Height 5’ 10”

Bio:

He is the town cop, plumber, electrician, and handyman. He is the only one who can constrain the power of Gordon. He went to school with Gordon and was there when the tree fell on his father, that wretched day. He was a QB in high school and peaked there. He still tries to relive the “glory days”.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Breen

Age: 65

Sex: Not anymore

Height 5’ 8”

Bio:

He was born mayor. Its life long term. He spends his days playing with model trains. Sometimes he uses the town railway as his own personal train set as they have no import or exports. The town is in perpetual debt but he just procrastinates doing anything about it.

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John

Age: Dead

Sex: Once

Height: -6ft

Bio:

Got hit by a falling tree and died.

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Eli Vance

Age: 51

Sex: Once or Twice

Height: 6 ft

Bio:

Father of Alyx Vance, is mentally ill and thinks he is a pirate. He lost his leg in a motor accident while trying to “Board an enemy's ship”. He on multiple occasions will start calling himself “Captain Bigbeard”, he has no beard.

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G-Man

Age: 68

Sex: Possibly

Height: 6’ 1”

Bio:

Everyone calls him gary. Works for the FBI, Assigned to watch over the town as they somehow are indebted millions but are able to pay for things around the town. Gordon doesn't like him.

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Kleiner

Age: 65

Sex: Never

Height 5’ 7”

Bio:

The local crack dealer, nobody buys from him but he still tries to sell it. Gordon buys from him because he feels bad but doesn't understand what crack is.

#midwesthlau #these character descriptions are written by someone who has never played half life! ever!#characters

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milk-luvr-dot-com · 4 years ago

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“A New Assistant” - The Thick of It - Chapter 2

Summary: While DoSAC fucks around trying to keep the data wipe a secret, Malcolm and Ivy begin to become more comfortable with one another.

Word Count (this chapter): 5222

Rating: Mature (for adult situations, language)

Warnings: No Ao3 Warnings, Explicit Language, homophobic language, fatphobic language, sexist language, ablest language

Categories: F/M, Gen

Tags: Falling in love, crushes, comedy, slow burn, explicit language, original female characters, AU - canon divergence, mutual pining, additional tags to be added

Chapter 1, Chapter 3

Ao3 link and full work under the cut.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510592/chapters/59267578

Malcolm walked into the office, expecting to turn on the light. It caught him off guard when the light was already on, and Ivy was sitting across the room at her desk, quietly talking to people on the phone about menial garbage that Malcolm had put her on last night.

"Oh, shit." He said, dropping his briefcase beside his desk and settled into his office chair.

She looked up after finishing her call, "Morning, sir."

"Were you here all night?" Malcolm made a concerned face.

Ivy capped her pen. "No, got here early to sort out Anthony's mental breakdown about his stupid bloody department of education thing." She rubbed her eyes, which didn't smear what little makeup she had on. She looked tired. She could have been lying.

"Well, good morning anyway. Can I fetch you some tea?"

She thought it was a sweet gesture. He always tried to be kind to her, no matter how frustrated or pissed he was at anybody else. He was always patient. Even if he made a smarmy comment, it was all in jest. She had only been there a week, but she knew that Malcolm didn't treat anyone else like this.

"Aren't I supposed to be the one doing the tea fetching?" Ivy smiled meekly.

Malcolm didn't look at her, instead preoccupied with signing into his computer. "Right you are. Can you fetch us some tea?"

She sighed, getting up, "what kind?"

"Earl grey would be fine, thank you, Ivy."

"Mhm." She fetched it, then came back fairly quickly.

As she leaned down to set his cup on his desk, he began, "You ever see that movie with Rory Calhoun, where there's these siblings who sell meat but it's actually made out of human flesh? What's it called again?"

"Motel Hell?"

He snapped his fingers, pointing at her. "Motel Hell. Wow, you must really know your '80s horror films."

She chuckled, "I remember seeing that one at the cinema with my mates."

Malcolm raised an eyebrow, "in cinema?"

"Yeah."

He didn't continue, trying to calculate her age in her head.

"Sir, you're only about 4 years my senior." Ivy slumped into her chair.

Malcolm looked at her in disbelief. "No..." he turned his head to give her a side eye. "No, you can't be."

She pressed her lips together, and nodded. "Yeah. 46, as of July."

"I thought you were approaching your 40s. Christ, you look lovely."

"Oh, stop." She swiped her hand at him, grinning and blushing. "You're not that bad, either, Malcolm."

He sighed, "Anyway, uh, my point was that you and I are like the people from Motel Hell. Tag team of..."

"Shit?"

"Yeah, shit. So, I want to see you in action. How about you go up there and see what's.. shaking." Malcolm smiled, using his hands as he talked.

"Alright then. I'll take notes for you." She stood up, making her way up to the DoSAC workspace.

The sound of Ivy's heels echoed through the office space and send the same vibe as the Other Mother from Coraline. Once she rounded the corner, she didn't make a fairer presence.

"Morning, morning, morning everyone." The DoSAC employees looked relieved to see her instead of Malcolm. They really shouldn't have been. "Where's Nicola?" Ivy turned to Olly, who was punching in a phone number.

"Er, she's on a call." He said, which was a total lie, as she had just stood up and looked directly at her before ducking back down again, with a relieved look on her face. Again, she really shouldn't have been.

A blonde haired woman, who's name Ivy recalled to be Robyn, asked weakly, "Does he know...?"

She wheeled around, staring at her. They were the same height. "Hm? Sorry? Does he know what?"

"Er..." Robyn scrambled for something to say, clearly, "the best way to clear a paper jam?"

"I'm not sure, but in my expert opinion, you put a hamster in a tube sock and beat the printer over and over again with it until it works." She bluntly responded, then turned at Nicola's voice.

"Morning, Ivy. Uh, if you could sort out the sack race situation for me, that'd be terrific." She said to Terri, who agreed and asked what she could do. "Ideally, build a time machine so that we could go back and not invite photographers to the sports day."

Ivy rolled her eyes. Terri and Nicola continued for a few more moments, then Nicola turned her attention to Ivy, finally. "So, Ivy-"

"Oh, sorry, uh, Malcolm's calling, hang on just one moment." She made her way to the elevator nook.

"Malcolm, what can I do you for? ....Oh, yeah, it's going okay. Yeah they're being fucking weird, like those boys on that one show, Ghost Adventures. Walking around and shouting every five minutes, 'what was that?' .... no, not literally, sir. But maybe you should come up here, they look like they're about to admit something. They've got it in their little beady eyes. ....Yeah, okay. See you." Ivy slinked back to the main area.

She gave a warm smile on her way back. "Right, my apologies. What's going on, hm?"

"Uh-" Nicola began, but then was cut off when Ivy answered a voice call. "Hello, Rory, what can I do-... WHAT?" She shouted, and continuing, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? JESUS!"

Ivy ran off, towards the bridge point of the office. She continued to talk to Rory about something regarding what's on the press, something menial, but Rory always decided he was most important. That's why Malcolm gave Ivy the number, for her to handle it. Robyn and Glenn had a very clandestine conversation full of false laughter on the other end of the hall. She took mental note of it. Once Malcolm exited the lift, she ended the call.

They held conversation on their way back to Nicola's office.

"They're being fucking weird."

"They're always fucking weird, why do you need me up here?" Malcolm asked.

She exhaled through her nose. "I'm just worried it might be something big, and I don't know if I can handle it, okay?"

"You can handle it, trust me, you were fine, but since I'm up here anyway, I might as well stay up here." They stopped directly outside of the Secretary of State's office. "We'll talk about this later, okay?" He pointed at her, and they both entered the room.

"Little pigs, little pigs," he teased in a gruff voice, "Let me come in. Don’t worry about the hair on your chinny-chin-chin."

"Malcolm, Ivy, what was your call?" Nicola asked, smugly.

They both furrowed their brows. Ivy spoke first, "is it any of your business?"

"What was our call?"

Glenn tried to get a word in, but Malcolm continued. "You want to know what our call was? Sorry, I didn’t realize I had to run all the calls made through your bed-wetters switchboard, here."

"Usually he’ll just dial 1-1-hate." Ivy jumped in.

Nicola asked, "Malcolm, do you know?"

"Of course he knows."

"No, he doesn’t know."

Ivy gently elbowed him, whispering, "Fucking clandestine."

"There has been a massive irretrievable data loss. The last seven months’ worth of new immigrant details have gone, apparently lost in the computer." She finally laid out.

Ivy’s eyes widened out of shock, and then her brows lowered, angry. Malcolm paused for a minute, beginning to crack a smile and then a maniacal laugh.

"You’re fucking kidding. Nicola, tell me you’re fucking kidding." Ivy began, slowly raising her voice halfway through the sentence.

"Do you know what? Do you know what’s really fucking sad here, is that I don’t even have the energy to pretend I already knew. Which is for the best, because I’m gonna need all of my fucking energy to fucking rip all of your bodies to bits with my bare hand and sell off your flayed fucking skin as a sleeping bag to a normal person!" He turned to Ivy, "Ivy, go and get my bowie knife from my office, because I’d like to start now."

