#but we also don't have to actively deny the existence of that behaviour. there's no need to ride into battle for this guy

[finitevariety]

it's wild to me how people get facts and logic very quickly about their faves whilst ignoring how hard it is to ever have evidence of creepy behaviour between you and a stranger you met in person.

Ultimately the nature of interactions is that you can't always provide a citation for everything that happens.

Braun's behaviour at Ray's, in itself, could be just regular consensual fun between adults—though imo a little pathetic because in essence he's created a fan farm from which, on any given night, he can thwap a willing woman's body out of the pile like a salmon from a pen. So, whatever, if we're going facts and logic about this: disregard.

But is it more believable that the tiktoker—a young woman, who has pictures, who knows that by saying this she is inviting a huge amount of negative attention—is lying, or that Nicholas Braun did in fact try to sleep with her despite knowing she was a minor?

Sometimes people allege things that aren't true. Mitski did not, for example, traffic children(!), and that was obvious from the jump. But what about this scenario rings as unbelievable to you? Is it because he's tall and goofy? Did you see him cover Non-Threatening Boys and internalise it as fact? What more evidence should she, or could she, have obtained in that scenario?

Like, sure, the story about him actually sleeping with a different girl the same age is technically hearsay, but this isn't a literal court. I feel pretty fucking comfortable saying that the meat of the tiktoker's story—everything about what happened to her personally—is enough for me to form a conclusion.

[luneemeritus]

Stella was depicted as an abuser since her first appearance in LooLoo Land. Stolas wakes up next to her, miserable. Defeated. The way she steals all of his blanket, leaving him vulnerable and cold, while denying to check on their child that was screaming for help, is VERY CLEARLY a sign of her disgusting behaviour.

In "You will be okay", Stolas melancholically sings about how his life is over and how he would never find love nor happiness, yet even still, he is able to find strenght and be with his daughter. Stolas is a SURVIVOR. He isn't whiny, he isn't dramatic, he isn't responsible for Stella's abuse. He was a teenage boy forced to be a father, a husband and a guardian of legions and powerful magics. He is a VICTIM and, most importantly, a SURVIVOR.

Later in the Episode, Octavia wakes up with her mother screaming, yelling and destroying Stolas's belongings. This is abuse. This isn't she being "reactive over his cheating", this is abuse. She is not a hysterical silly woman angry because her husband cheated on her, she is an abuser. Octavia, growing up in a dysfunctional house and unaware of the abuse her father was going through, doesnt understand the situation around her and thinks both her parents are to blame. She is a 17yo clueless child that grew up with a physically, emotionally and sexually abusive woman as her mother. OF COURSE she thinks her parents "used to love each other until Stolas cheated". But the audience KNOWS what is truly going on. Yes, Stolas's haters, Stella's defenders are also audience. They know Stolas is a victim. They just don't care, they pretend the show brought Stella's abuse "out of nowhere" when no. It was always there.

When Stolas offers to take Octavia out, he says "anything but staying in this house". Their house is hostile. Neither Via nor Stolas call it home. And the responsible for this hostality is NOT Stolas, it's Stella. When Stolas takes accountability for putting Via in an uncomfortable situation that she didn't consent to (what a good father would do), he tries to tell her about his and Stella's relationship.

"You have to understand. Your mother and I... we weren't in.. she hasn't been... I haven't been... I'm sorry, I don't have the words."

This is a victim. Stolas is unable to tell the truth, because he doesn't want Via to see her mother as a villain. Even though she is. Stolas is a victim, trying to protect his daugther from what he knows will hurt her. He was about to tell her that he and Stella were never in love, that she hasn't been a good person but a nasty abuser that ruined his life, but he couldn't let it go. This is trauma response. I know it's all obvious, but it's tragic that we still need to explain the obvious.

During season 1, Stella was shown emotionally abusing Stolas, neglecting their kid and abusing him in front of their kid, throwing objects and people at him, destroying his things and paying an assassin to kill him. All because she felt offended because he cheated on her with an IMP, a class that she ACTIVELY and PROPOSELY mistreats (no, it's not the same as Stolas's internalized bigotry, which is still bad, but Stella knows what she is doing and she enjoys doing it). She was always an abuser, it was NEVER a "mutually destructive" relationship. Her defenders chose to not see this.

After The Circus, we had the three reveals about Stella that made it impossible to defend her: 1, they were forced to marry, 2, she physically abused him as well, and 3, Via only exists because Stella raped Stolas multiple times. Neither of these are retcoms, neither of these "came out of nowhere". Stella was always depicted as an abuser, the show just added more context. THIS IS NOT BAD WRITING, this is a depiction of a type of abuse that society REFUSES to believe that happens.

Stolas is not responsible for anything. His "cheating" doesn't make him a bad person. As himself quoted, "cheating implies that there was betrayal. This woman never gave two fucks about me, nor our so called arranged marriage". There is no cheating. Stolas was forced to marry her, he was abused by her and he chose to move on with his life. He doesn't have to be forever stuck with his abuser and never meet anyone else in his life just because. IF they had a consensual, loving marriage and he suddenly decided to cheat, then yes, he would be the one to blame (YET EVEN STILL, KILLING THE PERSON THAT CHEATED ON YOU IS UNJUSTIFIABLE. CHEATING SUCKS. TAKING SOMEONE'S LIFE IS PURE EVIL), but this is not what happened. Stolas did nothing wrong regarding his relationship with Stella, he didn't "cheat", he didn't deserve to be abused nor having his life threatened by her.

Yes, Stella was also forced to marry him. Yes, she was also forced to be a mother in her teenage years. You know what she wasn't forced to do? She wasnt forced to hit Stolas, she wasn't forced to rape Stolas, she wasn't forced to host parties to humiliate him, she wasn't forced to pay an assassin to kill him. She chose to be an abuser. If she was a decent person, they could have been allies in a bad situation. But she isn't a decent person, she chose to make his life miserable.

As Stella's defenders are unable to understand that rape and abuse aren't ok just because they were done by a cishet rich racist woman, let's change the perspective: is Angel Dust cheating on Valentino? It's heavily implied that they had a consensual relationship, full of love on Angel's side, until Val became more and more abusive. Is Angel, by disobeying him, sleeping with other men (outside of work) and falling in love with Husk, cheating? Does he deserve to be raped, enslaved and trafficked because he's "also to blame"? No, he doesn't. Angel is a victim, Valentino is an abuser.

Stolas is not a flawless person. But pretending Stella "did nothing wrong" and is just "bad written" while hating Stolas for evils that he never did (x) (x) (x) (x) is just vile. A media is not "bad written" just because you don't like it, this is an accurate depiction of domestic violence where the victim is a gay, neurodivergent, socially isolated man and the abuser is a woman with every single social priviledge that a queerphobic, patriarchal society expects. This is not bad writting. You just have bad faith against the authors, ops I mean, agaisnt the only queer woman working on the writing procress.

[grapejuicegay]

A... rather personal defense of Pran

I've seen a lot of people being confused about Pran's behaviour and rather upset by him. But like @waitmyturtles said in their review, "I see Pran dealing with something really complicated." Which, yes. That's what this post is about. I just don't think it's about Singapore.

It's about Pran's OCD. I think there was a consensus last week with the way Pran talked about it that it was a recent diagnosis. And I think this episode just confirmed that for me.

This is where the personal part begins - I was diagnosed with OCD in 2020, in the very first few months of covid. When I told people about it I got about the same response that we had to Pran - it's not surprising but it's good that it's an official diagnosis now.

Such a diagnosis is almost a relief when you get it because suddenly a lot of things start making sense. But it also comes with a very fun challenge - learning to deal with it. Because while you understand why you get so much more anxious and overthink more than most people, you're also suddenly more aware of your thought patterns. You have to be, to find a way to work through them, to not give into the intrusive thoughts. But looking at the intrusive thoughts is one of the best ways to let them take over. You do have to look at them though, because you have to learn to recognise them. Because you cannot deal with them until you do. It's a rough cycle.

I was a few years older than Pran when I was diagnosed, and in a very different place in my life. The pandemic that we didn't know a lot about at that time looming over our heads did not help my anxiety, but the lockdown gave me something really special - time and space to work through it all. I wasn't in college so I didn't have the constant looming threat of deadlines and figuring out my future in that very moment. I also didn't have the very unique set of stressors Pran lives with - friends and family from whom you're hiding a relationship that if revealed could potentially lead to very severe consequences, consequences that in the past have been the worst of his anxieties come to life. Nor a relationship to maintain while being overtly aware at all times that this is not the kind of relationship your partner would really want, that they're only in this because of you.

