watcherwingedcat

[watcherwingedcat]

TW: Transphobia, vent

Kinda rant because I'm angry and so tired. For those who don't know, I'm trans, nonbinary and somewhat transmasc. I came out to my parents as nonbinary four years ago, when I was sixteen. I've known I'm trans since I was fourteen, but I didn't know if they were supportive or not. I have trans friends, and they were supportive of them, using the right names and pronouns and whatnot, and I thought it was safe to come out.

However, when I came out, they were unsupportive, at least my mom was really open about that, saying things like "You'll always be my daughter and I will never change my mind about that", "You'll always be (deadname) to me", "You're just confused, you're too young to know", "You'll change your mind" things like that. I left it at that, crying, but I didn't let that discourage me. I changed my name and pronouns with friends and teachers, and I left it at that.

Nowadays I live in a flat with my roommates from college, but I still see my family on the weekends and holidays. I can tolerate her ignoring the fact that I'm not a girl most weekends because it's just for a few days and I know I'll come back to people who support me.

For the last four years, I've been trying to tell my mom that me being trans it's not something that will change, but she doesn't listen. Today we were in the car after visiting some friends, and she asked me if I will wear a dress in New Year. I bluntly told her no. When she asked why, I said "Because I'm not a girl". She was silent for a moment, and then she tried to tell me that boys wore dresses too, I almost screamed at her but untimely said nothing.

I tried to tell her that yes, I'm still trans, and no, I wouldn't change my mind about that, but she told me "people can change, you'll change your mind". It's been years, and I don't know what to do. I know I won't change my mind, and I told her several times, but she doesn't listen and I'm afraid to keep insisting.

I love my mom, and she loves me, but she doesn't understand and I don't want to cut her out of my life

[watcherwingedcat]

I tried that thing where you're casually open about your identity, without ever actually trying to explain otherkinity, and it fucking worked??

Went out for lunch with a guy I've only met twice, and he asked about my bison pendant. I just said that if I were an animal I'd be a bison, I relate to their resilience and stubbornness, it's kinda like a spiritual thing.

Later in the day, he commented about my not wearing a jacket in December and I jokingly asked if he'd ever seen a bison get cold (and then said something about my ADHD meds making me overheat).

And wouldn't you know it, a while later he himself made a joke about me being a bison, completely unprompted.

Incredible. I don't know what I was afraid of, I should've tried this way sooner!!

[watcherwingedcat]

I love my therapist so much man... My therianthropy doesn't come up often, but when it does she's always so accepting and curious about it-

Today I casually mentioned being a fox, which she had forgotten about, so she just went "wait I thought you were a dog?? 😳"

Like... She called me a dog!!! Dog dog dog dog ehehe

She also asked me to talk about all my identities in depth and we went over my canine ambitypes! She was so accepting, and now we're trying to figure out how I can use my animal side to my advance in my day to day life!

[watcherwingedcat]

i really hate seeing discourse abt physically nonhumanity in the therian community cause it always leads to the community pointing at CL/CZs and painting us as the bad guys

like we are some "big bad" that therians will turn into if you take your therianthropy too far..

it makes me not want to interact with that community if we are always gonna be painted as some dangerous fairytale, instead of real actual people with feelings and a complex life.

i try to have hope that someday there will be a safe space for us to talk about our experiences without being told we are just "crazy" or "insane"

there is nothing wrong with not being sane anyways. we are not hurting anyone.

it reeks of ableism all over.

[watcherwingedcat]

Y'all....

I'm a wolf in bunnies clothing!

(I'm wearing a bunny onesie🐇)

[watcherwingedcat]

@pixistix-xp @talon-dragonbeast @harpyrex @sollareclipse @creatureheart @wulfbones @deltasqueaks @d0gbite @spacecatdraws @rareblackcat @forrest-full-of-wolfs @i-miss-my-wings @chair-lie @incoherent-squawking @can1nezz @beastlybardou

by Comicname

👍

[watcherwingedcat]

Exactly :3

it's nice finding other winged cats in this world. makes it less lonely

It indeed is! Hiya, thanks for the ask! It's incredible how many of us are out there!

[watcherwingedcat]

You have the heart of an animal

You run, you climb, you dart, you be

You have the heart of an animal

You love, and create, and live, and be

You have the heart of an animal

You write, you draw, you make, you be

You have the soul of an animal

You are, you be, you are, you'll be

[watcherwingedcat]

I have been meaning to discuss this for a while, but I never managed to figure out how to construct all the thoughts I wanted to share. This post will not be well-organised and I apologise for that.

Being a falconry bird is not as inherent as my kestrel-ness. Sure, it’s integral to who I am, but I was not born for falconry.

