#but what i DID have was dinosaur cookie cutters.

[levydrune]

DINOSAUR CHEESE TARTLETS

[watarfallar]

*throws this at you and escapes out the window of a ten story building*

Ren: What are you two arguing about this time? Grian: They’re always using common phrases incorrectly! Martyn: Cry me a table, Grian.

Mumbo: Which country has the most birds? Mumbo: Portu-geese! BigB: That's a language. Mumbo: Portu-gull? BigB: Good recovery. Lizzie: I think you mean good re-dovery. Grian: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

Bdubs: So the other day I sent Joel out to get us some gas. Bdubs: And instead of getting gas, they got us novelty cookie cutters. Bdubs: Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. Bdubs: … Bdubs: I love them so much.

Cleo: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell! Joel: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

Martyn: What do you want then? Cleo: Er… something work related. Martyn: What department is this? Cleo: Sorry? Martyn: Well, if it’s work related you’d obviously know what department this is. What department is this? Cleo: *looks at Joel and Etho* Some sort of homosexual department? (<- bro this one is too perfect lmao)

Skizz: I can never give Bdubs shit because I’m jealous of them. They look at their life and say, “Sweet! This is perfect!” Skizz: I look at my life and say, “Welp. Time to get drunk.”

Pearl, to The Squad: You should change your passwords to “incorrect”. Then, every time you forget it, the system will remind you, “your password is incorrect”.

Scott: Well, Joel, is there anything you would like to say to Etho? Joel: How do I put this delicately? You’re a horrible roommate and nobody likes you. Scott: How about we frame our statement with “When you do this, it makes me feel this”? Joel: When you live here, it makes me angry. Because you’re a horrible roommate and nobody likes you.

Jimmy: As usual, Jimmy has to save the day! Tango: As usual, Tango has to hear about it.

Ren: If I ever had a child, I imagine they would be a lot like you. Gem: Aww, thanks— Ren: Which is probably why I’ve never reproduced.

Mumbo: Don’t mansplain this to me! Gem: Wh- I’m a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you! Mumbo: …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

Scar: “Struggle with depression” would seem to imply that I am bad at being depressed when I am, in fact, very proficient at being depressed.

Impulse, looking at their watch: It has been 2 hours and sixteen minutes since I’ve been insulted. Impulse: It’s been about 5 seconds since I’ve been assaulted, but let’s not talk about that.

Skizz: *mixing different alcoholic beverages together* Scar: What are you making? Skizz: A mistake.

Impulse: Some of us are still ‘it’ from a childhood game of tag. Lizzie: Way to just fuck me up on a Tuesday.

Martyn: Joel taught me to think before I act. Martyn: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

Scott: Assert your dominance over your friends by kicking them in the face, and then giving them a little smooch on the forehead!

Grian: Have you heard of Murphy’s law? The one where if something can go wrong, it will go wrong? BigB: Yeah, I have. Grian: Have you heard of Cole’s law? BigB: Is this a joke about coleslaw? Grian: …maybe.

Pearl: I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Grian: *walks into the room* Lizzie: They’re covered in blood again. Why is it they’re always covered in blood? Pearl: Well, it looks like it’s their own blood this time.

Bdubs: As a responsible adult- Scott: *chuckles* Bdubs: … As a responsible adult—

Cleo: Fun Fact! The average person will walk by 36 murderers in their lifetime. Martyn: I like how this is a "fun" fact. Etho: It's fun because they didn't decide to murder you.

*crawls back into the room after jumping out of the window and dragging myself up ten flights of stairs*

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!

[mrsarcherofinfamy]

●Drew Mcintyre x Reader●

Summary: You are the babysitter for Drew's two boys. What will happen when you babysit the boys on Valentines day?

________________________________________

*Y/N's POV*

I am standing in the kitchen making some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while the boys are sitting at the island coloring some pictures. I grab the dinosaur shaped sandwich cutter and cut the sandwiches for them. I grab some paper plates and put the sandwiches on them with a handful of some chips. I walk over to the island and set them down.

"What?! Dinosaur sandwiches?! These are the best! Thank you Y/N!"

"Thank you!"

"Of course boys. Whatcha drawing Oakley?"

I lean on the island looking over at him. Oakley is his youngest son who is 5 years old. Eli is his other son who is 8 years old. I have been their babysitter for a few months now and it is safe to say that I love it. Oakley picks up his picture showing it to me.

"Did you draw.... a tiger? Because they are your favorite animal?"

He giggles loudly causing me to laugh.

"Yes!"

"And what did you draw Eli?"

He picks up his picture showing it to me.

"Is that.... me?"

I put my hand on my chest smiling slightly. He smiles and shakes his head yes.

"Is it me and you?"

"No! It is you and my daddy."

"Oh. Why your daddy? And why the heart?"

"Because my daddy has a....."

"Hey boys!"

I jump looking over at the front door seeing Drew walking in.

"Daddy! Look what Y/N made us!"

He sets his stuff down on the floor and walks over in-between them. He looks at their sandwiches than at me.

"You made them dinosaur sandwiches?"

I giggle looking over at him.

"Yeah. I saw the cutter at the store and thought they would love them. I'll have to look for more."

"You dont have to do that."

"But I wanted to. Those are my boys."

He stares at me, jaw dropped a little. I giggle looking away from him. Eli taps his shoulder and Drew shakes his head looking over at Eli.

"What's up dude?"

"I drew this picture for you daddy."

He picks it up and hands it to Drew. He looks at it than at me and back at the picture.

"Did you draw you and Y/N?"

"Nope! That's you and Y/N. Ya know because of the big crush you have on her."

I giggle, putting my hand over my mouth looking away from them blushing. Drew's eyes go wide looking at Eli than at me. I look back at him smiling.

"Kids say the craziest things."

He grabs the picture from Eli, walks over grabbing his bags and walks back over to the island.

"I am going to put this picture in my room along with my bags. I will be back."

He quickly runs up the stairs and I look over at Eli and Oakley leaning on the island.

"So I will be back on Wednesday for Valentines day okay? Do you boys wanna make your daddy some cupcakes? Brownies? Cookies?"

"Can we do all of them?"

"Ya know what? We will."

"Yay!"

"It's a secret. You can't tell your daddy okay?"

"Pinky promise."

I smile and hold my pinkies out for them to pinky promise me. Drew comes down the stairs wearing a black tank top and basketball shorts. I look over at him and stand up.

"What are we pinky promising here?"

I put my finger on my lips telling the boys not to say anything. Oakley looks at Drew and does the same as me. Eli looks at Drew smiling.