And there is the sacrifice of it all. There is the thing that keeps coming up again and again - that Pat does so much for him. That Pat helps him all the time, that Pat's sacrificed so much for him, that Pran isn't sure he's good enough or ever will be.

Add to that the regular reminders from Pat that he overthinks. They're meant in a very good way and they do help in the moment, I'm not denying that at all. But it's also a fact that Pran struggles with. It adds to his concern that he's a burden on Pat with the way he thinks, that Pat has to do so much work because of Pran's brain, something Pat had no say over (something Pran had no say over but it's harder to see it like that in the moment).

I've had my diagnosis for the past 3 years now. And it hasn't been until the past year that I've finally started feeling confident in myself and my ability to regulate my anxiety, to finally start feeling like I have control over my brain. Because as much as knowing the diagnosis helps, the work you have to do afterwards is no joke.

So yes, Pran is going through something very heavy, but it's not the prospect of going to Singapore (I don't believe that exists just yet, but it's coming soon). Pran is in the process of figuring out how to make his brain work in his favour instead of actively against him. He's learning to rely on people when he needs to while fighting off constant reminders that he's a burden.

And we've seen Pran make a lot of progress. Any points at which he talks about being anxious are progress. Any time he lets himself be upset is progress. Any time time he says any of his worries out loud (even if he can't say them directly to Pat yet), he has fought his way through who knows how many intrusive thoughts to get to that point. And in the same regard - he probably feels guilty about having Pat say "I can't live without you" first. Because he's likely just as aware that Pat has done so much for him that this is just another thing he's adding on top of that.

But - and I think this is very big - he knows that he needs Pat to say it first, to give him permission to feel this, that this isn't too much for him to ask for. This is him asking for help to express himself when he feels like too much. It helps them both in the long run. And I do think it's a very important step to get what we saw in ep 12 - a Pran that demands love, that demands to be babied. This is him giving himself permission through the hardest part of learning his diagnosis.

I love that we get this between ep 11 and 12 because with this ep 12 also becomes a hug, a way of telling us things may be rough for him but he gets through it. He'll get where he needs to be, wants to be. Just give him some time. Because just like with the parents, sometimes time is just what you need.

[slightlysadfilter]

So Saltburn: a story of obsession and control

Warning: spoilers ahead

You bet I'm gonna dissect this mfing movie. It left me scarred at 3 am on a workday so here I am, giving my own personal interpretation. Enjoy!

So as I've anticipated, I think the entirety of the movie is a battle between obsession and control. Specifically, Oliver's need to control everything and anyone, and his very clear obsession with Felix. But how does it unfold? And are the two conciliatory, or is Oliver a walking oxymoron? Why does he fuck a grave? We'll get to that.

Part I: Obsession.

We know nothing of Oliver's past. We come to know, very shockingly, that he has a peaceful-looking family, in an alright neighbourhood. The only hint we might've been given about his past behaviour is how his mother immediately tries to soothe the situation when he refuses lunch and wants to leave. But still, too little, so for the purpose of this dissection, Oliver starts with Oxford.

I believe that, at the beginning of the movie, Oliver is more inclined towards obsession. He picks his god (Felix) and yearns to please him. Still, we also notice his need to control very early (actually we do at the end, but yk, early). The control aspect is apparent in his manipulations, this new reality he carefully crafts, but all of it is to appeal to Felix. "He's a scholarship guy who buys clothes from Oxfam", he clearly doesn't want to be that. He doesn't want to be part of the equation-spurting loner group, to be a kid from a boringly simple family and a modest, row-house neighbourhood.

He needs to appeal to Felix, so he takes control of everything. Here, obsession and control go hand in hand. The only reason Oliver is doing what he's doing, is to feel seen by his god. To seat at the "olympus" table with all the trendy, rich kids and their godly-like aura. He threads slowly at first: he knows he can't become them, so he plays the poor-guy part. Crappy family, no money, but still so, so generous and ready to listen. His god is surely pleased; not only that, Felix feels protective of him. He's gained a spot in paradise, albeit due to someone else. Then he makes a mistake, he gets too comfortable and lets too much of his desire of perfection slip. Felix gets annoyed and he's kicked out of heaven. Therefore, more manipulation, more offerings: oh no my dad is dead. Please Felix notice me again, make my tragic story part of your entertainment, let me in again to delight you further.

And so he does.

Part II: Control.

It is a gradual event, control eclipsing Oliver's obsession. For a while, the two co-exist almost equally.

It is very subtle at first. He appears shy, but he's not: I reckon runny eggs don't really make him sick. But he gets to order someone around and he surely takes the chance. For the first time, the reality he's crafted doesn't only need to appease a "superior being" but also, himself.

Then, we have Venetia. It's the first time we clearly see what a little of control does to him, his first true sliding through the cracks of Saltburn like termites. Control is a high for Oliver, fusing with arousal. He likes telling her what to do, to share his excitement and make her do his bidding with it. And still, he is entertaining someone: he's the guy who doesn't cower around period blood and actually plays with it. He's stepped up, but he's still surrounded by higher beings.

Of course, we can also see how obsession remains in how he, uhm, slurps some delicious bathwater and also readily denies having anything to do with Venetia. Felix is still his god after all, and the fake reality exists to appease him. Not Venetia. She gets thrown to the side.

Then, Farleigh, who is actively trying to sabotage him. He wants him gone, he looks down on him, he likes to remind Oliver just how ephemeral he is at Saltburn. They already had moments of tension at Oxford, but now it's pathological: Farleigh is a risk of getting kicked out again. And so again, Oliver deals with it through arousal. Being able to bend him to his will is exciting, control is exciting. He's getting a better taste.

Then, the tragedy. Felix finds out about all the lies. Oliver's god is enraged, outraged. He's still in paradise, but on borrowed time and clearly unwanted. But the worst of it all: Oliver's object of obsession can never, ever accept his offerings again. His entertainment. Though he tries to salvage it, it's gone, the sparkle; and he's been getting skilled at control. So the night of the party, last night in heaven, he kills his god. If he can't please him, he'll conquer him. If he can't obsess over him, he'll take his place. (the symbolism is also very strong in this one!!! Felix having wings, and Oliver antlers to represent horns, or perhaps just earthly beings.)

So why does he fuck a grave? Quite simply, in my humble opinion, he's weeping the death of his god and getting aroused by his conquest at the same time. That's what I mean when I say he's a paradoxical character, and the conflicting nature of him is more prominent in this scene than in any other.

Now that Felix is gone, the road is easy. He's taken one of the highest spots and he wants more. Farleigh? Gone. Venetia? Disposed of. The plan halts upon the father's ultimatum (who, though apparently soft, is still head of this paradise) but when he dies, it is back in motion. The mother is too trusting, too desperate for a friendly face. Oliver is now the one with power over her, it's so easy to kick her out. Her slow assassination is partially merciful, partially ecstatic for Oliver, once again. But he's won, he has complete control (and so, he thankfully doesn't fuck her comatose body.)

His crafted reality is now real. He does not only belong to paradise, he runs it. He has become the god he's killed, and his last funky dance shows how control has definitely taken over obsession. No need for that, he sits at the top.

[shadycomputerpolice]

My advice to separatists

The woman in the above video used to be in an abusive marriage and escaped. In this video, she explains that abuse victims only leave when they themselves are ready. So straight from the horse's mouth, most efforts to get abused women get out those situations are futile.

The dynamics between men and women as a class mirror the dynamics of an abusive relationship. Just like how abuse victims leave only when they are ready to leave, women will only leave men as a class alone only when they are ready.

This is why on this blog, for as long as I can remember, I have always discouraged seperatists from trying to convince women to give up men because just like most abuse victims, they completely ignore you or they make you the villian: evil lesbian (eventhough straight seperatists exist) that is trying to steal them away from their prince charming for your own sexual benefit.

Leave these women alone, offline and online. They are not ready and to be honest, most of them will never be. Stop going on their posts to debate them, matter of fact I suggest you block the ones who are lying about the epidemic of seperatists bullying OSA women (again denying the existence of straight seperatists to create a narrative). I understand the human instinct to clear your reputation but this is Tumblr. It is important to remember that the "loss of good reputation" on here absolutely has no impact on the quality of our lives. Yes, in the short term, you will be upset but you will quickly get over it because it has no impact on your long term life.

