#c&e : connections & explanations

[draconnet81]

Read if you're interested in what actually happened, not what could've happened.

The writing from Hawks' perspective may be inadequate but there might be some hidden meaning lurking in this small panel from chapter 381, and now that it's got animated in today's episode (155), I'd like to share this analysis:

What does Hawks mean by filthy/ragged/dirty wings?

Here's another translation:

[wisteriasonthemoon]

Do coincidences strike twice?

oh yeah, my replay. I got distracted. I was in chapter 1, at the very first free-time event

this is a great place to start blogging about it again, because there's a question that has been bugging me that Kokichi's event provides great context for. I would like to call upon fandom collective memory for a potential answer

in his FTE #1, Kokichi claims that he and Kaede have met before, but she's forgotten about him. after Kaede questions him, Kokichi goes into a very short story about how they supposedly met. he then rescinds his claim

Kokichi: Hmmm, let's see. We met... Kokichi: ...under hostile circumstances similar to this. Kaede: Huh? Kokichi: You sheltered me while I was on the run from my enemies. With your piano skills, you managed to raise enough money to fund my escape... Kokichi: But then I betrayed you! I sold you out to my enemies and you were swiftly killed! Kaede, thinking: Th-there is no freaking way any of that is true... Kaede: That was all a lie! Kokichi: Yup, it sure was! We met each other here! I can't believe you fell for that, Kaede. You're such a sucker. Kaede: Geez... Kaede, thinking: Yeah... This is the sort of prank a kid who wants attention would pull.

because of the fantastical and vague nature of the story, Kaede dismisses him without much consideration and some agitation, yada yada, Kaede leaves annoyed

okay, context established. smash cut. tumblr town time now

so, there's this DRV3 theory post from 2021 by tumblr user fit-artichoke8738 that I really enjoy. well, I say theory post, but it doesn't attempt to conclude anything about the game or its' mysteries. it's more of a musing connection between two background details: the DICE logo and Kaede's research lab door

for those of you who didn't click the link, basically, Kaede's research lab door resembles the right half of the DICE logo. or, to put it another way, the right half of the DICE logo resembles piano keys. like this

that's it, that's the whole post. fit-artichoke8738 doesn't further speculate. which is all well and good, because although nobody points it out in the notes, the right half of the DICE logo is ... the "C" and "E" in DICE ...

... probably??? right???

which means this could easily be explained as an artistic coincidence. both are black and white, composed of common shapes, and the devs might have not been thinking about the similarities given all the time and work that goes into creating a game like DRV3

I have an addition though. is this *also* an artistic coincidence

IS IT?

did the devs consciously choose to write Kokichi doing a "you were my ally once! psych!" rug pull on Kaede in his first free-time event with her and then they just. spilled paint and accidentally made this design on her shirt

a design, btw, that I am aware is officially listed in the DRV3 in-game gallery as her former high school emblem. it also names the school as "Shining Star International High School". it's a reference to Seisa International, a real conglomerate of International schools in Japan, or so claims the danganronpa.fandom wiki

the only post I can find of similar speculation is from 2020 on VK, a Russian social media, where someone else pulls "LIE" out of the same emblem, just without utilizing the whole thing

and jokes aside, I can guess why this isn't talked about much. this is a background detail, the framework that most people (seem to) view the truth of DRV3 is through Tsumugi's game-show explanation, and there are several ways to dismiss the "DICE" reading, including but not limited to the fact that Kaede has a very inconsistently rendered emblem between her cut-scenes and sprites

but I expected to be able to *find* that dismissal. like "oh. that's weird. ANYWAY." kind of posts. nada. am I missing them??? where are they??? I'd love to understand where the logic for current DRV3 interpretations comes from. the lack of theory discussion these days makes that difficult for me. might as well start with what happened with this idea, since I'm interested in it

if anybody knows, that would be cool. and with that out of my system. I'll resume replay next weekend. maaaaaybe tomorrow

[acewritesfics]

Beautiful | Jax Teller 

Pairing: Jax Teller x Winston!Reader 

Request: No. Find original here -

Synopsis: Jax takes his old lady out for the night.  

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, alcohol, swearing, talks of body parts, mentions of dressing and undressing. This was originally a Song-fic. H/C - Hair Color. E/C - Eye Color

Word Count: 2,186

Main Masterlist

Jax beams as he watches the woman he's madly in love with hurry around their bedroom, dressed in her black lace bra and panties set, that just so happens to be his favorite, oblivious to him standing there, focused on trying to decide what to wear. His eyes scan her body, stopping on her ass, admiring his third favorite part of her body. 

He never imagined falling in love with Y/N Winston, the younger sister of his best friend, but something changed when she left for college. When Y/N left Charming for college, she was just Opie's annoying little sister; but, when she returned four years later, it seemed as though she had completely changed. She was now a woman, not a girl. 

Y/N settles on a pair of skintight black jeans and a flowing deep crimson tank top. On the bed, she has her leather jacket that he gifted her for her 21st birthday, laying next to her jeans.  She eventually catches him standing there as she slides her legs into her jeans.  She pulls on her top as he enters the bedroom, a bit disappointed that his second favorite part of her body was now also hidden from him. 

After giving him a short kiss, she walks over to her dresser and gathers up her make up bag and hair brush. "I thought we were going to meet up at the clubhouse?" 

"Church got out a little early," he muttered, his eyes following her as she entered the ensuite connected to their bedroom. He observes her brushing her H/C hair as he leans against the door frame. 

When she put down her hairbrush, he closed the gap between coming up behind her so they're back to chest. He slides his arms around her waist, his fingertips caressing the flesh on her left hip where his crow was inked before resting his hands on her stomach and kissing the side of her head. "I figured I'd be a gentleman and come pick up my old lady." 

"You'll be driving the cage," she quips as she looks at him through the mirror.  

"I know," He smiles looking back at her, his baby blues meeting her E/C eyes. He takes a step back from her as she starts to apply her makeup. 

They got it confirmed last week that Y/N is pregnant again, after speculating that she was a few days before hand. Aside from not being able to ride bitch right now, they haven't told anyone about the pregnancy yet. Being just nine weeks along, they choose to hold off until the second trimester, when the risk of miscarriage is significantly lower. The first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks, and it wasn't only them who were devastated by it. 

Despite the fact that they are quite certain their family aren't buying into the excuse, they used her being sober driver as an explanation for her abstinence from drinking and riding on the back of Jax's motorcycle. They noticed Gemma, Opie's, Piney's and even Clay's suspicious looks when she would deny a drink or avoid being on the of a motorcycle. Y/N could tell Gemma was the most suspicious and that she was picking up on more than just those two things. 

Once Y/N has finished applying her makeup, she exits the bathroom to retrieve her jacket and put it on, with Jax close behind. 

"How do I look?" She asks as she slowly spins around, flaunting her appearance. 

He closes the gap between them once again, encircling his arms around her waist and planting a scorching kiss to her lips. He smiles as she responds kissing him just as heated as he was.  Nobody else has ever made him feel the way he does when he kisses Y/N. He knows he had the same effect on her as she always left him out of breath. He knew this because of the small moment after their kiss when her eyes remained closed and her lips pouted. 

Before letting her go, he quickly kisses her and doesn't say anything as he leads her to the car, locking the front door on their way out of the house. 

"I never answered your question," he says as he opens the passenger door for her but blocks her from entering the vehicle. She looks at him puzzled. "You look fuckin' beautiful," he whispers as he kisses her lips again before helping her into the car before getting in himself and driving to the SAMCRO clubhouse. 

When Jax pulls into the lot, the music is already booming from the speakers, there is already a strong odor of weed and cigarettes in the air, and beer bottles and cigarette butts are scattered all over the ground. He exits the car as Y/N gets out and meets him at the front of the car. He smiles as she slips her smaller hand into his larger one and laces their fingers together. As they enter the clubhouse, he brings her hand to his lips and gently kisses the back of it. 

As soon as they are inside, surrounded by patches, friends of the clubs, old ladies, sweet butts and crow eaters, Jax let's go of her hand and placed his arm around her waist pulling her into his side. A few people stared and scoffed at them, he was unable to control the smirk that grew on his lips. The women envious of Y/N and the men who aren't members of the club wishing they were him. 

Jax orders drinks from the prospect behind the bar before noticing Tig and Chibs sitting nearby. He leans close to Y/N to talks to her without having to yell, "Go sit down with Tig and Chibs, and I'll bring the drinks over." 

She gives him a quick peck on the cheek and moves over to the table where his SAMCRO brothers are seated. He watches when both men stand up and hug her before she sits down. 

He catches a few men glancing in her direction with hungry eyes as he surveys the crowded room. As his gaze returns to her, he suppresses the temptation to pound their faces into the nearest surface. Jax is unsure of what he did to earn her love, but he is glad that he did. He couldn't picture his life without her. 

Jax has only ever been in one committed relationship before he got into one with Y/N. Because of Tara's decision to go medical school, his ex-girlfriend ended their relationship but not without trying to convince him to leave with her. He'd been crushed and drowned himself in weed, alcohol, and pussy when he wasn't working his way up in the club. 

All of it came to an end when Y/N returned from college. 

