#but when you go inside it's gone
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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Stay at home dad and artist on commission Keefe
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#keefe sencen#sokeefe#he watches him and sophie's 5 year old little boy and 11 year old girl (she's currently applying for Foxfire) while sophie works#he does his own art pieces along with commissions at home#and the little boy can teleport so he's constantly dropping in on sophie and fitz at their job#(it's related to them being cognates or something idk)#and keefe has a panic attack because he looked away for one second to add a detail to his sketch and now his kid's gone#their kid drops into sophie's arms (or right outside the door of the building she works at)#and sophie gives him an eye roll and a disappointed look for freaking his father out and interrupting her#(he has absolutely appeared when she was in a super important meeting)#this is all based on the assumption that elves don't have some kind of basic schooling before foxfire or other schools like it#when he appears back at their residence (their leapmaster floor has an open roof for teleportation)#keefe is standing there frantically ready to catch him#and their girl (im shit with names) is standing there giving him a look like “I thought you weren't scared of anything”#and he's just caught the kid and is trying to rock him to sleep cause teleporting is tiring for a 5 year old#but he humors her while walking down the hall to his bedroom#“who said i wasn't?” “i do” “why?”#“nobody who actually beat an ogre would be scared of their child teleporting away”#“you'd be surprised”#(she doesn't beleive he actually fought dimitar and thinks it's an elaborate inside joke between sophie him and queen ro)#so they keep going back and forth with him being vague about the details because while he did beat dimitar#he is absolutely exaggerating all the details#“keefe you can't tell our kids you punched dimitar and he immediately surrendered” “please” “no”#and then they get to his room on the second floor and he shushes her so he can place the sleeping boy in his bed#i have so many thoughts about future sokeefe actually
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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Remember how ReCoded just casually drops the fact that this is a “true memory” from the heart of Destiny Islands even though we literally see Riku get swallowed up by darkness in KH1, we watch it happen with Sora before the islands get totally wrecked like this, so how could Riku also leave through this portal afterwards
#what the fuck is even happening at the start of kh1 ???#you know what else is weird? the door in front of the secret place that looks like the door from the pink heart station#when the memory of sora running in there is shown in ddd the door is not there#also the fact that riku says the door is open but when sora runs into the secret place it’s still closed#and then it bursts open and kairi’s heart goes inside him - her body’s already gone -#sora’s blown back out onto the beach and suddenly everything’s fucked up outside#it’s just a little piece of the island left you can’t even see where the secret place used to be#so i mean . ? was some of that a dream ?? was he asleep before he got knocked onto the beach ??#if riku wasn’t physically gone at that point then where was he lmao ???#or is this like a different riku? is this a time travel thing or memories from a reset or ??#wtf is going on
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without you
#hxh#kacho and fugetsu#me when i err uhhh scribble#my art#seriously though can you tell im going crazy about hxh rn#like. just the fact that theres been so much of a focus on postmortem nen in the SW arc#like that zombie girl? misha? woah i cant believe i remembered her name straight off the dome those flashcards & pop quizzes must be workin#anyway the zombie girl who is like. still working with the mob after her DEATH!!??? like the amount of loyalty...#and so often we've seen post-mortem nen used in a violent of dangerous way. i.e. you kill ME i curse YOU#and then we saw hisoka use it as a fucking cheat code for death#its great its great but. just. ughh the idea that your nen ability... you know. the beast that was formed from your most intimate desires#and fears and weaknesses#the most primal needs in you brought to the surface#and at the heart of her being the thing kacho wants most in the world is to be with her sister#this is post-mortem nen. its not just curses and cheat codes but this prevailing love and refusal to let go of the ones care about the most#idk it reminds me a bit of the mechanics of kite's resurrection.. or hell the chimera ants in general#the prevailing humanity inside each of us#kacho isnt gone she loved fugetsu so much she fucking incarnated herself into a nen beast#i want this to be a thing where kacho is still alive in the way that the chimera ant reincarnations are alive yk? for my own sanity#but yeah. yeah. succesion war go brrrrrrr#screeds#hxh manga spoilers#hunter x hunter#art#prince kacho#prince fugetsu#kacho hxh#fugetsu hxh#without you
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Honestly I think crocodile/dragon and crocodile/Doflamingo are only interesting when treated as failed relationships spinning off into increasingly petty grudges and instigations. Become a warlord to piss off one ex by working with his hated father only for the OTHER ex to ALSO become a warlord to drive you insane. Etc.