Just like offline you can tell when an abuse victim is ready to actually leave and just needs guidance and some resources, you can also do that online. While it is definitely harder to read people's behaviours online, it is not possible. For those of you who still take Tumblr activism seriously, you can guide genuinely interested women to valuable resources.

FYI, We need to STOP assuming that just because a person is in radfem spaces, that they are smart or have critical thinking skills. Most people come to radfem spaces because of the anti-transactivism and sometimes anti-porn positions. Contrary to what transactivism would have you believe, one doesn't need to have a pHD in human biology to differentiate between human males and females. That is actually common sense that has existed for a centuries or even millenia. Just because someone knows men cannot become women doesn't make an intellectual. That is like saying a person brushing their teeth makes them an intellectual because some people don't brush their teeth. Furthermore, phD holders can know a lot in their subject area and be clueless in others [A person can be absolutely smart in one area and completely dumb in another].

Many of people on here are actually not smart and you can tell by the dumb shit they confidently say. You shouldn't waste your time arguing with dumb people, offline or online.

[rlvaille]

Hi Lucie, I saw your tags on my Xeed post and I decided to explain some things (and also because I'm a little tired about how NS is handling things, really 😩).

Basically Bao was on a livestream with some of his friends. One of them bad-mouthed the fans and Bao laughed about it instead of defending them. During the livestream, his friend mentioned RPF too. Bao at first denied the fanfics about them but, once his friend mentioned their existence, he reacted negatively about it. Last but not least, Bao mentioned his PTSD from recording songs in the recording studio.

Korean Greenies didn't like his behaviour during the livestream and Bao got forced to cancel his fancalls first and then posting an apology on the fancafè. Apparently he shouldn't have joined the livestream in the first place but I don't know if it's a speculation or something that idols aren't supposed to do. The only certain thing is that Bao should have defended Greenies from his friends and he didn't do it.

Bao then went silent on social medias (which is probably normal) but then ALL the members went silent. Fans speculated and started to think that the entire group got punished for this issue and started to mass mail NS about it. NS didn't answer but decided to let the members chat on Bubble at least (in fact they're heavily active there while being silent on their other social media except for a post or a random live from time to time. And the lives don't even last on their socials).

NS, ofc, didn't released any statement for clarifying everything as always and this is why I'm begging for a better PR management, because I'm honestly tired to see this company sweeping everything under the rug even for a simple issue like this. I've discovered all this mess thanks to some fan-pages who did some search in the Korean Twitter side of the fandom. If it wasn't for them, I would have made five posts in a row being worried about them.

A little statement telling us about Bao's or even the entire group's hiatus would have been useful instead of leaving us Greenies without any clue.

Now it seems they're coming back to a sort of regular posting (Jaemin posted a new reel after a while so maybe they'll post more? I don't know at this point 😩) but everything seems so uncertain that I'm a little lost about all of this mess.

Sorry for filling the ask box like this but I'm frustrated about this situation. We're already starving content wise, the socials are the only way where we're getting something and now NS decided to fuck everything up with a simple issue that could have been resolved more easily 😩

I hate this company with all of my guts and I want them under a better management but I don't know where they can go ☹️ I highly doubt they can re-debut again, so, idk, I think we should endure (?) all of this and hoping they'll release more in the near future.

oh well i don't even know what to say, idols are people and they can fuck up once in a while - who doesn't - and there have been so many other idols who said terrible things live and were never punished for it, why does bao and the rest of the group should be treated that way is beyond me

i just hope the situation gets resolved and we see more of them, i didn't really realize they were gone until you mentioned it, there's so many things that went on in my life in january and february, i hardly paid attention to anything kpop related, and with xeed it's always hard to know what's going on bc it's such a small fandom, but yeah i don't think they deserved that treatment so my only wish is for them to come back to us, hopefully with new music

[womenfrommars]

Something that's been on my mind lately is how transgender activism is so staunchly opposed to gay activism. Others have already pointed out that gay activism is founded on acknowledging and celebrating same sex love whereas transgender activism denies the importance or even existence of biological sex. But another difference is that gay activism is founded in liberal principles whereas transgender activism is founded in more authoritarian principles.

In many cultures around the world, partner choice is not a thing (especially not for women). Marriages are arranged, sometimes even between cousins, by older relatives and the wishes of the pair are barely if at all considered. There is no freedom of choice. And even in cultures where arranged marriage is no longer a common practice, there is still a social pressure to pick someone from a certain ethnic background, a certain socio-economic background, or a religious background. In Western liberal thinking, we reject these social pressures because we value freedom of partner choice and equality between all people. Someone who ticks all the boxes is not necessarily a better partner than someone who doesn't tick any. And gay activism is very much in line with these liberal values because we also believe people should have the freedom to choose a partner of the same sex if they want to. Even if someone experiences attraction to both sexes, they should have the freedom to date only one sex of their choice.

It is transgender activism that doesn't believe in this freedom because transgender activists state you are not allowed to exclude transgender people from your dating pool based on their biological sex. Transgender activists don't believe in freedom of partner choice and instead believe in an authoritarian worldview in which people should be socially coerced into dating transsexuals of the sex they don't want to date. Even if someone is open to dating a transsexual they might very well still be accused of transphobia if they don't label their own sexuality in accordance to the gender identity of their transsexual partner. You are not even granted the liberty to name your sexuality as you experience it.

Transgender activists also take things further when they demand legal penalties for not allowing your own child to receive cross-sex hormones, or for even calling someone by the "wrong" pronouns. Transgender activists don't believe in liberty whereas gay activism is rooted in Western liberal thinking. This might be a reason why gay acceptance seems to be more supported across the political spectrum (most Westerners believe in liberal values to some degree) whereas transgender activism is very much a fringe ideology mostly supported by self-proclaimed progressives. Even if you can convince someone a heterosexual male could ever find himself sexually attracted to a male transsexual, you'd have a harder time convincing them that heterosexual males are not "allowed" to state their preference for partners born female. Some people agree a heterosexual man could love a MTF transsexual but that he shouldn't be obliged to try to date them, and that's still not good enough for the most adamant TRAs because to them it's not about choice. They make up some story about how dating preferences are learned behaviours stemming from a transphobic society and never address the point that even if that were true, you can't take away people's freedom to choose their own partner because it's their personal lives and none of your business. Gay activism prompts us to ask "Why do we care about what others do in the bedroom?" and transgender activism prompts us to ask "Why do others not include people like me in their bedrooms?"

[godsandtorrance]

Loneliness

One of the main things in my life that I struggle with, and that I don't think gets talked about enough, is loneliness.

I'm at the ripe age of 23. I'm at the prime-time where friendships, particularly female friendships, should be the highlight of my life right now. I should be going out drinking (or a different meet-up activity, as I don't actually drink or like risking going out at night in this currant climate), sending memes and inside jokes to the group chat, checking in on a group of women my own age who do the same for me.

But I don't. I have a best friend, but due being busy and other life issues, we don't talk like we used to. Aside from her, there really is no other friend. My colleagues are all older than me, at a completely different life stage, and the only colleague my own age has her own friends who appear to not match my own lifestyle.

I used to have a friend group - five or so girls in my teen years who I went to school with. We would hang out all the time, message each other constantly - not necessarily relatable to adults but still a nice little social and fun group I could rely on.

Naturally, we grew apart as we got older. They changed and went out partying, while I, at the time, was isolated due to my mental health troubles, and I don't like alcohol (as established). Unfortunately, in hindsight I realised it wasn't really a good group of friends. I was very weird (annoyingly so, but I refuse to even entertain the thoughts of my irritating, not-self-aware younger self), and it was obvious, looking back, that they mostly tolerated me, and often left me out of things.

It was also, considering we were a group of hormonal teens, pretty toxic at times too, but I'm happy to say I, at least, have grown up a lot since then and can put that kind of behaviour behind me.

University was a struggle too. As a highly socially anxious young adult, following my stressful few years of intense mental health issues, I really found it difficult to open up to people. In lessons, I'd remain as quiet as possible; I didn't start conversations or join in; I tried a few societies but they just weren't the right fit for me - or maybe I didn't give them enough of a chance.

It took lockdown, a time for reflection for myself and my personal struggles, to see that I was lonely and I wasn't helping myself. I didn't try enough to join in and make the effort - and I couldn't expect other people to always do so first, especially if I gave off the blank-faced, unapproachable (but secretly fearful of looking stupid) vibe.