"Can I just say that getting angry actually isn’t going to help anything. I’ve done anger, I’m currently at grief, I’m working my way towards bargaining… whatever, you know, it’s behind me."

"Oh, that’s great. That’s fan-fucking-tastic, minister! You know what, why don’t you just explain your little plan to us here so we can pick out all the problems with it like crows looking for bits of flesh on a fresh piece of roadkill." The short woman spat, crossing her arms.

She sighed, asking Terri to explain the plan. "Well, blaming the department minister might be a high-risk strategy."

"Ooh, high risk. Power serve." He added immaturely.

Ivy smiled, then bit her lip, adding "Saucy."

"My pitch would be that this department is fatally flawed. It’s out of condition, it’s obese, it’s asthmatic."

"That a-girl, back over the net."

“You're really sure about that, Nicola, because-” Glenn began.

"Yes, wise words from the distinguished, elderly, gay fucking tennis coach here."

Olly interjected, "Seriously, I think we should talk about my strategy further because I really think that there's a way-"

"Oh, good, the tiny-dicked ball boy's having a go now, with his tiny little clean white shorts and a pink polo, here we go." Ivy pinched the bridge of her nose, leaning against the black filing cabinets.

"What about Sue Barker's little sister? What's she got to say?"

Robyn made some comment about lemon zinger, before Ivy checked her notes. "Does The Guardian know about this? The Mail?"

"Oh God- you two, can't even handle you, you fucking statue, on your own," Nicola started, motioning to Malcolm, "but now it's fucking Bonnie and Clyde. The Guardian, God I don't fucking know..."

"Shall I find out? Get some feelers?" The woman in the pink power suit asked.

"Yeah, go on, get your feelers out for the lads."

"What do you think, Malcolm, will shitting on the department work?" Nicola suggested, crossing her arms and rubbing one of her temples.

"Oh, sure. Let's cause a bit of friction, here, huh? Let's fire someone, let's fire Glenn!"

"You can't just fire Glenn, no."

"We could fire Glenn."

"Shall I get his file?"

"No! I've got a list!" The sickly fucking Mister Rogers (God rest his soul) shouted.

Ivy folded her hands together, bending down as if she was talking to a child. "Oh, you've got a list? Of what, your favorite fucking toys, you fucking immaculate toddler?"

Malcolm left the room, and so did Nicola and Glenn. "Ivy, come on. You're the new broom, you're sweeping up trouble with one end, broom-handling incompetent staff up the tunnel with the other."

"So how do we play it with the Guardian, then?" She chased after him.

"Smile. By gay. Smile, smile, smile!" Malcolm psychotically smiled. Ivy mirrored him.

"Malcolm, sir?"

"Huh?" He was at his desk again, stuffing his notes for the meeting at The Guardian in a pile.

"Am I coming with... you... to the thing?"

He stopped, looking at her, lost in thought. "Er... yes, but I'm going to need you stay out of the lunch room. Stay in the lobby. Have a lovely beans on toast or whatever it is you cockney bastards do."

She rolled her eyes, shrugging, "Ah, thanks mate."

"I'll call you or come get you if some shitty shit thing happens, like Nicola chokes on a piece of banana or some other disaster."

"I'd expect Nicola to choke on Jeffery's banana, trying to sputter out..." She continued for a moment, mumbling on about calling Nicola a wanker.

"You really don't like her, do you?"

Ivy looked up at him, raising her eyebrows. "No. I really don't. She's a fucking disaster with the press. She's a smug little stinging lit piece of coal thrown in your shoe directly from hell."

"Well, what can you expect from someone so low down on the list?"

She snickered, "Not much apparently."

"Fine. Yeah." Ivy looked up at Malcolm's voice. She was seated on an uncomfortable red seat directly across from the meeting room. She stood and met up with him again.

"Ah, there's your other half, Malcolm." Olly commented.

"Piss off." She answered.

Most of them piled into the lift, and Olly continued. "I didn't think you'd have come today, but I suppose she follows you everywhere, like a little puppy."

"Yeah, what is it with you two, Malcolm?" Terri chimed in. "Are you two dating?"

"Are we dating?" Ivy mocked. "No, we're not. I'm his assistant. He's my boss."

"Hot, isn't it?" The curly haired lanky bitch continued.

She sighed. "Olly, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to tear off your arm and beat your thick skull to death with it." She pointed at him threateningly.

"Ooh, I'm so scared of the oompa loompa in the navy blue skirt."

"Don't fuck with me!" She shouted.

Malcolm shot Olly a stern look, to let him know he meant business. That classic Malcolm look that put fear into DoSAC's veins. He shut up immediately. They exited the lift and out of the lobby, then back inside into the van.

"Hey French Lieutenant's woman, we're over here, come on! What're you doing, marking out your territory?"

Nicola had a look on her face like she'd just seen a ghost. She'd fucked up somewhere along the line, Ivy thought.

"I need some air, Olly, come with me, now." She hurried out the car.

"She's not a post-match puker, right?"

"Fuck's sake."

"I know."

Terri began talking about wine. She stopped, in favor of asking more prodding questions. "How was your first week, Ivy?"

"Fine." She was pretending to write things down, instead drawing a caricature of Nicola in a straight jacket with a text bubble coming off of it saying 'wooden toys!'. She had it turned to Malcolm, who looked at it and smirked.

"He wasn't too hard on you, was he?"

"Nope."

"Are you listening to me?"

Ivy finally looked up. "Nope!" She smiled. Malcolm covered his mouth, checking his Blackberry, and pretending he wasn't grinning. "And I don't work for you, so it doesn't matter."

Nicola returned to the car, apologizing profusely and explaining herself to Malcolm. She ended it with a, "Sorry, Malcolm, I'm really sorry."

"Fucks sake!" He smacked his lap with his clipboard, "JESUS! CHRIST! Well now we've got another adjective to add to smug and glum, FUCKING RETARDED! Jesus! Do you not think it would be germane to check who you're talking to? It's a fucking newspaper office! It's not a fucking, sanatorium for the fucking deaf, is it?! Are you so dense?! Am I going to have to run around slapping badges on people wit a big tick on some, a big cross on others, so you know when to shut your gob and when to open it? Jesus Christ! Oh, but that'd probably confuse you as well, won't it?! That'll be TOO confusing! You'll see a cross and go, 'oh, fuck, X marks the spot! Better tell this little person all about the Prime Minister's fucking catastrophic erectile dysfunction!' Oh, but, not to worry! Not to worry, you've sent Olly over there to deal with it! Fucking Olly! He's a fucking knitted scarf, that twat! He's a fucking balaclava!"

Once Malcolm had finished his tear, he held his face, turning to look out the window. Nicola quietly left the car, leaning against the side of it and rubbing her face. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Sorry, Ivy." He quietly said, apologetically. "Sorry you had to be caught in the middle of that."

She had been silent the whole time, stuck in between those two. "Oh. It's okay."

"Don't I get an apology, too?" Terri piped up.

"No, actually, you don't, you fucking wad of bubblegum. Come on." Malcolm and Ivy exited the van, Nicola saw and followed from the other side. They approached the red head, and Olly was desperately explaining himself to her.

"The department's not really fit for purpose, I mean, Terri's quite bad."

"Not just Terri, I mean I'm not going to name names but Robyn, Robyn's shit. Total shit."

Olly nodded, "Robyn, she's total shit."

"O-kay. Olly, please fuck off." Ivy said, crossing her arms.

"What?"

"Go on. Go and have your fucking lukewarm tea. Mummy and daddy are talking." Malcolm added, shooing him with his hand. "I'm sure that we can settle this matter of you eavesdropping on a private conversation."

The journalist paused for a moment. "It was a public conversation."

"No. You are- you think you're so clever and you are so totally wanking with the wrong crowd here because this woman-" Nicola grabbed Ivy by the sleeve, dragging her in front of Malcolm and into center stage. "This woman, here, is the press."

"Nicola!" She hurriedly whispered. Nicola ran off, whining "Fuck, what have I done?" All the way back to the van.

"Do you think this is going to advance your career? Is this you moving forward?"

"I mean, at least my career has got a trajectory, whereas yours is about to crash head-on into a change of government."

"Don't you worry, girl, because I can still fucking steer some fucking flaming wreckage in your fucking direction."

"Yeah, I'll tell you what, once it's printed I promise I'll come back to you for a reaction quote. How's that?"

"Darling, I wouldn't fucking piss on you, if you were fucking allergic to piss, right?"

"Malcolm-" Ivy attempted to begin to deescalate the situation.

"No, I will fucking-"

The reporter began to walk away, "I'll come back to your wife, here, for a reaction quote, too. That's quite enough for one day. Jesus."

"We're not married!" He shouted after her. "Fuck right off, then!"