I am now going to take his as an opportunity to rant about Dragodile because I unironically think it's an interesting ship if Crocodad Real and I don't think I'm ever going to find a better excuse to rant about it unprompted lmao SO HERE WE GO
But yes like. Dragodile is so fucking interesting to me
A marine and a pirate falling in love with each other is already some starcrossed lovers kinda BS. But then it's like, a FORMER marine and pirate who is WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT. That's EXTRA JUICY, it adds layers to the starcrossed lovers shit, and I am not immune to it, it's FACINATING, like what was the dynamic here
But also we don't even know when Dragon left the marines and when he and Crocodile first met, so for all we know it could've been some real enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies shit AND THAT'S SO INTERESTING
(Also the mere concept that Dragon could've been chasing Crocodile around kinda like Smoker tried to chase Luffy, only for Crocodile to become a Shichibukai and Dragon having to give up because they're on the same side now (kinda). Like. That is so fucking funny. And then he leaves the Marines to start a revolution. Or just out of spite dshgjdgs)
Then there's the absolutely hysterical part where Crocodile is the meanest, most intimidating, standoff-ish asshole around. So the idea Dragon was fucking into that is INCREDIBLE. THIS MAN LIKES BEING BULLIED DFSHFKGHFGJHDS (It's possible Young Croc might've been less mean but it's funnier if he wasn't)
And yeah. Somehow. In complete secret. A romance blooms.
And then there's a baby.
And Crocodile transes his gender.
And there's a divorce.
And 17 years later Crocodile has commited dozens of unforgivable warcrimes that are almost exactly the kind of things Dragon wanted to stop the government from doing to begin with.
Mind you, I don't actually think there's coming back from that, this relationship was burned to the ground and the ashes blown away by wind, there is nothing left
But could you imagine if despite the anger and the hurt and the warcrimes they still somehow loved each other
I would just
#Moon posting#Crocodad#Sir Crocodile#Monkey D Dragon#Dragodile#OP Meta#I keep on mentioning Dragodile Divorce but to be fair we don't even know if they had been married#All we do have is the fact that Crocodile Very Specifically doesn't wear a ring on his ring finger (in the manga)#(First half of Alabasta it's his middle finger but from the second half onwards it's consistently been his ring finger)#And there's that SBS where a person asked if the Shichibukai were gonna remain single etc and if they had any kids#And Oda was like ''hMmM I wOnDeR iF aNy oF tHeM hAvE bEeN mArRiEd... Anyway I imagine their kids would be like this''#And then very very specifically he only did Doflamingo Mihawk and **Crocodile**#So like. If Crocodad Real. The two could've been married briefly (in secret). Probably just engaged in my personal opinion#Also like. Like we all know Iva's Magic HRT is POWERFUL STUFF right#There is something so deeply tragic to me about the just the mental image#Of Crocodile trying to put on his engagement ring post-HRT only to realize it doesn't fit his massive man hand#Like a horrible premonition of how this relationship was going to end#Even if he was the same on the inside he no longer literally fit the mere concept of the woman Dragon had fallen in love with#Can you imagine the series of emotions Crocodile would've gone through realizing that#Or who knows maybe he realized it all much earlier-- when and however the fuck he decided to get HRT from Iva-chan#There is much to be said about One Piece's running theme of loneliness and the loneliness queer people experience#God Oda please I need this man's backstory#I need to know what the fuck happened#I NEED TO KNOW HOW THE DIVORCE HAPPENED#NGL there's a part of me that almost hopes Dragon was Objectively Horrible (in a heated moment that he really regrets)#Just so Crocodile could be at least a little justified in being at resentful towards Dragon#I dunno it would not sit too well with me if the Cishet Man Dragon was 100% In The Right And Never Did Anything Wrong#And then it's the transgender man who does all the morally questionable horrible shit because he's an evil queer#(There's more than plenty of positive queer rep in OP to balance out one (1) evil trans character don't get me wrong)#(But it would be sad if Crocodile was An Evil Queer especially because he's the one who has transitioned)
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something something “when something is gone it keeps existing” in WBY and donna’s lost memories keeping her up at night for 15 entire years
#my posts#i love this line so much despite the batshit insane context#when the ppl we love are gone they still exist inside us#we carry a little piece of them everywhere we go#they’re always there even though they’re gone#also when you drop a tie yes it still exists on the floor
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i just wanna know. what does anyone want artists to do. im really just curious. Like if u steal all of our work and chase us out of all of the jobs and crush every single one of us until we either die or quit. Whats the end goal. artists provided their work for free for 2 decades and built their lives in digital spaces. And in a few years the landscape is changing drastically away from that :/. I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of artists being disrespected. And yet its not going to Stop. Our spaces are still snuck into and scraped, our work is still stolen, and we still have people that are just outright fucking nasty to us just bc u draw a furry animal or are queer. what is anyone supposed to do. our communities were destroyed. our spaces were destroyed. so many artists are Gone and scattered to the winds. What is anyone Doing.