When I went to university again for my masters degree, I made far more of an effort - I chatted and instigated conversation, said yes to certain meet-ups and really pushed myself to being open and friendly. It didn't get too far, as many in the year-long course had their own friends, and I wasn't entirely perfect at being the right social person, but I knew I could do it. Practice, after all, makes perfect.

Now that I've started work, and I'm steadily trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life (more on that another time), I'm gradually trying to let myself be open to any opportunities, conversation, anything.

But it's hard. Seeing people on social media in their tight-knit groups makes me feel like I'm the problem. It feels like I'm the only person in the world incapable of - and undeserving - of friendships. As much as I know social media is a facade at times, there's no denying that there are truly beautiful friendships out there.

However, I use this as something to hold on to, and something to hope for. Knowing that great friendships exist is wonderful, and it's special to know that when the right time comes along, I will meet the right people I click with. I wouldn't want to force any kind of connection, as in my experience trying too hard doesn't work and it's just emotionally exhausting.

Without trying to sound ridiculously over-positive (I can't stand the high-key promotions of being 'happy happy happy!' that saturate social media, it's just not possible to be as joyful as a Cbeebies programme all the time), there is a blessing to having minimal friends. I get to work on the most important friendships I have - the one with myself.

Disgustingly saccharine, I know, but I've spent the past few years working on my mental health issues and actually working through CBT, getting two degrees and simply enjoying the small things. I love being creative, I adore films, I'm a huge reader. The introvert in me gets to enjoy the comfort of staying in and working on my private hobbies.

Of course I want to branch out still - there's such a thing as getting too comfortable in solitude, especially as someone who clearly still misses frequent socialising - but in the meantime I can focus on myself and the activities that bring me joy.

Early twenties are complicated, and I'm still trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do. I don't see myself sticking to this job forever, or putting down roots in my home for too long, so I need this quiet time to work it out, find the right career for me and just let things progress naturally.

It's time I start being kinder to myself, and I'm not going to get that self-respect, self-esteem or self-love from other people. Tying my worth into other people - whether they're in my life as my friends or not - only ends badly, as I've learnt before.

Loneliness doesn't mean failure, or that I suck as a person, or that this is going to be my future. It just means my life is a little bit more quiet right now, and I have all this time to look after myself.

If you're like me, feeling completely isolated in your loneliness like you're the only young adult struggling, you're definitely not alone. It's rarely talked about, but that doesn't mean other lacking-in-friends people aren't out there. We're just don't shout about it, and we're probably socially awkward introverts too.

[likeahyacinth]

so I have two points to add to this

Saint Augustine wasn't a pope, and was fixated on the sinfulness of babies *because* he wasn't baptised at a young age, and believed that that lead to his sinful behaviours in young adulthood. Religious trauma will do that lmao.

But secondly, the whole point of this post is kinda moot for two reasons:

- Demons, as presented textually and understood theologically are *ontologically* evil forces. They aren't people or characters with free thought the way we are. If they could rise they *wouldn't be demons* in the first place! (They are also like. Metaphors for social and physical ills like Sickness or The Roman Empire, but that's a different discussion). They cannot rise because what they are is *inseparable* from what they represent.

- Fallen angels exist nowhere in the text of Christian Canon *unless* you're a member of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church. There's mention of Satan falling from heaven in Luke, but he is nowhere said to be an angel, and the Nephilim of genesis are exegesised as fallen angels or the offspring of such, but again, that's an interpretation.

All that aside, if we are to take their existence as a "fact", there's solid reasoning behind why fallen angels can't repent - they *knew* factually that God exists, and actively chose to rebel against him. Humans, on the other hand, we don't *know* that God exists, we have faith instead. So when we turn away from God in some way we aren't actively denying a reality we know to be immutable truth like angels are.

This whole post is trying to do theology on a view of Christian cosmology filtered through my things like supernatural and good omens, so it's based on flawed premises from the start.

hey uhhh but fr the concept of fallen angels existing but risen demons being an impossibility is kind of a great summary of sin in christianity

[dazaily]

karasuno first years using pick-up lines on their s/o

soo.. i’ve been wanting to write a karasuno head canon for ages, and i gonna write a hc which turned into a short fic that i’ll probably never finish... so this is the replacement. enjoy!!

description: so the the karasuno boiz were playing truth and dare in their changing room. and tanaka and nishinoya had dared your bf to use a pick-up line on you. 

warnings: implied nsfw. gender neutral reader. fluffy but sprinkled with swears. i was stressed writing this. long af. not proofread. 

. ⋆ 　 *  . 　· 　  ✫  　  ⋆

hinata shoyo

i’m sorry but, did u rlly expect our lil cinnamoroll to know what’s a pick up line?

he babie 🥺❤️

n e ways, it was finally his turn on their little game of truth and dare and nishinoya had dared him to use a pick up line on you.

“a pickup line??? what’s that? will it improve my volleyball skills??”

like i said a bABIE!!

nishinoya and tanaka needs to stop tainting my bbys mind.

“udk whats a pickup line??? how did u even end up with y/n.”

nishinoya is in shock.

and then the plan commenced.

their lil game of truth and dare ended up as a lil plan on getting u hinata to use a pick up line on you.

that night, u were walking home w hinata after club activities ended.

with noya, tanaka and kageyama trailing you, but we pretend they don’t exist.

“soo,, y/n”

“sup? y u acting all weird for? ur usually rambling abt volleyball by now.. u okay?”

“hoW DO THEY KNOW?? WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW?? THEY TOLD ME TO SOUND NATURAL BUT THEY ALR KNOWS!! uGh my senpais are watching me, i gotta do them proUD!”

hinatas mind ran at 1,000km/h, it was insane. especially for someone who doesn’t usually use their brain.

“um, uM, Y/N! CAN U HELP ME HOLD SOMETHING?!?”

confusion.

that was the only thing u felt at the moment.

i mean u were alr infront of ur house, what’s the point of holding smt when u were leaving??

“whut”

conveniently, during ur moment of confusion, the only word u could form was “what”.

“m-m-mm-mY HAND!!”

hinata screeched at ur face

...

silence. whilst noya and tanaka facepalms in the bg

it took a moment, but ur brain finally computes what ur bf just said

“pFFFFFTT,”

ur first instinct was to release the phatest snort/wheeze. shane dawson is jealous. 

“y/nnnnnn~~ stop laughinggggggg”

hinata was now suffering from crippling embarrassment, as u wouldn't stop laughing no matter how much he pleaded.

omg imagine him all blushy and shiz akdkkoaw-- ok lets not get off topic

“ok,, okay, first of all, u could've just held my hand without asking? we’re dating? you don't need my permission to do smth we do everyday?? and, more importantly, who taught u that line u just used???”

u said half wheezing, half talking, struggling to convey wtv ur trying to say to ur bf.

lucky for u, he was strangely able to understand what u were saying, and he replies with a lengthy explanation of the entire situation. 

“ooo, so that's why noya, tanaka and kageyama have been following us,,”

“hOWD U KNOW??? NOYA-SAN OUR HIDING SPOT HAVE BEEN EXPOSED!!!”

as u left to go in ur house, he stops u by holding ur hand and gives u a peck on ur forehead. 

as he separates from u, he had the biggest smile plastered on his face, brightening the entire neighbourhood.

“goodnight y/n! i love you!”

kageyama tobio

erm, lbr this man would have 0 ideas in the field of flirting.

knowing this, our lovely 2nd year duo, decide its time for them to step in and help their junior in his dating life

despite it flowing extremely smoothly w/out their intervention

n e ways, so they forced the 1st years to play truth and dare w them.

when it finally came to tobio’s turn, the unfortunate child unknowingly picks dare which causes nishinoya to spring up.

“i have the perfect dare for you.”

commencing plan...

so nishinoya dares kageyama to say a pickup line to you, but since kageyamas a big baby in disguise, he dk any pickup lines.

bet he didn't even know any pickup lines, but that's not the point. 

so, being the mastermind he is, nishinoya told kageyama a perverted pickup line.

being the clueless innocent baby he is, kageyama decides to recite the pickup line he received from noya to u outside ur class.

“hey y/n,”

“hmm?”

“do you like dragons?”

“eh? why the sudden question? i guess so?”

“cuz i can see me dragon my balls on ur face.”

processing...