That concept likely arose from my parents and our dynamic. I feel as though some principles of falconry align with how our relationship functions — there is a lot of emphasis on dependency and control. I have noticed parallels with casting/coping, telemetry, and flying to a lure, to name a few things. Although they do not perceive me as their bird, I perceive them as my falconers; I am tied to them in that way.

It’s an induced identification because I am not a falconry bird on my own. I would not be a falconry bird if not for this relationship: I could not belong to a falconer without a falconer.

Consequently, being a falconry bird is not something aesthetic to me. Yes, I enjoy gear related to falconry— I do not deny the act of wearing anklets and leather is visually appealing —but they mostly appeal to me due to what they symbolise. I depend on, belong to, my falconers no matter what, even when they do not consider themselves to be falconers; I presume having an obvious/direct association with falconry displayed twists it from something potentially upsetting into something species euphoric (positive).

However, because of this, my act of being a falconry bird is, in some ways, meant to be negative. Elements of falconry that may be undesirable are significant to my identification. I want to be hooded to limit my visual stimuli. I want to be tethered to a perch or a glove. I want to be equipped with bells that make it difficult for me to hide. I know it would restrict me, and I would dislike it, but it’d make an accurate representation; it’d feel right. To me, being a falconry bird is not just an idea.

This does not necessarily make me immune to romanticising the relationship dynamic. I love the thought of a mutual skill set exchange. I want to pledge the loyalty of my talons to someone, for their shelter and dedication. I want to play the role of bird to my loved one’s falconers. Being some centre’s species ambassador sounds like the ideal job.

[watcherwingedcat]

I wish physical-nonhuman Tumblr would at least get better about posting broad “all these human coworkers/family/peers/complete strangers, I hate being the only nonhuman here” statements. Because I’ll say it again, and harsher this time: You. Don’t. Know. I don’t care if you feel like you’d be able to tell. You can’t. Even for other physical nonhumans, I'm not just referring to otherkin, for the record. You can’t look at the guy sitting on the bus next to you and know enough about him to think “ugh, this fucking human texting on his phone wouldn’t understand my experience.” It might be posting on Tumblr about being a coyote at this very moment. Or he is a human but has experiences of his own that you wouldn't understand, yet you're judging his depth. Vibes of a Redditor calling people NPCs except your word for thoughtless sheeple is "human."

Why are you making the same presumption about random people that you hate random people making about you anyway? It's like when people assume you're a human or you're shallow or one dimensional, it's their bigotry—but when you do it to them, it's... theirs again. I just have to go about my day knowing humans who see me think I’m a human and wondering if therians and zoanthropes who see me are assuming the same thing? How does the constant scorn for the outside appearances around you help your dysphoria? How does broadcasting these assertions to the one group you know are like you, help your dysphoria? Because it certainly doesn’t help mine. You're not the only being in the world. Be less openly judgmental at the very least

[watcherwingedcat]

It be like that

[watcherwingedcat]

it's nice finding other winged cats in this world. makes it less lonely

It indeed is! Hiya, thanks for the ask! It's incredible how many of us are out there!

[watcherwingedcat]

actually giggles we've met so many katsukis it's scary 👀

we were interacting with someone and our katsuki and their katsuki just had a yelling match it was very funny

Bakugo fictives be sitting in peoples brains like sleeper agents, activated when they spot another. One shows up and we all come out of hibernation and scuttle out of the woodwork.

[watcherwingedcat]

I noticed something earlier tonight. I was washing my hands and the water got so cold that I almost couldn't feel my hands anymore, but I didn't want to take my hands out of the water because as it was getting colder and colder, I realized that that's probably as close as I'm ever going to get to touching starlight again.

I am a star and my home is in the sky. I don't mind being in a human body so much as I am able to take on a human body as a star, but I realized while feeling that cold water that was reminding me of starlight and my home among the stars that I will likely never get to experience it ever again.

Which, is a strange feeling in of itself because I am a created headmate. My identity came to me on its own, but I shouldn't have any exomemories, as I was created by the other members of our system, so I'm confused why I feel so melancholic for the stars and view the sky as being my home and keep referring to never being among the stars/touching starlight again, since I was never there/touching it in the first place.

[watcherwingedcat]

There is, indeed, a cat

[watcherwingedcat]

Love that college teachers don't give an actual fuck about anything, really. Last week I weny to talk to a teacher about my exam adaptations because of my adhd and autism, and not only did she just accepted it immediately, we started talking about other stuff too. Somehow, we ended up talking about her kids, because both of them are trans, and she asked me about my family and if they were supportive and stuff. It makes the teachers actually feel human

The meeting was fourty minutes. At least half of that was talking about random stuff

[watcherwingedcat]

📸: In the Old Forest

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