After she returned home, a lot of things changed for him. Y/N became the reason he stayed awake and alone in bed most nights, her face being the one he saw when he tried to take another girl back to his room. When she wasn't with him, he thought of her constantly, wondering what she was doing and if she was safe. He had to stop himself from calling her every chance that he got  He existed solely for her and the club. Even though the guys made fun of him for being whipped, he didn't know where he'd be without her. He couldn't picture his life without her. He didn't want to. 

Jax brings the drinks over to the table and sits in the empty chair next to Y/N's handing her bottle of water to her. She leans in close to him, kissing his cheek once again, and whispers "thank you" as he drapes an arm across the back of her chair. 

"Hey, where's my kiss?" Tig is heard asking. 

"Not here, but maybe if you ask her," Y/N chuckles, pointing to a brunette crow-eater who is gazing lustfully at the club's resident crazy while wearing next to nothing. "She might give you one." 

"You might be right." He smirks, looking in the direction that Y/N is pointing.  He gets out of his chair and moves over to the couch where the crow-eater is seated. 

After an hour and a few drinks, Jax glances at Y/N as Chibs walks away, finishing their discussion. He finds her looking back at him with a small smile and love in her eyes. Now that they are alone at the table, he smiles tenderly at her as everything around them fades, Y/N becoming his sole focus for now. He didn't want to admit it, but she had turned him into a love-sick idiot. 

"How are you feeling?" She asks, concern in her eyes as she takes in the faint bruise on the side of his head. Moving her hand from his leg, she reaches up and runs her fingers through his hair. This afternoon he'd been hit in the head by some thug the club had to deal with, earning him a nasty headache.  However, it vanished when he took a few painkillers before church. His headache was returning, and the loud music was not helping. 

"I feel wonderful," he says trying to ease her worry and kisses her to distract her knowing she'll see right through his bullshit. 

"You're an awful liar." 

"I know." He offers her a small smile. "My headache's back." 

"We don't have to stay. I'm beginning to feel a bit worn out, myself." 

"Let's go home," He stands and offers his hand to her, helping her stand up also. They say goodnight to the most of the club members before Y/N makes plans to meet Gemma for lunch the following day. As they exit the building and walk to her car, Jax hands Y/N the keys. 

"Take these and lay down." Y/N offers Jax a glass of water and some pain relief she'd snagged from the kitchen on her way to the bedroom. As soon as they walked through the front door, Jax made his way into their bedroom, stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed while she double checked that everything was locked up and all the lights were off. He takes them as she instructed and leaves the half empty glass of water on the bedside table. 

He doesn't move from his upright position while he watches her undress till she is only wearing her bra and panties. 

His eyes follow her once more as she walks over to his dresser and picks out one of his SAMCRO shirts before entering the bathroom. A few minutes later, she returns wearing his shirt and with her face make-up free. He continues to observe her as she removes her bra, pulling it from the sleeve of his shirt and discarding it on the chair in the corner of their room. He moves to lay down as she climbs into bed, facing him. 

"How's your head?" She softly asks. 

"The pain is starting to fade." 

"That's good. 

"How are you feeling?" he questions, cupping her face and caressing her cheek with his thumb. 

"Amazing," she says as her eyelids close, relishing in the tenderness of his touch. "Though I was feeling a bit queasy earlier." 

He rolls onto his back to reach his bedside table and switches off the lamp. Y/N moves in closer and places her head on his chest. 

With his arm around her holding her close, he kisses the top of her head. "I know I never tell you I love you as much as I should, but I do love you." 

"I love you too," She smiles. His spoken 'I love you's' are rare but he didn't have to say it for her to know it's true. Every day, in the smallest things he does for her, he tells her he loves her.  

"I don't mean to turn into a huge sap but you're the most wonderful person I know," He kissed the top of her head again. "I don't know what I'd do without you or if anything happened to you." 

"I hope we never have to find out." 

"Me too." He sighs. A silence falls over them but is soon broken by Jax. "We should get married." 

Y/N sits up looking at him in the darkness, a look of shock plastered on her face. "You wanna get married?" 

"Yeah I do." he admits. They've never had the marriage talk until now. They hadn't had the baby talk before she got pregnant both times. "We have a good reason to. I love you, you love me and we're going to have a kid." His hand reached under the shirt she was wearing, his fingers brushing the skin of her belly.  

She smiles. "Okay, let's get married." 

Jax smiles back and pulls her down to him making her giggle. He runs a hand through her hair tucking a few strands behind her ear. "You really are wonderful." 

"Just kiss me already," she orders him. 

"Sure thing, Darling." he laughs and pulls her into a passionate and mind-blowing kiss that was bound to leave both of them breathless. 

[brellynotes]

reasons why tua s4 is a fever dream pt. 1

ok so we already know that one of the biggest fuck-ups in s4 is five's character, but here's some other stuff that make literally no sense in s4-

[1] they didn't even explain jennifer's backstory??? ok, so she has this particle called durango- how tf did it get in her? why was she in a whole ass squid??

[2] victor's powers used to be blue and his eyes used to glow the last time i checked?? if the change in how his powers looks is because everyone's kind of getting an update in their power, why does he have zero reaction whatsoever?

[3] the way the rest of the family completely ignored the cheating thing?? all they said was "wow did not see that coming" like no one addressed the fact that it was wrong? and that scene of grace (if i remember correctly) saying "screw is spelt s-c-r-e-w" i mean wtf how are they putting humour into this scene? cheating is serious shit and they put in these "funny" one-liners which are meant to distract us from how lila and five fucked up

[4] lila's family too- there was just one (1) shot where the camera shows her family members looking surprised and then no one ever brings it up again? as an indian i can confirm that even if you said the world was ending, indian relatives will definitely want to talk about something as serious as cheating

[5] ben being all like "i've been thinking about you since i met you" and "we're connected" like bro how do you know that? what y/n crap is this?? i physically felt myself cringe at those scenes god

[6] literally who are jean and gene really and how tf did they know about the cleanse

[7] lila, who was in love with and married and had three kids with diego got bored of living a regular life with him but spending years with five and nearly dying everyday was apparently fine like did you see that shit-eating grin she had on her face all the time

[8] she doesn't even apologise for cheating?? all she does is explain why she did- and cheating isn't something that has an explanation.

[9] diego and five die without ever reconciling. well, to be fair, how could they? five acted like he was right to encourage lila cheating? this point is more sad than 'not making sense', but i just can't bring myself to believe that when family is such a huge theme in this show, they end up ceasing to exist while holding a grudge against each other

[10] why exactly did reginald keep his wife's corpse on the moon?? why was luther protecting it? what is this gabriel agreste ahh crap

[11] "you hate bracelets" "no i don't" aside from this scene being really dumb, i don't think lila hates bracelets? like, remember the bracelet she made in the asylum and wore through literally all of s2? the one diego took and kept for her?

[gith-zeri]

Body Chart - Felicia Aguilar

This is just a breakdown of Felicia's vicissitude modifications and scars. I made the chart like a Second-Inquisition document.

Vicissitude modifications are colored red and labeled with letters. Scars are colored purple and labeled with numbers. Expanded explanations under "read more."

Vicissitude Modifications

A.) A three-inch slit starting underneath the chin and terminating an inch from the clavicle. The slit is held closed via mini-serrated bone along the opening flaps, interlocking with each other. This passage is mostly used for ease of access to the vocal cords.

B.) The ribcage has been altered with extra bone, used to create hidden armor plating. The sternum has been thickened and widened. False ribs have been reinforced to support modifications that are lower within the torso.

C.) A four - to five-inch slit that spans the width of the flank, held closed via the same method as modification A. The slit is used as an entryway to the stomach to remove food or check on the Odious Chalice attached to the stomach.

D.) 27 feet of altered muscles that have taken the place of the intestines; hollow yet firm and dexterous. These main tendrils are used in combat to whip, grabble, or, in extreme cases, drain a victim of blood from a distance. There are drawbacks. However, in extreme emotional circumstances such as frenzy, the limbs will act independently of the kindred and "exit" the body via any method, causing aggravated damage. Hence, there is a need for various exit ways along the body.

E.) These are Fangs that are attached to modification D, enabling the limbs to drain blood. The fangs are retractable and come in various lengths.

F.) A three-inch slit that rests diagonally across the hypogastric region. Held closed via the same method as modifications A & C. Its main purpose is to be an exit way for smaller tendrils, ones that can not be utilized for combat but for more covert actions. These tendrils have different nerve connections than their larger counterparts and lack fangs.

G.) The largest incision on the body, in a T-like formation; starting from just below the collar bone and terminating at the navel. Held closed via the same method as modifications A, C, and F. This passage is mostly used to access the ribcage and tendrils for maintenance.

All exit points are covered with a thin, skin-like membrane that blends the incisions in, with the rest of the body. On visual inspection, they are distinguishable from normal skin. On physical touch, however, it becomes very apparent that the area is abnormal.

Scars

Two faint facial scars, one across the lower lip and another one painting the upper left cheek.

Three short but deep scars, running diagonally above the left breast. These seem to be inflicted by someone's nails, specifically the pointer, middle, and ring finger, if judging by distance.

A large gash that spans the left side of the abdomen vertically. Felicia acquired it by scrambling through a broken window when she was younger.

Clusters of burns Felicia earned via a car lighter, nasty business. The other scars on her palm were from breaking an old guitar during a heated argument, not one of her best moments. The only other thing of note is her calluses.

