#but will then totally reset again if I leave the site

[chaosintheavenue]

Youtube STOP recommending GB News and antivax shit challenge.

[oneknightstand-if]

A Completely Normal Rest Stop

Update 4: Chapter 2 Part 2 - The Rest Stop

Featuring...

Merlin's Guide to Minor Enemies

A bucketload of owed texts & e-mails to the MC

Decisions of great import... just where are you sleeping in that motorhome during this Among Us game?

Shopping? Fleeing? Stalking Merlin? Chapter 2 wedding proposals? ̵S̵a̴b̷o̴t̸a̷g̵e̵ ̵t̷h̴e̶ ̷m̸o̵t̵o̴r̷h̸o̷m̷e̶/̷ Actually having a completely normal time because you sidestepped all the spooky shenanigans? (But what fun would the latter be?)

A ton of branching everywhere in the second part of this update, so try replaying again with a few different choices.

A̴ ̴C̴o̶m̴p̷l̷e̵t̷e̴l̴y̵ ̶N̴o̷r̸m̴a̶l̵ ̵G̴a̴s̸ ̶S̵t̵a̷t̷i̶o̷n̸ ̵S̴t̸o̷p̷

Nothing to see here but a completely normal gas station & convenience store at a completely normal rest stop. Moving along now.

Play the Updated Beta Test

(Since there were bugs & typos reported throughout Chapter 1 & 2, your current saves are probably going to reset to the beginning of each section of the game. If things get too wonky, you might want to try restarting from the beginning.)

*If you're getting error messages or the start screen isn't showing Version 0.22, please clear your browser's cache.

Additional Word Count (Sans Code): 200,000+

Additional Word Count (With Code): 285,000+

New Total Word Count (Sans Code): 815,000+

New Total Word Count (With Code): 1,120,000+

Average Playthrough: ~65,000+ words

Note: You can view the game code on my site the same way you do on Dashingdon just add /scenes to the end of the URL.

Next Update

Merlin's Guide to Minor Neutrals

MC may appear on TV! This might not be a good thing. And they aren't the only one, cameo appearances from a future RO

Get hit with your first mass spell of nondemonic origin

Counteract with participation in your first multiuser spell

Attempt to summon Cthulhu. Dance the macarena. Have the consequences of your own inaction potentially bite you in the arse-- I mean what?

RO #4 finally appears.

Also quick reminder that the Alpha Build of the game on Patreon updates as I complete each section, so is currently on Chapter 2-3.

Link to New Polls on the Update (Which don't auto close in a week like the Tumblr ones)

More (Fiddly) Info on the Update Behind the Spoiler Cut...

The Update Also Includes...

Added section where the devil's mark is found if you change into short sleeve clothes right before packing up to leave

Added more neutral way of deciding not to claim dibs on a past Camelot incarnation

Added more flavor text regarding the vending machine in the fencing club route

Fixed continuity bug regarding your mask while exploring the empty city

Fixed continuity bug with Adrian's text messages in the Fencing Club route (Again!)

Added Fou and Petit Cru as default names for the Arthurian lore references to the default pet names

Fixed reference to nonexistent pet at the start of the book club route (which won't be finished for awhile)

Fixed some behind-the-scenes bugs with variable incrementing

Changed brave_sir_robin & merlin_warn to numerical variable instead of true/false (might cause bugs with prior saves that triggered those flags)

Fixed a bunch of typos and smaller bugs that I've completely lost track of at this point, but pretty much guarantee every section got re-edited

[birdmitosis]

@lhassinu​ OKAY okay, this is a longish list, and some of the episodes have more Kururu-focus than others, but!! This is a lot fewer than 358 episodes; it’s only like 41 episodes when you take the half-episodes into account. I’ve also probably left out some good moments, there are just so many episodes... I also went ahead and put the placements of where the movies should probably go in there. I do recommend all the movies, and also the Chibi Kero short that goes along with Movie 2, especially. All the titles in the list below are taken from Wiki, rather than from the way they’re actually translated in the subtitles on that site. (And I’m linking it again just for convenience.)

9: Natsumi, Where Love Blooms, Kululu Looms / Aki Hinata, A Dynamite Woman

10: Face-off! Decisive Battle over Molar-3

28B: Kululu Ku of Kukuku

40A: Mois, You Could Say Happy New Year?

44: Keroro vs. Fuyuki Heated Sports Match / Kululu vs. Aki Exploding Invasion of Robots

47: Natsumi, Protect the Girls Festival / Keroro Becomes Afro

49A: Kululu, The Best Method in Space

51: Keroro Platoon Retreats! Good-bye, Pekopon

82A: Mutsumi Want to Be On My Radio?

83B: Kururu, the Most Dislikeable Guy

93: Natsumi Delves Into the Secret Base! / Aki Hinata, Probably the Strongest Woman In Space

SM1: Keroro Gunso the Super Movie (on that site as Sergeant Keroro: The Super Duper Movie)

100: Keroro Platoon Eh? Who Am…I? Who Is…Everyone?

101: The Keroro Platoon the Day Pekopon Stood Still!?

102: The Keroro Platoon Pekopon!! Impending Destruction of a Loved Planet!!

103: Keroro Platoon the Sincerity That You Showed Me

112: Kululu & Saburo The Artist's Decisive Encounter!

118B: Kululu The Sergeant Major Of Curry

122A: Kululu The Cursed DVD

129: Kiruru. The Messenger of Destruction

130A: Keroro Platoon All Members Reboot! (but 130B is also very funny if you like the Garuru Platoon)

134B: Fuyuki & Kururu Go to Akihabara

147B: Giroro who gave me this? (just wait for it)

SM2: Keroro Gunso the Super Movie 2: The Deep Sea Princess de arimasu! (on that site as Sergeant Keroro: The Super Duper Movie 2)

153: Kerokero Military Operation Number 100

154: Keroro Farewell Sergeant Keroro

157A: Leave it to Chief Medic Pururu!

158B: Giroro, Exclude These Memories

161: Putata and Mekeke, Overzealous Killers

165A: Kululu, Temporary Leader

171B: Kululu, When Was He a House Sitter?

185B: Tamama, It's a Notebook

192B: Keroro Platoon, A Cake Is a Man's Battlefield!

194B: Kululu and a Puppy

198B: Natsumi and Momoka, Obligation Chocolate Excluded!

199: Kululu, Kululun Idol Legend / Keroro, Reseting My Mind!

SM3: Keroro Gunso the Super Movie 3: Keroro vs. Keroro Great Sky Duel de arimasu! (on that site as Sergeant Keroro: The Super Duper Movie 3)

210B: Aki, Children's Day

211: Musha Kero, Volume 1: Legendary Hero

214A: Kululu, I Quit

218B: Keroro, Caries War 2

229: Keroro, Killer Fist of Words! / Saburo and Kululu, Silent Fight (the first half definitely sets up the second half)

237: Musha Kero, Volume 4: Go West, Musha Kero Platoon

240A: Kululu, Sergeant Major's Special Mission

SM4: Keroro Gunso the Super Movie 4: Gekishin Dragon Warriors de arimasu! (on that site as Sergeant Keroro: The Super Duper Movie 4)

260: Kero Zero, Keroro Platoon's Departure Last Night / Kero Zero, Keroro Platoon's First Mission

268: Kero Zero, Enter Pekoponian Mecha Designer Kiko Katoyama

270: Chibi Kero vs. Chibi Fuyuki

284: Dororo, Farewell Platoon

295A: Keroro, The Two of Us Are One Kerororm

SM5: Keroro Gunso the Super Movie 5: Creation! Ultimate Keroro, Wonder Space-Time Island, de arimasu!! (on that site as Sergeant Keroro: The Super Duper Movie 5)

306B: Dororo, Doro is Coming! (though the first part of the episode sets it up, it's not totally necessary)

307: Keroro & Fuyuki, Night of the Time Capsule

311A: Kululu, the invasion has started

319: Mois, genius hacker? / Kululu, small old clock

320A: Natsumi, charming invaders

326A: Chibi Kero, fireworks from that summer

330B: Koyuki, first curry

349: Keroro, invading daily life / Keroro, hooray for reset

356A: Keroro platoon, real Dragon Warriors

357: Hinata family, Haru returns

[ajoblotofjunk]

More Joy Day 2021!

The 14th More Joy Day will be Friday, January 15, 2021! What is More Joy Day? I’m glad you asked! From a previous post explaining it: I started More Joy Day back in 2008, because 2007 had been a particularly bad year for my friends and myself and I wanted to press the reset button on 2008 in a firm but positive way. So many people jumped onboard and made More Joy Day work with their enthusiasm and participation, and I’m so grateful that they did, because it was that tidal wave of joy we put out in the world in 2008 that has fueled More Joy Day every year since then. This bit from one of Jacob’s American Idol recaps on the late Television Without Pity site is what inspired MJ Day: Some dick cuts you off on the highway, and you give yourself the pass to be a dick to the next five customers, and your bad mood fades by lunchtime, and you forget the dick on the highway, you forget the color of his car, you forget how he was on the phone with his ex-wife, yelling about custody of their kids, and how he never meant to cut you off in the first place, he was just distracted. Your day continues as planned, and at lunch you check your websites and read a funny recap, and you maybe laugh out loud, and you go home and watch TV. But those five guys give themselves the pass to be dicks to the next five – they’re having a bad day, so it’s okay just this once, and they’re happy again by lunch – and those twenty-five become six hundred twenty-five, and those six twenty-five become a million, and you’ve added to the sum total of anger in the world. But it works with love, too, and kindness. … Your donation is something tangible, but what it means is something altogether more powerful, and it’s that you continue to stand, and you continue to remember that you’re not alone, and with reverence for this fact, you can’t help but add to joy. Which is your entire job, from the day you’re born until the day you die: more joy. Remember, even a small act is all that’s needed. A call to a friend you haven’t talked to in awhile, flowers for a neighbor, letting someone in front of you in line, leaving a happy comment on someone’s fic or vid or podcast or graphic, sharing a pic!spam of joyful moments on your journal or tumblr or twitter, giving someone a compliment, planting a tree, or taking a moment to smile at someone else as you walk by them. It doesn’t have to be expensive or complex, but whatever it is, we all love to hear about it, so I’ll do my annual Dreamwidth post to tell us what act you performed or you can just post straight to tumblr (or twitter or DW or wherever) and then we can expand the impact of your joy by vicariously living through your telling! It’s a win-win! :) See you on DW or Twitter or Tumblr January 15!

[101flavoursofweird]

Fic Questionnaire

Thanks for @sixtyfourk for tagging me! I’m putting the questions under a cut because it’s quite long :’)

I’ll tag @northernscruffycat, @northelypark, @edward-elbowlick, @vermontwrites, @asa-liz, @yoshi-g-teh-first, @call-me-rucy, and @aquamarineglow but if there’s anyone else who wants to do this, please go ahead!

How many works do you have on AO3?

107… but a lot of these are just reposts or prompt-inspired fics that are 10 lines long!

What's your total AO3 word count?

378242 words

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Professor Layton, PLvsAA, Layton Brothers Mystery Room, Rhythm Thief, Voltron: Legendary Defender (I only watched the first two seasons, haha…), The Ancient Magus Bride (I was in it for the cute dragon mage— not for the main romance), Steven Universe, Ace Attorney (only as a part of PLvsAA), Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, My Hero Academia

…10 fandoms altogether, but some like PLvsAA and LBMR fall under the PL category.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Aizawa Doesn’t Give Hugs - MHA- 1111 kudos - (Why can’t I update my most popular fic?)