#not art#more than anything else its just Venting#i genuinely. want to die So Bad because of this shit dude.#like i built my whole entire life in digital spaces because there was Nothing for me outside of them#and now theres nothing Inside of them either#and i feel so fucking empty#my friends are hurting or Gone#my peers are Gone#the spaces only get Worse#my peers are being Stolen From over and over#the infighting is its OWN thing and i COULD tolerate that when it was Most of what i was dealing with#but now its . from the outside too#now theres outfighting and infighting! and i cant . theres just no space for me#theres no space for anyone! they were all fucking crushed#and its So Difficult to feel like theres ANY POINT to building your work online anymore#why should i keep fucking posting??? feed an art bot and an algorithm??? my friends arent going to see it#the people i like arent going to see it#whats the fucking point.#vent#vent post#-_- sorry#cw sui ideation#im So SO tired man :( im so Fucking Sad too#i never get any less sad looking around my spaces anymore :(#we had th and artfight and even those are fucking. a part of scraping now. and it is truly the final straw for me?#like you came into OUR spaces#OURS. for ARTISTS. and ARTISTS ALONE...#and you STOLE our work :(#that we put out FOR FREE ANYWAYS.#. :(
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we dont have enough fanart and fanfics about sauron in numenor. im begging for scraps im manifesting im sending signals to the universe
#angbang#mairon at the edge of his grief. going insane the whole religion temple human sacrificies prophet thing for his dead master#i need him on his knees in front of a huge melkor sculpture DESPERATE like a dog searching for his owner after they are gone#like normally in first age its different but when melkor isgone and after everything that happens#i need him at his most pathetic.like hes doing all that and hes cunning hes powerful his mind is still sharp but sharpness goes into insani#and inside he is absolutely torn and in pieces and everything he was suppressing and running away from catches up with him#and then cue fall of numenor#but like. i need a really good psychosexual fic with grief. i really am manifesting. my prayers will go to the universe#and one day a writer on ao3 will go into some kind of trance to create exactly that and better i believe it#and on fanart wise. 1. mairon kissing melkor sculpture with tears. 2. mairon on his knees in front of the sculpture#perhaps forehead to the floor too full on worship style#for extra i would not say no to a h*rny psychosexual grieving fic where mairon does some stuff with the sculpture#you know the kind of fic that makes you miserable and turned on at the same time#anyway. another post to delete later#&#no one will read this but im open to any recs too like send me links fanart fanfic it doesnt have to be like what i said#i just need sauron in numenor i am starving
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Me: oh no, my stomach has been acting up a lot for 2 weeks already, and I have a trip to England in a few days... Google: You can't use Imodium for more than 48h!!! Me: Ah, shit. A literal shit! Me: Doctor, please, is there any medication for IBS? Doctor: No, unfortunately. Imodium typically helps. Me: I've been using it and it does help. How long can I use it in one go? Doctor: Up to 3 weeks. Here's a prescription for you. Just take less when your symptoms start to subside. Me: Oh heaven's bless QuQ
#if you don't know how it is to live with a stomach#which will shit out everything you put inside when the flaring happens#when eating ANYTHING is like playing Russian roulette with diarrhea#where you NEED TO go to a toilet in THAT INSTANT and not 5 minutes later#be SUPER HAPPY#this is a genetic family curse from both parents' side#this is what happens when your families live in the same fucking 200km area for at least 650 years#breeding with one another#I've been really stressed out lately with everything#with finances and the job#the company I work in has gone to bankruptcy and I'm pretty much waiting for them to kick me out#Patreon income has dried to 1/3 since I stopped drawing FUZZY#PMS isn't helping this at all#the IUD has been a blessing but it hasn't taken all of PMS away#which it apparently even doesn't do#tmi#niu's life#i need the new job#something where I can operate despite by diseases