A large contracture scar that wraps around the knee joint and tappers off before reaching the mid-thigh. The way this injury healed left Felicia with a slight limb.

I've said this before, but technically, Felicia should have more scars. However, her Sire at this time made sure to smooth most things out.

[arcadiabaytornado]

Omg I'm totally convinced you're right about the "has Rachel powers?" but now is the question, do you think she created the storm? I have noticed that kinda everyone thinks differently about this one

I believe that Rachel caused the storm!

While the in-game explanation is that Max caused the storm by saving Chloe, I've never fully believed that idea. Max sees a vision of the storm before she goes to the bathroom, and it's really weird that the universe randomly gave Max the power to save Chloe just to be like, "Yeah. You weren't actually supposed to use the power you were given." Like…if the universe meant for Chloe to die on Monday, shouldn't she just have...died on Monday?? If the universe can give Max time travel powers, surely it can just…not do that??

So I've settled my mind on the idea that Rachel caused the storm because I feel like that makes the most sense. Under the cut, I'll give all my circumstantial evidence for why I think it makes sense for Rachel to be the storm.

More Undercut

A: Rachel's death was really unjust. She died at the hands of her teacher, who groomed her. And she never got the chance to leave Arcadia Bay. That could make a ghost really spiteful, and it makes sense that she would take her rage out on the town, considering her entire character motivation was leaving it.

B: The storm is still happening in the Alternative Timeline where Chloe couldn't have been in the Blackwell bathroom. However, Rachel IS missing in this universe, so she could be the storm.

C: Rachel comes back as a ghost deer or has a connection to a ghost deer...so it's not really a stretch to think she could also cause a supernatural storm.

D: The wind blows every time she screams when she burns down the tree. So maybe she has some kind of wind power.

E: Rachel almost took out the entire town already with the tree incident, and Chloe even says "I can't believe Rachel set that fire. I don't think she meant to. But I also don't think she...didn't mean to." Given that Rachel almost took out the town once is really THAT big of a stretch to think that if she was murdered and could get revenge on the town she would?

F: I still feel like the endings work within the context of her being the storm. If you sacrfice Chloe, then Rachel has Chloe by her side again and Mark and Nathan are put in prison for what they did to her. If you sacrfice Arcadia Bay, then Rachel gets her revenge on the town and Nathan dies and Mark is arrested. Either way Rachel would win.

Those are just the reasons I feel like the idea is plausible off the top of my head! I think it makes more sense then the idea that the universe gave Max the power to save someone that was never supposed to be saved.

[philocalistherz]

«──« ⋅ʚ study methods ɞ⋅ »──»

➴ September 28, 2024. ₊˚ෆ

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

ೃ⁀➷ reading’s menu ༉‧₊

💭— a table to study complex subjects and prepare essays about it. May contain main or secondary arguments, other’s sources / authors referenced and key words, important dates or works quoted.

𖥔 First column: name of the book or article i’m referencing or reading.

𖥔 Second column: key points with color code.

𖥔 Third column: questions that pop out through the lecture / questions to consult the professor.

𖥔 Fourth column: terminology and its meaning to the author in particular.

𖥔 Fifth column: page count.

🤍 c o l o r • c o d e x 🤍

𖥔 B4DAF9 [baby blue]

— main argument.

𖥔 FEE1E8 [soft pink]

— reference to another author / work.

𖥔 DBE6DB [baby green]

— Key words.

𖥔 F9E9D5 [coral]

— doubts to consult.

𖥔 BC96CD [lavender]

— secondary argument.

ೃ⁀➷ anatomy of a good essay༉‧₊

💭— A tactical guide to approach whatever essay. Function as a template for redacting one.

𖥔 title and quote related to the subject.

🤍 i n t r o d u c t i o n 🤍

𖥔 hook line: grab the attention with a simple phrase, don’t formulate closed questions.

𖥔 context: background information and general panoramic about the object of study (what, who, when, why and how)

𖥔 statement: includes the topics and highlights important arguments and point.

🤍 b o d y • p a r a g r a p h 🤍

𖥔 theory: personal point of argument.

𖥔 evidence: examples that support the theory.

𖥔 connection: associations between your points and the authors points, can be in favor or not.

𖥔 interrelation: a link to the conclusion section.

🤍 c o n c l u s i o n s 🤍

𖥔 statement: condense your point or argument

𖥔 summary: key points and statements all around the document in a conclusion.

𖥔 double hook: let your professor wanting more without leaving loose ends.

ೃ⁀➷ blurting method ༉‧₊

💭 — An useful tool to complex and extent subjects, it can work well with another type of studies. You’ll need the following:

𖥔 name the block: assign a general title about what are you studying right now.

𖥔 material: observe and read two or three times the texts to mark with the color code.

𖥔 memory game: set aside your text and notes and grab a blank page to write down everything that you remember from the notes in consistent sentences.

𖥔 look back: read your notes and add with another color the information that you missed, use this time to look external sources and find meanings/ simpler synonyms of important concepts.

ೃ⁀➷ feynman technique ༉‧₊

💭 — an active way to remember and comprehend complex subjects, can be alone but functions well with a study group.

𖥔 the topic: choose one of the themes that the academic program has, a complete subject. Apply the blurting method or your notes from the reading’s menu.

𖥔 go down to earth: explain on paper or in a whiteboard the subject like you were speaking to a child.

𖥔 revision: compare the explanation paper with your notes and with another color of pen write missed key points.

𖥔 crumble: to a final revision an repeat the process until you can do it without consulting your notes or menu.

ೃ⁀➷ crow method ༉‧₊

💭— an organization guide to save time and study puntual subjects without (sometimes) distraction.

𖥔 collect: find all the themes, sub jets and topics discussed in class and classify them in order of importance / apparition.

𖥔 prioritize: annotate due dates and set reminders with alarms at least for 2 days before the due time; again organize this information in order of importance.

𖥔 construct: mark the most heavy is difficult subjects, units, the dates of important tests and alternate with simpler activities, don’t forget include spare time to take some rest.

𖥔 rank: make space for maximum 2 study sessions per day, balancing your personal life with you study life. try to always separate your spaces, study outside bed.

[ last updated September 28, 2024]

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Victor’s Carbon Pen and Glass Bead Event (Day 6)

⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for content yet to be released on the global server! ⌚

✦ thursday || friday || saturday || sunday || monday || tuesday || wednesday

【High School Affiliated to Loveland University Second Year (Section 1) Semester Schedule - Tuesday】

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈

[MATH]:

Beginning with the morning self-study session, Old Gao naturally walks into the classroom, naturally hands out an impromptu quiz, and naturally starts grading the papers.

“Where’s Empress Dowager Hu? Has Old Gao ‘usurped the throne’?”

Victor remains as immovable as a mountain. After coming up with a tentative answer to the questions in his heart, he immediately takes out the exercise books for the other subjects–– realizing that if he doesn’t start now, he won’t have any opportunity to write throughout the day.

“Our Vic seems to be working hard. He’s even expanding into other subjects in the morning math study session.”

Old Gao unfolds the exam papers with a bright smile, “Children, your homeroom teacher is on leave today, so you’re all mine.”

“And of course, the evening self-study session also belongs to me.”

—

[MATH]:

Observing Old Gao’s extraordinarily casual explanation of the complex question and his naturally upturned lips, Victor very cautiously and deliberately marks this question— 

There’s an 80% chance it will appear in the end-of-month exam.

—

[SPORTS]:

Strange Tales of Loveland High School Five (V):

Upon the completion of the weekly one-kilometer fitness test, the running track would give rise to peculiar species contorted in various poses.

Pale and gasping for air, they would be in desperate need of water. Yet, among them would be rare individuals with handsome and exquisite appearances who would continue to carry themselves with grace.

“Whew, still alive.”

The next second, Victor’s face turns slightly pale. He notices the PE teacher bringing out the sit-and-reach apparatus.

—

[PHYSICS]:

After enduring an exceptionally dreadful “knowledge oppression,” Victor decides to broadcast some relaxing content during today’s lunchtime radio session.

In harmony with the melodious Symphony No. 41 in C Major, he begins reading excerpts from the Homeric epics.

—

[CHEMISTRY]:

“A and B might have an innate tendency to react when brought together, although the time for their reaction differs. C and D will never yield any results no matter how long they’re together, and E needs to be catalyzed to have any connection with F. 

Many things in the world are like this, and in reality, human connections follow the same principle. You require a significant amount of destiny to have that serendipity with someone.”

Hearing the teacher say this, Victor’s mind is filled with a distant silhouette.

—

[CHINESE]:

“Sir Vic, do you really think the world will end in 2012?”

“What do you think the apocalypse would look like?”

Victor doesn’t say anything. He simply reaches into his desk and takes out a math book in a very natural manner.

Amidst a chorus of agonized groans, that man walks in once again.

If the apocalypse were to happen, it would probably be a day filled with eight consecutive math classes.

—

[ENGLISH]:

A comforting listening test.

Brother Ying, in a rare feat, has managed to secure the computer lab,  so he assigns something practical for everyone to do.

—

[BIOLOGY]:

The power that erupts from silence should not be underestimated. 

— After the teacher’s first burst of anger, the biology class has a 100% attendance rate.