"It's a secret daddy. We can't tell you."

"Oh yeah? Well I got a secret for you guys too."

I smile looking over at him. Drew looks over at me leaning on the island.

"Well guys. I am going to see you on Wednesday. I have to go home now."

I walk over, hugging Eli and Oakley before I grab my backpack heading towards the door.

"Bye Y/N!"

The boys yell before I walk out the door. Drew follows me outside leaving the door open just enough so he can hear the boys. He looks down at me smiling.

"Thank you so much for taking great care of my boys. It means a lot."

"It's no big deal. I love them. Even though Eli said your little secret out loud."

I poke his chest sticking my tongue out. He blushes looking down and I laugh at him.

"Yeah yeah. Now you know. Anyways, I will be seeing you on Wednesday right?"

"Yup. Same time as usual?"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Bye!"

I walk to my car, get in and look over at Drew on the porch watching me. I wave goodbye and leave.

_________________________________________

*Wednesday. Valentines Day*

I pull into the driveway seeing Drew playing on the trampoline with the boys. I get out grabbing the grocery bags out of my car and walking them to the front door. I turn around to walk back to the car and see Drew grabbing some bags out of the car. I walk back to my car grabbing the rest of the bags. We walk to the front door together.

"What are all these bags for?"

"Me and the boys secret surprise for you."

"Oh my gosh. You are to much."

I giggle and we take the bags in together putting them on the island. He pats my shoulders than runs back outside. I walk outside seeing him run back to the trampoline. I walk out, lean against the porch pole, watching them jump around and Drew does some wrestling moves on them. I sigh smiling a little than walk back into the house. I start putting all the ingredients and extras away when I hear the front door open.

"Y/N!"

Both the boys coming running over to me as I kneel down getting ready for them to hug me. They run into my arms and we hug for a little before they let go looking at me.

"Did you get the stuff for the surprise?"

"I did. I got a bunch of stuff. But your dad has to leave for us to start."

I look up at him and the boys turn looking at him as well.

"Go Daddy go! Don't you have a meeting to get to?"

Drew grabs his small bag, hugs the boys and smiles at me.

"I will be back in about 2 hours. See you than."

"Bye!"

He closes the door leaving and I am still kneeling on the ground looking at the boys. They turn back around looking at me.

"We better get baking before he comes back!"

I grab all the ingredients and stepstools for the boys to reach the counter. We start baking our cookies, brownies and cupcakes.

_________________________________________

*about 10pm*

I am sitting at the island playing on my phone when the front door opens. I look over seeing Drew coming in looking upset. He looks over at me.

"I'm so sorry I'm late."

"Shush. The boys are asleep."

I whisper to him and he walks over to the other side of the island looking at me.

"I'm sorry. The meeting went way longer than I thought it would. And I got the boys some presents afterwards."

He sets two Valentines gift bags on the island. I smile looking at him and he looks at me confused.

"Did you take a shower? Your hair is all wet."

"I did and the boys took a bath too. We had icing all over us."

I giggle and point to the ceiling. He looks up than looks back at me.

"How did you manage to get icing on the ceiling?"

"Well, we made you some cupcakes, cookies and brownies as a present. The boys wanted to put icing on the brownies so, I heated up the container a little. I took it out and put it on the counter to do it but, Eli grabbed it telling me he could do it. But the container was still hot and he dropped it....."

"And it exploded all over you and them?"

"It was everywhere. If you find icing in the kitchen somewhere, don't be surprised. Besides the ceiling."

"Well you guys had a tough night. But I know how to cheer you up. I got you a little surprise too."

"Oh you didn't have to."

He walks over to the front door, opens it and leans out grabbing something off the table on the porch. He walks back in with a big bouquet of flowers in a vase with a heart balloon tied to it. I gasp, cover my mouth with my hand and start tearing up.

He comes around the island next to me setting them down infront of me. Some tears roll down my cheeks as I look up at him. He wipes my tears away looking down at me and puts his hand on my cheek rubbing his thumb on it.

"Happy Valentines Day. I appreciate everything you do for me and the boys. Ever since you have came into our lives, me and the boys couldn't be happier. That's why I wanted to ask you....."

He grabs my hand looking into my eyes.

"Y/N.... will you be my girlfriend?"

I start tearing up some more looking up at him.

"Yes. Yes I will be."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Oh my gosh. I didn't think that was going to work."

I giggle and look up at him standing up infront of him. He looks down at me putting his hands on my shoulders.

"You really wanna be with me?"

I roll my eyes giggling at him.

"Just shut up and kiss me you big stupid idiot."

He cups my face with his hands, leans down and kisses me very sweetly. I put my hands on his shoulders kissing him back. He pulls away not letting go of my face.

"You dont know how badly I've wanted to do that."

"Sure did take you long enough."

[stevethehairington]

seven sentence sunday ✍️

helloooo besties. i wasn't actually tagged by anyone to do this, but i'm vibrating out of my skin about my newest fic and i wanna share so. i'm doing this anyways dsjfsld.

so, without further ado, please enjoy seven lines — well, a little more than seven lines bc i have no self control — from my f i r s t buddie fic 🥺

That pulls a laugh from Eddie, and he momentarily forgets his proposition to defend himself. “Come on now, I didn’t bring that much of our stuff. You say that like I U-Hauled our whole life into this place.” The curve of Buck’s mouth grows gentle again, and his eyes stay steady on Eddie, laughing along until he tilts his head and asks, “Didn’t you?” The question is light, still a little teasing, but there’s something else under it. Something softer. Something more earnest. And the thing is — he did. Eddie did move his entire life into Buck’s apartment. Christopher’s toys, spilling across Buck’s living room rug. Eddie’s clothes, mixed into Buck’s drawers. Their shoes, lined up neatly together by the front door. It’s Eddie’s favorite brand of ice cream in the freezer, and Christopher’s dinosaur shaped cookie cutters in the kitchen drawer, and the blanket Eddie’s abuela made for them draped across the back of Buck’s couch.  But even if none of their stuff had made it, it is still Eddie in Buck’s bed, and Christopher at his breakfast table. The three of them, under one roof. Together.  It punches the breath out of Eddie, and he has to drop Buck’s gaze, because if he doesn’t there’s no telling what those big blue eyes could compel him to say next.

i'm gonna tag: @withacapitalp @thefreakandthehair @strawberryspence @henderdads @steddiealltheway @starryeyedjanai @steddieasitgoes 💕

[faekishi]

Had a lovely art session a week ago and did a training sketch.