Fireflies - Steven Universe - 221 kudos - (Again, WHY DID I NEVER UPDATE THIS?)

Reset - PL - 134 kudos - (This is the one I feel the worst about because it’s an ongoing long fic for my main fandom and I’ve had so much support from readers but I just can’t find the strength to update it…)

Worth Fighting For - PL - 86 kudos - (My incomplete Whumptober fic!)

Mending - Voltron - 85 kudos - (I think this was one of the first fics I posted on AO3 and I was really happy about the response it got! And for a fandom I’d never written for before!)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I usually respond to comments pretty quickly because I want to show my appreciation for people who take the time to comment :) If I’m ever slow to respond it’s probably just because I’m busy or I’m trying to formulate a long response. If a person leaves a longer comment, I try to make my response longer!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

That’s probably ‘To Boldly Flee’. It’s a fic I originally posted on FF.net but it’s now part of an Aurora & Luke oneshot series called ‘Looking Foward’ on AO3. The fic stars Aurora and Luke in an AU set during Azran Legacy. It diverges from canon after Descole steals the Azran keystone in the Nest. Aurora doesn’t want to go to the Azran sanctuary and face her ‘duty’ as the Azran emissary— she also doesn’t want to get STABBED IN THE HEART— so she decides to run away with Luke.

Aurora receives even more angst in this AU than in canon. After Descole’s betrayal, she starts to doubt herself and her friends, aside from Luke.

With a bit of help from Rook and Bishop, the two of them fly to London and then to Misthallery when they hear Targent have taken over the town. During this time, Aurora has her identity crisis about being a golem and having the fate of the world resting on her shoulders. She eventually decides to help Luke save his hometown because Luke is worth the world to her.

This all culminates with Luke getting fatally(?) wounded and taken to the Golden Garden. Aurora is so distraught by this point that she almost ‘floods the whole world’ in a kind of failsafe doomsday device the Azran may have implanted in her. Luckily, Descole and Layton show up to assure her that Luke is alive— but just barely. Aurora returns to her normal self and they get Luke to hospital. Aurora waits by Luke’s bedside for him to wake up. Aurora mentions that Emmy’s fate is unknown, but they still mourn for her.

In the original FF.net ending, Luke wakes up.

In the AO3 ending, Aurora just keeps waiting for Luke. ‘She could not age, so she would wait until he awoke. Even if it took forever...’

If I ever did write more of this story, Aurora and Co would probably go to the other Azran sites (Ambrosia, the Infinite Vault of etc) to search for a cure for Luke. But at it is, the fic is left open-ended as to whether Luke ever recovers.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really hate but there was one anon review that may have been ‘too brutal’ (their words). I can’t say it hasn’t affected the updates on that particular fic.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I wrote a couple of light smut fics back when I really shipped Layton/Emmy. I think I’d cringe if I went back to read those fics (but then again, I do that with a lot of my old writing). I can’t see myself writing smut now.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I can’t say I’ve had a fic stolen, but I was reading a fic a while ago and the wording was veeery familiar. I’m not sure why because the fic was already good up to that point? Why would they bother copying my writing? XD I can’t complain, though! We’re all technically stealing the original creator’s characters and concepts by writing fanfic.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, for my Rhythm Thief AU, Déjà Vergier! In this AU, 16-year-old Raphael gets taken in by the Vergier family. A Deviantart user called BakApple kindly translated my writing into French. With the help of Google Trabslate, I started translating their French Rhythm Thief fic— ‘July the Fourteenth’— into English, but I didn’t get around to finishing it. My translating skills are nowhere near as good as BakApple’s!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I wrote a PL fic with called ‘If You Only Had Time’ with an awesome writer called Glowbug. It’s an AU (of course) where Rachel Bronev survives and she runs away from Targent with eight-year-old Emmy. Glowbug doesn’t seem to be active online anymore, which is a shame, but I don’t mind! I’m just glad we were able to write 6 chapters.

I don’t think I’d co-write any more fics now… but more for the co-writer’s sake than mine! I’m notoriously bad at updating long fics and I struggle to write under pressure or within a time limit. There’s a reason why I don’t enter Big Bang events, as much as I’d like too :’)

Writing fics is a hobby first and foremost. If I don’t feel like writing something, I’ll leave it and come back later, hopefully with renewed inspiration.

But I’m always happy to discuss fic outlines/ideas/characters’ with other people!

What's your all time favorite ship?

Apparently the ship I’ve written the most fics for is Janice/Melina on AO3?

There seems to be more content for them recently and that makes me SO HAPPY.

Ranhengela might be a close second favourite… Sometimes I literally forget both of these ships aren’t canon.

My favourite characters tend to be those who are so selfless and would sacrifice their lives for the ones they love— e.g. Janice and Henry— even if their significant other is presumed to be dead. I want these characters to be happy but I also want them to through ANGST.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I don’t want to say Reset… but maybe Reset? I haven’t given up completely but I’ve lost a lot of confidence with this fic. What I wanted most out of this story was for Luke to bond with other characters aside from Layton— his parents, Arianna, Emmy, Flora etc.— and to give these characters a chance to shine. But I guess I realised I can do this without all the crazy plot twists and time travel mechanics… like in Ready Now, for example. Most of that fic is just Arianna bonding with Luke, Layton and the others, and it’s hopefully giving Flora her chance to shine too! I guess after giving Arianna her own chapter in Reset I just really wanted to write about her, haha.

What are your writing strengths?

Someone mentioned in a nice review that I often fuse canon with fanon? That’s usually just me poking fun at the series— like when Arianna’s mother asks about Flora’s age and her adoption status, Arianna and Tony just shrug at her comedically. Who knows, really? :’)

I’ll often just make two character sit in a room TALK about their feelings.

Dialogue is an easy one, but I like writing dialogue for characters and getting their voices down. (I will forever portray Dalston with his official Yorkshire accent— not the fake posh accent they gave him the the US version of Miracle Mask.)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it’s cool! …If it’s not used to mock another language— apart from English. Please make all the English jokes you want. I’ll probably agree with you and laugh at them.

I remember when I was re-reading Goblet of Fire and I cringed every time J. K. Rowling wrote about a character who wasn’t English.

I’ll occasionally throw French words or sayings into Rhythm Thief fics especially because that’s what they do in the game. It’s hilarious how Charlie has an English accent but then she’ll sprout a random French phrase.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Pokemon, but that short oneshot is long gone.

What's your favorite fic you've ever written?

I’m going to be boring and say Bonds Left Unbroken— an AU where Layton and Desmond both get adopted by the Laytons. I think I enjoyed the earlier chapters more, focussing on younger Desmond and Hershel, and especially their time in Stansbury. The later chapters don’t really branch out from canon that much, aside from the fact that Hershel and Desmond are on the same page during Azran Legacy.

I feel bad that I never got around to finishing the ‘bonus’ episodes, but it kind of just felt like the original series with Desmond phoned in :’) But I’m still proud of the original fic!

[peterstanslizzie]

Reacting To: The Hollow (Season 2 Episode 3)

Episode Title: The Return

Spoiler Warning: Kindly proceed if you’ve already seen the episode or aren’t bothered about spoilers.

1. Adam and Kai aka Kaidam exit the portal but didn’t make a soft landing. It appears they have returned to the main game setting of ‘The Hollow’, but most likely on another level with different rules. Adam tries calling for the Weird Guy, otherwise known as Weirdy but he still is a no-show.

2. They head inside a castle (not Colrath, the dragon’s castle from last season) to try to find Mira. I wonder if they’ve tried contacting her on her cell phone? Hey, it’s worth a shot? The castle is pitch dark inside but lucky for them, Kai can use his fire powers to light the place up. However, there are a couple of distractions that are in their way; Creepy-crawly ones. Eww...

3. As they’re trying to navigate themselves through the castle, we spot an elf or gnome spying on them. And it’s really agile and keeps swooping over and around them. The elf, who appears to be a she, attacks Adam and Kai with her large fish hook (?) because she thinks that they’re invading her castle home. 

4. She swings her knife-hook thingy at Kai and it leaves a small wound on Kai’s finger. It’s actually bleeding a little; Oh my poor baby! So, bleeding is possible in this game...well, if this is all still a game that is. Kai freaks out and randomly faints into Adam’s arms. How cute! But how dramatic lol. Nonetheless, I stan how much of a disaster gay he is. 

5. We find out that she needs to fill her cap with blood in order to survive despite not being able to tolerate the sight of blood. Kai hesitates at first but Adam reminds him that if they are still playing the game, they need to cooperate with her. 

6. As a return, the gnome gives the boys a riddle to help them find Mira, before suddenly disappearing. The riddle goes like this, “To find others of your kind, you must leave this world behind. Here’s a clue if you wish, look for water without fish.” At times like this, they really need Mira to help them decipher that riddle quickly. 

7. Kai theorizes that the “water without fish” is referring to a puddle and he begins jumping into various puddles in the castle, much to Adam’s dismay. Why are there random puddles all over? I haven’t a clue. Here is when we get some tea about Reeve; Apparently, Adam and Mira couldn’t get along with him and he decided to quit the team. Yea, but why couldn’t they get along with him? From my deduction, Reeve seems like the kind of person who has a short temper and likes to march to the beat of his own drum. 

8. Kai spots a wishing well, which most probably is the solution to the riddle. And it actually is! They descend down the well but they are caught off-guard by a stream of rapid water at the bottom, which washes them out of a waterfall. They survive but are totally exhausted.

9. They wash ashore and are then dragged and taken by a group of parrot-people I’m assuming. Adam and Kai wake up and are startled by what they’re seeing. These cockatoo/parrot people are able to communicate with them but it’s very....parrot-like I guess. Meaning, they speak in very broken sentences and like to repeat themselves. 

10. The leader of the group mentions about Cherufe, the leader of their island and how they wanted to sacrifice them to him so that he doesn’t destroy the island. Luckily for them, they are not the ones being sacrificed but the leader mentions about another one of their kind who is about to be sacrificed instead. And that person is Mira probably?

11. They think that Mira is the person under that mask. I don’t think it is; That’s too straightforward. It has to be Reeve or Vanessa or something. Let’s see if I’m right. 

12. All of a sudden, a nearby volcano starts erupting and the parrot-people start chanting for Cherufe’s name, signalling that he is on his way. Adam jumps onto the platform to rescue the masked person and it turns out to be Skeet! Okay, so I was wrong. But if Skeet’s there, where’s Mira? Didn’t she trail behind him last episode. 

13. Adam tries to get him out of there but the parrot-people stop him because they don’t want to make Cherufe angry. Speaking of Cherufe, it makes a grand entrance by emerging out of the volcano after a spout of lava was released. Everybody is freaking out.

14. Adam again tries to free Skeet from his restraints but the knots are tied really tight. Kai distracts Cherufe with his flamethrower but it’s not having much of an effect. After putting a little more vigor into it, Adam manages to set Skeet loose and the three of them start running away from the monster. 

15. Skeet tries to use his super-speed to quickly run away but he forgets that they’re on an island. Fortunately, Kai manages to spot a boat and they are able to escape from Cherufe’s wrath. 

16. It also helps a lot when the monster is a volcano monster that turns into stone once it comes into contact with seawater. 

17. As Skeet is telling Adam and Kai about how he ended up in such a predicament, his recollection is pretty much aligned to what Adam, Kai and Mira had went through. He says he got split up from Reeve and Vanessa. Also, Skeet is aware about Reeve being Adam and Mira’s former teammate. 