—

──────

✧ next stop: Wednesday

─────────

[theautisticdoctor]

Entry #004

Schema therapy

I love schematics. I love making and filling out schemata. I therefore use the theory of schema therapy a lot, and integrated dialectical behavioral and acceptance-commitment therapy as well.

It really helped me to figure out how much masking I was actually doing and creates some backbone to create alternative ways to healthy unmask and get support. So to help you understand what I’m talking about, I’m writing out the theory down below.

If you want to figure out what maladaptive schemata you have, you can fill out the Young Schema Questionnaire (YSQ-L3 or YSQ-S3 – long or short form)

Schemata

There are 18 early maladaptive schemata that people can have developed during their childhood and adolescence. They get developed by basic emotional needs that did not get met. It’s also really based on personality and temperament if and how a schema gets developed and coped with.

Abandonment

Mistrust and Abuse

Emotional Deprivation

Defectiveness and Shame

Social Isolation

Dependence and Incompetence

Vulnerability to Harm and Illness

Enmeshment and Undeveloped Self

Failure

Entitlement and Grandiosity

Insufficient Self-Control and Self-Discipline

Subjugation

Self-Sacrifice

Approval and Recognition Seeking

Negativity and Pessimism

Emotional Inhibition (Emotional Constriction and Fear of Losing Control)

Unrelenting Standards and Hypercriticalness

Punitiveness (Punitiveness to Others and Punitiveness to Self)

The schema “Emotional Inhibition” can be split up into “Emotional Constriction” and “Fear of Losing Control”, just like schema “Punitiveness” can be split up into “Punitiveness to Others” and “Punitiveness to Self”. This got proposed by Yalcin in 2021 in his paper (Yalcin, O., Marais, I., Lee, C., & Correia, H. (2021). Revisions to the Young Schema Questionnaire using Rasch analysis: the YSQ-R. Australian Psychologist, 57(1), 8–20. https://doi.org/10.1080/00050067.2021.1979885). You can fill out their revised schema questionnaire to make the distinction between those with the YSQ-R.

And now..

You can create a model of your schemas in how much they affect you. This is my model:

I use this model in my trigger schema to identify unhealthy or unhelpful behaviour. Because most of the time when I get triggered, one of my schemas gets triggered as well. This has led me into masking my autistic symptoms or tendencies, but isn’t necessarily helping me to have a balanced lifestyle. I will explain the trigger schema another time.

There are three coping styles or strategies to each schema, surrendering, overcompensation and/or avoidance. For these coping styles we have modi, which helps us give insight into what we feel and think and how we behave. But more on that another time.

Explanation per schema

Down here I’ve put the explanations per schema. The explanations are mainly taken directly from the book Schema Therapy: A Practioner’s Guide, and I slightly modified it in some parts, which is written in italics (Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A Practitioner’s Guide. Guilford Press. p. 14 - 17.).

Abandonment and Instability

The perceived instability or unreliability of those available for support and connection. Involves the sense that significant others will not be able to continue providing emotional support, connection, strength, or practical protection because they are emotionally unstable and unpredictable (e.g., have angry outbursts), unreliable, or present only erratically; because they will die imminently; or because they will abandon the individual in favor of someone better.

Mistrust and Abuse

The expectation that others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate, or take advantage. Usually involves the perception that the harm is intentional or the result of unjustified and extreme negligence. May include the sense that one always ends up being cheated relative to others or “getting the short end of the stick.”

Emotional Deprivation

The expectation that one’s desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. The three major forms of deprivation are:

Deprivation of Nurturance: Absence of attention, affection, warmth, or companionship.

Deprivation of Empathy: Absence of understanding, listening, self-disclosure, or mutual sharing of feelings from others.

Deprivation of Protection: Absence of strength, direction, or guidance from others.

Defectiveness and Shame

The feeling that one is defective, bad, unwanted, inferior, or invalid in important respects or that one would be unlovable to significant others if exposed. May involve hypersensitivity to criticism, rejection, and blame; self-consciousness, comparisons, and insecurity around others; or a sense of shame regarding one’s perceived flaws. These flaws may be private (e.g., selfishness, angry impulses, unacceptable sexual desires) or public (e.g., undesirable physical appearance, social awkwardness).

Social Isolation and Alienation

The feeling that one is isolated from the rest of the world, different from other people, and/or not part of any group or community.

Dependence and Incompetence

Belief that one is unable to handle one’s everyday responsibilities in a competent manner, without considerable help from others (e.g., take care of oneself, solve daily problems, exercise good judgment, tackle new tasks, make good decisions). Often presents as helplessness.

Vulnerability to Harm or Illness

Exaggerated fear that imminent catastrophe will strike at any time and that one will be unable to prevent it. Fears focus on one or more of the following:

Medical catastrophes (e.g., heart attacks, AIDS)

Emotional catastrophes (e.g., going crazy)

External catastrophes (e.g., elevators collapsing, victimization by criminals, airplane crashes, earthquakes).

Enmeshment and Undeveloped Self

Excessive emotional involvement and closeness with one or more significant others (often parents) at the expense of full individuation or normal social development. Often involves the belief that at least one of the enmeshed individuals cannot survive or be happy without the constant support of the other. May also include feelings of being smothered by or fused with others or insufficient individual identity. Often experienced as a feeling of emptiness and foundering, having no direction, or in extreme cases questioning one’s existence. Also includes parentification to siblings.

Failure

The belief that one has failed, will inevitably fail, or is fundamentally inadequate relative to one’s peers in areas of achievement (school, career, sports, etc.). Often involves beliefs that one is stupid, inept, untalented, lower in status, less successful than others, and so forth.

Entitlement and Grandiosity

The belief that one is superior to other people; entitled to special rights and privileges; or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction. Often involves insistence that one should be able to do or have whatever one wants, regardless of what is realistic, what others consider reasonable, or the cost to others; or an exaggerated focus on superiority (e.g., being among the most successful, famous, wealthy) in order to achieve power or control (not primarily for attention or approval). Sometimes includes excessive competitiveness toward or domination of others: asserting one’s power, forcing one’s point of view, or controlling the behavior of others in line with one’s own desires without empathy or concern for others’ needs or feelings.

Also includes the feeling that one is responsible for things one is actually not really responsible for or can be held accountable to. The feeling that one should always be the one to help, e.g., because of the assumption that others will not step up to it.

Insufficient Self-Control and Self-Discipline

Pervasive difficulty or refusal to exercise sufficient self-control and frustration tolerance to achieve one’s personal goals or to restrain the excessive expression of one’s emotions and impulses. In its milder form, the patient presents with an exaggerated emphasis on discomfort avoidance: avoiding pain, conflict, confrontation, responsibility, or overexertion at the expense of personal fulfillment, commitment, or integrity.

When people are very punitive and have unrealistic standards, they often think they have this schema as well. Except they actually are having such high expectations of themselves that it is practically impossible to meet them (all). Then, they don’t actually have this schema, but rather only have hypercriticalness and punitiveness as schemata.

Subjugation

Excessive surrendering of control to others because one feels coerced — submitting in order to avoid anger, retaliation, or abandonment. The two major forms of subjugation are:

Subjugation of needs: Suppression of one’s preferences, decisions, and desires.

Subjugation of emotions: Suppression of emotions, especially anger.

Usually involves the perception that one’s own desires, opinions, and feelings are not valid or important to others. Frequently presents as excessive compliance, combined with hypersensitivity to feeling trapped. Generally leads to a buildup of anger, manifested in maladaptive symptoms (e.g., passive–aggressive behavior, uncontrolled outbursts of temper, psychosomatic symptoms, withdrawal of affection, “acting out,” substance abuse).

Self-Sacrifice

Excessive focus on voluntarily meeting the needs of others in daily situations at the expense of one’s own gratification. The most common reasons are: to prevent causing pain to others; to avoid guilt from feeling selfish; or to maintain the connection with others perceived as needy. Often results from an acute sensitivity to the pain of others. Sometimes leads to a sense that one’s own needs are not being adequately met and to resentment of those who are taken care of. (Overlaps with concept of codependency.)

Approval-Seeking and Recognition-Seeking

Excessive emphasis on gaining approval, recognition, or attention from other people or on fitting in at the expense of developing a secure and true sense of self. One’s sense of esteem is dependent primarily on the reactions of others rather than on one’s own natural inclinations. Sometimes includes an overemphasis on status, appearance, social acceptance, money, or achievement as means of gaining approval, admiration, or attention (not primarily for power or control). Frequently results in major life decisions that are inauthentic or unsatisfying or in hypersensitivity to rejection.

Negativity and Pessimism

A pervasive, lifelong focus on the negative aspects of life (pain, death, loss, disappointment, conflict, guilt, resentment, unsolved problems, potential mistakes, betrayal, things that could go wrong, etc.) while minimizing or neglecting the positive or optimistic aspects. Usually includes an exaggerated expectation — in a wide range of work, financial, or interpersonal situations — that things will eventually go seriously wrong or that aspects of one’s life that seem to be going well will ultimately fall apart. Usually involves an inordinate fear of making mistakes that might lead to financial collapse, loss, humiliation, or being trapped in a bad situation. Because they exaggerate potential negative outcomes, these individuals are frequently characterized by chronic worry, vigilance, complaining, or indecision.