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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maybe it's from the particularly acute disappointment of marc injuring himself at the sachsenring but this weekend (so far) has made me feel incredibly nervous for marc's future. like no guarantees of course but if marc was going to win anywhere this year (when the gap between the gp23 and gp24 is increasingly obvious, as you mentioned) it was going to be here. and i'm definitely overreacting because i'm emotional about it but it feels like him hurting himself here feels like a bad sign not just for this year but for the future at large. because it's a reminder that his body can't handle the riding style that used to take him so far. scary!
taking these two together ahahaa. this is truly the life of a sports fan huh
honestly with marc I've now swung so often and so far between 'it's so over' and 'we've never been more back' that I've gotten to an exciting point of. well. I suppose we'll have to see. I mean look, back in that jerez to catalunya stretch it did look like he might be able to be a serious title contender this season. at risk of making myself look like an idiot, I think we can pretty safely conclude that's not happening this year. but y'know, broadly what he needs to do is to figure his shit out for the rest of the year... like he kinda needs to just understand what this version of him can do under what circumstances. the thing about winning is that it's also a habit, it's something that becomes essentially muscle memory, you need to kinda have that reflexive understanding of how you've done it in the past - both in the context of races and titles. and it's still in there for him!! but he's just got to... take the rest of the season to chip away at the gap. currently, pecco and jorge don't just have the edge on him in pace, they have the edge on him in process. that's not just the bike, though it is also affected by marc being less familiar with the ducati. but pecco and jorge have just kind of gotten to the point where they know how to approach most weekends in a way where, more often or not, they will kinda maximise what was on offer for them that weekend. sometimes they chuck it down the road! but in terms of pure pace potential, right now they're getting to the point where they're there. marc is just a series of 'what ifs'. they're not all his fault, he's gotten unlucky, he's in a tough situation, he's still getting used to the new tracks on a ducati etc etc etc... but that's what this year is for. figure out the process, figure out how you actually go about getting wins in the current era - keeping your physical condition in mind - and take it from there
the physical stuff is the... yeah. the thing is, I do think he is capable of winning without all this crashing to figure out the limit. honestly, this approach of his made me deeply uneasy well well before what happened at jerez 2020. that injury and aborted comeback didn't feel like a fluke, it didn't feel like bad luck - in an awful way, it did feel like it had been a long time coming. that being said... well, y'know, marc was the only one who could win titles on the late 2010s honda, and part of the reason for that was that he figured out how to get a capricious bike just to the limit during races. you do not need to chuck the bike down the road fifty times per season to win the title on the ducati. pecco and jorge have very much shown that. sometimes it will just be dumb luck who gets injured or not! the sachsenring crash yesterday you can't really put down to marc being stupid or being irresponsible. he was hardly the only one who fell, weather conditions were tricky, shit does happen (not ideal that he tried to save the crash specifically because he knew his other bike had problems, plus the thing where he went out again before going to the medical centre, mind you). sometimes you fall a lot and you're fine, like marc for most of his prime. sometimes you crash at the start of the race and fall in front of the pack and your survival is up to fate. which is of course what happened last year to pecco, still one of the scariest crashes I've ever seen live in terms of crashes where you really do think you just got very very close to watching someone be killed in real time. this is the thing, right... at the end of the day, you can hope that marc finds an approach that relatively minimises the risk to his body - but also, you can only control so much. especially with where his body is at right now, there's only so many bad knocks you can take. you never know, you can only hope