18. As day turns into night, they are still stuck on the boat, paddling to who knows where. Skeet tells them he just wants the game to be over so that he can go home but Adam is adamant (lol that rhymes) that they find Mira first. 

19. It’s great that Skeet reminds all of us the rules of ‘The Hollow’, that is if one team player dies, it’s game over for the rest. This means that Mira, Reeve and Vanessa are all still alive. 

20. The scene cuts to...OMG finally we see Mira and she’s running from something or someone firing green lasers at her. Where could she be? Will she bump into Reeve or Vanessa or maybe other players of The Hollow? (like the ones we’ve seen in the trailer). 

21. Yay! More backstory! Mira and Skeet knew each other since preschool and based on his body language and expression, it seems to me that Skeet has a crush on her. Cute! I would ship these two hard but I need to see how Skeet would interact with Mira first.

22. Adam notices that something is pulling the boat fast and he tries to paddle the boat in the opposite direction but the force is too strong. Since Skeet has super speed, I think he could pull a Dash Parr from the Incredibles and use his legs as propellers for the boat. Let’s see if he does that. 

23. Kai, with his super intelligence figures out that the boat is being pulled in by a cluster of nuclear plants that have cooling pumps that suck in massive amounts of water. All of Adam’s efforts aren’t really working and they need to think of something fast or they’ll be toast. C’mon Skeet, use your powers!

24. Suddenly, a spacecraft/hovercraft flies over them and begins firing red lasers at the nuclear power site, where there appears to be ANOTHER TEAM! And the ship seems to be targeting this other team. Their powers are as follow: One guys is able to teleport, the other guy is able to shoot lightning bolts and the girl has Black Canary’s power of sonic screams. And with their combined effort, they are able to overwhelm the ship at first but it suddenly comes back and shoots another round of lasers and hits the girl and she disintegrates into digital dust! OMG Did she just die?

25. Adam, Kai and Skeet witness the entire thing and they also catch glimpse of Weirdy casually walking towards the other team. They try to get his attention but they’re too far away.

26. Weirdy inform the remaining two members of the team that it’s game over for them and they also end up pixelating (Is that a real word?). I wonder where they went or if they’ve woken up from the game? I hope that they’re not gone GONE. Weirdy then disappears soon after. So, is he supposed to be one of the bad guys of this show or what? It’s hard to tell. 

27. Adam, Kai and Skeet manage to get themselves off the boat before getting sliced into pieces by the pumps. Adam spots a satchel that was left by one of the guys who disintegrated and he goes through its contents. He finds a map but it’s not the same one from before. It first shows the three regions Adam and Kai have been in: the castle, the volcano island and the nuclear power plant. But within a split second, the maps starts closing in and the locations start disappearing. It could be that the map is resetting itself once another team takes its possession. 

28. I can’t tell if either all the locations have been erased or only the nuclear power plants is the only remaining location on the map. Skeet tells them about an idea he has on how to escape the game, which is to lose the game on purpose. I understand his plan but I don’t think they should risk themselves like that. 

29. The flying spacecraft returns and begins firing at them. Skeet attempts to test out his idea but Adam saves him in the nick of time. Adam is such an amazing hero. He be saving everybody, even those who weren’t on his side. The three of them hide behind a corner as the ship lands and a bunch of soldiers emerge out of it. I’m getting such Star Wars vibes here. 

30. Skeet still believes that losing the game will work and calls for the soldiers to come to him. This obviously annoys Adam to no end and they start running away. They reach a dead end and as the soldiers are about to corner them, Mira calls for their attention from inside one of the nearby buildings.

31. The episode ends on a cliffhanger where the soldiers start firing at them. They’re obviously gonna make it alive. Duh! Stay tuned for my reaction to episode 4, which will be out very soon.

[kurtty-drabbles]

Switch au (Part 5)

N/A: Is time for the X-men to found out Kitty can alter reality.

@dannybagpipesarecalling @djinmer4 @tieflingteeth @muninandhugin

Each scent holds a unique perfume with a singular story behind it. Some can be sweetly pleasant while others can be sour in comparison. The magic community is linked with smells. Hexes that burned the human flesh tend to leave a terrible smell to all involved, however, using spells to heal the sicks and downtrodden can leave a sweet smell. Wanda, for her part, believes magic to be more than smells. Belives to be more than the rules the witches in Salem follow and can always be improved and be re-discovered for good or...bad.

As the Sorceress Supreme, it comes with the job to meditate as much as possible. Wanda remains in her lotus position in total concentration. Next to her, in equal silence mind you, remains a young woman in lotus position with an expression not so serene.

Her lips are quivering. Her nose is moving as much is allowed and her hair is being gentle touched by the wind. A scowl marries her pretty and round face. "I think I got it" she murmours to herself in confidence as she can feel her inner energy burning. That or she really ate something terrible.

"What you got it?" Wanda asked with her eyes closed. She´s miles, miles, and miles away, yet, Wanda can still hear her student´s words. A good teacher can and should listen to her pupil.

"Magic is like coding!" Kitty gives a big grin with her eyes still closed. Wanda lifts one eyebrow with her eyes still closed.

"How so?"

"Each spells derivates from magic. Its magic core, I mean." She commences now boldly. Long are the days she would shy away from speaking her mind to Scarlet Witch. "think this way when you´re creating a site...each tag, each word matters and is the same with magic. Each word, each intention matters"

"Uhm is a good analogy. I suppose...and how this would play with changing reality?" there´s a curiosity in her tone and Kitty literally hovering from the ground can answer at least this. For now.

"Reality is a coding program and we can reset if we so wish...but, why fix what´s not broken...yet"

"Uhm...a a good analogy. Agatha used a music analogy with me...but since you don´t like music that much...it works for you"

"Thanks?"

"You´re welcome"

And now Wanda opens her eyes. Crimson and imbued with power. As she´s hovering from the ground and looks far away, actually, Scarlet Witch often has a distant look in her crimson eyes once her eyes are really red.

"We´ve got a mission to do and the X-men will have to help us" Wanda states with urgency and Kitty opens her eyes -never shying away from the sheer raw intensity of Wanda´s eyes- "Is about the Shiars and Pheonix"

And Kitty´s grins die off. "How the level of emergency?"

"No changing reality..."

"Then we have time...no need to be hasty. I´ll call Kurt and the others" she proposes and Wanda nods.

"Kitty...a word of advice, be ready...you can´t hide your new ability forever" and her words have such prophetic tone. Such omen that Kitty almost wants to cry. Kitty almost wants to fight her sensei...but, what´s the point in doing any of those options?

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Jean Grey´s death is a sore spot in some people´s memories. Jean wasn´t faithful-for ref Logan and Scott can provide how Jean used both of them- moreover, Jean sacrifice her life to save the X-men and no one forgets this. Was that a selfless action or a selfish action? Scott, once new teammates inquire about this with much tact one can do, only shurgs as what´s the point anymore? 

Jean is dead. Jean made mistakes. Jean saved them...so what´s the point?

Kurt Wagner was training in the danger room. Kitty´s latest tale of her magical adventures leaves a sour taste in his mouth. "Be open mind, Kurt" is his mantra now. But...a book that knows everything but changes location, cities where witches ruled and sacrifices are a bit too much for him.

Not for Kitty...

His cellphone rings 3 times. Kurt didn´t answer right away. For once, his impatience with the cellphone is noticeable right now, furthermore, also, his mind keeps reeling to the past-an activity he loathes to do- and always comes back to Kitty and what-ifs.

"ELF!" her familiar voice advertises herself and Kurt jumps like a frightened cat. An astral presence of Kitty is seen and Kurt has to rub his eyes a few times. He saw this scene before and it wasn´t pleasant.

Margalia and Amanda aren´t pleasant...

"We have a problem...and only the witches and X-men can solve"

"You´re an X-men too, Kitty..." his tone is a bit bitter and Kitty notices. When she doesn´t notice something about the elf?

"And I´m a witch too, elf...now, please, listen to me...the Shiars are about to attack...but we have a chance to defeat them"

And Kurt has to listen. And soon so are the other X-men.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

The Shiars worship Pheonix in several degrees. The Shiars also are free to do some actions as long it doesn´t interfere with Pheonix´s plans. The Shiars can conquer Earth as long they don´t hurt the X-men, which, is a paradox they love to explore.

Wanda and Scott are talking and planning how to counter-attack. Ororo is not too thrilled to face the Shiars again, in fact, no one is. Rogue is shocking herself a little to be moderately happy for Kitty´s return.

Logan is in the time only in name and Wanda can ignore him. Is a mutual decision.

"Maybe we can use diplomacy? I mean" Kitty trails off embarrassed and looking for Kurt´s support. "The Shiars aren´t totally unreasonable...and worship Pheonix ...maybe we can try"

__________________________________________________________________________________

Kitty´s words are true. Queen Lilandra is willing to negotiate with the X-men, however, her terms are too impossible for the X-men to fulfill in such short terms.

"We don´t have the technology for that" Is Scott's line to state the obvious. Ororo pipes in as she recalls something about Wakanda.

"Princess Shuri may have something like that...however, not in such numbers and not so quick..."

Kitty raises her hand and looks at Wanda. The older woman only nods and mutters a silently "good luck" not very encouraging if you ask Kitty, but, hey she´s not afraid or maybe she´s afraid but won´t let the fear dictate her life.

"I can wrap reality. I can make more of this machine and we can deliver to Queen Lilandra"

Kurt´s eyes widen at this and he steps back at such revelation. Kitty notices. When she wouldn´t notice her elf?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Kitty crafted what the Shiars wanted and peaceful resolution is not always common, but, is still appreciated. Wanda is invited to a celebration party. The X-men need to celebrate something right now.

And Kitty goes to see the elf and the azzure man has his glowing eyes set on Kitty and only Kitty.

"You...have this power? For how long?"

"Recently...I did something stupid and now...well, here I´m"

Kurt steps back from her. "Kitty...stop being a witch, stop...you´re going to be just like...."

"Just like who?"

"Amanda"

And Kitty doesn´t feel like celebrating anymore.

[musingsofawritertatheart]

Unresolved questions...

2nd November, is observed as All Souls Day across the World. It is also known as the Commemoration of All the Faithful Departed and the Day of the Dead, it’s a day of prayer and remembrance for the departed souls. On this day, people visit their departed family members gravesite to pray for their souls.

             It has been a yearly ritual, which we have been following since i was kid...to make a visit to cemetery to pray for my grandparents souls. 

            As a kid, i used to think of cemeteries as a place that offers lots of green space and trees. Now, i look it as a place which provides a great backdrop for quiet reflection, peace of mind and closure.

            After spending some time at our departed family member’s grave site. one of us will always be cleaning the stone and pulling the weeds around the cement border, putting departed person’s fav flower on the grave and lighting up candles and spend time praying for that departed soul . Every visit fills me with mixed feelings as many thoughts cross my mind...

             When I see people coming to cemetery on All Souls Day, laying flowers on their loved one’s gravesite...I tend to look at people’s faces. When we loose a loved one, the pain we experience can be unbearable and we sometimes wonder if the pain will ever end. Understandably, grief is complicated and we go through a variety of emotional experiences such as anger, confusion, and sadness.

              When the word “Cemetery” comes up, people generally exchange sheepish looks as it unsettles them. But for me, it is a place that gives a closure to people who are grieving.