Now as for the AU. One thing about me you gotta know is I love Dinosaurs. Obsessed with them.

Yes, I do have a good supply of Dinosaur Shaped Chicken Nuggets. Yes, I got dinosaur shape cookie cutters. Yes, I consume any and all news of fossil discovery and scientific updates. And yes, I got much more. So the last few weeks I been watching the Jurassic Park/World series and docs.

And for like a Dinosaur Park AU. I was thinking of what characters that would be Dino Keepers. One of which was Aizawa. And I instantly thought Aizawa would do well in reining in raptors. And I think utah raptors would be a good fit for him!

This is all I have for now! But, I will make more in soon! You should expect though the finished digimon piece next.

Take care of yourselves!

[return-to-twisted-wonderland]

🔆anon

More incorrect quotes go!

— —

Toryn: I wanted to cancel on this party, but I don’t know how.

Domino: You could always just not go.

Dekker: Say you’re sick.

Kit: Pretend you broke your leg.

Dusk: Or really break your leg!

Toryn: Why did I ask you?…

—

Trey: Is that a gun?!

Trinity: It’s not what it looks like.

Trey: It looks like a gun.

Trinity: Okay, so maybe it is what it looks like. But it doesn’t have bullets anymore, so it can’t hurt anyone.

Trey: Unloaded still isn’t ok- ANYMORE?!

—

Dekker: Shut up, Trey. I only shook your hand because I had to. We will NEVER be friends.

Trey: Let’s do this together.

Dekker: I hope you die!

—

Kit: I went out shopping with Kalim.

Kit: In addition to getting groceries, we got novelty cookie cutters because Kalim cannot be resisted. And now all our cookies are shaped like dinosaurs.

Kit: …

Kit: I love both things very much.

—

Dekker: Azul, what’s your favorite flower?

Azul: I don’t have a favorite, but lilacs are nice. Why?

Dekker: …

Azul: We’re you going to get me flowers?

Dekker: Maybe….

—

Dusk: Can you keep a secret?

Dekker: *raises one of his notebooks*

Dusk: I don’t know if that’s a yes or a no…

—

Dusk: I don’t dab. I stab.

—

Jade: I think Dekker might be a bit… off… today.

Dekker: Leave me be! Azul isn’t home to stop me! I’m going feral!

—

Dusk: Heads up. If you try to make a candle with food coloring, it will all fall down to the bottom of the glass. When the flame eventually reaches it, it will all catch fire in one giant flame you cannot possibly blow out. Then the glass will start to crack, and you’ll start to panic and throw your hot cocoa on it causing the mixture to get even more hot and boil and sizzle horribly before the glass finally shatters. Take my word on this.

Malleus: What did you make?

Dusk: A mistake.

—

Domino: I hate people using big words they don’t know to try and sound smart. People will understand you better if you use the words you know fully.

Silver: I photosynthesize with that.

Domino: … Silver.

—

Epel: How high are you?

Toryn: 6’6.

Floyd: Nah, idiot. He means what drugs are you on.

Toryn: Antidepressants. Why?

—

Oh look, a chaos gremlin (Dusk) and a normal child (Malynne). It’s a wonder how they both share a father.

Oh no! They’re both gremlins!

—

2!Canis: I’m a ninja!

Ruse: No you’re not.

2!Canis: Did you see me do that?

Ruse: Do what?

2!Canis: Exactly.

—

Malynne: Please Poppa! I don’t speak meme! I don’t know what a ‘yeet’ is!

—

Rook: I’d let you ruin my life.

Malynne: Sorry, I’m busy ruining my own, you’ll have to wait.

—

Domino: I can get straight A’s in school. Why can’t I be straight with my love life too?

—

Kit: I hate Jamil.

Kalim: Aww, don’t say that. Jamil’s nice and hates a strong word.

Kit: Fine. I loathe Jamil.

—

Toryn: Coffee no longer keeps me awake, so instead I get Vil to text me ‘we need to talk’ periodically. It gives me enough adrenaline and fear to keep me going.

— —

Toryn honey no

[withinthecode]

Incorrect Quotes

Ask for the context for any one that could have it and you will receive

Encra: Remember how I once thought that this place couldn’t possibly be any weirder than my hometown? Encra: Well, now I’m not sure how to feel about being proven wrong.

Trace: Holy shit, Obirah'a, do you know what this means?! Obirah'a: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

Naas: Oh man, you have any shaving cream? Demea: No, I don't like the way that it tastes. Naas: Wait... you eat shaving cream? Demea: No. Why would I eat it if I don't like the taste.

Cors: I'm very scary. Lani: You're about as scary as a wet kitten. Cors: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me. Lani: And small. Cors: Cors: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

Fari: Gears won’t wake up, what do I do? Sali'a: Did you try kicking them? Fari: Yes. Sali'a: I’m out of ideas.

Aniv'a: out cold on the ground Leo: Oh beacon, do you think ve's okay?! Mau, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! dumps all of the water on Aniv'a’s face

Asa: What’s sexting? Gandr: I'm not having this conversation with you.

Demea: How does one turn their emotions off? Sahra: Okay, so first go to settings. Sahra: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first. Demea: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?

Arsaa: What was that? Jax: My shirt fell. Arsaa: It sounded a lot heavier than that. Jaz: Dae was in it

Tara: sighs I have no friends... Molly: Molly: coughs Bitch, what am I? A roach?

Carwyn: in a jail cell What about my Miranda rights!? You’re supposed to say I have ‘the right to remain silent’”! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! Seren: in the cell next to them You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity

Ian: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person. Yor: Actually, Elena is my favourite. Ian: Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

Liv: I’m sorry for being annoying. Liv: It will happen again.

Triv'vi: Takes a sip of milk and gags Triv'vi: Oh my god, is this expired? Triv'vi: Takes another sip of milk

Ami'va: So the other day I sent Aniv'a out to get us some gas. Ami'va: And instead of getting gas, te got us novelty cookie cutters. Ami'va: Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. Ami'va: … Ami'va: I love ter so much.

Anipr'a: What’s the announcement, Gears? Gears: It’s a lecture. Asa’s gonna tell us everything he know about sex. Aanx: It should be an enjoyable 60 seconds.

Elena: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

[cursed-elo-images]

YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS, BUT I HAVE EVEN MORE ELO INCORRECT QUOTES!!!

Richard: You have Crayons?

Melvyn: Yes, I have—

Richard: You're— how old are you?

Melvyn: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

Jeff: How long do you think it'll take?