.

what the fuck.

it was like god hit the pause button on earth, like literally everyone just paused for a literal second, turning their head towards kageyama, trying to figure out who tf was the brave soul who said that. 

while still in shock, kageyama just stood there confused, as he was suddenly placed in the centre of attention for no reason. o there's a reason honey, a very good one.

“why's everyone looking at me,”

with that one sentence, the world went back to normal as if someone had hit the play button all of the sudden, leaving u to deal with the weirdly awkward situation u found urself in. 

“ummm... tobio.. do u have any idea what u just said.”

“uhh yeah, a pickup line.” 

at that moment, when he said that, it hit u.

“what did they do.”

“huh, what are u talking about??”

*insert confused kags*

“nishinoya and tanaka told u to do something right?”

“r u a psychic???”

despite being amazed at ur ‘psychic powers’, he immediately explains the situation, causing u to face palm so much ur face may be concave.

there are times where u appreciate ur dumbass bf being a ignorant qt, but times like this makes u wish he was a tad bit smarter.. 

debating ur options, u decided to explain the meaning of the pickup line he just used on u in public.

once hearing and understanding the meaning of the pickup line he used on u, his face lit up like a matchstick, shining bright red, stuttering madly, struggling to get even a word out.

“oh, um, well, im sorry for saying smtg so indecent to u in public, um ill make it up to u somehow,”

understanding him was a struggle due to the severe stuttering he was suffering from, but u managed somehow.

“nahhh, its cool, i should go lecture nishinoya for corrupting my precious baby though~~”

“b-b-b-bABY!?!?”

“hehe, yes ur my baby <3″

tsukishima kei

ugh this salty ass mfcker

honestly can't imagine him being forced into using a pickup line on his s/o

cuz, despite hw much we try to deny it, he is one smart mfcker,,,

but i think he would be curious how his s/o will react, so he would do it on his own will anyways.

umm, so this is how the situation went down.

it was another boring day, and the 2nd year duo was having none of that and decided too ensue a game of truth and dare with the 1st years.

this was how the c h a o s started.

he was trying to leave the game discreetly before he had to sell his soul to the devil. 

unfortunately for him, lady luck was not on his side, as he was chosen to do the next dare. 

“but wait a fucking minute, when the fuck did this become a game of dare or dare, when tf did freedom of choice decide to fuck off like that?”

plot convenience

so he was forced into a dare. 

the moment of dread came when tanaka stood up shouting he had a brilliant idea. and it all went downhill from there.

so tanaka dared tsukki to use a pickup line on his s/o. and his first reaction was no. 

“o come on, u never do anything romantic, i bet u haven't even held hands, sometimes i wonder how y/n’s still with u.”

“says the person who has never dated.”

tanaka shut ups. 

so somehow, he managed to get himself out of the situation. 

later that night, he couldn't stop thinking about pickup lines. he almost spent the whole night thinking about ur reaction. cuz volleyball is just a club, am i right..

he decided to use a pickup line on u tmrw, just to see ur reaction, not like he wants to use one, lmao that's lame, haha. a fucking tsundere.

the next day, during lunch, he left yams with the 1st year duo to go find u.

when he saw u, he immediately calls u. 

“hey, where's yams, u didn't tell me u wanted to eat with me today,”

“nah, i just had something to tell u.”

at this moment, tsukishimas heart was beating faster than ushijimas spikes.

“you know if u think about it we never stop tasting our tongues.”

“hmm, now that u said it ye--”

“how bout i taste urs for a change.”

since it was so unexpected, u had no idea how to react. 

as u returned to reality, u notice a slight pink on his cheeks.

u were gonna come back with a snarky comment, since it was rare he was so vulnerable(?) 

but ur plans were ruined when he glanced at u making eye contact, to check ur reaction. 

ur face bursts into the brightest red, hes ever seen. 

seeing ur extremely delayed reaction, he lets out a laugh, but immediately recollects himself. 

“it was a dare from tanaka.”

you were still bright red, but u felt the blush on ur face reducing after hearing the reasoning behind the line. 

“oh, haha, i was wondering what's up”

u said slightly dejectedly. 

he felt like he was just punched in the gut by guilt. 

“i was also curious about ur reaction, and i am satisfied to say the least.”

he leans down to ur height to whisper in ur ear, before initiating the kiss. 

ur blush returns almost immediately as u returned the kiss.

since yall were in school, he separed from the kiss after a few seconds. this is a place for knowledge, y'all nasties.

“welp, bye loser,”

after the kiss, he immediately return to yamaguchi, leaving u alone with ur thoughts. trying to escape from embarrassment.

he may be equal to the condiment on ur kitchen cupboard, but he still tries to make u happy, so appreaciate him and his efforts <3

yamaguchi tadashi

a babie uwuwuwu

pickup line what's that? hehe omf he's so cute

so how this about to go down. 

so truth and dare bla bla bla... ive written this exact thing 3 times please excuse my behaviour.

since he was bored, yamaguchi forced tsukki to join in on the fun together, a decision he would regret. 

soon it became yamaguchi’s turn, and everyone turned quiet due to the lack of dares they had or yamaguchi.

that was until the one and only nishinoya stood up. 

“hEY, u have a s/o right, how about u use a cheesy pickup line on her!!” *eyebrow raise*

while processing what nishinoya just said, yamaguchi’s face morphed into one of dread and fear, as he turns his head to tsukishima for help.

“u dragged us into this mess, i aint helping u.”

and there goes his only help, well it was his fault in the first place dragging him and his best friend into this mess. tsukishima u tsundere.

yamaguchi was on the verge of tears, thinking of excuses and ways he could get out of the god forbidden situation he brought upon himself. 

but the only thing he could think of was the worst case scenario, which was u breaking up with him.

looking at his senpais, he slowly faces the fact that there's no escape and accepts his fate. 

if this is the cause of the end of ur relationship together, it just means the gods don't want y'all together.

“idk any pickup lines....” 

this was his last attempt of escaping as he bids ur relationship farewell, already aware it was not gonna work. 

“thiS IS WHERE I COME IN, don't worry yamaguchi i am the encyclopaedia of pickup lines.”

ofc his senpais would know the cheesiest lines on the surface of this earth. despite insisting the earth is flat.

and so the dreadful event began. 

after school ended, otw to his club, he met up with u. with his senpais trailing behind stalking y'all, to see ur reaction.

“ugh out of all the pickup lines, they had to make me use the most overused one... im gonna cry,,, y/n i hope u don't leave me after this.”

well here goes nothing...

“hey y/n,,” extreme stutters that im too lazy to type out.

“hmm?”

“k-k-kiss me if im wrong,,, b-but dinosaurs still exist right?”

before he could even cringe at himself, u gave him a peck on his lips while smirking afterwards. 

yamaguchi proceeds to poof into redness after processing what had just happen, as u laugh maniacally in the background.

“u could've just asked for one, and tsukishima already told me everything so u don't need to explain,"

yamaguchi did not have the brain power to comprehend the situation at hand, as he was still affected from the kiss from earlier.

“i can't believe u think i would breakup with u because of something so trivial.. im kinda upset..”

finally coming back to reality, yamaguchi finally realises the situation he's in. 

“o-oh, i didn't mean to make it seem like i didn't believe in our relationship, its just that w--”

he gets cut off by u kissing him again.

when u separate, u began to laugh again. 

“hAHAHHA, ikik, i was just joking around, don't worry ill love u no matter what, now off u go to ur club ill see u tmrw.”

not knowing what to do or how to react, yamaguchi felt the need to do smtg before u left. 

“i love u, ill call u later tonight!”