              2020 will be remembered as a lost year for most of us. Historians will use it as a reference point. While some of us are suffering the loss of income, livelihood and the simple expected meeting of life’s most basic needs

              More tragically, others will remember this year as the year of losses – much greater losses than a cancelled vacation, a missed graduation or the inability to dine out freely.

               Others are grieving the deaths of family members and close friends – compounded by the inability to gather and remember in comforting ways. Personally, this has been a year of loss for me as well...I lost two of my favourite people this year. One beautiful soul left me in February and other soul left our family in July. My brother from another mother, the love of my life – my Pet, Joey passed away in February and my favourite uncle, I’m extremely fond of...slept in the lord, in the month of July. The fact that I saw him gasping for breath right in front of my eyes was extremely painful to say the least....

               Nothing can ever heal the pain, you feel when your loved ones leave you. At that moment it might look like you will be consumed by this pain and you may not be able to heal from this pain. Loosing a loved one leaves a painful scar on your psyche and try as much as you want ...one can never recover from that pain ...that void will never be filled with anything or anyone...it’s the memories of the loved one that haunts you.

               This void left by the passing of my near and dear ones made me realise one thing though, it’s not the big things but the little things we tend to miss about your loved ones. It could be as simple as getting a morning message from that person or that customary call on your birthday or that small word of encouragement when you are feeling down from that favourite person that you tend to miss. It can also be as simple as being woken up by your loving pet and that wet nose on your pillow and that warm greeting you get when you come home. Somehow your birthdays and other special occasions look less special because of that void left by our loved ones...

              When you experience such tragic losses in quick succession ...pain is inevitable and the will to live is slowly beaten out of your system. Suddenly, HOPE is not that evident anymore. At times like these, it is difficult to pull yourself from this pain that threatens to consume you. During these times, its important to take one day at a time and keep moving ...no matter how hard it may be.... even when breathing looks like a chore and getting up from bed seems like an uphill task...you still pick yourself up and keep going...that’s life I guess. 

               I was totally numb when my uncle passed away in July...it was like the final nail in the coffin...where do u go from here? I was just drifting through life for more than a week ....and then I saw this huge rainbow right next to my balcony and I just knew this was the sign from God or beyond...to move on with my life and that’s when I got back to life ...one step at a time.

              A theory suggested by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross suggests that we go through 5 distinct stages of grief after the loss of a loved one: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.

DENIAL...When I see families with so much pain in their eyes... could it be that they are still in Denial about their loss.... all though they know what has happened. Sometimes, it takes time to grieve and heal and that quite resignation on their faces conveys a million things....and silently I wish them strength so they can accept this harsh truth and say a prayer for that family....

ANGER....When I see families with a hardened expression on their faces ...could it be that they are still angry towards their loved ones who left them to face this harsh world with added responsibilities. And they have this pent up angst towards god and the world for snatching up their loved one? It can be daunting to live life like this and silently I wish them strength so they can let go of this anger and have peace...

BARGAINING...When I see families that are inconsolable and wailing like small kids ...could it be that they are still not able to accept it and wish it wasn’t true and still have a hope that they might wake up one day and wish this was some kind of a nightmare they are going through? my heart goes out to them and the only thing I can do? Say a small prayer for that grieving family....

DEPRESSION...When I see families with an indifference in their attitude and keep looking at their loved ones gravesite...could it be that they are going through depression? During this phase its hard to look beyond this painful incident and hope looks like a distant word. Not knowing when they will ever recover from this loss of their loved one. It might look like they will be consumed by this pain and never recover ...I wish them strength so they can look beyond this painful time...

ACCEPTANCE...When I see families putting on flowers and lighting up candles with a faint smile on their faces and peace ...I know they have accepted this truth and they have come out of that dark tunnel of grieving and only remember good moments and memories with their loved one...

                  It’s not necessary that everyone will go through these 5 grieving stages. At times, it might look like you may have healed and in the next moment, mere mention of your loved one or some memory pulls you into grief once again. Grieving is never linear. It’s important to give vent to your grief- cry it out, write it out, sing it out, walk it out and talk it out. Give in to the weight of it. Be taken by this storm and let it wash over you. It’s important not to let anyone rush you through this grieving process and unless and until you are healed completely you cannot move on in life. Once you accept the inevitable only then Peace will prevail.

                 As I walk down that old pathway, I could see gravestones of every size and shape mark the landscape in every direction. Off in the distance, I could hear the distant roar of traffic; within the confines of the cemetery, all was quiet, save for the birds and insects. For whether one believes in an afterlife or not, spending time at a burial ground inevitably stirs thoughts of our own mortality -- what life means, whether we are living the life we are meant to be living, and what comes next.

             The invisible presence of the departed creates a kind of vortex of deep tranquillity, silencing the ten thousand insignificant things clamouring for our attention.

             That's the thing about cemeteries: rich or poor, powerful or powerless, known or unknown, all our lives come down in the end to a resting place in the earth. If we are at all sensitive, this kind of proximity to death has an instant centering effect. Like a good meditation practice, visiting a cemetery focuses our attention on what really matters; helping us to discriminate between what is true and lasting from what is transient, and of little importance.

              When you look at life through this prism, the way you lead your life is different. You don’t hold onto petty things like greed, hatred and grudges. If you don’t like someone, just walkway from that person and if you like someone, you speak your mind. I would rather live my life with an “oops” than a “what if” hanging onto my conscience. I guess life is too small to hold onto fears and worries.

              Cemetery visits can bring up a mess of emotions. It takes a few days to “reset” after a visit to the cemetery.

Sometimes, I wonder what constitutes a good life???

         Q) When you are surrounded by your near and dear ones during your last moments on this Earth and leave with a smile on your face...is this considered as a well-lived life?

         Q) When you leave this earth a bit better by creating or leaving a piece of art – be it your songs, your book, your music, your paintings ...can this life be considered as a well-lived life?

         Q) When you raise a good family with kids, inculcating good values and leaving behind a loving family...is this considered as a well-lived life?

          Q) When you have a positive impact on the people you come in contact with on a daily basis and spreading goodwill and positivity in your family, friends and community... is this considered as a well-lived life?

          May be it’s living a life less selfishly, and not allowing this fear of uncertainty to drive us away from gratitude, faith, compassion and hopefulness- are markings of a well-lived life?

As i ponder through these questions, i’m reminded of Rainer Maria Rilke’s quote that I came across some years back...

        “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and           try to love the questions themselves...do not now seek           the answers, which cannot be given to you because you           would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live           everything. Live the questions now”

              I just want to send these questions into this cosmic void...may be life will give me answers, when I least expect them... Perhaps someday there will be some method to this madness we call life or may be not???

Leaving the cemetery, I thanked the dead for returning to me the gift of life.

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/astrology-forecast-july/

ASTROLOGY FORECAST JULY

ASTROLOGY FORECAST JULY

By Michael Lennox

July is a complex month. Not quite as intense as June, but almost. We move into July with Mercury retrograde, and Venus retracing her retrograde steps. We are still in the eclipse wormhole, and the New Moon this month is also a lunar eclipse. Mercury will go direct in the middle of the month, and toward the end of July, Venus and Mercury will wrap their retrograde cycles up on the exact same day. The outside world is being transformed mightily this year, but so is the internal experience of every person on the planet, and that discombobulating experience absolutely continues in the month ahead.

We start July in Cancer season, where self-care, and coming home to the Self with a capital S is the name of the game. This season is ruled by the Moon; moody, changeable, cyclic in nature, and deeply emotional. Cancer is the first water sign, so it is where we get introduced to our feeling mechanism, and where we get in touch with what our emotions have to tell us about who we are, and where we are in our journey through consciousness. This is where we rest, reset, and prepare to take on the world, but later on down the line, after the restoration is complete.

Right as the month gets going, we have the Capricorn Full Moon on July 5th. This is the third and final eclipse of what was one of the most intense eclipse wormholes we have ever moved through. As a Full Moon, it is designed for great release. Cancer is where we find restoration and preparation, and through Capricorn, we take our personal resources and offer them to the world. Capricorn energy is about climbing to the highest vantage point that our conscious awareness will allow; that is the true purpose driving the goat up to the top of the mountain. Consider how much you may have discovered while Venus was retrograde ways that you inhibit your ability to give and receive love. Let the power of this Full Moon help you release absolutely anything and everything that inhibits your ability to open up to more love.

Mercury went retrograde last month, and on July 12th, he will turn around and move forward once again. That means the first part of July finds us in this discombobulating cycle where the mind that helps us navigate through life is focused on the inner landscape. The third act of this cycle is where communication issues and other stuff brought up in his backward movement gets wrapped up. From the 12th through the 27th, we will be revisiting things that we may have bumped into while Mercury was moving backward in late June and early July.

Saturn will retrograde back into Capricorn after spending a few months in Aquarius. It’s as if the Great Teacher thought we were ready to move in the direction of a more caring world (Aquarius), but realized there were more structures (Capricorn) that need to be destroyed. On July 1st, he heads back into Capricorn, where he will join up with Pluto and Jupiter again, which happens in November; more change coming. On the 16th, he passes through a second Inconjunct with the North Node, which is the fork in the road the entire planet has been using to move away from the old world and into the new. In this way, July is one of the months where you can expect some more deconstruction of life as we used to know it.

The first lunation in a while that is not an eclipse is the New Moon in Cancer that takes place on the 20th. Setting intentions in the Cancer mansion are all about the needs of the Self. There is a tremendous amount of background energy in this New Moon, including an exact Opposition with Saturn, making this a moment to take radical responsibility for all that you are creating in your life, including anything and everything you wish weren’t happening. Mars and Chiron will Square Mercury as part of this New Moon, so we are informed by the wounds we are healing, and there may be some very challenging conversation to move through as we seek to mend a very troubled past, while simultaneously having to create a new future on the fly.

On the 22nd, we move into the Leo mansion, and self-care gives way to leadership. In the Leo mansion, we are in consideration of our personal sovereignty, and the power of creative expression. The force of the Sun itself (Leo is ruled by the Sun) is what we begin to work with in this mansion, and we each get to step into where that sense of leadership lives within each of us. The relationship between Leo and Capricorn, the sign where all the change and transformation is taking place, is the 150-degree angle that is sometimes called the Great Eliminator. As we move through this mansion, we are all being asked to lift our sense of Self up, while allowing outdated and outmode structures to fall away for good. Yes, more of that, I’m afraid.

In a very difficult year, there is one triple transit that is one of the saving graces for us all, especially those who are walking a spiritual path. Jupiter is all about expansion and abundance, but his ruling sign of Sagittarius includes the trek of the spiritual seeker. Neptune is the Great Spirit archetype itself. Put these together in the productive and creative 60-degree geometry of the Sextile, and we have a thread of energy that, if we pick it up and work with it, can deepen our spiritual connection in a huge way. In a year of so much chaos and change, the only real comfort we can generate will be through practicing radical acceptance of all that is occurring. And of course, practicing radical acceptance is easy and graceful, but only when we put our spiritual connection above all else.

The Sextile described above takes place on the 27th. Turns out, that is a key date for a number of reasons. Venus started her retrograde process in May, Mercury followed suit in June. And though they have very different cyclical timing, both of their cycles wrap up on the exact same date; July 27th. That is just wildly synchronistic, and ultimately, quite auspicious; heart and mind really being transformed in us at the individual level. Now throw in the fact that the only real helpful transit of the year (Neptune/Jupiter described above) hits on the same date, and we’re really cooking with gas. Now add one more little synchronicity. Mars will be going retrograde in Aries later this year (September). But his retrograde shadow, the first part of every retrograde cycle where the planet is moving forward over territory it will retrace three times in total, starts this month. And what is the date that that Mars shadow cycle begins? July 27th. More about that in next months’ forecast. But I will leave you with one of my favorite tropes: You simply can’t make this shit up.