As they turned, Malcolm began muttering swear words to himself. "Are you alright, sir?" Ivy asked.

"No! I'm not fucking alright! Shit!" He spat, throwing his hands up. He huffed, "Sorry, it's just-"

"I know." She tentatively put a hand on his forearm that was attached to the hand stuffed inside his pocket. "Sorry, dumb question."

"No, you're fine."

Meanwhile, inside the van, the gang were gossiping like a bunch of schoolchildren about Malcolm and Ivy. Terri pointed, "Look, they're holding hands! They have to be dating!"

"What?" Olly looked out. "No they're not!"

"Okay, shh, shh, they're coming back."

Malcolm and Ivy walked back to their office in silence on their way back. Once they got back and settled back in, Malcolm broke the silence.

"Well that was a fucking whale-sized shit stain on this department."

Ivy clacked in her password into her laptop. Without looking up, she answered "This department is a whale-sized shit stain. To be completely honest, sir, it's exactly what I'd expect to happen."

He chuckled for a bit, then the room went back to silence. Once again, Malcolm broke it. "Ivy?"

"Hm?"

"What did you mean, this morning, when you said you thought you couldn't handle it?"

"Huh? Oh. Er... well, I meant exactly that. I didn't feel that I could handle a big reveal like that. And I had a feeling that was what they were going to do."

"Do you know what? I think you could've handled it."

"Sir-"

"I've seen you in meetings. I know how you've done at your last job. You're quick enough, you're... certainly smart enough, and you've got enough power in your voice to yell if need be. That's a big part of the job, too."

She smiled, warmly, and genuinely. She was blushing, just a bit, too.

"Don't doubt yourself. Okay?"

She sniffled, on the verge of tears. "Okay." As she nodded, a tear dropped down onto the paper she was reading. "Thank you, Malcolm. Thank you."

"Hey, hey, woah." He stood up, "Don't cry, I was just-"

"I know." She wiped a tear away. "It just means a lot to me, that's all." She grabbed a tissue, wiping away drips.

"Okay..." Just then, his cell phone chimed, a notification from the Daily Mail. They'd gotten their grubby little hands on the story already. "Oh, shit."

"What?"

"Mail's found out. Right, gotta get Nicola's spidery arse down here. Pick yourself up, and look alive, love." He punched in the number, and sternly talked into the phone, "Get over here. Now. Might be advisable to wear brown trousers, and a shirt the colour of blood."

Ivy didn't listen to that last bit. She was too focused on him calling her ‘love’. Yeah, it was colloquial around England to refer to women as ‘love’, but it was mostly in a demeaning or sarcastic method of use. It meant more that Malcolm had used it as a term of endearment.

Malcolm began once Nicola - and for whatever reason, Terri - had settled down. Ivy was stationed next to him, arms crossed, like a bodyguard of a mob boss, leaning against the back wall. “I just want to say to you, by way of introductory remarks that I’m extremely miffed about today’s events. And in my quest to try and make you understand the level of my unhappiness, I’m likely to use an awful lot of what we would call violent sexual imagery. And I just wanted to check that neither of you would be terribly offended by that.”

"Did you write that for him, Ivy?" Terri asked, as if they were friends.

"To be honest, I’d rather him not apologize for it, it’s funnier that way." She said starkly and with a bit of sass. "I’d rather him go in unlubed, if you will."

"I think I could do without the theatrics, Malcolm."

"Enough! E-fucking-nough. You need to learn to shut your fucking cave, right? Today you have laid your first big fat egg of solid fuck. You took the data loss media strategy and you ate it with a lump of E. coli. And then you sprayed it out of your arse at 300 miles per hour."

"I simply made a mistake."

"Pretty big fucking mistake." Ivy added.

Nicola furrowed her brow. "God, can you just shut up!"

"Hey, I don’t work for you. I don’t give a flying shit what you tell me to do."

"You got on the record and off the record fucking mixed up! What would have happened if like, George Martin had done that? We’d have no fucking Beatles, that’s what. Now, I don’t give a fuck about that. I’ve had to sit next to Paul McCartney at fucking Chequers."

"The data loss wasn’t my fault."

"Fine, yeah, but I tell you what. It came out pretty fucking fast once you were in there, didn’t it? Which makes me wonder, should I just go and talk to the boss? Should I go and tell him, 'I don’t think she’s up to the job.'"

"You said yourself that if he sacks me after a week, it looks like he’s fucked up."

"Yeah, but that was before, when your only problem was a fucking shit pun in a newspaper and a face like Dot Collen licking piss off a nettle."

"Okay, I messed up, right? I messed up. But I will, from now on listen to every bit of advice you give me. I’ll go on Question Time wearing a push-up bra and a fez. I’ll do the hustings on stilts if that is what you tell me the strategy is because you know about that stuff, Malcolm. I know that. It’s just that I’ve got things that I want to do, all right?"

"Of course you do, like Montessouri fucking rocking horses, I suppose."

“No, no.”

Ivy checked her notes, "Uh, the Mail has the motherload on this, yeah? But you know, you’re going to have to just swallow your pride."

"Uh-huh. Thank you, Ivy."

"Right, what’s the strategy?" Terri clicked her pen.

"Ooh, the Kraken awakes." He sarcastically said.

"No, no no. This is just the first part of the meeting that hasn't been about expletives or fezzes or stilts or teabagging. This is the bit that relates to media management."

"Teabagging?" The assistant inquired.

"I didn’t say anything about teabagging. Do you know what teabagging is?"

"Er… not really, no. I’m told it’s uh… unpleasant."

Ivy and Malcolm made eye contact, both thinking the same thing.

"Who do you want me to call? The Mail?"

"Yes. Go on, get the mail in. The Cheeky Girls back on tour." He escorted them out of his office, closing the door behind them.

"What a day, eh, sir?" Ivy said, returning to her desk.

"Er… Ivy, I’d rather you not call me ‘sir’ anymore. At least not when we’re alone."

"Oh. Okay. Uh, any particular reason?" She began fiddling with some papers, stacking them and clacking the edges against the desk to straighten them.

"No, no. It just feels a bit formal, you know? Like, oh, what’d I do to deserve respect?"

"Mhm."

The room returned to silence. Even though they were a week in, Ivy still wasn’t christened in Malcolm’s eyes. This was her first experience with a scandal that was actually proper. There were no long nights, where they were flip-flopping back and forth with options and the media while the cleaning lady worked around them, not yet. There were no miserable holidays where they spent the time sucking up to another MP. If Malcolm had any friends or social skills, he would have expected to have had a night or two sitting together at the bar after a long night, slowly getting hammered on cheap beer and the occasional hard malt. There was none of that yet. But he still felt like she was here the whole time. Like she’d been through thick and thin with him. He didn’t know if that was just her vibe, or if it was on account of the fact that he was slowly falling in love with her.

Wow, Malcolm thought. He’s admitting it to himself now. That was unheard of. He hadn’t been like this since high school. He hadn’t felt anything towards anyone, especially not since he took this job all those years ago. Shit.

"Hey, Malcolm?" Ivy finally broke the silence. Hearing her voice was such unrequited bliss.

"Yeah?"

"Do you… want to go for a drink sometime? Or something besides work?"

"Why?"

"Can I be honest?"

"No."

"I’m going to anyway. You seem like you need a friend."

He stared at the wood grain on his desk to preoccupy his senses while he thought for a moment. He finally answered, "Okay."

"Huh? Sorry?"

"Let's go, then."

"It's only 3:30, Malcolm."

"Yeah, but it's 5:30 in Finland. Come on, grab your stuff, there's a pub 'round the corner."

"We have work!"

"No, no no, it's okay, we'll just sneak out."

Ivy was taken aback by Malcolm suddenly rebellious manner. I mean, he sort of was rebellious regardless, in a different way. Swearing and hurling abuse at coworkers was his drink of choice when it came to rebellion, but he always stuck around and did his work. It's not like he was straight-lace, either though. He was just never the type to ditch out early.

"Christ, what if the press sees us?"

They sat up at the bar stools. Malcolm ordered them each a beer. "The press won't come near the pubs. They haven't yet, anyway."

"Haven't yet? Do you...?"

"No, not all the time. I usually have a stash in my office." He smiled, joking. She laughed, taking a swig.

"I wanted to be a bar maid when I was younger." She mentioned, offhandedly. "Went to school for it for a few months. Became preoccupied with other things." She continued to explain.

"Really?"

"Yeah. But, enough about me." She shook her head, gesturing to him. "Did you ever think you'd get into politics?"

He sighed, "Not really, no. I uh, went to school for journalism. Started at my local newspaper, which got absorbed by The Independent. Continued there. Slithered my way up the chain." Ivy raised an eyebrow. "I dipped my hands into politics while working there. I left the Indy and worked for what is now called the department of work and pensions, then, again, worked my way up from there."

"Mm."

"What about you?"