Emotional Inhibition (“Emotional Constriction” and “Fear of Losing Control”)

The excessive inhibition of spontaneous action, feeling, or communication, usually to avoid disapproval by others, feelings of shame, or losing control of one’s impulses. The most common areas of inhibition involve:

Inhibition of anger and aggression

Inhibition of positive impulses (e.g., joy, affection, sexual excitement, play)

Difficulty expressing vulnerability or communicating freely about one’s feelings, needs, and so forth

Excessive emphasis on rationality while disregarding emotions.

“Emotional Constriction” and “Fear of Losing Control” as two different schemata can be explained as an over-control to shame or embarrassment to show emotions and as an anxiety to not being able to control or contain the emotions or consequences and/or impulses following the emotions.

Unrelenting Standards and Hypercriticalness

The underlying belief that one must strive to meet very high internalized standards of behavior and performance, usually to avoid criticism. Typically results in feelings of pressure or difficulty slowing down and in hypercriticalness toward oneself and others. Must involve significant impairment in pleasure, relaxation, health, self-esteem, sense of accomplishment, or satisfying relationships.

Unrelenting standards typically present as

Perfectionism, inordinate attention to detail, or an underestimate of how good one’s own performance is relative to the norm

Rigid rules and “shoulds” in many areas of life, including unrealistically high moral, ethical, cultural, or religious precepts

Preoccupation with time and efficiency, the need to accomplish more.

Punitiveness (“Punitiveness to Others” and “Punitiveness to Self”)

The belief that people should be harshly punished for making mistakes. Involves the tendency to be angry, intolerant, punitive, and impatient with those people (including oneself) who do not meet one’s expectations or standards. Usually includes difficulty forgiving mistakes in oneself or others because of a reluctance to consider extenuating circumstances, allow for human imperfection, or empathize with feelings.

[alivingmel]

Apologies, reasons, c-c-cancer?!?, future plans, etc.

HELLO FRIENDS, it's Mel. It's been a very long time since I've posted here, and I feel I owe all you lovely folks who supported me in years past an explanation (whether or not you even remember me because it has been years now) SO, let me tell you what's been going on (under the cut):

Back in 2017, my mental health hit an all-time low that resulted a suicide attempt and subsequent hospitalization. Thankfully, my time in the hospital set me on a path that led me to receiving the care and medication I needed! I started on a mood stabilizer that truly changed my life around. . .

But, because my period of positive self-growth coincided with staying offline and not drawing as frequently as I used to, a misguided part of my brain began associating these things with that awful mental state that almost killed me. I never, ever wanted to feel that awful again, so I started to shy away from sharing and making art until avoiding it completely.

Furthermore, many of my pieces had been fueled by pure mental anguish and, once that pain was alleviated by the proper medication, I found myself struggling to find the motivation to create anything. . . My mind was so much clearer and I could come up with concepts for stories and characters better than ever, but actually getting these ideas down on paper became difficult. For most of my life, I had overrelied on frantic emotions and the idea that my life was not worth anything beyond what I created whenever I made art.

Now that I've realized that yes, my life is valuable and yes, I want to live it, my old approach to art was rendered defunct. I became distracted by new hobbies, since I was able to actually Enjoy Things properly for the first time in my adult life. . . And also because I was avoiding art, which had become a source of frustration and embarrassment for me. I felt like I was a different person than I was before, and the old me was a mess but DAMN they could draw.

I believe it's possible for me to rekindle my passion for creating stuff and discover a reason to draw that isn't unhealthy! But it will require a LOT of focus and energy from me, involving a lot of aggravation and disappointment because FUN FACT when you don't draw for months at a time, you get rusty as hell.

Thus far, I haven't been able to manage the sustained effort required to remember how to draw because, despite being far more mentally stable nowadays, the the last six years have been very. . . Unstable. . . I've lost beloved pets and family members, had to support both parents with major surgeries on several occasions, deal with multiple drawn out court cases (one involving a police officer with a vendetta against my brother trying to get him put in jail, LONG STORY. . .), keep my house from falling apart without having nearly enough money to properly fix the staggering amount of things wrong with it, the persistent cold (and sometimes very hot) war between my immediate family members, and so on. . . My minds been so preoccupied with a constant stream of disasters in my household that it's been VERY EASY to justify a continuing avoidance of art.

I was hoping this year would be the one where I'd get back on track, but instead it turned out to be the year where the old track violently explodes and now I have to build a WHOLE NEW TRACK. So, for now, I have to focus on preventing the derailed train that is my life from jettisoning off a cliff.

Back in December 2022, I discovered a lump in one of my breasts. Considering my age and the fact that it was actually causing me discomfort, I figured it was a benign cyst. Got a mammogram and a biopsy to make sure! IT WAS NOT A CYST. I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, which tends to be the type of breast cancer that folks under 40 get. It's often connected to genetics, but I tested negative for all relevant gene mutations and no one else in my family has even had breast cancer. IT FELT LIKE A VERY SOAP OPERA-ESQUE TURN OF EVENTS AFTER EVERYTHING ELSE THAT'S HAPPENED, not very realistic plot progression on Life's part, 0/5 stars.

Triple negative is unfortunately one of the most aggressive types of breast cancer and, since the "triple negative" refers to the tumors lack of hormone receptors and the HER2 protein, it does not respond to most targeted breast cancer treatments. But because triple negative tumors are nasty, fast-growing little fuckers, Classic™ chemotherapy works wonders on 'em!

Thankfully, despite all the doctors suspecting otherwise, my nearest lymph node tested negative! Makes a huge difference in treatment, likelihood of recurrence and metastasis, and my chance of surviving this ordeal. The amount of chemo I have had to endure has sucked hardcore and will continue to suck. I finished 12 weekly infusions at the end of May, and I started the last 4 bi-weekly infusions in June. The last four doses include a very friendly, fun-loving drug nicknamed "the red devil". :’)

The silver lining of this whole mess is that I FINALLY GET THESE TITS TAKEN OFF AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY OUT OF POCKET. . . As you may or may not know, I'm nonbinary. I've never had any desire for HRT, but god, GOD, my boobs have given me hardcore dysphoria since puberty willed them into existence. I'm not very comfortable talking about my identity with family and acquaintances irl, so the fact that I don't have to explain myself to nosy relatives now is a relief. WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY PREFERRED HAVING SOME AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS INSTEAD OF FUCKING CANCER, but at least I get some kind of reward at the end of all this.

As someone that's been (physically lol) healthy their whole life, this has been a difficult journey. And, this is wicked cheesy, but the amount of strength I've been able to scrounge up? SHOCKING. I'm proud of how I've managed to grow as a person since 2017. Back then, I could've never pulled this shit off. 2023 MEL IS THE MOST POWERFUL MEL YET, BUT. . . THIS MEL NEEDS TO CHANNEL THEIR NEWFOUND TEMPERANCE INTO THEIR ART AFTER GETTING THROUGH THIS. . .

I actually had this fairytale idea that I'd draw during my chemo sessions and ~rediscover my passion~. . . But I qualified for a cooling cap program (helps with the hair loss, trying to retain as many follicles as I can cuz they play the lead role in my physical presence ok!!!) and the headache you get from encasing your skull with ice is not exactly conducive to productivity.

SO, for now, I need to focus on beating the shit out of cancer and recovering from the treatment beating the shit out of me. But because this experience has made me hyper aware of the fact that we do not get an infinite amount of years to do all the things that we want to do in life, I WILL RETURN. . . Because I have stories to tell! With shitty characters that have shittier lives! I didn't devote 30% of my grey matter to this stuff just to take it with me to the grave, man!!!

ALSO, A REMINDER: if you ever feel like there's something off with yourself, health-wise, do not hesitate to get yourself checked out by a doctor. Whether it's a tiny lump, a persistent dull pain, or anything else. . . Find out what, exactly, it is. I caught this cancer right in time! At this stage, the survival rate for triple negative breast cancer is a little over 90%. Had I waited to get checked out, had I given it enough time to matastize to a distant part of my body. . . My chances of surviving would've dipped to about 12%. That period where I was waiting on tests to confirm whether the cancer had gone anyplace else was absolutely terrifying. SO PLEASE, DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH YOUR HEALTH (OR YOU MIGHT FIND OUT).