[j-saying]

masterpost (2/2):

@batrogers

#Important#antisemitism#the context of Israel matters#history#people can behave badly for good reasons#it doesn't make their behaviour RIGHT#but it does mean you have to account for those reasons#when you're judging how to move forward#Israel/Palestine#recent history#I have a bachelors degree#that included this region and time period#which is why I'm so fucking impatient with the discourse on this site#it's all so short-sighted

@bicycles-bees-bisexuals

#antisemitism#this is not discourse it is basic facts#there is so much nuance in everything and people just ignore it for black and white comparisons

@myalchod

#antisemitism#if your i/p activism fails to account for this then what the fuck is it even worth?#you do no one any favours with regurgitating ahistorical claims#this is not said to excuse anything#it’s said because it needs to be acknowledged

@ladypolaris

#fucking thank you!#people love to conveniently forget that jews in the diaspora aren’t guaranteed safety in their home countries#that’s literally the entire reason israel exists#this is not discourse it is basic facts#antisemitism

@chocolatepot

#I really think a major part of goyish leftist westerners' inability to comprehend that shit's complicated#comes from the idea that generational trauma is something that only happens to good people we all agree are oppressed#and many of them don't even quite think there's real antisemitism at all in the world#(based on an argument the night before I wrote these tags)#so instead of going 'wowee that sounds like a harsh thing to deal with. I can see how it would warp people into hyperaggressive defense'#'maybe we should include this in our discussions to show we understand that it's a factor'#they accuse you of defending/minimizing Israel's actions or trying to distract from them#I'm sorry but if you're neither Jewish nor Palestinian you are in fact the privileged person who needs to listen at least briefly#gobsmacked that so many people who normally have a decent understanding of privilege don't grasp this#israel/palestine#antisemitism

@novafigura

#this.#i/p#antisemitism#also. there is no question that the state of israel’s founding created a backlash in the region.#but the antisemitism itself is old and has very deep roots.#(hence such a *terrifying* backlash in otherwise totally uninvolved countries.)#we live in a post-creation of the state of Israel world. that means a lot of things; this post is one of them.

@azriellaveraon

#fun fact! i personally know a few jews who fled to america from iran#went to synagogue with some jewish ethiopian refugees too#these events happened withing my lifetime!#im only 27!

@zahari097

#our history goes back over 3500 years with concrete archaeological historical and genetic proof that we all came from the levant#in fact the amount of evidence you have to ignore or flat out deny in order to pretend we all came from poland or w/e is staggering#claiming that we “made up” all of these artifacts and historical records in order to get a tiny piece of land is also insane#but of course those greedy (((zionists))) would craft intricate lies to get their grubby little hands on some land!!#it's arabs who are cosplaying indigeneity when they're literally the colonizers

@hmsharmony

#stop applying a western lens challenge#actually learn our history before trying to invalidate our fears#(or maybe just yknow listen to us and trust we know what we’re saying like you rightly would with any other historically oppressed group)#issues: antisemitism

@jacensolodjo

#israel#it's as if you forget the whole never again thing and why the jews might need somewhere to flee to#after 2000+ years of being murdered and driven from places for being jews#Am I Queue-ing Myself Jaina?

@likethecities

#I feel the need to remind people that#like it or not#a major Jewish and Israeli presence in the ME is not going to change#they cannot be inflicting violence and destruction on their neighbors constantly#but any long term goal for peace that does not include a Jewish nation is not one they can survive in#and if they can’t survive they will keep fighting

@jewish-sideblog

#Mass migration is *always* about push factors not pull factors.#virtually no one voluntarily leaves their country of birth because they want to live in a different country.#you have to leave behind your home and your friends and your family and your language and everything that you hold dear#people don’t do that unless they’re at risk of losing everything or unless they’ve already lost everything

Oh my god, once again reminding people that Jews in the SWANA region being scared of being murdered if Israel is dismantled are not comparable to white Americans and Canadians being scared of indigenous sovereignty. The entire world, and that includes Muslim countries, has a very very long history of violently expelling and brutally murdering its Jewish communities; Israel itself has many, many refugees and descendents of refugees from other countries in Asia and Africa, countries that do not want those people back.

The comparison to white North Americans is absurd, cruel, and ahistorical; the claim that Jewish people lived in happiness and peace and safety in SWANA countries before Israel's founding is a complete fabrication and blatant victim blaming. Many of the countries surrounding Israel and throughout the SWANA region have Jewish populations that can literally be counted on one hand and that isn't because people just abandoned their homes and friends and communities to move to Israel for funsies, it's because many of them were brutally murdered or expelled from their homes, with the rest fleeing out of fear for when they would be next.

I am saying this as a Native person who is 100% in favor of indigenous sovereignty in my home country and who is fully against the treatment of Palestinians by the Israeli government. If you cannot acknowledge how antisemitism is still very much alive and an active danger to Jewish people all across the world and how many people fled to Israel specifically to escape violence, then you really cannot have any sort of meaningful conversation about Israel.

[tetrisfinished]

two posts in one day?!

yesterday we went to my cousin's place for a late lunch/early dinner. it was really fun, and she's so cute she got a cake and flowers and chocolates for my birthday also! so that was so nice i loved it. and i always enjoy sitting with my cousin and her husband and talking with them (yasir was of course there also).

anyway, we sort of got into the man and woman's roles in the household and my cousin's husband (and my own, tbh) are of the opinion that women and men have certain roles and responsibilities and those have to do with things like women own the kitchen and manage the household. men do the breadwinning. and personally, this line of thought bothers me but a) he's not my husband so it doesn't matter as much and b) despite feeling the same way, my own husband does do a LOT in the house so i'm fine with if he wants to express his feelings ;p

no one ever told a woman she couldn't complain, so why should a man not be given the same rights if he's actively participating in the same household work.

ANYWHO, basically the final place this discussion ended was with my BiL (brother in law) coming to the conclusion and claiming to me this: "okay so that means, if you expect something in your relationship with your husband, that means you do not love him unconditionally!"

i think that he thought i would wholeheartedly deny this sentiment. but the fact of the matter is....i don't love my husband UNconditionally. i love him a lot and i care for him extremely deeply. but i absolutely condition how i feel about him based on how much he helps out around his own home and his own kid. and frankly, i do so unapologetically.

if the roles were reversed, it would 100% be the same way. oh wait a minute - not if. the roles have been set this way since the beginning of time and i have absolutely heard of men only loving their wives if they were beautiful or if they cooked or if they kept the house clean or if they were willing to live with their in laws.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE BETWEEN PARTNERS DOES NOT EXIST. and where women choose to believe it does - i feel like in those cases, they're willing to excuse a lot of their partners' behaviours because they feel they are not worthy of a love where their partner will actually care for them in their own love language.

i truly had hoped for this to be an eloquent post, but as i write all of this out i'm almost doing so in a hurry because i want to get my sentiments out. but also because i'm triggered now even thinking about it. because in all honesty, nothing my cousin's husband said annoyed or truly upset me more than this particular sentiment triggered me.

i am not my partner's parent. and frankly a parent is probably literally the only place you can go to for unconditional love. AND EVEN THEN, would your parents love you the same amount if you had gone against the norm of your culture or society? does their love or care for you not depend on how you uphold yourself in society?

so this notion of unconditional love...i can only really say that i feel it for my offspring and for my folks. and my sibling (sister) i.e. my direct relative and of course her offspring. truly and honestly, it's a bit alarming that people expect to be given love unconditionally despite not reciprocating or literally just taking it for granted.

and it's no one's fault except our own as WOMEN. we do not deserve this sort of treatment and yet for years and years and years....we have let this go on. because we let our menfolk believe that you can expect us to work like slaves at home as long as you maybe once in a while treat us with gold and diamonds. i mean, i'm not opposed to being bought out by my husband in bribes of diamonds either....but that doesn't mean i don't expect him to pick up his dishes and do them after he's done eating. or do the laundry. or take part in the parenting of HIS CHILD.

anyway. okay. i'm done.

good bye.

-k

[shadycomputerpolice]

The Role of Seperatism in Female Liberation

Yes, seperatism will not end patriarchy. I have never seen any seperatist make that claim so I wonder why anti-seperatists like to point that out like their lives depend on it. Also, no singular act, outside of killing all males, can achieve that.

And yes, seperatism is often an individual action. Just like anti-beauty: not shaving, not wearing make up and heels, etc but we still understand that those acts of resistance, even though individual, have value and contribute positively to women and girls' wellbeing.

What seperatism does claim is that it protects women and girls' wellbeing by denying males access to them.

As seen in the images above, for [misogynistic] crimes to happen, all three elements: opportunity, desire and ability must be present and removing just one of them prevents crime. The images above apply to all crimes but since we are talking about female seperatism we can tailor it down to Gender Based Violence (GBV).

Seperatism is about preventing GBV by removing opportunity for harm. Individual seperatists can achieve personal safety in their homes while seperatist communities can achieve community wide safety. So when you claim seperatism is useless you are basically saying crime prevention efforts that focus on denying potential criminals the opportunity to commit crimes is useless. If that is your claim then you have to provide evidence of that.

Seperatists recognise that women cannot influence the ability and desire of males to harm females because behavioural change is self motivated so they focus on what they have control over which is the opportunity for harm.