Richard: I don’t know, three or four.

Jeff: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?

Richard: Yeah, maybe five.

Jeff: Five what?!

Bev: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk?

Jeff: The final boss.

Richard: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?

Bev: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!

Bev: Jeff, what do you value about Richard?

Jeff: He’s thoughtful. He picks flowers and brings them to me. Often they’re ones I’ve just planted, but...

Richard: That’s how I know they’re fresh!

Melvyn: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?

Hugh: I only like dark humor.

Melvyn, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?

Hugh:

Melvyn: An IMPASTA!

Hugh: Is there something you would like to say, Melvyn?

Melvyn: Oh, there are SEVERAL things I would like to say.

Richard: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along?

Bev: What did you just say-

Richard: Foetons! *Laughs*

Bev: Wh-what?

Kelly: If I run and leap at Bev, he will most certainly catch me in his arms.

Kelly, running towards Bev: Coming in!

Bev: No! I’m holding coffee!

Bev: *Drops coffee and catches Kelly*

Melvyn: Hugh just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then he reached down and untied my shoe.

Bev: I know what you're up to.

Melvyn: Really? Because I barely know.

Hugh: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight.

Jeff: Actually, Hugh, after all these years, I just sort of go with it.

Melvyn: When life gives you lemonades, make lemons! Life will be all like "whaAttT?"

Mik: Life lessons that schools can't teach you.

Richard: Oh, they left the bowl out?

Richard: It says, “Take two pieces of candy.”

Hugh: Nobody around though…

*Hugh grabs the entire bowl and runs off with it*

Richard: NO—

Hugh: So the other day I sent Melvyn out to get us some gas.

Hugh: And instead of getting gas, he got us novelty cookie cutters.

Hugh: Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur.

Hugh: …

Hugh: I love him so much.

Melvyn: *venting endlessly to Richard about his week*

Richard, every once in a while: *in a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.

Bev: Do we have any orange juice left?

Hugh: *pours the remaining juice into his cup*

Hugh: Sorry, we’re all out.

Jeff: Are you listening to me?

Hugh: *nods*

Jeff: What did I just say?

Hugh: *nods*

Jeff: …

Jeff: Oooh, a train!

Richard: We’re in a train station, Jeff.

Melvyn: Time freezes for everyone but you one day. What do you do?

Hugh: Oh… I’d mildly trouble everyone.

Melvyn: Alright, so what would you do?

Hugh: I’d shave a one-inch thick line in every thick beard I saw.

Hugh: I’d twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren’t working.

Hugh: I’d make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one.

Hugh: And I’d tie everyone’s shoelaces together.

Hugh: And then lastly, I’d snip a little hole in every tea bag.

Melvyn:

Melvyn: Remind me to never allow you to have power.

Bev: You know, it’s fine to admit you were wrong.

Hugh: *Sipping his drink after accidentally adding salt* I just like the way it tastes.

Mik: The first time Melvyn opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"

Bev: I am 39 cheetos tall.

Richard: Why... are you measuring your height in cheetos?

Bev: Because we're out of doritos.

Bev: Yeah, I find it quite emotional. In like a cool way.

Hugh: Did you just say it makes you cry in a cool way?

Melvyn: Jeff.. I'm gonna cry!

Jeff: Please don't.

Melvyn, crying: Request denied.

Richard: Tomorrow’s the Cooking Contest. Bev always tells me one thing every year. They say, “You might win if you’d stop eating your entry!” But how would I know whether it’s an award-winning dish without tasting it first? This may be a problem humanity will have to grapple with for eternity…

Jeff: Hugh is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.

Jeff: I'm never having a debate with Hugh again, he literally started his argument with "Riddle me this."

Hugh: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?

Melvyn: No, I said "Hugh, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

Jeff: I suppose you’re right. We really would be better off working together.

Hugh: So, then… détente?

Jeff: Agreed.

Hugh: Understanding?

Jeff: Possibly.

Hugh: Cooperation?

Jeff: Maybe.

Hugh: Trust?

Jeff: Out of the question.

Hugh: Ew. What kind of tea is this?

Melvyn: I boiled gatorade.

Jeff: Melvyn is forbidden from monologuing.

Hugh: Now it's time for some witty back and forth banter. You go first.

Melvyn: *sobbing*

Hugh: Look, I'm not sure where to go with that.

Jeff: Melvyn, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong?

Melvyn: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before?

Jeff: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

Bev: So, what's for dinner?

Richard, staring at the food he burnt: Regret.

Kelly: Which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?

Richard: Neither.

Richard: Because it's twelve.

Kelly: I'm very scary.

Richard: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.

Kelly: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.

Richard: And small.

Kelly:

Kelly: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

Melvyn: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?

Richard: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

Melvyn: Richard, can I ask you a question?

Richard: You just did.

Melvyn: Okay, can I ask you two questions?

Richard: You just did.

Melvyn, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!

Richard: You just did.

Melvyn: When?!

Richard: Just now.

Richard, handing out popsicles: Which flavor do you want?

Jeff: Blue flavor!

Richard: Uh, you mean Blue Raspberry?

Jeff: Blue flavor! Blue flavor!

Richard: Blue is not a flavor!

Jeff: BLUE FLAVOR!

Bev: I can't take you seriously wearing that.

Hugh: Aw, you take me seriously at all?

Bev: Fair point.

*Jeff and Hugh are texting*

Jeff: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste. NONE.

Hugh: I got spring water.

Jeff: NO!

Hugh: With EXTRA minerals!

Hugh: It’s like licking a stalagmite!

Jeff: DON’T COME HOME!

Hugh: Mmmmmm, cave water.

Bev: Kelly, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.

Kelly, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than his size: Spooky.

Mik: Richard, you need to calm down.

Richard, slamming his fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

Hugh: *plays shreksophone*

Hugh: Woo.

Hugh: Time to listen to this on loop for all eternity.

Richard: ...Genius coping mechanism my friend

Hugh, holding a scooter: Bev! Can I go outside and play with this?

Bev: Sure, whatever. I'm not your parent, okay?

Hugh, running outside: Thanks Bev!

Bev, running out after them and screaming: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY!

Hugh: Slash gamemode creative.

Mik: Dude, this isn't Min-

Hugh: *starts levitating*

Melvyn: I desire moisture.

Bev: Please just say “I want water” like a normal person.

Hugh: You remind me of the ocean.

Richard: Because I’m deep and mysterious?

Hugh: No, because you’re full of salt and you scare people.

Jeff: N… No!