[thesweetsvillainshowdown]

MAGOLOR PROPAGANDA: Magolor is a REALLY cool character. I think he's got a pretty great design, and there's a lot of great music associated with him. Go listen to "Settling a Score - Atone for One's Misdeeds" and "C-R-O-W-N-E-D", those are some of the best. Maybe listen to "Interdimensional Traveler" and "I'll Never Forget You (Memorial Arrangement)" too if you like those at all. Looking past design and music, he's a GREAT character. He has more dialogue than any other character, probably more than every character combined across the whole series, and just about every word of it is a joy. The lore drops, the silly puns, the explanations, learning to have friends, everything. It's all so GOOD. As a villain, I really like him. He shows up at the start of Kirby's Return to Dream Land by crashing his Interdimensional Boat Spaceship, the Lor Starcutter, and you spend most of the game gathering parts to help him repair it. He has you fight the dragon, Landia, who shot him down in the first place, but it turns out Landia was stopping him because he was trying to steal the Master Crown, a source of unlimited power that would let him rule the universe. He takes the crown and reveals his grand plan with a pretty great speech (which Kirby does not understand very much...) and leaves to set this into motion. Kirby, with the help of his friends and Landia, fight him. The Crown takes his body, turning him into little more than a shell, but Kirby shatters the Crown off of him. After this, his (playable and very fun!) redemption arc begins. He is trapped between dimensions, and all of his power is lost. He travels and gathers it all by collecting shards of a Gem Apple and with Magic points, along the way making lots of puns, pathetically holding onto villainy by saying things like "thank badness!" and eventually realising he LIKED having friends and remembers that he wants to make people happy (his life goal is to run a theme park). The shards of the Crown take over the (now fully-built) Gem Apple, and it takes form as a giant tree. Gathering all of his magic into a sword, he cuts it in half in a flashy showdown and redeems himself. He spends a while in a parallel world, and eventually returns to Kirby. He builds theme parks to apologise, accomplishing his dream in the process. He's happy now, but he's still quite mischievous! He loves to play pranks and add a bit of extra danger to his attractions. Also, he ties into a few Christian themes which I find quite interesting. The yellow in his design is there because it's the colour of betrayal in Christianity, Magolor Day canonically falls on a Sunday and the first one ever was an Easter, the room he keeps the Apple shards in is literally called the Room of Eden in the Japanese version of the game, and both the temptation of the Master Crown and his connection to apples could be taken as tying into this as well. He is also a JOY to play as in all three games where he is playable. Especially Magolor Epilogue, which is the one where he redeems himself. You upgrade his powers throughout it with lots of fun dialogue about it, and the levels and challenges are all a blast. I've tried my best to explain him, but if anyone reading this is interested: Go read his page on Wikirby! Or, even better, go and play Kirby's Return to Dream Land Deluxe if you have a Nintendo Switch! He is genuinely such a great character and I want as many people as possible to have a good time with him too!

I see! Well, you've heard the propaganda, now take your new knowledge and let it help you vote!

[goblinpuppy35]

The Punk and the Wolf

(Previous chapter, Part 6, Next chapter)

Remus Lupin x Male Reader

Summary: Set during OFTP, Y/N is Mad Eye Moody's assistant and while staying at Grimmauld place, him and Remus develop a connection.

   ------------------------------------

Remus was awoken by the rays of warm morning light creeping through the curtains, one ray resting across his face making him scrunch up his noise. The sound of birds was coming from outside. His eyes felt heavy and as expected as he tried to move his body his bones ached and cramped up, drawing a long grown out of the man's lips. At least he was resting on something soft and no the wooden floor, squinting around the room Remus realised he was downstairs in the living room. A chair was knocked over and a couple of pillows thrown about the place but on the whole the damaged seemed minimal. Remus would have been rather embarssed if he's completely wrecked Y/N's parents home, even if they were no longer around he wanted to show his respects.

Cracking his sore neck Remus turned to look around and was unexpectedly met with a pair of wide Y/E/C eyes. Y/N's eyes. Y/N was on the sofa with Remus, not only that the older man realised he was laying on top of Y/Ns stomach on the sofa and there was a blanket draped over them. Y/N pulled a nervous and weary smile and did a little wave down towards Remus "morning" he said through an awkward laugh.

Remus' eyes widen is utter fear "What .. what .. Y/N why are you here?" the tall man shifted his weight off Y/N in a panic, awaiting an explanation. "I couldn't find the key to the door" Y/N confessed "and before I could think of any way to escape you had transformed and made your way downstairs". 

"Are you hurt?" Remus' eyes were darting all over Y/N's body looking for any fresh marks. "No I'm perfectly fine ... tired but I'm okay Remus" and Y/N began to explain the night before and how he'd play records to keep Remus' wolf form in a state of calm. However Y/N began to trail off for his eyes were fixed on Remus' now visible bare chest under the blanket, he was lean but muscular and through his chest hair Y/N could see a number of large scars over his ribs, shoulders and hips. Remus followed his stares and upon looking down at himself Remus remembered he was fully naked with the blanket only covering his lower half still laying on top of Y/N.

Eventually both men looked back at one another, assessing the situation. "This must have been very uncomfortable for you during the night, I must be crushing you" and Remus started to attempt to move. "Are you saying you want to get up then?" Y/N said with a more softer quality then normal, he didn't move in the slightest and just stared up at Remus. Despite being back in human form Remus could still feel Y/Ns quickened heart rate vibrating through his chest into Remus', "No." he whispered back after a pause. His shoulders cracked as he slowly lowered himself back down to Y/N's level and Remus let out an exhuasted groan. "It's still early, we don't need to return yet and you need to build up your strength, so let's just stay here for a bit" while saying so Y/N began to brush one hand through Remus' thick hair. Remus placed his head down onto Y/N's chest and felt foolish, he wished he had enough strength to appreciate this moment but his body was not fully recovered yet.

After a comfortable period of silence between them Y/N offered to make some tea and they attempted to untangle themselves off the sofa. During this rearrange the blanket manage to slip down onto the floor leaving Remus completely exposed, "fuck .. I'm sorry" shooting down Remus promptly picked it back up and wrapped it around his toned hips. "No, no it's okay" Y/N let out a little chuckle, followed by his cheeks flushing and his eyes avoiding Remus' "I mean.. I was the one who put the blanket over you in the first place once you transformed back so err ha its nothing I haven't seen before now."  Remus placed his head into his hands. 

"oh come on moones it's not that bad and besides it just means I win a bet" Y/N said cheerful has he makes his way into the kitchen. "Oh yeah and what was that" Remus asks, removing one hand from his face. "Well I bet with myself that you looked as good out of your clothes as you do in them." and with a grin Y/N disappeared into the next room.

After only ten minutes of additional searching with Remus' help they were able to find the key hidden in the fruit bowl and then it was Y/Ns turn to put his head in his hands from embarrassment. "We were lucky this time Y/N" Remus said seriously, "I can't guarantee every time I'll be so subdued, as much as you promised to look after me I also promised to look after you". As he said this Remus slowly took Y/N's hand in his and rubbed his thumb over Y/N's knuckles. "I understand" Y/N said looking up into Remus' eyes "do you remember anything from last night yourself?".

Remus tilts his head back for a moment and thinks. "I never remember anything clearly, it's like trying to remember a dream I had last night but looking at everything through muggy river water, its all blurred and distorted. I have trouble knowing what is a memory and what is a dream." Remus' grip on Y/N's hand got a little tighter. "In fact I thought I was dreaming of you last night, but I popuse that could have actually been from being next to you....you were very brave Y/N, thank you" and Remus leans down and takes Y/N into a intimate hug. His long arms weaved under Y/N's arms and rested on his shoulder blades, fingertips brushing up against Y/Ns Y/H/C hair. Y/N's own arms simply wrapped around Remus' waist, he felt so safe and comforted in Remus' arms. They both wished they could stay like this for the whole day. 

Aperating back to London they were both taken a back by the sharp change in temperature. White clouds of their own breath bellowed out infront of them. A number of suitcases were resting against the front door as they approached. "Looks like Fred and George and the others have arrived back from Hogwarts for the Christmas break!" Y/N said excitly turning to Remus. "You go on ahead to find them, I will see you later" Remus said warmly as they entered the front door. The two man were still holding hands from appearing onto the street and only now with Y/N returning a tender smile towards Remus did they let go of one another, fingers briefly reaching out for one another as they parted. 

Remus stood in the hallway alone for a moment, his hand placed on his chest, he felt strange within himself. Both his heart and head felt .. happy. He'd found someone who cared about him, in a mixture of disbelief and joy Remus spent the rest of the day with this exhilarating thought in his mind.

[monerelluvia]

⛓️ c l u t c h e s ⛓️

Another symbolic representation of the struggles Iri's been going through, or rather the forces that can't leave her mind at peace. The first one was about lack of control, this one's connected, but focused more on the actual people involved.

A brief explanation for each hand from right to left: - Angus, the mad wizard necromancer who resurrected them and is currently holed up in a castle, like Frankenstein, trying to repeat the process with other corpses. The consequences of their death and resurrection have been constantly haunting them. - (down) Jared, a man from her past who not only was involved if not directly responsible for the events that led to their deaths, poisoned her once, but also charmed her and made her do things against her will, to put it simply. - (up, neck) Sarah, a vampire who Iri met once and tricked to run away from. She hasn't forgotten about the girl and is probably on the hunt for her blood right now. - Unknown creature/general representation of hellish entities who try to invade this realm to get a hold of the dragonheart crystals, aware of her having one. - Eilistraee, a goddess Iri looks up to, but is aware of the risk that the gods might use her and the rest of their group to pursue their own needs. She's afraid she might not see it coming.

The red lines are the strings of fate she disturbs moving through this world and this time.