overall, I have been thinking for a while that it's almost a bit... odd? how the physical stuff hasn't really featured at all in 2025-26 hot takes? I reckon people don't really want to think about it playing a big role, and also I suppose 'well one of them could get injured' is treated as just an underlying assumption of following motorcycle racing... but like we saw with catalunya last year, it's not just stuff that takes you out for ten races that can have big title race repercussions. especially given how marc traditionally went about winning titles, how big a part of that process it was for him. we've had such an incredible lucky streak from the start of the season until mugello that being afraid of injuries has almost... receded a little bit? in everyone's minds? after last year, in particular, where it just felt like you were always worrying about someone, it was just so relentless... and now injury worries have just come back with a vengeance these last few weeks and it is a little scary. a lot of this is scary. no real escaping it I'm afraid
but yes! anon! I agree with you! we'll get back to the smile and we'll get back to the optimism too.. at the end of the day, you can only do what you can do. we'll see what happens. if we're all massively underestimating just how much that sweet red bull cash can do and ktm comes out with a rocket ship next year and pedro wins the next ten titles, so be it. you never know
#thank u summer break to let him recover. imagine if we had a race next week#putting this in the tags because I don't LOVE this comparison when it comes to 'literal competitive picture' rather than 'vibes/emotions'#but it is essentially valentino's 2013. like take your time figure this shit out and see what's possible going forwards#valentino was way more depressed about his competitive outlook than marc is right now. with good justification#but that's kinda the point no? like valencia '13 the idea that valentino would get THAT close to winning a title again would've felt insane#sometimes u do just have to bet on the fuck you talent. and also it's about mindset! u can trust them to try EVERYTHING#basically it's not a done deal but he's also not doomed. who knows. who knows#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#anyway having now gone the full way from 'oof what if his domination bores me again' to 'what if we're FUCKED'#can i just throw in a little 'what if we get the 2008-09 equivalent of winning titles through smarts rather than speed' into the room#forget relentless pace FORGET injury hell. i want you to laguna him!!#i mean you couldn't really laguna pecco but the point is you need to find a customised approach. use ur brain i believe in u#completes the trio of stolen overtakes from pecco's mentor and last corner catalunya's him. imagine the narrative implications#ignore how pecco is definitely a better defensive rider than jorge and actually knows how to protect the inside line. screenshot this now#current tag
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This Year
"Gil?"
"Oh," he looked up from sweeping the floor of the shop, still wearing his suit and everything. He sniffled and swiped at his nose, "h-hey."
Thena came into the shop, letting the door drift closed behind her. She also still had on the dress she had worn to the school formal, with her white coat unbuttoned over it. "We turned around and you were gone. What happened?"
"Uh," he tried to turn around, pretending to sweep more thoroughly. He hunched around the stick of the handle, "well...remember how I was gonna ask that girl?"
"I recall."
Thena didn't really like her, but when he had asked her if he should ask, she had given him her support anyway. Thena was a good friend, like that. All their friends were.
"Well," Gil sighed, finally setting down the broom and toying with the tie that was loosened but still hanging around his neck. He must have looked so stupid, "she never showed."
"She stood you up?"
"Wait!" he rushed out, knowing that if Thena got out the shop door, she was going to run to that girl's house and throttle her with her bare hands. "I-I mean, I dunno, maybe she had something come up. Maybe...maybe she had something more important to do."
Thena walked closer to him by the front counter. She crossed her arms at him, "nothing should be more important, if she's the right person."
Gil sighed again, not done with his pity party. He still had the stupid flower he was going to give her, too. "Guess she wasn't."
Thena softened, losing the hard edges to her severe expression. Everyone always said Thena was so scary looking, and maybe he could see it if she was pissed off. But he never thought of Thena like that; she was actually really sweet and considerate.
"Then she's not worth your tears."
He sniffled again, but Thena reached up and brushed some off his cheek for him. It wasn't like he had any reason to act like a tough guy around Thena, anyway. After spending all their lives together, it wasn't like she didn't know he cried at sappy movies and videos of puppies walking for the first time.