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[duhragonball]

Logan Paul

I did some research for that Coffe Shop AU fic I did last month, because I got it in my head to set it in Japan, and I wanted to make sure I got Japan right, or at least right enough that it wouldn’t be super-obviously wrong.    The last time I tried to write anything set in Japan was when I tried to write Tenchi Muyo! fics, and I quickly realized I had no idea what I was doing, so I noped all the characters into outer space, where I could make stuff up.    

But that was 19 years ago, and now we have YouTube, with tons of videos about travel and tourism and local custom.    I often regard YouTube with contempt, but I have to be honest, it’s a bigger part of my life than I want to admit.   YouTube taught me how to change the headlights on my old Pontiac G6; it lets me watch all the good parts of Star Wars on-demand, and it taught me not to eat while walking around town in Japan.  

Anyway, now I get recommended all these videos about Japan, and they’re kind of fun to watch.   I checked out one about capsule hotels, because I could never tell if those were are really good or really bad idea.   I’m at least satisfied now that I could fit in one of those things if I needed to use one.   Then I came across this video about Logan Paul.   

In case you’re not familiar with him, Logan Paul is the jackass vlogger who decided to do his show in Japan for a little while, and while he was there he found a dead body in a forest and filmed it.   This drew international outrage, and from what I understand his popularity nosedived afterward.    I didn’t pay much attention to his story at the time, because there’s a million jackass vloggers on YouTube, and it struck me that the only thing special about him was that he had the budget to fly to Japan, and the celebrity to actually get in trouble for doing something offensive.    

Then I watched this video about him on Totally Not Mark’s channel.   It’s no longer there for some reason, but back in September he made this “mini-documentary” about Logan Paul’s attempt to stage some sort of comeback.   As I recall, the basic idea is that Logan’s really, really sorry for offending everyone, but he wants to be a famous YouTube celebrity again, so he’s going to do.... something... and return to his former prominence.   And he’s got a film crew making a documentary out of this quest, so that if he ever succeeds, he can put out this feel-good redemption story.  

The problem is that no one knows what the hell he’s supposed to do to get people to like him again.  I mean, I’m sure he still has fans today, but not as many as he did before, and he seems to want to just hit a reset button and go back to the way things were pre-Japan.   According to Totally Not Mark’s now-deleted video, all he seemed to be coming up with were various sports events for charity.    He had a couple of boxing matches against fellow YouTuber KSI, although I don’t know that either of those fights were for charity.    Judging from his Wikipedia article, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything particularly different from before.    Mark seemed to genuinely think he might have a shot at redemption, even if the path forward isn’t obvious.   

I found the whole idea kind of stupid.   Redemption isn’t about celebrities becoming celebrities again.   If Logan Paul learned a lesson from the consequences of his actions, if he reflects on his bad behavior and takes steps to be a better person, then great, but that doesn’t mean he gets a free pass from the public.    He had an act, and people bought into it for a while, and then he took it too far and it backfired on him.   There’s some things in life you can’t undo.   Watching Mark’s mini-documentary suggested to me that Paul still hasn’t figured this out, probably because he never understood how he got so famous in the first place.    It just sort of fell into his lap before, so he doesn’t understand how he lost it, or how it’s not something he can just recreate at will.  

Anyway, that brings me back to the video above, by “That Japanese Man Yuta”.   In it, he discusses all the other videos Paul made during his visit to Japan.    The video in the forest was taken down, and Paul made a video apologizing for that one, but all these other videos paint a bigger picture of a guy who basically made it his business to wander around in a foreign country and make an ass out of himself.  He horsed around in religious sites, places of business, in the middle of traffic, and pretty much anywhere else he pleased.   As far as I can tell, the joke was one of two things.   Either it was “Hey, I’m pestering these people and they just sort of stand around and let me!” or “Hey, I’m doing the same nonsense I usually do, only this time it’s in Japan!”   

Yuta takes the time to explain exactly why Paul’s behavior is so disrespectful, but it really isn’t even an issue of Japanese culture specifically.    I wouldn’t want him doing that crap in any country, including the U.S.   Seriously, imagine if he went into a church and just started throwing coins around.     Imagine if he went to a big city and ran around in a costume in the middle of an intersection.  There’s a scene where he waves around a raw fish in public, then he gets bored with it and leaves it on the back of a taxi cab.   That might be funny in a cartoon, or some fictional comedy, but he’s doing all this “XD lol random” crap around real people who aren’t even remotely in on the joke.   Really, the joke seems to be nothing more than “Look these bystanders have no idea what I’m doing and they’re confused and annoyed by my antics.”    Then he praises the Japanese people for being “so nice”, as if they’re being good sports about the whole thing.    Well no, they were just tolerating his behavior, and even if they were being “nice” that doesn’t make his behavior right.   

And that’s why his “redemption arc” is doomed to failure.    What Paul doesn’t seem to get is that the same man-child shenanigans that got him in trouble were also responsible for his rise to stardom.    There’s not some magic formula where he can keep doing his old routine and control people’s reaction to it.    And he can’t reinvent himself because the goofball persona was the only thing that made him a big deal.  No one got into this guy because he’s a good athlete.   They want to watch him dress up in stupid costumes and throw shit at people.     Only that’s no longer tenable, so I’d say his only choice is to accept whatever fanbase he has left as his new level.  

I don’t know that I have a point to any of this.   I just watched the Mark video and thought “Wow, this Logan Paul guy is an entitled shithead.”   And then I watched the Yuta video and thought “Wow, he’s an even bigger shithead than I ever imagined.”   I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that his athletic build, lantern jaw, and curly blonde hair are probably why he’s managed to survive as many scandals as he has.    He looks like the lead in some stoner comedy, and people want to root for him and overlook his flaws.    It’d be kind of interesting to see how he does when he hits forty, but no one will be paying attention by then.   

[oculusius]

Desk Jockey

“I want that report on my desk at 6 AM tomorrow or your ass is on the street.”

I look up from my keyboard, from the sickeningly modern, blank desk to the even worse face of my branch manager. Picture what you’d expect the person saying this to look like, and you’re probably right. Tall, dark hair combed back, slicked back with just enough gel to not be disgusting. Attractive, but only conventionally, because it hides his fetid interior. The rotten, wriggling insides of the kind of guy who relishes other’s misery, especially when he’s snorting high grade blow on the weekends. Though he’d probably prefer orphan’s tears (But that’s a story for another time).

I’ll do my best, you fucking cretin.

I mumble out some garbled excuse. I won’t even tell you what I said because I forget, or rather, it was so insignificant that I never committed it to memory in the first place. “Sorry Eric,” (He’s one of the ‘hip’ bosses that makes us call him by his first name), “Won’t happen again”, Please don’t take my healthcare away I will literally suck your dick to keep it. He shakes his head and walks away. We’re the last ones in the office, one of the tallest buildings in our shitty, Midwestern town; all glass and steel like some gaudy San Francisco startup. The only lights still on are in the lobby; besides that the only other illumination is from the sickeningly crisp glow emanating from my monitor. As soon as the elevator doors close behind Eric, I grasp my hair in my hands; it’s drenched in sweat and I’m balding already, despite being in my late twenties. Flakes of dandruff are appearing on my scalp, but by the time I get home from work I’m too damn tired to remember to get that special shampoo. Stress related? Probably. Did I have time to fix it? Fuck no.

I swear to God you motherfucker I’ll name you when I eat a fucking bullet you shit fuck…

Stop. The more rational voice in my head. Finish this shit in the next—5 hours? Shit, it’s already 1 AM! I’ll smash bottles and get proper wasted when I’m finished. And when the following day is over, seeing as I’d probably be pulling an all-nighter. Fuck. I take two caffeine pills from the nondescript tin in my top drawer.

Alright. I need to get the excel sheet from that old email inbox the intern left when he quit (not that I blame him). To do that, I need to go through my inbox and find that time I CC’ed him about scheduling that conference call. But to get into my inbox, I need to reset my password because company policy is to change passwords every 3 weeks, and it can’t be a past password…

Alright. One step at a time.

 It’s two hours later. I found the file, finally. I feel like I crossed the fucking Rubicon with no limbs to get here. Now, to get the shit I need from it and send it to Eric. I hope he chokes on it. While bleeding. From every orifice, and then some. I open the file, and I’ve never been so goddamn happy to see the sickening green of excel. Document recovery—what’s that? Fuck it, I’ll deal with it later. I ctrl f the account name. Beads of sweat are dripping off my forehead. Outside, it’s still the vaguely pinkish black of night in any big city. I might actually get some sleep tonight…

WHY IS THERE A FUCKING HYPERLINK HERE?

Oh boy, this better not cost me my job. I get sent to a greyish webpage, the kind of soulless portal that screams ‘high finance’. A nondescript login page for “Kleene-Rosser Accounts Management LLC”. I roll my eyes. Management occasionally threw us these shitty platforms because their friends from way back developed them, and they wanted to help them out. Because God forbid we use Citibank.

There’s no login, but there’s a support number on the bottom of the page. Maybe if I call, they can help me? It’s worth a shot. I mean, I had nothing but time, and if it actually worked and saved my job, I would fly all the way to India or some shit to kiss that phone technician on the lips. Alright. God, when I was an undergrad did I ever imagine this would be my waking life (or lack thereof?) I should’ve joined the military. Better to be blown up overseas then mentally scarred over here.

4-887-612-393: 24/7 Live Support

I call from my office phone, in the hopes that it’ll lend credence to the claim that I fucking need this login. The phone rings for what seems like half an hour, but I can tell from the clock on the wall that it hasn’t been a single, godforsaken minute. Maybe I’d died and gone to purgatory? Seemed believable enough—although, I wasn’t sure what I’d done in a past life to deserve this. Maybe I was a Mongol slavedriver, and…

“Hello, this is ZenDesk, my name is Robert. How may I help you today?” My crisis of existential spiraling instantly, mercifully, shatters. I put on a cheery voice.

“Hi, I work at [company name]. I really need to find something for my boss, and in this accounts payable excel file, it says that I’m supposed to login to a ‘Kleene-Rosser Accounts Management?’ I have all my company info if you need it, I was just never told we used this firm before.”

A beat passes. I hope he heard the desperation in my voice, because if I had a guardian angel, it’d be on the other end of that phone line. Why did I tell him I never heard of this place? He doesn’t care! He isn’t paid to care!

“Of course, sir. Just a moment please. What’s your name sir?”

That thin veneer of politeness again.

“Uh, Keith Sanders. I also have my company email, if you can send the password there…”

“OK sir, what’s the address?”

I spell it out for him. My fingers are digging into the faux-leather of the chair. I’m starting to sweat. If this doesn’t work, I’m fucking hosed…

I tell him the address, and soon I have the URL to reset the Kleene-Rosser password. Surprisingly, my company email works for the username. Lucky guess I suppose? I thank him, truly from the bottom of my heart, and wait for the page to load.

According to the web page, the site was some kind of file storage service. Besides a few nondescript tabs on the top leading to “Home”, “Support”, etc. there’s nothing but a grey background set behind a very basic file directory.