Hugh: A fair rebuttal. However, consider this counterpoint: Y… Yes???

Melvyn: The joy of hanging out with Hugh. You look away for 5 seconds to make sure something is set up correctly, and he bites the tip of a marker off.

[margindoodles2407]

Margin's Absurdly Oversized Repertoire of Star Wars Quotes: Part Four

The Clone Wars: Part Five

*Obi-Wan has just wiped the floor with everyone after a game of cards* Anakin: Dang, Master, are you secretly cool? Obi-Wan: Well, Sabacc is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool. Anakin: I do not. Anakin, to Ahsoka: I'm leaving for the weekend, so I hid 100 credits in your room for food. Clean your room, and you will find it. *after a long, hard, grueling mission and several interplanetary time changes* Ahsoka: I’m so jetlagged I can’t even regrender my chorf. *Everyone stares at Ahsoka* Ahsoka: I don’t even know what I was trying to say. Ahsoka: Can we go out to get ice cream? Anakin: Did you ask Obi-Wan? Ahsoka: He said no. Anakin: Then why did you ask me? Ahsoka: He’s not the boss of you. Anakin, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap. Anakin: Anakin: Let's go. Anakin: When you've been a Jedi for as long as I have, you develop thick skin. Ahsoka: Royal blue isn't your color. Anakin: Royal blue brings out my eyes you jerk! *Chases after Ahsoka* Ahsoka: *sighs* Anakin: You bored? Ahsoka: Yeah. Anakin: Wanna start drama for no reason? Ahsoka: I thought you’d never ask. Ahsoka: Okay, two person huddle. Rex: You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug. Padme: So the other day I sent Anakin out to get us some gas. Padme: And instead of getting gas, he got us novelty cookie cutters. Padme: Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. Padme: … Padme: I love him so much. *Anakin and Padme flirting with each other yet again* Ahsoka: And you two are sure you're not married? Padme: 100%. Anakin: Of course not! Why would you think that? Obi-Wan: I wonder why that possibility would even cross my mind, Anakin. I kriffing wonder. Obi-Wan: I think I like tea a normal amount. Anakin: Yeah, because 36 ounces of tea a day is "normal."

[mostlygibberish]

I liked the part with the [HONKING] pterosaurs.

Have you ever wondered: What if Kylo Ren crash landed on the planet from Ark: Survival Evolved, but also it was home-brand The Last of Us? Yeah, me neither.

Most of this movie was just Adam Driver stumbling around, falling over, and injuring himself. It kept wildly changing in tone from one scene to the next; Sorrowful drama, tense action, slapstick comedy, whatever the hell that ending was meant to convey. No chance I could have any sort of attachment to this character with his cookie-cutter man-pain backstory, or the girl who barely communicated the whole time and had no backstory to speak of. 

The only thing she actually did made absolutely no sense, too. She randomly smeared poison berries on a dinosaur fang, then stored it in her backpack, solely so that 30 minutes later it would be the exact thing they needed in the specific situation she couldn't possibly have predicted they'd be in.

It really felt like they had planned to reveal that this took place on Earth somewhere through the course of the movie. They even added a little time-lapse at the end showing the rise of human civilisation as though that would have been only hinted at before that point, but then right near the start a literal plot synopsis just came up on screen, outright explaining that it was on Earth 65 million years ago.

The only explanation I can think of is that some studio executive was worried modern audiences wouldn't put two and two together, so they had to just blatantly state it or risk losing the five people who wouldn't otherwise have figured it out. The best part though is that it made absolutely no difference to anything that they were on Earth. So if it wasn't a surprise reveal and it didn't affect the plot, what purpose did it serve?

Stupid and pointless. Mildly amusing in the unintentional sense, but not enough that I'd recommend it to anybody.

[thedisneychef]

Disney Puffed French Toast Recipes

This recipe, like all great recipes, was first used out of desperation. Desperation and an overflow of bread.  And it so happens to be one of the recipes that has some of my fondest memories. I swear, whenever I feel a little bummed and lonely for Disney, these are my pick-me-ups, my hug-on-a-plate. Just back from Disney, I was in what I call the "Disney Blues."  People who've been are, I'm sure, familiar with it.  Symptoms of "Disney Blues" usually include listening to music from the park constantly, re-watching favorite Disney movies, habitually checking ride line apps on your cell phone to just to see how long ride waits are (like it matters), and dwelling on irrational, pointless thoughts like "Right now, somebody's FastPass for (insert favorite ride) just became active and now they're on the ride and I'm not." I myself freely admit, I'm guilty of all some of these offenses. Anyway, it was the morning, I was in the midst of full-swing Disney Blues, and trying to recreate Disney in any way possible.  Usually this meant making my favorite foods into a Mickey shape. In the last week, we'd had Mickey-shaped pizza, Mickey-shaped cookies, Mickey-shaped sandwiches... If it could be made to the face of Mickey, I did it. My plan of attack this morning was to break out the Mickey cookie cutter and make toast shaped like Mickey. Not all that creative, but it was early and I'm not a good morning thinker. Then, out of the sleepy fog I was operating in, it occurred to me... Extra bread is perfect for French toast. French toast, which I've never made before and had only a rough idea of what went into making it. Surely Mickey had a solution... And he did. I cracked out my Mickey Cookbook and found this amazing recipe for Puffed French Toast from Crystal Palace.  As soon as the first batch of toast hit the frying pan, it smelled just like every food court and restaurant at the Magic Kingdom during breakfast. Of course it tasted so Disney, sweet and decadent, heavy without being filling. I almost felt like it was time to go conquer the parks after breakfast. Tons of memories came flooding back like they'd happened yesterday, the castle lit up at night, getting your first glimpse of EPCOT on the way to your hotel to check in, walking with a full tummy from Tusker House to Dinosaur because you're a little too full for Everest... This recipe made me so happy, and brought back so many amazing memories, it was the inspiration for me to seek out other Disney recipes And that inspiration inflated my Disney recipe collection from just two little cookbooks to over 1,500 recipes that are direct from Disney, not to mention being on a first-name basis with the customer service rep (and several cast members, even a chef or two) of various restaurants around the The World. And who would have thought all of that would come from too much Wonder Bread? :) Read the full article

[isopale]

No one's going to see this so it really won't matter but I both fit and don't fit this.

Growing up I was always the tomboy. I wanted the "boy toys" and things but rarely got them because I'm a girl. I hated it. I reme.ber saying many times I wish I was born a boy. One of my friends remembers it to. But aside from the regular rumor spreading around that I was lesbian nothing else really happened.