Now are males, like all predators, going to seek new ways to gain opportunities to harm females, yes of course they are. Outside of GBV, criminals are always changing their strategies especially when their previous strategy becomes well known and people stop falling for it. Using cyber crime as an example because I am Nigerian (LOL), when people stopped falling for the destitute African Prince method, they changed to other methods like romance scams and blackmail. Criminals/Predators are always to seek new ways to catch their victims/prey which is the why the victims/prey must always be alert and aware of the criminals/predators methods so that they can protect themselves.

So yes, as long as men exist, they will be no feminist utopia where women and girls can exist without the threat of violence. We will always need to be on guard and strive to protect ourselves from them no matter the method they use.

Seperatism cannot save all women and girls in the world just like how crime prevention efforts in Ghana cannot save me in Nigeria and I shouldn't even be expecting it to because geography, language barrier, national laws, etc. What can be done is we adapt the methods used in Ghana to our local context and apply it to see results.

Seperatism is an elective individual and geographical community level action that has the potential to save all women and girls but nobody is kidnap unwilling people and hold them hostage.

And I know, someone is going to scream " VICTIM BLAMING" and to that I say, I don't care about being labelled a victim blamer. However, if you have another viable method for keeping women and girls safe, kindly put forward your idea so it can be evaluated. Please note if you suggest "educating men and boys", I will block you because I don't have the patience for that level of stupidity and delusion.

Sidenote:

I always wondered why allegedly smart women will "but child brides in Afghanistan" as a counter to female seperatism. The wins of feminism activism will always be limited by geography. There is no feminist activism that will impact the lives of ALL women and girls. An individual's or organisation's target population will be limited by geography and unfortunately by resources. You can't help everybody applies in feminism too.

Imagine if someone said that about abortion rights in the US. "Fighting for abortion in America doesn't help child brides in Afghanistan". Most people can see how ridiculous and frankly insulting it is to bring up that issue.

[danganronpa-21]

Hope you don't mind me asking. I'm just curious. What exactly are your problems with Kiyo (besides him being a killer), Kokichi (besides him being basically a killer), and V3 as a whole?

Honestly, sometimes I forget that my opinions are on public display like that on my Amino/Instagram. Especially the Amino ones, cause those are sort of out of date.

Anyway, thanks for asking this question!

I do want to preface this by saying a little something though: My takes on V3 should not be taken as 100% valid! Why, you may ask? Well... confession time, I haven’t played all V3. At the time it came out, I was harshly disinterested. Rather than experiencing it for myself, I chose to read up on it and learn what happened for myself. I’ve never been someone who’s particularly bothered by spoilers (much to the chagrin of literally everyone I’ve ever known), so I didn’t think anything of it at the time. And when I looked in to it, I didn’t like what I read and thought that it was good that I didn’t bother playing it for myself. I felt this way for a long time, rejecting all V3 things, until eventually I was lovingly bullied in to picking up the game myself. So while there are aspects of V3 I have experienced beyond my readings, it’s not done in full for me at all yet, so there could be several gaps in my knowledge or just my feelings. Please don’t take everything I say as my one and only interpretation, because it’s true that many of the feelings I express in my answer could be subject to change. I recognize that these takes aren’t valid because I haven’t experienced the game in full. It’s the same as when someone criticizes Danganronpa 3 without having seen it themselves: sure, you know how it’s written so you have some thoughts on it... but it’s still best to experience it yourself to formulate your own opinions. That’s what I’m intending to do, but I haven’t gotten around to it fully yet... because it’s an experience I’m hoping to share, if I play my cards right.

Really though, if I am to explain the offences I have at the current level of V3 I am on, I would say that each of these three aspects of V3 are explained… probably more simplistically than one would expect. I see a lot of people who have these in-depth reasons as to why they feel so strongly about a certain aspect of Danganronpa, and while I can be that person sometimes… here, not so much. 

Besides being a killer, honestly Korekiyo just makes me uncomfortable. Like even beyond the incest thing, there’s something about him that absolutely puts me off. I tried watching his Free Time Events to see if I could stir up some love for him, but I found myself making any excuse to stop every five minutes. I can’t say that I like his design or his mannerisms, and his voice actor communicates Korekiyo’s creepiness well… but I couldn’t find it in me to get past to what some people would refer to as the softer, sweeter aspects of Kiyo. Even the anthropologist element couldn’t save Kiyo for me, and I honestly thought it might. I’ve taken a few anthropology classes myself and I think the topic in itself is interesting enough. However, hearing Kiyo talk about it just either felt boring or off-putting, and I can’t say that I one hundred percent know exactly why that I ended up feeling that way. I suppose it’s fair to say that anthropology is a rather broad topic, and that what Kiyo spoke of in his FTEs wasn’t exactly my point of interest. But if you jump away from the anthropological aspect of Korekiyo, I’m with the majority in saying that the incest thing just made me flat out uncomfortable. 

At this point you could absolutely argue that it’s unfair of me to slander Korekiyo for being incesty if another character I love is Kanon Nakajima, a girl who has extreme and obsessive romantic feelings for her first cousin. However, I would justify myself in saying that the primary reason why Kanon works for me and Korekiyo doesn’t all boils down to other aspects of character. Do I think it’s creepy the way Kanon talks about and acts around Leon? Yes, of course. But the thing about Kanon is that she manages to utilize her other traits to become likeable in spite of it. She has all kinds of other quirks and traits that exist outside of being Leon’s creepy cousin who’s in love with him. Her whole presence as a character isn’t for the sake of being chilling, whereas I find much of Korekiyo’s character is to be weird and unnerving. It’s easier to get behind Kanon because I feel like she’s not just madly in love with Leon, but rather has other parts to her existence that are meant to make her realistic outside of it. Korekiyo, while he does have additional character traits, seems to be crafted with the intention of being creepy. 

I also know that at this point some people would want to argue that I’ve judged Korekiyo all wrong because his sister manipulated him into loving her and he’s actually an abuse victim, and I won’t dispute them. Do I agree with them? I can’t say, because the interpretation itself is just that: interpretation. Just because another interpreted it that way doesn’t mean that I will interpret something the same way, and so on and so forth. But even the line between “is Korekiyo an abuse victim or not” is something that puzzles me, because otherwise, the wrong person could boil it down to the question of Korekiyo stooping down to the level of his abusive sister by manipulating and murdering Tenko and Angie (and just to be clear, this question is not something that I personally believe). And even if maybe that seems like a far-fetched interpretation that someone could draw, the suggestion that an abuse victim will turn out like their abuser makes me undeniably frustrated. It would send a message that I don’t feel is appropriate in the slightest, and play in to the fear that many real life abuse victims have. 

All in all, the way Korekiyo was constructed just doesn’t have what I would call the “Koto appeal”. They simply had a different Danganronpa player in mind when they were designing him, and that’s perfectly fine. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with liking Korekiyo, he’s just very far from my cup of tea.

Something like Kokichi, I would say.

Kokichi already gets a hard time from me because honestly… I don’t find I like characters who are just out to make the player’s life harder. It’s not even a “i’m bad at video games” thing, it’s just that I genuinely find myself frustrated with characters like Byakuya and Nagito sometimes because I’m just trying to do my job, how dare you be trying to screw me up, you little shit!

So he’s already got beef with me right there, especially being the one that’s so much more challenging to fight against than the others. The dude’s high jacking entire trials and you just have to sit there with an “I guess this happening” expression as you try to work out the problem. I already play Danganronpa on gentle because something about the game just makes my inner potato brain skyrocket to like 500%, so Kokichi is kind of a pain in the ass for me. Which I get he’s supposed to be, but I don’t like it. 

His character relationships don’t help me, either. While I am fully aware that it’s all an act, the insensitivity is still harmful to the people around him. Yes, he does have this put on for the sake of fulfilling this plan of his and preventing the others from mourning him when he eventually does die. Unfortunately that plan in itself is a problem for me too though, after seeing a fan reconstruction of his plot to avoid the deaths of Gonta and Miu. Which even if it was a necessary sacrifice, makes Kokichi feel slightly more cruel to me -- although I know some may think that it shouldn’t. The behaviour still just sits badly with me, not to mention that even if you consider the inklings of Kokichi being a good guy… I don’t feel as if I can say with confidence really anything about him. Which again falls back on to a personal writing problem with me, because I am entirely an audience who likes to know things. That’s part of the reason why I write fankid fic: because there are things that I like to know that Kodaka will not confirm nor deny for me. So I took matters in to my own hands in hopes of satisfying both myself and others with where things will go. But if I don’t feel like I know Kokichi and my only evidences of him are of him being a jerk, it doesn’t lead me to like him very much.