[company_name]/Accounts/Accounts_Payable/2019/May/.

There it is! So deceptively close. 05.19.19.xcl

When I try to open it, I hear the most awful of noises: the Windows 10 error sound, impossibly loud. File corrupted. WHAT THE FUCK? HOW DO YOU CORRUPT A FUCKING EXCEL FILE? SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS SIDEWAYS?

I dig my fingertips into my temples. I can feel the faint outline of an engorged vein on the side of my head. I imagine it, an angry, vibrant purple, the shooting representation of my immense, earth-shattering frustration.

It was as if every cog in the infernal machine that was my work place was designed specifically to drive me fucking bananas. Like my life was some cosmic joke to see how much I would endure before going postal, or at least smashing my monitor. Jump out an office window, strapped with speakers blaring “FUCK THIS PLACE” over and over again, even when they’re scraping me off the pavement with a comically large spatula. Every little thing piled atop one another to form the worst shit tsunami eternally suspended above my head. Every wriggling, squealing fucking cell in my brain…

Alright, let’s think of solutions. Eric wanted the file, and if it was corrupted, I’d just tell him the truth: that it’s how I found it. Man, why did I drive myself up the wall earlier? So stupid… I log into my email. Actually, I don’t. As soon as I hit enter in the URL bar, I get that fucking google “no internet” error dinosaur. At this point, I try to keep rolling with the punches. Alright, network diagnostics, here we go. After what feels like centuries, after windows resets the router, etc. I finally get an answer. Sort of. An error code. I had two hours left before I was unemployed. I take another caffeine pill and keep going, determined to see this shit through to the end.

Hidden on the fifth page of the search results is my answer. It’s on an obscure, early 2000s web forum that had a grand total of 2 users online, probably bots. A post from a literal decade ago has my same issue, and one of the commenters mentions he had the same thing. Apparently, it’s a hardware issue with the router. Despite being woefully underqualified to deal with IT issues, I have no other choice. No fucking way Eric will believe that the internet cut out 2 hours before my deadline. I find the tech support number, and pray that the information is up to date and that they won’t have to send a technician out to fix it.

As the phone rings, I ponder my situation. I was unlucky enough to find what I needed right as the Wi-Fi died, and it was probably one of those issues that fixes itself in an hour anyway. There it is again; I can almost see the shadowy gears of the universe working against me, trying to crush my psyche beneath their teeth into bits of mental scrap. When I finally get a response, I’m caught off guard. This guy seems American. His voice is a bit hoarse, and I picture him as the fat comic book guy from the Simpsons, gut and all.

“----- tech support. How can I help you?”

I don’t like the way his voice trails off every word, leaving a breathy wisp behind like the tail of a comet. It makes me want to shudder.

“Yeah, uh—“

My mind blanks for a minute. I’ve been derailed, and it takes an agonizing few seconds for me to decide what I want to say.

“I was trying to email my boss, and—“again with the unnecessary details “I got this error code, and I saw online that it was an issue with the router.”

“Uh huh.” He sounds skeptical. And disapproving. I imagine he’s wrinkled that gob of cartilage clinging to his face he calls a nose. “What’s the model number?” He finally asks.

I read off the name, and he laughs. He fucking laughs. Is my suffering amusing him? Arousing him?

I have a clearer image of this guy now. Pervading my mind, filling the gaps in my brain, covering my synaptic gaps with fucking cement. He’s grossly overweight, in some dark room somewhere. He smells like BO and he is sweaty milky beads off his forehead that are landing into his keyboard and congealing. The scent is odious, like a corpse coated in mayonnaise and left in a tomb for five millennia, except it’s still wet.

“Sir?” That subtle tone of annoyance again. “Do you understand me, sir?”

“Uh, yeah, sorry. Would you mind repeating that? I was just—talking to someone.” Idiot he can tell you weren’t.

I write down his instructions, but first he pontificates about some issue with a chip in the router or some shit. Apparently I have to call the manufacturer? And they can help me dust it off or some such?

He’s fleshy and sickeningly soft, like a malformed, hairless puppy. That shirt’s been pasted to his damp stomach longer than you’ve been on Earth. It’s just a crude impersonation of the kind of people that run this industry. And you’re just his plaything, to be antagonized and fucked with until…

As soon as my attention is re-centered, I say “Alright thanks bye” without even knowing what he was rambling about before. He laughs. No, cackles. I can practically smell the stale coffee and tobacco on his breath. I slam the receiver down. It was starting to stick to my face with sweat and I really wanted to switch to my cell anyway. Peeling it away was orgasmic.

I examine the napkin I had scribbled on. I’d written it down in a haze, and it almost felt like I was reading someone else’s handwriting. Was that a 5, or a 6, or what? Doesn’t matter. I plug in the numbers, to some obscure fucking company I know nothing about. There’s like 12 digits, not like any number I’ve ever dialed. Unbeknownst to me, I was about to make the worst fucking mistake of my life, worse than taking on that debt to go to college or that time I puked on grandma’s casket at the funeral. Light years away, I imagine, some metaphysical blade was eagerly, sexually, preparing to scoop out my insides and flay them across time and space, flicking its imaginary tongue back and forth in anticipation.

I had expected that infuriating error code, but instead, I feel it. All of it. The other side is cold, and every hair on my body stands right on edge.

“Hello?”

The phone’s definitely connected.

“Hello?!”

This time it seems to echo. I’d opened a door, a beaming ray of light into a place that hasn’t been graced by it in eons.

“Is this Infolink appliances?” I gulp suddenly. My throat is impossibly dry. Everything that made me me, my identity, my memories, my interests… were spilling out into space, into an impossible void far blacker than even the darkest of nights. Please. Like my brain was a plastic bag full of air, but now it’s been punctured. It’s getting sucked out like a breached spaceship, and my body is curling around the now torturous void. I am a husk.

I drop the phone on the ground, and the screen cracks. But I’m far beyond caring about that screen now. The spiritual, inky black is billowing out of the phone like an endless wave going out in every direction. And there’s something else. A raucous laughter, and sneering, they’re laughing so hard somewhere backstage that their mouths, or whatever they call those fucking gullets, are overflowing with sickening white foam with streaks of yellow bile. Dark silhouettes that have been eagerly waiting this whole time for this horrible climax. I’d played my part. Everything else was out of my hands now.

[ltleflrt]

prompt please: dean/cas panties

Okay so fun fact about this story:  This is actually the first seed of an idea that developed into Satin and Sawdust, but I ended up not being able to use the premise for Reasons.  I always wanted to do this little meet cute ficlet though, so thanks for giving me an excuse.  Also thanks to @pallasperilous for helping me get over the tiny hurdle that I ran into with the plot :D

Working from home means pajamas as a uniform. There’s a lot of advice against it; stuff about “getting into aprofessional mindset” by “dressing like you’re going to the office” and otherbullshit that probably works for others, but Castiel doesn’t subscribe to thosenotions.  Especially not before he’s on his third cup of coffee, and eventhen, why dirty another set of clothing? He hates doing laundry.

Of course, he does haveto leave his apartment sometimes.  For meetings, or to deliver thefinished product to the office.  But for the short trips to the office topick up his mail and deliveries, pajamas are just fine.  It’snot like a t-shirt and some Ninja Turtle patterned sleep pants are indecent, oranything.

Not that he cares whatpeople think about how he’s dressed.  He’s only on coffee number two, andsocial functioning doesn’t start until halfway through cup three.

He’s more alert thanusual this morning though, even if he isn’t awake enough to justify changinginto normal daytime clothing.  A new neighbor has moved in across thehall, and Castiel catches him leaving for work sometimes.  The eye candy is almost equal to a third andfourth dose of caffenation.  Brown hair, scruff, freckles, and eithergreen or hazel eyes--maybe light brown?--plus a body built to kneel before inworship and supplication… The guy’s practically built to Castiel’s taste.

And oh how he’d like ataste.

Maybe he should startthe caffeine infusion earlier.  So he’ll feel fortified enough to start aconversation one of these days instead of just exchanging a smile, a wave, anda quiet hello before they go their separate ways.  And he can finally getclose enough to figure out the guy’s true eye color.  It would be worth getting up earlier.  He’s not a fan of mornings, but he’s a fan ofhot potentially single guys.  He can make an exception.

Unfortunately he seemsto have missed the object of his desire this morning.  The door across thehall stays firmly closed for the few minutes Castiel lingers, hoping to get hisother morning fix.  But he decides it’s just a little too chilly out toloiter any longer, and he heads down to the office to pick up his mail.

There’s three packagesfor him today, and he’s pleasantly surprised because he wasn’t expecting one ofthem for another day or two.  That means he can get started on the nextproject earlier than he’d promised.  Hecan use the extra time that saves him to stock up a few pre-made things for hisEtsy shop.

He goes over a mentalplan for what kind of crazy sweaters he can design for the shop as he opens theboxes.  He smiles as he unpacks the Alpaca yarn, pausing to pet the softgreen.  This one is for himself, and hepromises he won’t use it for any commissions this time.  He’s got a lovelyscarf in mind, and since the weather is getting cooler, he needs to get startedsoon if he wants to use it this winter.  

The second box is fullof regular wool, and he checks to make sure all the colors he requested wereincluded.  Last time his order had been short a few hanks, and it had beena huge pain in the ass to get everything straightened out with his supplier. Everything is fine this time though, and he’ll still be on track for hiscurrent projects.

The third box shouldcontain the vegan yarns.  Not his favorite to work with, but he respectsthat people choose a lifestyle that requires it, and they still want mittens,scarves, and sweaters.  Plus they’re usually okay with paying extra forthe cotton yarn instead of the acrylic. So as long as they’re willing to shell out the cash, he’s willing to knitout the goods.

When he opens the box, hesmiles when he’s greeted with a rainbow of colors and reaches in to pull outthe plastic wrapped skeins.  He rips at the plastic, and then hissub-optimally caffeinated brain catches up with reality and he realizes thathe’s not holding yarn at all, but something satiny.  Whole cloth, not thematerials to make it.

It’s a pair of panties.

Castiel blinks at thered satin in his hand.  “This is not what I ordered.”

He pulls out a few moreplastic wrapped bundles.  All panties. What the hell?  

Finally he reaches theorder sheet.  And when he reads the information printed at the top, horrorcreeps through him.  This package wasn’t meant for him.  He doesn’t recognize the name, but hedefinitely recognizes the apartment number.  It’s for… his new neighbor.  

“Oh, no.”

 ***

 Dean is more than readyto get home and relax after the day he’s had.  Too many fires to put outat the job site, and feathers to unruffle when he had to advise the client thatthe new timeline they were requesting wouldn’t be tenable.  Seriously whatis up with folks agreeing to an estimated finish date, and then wanting it donein half the time?  Entitled bastards.

At least it’s Friday,and he shouldn’t be needed for anything for the weekend.  He’s going tocozy up to a few beers and the episodes of Doctor Sexy building up in his DVRand relax.  

Plus, he’s got a packagewaiting for him that he’s been looking forward to for days.  Just thethought of it puts an extra bounce in his step as he locks up his car and headsfor the office.

Ten minutes later, hisgood mood goes up in a puff of metaphorical smoke.  The package isn’tactually there.

“Are you sure the emailsaid it was delivered today?” the receptionist asks for the third time.

He waves his smartphoneat her.  “Got the delivery notification email right here.”