I can fight when I need to. The 2 birthdays i remember was my 6th being a pokemon themed, and 10th being YuGiOh themed. But the only reason I was allowed that was because my brother also liked those things so idk what my parents reasoning was.

Now tho? Nah. I'm happy as a girl, woman, what ever, I am me. I still love many of the "boy" things, my house is filled with dinosaurs and dragons and Pokemon and gaming consoles. I wear what ever fits me and makes me happy (or at least doesn't set off the body dysphoria), be it a dress and makeup or my husband's clothes.

After a lot of work I realized that I didn't want to be a boy, I wanted my brothers favoritism from my parents. Or just to be treated equal. I wasnt neglected but I was forced into a cookie cutter that I hated and resented. I cut all my hair off when I was 9 and had a (terrible) pixie cut for years after. I liked it when people mistook me for a boy, I didn't correct them, I didn't want to. I learned what trans was at some point I don't remember when. And I wanted that. Because maybe finally I could like what I like and do what I want without anyone saying "but you're a girl".

But things changed when I killed the voice in my head that said the same thing. When I had a job and a car I would buy "boy" things and I would hear it and feel guilty. "But you're a girl." But I like it and I want it. So I killed the voice eventually.

My kid is like me. But I won't be doing what my parents did. She loves dinosaurs and when she grows out of them mommy is keeping them haha. She loves dragons and bugs and snakes and dirt. But she also loves princesses and sparkly dresses and little high heels. I've fought with my mother over this a few times, finally after kiddo refusing to play with or pretend to like the "girly" things my mom would buy her she's coming around. She still doesn't like it but I won't let her push my daughter onto the same path I took.

I am me. Call me she, he, they, it doesn't matter how you perseve me, I know who I am and you can't break me. There's nothing anyone can say to me that I haven't already said to myself and believed. I'm not a great parent but she will be safe to grow into who she wants to be, she can have all the boy toys she wants and all the glitter I can afford.

So I fit and I don't.

I graduated high school in 99.

There was a student at our school named Wayne.

Wayne was gay. It was obvious. He was unable to stay in the closet even if he wanted to. To make matters worse, he was also Black. From a bullying standpoint, that was not a great combo. Both Black and white students made fun of him relentlessly. He was ostracized from the only community that may have given him protection. Only us theater kids stuck up for him, but not to significant effect.

Wayne was bullied so much that at one point he finally snapped and attacked his bullies with a lunch tray. I was actually seated in perfect line of sight and just sat there chewing my soggy fries in stunned silence. It didn't even seem real as I was witnessing it. The image of him wailing on his main bully as the food on his tray flew off is permanently logged into my long term memory.

The bully he attacked had blood all over his face and went straight to the nurse. Other than superficial cuts, he was not injured.

Before the attack, Wayne went to teachers for help. He went to guidance counselors for help. He went to the principals for help.

He did all of the things you were supposed to do. No one helped him. They wagged a finger at the bullies and warned them to stop.

Wayne's lunch tray melee was the only thing that worked. His bullies stayed far away from him. But a week later Wayne was expelled and the bullies were given no punishment.

So... no.

No one in my school talked about being trans.

Because the only way to survive being openly queer was to bash people with a lunch tray.

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Parks & Rec #5

Diavolo: How is this a child’s size?

Beelzebub: It’s roughly the size of a two year old if they were liquified in a cup

•

MC: Last week he was supposed to buy gas, but instead he bought novelty cookie cutters.

MC: Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. He’s amazing.

•

Diavolo: When I say “parks” you say “department!”

Diavolo: Parks!

Everyone: …

Diavolo: Parks!

Mammon: Apartment!

•

Mammon: There’s been ten assaults already this year

Solomon: Can’t you station a park ranger out here

Mammon: We have! Who do you think they’re assaulting!?

•

Lucifer: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are.

Lucifer: Actually, it’s gonna bug me if I don’t

•

Satan: I think I may have found a project I’d actually enjoy doing. Helping these cats and dogs.

Satan: They should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people.

•

Luke: I’m not afraid of cops. I have no reason to be. I never break any laws ever….

Luke: Because I’m deathly afraid of cops

•

Asmodeus: I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a part in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable really, I felt like I was floating.

Asmodeus: Turns out there wasn’t pot in it, it was just an insanely good brownie

•

*intense food poisoning*

Beelzebub: The calzones…betrayed me?

Leviathan: I was dying earlier today. And then I died. Now I’m dead.

•

MC: My husband, Mammon is a progressive champion of women’s rights

Mammon: Babe, the ovens ready. Chop-Chop! Time to get baking. Daddy want pie!

•

Barbatos: I relish your wit.

Diavolo: Well I salsa your face

•

Satan: Ugh, I hate talking…to people…about things.

Satan: This is a nightmare

•

Mephistopheles: So what’s the crime here?

Mephistopheles: Parking while black?

•

Mammon: What is wrong with you today? Did they cancel game of thrones?

Solomon: Nothing is wrong just do your job and they would never cancel game of thrones

•

Mammon & MC: *going grocery shopping*

Lucifer: I have total faith in you

—

Lucifer: There’s, like, a 30% chance they’ll both die

•

Beelzebub: Bacon wrapped in shrimp

Asmodeus: No thanks. I’m okay.

Beelzebub: I wasn’t offering

•

Citizen: There’s a sign at Deadman’s park that says “do not drink the sprinkler water” so I made some tea with it as now I have an infection

Lucifer: *Turing around in chair slowly*

Citizen: Sir? Sir? Are…are you listening to me

Lucifer: *Continuing to turn away*

Citizen: Sir. I’m talking to you

Lucifer: *Still turning*

Citizen: Sir!

[6rookie-writer0110]

Hearts in the clouds

Chris Evans x Male Reader

Summary - Chris is happy to spend Christmas with his husband and son.

Chris is happy to be home because he finished filming in Canada. Now he has time off and he wants to spend it with his family. Chris is sitting by the piano and he is teaching his six-year-old son named Nate how to play the piano. A few minutes later, you come home with and Nate runs to you. You pick him up and he hugs you and you kissed his head.

“I’m playing the piano with dad,” Nate said.

“Oh that sounds very fun” You smiled.

Chris walked towards you and kissed you on the lips. He grabbed Nate and you take off your jacket. You and Chris are in the kitchen, you watch Chris start making dinner. You start to talk about your day and Chris does the same talk about his day and what he did with Nate.

“He wants to bake Christmas cookies, I told him we would until you come home,” Chris said.