"Oh, uh... Well I-I didn't really have a career until my mid 30's. I've bounced at lower level secretary or receptionist positions for a while. In both politics and journalism."

"Yeah, 'cause didn't you work for good old Harry Pickle, the dickle for a while?"

She snorted, almost spitting out her beer. "Is that what they're calling him?"

"What, you didn't know?"

"No! The bloke always kept that sort of thing under wraps, I guess. For his own sake."

"Jesus Christ the man's a fucking control freak."

"I know, oh trust me, I know. I had to wake up early every morning to print out things he could check off to make him feel like he had more control, while I poured sawdust over his idiocy vomit pile and swept it up. Fucking disaster. And when I said I wanted to leave, I think they put me on you because you were the worst to deal with."

He paused, furrowing his brow.

"In their opinion. I genuinely enjoy working for you Malcolm, don't worry." She placed her hand on his forearm that was resting on the countertop. He looked at it, biting his lip and trying not to draw too much attention to it.

Oh God, is she interested in me, is she being nice, or is she just tipsy? He thought. No, we're only one beer in, she can't be. Stop staring, you look like a creepy old man. She's just... so beautiful.

He clenched his fist under the counter, scrambling to find other things to talk about. "Uh, what about before your 30's?" She hadn't moved her gentle hand.

"Oh. Uh..." She looked apprehensive, almost embarrassed. "Well, you know I went to bartender school. But before that I mostly just... stayed at home. I don't have any younger siblings. Actually, no siblings period."

Malcolm smiled. "You're lucky."

She chuckled falsely, "I'm really not. I er... had to take care of my mother after secondary school. She was ill."

"Oh, bless."

"Yeah," she looked down, smiling sorrowfully. "But, she didn't have long to suffer. She died when I was 19." He nodded along, sympathetically. "After that, bartender school. I worked as a barmaid. Got bored with it after a year or two. Then I went to undertaker school, while still bar tending in the nights."

Malcolm raised his eyebrows, shocked. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm not kidding. If you ever need to mix a black velvet or embalm a body, you know who to call." She giggled. Malcolm laughed a long, admiring her as well. "So, then I worked as an undertaker until aged 33. I was offered to become funeral director, you know, the seedy arsehole who'll tell you shit like 'it's what dad would have wanted' when showing you a 10,000 quid casket. Had no interest there. So I started my assistant job in government, after going to a job fair. And the rest is history."

"Jesus, your life is so much more interesting than mine."

She chuckled. "I don't think it's all that cool. I mean, I've never been outside of Europe."

#the thick of it #malcolm tucker #peter capaldi #malcolm tucker x original female character(s)#pcap #jamie's fanfics #fanfic #fic #fanfiction

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kriskalutz · 7 months ago

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Something must have trigger in Spencer's noggin though, because once Jeff and Melanie finished star gazing, he finally asked for a little Woohoo!

And then she forgot where her bed was. Since it was a routing error, I gave him a command for Woohoo myself. Not like they're going to be permanent house guests anyway.

...I hope.

I- Fellas, is it cheating to woohoo the man you've been dating since high school???

#sims #the sims #legacy challenge #legacy challenges #sims 3 #the sims 3 #ts3 #calhoun legacy #calhoun gen 1

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ashleybenlove · 5 years ago

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I got tagged by both @evilwriter37 and @howtodrawyourdragon

Rules: Go to your AO3 works page, expand all the filters, and answer the following questions! Tag as many people as you want!

What’re your first and second most common work ratings?

General Audiences (158)

Explicit (76)

What’s your most common archive warning? Least common?

No Archive Warnings Apply (303)

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings (2)

Do you consider yourself an adventurous writer?

Yeah, I suppose I do.

How many stories have you made in each pairing category?

F/M (184)

Gen (111)

F/F (40)

M/M (37)

Multi (33)

Other (1)

What are your top 4 fandoms by numbers?

Toy Story (Movies) (99)

How to Train Your Dragon (Movies) (60)

DreamWorks Dragons (Cartoon) (46)

Tangled (2010) (45)

Are you still active in any of them, and do you tend to migrate a lot?

I’m still active in HTTYD and Dreamworks Dragons. As for migrating... not really? Most of my multifandom fic writing (where I’d be writing different fandoms regularly and not focused on one) was done between 2010-2014.

What are your top 4 relationship tags?

Jessie/Buzz Lightyear (79)

Astrid/Fishlegs/Hiccup/Ruffnut/Snotlout/Tuffnut (28)

Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel (22)

Tamora Calhoun/Fix-It Felix Jr. (14)

Does this match how you feel about the characters, or are you puzzled?

No, this makes perfect sense to me. These are all OTPs (or in one case, OT6). I’ve been sufficiently called out.

What are your top 2 most used additional tags, and your bottom 2?

Community: disney_kink (251)

Alternate Universe - Human (45)

OT6 (25)

Kissing (20)

What would happen if you combined all 4 of these into a fic?

I suspect because one of these is a community tag (where I wrote from prompts and focused on animated Disney fandoms), it wouldn’t quite work out. But I guess one could do a Human AU with Disney characters, have an OT6 of those and also have kissing and it would work out.

#ashleybenlove posts

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chikaraspecial · 6 years ago

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Lucas Calhoun and Stray Kat teamed for the first time last Saturday and successfully prevented Oceanea and Merlok from collecting their third point. On their own path to three points, Calhoun and Kat face one-half of the current Campeones de Parejas and a former Campeon de Parejas in Travis Huckabee and Icarus of F.I.S.T.! What better way to build momentum than to defeat a CHIKARA Gen 1 original and someone who currently holds the title you’re pursuing? With threats of headbutts and piledrivers traded between teams on Twitter, this should be a blast.

“The Infinite Gauntlet” - Saturday, May 11th - Philadelphia, PA

1. The Infinite Gauntlet ft. Ophidian, El Hijo del Ice Cream, Ice Cream Jr., Kobald, Boomer Hatfield, Worker Ant, John Francis of Coronado, Penelope Ford, Unsocial Jordan, Rick Roland, Hallowicked, Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, Officer Warren Barksdale, Razerhawk, Enzuigiri Evan, Solo Darling, Dasher Hatfield, Shazza McKenzie, The Whisper, Bull James

2. Lucas Calhoun & Stray Kat (1 Point) vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus & Travis Huckabee) (1 Point)

3. The Colony (Fire Ant & Green Ant) (0 Points) vs. The Creatures of the Deep (Merlok & Cajun Crawdad) (0 Points)

#CHIKARA #Chikara Pro #Infinite Gauntlet #The Infinite Gauntlet #Infinite Gauntlet 2019 #Stray Kat #Allie Kat #Juke Joint #Lucas Calhoun #F.I.S.T.#Travis Huckabee #Icarus #FIST

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bigyack-com · 5 years ago

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Rosa Wong Joins Hotel Alexandra Hong Kong as Director of Event Management

The 840-room Hotel Alexandra Hong Kong, managed by Harbour Plaza Hotels and Resorts and scheduled to open in early 2020, has appointed Rosa Wong as Director of Event Management.