[abimee]

so tbh i was hard on nier:a while playing it cos i don't really like a lot of the anime tropes BUT i really like tragedies and i was promised some twists, and got some. but i wanted to ask you how you felt about the pacing. basically, did it feel like there was a solid line connecting plot points, or do you feel like certain things happened at random? barring the fact that yoko taro said he literally wrote the story out of order, is that how it felt to you? imo it felt really rushed through super cool parts and like things that were annoying or setpieces ran on for too long. ig i'm still fked up over how much it fell short of my expectations bc even after playing nier:a completely thru and h8ing how absurdly film-student its tone and ideology are, i was hyperfixated enough to read some of the side literature and learn drakengard lore. tl;dr, nier:a is cool and has some fun parts but i wish the android were more mature (or artificial) in physicalilty to avoid weird anime loli baiting in the fans and also they'd asked a writer to help revise and implement the og author's ideas okay bye thx for reading my rant ♡ i'm glad u had fun and ur fanart abt a2 and the indoor grill made me cough

ill gladly listen to people bitch about yoko taro ive had PROBLEMS with this man since a young age ☝️☝️☝️☝️

I was actually thinking about the pacing and insertion of certain scenes/plot points today because admittedly like. okay this might be all over the place but

The start of the game (Route A + B) was like pretty solid pacing I think due to being low risk, and I thought it was cool that the game let you see 9S' side of things --- but it really started to fumble when it got into it's moe complex storylines in C-D-E and went on to deposit a lot of information on it to the point where it felt like we were forgetting entire plots and characters because something new and shiny showed up

Like okay first off. Adam and Eve and the aliens. We never once got any sort of explanation WHY adam + eve killed the aliens, or why the aliens made the machines, but within that general thought we did learn that humans died before going to the moon (and possibly even before the aliens came?), and that YoRHa's only goal was to fight the machines until a specified amount of data was gotten and then they were to explode. Never did we get more elaboration on the aliens or adam/eve, and while we got some YoRHA spotlight stuff it also entirely just decided that explaining the true mission behind making YoRHa and why the androids had to die is beyond it. Which frustrated me because it Brings Up Ideas but doesn't specify if thats the true reason, like we learned that the machines fight purely because that was there sole reason, and so they made an enemy for themselves purely to enact that goal that the aliens gave --- but then it even goes ''haha okay but hear me out'' and introduces Red Girl and this vague idea of the Machine Ego and wanting to defy their masters of the aliens, but then DOESN'T ELABORATE WHY. Like we don't know WHY adam and eve and the machine ego wanted to develop enough to defy their machine logic and purpose because it wraps back around to ''theyre human just like us because they want to defy their masters because.... they're human like us?"

Like it often felt like some concepts or plots brought up walked itself in a circle, dog-chasing-tail style, where it's entirely contained within itself and refuses to expand upon it's existence, which then causes it to get sort of left behind when the plot finds a new fancy idea to latch onto. Like how quickly the story introduced, focused on, then discarded Adam & Eve is almost criminal because of the things it could've done with them literally as the closest approximation to what the Machine Ego/Red Girls wanted, since they defied their creator's orders to be their own selves. Eve especially feels wasted in this regard --- like if the plot spent a little more time focusing on Eve & Adam in a B-plot scenario showing Eve and Adam learning more from humans and even leaning into Eve's wants that we saw in his mind when 9S hacked him (the human home built around him and his brother, and his brother wanting to go somewhere peaceful with him). Like they even could've tied that to when they get on the Ark and leave and Adam is holding Eve, that's literally Adam bringing Eve somewhere peaceful, but because those two instances are so seperated from each other and their own sort of throw-away concepts it becomes hard to Remember the tether between those two thoughts

This is also my biggest problem with A2's writing, I can only assume she's meant to be a Kaine-type character (and boy did my eyes momentarily widen seeing Emil say ''it must be fate that we've met!" to her) where her reserved nature and somewhat limited character blends in with her personality, but they really could've just given us like at least 2 more hours-game to learn about her past rather than just infodump us with her lore in some logs at the Resistance Camp. This is another problem Red Girl had where I feel like the fact you get unit data on them that basically explains away the confusing parts of their involvement in the lore felt cheap because this game has over 40+ hours under it's belt but couldn't be damned to give us information on our main antagonist directly in the game instead of in a post-credit LOG?

Like okay. I love my baby boy emil. He is the most special boy in the world to me and I am so happy seeing him get a pretty decent character arc for himself in the sequel to his original iteration. But why do we learn information about Emil more easily than the Red Girls? No unit data paragraph, no document information to read, no external book needing to be sourced. You learn whats up with him, why his big event out in the desert happens, and how it ends. You even get TWO special areas involving him. Red Girl gets to speak for a little bit and then vanish. It just astonishes me a bit

And it's not like the game doesn't try to expand characters last-minute either, that entire cutscene where Pascal reads Nietszche and then gets surrounded by the baby machines before the events of the Factory/suicide felt so forced in suddenly that it felt rather obvious something was going to happen. And I say this as someone who was in tears seeing Pascal get called ''uncle Pascal'' and see him defend the children in the factory --- it was super obvious that they possibly didn't originally plan that scene but needed something to really show that Village acted just like a human community with children and babysitters and family. Like not to be like ''this couldve been something beautiful'' but i think giving us a little time between A2 and the Village more could've done something beautiful. A2 getting the necessities to build the slide definitely made me drop to my knees but I noticed even the LPer was confused why A2 had a crying child inside of her as her enemy at the end of the hacking (like how 9S had 2B at the end of his destroying his memories), but the game didn't do anything with that besides lightly imply A2 lets down her mean bit for children sometimes (and again. why is this Kaine behavior). And then the fucking laughing children sound at the end of the route where she hacks 9S and she looks to the sky like ? This is all very interesting but it doesnt mean anything.

NOT TO MENTION 2B BEING AN EXECUTIONER TYPE. COOL CONCEPT BUT IT DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING IN THE END. It's just another thing to tack onto 9S's migraine of learning everything is a lie but nothing gets DONE with that incredibly interesting though afterwards because we never see 2B after that because she's been dead for a while now. We had a brief hint at it when we heard that transmission of 2B being her new name but the payoff just doesn't work if you just state it and then not do anything with it.

There's many cases of this and I notice it with how much questions I have that simply have no answer in this game despite the fact we have nearly 5 routes worth of time that could've gone into either sticking to like 3 ideas to the end or bridging the gaps, Which the story Does Do Sometimes! Red Girl talking about fucking up its own network to make pacifistic machines that want nothing to do with the war, the lie of YoRHA

OH MY GOD ALSO. SPEAKING OF RANDOMLY PUSHING STUFF IN. OPERATOR 210. The fact that they wanted to pull the whole ''she was curt and distant with 9S but secretly saw him as like a son because she wanted a family :(" could've gone INSANE if they didn't decide they wanted to bring that idea in at the last possible second and make 210 randomly baby 9S (and then make him point out how strange she's acting), and then ignore that until we get to the cutscene that they wanted to make for it. Like they could've had 210 start out as curt and distant, but as 9S operations with 2B got more dangerous she could've started laying on the doting mother thing, but it just came so abruptly in Route.....C? That it felt forced and rather last-minute, like they finished writing A and B and someone walked in and went ''wait I want 210 to see 9S as her son :(" and this is how they crammed it in

oh this post isnt even about the pacing i'm just talking about dead end plot concepts. But I can definitely see where you're coming from there because we spent an awfully long time with the Resistance only to know so little about them, but it defos felt more ''a lot of stuff is getting brought up but we dont have enough time to give it developing room because we want to bring in the next concept asap". A2, the forest king, Red Girl, hell even Pascal and Adam & Eve all suffer this. the only person who really got a steady character Was 2B and 9S but 2B felt like she got cut short and just became a puppet for 9S' plot which is so tiring how often we get dual man/woman protags and the woman's story just becomes part of the man's story and she becomes a nebulous concept. that yoko taro brand Misogyny

I SPENT AN HOUR TYPING THIS? I haven't even gotten to how I feel like 9S' plot feels like it was destined for something more but got bottlenecked for time and cut off at the like 80% mark

I can definitely feel that though of feeling like Nier:a didn't meet expectations, when I finished all the routes and the playlist i was watching just Ended I genuinely sat up and bed and just felt a deep sense of ''THAT'S IT? THATS ALL?"

it's crazy too because I really, REALLY loved what it had going and im going to be thinking about this game forever but it also just left me feeling like i'm missing something so badly that when I try to think about it sometimes my mind just draws blanks like im left speechless at it.

Like that was nier: automata? that was just 40 hours of being asked what it means to be alive

[xstarlightxstarbrightx]

thoughts on how the Inazuma Archon quest went [3]

OK, ACTUAL QUEST TIME NOW, I'M DOING IT I SWEAR [COLLEGE PREP IS ENDING MY LIFE]

Lumi: alright, we need to find a way to Inazuma. we've been in Liyue for a W H I L E, and i'm tired of waiting for some sign of needing to head out. Paimon: but isn't it like a closed nation? Kaeya: Atsuko's from Inazuma Lumi: Kaeya, ur a genius. Kaeya: I know~ Atsuko trying to DESPERATELY convince them to just give up on Inazuma should've been my first notion that Inazuma was going to make me rip my hair out, but no i figured it was just a story beat and that i wouldn't actually suffer!!!! no. no, it was real. suffering is real.