“Aww. We can bake the cookies after dinner” You smiled.

“He will be happy about that,” Chris said.

After dinner, you and Chris bake cookies with Nate. Chris showed him how to use the rolling pin and Nate is having a good time. Then you showed Nate how to use the cookie cutters.

After the cookies are baked and cool down, you teach Nate how to put frosting on the cookies. Chris takes pictures of you and Nate. Then you and Chris eat cookies with him while watching a kid's movie.

“Babe, he fell asleep,” Chris said.

“I will take him to bed,” You said.

You gently pick up Nate and take him to his bedroom, while Chris is cleaning up the living room.

You walked to your bedroom and you see Chris changing into his pajamas. Chris lies in bed and you change into your pajamas. Before you lie in bed, Chris grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him. You cuddle with Chris and he kissed you.

“I’m happy you are back home,” You said.

“I’m happy too. I miss being in bed with you” Chris said.

“Even when you snore I still like sleeping next to you” you teased.

“I do not snore” Chris laughed.

You and Chris have been married for years. Everyone knows about the marriage, you and Chris still keep some stuff private. Now and then Chris likes to post pictures of you and Nate on Instagram.

---

The next day, you and Chris take Nate to a Christmas Tree Farm. He is feeling very excited about it, Nate wanted to meet Santa and he ran towards Santa Claus.

“Nate!” You yelled.

Chris laughed and you went after your son. Nate did take his picture with Santa and he can't stop smiling about it. You and Chris walk around looking at trees and it took a while to pick one.

“I’m hungry,” Nate said.

“We will get food in a little bit,” Chris said.

“I want ice cream,” Nate said.

“You will get something else no ice cream,” Chris said.

Later, before going home you and Chris bought donuts and hot chocolate for Nate. He is happy about it and you grabbed more donuts.

One at the house, Chris set up the tree in the living room. Nate helped you bring out the Christmas ornaments. Chris helped you and Nate decorate the tree and the living room.

✬ ✯ ✫ ✫

You and Chris go Christmas shopping and Chris loves to spoil Nate. You already bought gifts for Chris and his family, you and Chris buy gifts for Nate together.

“My family is coming over again to our house,” Chris said.

“This time we have to buy extra pies,” You said.

“Yeah, we do. I think we should get a dinosaur toy for Nate” Chris said.

“He will like that,” You said.

Chris already bought you something for Christmas. He can't wait for you to open it on Christmas.

“Babe, look” Chris smiled.

Chris showed you new flannel shirts and Cardigan sweaters. You laughed and watched him put a lot of my clothes in the cart.

--

You and Chris are holding Nate’s hands while ice skating. It's his first time and he has been smiling all day.

“I want to go fast” Nate smiled.

“Okay, don't let go of our hands,” You said.

You and Chris start to go fast and Nate starts to giggle.

“Faster!” Nate smiled.

You and Chris do go a little faster. You and Chris keep skating with Nate, he did fall and he starts to cry. You picked him up and carried him out of the rink, he doesn't let go of you. Chris did cheer him up with a hug and ice cream.

Much later, you and Chris go home and he helps Nate change into his pajamas. Chris sets up a Christmas movie in the bedroom. Nate is comfortable in bed then you and Chris cuddle with him and watch the movie.

--

Nate is sleeping in his bedroom. Chris is in the living room, trying to make it romantic. He pressed play and romantic music starts to play. Next, he starts to light the candles and he can't wait to see you.

“Babe, what is this?” You asked.

He smiled and walked towards you “y/n, I wanted to show how much I love you. Do you want to dance?”

“I will dance with you” You smiled.

You and Chris start to dance and you can't stop smiling. He kissed you on the lips

“I’m a lucky guy that I have you as my husband, I love you y/n,” Chris said.

You kissed him and smiled.

“I love you too and you are the best husband,” You said.

You and Chris keep dancing to the music.

[shemarmooresfedora]

Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Masterlist

Chapter 2

Your phone buzzed as you were giving Jo a bath. You swiped accept and pressed the phone between your ear and shoulder.

“Hello?” you spoke.

“Y/N? Hi, it’s JJ, Henry’s mom,” JJ answered.

“Oh hi! What can I do for you?” you chirped.

“I hope it’s okay I got your contact information from Mrs. Flynn. Henry has been dying to have Josephine over for a play date,” she explained.

“Jo would love that! She was just telling me about how Henry and her pretended to be dinosaurs the entire recess,” you laughed.

“Oh my, thank god I didn’t get a call from the school about any biting. Anyways, I could pick Jo up after school tomorrow and bring her home with us if that’s alright,” JJ offered.

“Of course, I’ll let the school know when I drop her off that she can go home with you. I’ll pick her up at like 5,” you replied.

“Sounds good! Bye Y/N!” JJ responded.

“Bye! See you then!” you hung up the phone.

You were excited that one of the moms had finally called you. It seemed like most of the moms of the kindergarten class had a clique. They all lived in the same posh neighborhood and you had heard they had cookouts where they would all gossip about the other parents while their husbands grilled. You undoubtedly were a source of their gossip. Just because you didn’t fit into their cookie cutter lifestyle apparently deemed you not good enough for Jo to play with their kids.

-

You lightly knocked on the door.

“Hey!” JJ exclaimed as she opened the door.

“Hi!” you waved back.

“Come in, come in. The kids are in the backyard. They are actually getting a lesson from Henry’s godfather about dinosaurs. They seem very enraptured,” JJ chuckled.

“We can give them a few more minutes. I’m actually so glad you called. I’ve been trying to schedule play dates with kids for Jo for months but I had kind of given up at this point,” you stated.

“Yeah let’s face it, some of these moms are absolute bitches. They don’t like that I am an FBI agent. Apparently it’s not very ‘ladylike’,” JJ grinned.

“Exactly! Like is this high school?” you agreed, “I don’t understand how Jo’s father not being in the picture makes her any less of a good kid. It’s like they have a checklist that the kids have to follow.”

“Well then Jo and Henry can just be best friends and stick it to them. That preppy gated neighborhood is such a far drive anyways. Also, if you ever need someone to watch Jo, Will and I are more than happy to help,” JJ offered.

“Thank you, that means a lot. We better get going so I can get started on dinner. Next play date can be at our house. I’ll text you about a day and time once I check my calendar,” you smiled.

“Perfect! The kids are right out back so you can just call out through the window for them,” JJ said.

“Jo, honey! Mommy’s here! We gotta get going!” you called out even though you couldn’t see her through the window.