With over 15 years of experience in the MICE industry, Rosa will oversee all the events hosted at the Hotel Alexandra. Rosa has previously worked with several large corporations in Hong Kong including Hong Kong Jockey Club, American Express and the Harbour Grand Kowloon hotel. The Hotel Alexandra Hong Kong has a variety of customisable meeting and event spaces, including a 10,000 sqft Victorian Grand Ballroom. Located along the North Point waterfront, Hotel Alexandra will also feature a variety of dining outlets, a fitness centre and an outdoor swimming pool. The hotel is approximately a 2-minute walk from the Fortress Hill MTR Station, an easy 10-minute commute from Hong Kong Convention and Exhibition Centre, and 40 minutes from the Hong Kong International Airport. See latest Travel News, Interviews, Podcasts and other news regarding: Hotel Alexandra, Chef, Hong Kong, North Point, Fortress Hill. Headlines: AirAsia X Launches KL - Taipei - Okinawa Flights First Boeing 777-9 Begins Flight Tests Accor Commits to Global Elimination of Single-Use Plastics by 2022 Etihad Receives EASA Approval to Train Boeing 777, 787 Pilots Jeane Lim Appointed GM of Grand Park City Hall Hotel in Singapore Whitbread Opens First hub by Premier Inn Hotel Outside of London's Zone 1 Delta Enhances Travel Experience for Pets All Blacks Sevens Make History in Hamilton Air Canada Becomes Official Airline of Cirque du Soleil Pictures from Ascot United vs Hanworth Villa SHOW DC Hall to Give Bangkok's MICE Industry a Significant Boost IHG Signs First voco Hotel in New Zealand OYO Signs Global Distribution Agreement with Sabre Hong Kong Cancels Chinese New Year Carnival NAC Orders 20 Airbus A220 Aircraft IHG to Launch Customer Insights Portal for Large Enterprises Cathay Pacific Reports December 2019 Traffic Duetto Appoints David Woolenberg as CEO Phuket to Host Thailand Travel Mart (TTM+) 2020 in June Sabre and Accor to Create Unified Technology Platform for Hospitality Industry Groupe Couleur to Manage RWC 2023 Official Travel Agent Selection Process Two Senior Global Marketing Appointments at IHG ANA Begins Autonomous Electric Bus Trial at Haneda Airport China Airlines and Mandarin Airlines Cancel Flights to Wuhan, China Rosa Wong Joins Hotel Alexandra HK as Director of Event Management Four Seasons Madrid Now Accepting Reservations UK Military Flight Training System Orders 4 More H145 Helicopters Sabre Forges 10-Year Partnership with Google Accor Expands Pullman Brand to Rotorua, New Zealand Korean Air Reveals More Details of New SkyPass FFP Airbus to Produce A321 Aircraft in Toulouse, France Cornelia Mitlmeier Joins Four Seasons Dubai as Resort Manager Hotel Alexandra Appoints Daniel Chan as Executive Chef SITAOnAir Acquires GTD Air Services Boeing Hoping for 737 MAX Ungrounding in Mid-2020 1.5 Billion Int. Tourist Arrivals in 2019; UNWTO Forecasts 4% Increase in 2020 Hong Kong Airport Handled 71.5 Million Passengers in 2019 Ascott Opens First Citadines in Osaka, Japan Thai Airways Appoints New Chairman Singapore Airshow Aviation Leadership Summit to Take Place 9-10 Feb PATA Forecasts Over 971 Million Int. Visitor Arrivals into Asia Pacific by 2024 Green Light for Garmin G5000 Avionics Upgrade on Learjet Aircraft Four Seasons Silicon Valley Installs High-Tech AI Gym in Select Rooms Assistance Requests for Airline Pax with Intellectual Disabilities up 762% Accor Opens Mercure Resort in Vung Tau, Vietnam Vietjet Launches Flights Between Dalat and Seoul FlyArystan Reports First Year Load Factor of 94% Amadeus Looks at How Technology Will Shape Airports of the Future CALC Signs Purchase Agreement for 40 A321neo Aircraft Daniele Polito Joins Four Seasons Seoul as Boccalino's Chef de Cuisine Charlotte Svensson to Join SAS as EVP and CIO Airbus Helicopters Appoints Head of External Communications Ascot: Pictures from Matchbook Clarence House Chase and Raceday 2020 Mövenpick Resort Opens in Cam Ranh, Vietnam Sky Bridge Delivered to Final Position at HKIA Airbus Performs First Fully Automatic Vision-Based Take-Off Manchester Signs Tourism Collaboration Agreement with New York City CWT Appoints Scott Hace as Vice President - Enterprise Strategy United to Launch CRJ550 Shuttle Service Between Washington and New York Perth Airport to Upgrade T1's Aerobridges Thomas Krooswijk Appointed GM of Four Seasons Marrakech American Appoints Brian Znotins as VP of Network and Schedule Planning Pools - World Rugby Sevens Challenger Series in Chile 15-16 February British Airways to Refresh First and Club Lounges at Chicago O'Hare Airport Malaysia Airlines and Qatar Airways Expand Codeshare Onyx Signs Second Amari Hotel in China Air Canada's First Airbus A220-300 Enters Commercial Service Hyatt Signs Regency Hotel in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Bangkok to Host 30th Global Summit of Women in April One Championship Appoints Jonathan Anastas as CMO IHG Signs Deal for 1,200+ Rooms in Thailand; First Hotel in Chiang Mai HK's Airport Authority Appoints Ricky Leung as Executive Director Trenchard Makes Donation to Aerobility - The British Flying Charity Chu Yuet Hung Joins Four Seasons Hangzhou as Director of F&B Hong Kong Visitor Arrivals Down 14.2% in 2019 Hotel Ritz Madrid to be Rebranded by Mandarin Oriental Sabre Appoints Karl Peterson as Chairman Muralilal Armugum Joins Aloft KL Sentral as Director of F&B Traxof to Automate Talent Acquisition of Airbus' IM Organisations Vie Hotel Bangkok Selects Organika Products for Renovated Spa Europ Assistance Opens Office in Bangkok, Thailand Gulf Air Partners Etihad Guest Team GB Selects British Airways as Official Airline for Tokyo 2020 Emirates Targets Chinese Travellers with Trip.com MOU Thailand: Did Strength of Thai Baht Affect Number of Arrivals from UK in 2019? AirAsia to Launch Flights Between Penang and Chengdu, China Marriott Appoints Bart Buiring as Chief Sales and Marketing Officer APAC Airbus' BelugaXL Enters Service Vietjet Launches Flights from Can Tho to Taipei and Seoul Air New Zealand's Chief People Officer Resigns Whitbread Installs Defibrillators in 800 Premier Inn Hotels Air France Invites Customers to Vote for Preferred Carbon Offsetting Project Calhoun Becomes President and CEO of Boeing Accor to Take Over 581-Room Hotel in Rayong, Thailand Travelport Appoints John Elieson as COO Full Roll-Out of myCWT China to Commence in Q2 2020 Terry Kavieris Returns to Bali as RM of InterContinental Bali Eaton Hotel in Hong Kong Earns EarthCheck Gold Status Mandarin Oriental Launches Tea Roasting Experience in Taipei Chubb Partners Grab to Launch In-App Travel Insurance in Singapore Steady Growth Forecast for Mainland China Hotel Markets in 2020 Artyzen Hospitality Signs Habitat Hotel in Yubei, China Pictures from Ascot United vs Colliers Wood United on 11 January What Does TAT Have Planned for Thailand Travel Mart (TTM+) 2020? Exclusive Interview Aviation: Stable Passenger Demand Growth in November CWT Appoints Dale Eastlund as VP Supply Chain Partners Dassault Falcon to Hold M&O Seminars in 8 Cities Around the World Expat in Phuket Donates Two SV14 Dinghies to Disabled Sailing Thailand Bangkok to Host Asia Destination Film Forum on 30 January Wizz Air Becomes First in Europe to Deploy SITAOnAir's ACARS Over IP Service Airbus to Increase Aircraft Production in USA Sanlorenzo Appoints Simpson Marine as Distributor for Bluegame Yachts in Asia Global Air Freight Demand Down 1.1% in November 2019; APAC Down 3.7% IHG Expands Thailand Portfolio with Holiday Inn and Suites Siracha Laemchabang Asia Pacific Airlines Flew 30.3 Million Int. Passengers in November 2019 SilkAir to Cease Flights to Kolkata, India Biman Bangladesh Airlines Launches Flights to Manchester, England EmbraerX and Elroy Air to Collaborate on Unmanned Air Cargo FCM Strengthens Innovation Programme with Shep Investment Artotel Appoints Yulia Maria as Group Director of Marketing Communications Japan, Singapore, S. Korea and Germany Have World's Most Powerful Passports Yangon Int. Airport Implements SITA's Airport Management Solution Air France to Launch Twice-Daily Flights Between Paris-Orly and Munich, Germany ANA to Enhance Service at Airports in Japan with Portable Translators Yvette Thomas-Henry Appointed GM of Four Seasons Resort Nevis Hahn Air Enters 2020 with 40 New Partner Airlines CWTSatoTravel Partners US Military's Spouse Employment Programme My Emirates Pass Gives Passengers Special Discounts in UAE Visitors to Singapore Must Now Register Unmanned Aircraft India's Vistara Airline Appoints APG as Online GSA in France BOC Aviation Orders 20 Airbus A320neos China Airlines to Launch Direct Flights to Chiang Mai, Thailand Green Light for Vietnam Airlines to Expand Codeshare Agreement with Delta All Hi Fly Flights Now Single-Use Plastic Free Air India Renews Distribution Agreement with Amadeus Mandy Goh Joins St. Regis Langkawi as Executive Chef Spirit Airlines Signs Purchase Agreement for 100 Airbus A320neo Aircraft Hamad Int. Airport Served Record 38,786,422 Pax in 2019 British Airways Starts Offsetting Carbon Emissions on All Flights Within UK Marriott Opens Second JW on Hainan Island, China Airbus Partners Aston Martin for Special Edition Helicopter Dassault Aviation Appoints Charles Wemaëre as VP Worldwide Spares Boeing Appoints Niel Golightly as SVP of Communications Jayson Goldstein Joins Four Seasons Boston as F&B Director Vietjet Takes Delivery of Two More Airbus Aircraft Two Executive Appointments at Bombardier Aviation Air India No Longer Available on Sabre GDS Thailand Targets Tourism Revenue of 3.18 Trillion Baht in 2020 Pictures from Ascot United vs Banstead Athletic on 4 Jan 2020 Gen Z - Airbnb's Fastest Growing Market for Experiences in Asia Pacific Air Canada Takes Delivery of First Airbus A220-300 AirAsia Launches Flights Between Kuala Lumpur and Dalat, Vietnam Cebu Pacific Orders 15 Airbus Aircraft, Including Up To 10 A321XLRs American Airlines and Royal Air Maroc to Codeshare New Immigration Requirements to Help Solomon Islands Fight Measles Vietjet Launches Danang - Singapore Flights American Express GBT Forecasts Stable Air Prices in 2020 Etihad and Kuwait Airways to Codeshare PAG and Inmark Purchase Grand Hyatt Seoul British Airways and Iberia Achieve IATA NDC @Scale Certification Seaplanes in Thailand? Interview with Dennis Keller, CBO of Siam Seaplane Seven HD Videos from IATA Airline Industry Retailing Symposium 2019 in Bangkok Vietnam Airlines Signs EngineWise Service Agreement with Pratt & Whitney Future of Airline Distribution and NDC - Interview with Yanik Hoyles, IATA Cambodia Airways Interview with Lucian Hsing, Commercial Director HD Videos and Interviews Podcasts from HD Video Interviews Travel Trade Shows in 2019, 2020 and 2021 High-Res Picture Galleries Travel News Asia - Latest Travel Industry News Read the full article