Her vaguely hopefulexpression crumbles and she shakes her head.  “I’m so sorry, it’s reallynot here.  I even checked to see if itgot left on someone’s desk instead of in the mail room.  There isn’tanything addressed to you.”

Dean sighs and tucks hisphone away.  Well there goes part of his weekend plans.  And on topof it he has to deal with reporting a lost shipment to the vendor.  Funstuff.  “Thanks for checking anyway.”

She smilessympathetically.  “Have a good evening.”

Despite hisdisappointment about the missing package, his plans aren’t totally ruined. So his smile is mostly genuine. “Thanks, you too.”

A few minutes later helets himself into his apartment, and he leans back against the door and justbreathes for a few seconds.  It’s quiet and dark and it’s nice not havinganyone needing his attention.  It reallyhad been a rough week, and he feels like he hasn’t had a minute to stand stillfor days.  The only bright spots in his week have been the notificationthat his present to himself had been delivered, and the few times he’d caught aglimpse of his hot neighbor across the way.

Those are always gooddays.  It’s become something of an obsession for him to see what kind ofwacky pajama bottoms the guy’ll be wearing each time they meet.  Dude’sgot quite the collection, ranging from bumble bees, to kittens, to hammers andsaws, to superheroes.  Plus he’s fuckingsexy with his sleepy eyes and mumbled greetings.  He never quite lookslike he’s all the way awake, but he always greets Dean with a warm smile and adorky little wave that leaves Dean feeling light and bouncy all the way to hiscar.

Maybe when thisconstruction project is done he’ll take a few less intensive jobs. He can seeif his hot neighbor wants to hang out a bit.  Even if he’s not into dudes,it would be nice to make a friend in the new place.  Dean’s used to having a roommate, but nowthat he’s living on his own, it’s a little lonely in his down time.

“Oh well,” he says intothe empty apartment.  “At least I’ve still got Doctor Sexy.”

A light knock betweenhis shoulder blades startles him away from the door.  He looks at itsuspiciously for a moment before putting his eye to the peephole to see who’sknocking.  When he gets a glimpse of wild dark hair and blue eyes, hejerks back in surprise.

Why is Hot Neighborknocking on his door?

Only one way to find out.

When he opens the door,Hot Neighbor seems startled.  He stares up at Dean with wide, very blueeyes, that immediately make Dean’s world fall away for a few seconds.

“Oh,” Hot Neighborbreathes.  “Green.”

The non-sequitur bringeverything back. “What?”

“What?” his neighborparrots, squinting in confusion.

Oh no, he’s cute. Dean’s internal monologue sometimes has a knack for stating theobvious.  He shakes his head, dislodging the thought and dismissing the previousexchange.  “Uh, hi.”

Hot Neighbor shakes hishead too, apparently also needing the mental reset.  “Hello,” he says, anddamn his voice is just as sexy when he’s fully awake as it is when he’s sleepy. “You’re Dean, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me. How did you--?” The question cuts off when he realizes that Hot Neighboris holding a box.  That’s been opened. “Oh.”

Heat rushes into hischeeks when he realizes that this guy has probably seen what exactly is in thatbox.  It’s only slightly reassuring when he also blushes, all the way tohis hairline.  At least Dean’s not alonein his mortification.

“Sorry, I picked this upwith my other packages,” his neighbor says, holding the box out to Dean. He clears his throat and smiles. It looks forced.  “Your girlfriendhas excellent taste.”

Maybe it’s because he’stired, or maybe it’s shock from the situation, or maybe he’s just a dumbass,but Dean’s mouth opens and the truth comes out.  “No, these are for me.”

If the increased heat inhis cheeks is any indication, he’s about to spontaneously combust.

“Oh, um…”His neighbor lifts the box in Dean’s direction again.  His smile turns tosomething far more genuine.  There’shumor there, but also… maybe interest?  “Well, you haveexcellent taste.”

Okay yeah that’sprobably interest.

Dean finally takes thebox, unsure how else to respond to the compliment other than “thanks, man.”

The guy nods and grinsbrightly.  “Anyway, uh… have a good evening, Dean.”  He does hisdorky little wave and turns back to his own apartment.

Before he can open thedoor, Dean’s brain finally shifts into the correct gear.  “Wait, what’syour name?”

Hot Neighbor turns withhis hand on the knob.  “Oh, I’m Castiel. Or Cas.  People call me Cas.”

“Castiel,” Dean says,relishing the way it feels to say.  “I was going to veg out with a beerand some trashy TV.  I got a few extrabeers if you’d like a drink.”

HotNeighbor--Castiel--Cas, beams so brightly that Dean’s a little dazzled by it. “Yes, I’d like that.”

Thrilled, Dean stepsaside and gestures for Castiel to come inside.  When he shuts the doorbehind them, his eyes fall on Castiel’s ass. Through his admiration of the shapely body he notices that Cas is stillwearing pajamas.  They’re covered in Ninja Turtles.  “Dude, your pants are awesome.”

Castiel turns and flickshis eyes down at the box in Dean’s hands then meets his eyes.  “Yours too.”

“Maybe we can do afashion show for each other some time,” Dean suggests, feeling brave.  IfCas was going to be weird about the panties, he wouldn’t be here now, right?

“I think I’d like that very much.”

Oh yeah, they’re goingto get along great.  

Unless…

“I’ve got a bunch ofDoctor Sexy on the DVR.  That sound okay?”

Castiel practicallyglows with excitement.  “It’s my favorite show.”

Dean grins. “Awesome.  Have a seat, I’ll getyou that beer after I put these away.”  

Yup.  Definitelygoing to get along like a house on fire.

[ajoblotofjunk]

More Joy Day 2020

The 13th More Joy Day will be Friday, January 17, 2020! What is More Joy Day? I’m glad you asked! From a previous post explaining it: I started More Joy Day back in 2008, because 2007 had been a particularly bad year for my friends and myself and I wanted to press the reset button on 2008 in a firm but positive way. So many people jumped onboard and made More Joy Day work with their enthusiasm and participation, and I’m so grateful that they did, because it was that tidal wave of joy we put out in the world in 2008 that has fueled More Joy Day every year since then. This bit from one of Jacob’s American Idol recaps on the late Television Without Pity site is what inspired MJ Day: Some dick cuts you off on the highway, and you give yourself the pass to be a dick to the next five customers, and your bad mood fades by lunchtime, and you forget the dick on the highway, you forget the color of his car, you forget how he was on the phone with his ex-wife, yelling about custody of their kids, and how he never meant to cut you off in the first place, he was just distracted. Your day continues as planned, and at lunch you check your websites and read a funny recap, and you maybe laugh out loud, and you go home and watch TV. But those five guys give themselves the pass to be dicks to the next five – they’re having a bad day, so it’s okay just this once, and they’re happy again by lunch – and those twenty-five become six hundred twenty-five, and those six twenty-five become a million, and you’ve added to the sum total of anger in the world. But it works with love, too, and kindness. … Your donation is something tangible, but what it means is something altogether more powerful, and it’s that you continue to stand, and you continue to remember that you’re not alone, and with reverence for this fact, you can’t help but add to joy. Which is your entire job, from the day you’re born until the day you die: more joy. Remember, even a small act is all that’s needed. A call to a friend you haven’t talked to in awhile, flowers for a neighbor, letting someone in front of you in line, leaving a happy comment on someone’s fic or vid or podcast or graphic, sharing a pic!spam of joyful moments on your journal or tumblr or twitter, giving someone a compliment, planting a tree, or taking a moment to smile at someone else as you walk by them. It doesn’t have to be expensive or complex, but whatever it is, we all love to hear about it, so I’ll do my annual DW post to tell us what act you performed or you can just post straight to tumblr (or twitter or DW or wherever) and then we can expand the impact of your joy by vicariously living through your telling! It’s a win-win! :) See you on DW or Twitter or Tumblr January 17!

[endlesssummer77]

CICO works (with help from Contrave)

I'm never doing a fad diet again. Over the course of the past 5 months, I've slowly, but surely, lost a little over 30 lbs. How? CICO and contrave.

Contrave has changed my life. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but it's true. I can't believe it took me so long to get started on it. I'd had an almost-full bottle (120 pills) that Mom let me have last year when I visited for Christmas. She had gotten them prescribed because she wanted to try them out, but couldn't tolerate the side effects (she said they made her really irritable 😒).

Anyway, I was curious but skeptical. Contrave contains bupropion (antidepressant) and naltrexone (opioid antagonist), and not a single stimulant - or anything else that's been well-studied for weight loss. I'm not one to bother with OTC diet pills (they're pretty much all the same anyway) because they're unregulated and unproven, but I have been on phentermine a few times. Unfortunately, phentermine treatment is limited to 12 weeks at a time, and the awesome appetite suppressant effects diminishes quite a bit after the first few weeks, anyway.

I had a general idea of how contrave could work (background info: I have a formal education in human anatomy & physiology, biochemistry, introductory pharmacology, and human pathophysiology):

1. Naltrexone blocks endogenous opioids from attaching to opiate receptors, an action which mediates a dopamine response (dopamine is fundamental to the brain's reward center and the development of addiction). By blocking these receptors, one could theoretically reduce or eliminate the biochemical process that reinforces addictive behavior. This has already been extensively researched as a treatment for alcoholism.

2. Bupropion is an NE (aka adrenaline) and dopamine reuptake inhibitor. This means that bupropion prevents the "stop" of NE and dopamine activity, which leads to a whole bunch of other effects. Bupropion is chemically related to amphetamines, which explains this effect on certain neurotransmitters, but it also stimulates the release of 2 other molecules, alpha MSH and AGRP, which are involved in a lot of autonomic processes in the body, including regulation of appetite and energy expenditure. Most research that exists has focused on the psychological effects of bupropion as it is normally used to treat depression and to help people quit smoking.

So here's the interesting part:

Those 2 other molecules that are stimulated by bupropion? They each play a vital role in explaining how bupropion could be effective for weight loss:

a) alpha MSH does a lot of things, including appetite reduction and increases in energy expenditure (metabolism). Theoretically then, you could take just bupropion for weight loss right? Well, no. Like nearly every physiological process in our bodies, the cells that release a-MSH have a self-limiting feature to stop the whole process from going on indefinitely. Otherwise, humans could run out of energy needed to live.

b) This limiting feature works because cells release AGRP at the same time as a-MSH. AGRP's only function is to attach back to the cell that released it. When enough AGRP has attached, a signal is sent inside the cell telling it to stop producing both a-MSH and AGRP.

This basically means that no matter how much bupropion you take, its weight loss effects are going to be limited by your body's natural processes.

So back to my point, how does contrave work, exactly? I've already explained how it can help reduce appetite and increases metabolism via release of a-MSH, and how this process is self-limited by the concurrent release of AGRP. Theoretically, if we could find a way to eliminate or block AGRP without affecting a-MSH, then the potential of bupropion for weight control could be significant.

Well, here's the kicker... AGRP IS A TYPE OF BETA ENDORPHIN!

It's an endogenous opioid! This means that the sites AGRP attach to on a cell can be blocked by naltrexone without limiting a-MSH!

FYI, I didn't know any of this stuff until this past weekend, when I basically gave myself a mini neurochemistry lesson using articles available on PubMed. And sorry, I didn't bookmark any of them to use as references here.