“But Mommy, Spencer was just telling us about the stegosaurus and you know that’s my favorite one,” Jo whined.

Spencer? It couldn’t be. Oh god, JJ did mention she was an FBI agent. Your eyes visibly widened and the color drained from your face as you ran for the porch door.

When you opened the door, Spencer’s head snapped up to meet you. You avoided all eye contact with him, walking straight over to Josephine.

“Josephine, we are leaving now,” you said firmly and scooped the child up, briskly walking to the car.

You buckled her in record time and pulled out of the LaMontagne’s driveway as quickly as you could.

It’s been seven years without any contact and suddenly he was everywhere.

-

“What was that?” JJ asked, “Y/N was completely fine one second and then she looked like she had seen a ghost.”

“Y/N and I dated in college,” Spencer whispered, trying to process his second interaction with you in less than two days.

“How many years ago?” JJ asked.

“Seven,” Spencer furrowed his brow.

“Spence, Josephine just turned six. That plus the pregnancy would be nearly seven years. She has said the father was never in the picture,” JJ slowly explained as she was putting the pieces together herself.

“N-no, Y/N, s-she would have told me, right?” Spencer was shaking his head profusely.

“Well how did your relationship end?” JJ asked.

“I-um I broke up with her when I got accepted to the academy because I didn’t think it was fair to keep her waiting for me,” Spencer stuttered.

“Let’s look at this from her perspective, you dumped her and then moved across the country. Spence, no offense but if I was her, I probably wouldn’t have told you either,” JJ spoke softly.

Spencer remembered the kid’s hazel eyes and curly brown hair that was eerily similar to his now that he thought about it.

“I’m going to be sick,” Spencer ran off to the bathroom.

After a few minutes, JJ knocked hesitantly at the bathroom door.

“Are you alright in there, Spence?”

“Just trying to cope with the fact that I most likely had a daughter out living in this world for six years that I didn’t know about,” he mumbled.

JJ opened the door and walked in.

“Well, do you want to get to know her?” JJ asked.

Spencer smiled softly as he leaned back against the bathroom wall, remembering the adorable giggly little girl he spent the afternoon with.

“Yeah, I would love nothing more but I’m not sure Y/N feels the same way,” he spoke softly.

[soap-ful]

Art advice from someone who needs art advice but the specific kind that only I know how to give

A 2am write up by a burnt out artist with nothing better to do :)

Okay so let’s rate the typical tutorials people will look up (generalized)

Anatomy

Features (hair, eyes, lips, etc)

Bodies (in terms of shape)

Anatomy is one of the MOST IMPORTANT things when drawing!! It comes before stylizing and basic features - you need to know anatomy before you branch off into your own style! (Take as long as you need. I started out without any knowledge regarding anatomy - it’s how it goes. You’re never perfect.)

Second to anatomy is FEATURES! Eyes, hair, lips, clothes/folds, shading - those are second. I once asked a professional painter how she got things so perfect, and she said she would just repeat what she needed to understand. She filled an entire sketchbook with eyes, another with lips, another with hair, and so on. (She additionally did this with anatomy - one for hands, one for feet - then onto more complex shapes with heads, arms/legs, torsos). She would then fill an entire sketchbook with everything added together - basically she would redraw puzzle pieces until they ‘fit’.

Now, body shape is a rather stigmatized thing in the community of young and growing artists. I’m sure you have seen the classic ‘women are round/men are square’ or the ‘hourglass vs. rectangle shape’ or the ‘girl eyes vs. boy eyes’. While I do believe these help with basic anatomy skills and helps artists convey the cookie cutter gender alignments, you need to remember that boys have eyelashes and girls can be square. Don’t be too worried about conveying yourself properly! It comes with practice!

REMEMBER! Learning is a mess! You can learn in so many ways - I’m still learning, Picasso was still learning, that two year old with crayons is still learning.

Find your own rhythm. It’s frustrating and you’ll cry and the pictures in your head won’t come out as beautifully as you imagined, but you need to realize that not all tutorials work for every person, and that you don’t need to hyper fixate on a singular piece of advice from one artist.

There’s no holy grail of knowledge on how to make things look ‘good’. Time and patience and lots of crying is the only grail you’ll get - and that’s okay! It’s okay to rip your paper and throw your book and scribble over something and throw something out. It’s okay to give up and do something else, it’s okay to discard an idea you really liked, it’s okay to never get to an idea you really liked.

It’s okay to say that you can’t, but you need to also think that you’ll be able to someday. ‘I can’t, but someday’ gives you something to look forwards to. I cant colour clouds the best, but someday I will and boy howdy they’ll be tasteful.

HOW DO I GET INSPIRATION?

This is something specific to me - it doesn’t have to be followed religiously. But I like to watch things. Sometimes a mild existential crisis brings me ideas (I.e. wow, I’m here and breathing and the universe is expanding a billion times over but I’m touching scratchy grass rn and the temperature is just right and look at the fuzz on that bee). Recognize the things around you and how you’re present to recognize it.

Visualize the colour wheel! Where would damp grass sit? A blush on the skin? A honey bee’s yellow? One of the most surprising things I’ve found from colour picking is that purple clouds in an orange sunset almost always get picked out as grey. Lighting is important to your colours and you need to consider that! Sunset grass is different from morning grass!?

I’ve also found that watching people’s sped up art processes have helped me develop. You get to watch their ways of blocking in shapes and making things look natural, no matter what style it’s in.

WHAT DO I DO IF IM IN AN ART BLOCK??? HELP??????

Do a daily doodle. I know you want to draw that masterpiece you have in your head and the pencil just won’t work and maybe you just suck - no, open a notebook book or file, and draw something simple. Something to smile at. A frog, a flower, an eye, a stupid face, a dinosaur - draw with the aim of satisfying your need to put pencil on paper. Write your masterpiece idea down for later. It can wait.

Just remember that all tutorials are to help you grow and not for you to base your entire art life on.

If you don’t like how you draw your eyes, try something else you come up with. Don’t like your shapes? Try something different. It won’t hurt you, it won’t make you stop drawing. If you mess up on something new you’re trying, that won’t end your hopes and dreams, even if it may smush them. (I try so goddamn hard with my clouds that I can’t even begin to explain how badly I NEED TO GET IT RIGHT)

It’s not easy! You’ll hate everything you do!

But I think the moment you draw something, even if it’s a tiny part of the piece, and you say ‘huh. what a pretty thing.’

That is what you’re supposed to aim for. Creators usually see nothing truly beautiful in their pieces, so relax, go with the flow.