"And if I ever see her-"
"Hey," he chuckled, grasping her hands in his before she could start naming the litany of things she would do to his failed date. "Look, it doesn't matter, okay?"
She still had a face that made it seem like it very much did.
"I mean," he shrugged, "just 'cause she talks to me in math doesn't mean she wanted to go out with me. Guess I could have thought of that before asking her, but whatever."
"Gil," Thena started and then paused. She liked to choose her words carefully. She looked at him, tilting her head because after hitting middle school he was finally taller than her. "You don't need her."
He chuckled, "thanks."
"I'm not just saying that as your friend," Thena continued. It was more words than he was used to, from her. "You are kind, and sweet, and as far as I'm concerned you are the only boy I have ever known to have any sense."
He snorted, "c'mon, what about Kingo?--or Druig? Or your own brother?"
"Certainly not," she rolled her eyes before paving over his interruption. "You are the best person I know and...and I would hate to think that you wouldn't believe me."
He did feel like the best, when she put it that way. He sighed, just staring at her under the hum of the fluorescent lights of the shop. He always thought they were kinda depressing, like in apocalypse movies, giving a weird tint to people's skin at night.
But Thena always looked so beautiful.
Thena raised on her toes, in the low heels she was wearing to match her dress. For having said that she was only going because their mother said that she had to if Ikaris went - which was a very Ajak thing to say - she certainly hadn't been lazy about her outfit.
Gil closed his eyes, smelling her perfume as she pressed her lips to his. He forgot about the broom, his arms looping around her back as she slid hers around his neck. He had never kissed a girl. He had - secretly - been hoping that tonight would be his opportunity.
This was far, far better than he could have expected.
Thena pulled away, her eyes darting around, looking at him and wondering what he was thinking. She must've let Sersi and Makkari do her makeup because her eyelashes looked darker and longer than usual. "Gil?"
He blinked, still just staring at her. He felt like he was king of the world, though! Man, kissing was way better than everyone made it seem. He had thought surely it had been overhyped, but no, definitely not.
"Gil!"
The rest of their friends also piled into the shop, also looking haphazard with ruffled hair and half buttoned coats. Sersi came charging in first, her hair bouncing around her. Ikaris slid in right behind her, looking the most frustrated. Makkari and Druig followed in after.
"Are you okay?" Sersi asked, "last I checked you were waiting for your date. Next time I go for some punch no one has seen you and Thena's gone too."
"Uh," Gil blinked, as if time had paused and now he was no longer holding - and kissing - Thena, but now Sersi was talking to him and Thena had slid three feet away. "Y-Yeah."
"Yeah?" Ikaris repeated, obviously not the one most enthused to have left the party. He looked over at his sister, though. Despite the rule that if Ikaris went, she had to go, Ikaris was still her brother (annoying and somewhat overprotective). "What?"
"What?" she asked back, even more defensively.
"What's wrong?" he asked more directly, walking closer to her as if he could smell someone expressing interest in her.
"Gil, are you okay?" Sersi asked him much more sweetly (what she saw in Ikaris, none of them would ever know).
"I'm okay," he smiled, nodding at her. The sting that had him dragging his feet all the way home and in here had faded. It almost felt totally healed, actually. "I, uh, got stood up."
"What?!"
That bitch. Makkari shook her head, although Druig was clearly in agreement with her, even if he was too much of an old soul to ever call a girl a bitch.
"Look, it's okay guys, really," Gil again tried to dissuade his much more bloodthirsty friends (Thena, Druig and Kari). "I think it might have been a misunderstanding, actually."
"You're making excuses for her," Thena pursed her lips. Although, given what just happened, maybe her distaste of his date wasn't just disapproval. He raised his eyebrows at her and she rushed to look away from him.
"I drive you all and no one can close a single car door?" Kingo huffed at them as he finally joined their little pity-party. He looked at Gil over everyone else's heads, "you good, big guy?"
Gil snuck another look at Thena, who blushed faintly. He chuckled, "yeah, I'm a lot better, now."
"Good," Kingo let it suffice. He had his moments of deep emotional understanding, always peppered in between his usual need for attention. "So, what's the plan?"
Everyone looked at everyone else, standing around in Gil's uncle's shop attached to their home.