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goldstonefinancialgroupil · 5 years ago

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Gender Dynamics: Pre- and Post-Pandemic

The article Gender Dynamics: Pre- and Post-Pandemic was first published to: Goldstone Financial Planning

In past recessions, industries like manufacturing and construction were often the hardest hit. For example, some economists referred to the Great Recession as a “man-cession” because at the outset, more men lost jobs than women. In some households, wives were able to find employment more often than men. The recovery, however, favored men, who regained 5.5 million jobs compared to 3.6 million jobs by women.1

Today’s pandemic-led economic crisis appears to be taking a different route: Women, to date, are taking on a larger financial toll. As society has progressed, ongoing gender inequities in income and opportunity are having a far more wide-reaching impact. That’s because today, 71% of American households with children rely on women’s income for their financial well-being.2

Going forward, it may be important for people to consider their work roles and how they might weather similar crises in the future. After all, just as we diversify our investment portfolios to help protect assets, households may need to consider alternative sources of income, such as passive income streams, either through assets or other income opportunities. Give us a call if you’d like to explore this further.

The social distancing mandates characterized by COVID-19 have resulted in higher levels of female unemployment due to their concentration in jobs that require close physical contact, such as dental and medical assistants, home health aides, hair stylists and manicurists. Women also tend to work more part-time jobs, which are often the first to be laid off, and may work jobs that do not offer paid vacation or paid sick leave. Even among women who continue to earn income during this difficult period, they are generally paid less. In aggregate, women earn 69 cents for every dollar men earn.3

With schools and daycare centers shuttered nationwide, many working mothers must stay home to care for their children — particularly since care normally provided by grandparents, friends or neighbors is discouraged or prevented by shelter-in-place orders. Among essential services workers expected to remain on the job, nine out of 10 nurses and nursing assistants are women, and more than two-thirds of workers at supermarkets and fast food chains are women — so their health (and that of their families when they return home) is at higher risk.4

Some of the problems women are facing right now go beyond the economic. With people spending more time at home, there are reports of increased domestic violence. Women also require more preventive health and reproductive care, so the suspension of regular doctor’s office and well-woman visits could lead to late diagnosis of health conditions and unmonitored pregnancies.5

Generation X women, ages 40 to 55, are particularly stretched and stressed out during this difficult time. That’s because many were already sandwiched between taking care of children at home and supporting their elderly parents. Now that they are sheltering in place while trying to juggle work and home schooling, coupled by the strain of not being able to interact socially with older parents, this is bound to take a huge toll both mentally and physically.6

On the other hand, sometimes out of the ashes of great loss rises a phoenix, and such an opportunity for women could exist in this circumstance. First is the recognition of how much women’s roles contribute to the fabric of society, in terms of income, consumerism, nurturing and vital jobs — now known as “essential services.” Many husbands at home with the kids may now be realizing the extent to which their wives juggle managing a job, raising children, taking care of elderly family members and most household duties. Hopefully this appreciation will extend beyond the pandemic and outside the household, leading to more equitable pay and policies.

And then there’s likely to be a global recognition of which countries responded best to the pandemic and prevented the most deaths and economic impact. Already, the leaders of Taiwan, Germany and New Zealand are being credited for the greatest success due to early, quick action. While only 7% of the world’s leaders are female, each of these countries is led by a woman.7

Content prepared by Kara Stefan Communications.

1Arne L. Kalleberg and Till M. Von Wachter. National Center for Biotechnology Information. April 2017. “The U.S. Labor Market During and After the Great Recession: Continuities and Transformations.” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5959048/. Accessed April 27, 2020.

2 NBC News. March 23, 2020. “Gender economist Katica Roy: If we don’t act fast, women will bear the brunt of the financial crisis caused by coronavirus.” https://www.nbcnews.com/know-your-value/feature/gender-economist-katica-roy-if-we-don-t-act-fast-ncna1166771. Accessed April 27, 2020.

3 Ibid.

4 Knowledge@Wharton. April 21, 2020. “Why the U.S. Economic Downturn Could Hurt Women More.” https://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/economic-downturn-hurt-women/. Accessed April 27, 2020.

5 Julia Travers. Inside Philanthropy. April 28, 2020. “Women Face Amplified Risks in the Pandemic. Funders Are Responding.” https://www.insidephilanthropy.com/home/2020/4/28/women-face-multiple-challenges-in-the-pandemic-funders-are-responding. Accessed April 28, 2020.

6 S. Mitra Kalita. CNN. April 20, 2020. “Gen X women were already exhausted, then came a pandemic.” https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/20/health/generation-x-coronavirus-calhoun-kalita-wellness/index.html. Accessed April 27, 2020.

7 Leta Hong Fincher. CNN. April 16, 2020. “Women leaders are doing a disproportionately great job at handling the pandemic. So why aren’t there more of them?” https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/14/asia/women-government-leaders-coronavirus-hnk-intl/index.html. Accessed April 27, 2020.

We are an independent firm helping individuals create retirement strategies using a variety of insurance and investment products to custom suit their needs and objectives. This material is intended to provide general information to help you understand basic financial planning strategies and should not be construed as financial or investment advice. All investments are subject to risk including the potential loss of principal. No investment strategy can guarantee a profit or protect against loss in periods of declining values.

The information contained in this material is believed to be reliable, but accuracy and completeness cannot be guaranteed; it is not intended to be used as the sole basis for financial decisions. If you are unable to access any of the news articles and sources through the links provided in this text, please contact us to request a copy of the desired reference.

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#Financial Services #Financial Advisors #Financial Planning #Retirement Planning #Wealth Management

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ardeawritten · 4 years ago

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Half-Life Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Gordon Freeman, Barney Calhoun, Alyx Vance, Emotional Support D0G - Character Additional Tags: post-HL2, White Forest setting, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, navigating trauma, navigating PTSD, massage fic, utterly gen Series: Part 5 of Resonant Crowbar Summary:

After a hunter chase around White Forest, Freeman reconciles himself to a long night of sore muscles and a broken HEV. Barney can't fix the HEV but he knows a thing or two about back pain. He also knows a thing or two about wound-up soldiers and what Freeman's capable of. Working out a knot is going to require a little untying on both sides.

This is what passes for "fluff" in the Crowbar continuity!

#there I wrote it #*posts and runs away*#half life #gordon freeman #barney calhoun #physics of the crowbar #it ain't edited down yet and will get some more attention later #chapter 2 if I get it done will be same thing from Freeman's POV

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bountyofbeads · 5 years ago

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U.S. Military Unsuccessfully Targeted Second Iranian Official https://nyti.ms/2T90Qhb

Who's going to make the loved ones of those lost due to the arrogance, greed incompetence and hubris of his leadership. THIS IS DOWNRIGHT GROSS AND OBSCENE 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Muilenburg, Fired Boeing C.E.O., Will Receive More Than $60 Million

Dennis A. Muilenburg, who was ousted last month, forfeited stock awards worth some $14.6 million, but he is still contractually entitled to receive other benefits.

By David Gelles | Published Jan. 10, 2020, 5:27 p.m. ET | New York Times | Posted January 10, 2020 |

Dennis A. Muilenburg, who was ousted as Boeing’s chief executive last month as the company contended with the biggest crisis in its history, will leave the company with more than $60 million, the company said Friday.

Mr. Muilenburg will not receive any additional severance or separation payments in connection with his departure, and Boeing said he had forfeited stock units worth some $14.6 million.

But the value of the other stock and pension awards he is contractually entitled to receive is worth $62.2 million, the company said.

“We thank Dennis for his nearly 35 years of service to the Boeing Company,” the company said in a statement. “Upon his departure, Dennis received the benefits to which he was contractually entitled and he did not receive any severance pay or a 2019 annual bonus.”

Boeing’s new chief executive, David Calhoun, will receive a $7 million bonus if he is able to get the 737 Max, which has been grounded since March, safely flying again. The jet was grounded in the wake of two deadly crashes that left 346 people dead.