I also love Kazuha popping in like "you two give off the essence of wind and earth but also stars" and all i can imagine is he looks at Kaeya and goes "oh, the essence of snow and sorrow is here too". Kaeya: and this must be your bard-for-hire? Beidou: uh,,, no. Lumi: still snickering at "the essence of snow and sorrow"

Beidou: so u signing up for the Clash? Lumi: the fuck is the Clash? Beidou: Beidou: sigh and here i thought u came to sign up.

one long explanation later

Beidou: so, ya wanna win a Masterless Vision? Lumi: to be quite honest. no. i do not care. Kaeya: but we could go for a trip to Inazuma, hmmm? Lumi: ??? Beidou: done. Lumi: ... Kaeya: :) Lumi: u just wanna see me in a tournament, don't u Kaeya: what are u talking about, i'm trying to get us to Inazuma.

whenever they go to check out the competition, Lumi and Kaeya are thoroughly unimpressed, but Kaeya spends the whole time with a shit eating grin on his face. like he already figured it'd be an easy sweep b/c c'mon it's Lumi we're talking about here.

his shit eating grin only gets worse when Lumi signs up and everyone freaks out about her name.

Zhuhan: y-you know only people without a Vision can enter.... Lumi: yeah i don't got one of those. he does, but he's not joining in. Kaeya: i'm here for moral support <3 Paimon: SO IS PAIMON

Zhuhan: what other, uh... qualifactions do you have...? Lumi: uh... I'm an Honorary Knight of the Knights of Favonius? Paimon: she also beat up Childe and also helped save Dvalin after beating him up! Kaeya: that is a Fatui Harbinger and an Elemental Dragon, respectively Zhuhan: intense sweating i-i think that's plenty....

Kaeya and Paimon take bets the whole time on how quickly each opponent flops. Turns out they're both gamblers at heart, but inevitably Kaeya won the most Mora out of her (much to Paimon's dismay). ALSO??? I adore how Kazuha's like "I did notice u withholding strength so as to not harm ur opponent", which is so spicy and good and tasty and i will eat Strong Bad Bitch Lumine any day of the week and still hunger for more.

I do find it interesting that Lumine very clearly is unused to not using elements—something I've pondered a bit about, since she technically had some kind of "element" before she began to borrow the elements of Teyvat. I, for one, am obsessed with this theory and have done some fun deep dives into the animation frames of her and Aether using elemental abilities (i mentioned this before). I wanted to mention this thought because I have a personal h/c and kind-of theory about elements and their dangers, especially to people who are not protected by Visions. Because I do believe certain elements are dangerous.

Also I should doubly clarify that when we get to Inazuma the actual bit, things are gonna be a little different I suppose? I won't be following my original way of doing this, b/c I ,,, really couldn't connect (and personally didn't like) the Inazuma Archon quest, so I'm going to be tweaking it and modifying it to my own needs.

Canon is a white board and I'm scribbling all over it, ok.

ALSO, noting the elemental thing; I find it interesting how Kazuha describes Lumine's ability to utilize multiple elements as "the echoes of nature". Like he just hears the sounds of nature coming from her, and how her scent is complex and strange??? I am beyond fascinated by it, and I REALLY,,, REALLY need to dig into that kinda thing (but i already have 17 different rabbit holes i'm falling down PLUS school is starting tmrw)

Anyway, see u in the next one, where we WILL be in Inazuma (AND WE GET TO SEE THOMA, THOMA IS REALLY SILLY B/C KAEYA'S THERE LMAO)

[delicatebluebirdruins]

Ethan's Diary

February 6th, 2021 Mia and I had another fight. I accidentally mentioned what happened there three years ago and she blew up at me. We finally settled down in our new life in Europe and can bring Rose up properly. But... I still feel like a part of me is trapped in that hell hole back in Louisiana.

I know Mia doesn't like to talk about it, but can we really just forget everything and pretend it didn't happen? Shouldn't we face what happened there so we can live our lives with Rose without it hanging over our heads? We owe her that much at least... I know Mia knows this too. She wouldn't have exploded like that at the hospital if she didn't care.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

emphasis mine: Mia feels a tremendous level of guilt for a) joining the connections b) starting with Evie at what ever point she did c) letting Evie get away whilst getting Alan away from when the incident took place d) trying to keep Ethan away but failing i have already said why the message wouldn't have fucking gone through and that is because storm and evie made her lose a door idk what to tell you e) Ethan gets hurt by her first of all under the influence of Evie

Mia in the bakers incident report (obligitory it should have been part of basic game and it should have had a moment of BSAA confirming they got all information about the connections she could give them) says she wants "to forget everything"

its normal to shy away from something painful, she spent 3 years in padded cell thinking of everything (when not in Evie La La Land). there is also a element of how her mold infection affected her after being treated by the BSAA. I got asked by @mushroomwithsomeink some time ago if Mia has abanonment issues and to an extent she does (the answer was not very good). Mia was part of a hive mind for years she knew where Jack was and was probably aware of everything else happening around her (all because of her not being able to convince Evie to stop or have the guts to break out the murder kit). The thought that the BSAA apparently let them live but without setting them up with therapists? (though the BSAA are the same people who let Chris still recovering from amnesia and binge drinking into the field- also plugging the fanfic catch me floating circles in fish bowl)

random thing as I was tying "forget everything" I had a thought about Riley Flynn from Midnight Mass (and ended up looking for quotes from the show and interesting ones will be under the read more- give them a look and see why i thought of Mia when i reread these)

Both Mia and Ethan have CPTSD I have no real thoughts what i shared is honestly explanation enough

from the NHS website

Complex PTSD - Post-traumatic stress disorder

You may have complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if you have some of the symptoms of PTSD, and also have problems with managing your emotions and having relationships.

Symptoms of complex PTSD

The symptoms of complex PTSD are similar to symptoms of PTSD, but may also include:

feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt

problems controlling your emotions

finding it hard to feel connected with other people

relationship problems, like having trouble keeping friends and partners

Causes of complex PTSD

Complex PTSD may be caused by experiencing recurring or long-term traumatic events, for example:

childhood abuse or neglect; domestic violence; sexual abuse

torture, sex trafficking, or slavery; war

You may also be more likely to develop complex PTSD if:

you experienced trauma at a young age

you were harmed by someone close to you who you trusted

you were unable to escape the trauma

treatment for PTSD and CPTSD is hard and when the other person your primary support is also dealing with it? that is even worse honestly there is a thing called secondary trauma

from mind: 'Secondary' means that although the original (primary) trauma happened to someone else, the impact it's having in your life is traumatic for you. It doesn't mean it's any less significant than any other kind of PTSD, or any easier to deal with. Our page for friends and family has some tips on looking after yourself.

both Mia and Ethan are dealing with the primary trauma from the baker estates and secondary trauma from each other

from PTSD UK

"Anyone who cares for a person living with PTSD can reduce the impact secondary trauma has on them if they carefully approach the situation. The first step is to learn the signs of secondary trauma:

– Emotional exhaustion – Increasingly negative perception of self – Depression – Anxiety – Difficulty eating or sleeping – Feelings of hopelessness"

ETA1 Speaking about it would be a way to make it all real again to acknowledge this horrible shit that Mia is partially responsible for (i know its not part of RE universe but the fic bruise won't heal the stain stays put from the numbers show is pretty much the thought i had with this addition for sure)

Riley: I don't know. That's kind of the whole thing. I don't know. I have no idea. I mean, in prison, it was easy. I had things to do, you know? Count the days. Count down the sentence. Eat, sleep, read. It's all pretty spelled out for you. Regimented. But here? Here I have nothing. What, am I going to get a job? Go to school? I have no money, no prospects. I just exist now. That's it. I have absolutely no purpose at all. I'm just sitting in my parents' house, breathing, and serving no purpose to anyone whatsoever. I'm just living. [long pause] And that's the worst part. Because I shouldn't be alive, Erin. So I don't know. What do I do here? I eat. Sleep. Shit. I don't know. Walk home now, eat dinner, wait out this fucking storm.

-i think the debrief and everything directly after might have been anywhere between six months and a year for Ethan and Mia

Riley: No, alcohol isn't good or bad. But the version of me that would come out when I had enough to drink, he was bad. He was selfish and careless and he ruined my life. There is a saboteur inside of me, and I always thought, you know, we'd work it out. We'd learn to live with each other, because he wouldn't really hurt me. Not me. I fed him, so he wouldn't hurt me. And then one morning I woke up and found out he killed someone. I had killed someone. So who's to blame there? I am to blame there. And God? He just kind of let it happen, didn't he? See, that's the part I cannot square. Because you're right, there is so much suffering in the world. So much. And then there's this higher power. This higher power who could erase all that pain, just wave his hand and make it all go away, but doesn't? No. No thank you. The worst part is that it lets all the rest of us off the hook. We can watch so many people just slip into these bottomless pits of awful and we can stand it. We can tolerate it because we say things like, "God works in mysterious ways." Like there's a plan? Like something good's going to come out of it? Nothing good came out of my drinking. Nothing good came out of me killing that poor girl. Nothing good came out of Joe Collie's drinking. And not a single good thing comes out of Leeza never being able to walk again. Nothing good came out of a metric ton of crude oil filling up the bay. And the only thing, the only fucking things that lets people stand by, watching all this suffering, doing nothing, doing fucking nothing, is the idea that suffering can be a gift from God. What a monstrous idea, Father.

"No Pain. No Memory, No Awareness That I Ever Was. That I Ever Hurt Someone."

eta 1 I mentioned their fics in this post so it makes sense in my head to plug them @screechthemighty @talistheintrovert