"Uh, hey!" Gil smiled, finally tugging his tie off completely. "Gramps only ran out to get some pizza and stuff. I was just gonna lock this place up anyway. You guys can come in and...hang out, if you want."
"Party at Gil's!"
He smiled, relieved that he hadn't spoiled the night for anyone. Makkari and Druig happily linked hands and went to the fridges to pick out drinks for everyone. And he knew they would have no problem ditching the formal dance, dates or not.
Ikaris gave his sister another glare, but they were equally stubborn, so there was no way he was going to get any answers from her here and now. He let Sersi drag him away by the arm to pick out sweets.
Sersi did lean back to whisper to Thena, "I assume you went through with it."
Thena swatted her away, as well as Kingo, who gave her a look that seemed between Sersi and Ikaris' levels of knowledge. She ducked her head.
Gil swayed in her direction as their friends helped themselves to the family shop. He felt pretty confident for a guy who had been stood up on his first official date a mere hour earlier.
"You didn't have to invite us to stay," she advised him, also swaying in her hesitation to choose a direction.
He shrugged, pulling just one hand out of his suit pants pocket. "Hey, we should have some fun tonight, right?"
Maybe surprised by his optimism, she smiled. "I suppose you're right."
"Uh," he started and looked around, losing some of that confidence again. Thena just looked so pretty, it was hard to think straight. "I-I guess this is kinda lame, but..."
She stared as he pulled out the flower he had gotten from behind the front counter. "You got her a rose?"
"Well, I wanted to get something," he shrugged, snapping off the long stem like it was nothing. He chuckled, "i actually picked the white one because...it reminded me of you."
Thena let him slip the budding rose into the bun binding her hair together. She stared up at him.
"Sorry," he blushed, slipping his hands into his pockets again. "I'll pick you something more special, next time."
She smiled, visibly resisting the urge to touch it now that it was settled in her hair. She looked towards their friends, already heading towards the back door that would lead through his garage and to the house. She tugged at his sleeve faintly, "it'll be perfect."
#Thenamesh AU#poor little Gil!#but listen he's such a sweetie#he's young and impulsive!#this girl talks to him everyday in class and he goes hey you wanna go to the winter formal together?#she kinda goes............sure#he tells Thena and she's like great I am so very happy for you#Sersi and Makkari are literally dying inside#so the night comes#Ikaris is going with Sersi and Ajak tells Thena she has to go too#what's the point of having twins if she can't tie them together when she needs a night to her herself?#and she also ships Thena and Gil but whatever#Thena sees Gil waiting outside for his date but goes in with their friends#but she's watching him#the whole time#she comes out of the bathroom and boom he's gone#she goes all the way to his house#sweet baby Gil bursting into the shop crying about his stood up date#Karun is like you wait here I'll get pizza I'll get snacks I'll let you have your first sip of beer young man!#he comes back and everyone is already having a great time#he - and everyone - notice the flower in Thena's hair#and he goes my work here is done
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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment#wow#i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying#if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time#and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted#so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself#because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to#go in myself either way was way worse to me#because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to#''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever#and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in#and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed#although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this#that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...
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being so incredibly sick and not being able to take time off work is actually the most draining thing i have so much guilt about getting other people sick and so much frustration because the entire reason IM sick is because nobody else is allowed to take off work either i’m so sick of this
#like my coworker had the flu last friday and wasn’t allowed to call off she tried and my boss made her come lmdao#i would’ve gone the fuck back to sleep and ignored her call but#god#i’m so annoyed#if i have a 103 fever at work all day on friday the first thing yoh say to me about it#should not fucking be#“you better rest all weekend so you’re good to go by monday#like#my boss was saying how it was unfortunate she didn’t know i felt so bad#WHY WOULD I EVER FEEL COMFORTABLE TELLING YOU THAT J DID??????#she’s the most non empathetic person in the world like#one of those people who will compare every little ailment yoh have to her own life#so of course when i got in trouble for wearing my winter coat inside because of the chills#she was like#i’ve been cold all week and i didn’t wear my jacket!#FUCK OFF#none of this even makes sense i’m just rantinf
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