This is a developing story. Check back for updates.

**********

U.S. Military Unsuccessfully Targeted Second Iranian Official

The failed airstrike in Yemen was aimed at Abdul Reza Shahlai, an official with Iran’s Quds force and key financier for Iran’s proxy wars.

By Eric Schmitt and Julian E. Barnes | Published Jan. 10, 2020 Updated 5:45 p.m. ET | New York Times | Posted January 10, 2020 |

WASHINGTON — The American military unsuccessfully tried to kill a senior Iranian in Yemen on the same day a drone strike took out Maj. Gen. Qassim Suleimani, one of Iran’s most important commanders, according to American officials.

The disclosure of a second mission indicated that the Trump administration was attempting to target a larger set of Iranian military and paramilitary leaders than was previously known.

The unsuccessful airstrike in Yemen was aimed at Abdul Reza Shahlai, an official with Iran’s Quds Force, a potent paramilitary organization. He was known as a key financier for Iran’s proxy wars.

President Trump approved the strike against Mr. Shahlai at the same time as he authorized the strike against General Suleimani, although it is unclear if the American attack in Yemen occurred at precisely the same time.

Mr. Shahlai and General Suleimani were two of several officials the Trump administration considered striking in an effort to halt Iranian attacks on American embassies and to deter Iran from ramping up aggression in the region.

The Yemen strike was first reported Friday by The Washington Post.

The mission to kill Mr. Shahlai shows that the Trump administration was seeking to hit multiple officials from Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps, which includes the Quds Force. Both organizations direct Iran’s proxy forces in Iraq, Syria, Lebanon and Yemen.

The successful strike in Iraq and the unsuccessful attack in Yemen were meant to knock the Guards Corps back on its heels, and some senior military and intelligence officials believed a drastic strike against the group would effectively damage Iran’s ability to direct its proxy forces.

But other officials, including intelligence officials, believed strikes against senior commanders were risky, and might have the effect of inciting the broader conflict the Trump administration said it was trying to avoid.

Members of Congress have also raised questions about intelligence the administration has used to justify the strikes on General Suleimani.

The Pentagon declined to confirm the strike. But Cmdr. Rebecca Rebarich, a Pentagon spokeswoman, noted that Yemen “is long understood as a safe space for terrorists and other adversaries to the United States.”

The United States had offered a $15 million reward for information about Mr. Shahlai. The announcement of the reward accused him of having a long history of involvement in attacks on American allies, including a failed 2011 plot to kill the Saudi ambassador to the United States.

Mr. Shahlai was based in Yemen, where Iran is supporting the Houthi rebels, who are fighting forces backed by Saudi Arabia.

*********

Our U.S. Military mission has now transitioned from being a partner in fighting ISIS to an occupying force which will be much more dangerous for our men and women in uniform.

I don't blame the Iraqi people one bit for not wanting to be used as a proxy for a shadow war between the US and Iran. We invaded their country on the false premise they had "weapons of mass destruction", destroying their country in the process and the loss of hundreds of thousands of lives while at the same time creating a climate for sectarian violence, corruption and the rise of ISIS.

U.S. Says It Won’t Discuss Withdrawing Troops From Iraq, as Iraq’s Leader Requested

Prime Minister Adel Abdul Mahdi said he had asked Secretary of State Mike Pompeo to send a delegation to Baghdad to prepare for the withdrawal of American troops.

By Edward Wong and Megan Specia | Published Jan. 10, 2020 Updated 1:15 p.m. ET | New York Times | Posted January 10, 2020 |

WASHINGTON — The State Department on Friday rebuffed the Iraqi government’s request to begin discussions on pulling out troops, saying that any American officials going to Baghdad during a state of heightened tensions would not discuss a “troop withdrawal,” as the Iraqi prime minister had requested. Instead, discussions would be about the “appropriate force posture in the Middle East.”

The statement from Washington was a direct rebuttal to Prime Minister Adel Abdul Mahdi of Iraq, and was certain to add to the friction between the two nations.

The prime minister said earlier on Friday that he had asked Secretary of State Mike Pompeo to send a delegation from the United States to discuss steps for the withdrawal of the approximately 5,200 American troops from his country, in the aftermath of a deadly American military strike ordered by President Trump that many Iraqis say violated their country’s sovereignty.

“We are happy to continue the conversation with the Iraqis about what the right structure is,” Mr. Pompeo said at a news conference after the State Department had made its announcement. He stressed that the mission of the United States in Iraq was to train Iraqi forces to fight the Islamic State, and “we’re going to continue that mission.”

“But as times change and we get to a place where we can deliver up on what I believe and the president believes is our right structure, with fewer resources dedicated to that mission, we will do so,” he added.

Mr. Pompeo and Treasury Secretary Steven T. Mnuchin also announced new sanctions on Iranian officials and on a few companies, including two in China, involved in the production and export of Iranian steel and other metals. The Trump administration had already imposed major sanctions on Iran’s metals industry after Mr. Trump’s withdrawal in 2018 from a landmark nuclear agreement with Iran, so analysts said the new sanctions would have little additional impact.

Iraqi lawmakers voted on Sunday to expel United States forces after the American drone strike that killed 10 people in a two-car convoy — Maj. Gen. Qassim Suleimani, a top Iranian commander, four of his Iranian aides and five Iraqis, including a senior militia leader, Abu Mahdi al-Muhandis. The prime minister has not signed the bill yet, but had been criticizing the American troop presence in Iraq since a series of recent actions by the United States military.

The killing caused widespread outrage in Iraq, where neighboring Iran has great influence, and its consequences continue to ripple across the Middle East. Iraqi officials said the United States had violated the sovereignty of their nation, both with that attack and with airstrikes on Dec. 29 on five sites in Iraq and Syria that left at least 25 members of the militia dead and at least 50 wounded. American officials say those strikes were in response to the death of an American interpreter in Iraq in a Dec. 27 rocket attack by the Iran-backed militia led by Mr. al-Muhandis, called Kataib Hezbollah, though the militia denied responsibility.

In a Thursday evening phone call, which Mr. Abdul Mahdi’s office said Mr. Pompeo had initiated, the Iraqi prime minister said he had objected to dual violations of his country’s sovereignty — referring to both the American drone strike of Jan. 3 on a convoy outside Baghdad International Airport, where General Suleimani and his aides had arrived on a flight from Damascus, and retaliatory missile strikes by Iran early Wednesday on bases in Iraq that house American troops. The missiles damaged equipment but caused no deaths or injuries.

“Iraq is keen on keeping the best of relations with its neighbors and its friends in the international community,” the prime minister’s office said in the statement.

Iraq’s priority is to “fight terrorism,” according to the statement, including violence from the Islamic State, the Sunni militant group that tore through the region before being routed with support from Iran, notably General Suleimani’s elite units, and a coalition of Western forces last year.

The State Department spokeswoman, Morgan Ortagus, released the statement Friday that pushed back against Mr. Abdul Mahdi’s request.

“Our military presence in Iraq is to continue the fight against ISIS and as the secretary has said, we are committed to protecting Americans, Iraqis, and our coalition partners," she said. “At this time, any delegation sent to Iraq would be dedicated to discussing how to best recommit to our strategic partnership — not to discuss troop withdrawal, but our right, appropriate force posture in the Middle East.”

She added that a delegation from the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, or NATO, was at the State Department on Friday to discuss the alliance’s role in Iraq, “in line with the president’s desire for burden sharing in all of our collective defense efforts.” On Tuesday, NATO said it was withdrawing some trainers from Iraq who had been working with Iraqi soldiers fighting the Islamic State.

“There does, however, need to be a conversation between the U.S. and Iraqi governments not just regarding security, but about our financial, economic, and diplomatic partnership,” she said. “We want to be a friend and partner to a sovereign, prosperous, and stable Iraq.”

Ms. Ortagus said Thursday that Mr. Pompeo and Mr. Abdul Mahdi had spoken by telephone. In a brief summary of the call, she said Mr. Pompeo “reiterated the United States’ condemnation of the Iranian regime’s launch of ballistic missiles into two sites on Wednesday in Iraq that host Iraqi, American and coalition forces working together to defeat ISIS.”

Mr. Pompeo stressed that the United States “will do whatever it takes to protect the American and Iraqi people and defend our collective interests,” she added.

The summary of the call did not mention the request for a delegation to discuss troop withdrawal.

United States forces have been stationed in Iraq, and to a much lesser degree in eastern Syria, as part of that operation. President George W. Bush ordered an invasion of Iraq in 2003 to topple Saddam Hussein, and the American military has been at war there ever since. Mr. Trump has strongly criticized Mr. Bush’s decision to invade Iraq and made campaign promises in 2016 to withdraw troops from the region.

But on Sunday night, he said he would impose “very big sanctions” on Iraq if it expelled American troops.