Which is also what throws me for a loop with Danganronpa V3 as a whole, actually! All of the end revelations got me pretty badly in the sake that I have a vague notion of things that they showed me pregame, but otherwise there’s a lot that the game leaves unanswered. I mean, on the flipside, there’s absolutely evidence that everything we got to see was true… But until I know, I have trouble enjoying V3 totally. 

Plus, it also just contains my least favourite cast. I still like some of them, but there are more that I either don’t like or don’t care about. As you mentioned before, I’m not excited about Korekiyo or Kokichi. And maybe I just don’t know anything about them yet, but I’m not terribly interested in Kirumi, Ryoma, Tenko, or Rantaro. I have a little bit of love for characters like Himiko, Gonta, and Tsumugi. And to be fair, I do like Kaede, Kaito, Kiibo, Miu, Maki, and Shuichi a decent amount. But still, compare that to games like Danganronpa 1 where the only character I actively dislike is Hifumi... then it just comes out as my least favourite. Even with Super Danganronpa 2, I have a sort of dislike-like for characters like Nagito and Kazuichi. I don’t completely dislike them in the same way I do some of the characters in V3. 

Really, though, I know all of this is stuff that I personally think about V3 is subject to change. After awhile of straight up disliking it and refusing to play it like the stubborn child that I am, I do fully intend to commit myself to the game and maybe change some of my opinions along the way. Sure, it’s fine for me to have some of this opinions and ideas based off of what I do know, but ultimately I know it’s something I have to experience for myself for my take on it to be actually valid.

Hopefully if I can work out the things I need to try and work out, you guys might even be able to watch me experience it for the first time... but that all depends on how well my computer can handle running the appropriate programs simultaneously. Fingers crossed, though!

[thedreadvampy]

also the thing is like, and TO BE CLEAR I'm no longer talking about celebrities here, there have always been at least a handful of straight people - straight cis people, even - in community with queer folks. because we're people and cishet people are also. people. and sometimes we will share deep connections. and being straight doesn't preclude caring about gay issues or resisting cishetero hegemony. behaviour in the community matters, straight people are not entitled to a place, it's earned, and if you're going to treat queerness as if it exists for your entertainment or benefit or to prove you're a Good Person you can fuck off but like. your mere presence in queer community isn't a crime even if you are 100% fully Kinsey 0 heterosexual and the cissest to ever gender. the problem is if you're not able to behave appropriately within those spaces.

there has got to be a way to value the importance of community and close shared experience without rejecting friendship and political allyship from anyone who's Not Gay Enough.

not because we need the patronage of the Cisgender Heterosexual Community but because we don't need to be encouraging the idea that queerness is such a fundamental aberration from heterosexuality and cisgenderism that there's no way to bridge that gap. like we are a coalition and a community brought about by the need to protect and support ourselves in a hostile world and I think that is beautiful and important and needful (although it would be nice if the hostile world bit cut it out). I'm not arguing there should be no community centred around queerness and queer experience. but if somebody is able to contribute to that community in a meaningful useful way it should not matter if they turn out, on self-reflection, to be straight. if they're a benefit to the community and they're not undermining its position as a safe space to be assumed queer and to challenge cisheteronormativity then why. is their personal identity the deal-breaker?

aside from the fact that it makes exploring your own sexuality a lot more neurotic than it needs to be, it just isn't realistic to put a hard 'you must be this gay to enter' limit on the community. there will always be LGBT+ people who are a net detriment to the community around them and make it feel less safe and less flexible, and there will equally always be straight people willing to put in the work and build up the queer community.

(again. we are not taking about tswift or harry styles here because I Don't Care. and I understand the kneejerk reaction bc definitely there's a long and storied history of cishet people claiming the signifiers and space and title of Queer Allies without doing any of the work that entails, or putting anything meaningful back into the community struggle for justice. like that might mean political activism but more often I think it means contributing to keeping revolutionary space, like, working to actively break down your oppressive expectations and behaviours on others in a way a lot of queer people don't have to do as consciously bc they have the guide of lived experience.

like my argument is not 'every straight person deserves space in queer community as much as every LGBT+ person' or to deny that straight ppl in queer community often take up more than their share of space. but I think if you're going around saying 'it's homophobic to perform at Pride' the binary discourse has truly poisoned your brain)

god seeing callout posts of celebrities that are like 'Performed At Pride While Straight Therefore Homophobic' look. I do not care for Taylor Swift or Harry Styles. but a) straight people wanting to engage with pride in a way that doesn't create an unpleasant environment for the community is not. A Sin. and b) I think you are confusing a cultural problem (gay iconography primarily focusing around straight artists meaning that they take up space that gay artists aren't offered) with a personal problem (the Only Reason You As A Straight Would Perform For A Gay Audience is Because You're Homophobic)

and c) I'm not sure I'd take a 100% Straightness Is Irrelevant line here bc there are things I do think are suspect to do if you're not queer. but maybe. we stop treating straightness as a choice people make bc they hate gayness?

[stuttershout]

I'd also like to add that several christian groups actively use the rethoric of "I believe homosexuality is a sin but I'm going to treat homosexual people in a fair and respectful way" to deny marriage and adoption laws: after all they are allies, they don't want all homosexuals to die or anything, they just believe their actions are sinful and should not be given the right to adoption and marriage.

Wanting to include these kind of people in progressive circles is horrifying to me because it means that we are prioritizing gaining political allies over the safety and wellbeing of oppressed communities. It means caring more about the votes of those who want to deny rights to the LGBT community as long as they believe that homosexuals have a right to exists, than the rights and protection of the LGBT community itself.

Political groups should not be aimed at simply gaining consensus and including everyone who can be even tangentially progressive just to gain votes, it should instead be aimed at changing minds while keeping our moral compass steady. I do agree that we should change performative behaviours and aim to change minds instead of simply showing how right our ideas are. However we should not compromise on those very same ideals, believing that LGBT folks can truly be on the same side of those who believe their entire existence to be sinful.

Tolerance is not enough anymore, no person should be content with just being allowed to exist. The goal of the left is brotherhood, not begrudging connivance.

One of the reasons I’m committed to fighting echo chambers on the left is that I want to create a space where people feel comfortable saying, “I don’t know if I agree with you on X Y and Z, but I do agree with you on X and you bring up a compelling point about Y,” and where they won’t be derided and harassed for saying that.

Some examples of this are:

A white vegan saying, “I don’t think culture is an excuse to kill animals, but I understand how it would be unhelpful for everyone if I crusaded against indigenous peoples’ hunting practices, so I will direct my energy elsewhere.”

A straight Christian saying, “I believe that homosexuality is a sin, but it’s not my job to pass judgement on other people’s sins. I’m going to treat the gay people in my life with as much respect as I treat everyone else, and that includes not trying to convince or ‘cure’ them out of their gayness.”

A cis person saying, “I don’t really see trans folks as their chosen gender no matter how hard I squint – but if someone says they want to be referred to with certain pronouns and as I certain gender, I will do that.”

A leftist community that values all-or-nothing, unwavering adherence to a single set of politics – a community where you’re either in or you’re out, you’re with us or against us – will probably view these people as:

A white vegan saying saying, “I think indigenous peoples’ cultures are immoral.”

A straight Christian saying, “I think homosexuality is a sin.”

A cis person saying, “I don’t actually see you as the gender you think you are.”

And they will pick fights with people over these things. “What do you mean you think that? You disgusting racist/homophobe/transphobe!” Thus these people will be made to feel unwelcome in the community, and they will leave, and the people who pushed them out will feel good because they kept the community safe from a disgusting racist/homophobe/transphobe.

Meanwhile, these are the people who just got kicked out:

A white vegan saying, “I am not going to crusade against indigenous peoples’ hunting practices.”

A straight Christian saying, “I am not going to trying to ‘cure’ gay people or otherwise convince them to stop being gay.”

A cis person saying, “I am going to respect people’s gender and pronoun choices.”

In other words, potential allies. 

(To be clear, this is not me saying that you have to interact with anyone you don’t want to interact with. You are free to follow and unfollow and blacklist and block whoever you want to, for whatever reason you want to. This is about a phenomenon where an entire community decides to shut out an individual because their ideology isn’t 100% perfect.)

The right is equally bad about creating spaces where people feel comfortable with compromises and partial disagreements. If we can figure how to do it, then we’ll have a significant advantage in getting people on our side.