Back to the story -

When I began contrave, I wasn't expecting much of anything. The bottle sat in my kitchen for a few months before I gave it a go, and even then it wasn't for weight loss. My psych was planning on possibly adding bupropion to my regimen anyway, so I figured I may as well try it out. Here's how things went:

Side effects are minimal due to the titration (slow increase) in dose that is prescribed to most people. The only thing I noticed was a short period of GI discomfort (nausea mostly) a few hours after taking a pill, but this stopped happening after about a week. It's probably due to the opioid receptors found in intestinal walls (something new I learned from my weekend of "research" lol) which affect intestinal motility. This is why opioids cause constipation, while opioid withdrawal produces nausea and diarrhea.

Price: you can go to the contrave website and get connected to a teledoctor who can write you a Rx (I used this service when I ran out of the bottle my mom had given me; consultation was $45). You can choose to have it sent to a local pharmacy, or use their preferred mail pharmacy, which charges $99 total to ship you a month's worth of medication. I chose this option because retail pharmacy prices are much higher. Total price: $144.00 first month, $99 monthly afterwards.

Insurance: most plans do not cover weight loss medications; mine certainly doesn't. The teledoctors they use also do not accept any insurance.

Regimen: you titrate up every week, starting with 1 pill/day during the first week (90mg bupropion+8mg naltrexone) until you get to 4 pills a day (360mg bupropion + 32mg naltrexone, all extended release).

Weight loss: at first, I had almost no faith that contrave would be effective for weight loss. I started off eating a 1200 cal/day (loosely tracked) and working out 1x a week. I'm still doing that, actually. I should also add that I used to crash diet a lot, often restricting myself to 500 cal a day, so I honestly didn't believe that staying under 1200 cal a day would actually do anything. Because of this irrational belief, I avoided the scale a lot. At some point - when I was up to 2-3 pills/day - I began to notice that I could go long periods of time without wanting or needing food. Even when I was physically hungry, eating felt like more of a chore. A few weeks after that started happening, some coworkers began commenting on my weight loss, which totally surprised me. I finally got the courage to weigh myself, and I was DOWN. 15. POUNDS. This all over the course of about 3 months.

Obviously, I was very encouraged by that, so I decided to continue with it. I'm basically doing the same now as I was then - 1200 cal/day (loosely) plus 1-2 days/week intense workouts (mostly CrossFit). It's now been 5 months and I'm down 32.6 lbs, to be exact.

Contrave has changed my life. It's like my brain has been reset; the damage done by all those years of starving and bingeing has been reversed. I have a normal relationship with food now: I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm satiated. I prepare nearly every meal I eat, which has eliminated almost all unhealthy, overprocessed foods from my diet. I'm trying to up my activity level, but I'm extremely busy with a full time job and another degree that I'm pursuing, leaving me pretty sleep-deprived during the weekdays. But weight loss is mostly diet, anyway.

I am more hopeful now than ever that I can achieve lasting weight loss. And the best part is that there's really no reason I can't be on contrave indefinitely, or for at least a few years. Bupropion is a medication that's already taken on a long term basis without issue. Naltrexone can damage the liver so it is typically not used long term; however, this effect has mostly been observed in people taking much higher doses of naltrexone (300mg+). Contrave contains a much smaller, extended release dose (32mg in 4 pills) that is even less than the dose used to treat alcoholism (50mg).

I'll update again when I remember to, lol. Hopefully I'll be down another 30 lbs 😁

[jessiewre]

Day 22

Sun 26th Jan 💜

It’s been a year to the day since we lost Nanny. That’s mad isn’t it. Miss that legend.

Woke up at about 5am because we’d gone to bed too early, but managed to power through and stay in bed till 7am. Phil got up and continued researching his new obsession - a half marathon near Kilimanjaro - and I joined him at 8:30am for Spanish omelette breakfast included in our 25$ a night room. Good deal that init. People say that in London you’re never further than like 5 meters away from a rat. Well thats like me and good deals, there’s always one close by for me to sniff out. Maybe I’m more like one of those pigs and the deals are truffles.

I digress...

The hostel manager was now wearing a chefs coat and I realised he was now the chef. What a multi-talented chap he was. I threw him into a frenzy by asking for salt, pepper, ketchup and chilli sauce, and eventually went into the kitchen myself to assist.

The ketchup was in a huge bucket bottle in the fridge and he gracefully glugged it out into a plastic squeezey bottle that he couldn’t find the lid for. Yum.

Shout out to Stella and Helen who will surely boke at that description of keptchup.

We got bodas to the Woman’s Centre for the recommended walking tour starting at 10am - but there was a big bike race on believe it or not, and so road blocks meant we had to walk the last kilometre. Phil was loving the bike race, I could see his legs twitching like he was imagining himself on a bike that moment, but I soon snapped him back to reality by power-walking ahead to avoid us being super late to the walk.

The sky was rapidly turning a dark shade of grey but Phil assured me that the weather report he’d checked stated that there would be no rain until midday or later.

You may be able to sense where this is going.

We arrived at the Centre and sat in the sofa area for the introduction, and the exact moment the woman began to talk and tell us about the community, the rain began to thunder on the metal roof and no one could hear a word she said. After 10 minutes, the intro finished and the rain actually calmed down a little, but then it went totally crazy again and me and Phil looked at each other like...hmm should we just not do this walking tour.

Another English girl there was thinking the same thing and the 3 of us decided to ditch the tour and head back the next day, while the 3 older people and a young American woman went off in the torrential rain with umbrellas. Umbrella’s are all good and well but I couldn’t see another soul on the streets so I seriously doubted how good a community walking tour would be in this weather. We chatted to the English girl, Esther, and she was ending a weeks work doing research for the Princes Trust who she works for. In a nutshell, she creates programmes for local groups in different countries to integrate technology into their lives to improve their prospects and quality of life. Really interesting! Phil mentioned that she should hang at our hostel later if she wanted as we were planning on trying out the bowling alley on site, and she was really up for that, especially considering she was in Kigali on her own and it was her last night.

The rain eventually calmed down enough for us to jump on a boda and we decided that considering the rain, it would be appropriate to visit the Genocide Museum at this point. We knew we were going to visit it at some point so made sense to be inside during the rain.

We were really hungry though and didn’t want to rush through the museum, so thankfully there was a cafe on site where we had a vege burger and vege panini, both with chips. We decided we’d try and lay off the chips for a while after that meal, it was the chip that broke the camels back.

The Rwandan Genocide museum was a harrowing and necessary visit.

The below information is upsetting, I’ll warn you now.

genocide

noun

noun: genocide; plural noun: genocides

1. the deliberate killing of a large group of people, especially those of a particular nation or ethnic group.

To briefly summarise, the problems began when the country was ‘colonised’ - or should we say if we’re being honest, when the country was invaded against its will. The Germans were first in 1899 then the Belgians in 1916 and then the Belgian’s decided to split the country into three different groups. Ultimately this created a sort of competition between the groups of people that had never existed before and this was what they say sparked the issues in the country. Fast forward to 1994, and the genocide officially began, over a period of 100 days - neighbours were murdering neighbours, friends were murdering friends. Relatives even betrayed each other. By turning people against each other, the ringleaders were able to sit back and watch the killings happen for them.

Being in the country now, its very difficult to imagine it happening, as it feels vibrant, friendly and safe. But the images in the museum leave you under no illusions. People were mindlessly slaughtered, no one was spared - children, pregnant women and men. It was absolutely mind-blowingly horrendous.

The museum talks a lot about how the international community sat back and let it happen, like Rwanda was on another planet that no one cared about. There is obviously a lot of pain from that which was difficult to read about.

But there were also a number of people who put themselves on the line by hiding people in their houses and gardens, saving many lives. Unfortunately, there were not enough of those people and over a million people were killed. They are still uncovering mass graves today.

There were videos playing with interviews from survivors talking about the guilt they feel from being the only member of their family who survived. But incredibly, they spoke about forgiveness and said they would like to forgive the perpetrators if they were willing to ask for forgiveness. They spoke about moving forward with only peace in mind, as this was what would move Rwanda forward in a peaceful way. By seeking revenge, the violence and pain would continue, they said. It’s unbelievable to hear that from someone who watched their innocent young siblings and mother murdered by machete in front of their very eyes. You can’t even imagine what this person has gone through.

One of the most difficult parts of the museum was The Children’s Room. This section had beautiful photos of child victims printed in large portraits displayed around the room, with a small plaque underneath each one with bullet points of information about the child, like:

Name

Age

Favourite Snack

Best Friend


Then the final point for every child was

Cause of death

The descriptions here were detailed and distressing.

Obviously there is a huge amount of detail missing from this account of the genocide and I urge you to have a read about it if you have time and are interested.

We left there after a few hours taking it all in and went to find the Inema Art gallery, as we’d read about it being a really cool artists space that has had a lot of international interest.

It was different to what I expected, as there wasn’t actually a lot of pieces in there - more like a few extremely large pieces, each priced around $5000. So obviously, we bought two and headed off.

Well anyway, some of the artists were there stood near their art in smart clothes and were hoping for a super rich muzungu coming in and buying everything. That was not going to be us, so we thanked them and headed to the cafe for a little coffee.

Not before I asked them if there were any female artists there.

One guy said No, the women in Rwanda seem to stick to the craft-making and THEN he said that even though many are good at art, he thinks they are lacking in passion.

I said Hmm perhaps you means Confidence, not passion.

He was like Oh yeah, maybe that.

Yeah MAYBE THAT mate.

We boda’d back to the hostel and Phil donned up in his gear for a run. Just before heading off, he finally booked himself a spot onto the Kilimanjaro half marathon in Moshi, Tanzania on 1st March. FFS. Better get practicing on my excited supportive girlfriend look then.

Meanwhile I sat in the hostel garden watching videos on how to use Procreate on the iPad. Suddenly realised Phil had been gone AGES and then he rocked up having run like 10 MILES and then said Oh also, I may have tripped over and potentially broken my toe.

He’d taken out his phone to check the map and ended up kicking a bit of metal sticking out of the group, and then he’d fallen over and made a few new cracks on his phone screen (to join the 5 that were already there).

Wicked.

Phil had a quick shower and change while hobbling around on his bad foot (I hear broken toes are brilliant for half marathons), and Esther arrived at the hostel, so we went searching for a restaurant open on a Sunday. After a few fails, we eventually stumbled across a place called Afrika Bite and negotiated the 10k per person meaty Rwandan platter down to 5k each for a vegetarian version for all of us. It was so good! Garlic potatoes, peanut sauce, rice, vegetables, fried banana, salad, plus some ‘fish fingers’ ordered as an extra. Such a welcome relief to eat something local and delicious. Shout out to those who are reading this blog mainly for the food descriptions.

We went back to the hostel to play in East Africa’s 2nd bowling alley (the only other one is in Nairobi!) and Esther made sure she mentioned she had a ‘bad neck’. That would explain her unbelievably bad scoring thats for sure. Ok now to be fair, Phil the physio also advised that she use the heaviest ball available which turned out to be truly awful advise and after a stagnant run of about 2 points in 6 goes, she tried a really light ball - and actually hit some pins! Go Esther.

Can I also mention that this bowling alley had a system where a bloke hidden at the end would organise the pins and reset them for us manually using a kind of lever system. He always managed to move his hands out of the way before the ball struck the pins of course.

Esther headed back to her hotel and we ended up playing basketball on the two hoops game with Desire the manager. Our quick game of ‘How many can you score in 1 minute’ managed to take over our lives for over an hour. My record was 23, Phil’s 24 (he’s taller init) and Desire managed 33 (well, he works there so ya know). Was addictive and super fun and I got the impression Desire will spend the next year working on his pb.

[vertanvertan]

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