The Iraqi vote on Sunday to expel the American forces was nonbinding, and nearly half of the members of the parliament — primarily those representing ethnic Kurdish and Sunni Muslim minorities — did not vote. But there was no doubt of Mr. Abdul Mahdi’s support for the measure, because he quickly drafted a bill calling for the troops’ withdrawal.

In his statement on Friday, the Iraqi prime minister said that American forces entering the country and drones flying over Iraq did so “without a permission from the Iraqi government.”

Since the drone strike, several top American officials, including Mr. Pompeo, have said Mr. Trump ordered the killing of General Suleimani because the Iranian general was planning an “imminent attack” on American personnel or facilities. But those officials have not revealed any details of the intelligence showing such an attack in the works. Some Republican and Democratic lawmakers said Wednesday after a classified briefing in Congress by the top officials that they had heard little, if anything, that was new.

Some Pentagon and State Department officials have said that the threat reports in recent intelligence did not point to anything unusual, and that American agencies are always aware General Suleimani has plans in the region.

Last Friday, Mr. Pompeo was the first administration official to say there was intelligence showing an “imminent attack.” But since then, he has made opaque statements on the definition of imminence. In an interview on Thursday with Fox News, he said the United States did not know when or where the hypothetical attack would have taken place.

“There is no doubt that there were a series of imminent attacks that were being plotted by Qassim Suleimani, and we don’t know precisely when and we don’t know precisely where, but it was real,” he said.

Mr. Trump ran for president in 2016 on promises of pulling troops from the Middle East and Central Asia, but he has been adding troops to the Persian Gulf region since tensions with Iran rose after he withdrew in May 2018 from the 2015 nuclear deal between Iran and six world powers. At the end of December, Mr. Trump ordered 4,500 more troops to the Middle East, to add to some 50,000 already there. Some units were sent to Baghdad in the aftermath of protests by Iraqis at the American Embassy on Dec. 31 and the killing of Mr. Suleimani days later.

Below are some readers comments to the above article. I would love to know what you think:

"Let’s follow the logic here: Trump says we need to get out of fighting endless wars, because it’s “just sand” over there. He withdraws troops from Syria, forcing the Kurds to release ISIS prisoners as they flee. Then he sends 3,000 more troops to Saudi Arabia, that beacon of democracy in the Middle East. The protests in Iraq begin about that time. They are about excessive Iranian influence in the Middle East and some progress was made on that by the resignation of the prime minister who is sympathetic to such influence. Some protestors want the US to pull out, but this was overshadowed by the Iranian influence issue. Then after provocation by Iranian backed forces, the US escalates disproportionately by killing a major Iranian military figure, causing Iran to unite internally when just previously their government was killing their own people, and causing the Iraqi protestors’ main focus to shift toward kicking the US out. Trump is considering sending an additional 14,000 troops to protect ‘just sand’ and the Administration refuses to leave Iraq after its government wants to start talks to arrange removal of troops. Meanwhile Trump supporters are calling people who question all this traitors, even though Trump is putting tens of thousands of additional American troops into the Middle East, all with targets on theirs backs. Brilliant strategy." ROBIN UNDERHILL, ILL

"Gee, are we the baddies? Nah, just spreading love and freedom via guns and missiles." ANDREW, MICHIGAN

"Maybe this is just semantics, but if the Iraqi government-through its' prime minister-asks us to withdraw our forces and we refuse, aren't we then an invader nation and shouldn't a state of war exist between us and Iraq? Just asking."

ANDREW, NYC

"The State Department spokeswoman, Morgan Ortagus, released the statement Friday that pushed back against Mr. Abdul Mahdi’s request. “Our military presence in Iraq is to continue the fight against ISIS and as the secretary has said, we are committed to protecting Americans, Iraqis, and our coalition partners," Hang on a second, I'm sure I saw the president addressing the nation a mere 48 hours ago (almost to the minute) when he said ISIS is 100% destroyed. Anyone else remember that?" BEN BALCOMBE, NH

"So, occupying force, not coalition of co-operation. And Iraq is not going to be treated as a sovereign nation, but rather as a useful colonial pied-a-terre. That seems to be a shift from American policy of even a few months ago. Does anyone in the Trump administration have a plan the extends more than two weeks out from the present?" WJG, CANADA

"Wait a second. A sovereign government is asking us to leave their territory and we are refusing? Absent a signed agreement that counteracts that request, doesn’t that make us an imperial occupying force? So in 19 years when the US lease of UK bases runs out - assuming it is the same deal structure from 1940 - if the UK asks us to leave, we’ll say no?" PAUL, PITTSBURG PA

"There does, however, need to be a conversation between the U.S. and Iraqi governments not just regarding security, but about our financial, economic, and diplomatic partnership,” she said. “We want to be a friend and partner to a sovereign, prosperous, and stable Iraq.”" Unbelievable! So we are telling an independent country that we won't leave until we are good and ready...and by the way, we will exact economic revenge if you push the issue. This statement by the Trump administration is simply amazing when every day, it seems, they sink to new lows. I honestly can't believe that I am reading this. The arrogance evident in the State Departments statement is a warning to all of our allies (those that are left) that they are dealing with a rogue state."ETIENNE, LOS ANGELES

"Once again, as happened over 100 years ago when the United States "liberated" the Philippines from Spain, the US has moved from being a force for freedom for a country to becoming an imperial nation. The Filipino freedom fighters under Emilio Aguinaldo became, almost overnight, terrorists in their own country. It took until the end of WW-II for the US to finally grant the Philippines its independence. The idea of what we are doing for the benefit of Iraq today is a farce,a big lie." CABOT, DENVER, CO

"Yet another Middle East conundrum. If the US stays in Iraq when (and if) their government asks us to leave, we will be called occupiers like the Israelis of the territories and subject to attack by Shia Iraqi militias and ever more terrorists. So far, it seems the orders comes from Shia politicians only, led by Mahdi, who is a leader of the Shia and not really anyone else, and a puppet of Iran. Sunnis, who we have established as our allies, have yet to weigh in or even show up at work in Iraq’s parliament. So here we are in another fine quagmire, being drawn ever deeper into a religious conflict that is really none of our business. Our Sunni buddies in Saudi Arabia (yes, the cult that attacked us on 9-11) want us to fight their age-old enemy Iran (aka Persia) for them. Should we and if so, why? It never seems to sink in around DC that loyalties in the region shift like the desert sands and that allegiance is for religious and tribal groups. The “countries” there are 100 year old fantasies cooked up in Versailles after the Ottoman Empire fell. It would take the wisdom of Solomon to set the best course for the US when every option seems bad, but wisdom is a commodity more precious than oil and far more rare."POTTREE, JOSHUA TREE

“Mr. Pompeo stressed that the United States “will do whatever it takes to protect the American and Iraqi people and defend our collective interests,” she added.” This should read that the US is an occupying force and does not care about democracy. The US by the illegal Iraq war has caused the creation of al Qaeda and ISIS in Iraq. The US is friends with the Saudis the largest funders of ISIS and al Qaeda - so the US does not really want to eliminate them. The is all about the control of oil in the Middle East in support of the Petro Dollar in which the Saudis agreed in Nixons era to trade oil in dollars - our dollar depends now on it oil being traded using dollars since we went off the gold standard." STEVE, CT

"5,000 troops on the ground in a country that has asked us to leave is not a partnership, it is an occupation. The original invasion of Iraq is now well known to have been based on a lie. We have invaded a sovereign country, killed 300,000 of its citizens, and destroyed its police and military. It is demanding that we leave and it is raising irregular militias (with the help of Iran) to harass us while we are there. We are 17 years into an illegal war that has cost Trillions of dollars and which has alienated the region against us. If we do not leave there will be an insurrection against us that will require us to send many more troops in to protect those that are there and there will be an escalating loss of life. NATO no longer stands with us and we are seen as a rogue colonial force. It has long been clear that we can never win in the Middle East and that was before Russia became an ally of Syria and Turkey. We have blundered into a losing position where Russia can tie us down in a proxy war like Vietnam where we lose troops and they lose nothing. The real question is: why don’t we ever learn?"BOBO THE CLOWN, PA

"Such arrogance. The Administration receives a request to meet and discuss troop removal from a Sovereign Nation, and we say no. And that from the Secretary of State Pompeo. The number on diplomat in the U.S. An utter disrespect towards a country that has suffered so much already. What is this country turning itself into? I just dont know anymore." CHERRYLOG754, ATLANTA, GA

"I'm not sure how the State Department could ignore a request from the host country. If Iraq set up shop in the Bronx, I don't know whether the locals would take kindly to having their wishes ignored. Did we liberate Iraq (allowing them to make judgements based on their wants and needs) or did we incorporate them into a scheme where they act as our base for further meddling in the Middle East. Like an unwanted guest who can't take a hint, the US is no longer welcome and the hints will just become louder and more obvious as the hosts progress from annoyed to enraged. Mission Accomplished, Yankee go home." RICK GAGE, MT DORA

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